How To Respond When Your Partner Says Hurtful Things
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2022
- How to respond when you partner says hurtful things. In todays video I share 5 simple skills to keep yourself safe.
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Hi, I'm Kenny 👋
I specialize in helping you heal from emotional hurt so you can elevate your life by helping you get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
I am an advocate for truth and healing. So naturally, therefore, my emotional mastery method might initially feel a bit rough. But, when you start finding answers to the questions you ask yourself (even those you're afraid of), break free from self-destructing behaviors, and begin loving yourself and living your best life, you will feel powerful and empowered.
If you have looked everywhere, are desperate for a solution, and you're ready to stop being held hostage by your emotional misery, your journey to emotional mastery starts here.
It's the secret to finding yourself!
#kennyweiss #worstdaycycle #kennyweisslifecoach
Your speech is the most empathetic I’ve heard in a very very long time
My Mom used to say, “You’re safer with people who lay their cards on the table.” Meaning being outright and upfront about what they think. If you’re healthy, you want that. As long as their opinions are expressed respectfully.
Don't react just observe others. You can deal with your emotions later alone.
If you want to respond ask " are you ok?".
Exactly observe them like a patient
@@KoolTA MENTAL patient
It's so frustrating when someone asks you for your opinion, only to attack you afterwards. I love the way you set the boundary!
Pure gold. Thank you. This video should be mandatory training for humans.
I am a licensed addictions specialist and couples psychotherapist (and a recovering codependent with a narcissistic husband) and this is some of the best content I have heard on having compassionate boundaries . I just ordered your book.
What you said about emotions is genius.
I sent this to my email to keep watching it
I agree with what you’re saying. However, when a person enters a relationship with someone full on lying about everything that’s important and big don’t tell me they’re reliving their past they know intentionally what they’re doing! My reactions are definitely going back to my childhood lying, betrayal and abuse.
Your so nice, who can ever say hurtful things to you
Some people project their behavior on others , or just blame others for whatever.
Excellent video! Wish I had access to this information 40 yrs ago!
Your suit matches the backdrop very well. Nicely produced video.
Think you are right. We need to talk to each other and all living creatures from a different place, view, and mindset. Definitely!!
This should be taught to intimate/domestic violence survivors. This also should be taught to abusers who are trying to heal.
I thought things were going well; my friend messaged out of the blue, “You tried to ruin my heart.”
It felt like a punch in the gut.😮😢
Love hearing your insights Kenny.
thank you! love your articulate, brilliant and insightful way of shedding light on what we ought to observe.
Thank you for your authenticity and content.
Much love ❤
Great insights 🥰⭐❤️Thank you 🥰🙏
Total agreed with you!! Both sides need to take responsibilities.
You just opened my eyes.
He opened mine A Clockwork Oramge style (thank God)
Thank you for this message. I will have to purchase your book!! I’m curious to learn more about stage 3 & stage 4 of the worst day cycle.📕
Wow this is really outstanding Kenny, thank you so much. I can use this information in my therapy practice right away as well as in my own relationship. Although i already learned to back off and return to my heart whenever i feel attacked by him, which doesnt happen much. Learned a lot from you!
lol your delivery resonates with me. It makes me laugh sometimes.
Superb speech. Thanks a lot, sir
So nice of you
Thank you 😊 💓
You're welcome 😊
Can you do a video on how to be mature like you? You are the person that I want to be. I am trying to have that maturity, I need help! Kenny, you are amazing!
I admire your dedication to yourself! I wish I could pull that from myself. I seem to jump out of a disastrous relationship and into another, knowing what it is but unable to resist. I like to say I'm an empath, but I'm closer to saying I'm an idiot. Your advice is motivational and decisive, with no definitions, just exactness. That is overwhelming useful to one craving helpful advice! Thank you, Kenny, for your intelligence and ability to " actually" help!
I just purchased your book 📕
So true! I was stupid and tried to get my ex to change what I deemed bad behavior. After we split she said,"I tried so hard to live up to your standards" (this after I found out she had been cheating on me).She played all sorts of dirty little tricks on me to get "retribution". I should have taken my "sex blinders" off and hit the door at the very least the third red flag.
My narcissistic husband acts like he finally gets it and will say, "I was so messed up" about the way he treated me, cheating on me before we were married and our whole 22 year marriage, his rage and ranting and raving at me in front of the kids, scaring the kids making them cry, undermining me. We've went to 5 different counselors and uses the counselor to manipulate me, he is a narcissist with true narcissistic traits, and I've told him for years all his anger goes back to his childhood, but he won't confront it! I'm tired of thinking he's going to change, i need to accept this is who is and get out of this!
Thank you😊
You're welcome 😊
Actually anyone not just partners
just found ur channel . I get mad pretty quickly I wanna learn how to deal with this . I'm always defensive
Anger is always a mask for fear and fear is always a mask for sadness. My fear, worst day cycle and childhood trauma playlist will help you
I am listening to your book and it's fascinating cause I did find something from my almost perfect childhood that I am trauma bonded to. Now listening to this video I know that I did just that with my stbex husband. He would provoke a fight or an argument, I would tell him I can't participate now I need to calm down give me some time to think and lets talk about it later. He would pretend to allow me to think, I would retrieve in to another room to try and calm down and think how to handle this crazy situation. 5 min later he would walk in and love bomb me trying to continue the argument, I would ask him to go away, then the argument would start, I would lock the door to my room, he would pick the lock and continue on. I would want to leave the house, he would not let me by saying I am not in any condition to go anywhere or to drive and it would end up with a huge fight, me crying my eyes out begging him to leave m alone, him on his knees by my bed promising to change and seek professional help. Me explaining to him that if he would just stop when I asked him to this could all be avoided and him again promising to stop next time, to come up with a trigger word like stop, pain or something of a sort to trigger him to stop on a dime. And it's 25 years of the same crap. So why didn't your theory worked for me? The same happened just recently with my kids, I told them I am not in any mental state now to have this discussion and it ended up in a fight anyway where I just blocked them completely so they don't bother me while I am trying to recover from the discard and going through my divorce. It's too much to deal with all of this at the same time. The more I tell them to leave me alone because I can't deal with this, them more they gang up on me. I tell them I am hypervigilant. I tell them I can't react normally to some things, I tell them I can't be involved in that argument or discussion the angrier they get and it created even worse argument until I literally just completely stonewall myself from this. But that means I am ending up all alone. So I don't know how to deal with this in real life.
00:00 Gather informations about them: how are you feeling
04:20 Ask about your needs and wants
06:40 Celebrate their NO
Can u do a meet-up book signing event? We would love to meet u
You should have many more views and subscriptions
Kenny I’m 10 years deep in marriage with two kids under 10. Long story short I’m moving along on my healing journey and really really struggling to leave a relationship I need too.
No one’s content has ever made more sense to me. You taught me a lot. I’m implementing it. But with the kids involved and the manipulation and the specifics of our situation I have a few hurdles I can’t get passed.
@@adamtobin8132what hurdles?
What happens if they put the emotion in the first place
What are you do if they’re your transportation and you don’t have another ride home?
What if someone don't really like to even speak with a person who are trying to make to must change the character like they need. How to avoid that.
Really insightful information ~ thank you. Question: So can a relationship sometimes then finally come down to too many boundaries that indicate people are so different they don’t have enough common ground on which to build/continue a relationship OR can you just get so good at boundaries you can conceivably be in relationship with anyone?
What you’re describing is people who don’t have the same morals and values, needs and wants, negotiables and non-negotiables. If you head over to my codependence playlist I have three videos on those topics and every couple should watch those videos and sit down and answer the questions I bring up before they ever decide to get in a relationship
@@kennyweiss THANKS! I’ll check that out right now!
Help me understand. If someone says something hurtful to me and I have an emotional reaction, am I reacting to them or something from my past? Probably both?
Observe yourself and you'll know.
2:42
So I am confused,, you say that if someone hurts me with their words,, it has nothing to do with me,, but then I think u say,, its my unhealed emotion from past, that is upsetting to me,, so it seems contradictory , bc it does have something to do with me,,. Could u explain?
We're complicated creatures.
Maybe it's just me but if you close your eyes sounds like Corey Taylor
Your pinky finger is throwing me off a little, but great video!!! Thank you!!!
haha, yeah...lot's of things about me can throw people off. ;-)
@@kennyweiss you’re self deprecating and funny AF. Not to mention valuable content 😊
My response sounds more like “f u”
you are not supposed to tolerate be it partner or any hero's hurtful things, hurtful things are only hurtful only if its close to your heart when you are fully involved in it ,then it hurts and you will feel pain ,hurtful things are never hurtful because i want to trigger someone thats idiotic,you can feel bad at someone's words but its emotionally and practically impossible to always get hurt at so called hurtful word of anyone
so what you are saying is that abuse is the victims fault then?
that doesnt make sense. accusations are made to inuduce negative emotions in people.
Yes, it’s your fault for reacting negatively to it. You choose what affects you in your life. Including the closest people in your life. You have a choice to set boundaries. If people cross those boundaries then it’s your fault as the victim if you allow it into your psyche. You always have the choice to block out anything that you don’t want in your life, including words and insults. He’s saying that what works for him is understanding that its never really about you as the victim. Its about the emotions the perpetrator is experiencing. Those emotions lead to saying hurtful things based off of past trauma they couldn’t heal from because they couldn’t understand this whole concept in the first place. It’s your job to prepare yourself for people when you share your heart with them. Your heart doesn’t set boundaries. Your brain does. Use your head. Work smarter, not harder. All relationships are hard work. Especially romantic relationships.
Your smart and handsome 😚