I agree, I protected my son who was emotionally traumatised by his narc father rejecting him when he was 10. Then when he was 21 the narc tried to just walk back into his life; it didn’t work, my son saw the red flags and ran. Growing up in a loving nurturing environment will give children the ability to discern users and abusers from genuine people💓
Unfortunately family courts doesn’t care they want 50/50. They don’t care about emotional abuse that a narcissist can put a child thru. The best thing is to keep the narcissist away from the child but as stated it’s impossible with courts involve. Many many protective parents have been tormented and destroyed by narcissists. Children have been emotionally abused and manipulated to hate the protective parent.
This is very true. I have 10 children with one covert narcissistic man. He sexually abused them. When I tried to get protective services involved and even gathered evidence, I, the target and protective parent became the "accusive" one. My relationships with my daughters have been strained and unjustly interfered with. Even my son's have unjustly avoided me since some have moved out. I'm completely perplexed about my 5 son's emotional distances
Thank you for the video. My children are seeing the narcissistic dad although they did not want to have any contact with him. It is an especially difficult time for the three of us. I went through a long process of telling my story to the police, social services and courts. However our voices were not heard and after years of battling I was unable to prove anything. I am struggling a lot with this situation. Life has been so unfair. The narcissist is stronger than ever he has ruined my life. I can’t call my life a life anymore. I have been robbed of everything. I have left my friends and family to face and loneliness and self sabotage. What I am going through is so hard that words cannot describe.
Was he abusive to the children or was he just an asshole to you. If he was abusive to the children - of which social services, police and courts won't all miss... then am sure they'll stop contact. But if he was a jerk to you but had a good relationship with the children, then if I were you I'd infact encourage children to see their dad. I'd show him am the bigger person. And am not trying to water down your pain but I find it wrong involving children in adult bs
Dont worry hun am in the same boat from I got pregnant until I have baby my narc dont pay me any mind he dont even help me with the baby am not working and he dont care he move on from I was pregnant is god mercy kept me from death .just be strong and pray my daughter is months old now and I went no contact with him for about 6month now it hurt like hell cause when I look at my daughter i see her dad
Ty so much. I have 3 girls and it makes me so sick as a daddy. I get so nervous that they’ll feel abandoned. Their mom and I literally have no reasonable dynamics together. I love them girls and all I can do is tell them that I’ll be there ALWAYS, and show up
Great video. Having children with a narcissist is challenging when the loving, protective parent finally realizes the destruction and damage after decades and saves themselves by escaping. The ultimate abuse involves extreme parental alienation where the narc lies to, brainwashes, manipulates and buys off the kids, even the adult children who know better and have been witness to years of belittling and undermining, to become estranged from their only living, normal-range parent and their entire side of that family. The poor children wrongly flip sides with controlled loyalty to the abuser and the abuser orchestrates this cognitive dissonance, just like what is done in cults. The narcs even role model abusing the judicial system to wrongly punish the loving parent in their attempts to stifle goodness and truth. These narcs are so sick and desperate and don’t care at all that they are forever damaging their very own children as they struggle for any shred of control now that their false public image is at risk because they were rejected by their ex primary supply who now can’t be so easily further manipulated. Best to count yourself lucky to have survived this abuse, however the children now get further abuse. Unfortunately the kids’ journey will be a long and hard one; Pray for these children. Hopefully, as you said, the kids have the foundation they need to understand the truth, return to the healthy parent they’ve abandoned and break the generational cycle and be able as adults to surround themselves with honest, loving people of integrity, not the narcissistic, manipulative kind. This may take years and years; time that both the abused kids and the targeted parent unfortunately can’t get back.
Laura Burney my heart goes out to you and all alienated mothers and fathers. You know in your heart that you were the loving parent all those years and your son already has a positive foundation. Remember that it took you so many years to realize what was happening and get out and that it’s going to take your child many years as well. Your son is aligning with the abuser because he knows that your love as his mother is unconditional. Your situation and all alienated. Situations are just devastating. I have heard advice that some experts gives that you should really take good care of yourself. Reaching out for support from the TH-cam community is invaluable, but you need to eat right, sleep right, exercise and meditate and pursue your interests.
Oops your daughter, not son. Stay vigilant and grounded because your daughter, as an adult in her 20’s, can become an abusive narcissist as a result of your ex-husband. Do not tolerate being abused by your own child. She is not the same beautiful, loving kid you raised and you cannot control her choices or influences. She may come back into your life, but the relationship has changed. Time heals and it is awful not being able to protect your child from being used as a weapon in your ex’s revenge and punish war. You had a journey and now she has her own journey.
Laura Burney at some point the narcissist’s mask slips. Even though justice may never be served and targeted parents will not get this time back, somehow somewhere or someday truth will prevail. I recommend that you watch Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D video blogs. She also recommends a very technical but powerful book called the body keeps score. Also look into Tracy A. Malone, Dr. Craig Childress and Love Dominates. I only address narcissist abuse and parental alienation in general form, not personal. Remember that you can live a happy life full of integrity and honesty, where the narcissist is forced to live with their schemes, manipulations and plotting every hour of every day.
Laura Burney you’ve experienced the death of your only child. It’s so terrible. Also take a look at Angie Atkinson/Queenbeing channel. Take care of yourself. Remember you can only control yourself and your reactions. 💕
Laura, another thing that can be helpful for you to survive this is to be grateful and blessed that you had 15 years with your daughter and 15 years being able to experience the joy of motherhood. There are many other parents that don’t have that. You will never get through this Undamaged, glad you’re eating well and exercising. You need to really focus on your restorative sleep...naps and evening rest. Rediscover your creative interests.
I have a son with a narcissist. My boy has autism. His father discarded both of us. He wants divorce and is trying to leave us with no house or shelter , no money. On the other hand, he is willing to give me full custody of our boy. Many people tell me: “Why you don’t go to court to fight for your child rights?” But the narcissist has already threatened me stating that he will ask for the child custody if I decide to go to court. I am so confused, and frustrated coz I can’t see which is the best path to take.
This is a brilliant take on the subject and exactly what I needed to hear. I have 2 children with my ex narc and it’s so difficult to know what’s best and your advice here is fantastic. Thank you so much 🙂
This was very insightful and real. I agree with you. It’s important to show what’s healthy through our behaviors at home and hopefully our kids will see the difference and be better equipped to discern in the future. And also when you say that they will loose interest once you are not so emotionally invested in visitations and so forth, they stop creating problems around it and loose interest .That happens too! 👍 great video!
This was interesting. A new angle so to speak. I don`t have children, but you speak to the child in me, and you are able to really put important information out there. I found your channel through Inner Integration, and have been following you the last seven months . I think that you two are the best! Love from Norway
nina eitrem I agree and I love Ewa at Soul GPS and Meredith at Inner Intergration. I don't have children either but the information Ewa presents is valuable for all of us 🌹
my husband is narcissist and I have a son that is 13 and a daughter that is 11, he is even manipulated them into believing that I'm the wrong one so they take his side what should I do
I also have a child with a narcissist and the narcissist just hasn't reached out to see his daughter even when I was pregnant ... My daughter is 2 months old now
I love your advice and you are so right about it being a very hard thing to do. My children go through phases of not wanting to see their dad. When they do see him again he’s gas-lighting and trauma bonding them. It’s a very heartbreaking thing to see happen to my children. I’m praying and hoping that the love, strength and empowerment I provide for them will help them stay true to themselves. Thank you for this video
i deeply appreciate ur insight & video. i was quite nervous that a child I know may have been picking up narcissistic traits. I can support the child with the information u've provided. Thank u again. Love.
First of all, I am so sorry to rant and use this as my personal diary. I have sought therapy, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But I need to speak out and I need a females perspective and atleast woman on here to tell me I’m not crazy. This was a wonderful video btw and thank you. I’m dealing with my ex wife who is this way. It was very hard to leave her because she made me feel like everything was my fault and I kept coming back just so she can feel loved. We have a 4 year old together and the only reason why we are divorced is because she ended up cheating on me but it wasn’t that easy, everytime she did (4 times) she would tell me that she never did, and I wouldn’t believe my friends when they would catch her because she would cry and call them liars. So I lived and slept with her while she was with another man. I could never have fun, have guy time because she would always wanted the attention, I would plan weeks ahead of time to have guy time, I would cook and clean (which by the way I did every single day anyway) or do laundry cuz she hated folding, and all would be good until the day of and that’s when she would come up with an excuse for me not to go with fighting or crying that she is in pain somewhere on her body. So I would stay to take care of her. She was also a master at disrespecting me in front of people and blame ME for HER behavior. She would also subscribe to makeup every month and buy something she wanted and I would give her the ok, if I had an opinion I wouldn’t hear the end of it, but I couldn’t buy anything for myself cuz it would be a waste of money. When we would go in debt she would say it’s my fault. We are Christian so she would always post herself looking sexy and play foul songs in the background of videos and I or her would get called out on it and she would not accept advice and isolate people like that and made me stay away from people like them. I’ve lost friends. Meanwhile she hated people who are like her, just like her mom. She is her mom in every way but more on that later. So the cheating scandal. After I decided to stalk her using gps I would catch her at another man’s home for hours while I stayed home with our son past midnight, (she did this 3 times) we would fight when I would question her for not answering her phone calls. I would stay quiet about the scandal just to see if she would come clean and eventually I physically followed her and caught her, and her “boy toy” confronted me and we argued and she just stood by his side laughing. He stormed out and I tried to get her to come home but I didn’t succeed and she left. I waited for her at home and she came home laughing in my face because I told her, her breath smelled like a males genitals and she said she had oral sex and didn’t care. Long story short, we are divorced and she blames me for everything, til this day she says she never cheated on me because in her eyes “leaving you and saying it’s over doesn’t mean I cheated on you”. Meanwhile I moved on a year later and she says that I’m worthless and I’m a shitty person because I cheated on her with a “whore who got with a married man”. We fought in court for a long time because she wanted full custody and I only wanted shared, I don’t believe in full custody because it’s not about what the child physically needs as the court system believes it to be so, it’s actually WHO the child needs, and it’s BOTH parents, but she was selfish. She lost the case for full custody anyway because they saw that I really wanted to be with my son, I have my own apartment, while she lived with her grandmother, I have my own car a 2017 Nissan and she doesn’t have a vehicle and we both work at the same company, but I still lost and only got 40% visitation because of only ONE reason, I live farther away so it’s not convenient for our son when it comes to school. The restraining order I put on her was invalid even though she threatened to move far away to take my son away from me, I showed them all of my texts of her calling me names but because she kept threatening to kill herself if she didn’t have Levi and all of that together not to mention she never “physically” harmed me. I lost the custody case all together. Til this day, my son only knows pain, he screams and kicks and it’s because of her and her family who only know arguing instead of talking. She put me on child support because her words I quote “it’s your responsibility to take care of me and Levi for the rest of your life”. Fought with me because I “didn’t help her find an apartment”. She finally found one and wanted me to give her more child support money and because I told her it’s not written to give more she called me a shitty father and still does every minute she gets (it’s been 14 months of this). She wanted $167 from me a week when she clearly makes the same exact as me cuz we work at the same company, but because I so happened to work overtime the entire winter I still got stuck paying $90 a week. She has everyone in her family convinced that I betrayed her and abandoned her emotionally so they don’t stop harassing me over phone calls and texts just like she does, and I can’t even pick Levi up from her home or families home without getting yelled at because I bring my fiancé with me. Meanwhile my ex and her man are always over there. OH the reason why we ended up in court anyway for custody was because I filed a motion for visitation because I couldn’t even show up at my sons bus stop to surprise him I got yelled at and spit on. And it was my week but she didn’t want him to come with me. And the grandmother would be present and let it all happen and then manipulate me into thinking our son needs mom more than me…. By the way this is coming from her family who are primarily woman, they are all sexest and all have been divorced or with many men because they can’t stay in a relationship because apples don’t fall far in that family. For a very long time I categorized woman all the same and I myself became sexest and hated females, I lost trust in them and didn’t even want to look at one especially knowing her lawyer was a female and every single judge and official in the court room were woman, I felt like I was drowning. But I changed my way of thinking and my current fiancé who is my best friend changed my way of thinking. Men can be the same exact way and my fiancés baby daddy is the exact same way and I hate him. So I’m here because I have been so scared and worried that my son would turn out to be like her and my only hope is that he sees the kind of damage she is emotionally and damage her family is emotionally as well and finally decide to come to me when he is old enough. I didn’t have enough money to get a lawyer so I’m suffering the consequences of all of this and not seeing my son enough. I only wish there was way to get help but atleast I get to watch positive people like you make videos and I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one…
This was so helpful. I share a 2.5 year old son with a narc and recently he has been with a new woman (I ended our relationship 2 years ago). He hasn't introduced us and has been basically trying to keep her hidden from me. The problem is that she is around my son. I'm thinking about introducing myself to her (she's been in the car with him during drop offs of our son). I feel that it would be appropriate for me to know who is in my son's live regardless of if he wants to introduce us or not. Any advice/thoughts? Thanks for posting this video!
Portia B. Recently went through this exact same scenario.. yes you have the right to know.. introduce yourself if he refuses!! Me and the new woman ended up meeting at my son’s birthday party!! 😳 which should not have been the way to go about it in my opinion...
I’ve been living with a narcissistic father all my life, cuz my mom never broke the trauma chain from her family growing up, but none of us knew the vocabulary he was a narcissist, I knew something wasn’t right my mom just assumed he has autism but no he proved he doesn’t when he forgets to act/lets his guard down. It wasn’t until I was 14 I finally found out this was all abuse and that none of it was my fault. I’m currently 18 and my parents are still married but sleep in separate rooms now and he’s gotten worse and worse by the day like the demons in him keep piling up. I don’t have the financial resources to move out to leave this hell I’ve been through all my life…
Be the parent showing consistent love and security. Limit our expectations.Also, a few hours of contact is working.In the end we are adults and can adapt our expectations after all parenting is hard but not everyone will get that opportunity. Parenting if done properly for the first 20 years of a child’s life then I hope we can sit back and breathe. Lot of sacrifice as mums but I hope will be rewarding when we see our children as healthy normal adults.
A lot of this stuff is exactly what describes my babyhood. There was always a LOT of fighting when my aunt came over(a self-righteous narcissist) and I mostly was sat on the edge of the couch in front of the tv or bed while people fought and argued or sometimes argued in front of me. It’s probably why I had high tendencies towards aggression as child and problems in school
I have a special needs child with my Narc, my child cannot speak, I feel like the Narc's abuse is never ending.. sometimes I feel like giving up.. I have been working so hard... and the narc is still around.. why
Tammy Hickey oh my gosh I just wrote a comment like this. Its so isolating and never ending. It’s hard to describe. It’s already so hard having a child with theseneeds. My daughter has a brain malformation and cannot speak either. Do you have any page for you or your son
@@a.a.12945 thanks for sharing, I feel the same way, its already hard enough taking care of a special child, but as we know the narc wants to wear us down, what a "game they play with us, its really sad, and pisses me off alot.
@@happytrailsgaming Thanks! yes, I have a organization now put in place that does the exchanges for access for me, they document everything, i dont have to see him, i go in one door and he goes in the other, I have also blocked him on all social media, and have set up familywizard for communication! this has all been very good. and for a few months, for the first time in 10 years i started to feel peace for the first time. then he stopped paying child support, then he cancelled the medical insurance for our child. stopped paying his part of the extra expenses, so i had to take him to court, the judge ordered the child support to be paid that was 8 months ago. but he still hasnt, so now I am back in court again. im trying to move on with my life. but he will get to me somehow someway..my lawyer says, " he is out to destroy you" I agree.
I was always confused and blindsided by my husband but having a family meant so much to me that I was willing to put up with his attacks. I just never could see them coming. When my daughter started to become a teenager and to need her independence he turned on her. He put her down and made her feel horrible and there was no reason for it she's a beautiful person he was jealous of her and the attention that I gave her and the protection that I gave her. He thought that I should be the submissive wife and stand by his decisions to punish her and I could not. So he took me out to dinner one night and said he didn't like the way I was raising our daughter and the way I handled money so he wants to separate so I got the discard. It was only after that that I started learning about what narcissism is. It's horrible and I'm starting to now feel free and so is my daughter but I'm concerned that she will have abandonment issues
I definitely started talking to her about them because at first she didn't want to listen I mean she's a teenager, but I told her I'm not doing it to bash your dad I am doing it to speak truth so that you can be free from the shame he's trying to raise you with because it's not yours to carry. And you need to know how to get out of the situations in your head. But the hardest thing is to recognize it because they do it in such a way that you feel the shame and not even know what hit you why unless you can figure it out and be educated. Here's a very small example-feom iwhen she was little. He came home from work and had some things in his hands. She came running toward him happily wanting a hug. And he looks at her and says blaming her I have things in my hands with an attitude like it's her fault. So she turned really quickly on her heel to run the other way and fell and cracked her chin open and there was blood everywhere. There was no hug no apology. No I'm sorry baby are you OK… Just annoyed he was just really annoyed. No empathy. Ever
I speak from experience as a child from a highly unhealthy narcissistic father. For me it is till today the lack of trust that I developed because of the emotional betrayel, the most problematic in relationships with others. It still is painfull, and a feeling of emptyness that never the love as can be expected from a parent will be, even after 55 years. My father is still the liar and emotional manipulator as he was, last years again some experiences. Also the silence punishments as I received in my young adult years i did not understand and influenced, confused me heavily. I can now look better to it as I understand it better, I read a lot about his sickness. I think the advize to protect the child is importent, also to balance the loss of care and love I think it is main. But also to help the child when it get's older to understand that it is not his failure but that of the narcissist. My mom was so afraid of our dad and his manipulations that she avoided any confrontations or clearifications about that with us the children. That makes that I had to connect the dotsmyself that something was very wrong, it took for me till my 30, I guess the sooner you understand something is wrong you can start going in the good direction emotionally
Absolutely. It’s entirely possible to build yourself back up with love, care and acceptance. You can give yourself the love that was not given you and share it with others. I recommend the work by Tara Brach on radical acceptance.
Very helpful information,I can add from my experience that the father of my children (narc) didn’t spend to much time with them when they were smaller but now since they are teenagers and I nearly finished raising them he wants to be in their lives by practically buying them (he has a lot of more money than I )and he’s turning the kids against me,also they don’t want to go to college because daddy said it’s not worth it he knows that he’s hurting them but also he knows it’s hurting me all I wanted for them is ruined by him, money speaks I just hope they will understand their mistakes later.hello from N.Y
Exactly the same story here. One child with my ex husband. She is now 21. Alienation started at 15 (but I now suspect he started it before this, unknowns to me - I didn't believe people like this existed...more fool me!). He took absolutely no interest in her from the time she was born until she became useful as a pawn to him. In fact, in her junior school years to 13 years old, the school staff thought that I was a widow!!! I was 100% involved with her - whilst he, was 100% involved with himself. Even her birth, was an inconvenience to him - he left me on my own in the hospital - he went home because he was tired!!! And the story goes on. Our stories are all related. Narcissists all act in much the same way and their reactions are similar. The Narcissist Handbook, huh!! 😂
Laura Burney my ex is using the kids as the to get information on me and check if I’m closer to death but I’m doing good and he can’t stand that now he wants our son to take to live with him and the kid wants to go because daddy has a lot of money my daughter wants to see him only when she wants something after seven years after divorce I’m still chained to him because of the kids he’s stalking me and there’s nothing I can do
@@irenaraia5858 I've been there too re the stalking - he hacked into my FB account while I was still in the marriage. When I left (I ran) - he had me followed for weeks by a P. I. (Seriously! - I know it's hard to believe - I have photos of the guy, his vehicle etc). They can't stand that we can go on (albeit survival mode) without them. I think the emotion they most want from us is 'Fear'. That's their fuel. YOU stay strong .... You will live on, and you may get the last laugh yet 😜 Karma is a real thing. Much love and luck to you. L
Laura Burney thank you so much you stay strong too that’s draining their energy I’m just so upset that the court system is ignoring the narcissistic abuse and they usually wins by “playing victim “ I’ve tried to find a support group here in N.Y but I couldn’t find anything convenient to me after the abuse like that we need a big emotional support I wish we could change something in the court system so no one would suffer anymore stay strong and be positive you are a wonderful and beautiful person
@@irenaraia5858 I'm the other side of the world. It's rampant everywhere (haven't their parents so much to be guilty of?). I think Courts are slowly changing (not soon enough). A court in UK recently sent a man to prison (5 years ? ....) for emotional abuse. In Ireland the Court has changed their law in regard to emotional abuse also.. so it's getting there. Think of The Watts case in Colorado....there's narcissism at its most evil. WE ARE WARRIORS - remember that.xx
My question is what do you do when your child has a disability and health issues? I can’t separate myself the same or explain to her. Basically I do everything and I suffer and she’s at risk because he’s not up to date on her health and needs ever . I’m so lost and exhausted
I had an inkling something was amiss but felt there was little I could do. I earned less than my wife and I was fearful that the court would give her sole custody. . She disowned both me any son during his teenage years. It was difficult but better than having her have access to my son. Of course by this point my son already had an anxiety disorder. Our houses are joined and now rat my son has grown into his twenties the door is open and the relationship between my wife and son has improved greatly. I'm still held at arms length by my wife but my son is wise enough to see all the complexities.
I have four children with a narcissist they're 10, 8, 7 and 4 . We have a visitation order and the narcissistic parent refuses to follow it and is trying to get our custody order changed. They chose to abandon our kids three years ago
This is from a man's perspective, I remember my x wife got my daughter of 7 and my son of 5 to hit me with snooker cues encouraging them and laughing. I just came out of the hospital from a hernia operation. I can also recall getting home at 12pm they were both asleep in the car I wanted to carry them straight to their bed but my x wife went into a rage woke them both up and made them have a bath they just kept crying when I protested her rage only increased, so you have to stop complaining for the children's sake. I could write a book about what I went through. I eventually left and met my wife and stepdaughter of now 30 years we are all very close and my wife is my best friend. I have never raised a hand to a woman or child in my life, and my stepdaughter and wife have never heard any bad language or any raised voice from me. I am now 64 I have no contact with my children, I fought and fought I even hired a detective to find out where they had moved to when I found them I wrote a letter to my son and gave it to him I had a visit from the police that evening saying no contact. Some of us men just want to be the best dad we can be, but you cannot fight a narcissus I know that if I had stayed I would not be here today.
My wife, the physically abusive narcissist, took our child and is living in a safe house with him. The police and safehouse won't let me know where our son is, she's not claiming I abused her or him. I feel utterly lost and incapable of protecting my son. It's odd that the state and safe house is protecting the abuser.
I've just found out my female partner is narcissistic, we have a 5 year old daughter. She is domineering and being the OTT mother but she is starting to influence my daughter. I'm scared, I want to try and stay at the family home to protect my girl but is it better to leave and gain 50% custody. Ideally, I want full custody but will never get it. She's evil. Please help I don't know what to do.
Well my daughters boutta be 2 in a couple months and her brother will be 5. She already has new supply after 2 weeks of our 4mnth seperation. Wat should i do??
I seem to have a totally different experience than you have had. In my experience, I have had parental alienation. My ex has been badmouthing me since before I left and it has never stopped. He turned my entire family and friends against me, my adult (27) yo daughter won’t speak to me, and two of my oldest sons decided to live with their dad because he gives them unlimited video games and media. He has totally devastated my life. The only thing I can say is it led me to re connect with God in a way I haven’t in 30 years. I have a real, genuine relationship with Him again. But now he’s trying to convince my youngest (12) to live with him. Now he lives a week here and a week there. I don’t know what is proper to talk about with my sons (17, 15 and 12) without badmouthing their father. So how do you talk to your children about these things?
I am going thru this same exact situation right now as we speak! He keeps my daughter from me... I've gone no contact and I only deal with him thru legal stipulations and thru my lawyer. I REFUSE to talk to him or his family. He literally tried to destroy my life and told me he wants me to lose. I don't have any words for him, ever again in life
I dealt with 4 years of his abusive narcissistic behavior and even tho we have a child together, going no contact was the best decision I've ever made. Stay no contact and go thru the courts to get ur daughter!. It will all work out!.
Yes if the child is with you. But what if the child is with the narcissits and you are living somewhere else? How then reise the child and make it grove to normal person?
This video really is helpful ONLY for WOMEN! Sorry to inform you, but this advice doesn't work both ways! -AT ALL! If you are a man, divorced from narcissistic woman then you most definitely DON'T HAVE THE POWER to determine how much time shall your child spend with narcissistic mother! Exactly the opposite! In 99,9% of cases, the (narcissistic) mother gets the child, and all the power to do what she wants, with the child, and the father! And believe me... - she exploits this power to the maximum!
I agree. Unfortunately gender biased even with the disclaimer and not very helpful for men. I have to protect my baby daughter from the mother who is a covert narcissist. The covert is even more difficult. She does not love our daughter and has no empathy, only uses our daughter as an instrument for facade and for manipulations and control. My focus is on how I can protect my daughter! Unfortunately many channels here are biased and focused on women/mothers.
My children's father had all the qualities of a narcissist but the court granted him custody of the kids due to me having insufficient accommodation and lacking supervision because of my job at the time it ended in one child been dead
1:55 It's not a bias. We all know narc women exist, but even according to Sam Vaknin, 3/4 of narcs are men And I say that coming from a household where all women were narcissistic and my dad is the only source of mental health
What if the father is limited with the son and the mother, the person who has priority of the time. Is the narcissist. Is it better to be within the area the child is, or to stay within a better school system than the mother?
My x won’t /hasn’t let me see my son , used him as a weapon to controle me , she is a narcissist , controled me with him for ten years until I’d had enough , I’ll see him when he’s older and when he’s no longer under her control . Not much choice realy 🤨
How long would you wait until 50/50 is a solution to risk? A friend is mother of a 2 year old, how long should she try to keep him 100 %? Dad has serious porn addiction, even making own amateur movies, quite aggressive disturbing type content. Otherwise no physical violence or addictions and not very aggressive.
I've dealt with a lot of women in my life have been narcissistic I'm not saying that to be mean I swear from the bottom of my heart I do follow my heart and mind we have two beautiful children Charles and Annabelle Charles is 9 years old Annabelle is 6 years old they are wonderful kids I work hard I grew up without a mother and I had a wonderful father! I brought my mom back in my life later in my life still as bad as it was before I still wouldn't be who I am today without her DNA but she always picks everybody over me and my brothers and sister which sucks bad ,she is a neat person but never dependable or caring and loving long enough to be anything important to a child I've been with my girl for 20 years soild no bs and we still have sexual relations my bad I threw that in there because that's very important to me but out of know where after the 15th anniversary things went a little too far on being hurtful and having me to defend myself physically and mentally that's very moment turning around and making me feel like I was the one doing this to them all of them I've always adored and wanted to be a great dad I've always knew I would be a good father I have dealt with a lot of children I am a midwife and Many other occupations thank you my father and my life choices I do many things, the more you know in life the better off you'll be, that is great for any boy or girl I love my girl more than life itself but I am stuck in a weird place I've always said I wanted my children to have a mom and a dad every child needs a mom and a dad there is no in-between that really is good for our children other than having mom and dad both bring something to the table that is always the way to grow better, and I hear a lot of times about its men,men don't talk about their problems which can be a problem and in its own can be s problem but i alway say and live is to honor and serve my wonderful wife, again I'm not married but I am I never thought any different now why didn't i marry. Tell you that real quick is because the United States it is just a horrible thing for a man to get married and get screwed i live and seen it too many times more times than not, the man getting hurt from being married and I've lived a lot places and many people's homes I grew up young an fast I'm just blessed to have my father that loved me enough to hold me snd siblings alittle harder than my mom,he taught us there is consequences and responsibility and its very important for all children and adults but learning responsibility as a child will give you responsibility as an adult. what I've figure it out recently to say is by her hurting me is hurting them and me hurting her is hurting them so no more hurting our beautiful children. God bless you all and God bless America
Some of what you said made absolutely no f-ing sense! "I have a wife, but I'm not married and why because blah blah blah" holding somebody at arms length and claiming you love them while never doing so is toxic manipulation in itself. I understand the situation with your mother but damn you've got some issues of your own
Could you help me because my life and what I do in say is at.... just being honest. I never do internet. You say what a person wants,or need to say but don't know how to without getting punished for speaking up. Please 🙏 let do something to help humans something that works without drugs or a different way of life you can still be normal you make a person feel that.
My covert N-ex is ruining my kid's life and the discard was sp destructive that i was left literally homeless and she used that and a old drug record as fuel for the custody case so she got full custody and i got only the obligation to pay support. So literally paying her to cripple my child. ☹😡😡😡
My narc husband has been physically and verbally abusive to my kids. I filed a police report and won full emergency custody for now which states no contact with him. He keeps emailing me nasty emails saying he wants to see the kids and talk to them. I do not feel comfortable allowing him any access at all.... Unfortunately we go back to court for a follow up pending their investigation into my childrens claims. I'm so worried that he will manipulate, lie and work his way back into their lives. He is so sick...
How is it you have such a nice apartment? Just wondering. So many you-tubers with such nice places... meanwhile I am homeless with a kid, and with a narcissist family and boyfriend. I guess most people are narcissist, unless they were born in a bubble of roses and pink feathers....
Its interesting you start off your lecture with the importance of protecting the new infants brain. My soon to be 20 years old son was given fluoride in his infant vitamins and
A very, very good and important video. Great views you're sharing, one of the best in my opinion. That's how you bring your child through this problematic situation of having a narcissist parent.
I agree, I protected my son who was emotionally traumatised by his narc father rejecting him when he was 10. Then when he was 21 the narc tried to just walk back into his life; it didn’t work, my son saw the red flags and ran. Growing up in a loving nurturing environment will give children the ability to discern users and abusers from genuine people💓
Thank you for sharing! It gives hope.
Not if they were subject to parental alienation.
Unfortunately family courts doesn’t care they want 50/50. They don’t care about emotional abuse that a narcissist can put a child thru. The best thing is to keep the narcissist away from the child but as stated it’s impossible with courts involve. Many many protective parents have been tormented and destroyed by narcissists. Children have been emotionally abused and manipulated to hate the protective parent.
Since when the courts are all for women in divorce and custody don't know where your getting your statistics from.
@@Cluedup2399 where are you getting your statistics? Where are court all for women?
*****EXACTLY*****!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️💔💔💔💔💔 *****EXACTLY*****!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️💔💔💔💔💔 - NATASHA
This is very true. I have 10 children with one covert narcissistic man. He sexually abused them. When I tried to get protective services involved and even gathered evidence, I, the target and protective parent became the "accusive" one.
My relationships with my daughters have been strained and unjustly interfered with. Even my son's have unjustly avoided me since some have moved out. I'm completely perplexed about my 5 son's emotional distances
Exactly
Thank you for the video. My children are seeing the narcissistic dad although they did not want to have any contact with him. It is an especially difficult time for the three of us. I went through a long process of telling my story to the police, social services and courts.
However our voices were not heard and after years of battling I was unable to prove anything. I am struggling a lot with this situation. Life has been so unfair. The narcissist is stronger than ever he has ruined my life. I can’t call my life a life anymore. I have been robbed of everything. I have left my friends and family to face and loneliness and self sabotage. What I am going through is so hard that words cannot describe.
Was he abusive to the children or was he just an asshole to you. If he was abusive to the children - of which social services, police and courts won't all miss... then am sure they'll stop contact. But if he was a jerk to you but had a good relationship with the children, then if I were you I'd infact encourage children to see their dad. I'd show him am the bigger person. And am not trying to water down your pain but I find it wrong involving children in adult bs
Dont worry hun am in the same boat from I got pregnant until I have baby my narc dont pay me any mind he dont even help me with the baby am not working and he dont care he move on from I was pregnant is god mercy kept me from death .just be strong and pray my daughter is months old now and I went no contact with him for about 6month now it hurt like hell cause when I look at my daughter i see her dad
Pray
🙏 pray for strength and protection 🙏
Ty so much. I have 3 girls and it makes me so sick as a daddy. I get so nervous that they’ll feel abandoned.
Their mom and I literally have no reasonable dynamics together. I love them girls and all I can do is tell them that I’ll be there ALWAYS, and show up
Great video. Having children with a narcissist is challenging when the loving, protective parent finally realizes the destruction and damage after decades and saves themselves by escaping. The ultimate abuse involves extreme parental alienation where the narc lies to, brainwashes, manipulates and buys off the kids, even the adult children who know better and have been witness to years of belittling and undermining, to become estranged from their only living, normal-range parent and their entire side of that family. The poor children wrongly flip sides with controlled loyalty to the abuser and the abuser orchestrates this cognitive dissonance, just like what is done in cults. The narcs even role model abusing the judicial system to wrongly punish the loving parent in their attempts to stifle goodness and truth. These narcs are so sick and desperate and don’t care at all that they are forever damaging their very own children as they struggle for any shred of control now that their false public image is at risk because they were rejected by their ex primary supply who now can’t be so easily further manipulated. Best to count yourself lucky to have survived this abuse, however the children now get further abuse. Unfortunately the kids’ journey will be a long and hard one; Pray for these children. Hopefully, as you said, the kids have the foundation they need to understand the truth, return to the healthy parent they’ve abandoned and break the generational cycle and be able as adults to surround themselves with honest, loving people of integrity, not the narcissistic, manipulative kind. This may take years and years; time that both the abused kids and the targeted parent unfortunately can’t get back.
Laura Burney my heart goes out to you and all alienated mothers and fathers. You know in your heart that you were the loving parent all those years and your son already has a positive foundation. Remember that it took you so many years to realize what was happening and get out and that it’s going to take your child many years as well. Your son is aligning with the abuser because he knows that your love as his mother is unconditional. Your situation and all alienated. Situations are just devastating. I have heard advice that some experts gives that you should really take good care of yourself. Reaching out for support from the TH-cam community is invaluable, but you need to eat right, sleep right, exercise and meditate and pursue your interests.
Oops your daughter, not son. Stay vigilant and grounded because your daughter, as an adult in her 20’s, can become an abusive narcissist as a result of your ex-husband. Do not tolerate being abused by your own child. She is not the same beautiful, loving kid you raised and you cannot control her choices or influences. She may come back into your life, but the relationship has changed. Time heals and it is awful not being able to protect your child from being used as a weapon in your ex’s revenge and punish war. You had a journey and now she has her own journey.
Laura Burney at some point the narcissist’s mask slips. Even though justice may never be served and targeted parents will not get this time back, somehow somewhere or someday truth will prevail. I recommend that you watch Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D video blogs. She also recommends a very technical but powerful book called the body keeps score. Also look into Tracy A. Malone, Dr. Craig Childress and Love Dominates. I only address narcissist abuse and parental alienation in general form, not personal. Remember that you can live a happy life full of integrity and honesty, where the narcissist is forced to live with their schemes, manipulations and plotting every hour of every day.
Laura Burney you’ve experienced the death of your only child. It’s so terrible. Also take a look at Angie Atkinson/Queenbeing channel. Take care of yourself. Remember you can only control yourself and your reactions. 💕
Laura, another thing that can be helpful for you to survive this is to be grateful and blessed that you had 15 years with your daughter and 15 years being able to experience the joy of motherhood. There are many other parents that don’t have that. You will never get through this Undamaged, glad you’re eating well and exercising. You need to really focus on your restorative sleep...naps and evening rest. Rediscover your creative interests.
I have a son with a narcissist. My boy has autism. His father discarded both of us. He wants divorce and is trying to leave us with no house or shelter , no money. On the other hand, he is willing to give me full custody of our boy.
Many people tell me: “Why you don’t go to court to fight for your child rights?” But the narcissist has already threatened me stating that he will ask for the child custody if I decide to go to court.
I am so confused, and frustrated coz I can’t see which is the best path to take.
This is a brilliant take on the subject and exactly what I needed to hear. I have 2 children with my ex narc and it’s so difficult to know what’s best and your advice here is fantastic. Thank you so much 🙂
This was very insightful and real. I agree with you. It’s important to show what’s healthy through our behaviors at home and hopefully our kids will see the difference and be better equipped to discern in the future. And also when you say that they will loose interest once you are not so emotionally invested in visitations and so forth, they stop creating problems around it and loose interest .That happens too! 👍 great video!
This was interesting. A new angle so to speak. I don`t have children, but you speak to the child in me, and you are able to really put important information out there. I found your channel through Inner Integration, and have been following you the last seven months . I think that you two are the best! Love from Norway
nina eitrem I agree and I love Ewa at Soul GPS and Meredith at Inner Intergration. I don't have children either but the information Ewa presents is valuable for all of us 🌹
Thank you, Nina! I love Meredith too.
I have 6 children by Him ( 8,5,3,2,1yr Twins ) I Left him! I’m Pushing through This is HARD!!!
WOW. Good for you Momma! ❤
Damn 6 kids
That is so strong of you. All the best!
my husband is narcissist and I have a son that is 13 and a daughter that is 11, he is even manipulated them into believing that I'm the wrong one so they take his side what should I do
I also have a child with a narcissist and the narcissist just hasn't reached out to see his daughter even when I was pregnant ... My daughter is 2 months old now
He is doing you a favor. He will be back only to cause havoc in your life....ENJOY THE BREAK.
Girl, Run!
He will definitely reach out sooner or later. When his supply runs low. Protect yourselves, all the best x
I love your advice and you are so right about it being a very hard thing to do. My children go through phases of not wanting to see their dad. When they do see him again he’s gas-lighting and trauma bonding them. It’s a very heartbreaking thing to see happen to my children. I’m praying and hoping that the love, strength and empowerment I provide for them will help them stay true to themselves. Thank you for this video
You’re welcome, Kelly! I’m sure your love is doing wonders.
i deeply appreciate ur insight & video. i was quite nervous that a child I know may have been picking up narcissistic traits. I can support the child with the information u've provided. Thank u again. Love.
First of all, I am so sorry to rant and use this as my personal diary. I have sought therapy, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But I need to speak out and I need a females perspective and atleast woman on here to tell me I’m not crazy.
This was a wonderful video btw and thank you.
I’m dealing with my ex wife who is this way. It was very hard to leave her because she made me feel like everything was my fault and I kept coming back just so she can feel loved. We have a 4 year old together and the only reason why we are divorced is because she ended up cheating on me but it wasn’t that easy, everytime she did (4 times) she would tell me that she never did, and I wouldn’t believe my friends when they would catch her because she would cry and call them liars.
So I lived and slept with her while she was with another man.
I could never have fun, have guy time because she would always wanted the attention, I would plan weeks ahead of time to have guy time, I would cook and clean (which by the way I did every single day anyway) or do laundry cuz she hated folding, and all would be good until the day of and that’s when she would come up with an excuse for me not to go with fighting or crying that she is in pain somewhere on her body. So I would stay to take care of her.
She was also a master at disrespecting me in front of people and blame ME for HER behavior. She would also subscribe to makeup every month and buy something she wanted and I would give her the ok, if I had an opinion I wouldn’t hear the end of it, but I couldn’t buy anything for myself cuz it would be a waste of money. When we would go in debt she would say it’s my fault. We are Christian so she would always post herself looking sexy and play foul songs in the background of videos and I or her would get called out on it and she would not accept advice and isolate people like that and made me stay away from people like them. I’ve lost friends. Meanwhile she hated people who are like her, just like her mom. She is her mom in every way but more on that later.
So the cheating scandal. After I decided to stalk her using gps I would catch her at another man’s home for hours while I stayed home with our son past midnight, (she did this 3 times) we would fight when I would question her for not answering her phone calls. I would stay quiet about the scandal just to see if she would come clean and eventually I physically followed her and caught her, and her “boy toy” confronted me and we argued and she just stood by his side laughing. He stormed out and I tried to get her to come home but I didn’t succeed and she left. I waited for her at home and she came home laughing in my face because I told her, her breath smelled like a males genitals and she said she had oral sex and didn’t care.
Long story short, we are divorced and she blames me for everything, til this day she says she never cheated on me because in her eyes “leaving you and saying it’s over doesn’t mean I cheated on you”. Meanwhile I moved on a year later and she says that I’m worthless and I’m a shitty person because I cheated on her with a “whore who got with a married man”.
We fought in court for a long time because she wanted full custody and I only wanted shared, I don’t believe in full custody because it’s not about what the child physically needs as the court system believes it to be so, it’s actually WHO the child needs, and it’s BOTH parents, but she was selfish. She lost the case for full custody anyway because they saw that I really wanted to be with my son, I have my own apartment, while she lived with her grandmother, I have my own car a 2017 Nissan and she doesn’t have a vehicle and we both work at the same company, but I still lost and only got 40% visitation because of only ONE reason, I live farther away so it’s not convenient for our son when it comes to school. The restraining order I put on her was invalid even though she threatened to move far away to take my son away from me, I showed them all of my texts of her calling me names but because she kept threatening to kill herself if she didn’t have Levi and all of that together not to mention she never “physically” harmed me. I lost the custody case all together.
Til this day, my son only knows pain, he screams and kicks and it’s because of her and her family who only know arguing instead of talking.
She put me on child support because her words I quote “it’s your responsibility to take care of me and Levi for the rest of your life”. Fought with me because I “didn’t help her find an apartment”. She finally found one and wanted me to give her more child support money and because I told her it’s not written to give more she called me a shitty father and still does every minute she gets (it’s been 14 months of this). She wanted $167 from me a week when she clearly makes the same exact as me cuz we work at the same company, but because I so happened to work overtime the entire winter I still got stuck paying $90 a week.
She has everyone in her family convinced that I betrayed her and abandoned her emotionally so they don’t stop harassing me over phone calls and texts just like she does, and I can’t even pick Levi up from her home or families home without getting yelled at because I bring my fiancé with me. Meanwhile my ex and her man are always over there.
OH the reason why we ended up in court anyway for custody was because I filed a motion for visitation because I couldn’t even show up at my sons bus stop to surprise him I got yelled at and spit on. And it was my week but she didn’t want him to come with me. And the grandmother would be present and let it all happen and then manipulate me into thinking our son needs mom more than me….
By the way this is coming from her family who are primarily woman, they are all sexest and all have been divorced or with many men because they can’t stay in a relationship because apples don’t fall far in that family.
For a very long time I categorized woman all the same and I myself became sexest and hated females, I lost trust in them and didn’t even want to look at one especially knowing her lawyer was a female and every single judge and official in the court room were woman, I felt like I was drowning. But I changed my way of thinking and my current fiancé who is my best friend changed my way of thinking. Men can be the same exact way and my fiancés baby daddy is the exact same way and I hate him.
So I’m here because I have been so scared and worried that my son would turn out to be like her and my only hope is that he sees the kind of damage she is emotionally and damage her family is emotionally as well and finally decide to come to me when he is old enough.
I didn’t have enough money to get a lawyer so I’m suffering the consequences of all of this and not seeing my son enough. I only wish there was way to get help but atleast I get to watch positive people like you make videos and I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one…
This was so helpful. I share a 2.5 year old son with a narc and recently he has been with a new woman (I ended our relationship 2 years ago). He hasn't introduced us and has been basically trying to keep her hidden from me. The problem is that she is around my son. I'm thinking about introducing myself to her (she's been in the car with him during drop offs of our son). I feel that it would be appropriate for me to know who is in my son's live regardless of if he wants to introduce us or not. Any advice/thoughts? Thanks for posting this video!
Portia B. Recently went through this exact same scenario.. yes you have the right to know.. introduce yourself if he refuses!! Me and the new woman ended up meeting at my son’s birthday party!! 😳 which should not have been the way to go about it in my opinion...
I’ve been living with a narcissistic father all my life, cuz my mom never broke the trauma chain from her family growing up, but none of us knew the vocabulary he was a narcissist, I knew something wasn’t right my mom just assumed he has autism but no he proved he doesn’t when he forgets to act/lets his guard down. It wasn’t until I was 14 I finally found out this was all abuse and that none of it was my fault. I’m currently 18 and my parents are still married but sleep in separate rooms now and he’s gotten worse and worse by the day like the demons in him keep piling up. I don’t have the financial resources to move out to leave this hell I’ve been through all my life…
Be the parent showing consistent love and security. Limit our expectations.Also, a few hours of contact is working.In the end we are adults and can adapt our expectations after all parenting is hard but not everyone will get that opportunity. Parenting if done properly for the first 20 years of a child’s life then I hope we can sit back and breathe. Lot of sacrifice as mums but I hope will be rewarding when we see our children as healthy normal adults.
A lot of this stuff is exactly what describes my babyhood. There was always a LOT of fighting when my aunt came over(a self-righteous narcissist) and I mostly was sat on the edge of the couch in front of the tv or bed while people fought and argued or sometimes argued in front of me. It’s probably why I had high tendencies towards aggression as child and problems in school
I have a special needs child with my Narc, my child cannot speak, I feel like the Narc's abuse is never ending.. sometimes I feel like giving up.. I have been working so hard... and the narc is still around.. why
Tammy Hickey oh my gosh I just wrote a comment like this. Its so isolating and never ending. It’s hard to describe. It’s already so hard having a child with theseneeds. My daughter has a brain malformation and cannot speak either. Do you have any page for you or your son
Stop seeing him and creat boundaries. It's your choice.
@@a.a.12945 thanks for sharing, I feel the same way, its already hard enough taking care of a special child, but as we know the narc wants to wear us down, what a "game they play with us, its really sad, and pisses me off alot.
@@happytrailsgaming Thanks! yes, I have a organization now put in place that does the exchanges for access for me, they document everything, i dont have to see him, i go in one door and he goes in the other, I have also blocked him on all social media, and have set up familywizard for communication! this has all been very good. and for a few months, for the first time in 10 years i started to feel peace for the first time. then he stopped paying child support, then he cancelled the medical insurance for our child. stopped paying his part of the extra expenses, so i had to take him to court, the judge ordered the child support to be paid that was 8 months ago. but he still hasnt, so now I am back in court again. im trying to move on with my life. but he will get to me somehow someway..my lawyer says, " he is out to destroy you" I agree.
Thank you for touching on narc father-daughter relationships!
I was always confused and blindsided by my husband but having a family meant so much to me that I was willing to put up with his attacks. I just never could see them coming. When my daughter started to become a teenager and to need her independence he turned on her. He put her down and made her feel horrible and there was no reason for it she's a beautiful person he was jealous of her and the attention that I gave her and the protection that I gave her. He thought that I should be the submissive wife and stand by his decisions to punish her and I could not. So he took me out to dinner one night and said he didn't like the way I was raising our daughter and the way I handled money so he wants to separate so I got the discard. It was only after that that I started learning about what narcissism is. It's horrible and I'm starting to now feel free and so is my daughter but I'm concerned that she will have abandonment issues
It might be an idea to consider to start talking to her about these things now.
I definitely started talking to her about them because at first she didn't want to listen I mean she's a teenager, but I told her I'm not doing it to bash your dad I am doing it to speak truth so that you can be free from the shame he's trying to raise you with because it's not yours to carry. And you need to know how to get out of the situations in your head. But the hardest thing is to recognize it because they do it in such a way that you feel the shame and not even know what hit you why unless you can figure it out and be educated.
Here's a very small example-feom iwhen she was little. He came home from work and had some things in his hands. She came running toward him happily wanting a hug. And he looks at her and says blaming her I have things in my hands with an attitude like it's her fault. So she turned really quickly on her heel to run the other way and fell and cracked her chin open and there was blood everywhere. There was no hug no apology. No I'm sorry baby are you OK… Just annoyed he was just really annoyed. No empathy. Ever
off topic: beautiful paintings!
I speak from experience as a child from a highly unhealthy narcissistic father. For me it is till today the lack of trust that I developed because of the emotional betrayel, the most problematic in relationships with others. It still is painfull, and a feeling of emptyness that never the love as can be expected from a parent will be, even after 55 years. My father is still the liar and emotional manipulator as he was, last years again some experiences. Also the silence punishments as I received in my young adult years i did not understand and influenced, confused me heavily. I can now look better to it as I understand it better, I read a lot about his sickness. I think the advize to protect the child is importent, also to balance the loss of care and love I think it is main. But also to help the child when it get's older to understand that it is not his failure but that of the narcissist. My mom was so afraid of our dad and his manipulations that she avoided any confrontations or clearifications about that with us the children. That makes that I had to connect the dotsmyself that something was very wrong, it took for me till my 30, I guess the sooner you understand something is wrong you can start going in the good direction emotionally
Absolutely. It’s entirely possible to build yourself back up with love, care and acceptance. You can give yourself the love that was not given you and share it with others. I recommend the work by Tara Brach on radical acceptance.
My kids are 12 and 16 😭😭😭😭 what can I do 😭😭
Very helpful information,I can add from my experience that the father of my children (narc) didn’t spend to much time with them when they were smaller but now since they are teenagers and I nearly finished raising them he wants to be in their lives by practically buying them (he has a lot of more money than I )and he’s turning the kids against me,also they don’t want to go to college because daddy said it’s not worth it he knows that he’s hurting them but also he knows it’s hurting me all I wanted for them is ruined by him, money speaks I just hope they will understand their mistakes later.hello from N.Y
Exactly the same story here. One child with my ex husband. She is now 21. Alienation started at 15 (but I now suspect he started it before this, unknowns to me - I didn't believe people like this existed...more fool me!). He took absolutely no interest in her from the time she was born until she became useful as a pawn to him. In fact, in her junior school years to 13 years old, the school staff thought that I was a widow!!! I was 100% involved with her - whilst he, was 100% involved with himself. Even her birth, was an inconvenience to him - he left me on my own in the hospital - he went home because he was tired!!! And the story goes on. Our stories are all related. Narcissists all act in much the same way and their reactions are similar. The Narcissist Handbook, huh!! 😂
Laura Burney my ex is using the kids as the to get information on me and check if I’m closer to death but I’m doing good and he can’t stand that now he wants our son to take to live with him and the kid wants to go because daddy has a lot of money my daughter wants to see him only when she wants something after seven years after divorce I’m still chained to him because of the kids he’s stalking me and there’s nothing I can do
@@irenaraia5858 I've been there too re the stalking - he hacked into my FB account while I was still in the marriage. When I left (I ran) - he had me followed for weeks by a P. I. (Seriously! - I know it's hard to believe - I have photos of the guy, his vehicle etc). They can't stand that we can go on (albeit survival mode) without them. I think the emotion they most want from us is 'Fear'. That's their fuel. YOU stay strong .... You will live on, and you may get the last laugh yet 😜 Karma is a real thing. Much love and luck to you. L
Laura Burney thank you so much you stay strong too that’s draining their energy I’m just so upset that the court system is ignoring the narcissistic abuse and they usually wins by “playing victim “ I’ve tried to find a support group here in N.Y but I couldn’t find anything convenient to me after the abuse like that we need a big emotional support I wish we could change something in the court system so no one would suffer anymore stay strong and be positive you are a wonderful and beautiful person
@@irenaraia5858 I'm the other side of the world. It's rampant everywhere (haven't their parents so much to be guilty of?). I think Courts are slowly changing (not soon enough). A court in UK recently sent a man to prison (5 years ? ....) for emotional abuse. In Ireland the Court has changed their law in regard to emotional abuse also.. so it's getting there. Think of The Watts case in Colorado....there's narcissism at its most evil. WE ARE WARRIORS - remember that.xx
My question is what do you do when your child has a disability and health issues? I can’t separate myself the same or explain to her. Basically I do everything and I suffer and she’s at risk because he’s not up to date on her health and needs ever . I’m so lost and exhausted
I had an inkling something was amiss but felt there was little I could do. I earned less than my wife and I was fearful that the court would give her sole custody. . She disowned both me any son during his teenage years. It was difficult but better than having her have access to my son. Of course by this point my son already had an anxiety disorder. Our houses are joined and now rat my son has grown into his twenties the door is open and the relationship between my wife and son has improved greatly. I'm still held at arms length by my wife but my son is wise enough to see all the complexities.
I have four children with a narcissist they're 10, 8, 7 and 4 . We have a visitation order and the narcissistic parent refuses to follow it and is trying to get our custody order changed. They chose to abandon our kids three years ago
They are better off without him
@@kimberlymcneal8195 Definitely
What if the narc father wants them more often than once a week ? But you know it's probably too much ? Do you try n stop that ?
This is amazingly helpful advice. Thank you so much.
So at what age ideally would the protection stop after they've formed that association of home and safety?
I need information on nurturing the children
This is from a man's perspective, I remember my x wife got my daughter of 7 and my son of 5 to hit me with snooker cues encouraging them and laughing. I just came out of the hospital from a hernia operation. I can also recall getting home at 12pm they were both asleep in the car I wanted to carry them straight to their bed but my x wife went into a rage woke them both up and made them have a bath they just kept crying when I protested her rage only increased, so you have to stop complaining for the children's sake. I could write a book about what I went through. I eventually left and met my wife and stepdaughter of now 30 years we are all very close and my wife is my best friend. I have never raised a hand to a woman or child in my life, and my stepdaughter and wife have never heard any bad language or any raised voice from me. I am now 64 I have no contact with my children, I fought and fought I even hired a detective to find out where they had moved to when I found them I wrote a letter to my son and gave it to him I had a visit from the police that evening saying no contact. Some of us men just want to be the best dad we can be, but you cannot fight a narcissus I know that if I had stayed I would not be here today.
My wife, the physically abusive narcissist, took our child and is living in a safe house with him. The police and safehouse won't let me know where our son is, she's not claiming I abused her or him. I feel utterly lost and incapable of protecting my son. It's odd that the state and safe house is protecting the abuser.
I've just found out my female partner is narcissistic, we have a 5 year old daughter. She is domineering and being the OTT mother but she is starting to influence my daughter. I'm scared, I want to try and stay at the family home to protect my girl but is it better to leave and gain 50% custody. Ideally, I want full custody but will never get it. She's evil. Please help I don't know what to do.
Thank you.
Well my daughters boutta be 2 in a couple months and her brother will be 5. She already has new supply after 2 weeks of our 4mnth seperation. Wat should i do??
Nd should i add shes spoiled when shes with me. Arms up most of the time. Cnt step out the room lol. Should i cherish that as well??
@@860Jeez yes!
My ex is a narcissist, is so called having the baby she's not letting me know about ANYTHING ABOUT THE BABY IDK WHAT TO DO.
I seem to have a totally different experience than you have had. In my experience, I have had parental alienation. My ex has been badmouthing me since before I left and it has never stopped. He turned my entire family and friends against me, my adult (27) yo daughter won’t speak to me, and two of my oldest sons decided to live with their dad because he gives them unlimited video games and media. He has totally devastated my life. The only thing I can say is it led me to re connect with God in a way I haven’t in 30 years. I have a real, genuine relationship with Him again. But now he’s trying to convince my youngest (12) to live with him. Now he lives a week here and a week there. I don’t know what is proper to talk about with my sons (17, 15 and 12) without badmouthing their father. So how do you talk to your children about these things?
What happens when the narc is a good father , except he won’t let me see her because I left him to save my own sanity ?
I really feel for you. Sometimes we must rip off our own leg to get out of trap. Counselling and legal advice asap to support help you.
I am going thru this same exact situation right now as we speak! He keeps my daughter from me... I've gone no contact and I only deal with him thru legal stipulations and thru my lawyer. I REFUSE to talk to him or his family. He literally tried to destroy my life and told me he wants me to lose. I don't have any words for him, ever again in life
I dealt with 4 years of his abusive narcissistic behavior and even tho we have a child together, going no contact was the best decision I've ever made. Stay no contact and go thru the courts to get ur daughter!. It will all work out!.
Why are you not allowed to see your child?
Yes if the child is with you. But what if the child is with the narcissits and you are living somewhere else? How then reise the child and make it grove to normal person?
This video really is helpful ONLY for WOMEN! Sorry to inform you, but this advice doesn't work both ways! -AT ALL!
If you are a man, divorced from narcissistic woman then you most definitely DON'T HAVE THE POWER to determine how much time shall your child spend with narcissistic mother! Exactly the opposite! In 99,9% of cases, the (narcissistic) mother gets the child, and all the power to do what she wants, with the child, and the father! And believe me... - she exploits this power to the maximum!
Quite frankly I feel the same sentiment...
I agree. Unfortunately gender biased even with the disclaimer and not very helpful for men. I have to protect my baby daughter from the mother who is a covert narcissist. The covert is even more difficult. She does not love our daughter and has no empathy, only uses our daughter as an instrument for facade and for manipulations and control. My focus is on how I can protect my daughter! Unfortunately many channels here are biased and focused on women/mothers.
This video helps, I am in this situation and deciding what is best...
Im thinking about just dropping custody of my children by this narcissist... If I drop custody what happens?
My children's father had all the qualities of a narcissist but the court granted him custody of the kids due to me having insufficient accommodation and lacking supervision because of my job at the time it ended in one child been dead
1:55 It's not a bias. We all know narc women exist, but even according to Sam Vaknin, 3/4 of narcs are men
And I say that coming from a household where all women were narcissistic and my dad is the only source of mental health
According to sam its fifty fifty nowadays, dont give wrong info
What if the father is limited with the son and the mother, the person who has priority of the time. Is the narcissist. Is it better to be within the area the child is, or to stay within a better school system than the mother?
Tha k you for such wonderful calm advice.
You’re most welcome!
My x won’t /hasn’t let me see my son , used him as a weapon to controle me , she is a narcissist , controled me with him for ten years until I’d had enough , I’ll see him when he’s older and when he’s no longer under her control . Not much choice realy 🤨
This was really helpful.
You're a lovely lady!🌹
You are amazing 😍 thank you 🙏
My husband is a narcissistic, we're going through a divorce he's fighting me for my child and he abandoned my baby and I during my pregnancy
Very sorry to know you’re going through this…
What if the woman's the narc
Very helpful video!
Excelente vídeo! Um abraço do Brasil!
Hugs back!
Thank you so much!!!
Dziękuję za cenną informację ❤️
How long would you wait until 50/50 is a solution to risk? A friend is mother of a 2 year old, how long should she try to keep him 100 %?
Dad has serious porn addiction, even making own amateur movies, quite aggressive disturbing type content. Otherwise no physical violence or addictions and not very aggressive.
I've dealt with a lot of women in my life have been narcissistic I'm not saying that to be mean I swear from the bottom of my heart I do follow my heart and mind we have two beautiful children Charles and Annabelle Charles is 9 years old Annabelle is 6 years old they are wonderful kids I work hard I grew up without a mother and I had a wonderful father! I brought my mom back in my life later in my life still as bad as it was before I still wouldn't be who I am today without her DNA but she always picks everybody over me and my brothers and sister which sucks bad ,she is a neat person but never dependable or caring and loving long enough to be anything important to a child I've been with my girl for 20 years soild no bs and we still have sexual relations my bad I threw that in there because that's very important to me but out of know where after the 15th anniversary things went a little too far on being hurtful and having me to defend myself physically and mentally that's very moment turning around and making me feel like I was the one doing this to them all of them I've always adored and wanted to be a great dad I've always knew I would be a good father I have dealt with a lot of children I am a midwife and Many other occupations thank you my father and my life choices I do many things, the more you know in life the better off you'll be, that is great for any boy or girl I love my girl more than life itself but I am stuck in a weird place I've always said I wanted my children to have a mom and a dad every child needs a mom and a dad there is no in-between that really is good for our children other than having mom and dad both bring something to the table that is always the way to grow better, and I hear a lot of times about its men,men don't talk about their problems which can be a problem and in its own can be s problem but i alway say and live is to honor and serve my wonderful wife, again I'm not married but I am I never thought any different now why didn't i marry. Tell you that real quick is because the United States it is just a horrible thing for a man to get married and get screwed i live and seen it too many times more times than not, the man getting hurt from being married and I've lived a lot places and many people's homes I grew up young an fast I'm just blessed to have my father that loved me enough to hold me snd siblings alittle harder than my mom,he taught us there is consequences and responsibility and its very important for all children and adults but learning responsibility as a child will give you responsibility as an adult. what I've figure it out recently to say is by her hurting me is hurting them and me hurting her is hurting them so no more hurting our beautiful children. God bless you all and God bless America
Some of what you said made absolutely no f-ing sense! "I have a wife, but I'm not married and why because blah blah blah" holding somebody at arms length and claiming you love them while never doing so is toxic manipulation in itself. I understand the situation with your mother but damn you've got some issues of your own
I think you should only let them closer to your kids when they are older. Teenagers maybe.. i will fight with all i have to keep that bastard away
It’s very challenging
Could you help me because my life and what I do in say is at.... just being honest. I never do internet. You say what a person wants,or need to say but don't know how to without getting punished for speaking up. Please 🙏 let do something to help humans something that works without drugs or a different way of life you can still be normal you make a person feel that.
Can narcissists change once they know they are a narcissist?
Hi Rocky,
Ewa has a video answering this very question!
m.th-cam.com/video/VlOA6iK78h4/w-d-xo.html
Hell NO....they never change. They just don't not even with therapy they keep screwing up. Narcissist people are the cesspool of the human race.
Very unlikely they can learn to manage their most prominent Narcs easy if they get continuous therapy but overall they never change
NO
My covert N-ex is ruining my kid's life and the discard was sp destructive that i was left literally homeless and she used that and a old drug record as fuel for the custody case so she got full custody and i got only the obligation to pay support. So literally paying her to cripple my child. ☹😡😡😡
So very sorry to hear that! Really, the courts should be educated about personality disorders. Truly hope, they will see the light.
My narc husband has been physically and verbally abusive to my kids. I filed a police report and won full emergency custody for now which states no contact with him. He keeps emailing me nasty emails saying he wants to see the kids and talk to them.
I do not feel comfortable allowing him any access at all....
Unfortunately we go back to court for a follow up pending their investigation into my childrens claims. I'm so worried that he will manipulate, lie and work his way back into their lives. He is so sick...
Maron
How is it you have such a nice apartment? Just wondering. So many you-tubers with such nice places... meanwhile I am homeless with a kid, and with a narcissist family and boyfriend. I guess most people are narcissist, unless they were born in a bubble of roses and pink feathers....
Sounds like narcissism isn't the only issue here...
Its interesting you start off your lecture with the importance of protecting the new infants brain. My soon to be 20 years old son was given fluoride in his infant vitamins and
i feel like you are trying to limit the connection of your children with the father- selfish Alienation
Aggressive father say it
Sounds like dad's the problem right
Get a dna test
I'm sorry but there are a lot more women narcissist than men especially in this day and age.
Alot of time it's the woman
A very, very good and important video. Great views you're sharing, one of the best in my opinion. That's how you bring your child through this problematic situation of having a narcissist parent.