As a single mother of a child with a disability, having someone come alongside once in a while just to laugh with me, take her to the park so I could have a nap, or drop off dinner would be balm to my soul. It’s the little things, right? My church family has chastised me, choosing to believe my ex’s version of events. God is with me and I am a capable woman. I don’t need rescued. Some compassion would be nice, though. Thank for giving a measure of that today.
Divorced my husband after 17yrsworking hard on dairy farm and nursing floor as well. Cussed out daily degraded constantly, when he hit me with an axe handle I knew he could kill me. Deal breaker. Christians were unsympathetic got smug looks from some, but I have news for some. Divorce is NOT the unpardonable sin. God did not abandon me the few that had compassion were humble loving righteous people not religious but right with God showing love and true compassion of the Lord. Dr Cloud your compassion is the real deal.
Oh Jo., Soo sorry you were treated so horribly! I wish you soo much happiness.. God Bless you going forward! I’m in a similar situation. But only the beginning!🙏🏻✝️
Thank you Dr. Cloud. What you expressed about single Moms was me. I went through 2 divorces, it was not what I wanted, but felt I had to for my and my childrens wellbeing as there was abuse involved. I felt like the Church shunned me and also most of family and other people we knew. I was so worn down, I hardly could talk for years. I felt invisable. But I found God at my lowest point: w/4 kids, x-husband taking me to court to take custody of our kids, I prayed begging God to help me. Well He did and I made it day by day w/Gods help.
Fantastic Word ! Thank you for having the heart and passion of our Marvelous Savior! We need each other . No one enters marriage hoping for divorce. Be the healing balm of Gilead to the hurting . It will bless them and it will bless you. It stops the enemy in his tracks when you do as Jesus did . Stop and have compassion on them
Thank you for your teaching & encouragement. Being a single Mom is so much harder when those around us judge, shame, and simply don't understand what we are going through every day.
One thing that her comments reminded me of is that the hesitation, at least for me, is that even if the divorce is justified and necessary, I cannot escape a feeling of loyalty (fidelity). I cannot feel good about dating. I feel nothing but guilt (and loneliness).
Several churches do have single parent ministries; the need is more for sound teaching and how to respond when in the actual process of a difficult and sometimes abusive marriage that warrants divorce. Most churches stick to only 'allowing divorce' in cases of infidelity. Abuse is widely misunderstood and often propagated by church leaders under the guise of 'long-suffering' and 'submission' often times as part of the wife's duty in marriage. I think this is more the need in our churches today. I am grateful for Dr. Cloud and others like Leslie Vernick who are sound teachers of the Word in this area and offering healing to so many that would normally leave their faith in times like this.
I've been impressed by the "Divorce Care" program. It isn't perfect, but a curriculum for churches to offer divorce support groups is a big step towards recognizing that divorce happens to Christians, too.
I appreciate the Biblical perspective on this topic. It is such a confusing topic. My mom read the Boundaries book decades ago, and came away thinking she should insist on getting her emotional needs met in the name of having boundaries, even when her boundaries violated the boundaries of other family members. When my therapist suggested that I read the Boundaries book about two years ago, I really resisted, because I didn't agree with the way my mom had used the word for years after buying the book. I'm still learning, but I believe that healthy boundaries means having the option to pull back from or leave a relationship. Leaving a relationship is not an option in my mom's view of the Biblical marriage and relationships in general. My marriage has failed, now, and I'm having to re-evaluate the perspectives I grew up with for marriage. If a woman has to protect her marriage at all costs, then she likely will compromise her boundaries to please he husband, even if it means compromising important things like her own values or the safety of her children. On the other hand, if a woman should protect her marriage at reasonable costs, but not all costs, she will have more options to set boundaries to protect herself and her children. Hopefully, that will make a more healthy marriage. But there is a risk, and that risk of losing a relationship sometimes has to be accepted before you can try to build a healthier one. Ironically, if I had been better at setting boundaries earlier in my marriage, maybe my marriage would have lasted. But I can't know. I don't fully understand boundaries still, its a work in progress.
Is there couseling for help coming out of an emotionally destructive divorce. I’m still in mine, and I wanted this process be over quickly because it’s been 31 years of my husband llying, stealing and cheating on me, and my eyes have just been opened to all of this , last year, when I caught him in an emotional possible sexual affiar with our hair dresser who worked out of her house. He says it wasn’t physcial but I can’t believe a word he says because there’s been too many lies all through the marriage. He is playing mind games with me now, and all I want to is to get out from under this toxic relationship so I can move forward in my life. I want to heal but there’s so much junk to deal with here, is there a series I can watch to help with all of this. It’s overwhelming. I never thought I’d be here at this time in my life. I have to start over with nothing becasue my husband has been financially irresponsible. What do I do with all of these horrible feelings I have. This is not the way I want to live my life.
It’s really hard especially when you know they are making a bad decision…to their own detriment…that’s hard…powerlessness in the face of someone going down a wrong road…but Father knows best! He’s freeing me from the snare…a trap that was set for me…long ago…
I’m so sorry Lisanne. 😔 I had to make that painful decision about 15 years ago with eight children under 18. I went through all that alone and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to go through. I cried and prayed a lot...God has always been there for me though and He’s been my strength. There was a lot of healing that took place and I’m finally happy now. 😊 I hope you have a good support circle because that’s makes a big difference. May the Lord carry you through and be your strength. 🙏🏼
Amen. I begged my ex not to leave, even though he was abusive, narcissistic. I refused to give up. He chose to leave. He filed. He quickly ‘moved on.’ Married nearly 15 years. 4 kids together 😢😢🙏
As a single mother of a child with a disability, having someone come alongside once in a while just to laugh with me, take her to the park so I could have a nap, or drop off dinner would be balm to my soul. It’s the little things, right? My church family has chastised me, choosing to believe my ex’s version of events. God is with me and I am a capable woman. I don’t need rescued. Some compassion would be nice, though. Thank for giving a measure of that today.
Divorced my husband after 17yrsworking hard on dairy farm and nursing floor as well. Cussed out daily degraded constantly, when he hit me with an axe handle I knew he could kill me. Deal breaker. Christians were unsympathetic got smug looks from some, but I have news for some. Divorce is NOT the unpardonable sin. God did not abandon me the few that had compassion were humble loving righteous people not religious but right with God showing love and true compassion of the Lord. Dr Cloud your compassion is the real deal.
Oh Jo., Soo sorry you were treated so horribly! I wish you soo much happiness.. God Bless you going forward!
I’m in a similar situation. But only the beginning!🙏🏻✝️
“Love requires Freedom. It can’t be controlled to love. Like God loves us…” Wonderful words, thank you.
Thank you Dr. Cloud. What you expressed about single Moms was me. I went through 2 divorces, it was not what I wanted, but felt I had to for my and my childrens wellbeing as there was abuse involved. I felt like the Church shunned me and also most of family and other people we knew. I was so worn down, I hardly could talk for years. I felt invisable. But I found God at my lowest point: w/4 kids, x-husband taking me to court to take custody of our kids, I prayed begging God to help me. Well He did and I made it day by day w/Gods help.
Fantastic Word ! Thank you for having the heart and passion of our Marvelous Savior! We need each other . No one enters marriage hoping for divorce. Be the healing balm of Gilead to the hurting . It will bless them and it will bless you. It stops the enemy in his tracks when you do as Jesus did . Stop and have compassion on them
You are wonderful, Dr. Cloud. We are so blessed by your words, your work, your empathy and your extraordinary heart.
Thank you for your teaching & encouragement. Being a single Mom is so much harder when those around us judge, shame, and simply don't understand what we are going through every day.
Thank you so much, Dr. Cloud, for expressing the need for help and compassion for single parents!
Great advice for providing assistance and love for single parents and their children.
What an amazing point that God is divorced. He really does know our pain. He probably feels it deeper.
Right! 💙
Made me cry at the end… struggling so hard as a single mom! Thank you for saying that!
One thing that her comments reminded me of is that the hesitation, at least for me, is that even if the divorce is justified and necessary, I cannot escape a feeling of loyalty (fidelity). I cannot feel good about dating. I feel nothing but guilt (and loneliness).
Church s should develop single-parent ministry outreach
Several churches do have single parent ministries; the need is more for sound teaching and how to respond when in the actual process of a difficult and sometimes abusive marriage that warrants divorce. Most churches stick to only 'allowing divorce' in cases of infidelity. Abuse is widely misunderstood and often propagated by church leaders under the guise of 'long-suffering' and 'submission' often times as part of the wife's duty in marriage. I think this is more the need in our churches today. I am grateful for Dr. Cloud and others like Leslie Vernick who are sound teachers of the Word in this area and offering healing to so many that would normally leave their faith in times like this.
I've been impressed by the "Divorce Care" program. It isn't perfect, but a curriculum for churches to offer divorce support groups is a big step towards recognizing that divorce happens to Christians, too.
I appreciate the Biblical perspective on this topic. It is such a confusing topic.
My mom read the Boundaries book decades ago, and came away thinking she should insist on getting her emotional needs met in the name of having boundaries, even when her boundaries violated the boundaries of other family members. When my therapist suggested that I read the Boundaries book about two years ago, I really resisted, because I didn't agree with the way my mom had used the word for years after buying the book. I'm still learning, but I believe that healthy boundaries means having the option to pull back from or leave a relationship. Leaving a relationship is not an option in my mom's view of the Biblical marriage and relationships in general. My marriage has failed, now, and I'm having to re-evaluate the perspectives I grew up with for marriage.
If a woman has to protect her marriage at all costs, then she likely will compromise her boundaries to please he husband, even if it means compromising important things like her own values or the safety of her children. On the other hand, if a woman should protect her marriage at reasonable costs, but not all costs, she will have more options to set boundaries to protect herself and her children. Hopefully, that will make a more healthy marriage. But there is a risk, and that risk of losing a relationship sometimes has to be accepted before you can try to build a healthier one. Ironically, if I had been better at setting boundaries earlier in my marriage, maybe my marriage would have lasted. But I can't know.
I don't fully understand boundaries still, its a work in progress.
Thanks so much Doctor Cloud for your message on single parenting. I appreciate your heart..I am one of ‘that sometimes forgotten demographic..’
Ive always felt guilty about judging people when dating. Then my loose boundaries has been an open door for 3 very damaging relationships.
Really could use and would love more resources on this topic! Thank you caller. Thank you Dr Cloud.
Is there couseling for help coming out of an emotionally destructive divorce. I’m still in mine, and I wanted this process be over quickly because it’s been 31 years of my husband llying, stealing and cheating on me, and my eyes have just been opened to all of this , last year, when I caught him in an emotional possible sexual affiar with our hair dresser who worked out of her house. He says it wasn’t physcial but I can’t believe a word he says because there’s been too many lies all through the marriage. He is playing mind games with me now, and all I want to is to get out from under this toxic relationship so I can move forward in my life. I want to heal but there’s so much junk to deal with here, is there a series I can watch to help with all of this. It’s overwhelming. I never thought I’d be here at this time in my life. I have to start over with nothing becasue my husband has been financially irresponsible. What do I do with all of these horrible feelings I have. This is not the way I want to live my life.
Leslie Vernick is a great resource
Lyse Terkeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes
You give such great advice
Helpful discussion!
It’s really hard especially when you know they are making a bad decision…to their own detriment…that’s hard…powerlessness in the face of someone going down a wrong road…but Father knows best! He’s freeing me from the snare…a trap that was set for me…long ago…
Good sound advice
I still love him but I need to really let go. It’s healthy to know I can’t change things.
Or about to file for divorce ... this month :(
I’m so sorry Lisanne. 😔 I had to make that painful decision about 15 years ago with eight children under 18. I went through all that alone and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to go through. I cried and prayed a lot...God has always been there for me though and He’s been my strength. There was a lot of healing that took place and I’m finally happy now. 😊 I hope you have a good support circle because that’s makes a big difference. May the Lord carry you through and be your strength. 🙏🏼
@@addygrl6276 you are so so strong Addy! How is life treating you now? :)
Romans 7 1-3 and Luke 16 18 . Remarriage only when the original spouse has died. Only death ends a marriage according to God's Word.
Amen. I begged my ex not to leave, even though he was abusive, narcissistic. I refused to give up. He chose to leave. He filed. He quickly ‘moved on.’ Married nearly 15 years. 4 kids together 😢😢🙏
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😭🙌🏻👍🏻