Shaming is the one thing we as people need to stop doing to one another we all looking for love and compassion what’s so hard about that, looking forward to your San Francisco trip have a blessed and successful day🥰🥰😘😘
Really good vid, Kev! I moved back to SF in '96 after I came out, and joined a gay bowling league at Japantown Bowl, which has long since been demolished : ( In this league, there were gay people of literally every nationality, color, body type, age group, butch and fem, leather and lace; a gay melting pot!. Universal acceptance was the order of the day. It was so much fun. It was there for the first time in my life, I truly felt no fear or discrimination. I felt a connection and camaraderie with everyone: black, white, asian, hispanic. While the world remains polarized, I still think there is less discrimination in the gay community than in the general population.
When I was on a dating site more geared toward character and less toward body, every time I read something like 'no Blacks' etc., I wrote them that as a White person, I think that is unnecessarily hurtful. One could keep an open mind. If they then didn't change their profile, it was a good warning for anti-bigots to stay away from such people.
The hardest thing for us all is learning to just be who we are. It is a journey. Also, important in dating is to start to pay attention to those who are actually showing up at your door, returning your phone calls, emailing/texting you back, wanting to actually be a part of your life. Those are the keepers.
This is a great video, Kevin. So much truth and insight into what we go through as gay men. Not to mention what we put ourselves through trying to fit in. I have been out since I was 15 to friends and 17 to my family. So I never really had to worry about the "hiding and pretending" stuff for very long. But based on the way that people judge others, especially since the invention of social media and gay dating/cruising apps, I just knew that finding true love would be almost impossible. And believe me, I tried! I do want to say that I am proud of you coming to terms with who you are as a person. The main reason is this...if you hide in the closet your entire life, you are not only destroying your own life, you are also affecting the life of the woman you decide to marry. The number of closeted gay men who marry for society and family is sad. If your wife knows your interests and accepts that you might have flings now and then, that's fine. But most of these women have no clue that their husband is gay and dates guys for sex behind their back. Cheating is bad enough...but cheating with another guy?? That's gotta destroy a woman's soul. I always believed in one important thing and I still say it over and over...we get one chance at this life. Do not waste it trying to be someone you are not, or impress or appease people who cannot accept you for exactly who you are. Both physically and sexually and emotionally. I am glad I didn't try to fix myself to fit into our community. Lose weight, change clothing, hair, etc. Not to say you did anything wrong...but loving yourself is just that, right? Being who you want to be and finding love that deserves your care and compassion. All the best and thanks for letting me ramble! Looking forward to your next video.
Great video. for those of us who came out waaaay late in life, it's the same only everything is a lot stronger. So everything you said in my experience still holds true.
Idk how some fellow gays are even racist...you've been deprived of a love life for like the longest time due to being closeted and wheb you're out you're picky bcs of race 🙄
Hello from France! You? with your smile, humor, thinking etc, not attracive?? What?? :) > i dream from a world who people see more the quality of each person as his color, body, etc....( yes, i'm an irreductible French romantic and dreamer! :) have a good day! :)
You are 6ft 2 inches and Asian - you need to get to the front of my line. Me, I am white caucasian, 5ft 10in blond hair blue eyes. Yes, I've had plenty of white friends over the years who told me they were not into Asians. I told them that that was fine and that they could just leave them for me :)
I hope Kevin found Mike and the 2 reconciled, telling him all his troubles to make Mike sympathetically understand. I’m a straight white man with a happily married gay brother, but I sometimes wish I was bi or pan to have the pleasure of both sex. And as some people in the world sees themselves as another race, I wouldn’t mind being Asian. Not seeing myself, as stated, but wish I was born as.
You hit a lot of nails right on their heads with this one! I wish I had the insight you have when I was your age, but back then there were far fewer sources of information on gay life. I'll be looking forward to your next video.
I think Asian style haircuts is good, You really don’t need to deny the fact that you are a Asian , be confident. Now tell me , next time will u be confident enough to do a Super Asian haircut?
to clarify, my problem with the "$5+$2" haircut isn't the fact that it can be found in the asian community, it's that I find it to be a bad looking haircut. Similarly to how I mention that I think Supercuts, a nonAsian brand, also gives poor haircuts. I would challenge that there's anything inherently "super Asian" about those haircuts. I'm no expert in haircuts, but the haircut I have now, and many popular haircuts for men in their 20s today are influenced by kpop. Whether they originated in kpop, I'm not sure, but I hope you understand my point better.
Kevin, I think you are amazingly inciteful and raise so many thought-provoking points and I think these other people must be crazy not to find you attractive.
I love how I can just start your videos and don't even have to think twice about clicking the like button! Coming out solves a lot of problems but unfortunately isn't the end to all problems. Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone when it comes to these thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Having grown up Black, gay, and low-income in a predominantly white, straight, middle class suburb I'm currently struggling with training my brain to not assume I don't belong in most spaces. Especially when it comes to men. Slowly learning that giving up on ever finding community/love/acceptance at such a young age in order to survive was helpful at the time but now in my life I don't think it is a healthy mindset. Really excited for your video on your trip to San Francisco! I hope you brought back good food to share~
Il like your videos, Kevin. You are funny and cute and honest. For what it's worth here's my take on coming out etc etc. I am white, so I'm not qualified to talk the experience that anyone of colour might have. What I will offer is some observations. I am sixty, so that means I started to understand my sexuality just as the aids crisis burst into mainstream consciousness. I mean, one week in 1983, I'm in a supermarket and suddenly all these strange conflicting thoughts coalesced just as I'm picking up some mince meat. "Oh, I must be gay..." As I remember it, literally the following week there were tabloid headlines about "gay plague". So it was a very scary time and the closet door which had been slightly ajar slammed shut for another 7 years. By now I'm 30 and then I met my boyfriend. So I went from virtually no experience to full on, we're going to grow old together in a heartbeat. 10 years later it ended. On the re-bound I started doing the scene. It was very weird because I realised that for many men, coming out kind of signals "party time", which might be OK in your 20s but is looking a bit passe in your 40s. And this is my point. One of the joys of being with other gay men is that you can be extremely irreverent. It's funny and it can be very clever. It can also be extremely judgmental, which of course stems from unprocessed, internalised homophobia. Perhaps there are some lucky people who have never had to deal with it but for most of us, coming to terms with our own dislike of ourselves takes some time and can be a very painful experience. It doesn't end of course. If you can put the words single, gay, 61yo together in a sentence about yourself, welcome to my world. When 50yo women of my acquaintance started telling me that they felt invisible, I didn't know what they were talking about. I do now. If there's one thing that trumps every other prejudice it's ageism (unless it's ageism + racism, of course). On a good day I shrug it off, on a bad day I distract myself with reading or watching tortured foreign films with subtitles. Or chocolate.
That was a great video very informative and well thought out. You got the body shaming and the race shaming correct. You are right to do self searching as we all have and or should have done. You got to know yourself before you can know anyone else. I can relate to most of your video. Thanks for sharing. Please do more of these type of videos they are so interesting. Thanks
And now for point #2: Kevin, you made the comment that you have to find the "community" that accepts you as you are. But first, you say that you yourself have to determine who YOU are. Both comments are true, and have often been asserted by other people. But to do this, there is an even deeper and more difficult task: a person has to strive to really NOT CARE what other people think about them in order to arrive at one's "true self." And to put this to the test, a person needs to be so comfortable in one's own skin that you can be in a group of judgmental people who are critical of you -- and you simply don't give a shit. (Example: tonight I will be attending a meeting of about 200 people, and I will like be one of a few or the only one wearing a facemask. I don't care. "Peer pressure" does not alter my behavior and never has.) Your video made a comment about getting away from a cheap "Supercuts" haircut in favor of a far more expensive stylish haircut. But why? Was this simply to please others and not be "judged"? If so, you are giving in to peer pressure in order to be "accepted" by the community you want to be a part of. I assure you, it is better to be your "authentic self" and then find authentic friends who will like you just as you are. It will make relationships easier. Anything else is just putting on a façade for the sake of others. It is its own "closet." It is not a good way to live. Good luck! 🌈👍😘
Don’t know if this is pertinent to the subject here but I recently discovered some difference between Asian porn and Western porn, the sexual process and all, and in the end I think I’m finding my own native culture has become more stimulating than the western approach. IDK, I think racial difference can have an impact on attraction.
Kevin-- I have 2 points to make that I will put into separate Comments. #1: For the record Kevin, I think you are extraordinarily handsome, and don't believe anyone who says otherwise. 😊👍 In my experience living in both large cities (Chicago, among others) and more rural areas, it is blatantly apparent that gay guys are -- and can afford to be -- far more picky and choosy in big cities when seeking a romantic partner. Because a "better guy" might be (and often is) right around the corner. It really is pretty much the same for straight people in big cities. In lesser populated and more rural areas (like where I live now), romantic partners are harder to come by. That does NOT mean you will always be alone, nor that you "settle for" second best. It means that gay guys take the time to get to know other guys much more deeply than "Big City guys"; we overlook minor differences that really are not important (like race); and when in a relationship, we try hard to work through disagreements rather than toss the relationship aside in search of "the next best thing." In conclusion: the phenomenon you described is predominantly a "Big City" thing among gays and straights. Out here in the sticks, gay guys are much more accepting. At least that's been my experience. 😊👍🌈
I continue to hope you are safe and sound. Please be safe enjoying your life first!!! You family and friends are second and third behind you. You coming out is important to you first. Period!!!And you have to feel comfortable first!!! Meeting a handsome guy to get to know and to date comes from you and if you want to date after coming out!!! So be safe in general for you!!!
Sorry, please be safe funding a cool Handsome guy to get to know and may start to date. Yes, leaving in New York is crazy nice upside down and beautiful. You will find gay guys from some many different culture of people.
As a Chinese gay, I think u’re definitely handsome from gay Asian standard.I literally like u😻
Shaming is the one thing we as people need to stop doing to one another we all looking for love and compassion what’s so hard about that, looking forward to your San Francisco trip have a blessed and successful day🥰🥰😘😘
Agreed!
Really good vid, Kev! I moved back to SF in '96 after I came out, and joined a gay bowling league at Japantown Bowl, which has long since been demolished : ( In this league, there were gay people of literally every nationality, color, body type, age group, butch and fem, leather and lace; a gay melting pot!. Universal acceptance was the order of the day. It was so much fun. It was there for the first time in my life, I truly felt no fear or discrimination. I felt a connection and camaraderie with everyone: black, white, asian, hispanic. While the world remains polarized, I still think there is less discrimination in the gay community than in the general population.
As a black bottom living in an East- Asian country, I really felt this. The exclusion and stereotyping out here is too real 😢
Hey do u have any social i could talk to on. Im black as well and want to move to korea soon.
When I was on a dating site more geared toward character and less toward body, every time I read something like 'no Blacks' etc., I wrote them that as a White person, I think that is unnecessarily hurtful. One could keep an open mind. If they then didn't change their profile, it was a good warning for anti-bigots to stay away from such people.
The hardest thing for us all is learning to just be who we are. It is a journey. Also, important in dating is to start to pay attention to those who are actually showing up at your door, returning your phone calls, emailing/texting you back, wanting to actually be a part of your life. Those are the keepers.
This is a great video, Kevin. So much truth and insight into what we go through as gay men. Not to mention what we put ourselves through trying to fit in. I have been out since I was 15 to friends and 17 to my family. So I never really had to worry about the "hiding and pretending" stuff for very long. But based on the way that people judge others, especially since the invention of social media and gay dating/cruising apps, I just knew that finding true love would be almost impossible. And believe me, I tried!
I do want to say that I am proud of you coming to terms with who you are as a person. The main reason is this...if you hide in the closet your entire life, you are not only destroying your own life, you are also affecting the life of the woman you decide to marry. The number of closeted gay men who marry for society and family is sad. If your wife knows your interests and accepts that you might have flings now and then, that's fine. But most of these women have no clue that their husband is gay and dates guys for sex behind their back. Cheating is bad enough...but cheating with another guy?? That's gotta destroy a woman's soul.
I always believed in one important thing and I still say it over and over...we get one chance at this life. Do not waste it trying to be someone you are not, or impress or appease people who cannot accept you for exactly who you are. Both physically and sexually and emotionally. I am glad I didn't try to fix myself to fit into our community. Lose weight, change clothing, hair, etc. Not to say you did anything wrong...but loving yourself is just that, right? Being who you want to be and finding love that deserves your care and compassion.
All the best and thanks for letting me ramble! Looking forward to your next video.
Absolutely 100% agree!
I spy the Velvet Rage book on your desk, would love to see you make a video talking about the insights you've gotten from the book!
Good idea :)
Great video. for those of us who came out waaaay late in life, it's the same only everything is a lot stronger. So everything you said in my experience still holds true.
Idk how some fellow gays are even racist...you've been deprived of a love life for like the longest time due to being closeted and wheb you're out you're picky bcs of race 🙄
Very true :/
The struggle continues but you must never doubt that you are extremely attractive.
7:04 really hit hard.
Thank you so much for sharing your 💖
You posses such a beautiful spirit.
Hope you keep spreading your light with the world.
Hello from France!
You? with your smile, humor, thinking etc, not attracive?? What?? :)
> i dream from a world who people see more the quality of each person as his color, body, etc....( yes, i'm an irreductible French romantic and dreamer! :) have a good day! :)
you are so attractive to me and i am melting watching you talk - wish you come to Australia
You are my dream. Thanks for being there. Please continue
Very Informative & Highly RELATABLE!!! Thanks for sharing Kevin.
I agree with a lot of this as a fellow gay asian and glad you found a gay asian community!
You are 6ft 2 inches and Asian - you need to get to the front of my line. Me, I am white caucasian, 5ft 10in blond hair blue eyes. Yes, I've had plenty of white friends over the years who told me they were not into Asians. I told them that that was fine and that they could just leave them for me :)
"not into Asians" = "no Blacks here" = "don't buy from Jews" = hurtful and first of all dehumanizes the speaker.
I hope Kevin found Mike and the 2 reconciled, telling him all his troubles to make Mike sympathetically understand. I’m a straight white man with a happily married gay brother, but I sometimes wish I was bi or pan to have the pleasure of both sex. And as some people in the world sees themselves as another race, I wouldn’t mind being Asian. Not seeing myself, as stated, but wish I was born as.
You hit a lot of nails right on their heads with this one! I wish I had the insight you have when I was your age, but back then there were far fewer sources of information on gay life. I'll be looking forward to your next video.
I think Asian style haircuts is good, You really don’t need to deny the fact that you are a Asian , be confident. Now tell me , next time will u be confident enough to do a Super Asian haircut?
to clarify, my problem with the "$5+$2" haircut isn't the fact that it can be found in the asian community, it's that I find it to be a bad looking haircut. Similarly to how I mention that I think Supercuts, a nonAsian brand, also gives poor haircuts. I would challenge that there's anything inherently "super Asian" about those haircuts. I'm no expert in haircuts, but the haircut I have now, and many popular haircuts for men in their 20s today are influenced by kpop. Whether they originated in kpop, I'm not sure, but I hope you understand my point better.
@@KevinHao ok. fine fine
Kevin, I think you are amazingly inciteful and raise so many thought-provoking points and I think these other people must be crazy not to find you attractive.
Kevin, This is so so so so true.
I love how I can just start your videos and don't even have to think twice about clicking the like button! Coming out solves a lot of problems but unfortunately isn't the end to all problems. Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone when it comes to these thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Having grown up Black, gay, and low-income in a predominantly white, straight, middle class suburb I'm currently struggling with training my brain to not assume I don't belong in most spaces. Especially when it comes to men. Slowly learning that giving up on ever finding community/love/acceptance at such a young age in order to survive was helpful at the time but now in my life I don't think it is a healthy mindset. Really excited for your video on your trip to San Francisco! I hope you brought back good food to share~
100% thanks for sharing!
Il like your videos, Kevin. You are funny and cute and honest.
For what it's worth here's my take on coming out etc etc.
I am white, so I'm not qualified to talk the experience that anyone of colour might have. What I will offer is some observations.
I am sixty, so that means I started to understand my sexuality just as the aids crisis burst into mainstream consciousness. I mean, one week in 1983, I'm in a supermarket and suddenly all these strange conflicting thoughts coalesced just as I'm picking up some mince meat. "Oh, I must be gay..." As I remember it, literally the following week there were tabloid headlines about "gay plague". So it was a very scary time and the closet door which had been slightly ajar slammed shut for another 7 years. By now I'm 30 and then I met my boyfriend. So I went from virtually no experience to full on, we're going to grow old together in a heartbeat. 10 years later it ended. On the re-bound I started doing the scene. It was very weird because I realised that for many men, coming out kind of signals "party time", which might be OK in your 20s but is looking a bit passe in your 40s. And this is my point. One of the joys of being with other gay men is that you can be extremely irreverent. It's funny and it can be very clever. It can also be extremely judgmental, which of course stems from unprocessed, internalised homophobia. Perhaps there are some lucky people who have never had to deal with it but for most of us, coming to terms with our own dislike of ourselves takes some time and can be a very painful experience. It doesn't end of course. If you can put the words single, gay, 61yo together in a sentence about yourself, welcome to my world. When 50yo women of my acquaintance started telling me that they felt invisible, I didn't know what they were talking about. I do now. If there's one thing that trumps every other prejudice it's ageism (unless it's ageism + racism, of course). On a good day I shrug it off, on a bad day I distract myself with reading or watching tortured foreign films with subtitles. Or chocolate.
That was a great video very informative and well thought out. You got the body shaming and the race shaming correct. You are right to do self searching as we all have and or should have done. You got to know yourself before you can know anyone else. I can relate to most of your video. Thanks for sharing. Please do more of these type of videos they are so interesting. Thanks
Such an inspiring video. Thank you! 😊
Like I always tell myself in the morning I’m beautiful. Even if I’m alone, I’m ok with it. But I can see myself in what you’re saying. Aloha Hawaii
Love this!
And now for point #2: Kevin, you made the comment that you have to find the "community" that accepts you as you are. But first, you say that you yourself have to determine who YOU are. Both comments are true, and have often been asserted by other people.
But to do this, there is an even deeper and more difficult task: a person has to strive to really NOT CARE what other people think about them in order to arrive at one's "true self." And to put this to the test, a person needs to be so comfortable in one's own skin that you can be in a group of judgmental people who are critical of you -- and you simply don't give a shit. (Example: tonight I will be attending a meeting of about 200 people, and I will like be one of a few or the only one wearing a facemask. I don't care. "Peer pressure" does not alter my behavior and never has.)
Your video made a comment about getting away from a cheap "Supercuts" haircut in favor of a far more expensive stylish haircut. But why? Was this simply to please others and not be "judged"? If so, you are giving in to peer pressure in order to be "accepted" by the community you want to be a part of.
I assure you, it is better to be your "authentic self" and then find authentic friends who will like you just as you are. It will make relationships easier. Anything else is just putting on a façade for the sake of others. It is its own "closet." It is not a good way to live. Good luck! 🌈👍😘
Kinda sucks how it’s either racism or fetishism and stereotyping
Don’t know if this is pertinent to the subject here but I recently discovered some difference between Asian porn and Western porn, the sexual process and all, and in the end I think I’m finding my own native culture has become more stimulating than the western approach. IDK, I think racial difference can have an impact on attraction.
Thanks I enjoyed hearing about your experiences. Yes please keep the vids coming.
That's true. love yourself and those who cherish you☺
I totally agree I have a white male and I do not fit stereo tape was in the gay community
You are what you're born with; good quote.
Kevin-- I have 2 points to make that I will put into separate Comments.
#1: For the record Kevin, I think you are extraordinarily handsome, and don't believe anyone who says otherwise. 😊👍 In my experience living in both large cities (Chicago, among others) and more rural areas, it is blatantly apparent that gay guys are -- and can afford to be -- far more picky and choosy in big cities when seeking a romantic partner. Because a "better guy" might be (and often is) right around the corner. It really is pretty much the same for straight people in big cities.
In lesser populated and more rural areas (like where I live now), romantic partners are harder to come by. That does NOT mean you will always be alone, nor that you "settle for" second best. It means that gay guys take the time to get to know other guys much more deeply than "Big City guys"; we overlook minor differences that really are not important (like race); and when in a relationship, we try hard to work through disagreements rather than toss the relationship aside in search of "the next best thing."
In conclusion: the phenomenon you described is predominantly a "Big City" thing among gays and straights. Out here in the sticks, gay guys are much more accepting. At least that's been my experience. 😊👍🌈
That's interesting, and I'd agree with your hypothesis on "big city guys" vs "rural guys"!
You are a remarkable person.
Your eye roll got me bad XDXD
Pound the alarm 🌞
First
I continue to hope you are safe and sound. Please be safe enjoying your life first!!! You family and friends are second and third behind you. You coming out is important to you first. Period!!!And you have to feel comfortable first!!! Meeting a handsome guy to get to know and to date comes from you and if you want to date after coming out!!! So be safe in general for you!!!
Secondly, please take your time in finding a cool guy if y
Sorry, please be safe funding a cool Handsome guy to get to know and may start to date. Yes, leaving in New York is crazy nice upside down and beautiful. You will find gay guys from some many different culture of people.
GAY MECCA OMG
DAMN
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Hi cute u single
Cute = oppressive, disrespectful. My earlier comment on this explaining it was removed.
I really think u speak English like a little girl, why not try to give it a little bit boyish voice
Do you feel like this is important?
@@KevinHao Sorry
@@owengao1119 I'm so glad you apologized
@@moshemordechaivanzuiden Stop being happy so early
I came across your video and it only took me 2 second to subscribe your channel. Hahaha 🤣🤣