Alcoholics Anonymous and Sponsorship
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
- Do you need a sponsor in recovery?
Do you need a sponsor in AA?
Do you need a sponsor to quit drinking?
Do you need a sponsor to stay sober?
The original 164 pages of recovery found in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous never mentions the word sponsor.
I have nothing against good sponsorship. Beware...not all sponsors are good.
I am not a: medical professional, therapist, counselor.
Do not replace advice from your doctor, therapist, counselor, etc. with my suggestions
Follow me on instagram here: instagram.com/davidhmasson
Got sober this year with the help of AA. I have done tons of research and read both books. I believe about half of what people say in open meetings. Last week at a meeting I had two out of towners congratulate me then tell me I really needed a sponsor. I listened to them carefully. When it came my turn to speak, they both took their phones out and never looked up again, sometimes showing each other their phones. I said most of what I planned to say then passed due to the lack of respect. I drove home thinking…..and I’m supposed to listen to those two? They are the first ones who had ever even suggested me getting a sponsor.
Best part of getting sober is that day by day I become sharper and can cypher through peoples BS faster than I used to. I have become better at picking out who has your best interests in mind and who is just trying to look good to the rest of the group. My motto is, just because you have been sober longer than me, doesn’t necessarily mean you are smarter or know how I handle, my day to day feelings. I drank a fifth a day sometimes more for too long. I know that this is a better life. I don’t need someone to remind me.
Well done. You are on a good path I would say
I don't and never had a sponsor nor do I sponsor. I will take those that want sobriety through the steps but that's it. Just like the guy who took me through the steps. Sponsors were originally just to vouch that the newcomer was a real deal alcoholic back when there was a lot more negative stigma around alcoholism. My higher power, the steps and action keep me sober not some overbearing sponsor.
@@PHUCKyoutube689 I never did get one. Celebrated a year sober a couple weeks ago. Still attend two or three meetings a week.
If it's not in the big book it's made up bs. Remember we can't manage our own life, a sponsor is someone who shows you the 12 steps period. Your sponsor can't manage their own lives either. Take suggestions as verified by the big book of AA.
@@PHUCKyoutube689how long have you been sober?
It's the first sponser who does the most damage, be very very careful who you let into your head as a lot of people in AA are not well mentally & emotionally.
Exactly.
This is why I went many years without a sponsor. I don’t trust just anymore and definitely have trust issues. I did not care if they tried to shove having a sponsor down my throat. Never accept a person walking up to you saying call me every day and being pushy with you. That is the first red flag that person is on a power trip . You should be the one asking someone to sponsor you after observing them for a period of time like a few months watching how they act and how they lead there life . Do they have something that attracts you. I don’t mean material things like fancy cars, designer clothes, lots of money there flashing, ect. Did they work all 12 steps with a sponsor that you meant and have respect for also because they are both leading a spiritual program and life and also have stability in there life. Anouther important thing is amount of time in program does not always equal a good stable program. The only sponsor I had over a 20 year period was a lady that only had a few more years than me but knew the book and program and practiced what she suggested that I do. I don’t trust just anymore. No one said you have to have a sponsor. Do what is right for you
this is very true. Just because someone has alot of sobriety doesn’t mean they have what you want. And iam not talking about material things
You're correct, only an alcoholic can help an alcoholic so of course there's going to be imperfections. Drs. Overprescribe drugs too, but alcoholic people need to practice helping each other to get better. The first members were walking out of the hospital changing clothes and going back to help others. AA is not a self help program
@joejohnson5410 Drs. make mistakes too. A sponsor is going to make mistakes if they don't stick to the big book. Everyone makes mistakes why should AA be different
Thank God for my Sponsor who never told me what to do or to call him everyday. He made wonderful suggestions based on his experience of recovery through a 12 step recovery program. 35 years later I live my life, Happy Joyous and Free. Ed
Sounds as though you got a good enough and suitable sponsor! Did you attain the God's power?
What’s wrong with calling everyday?
@lisachristinaconfirmed5067 to not have to depend on him.
@@lisachristinaconfirmed5067nothing - some people need that rigid accountability and some don’t - I believe that each sponsor that is walking in their higher power will be able to discern which ones need more attention than others - it’s like triage - some of us are bleeding at first more than others.
@@lisachristinaconfirmed5067 no wrong..nobody says it wrong if he does...fire him.
The sponsors hurting people are those who do service based recovery instead of recovery based service.
Bars
I've been clean and sober for 4 years 3 months. Had a sponsor my first two years then let him go because I felt guilty I never called him and didn't like feeling guilty.
I attribute my 4-plus years to a profound spiritual awakening...and a conscious dedication to that. I love being sober; the difference between where I was and where I am today is immeasurable.
For me, it's all about looking within.
I also have made good connections in the fellowship.
Honesty, with oneself and others, combined with the spiritual element has been my personal blueprint. 🙏❤🌞
Spiritual fitness is the name of the game. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve just had this with my OA sponsor she dumped me because I couldn’t commit to doing 3 outreach calls every day as well as attending 2 meetings 🤦♀️ I don’t feel like she added any benefit to me more stress which was more likely to make me fail seeing as stress is my biggest food trigger 🤦♀️ thanks for sharing this
people who believe meetings don't help people, you have to help yourself, stop stuffing your face.
@@royharper2003 stuff your face, IT ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE AA' IS NOT THE PLACE. !
17 years sober has taught me - service work, owning the first 164 pages and being an active member in the community, doing today what I did yesterday helps to draw us closer to God - which is the whole point, if you study the pre-BigBook history of AA - we all have questions regarding Steps 4 through 9 and this is where a solid, loving, long term clean and sober person can be extremely valuable.
PRE-BIG-BOOK?
I’m almost a month sober, I’ve gotten pretty depressed. This time I actually decided to get a sponsor. Talking on the phone for two weeks, don’t feel like it’s going anywhere. I try to get to meetings as much as I can. Today, I drive 20 miles to do book work the first time with my new sponsor ship. Planned it almost a week in advanced. Called to confirm. When I get down to meet with him, he’s taking a chick from a meeting to dinner. This month has been a roller coaster. Think everyone could give a fuck if I’m around or not. People flaked in my birthday last week. Trying to stay optimistic, but tonight after being told we’ll do a rain check, I’m pretty sure this is why I fucking never trust people for sponsorship or in general. It’s taking a lot of strength to not drink right now. Just over everything, this is why I started drinking again. Thinking being sober would improve my life or gain some clarity. It has! As too who people really are and I’m going back into isolation for now.
Remember that drinking isn't the answer, it will only make things worse. People aren't perfect and never will be. Maybe try to reach out to someone else in the program, doesn't have to be a sponsor.
Certainly feel you with heading back into isolation, guess we need to keep popping back into the light as there are many good eggs in this wonderful world.
Get a new sponsor and a new group. They don't seem serious about AA. I've never and I mean never seen anything like that. I'm sorry your experience was not a good one. You need a new group and sponsor. It's your choice first of all who you chose to be your sponsor. Its also your choice as to what group you go to. You need to change both.
AA had to stop going went for like 2 months way to much negatively
Remember you are in control. People do care, but you have to handle you as others are handling themselves. Everything you have said you are right about, and it should not be this way. Nothing you said or could have said however is a good reason to drink. Please keep that in mind. I've had drama pop up at different groups. And of course they tell me if I don't come back I'm doomed. I handle me. Fact is that I go to a whole lot of meetings, just maybe not to the ones I went to before. I don't drop out or say anything. I just disappear, and poof I show up in another room somewhere. If your sponsor is being negative or disruptive in any way to your sobriety, I suggest ghosting them. The effort to litigate a break up is unnecessary and potentially hazardous to your recovery. Just disappear and find someone else. You don't owe them anything. YOUR RECOVERY IS YOURS, the most valuable thing you have. NO ONE has any claim or rights to your recovery. That said, if you do connect with someone it can be great. A good rule of thumb is meeting only at places on "the list". If it's not in a meeting guide, it's not where I go for AA. I don't do, "come to my house to study", and I don't do, "I want to meet your family". Peace and best wishes for your recovery.
The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
Yes
Ty. That’s what I have and why I decided to join AA recently and twice now this domineering woman has interrupted my shares to ask me “ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?” Because I just say my name before I begin sharing.
I asked her to stop and she just kept explaining that it’s important to say it. In my opinion it won’t make or break hers, mine, or anyone else’s sobriety journey whether I say it in 6 weeks or 6 months from now as long as I know that I have a problem with alcohol and an intention to become sober.
She’s annoying me but fortunately I’ve learned a lot in various forms of emotional recovery over the years that I see this as an opportunity to practice enforcing my boundaries. I did it today and I’ll keep doing it until she gets it or I find a meeting that doesn’t have people who are short-sighted and focused on trivial things.
@@JellieJoShmoIn AA it was originally the person stated there name followed by "I'm a member of AA", it wasn't important to state you were an alcoholic. I have heard it's supposed to humble you by stating you are and part of surrendering.
@@Me-jf6hk I understand the sentiment but it’s not an emergency. I’m in other 12-step programs that allowed me to be where I am on my journey until I was ready to take whichever step was next. They didn’t expect me to be completely comfortable and vulnerable in my first few meetings. This woman told me she has 8+ years while I had 4-5 meetings under my belt - obviously we’re not going to be at the same place.
I flat out refuse to get a sponsor. Im not calling anyone on my free time, that isn’t my family. I’m also accountable and responsible for ME and MY decisions. I am never off the hook for being responsible for my actions.
How did your own thinking get you into the rooms ?
@@bn1ce2all28 I wasn’t of the right mind when I went to rehab for alcohol….and guess what, when you don’t drink, your brain gets better, your body gets better, and when you get time off alcohol, you tend to focus on other things in your life because now you have time for them (family, hobbies, etc). If I thought like I did when I was drunk, I’d still be a drunk. Now that I’m sober, I think the way a sober “me” thinks.
The whole “your way of thinking got you here” isn’t a life sentence, the way many avid AA followers want you to think it is. If that was the case, I’d relapse frequently and make excuses for myself to why I can’t hold myself accountable.
Take responsibility for your actions. Learn from your mistakes. Get help, when you need help. If you’re not of the mind to be around alcohol, then don’t put yourself around alcohol. Stop with the excuses. You don’t need to be told what to do from a sponsor who’s indoctrinated into this program to believe that your problems with booze are a life sentence.
AA was a good start to get me on track and open me up to other avenues to re-enforce my sobriety, but it’s not for long term success.
@@j.rivera6402 choice and control
How are things going?
@@jhp404 still in it to win it 💪🏼
It was my sponsor in a room of 60 and he and 4 others stayed and my sponsor was the first to stick his hand out and from that point he taught me the Big Book and to care the message not the alcoholic and that is straight out of the book !!! And today I am doing better than I deserve and if i had an excuse I would go take a drink now !!! God Bless those that are mentally incapable of being honest with themselves !!!!
Amen.
Big book says spiritual advisor too,as far as doing 5th step,I believe I will bond with certain people but I don't feel the need for a sponsor, 2 years sober,feels good,crazy this was sent to me,glad I'm not alone
I'm 15 years sober. I have been sponsored and have sponsored many. I am currently without a sponsor but do have a number of experienced individuals that I can turn to. I also no longer formally sponsor people, but am happy to meet for coffee etc and provide support.
I think what you have said is fair and balanced. Thanks for sharing.
13 years off the booze and I’m in the same boat as you..
It's too bad that you don't want to walk folks through the 12 steps as outlined in our Big Book and share your experience, strength and hope that they may get and remain sober and pass this knowledge along to the next suffering alcoholic, but I'm sure that you have a very good reason for this.
In my experience and my opinion having a sponsor is a must. There's many reasons but for example when I was new I could be on the 8 and 9th step and go and make an amends and end up hurting the person more. Another one is secrets keep us sick. Another one is resentments. Hard to see my part if I'm blaming everyone else when clearly I had a part. But I also can see a unhealthy dependency on a sponsor which is something an individual needs to address cuz just because one doesn't have a sponsor doesn't mean they won't have other unhealthy dependencies on other people as well.
Please don’t stop making these videos. They save lives. I heard some sponsors are terrible, but then eh they are human. I believe the best way is to follow the 12 steps 💯
I've been in and out of AA for the last 30 years and I found it I got tired of people asking me if I have a sponsor or not and I know the big book does not mention getting a sponsor it talks about getting a closed-mouth friend so now when someone asked me if I have a sponsor I say yes I have four of them I have a financial sponsor, a relationship sponsor, spiritual sponsor, and a program sponsor and that usually shuts them up. I believe that if it's not in the BB, it's BS.
And that attitude will keep you drunk until you're dead, just because it's not in the Big Book DOES NOT mean it not part of AA, the BB talks about one drunk working with another, THAT'S SPONSORSHIP!!!!! If you really want to learn about it, then read "Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age" by Bill W.
@@TheBardicDruid Do you know where sponsorship in AA even came from? They were to vouch that you were the real deal alcoholic, nothing to do with the program. You need a closed mouth friend to help you through the steps, that's all. If you need a babysitter to get through the steps and keep you sober, you probably don't really want sobriety, you are probably just there for the wife, boss or judge. Originally AA just mailed you the Big Book as meetings were far and few between.
@@PHUCKyoutube689 By 1940 sponsorship had already started, it clearly says in the Big Book that nothing works as well to keep one sober as working with another alcoholic. THAT'S SPONSORSHIP, you're the one who needs to shut up and listen, I've got 30 years in AA, I've learned the history from the old timers, I live my life by the steps and traditions. From my experience I can tell you're having problems with Ego, a sponsor can help with that, and a "closed mouth friend" is only for the 5th step, not the whole program.
@@TheBardicDruid My ego? Nah man. You just basically said shut up, I know more, now do it my way or your sobriety isn't valid. I don't have 30 years like you, I'll give you that but I wouldn't trade my 3.5 for your 30. How many newcomers have you chased out of the program? Seriously. The guys who took me through the program don't sponsor and yes they have a lot of time. They are there for advise but they are not chasing people to meetings. I do the same. I have friends from the program I talk over things with and I will always take calls but I will never make sure someone is going to meetings unless it's an issue of transportation. Also if it is not in the big book it ISNT part of the program, the program is the book and the steps laid out in it.
@@PHUCKyoutube689 Yeah, 3 or 4 years is when a lot of newbs start thinking they know it all, and Bill & Dr Bob both said it not all in the Big Book.
Excellent review on sponsorship. All to often a lie becomes the truth if said often enough. The rubbish regarding lineage of sponsorship is dangerous. I hear members claim their sobriety is better because their sponsor had a sponsor whose sponsor knew someone who lived near a circuit speaker in America. Worse than that is the rubbish of acknowledging your "sponsor and "grand sponsor" ie sponsors sponsor when you share, or needing to dress in a certain way because your sponsor wants all his sponsees to reflect well on him.
Sponsorship is about walking with a newcomer, sharing what you did not what they have to do. Showing the newcomer that there is a spiritual solution to this illness and most importantly that the third step is about handing your will and life to the care of God as you understand god to be . Not to the care of your sponsor who wants to be god
Well said. Like you said, the solution is spiritual.
Oh exactly its absolutely arbitrary and I won't do that type of lineage hyping and more in line with things made up on time. We try and ego deflate not inflate our members. Also i would say recovery has to be careful letting people grow but not become dependent on AA itself. I've been there and it's very hollow feeling however to each their own.
I honestly would not be where I am today without the help of a sponsor
I've tried AA and NA roughly 100 meetings, wasn't for me. Most people I encountered that were old timers seemed very sick themselves. And these people are telling ME to get a sponsor and work the steps? Not to mention the same old timers that said to get a sponsor are the same ones that aren't willing to sponsor people. A lot of ego, self-centeredness, unwillingness to listen to help others, not open-minded to the fact there are multiple different ways to recover and overall a negative vibe. If it works for people, great, good for them, I hope it continues to work. I won't be committing my life to sitting in a circle re-living past memories and talking about the very substances I am trying to get away from. I've been fine in just accepting the past for what it is, and moving on. God Bless.
I agree about the negative vibes and insincere people that lack self-awareness there, BUT I am finding real success in ACA - where the work IS going through your past and reliving/processing memories. That painful past is why most people drink/use in the first place.
Personally I have a desire to stop abusing substances and stop abusing myself or anyone else (emotionally, mentally, financially, etc.) And I’m not interested in “white knuckling” life (I.e. still in emotional pain but stopped numbing with substances, people, etc.) I am willing to do the work to understand the pain and anesthetize it. Then enjoy the rest of my life with emotional sobriety as well.
Give ACA a chance too if you’re willing & able. Good luck stranger.
Sponsorship has always seemed like a creepy concept to me, and ive been going to meetings since 1984 and have been continuously sober and going to meetings since 1990.
Seriously, being sober for over 33 years and having someone with 6 or 7 years tell me im "not doing it right" makes me want go berserk.
You made excellent points in this video. Thank you. I'm 22 years sober and never had a sponsor. I don't think 99% of the people in the rooms actually practice what they preach outside the rooms. That's probably the case in most churches. The principals of the program are excellent if you have to re-learn how to have some moral compass. I needed to listen to other stories to relate to my own. Best to share your story with an outside 3rd party, in my opinion. Too much gossiping.
I got sober way before TH-cam was a thing. I have sponsored hundreds, I have never told anyone to do anything that was not in the book. If it's not in the book it's just an opinion.
I agree.
The problem with some sponsors is that they don’t understand the steps because their sponsor didn’t. It’s by faith and trust in god that leads to real life. The Holy Spirit is who sponsors me. Yes I talk to other recovery people and attend meeting but I don’t rely on people for the real answers. I had a sponsor for 15 years that helped me tremendously and have nothing but good things to say about him. He passed away and today my relationship with Jesus is what I value the most.
Jesus will help us through sobriety.. let's keep trusting in Him! 💜
In my first sobriety (2016-22) I had a great sponsor for the first year, in Sydney, who went through the Steps with me for 3 months, but for the subsequent five years in Brisbane I didn't seek one. In my second sobriety (June 2023 to the present) I have a sponsor, but he is not able to allocate any time for me, except before and after the weekly meeting which he chairs. I only discovered recently that all sponsors are temporary by nature, which makes sense, as one can't expect a sponsor or sponsee to be for life! Both sponsors have informed me that they are temporary, which I believed that I hadn't got what I wanted, however after watching this video I now realise that I don't need a sponsor, and in fact I did maintain 5.5 years of sobriety without one, although having numbers stored in my smartphone is important. Thankyou for your marvellous videos, David (:
I've been sober 40 plus years - 33 as an active member. I stayed sober in spite of having a sponsor for the first 5 years. After that I didn't use a sponsor. In fact, I would not be a sponsor, when asked, for anyone. I will be a friend that can be called any time, that will share my experience, that will be helpful, but will never tell anyone what to do. I think the imbalance of power in the sponsorship relationship is DANGEROUS! I agree with much of the 164 pages and it is my opinion that one can get and stay sober by spiritual means.
'The faults of others are not discussed. We sick to our own.' Big Book. How sober people live.
The word “sponsor” cannot be found in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, but AA's 12th Step directly asks everyone who has recovered to “carry this message to other(s),” to, in essence, become a sponsor. Read it and absorb it, then pay it forward. It's not just another novel.
Sponsorship is based upon codependent interpersonal dynamics and encourages it.
Very good point.
Literally the words I felt but couldn’t put them together as well as you just did
Very true. I remember all the people who told me I'd drink again without a sponsor. it was very intimidating.
I will tell you that this is problem. I agree that you could be letting a sick person with admittedly codependent tendencies work with you in a hierarchial role. I now realize although frustrating it set me straight to what my higher power felt I needed now and even then . Be careful out there. Know when to move before it's too late. I enjoy the relationship I have now with mine. No mistakes in the universe.
@@Vashti0825 I often sense that such people want you to drink again for having the audacity to disagree. It's angry and abusive, taking advantage of your courage to think for yourself. Fuck it.
After years I found a sponsor. This guy I saw in a meeting offering to help someone. He told him what would happen if he took another drink and damn it was powerful. It will kill me but not before it sees me lose everything and suffer enough to want to die. Then upon death it would become my salvation to want to live only to do it again.
I totally agree with the content. I have had quite a few sponsors in the past. Relationship with most of them were short lived as they exercised their self will on me. Some of them have been good. This time around I am not going to beat the same road. I will consult whomever I feel got answers to my questions, and, many will gladly help. Thanks
My Sponsor is God and I have learned to convert my mind and now I’m a proud 22 months sober and Will be for a lifetime. I will live sober be sober and die sober. I don’t know why people think this is so hard. I drank half my life. This isn’t EGO it’s truth. If you want something so bad and never want it to be the way it used to be. Then you Want It and do it. It’s that simple. We all recover differently and drugs and alcohol 20 years added together. Made me different in a way I realized different wasn’t the different I wanted. Now I control my own destiny with Gods Plan and live my life in a recovery of my Recovery. AA meetings help yes. But anything more than that. It’s all about if you want it enough. I live my life differently now days in a different way. My way. Cause I never want to live within that different side of life. Which was never me. Choose your different, choose to never want to go back and choose to WANT IT and it’s yours one moment at a time. The moment is the only thing you Own in life. So own your sobriety for a lifetime.
The breathtaking music and fantastic scenery...
Someone sure spent a lot of money to erroneously profess the first 164 pages never utters the word Sponsor when in fact, the Big Book was published in 1939 and has been so wildly successful no one wants to change a word.
Where "erroneously" comes in to play is the chapters called "Personal Stories"; there's where you'll read about Sponsors...
Good luck...
Yeah I don’t know where this master slaves /boss subordinate ideal of sponsorship comes in or comes from. It should just be somebody showing you the ropes, which are the steps. I’m talking about AA because I’m in AA.... I also used a lot of drugs alcoholicly ( like Bill W & Dr Bob ). What my sponsor did with me was read the book to me. In the doctors opinion it talks about the cycle of addiction on Roman numerals 28 & 29: I Emerged remorseful for my spree, After a little while got so UNcomfortable in my own skin that I had the peculiar idea that I could drink again, once I started drinking I would change my mind and drink more than I intended and despite negative consequences for a while then again emerge remorseful. I didn’t like Bill story but we read it anyway ( like it now) … I Identified with the description of the alcoholic and could relate to the examples in chapters 2 and three in chapter 4 I got my second step down which is basically I’m not gonna fix this shit on my own in chapter 5 after the bullet points of the steps (which are the steps they’re just summarized bullet points) step three talks about will power...then the admin part of 4-9, 10 is 4-9 on the spot 11 is review at the end of the day & planning on awakening. Chap 7 Doesn’t use the word sponsor but uses the words prospect and protégé. Some other bullshit out here in meetings as well a year before you sponsor anybody I’m glad Bill W didn’t feel that way at 6mo when he reached out to Dr. Bob
I used to attend AA....Be very careful if you get a sponsor. I was really young and every warning this video offers is valid. I watched a sponsor worm his way into a sponsees family, and eventually steal his wife. Considering the situation it wasn't surprising. This guy was a screw up alcoholic with a frustrated wife. So he brings a sponsor in who had his life together, and the wife fell for him. Shocking.
I've seen that too.
@@nickpn23 13th step.
I had counselors, psychiatrist, therapists, none of them early on were as effective as the people whom I did not know....just listening and telling me how they coped with my there own addiction. If you do ask for a sponsor and I think you should...Make sure it is someone who does NOT have and emotional connection to you....trust humanity, we do love each other, we just don't know it yet.
I got a new sponsor yesterday and I took 1 year. Thats what I'm doing for my recovery. Have no idea what others are going to do and it's none of my business. My ass is on the line. Selfish program
I have been mulling this over for the 126 days I have been alcohol free. I am coming to a point where I do not think a sponsor is what I need. The program is in the book. The first 164, the stories, the 12 and 12, as Bill sees it, Grapevine, daily reflections, meetings with other alcoholics.
I LOVE THIS!!! the AA sponsor is to take you thru the v12steps & get ur hand in HP, not run your life
Thank you this is truly so helpful to me. My sponsor is controlling
From 1976 to today, I have found it's truly best to Read The Book. The 12 step road map that's with in them first 164 pages has truly changed thousands of lives all around the world, and still is each and every day.
Thanks for sharing the video, it's very much on point and hope it helps other's find recovery.
:)
I recommend your video's to everyone I know in AA sober 7 years
The directions are in the Big Book and it takes another alcoholic to transfer information to another alcoholic !!!
I get exactly where you’re coming from as there’s too many people killing addicts in our fellowship! By the grace of god that’s not me or my sponsorship Linage! Your dependency better be on a power greater thank yourself! A sponsor should guid you through the steps, sticking to the message and there for you when you have inventory 🙏🏼✊🏼
A sponsor is supposed to act as a mentor who’s had a spiritual awakening and been through the 12 steps themselves so they can help guide you through them. Simultaneously, this helps them in their own sobriety journey by keeping them busy and reinforcing the work involved to stay sober. A sponsor doesn’t know everything and has no authority over you. They shouldn’t be telling you not take other substances (prescriptions, marijuana etc.) if those substances have no connection to your alcohol use other than advising you based on their own experiences. You don’t have to tell your sponsor EVERYTHING and you probably shouldn’t tell them EVERYTHING - they aren’t your therapist and aren’t meant to serve in that capacity. If you have a sponsor that does any of these things or a relationship with a sponsor like what i’ve just mentioned then it’s probably a sign to find a new sponsor/meeting.
My sponsor policed what I posted on my Facebook and then when I went to her after she worked steps with me for more help she told me that I couldn't get angry, she dismissed me and said that I could be assertive or put up boundaries because it was selfish and not of AA. Then she gaslighted me and told me that she didn't do anything wrong after I admitted I got defensive and a little argumentative with her and apologized twice. Then she said that I outgrew her.
At first I was surprised about this - I thought a sponsor is a person always there to help whenever you need him or her and it’s only when my daughter got a sponsor that I realized that there are good and bad ones out there and when you are so new and vulnerable - this is can ne so dangerous. It also really surprised me when she got another sponsor who is 30 years sober and asked for info on rehab centres and he said he will look into and get back to her that it’s been 2 weeks now and he still hasn’t - WTH
You have to choose a sponsor carefully and maybe have several who don’t want to be your friend and take their role more seriously maybe - and I think it’s a good idea to have a lot of numbers of others that you can reach out to because if one is busy someone else will help -this whole situation has opened my eyes more and hers
i don’t believe in sponsoring other men. i’m not a therapist or someone to rely on. i have to trust more in god and not in people to reveal to me what to do in my life.
you are missing out I sponsor lots of men I tell them right from the get-go that I'm not there answer man and I'm not their therapist nailed it when you said trust in God
I've been an AA sponsor since about 2-1/2 months sober. I've tried to show probably a couple of thousand people how to do a 4 th step most run off when given the actual program out of the Book Alcoholics Anonymous.
I cannot manage my own life so I don't try to manage anyone else's. My experience is half measures avail us nothing. Basically a sponsor in AA is only there for the steps anything more is too much and anything less is not enough. If you're new go to a big book study, generally the people there are into the actual solution and youll be intge program of action not the program of opinions.
I think it's in "Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age" by Bill W. is where they talk about the beginning of sponsorship.
I totally understand both view points of whether or not to have a sponsor - I also realize that dependency is real, I’m dealing with being codependent - with that being said - it’s been my experience so far with the old timers I listen to their teachings and every single one so far that I’ve heard speak, has had a sponsor and has sponsored. These are people with 30 plus years of sobriety. If I want what they have, then I must do what they did - one of the things they did was sponsor and be sponsored.
Just another point to be made and to consider when making a decision as to whether or not someone gets a sponsor or to sponsor.
For me, I’m choosing to have a sponsor, and I will sponsor. I’m 44 days into this and I admit I don’t know anything except what I read, hear and see.
Thank you for this video - it’s definitely something people need to consider - yet it’s also something that can derail sobriety.
golden words, sponsor is not higher power. believe me i was connected to higher power the god as i understood him, which was personal to me. Had an amazing feeling, drinks and all other addiction were nowhere in brain. Then i discussed it with my sponsor, and he made mess out of my brain..
bigbook and the first 100 are my sponsor as of now. certainly the old members in AA are after all recovered alcholic, who once suffered. not all human beings are perfect, may be i was wrong with my choice of sponsor. it may have worked for other people, but not for me..
keep the good work on sober nation, feeling better out of confusion. thank you
I’m new to AA. People asked if I had a sponsor but I never heard any of these pushes. I’m glad.
Thank you for your videos today I’m six months sober feeling more at peace every day I work my steps having done the steps my sponsor wants me to help another but nervous to do that I know my role is to share the steps with others as it was given to me but why do I have fear of this I shouldn’t I think I need to let my higher power guide me through this and trust and myself to make the right decisions. I talk with people all day long about recovery, but I’ve never volunteered to be a sponsor. Maybe I need to work better on my fears but thank you for the videos.
This was an amazing video, honest and straightforward 🙏🙏🙏
Glad you liked it!
I totally understand this, I kind of figured myself about a this so now I'm trying to talk to several people not just one in the program
I wouldn't trust anyone I've met at meetings to be my sponsor. Truth be told, I trust my therapist and my priest, my confessor. I'm catholic and sobriety drew me to return to Mass & remaining celibate, all that. Sure, priests and therapists aren't perfect but if you find the right one, you can have confirmation of your convictions. If you REALLY believe in a power greater than yourself, then your compass should come from your higher power and you use fellowship to ask conscious questions of execution and morality in certain circumstances. Before you roast me for being religious, consider that AA was developed with the help of a Jesuit - it started as a Catholic movement and was written to be inclusive. This current vote to remove God from the literature is a joke. I mean, who do you think you are fooling? Those who are offended about Catholicism or "organized religion" actually have no idea what it is. If you are truly an open minded person, research it all and find the truth. The truth, not YOUR truth - relativism and thinking you know it all is what made you an addict in the first place. I personally do not care if you are Catholic or Muslim or Agnostic. Eventually, life will bring you to your knees and your body and soul will tell you all you need to know. If you are going to AA (in my case - Marijuana Anonymous) please vote to keep God in the literature and keep this wonderful resource of fellowship for addicts real and degrade it to something really quite dishonest. I mean, who you are fooling? Who is the universe? That's pantheism. Why not consider why people worship Jesus Christ as King of the Universe. They all can't be religious freaks, can they? If you've read this far without setting yourself on fire from disgust, thank you for taking my seminar. God bless you.
Every path is different. I am taking my own. Thank you for more information. Have a Great Sober Day!
I believe the underlying DisEase is codependency caused by Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.
Sometimes Sponsorship can add to codependency. A sponsor should Not be your Life Coach but someone to help guide you through the steps. Sponsorship was Never written in The Big Book. It was a ‘Tight Lipped Friend’. Sponsorship developed in the 1970’s when Alanon started watering down our rooms.
That is the way I see it through my experience. However, I have been guilty of Stinkin Thinkin at times 😉
Thank you for this. This message is a rescue for me.
A sponsor should not tell you what to do. Suggestions can be helpful. Especially if the sponsor has implemented them and it worked well for them. Sponsors should share the program. What's in the big book and the 12 and 12. They should not encourage a dependence on them. Principles before personalities. They should not have long winded conversations nor listen to them. Haven't we all experienced sadness, grief, malevolence? Go use the steps and the traditions to handle these issues.
If you ever want to do a good interview of the still struggling, people are attracted to the struggle, I've got a good one.
A sponsor is supposed to help you thru the 12 steps . They are not responsible for your whole life.
A Power greater than YOURSELF ? Read the step again- A Power greater than OURSELFS
As someone who struggles with a chronic illness and cannot always get to meetings (although I still attend online) is there ANY possibility that I could find a sponser online to start with, like ASAP, before I can physically get to a meeting.
I am struggling so much. I don't even know where to go, turn, or if I'm being 100% honest, I have no idea where to even begin.
Can anyone point me in the right direction? I am lost.
My world is unfolding and spiraling at such a rapid rate that I've lost all control.
I am begging for guidance. ANY at all.
Thank you for listening. ♡
PS: Is there a way for me to get "The Big Book" without me having to use my (joint) family credit card.
The whole "anonymous" thing is what really appeals to me.
I am so lost. 😔
Been sober 10 years.
Never had a sponsor and not one page in the big book did I ever read that a sponsor was "required" .
Why are you here then?
@@JoelMay-k3m to let others know, you can get sober without a sponsor
When you decide you're going to look for all the negative stuff you could even find it in church, family, government, police departments, schools, work.
The problem with finding a sponsor is that most sick people don't know how to find a good sponsor. They just find anybody are they specifically look for someone they can BS.
I don't have a sponsor but some people do need one because they lack the initiative to do the work. But the biggest mistake people make is that they expect the sponsor to do the work for them
Sponsors in the literature of aa are there to only help you get through the steps.
Multiple sponsorship reduces the likelihood of an abusive or toxic individual sponsor. Ebby and Bill D.(Man on Bed) both had multiple sponsors. The relative health of the home group will likely determine the relative health of the sponsorship relationships in that group, or community.
God is my sponsor!
Thank you for making this video I have been in and out of A.A since 91 and I have had many different sponsor and I have always relapse and I love this new way I am not l blaming anyone for my relapse and like you I believe sponsorship works for some people's but not for me. I love the idea of making the meetings fellowships service and the 12 steps the focus of my recovery I have been sober now a little over a month and I have been getting guys phone number because I also love the idea of not making any single member of A.A the only one I trun to when I need advice so thanks to you I am trying something different and I am very excited thank you so much
Good quality video presentation and message. Felt that way for a long time. And I really like and want AA.
Let me know if you want any insight on mmj use and recovery edition.
Wow, I worked though all of my steps with an aggressive sponsor, one I jokingly attributed to skete shoot, I would present my thoughts and feelings and was usually shot down. When covid hit and she dumped me for her own reasons, I was devastated for the rebuilding of myself and partnerships we had for almost 2 years. It, though I can't blame it all on another, was a huge factor in me relapsing. Throughout this covid bullshit I still have been unable to find my ground. But, I know that whenever I'm ready, there are my beloved family at the fellowship, that won't judge but help me through this. That gives me hope, because at this point one day, perhaps two, no.matter what the amount, I am always welcomed with open arms.
There is def bad sponsorship, I agree there. I don’t agree with not getting a sponsor if it’s working at the moment. There are a lot things that we in AA and we think it’s an AA thing that could be disregarded. The real truth is that it’s nearly impossible to get and stay sober without help. That’s not just an AA thought, it’s psychology and science thought. Seek help. The best way to select a sponsor in my opinion is to ask a bunch of ppl who they think are the best sponsors in your group, many the opinions will overlap and that’s who you should pick from
Holly shit! You just called the whole thing out!100%
there's an AA pamphlet on sponsorship, that is the way AA directs us.
Principles Before Personalities & Practice these Principles in All My Affairs.
Most excellent take on the necessity of sponsorship in a 12 step program. I know it's just your opinion but mine as well.
Sponsor is guide .
Thanks Bro.
It is informative
Keep up the good work
The AA program is in the big book and is incredibly simple. You don't need a sponsor to tell you how to read. The whole point of the AA big book is a direct exposition of the program direct to an alcoholic. The chapter working with others specifically says that an AA prospect should read the big book and then decide if they want to continue, and if they want to tell you their life story then great. If not, then that is fine too.
Thanks for the excellent explanation.
You have to remember that newcomers are trying to read the Steps with the same mind that keeps convincing them to take a drink.
The only opinion that counts in AA is the Dr. Your opinion is based on your experience and should not water down the message to newcomers.
I love most of your content. If you are new get a sponsor and get the support to navigate the steps. The sole purpose of the steps is to progress and live a life free from self in a spiritual solution. BE bold give it a go. What do you have to loose? Don’t let fear hold you back. God bless all who are struggling.
In the most perfect world, a world not experienced by most newcomers, sponsorship would be unnecessary and not useful. Most folks come to the program in crisis and AA is the last place they want to be. It is unlikely that they will follow the suggestions contained within the Big Book without encouragement from a person who has been through the process. Using the group is good and there is value in having a responsible contact for those times of confusion and crisis when one is not in a meeting. After all, we are talking about an illness which causes many people to be devoid of the rational thought process displayed by the presenter.
Great points!The book does mention utilising a closed mouth friend. We can make a lot of friends in AA
Sponsor ship I've seen work for rides and such. No right answer.. I believe in the miracle. When the desire has been removed, it's been removed. Done deal. If we live that long
I was mandated to attend AA in 2012. I attended regularly and worked all 12 steps over the next 12 years. I had huge bouts of success w sobriety, many sponsors and was of service. I found out time and time again the same thing……AA is weird. People care, but not really. A TON of AA sponsors and members are very, very sick. I dealt with just as much drama in AA sober as I did partying and drinking. I did learn a TON in AA which I’m grateful for, but in the end I left AA behind due to so much dissapointment with its members, but retained my sobriety. There are some OK people in AA, but in general it’s a weird ass cult full of sick people whose egos are now fueled and masked by the AA program. Too much BS and drama. No thx.
There's so much piss-poor sponsorship in AA sucks I sponsor people I am not there answer man I don't have all the answers my job is one one job get them through the steps quickly so they can get somebody else steps that's it GET YOU HOOKED UP WITH GOD THATS MY JOB THATS IT
AA is based on an approach.So how does a person know who to pick...they don't.We're supposed to approach them
what is your "opinion' on the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous? 11th Tradition specifically?
Having a sponsor has conpletely changed my life and my sobriety ex i told my sponsor that people really think im stupid im not stupid i said i know what they are thinking of me .
He said wow you can read peoples toughts i wish i could do that we started laughing he said i know what to tell you cause i do the same things we are the same . A sponsor will call you on your bullshit cause you have a close relationship you let him in to your circle you opened your wall to let someone in . And this person you picked him he should care about you cause his sobiety depends on it if your sponsor is not working for you hello you can fire him .
Except everyone should be doing that for everyone else.... I don't see why you need to give it the name "sponsor". It just sounds like you're a bit insecure and uncertain of yourself and you needed friends you could rely on.
Finally someone else that said what I alway thought.
Pick someone who is wise and learn from them, be humble enough to listen to what other people say and learn from them. At the end, every decision has to be made by us. No one else can know what I want and what’s best for ME. Get a sponsor, trust GOD, however you conceive it. ❤
Read the pamphlet
It is the group conscientious of our fellowship
Not necessarily.
Some have utilized a priest for their 4th step. .
After meeting Jesus and studying scripture kindly found that one can recover, and not carry around the label.
Doing that rocketed me into humanitarian work, taking the gospel to Ukraine, and the middle east.
I kept reflecting t on hat sentence in the back of the book that reads one thing that will leave one in everlasting ignorance is contempt prior to investigation.
Grateful to Jesus the son of the one true God for healing me from addiction, and opened the next chapter of my lufe to servitude, loving him,xand loving my neighbor.
A follower for 7 years now.
Looking forward to my life in eternity with Jesus.
Did you join an outreach to Ukraine. I would love to do something like that
🙏🙏🙏 god bless you and this video, This is just what i needed to hear today. Brilliant ❤️
My willpower will become inline with my higher powers
This is the correct use of the will
I can begin to trust my thinking
Step-shaming is a real thing. Be careful that the person sponsoring you is not doing this to you.
Very few people follow these guidelines for recover alot of sponcess waste the tome of people that are truly staying sober
A sponsors job is only to take sponsees through the steps, not to be a life coach, spiritual guru, financial advisor or relationship counselor.
There are "No Musts" in AA!