"Nobody Can Drag You Down (Coming Out Vlog 25)"
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- Something very hard to realize and then accept in life, what we have control over is our own reaction, and no one else's...
After receiving love from a college friend for accepting my sexuality and coming out, she later had second thoughts and turned to her Church instead of her heart.
But as mentioned, I only have control over my reaction, and although we haven not stayed in touch, all I have for her is love...
And as always, if you're seeking some motivation, check out the website for more info!
www.unconditio...
In a word: MAGNANIMOUS. The perfect post for this time of the year. (Or anytime.) Great role model for being a decent human being.
Johnny, the situation you describe here is so very real. With a Master's degree in Humanities with emphases in psychology and theology, I want to give my assent to everything you are saying here. Unfortunately, most institutional religions have taken the easy way to faith and have become more cultish than authentic faith communities. Blind faith is no faith at all. You have discovered the interpersonal meaning of a relationship with the person of Jesus who guides you and directs you as a brother; you have freed yourself from the limiting and deadening burden of dogma and doctrine. You have replaced fear with love which is exactly what Jesus commanded us to do if we are to be his disciples. Kudos........Ray
Thanks for sorting. Take care and wish you the very best for 2016.
I enjoyed this video and all of your videos. Reconciling faith and sexuality is a topic many of us have dealt with. I joined an affirming church a couple of years ago. It's still a journey but I'm in a much better place than when I attended a church that constantly made me feel like I was wrong for being gay.
This story shows me that aside from some internal disgust about homosexuality, most people are loving about it especially if it comes from someone they already care about. But then when you add religion, the acceptance goes out the window. I can't reconcile the unconditional love that Jesus taught to the non-acceptance & condemnation of some Christians. I feel they are exercising the very opposite of what is the most important foundation of the Christian faith. But props to you for demonstrating your faith through forgiveness and understanding.
Your "Coming Out" series is excellent. Thank you.
Recently, I listened to a series of Videos by NATE BERKUS, the protege of Oprah Winfrey, who has a TV show about interior decorating.
In one of his vids, BERKUS made a very keen observation about his being gay and how his pre-coming out life deeply influenced his way of being. Specifically, he notes :
"When you're a kid and you know you are gay, you develop a SKILL-SET that makes you DISHONEST.
"You feel that you have to lie, so that you will not be cast out ...by your parents, friends, socially ... you learn how to pretend that you like girls, even down to pretending that you're dating someone.
"I had to develop a whole skill set around hiding my being Gay. I got quite good at it. And it's taken almost all of my adult life to rid myself of that."
THAT was a remarkable observation.
AND I found it certainly applied to my life.
FOR ME, it was that "DISHONESTY" SKILL-SET I built up so, so well, that ultimately forced me to come out.
How well did you become at being DISHONEST?
Certainly, first to yourself, but then to everyone around you?
Just asking ....
+J Raven Thanks, glad you are enjoying the vlogs! Yea totally, that's a great question!
From the get go I was extremely dishonest with myself. With the first thought of being attracted to the same sex, I went into rejection mode. I grew up in a pretty masculine environment and in the Catholic Church, so being gay was not really an option for me.
As mentioned, from day one, I rejected my sexuality and continued to think it was just a phase until I was in my early twenties. Being exposed to the LGBT community for the first time in HS and then more so in college helped me begin to grasp what truly was going on in my mind in terms of the hatred I had for my attraction to the same sex and ultimately led to my decision to accept who I am.
So I would say to answer your question, rejecting my sexuality was my answer in terms of how to deal with it. Therefore, for me, since I rejected my true self, it became easier and easier for me to tell people that I was attracted to the opposite sex because I didn't believe that I was gay.
Hope that helps, and thanks for checking out the vlogs!
Dude, I hear and see this type of thing repeatedly. Church and family, the two places where you would expect to find love and acceptance, repeatedly demonstrate a callous attitude. I personally feel estranged from our local church. But in my travels to Thailand I discovered Buddhism and have eventually realized I discovered something better for myself. Your own personal growth and journey will help you find the best fit for yourself in your life.
If you ever get to The Poconos in PA, hit me up for a cup of java.
you,re an inspiration to us lgbtq everywhere handsomedude !
+Equality America (NFP) I've seen that sort of delayed negative reaction many times and you are right about the cause. Unfortunately, a number of those incidents were parents reacting to a child's coming out. One should filter all actions and ideologies - including and perhaps especially those coming from religious beliefs - through one's own humanity first.
Brutha, earlier this year I came out to my closest female friend. I know her to be a devoted Christian and a traditional follower of biblical principles, so I was apprehensive.
Immediately following my coming out to her, she said she loved me. I told her I loved her. She then added she hated the homosexual lifestyle. I told her I realized she did from we were in primary school.
Throughout this year our interactions were strained and has become infrequent, but I always get the perception neither of us want out of the friendship.
This Christmas season we didn't hang out at all. That really bothered me. So December 25 I attempted to contact her and had to leave her a voice message. She replied "we're cool! and ttyl" on the 27th via text. I have known her for over 25 years and that's the shortest message we've ever exchanged.
I don't want to be anyone or anyway else, and I don't want to lose my friendship. Hopefully it all works out for the best, but it hurts my feelings at the moment because I miss my friend.
The only "sin" is self-waste. The only life worth living is one based on one's ownmost authentic self. The path you've shared in your vlogs chronicles your reclaiming your authenticity. Once we have found our path on earth, we are able to invent our joy. My best to you.
Love how you worded that, very poetic and beautiful! Thanks for the comment and your voice!
I read Jesus' words in the 4 gospels and not much else in the Bible. I don't need a Bronze Age religion in 2016. I my MA in Catholic theology started me questioning and looking for real Christian love in a church, should I choose to attend one. The Episcopal Church fit the bill for me. I saw my first gay wedding there and could finally focus on spiritual growth instead of worrying about my parish finding out that I am gay. I cut everyone that I could out of my life who judged me whether family or friends! Some later realized how wrong they were and reestablished our relationship. Thank you for sharing your story!
Oh man! honestly, I feel like I'm in a dark place . I think I 'll never have the strength and courage to reveal to my family that I am gay. I am 26 years old and my future looks extremely bleak. This secret has destroyed my potential , my self esteem and my happiness. I don´t want to hurt my family, or damaging their reputation. For me there is no possibility to reveal what I really am; that feeling of losing everything.. is scary.
I am from Venezuela. Sorry for my terrible English
Johnny, I hope you get to read this ‘cause I have a LOT of Christian friends and family members and have always been posed with the whole “it’s against the Bible” and “it’s against God” ideologies. So after years of dealing with it, I’ve learnt to ask them 2 simple questions:
• if Jesus were standing behind you right now, as you just uttered your hateful and exclusive comment...would he condone it or would he condemn it?
• Isn’t God the only one who’s supposed to pass judgment?
Time and time again, those 2 questions have gotten them to think about their hubris and arrogance in passing judgment on my life...even my Aunty, who told me I was going to hell when I was 14 years old.
I think people often forget the purpose of religions and that they’re supposed to bring people together, to bridge gaps, to spread love and acceptance, and to bring purpose. I’m an agnostic who was raised Buddhist...so my religion’s always only taught love and acceptance, which is how I was received when I came out. But it does make me really happy that more and more Christians are seeing that we’re not so bad and that we’re flawed JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. We’ve never asked to be treated better, just equally. 😁🏳️🌈🤙🏽
Hope you find a beautiful partner. You deserve one. XXX X
Good video. Sorry to hear that you lost a friend because of something as basic as who you are. I am not a religious person for many reasons so I guess I speak as an outsider looking in when it comes to these things but, from my point of view the way some of these preachers talk you'd swear the entire Bible is a guidebook on how to stone homosexuals. They harp on that one subject so much that it seems like they've built their entire belief in God around their homophobia. I've found that people find hate a much easier emotion to attain than love. Love is a harder sell. Hate can happen at a snap of a finger. I think that's why a lot of these preachers use it. Coupled with the fact that gays are a minority who, at the same time, have garnered some visibility over the years, become easy targets. Thankfully, there are some religious people who see through this blind hate which is probably one reason why the anti-gay far right religious movement feels they have to scream and yell to get their message of hate across. You rarely see a pastor of a church that is trying to embrace everyone yelling and screaming about gays. But just watch guys like Reverend Kevin Swanson...his madman at the pulpit act is meant to drive home his message of hate to anyone within earshot. Of course, its usually guys like him who, a couple of years down the road, end up getting caught with his hand down some 14 year old boy's pants. It's just sad that people gravitate towards that fire and brimstone laced hate-speech, because if they really listened they would find that what it gains in volume it lacks in substance.
Anyway, once again, I'm sorry that you lost a friend over this. But, perhaps it's for the best.
I've been really struggling with this recently. People can be so hurtful, especially when it comes to demeaning your identities. Is it fair to say that people who are supporting homophobic views are bad people? I want to be myself and happy but it seems in conflict with accepting perspectives like your friends. (sorry for block text)
+noops111 Hey man, thanks for the comment. Honestly, I think everyone has a right to their opinion on this question, but for me, the answer lies in your stance on whether or not people can change. Personally, I believe we are all born good. Without an ounce of hatred in our mind, body, or soul. During our childhood, we are all exposed to a specific set of values from a group of people that honestly, at a young age we don't have control over.
So the difficult part is do you (anyone) as an individual take the time to question what we have been taught, do you take the time to reflect on your experiences and weed through your past? If so, my guess is this individual will be someone who is open minded, doesn't necessarily see things as right and wrong, and who accepts anyone and everyone for who they are.
Unfortunately, my guess is the majority of the world does not take the time to reflect and discover who they are. And because of this we find more hatred in the world than we would like. My question for myself, and hopefully others find the need to take this burden upon their shoulders, is how to we peacefully expose the world to being more open minded, loving, accepting of all? Where it is not right vs wrong, but more what makes sense for each person's situation? And then however you answer that...do something about it as best possible...
Hope that makes sense lol
+Equality America (NFP) Yeah that makes sense. I'm currently trying to figure out how to be more loving when people can be so hateful and oppressive, but that's a deep personal emotional journey :P Your videos give me hope that I can find a good guy one day who is loving but self reflective! A video about body image and gay culture would be awesome. Stay awesome!