The healthiest relationship isn’t the one with the LEAST conflict, it’s the one that can approach conflict honestly & with each partner showing love, concern & care during the conflict. Can we disagree & argue? Yes, ...can we do it with LOVE is the question.
That movie was emotionally draining. I had to watch it over a span of two days. Knowing how to argue is so important. Good analysis from the Netflix psychotherapist- I just learned something valuable
Out of all the comments on here i agree w yours the most. Its was exhausting to watch a couple feed off of their negative energy...it was like one wrong word could set the other into an argument
YES, for me that was most valuable out of this video. LEARNING HOW TO ARGUE. that is probably the most important thing to learn when going into a relationship. knowing how to set your words and tone correctly. Not letting pride and anger get the best of you.
I turned the movie off after that . While I understand why they made this movie and how powerful the writing and acting was, it just wasn’t something I wanted to continue to watch .
Exactly & I’ve been seeing their interviews and stuff & they’re basically all saying Marie is the bad guy here... the scene in the bathroom was horrible but ppl are saying it’s on Marie ?!?
This movie triggered me so bad. I had to take a break for a while and come back later. Some people want to be right by any means necessary despite the damage their words creates. You should NEVER want to win an argument with your significant other so bad that you're willing to hurt them during the process.
Men and women can't be any more different. Women need assurance and understanding, a lot of it. Men who want a stable relationship should let their ego go. Marriage is real work, therefore do not engage if you can't handle the turbulence.
Exactly its not about one person winning and overpowering the other or each person vs each other its about both of your vs the problem. Also when you take a solution based approach to everything you can w your problems as a window to the needs of your relationship and focus on responding to the root issues instead of just reacting to them.
Yeah, but I kinda believe that if you suppress you wanting to be right from once in a while, it'll built up and explote one day in a horrible way, I don't really think it's about being right most of the time, but actually about honor or actually wanting to be respected, or wanting to be believed about something, it can come from frustration too!! 🤯
This movie was exhausting and hard to watch . The acting was incredible and the writing was brilliant ... but after Malcolm used her suicide attempt against her in the manner he did, I couldn’t watch . It was just too much; too degrading and it wasn’t something I wanted to sit through anymore... especially after having a very abusive relationship in the past. But this breakdown is incredible !!
Yes !!! It was really good as a film but the audience WATCHING IT, EXAMINING IT, LEARNING from it is absolutely horrible in a way I feel the movie normalize & maybe even romanticizes emotional & abuse.
The one scene that really hit me hard was where Marie says that she is sad because she can't tell her story anymore because he and Taylor already did it. It felt like they robbed her identity.
No one wants this but we are all infants when it comes to communication and anyone who’s ever been in a relationship has had a boxing match of a fight.
I think she just wanted him to say what he should have from his own innitiative and not having to pull it out of him and make him understand when at this point in the relationship she expected him to be emotionally intelligent enough to realize.
Likewise he expected her to be fully forthcoming and emotionally intelligent enough to speak about what was bothering her in the first place. Both of them fell short, and both could have rectified the issue at various intervals- no one is solely responsible for the lack of communication and eventual war that unfolded.
@@saramarshall2990 I get your point and it's very much a real life thing that happens often. Although in the movie specifically I noticed that when she did start talking about her feelings and what she wants, he would make it seem like not a big deal or he'd justify his behaviour that bothered her. At many points he even resorted to name calling. In my opinion he was mostly at fault due to a larger ego.
@@Brooke7218 by time she started unwinding about how she felt, he was already gaslighted - trying to defend himself against what seemed like consistent jabs from her... I believe after she was no longer able to keep up in the argument based on how derogatory and brutal his verbiage was, she was completely honest and vulnerable to what this simple "Thank You" meant... which is when he understood. I personally was taken aback as she so powerfully dictated her points as to how much that "Thank You" really meant. The (surface level) thanks he gave everyone else was nowhere near the depth of thank you she was expectant of, and he being ignorant to that- was why he was so intent on not comprehending why she was mad- not an excuse, just a different perspective.
I think Marie feels something many of us have felt many times. You don’t want to say anything about the thing they did or didn’t do, because if in the future, they do or don’t do that thing, is it really because they mean it or because they know you’ll get in a fight otherwise? However, you don’t want to hold it in because it hurts and you just want to be vulnerable, open, and honest with your partner. I also know what it’s like to be on the other side. It can be downright infuriating when you know something is wrong with your partner and they refuse to talk about it. To Marie’s credit, she wanted to talk about it in the morning after they cooled off, but there are so many people out there who are angry and don’t want to talk about it then, or at all ever, and shut down so easily and quickly that you can never get anywhere productive, and it makes you crazy. Also, for him to go for a low blow like that and then tell her she’s never going to “win”? People need to stop. The only way to “win” in an argument is to end it with both people feeling as heard and understood as possible, and trying to come to some kind of resolution, even if it’s “only” a compromise.
Yes but marie is addicted to pain and sorrow... that much was pretty obvious too the way she HAS to dig into his insecurity in order to justify saying he's cruel and insensitive. Her putting off the conversation to talk about it in the morning i could tell (by their interactions later on) was def sth she always did to stave off addressing the issue which is why malcolm wanted it addressed now. Personally i just found the whole thing depressing, its depressing to see ppl gaslight eachother in a relationship, bc while there may be no abuse its just so joyless.... reminds me of the movie marriage story at the end where adam drivers character said "you shouldnt be upset that i fucked her you should be upset that i had a laugh w her ...being married to you was joyless". I truly thought that was the realest part in the whole thing
@@MrEvldreamr yeah, totally fair. I was thinking that might be what she was doing. I personally hate when people just try to push away the issue without a solid plan to talk about it productively, later. It’s a hard thing to watch people fight like that, but I think it’s more common than a lot of people realize. The “perfect” relationship doesn’t fix you, or your partner, but growing and working through things together is the best. It’s hard; both people have to be able to put their egos aside and get help for their problems. To be able to be old and feeble, looking back on the life you had together, everything you built together, and every bit of hell you went through together, is priceless.
I had to take a break while watching this. It really triggers you if you have been in an abusive relationship. Him telling her that he didn't ask her to play in the movie because she has to work hard for it.. was just triggering. It showed how much he underestimated her and took her for granted.
he DID ask her to audition, but she refused and was always on the edge of it. it’s cruel because they’re lovers, but it is the truth. nobody will recruit someone to be a part of an important project for them if that person is hesitant or unwilling to give their all. that’s just life.
@@btsdulcet6899 That's true, but that doesn't take away the fact that he didn't see true potential in her despite loving her. He's not just a filmmaker here, he's also her lover. Since the story' is based on her life she could have played it better, he never believed that.
@@ayushighosh20 She refused what more is there to it. You cant want something for someone more than they want it for themselves. It wasn't even that it was a lack of ability but a lack of hunger. Besides even in general its hard to mix relationship with business. You cant lie, those two things dont mix well
I actually had a good experience with this movie. It wasn’t what I expected. My ex invited me over to watch it and we definitely dug into our own problems after the movie but we recognized they’re toxic communication in ourselves and honestly talked about healthier ways to communicate even through anger. I was even more pleased that he waited to watch it with me. The conclusion we came to for ourselves is: we both need to grow up, respect each other’s feeling/ boundaries (know when to give each other space), actively listen to one another and not pull each other’s triggers! I know our situation sounds like some fairytale shit, but it really ain’t lol shit will get violent quick! We both have anger issues. Heels will start flying and holes will appear in walls but this felt like a free therapy session that we needed years ago...And for real they’re maturity in the movie taught us what a non violent argument looks like in a relationship. We both came from broken homes and had terrible examples from our parents, so this was like a blueprint to expressing anger and problem solving for us. He still my ex, so this movie did not unite us in that way, but it did give us understanding and closure on somethings- a step in the right direction...Idk, to each’s own interpretation of the movie. I liked it. ✌🏾
@Wolfie I can't speak for others; only myself. *Malcolm & Marie* was indeed exhausting to watch but I think it's because it was beautifully disturbing. If you've ever been in an abusive relationship (yourself or watched parents/friends go through one), then this movie will trigger you big time. It is shot so beautifully, the acting is superb, the cinematography brilliant, every aspect of it was magnificent. But the subject matter and the *very real* way they argue dirty isn't glamorized the way most movies are. It's gritty, nasty and real. Because of that, it is exhausting to watch. You feel like you've been arguing with them, too, because *it is just that real.* I had to watch half, take a two-day break, then watch the other half. It brought back some horrible memories. But with that, I highly recommend everyone watch this movie *but ONLY when you're in the right frame of mind to handle it.* If you're upset, don't watch. And, strangely, I would say, don't watch it late at night either. This is a 2pm on a Saturday or right after church on Sunday kind of movie. 🤗🤗🤗
my parents had a huge fight like this two years ago and it turned very physical. i know it didnt involve me and i was just a bystander but it hurt me a lot seeing them like that. i had nightmares about it for weeks and i still get so sad when i think about it. so yeah this movies was very emotionally draining to watch but i could'nt stop watching it....the acting was absolutely incredible.
Malcolm is so self absorbed. Marie just wanted to be seen and heard. She’s been wallowing in darkness in silence. She put up with Malcolm long enough until she couldn’t take it anymore. Whenever Marie wanted to express something, Malcolm keep gaslighting her. It’s kinda disturbing how many out there failing to address the toxicity coming from Malcolm. Look closer. What’s getting normalised in our society? 🤷🏽♀️
It was coming from both of them imo. No one was right during the fights they had and they said awful things to each other. Even tho I will admit the the lowest point came from Malcolm when he talked about Marie's suicide attempt. That was so cruel
@@LoveYouNoMore9 of course. Marie is toxic too. But her toxicity is more like triggered compared to Malcolm. She’s gone through a lot. Malcolm screamed on top of his lungs that he love Marie but it didn’t mean anything because it follows up with Malcolm annihilating Marie. That’s so wrong. 😌
It was definitely an emotionally draining movie but I enjoyed it (if enjoy is even the correct word to use). It’s a messy and toxic relationship but as a drama it makes for a compelling (and tense) watch.
They were both equally toxic but it manifested in different ways. She seemed like a bipolar/borderline personality type and he a malignant narcissist, those types tend to go together bc of codependency issues. Both lacking what the other has an abundance of. Marie lacked confidence and Malcom lacked empathy.
Marie had an abundance of confidence. Notice how she was pretty much regulated and bang on with all of her points throughout the entire evening, whereas Malcolm was anything but. Moreover, she didn't display any major signs of bipolar/borderline personality type of any kind - I feel you don't really know what you're talking about here. What she was, was a woman who is in a relationship with a narcissist, that was all. To equate the two is EXACTLY what is wrong with today's society, since it just enables domestic violence, manipulation and abuse to continue, on the basis that there is somehow some sort of equal footing and blame in all of this.
@@vayly6346 she previously had substance abuse related issues, she felt things deeply, was highly empathetic, and could read Malcolm well. Her character was intelligent, charismatic, giving, loving and yet something is off because she’s with an emotionally abusive man. Most neurotypical people don’t tend to stay in abusive relationships long term because there is a clear indication that the relationship will not work. If someone is staying within an abusive relationship with someone that displayed characteristics that Malcolm had I would think that personal suffers from some sort of codependent/attachment issue. I loved Marie’s character but to me she displayed signs of a borderline. (Substance abuse, extreme emotional swings, the “I hate, I love” back and forth, the sense of emptiness and sadness when she was in scenes alone, etc.) Equally toxic means they both had inner issues to work through individually in order to be in a healthy relationship. Self awareness could help prevent individuals from entering into a possible abusive relationship.
@@kristinarmani Perfect synopsis. This is what I made out of it also. Don't worry about explaining this to people who are still caught up in the cognitive dissonance caused by toxic relationships and Narcissistic abuse. Until a codependent partner of a Narcissist takes responsibility for the part they play in the toxic cocktail, they are susceptible to repeating the cycle. No one is all victim in a relationship. That's how the Narcissist thinks. Healthy people know better and empower themselves with that knowledge. Peace Queen.
@@kristinarmani i dont think she's borderline just bc she stays in a toxic relationship and dealt with addiciton. that's a gross way to reduce/diagnose someone's personality
Not only that but, I am a hell of a person when it comes to manipulating others. Malcom is back and forth on the offensive and defensive which was there to trigger Marie into something bigger. The cool off of the story would be when they are outside smoking. Malcom sees Marie's intentions and walk out on her showing that as long as he's able to drive her mad he's the one in control of the relantionship. Being a relationship with a man or woman like Malcom does not bring any benefits into one's life but anger and dependence on their toxic traits.
The most fictional part of this movie was them listening to each other rather than yelling while the other spoke. If it's one thing I've learned about narcissist (which Malcolm probably is) is that they'll never allow you to get a word out and so, if you're not wise enough to walk away, you resort to screaming at the top of your lungs just so you can get your 2 cents out. Thanks mom.
Totally agree with you. I guess otherwise the movie would've been unbearable to watch. Real-life fights between two people is so much tension, chaos and raised voices....
She just wanted him to acknowledge her for using her story, especially because it related to her suicide attempt. That was the least he could have done being in a relationship with her and using it for his profit. She felt like he broke her trust by showing the world her most vulnerable side and he made her "need" for recognition turn against her. Took me two days to finish it. Triggered me so much.
How???? a couple of scenes are borrowed, the story is hers, about her, including the attempted suicide and overdosing. The entire character is based on Marie with borrowed tidbits from other women he fucked and reminded Marie that he fucked.
The summary of my previous relationship. He’d use personal stuff that I’d shared with him against me when he got angry and would tear me down so bad that I thought of committing suicide. I wasn’t like Marie, I had low self-esteem and struggled with self image at the time, so instead of arguing back, I’d cry and just distance myself from the situation. Whenever I’d express my feelings about how something he did or said hurt me, he’d constantly say my feelings were “stupid” and I was “delusional.” Dealt with the shit for a year until I finally got fed up and told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He went on and on about how I “needed” him and even went as far to say “I wouldn’t last” without him. Making me feel like shit was like a guilty pleasure or turn on for him, it was disgusting. He hasn’t been in a stable relationship since I left him four years ago, and even attempted to reconcile with me last year. One of the worst experiences of my life. Wouldn’t wish it on anymore.
@@Taofizzle there is a difference between a narcissistic disorder which is a medical condition and not a simple personnality trait (and I think that is what Malcom has) and then the subjective opinion of a person beeing narcissistic, meaning self centered and in need of constant attention and love, which is what you think Marie has. To me she is none of both, she is just a woman who knows her worth.
I was in a relationship where my ex used one of the hardest moments for me against me in an argument. And.... even though I lost my sh*t, I never !!!! Not even once used one of his against him. Nobody should use something that’s so personal to you against you. Specially if it has nothing to do with them.
Exactly dear, you are absolutely right, I was a victim of that too, most people don't really know how to sustain a relationship, all they know is to be hurting you over and over again 🙂
Dude no lie. I'm living this foreal. My husband is a narcissistic cinematographer and Im a super empathetic actress that has has been thru deep rooted trauma wen I say I cried during this movie. I triggered me but it also allowed me to understand myself more and that I'm not crazy for dealing with what I'm dealing with.
I trusted him and opened up about my past depression with my EX-NARC, and he used that to shame me later during a fight by saying that no one would date me if they knew I had depression at some point, and That’s why I “lured” him into the relationship. That’s just 1 thing out of 100s of other mean things he said. Now after years, he says he misses me n he will always love me..lmao🤣
oooh, seems as though we dated the same man. I've only dated 3 men in my life ALL of them weaponized my former depression against me lol. That's a thing of the past now and I've healed so I don't attract those kind of people anymore.
@@nicee123456 sorry about that sis! yup! It’s so nasty, I felt so backstabbed cz I opened up to him by trusting in him and he used that vulnerability against me. Anyway, it’s been 5 years now, It was a narcissistic abuse relationship and I have taken my time to heal as well.
Ive only been in toxic relationships. Im starting to feel this is the norm although its exhausting, painful and they make you feel like youre losing your sanity. I dont know how couples in helathy relationships argue and resolve issues. It seems too good to be true.
@@mmililo Maybe you need a different type of therapy that can help you more effectively. At least you are aware of the men you attract,that is a good thing. Some people never figure it out.
Watching this movie is like witnessing two teenagers fighting over their ego-problems. The man is clearly a narcissist, and the girl is trying to be the heart of the universe.
i had heard a lot of critics reviews saying this movie wasn’t very good, and it has a rather low score on rotten tomatoes so i wasn’t really sure what to expect. but everyone in these comments are so right... you won’t really understand it unless you’ve been in an toxic/ abusive relationship. and if you were, this film hits that much harder. i’m starting the process of coming to terms with the fact that the relationship i left over a year ago was abusive, and this movie was so personal and hit so close to home, and was so triggering. but it was also, in a way, really cathartic to watch; to simultaneously see it played out from a 3rd person perspective, while also deeply seeing yourself in one of the characters. it almost felt like wow, someone out there knows what i went through, it make me feel not so alone. i can’t wait to tell my therapist about this on monday lol
I noticed that they would argue, move away from each other and get heated, then someone would leave and then they would talk about Malcolm’s career which was the only time they were peaceful
A woman who wants to be appreciated and a man who doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings having an argument at 2 am with alcohol involved. Let’s stop acting like couples don’t argue.
Mya Smith have you been in a relationship for more than a year? People come with their worldly of baggage’s. You can not get into a relationship thinking that people won’t have their level of toxicity to them. It is up to you within your relationship to be able to identify that and work through that. Unfortunately it takes having nasty ass arguments and a lot of patients to realize that & work through it. If that’s not for you, that’s understandable. But that how relationships become healthy. You gotta go through all the BS. It’s inevitable.
@@mel9823 Um no. There are better and healthier ways to deal with trauma and toxicity. That was therapy is for, not screaming matches that lead you throw your partner’s shameful past in their face.
ALL MARIE WANTED IS A THANK YOU,,,,, IMMA BOUT TO SLAP THE HELL OUT OF HIM WHEN HE SAID I LOVE U INSTED OF THANK YOU IN THEIR LAST FIGHT SCENE LIKE WTF BRUH THANK YOU WAS ALL SHE WANTED TO HEAR FROM U
*sigh* as a person that has been in psychotherapy for 5 yrs, I’ve learned to be straight forward with my feelings and I validate my own emotions without letting others gaslight me. I’m in a relationship now where if I am very direct and to the point without adding feeling or emotion, I’m seen as disrespectful and the one that always wants to argue 😂. 3 yrs and I’ve given up
It depends... I used to think it was a romantics idea because if we have to get up at 6am for the kids and work, the argument won't be resolved till 2am, then it has to wait After 20 years though, we learnt the hard way. ... now we never go to bed without at least agreeing its just an argument and we'll talk tomorrow with a kiss goodnight. You shouldn't go to bed angry ... it festers.
True. But as real and toxic and obvious it is. Most don’t understand it. They know it’s toxic but can’t comprehend why. Other than the fact that they said something hurtful in an argument.
The fact that they broke it down for you and you still run off with your own conclusion. So why in tf did you click on the video? The fact that y’all act like couples don’t argue is fucking weird.
I’m was not a drug addict but I resonate so much to her character because of the emotional manipulative relationship I’m in. I’m dating a malcom. A narcissist, needy, hurtful, controlling man. Such a sick relationship the only time he cares or shows any empathy is when I want to leave.
Wow, that was a very good video! I loved, Loved, LOVED *Malcolm & Marie* because it was beautifully disturbing. It's an excellent movie to watch with your Love (or friends) as it sparks deep conversations about what a relationship looks like when it is codependent and toxic. But also, the proper way to fight, which you cover masterfully in this video. Thank you!! 🤗
So crazy ain’t it. If a man ain’t acting like that these birds don’t feel loved. Y’all can keep that type of man. I don’t want no type of shit like that in my life.
Marie couldn’t find the words at first because she knew that if she didn’t hit a home run with what she was feeling, she knew it would escalate, and she still would not have been heard.
I’ve never seen this movie but this segment helped me understand my own experience with the items mentioned. I understand my triggers and I know how to desensitize myself.
Marie wasnt completely right as well. I feel like she wanted to be center of his world. But in relationship nobody has an obligation to make their partner as their only focus point in life. It is exhausting.
She still ain’t leave him in the end. Let’s say they’ve been together for ample years. I don’t see many instances where Maries’ apparent lack of assertiveness vulnerability and brutal honesty wasn’t possibly or likely repressed. If he’s a raging narcissist she’s a emotional hermit. IMO
The movie had several inferences to their emotional immaturity. The circular pacing in the beginning. The Kraft mac and cheese. His childlike way of eating it. The hide and seek with Marie behind the tree. His childlike panic at not being able to find her. I have never in my adult life eaten a box of Kraft mac and cheese and I could never date a man who requested some. Malcolm's character was a "man child".
I could relate to each and every scene, and this is how I realized that I was in a toxic relationship, it was hard to watch, I could imagine myself in the situation, but thank you for this
I really wanted to watch this because people were raving about how good the portrayal of the characters was but I feel scared because I heard that they screamed at each other so much. I grew up in a home that's so exposed to my parents fighting violently (verbally and somewhat physical but not really directly at each other) that I find people fighting and raising their voices quite triggering.
I don't know your situation but just feel compelled to comment: hang in there. We can heal so much of what we inherit from our parents. Sending you love
I think this is an argument that can happen in healthy relationships in which persons don't communicate and hold in for periods of time. I love how the depth of the problem was related to the how dressed up they were. As they undressed they were baring more vulnerable truths until it was bedtime/totally bare and the truth came out. Marie didn't want to talk about it possibly because she was working through the emotion. Malcom retorted everything until they got to the real issue which was clear: she doesn't feel appreciatied by her partner for all that she does for him, and sees him as taking her for granted because, she thinks, he thinks she can do no better. That he apologized and thanked her was his acknowledging this. I have hope for them in part because toxic traits can be unlearned in a union, though some people don't do it (abusive relationships I imagine are like this).
I always thought she totally wanted to have that discussion. Zendaya said so too in one of her interviews. I guess if you don't want to discuss something you don't act in a way that makes it obvious that you are upset about something so that the other person has to ask you what's wrong.
if they don't communicate and hold in for periods of time, then it's not a healthy relationship a healthy relationship is based on respectful communication, communicating your feelings, needs, boundaries in an assertive and respectful manner and actively listening during a conflict and again being assertive and respectful when resolving a conflict
@@FruityHachi a healthy relationship is not perfect at every moment. Consider that he was in work mode for this film for probably a year or so. During which these elements began presenting themselves yet she held it in or neglected it due to work also. People are not perfect and make decisions that lead to this. The test in a relationship is how you manage these bumps and slips.
This movie seriously triggered me. Being in a very toxic relationship in the past to a point which my ex verbally and physically abused me, I could so related to this. Such relationship consumes you. It requires a great devotion of your emotions and time to hold that relationship together. And what’s worst is that in some twisted way, you become obsessed with it. Although it was extremely difficult to get over him, I have never felt more peace than now. Watching Marie cry in the film made me realize that I haven’t been crying forever in contrast to the time when my ex’s harsh words and physical threats and attacks made me cry constantly to a point I don’t know how to stop. But I wouldn’t call that relationship to be a complete waste of time. I have learned sooo much from it and somehow found that I had something bad going on in me too that made me stay in that relationship. I think it always comes down to self-esteem and self-love.
Tbh Malcolm did try to end the argument on good terms. He was trying not to fight the whole night. Instead of arguing about who's right and who's wrong, Marie should've just told him how she was feeling and Malcom should've apologized sincerely.
The thing is, Marie couldn’t straight up tell him “this upset me” or “that upset me” because her feelings were much more complicated than that. It wasn’t that she just wanted Malcolm to apologize for not thanking her on her speech, she also felt like Malcolm stole her identity for his movie and never gave her credit for it. She felt like Malcolm was underestimating everything that happened to her by turning her life into a movie and saying that she couldn’t be the actress to play herself because she wasn’t good enough as if she wasn’t the one who went through that addiction and suicide attempt and stuff. She ALSO felt really hurt that Malcolm never thought of her when he was looking for the actress for his movie. It should’ve been Marie all along. It should’ve been a team thing, not just “Malcolm’s movie” because if Malcolm never met Marie, the movie wouldn’t turn out as good as it did (as Malcolm also confessed to in the movie). So this wasn’t just a one night argument, this was the outburst of many many other issues. Marie was absolutely right in this and Malcolm was wrong for bringing up her suicide attempt and all the other girls he slept with. It was low. Malcolm was really bad and unfair to Marie. He doesn’t deserve her. Talked to her really disgustingly. I hated him.
I mean at the end of the movie when she lays down the reasons why she's mad, the doesn't do shit other than look at her. He is not sorry for stealing her identity and story, he's not sorry for forgeting how much joy she brings into his life. Malcom is selfish. Life has always been good to him - from being an educated black man to being able life off his passion. if you compare Marie was an addict, she attempted to suicide, she's a good actress and he still didn't look at her for who she is, yet he only looks at her as someone who meets his needs and is there to remind him that there are some people dependent on him
@@davidwhitaker1912 i perceived him saying thank you to her turning off the light. in some arguments (as chaotic theirs was). when it does die down eventually, someone does a mundane thing like, turning off the light. you just blurt out a thank you. It’s really the only word you can say sometimes.
I was actually really eager to watch this movie, and I'm glad I did, because it's an amazing piece..but I did pick up on quite a ton of unhealthy things in here, and I'm glad did found this video to really break it down.
This isn’t a story about love. It’s the story of how a narcissist psychologically traps a troubled 19 year old and then emotionally abuses her. It’s wonderfully made. But it should come with a trigger warning.
A lot of people online were against the large age gap between the two. This is one of the few times where I feel it is necessary. It higlights the tension.
This movie was brilliant especially with the back and forth and they was really swinging with them punches but I really enjoyed it and the way of communication that they had and really just letting it out there. Just brilliant
I can never be more thankful of the fact that people I know didn't liked this movie at all. In order to appreciate the art of this movie, you'll need to find it relatable. And in order for that to happen, you need a first hand experience of a toxic relationship. I hope none of the people I care about ever have to go through that soul crushing phase. It's a great movie, but it's not for everyone.
This movie helped me leave the narcissist for good. I guess i needed to see my dead end relationship on the screen to realize its not right. Thank you.
I loved the part where the expert mentioned no matter how much the couples fight, they shouldn't make each other's pain as their weapons to make the other one subdue.
I agree sometimes you have to sleep on it. I’ve argued with people that just shut down at conflict and if you push them they’ll just move farther away. Even if it hurts you you have to compromise and allow them their time to think about what they want to say - and you’ll give yourself a chance to think about what you want to say. The issue is if they come don’t come back to the issue and actually speak on it
TH-cam recommended this video exactly when I'm on the phone arguing with my boyfriend. I asked him not to drink yesterday because I had some important issues to discuss with him after work. He literally shows up at my job high and drinking. I left and went home. I can already see so many red flags but he treats me so well when he's not drinking
When no one competent is reviewing this film Netflix has to do it themselves. I completely agree with the Conflict and Honesty point: if you don't argue, you're not being honest. At some point, you'll notice something about your partner that you really don't like and when you point that out, they'll point something they don't like about you. This is a healthy relationship, arguing isn't just conflict, it's finding a solution to a problem. That's why I loved this film, despite being hard to watch due to the intimacy, conflict is the very essence of filmmaking. If there's no conflict to resolve, then what's the point?
I just came here for all the hurt comments I anticipate from people who disagree with the experts about their toxic behaviors they once held as rational
I enjoyed watching this video so much......it was such a great and informtive one! ❤ much of it I would say is to pick up on your parter's vibes as well and to be able to lower your pride to be able to talk through and solve things without having your defences at full force. When you calm your ego and reassure it that there is no real threat, you dont need your pride and you can at least work things out smoothly from your part. If the other person is willing to do the same, you'll be able to flourish as a couple ❤❤
I really wanted to love this movie but it was just too toxic to be entertaining. Too many diatribes and not enough compelling exposition. The cinematography and acting was amazing but I felt it lacked focus. I preferred the argument scenes in Before Midnight ( Richard Linklater) and Comet ( Sam Esmail) because they had more realistic transitions and a natural flow.
With regard to the going to sleep on an argument, I don't agree with going to sleep angry. It's not a sign of emotional maturity. Our elders always told us to resolve arguments before sleeping because you don't know if the person will wake up the next morning. No one has guarantee of waking up the next morning so it's best to put your ego aside, acknowledge your mistakes and atone for them rather than playing the blame game. Life is short, don't spend it angry with your spouse at bedtime and definitely don't waste your life on the wrong person.
The healthiest relationship isn’t the one with the LEAST conflict, it’s the one that can approach conflict honestly & with each partner showing love, concern & care during the conflict. Can we disagree & argue? Yes, ...can we do it with LOVE is the question.
That's it right there! You're so right
True
And communication!!!
THANK YOU!!!
@Black Knight Fool why
That movie was emotionally draining. I had to watch it over a span of two days. Knowing how to argue is so important. Good analysis from the Netflix psychotherapist- I just learned something valuable
Omg Girl same. I literally had to watch the last 30 minutes the next morning.
Out of all the comments on here i agree w yours the most. Its was exhausting to watch a couple feed off of their negative energy...it was like one wrong word could set the other into an argument
It took at least 4 hours for me, and I had to pause the movie after the first 20 minutes
Same I have to pause a lot of times that was exhausting. I'm curious to know if this was the goal of the director or not.
YES, for me that was most valuable out of this video. LEARNING HOW TO ARGUE. that is probably the most important thing to learn when going into a relationship. knowing how to set your words and tone correctly. Not letting pride and anger get the best of you.
Netflix, you don't know how much this type of video mean. Please make more videos like this with psychologists.
It was a psychoanalyst here. Although I'm not sure if she was a psychologist as well or not.
@@yukijames1321 maybe just stfu, they said nothing about needing therapy or help.
so true! as an actress and survivor of narcissistic abuse, this is incredible to view/see from the development of film - more @netflix !!!
@@yukijames1321 Hey you paying for it? People would appreciate that
Right👍🏻👍🏻..same happened
This movie triggered me. He was an obvious narcissist. This movie just showed how pride ego and fame can destroy a relationship.
Same here. I had to stop and take a break once I got to the bathroom scene.
He is such a shitty person
She’s BPD as fuck though hello?
@@AnnaT_ How is she BPD?
Yes but she was also unnecessarily bratty about everything.
Him using her suicide attempt with the pair of nail scissors was just low.
I turned the movie off after that . While I understand why they made this movie and how powerful the writing and acting was, it just wasn’t something I wanted to continue to watch .
Exactly & I’ve been seeing their interviews and stuff & they’re basically all saying Marie is the bad guy here... the scene in the bathroom was horrible but ppl are saying it’s on Marie ?!?
@@neptunes_oeuvre I've been watching the interviews too. They absolutely are not saying that.
Disgusting low VIBRATIONAL
@@neptunes_oeuvre on Marie? I hated malcolm for it all
This movie triggered me so bad. I had to take a break for a while and come back later. Some people want to be right by any means necessary despite the damage their words creates. You should NEVER want to win an argument with your significant other so bad that you're willing to hurt them during the process.
Absolutely!!!
so true. great point yet we all have found ourselves doing that very thing.
Men and women can't be any more different. Women need assurance and understanding, a lot of it. Men who want a stable relationship should let their ego go. Marriage is real work, therefore do not engage if you can't handle the turbulence.
Exactly its not about one person winning and overpowering the other or each person vs each other its about both of your vs the problem. Also when you take a solution based approach to everything you can w your problems as a window to the needs of your relationship and focus on responding to the root issues instead of just reacting to them.
Yeah, but I kinda believe that if you suppress you wanting to be right from once in a while, it'll built up and explote one day in a horrible way, I don't really think it's about being right most of the time, but actually about honor or actually wanting to be respected, or wanting to be believed about something, it can come from frustration too!! 🤯
This movie was exhausting and hard to watch . The acting was incredible and the writing was brilliant ... but after Malcolm used her suicide attempt against her in the manner he did, I couldn’t watch . It was just too much; too degrading and it wasn’t something I wanted to sit through anymore... especially after having a very abusive relationship in the past. But this breakdown is incredible !!
I agree it was a lot but I think his point in saying all that was to shower her that dispute it all he still loves her.
Yes !!! It was really good as a film but the audience WATCHING IT, EXAMINING IT, LEARNING from it is absolutely horrible in a way I feel the movie normalize & maybe even romanticizes emotional & abuse.
@@tylertemple1355 yes but he threw all of his exes in her face before he said that
You are such a great writer 👌🏾
Same it was too toxic for me. Not entertaining at all !!!
The one scene that really hit me hard was where Marie says that she is sad because she can't tell her story anymore because he and Taylor already did it. It felt like they robbed her identity.
never thought about it fr damn man
Yes, this made me feel so sad for her.
In the bathtub scene he hurt me too 💔 I cried rivers there
This movie was like a boxing match. I was keeping score of who won which argument , until they both started losing.
you worded that real nicely..
💯💯💯💯
Oh really dear, it's really a great movie you know, for both love ones and for couples very good moment ☺️
@@Kayleigh27 it's a nice movie you know
But the fact that keeping score is one of the things that you do naturally …. That’s kinda rough buddy.
Is this what people want as passion? Should have named this movie Malcolm Vs Marie
I’m crying 😭
No one wants this but we are all infants when it comes to communication and anyone who’s ever been in a relationship has had a boxing match of a fight.
lmao😭😭😭
@@nalaqueenofthejungle yes, we really are infants
😂😂😂😂😂
I think she just wanted him to say what he should have from his own innitiative and not having to pull it out of him and make him understand when at this point in the relationship she expected him to be emotionally intelligent enough to realize.
yep very well said, she just wanted him to say THANK YOU but had to pull it out of him
Likewise he expected her to be fully forthcoming and emotionally intelligent enough to speak about what was bothering her in the first place. Both of them fell short, and both could have rectified the issue at various intervals- no one is solely responsible for the lack of communication and eventual war that unfolded.
@@saramarshall2990 I get your point and it's very much a real life thing that happens often. Although in the movie specifically I noticed that when she did start talking about her feelings and what she wants, he would make it seem like not a big deal or he'd justify his behaviour that bothered her. At many points he even resorted to name calling. In my opinion he was mostly at fault due to a larger ego.
@@Brooke7218 by time she started unwinding about how she felt, he was already gaslighted - trying to defend himself against what seemed like consistent jabs from her... I believe after she was no longer able to keep up in the argument based on how derogatory and brutal his verbiage was, she was completely honest and vulnerable to what this simple "Thank You" meant... which is when he understood. I personally was taken aback as she so powerfully dictated her points as to how much that "Thank You" really meant.
The (surface level) thanks he gave everyone else was nowhere near the depth of thank you she was expectant of, and he being ignorant to that- was why he was so intent on not comprehending why she was mad- not an excuse, just a different perspective.
@@saramarshall2990 That's enlightening. You're definately right. Thanks for your perspective, loved hearing it.
if it was me, I'd say 'lets break up' already 5 min into the movie
💀💀me too. A whole hour plus? Not me
They kept taking breaks just to think of a way to respond, they both wanted to keep the fight going
😂😂😂 me tooo
I knoooow, I couldn't watch it, it was mentally and visually draining.
@@dulce8608 Their argument was so drawn out. I cannot argue that long if I’m that irritated I’m just leaving
This movie triggered the hell outta me
Me too, had a similar relationship a while back
Same, it reminded me so much of my family’s relationship
This movie really sets off triggers and it's hard to just let it slide
It's The foundation of struggle love 😤
I think Marie feels something many of us have felt many times. You don’t want to say anything about the thing they did or didn’t do, because if in the future, they do or don’t do that thing, is it really because they mean it or because they know you’ll get in a fight otherwise? However, you don’t want to hold it in because it hurts and you just want to be vulnerable, open, and honest with your partner. I also know what it’s like to be on the other side. It can be downright infuriating when you know something is wrong with your partner and they refuse to talk about it. To Marie’s credit, she wanted to talk about it in the morning after they cooled off, but there are so many people out there who are angry and don’t want to talk about it then, or at all ever, and shut down so easily and quickly that you can never get anywhere productive, and it makes you crazy. Also, for him to go for a low blow like that and then tell her she’s never going to “win”? People need to stop. The only way to “win” in an argument is to end it with both people feeling as heard and understood as possible, and trying to come to some kind of resolution, even if it’s “only” a compromise.
Yes but marie is addicted to pain and sorrow... that much was pretty obvious too the way she HAS to dig into his insecurity in order to justify saying he's cruel and insensitive. Her putting off the conversation to talk about it in the morning i could tell (by their interactions later on) was def sth she always did to stave off addressing the issue which is why malcolm wanted it addressed now.
Personally i just found the whole thing depressing, its depressing to see ppl gaslight eachother in a relationship, bc while there may be no abuse its just so joyless.... reminds me of the movie marriage story at the end where adam drivers character said "you shouldnt be upset that i fucked her you should be upset that i had a laugh w her ...being married to you was joyless". I truly thought that was the realest part in the whole thing
@@MrEvldreamr yeah, totally fair. I was thinking that might be what she was doing. I personally hate when people just try to push away the issue without a solid plan to talk about it productively, later. It’s a hard thing to watch people fight like that, but I think it’s more common than a lot of people realize. The “perfect” relationship doesn’t fix you, or your partner, but growing and working through things together is the best. It’s hard; both people have to be able to put their egos aside and get help for their problems. To be able to be old and feeble, looking back on the life you had together, everything you built together, and every bit of hell you went through together, is priceless.
@@dmsjt5181 right on right on
I had to take a break while watching this. It really triggers you if you have been in an abusive relationship. Him telling her that he didn't ask her to play in the movie because she has to work hard for it.. was just triggering. It showed how much he underestimated her and took her for granted.
he DID ask her to audition, but she refused and was always on the edge of it. it’s cruel because they’re lovers, but it is the truth. nobody will recruit someone to be a part of an important project for them if that person is hesitant or unwilling to give their all. that’s just life.
@@btsdulcet6899 That's true, but that doesn't take away the fact that he didn't see true potential in her despite loving her. He's not just a filmmaker here, he's also her lover. Since the story' is based on her life she could have played it better, he never believed that.
@@ayushighosh20 true
@@ayushighosh20 She refused what more is there to it. You cant want something for someone more than they want it for themselves. It wasn't even that it was a lack of ability but a lack of hunger. Besides even in general its hard to mix relationship with business. You cant lie, those two things dont mix well
I actually had a good experience with this movie. It wasn’t what I expected. My ex invited me over to watch it and we definitely dug into our own problems after the movie but we recognized they’re toxic communication in ourselves and honestly talked about healthier ways to communicate even through anger. I was even more pleased that he waited to watch it with me. The conclusion we came to for ourselves is: we both need to grow up, respect each other’s feeling/ boundaries (know when to give each other space), actively listen to one another and not pull each other’s triggers! I know our situation sounds like some fairytale shit, but it really ain’t lol shit will get violent quick! We both have anger issues. Heels will start flying and holes will appear in walls but this felt like a free therapy session that we needed years ago...And for real they’re maturity in the movie taught us what a non violent argument looks like in a relationship. We both came from broken homes and had terrible examples from our parents, so this was like a blueprint to expressing anger and problem solving for us. He still my ex, so this movie did not unite us in that way, but it did give us understanding and closure on somethings- a step in the right direction...Idk, to each’s own interpretation of the movie. I liked it. ✌🏾
Yea bro I know you dug in them guts g
🙌🏾🙌🏾
This movie was exhausting to watch
very
@Wolfie I can't speak for others; only myself. *Malcolm & Marie* was indeed exhausting to watch but I think it's because it was beautifully disturbing. If you've ever been in an abusive relationship (yourself or watched parents/friends go through one), then this movie will trigger you big time. It is shot so beautifully, the acting is superb, the cinematography brilliant, every aspect of it was magnificent. But the subject matter and the *very real* way they argue dirty isn't glamorized the way most movies are. It's gritty, nasty and real. Because of that, it is exhausting to watch. You feel like you've been arguing with them, too, because *it is just that real.* I had to watch half, take a two-day break, then watch the other half. It brought back some horrible memories. But with that, I highly recommend everyone watch this movie *but ONLY when you're in the right frame of mind to handle it.* If you're upset, don't watch. And, strangely, I would say, don't watch it late at night either. This is a 2pm on a Saturday or right after church on Sunday kind of movie. 🤗🤗🤗
That's the whole point...
Because it’s bad
my parents had a huge fight like this two years ago and it turned very physical. i know it didnt involve me and i was just a bystander but it hurt me a lot seeing them like that. i had nightmares about it for weeks and i still get so sad when i think about it. so yeah this movies was very emotionally draining to watch but i could'nt stop watching it....the acting was absolutely incredible.
How old are you? Not judging just curios
@@tranayajordan8508 now? im 17,,, this happened when i was 15 :)
@@dearlantsov are they still together? How are they with each other?
I'm so sorry sending strengh you so brave ❤
hope you're ok dear
Malcolm didn't want to talk, he wanted to gaslight.
Both did that
Malcolm is so self absorbed. Marie just wanted to be seen and heard. She’s been wallowing in darkness in silence. She put up with Malcolm long enough until she couldn’t take it anymore. Whenever Marie wanted to express something, Malcolm keep gaslighting her. It’s kinda disturbing how many out there failing to address the toxicity coming from
Malcolm. Look closer. What’s getting normalised in our society? 🤷🏽♀️
It was coming from both of them imo. No one was right during the fights they had and they said awful things to each other. Even tho I will admit the the lowest point came from Malcolm when he talked about Marie's suicide attempt. That was so cruel
@@LoveYouNoMore9 of course. Marie is toxic too. But her toxicity is more like triggered compared to Malcolm. She’s gone through a lot. Malcolm screamed on top of his lungs that he love Marie but it didn’t mean anything because it follows up with Malcolm annihilating Marie. That’s so wrong. 😌
@@LoveYouNoMore9 Marie is a victim of reaction abuse. Suddenly when she reacts, she’s seen as a bad person when she’s just defending herself.
@@chamham6734 EXACTLY👏 i cant with these ppl saying theyre both toxic..
love the double standard....malcom had issues too but u guys just keep ignoring Marie's issue as well smh
It was definitely an emotionally draining movie but I enjoyed it (if enjoy is even the correct word to use). It’s a messy and toxic relationship but as a drama it makes for a compelling (and tense) watch.
YES! Exactly
They were both equally toxic but it manifested in different ways. She seemed like a bipolar/borderline personality type and he a malignant narcissist, those types tend to go together bc of codependency issues. Both lacking what the other has an abundance of. Marie lacked confidence and Malcom lacked empathy.
EQUAAAALLLL?
Marie had an abundance of confidence. Notice how she was pretty much regulated and bang on with all of her points throughout the entire evening, whereas Malcolm was anything but. Moreover, she didn't display any major signs of bipolar/borderline personality type of any kind - I feel you don't really know what you're talking about here. What she was, was a woman who is in a relationship with a narcissist, that was all.
To equate the two is EXACTLY what is wrong with today's society, since it just enables domestic violence, manipulation and abuse to continue, on the basis that there is somehow some sort of equal footing and blame in all of this.
@@vayly6346 she previously had substance abuse related issues, she felt things deeply, was highly empathetic, and could read Malcolm well. Her character was intelligent, charismatic, giving, loving and yet something is off because she’s with an emotionally abusive man. Most neurotypical people don’t tend to stay in abusive relationships long term because there is a clear indication that the relationship will not work. If someone is staying within an abusive relationship with someone that displayed characteristics that Malcolm had I would think that personal suffers from some sort of codependent/attachment issue. I loved Marie’s character but to me she displayed signs of a borderline. (Substance abuse, extreme emotional swings, the “I hate, I love” back and forth, the sense of emptiness and sadness when she was in scenes alone, etc.)
Equally toxic means they both had inner issues to work through individually in order to be in a healthy relationship. Self awareness could help prevent individuals from entering into a possible abusive relationship.
@@kristinarmani Perfect synopsis. This is what I made out of it also. Don't worry about explaining this to people who are still caught up in the cognitive dissonance caused by toxic relationships and Narcissistic abuse. Until a codependent partner of a Narcissist takes responsibility for the part they play in the toxic cocktail, they are susceptible to repeating the cycle. No one is all victim in a relationship. That's how the Narcissist thinks. Healthy people know better and empower themselves with that knowledge. Peace Queen.
@@kristinarmani i dont think she's borderline just bc she stays in a toxic relationship and dealt with addiciton. that's a gross way to reduce/diagnose someone's personality
I pray for anyone who is in a relationship with a man like Malcom 🤯😨
Not only that but, I am a hell of a person when it comes to manipulating others. Malcom is back and forth on the offensive and defensive which was there to trigger Marie into something bigger. The cool off of the story would be when they are outside smoking. Malcom sees Marie's intentions and walk out on her showing that as long as he's able to drive her mad he's the one in control of the relantionship. Being a relationship with a man or woman like Malcom does not bring any benefits into one's life but anger and dependence on their toxic traits.
Divorced his ass and remarried. In a healthy, happy relationship now.
@@janellimarie im so happy for u❤️ good luck to the both of u❤️
@@janellimarie You forget that the other party could happy or happier as well. The pendulum swings both ways some further for others than others.
Pray for me. 😔
The most fictional part of this movie was them listening to each other rather than yelling while the other spoke. If it's one thing I've learned about narcissist (which Malcolm probably is) is that they'll never allow you to get a word out and so, if you're not wise enough to walk away, you resort to screaming at the top of your lungs just so you can get your 2 cents out. Thanks mom.
This!!! 100%
Totally agree with you. I guess otherwise the movie would've been unbearable to watch. Real-life fights between two people is so much tension, chaos and raised voices....
The script was absolutely brilliant! No holds barred!
She just wanted him to acknowledge her for using her story, especially because it related to her suicide attempt. That was the least he could have done being in a relationship with her and using it for his profit. She felt like he broke her trust by showing the world her most vulnerable side and he made her "need" for recognition turn against her.
Took me two days to finish it. Triggered me so much.
but it wasn't her story...it was abut his ex
How???? a couple of scenes are borrowed, the story is hers, about her, including the attempted suicide and overdosing. The entire character is based on Marie with borrowed tidbits from other women he fucked and reminded Marie that he fucked.
this is why a narcissist and an empath rarely work out as a couple
The summary of my previous relationship. He’d use personal stuff that I’d shared with him against me when he got angry and would tear me down so bad that I thought of committing suicide. I wasn’t like Marie, I had low self-esteem and struggled with self image at the time, so instead of arguing back, I’d cry and just distance myself from the situation. Whenever I’d express my feelings about how something he did or said hurt me, he’d constantly say my feelings were “stupid” and I was “delusional.” Dealt with the shit for a year until I finally got fed up and told him I couldn’t do it anymore.
He went on and on about how I “needed” him and even went as far to say “I wouldn’t last” without him. Making me feel like shit was like a guilty pleasure or turn on for him, it was disgusting. He hasn’t been in a stable relationship since I left him four years ago, and even attempted to reconcile with me last year. One of the worst experiences of my life. Wouldn’t wish it on anymore.
Narcissists don’t work with anyone
this was me and my ex🤦🏾♀️ not to mention im very sensitive and he’s nonchalant and toxic.
They are both narcissist she thought the whole film was about her... that’s narcissistic
@@Taofizzle there is a difference between a narcissistic disorder which is a medical condition and not a simple personnality trait (and I think that is what Malcom has) and then the subjective opinion of a person beeing narcissistic, meaning self centered and in need of constant attention and love, which is what you think Marie has. To me she is none of both, she is just a woman who knows her worth.
They're both toxic for each other. This movie is toxic for us.
So toxic
😂😂😂now I ain’t gon watch it🙅🏿♂️🙅🏿♂️🙅🏿♂️
Zolani Covane 😬 facts. Just by watching the trailer it was draining. Baby no. This world has enough going on 😩 can’t sit to watch more toxicity
If you think this movie is toxic and you got nothing from it. Get away and watch something else..... Oh wait, I am being toxic 😂
😂😂😂
I was in a relationship where my ex used one of the hardest moments for me against me in an argument. And.... even though I lost my sh*t, I never !!!! Not even once used one of his against him.
Nobody should use something that’s so personal to you against you. Specially if it has nothing to do with them.
Exactly dear, you are absolutely right, I was a victim of that too, most people don't really know how to sustain a relationship, all they know is to be hurting you over and over again 🙂
If you want a loving relationship, the relationship portrayed ain’t it.
Dude no lie. I'm living this foreal. My husband is a narcissistic cinematographer and Im a super empathetic actress that has has been thru deep rooted trauma wen I say I cried during this movie. I triggered me but it also allowed me to understand myself more and that I'm not crazy for dealing with what I'm dealing with.
Same sis 😔
leave him
I trusted him and opened up about my past depression with my EX-NARC, and he used that to shame me later during a fight by saying that no one would date me if they knew I had depression at some point, and That’s why I “lured” him into the relationship. That’s just 1 thing out of 100s of other mean things he said. Now after years, he says he misses me n he will always love me..lmao🤣
oooh, seems as though we dated the same man. I've only dated 3 men in my life ALL of them weaponized my former depression against me lol. That's a thing of the past now and I've healed so I don't attract those kind of people anymore.
@@nicee123456 good on you for healing yourself so you don't attract cluster B personalities
i'm on my own healing journey as well
@@FruityHachi Thank you, I wish you well on your journey.
@@letoyabuie1659 😂yup
@@nicee123456 sorry about that sis! yup! It’s so nasty, I felt so backstabbed cz I opened up to him by trusting in him and he used that vulnerability against me. Anyway, it’s been 5 years now, It was a narcissistic abuse relationship and I have taken my time to heal as well.
Ive only been in toxic relationships. Im starting to feel this is the norm although its exhausting, painful and they make you feel like youre losing your sanity. I dont know how couples in helathy relationships argue and resolve issues. It seems too good to be true.
That is the pain of dealing with a whole other human being who views things differently
You may need to consider therapy, if you have not already to figure out why that is.Just my opinion ,hope you are not offended by my suggestion.
@@Wonderwoman79G not offended at all! I have been to therapy. I just feel attracted to them because they have such intense and energetic personalities
@@mmililo Maybe you need a different type of therapy that can help you more effectively. At least you are aware of the men you attract,that is a good thing. Some people never figure it out.
Nah you like many other women have no type of accountability! You refuse to change and date the same shitty guy’s.... pretty pathetic tbh
The problem is, she's making fake mac and cheese.😂
LOL!!! You wrong for that but you 100% right!! 🤣😂🤣
😂😂😂😂😂
I was thinking about that 😂
And it wasn't how he ate it?
It should have been maggie noodles with cheese 🧀
arguing like this and then going back to neutral ground over and over again felt like insanity. Happy I'm single and healing.
This video explains a lot yet nothing at the same time.
Watching this movie is like witnessing two teenagers fighting over their ego-problems. The man is clearly a narcissist, and the girl is trying to be the heart of the universe.
Welcome to adult toxic relstionships, i guess
yeah but isn't the girl a drug addict?
i had heard a lot of critics reviews saying this movie wasn’t very good, and it has a rather low score on rotten tomatoes so i wasn’t really sure what to expect. but everyone in these comments are so right... you won’t really understand it unless you’ve been in an toxic/ abusive relationship. and if you were, this film hits that much harder. i’m starting the process of coming to terms with the fact that the relationship i left over a year ago was abusive, and this movie was so personal and hit so close to home, and was so triggering. but it was also, in a way, really cathartic to watch; to simultaneously see it played out from a 3rd person perspective, while also deeply seeing yourself in one of the characters. it almost felt like wow, someone out there knows what i went through, it make me feel not so alone. i can’t wait to tell my therapist about this on monday lol
I noticed that they would argue, move away from each other and get heated, then someone would leave and then they would talk about Malcolm’s career which was the only time they were peaceful
Codependency and narcissistic personality is what’s going on.
A woman who wants to be appreciated and a man who doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings having an argument at 2 am with alcohol involved. Let’s stop acting like couples don’t argue.
Factsss
@@mel9823 It is not the fact couples do not argue, it is the fact that they let their toxic traits get the better of them.
Mya Smith have you been in a relationship for more than a year? People come with their worldly of baggage’s. You can not get into a relationship thinking that people won’t have their level of toxicity to them. It is up to you within your relationship to be able to identify that and work through that. Unfortunately it takes having nasty ass arguments and a lot of patients to realize that & work through it. If that’s not for you, that’s understandable. But that how relationships become healthy. You gotta go through all the BS. It’s inevitable.
@@mel9823
Um no. There are better and healthier ways to deal with trauma and toxicity. That was therapy is for, not screaming matches that lead you throw your partner’s shameful past in their face.
ALL MARIE WANTED IS A THANK YOU,,,,, IMMA BOUT TO SLAP THE HELL OUT OF HIM WHEN HE SAID I LOVE U INSTED OF THANK YOU IN THEIR LAST FIGHT SCENE LIKE WTF BRUH THANK YOU WAS ALL SHE WANTED TO HEAR FROM U
instead* im sorry for my typos iM FUCKING ANNOYED
Even after this I still really don’t know how to feel about this movie
*sigh* as a person that has been in psychotherapy for 5 yrs, I’ve learned to be straight forward with my feelings and I validate my own emotions without letting others gaslight me. I’m in a relationship now where if I am very direct and to the point without adding feeling or emotion, I’m seen as disrespectful and the one that always wants to argue 😂. 3 yrs and I’ve given up
Maybe look at your and your partner's attachment style, hopefully that helps 😊
This movie hurts my entire soul...like you know the feeling before you’re about to cry, that’s how I feel.
This is AMAZING THANK YOU NETFLIX! I’ll be better in my relationships for sure .
Can we all agree that 'not going to bed angry' is not a sign of romance?
It depends... I used to think it was a romantics idea because if we have to get up at 6am for the kids and work, the argument won't be resolved till 2am, then it has to wait
After 20 years though, we learnt the hard way. ... now we never go to bed without at least agreeing its just an argument and we'll talk tomorrow with a kiss goodnight.
You shouldn't go to bed angry ... it festers.
The fact that they know how to intentionally hurt each other is devastating!
I couldn’t take all the arguments. Didn’t finish the movie. Wasn’t in the mood for all that fighting.
I finished it but was on my phone the whole time. If I wanted to watch a toxic relationship. I could just go in my living room.
When he says her name he sounds just like his dad.
We don’t need an expert to tell us this relationship is toxic.
True. But as real and toxic and obvious it is. Most don’t understand it. They know it’s toxic but can’t comprehend why. Other than the fact that they said something hurtful in an argument.
The fact that they broke it down for you and you still run off with your own conclusion. So why in tf did you click on the video? The fact that y’all act like couples don’t argue is fucking weird.
^💀💀
I’m was not a drug addict but I resonate so much to her character because of the emotional manipulative relationship I’m in. I’m dating a malcom. A narcissist, needy, hurtful, controlling man. Such a sick relationship the only time he cares or shows any empathy is when I want to leave.
i’m so sorry! i hope you get out of there ❤️ sending you so much love, stay strong and please leave him!
Wow, that was a very good video! I loved, Loved, LOVED *Malcolm & Marie* because it was beautifully disturbing. It's an excellent movie to watch with your Love (or friends) as it sparks deep conversations about what a relationship looks like when it is codependent and toxic. But also, the proper way to fight, which you cover masterfully in this video. Thank you!! 🤗
this has to be thee most toxic relationship I have ever seen in my life
And to think THIS is what some of y’all people actually want.
The ghettooooo
You are so damn right!
So crazy ain’t it. If a man ain’t acting like that these birds don’t feel loved. Y’all can keep that type of man. I don’t want no type of shit like that in my life.
@@roseinharlem8152 shitttt who you tellin? i was one of them birdbrains at one time🤦🏾♀️🤣
Marie couldn’t find the words at first because she knew that if she didn’t hit a home run with what she was feeling, she knew it would escalate, and she still would not have been heard.
this was my parents 24/7 before divorcing, and thank God they divorced
I’ve never seen this movie but this segment helped me understand my own experience with the items mentioned. I understand my triggers and I know how to desensitize myself.
Ahead of its time....
Raw truth, amazing acting and some of the best directing and witting I have ever seen in my entire life! 🥇
they forgot the Tenets of a good relationship
Good one 🤣🤣
👀
I see what you did there! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Brilliant! 😉😂🤣
i see what you did ahahaha!!
The whole movie made me only agree with Marie and hate malcome
Me too, but I had to admit she was wrong at some points
they both have their flaws, neither of them is completely right or wrong
Marie wasnt completely right as well. I feel like she wanted to be center of his world. But in relationship nobody has an obligation to make their partner as their only focus point in life. It is exhausting.
She still ain’t leave him in the end. Let’s say they’ve been together for ample years. I don’t see many instances where Maries’ apparent lack of assertiveness vulnerability and brutal honesty wasn’t possibly or likely repressed. If he’s a raging narcissist she’s a emotional hermit. IMO
@@hoodieszn_veedo4879 I mean we all know it’s a toxic relationship but he is still an ass
The movie had several inferences to their emotional immaturity. The circular pacing in the beginning. The Kraft mac and cheese. His childlike way of eating it. The hide and seek with Marie behind the tree. His childlike panic at not being able to find her. I have never in my adult life eaten a box of Kraft mac and cheese and I could never date a man who requested some. Malcolm's character was a "man child".
NEVER? Lol I don’t think eating a box once a year is a sign of emotional immaturity. I’ve got the palate of a 5 year old, and a healthy relationship.
@@teenagers012 We gone have to bake you a nice mac and cheese casserole so you can put that Kraft mac away... FOREVER
I could relate to each and every scene, and this is how I realized that I was in a toxic relationship, it was hard to watch, I could imagine myself in the situation, but thank you for this
I really wanted to watch this because people were raving about how good the portrayal of the characters was but I feel scared because I heard that they screamed at each other so much. I grew up in a home that's so exposed to my parents fighting violently (verbally and somewhat physical but not really directly at each other) that I find people fighting and raising their voices quite triggering.
haven't seen the movie but watched so I could understand every time my parents argue
Pls don’t think love has to be like this, it really does not
@@alexandraglinski6710 you have no idea how that's such a comforting to say to someone like me, thank you
I don't know your situation but just feel compelled to comment: hang in there. We can heal so much of what we inherit from our parents. Sending you love
@@sandaskoro you're so kind, thank you. Sending back a hundred times more
Argument is a sign it’s over sometimes it can mean passion for each other.
I think this is an argument that can happen in healthy relationships in which persons don't communicate and hold in for periods of time. I love how the depth of the problem was related to the how dressed up they were. As they undressed they were baring more vulnerable truths until it was bedtime/totally bare and the truth came out. Marie didn't want to talk about it possibly because she was working through the emotion. Malcom retorted everything until they got to the real issue which was clear: she doesn't feel appreciatied by her partner for all that she does for him, and sees him as taking her for granted because, she thinks, he thinks she can do no better. That he apologized and thanked her was his acknowledging this. I have hope for them in part because toxic traits can be unlearned in a union, though some people don't do it (abusive relationships I imagine are like this).
I love that this is a relatable relationship film that could be anyone and was given black faces to show how relatable it is.
I always thought she totally wanted to have that discussion. Zendaya said so too in one of her interviews. I guess if you don't want to discuss something you don't act in a way that makes it obvious that you are upset about something so that the other person has to ask you what's wrong.
if they don't communicate and hold in for periods of time, then it's not a healthy relationship
a healthy relationship is based on respectful communication, communicating your feelings, needs, boundaries in an assertive and respectful manner and actively listening during a conflict and again being assertive and respectful when resolving a conflict
@@FruityHachi a healthy relationship is not perfect at every moment. Consider that he was in work mode for this film for probably a year or so. During which these elements began presenting themselves yet she held it in or neglected it due to work also. People are not perfect and make decisions that lead to this. The test in a relationship is how you manage these bumps and slips.
I worry that you think this is acceptable.
This was a perfect display of a toxic relationship. Toxic toxic toxic.. I could not
This movie seriously triggered me. Being in a very toxic relationship in the past to a point which my ex verbally and physically abused me, I could so related to this. Such relationship consumes you. It requires a great devotion of your emotions and time to hold that relationship together. And what’s worst is that in some twisted way, you become obsessed with it. Although it was extremely difficult to get over him, I have never felt more peace than now. Watching Marie cry in the film made me realize that I haven’t been crying forever in contrast to the time when my ex’s harsh words and physical threats and attacks made me cry constantly to a point I don’t know how to stop. But I wouldn’t call that relationship to be a complete waste of time. I have learned sooo much from it and somehow found that I had something bad going on in me too that made me stay in that relationship. I think it always comes down to self-esteem and self-love.
We need these kinda analysis more. !
They’re NOT TOXIC for each other.
This is absolute love! What a BRILLIANT film.
LOL, I'm so glad an entire year passed without anyone responding to this comment, 😅
I was screaming at him through the screen bruhh
The whole time I wanted to throw something 😅
@@Anastasia-zr1kd hahahaha I totally get it😂
@@ceciliafeng1977 hahaha, it's a great movie dear, but most part are so annoying, I was just wishing I could throw stuff on them☺️😂😂
Tbh Malcolm did try to end the argument on good terms. He was trying not to fight the whole night. Instead of arguing about who's right and who's wrong, Marie should've just told him how she was feeling and Malcom should've apologized sincerely.
The thing is, Marie couldn’t straight up tell him “this upset me” or “that upset me” because her feelings were much more complicated than that. It wasn’t that she just wanted Malcolm to apologize for not thanking her on her speech, she also felt like Malcolm stole her identity for his movie and never gave her credit for it. She felt like Malcolm was underestimating everything that happened to her by turning her life into a movie and saying that she couldn’t be the actress to play herself because she wasn’t good enough as if she wasn’t the one who went through that addiction and suicide attempt and stuff. She ALSO felt really hurt that Malcolm never thought of her when he was looking for the actress for his movie. It should’ve been Marie all along. It should’ve been a team thing, not just “Malcolm’s movie” because if Malcolm never met Marie, the movie wouldn’t turn out as good as it did (as Malcolm also confessed to in the movie). So this wasn’t just a one night argument, this was the outburst of many many other issues. Marie was absolutely right in this and Malcolm was wrong for bringing up her suicide attempt and all the other girls he slept with. It was low. Malcolm was really bad and unfair to Marie. He doesn’t deserve her. Talked to her really disgustingly. I hated him.
I mean at the end of the movie when she lays down the reasons why she's mad, the doesn't do shit other than look at her. He is not sorry for stealing her identity and story, he's not sorry for forgeting how much joy she brings into his life. Malcom is selfish. Life has always been good to him - from being an educated black man to being able life off his passion. if you compare Marie was an addict, she attempted to suicide, she's a good actress and he still didn't look at her for who she is, yet he only looks at her as someone who meets his needs and is there to remind him that there are some people dependent on him
@@gabriela-ou8lp he literally says “I’m sorry thank you” at the end of the film and her reply is “your welcome” wym?
@@davidwhitaker1912 i perceived him saying thank you to her turning off the light. in some arguments (as chaotic theirs was). when it does die down eventually, someone does a mundane thing like, turning off the light. you just blurt out a thank you. It’s really the only word you can say sometimes.
Deff cool off first, she is 100% right, you dont get anywhere when your both angry, havent actually watched the film
I was actually really eager to watch this movie, and I'm glad I did, because it's an amazing piece..but I did pick up on quite a ton of unhealthy things in here, and I'm glad did found this video to really break it down.
This isn’t a story about love. It’s the story of how a narcissist psychologically traps a troubled 19 year old and then emotionally abuses her. It’s wonderfully made. But it should come with a trigger warning.
A lot of people online were against the large age gap between the two. This is one of the few times where I feel it is necessary. It higlights the tension.
It makes it hotter
Yeah an age gap can certainly cause alot of friction/heat
It’s weird how well I understand what was going on
This movie was brilliant especially with the back and forth and they was really swinging with them punches but I really enjoyed it and the way of communication that they had and really just letting it out there. Just brilliant
I can never be more thankful of the fact that people I know didn't liked this movie at all. In order to appreciate the art of this movie, you'll need to find it relatable. And in order for that to happen, you need a first hand experience of a toxic relationship. I hope none of the people I care about ever have to go through that soul crushing phase.
It's a great movie, but it's not for everyone.
This movie helped me leave the narcissist for good. I guess i needed to see my dead end relationship on the screen to realize its not right. Thank you.
It's such a great movie you know, I've learnt a lot in relationship from it, true love is indeed wonderful 🙂
I loved the part where the expert mentioned no matter how much the couples fight, they shouldn't make each other's pain as their weapons to make the other one subdue.
This movie is a masterpiece
I agree sometimes you have to sleep on it. I’ve argued with people that just shut down at conflict and if you push them they’ll just move farther away. Even if it hurts you you have to compromise and allow them their time to think about what they want to say - and you’ll give yourself a chance to think about what you want to say. The issue is if they come don’t come back to the issue and actually speak on it
TH-cam recommended this video exactly when I'm on the phone arguing with my boyfriend.
I asked him not to drink yesterday because I had some important issues to discuss with him after work. He literally shows up at my job high and drinking.
I left and went home.
I can already see so many red flags but he treats me so well when he's not drinking
I am weirdly attracted to this movie, I am jealous of people who are not
That drum solo in the background at the end was fire tought
Yo if these 2 don’t win awards for that movie ...
Man they killed it . 🔥🔥the bathroom and knife scene omg
I HAVEN'T WATCHED THIS MOVIE...HOWW...AM I CRAZY FOR STILL WANTING TO WATCH AFTER SEEING THE COMMENTS.
Triggered the hell out of me. Reminded me of my brother and all the arguments we had
When no one competent is reviewing this film Netflix has to do it themselves.
I completely agree with the Conflict and Honesty point: if you don't argue, you're not being honest. At some point, you'll notice something about your partner that you really don't like and when you point that out, they'll point something they don't like about you. This is a healthy relationship, arguing isn't just conflict, it's finding a solution to a problem.
That's why I loved this film, despite being hard to watch due to the intimacy, conflict is the very essence of filmmaking. If there's no conflict to resolve, then what's the point?
This was amazing
Thank You So Much for this! ❤️
I just came here for all the hurt comments I anticipate from people who disagree with the experts about their toxic behaviors they once held as rational
This movie reminds me of the fight between Randall and Beth from This Is Us
One of the best films right now in 2021 period
I enjoyed watching this video so much......it was such a great and informtive one! ❤ much of it I would say is to pick up on your parter's vibes as well and to be able to lower your pride to be able to talk through and solve things without having your defences at full force. When you calm your ego and reassure it that there is no real threat, you dont need your pride and you can at least work things out smoothly from your part. If the other person is willing to do the same, you'll be able to flourish as a couple ❤❤
Malcolm and Marie = Vivian Greene's Emotional Rollercoaster song
I really wanted to love this movie but it was just too toxic to be entertaining. Too many diatribes and not enough compelling exposition. The cinematography and acting was amazing but I felt it lacked focus. I preferred the argument scenes in Before Midnight ( Richard Linklater) and Comet ( Sam Esmail) because they had more realistic transitions and a natural flow.
Yesss to before midnight. The whole before series has incredible dialogue.
@@vanessaaventura absolutely! It felt so real
With regard to the going to sleep on an argument, I don't agree with going to sleep angry. It's not a sign of emotional maturity. Our elders always told us to resolve arguments before sleeping because you don't know if the person will wake up the next morning. No one has guarantee of waking up the next morning so it's best to put your ego aside, acknowledge your mistakes and atone for them rather than playing the blame game. Life is short, don't spend it angry with your spouse at bedtime and definitely don't waste your life on the wrong person.
This movie was emotionally exhausting...I loved it.