The Thing Society Steals From Men
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ม.ค. 2024
- Support me with the currency of your choice:
/ burgerkrieg
www.subscribestar.com/burgerk...
www.paypal.me/Burgerkrieg
Get my short story collection, 34 Worlds:
Paperback Version:
www.amazon.com/dp/1099853958
Kindle Version:
www.amazon.com/dp/B07T7P91QC
Get some MERCH:
teespring.com/de/stores/burge...
Narration Channel:
/ @whoisbetty7878
Second Channel:
/ @thekriegerburg3120
Gaming Channel:
/ @beararmsgg
Twitch:
/ burgerkrieg
Tweeter:
/ theburgerkrieg
Subreddit:
/ theburgerkrieg
Discord Server:
/ discord
The Thing Society Steals From Men
In this video we consider the ramifications Patriarchy has for the emotional development of men and boys, how it denies them emotions and wholeness, and how this hurts is. Shoutout to bell hooks' "The Will to Change, Men, Masculinity, and Love," and also the emotion wheel.
Check out my archive:
archive.org/details/Burgerkrieg - บันเทิง
"We don't think about the men that die. We just hope that they do it quietly"
Damn bro :(
Say it is not true, though!!!
They started drafting the women now... because Ukraine is running out of men. Almost 1 million young men died in this stupid war if we count both sides. Nobody seems to care, they just call them "meat waves".. If you are a man you are a tool, a pawn and if you have no use they discard you. Worse, men who speak out against the system get screwed by it (see Assange and many others)
Not all of them are quiet. Every outcast exists for a reason. People just don't want to admit either publicly or online they've expelled them for a universal reason only to have a moral power over them.
At the same time it's never been thought if you could fix them so they could be systemized and while ppl try to attribute "hard work" and "might" as the solution, to the gaslighted they're still at zero yearning validation. 🫠🫠
Men are expendable tools, that are expected to produce and succeed at all times
As a military brat - this hit 😢
"Men need to show their feelings NOT LIKE THAT" has been my favourite characterisation of the situation facing men for about twenty years now. Its a bit tiresome.
I’m in my forties and it’s been like that my whole life as well. In the late 70s the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement started being shown in media and that was the general response.
‘Men need to show emotions but definitely not like that!’
Right. It feels like women want access to our emotions insofar as it benefits them but they still want a man who doesn't complain or challenge them. There's also this pattern I've seen where if you ever argue with them and stand your ground on something they're going to frame you as being abusive or an asshole even if you're very patient and polite with them- not all women, of course, but this is a defense that's only available to women that they have only because they are women. Maybe it's just me but on a few occasions I've had girls do that where they just unreasonably frame the situation in their minds and in the way they tell a story that you're some huge dickhead because they know it'll earn them sympathy when really they're just trying to avoid addressing your actual criticism.
My least favourite bit is when you do open up to a woman, after being asked to, and they come back with "I'm not your therapist" when I'm listening to them rant or having to try and hold them together on a regular basis.
@@brassviking486
Only one gender does emotional labour as far as some women are concerned. *Some*. Not all, and it's dangerous to let yourself think it's a "female" thing.
It's a side effect of the conditioning that says if you're not the majority/perceived powerful then you owe that majority/perceived powerful not just nothing, but less than nothing, they owe *you*. Anyone with that ideology is a problem but make no mistake it's the ideology not the demographic.
Seeing relationships with other human beings as transactional if the power dynamic isn't equal is an absolutely toxic dead end.
By "showing your feelings" they mean wearing pink and watching the Barbie movie.
Where tf did they ever say anything about opening up??
Man, it's so terrifying that the World of Darkness and Shadowrun videos are way more uplifting than the videos on the real world
Fiction is limited by human imagination, but reality isn't. That's even true of the collective superorganism that is human culture, as it's far beyond the control of any individual.
Its because grimdark media is much less depressing than this
Life not designed to be fun. Even them genres are meant to be fun in specific ways, as otherwise wouldn't sell.
ikr? you know its bad when people go to 40k for escapism
Lol accurate
I remember crying in front of a girl I liked. And she completely lost interest in me.
It's wild being a man.
That's just sad and crazy. At that point honestly, good riddance.
The most stony hearted people you meet will have probably experienced the same
That's so dehumanising man, sorry bro :(
I think most men have had that experience including myself. It’s soul crushing.
a very common experience for men
A couple of months ago I had some palpitations at work and went to the hospital to have it checked out, and when I opened up to my manager about it the next dayshe scoffed at me for even raising the subject. My worries about having my body fail me in that way for the first time were all chalked up to me just whining about something I should've seen coming.
Let me say that again: it was my mistake to have had palpitations at 25, and I shouldn't bring that up again.
Relatable
Because it might reduce your productivity.
today you learned: nobody gives a fuck about you or your well being except maybe you.
@@radaro.9682 Yeah, it's because to your employer, you're not a person, you're a cost factor with the only purpose of producing more value for them than they pay you.
That's because, to a company (and please, this is only right in the lenses of wild capitalism, it's absolutely untrue in reality), everyone but the top dogs are replaceable. The CEOs have "actual talent". Some key people in the company structure have talent, which can be exploited. The normal worker, however? You have two jobs, be productive while you can, and warn us before you leave/die so we can replace you. You are your productivity, not a person
Reminds me of a meme I saw a while back where a woman was joking about how to shut down a man who was upset about a situation by saying "aww, someone's having big feelings!"
Because, as a man, feelings are relegated to being childlike and not proper for an adult to outwardly express.
When situations like that happens I usually say "That's true, now engage with the topic", works flawlessly.
Honestly, yeah. Especially when we're told to just let women have their tantrums and rants, even when they're in the wrong, and to just be a doormat. "Here's some advice, always just say she's right."
Women are perpetual babies themselves
There are so many ways people shut down men who are clearly having a lot of emotions. There’s also “who hurt you” which really grinds my gears bc it means they’re not even interested in listening, only being condescending.
This serves as a great litmus test of people to go full no-contact with. Put their name in your own book of sh1te people to never meet again, you'll need multiple volumes as certain cultures and subcultures produce them in droves.
Then know, it's better to be lonely while alone having your privacy.
Than to be alone in the bad company of terrible people.
As the band Molotov already sung years ago: Mas vale cholo, que mal acompan~ado.
Saying ‘unspeakable shit to men’ has happened to me by women I’m related to, my mum at multiple points with me in the room has told other family members ‘he used to be so handsome before acne scared his face’ so she’s just called me ugly and nobody gave a shit, also had her tell me ‘I wish I never had you’ this is while I was helping her, and I got angry because she was shouting at me for not being as good at moving furniture as my aunties boyfriend, who does that as his job, my sister has beat my mum until the police have shown up, she’s never said that to her. also the being blamed for being good at things you where never taught, my mum filled my head with bullshit that autism will make me retarded and I won’t be able to do anything, until my dad left, then suddenly I’m supposed to be competent after 20 years of being told I’m incompetent and it’s my fault her conditioning worked.
Fun fact, the police said if they where called back because of my sister they’ll press charges against her, so my mum just stopped calling the police and let my sister beat her, until she called the police again and they didn’t do shit so all they achieved was allowing my sister to abuse my mum.
My dad's been threatening my life since I was old enough to understand what that meant. We also have a bit of a family tradition of the boys getting worse beatings for the same indiscretions.
Your mom was right about you, you being that old and still you cant land a rocket on a moon, you are a failure
time to move out and never speak to her again
Sounds like my upbringing except I was an only child with constantly fighting (also physically) parents so they always took it out on me. Especially after hitting puberty, they'd gang up on me with both mental and physical abuse. So I feel you man. It's rough and not easy, it'll take time, but what the guy above me said is the truth. You need to become independent and rely on yourself. Create space to lower tension. Don't abandon your family but lower the contact for a while and focus on building yourself up. Once done you can visit more regularly again and they will respect you more and you won't be part of their inner tension circle any longer.
I don't think I've ever been more heartbroken than when my husband apologised for crying in front of me. I tried to assure him that he should always feel safe with me, but I know it runs deeper than that.
The fact that someone so sweet, so loving and kind thinks that in his lowest moment that he needs to make himself smaller or unobtrusive while he suffers is tragic. After we talked about it, I understand him more; I have some clue to how bad his self image is and how he's never been able to express it properly.
It fucking sucks.
"I tried to assure him that he should always feel safe with me, but I know it runs deeper than that."
Honestly you probably did very good, you were non judgemental and that's usually what men want when it comes down to negative emotions. We men are very good at noticing people reactions in this kind of situations because the talk and the walk are usually opposites so we only trust the latter.
Keep showing him that he actually is safe and you're likely to do more for him than you may ever know. Wishing you both the best.
It takes a long time for men to open up but word of warning if you ever for a second act like him opening up is bothersome he will permanently clam up and never be open again. I've had this happen with female friends where they say something about the man being emotional and opening up too much during an argument and then are surprised when he is never vulnerable with her again.
Yeah , the thing is , men are given conflicting messages . That is why he apologized while being emotional . Because we are not told how to show emotions like grief and saddnes in a way în which we won't be ridiculed .
The vast majority of male suffering is not shown on the surface. I can only remember a few times I have ever actually cried, it was always when one of my pets died, Most of the time I do not cry, ever. I feel the emotions but dont express them, not because of society, or anyone else, but because my body jsut didnt shed a tear. In general most male suffering is a sense of malaise. An existential dread that is not shown on the surface. Basically completely emotionless. If they are quiet, or withdrawn, that is the male equivilant of sadness. I would suggest the reason why people dont care about men is because they simply put other people first, its boilogical. We evolved to do the work and shut up. So Its not society, it never has been, society is built on human nature, our genes, women evolved to depend on men, and men evolved to be dependable. Its as simple as that. Thats why we care about women more. Either women will have to evolve to stand on their own two feet (which has not happened and would be marked physically by women showing physical signs of male sexual dimorphism) or it will continue.
"Are you alright?"
"Nah man, I'm pretty fucking far from ok."
Mr. Wallace spitting facts...
I'm a woman and goddamn this was a heartbreaking video 😢 I pressed on it out of interest and omfg it's way worse than I ever could've imagined
Thank you for listening. If you think it's worthwhile please pass it on to others, both men and women. Hope grows from a seed of understanding.
@@JohnDoe-mk5zb I have! I shared it because I think it's really good
He does a good job of addressing the allure of the pill community without being a part of the pill community.
Makes you think why transgenderism is on the rise. Being a man can fucking suck in this society
@@nathanrohde3292 Yeah he does, because trying to explain why most of the things people see as women`s rights issues are actually lies told by massively out of touch midwits even if its 100% true its bad optics. Do you want to be right or do you want to win? Neither the average leftwinger nor the average rightwinger wants to touch this with a ten foot pole and if they do its always damage control, avoidance, dismissal and/or correction. Because speaking truthfully about it would destroy their political frameworks and we cant have that.
hell, sometimes its not even a family thing. my family always raised me to be open, but now I find myself in the situation where I only feel comfortable around my parents and literally no one else, and even then I often don't open up to them because I don't want them to worry about me.
I feel you man. This world is full of untrustworthy people. But you will find your own in this world i promise
Seriously feel this in my soul, because I am the same. I’ve been trying to correct that, but not much progress has been made.
Every time I encounter a problem in life it's like this for me. Ultimately, if I ever cry, it's by myself knowing no one can see it and there is no one to care or reassure me. No one to give me advice. Everything I face I face alone. Everything I become I invent from scratch with no role models or blueprints. And yet failure is not an option. I MUST become a mentally stable, confident, successful man, or I'm no good to a woman and the children we might have, right? I'm okay with it at this point. I've resigned myself to the reality and wear it as a badge of honor. It's something women really can't understand, even if they say they do, and my god, they will. Remember fellas, whatever problems you have aren't because you're a man. You're just being a bitch, women have the same problems and worse ones so just shut the fuck up so they can take up more space, right?
Story of my life.
Well , at least your parents care about you . That is becoming a luxury
I am scared how much this video speaks to me. I never realised how much I rely on anger and how I block out every other emotion
I love how God of War portrayed it, by first showing the "close your heart to it" as a positive thing in the perspective it's first shown, just to later crush it and blatantly saying "open your heart, feel, that's the only path forward"
You’re not alone, these videos cut really deep
@@Vlugazoide Also how God of War shows that anger can be used productively but it can be toxic and crippling. A lot of the time anger in media is shown as completely unacceptable and needs to be hidden but the fact is that there are times where it's justified and can actually be used for a better purpose.
@@hyperion3145 In our gynocentric media, direct agression, an inherently masculine attitude is deemed as dangerous, whereas passive agression, an inherently feminine attitude, is accepted as just being ''sassy''.
One of our biggest mistakes was thinking that the issues of men and women are completely separate and we can tackle the issues of one without tackling the issues od other. The reality is that they've always been two sides of the same coin and if we don't fix both we might as well be doing nothing.
Its like a hydra, one head is biting men, the other is biting women. We're attacking the heads and going nowhere when we need to crush its body.
1000% this.
Something that a LOT of progressives and leftist types struggle with is accepting that nobody chooses to be born to privilege any more than they choose to be born *without* it. The idea that men or white people or straight people or any other group have some essentialist intrinsic property that makes them oppressors fundamentally demonstrates a lack of understanding of systemic analysis. The slave owner has no more choice of their birth than the slave, and the society put as much effort into making the owner a monster as it put into making the slave a slave.
When people fail to understand that FUNDAMENTAL truth and leaps to sweeping essentialism they have entirely lost the plot.
Nobody is free until everyone is free, and just because some chains are gold plated and don’t cause as much obvious pain doesn’t mean they aren’t still chains.
We cannot defeat the demons of our past until we recognize them for hydras.
It's difficult to tackle an issue when both sides see each other as the problem.
Intersectional feminism baby!!! You’re completely right, that’s why a big part of the movement has been increasing the broad understanding that men aren’t the problem, women aren’t the problem, but the patriarchal structure enforced by people within both groups are the problem.
YES! Both femininity and masculinity are demonised both in and out of the demographics they're asigned to, both summing up as don't be "monstrous" but don't be "weak" either. It hurts everyone both to be what you're told to be and to NOT be that.
Men and w0mεn, besides belonging to the same species, are completely different. If men started being catered to, w0mεn would loose a lot of the privileges they enjoy, since resources would be redirected towards the former. This isn't a matter of ideology, but a simple issue of resources distribution. W0mεn have gotten so much during the last 60 years, that anything not catering to them is seen as depriving and therefore bad.
There was this saying people always said to me whenever I cried or got hurt. Even when I tried to explain how I got my feelings hurt. "A true hero doesn't feel any pain". Yeah, now my mom keeps veing surprised of me being a very closed off person.
Thank you Burger. This video explains so much I could never express."We shame them for it, like it's wrong to want care and affection. Like it's an act of oppresion to want to feel taken care of. There is so much raw emotion in every word you speak. I'm amazed
~shocked Sir Gallahad, known for being emotive and caring, hearing this bullshit
Lets see you grit those teeth(and cry)😤
Did you grow up in the Disney Hercules universe? dafuq
@@vegbeg9170 some people appeal to seemingly childish fantasies as a coping mechanism, and you pretending their coping is pathetic is really weird
@@Vlugazoide my coping mechanism is criticizing others' coping mechanisms
Something one of my friends has said that has stuck with me is "People say its ok to express your emotions, its ok to cry its ok to be happy and its ok to be this and that and you should show them. Its great and all that you can tell us we can express our emotions, but we just don't know how to anymore. we've never learned how to cry, how to be happy. We don't know how to cry. And apparently that's not an issue"
It's possible for us to still feel mate. But it's so hard when the people who say they open up, never want to hear what happens to us. I'll open up, even tho I got laughed at my a date some months back for opening up about this part of my life.
I miss crying. But my mom hates it. Beat it out of me. Beat a lot of emotions out of me at a young age. Would tell me nasty things about what men did to women in the past. The physical abuse was either pasted off as discipline for not following her rules and the like (try polishing "silver"/steel to a mirror shine with nothing but a cloth and water) or just because I was acting too much or not enough like a "proper" man (crying, getting frustrated, too hyperactive, not letting my sister have my spot on the couch, eating over spiced food, etc) . I was mopping floors on my knees with my shirt so that the house was clean for when her new boyfriend came over. It wasn't up to her standard; never was. She beat me for being too lazy. The boyfriend mentioned how clean the house was and she went on about how she slaved all day to make it a perfect night. Periods of isolation locked away without given food or bathroom. Tried peeing out the window but, neighbor saw and came to the house to complain. Got beaten. I swear from all the talk my feminist mom would spew about men and women from 1950's, at one point I questioned if I was really a guy. I related more to the 1950's beaten, manipulated and isolated housewife than she ever did. Tried telling CPS, the court, the cops, anyone but they would tell me it was normal to be disciplined. Several occasions I would get locked out in the middle of January(Canada weather) as punishment for something or other. I had to start a fire one night because I didn't know when my mom would get back from drinking. I was freezing trying to keep warm with a tarp(she took my jacket and boots away). I got beaten because "I would have burned the house down" in the middle of winter with a fire 20m or so from the house. Only way I think I survived this form of her punishment was me asking the neighbors if I could warm myself for a few minutes; Begging as if i was homeless but the neighborhood knew who i was even if I didn't know them. They started asking questions about why I was outside multiple times in a month without a coat or boots. Never got locked outside (on "purpose" again) Garde 2 I had my first crush on a girl and we held hands. Told my mom about it. Got beat and told to stay away from those nice girls or I'll mess them up with the mind games I'll play on them. Ironically my mom helped me dodge a bullet. My crush would later bully me and spread rumors about me being gay and fuck dogs. Even convinced another girl( super shy new girl and had a crush on me ) that I was super shy and wanted to date but only with them(my old crush) as our intermittent. I heard rumors about me dating someone but didn't know for sure till they broke up with me. They were hurt. God knows what my crush done to get them shout at me the way they did.
When I told my date, as of late last year, about relating to feminists back in the day (specifically being beaten, smile more, cook and cleaned for my mom, was isolated from friends and family) they told me I was crazy. That it probably wasn't as bad as I remember. No way a mom could do such things. And yet it happened.
They say they want us to open up. But their not ready to listen to us. To look away from shadows projected onto the wall and leave their comfort caves to stare into the sun's light. It's too blinding.
Till this day I'm gaslit to believe my father was the one who beat me. Even tho I lived in her house during most of the 15 year divorce between my parents. I cry but rarely a tear shed, and only with the saddest movies. I'm in a better place but women I meet to date seem to remind me of my mom too much in her behavior. Not all are bad but damn is it disheartening so many roam around with hate. I don't even hate my mom, just disappointed she made the choices she made.
@@jaredalward3049😭 this is heartbreaking
Time to begin the New Year with Burger's unorthodox-yet-based takes on society. Tis, as the kids would say "gonna be lit".
If you're going on this journey, I have a suggestion: Get a dog. Not like a scary dog or a working dog. Get a cute dog. Care for the dog. Clean up for the dog. Give the dog walks. Pet the dog. Don't be angry at the dog. Make the dog happy. If the dog is afraid, comfort it.Tell the dog how much you love it. There's no threat here. The dog's not going to walk all over you if you're not dominant. The dog's not going to talk back. The dog will love you and express their love for you, and you express your love for them. This is exercise for your soul.
I read once, but I don’t know if it was true, that a knight in some feudal times was greatly respected for crying in public, because he was showing to the whole world how much caring he had inside of him. How righteous he was to be overcome by his care for others.
I find it difficult to believe and I don’t want to look it up and see because I want it to be true.
Well, let's also not forget that knights were generally power tripping assholes that existed to enforce the will of the monarchy and the lords they served. Chivalry was a code invented to keep the heavily armored, highly trained killers from turning on the their employers, not for saving the peasantry from disaster and war. Most of these flowery stories and traditions we read about were embellishments and/or hearsay to prop up knights not as the entitled jackasses who pushed the peasants around but as heroic figures that deserved respect.
Huh, kinda like the US police force now that I think about it, just with even less accountability.
It still makes sense technically.
As Burger said it's less about the feeling and more about the choice of displaying it.
It's just the same principle written differently.
The fact that so many mythic knights were openly emotive and caring should show that, at least in some sense, caring and nurturing was very much an ideal for the knights
I think you can take that with a grain of salt, I can see people respecting a veteran in uniform mourning his comrades but if that veteran was in normal clothes and crying because of some non combat trauma, people wouldn't think as highly.
I suppose war is the only time where it's acceptable for men to cry.
@@MisterZimbabwe Not the US police force, but definitely the Gestapo
I love how this beast has trapped me with mage, and now I am seeking therapy
He trapped me with therapy and got me addicted to World of Darkness
Well then clearly you weren't paying enough attention to what mage is about metaphysics in the occult would be a much more rewarding Pursuit
@@mrmackie-qp6lr
When reality is all due to your perspective, improving your perspective improves your reality.
“If you weren’t raised as a man-“
Me: “I wasn’t even raised at all”
“- you were probably emotionally neglected”
Me: “Ah, there we go” 😂
What i found equaly fascinating and unerving is that almost every girl friend that has know and has childhood trauma have it because, in restrospective, they have been raised like a boy.
No listening parents, no attachements, no acceptation of fragility or failure.
And they have like years of trauma for that.
Why peoples thinks it is then normal to raise boys like that.
I know people often don't realise that but... damn
Same. Most of the women I've known, as friends or otherwise, that usually gravitate to boys/men come from a background of neglect
That implies that every boy who wasn't abused / has grown up not shating Burger's experiences was raised like a girl.
@@windywillow6071 no. Just raised humanly
and the best part is they get a mountain of help :)
we don't :)
As an autistic guy who's left wing, but on more of the incel side of things due to a lack of romantic options, I have been having a crisis of masculinity for quite some time now. Being a guy, almost, 30 yet still with no romantic experience is its own special hell because the progressives who I look to for for comradery, on one hand tell me to "just be confident bro" while on the other hand, call every problematic guy they disagree with an 'incel' or 'maidenless'. So I am left in this position where I know I shouldn't feel ashamed or 'less of a man' for being a virgin, yet see people who I would have otherwise call 'comrades' tie a man's lack of romantic success to a lack of positive 'progressive' values, reinforcing these destructive male gender roles. Being stuck in this situation, I can see why so many guys in a similar to my own go down the Tate/Peterson pipeline. While tradcons are ultimately wrong, I can see how their messaging is appealing in the sense that at least they say "hey, this is how you succeed" rather than treating masculinity as some form of 'original sin' like what a not insignificant amount of progressives do.
Ultimately things have improving for me on an emotional level regarding my self-esteem and blackpill ruminations. This may sound silly, but I have been turning to the fantasy genre for inspiration, looking at mages/wizards/druids in particular. I think it's because in many ways, they have become the antithesis of what's sold to us as the 'ideal' modern masculinity, the wizened old man who's strength doesn't come from physicality but from mysterious forces that takes great knowledge and mental strength to master. I suppose that in a way, mastering the use of magic as portrayed in fantasy is analogous to mastering and experiencing the breadth of one's own emotions in the sense that getting to that point does feel like mastering some kind of forbidden, arcane knowledge.
You too, huh?
Wizards are just the STEM graduates of fantasy worlds.
Hello fellow autistic!
Hello, fellow autistic!
I like that mastering emotions feels like a form of arcane knowledge almost taboo
The start of this year been really shitty my mom had a stroke and honestly this video validates over 30 years of pain, fury and confusion. Thank you. I needed to hear what you had to say, truly, I thank you.
Aww, gonna cry?
@MK_ULTRA420 not the time man
@@nyxnox2135 lol get triggered
Wow I didn't know it was normal to decide not to feel. My cringy teen self thought he was Rick Sanchez, cool and emotionless.
Little did I know I was Rick Sanchez, emotionally stunted and traumatized.
I feel constant anxiety, like nothing is ever enough to just sit and be, like nothing that I do good in this world matters enough and what I do bad feels like the end of me.
I don't know if you did already, but find a therapist.
@@josecoronadonieto6911 I did and I can say that moving out of my parents house did me more good than any therapist did in my whole life.
Just yesterday my wife told me that I need to show our 2 daughters more love. She handed me a card and told me to write what came from my heart. I opened my soul up and wrote a paragraph about how I wanted them to always remember in the moments of self dout how valuable and amazing they are. I handed the card to my wife. She read it, and asked if I was making fun of her. I told her no, and she responded saying "this isn't what I told you to write", and crumpled up the card. Then, having become upset, she didn't talk to me for the rest of the evening. I think I prefer being a cog. 😂
You need to have a serious conversation with your wife. If you can't survive while expressing emotions, you need to leave.
@@benjaminjenkins2384 She actually apologized on her own today. To be fair to her, her original reaction is what she and basically every other woman has been conditioned to give in response to an unexpected display of emotion from the male sex. She recognized what she did, and both her and I have been working through our own childhood traumas for a while, so I knew what it was. Still hurt of course, but I am married to her for a reason. I knew it wasn't an intentional offence against me.
Thank you for expressing this I've been feeling this for the last half year or so. I left a woman who tried hard to manipulate me through this kind of thing and it really made me feel retraumatized and I'm almost 40
It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society.
Perfect
It is truly a breath of fresh air to listen to someone talking coherently and analytically about this issue. Thank you, we really need more people like you.
My dad recently left my mom for another woman and she is obviously devestated and has used me as an emotional shield that she can tell all the ugly details to but when I try to talk about the problems I have to do deal with in my life, she doesn't want to hear it and just tells me to see a therapist or read scripture.
I'm a cishet woman who has been *deeply* steeped in women's only spaces (All-girls school, womens college, girl-only summer camps, etc). I was inadvertently taught boys/men were untrustworthy and distractions because of this, that they will be cruel and dismissive because of my gender. I only really spent time with men in a significant way, thanks to studying abroad for a semester.
This warped fear of men, as you point out at the very end, makes me avoid trying to get close to men to this day. (Not that men would want my presence.)
However, wildly, I have a rather similar experience with emotional suppression (though NOWHERE near as severe) that is described in this video. I was made fun of for being a crybaby for most of my early childhood. I also have a massive temper. To this day it is so easy to be angry, it is the only negative emotion I can feel without wanting to kick myself in the teeth. Again, nowhere near as described in this video, but I understand it.
Thank you for the video. It's helpful in my journey.
That shits rough on anybody. My heart goes out to you. Bi cis dude myself, and for whatever it's worth I hate you've had to deal with both parts of that, and I respect and appreciate the self awareness you're displaying.
Hopefully we can all work together and create better solutions to these problems. And find some more safety and peace for ourselves.
(Not that men would want my presence.)
I would, but in a Fight Club sort of way...
I also feel that when someone says that men don't know how to write women or relationships stories this feels like a very good part of the reason why that always happens
Men understand whamin better than whamin understand themselves. Whamin are just too selfish and arrogant to admit it.
@@Willie_Wahzoo I hope this is bait if not I'm sorry you believe this.
Your videos on men's issues are some of the best on this topic.
Really the only left winger I hear giving a rational view on mens issues other then TheTinMen.
He has definitely gotten some nuggets of truth in there but unfortunately its all distorted around several toxic left wing biases so he off in left field for a lot of it.
@oriondye3212 This. I like the sentiment and alot of the points he raises and discusses but it feels like "cope" in the most respectful way possible.
Can you explain what you mean in detail? I'm not looking for an argument. It's just likely that I share the same biases and I want to be made aware of them.@@AIartificalIntellige
@@AIartificalIntellige what do you guys mean? Maybe it's because we're so completely starved of acknowledgement and validation, but i dont understand either.
If i ever run a game of dnd again, im going to have every named character cry for their mother, spouse or children after reaching 0 hp
The dark souls way
This video made me appreciate my girlfriend even more. She has practically been the only person in my life who even cares about my emotions to any degree. If I tell her how I am emotionally feeling during a time of distress and it’s not anger the problem usually gets sorted in like 10 minutes because she’s a very practical person.
I’m 25, and at some point earlier in my adolescence, I came to the understanding that *everyone* has more emotional depth than they would ever willingly show. As a result of this I’ve always tried to be as understanding, reasonable, and not necessarily kind but certainly never hostile to someone who didn’t deserve it. I know I have emotionally depth too, but identifying my own emotions has always been a challenge despite being able to read people’s feelings quite well most of the time. It’s something I’ve always been cognizant of and actively think about on a regular basis. Even when my parents asked how I’d be doing when I was in my teen years, the answer was always “tired”. Nobody would ever bat an eye. Most people assume “sleepy”, some give me a look, but no one I truly cared about has ever asked me why. Even if they did, I’m not sure I’d know the answer, even today. Everyday I put up a jungian mask, a front, where even if I’m honest about how I’m feeling, I’ll phrase it in a way that won’t set off alarms bc I struggle to believe that people *do* care, and they will listen free of judgement. I never felt comfortable talking to my parents about it, even though I knew they cared. But they came from a different time, with different societal beliefs they modernized in their heads. I never felt I could relate to them despite the difference in life experience. I’m sure talking to them could help, but I’ve never felt comfortable talking to them that way. It’s partially why I’ve always felt more comfortable around women closer to my age. I don’t and have rarely had “bros” to hang out with in my life. And with the experience I have now, I’ve never wanted a group of bros more. Space to relax, free from unnecessary judgement. Idk I’m rambling but tldr idk anything about no loneliness epidemic or anything like that but I do know I crave that outlet
'identifying emotions'? I question the idea of identifying emotions. The minute we put a label on something and try talking to other people about it they are likely to jump to conclusions that often don't match what we are trying to communicate. What does it mean to love someone? Is it ever truly the same emotion every single time?
I am a gay dude and I have had the same problem when I tell people that. They assume all kinds of things that do not have anything to do with who I am or how I feel.
Sometimes finding a label for something can be a trap that loses the nuance.
Bro I feel you so much. Almost all of your message could be talking about me. It's weird growing up not identifying with the classical male role, exemplified by the dudebro-noEmotions-sportstalk guys, but on the other hand you can'tinteract with or express your own emotions the way you think you should be able to; "I'm not one of those guys!"
Then you realize that you have the same issues they have, just different symptoms, just numbness and tiredness and alienation. And "those guys" at least conform to expectations, so it looks like they are successful and happy and right to be the way they are. And of course, being creatures of pattern-recognition and habit, these models are unthinkingly taught and become structures, which become expectations, which are the pillars of how we percieve the world, to the point that i saw a comment here saying that "men evolved to be closed off".
Bitterness is really easy to fall into, even when you're aware of it and trying not to. "Those guys" are just as wounded, just as numb.
Someone in this comment section already said it, but it bears repeating: "It is no measure of health to be adjusted to a sick society".
And thus we wounded, faulty people must find a way to build communities where these wrongs might be corrected, with no blueprint or guide, fighting with each other about method and purpose, and little hope of seeing if the thing we have built will be the solution, or if we put our wounds and scars into it again, like our parents did before us.
I was always a crybaby as a kid. I couldn't hold it back. I think it really effected my relationship with my father. especially as a got older. When I was a teenager I realized I had depression (and probably did my whole life) and it just went into full drive sometime after puberty. I had suicidal thoughts. I would just occasionally start crying and couldn't stop, which was embarrasing as a teen boy, which made it worse. I wanted to die because I was depressed and then I would cry because I didn't want to be alive anymore, and then I wanted to die even more because I was so embarrased that I was crying. Eventually I graduated. I met someone who liked that I didn't hold back my emotions, that I showed I cared about things. Even then sometimes I still feel stupid when I tear up at something that feels ridiculous like a youtube video or a tv show and try to hide it. She gets upset when I do that but its a hard habit to break. I was called sexist and homophobic slurs by my dad. My parents still don't understand why I cut them off (its that and many other reasons).
What sucks is it feels like its impossible to change. Even when us guys agree that its fucked up that we aren't allowed to show our emotions and confide in each other and that we should be able to, it feels like us guys that recognize that still can't do it. I find it difficult to go to my guy friends and talk about mental health. None of my guy friends really come to me and I'm pretty open about going through it all. I have a friend who has major depression, and then he had 3 of us, his closest friends who came to his wedding, over for a LAN shortly after and his sister died suddenly while we were in the middle of the LAN. We tried reaching out several times to open up. His wife tried to get him to talk to his friends. He just got harder and harder to get a hold of. He hasn't responded to us in years at this point.
guys, we gotta fight this bullshit patriarchy harder. We can't just complain about it. We gotta fix it together.
You can cry all you want if it makes you feel better and if people mock you for it you dont have to care about it, but if you do, then they will only stop when you show them that you are willing to hurt them really bad if they dont stop it, since with that ANGER you earn respect in their eyes
The doctor, Gabbor Mate, has a video talking about depression. He explained that "depression" of feeling during childhood cause the wave of emotional suppression in teenagers' time. I think you cold like him.
It has nothing to do with patriarchy, that is your problem right there. If any its more so current day feminism if you want to blame that on something as they want emotional men only to get emotionally abused by them and women also get their social engineering thinking this ok.
Its really just humans evolving with to much information and a lot of it is misinformation.
There are bad people everywhere even in like minded ideologies.
Patriarchy isnt bad or good, its just 'the patriarchy'. Just as men being strong isnt good or bad, its how you use your power...
I wish i could cry
For a while I thought I was a trans man because I related a lot more to male characters and the experiences of my male peers far more than my female peers. Then realised that a lot of the ways society mistreats men are similar to how society treats autistic people (autistic women can be treated differently but often face similar struggles although without the knowledge of it being related to autism because we are diagnosed much later on average than autistic men are). This partly meant reclaiming my femininity after having it repeatedly invalidated by my peers and my sister, but also realising that being treated like a tool only valued for their functional utility not deserving of emotional or social bonds was the thing that I related to men about even though it was more to do with the autistic experience than being a man in my case.
But that relatability and the fact that a lot of people who bullied me also claimed to care about social issues of racism and sexism despite the inhumanity they serve to autistic people (and generally spouting ablist bs) made me wary of people claiming to care about those things. Indirectly encouraging me to come to support those courses through independant learning and listening to people affected by them rather than their advocates, which made a lot easier to take MRA seriously even if some talking points ignore the underlying issue to instead focus on reinforcing harmful behaviours onto men.
I'm so happy to have read your comment, because I made the same but reverse experience. I'm cis-male but often thought I might be trans, because I related a lot to the way society mistreats women: Not being allowed to take up space, making myself small, not defending myself when people step over my boundaries etc. because I grew up in an emotionally abusive home with one very dominant parent.
To add onto your last sentence, I think the movement you are looking for is Men's Liberation or MensLib. It views itself as a brother-movement to feminism, empowering men to grow beyond patriarchal stereotypes and harmful behaviors, whereas - to my mind - MRAs try to escape patriarchy by doing patriarchy even harder.
They don't spout "able-ist" BS, because they are not "able". They are completely messed up, just all in the same way, and so it's really tribal BS. They don't know anything, aren't "better", and have as many or more problems as any of us.
In a very real way, they are prisoners of their supposed "normalcy", as if they deviate from it they are criticized, or abandoned.
We, on the other hand, are at least aware of our alienation and try to do something about it. It's awful to deal with the "normal" nonsense, but we KNOW it's nonsense.
Be well, sister.
Thank you for the comment. I really don't like when transitioning is pushed on people. I think there's usually a lot of underlying issues that are covered up by it.
From personal experience, I think it's common for autistic individuals to have a blend of traits associated with both genders. Sensitive men, stalwart women, that sort of thing. It's a pity when people conflate gender stereotypes with gender identity. Relating to members of the opposite sex doesn't make someone trans, it makes them human.
It's really funny how so many 'ablist' people are delusional. In some ways delusion is among the worst disabilities to suffer from. We all need help in life, and we all have 'reasonable accommodations' made for us to function.
I was raised by feminists and have heard nothing but contempt towards the male gender. While I recognize these issues presented here as real I have a hard time believing that feminism cares about men at all and aren't just using their social clout to blame men for everything wrong with society by villainizing them under the label of "patriarchy". In fact, I believe the whole "feminism" vs "patriarchy" lens of analyzing these issues is an important part of why genders today are so divided and is what keeps us fighting each other rather than working together.
That's an incomplete understanding of what patriarchy means. Patriarchy isn't "life is better for men", rather it's more useful to think of it as systemic narcissistic triangulation. Essentially, society abuses all of us like how a narcissistic parent would abuse their children, and part of that abuse can even be seen as "beneficial" to one party despite actually being toxic. This is known as the "golden child/scapegoat" dynamic. So one party, or gender in this case, is denied certain rights or needs and the other is overloaded with it, and then we are told that the other gender are hoarding or otherwise responsible for the lack. Of course, the rules that create distorted outcomes aren't blamed, because we don't apply agency to rules (even if those rules are completely socially defined and subject to change by people with their own sense of agency).
As Burger pointed out, feminists didn't CREATE these systems, these systems and norms predate any sort of modern feminism, even just Victorian era suffragettes are a rather recent development compared to the idea of man as a warrior hero (and remember, a "cult of the hero" can be a fascistic trait, especially when paired with the concept of live lived only for conflict and death, or of a loathing of weakness).
Tl;dr it's okay to criticize feminists or feminism, but it's not okay to defend the patriarchy that oppresses both men and women by dividing us against each other. It's not men vs women, it's all of us vs the patriarchy
I agree. If we were serious about equanimity between sexes we'd throw this "feminism is for both genders- that's why you as a man should call yourself a feminist" shit right in the garbage. You can spin the definition however you want but at the end of the day you know exactly how ordinary people will think about these issues when your platform is literally named strictly after one gender and has had 50+ years of academic work put primarily into surfacing grievances and comparisons against us. They don't care about us. They never have. Our problems and our lives only matter insofar as they relate to a woman.
I was raised by people who weren't feminists but seeing the MGTOWs, pill taking reds and other people in the boyosphere makes me sick. The inherently self-centered ideology of these people who feel angry that other people don't care about them would be funny if it weren't so sad.
@@fluidthought42 Wow, you really femisplained this guy just to completely and utterly miss his point, dismiss his and MANY mens experiences and ultimately reinforce the very toxic feminism he was criticizing. what the fuck.
@@fluidthought42Lmao.
"The patriarchy affects both men and women!!"
"Let's keep blaming a whole gender about it tho."
Never get tired of this schtick. I am the victim, but it's also my fault. Ok. Cool story, sis. I know you have zero intentions of helping me or any other man, so don't worry about it. No hard feelings.
I've tried explaining this to people close to me. They can't even conceptualize it. It does not compute to them because we don't look at men as wholly human. As you said, we're seen as monsters. And trying to tell people that, no, we're not, is like speaking gibberish to them.
Anyhow, i appreciate your work and your insights dude. If you're ever in the Seattle area, I'd love to buy you a beer or drink of your choice.
the hardest part is that so many men can't even process it either.
This obviously doesn't mean people don't have this view, but I have never seem anyone demonstrate or state it explicitly or implicitly. All except for in videos in this side of youtube. It is also expressed towards women who have even the slightest human flaw.
"I've tried explaining this to people close to me. They can't even conceptualize it. It does not compute to them because we don't look at men as wholly human. "
"If you're ever in the Seattle area"
I think I see the problem. Seattle hates straight white men.
Men are hybrids more akin to tools. They are not fully fledged human beings with complex emotions and needs, because that would spoil the solipsistic and hypergamous female fantasy of the cosmic male provider/destroyer archetype
I always figured that this stuff didn't really effect me, because I was never explicitly told that "men don't cry" or stuff like that.
but I just realized that I was more passively conditioned into it. Eventually I just stopped crying, or showing needless emotions, or other such things, because people wouldn't take me seriously otherwise. It was more out of necessity than out of direct hammering into the brain, but it still affected me.
that's horribly annoying.
Ain't that a kick in the pants. I've had that sort of realization about multiple things. Horribly annoying is the most understated but accurate way of describing the feeling. Thank you for that.
It’s the cold hard truth that no one except Tate and the manosphere is willing to acknowledge. At best, No one is coming to save you if you’re depressed or sad/crying. At worst, They simply smell weakness and go for the kill
Hearing the praise for Intersectionalism surprised me, because I pretty much saw intersectional feminists as the ones who called you white nationalists in addition to misogynists.
I'd be curious to read your explanation for that.
@@wabbajack2 well, to begin with, I spend way to much time online, and going around online, most of the people I see who identify as intersectional feminists are the kinds of people who say "all white people are racist colonizers" and "only white people can be racist".
damn, the part where you said that being afraid of helping or being nice to others makes you look deceptive hits deep, i always want to be nice and help others when the situation present itself, but i always stop in my track, feeling as if i was overstepping, taking someone else's right to be helpful, because when i do end up helping, i feel good about myself, and that's a feeling i ain't worthy of, then i never mention the help i provided because i'm afraid to look like i'm braging about it and did it simply for looks instead of genuine concern for others, so i just end up looking like any other cold and empty man out there and in return nobody cares to know me deep enough to see me as a human being with complex emotions
This is so hard to overcome. You feel like you don't deserve feeling good about yourself for being affectionate because it feels manipulative. Im actually good at this when its strangers. But the closer I am to a person, the harder it gets. As if they have more time to realize I'm manipulative and fake ... even though I'm genuine. But is never feels that way. It sucks
I have a feeling that this will blow up, I hope it will happen in a good way.
Extremely good Ted Talk, will recommend!
Same. I hope similar / expansive videos are posted to demonstrate a. Men suffer in ways not often acknowledged publically and b. Mamy ways men suffer are actually similar to how women suffer and thus help each other in solidarity instead of treat the other as the enemy / problem
As a guy who started my first real relationship in my 30s I can say it's amazing how much having a space to actually process emotions without the threat of being ostracized or abandoned can do to improve mental health and outlook on life. Everyone should be able to have that.
As a 40 year old cishet man, I just want every left-leaning space I find to stop being horribly callous towards male abuse victims, and for feminism to stop doing dishonest research and lying with data to pretend that abusive partners and family are a gendered issue, and stop using their institutional power (which they do have) to block male victims from finding support.
I was trapped in an abusive relationship with a woman for 20 years, and this is what killed me emotionally. I was an emotionally vibrant person who easily opened up to and felt meaningful connections with people all the way up to my late 20's. But today, I am emotionally dead and do not feel an ability to form new emotional connections with people. And it's 100% because of the circumstances of my past relationship. To do justice to my experiences would take an incredible wall of text.
But I just want to say that I do not connect with this discourse that is overwhelmingly prevalent everywhere right now about male social conditioning teaching them to kill all emotions except anger. I understand that it is a real experience for many people. But I think the prevalence of it is vastly overstated, and I think other explanations are vastly understated.
Specifically, I think the structure of the institution of wage labor requires that employees leave their emotions at the door when they show up to work. There is very limited room for being an individual human being with emotions when you are on the job. This is true for any employee, regardless of gender. But it's men who are on average still under far more pressure by the women in their lives to be the stable provider for their families. Women work more today, but in my personal experience, they often do not experience the same pressure to take their job as seriously. I have witnessed female co-workers get into fights with their bosses that I wouldn't ever dare, and openly state that they're doing so because their partner makes more than them and they see the job as optional. Men are pressured to play it safer and take it more seriously, which means more seriously leaving their individual emotional selves at the door. When that's 3/4 of your conscious life experience, it gets harder and harder over time to just switch back on to an emotionally vibrant human mode for strictly only your 4 hours at home.
And at home... there is the issue of male victims of domestic abuse. Which I think is massively, massively understated. And here's where it's really tempting to write that massive wall of text. While my situation was especially bad (having to emotionally shut down at work AND at home for 20 years), almost every man I know has been abused by women in their lives. But the majority of them do not see what happened to them as abuse, even though they call it abuse if they witness the exact same things being perpetrated by a man against a woman. And I don't think it's as simple as saying that their male identity won't allow them to see themselves as victims because that would mean signaling weakness or anything like that. I'm sure that is a factor to varying degrees for many men. But I don't believe it is a universal explanation. I think instead that the subjects of sexual violence & abuse are overwhelmingly dominated by feminist narratives that portray those issues as almost exclusively male perpetrator/female victim in nature, and make being a victim of these issues as a matter of female identity. I think many, many men, including personal examples of people I know where I'm 100% sure it's the case, don't want to use the same language to describe their own situations as they would if they were women, because they think they would be taking something away from women by doing so.
This is exactly how the feminist movement wants it, too. They go to great lengths to ensure that men feel this way. And there is absolutely nothing they hate more than a man who claims to have been abused by a woman. They will claim otherwise in theory, but when it comes to real cases, they overwhelmingly double down against a male victim every single time. They constantly say things that are horribly callous to male victims, to the point that as a radical lefty myself, I have had to completely cut leftist spaces out of my life. And when they do speak about issues faced by male victims, they will always paint it as the patriarchy hurting men too, while refusing to acknowledge ways their movement has specifically oppress male victims Either by dishonest research or representation of data to manipulate public opinion on the issue, protesting and lobbying against resources for men, or wielding influence over how institutions operate, as with the Duluth Model. I lived in fear of any form of confrontation with my abusive ex for years, because I live in a state that has a policy of mandatory arrest of the man in all cases of domestic disturbance. I called myself a feminist for most of my life, and believed the rhetoric that this is because of the institution infantilizing women as a result of patriarchal gender norms. But in recent years I've learned that... no... it's the Duluth Model. Founded by feminists.
I think it's kind of backwards to blame these issues on broad-sweeping generalized theoretical explanations about how people in general are socialized based on their gender, when there are alternative explanations involving real factually verifiable paper trails that can be directly and tangibly addressed first, and then see what impact that has on the issue.
I'm sure people will want to challenge me on this, and I'm perfectly willing to expand on this... but this is enough of a wall of text already.
Thank you for saying this. I think that what you said goes alongside the points made in the video. Not an either or, but an also. I also think the things you mentioned as understated are definitely understated.
I would say that regardless of the exact amounts, all the things mentioned in the video and by you are real problems. None of them can be swept under the rug, and they must all be worked at and fixed. Replacing one injustice with another is just playing musical chairs with victims. We must make things better, and that must include acknowledging the mistakes and successes in our addressing these issues.
I have seen what might be an uptick in leftist spaces that acknowledge these things lately. If nothing else this space here seems to be vaguely in that direction. It's still too little and too rare, but progress seems to always be a tragically cumbersome process.
There is hope, wan and fragile though it might be. And us having this conversation and the others like it nourish that hope.
Feminism is a Jewish institution. Isn't that great? Soooo great? Please don't ban me again Mr. ZOGbot. lol
I find it fascinating that people talk about institutional power nonstop, yet refuse to acknowledge that one of the most impactful institutions out there is public schools, which are overwhelmingly dominated by women, especially progressive women. Which is great for girls, but not so much for boys, as we've seen with test scores over the years.
But when your politics and ideology are dominated by "us vs them," it's hard to hear the Other saying they have problems too. Like, I hate when people talk about toxic masculinity or patriarchy, and then say "oh, well, it affects men too!" or "men actually suffer even more under it!" Then maybe come up with a name that doesn't feel like it's blaming the average man for it? I feel like it's not that hard to recognize that a name like that will put lots of men in a defensive headspace.
Sombody did a video of how capitalists changed the worke enviorment with always canging disantwanteges as ``price´´for the positiv ons. I had the stray thaought after reading your text. That patriarchy is changing away from having fixed rolls to be more mallebel for plausebal deniabilety and there isen't so much need For men anymore and them whying for power by serving it, machanisation and so on. Also it woulden't be suprising if feminists copid abuse tactics from men as revange, not knowing how those institutions worke properly and betwenn men, wimen and children if it hase to be on wich on is it.(no body fixid it so fare so you can't.) Waht a pathetic and dishartening as well as understandebal and relatabel thougt.
@Tmanowns About school the most annoying thing I see is picking two sides writing out theire arguments and than having a debate about them. I get not throwing aut the strawmenns, emptie aire in words harms politichians and we can't expect them to engage in selfe sabotage. Also wiche sides are pickt is also telling, becouse it's difficult to say somthing that isen't ther or sems not acceptebal. Gobalisation I diden't know iIwas for alter globilisation until yesterday, they belive globilasation can be don helftely if we put the effort in. Since it only acceptebel thing seemd with or withaou screw people over. Same thing for Feminismus I guess.
Edit: Spelling + The sentanche after
Several years ago there was an analysis of domestic violence complaints. In the vast majority of the cases the complaints followed the complaining woman rather than and regardless of the various partners she had. It found that usually these men only had abuse claims made about them during cohabitation with these particular women and not otherwise.
This channel is criminally underrated, I have never felt more seen and respected than here,i pray that more people find you, I hope you live your best life man
This video is getting sent to a lot of people by me over the coming weeks, months, and years. It is the best and purest expression of what experiencing life as a man has been for me and doesn't contain unnecessary negative takes or wild political bullshit. This is the most real vid I've seen on youtube since the early days. Stay golden my dude.
I wish this video came out a year sooner because I've been through this process and have seen the results- both on my emotional state and in my interpersonal relationships. The more secure you are as a person- and I mean genuinely secure, not just stable- the better you will do moving forward.
How do you work towards being secure? Or more accurately, how do you even know what the difference is experientially between being secure and being stable?
@@psychopathsnope_9039You're asking the right questions.
I'll answer up top before I've seen the rest. I feel miserable, alone, and completely defeated. I feel like I've never had a chance to rest or reap the rewards of my work. I feel like everyone expects me to just be okay and I'm not and I don't know how to be.
Here’s a tip, your not alone and they are agonising about thier own lives lumping you in with the
“people who expect them to be ok”
Your not alone, we walk in the valley of the shadow of death, look up and you’ll see your not alone, and no you don’t have the power to fix things
But if you feel hollow, deny yourself the pleasures that make your isolation bearable, go do things for others and you’ll feel that warmth again, we don’t get to feel love alone, or gratitude, we get it by sharing those feelings with others
I’m with you
You are the best and wonderful and beautiful in every way, and I am proud of you
@@lifesymbiont5769 I couldn't really receive this a month ago but I am very grateful for your words. I hope you keep being you.
The title makes me nervous, but knowing this channel, I am going to love the points he makes.
He’s done this before, he loves that bait and switch.
yes i love that he manages to peak the attention of the incel crowd and then feeds them feminism, he's so cool.
@@eda6654 This is why I love this guy's content.
@@Zectifinsame, and it's the correct method per the literature, not shaming men further 😂 mofos never heard of shame spirals
The point that cis men feeling a sense of shame for not performing a culturally imposed character of masculinity can be understood as a sense of gender dysphoria is a hot one tbh
I agree I don't really want to call it gender dysphoria. I don't really care about all that shit, I just care about whether the new boundaries being negotiated around gender are fair or not, and they're fuckin not. It feels like we're trending toward a world where men are distrusted, treated as criminals by default, and held in disdain because it's just assumed that they're more likely to have irrational emotional outbursts and not get their shit together, and it's because they're men that this is the case. Nevermind what society has done to men, or what women have done to men. Ignore it at your own peril, I guess. Because the worst kinds of men are those most entrenched in that cold dark reality that when you're a man no one gives a fuck about you so your best bet is to double down on that, bury your emotions, and become the perfect laborer and perfect soldier society wants you to be. And once you do all that and still end up broke, divorced, and angry, you start looking for someone to blame, because you haven't been given the option to consider that the deal was pretty raw for you from the jump.
My god, there was literally a time in the 2010s that people would call just talking about these things hate speech and misogyny. Incel by default just for trying to talk about men's problems.
He's right though. Most trans people today use THIS reasoning for their transitioning.
26:05 That line resonates to a ludicrous amount. I fell down the incel rabbit hole a few years back and. although I would not have been able to express it like you just did, it makes a lot of sense. I managed to get out by being able to talk to girls my age who were willing to listen to me and make counterpoints without shaming or insulting me. It frustrates me when people are incapable of empathizing without understanding fully.
The same applies to the whole Andrew Tate shitshow; I don't agree with what he is saying, but I understand why it is so attractive to boys and young men, he sells you a solution to the immense amount of pain, which is quite simply to just hate yourself until you change and to hate others so you forget you hate yourself.
That plus he sells you on the idea to escape the system is to buy into it more, not just in terms of dealing with gender roles but also with dealing with capitalism. Or at least that was the vibe when I talked to a supporter of his. He sounded so... defeated, he couldn't conceive of opposing capitalism despite recognizing it as an oppressive force in his own life. His only emotional escape was to fantasize about becoming a capitalist, which is what Tate officially sells (unofficially his capital is casinos and women).
Tate sells the same thing all capitalist gurus sell really: the fantasy that if you grind just a little bit harder that the promised land will be right around the corner. They sell hope to the hopeless by making them buy into the thing depriving them of opportunities and happiness. It's a self-sustaining market, in a way.
@@fluidthought42 Yeah no it seems like you’ve consumed the breadtube commie propaganda. If your problem is capitalism, that’s a huge redflag. And based on the your previous comments defending intersectional feminism, that confirms it.
when i was about 12 years old, I sat with my older sister amd my mother (single mom, i never knew my father) in the living room while they talked about feminism. I didnt participate until my mother states that "all men are potential rapists". I replied along the lines of "surely not ALL men. surely that matter is more complicated than that..." ... kinda hoping to not have to think of myself as a potential rapist. but my mother insisted that, no, absolutely all men are potential rapists (probably at the moment not realizing that a 12 year old boy knew that he would be such a man one day). this has accompanied me in every relationship i ever had in the last 35 years ...
I have seen so many stories like this, and it's absolutely abhorrent. It's abusive to say such things to a child.
And I think the better argument to be made in those situations is "Yes, all men are potential rapists. All women are also potential rapists. All people are potential rapists. Anybody can rape. There's no reason to single out men."
Yeah, i was reminded yesterday how fucking blind women can be to this shit. My (female) friend was complaining how "toxic" (ugh, basically anyone showing any trait that she doesn't like) her parents are, how allegedly they undermine her every opinion and life choice and how she decided to cease any contact with them. I wanted to show her that i understand, so i told her that i really get what she is talking about because i had the same problem and i had to cut my parents off. I also told her that i get how this decision can be difficult because you often wish that things could be different.
She immediately responded with:
"Well, too bad. You're no longer a child. Get over it"
Inside i was like " wtf?!, you're the one who brought the whole parent drama up but suddenly you try to make me look like a complaining bitch?"
This, this fucking needs to be shared to all men(of all types) bc holy fuck this is the most concisely rendered critique of the subject I've ever heard.
Nevermind the words are better than what I've been trying to communicate to friends and family for a while now; what I'm tryinna say is, well fucken said.
When he says "Share to your relevant communities" he's technically referring to basically all of humanity. Also I note that he didn't follow up with a "...but do not spam them" ;-)
Men? This needs to be required viewing for EVERYONE in humanity.
In petroleum mining it's very common to leave behind an empty reservoir whose walls are made of salt. All that's left is a cavity shaped like what used to be there, and maybe a few drams at the bottom.
Like a lot of guys, a series of emotionally ruinous experiences left me with nothing but emotional cavities. Now there are empty pits whose silhouettes are joy, and admiration, and sorrow, and all the other things I threw away. It is a tragedy that they were gone, but I do find comfort in acknowledging what used to be there.
It takes a very long time for petroleum to form, and I'll never get back what used to be there, but when they are full again I may not even notice. I'll be too happy to care.
This is so poignant, I literally feel your pain brother😭😭😭 I think this type of thought is one thing that can help us fill those cavities
As always, this video hit incredibly too close to home and helped me put into words the things I was feeling but couldn't express. Amazing channel, amazing video, thank you for putting out such helpful content Burger!
Its moments like this where being raised by a parent with emotional issues kinda... helped me?
My dad is bipolar, so he cannot control the emotions he gets (among other things but this is what I'm gonna focus on). So my dad cried a lot, so i grew up thinking "oh, men cry a lot, as do women. This is normal" so I was raised to be very attuned with my emotions because both my parents expressed them quite openly. With that, as I grew up, I felt many a time people would "force" me to feel a certain way, even though I didn't want to. It was jarring to be raised one way and then society force another way on me.
I got to experience the accidental freedom of emotion while feeling the suppression of my emotions as I got older. I can't tell you the amount of times someone would ask me "why are you crying" like it was somehow an affront to their perception of a man.
I suppose my point is: I enjoy expressing my emotions, and I feel blessed to able to enjoy said expression. Please do yourself a favor (whether youre a girl, a guy, or anything else that you prefer) and be motivated to express yourself, even if it feels socially awkward or bizarre. Seriously, the freedom can heal you and make you a more fulfilled person. The person you were meant to be is a person that is freed by your emotions and not inhibited.
I want to be the kind of guy to understand the feelings on the emotion wheel and explain them without using the emotion wheel.
At a certain point the butcher took even my anger, and left only fear and all-consuming sadness. Of course, I couldn't express it. I have lived like this for most of my adolescence, and haven't fully regained myself yet (I'm in my early 20s). The deepest feeling I ever remember was desperately wishing to return to my early childhood, when I hadn't gone to elementary school yet. It was the only time in my life that I ever remember not feeling like the entire world hated me specifically. I've had this deep nostalgia ever since I was like 10, to the point that when I have no other form of comfort I go to my father's house and hug the teddy bear that I was gifted when I was 2-3 years old, and that was basically an immaginary friend of mine when I was a child.
I started reclaiming my emotions only in the last few years, and only after a series of traumatic events one after the other. I remember when I was at my therapist's office and I started desperately crying, and I didn't even fully know why.
Last year I started reclaiming my anger, and it came out just like when you poke an abscess that has been festering for a decade: all of the pressure was released with immense violence. I started yelling at those I loved for minor stuff, breaking things and screaming at the top of my lungs when I was sure nobody would hear me. For a while I even cherished it and desperately tried to keep myself from calming down because It was so liberating. At a certain point every anger episode left me drained and exhausted, and luckly they are very rare now.
One of the things that more than anything makes me suffer is my lonelyness and sexual frustration: I've never had a girlfriend, and my only kisses I shared were with a boy my age a few years ago, but he never wanted further than that.
In-and-of itself there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but the thing Is that I've always had a high sex drive, but never managed to satisfy it fully. Usually people tell me to just jerk off, but that's just a surrogate. I don't just want the physical pleasure: I enjoy it quite a lot, but I also want the intimacy, and the knowledge that someone Is attracted to me. Almost all of my friends have a partner or have had several by now, and whenever the conversation shifts to these topics I feel this horrible mixture of envy, anger and self-pity, so much so that I either try to change subject or shut down entirely. They know about it, and their answers have been either insultingly basic ("you'll find someone", "be yourself" and stuff like that) or sometimes insinuate that there's something fundamentally wrong with me.
I'm currently in the tail end of a massive wave of anxiety regarding death and existential dread, because of course I am.
I'm not by any means healthy yet, but slowly I'm getting better and better. I'm in a way better position than the one I was in 2 years ago, and I'm sure that in 2 years I'll be saying the same thing about now.
Holy shoot after I started taking antidepressants and improved some life circumstances all I feel now is fear, dread, sadness, and isolation. I don't miss my anger but it was honestly better than this impending sense of dread that looms over me.
I had a girlfriend. She asked me why i keep swaping sides when walking along the sidewalk. I didnt realise i was doing it. Then i ealised that i was putting myself between her and things i percieved as dangerous. She got very annoyed and told me that i was infantalising her. And i didnt know why i was doing that, but i knew it was not infantalisation. and i said 'you are more important than me'.
I think most guys are raised that way. I know I was. You do that so if anything were to happen you can save other people.
Not yourself
It's so fun when you are either a careless monster or, when you show care, you are infantilizing and patronizing...
@@Vlugazoide good practice is asking, like: "This is the way I try to show my care and if it makes you uncomfortable then how could I make it proper?". And sometimes just stoping doing the thing that for you was way of showing care can be enough as there are other things that you are doing just fine.
I often fail to ask the question as shame is taking over but when I ask - it's way nicer!
@@Vlugazoide It would be really cool if people didn't immediately make the most antagonistic interpretation possible in moments like these.
@@Vlugazoide It's not always like that.
Cut the doomer thoughts, you ain't getting anywhere like this
My alcoholic mom left when I was 16. And I haven't really even ever seen her since. I'm sort of lost in the sauce in life right now.
There's a whole joke going around in France about men punching walls out of anger and how it's a really ridiculous show of weakness and vulnerability.
I see this on social media and I'm thinking "man I've punched a wall out of anger before, I'm really just a weak piece of garbage". But watching this video made me realize it was because it was the only emotional outlet I thought was acceptable for me to have (vs crying, complaining, or just voicing my feelings...etc). And at the time I did it, 10 years or so ago, it probably was. Because my father said it was good I finally showed some gusto (not sure if this is the right word).
And these days all I see is "awww poor angry man is going to punch a wall xDDD". When I read this I remember the immense feeling of frustration and hopelessness I felt when it happened to me and it makes me very sad that people would joke about it.
What's worse is that once you've reached the point of punching a wall, that means you've got very, very few outlets for your emotions.
Taking away emotional outlets by shaming them doesn't make the emotions go away. The whole reason the impulse to punch a wall exists in the first place is that the more reasonable ways of expressing our emotions have already been closed off. When you take away that outlet too, the next option is even more unreasonable emotional outlets, since if more reasonable options were available, punching a wall wouldn't have been the one the person went with.
Punching a wall makes people afraid. They think it's done as a threat. But in shaming that action and shutting down that emotional outlet, they're only making it MORE likely that the next option they resort to for emotional expression will be harming a person.
And punching a wall is already self-injury behavior.
Not that any of the people who shame men for doing it give a flying fuck about the fact that these men are in so much distress that they're actively self-injuring right out in public. Note that I said "care". Because the ones who use the shaming language you described are not afraid. You don't taunt someone you are afraid of. Those people understand full well this is self-injuring behavior, and that they are in no danger from a man lashing out like that. That the man doing it is far more likely to do himself harm. And that is the goal.
Because taunting people in a mental health crisis makes those pieces of shit feel powerful.
I mean… punching a wall is pathetic and shows a woman you have the emotional control of a 5 year old. Pickup a combat sport and hit the weights.
@@ThePsyborg1 That's just redirecting the self injury impulse, not resolving the lack of emotional outlets that is at the root of the problem.
@@YouthRightsRadical the gym is an emotional outlet.
@@ThePsyborg1 The gym is a way of injuring yourself in a controlled manner. It's about causing yourself pain because you don't like something about yourself. That's also what the combat sports you suggested are about. Why do you think Fight Club got the response it did?
I've gone to the gym to try to get emotions out for years, and I kept getting myself injured by pushing too hard and too far as part of a self injury habit. Because to get consistent, effective results at the gym without injuring yourself, you need to be in perfect control.
You need to moderate your level of exercise and stick to a consistent plan and regiment. And emotions don't follow a plan or regiment. And of you only have the one outlet, it's not something you're going to be able to moderate.
There is no panecea to be found in the man box. The only way things get better for any of us is by leaving. Sure, people will hate us, maybe even try to kill us, but it's not like the lives we have inside it are lives worth living in the first place.
what a god damn perfect, beautiful video. thank you
And that is why i keep supporting that channel despite not caring bout most vids.
As usual, Your psycho/culture stuff is spot on.
This was painful.
This was revealing.
This was enlightening.
I am not alone.
You are not alone.
We we not alone.
This is the start of the path to healing.
This is the map of the road to finding ourselves.
This shines a light on the only goal that matters.
Thank you for this.
I see you.
I hear you.
I love you.
You are loved.
We all deserve to be seen, and understood; we are worthy of healing and love.
🔥✊🏽🫂
I consider myself rather emotionally enlightened but hearing "you are not a monster" directly to camera hit me way harder than i expected so thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Alexithymia is a common experience in autistic people and emotionally neglected men. That is, difficulty identifying emotions and feeling a sort of distant separation between your emotions versus how you express them. In autists, this is because we are repeatedly forced not to stim (through direct punishment by parents or peers, such as through bullying and social isolation if we don't adequately mask our traits generally but especially our stims) and told the way we express our emotions is wrong or doesn't adequately align with how neurotypical people express their emotions. Overtime, masking or even trying to not acknowledge our emotions and emotional needs means we then struggle to identify and properly express our emotions. Needless to say this creates a lot of stress and is awful for our mental health. This is one of the examples where I related to men, only to realise it's because I'm autistic.
Autistic men (especially those that fit the Sheldon-esque stereotype and thus are typically diagnosed the earliest and have the most time knowing they are autistic) are typically given the most permission to openly express their autistic traits by society even if they still face bullying as a result. This gives some relief as they can better express their emotions they naturally would, likely moreso than neurotypical men who are more strictly forced to fit a standard of masculine gender roles. This is purely based on observation so take this with a few batmans of salt, but I wonder if that's why the rates of autistic men realising they do not fit the gender binary and either leaving it or switching their place in it is higher than in neurotypical men? Or why a lot of the most emotionally mature and kind men in my social circles are autistic (specifically the early diagnosed and openly expressed kind of autistic). But then again, the stereotypical internet incel is depicted as autistic, specifically focussing on the fact that many are also (seemingly) weeaboos.
This was kind of just a ramble, but yeah the autistic male experience is a unique one.
This has given me a lot to think about. A friend of mine is just beginning the process of transitioning and was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, which apparently is a common misdiagnosis for autism. Both they and I are realizing how stupendously many of our life experiences match with autistic experiences, and are finding the advice for those situations very useful.
What you said here is good food for thought for me. Thank you.
Given how I felt as an autistic kid, I actually relate a lot to the experiences of many incels. We are not treated well in most cases. My home life was good and I was fortunate enough to finally find a school that actually took bullying seriously, was STEM specialised and the teachers happened to have a lot of experience teaching autistic kids.
I often joke that had I not found that school / had I stayed in any previous school I would either be dead (by unaliving myself) or in prison (for assault / murder or attempted assault / murder of my classmates / bullies).
I was absolutely a femcel (incel but swap sex / relationships with friendships / popularity) and to this day have to go out of my way to educate myself about things like child development and human behaviour to remind myself that those people who hurt me wouldn't have been nicer people if their parents beat them more.
Eh you lost me at the stimming thing. That's way too simplistic and varied between individuals. Stimming isn't even universal nor do I know of it having any proven efficacy in handling emotions.
@@windywillow6071 Honestly, I suspect it's because society, legitimately doesn't give a shit about autistic people. This stuff clearly isn't coincidence in a lot of cases. They're left to their own devices and get sucked into or even preyed upon by the gender identity crowd for a sense of identity, because literally nothing is even trying to appeal or address their issues. Ironically, we've created a binary in this regard.
The internet doesn't even have a consistent stereotype about autism. It's an awful diagnosis in a most literal sense - it's way too broad.
Oh my god, Burger I know you probably won't see it, but I discovered your content last year after a hard break up. Started with world of darkness, but now I've seen your every vid and this helped me getting thru this year. This one is coming up the day I have my first breakdown and instantly occupied my mind so I don't think about it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and please stay fantastic 🖤💚💛🧡❤️
There was a comic, called Underworld. A miniseries run published by Marvel. He said this, "People say tough guys don't cry. That's bullshit. When my dad died, I cried my eyes out at his funeral. Tough guys cry because tough guys don't give a shit what people think about them." Love that line. Ultimately, this isn't even just a man/woman thing. This is a human thing. The whole pressures of society to live up to a certain expectation thing. Incidentally, I like Nietzsche and the idea of a Will to Power along with the idea that there exists no standards or morality other than the one you create for yourself. And lest you think I'm an edgy nihilist, I in fact an existentialist and working as a pre-school teacher, and find myself smiling all the time and am touched when one of the little boys, whom I will just name jake, says to me, "teacher, don't cut your fingers. Be careful teacher", when I am using the scissors. Fuck the expectations and opinions of others. (Though do care how your actions directly impact them)
I'm a man who leans conservative and I would even call myself an anti-feminist. I'd also accept the label of MGTOW and maybe incel too. However, I think you've placed your finger on a problem that neither the right nor the left adequately addresses in mainstream discourse. Being able to power through pain and emotion in order to achieve something that must be done is a virtuous skill to have. As a strongly introverted person, I've never felt the need to wear my emotions on my sleeve anyway. But I also recognise everyone else isn't me. Some people are more outwardly emotional, some men might actually need to cry, and that's okay. I hate seeing people shame men for that, or laughing at male rape victims.
Anyway, you and I have plenty to disagree on, but I'm leaving a like and this comment because I'm glad to see someone addressing issues like this one in a way that I don't have a knee-jerk "ugh!" reaction to, even if we approach the topic from different directions.
Im very similar to yourself, though extroverted and in sales. Am 33, never had a real relationship though have gone on a couple dates. I try to be stoic at all times and "let it out" when im alone. Iv got some very close friends who if they asked me to kill someone i would and feel if i asked the same, they would (lets hope that never happens lol). At this point though, i feel il be forever alone and iv just come to terms with that, though feel a bit depressed bout it.
@@MrSolLeks
We all need to let it out sometime, I'm glad you've found a healthy way to do it. There are advantages to being single, but I get the feeling you describe.
His thought is not woke and it is thought this is why it has substance
Burgerkrieg, I absolute have been a fan of your verbal essayist videos for almost 2 years, but your eloquence on the criticisms of Men's issues/burdens/expectations at a deep societal level, is phenomenal.
Goddamn.
You really went all out.
Hell yeah, called it. But I think you still exposed me to some new ways to look at some ideas that I have been thinking about. Thanks for that!
Im nonbinary but was raised as man and present as one mostly. This is super valuable to to say.
I had companionship and emotions beaten out of me. Well, no, my autistic ass just started having violent meltdowns to physically protect myself. Which just made the lack of people willing to be in my life worse. It took 40 years to kinda get to a place I can process stuff like this.
It took me getting so drunk that I couldn’t help but rant for about three hours that my mother would finally accept that I’m horrically depressed and constantly wrestling with the feeling my life means nothing and that I’m just floating around for no other reason that I must, and not just being dramatic or just faking it, because of course if you look at my face I’d be saying it with anything other then the appropriate amount of emotion because my entire life I’ve been taught that being upset is for girls.
Mh whole life I’ve been described as saintlike in my patience or there’s jokes that I should have been a sixty’s kid because I was so mellow I could be a hippy, when in reality it’s because if I ever revel yes I am a human being with feelings then I’m a threat
In my college womens history class, I and one other guy in the class tried to engage in the discussion on the second day of class, and we talked about a lot of what is covered here. After class, we got told by our professor that we were "dominating" the conversation and making people uncomfortable. So we weren't allowed to weigh in any more in the discussions that the class regularly had. After that, the feminists in that class just said horrible things about men basically about how everything wrong with society is our fault, and we're rotten to the core. One girl said men need women because men are inherently bad, and only women can make us good people.
I came to this channel for lore dumps, I didn't expect to be attacked, broken down and helped.
I'm a transman and was only exposed to this conditioning after the age of 20 or so. I'm almost 35 now, and even adult conditioning is effective/crippling. Can't imagine having it from birth.
Welcome to the club, Bro 😎
Why even doing this mistake?
You get used to it, after a while
Living as a woman sucks. Living as a man is troubling in other ways.
Society is just... not structured to suit both genders, and it all boils down to toxic masculinity. It hurts everyone, especially men. It just sucks.
Welcome dude. It's hard, lonely and sucks. But it's okay. In community, like this, we got each other's backs.
To this day you are the only person that I ever heard talk about the Patriarchy for what it is and not as a weapon to shut other people down.
The section on being a sexual dominant really struck a cord with me. In the bedroom, I try to be a tender lover, one who gives rather than takes, but inversely, one of my sexual fantasies places me as a godhead locking one of my exes (a woman I genuinely love and consider a dear friend even after the break up, even with her stagnation and toxic behavior) into a dark room with only the bare essentials for living and existing solely for my own sexual fulfillment. This is very much a real fantasy of mine, I am personally disgusted by it, even further disgusted by getting off on it. But it is there, and it has a root cause. Both parties both me and her are guilty of.
Edit: I would also like to say that we're it not for the anonymity of the internet. I would never ever say this out loud.
Sounds like a normal fantasy to me. Most women want guys to be aggressive in the bed too.
I used to really hate myself for being a dominant too, especially because my fantasy was about graping someone effeminate. I used to try and have empathy for the victim later imagining myself later in the scenario and justifying absolutely hating it, but still desired to get off on it which made me hate myself even more. Eventually I realized that it’s just a fantasy and as long as I don’t actually act on it out of pure empathy, it’s ok to imagine.
I'm a woman, this video made me remember a moment when my younger brother was a little kid like 4-5 and he was crying, he lost in some game and was so frustrated that he started to cry, our dad was telling him to stop crying in a very dismissive way. Our dad emotionally neglected me, before, and I in all my little teenaged might(this last bit is ment sarcastically) told my dad not to talk to him that way. I hugged my brother and told him to cry it out.
This video made me cry, because I wasn't always there, and I didn't always do that. Me and my brother are half siblings, and most of the time I was with my mother, away from him. And I just hope he will grow up to be some kind of okay, some kind of in touch with his emotions. And I can't help but wonder if I could've/should've done more
Thanks for speaking for so many of us who are in so much pain. This is invaluable.
I'm a man-loving woman. Men are great and have their own host of bullshit to deal with. Thanks for coming back to make this video - I really value your insight
"PicKmE dEtecTeD" 😂
@@docthefaust4519
What does that even mean?
@@docthefaust4519
I'm engaged. The point of my comment is me responding to him talking about how shitty men are often treated by women either passively (fearing them and assuming the worst) or actively ("men are all evil" or "i won't date you because you don't meet my 500 standards of what my man needs to be") and saying hey, I'm striving to not be that.
I've always kept my heart open to men's struggles so I would hope you wouldn't try to bully me in the opposite direction by being a dick to strangers online
@@Brightfur10 It's a joke, that's what the sporadic capitals mean, it's a 'dumb voice', I'm making fun of the fact that some militant arms of feminism probably read your comment and might put that or at least consider it
Right now I'm feeling accomplished. I've fixed an issue that has been driving me insane the whole afternoon.
I just fixed the issue and I'm enjoying my dinner (bread) while watching this. I'm feeling good.
Hope the bread was nice!
@@Vlugazoide It was decent. I've had better but it was a nice dinner.
This vid made me tear up. Never heard my own thoughts on masculinity so well spoken, and to a T. Thank you for making this, and making it nuanced for men who are obviously in support of the clearly correct feminist viewpoint but always felt uncomfortable bringing up having inherent issues as men too. The patriarchy harms men too, and for very specific, non mysoginistic reasons!!
Also it's crazy the knee jerk reaction I had to this title thinking " noooo they got him too" when in reality this vid was just as good as all your other stuff. Please keep making videos! Big fan
When even dad says, "I just want you to be happy".
A timely video for me, personally. I was already on-board with most of what Burger talked about here, and the rest helped me untangle some things I was struggling to sort out.
Thanks, Burger. You have my non-parasocial admiration and respect.
Yet another autistic experience that meant I related to men - feeling that "being feared" was good. That, alongside anger being the only emotion anyone listened to meant that once pushed too far at every one of the four schools I went to I snapped in a violent, rage-induced meltdown and badly hurt whomever was doing the tormenting that day. It was literally the only way people would have the basic decency to not start their day following me around and throwing sh*t at me, keeping their distance and being somewhat polite out of fear they would get hurt if they didn't. A lot of the media that grooms boys and men to idolise violence was also what I looked up to and found empowering because it was one of the few effective ways I found to combat bullying (teachers taking them aside to tell them it's hurtful to maim and insult people didn't work, funnily enough).
I think you hit on something very important that is oft ignored. If exploding is the only thing that seems to work, that is not only on the exploder. Yet it is treated as automatically wrong. I have seen first hand how exploding is often the last desperate attempt to deal with frequent more manipulative harassment and excuses.
Thank you for bringing this up. Obviously not fun to live through, but I hope you'll forgive me for being grateful you were able to understand and willing to speak up.
I resonated a lot with what you said about using being feared to protect yourself. Thank you.
No problem at all. I overshare and so I'm glad it helped rather than hurt / made someone uncomfortable.
A problem with exploding is that it is often observed out of context and thus considered disproportionate to whatever relatively small thing tipped you over the edge, rather than the emotional campaign leading to that point. Thereby meaning it makes victims automatically get punished despite aggressors harming the victim for potentially years beforehand with no repercussion.
As much as this isn't the case in my social circles or general adult life, as a child I despised children who played into thw image of children being innocent angels to get away with truly EVIL sh*t. Though I see it rarely in public, in online spaces abusive women do sometimes pull the same trick by playing into peoples' assumed view of women as innocent and vulnerable and men supposedly being the inverse. It luckily hasn't worked when it's been attempted on peers of mine but the fact they even TRY is pathetic and wrong.
Pausing the video to write this comment: Happy New Year - and thanks for all that you do. From WoD content to video essays - your content feeds both my mind and soul. Glad I exist in the same timeline with you, Burgerkrieg
As someone who transitioned and is addicted to mind-numbing sedatives since 15 years old, i gotta say i'm infinitely grateful for the choices i made in life.
This is a must watch for every man out there feeling like its his fault hes broken, and a must watch for everyone in general.
Is empty a feeling? I think that's most accurate.
After my mother died, between 2009 to 2014, I was unable to cry. Funny thing is, in the later year I finally managed to cry and I felt incredible. Thing is - my mom has teached me to be emotional, and when I cried, I reembraced my emotions. I was stunted in more ways than that, but I've managed reclaim myself. Funny, today I thought of it like that. I believe all of us can do that, being honest to yourself is the first and hardest* step. It only gets better from there. But it takes a drive to overcome, so find that and you'll be set on your path.
My experience.
I'd like to add a tip for those using emotion wheels like you suggested at the end of the video.
Remember that you can feel multiple emotions simultaneously. So don't stop using the wheel as soon as you identify 1 emotion correctly. See if you can find more. If it's only 1, fine, but if it's more than 1, also fine.
Beautiful, brilliant. Well done! As someone who was emotionally stable until 2 years ago, this felt like it hit home very well; will definitely reflect on this!
You're only allowed to display one emotion as a male: Happiness.
To be sad is weak.
To be angry is toxic.
Exactly
Don't be too happy though, lest you be cringe.
nah I think the only emotion allowed is self loathing joy. not actual hapiness. not sadness, not anger. But the "I'm just a shitty man lmao" mentality
Whenever I feel down, I can always count on you Burger King
Why do you assume that I can't get a date? You're right, but it seems rude to assume that.
XD
Can this comment be pinned please?