Let me know- did this resonate with you? Are you open to shifting into empowerment? What steps can you take to get there? Download the guide if you need some help getting there: www.terricole.com/6-ways-to-get-empowered-and-reclaim-your-life-guide
Powerful advice as always Terri. Loving your videos. You might enjoy L-Majesty on YT. He talks about dumping vs. venting vs. sharing….In sharing, he suggests that we ask “do you have time or space to hear me out on this….may I brainstorm some solutions with you? ……empowerment requires communication alongside being in problem solution mode.
@@patriciagss2024 I think you had asked a question about what to do regarding intrusive looks, but it seems to be deleted. I wanted to make sure I could answer it- I don't think there's much that you can do about people looking at you on the street. I'm from New York and find that it's safer to just keep walking or to move away from someone who is being intrusive. When it comes to work relationships, you can try to use humor. If someone is staring at your breasts, you can say, “My eyes are up here” and point from your breasts to your face to see if that works. Frustrating to deal with for sure!
for so many years, I blamed Mom, men, friends, work, etc, for my unhappiness. Now, after reading your book, taking your classes, watching the podcasts, doing the honest work in the guides and now your Boundary Boss workbook, I am not blaming others. I did not know then what I do know now. What actions can I take so bad things won't happen again? How can I love myself more and put healthy boundaries into place in my life?? I feel calmer, more grounded, and finally in control of most of my life. Thank you Teri - - -you always knnow how to get to my issues.
Thanks, Terri ❤️. A Girlfriend introduced you to me a few weeks ago. I had been stuck in patterns of “compassion fatigue” with my partner for a few years, and it had reached a boiling point. Thankfully, I started watching your videos. This video includes suggestions that I adopted and I can say I do feel more self respect and confidence. I realized that it is up to me to take steps to advance myself and let my partner figure out his, or not. It was difficult to let him go as I care for him and our relationship. I put myself out there to learn a musical instrument and meet new people. This raised my confidence as there is tons of emotional invalidation in my relationship. I am excited to say tomorrow I have a job interview 🎉. You (and my friend) are gems💎💎😊.
I love this video. Also, "blaming other people for your unhappy life" can also read "making other people responsible for your unhappy life." I know someone who stays with her abusive husband to make her adult kids happy, but she is miserable. Really she's just afraid of facing things (grief, fear, change, guilt), so she made her kids responsible and hid behind them. But that's what blame is, really... Just a specific connotation or form of projected responsibility.
Thank you so much for talking about this subject. I am currently healing from several toxic life and work situations. I now see how my sweet husband is so avoidant of his parents. I can see that his parents may have been emotionally neglectful of him and his brother. His parents are in their 80's and they have many narcissistic tendencies. I have learned for myself how not fall for their bait or their shame-game. I am now wishing my husband were in the same place as I am with the desire to heal and to set healthy boundaries with his parents.
I see you ❤️ It can be difficult when you and your partner aren't on the same healing path. Perhaps your husband will develop a desire to heal once he sees how well setting boundaries is working for you!
I started to watch your videos in 2021 and got some perspective and insight on how to deal and set boundaries with my narcissistic parent and family members. It's hard because I feel guilty and there are so many little ways I've been conditioned to be subjected to their control. Now, i may not have a lot going for me at the moment but I'm hopeful for a life when I can pursue thing's I want without shame or guilt or craving the unconditional love that a narcissistic parent will never give. Thank you for all the work you do!
Hey Terri. I watched your video again. Thanks for talking about being responsible of how we react. I've learned and took notes during this video. I've always been blaming my past schoolmates or my Family for the low self esteem and the self pity i have carried till today. But, you taught me to focus more on me, lesser on them. Then, I'll begin to see opportunities and what better thoughts I can think of instead. Your video has helped me come out of my victim mentality. I love your voice. It's sharp and clear on words that you speak.
Omg !!! I’m so grateful I found your channel! Can’t wait to share this with my Girlfriend, I’ve tried to empower her, she really needs to hear this ! Thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you for this episode! I could now articulate the feeling I’ve been having on on the back of my mind. Crazy how we can just slowly start giving up when certain goals haven’t worked out or get too comfortable where we are, letting others be the driver. Also feeling lack of time to reflect where we want to go next. Thanks for the reminder!
This made me feel so empowered❤❤❤ but I think as a carer for a person with cancer i tend to become angry why people dont care to check on me. I think that makes me angry. I hope I can expect less on others
“At the end of the day it is you, and you alone who are responsible for the things that happen in your life “ Dang , I really don’t notice how I just take that responsibility off of me , it’s so hard to feel responsible for what the future is like for you, the the victim mentality…
I enjoyed this video, Terri. I don't think my personality is what you described, but maybe it was when I was younger and had less life experience; however, I do have friends and family that always blame others for their lot in life. It frustrates me to hear it all the time. It's draining. How to deal with those people? I know you'll say boundaries! Yes, I have created boundaries for myself when it comes to them so I don't get caught up in giving advice or making suggestions anymore (my old defense mechanism for coping with their complaining). All they really want to do is vent and whine. I have a great deal of empathy, but the venting and blaming loop gets old real fast. 😂
I hear you! My go-to is usually, "I'm sorry to hear that." And if they go on, "That sounds painful, and I am sure you will figure it out because you are the only one who can. I have faith in you." I did a video about this here: th-cam.com/video/DPIWbdY0Zm8/w-d-xo.html and a short here: th-cam.com/users/shortskODfn5zAJqM
“Passivity”. Interesting. Good to know. STOPPING that sht TODAY. ThankYou. What “I” need. Seeing options and opportunities. What “I” CAN DO vs. What others did. Yes. Good. Make a list of WHAT’S WORKING and what is NOT working. ON IT TODAY! Look for EVIDENCE of MY STRENGTHS, MY UNIQUE GIFTS. 🤩 EMPOWERED… one next right action at a time😎
I don't feel like I have an internal locus of control, at all. I'm so burned out. But I also live alone with a really sassy toddler. 😅 I'm working on focusing where i put my energy (more on myself, less on other people's approval or attention). They don't like it much.
Yes, they won’t like it much when they can no longer control you or undermine your locus of control or sense of agency….No need for approval or attention. You own it. Go girl!
Dear Terri, could you make a video explaining what to do if your partner is passive aggressive, controlling, but simultaneously caring and supporting? I am confused if i have to leave or stay. We are together for 10 years. I am 30 . I feel like i want to have a baby and the pressure feels real now.. I tried to explain to him the things i find controlling and passive aggressive, but he responds that these are his “boundaries”. Is there another way of communicating this to him? He is not a bad person, i want this relationship to work, please any advice
I do have a few videos on passive aggressive anger that might help shed some light on this: th-cam.com/video/F1qgk5Z1Y0k/w-d-xo.html & th-cam.com/video/abM0X1kfp7Y/w-d-xo.html & th-cam.com/video/lFb8ERidAtQ/w-d-xo.html I also did a video on boundaries vs control that might help you figure out if what he is saying are his boundaries are boundaries, or control: th-cam.com/video/8sBKq8cRs78/w-d-xo.html I also did this video on respecting other people's boundaries: th-cam.com/video/wC0cWfXPNlM/w-d-xo.html I hope those help ❤️
If someone yells at you and even after setting a boundary this can happen repeatedly unintentionally because these patterns are not easy to break what should we do?
Hi there- I'm not sure if I'm clear on your question. If you are setting a boundary and someone is yelling at you for setting that boundary, I would consider setting a consequence of, "If you yell at me again, I will walk away/remove myself from the situation/hang up the phone/etc." And then be prepared to follow through. Sometimes consequences are needed with repeat boundary offenders because, as you said, the patterns are not easy to break.
![“อ.เบียร์ คนตื่นธรรม” มาตามคำเรียกร้อง แหกศาสตร์ฮวงจุ้ย เตือนสติอย่างมงาย | แฉ 7 พ.ย. 67 [1/3]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5fc4S3xBNfc/mqdefault.jpg)
Let me know- did this resonate with you? Are you open to shifting into empowerment? What steps can you take to get there? Download the guide if you need some help getting there: www.terricole.com/6-ways-to-get-empowered-and-reclaim-your-life-guide
Sure!!
Powerful advice as always Terri. Loving your videos. You might enjoy L-Majesty on YT. He talks about dumping vs. venting vs. sharing….In sharing, he suggests that we ask “do you have time or space to hear me out on this….may I brainstorm some solutions with you? ……empowerment requires communication alongside being in problem solution mode.
Thank you, Terri!!! I love you. All the best to you too!!! Thanks for your empowering message. I love you so so so sooooo much. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
@@patriciagss2024 I think you had asked a question about what to do regarding intrusive looks, but it seems to be deleted. I wanted to make sure I could answer it- I don't think there's much that you can do about people looking at you on the street. I'm from New York and find that it's safer to just keep walking or to move away from someone who is being intrusive. When it comes to work relationships, you can try to use humor. If someone is staring at your breasts, you can say, “My eyes are up here” and point from your breasts to your face to see if that works. Frustrating to deal with for sure!
for so many years, I blamed Mom, men, friends, work, etc, for my unhappiness. Now, after reading your book, taking your classes, watching the podcasts, doing the honest work in the guides and now your Boundary Boss workbook, I am not blaming others. I did not know then what I do know now. What actions can I take so bad things won't happen again? How can I love myself more and put healthy boundaries into place in my life?? I feel calmer, more grounded, and finally in control of most of my life. Thank you Teri - - -you always knnow how to get to my issues.
❤️❤️
Girl you be preaching
Thanks, Terri ❤️. A Girlfriend introduced you to me a few weeks ago. I had been stuck in patterns of “compassion fatigue” with my partner for a few years, and it had reached a boiling point. Thankfully, I started watching your videos. This video includes suggestions that I adopted and I can say I do feel more self respect and confidence. I realized that it is up to me to take steps to advance myself and let my partner figure out his, or not. It was difficult to let him go as I care for him and our relationship. I put myself out there to learn a musical instrument and meet new people. This raised my confidence as there is tons of emotional invalidation in my relationship. I am excited to say tomorrow I have a job interview 🎉. You (and my friend) are gems💎💎😊.
Wooohoooo Paula!! Way to go ❤️🙌❤️🙌 So happy to hear you're taking steps to empower yourself.
Thank you for these life changing words of wisdom. May they become in the future, the common words spoken to every child.
❤️❤️❤️
I love this video. Also, "blaming other people for your unhappy life" can also read "making other people responsible for your unhappy life." I know someone who stays with her abusive husband to make her adult kids happy, but she is miserable. Really she's just afraid of facing things (grief, fear, change, guilt), so she made her kids responsible and hid behind them. But that's what blame is, really... Just a specific connotation or form of projected responsibility.
So glad you enjoyed this video ❤️
Thank you so much for talking about this subject. I am currently healing from several toxic life and work situations. I now see how my sweet husband is so avoidant of his parents. I can see that his parents may have been emotionally neglectful of him and his brother. His parents are in their 80's and they have many narcissistic tendencies. I have learned for myself how not fall for their bait or their shame-game. I am now wishing my husband were in the same place as I am with the desire to heal and to set healthy boundaries with his parents.
I see you ❤️ It can be difficult when you and your partner aren't on the same healing path. Perhaps your husband will develop a desire to heal once he sees how well setting boundaries is working for you!
I started to watch your videos in 2021 and got some perspective and insight on how to deal and set boundaries with my narcissistic parent and family members. It's hard because I feel guilty and there are so many little ways I've been conditioned to be subjected to their control. Now, i may not have a lot going for me at the moment but I'm hopeful for a life when I can pursue thing's I want without shame or guilt or craving the unconditional love that a narcissistic parent will never give. Thank you for all the work you do!
Thank you for taking the time to share this, I appreciate you being here ❤️
Hey Terri. I watched your video again. Thanks for talking about being responsible of how we react. I've learned and took notes during this video. I've always been blaming my past schoolmates or my Family for the low self esteem and the self pity i have carried till today. But, you taught me to focus more on me, lesser on them. Then, I'll begin to see opportunities and what better thoughts I can think of instead. Your video has helped me come out of my victim mentality. I love your voice. It's sharp and clear on words that you speak.
Right on, I love these takeaways. ❤️ Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this message. This made me cry. I needed to hear this today.
❤️❤️
Omg !!!
I’m so grateful I found your channel!
Can’t wait to share this with my Girlfriend, I’ve tried to empower her, she really needs to hear this !
Thank you 🙏🏾
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this episode! I could now articulate the feeling I’ve been having on on the back of my mind. Crazy how we can just slowly start giving up when certain goals haven’t worked out or get too comfortable where we are, letting others be the driver. Also feeling lack of time to reflect where we want to go next. Thanks for the reminder!
I am so glad it resonated with you ❤️
You are such wise, wonderful woman Terri ❤ thank you for all you share and tech. 😊
Wising you loads of happines and good health 🙏🌷
Thank you so much, I appreciate you ❤️
Thank you ❤
❤️❤️
This made me feel so empowered❤❤❤ but I think as a carer for a person with cancer i tend to become angry why people dont care to check on me. I think that makes me angry. I hope I can expect less on others
That makes sense, GD ❤️ I'm glad you felt more empowered after watching!
❤
“At the end of the day it is you, and you alone who are responsible for the things that happen in your life “
Dang , I really don’t notice how I just take that responsibility off of me , it’s so hard to feel responsible for what the future is like for you, the the victim mentality…
I see you 💕
Thank you Terri..everything so well said, insightful and so true❤.
❤❤
I enjoyed this video, Terri. I don't think my personality is what you described, but maybe it was when I was younger and had less life experience; however, I do have friends and family that always blame others for their lot in life. It frustrates me to hear it all the time. It's draining. How to deal with those people? I know you'll say boundaries! Yes, I have created boundaries for myself when it comes to them so I don't get caught up in giving advice or making suggestions anymore (my old defense mechanism for coping with their complaining). All they really want to do is vent and whine. I have a great deal of empathy, but the venting and blaming loop gets old real fast. 😂
I hear you! My go-to is usually, "I'm sorry to hear that." And if they go on, "That sounds painful, and I am sure you will figure it out because you are the only one who can. I have faith in you." I did a video about this here: th-cam.com/video/DPIWbdY0Zm8/w-d-xo.html and a short here: th-cam.com/users/shortskODfn5zAJqM
@@terri_cole Thank you, Terri!
“Passivity”. Interesting. Good to know. STOPPING that sht TODAY. ThankYou. What “I” need. Seeing options and opportunities. What “I” CAN DO vs. What others did. Yes. Good. Make a list of WHAT’S WORKING and what is NOT working. ON IT TODAY! Look for EVIDENCE of MY STRENGTHS, MY UNIQUE GIFTS. 🤩 EMPOWERED… one next right action at a time😎
🙌🙌🙌
Love this!!
I don't feel like I have an internal locus of control, at all. I'm so burned out. But I also live alone with a really sassy toddler. 😅
I'm working on focusing where i put my energy (more on myself, less on other people's approval or attention). They don't like it much.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Paige ❤️ That is a tough situation.
Yes, they won’t like it much when they can no longer control you or undermine your locus of control or sense of agency….No need for approval or attention. You own it. Go girl!
Dear Terri, could you make a video explaining what to do if your partner is passive aggressive, controlling, but simultaneously caring and supporting? I am confused if i have to leave or stay. We are together for 10 years. I am 30 . I feel like i want to have a baby and the pressure feels real now.. I tried to explain to him the things i find controlling and passive aggressive, but he responds that these are his “boundaries”. Is there another way of communicating this to him? He is not a bad person, i want this relationship to work, please any advice
I do have a few videos on passive aggressive anger that might help shed some light on this: th-cam.com/video/F1qgk5Z1Y0k/w-d-xo.html & th-cam.com/video/abM0X1kfp7Y/w-d-xo.html & th-cam.com/video/lFb8ERidAtQ/w-d-xo.html
I also did a video on boundaries vs control that might help you figure out if what he is saying are his boundaries are boundaries, or control: th-cam.com/video/8sBKq8cRs78/w-d-xo.html
I also did this video on respecting other people's boundaries: th-cam.com/video/wC0cWfXPNlM/w-d-xo.html
I hope those help ❤️
Thank you ❤️
If someone yells at you and even after setting a boundary this can happen repeatedly unintentionally because these patterns are not easy to break what should we do?
Hi there- I'm not sure if I'm clear on your question. If you are setting a boundary and someone is yelling at you for setting that boundary, I would consider setting a consequence of, "If you yell at me again, I will walk away/remove myself from the situation/hang up the phone/etc." And then be prepared to follow through. Sometimes consequences are needed with repeat boundary offenders because, as you said, the patterns are not easy to break.
@@terri_cole no like I set a boundary on no yelling/don't snap at me but in the heat of the moment they do it.