Generally if your spouse is leaving you. They are already checked out. The AP has a hold of them. They were never loyal to begin with. Let them go and don’t look back.
I have numerous female friends who were beaten up and humiliated by their husbands for years before leaving them. A couple of whom had by that time met someone else who genuinely cared for their wellbeing and helped give them the strength to do the right thing and leave their abusive spouse. I don't think they'd accept your suggestion that they had never been loyal. In fact I think they'd tell you where to put it.
I treated my wife very well, always did everything for her, but she still left me for my divorced best friend that was a more exciting guy. He was a womanizing cheater that had many affairs. Just never would dream my wife would fall for this. So what do I do now?
No let them go. No way have some pride. Married three times: first betrayal and head injury, second bad fit and drugs and third wonderful marriage going on forty seven years. There is hope and the reasons and actions and all that goes with being left are timeless and universal. You will find love again. Been happy for forty plus years with my now hubby.
Have two kids just met someone who engaged me and he's now cheating on me when I confronted him he said ldr is very hard for him but from the beginning he knew we were going to be in ldr, I feel like moving out of this relationship but thinking about what people will say, am really really hurt,am Dicta pls I need your advice
@@christopherneumann5082 one thing about life: don’t worry abt other peoples opinion! That made me miserable as a kid and that is not love from them! It’s them worrying about themselves! Move away! Examine your selection of men/women look at the patterns. Don’t feel sorry for them. If someone cheats that signals the end and they want a mother or father not a mate!
@@rowdeo8968 Your advice is so true but HOW???? HOW can you simply just not let the stuff bother you??? I get so pissed off or defensive because WHY do they feel the need to talk crap to or about me. I have such low self esteem :(
@@SwAiLoVeMoDz no you don’t have low self esteem anger represents a plea f help! Yes that means you are a rose whose petals will be opened! You have to work on it. I try the ten second hold my emotions trick and walk away. That doesn’t mean I’m a sap I t means I can think thru: money plays a role. Good judgement plays a role. Women always want to fix people and learning that you cannot means take a good look at choices. It’s not just u we all feel the anger but anger can motivate.
I told my Ex make sure you know what you doing before walking out the door cause there is no coming back. I said what I mean. Divorced and living a peaceful life.
This happened to me, she came crawling back trying to get me to forgive her lol it was too late the trust was gone I told her that she was unwanted and to get off my property
Main thing is, the moment they decide to leave you is the end of trust n relationship. Why would you even want them to come back when you won't be able to trust and respect that person who left you in the first place. I think even after em coming back relationship will become even more miserable for you, thinking to workout with the person who already left you once, After all we are all human. Better find someone else who is 100% sure living with you, instead of living with someone who wasn't sure. People come back to their convenience, not bcs they love you. If they really loved you ever, they never leave you in the first place instead they will try to work it out while living together.
I agree. The spouse isn’t worth it . My ex divorced me because he felt taken advantage . Of course , it was another woman . It was humiliating asking him not to divorce.
You have no idea.. lol my husband wanted to swing. To watch me with another man. Thankfully it never happened. But one of the guys that my husband pushed for..he and I became just friends. We got to know each other and he knew I didn't want this. It broke my heart that my husband wanted this.. now he's accusing me of being unfaithful, vilifying me, and is now in a relationship with someone 22 yrs younger than him. Hes in love. I haven't seen him since July 19. His girlfriend was facebooking me. Bragging that he's just another sugar daddy. I even showed him the messages. He said I faked them..now I haven't heard his voice since I told him..that was in Oct. He has cut me out of his life I just got some of my 401k to get this marriage helper. He is the love of my life. I'm fighting for my marriage
After being married for 3 and half years and 6 years total. My wife is not in love with me. We are going to couples counseling and she doesn’t think it’s working and we just started going for a month now. She doesn’t want to fight for the relationship and am doing everything I can to make this work
Hurts very hard … Feels like someone ripped your heart out the stumps all over it and then some it’s over and just feeling I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone
Experienced divorce lawyer here (Pennsylvania and New Jersey). If everyone just stayed single or vetted a potential spouse more closely, the world would be a much happier place! Stay safe out there! Live your best life!
The problem with nearly all people is their state of mind. No adult human has to have another human to be with them or to be with someone. My EX told me back in 2006 as I was sitting in my recliner, that she thought she was going to be leaving me. I felt a stab in my heart, but I stayed calm and just looked at her and said, well Jackie if thats what you want it is your right, so when you leave good luck. I showed no emotion at all, but showed a calm face and even my voice was like oh well, do what you think is best for you Jackie.. I handled it this way, because when anyone tells me something of the nature of I dont want you or im going else where, let them. Here is how I am as a person. I care for myself and I love my pets and I love my creator Jesus Christ and already feel love inside of me, and based on this no human can cause me hurt by saying get away from me or im leaving. She did leave several months later and went to stay with some lady friend and she would keep calling and saying im coming back but I need time, so my response to that was this, Jackie you left because you didnt want to be around me, so why come back? Go ahead and do what makes you happy. Then angry calls starting happening, and heres how I handled that. I would say Jackie youre not being nice so I have to hang up, now go enjoy your day. Of course I already had a divorce lawyer, but I just talked to her as though so what, do what you want dear. I have to admit after she was gone the house was much calmer and I slept better and did feel better. I do not need for some other person to be with me.
I wish I acted like that when I found out that my wife is "in love" with someone else. Looking back I should have let her go immediately with no questions, tears etc.. Well done to you buddy.
@@dundeetherapy Its all because of human dependency. When a person becomes there own person and loves themself, they have a better ability to take them or leave them regardless if its business associate or friend or mate. No human on this earth can take love from me, because love is already in me. I have never said in my 16 years of being single, im looking for someone to love me, but instead I say im looking for someone to share my love with. If apdersons looking for love its because they have no love for themselves, so regardlesif any person discards me, and i am still with myself. It never makes any sense what im saying until your mind set is realistic rather than emotional
@@EarlGuyton425 Absolutely! Thank you for your comment. It would be great to learn these things at school. I didn't realise how bad codependency can get. I saw myself as a stron and pretty independent individual until I experienced infidelity. It was a great lesson for sure. Unpleasant, challenging but I am grateful for it.
@@dundeetherapy School never actually taught us the right things at all. Speech and spelling and handwriting and basic math was good at least in my school years from 1962 to 1968 in elementary school. But from sixth grade to HS nothing was useful as far as real life. Humans need to assist one another in life, but we cannot own another human. Even peoples kids in time move on to college or military or get owned by the money workforce. People need to learn all things are temporary and for a season, then that part moves on, but we still remain. No matter what life or marriage or gender a person is, they will move on as a single human even if it means after 60 years of marriage their 80 year old wife or hubby croaks, they too will be single. HS friends I loved, had to move on and we got branched off and lived seperate lives a mile away or 2000 miles away, but we never stay around and with each other at all in life. So its matter of learning this reality.
Some times we have to accept that everyone is different, if things don't work out, it's best to part ways rather than making lives miserable for both. It's best to walk away with dignity and respect instead of leaving hate and anger in heart.🙏
@@Ryan-ln3st We have emotional connect, that's why it's painful. As time goes by and eventually you continue with daily tasks, things fade away. In the end, there's no point spoiling your life and someone else's. It's important to differentiate between emotional need and what's best for future.🙏
@@nishantb80 It seems almost like it’s only based on needs. Like what we’ve been so use to and it’s going to be gone. Crazy…I actually thought I knew more than anyone when it came to woman. Ok wait!!!! That didn’t come out right….lol. Meaning, just knowing what they attract to, lime to do, emotional support,
That is mainstream radical individualism. What defines being miserable? Or sad? or unhappy? Lol about 90% of the time the person just needs to stop projecting, and have accountability for themselves.
First of all, If your spouse leaves.....then the trust is broken and the team is split up. Put your own economical interests in the first place.....soften your own landing in the first place....your spouse has become a stranger to you, who doesn't care about you or your feelings any longer, so no need to be the bigger person. Look forward instead.
Hey Istvan Bartha, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
@@MarriageHelper you're not doing your job very well are you? He said the trust is broken - seems like he's seeing things pretty clearly. Doesn't sound like he's looking for hope and your disagreement just seems completely lacking in emotional intelligence. Or perhaps you're just being good salesmen?
I love when I stumble upon these "what not to do" videos after I've made literally every mistake they list, and then some. Always a great feeling. Every once in awhile I like to be reminded about the times I've ruined my life in alphabetical order.
I remember when my ex wife left I had the EXACT right words: "THANK YOU! GET OUT!" Greatest day of my life... I smile every time I think about it.. 👍 😂
What happens when you're Married to a narcissist that doesn't know that they are anarchists but they think that you are a narcissist?? I feel like I'm going insane
Get yourself a great therapist and work out your shit. Trust me, you do not want to follow the bouncing ball or you will go insane.....and if you have children, so will they. Trust me.
I understand how banging your head on the concrete would turn someone away, but when my wife cried, it broke me. I couldn't handle seeing her in pain. I mean, she's now leaving me, but... when the tables were reversed, showing pain snapped me out of anger and softened me. Idk... just a comment from a broken man.
I wonder how many people make all those communication mistakes like pushing, begging or even threatening and only after watch this video and realise "Man, I screwed it up". Something tells me that it is the majority...what helped me was to reach out to people, my friends, my family. Although I have never really been open and outspoken about my relationship to other people I just felt that I needed to vent or simply find support cause I felt extremely empty once he said the romantic relationship was over. Indeed changing of focus is crucial here and repeating to yourself I can't control what he does, and be at peace with it. A BIG THANK to the whole Marriage helper team, you're doing a great job in helping people.
I think people who say they want to leave have a self-esteem issue. My husband has threatened twice and each time I’ve shown him each and every exit we have in our home.
My wife left me five months ago, I made sure to stay in touch with her but give her space. I think doing that was the worst thing I could’ve done. I should have been bugging her and I regret it now. I swear I have never had my heart broken so badly it’s so bad that the piece of my heart could go through a strainer.
My husband abandoned me twice. One time I gave space and one time I didn't. It doesn't matter. They will do what they want to in the end regardless. There is something they need to fix in their own character.
@@davidmarcus3145 yes, I’m on my best now..God lead me on the better way, his plan is beautiful than before, i have a peaceful and wonderful life now ..without him in my life..I’m thankful and I forgive him too👍😊😇🙏
Hi I've just been told to leave my marriatal home and watching this has made me see that I'm doing the push things to try and get her to let me stay even the "i will change stuff", I really don't want us to break up its had walking away from my marriage and my children but I suppose if I want us back I have to let us breath and recover and if its not so then thats that
I think if you lost your trust in them because they have been cheating and they keep cheating why would you want them to go through life like they’ve done nothing wrong. And playing you like a fool. And then they come home bringing that venereal disease to you marriage is not worth it anymore there’s no commitment
Here are the right words ladies: "please help me understand why you feel the need to leave so I can learn from my mistakes"... of course that requires a level of personal accountability the vast majority of you are simply incapable of.
I feel like I have done EVERYTHING you said I shouldn't. How do I tell my husband I am a work in progress, too? How do I tell him I am trying but I will make mistakes, but now that I know its wrong, I am consciously trying to stop?
I love this. Most of the people I know believe there is no hope. This is giving me hope as I am a DUMBASS in relationships. I am a pusher and controller- with the best of intentions- I am a crier and a beggar. Man! No wonder he left. Thank you, Kimberly and Joe.
My daughter has the same problem with her husband. He has never said sorry for the hurts he caused. At some point you have to do what's best for you. Complacency is a killer of marriage.
I left my husband because he wasn’t willing to work on our marriage, when he saw me determined he started doing all promises that he knows he won’t keep, I needed to see actions and he didn’t take them.
What if wife doesn’t want to be together anymore but for the next 6months we decide to live together for financial reasons etc. can I work on myself and use this to my advantage and she will see this or will it not work?
kenny play you say yes because i love you ... and i know my over jealousy is wrong and i might do it again but i will try to fix it but but be gentle with me and remind me with a hug ... for example
Change for yourself not anyone else. If your spouse wants the changed you in their life they will. If not you will still have come out the other end a better person then you were.
Thanks for your videos. I don’t know if there is any hope for my marriage, but my prayer life is my life now. So are my two little boys. Maybe there’s hope for me, if not “us.”
You are never alone. Grow near to God and he will grow here to you. May your husband see the proverbs 31 woman in you. Creating you a new creation. Amen
I wish I'd seen your videos earlier. I did all the don'ts so now I am going to change the way I react and ensure I am more mature with the situations. Thanks
Me too. 😩 I literally kicked my husband out of the house last week thinking he would come running back to me and explain why he didn't contact me for three days over Thanksgiving. I can't believe I did that, but I have to believe I can do something to get him to return.
8:37.... My wife lived in the past, that is one of the reasons she couldnt stand to stay. I'm better off anyway, not getting reminded of every mistake I made on a daily is the biggest weight off of anyones shoulders. I will say though being single in todays world really sucks, financially, physically, and emotionally.
I just want to thank u for all the videos that u offer. They give hope to start to be a better communicator and to better rounded. I can’t thank u enough thank u 🙏
Hello again thank u for the reply Me and my been married for 25 yrs my wife has a lot of abuse in her childhood and myself have made poor choices in my marriage it’s a lot of thing she doesn’t want to work on anything she has moved out. I don’t know to give it time it been a month again I’ve been watching your video’s looking for comfort I don’t know if I should move on. I’m in a deep fog. Or should I walk away ????? Thanks again.
I want to say thank you so much. I called marriage helper 2 days ago, left a message with ALL my contact information, filled out the form online... THANK YOU FOR NOT CONTACTING ME, other than a bot.. it warms my heart to see you ignore people. If you don’t have time or don’t want to truly help, grow a set and tell them to move on..or is the money worth it.
This is good advice. I made these mistakes and it did really not good except push her further away. Let it be. Take care of yourself and your interests. It takes two to make a problem, especially of this sort. The last thing one wants to be seen as is needy, desperate, etc. Easy to say, I get it. But it's really the only way. If you have to cry and vent, Do it alone or with someone your trust. This also about preparing for the next stage in life and it will be better because you have learned so much.
When my spouse announced that he was leaving me for another man I just said oh go right ahead. By the way I got my gun license renewed the other day. And just left it at that.
I'm on day three of my wife kicking me out. She said I stressed out her out and she blamed me for choices she made. I left quietly, I don't know if I'll return if she ask me to come back. It makes me feel guilty because I miss my daughters.
Crazy. I really believe Jesus has made me stumble upon this video. I was just gonna relax and watch an episode of Howard Stern's radio show when all of a sudden one of your videos appeared in my feed, which then led me to watch this one. The mother of my children and (legally still) wife left me at the beginning of this year to move in with another person of the male gender (to me he's not a man but a fool, anyway...) and just left me after 12 years. I just watched some of your videos...amazing. I guess it's really what I needed to hear. And everything you mentioned applies to me hahaha. Thanks for your videos. God bless.
Calmness .and its out of your contro . And expect it will get worse before it gets better .like a new friend or friends .its along ride filled with more downs then ups .how far will you put up with the pain that that sure to come ..its better to end it .leaving is just the beginning of a longer Night mare .lot of hurt . You decide calmly .
I honestly feel like a lot of people don't understand marriage is a business that's why a man that comes from a family of horse trainers marries a woman from a family that breeds thoroughbred horses so they can combine their two talents start winning races and build a financial Empire off of that to pass on to their offspring.
You know, i completely disagree. Imagine the person is leaving, because they didnt feel wanted, appreciated enough. Acting non- emotional will only hurt them more and make them leave even faster from the pain.
Exactly how to reinforce the feeling of not being loved or cared about. If he/she shows no emotion then that’s how he/she feels about you and the relationship.
My spouse’s ex used ultimatums all the time and kept him from leaving for 15 years until she decided to dump him. Now he is giving me ultimatums all the time and keeps saying “why was it ok that you do that and it’s not ok when I do it?” And I keep saying that that was her not me.
Thank you so much Michael Moran. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on TH-cam. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ Blessings,
You just can’t get advise from a video because it’s not tailored to your specific situation. If you was the problem the. You should have changed to make them want to stay. If they were the problem and the didn’t care for you enough to change to stay with you the. You didn’t need them to begin with. That pretty much sums it up. Good luck in your relationships.
I lost my mind when my wife left me partly because I was exhausted partly because she had threatened before and I talked her down. I thought we had been there and done that. She first told me she was unhappy in 2012 then we went to counselling in 2015 and she told people she was unhappy in 2017 then in 2019 she went to counseling on her own and came back and I was told she was advised to leave. We had endured two years of the pandemic. I thought we were in the clear. I was hysterical. I was pleading and yelling. I did the opposite of what I should have done. You don’t think rationally when the woman you love says she wants out. Now she’s gone.
Per my soon ex wife. She wants a divorce and can now do nothing else but support her choice. She feels the need for space and healing. We have separated before but I think we came back too early. How can I regain her attraction for me after my divorce? We have two kids together and I want to keep the family intact or bring it back together. I see signs that she still loves me but I still have been trying to overcome my fears. Divorce is inevitible so how can I find a way to reconcile?
i am very understanding, but when a wife leaves without even meeting face to face to explain her choice for hurting me by being with another man, then its a different story. Leave with respect, take the difficult talk your partner deserves. This is not about keeping anyone stay. When a breakup is done without respect, that's what causing those things you talk about in the video.
I love my wife, but what's hurting is not her leaving, its her lack of communication with me during that moment, leaving me alone with my feelings and hurt. I finally convinced her to come and talk to me face to face, and now everything feels much better. We can now move on and still think our love meant something for both of us. Don't leave your partner without explaining why and how also, cause there will be practical stuff to deal with. If you marry someone, they deserve an explanation and it should be done as soon as possible, not wait days or weeks.
Anita78750 No man leaves a flesh and blood woman and replaces her with nothing. (Unless she's a physical threat) I'm telling you, there's someone else.
I think for a marriage to work the love factor is most important. And secondly, husband wife is teamwork . One has to lead and other has to be the supporter of the leader. This has to be done willingly. Its not 50 / 50 its 80 /20. One of the two has to take 80 percent of the responsibility and 80 percent of the authority ...the other has to play a strong support and second fiddle by his/her own will.
are there women at all who blame them self later if they cheated (because they been emotionally unsatisfied by partner..because, if I understand this is their reason to cheat on)?...Is blame for them related with emotions?
It would be good to do a video on why you even want your spouse back when they have treated you so badly, especially with what they did after they left. I feel like that is that part that people forget, the desire to track your spouse can also be because you want to know what they are doing to determine if you want them back. Do you really a spouse that you can't feel emotionally safe with anyway? The woman banging her head obviously wasn't safe emotionally with her husband, why would she want him back when he obviously cared so little for her?
this helped me get through some of my dilemmas... i thank you very much... i just cant afford the coaching sessions but these videos really helped. controlling my emotions is the hardest... how can I improve my emotional situation?
Have you ever thought of doing a series like this but consider personality types at the same time? The advise is great but some types are probably going to find this advise impossible to do and sustain.
Learn HOW to get your spouse back with our FREE Mini Course here:
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Good one
you can't force someone to love you . people have to let go.
Exactly. Very wise advice.
@Phillip HickmanGod is not in the details of many marriages from the beginning and not everyone is a Christian anyway, so what is your point?
@Phillip Hickman Move along and worry about your own life and marriage.
But you sure can make somebody stop loving you!
Generally if your spouse is leaving you. They are already checked out. The AP has a hold of them. They were never loyal to begin with. Let them go and don’t look back.
Exactly the man that was addicted already checked out years ago
I have numerous female friends who were beaten up and humiliated by their husbands for years before leaving them. A couple of whom had by that time met someone else who genuinely cared for their wellbeing and helped give them the strength to do the right thing and leave their abusive spouse. I don't think they'd accept your suggestion that they had never been loyal. In fact I think they'd tell you where to put it.
@@roberttruman8444 they always recommend to leave (and also divorce) if there is emotional or physical abuse. Safety first.
AP????
I treated my wife very well, always did everything for her, but she still left me for my divorced best friend that was a more exciting guy. He was a womanizing cheater that had many affairs. Just never would dream my wife would fall for this. So what do I do now?
No let them go. No way have some pride. Married three times: first betrayal and head injury, second bad fit and drugs and third wonderful marriage going on forty seven years. There is hope and the reasons and actions and all that goes with being left are timeless and universal. You will find love again. Been happy for forty plus years with my now hubby.
Have two kids just met someone who engaged me and he's now cheating on me when I confronted him he said ldr is very hard for him but from the beginning he knew we were going to be in ldr, I feel like moving out of this relationship but thinking about what people will say, am really really hurt,am Dicta pls I need your advice
@@christopherneumann5082 one thing about life: don’t worry abt other peoples opinion! That made me miserable as a kid and that is not love from them! It’s them worrying about themselves! Move away! Examine your selection of men/women look at the patterns. Don’t feel sorry for them. If someone cheats that signals the end and they want a mother or father not a mate!
Congratulations!!
@@rowdeo8968 Your advice is so true but HOW???? HOW can you simply just not let the stuff bother you??? I get so pissed off or defensive because WHY do they feel the need to talk crap to or about me. I have such low self esteem :(
@@SwAiLoVeMoDz no you don’t have low self esteem anger represents a plea f help! Yes that means you are a rose whose petals will be opened! You have to work on it. I try the ten second hold my emotions trick and walk away. That doesn’t mean I’m a sap I t means I can think thru: money plays a role. Good judgement plays a role. Women always want to fix people and learning that you cannot means take a good look at choices. It’s not just u we all feel the anger but anger can motivate.
I told my Ex make sure you know what you doing before walking out the door cause there is no coming back. I said what I mean. Divorced and living a peaceful life.
They sometimes come back if they get dumped by their new relationship...
But by then you might have appraised them differently....
This happened to me, she came crawling back trying to get me to forgive her lol it was too late the trust was gone I told her that she was unwanted and to get off my property
Main thing is, the moment they decide to leave you is the end of trust n relationship. Why would you even want them to come back when you won't be able to trust and respect that person who left you in the first place. I think even after em coming back relationship will become even more miserable for you, thinking to workout with the person who already left you once, After all we are all human. Better find someone else who is 100% sure living with you, instead of living with someone who wasn't sure. People come back to their convenience, not bcs they love you. If they really loved you ever, they never leave you in the first place instead they will try to work it out while living together.
So true. I want to leave my husband, but he won't let go....
Facts
@@shilpisaini7467 1000000000% 👍👍
Really when someone wants to leave there's nothing going to keep them...let them go!
No matter how hard you think you can try
Yup.
Not True’
I agree. The spouse isn’t worth it . My ex divorced me because he felt taken advantage . Of course , it was another woman . It was humiliating asking him not to divorce.
I agree! Even if they will reunite in the future again, just let them go. Any kind of force will result in a toxic relationship
That’s very difficult at first to remain calm under severe Adultery conditions
You have no idea.. lol my husband wanted to swing. To watch me with another man. Thankfully it never happened. But one of the guys that my husband pushed for..he and I became just friends. We got to know each other and he knew I didn't want this. It broke my heart that my husband wanted this.. now he's accusing me of being unfaithful, vilifying me, and is now in a relationship with someone 22 yrs younger than him. Hes in love. I haven't seen him since July 19. His girlfriend was facebooking me. Bragging that he's just another sugar daddy. I even showed him the messages. He said I faked them..now I haven't heard his voice since I told him..that was in Oct. He has cut me out of his life
I just got some of my 401k to get this marriage helper. He is the love of my life. I'm fighting for my marriage
@@The_Struggling_Christian wow
@@The_Struggling_Christian your comment has an ending that i never saw coming. It made me spin as if I had been slapped on the face 😆😬
Why in the world would you want anyone who doesn't want you...
After being married for 3 and half years and 6 years total. My wife is not in love with me. We are going to couples counseling and she doesn’t think it’s working and we just started going for a month now. She doesn’t want to fight for the relationship and am doing everything I can to make this work
Are you a Christian? Is your wife? Brother where are you in this unfortunate situation?
Aww, honey it’s a blessing in disguise! This time is meant for you to find yourself and learn to love yourself then the right person will come:)
I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......
Whats""app him👇
±2348170575769⏯️⏯️??????????♠️💖💔👶
There are no right or wrong answers, especially if you are the one being abandoned.
But there is a right answer...Don't say a word, let them go. I've been there, done that.
So dam painful, and so true
Hurts very hard … Feels like someone ripped your heart out the stumps all over it and then some it’s over and just feeling I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone
@@DA-jw4lx
On the contrary, closing up not caring can be an open doorway to leaving you nihilistic, empty inside and bitter.
Its not so cut and dry...
@@אהלןסהלן In some cases I believe it does have to be so cut and dry.
Experienced divorce lawyer here (Pennsylvania and New Jersey). If everyone just stayed single or vetted a potential spouse more closely, the world would be a much happier place! Stay safe out there! Live your best life!
The problem with nearly all people is their state of mind. No adult human has to have another human to be with them or to be with someone. My EX told me back in 2006 as I was sitting in my recliner, that she thought she was going to be leaving me. I felt a stab in my heart, but I stayed calm and just looked at her and said, well Jackie if thats what you want it is your right, so when you leave good luck. I showed no emotion at all, but showed a calm face and even my voice was like oh well, do what you think is best for you Jackie.. I handled it this way, because when anyone tells me something of the nature of I dont want you or im going else where, let them. Here is how I am as a person. I care for myself and I love my pets and I love my creator Jesus Christ and already feel love inside of me, and based on this no human can cause me hurt by saying get away from me or im leaving. She did leave several months later and went to stay with some lady friend and she would keep calling and saying im coming back but I need time, so my response to that was this, Jackie you left because you didnt want to be around me, so why come back? Go ahead and do what makes you happy. Then angry calls starting happening, and heres how I handled that. I would say Jackie youre not being nice so I have to hang up, now go enjoy your day. Of course I already had a divorce lawyer, but I just talked to her as though so what, do what you want dear. I have to admit after she was gone the house was much calmer and I slept better and did feel better. I do not need for some other person to be with me.
Very good responses.....
I wish I acted like that when I found out that my wife is "in love" with someone else. Looking back I should have let her go immediately with no questions, tears etc.. Well done to you buddy.
@@dundeetherapy Its all because of human dependency. When a person becomes there own person and loves themself, they have a better ability to take them or leave them regardless if its business associate or friend or mate. No human on this earth can take love from me, because love is already in me. I have never said in my 16 years of being single, im looking for someone to love me, but instead I say im looking for someone to share my love with. If apdersons looking for love its because they have no love for themselves, so regardlesif any person discards me, and i am still with myself. It never makes any sense what im saying until your mind set is realistic rather than emotional
@@EarlGuyton425 Absolutely! Thank you for your comment. It would be great to learn these things at school. I didn't realise how bad codependency can get. I saw myself as a stron and pretty independent individual until I experienced infidelity. It was a great lesson for sure. Unpleasant, challenging but I am grateful for it.
@@dundeetherapy School never actually taught us the right things at all. Speech and spelling and handwriting and basic math was good at least in my school years from 1962 to 1968 in elementary school. But from sixth grade to HS nothing was useful as far as real life. Humans need to assist one another in life, but we cannot own another human. Even peoples kids in time move on to college or military or get owned by the money workforce. People need to learn all things are temporary and for a season, then that part moves on, but we still remain. No matter what life or marriage or gender a person is, they will move on as a single human even if it means after 60 years of marriage their 80 year old wife or hubby croaks, they too will be single. HS friends I loved, had to move on and we got branched off and lived seperate lives a mile away or 2000 miles away, but we never stay around and with each other at all in life. So its matter of learning this reality.
Some times we have to accept that everyone is different, if things don't work out, it's best to part ways rather than making lives miserable for both. It's best to walk away with dignity and respect instead of leaving hate and anger in heart.🙏
As much as I hate what you wrote, but your right. Lol. So hard to do though. Ughhhh. It’s all good.
@@Ryan-ln3st We have emotional connect, that's why it's painful. As time goes by and eventually you continue with daily tasks, things fade away. In the end, there's no point spoiling your life and someone else's. It's important to differentiate between emotional need and what's best for future.🙏
@@nishantb80 It seems almost like it’s only based on needs. Like what we’ve been so use to and it’s going to be gone. Crazy…I actually thought I knew more than anyone when it came to woman. Ok wait!!!! That didn’t come out right….lol. Meaning, just knowing what they attract to, lime to do, emotional support,
@@nishantb80 oops, not done. Hold on
That is mainstream radical individualism. What defines being miserable? Or sad? or unhappy? Lol
about 90% of the time the person just needs to stop projecting, and have accountability for themselves.
First of all, If your spouse leaves.....then the trust is broken and the team is split up. Put your own economical interests in the first place.....soften your own landing in the first place....your spouse has become a stranger to you, who doesn't care about you or your feelings any longer, so no need to be the bigger person. Look forward instead.
Hey Istvan Bartha, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
@@MarriageHelper you're not doing your job very well are you? He said the trust is broken - seems like he's seeing things pretty clearly. Doesn't sound like he's looking for hope and your disagreement just seems completely lacking in emotional intelligence. Or perhaps you're just being good salesmen?
Maybe they never were a team. There was just a boss and an employee.
If it takes me to cry, begging or pursuing . i don't need that person in the first place then.
I love when I stumble upon these "what not to do" videos after I've made literally every mistake they list, and then some. Always a great feeling. Every once in awhile I like to be reminded about the times I've ruined my life in alphabetical order.
I remember when my ex wife left I had the EXACT right words: "THANK YOU! GET OUT!"
Greatest day of my life... I smile every time I think about it.. 👍 😂
💪
What happens when you're Married to a narcissist that doesn't know that they are anarchists but they think that you are a narcissist?? I feel like I'm going insane
Run mountain man!
Get yourself a great therapist and work out your shit. Trust me, you do not want to follow the bouncing ball or you will go insane.....and if you have children, so will they. Trust me.
Never lie to yourself.
If they want to go, let them.
Never go backwards in life.
The truth always comes out in the end.
I understand how banging your head on the concrete would turn someone away, but when my wife cried, it broke me. I couldn't handle seeing her in pain. I mean, she's now leaving me, but... when the tables were reversed, showing pain snapped me out of anger and softened me. Idk... just a comment from a broken man.
We are good men, im the same. If my wife cries I cry because I dont want her suffering, but when she sees me cry she doesnt really react much.
@@cris-yo1950because women are cold and don’t live like men…. It’s unfortunate
I wonder how many people make all those communication mistakes like pushing, begging or even threatening and only after watch this video and realise "Man, I screwed it up". Something tells me that it is the majority...what helped me was to reach out to people, my friends, my family. Although I have never really been open and outspoken about my relationship to other people I just felt that I needed to vent or simply find support cause I felt extremely empty once he said the romantic relationship was over.
Indeed changing of focus is crucial here and repeating to yourself I can't control what he does, and be at peace with it.
A BIG THANK to the whole Marriage helper team, you're doing a great job in helping people.
I think people who say they want to leave have a self-esteem issue. My husband has threatened twice and each time I’ve shown him each and every exit we have in our home.
If he threatens again, make it a reality for him. There is also a self esteem issue with someone allowing their spouse to keep issuing this threat.
😄😄😄😄
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
One thing not to say to a spouse that is leaving you. "Please don't leave"
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Wish I didn’t say that now
My wife left me five months ago, I made sure to stay in touch with her but give her space. I think doing that was the worst thing I could’ve done. I should have been bugging her and I regret it now. I swear I have never had my heart broken so badly it’s so bad that the piece of my heart could go through a strainer.
Hello, I can refer you to someone who helped me out in getting back with my ex lover. He's the best when it come to recovery of broken relationships.
My husband abandoned me twice. One time I gave space and one time I didn't. It doesn't matter. They will do what they want to in the end regardless. There is something they need to fix in their own character.
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Wonderful information, i did the right things when my husband decided to leave me, I’m a better person now and happy😊❤️
Happiness is the key to a successful living
@@davidmarcus3145 true, thanks and God bless😊😇🙏
Shouldn't have your whole life ruined for nothing, you are the best you can be
@@davidmarcus3145 yes, I’m on my best now..God lead me on the better way, his plan is beautiful than before, i have a peaceful and wonderful life now ..without him in my life..I’m thankful and I forgive him too👍😊😇🙏
Forgiveness actually cleanses the soul
Hi I've just been told to leave my marriatal home and watching this has made me see that I'm doing the push things to try and get her to let me stay even the "i will change stuff", I really don't want us to break up its had walking away from my marriage and my children but I suppose if I want us back I have to let us breath and recover and if its not so then thats that
😞
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My friend let her go and never take her back.
If she wants to leave let her go
Frank Peter some time Easier said then done in Certain situations.
@@2driverpls652 don’t think this is going to work if you don’t want them to leave.
I AGREE‼️
I love you Kimberly! My daughter and I are grateful for keeping our family together
If your spouse does all the things he told you his ex did to him and hurt him with, if he keeps punishing you for what she did. What do you do?
I know exactly how this feels
I think if you lost your trust in them because they have been cheating and they keep cheating why would you want them to go through life like they’ve done nothing wrong. And playing you like a fool. And then they come home bringing that venereal disease to you marriage is not worth it anymore there’s no commitment
Here are the right words ladies: "please help me understand why you feel the need to leave so I can learn from my mistakes"... of course that requires a level of personal accountability the vast majority of you are simply incapable of.
Say to your husband "please help me understand why you are choosing porn/sex addiction over your family?"
I feel like I have done EVERYTHING you said I shouldn't. How do I tell my husband I am a work in progress, too? How do I tell him I am trying but I will make mistakes, but now that I know its wrong, I am consciously trying to stop?
I love this. Most of the people I know believe there is no hope. This is giving me hope as I am a DUMBASS in relationships. I am a pusher and controller- with the best of intentions- I am a crier and a beggar. Man! No wonder he left. Thank you, Kimberly and Joe.
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All my wife has to say is she's sorry and that she wants to try. But she never will.
A lot of women have a hard time apologizing when they are wrong. I’m not sure why. And people say men have a pride issue.
I hear you
My daughter has the same problem with her husband. He has never said sorry for the hurts he caused. At some point you have to do what's best for you. Complacency is a killer of marriage.
I left my husband because he wasn’t willing to work on our marriage, when he saw me determined he started doing all promises that he knows he won’t keep, I needed to see actions and he didn’t take them.
What if wife doesn’t want to be together anymore but for the next 6months we decide to live together for financial reasons etc. can I work on myself and use this to my advantage and she will see this or will it not work?
And when you do the changes, sometime the spouse says, oh you're just doing that to get me back..
kenny play you say yes because i love you ... and i know my over jealousy is wrong and i might do it again but i will try to fix it but but be gentle with me and remind me with a hug ... for example
That's why you should let them go and just change for you.
Change for yourself not anyone else. If your spouse wants the changed you in their life they will. If not you will still have come out the other end a better person then you were.
Thanks for your videos. I don’t know if there is any hope for my marriage, but my prayer life is my life now. So are my two little boys. Maybe there’s hope for me, if not “us.”
You really need not to loose focus ryt now
You are never alone. Grow near to God and he will grow here to you. May your husband see the proverbs 31 woman in you. Creating you a new creation. Amen
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You hit home with this one. You are speaking to me.
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If your spouse wants to leave then let them GO!! Celebrate it !!
I left my wife. I was tired of living with my in laws and now she's seeing another person. I pray i didn't make a mistake. 😭
You probably made a mistake. Why didn't you find another place for you both to move?
@J B Oh she is! She even told me.
@@kokoniqueful I asked many times for us to move, but she wanted to stay with her parents.
This happened to me!!!!
@@justinclark1182 Then what happened?
I wish I'd seen your videos earlier. I did all the don'ts so now I am going to change the way I react and ensure I am more mature with the situations. Thanks
Me too. 😩 I literally kicked my husband out of the house last week thinking he would come running back to me and explain why he didn't contact me for three days over Thanksgiving. I can't believe I did that, but I have to believe I can do something to get him to return.
@@positivelyangelicvegan6768 - I never kicked him out but I left him. Now I am acting like "why does he not want me?'
8:37.... My wife lived in the past, that is one of the reasons she couldnt stand to stay. I'm better off anyway, not getting reminded of every mistake I made on a daily is the biggest weight off of anyones shoulders. I will say though being single in todays world really sucks, financially, physically, and emotionally.
#1 Don't push = the issue or them away.
# takes to long to get to the point
I just want to thank u for all the videos that u offer. They give hope to start to be a better communicator and to better rounded. I can’t thank u enough thank u 🙏
Hi Brian! We are so glad to hear that our videos have given you HOPE! 😊 You can do this!!
Hello again thank u for the reply Me and my been married for 25 yrs my wife has a lot of abuse in her childhood and myself have made poor choices in my marriage it’s a lot of thing she doesn’t want to work on anything she has moved out. I don’t know to give it time it been a month again I’ve been watching your video’s looking for comfort I don’t know if I should move on. I’m in a deep fog. Or should I walk away ????? Thanks again.
Never change, be yourself & just let her go fellas 😂😂😂
I want to say thank you so much. I called marriage helper 2 days ago, left a message with ALL my contact information, filled out the form online... THANK YOU FOR NOT CONTACTING ME, other than a bot.. it warms my heart to see you ignore people. If you don’t have time or don’t want to truly help, grow a set and tell them to move on..or is the money worth it.
This is good advice. I made these mistakes and it did really not good except push her further away. Let it be. Take care of yourself and your interests. It takes two to make a problem, especially of this sort. The last thing one wants to be seen as is needy, desperate, etc. Easy to say, I get it. But it's really the only way. If you have to cry and vent, Do it alone or with someone your trust. This also about preparing for the next stage in life and it will be better because you have learned so much.
When my spouse announced that he was leaving me for another man I just said oh go right ahead. By the way I got my gun license renewed the other day. And just left it at that.
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You are very honest,and good counsel.
Your words don't matter as much as the meaning behind them... what is in your heart towards them.
Good point!
If they want to leave, just like them go. Screw them.
I have to agree. Let them go that's what they want and prob what started it in the first place
I'm on day three of my wife kicking me out. She said I stressed out her out and she blamed me for choices she made. I left quietly, I don't know if I'll return if she ask me to come back. It makes me feel guilty because I miss my daughters.
This is actually amazing advice
Crazy. I really believe Jesus has made me stumble upon this video. I was just gonna relax and watch an episode of Howard Stern's radio show when all of a sudden one of your videos appeared in my feed, which then led me to watch this one. The mother of my children and (legally still) wife left me at the beginning of this year to move in with another person of the male gender (to me he's not a man but a fool, anyway...) and just left me after 12 years. I just watched some of your videos...amazing. I guess it's really what I needed to hear. And everything you mentioned applies to me hahaha. Thanks for your videos. God bless.
me to bro let me know how it worked out for you.
@@xmodsgaming Trusting that God will let everything work out for good. This is a though trial, though.
@@GiovanniGirelli1104 hi Gianni, did your estranged wife come back to you or not? How do you feel now?
Calmness .and its out of your contro . And expect it will get worse before it gets better .like a new friend or friends .its along ride filled with more downs then ups .how far will you put up with the pain that that sure to come ..its better to end it .leaving is just the beginning of a longer
Night mare .lot of hurt .
You decide calmly .
I don’t want to make them stay, but how can they leave you, and expect you to leave the house and kids?
But what do you do if you’ve been doing these things unknowingly to a spouse who left and asked for a divorce?
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I honestly feel like a lot of people don't understand marriage is a business that's why a man that comes from a family of horse trainers marries a woman from a family that breeds thoroughbred horses so they can combine their two talents start winning races and build a financial Empire off of that to pass on to their offspring.
What do you do if you still live together and your partner tells. You they don't love you anymore and wants to break up but live together as parents?
My wife doesnt want to be with me anymore but wants me to stay as friends for the kids
Just get to it already!
You know, i completely disagree. Imagine the person is leaving, because they didnt feel wanted, appreciated enough. Acting non- emotional will only hurt them more and make them leave even faster from the pain.
+13126310783⏯💞
The love specialist offers the best solution in restoring and fixing broken relationships.
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Exactly how to reinforce the feeling of not being loved or cared about. If he/she shows no emotion then that’s how he/she feels about you and the relationship.
My spouse’s ex used ultimatums all the time and kept him from leaving for 15 years until she decided to dump him. Now he is giving me ultimatums all the time and keeps saying “why was it ok that you do that and it’s not ok when I do it?” And I keep saying that that was her not me.
Let em leave ... i sure as hell am.
I sure wish these programs were on when I went through this 38 yrs ago.
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@@rebeccatailor2727 ok
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This is really good. I’m glad I came across it
I cant stand these videos that place the responsibility on the hurt partner to fix everything. Screw that
I think I've done all of these things. :(
Me too 😓
Me too..i guess its a normal n spontaneous reaction of a human being.
I suppose all of us has. I wish you happiness and peace
How did it go? A year later?
If a woman doesn't want me as I am then she can leave as I really wouldn't be bothered about her.
Why Is this the first thing I see when I search up “the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on”
You have given me great advise and hope thank You!
Thank you so much Michael Moran. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on TH-cam. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
Blessings,
You just can’t get advise from a video because it’s not tailored to your specific situation.
If you was the problem the. You should have changed to make them want to stay. If they were the problem and the didn’t care for you enough to change to stay with you the. You didn’t need them to begin with.
That pretty much sums it up.
Good luck in your relationships.
Good video!
Just say "bby, I tink it's OVr." ...trust me bro, it works 95% of the time.
Can you make a video that goes over what to do after you have broke all the rules already? Thanks...
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together.
十2348163290525💖⏯⏯(☉｡☉)!.
十2348163290525⏯⏯(☉｡☉)!.
First off if there leaving who cares. I wouldn’t want someone back who’s leaving I don’t need a quitter in my squadron.
You Don’t want to be come known as a person who's not going to fallow through with what they say..... hmmm but its ok to break a vow
I lost my mind when my wife left me partly because I was exhausted partly because she had threatened before and I talked her down. I thought we had been there and done that. She first told me she was unhappy in 2012 then we went to counselling in 2015 and she told people she was unhappy in 2017 then in 2019 she went to counseling on her own and came back and I was told she was advised to leave.
We had endured two years of the pandemic. I thought we were in the clear.
I was hysterical. I was pleading and yelling. I did the opposite of what I should have done. You don’t think rationally when the woman you love says she wants out.
Now she’s gone.
there is still hope, use the law of attraction in my bio,fast result
Thanks Helena actually save my marriage
Per my soon ex wife. She wants a divorce and can now do nothing else but support her choice. She feels the need for space and healing. We have separated before but I think we came back too early. How can I regain her attraction for me after my divorce? We have two kids together and I want to keep the family intact or bring it back together. I see signs that she still loves me but I still have been trying to overcome my fears. Divorce is inevitible so how can I find a way to reconcile?
LET THEM GO! They don’t stop cheating! They are sickos!
Thank you for this. I will do my absolute best to bring her back home again. ♥️
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I want to leave my spouse...
i am very understanding, but when a wife leaves without even meeting face to face to explain her choice for hurting me by being with another man, then its a different story. Leave with respect, take the difficult talk your partner deserves. This is not about keeping anyone stay. When a breakup is done without respect, that's what causing those things you talk about in the video.
I love my wife, but what's hurting is not her leaving, its her lack of communication with me during that moment, leaving me alone with my feelings and hurt. I finally convinced her to come and talk to me face to face, and now everything feels much better. We can now move on and still think our love meant something for both of us. Don't leave your partner without explaining why and how also, cause there will be practical stuff to deal with. If you marry someone, they deserve an explanation and it should be done as soon as possible, not wait days or weeks.
Once they are gone it’s over. Let ‘em go
It’s hard when you have kids
God bless all marriage that are still strong
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The love specialist offers the best solution in restoring and fixing broken relationships.
My wife kicked me out
Best thing she said
Gave me my walking papers
What do you do when you come home and shes already gone lol
NOTHING just pray and sit in it let God intervene
Anita78750
No man leaves a flesh and blood woman and replaces her with nothing. (Unless she's a physical threat) I'm telling you, there's someone else.
You dodged a bullet
Honest and to the point
I think for a marriage to work the love factor is most important. And secondly, husband wife is teamwork . One has to lead and other has to be the supporter of the leader. This has to be done willingly. Its not 50 / 50 its 80 /20. One of the two has to take 80 percent of the responsibility and 80 percent of the authority ...the other has to play a strong support and second fiddle by his/her own will.
Very good information. Thank you for what you do.
are there women at all who blame them self later if they cheated (because they been emotionally unsatisfied by partner..because, if I understand this is their reason to cheat on)?...Is blame for them related with emotions?
What are push behaviors? Sharing memories? Or saying I will miss (blank) ?
use the law of attraction in my bio ,fast result
Thanks Helena , actually helped me save my broken marriage
It would be good to do a video on why you even want your spouse back when they have treated you so badly, especially with what they did after they left. I feel like that is that part that people forget, the desire to track your spouse can also be because you want to know what they are doing to determine if you want them back. Do you really a spouse that you can't feel emotionally safe with anyway? The woman banging her head obviously wasn't safe emotionally with her husband, why would she want him back when he obviously cared so little for her?
there is still hope, use the law of attraction in my bio, fast result
Thanks Helena actually helped me save my marriage
Thank you this was the best video ive seen
Than you for those tips, I needed this 😊
this helped me get through some of my dilemmas... i thank you very much... i just cant afford the coaching sessions but these videos really helped. controlling my emotions is the hardest... how can I improve my emotional situation?
Have you ever thought of doing a series like this but consider personality types at the same time? The advise is great but some types are probably going to find this advise impossible to do and sustain.