I had a rich aunt who constantly manipulated her grown children by threatening to cut them out of the will. I was glad my dad didn’t have a lot of money! He was very supporting and loving. I would rather have that than any amount of money.
@@fc-pl9kr Exactly! I can't fathom the mind that is manipulated by greed? They can keep that money. The person with all the money threatening not to leave it to the other party waiting to receive it is less greedy, and more wise. It's theirs they worked for it, they know their greedy relative wants it & just waiting for them to kick off, so they hold it over them, because they can. Slick ass move LoL 🤣 More often than not stupid people don't reach wealthyness, and if they do they lose it fast.
My father got $1 from his father. My father smiled and said it was worth more than his father. My father transferred ownership of his home and assents to me, thus avoiding probate all together. I cared for him and my mother to the end of their lives and made sure they were comfortable and had all they needed to have a quality last few years of life.
How sad for your father. That is so mean spirited. I'm glad you are friends with your father. What a joy that is. Thank you for being a kind caregiver.
My father used his estate of three million dollars to punish my brother and his children , and me to a lesser extent. My brother and his children got nothing and I got one ninth of the estate and my two children got another ninth each with half going to my sister. Fortunately we were tight knit siblings and divided the estate so that each of our families got a third. All my father succeeded in doing was to bring us closer and making my brother and I have only negative thoughts about my father.
I was the executor of my father’s estate, all of the kids got an equal share and I broke down all the expenses and what was left over in a sheet that each family member got to make sure everyone was happy, now when my mother dies that will probably be overseen by my sister but as we are all very close I am absolutely sure that everyone will get an equal share and I don’t believe there will be any problems.
@@mileakin2689 I am a retired Judge and I wrote my parents first will (under duress). However that will divided my parents estate equally among the siblings. My father would have been better off to have kept that will.
My mother and I struggled to like each other but before she needed to go into a home after a stroke I shopped, took her to appointments and dropped in to see her. She left my brothers money, who lived too far away to be of much help but left me nothing. Sometimes leaving nothing is beyond unkind. I always knew she didn’t like me but that was the final slap in the face. Not all estrangement is how it’s told.
I was out of will until dad read a letter for me from the IRS. He added me back on. Weird, he thought I was wealthy. I Took care of mom untill it almost killed me, I was so exhausted. Her son took all the money and had her euthanized. I had to go to court for my fair share out of five, from half of what was left. It didn't go far, still fixing the crappy fixer upper I was able to buy five years ago. While they are all millionaires, I live below poverty on disability in only half of the house that's repaired. I'm still blessed, I'm safe, I don't have to be around any of them. Grateful, The house keeps me busy and not go nuts staying home 🏡 in this pandemic. Mom never liked me either. It was hard, but just like we can't pick our parents, I always understood that they can't pick their kids either. Women can't always choose when to get pregnant. 59% of this overpopulated planet are accidents. Go figure. victims of abuse, violence and orphans in 3rd world countries have it the absolute worst. Sadly. Take care
I learned quickly as a child that my unloving mother used money to control others. I valued integrity and freedom more than money, and vowed never to be dependent on her or anyone else. I escaped her orbit decades ago but my brother, now 60, never did. I pity him and count my blessings.
Same! My dad was a tool and my brother now carries the torch. Not being caught up in all their drama and garbage behavior is priceless and peaceful. I just hope they both get everything they truly deserve, good, bad or otherwise. Not saying I'm perfect or anything, I'm just not letting them tarnish my dented halo. Lol
My mother was similar, but without the "using money to control people" part!! Though my parents are not "loaded" by any means they both worked two, three or sometimes four jobs at a time, and saved almost every cent they could for "some day"!! And so often some day never came!! In my case my parents dumped all their money on my baby brother. Typically they never did many things for me, and would often tell me "You made your bed now lay in it" which was their outlook on me most of the time!! And generally around my house I was constantly blamed for everything, even most of the things I never actually DID to start with!! And I was often punished for it too!! Jokingly I say "My brother could rob a bank, and burn down a children's hospital, and still be considered their "perfect child"!", but that isn't too far from how things actually worked inside my family!! And me I was often told that I was "too stupid" or "crazy" because my logic and reasoning often ground up against what they believed to be "normal"!! And in many ways it is still like this to this day.....and I am soon going to turn 58 years old as my brother is 54, and still leeching off our parents!!
I can definitely relate to that situation. My mother was throwing that if I any of a list full she would threaten to take me out of Will, at age 12, by 13, she was threatening to leave it to the nextdoor neighbor's dog. Already I had shut up from calling me an S.O.B!? Which was the only time I would verbally agree Yes Mame, I Am!!! By 15 stil mot caring to be controlled, I shut her up even quicker by responding that This is no law in this country Where A Self Proclaimed _itch! Does't have a right to Will anything to Real _itch! And; walked away. She'd then Go To Your Room!!! I 'd respond already half there, but Thanks For You Usless Reminder.
@@brianfuller4071 Sounds like a typical narcissistic family structure to me. Your brother is the golden child and you, the scapegoat. People should look into this who have had these problems.
My mother was recently hemming and hawing about getting hearing aids because they were "too expensive". Once I got to the truth, she was more concerned about leaving money for my sister and me. I told her to buy whatever she needed and wanted and to not worry about us because I'd rather she live her life and spend her money on herself.
My grandparents have wealth. We always tell them spend it all leave a nickel in your account lol. They have disinherited my mother. She was and is a toxic individual that has always caused drama. I love her because she’s my mom but yeah the toxic level is high with her.
I had a similar talk with my Mom. I told her that if her kids haven't sorted out their own lives by the time she passes, then leaving us money won't change that so spend what you can while you can. As long as there's enough aside for the funeral expenses then we're golden. I also remarked that she may as well leave everything lock stock and barrel to my brother so there's nothing to fight about. Trying to split it would only lead to a "You have six more Cheerio's than I do!" moment that I'd rather avoid.
I lost my husband to early-onset Alzheimer’s we have 3 children. Two years after my husband died my youngest child a daughter died suddenly of Asthma. My remaining children a daughter & a son want me to leave everything I have to my late daughter’s two sons. Their father died when they were very young and when their Mom died I finished raising them. They are so close with their aunt & uncle. I am blessed to have such caring children who put their nephews first in their lives.
That is some lovely kids you have... But I would still split it 4 ways and your grown up children can choose who to give to, after all your chikdren may have kids of their own in the future.....
My siblings and I were that mythical perfect family you wanted to see. Four brothers and a sister. We all agreed with one brother being executor. Everything was divided evenly and fairly. Personal items were done by a cycle of picking one item each until all done. We cooperated. The way we did it has been used for at least four generations in my father’s family. No strife.
Until someone becomes successful and leaves behind a fortune worth killing family over. People will literally murder their parents and siblings over inheritance when it becomes large enough.
This is what narcissistic parents do to their already abused, & neglected children. I expect rejection, invalidation, & discouragement from my narc mother...as that is what I have received all my life from her. Signed..." The scapegoat "
My father left $1.00 to myself, my sister, and all eight of his grandchildren. My brother got the house and all the money. I was not at all surprised as one of my elderly father's favorite activities was figuring out how to stick it to people from his grave. He was an evil person and all I felt when he died was utter RELIEF that he could never hurt anyone ever again. In solidarity with my sister, I set fire to my $1.00 inheritance check. Seemed fitting under the circumstances!
Just to deal with all of that anger , in these families ; it takes it's tole. I have experienced a situation like his, and angry people are nasty. It just breaks your heart. But it happens very often.
What is it with people? A person works and acquires something how is it that you can think you are untitled to anything? And if you don’t care enough to be in that person’s life, then why when the die do you feel or think because that is your parent you are owed anything? You are not. That is insane to think otherwise. When you decide to not have anything to do with your parents why would you think when they die you would get there any money and or their material things?
@@jaydoe2920 My estranged sister (wealthy), has not communicated with my folks or myself for over 11 yrs. Cries to one of my adult sons that she and her nasty hubby are remorseful, but still hasn’t called to at least apologize. My folks left an open door for discussions, but she’s all bark, and a coward with face to face confrontations. Btw, we’re all seriously clueless as to her behavior. 7 yrs ago, my folks made their living trust, without any reference to her or her family. She kept their precious grandkids from them. Mom got breast cancer (fine now), and never a card. My father passed away unexpectedly on June 1st., without hearing his daughter’s voice in those 11 yrs, but my mom split kindly his ashes three ways, yet she didn’t show up for his small memorial, telling my son she was afraid of me 🤷🏻♀️ (confrontation coward). I never would hurt my mom with added grief by starting anything. Sister ended up having her (drama/victim) own memorial spreading my dad’s ashes out in the ocean with her friends that I assume she’s lied to about us. She has no idea about the will, or that we’re going to move my mom here. Knowing her, she’ll try putting it into probate when my mom’s gone. Surprise 😊
I've just made my new will to totally write out our estranged daughter. It's taken me over 4 years to come to this decision. I've had it written into the will that she is not be be allowed into my home when I die and that she has nothing left to her as I provided for her in my lifetime when I paid off her drug debts.
My mother did this to me. I took the dollar and pinned it to the wall where I saw it everyday for several months giving the dollar too much thought. I thought of lots of things to do with it. Burn it? Tear it to pieces? Flush it down the toilet? Even thought about stuffing it in the flower holder at her grave site. However, I wrote a note explaining the dollar donation along with the dollar and left in the donation basket at the church. My mother really hated the church, why, who knows. But I’m a believer in choosing what you can live with, because you are going to have to live with what you choose.
Grammamona1 I'm sorry your mother was so unkind to you. Kind of funny that you gave the dollar to the church. Your mom was as wrong to hate the church as she was to leave you a dollar. If you find Jesus, you will find true love and healing in your life. Find a really good church and you will gain a great new family too. God bless you!
I'm preparing to cut contact with my mom in few days. This is exactly the kind of thing she'd do, since money is the only thing that holds any meaning or value to her.
Don't understand why children would "expect" anything from their parents. Mine owes me nothing, they are in their 80's and need lots of support. They weren't rich but they owe me nothing. They raised me the best they could, that's all I could ask for.
@@charwest9449 Not necessarily, I know a few that were very rebellious in their teens, caused their parents all kinds of problems, stress, behavior and money issues. They moved out, have been in several relationships and been users in those relationships making poor decisions. They have chosen not to be involved with their parents. Do you feel they actually deserve anything? I don't.
They do owe you. Children are a responsibility. Children aren't to steam-roll their parents, but parents owe children love, education, and to a certain extent, material support. Old parents are owed love, care, material support (within reason) and basic human consideration.🌺
@@miriamhavard7621 Well said. Each has responsibilities to help each other, but I think parents moreso. A rebellious child may be just a phase, and reconciliation remains possible upon maturity, but to deliberately choose to leave nothing upon death is so cold, unkind and heartless, in effect showing no warmth for ANY memory of that child, that you just know why that child was rebellious in the first place.
@@quantumtechcrypto7080 most. After finding out my parents estate was roughly short of a mil, now I’m having to fight off attempts at manipulation by my father’s remote step family now that my step mother has finally passed away.
Well this explains why my Dad's lawyer told me and my brother that it was refreshing to see people who weren't fighting. Which was interesting to me because my brother and I were all but estranged from each other. I think it came down to the fact that we both had a good relationship with our Dad and we each decided with our relationship on it's last legs the decisions we made would set the pace for us going forward. We're now closer than we've ever been. Too bad my Dad never got to see it.
My mother-in-law (a real piece of work) left my wife "$1.00 and my love" in her will. It's interesting that at least one lawyer "fired" my MIL because he got tired of writing and rewriting her will every time she got ticked off at one of her children for some real or imagined slight. At the time of the MIL's death, my wife was in the doghouse because of some triviality that I don't fully remember. Ergo, the $1.00 bequest. It may have been different if her estate had any real value, but as it was, her "I'll write you out of my will!" threats were just tragi-comic. Apparently, either the probate court wasn't too interested in ensuring that all the enumerated bequests were satisfied or the executor perjured herself because that was several decades ago, and my wife has yet to see a penny of that dollar.
i experienced this as my 83 yo parent threatens this a couple times..i asked my therapiat if i should just opt out or ask her NOT to put my name in, have narc sibs and expecting dysfunction, she said hold the line...but boy oh boy, talking issues in a relationship to resolve issues is a thing of the past or only in healthy families...smh
Ron must have love his father up his ass at night. Don't dont play someone's hurt. If you have a relationship with your parents great. I don't expect anything from mine why are you upset about my situation.
In my state leaving a person $1 in your will makes them an estate beneficiary and gives them the legal standing 1) to obtain a copy of the will and examine all provisions and 2) to challenge the validity of the will. The proper approach in my state is to write "My son Billy Smith is not a beneficiary of this will." It acknowledges their existence while REQUIRING the executor to exclude Billy from probate proceedings, denying him the legal standing to challenge.
@@PieceOfSource The authenticity of a will can be challenged by any "heirs at law" (surviving spouse, children, grandchildren, etc.). A no-contest clause in a will prevents a specific "devise/bequest" or exclusion from being challenged.
You could always take legal action to see the will anyway! ""My son Billy Smith is not a beneficiary of this will." It acknowledges their existence while REQUIRING the executor to exclude Billy from probate proceedings, denying him the legal standing to challenge." Nope doesnt stop legal action!
I went from an awful homelife to an awful marriage. I had two children, one survived past adulthood. I CREATED my own family with my remaining child. He and I are close to this day and then I remarried a wonderful husband and I created a family with him, too. In life, we often have to create our own happiness.
When you are brought up with one parent being an alcoholic and the other a narcissist…you really don’t expect much AT ANY TIME in your life! Give it to the Government, I’m mentally better off than the blackmail and always guilting us to death from a young age.
I always told my parents to enjoy their money and make sure there is nothing left when they die. I've seen to many people go nuts when a will isn't what's expected and relaying on "future" money is a bad attitude to begin with
My hubby says that to his parents, who are now in their mid 80's. He talks with his dad all the time even though they are many states away. His parents have 5 kids- 2 are daughters, they are the favorites. My hubby doesn't expect anything, we already know they are giving their house to a daughter. They asked us when we came to see them and help around the house and yard if we wanted anything. Of course we didn't say much at all. But later he mentioned that it would be nice to have the picture they had on the wall for years , I've admired it as well. Hubby mom said sure take it. We couldn't because we had a car load of family, picture wouldn't fit. Oh, and they were only giving to their kids and spouses, not grandkids. 6 months later, the oldest son ( hubby is exact middle child) says that he thinks the picture should go to his oldest child because it will have more meaning to her ( grandchild) subject of the picture is a temple, and the granddaughter got married in that particular temple. Well, hubby or I said nothing about that. If they want to do that, I guess they do it. The eldest son is also the Executive of the will, so that works for the oldest. We like the picture and had meaning to us as well simply because it reminds us of them. But we are going to be the nice families, it's just stuff in the end.
I agree completely. Parents shouldn't feel guilty about spending money on themselves and shouldn't be expected to be stingy with themselves in order to eave more money for their kids after they die. And children should rely on their own earnings, not sit around waiting for their parents to die so they could get their money.
I advised this to a client, her family was fighting over her deceased husband's money, the money was not even hers, and I told her to spend her money on herself and what makes her happy.
Yes, I tell my mom that. I think it gives here some peace of mind knowing that her kids are doing OK and don't need money. My parents were careful about spending money, so mom has enough after my father passed away. After reading some of the stories posted here, it makes me realize how fortunate I am to have the relationship to my mom that I do. Dad was great too, but sadly he got Alzeihmers and the last years of his life weren't so good.
My mother did that to me. My brother was the executor, and offered to include me in the even split. I told him no, that this is what she wanted and the only thing I wanted was an Italian music box I bought her for her 65th birthday. I got the music both with a crisp dollar bill inside. Worked for me.
Good thing that you don’t have my brother. When our dad died, my brother actually believed that because he is the only son (8 sisters) that he got the house that our mother was living in. He stated this after dad’s funeral and mom set him straight, right then! She told him that the house was left to her in the will. All the very nice tool set, gun-smith equipment, and a great gun collection, he sold quickly. One of our sisters asked for one of the many expensive tool sets, but he didn’t even consider it. All of us girls were listed for that $1.00 inheritance (which we didn’t receive).
Wow my siblings would never do that. Your brother at least acknowledged the wrong. Sad that you didn't take him up on the offer. I think it would have made him feel better to do the right thing. I knew my siblings were nasty I never thought they would have her euthinized. She had a tough life. Mothers don't come with directions. I always knew that
My dad's father ran off when he was little and never contributed a dime of support to help raise his son. I never met that so called "grandfather" but when I was around 5 that man died and had the audacity to leave $1.00 to his son (my dad). Dad was mailed a check for a dollar which he never cashed. I will never understand why people do hurtful things like that.
When my father passed away things went very smoothly. When there isn't a great deal to divide, there isn't a great deal to argue about. It helps we have always loved each other, though.🌞
Look up narcissistic personality disorder. Your parents may have some or all of these traits and that information may help you to heal. I am sorry that your parents treated you that way. No child should have to feel that way. Ever.
My parents both died at a young age due to all around unhealthy living. My mother was much younger than I am, now, when she died. She was the youngest of 5, the first one to die. Same with my father, he was the youngest of 16 children, he was the first of his siblings to die. My father died 6 years after my mother. There were many bad situations in the family. I left as soon as I could get out on my own, then, broke the cycle of child abuse. When my father died, my eldest brother wanted me to be there for the funeral & reading of the will. He was the executor & trustee of the will. He didn't know what the will said. I saw him struggle when he read that our father left me NOTHING. That the estate was to be divided between his children, excluding me. That was a shock to my 4 siblings. They had a conversation, agreed to each take a little less so that they & me would have an equal share divided between us. I'm sure it would have pissed my father off to know this.
I saw this happen with an Italian friend of mine. The dollar thing will only produce rage and hard feelings, and the estate will not get done in a timely way.
Not happy you had to enter....the race....???????????? Why even say their heritage ??? THIS happens IN ALL FAMILIES........of Race, Creed, Color........ : (
Then by all means do NOt estrange your parents for some nebulous ‘emotional trauma’,you think you suffered. Otherwise, you deserve nothing from parents who loved and roses you the best they cools. Poor decisions that hurt others have consequences in life. Karma is a bitch at times…
As an estranged child to my father, I'm kind of glad he doesn't have anything to leave me. I don't wish him any ill, I just know how messy family gets after a death. It's insane the number of people that come out of the woodwork after a death. It's just sad.
My dad didn't have much when he died. Just about 3,000 in the bank, a very small old home, and a car. I had to go through probate, and get a lawyer. State law. I had some problems with my sister. I was even falsely accused a couple of times. But I did everything by the book, and have proof where every penny went. Plus I have a lawyer. So, even if she thinks in her mind she was cheated, she can never prove it. After going through this, I would always reccommend you have a lawyer no matter what. Keep proof of everything, and never use cash but only pay checks out of an estate account. I only have one sibling, but I won't be surprised if she doesn't stay in contact after she gets her money. But I can't say I'm surprised.
My whole family came out of the woodwork when my daughter was killed by a drunk driver and they found out she was on my auto insurance since college. That's true PTSD for the rest of my life. No child and no family. Thank you drunk drivers for being the most selfish turds in the universe. No thanks to the turds in the family. My mother's son euthanized her and took most of the money. Yeah family. Both his parents regret him.
This is exactly what my original post was about. When grown adult children choose not to have a relationship with one or both of their parents. In my opinion, they deserve nothing.
Estranged from My dad. I want nothing from him. That relationship was painful and full of disappointment long before I cut ties. Small things add up to a lot of stupid things I wouldn’t wish on anyone. From my experience nobody chooses estrangement lightly.
I have chosen to be estranged from my only parent, I have set my self up to not need any money from anyone ever. I consider myself, self made. My parent did very little to help get me started in the world. I am so glad I have planned over my lifetime to support myself. I had no idea in my earlier years that I would choose this path of estrangement from my parent. Because I have planned to take care of myself financially I am not expecting anything from my parent in the future. Which , Makes it easier to be estranged. The hard part is that she wants a fake relationship with me and I have no interest in a relationship with her.
Or that the parents were right and they are showing their hurt.. Kids sometimes just go astray, wild lives drugs etc, it's not always the parents fault.
Agreed. And to the parents who are blaming their child, they raised them, they created that and it's obvious their love was conditional in the first place.
You're quite the piece of work aren't you? So you think a kid that kicks you to the curb, doesn't want to be your friend even, withholds grandkids from family interaction deserves to be part of the family when they decide they want to cash in on that relationship? User.
It can hurt but for me it was astonishment in the first place. Reading his will I was so astonished that someone is able to leave this place full of resentment. I never understood him and I don’t get his self destructiveness. How can someone get there?!
I heard a case where a guy got divorced and his ex took the kids far away. When his son was 17 he emailed his son and said “soon we can have a life and a spend some time together.” His son emailed him back and said “I don’t need u.” Then About a year later his son emailed him again and said he got accepted to a large famous university and can I have $20,000 for tuition? The guy emailed his son back and said “You don’t need me.”
Ha! As the “estranged child” in my own Cleaver family, I can say that leaving an adult survivor of your abuse $1 is EXACTLY the sort of thing certain parents would do.
Thanks for the video. I'm estranged from my abusive familiy and this helped me understand what to expect. I don't want anything from them, but should my mother leave me $1, I know what to do. Great video! :)
My father did this left my mom too do his dirty work after the blow up I being the youngest got my dollar and take care of mom what is funny is mom never worked but at 92 she saved everything dad gave her and has a nice lil nest egg I built her a 1 bedroom cottage here in Florida on my property and she says she never been happier some time things work out God Bless
I’m a family scapegoat and it’s been 3 years no contact. I don’t even want any money from them anymore, it’s all toxic. Both parents were narcissist.. therapy at 47.. 3 years in. My brother is a narcissist too and the executor of the will. I won’t be invited to the funeral I don’t think. My family are evil. Love to all ❤
I am also 3 yrs in and about to turn 50... The best thing they could do for me is leave me out of the will. I can't imagine having to interact with my sister over their estate.
When my mother died I was relieved. She never wanted me. She was physically and verbally abusive. I walked on egg shells while around her. I left when I turned 18 and never looked back. I would go once a year to see her. But she do her best to put me down. I finally just called her every few months. When she died it was like I could finally breathe. My dad was the complete opposite of her. He was good to me. If not for him I would not have made it. He divorced my mother. He wanted the children but the court back in those days gave them to the mother. Even if she was poison.
Your story sounds the same as mine Alissa. I just wish that when I turned 18 and joined the military, that I had cut off all contact. My mistake was that I kept trying for another 12 years, until I was 30. Sometimes one has to realize when they are kicking a dead horse and just throw in the towell. Relief is the only thing I felt when I found out about her death after many years of zero contact. I had already shed all the tears I was going to shed while she was still alive. I hope you are doing well these days. My life is much better now and I thank the man upstairs for that. Our mothers are now in our rear view mirrors, so keep looking forward. I wish you the best of luck.
@Alissa Gonzales Our society puts "mothers" on a pedestal. It is taboo to speak ill of ones mother. My Mom was a monster: violent, unloving, drug addicted, greedy, and mean. The world became a better place the day she died.
I have seven children I cannot imagine being estranged from anyone of them They are all different I do my best to love each of them and make each one feel special it’s what DAD’S DO I may not always agree with their actions and decisions but I love them all UNCONDITIONALLY if I left this world and had anything to leave them I would expect them all to have an equal share
Dear, loving dad , if you want peace among your 7 children once you leave, please spell it out legally in a will or trust. Also make one responsible for medical decisions, and a different one responsible for financial decisions, if you are not able and have no spouse. How you expect them to behave, and how they behave may be two different things. A legal document spelling out your wishes will keep conflicts down after you go.
When my father died he stated that " My biological children S & G get nothing and they know why"......well guess what....WE DIDNT KNOW WHY!!!!!!! I always knew he didn't want us, and his will solidified that for me and my sister.
There is an option that you did not consider & that is to simply give them the assets/money while you’re still here! That eliminates the probate nonsense!
@@jacqdanieles Well I’m not a specialist in this area, but I believe you can set up something called a living revocable trust where in you control the assets in the trust until the day you pass on! The other thing is even if you didn’t do it that way, you still maintain a certain amount of passive income to support your life expectancy & style! I mean if you got $100 million how much of that money would you need at age 65 based on your life expectancy?
@@theodorehaskins3756 - but what happens to the remainder of the trust once you pass away? Don't you still have to bequeath it, thereby not really avoiding the original problem?
@@LarryNewmanSusanNewman Well it’s an option & you don’t have to do it, particularly if you don’t trust your kids to do the right thing, but at least if you’re alive you can see how they handle themselves with money & how they will handle your final affairs & I never said you had to give them all the money!
@@LarryNewmanSusanNewman So your promise also misses another misconception a lot of people have about Medicaid & how you qualify to be on Medicaid, but that’s a whole other discussion that I am not prepared to get into at this time & maybe never! So what I will say is that as long as you have money the government is not going to pay, they will exhaust every asset you have before you ever get on Medicaid!
Leaving a child a dollar in your will is like a slap in the face. Why do it and cause the hurt and harm that will stay with him or her the rest of their lives. Just don't leave the child anything, but a dollar is the ultimate insult.
What IF the child is the ONE who TORE the family unit apart ??? I'm NOT leaving ANYTHING to that child........Honest ...plus they have MORE $$$$ now than I do, since THEY chose NOT to have any children ....and made SURE they married into $$$$$$ !!!! Case Closed...no we don't talk.....Not AFTER ...STEALING their brothers child..who I have NOT seen in 10 yrs...
My ex father-in-law left the child from his first marriage $1.00. The first time his kids from the second marriage even met their older half-brother was when they were all summoned for the will. Fortunately, the other five siblings from the second marriage chose to do the right thing and give their half-brother two life insurance payouts. Leaving an estranged child $1.00 is a cruel, hateful thing to do, but this was 25 years ago. I hope people realize how rotten this practice really is.
@@bijou3000 I understand you're probably looking at normal families with some problems, but there are some really really dirty kids (and I mean adults) out there who would do some really terrible and hurtful things to get their parents or grandparents money. I can see for legal purposes why someone would do this. You don't know what some parents go through with their rotten children. Best to just have an iron-clad will to make sure they can't cause trouble.
I have an estranged child, and not much to leave, but despite being estranged, the very last message they will receive from us is what they are left in our Will. And I remember being taught in law school that what you leave your children equates to love in their eyes so be careful how we advise our clients when they come to have their Will written. I wouldnt want my last message to be that I dont love you. It will be with them for the rest of their lives.
My father did this to me😂. My brother and sister had a life insurance policy each left to them worth $20,000 , my brother got his home and jeep, my sister got his boat and RV. I GOT $1.00 because my mom divorced him when I was a yr old so I was disowned by my father and his mother. He lived in Maryland and mom in Virginia. He picked my brother and sister up every other summer and Christmas and they would stay with him in Maryland. I was never welcome there. I got nothing for Christmas, nothing for holidays or even a hug. He did pay $190 child support for 3 kids back in 1973 until I was married at the age of 16 and it stopped. He passed away in 2012. In my 40 yrs of life I spent about 2 yrs total around my father. But it's okay. I was raised by my mother and grand mother and I am not selfish and self centered like my father. In reality I guess he did me a favor. I feel I am truly a better person because he wasn't in my life. Don't get me wrong. I would loved to have had my father like my brother and sister. But I think I turned out okay without him
My mother in law always says she's gonna spend all her money and not leave anything behind. I say I'm okay with that since what she likes spending her money on is taking us on vacations, which means a lot more to my husband and I than a check after she dies would.
If the parents were abusive, they know why their child is estranged. If they are truly at a loss, assume the spouse is controlling them. Leaving the beloved estranged child a dollar would be unbearably cruel. Why not leave the beloved estranged child a specific amount for a specific purpose you believe will bring them joy. With a note saying you love them unconditionally and are sorry for anything you’ve done to hurt them. How will that hurt you when you’re gone?
I'd so love it if my Dad wrote me before he died! If he offered to get together one last time. To talk things out, to both sincerely apologize, then let it go. Then just apologize and hug each other. I'd want that more than all the money he cared so much more about. Just to hear he loved me costs nothing and means everything 🌞💞
@@sonshine5038 agree, I got that. that was enough. He died knowing he had been screwed by his first born who sucked off him his entire life, scammed him to change his will and lied to him about me and my sis. babyman brother still got it all. But I got truth and love.
Sometimes it’s the children who abuse the parents. I’ve seen this happen before. Elderly abuse is a thing. So are children with severe mental health issues who are dangerous to parents. This happened to my grandmother- battered by child who then stole her life savings. Her other children stepped up to the plate and provided for her the remainder of her life. Sometimes the parents have good reason for leaving someone out.
@@ThirteenKidsLater thank you it happens a lot more than people know. The are so many support groups of parents those children are just without natural feelings. They leave with no real reason. No fault of the parents. They weren't perfect but no parent is. My three children are biologically narcissistic from the fathers side. Scary stuff in this world today.
I helped my mom get a ton of money from being estranged from her father's will. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call... nobody wants to waste money on lawyers.
You should check out the videos on scapegoats and narcissists. The kid who goes “no contact” usually has a very VERY good reason. It’s never done lightly. For example, if your mother comes right out and tells you that she never liked you and that you gave her the creeps ever since you were a child, and that her other kids, Jane and George, are her REAL children. Then the mother calls you on the phone and tells the kid what a loser she is and how nobody likes her. Note that the kid educated herself, never treated the mother with anything but respect, etc. So, going “no contact” is the only way to keep their sanity. And remember, the kid had TWO parents at one point. Being cut out of the will was just a matter of chance where narcissist mom outlives the normal dad.
Good advice and reassurance for parents whose adult children have rejected them. It seems unnatural to leave a child, whom one loved but who is now a stranger, out of one's Will, but knowing that's the sensible thing to do. Thanks
Remember, blanket “catch all” advice can be harmful. Everybody’s situation is unique. If you need real advice seek a professional. Don’t make life altering decisions based on TH-cam videos/comments.
@@johanneslebrecht3097 agreed. Fits my situation, but maybe not yours. I have been relieved to learn about parental alienation and narcissistic abuse, but this is not everyone's experience. In her book Done With the Crying, Sheri McGregor helps one work through one's own relationship and consider possible options.
My friend/ex coworker asked me to be the executor of her will, she is leaving her daughter $1 and her son the rest. To me it just seems petty because it is not like her daughter is doing drugs or anything,she just married someone my friend does not like (and they have been married over 10 years and have kids) I ended up refusing because it just seemed cruel and petty. I told her as much.
There was a really sweet girl where I worked, and she fell in love with a colleague who was from another ethnicity and country. Her parents disowned her when they got married. It was so sad because she was the kindest person you could imagine.
Worse then a "penny tip". I believe you're referring to the paltry tip (l'd always heard it as the '2-cent tip', which tells wait staff, "2-cent tip for your 2-cent service"; because if you leave NO tip they'll just think you're just a cheapskate who never tips.
In my state leaving a person $1 in your will makes them an estate beneficiary and gives them the legal standing 1) to obtain a copy of the will and examine all provisions and 2) to challenge the validity of the will. The proper approach in my state is to write "My son Billy Smith is not a beneficiary of this will." It acknowledges their existence while REQUIRING the executor to exclude Billy from probate proceedings, denying him the legal standing to challenge.
My mother-in-law left my husband’s younger brother with a lifelong ability to stay in her home, which was her only asset. It’s my belief that if there’s a disparity between what the siblings receive, it always feels like a love disparity and inevitably leads to wrecked relationships. Now a once close family is completely broken apart with lawyers being the only ones to benefit.
The amount left might not be indicative of the amount of love . May be the mother felt need to protect vulnerable and his future needs due ti his inability to take care of himself , while your husband is blessed by ability to make leaving and hoped for everybody's understanding .... 🤔
@@Nadia-xy9db yes ,well parents enable the golden child and that is on them, the other kids are the real victims in life in the hurt department but usually fair better in the long run even if golden one took from the parents their entire life and even profit from the grave.
I enjoy watching your videos. I find the information informative. I have separated myself from my mother. After years of dealing with her narcissism I had to cut her off from my family. That was one of the issues I had with her in my life. She stays in contact with my older brother who updates me about her. She moved across country this past summer and I only found out from my brother. She lives near him now. I don't think she has changed her will or her living will, as my brother has not told me of any changes, but if she did remove me, I'm okay with that. She's not wealthy like my father and I don't expect anything from either one, but my brother and I have an agreement to not disagree on anything. Sometimes not being part of the family is okay. I know my life is a lot better now.
My mothers side of the family has 'money' while my fathers side of the family is considered 'poor' or lower-class. They are divorced. I was raised by my well-to-do grandparents who were verbally and emotionally abusive as well as alcoholics. If I stood up for myself while they badmouthed my father and his family and me for having the same last name (usually happened while they were drunk) then I would be punished with more abuse and basically bullied. As an adult one day I finally had enough and told them exactly how I felt about them and their behavior towards me. Now I find myself disowned and informed that my inheritance has been taken and split up between my half sister and step brother. They wont even take my call or return a message. Fine with me. A broken and toxic home. At least my son wont have to witness any of that from that side of my family.
Paul, your videos are great, this one included. Thank you. In regard to this video and the issue of having an estranged child, I think you could go further in your advice. Obviously your preamble to your clients should be "I'm here to advise you and I will try to craft a will which fulfills your intentions." But I think you should go further and add "I've been doing this for X years and I have learned something along the way. Ask to meet with your estranged child and say, 'I am preparing my will and want to discuss my plans with you.' " IMHO talking is always better than not talking. Of course, parents ought to talk with their non-estranged children too. Another option is to simply leave the estate in equal shares to the estranged and non-estranged beneficiaries. I am not a Christian, but God rains on the Just and the Unjust alike. Should we be any less generous? I don't think wills should be used to punish people. Just my 2¢.
And the leaving $1 is further evidence of the parent being a Narcissist. The old you don't deserve anything because you walked away from my 'love'. If they were loving they'd leave their wayward child their fair share regardless. And abusive parents pull the, "Well, if you're not there you really don't deserve anything." and I say sure, "But I don't deserve abuse either which is what being around my 'family' gets me so then what?"
@@ellyk8834 or the child has, up until the parents death made off with thousands of dollars, car, jewelry and even pets. Has broken into home and stolen personal items. Has asked repeatedly "Where is all your money?"(specifically which bank, savings ect) . Has attempted on at least 5 different occasions, to impersonate parent (by phone) to the different banks to gain access to funds. I have been threatened so many times that I have had to move. Only my children know where I live. And they don't want HER to know where they live. The rage, violence, triangulation between family members has all taken its toll. The bridges burned. Sometimes ,just maybe, it's not the parent who is the narcissist .
@@momof2949 Or ... I'm dealing with a step mother that has excluded my father's children. After he got dementia she made him sign over the money market account into her name. Took the money from our account and put it into another account with just her and him on it. This was an account started by my father with the oldest 2 children and himself many many years ago. She couldn't just cancel it without my brother and sister signing. Sooo she got my father to transfer it to a new account. My sister and brother were informed of the small amount left ($50) I don't know if my sister will fight but, I just walked away from them all. Being treated like "outsider's" since my father married the witch. I've tried for decades to get along. Getting along meant being belittled, hit and doing without basic needs. The $300,000 that was in that account just isn't worth my sanity.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 There is only rampant overuse in the term Narcissist in the minds of Narcissists. Those of us who have dealt with Narcissistic abuse knew all the behaviors but never had a word to put to it. Now we do and the message is spreading. You just outed yourself. If you don't want people knowing what you are, never say that the term is being overused/misused... Ending the cycle of abuse with Narcissists and improving mental health is what is in Vogue and Narc abusers hate it.
My Gma left 3 for her 6 kids everything and the other 3 a dollar. The 3 she left a dollar to actually took care of her. It was a last slap in the face to them. She was a truly mean person.
I suffered horrific child abuse at the hands of an abusive father growing up - almost ritualistic in nature. In the end, he blamed us kids for everything that ever went wrong in his life, told me I was someone elses' son (DNA says I'm his), wrote us all out of his will, stuck a gun to his head and that, as they would say, was that...THANKS DADDY!
I sincerely hope my father leaves me nothing. I would never take anything from him if he left it. I don't want or need his blood money. I've always been the black sheep of the family and it's worked out so well for me. My siblings still have some sort of relationship with him so if he leaves anyone anything they deserve it all just for dealing with his narcissistic personality disorder that he refuses to go to counselling for. I only kept a relationship with him as long as I absolutely had to and now I've made a family of my own. I'm in therapy trying my hardest not to repeat the same mistakes he and his father before him made. Just show up for your kids. Be present. Love your kid for who they are and don't try to force a square peg into a round hole. You'll never agree on everything but if you instill a good set of core values within them they will make you proud.
Did you ever try family counseling with your dad? Do you have any conflict resolution skills? Just know that going no contact may backfire... you may be on the receiving end one day. Estrangements are devastating, unless there's physical or severe emotional abuse. Also show your dad some compassion as he was probably raised the same way. No contact is not the answer.
@@jilljones7600 A narcissist will never agree to family counseling as they do not think that they have to change. They are already perfect, in their own mind.
The fact that somebody wants to leave an estranged child $1 probably speaks more about why an estranged child doesn’t want to have anything to do with controlling and vindictive parents.
If you have three kids and one is an asshole, while the other two are loving and supportive, then it's perfectly resonable to want to leave your estate to your kids who love you and not want the asshole kid to reduce their inheritance. It's not always the parents at fault.
I think you put this very well into words!!! Thanks and yes I agree with you 1000 fold. My mother took her nail technician into her notary the year after my dad died and represented herself as me and signed off on my father's will giving my share $80,000 back to my mother and giving her access to the full amount of money for my dad's estate now that she had all the kids signatures - even though my signature was forged. Some people are just EVIL and someone that wants to leave a 'estranged child a $1' seems to be a vindictive piece of work and I can understand the child not having anything to do with these people anymore. Taking more abuse by toxic family members is a dead end road. GET OUT NOW!!! I left the toxic ones decades ago and I'll never go back. Happier without all their negative feedback of how they perceive me.
@@jojohehe3251 There's a big difference between not leaving a child an inheritance and leaving them $1. It's the difference between not leaving a tip for a restaurant server or just leaving a penny.
@@nocalsteve sure, unless your intent is to exclude them altogether, and the advice you have received is that this is how to do so. If you wrongly believe that leaving them out altogether opens the door to them suing for whatever fraction applies to the number of kids you had, but leaving them $1 seals them off, then it's a formality, not a slap in the face. You're probably right about this in a lot of cases. I'm just saying it's not necessarily pettiness, every time.
@@jojohehe3251 One problem I foresee with looking at how many kids support you vs how many don't is not every person is the same when it comes to how being raised a certain way effects them. For some kids tough love will cause them to be a superstar later in life while for a child with less fortunate traits that sort of treatment might cause them to spiral out of control perhaps even to violence. The child would have the justification to blame the parent for not understanding that one method child raising doesn't work for everyone while the parent justifies that what they did worked for the other kids so obviously that must mean it's something wrong the other kid it didn't work for.
When my parents passed, my two brothers and I had zero problems getting the work done and sharing what was left. I know many other families like mine. Maybe if parents weren’t assholes who would leave their kid nothing, things would be much easier.
My mother didn't agree with one decision I made after getting married... NOT ONE! Yet she still made provision for me.... Equally with the other siblings..
@@nyotauhura7412 Some spoiled kids appreciate it and some spoiled kids think they deserve more. Blaming the sinful condition of children on the parents is not only ignorant but childish.
I was brought up with the following: If I haven't made anything of myself, I probably don't deserve it. If I have made something of myself, I probably don't need it. Either way, I shouldn't count on it. This came to be when much of my grandmother's money was whittled away by nursing home fees. Remember, even parents who have every intention of leaving everything to their children won't be able to control their expenses towards the end.
@@gigiis526 Not really sure how you arrived at that conclusion. Nobody should EXPECT an inheritance but if a parent is spiteful enough to tell their child that they don't deserve an inheritence, they probably shouldn't expect too much from that child either. Course, the reality is that very few parents are likely to act in such a spiteful manner but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
@@SiCrewe You are removing context, they were being taught a lesson to not expect things as a insurance policy and solely rely on that. It makes total sense, and I find funny you thought you were being clever by trying to state a gotcha but didn't work out...
@@bigbay1159 I find it funny that you don't see the blatant hypocrisy in any such "lesson". Any parent who is disinheriting a child is, presumably, unhappy with them in some way and intends to make the child similarly unhappy. And let's bear in mind that there may be any number of justifiable reasons why a parent might feel neglected but for a parent to disinherit a child is a singular, deliberate, wilfully spiteful, act. That isn't a "gotcha". It's simply pointing out that any parent who judges whether or not a child "deserves" an inheritance based on whether they've "made something of themselves" is a jerk.
My grandmother left us $500 each except for the eldest grandson who got over 6-figures. I used my inheritance to pay for my last term in college and went on to a great career. My cousin burned through his pile of cash and had nothing. Its not how much money you have, its what you do with it.
im swiss, my parents are middle class. when i was a child they were concerned not to spoil me cause they grew up poor. but in the love and affection department much was missing. my mother probably had some post natal depression she never got out of. leaving me developing a avoidant personality disorder that led to me wanting to end my life at the age of 30. after this point they were eager to shower me with money. but i dont want a single cent from them. i dont even want to deal with them. i just want to be left alone, im not half as afraid of dieing alone as they are. at the end of YOUR life you will learn that your money is just accumulated time you didnt use to raise your child. and a child that wasnt raised by their parents, they dont want the parents money either.
I've always told my parents to use their money on themselves. I don't expect any of my siblings to fight over any inheritance. But I've made it clear if any of them fight over the money, then they can have it. But that they will be dead to me afterwards. I would never speak to them again. I've seen extended relatives fight over inheritance and it disgusts me to no end.
My father's 2nd wife ensured that she had everything signed into her name so nobody got anything but her when he passed away. She excluded anyone from his family from any information about a funeral or a wake. She was a terrible person to have to deal with when he was alive - and used my father's death as a vehicle for revenge on anyone she felt "wronged" her.
NO .Especially if there are other children in the family .It will just leave behind even more bitterness and dysfunction . If it were me , I would either dole out my money equally , even to estranged child , or give all my money to charity
You're a good person. This shylock (estate planner🤣🤣) just wants HIS $$$. He doesn't care about what's right as long as he gets paid. It's nice to see that some people as parents care about the final legacy that leave their children. 👍
The parents not knowing why their child won't talk to them is a flat out lie. Don't want to admit it would be more accurate. If my parents left me a dollar, I'd go buy a coffee and it'd be the most positive thing they'd ever done for me.
I don’t believe that. My sister is always a victim no matter how much my mother tried to help her. If the parent wants to leave $1. Kids can still split everything.
I love this lol. I'm 100% certain my dad knows why I don't talk with him anymore because I texted it to him before I blocked his number and waited for acknowledgment. I'm also 100% sure that he doesn't bring me up with extended family. If they ask about me it's highly likely he'll play the victim. It's just the two-faced way he is. He can't own up to his mistakes because he honestly feels like he's a God among men and can do no wrong.
Informative video. As for the parents, you expect your kids to give you unconditional love. How can you expect that when you yourself can't give unconditional love?
I worked as grounds keeper mowing grass and cleaning up at a cemetery. We would find nasty items, on graves. Even found where someone defecated on a grave of a person who had been buried two months earlier. They have installed cameras since but stull you have to wonder what goes on between people.
I was written out this way. I was named as one of my fathers 3 children; but not one of his descendants and neither myself nor any of my children will receive anything from the estate. This is an excellent way to stop any kinks in the system. I was the “estranged “ although all communication was cut off by Emily and all legal matters were taken care of by Emily who never showed up for the years of care myself and children provided to our parents. After I followed medical advice and relieved myself as 24/7/365 caregiver for a decade; suddenly I was eliminated and Emily & Edward got the entire estate. So if you want to cut someone out; give no recourse to them to contest in Florida this is a good way to do it. Happens to the caregiver all the time.
I'm sure if they are estranged they dont want nor expect any money probably wont show up to your funeral nor care if your including them in anything. Most dont care and go off to create great lives for themselves and forgot all about the estranged parents.
@@m.s.biteth1164 I say heal get over in time and live your life at first its painful but anyone and anything can be replaced. Learn to love with the mistake you both made and make peace with the fact that maybe next time you get to try again better, not all is lost unless you want it to be. Just focus on you and your happiness. Money cant buy love cause its over priced.
Yeah, I’m building my own family now in a beautiful house with a husband my parents have never even met. They won’t meet my baby. Don’t know why this popped on my feed because I stopped looking at content like this years and years ago🤔 But I don’t know how they’d manage to leave anything to me because they have no way of knowing where I live or what my new last name is.
Three out of five of mine and my husband's children have gone 'no contact' and, yes, it sucks, and we have talked about disinheriting them. We have decided that we are not going to do it though. We love each of them, whether or not they are in contact. They have their reasons, we presume, for going 'no contact' and, as we see it, it is between themselves and their consciences as to whether they feel their behaviour is acceptable. None of them have made the effort to explain why we deserve what, to us, is harsh treatment. We both had parents/step parents who disinherited us or who have played 'favourites' with our siblings, and we know what it feels like to be devalued in such a way. Losing a parent is hard enough, but to be left feeling you were worthless to them is even harder. Inheritances are not just about money. It is your final chance as a parent to tell your children that you love each and every one of them with all of your heart. Please do not miss the opportunity to make your goodbye a loving one.
Marian, thank you for your beautiful words. I miss my daughter and even though I haven't heard from her for years, and she has made some nasty accusations towards me, she will inherit everything her stepfather and I will leave, not just because we have no one else, but if nothing else, it puts the ball in her court. I doubt she will feel bad about it, though, and that isn't really the intention.
My understanding of California law (as explained to me as my parents' will was being drafted) is that is not legal to disinherit a child by silence but the disinheritance must explicit, though no reason need be given. If that is correct it is fairly likely to be similar in other states.
I sure do wish there was a lawyer such as yourself here in Georgia that would get on here and do as you do explaining things to people about wills, estate planning ect. Have a great day God Bless
Estranged? That child came from my body. Nothing they could do would make me consider them estranged. If my child steps away from me to heal, grow or seek self awareness, I will grant them that space. They may some day return on their own time. I didn't work three jobs most my life to provide for them to then turn around and not do the same in death. I love my kiddos unconditionally.
No, leaving that amount can be seen as being insulting and intentionally hurtful, behave like an adult and a parent, it's not something you can change later, you will be gone and leaving that amount is forever, no do- overs.
I am in NJ. I agree one other way out is to split a share for a son/daughter with them and/or their children. That was done by my mom due to issues with one of my brothers. It may be necessary to exclude a child or others as benefices of an estate as have addictions, have borrowed and never paid money back, are disabled or have a spouse that is and may lose government benefits.
I convinced my parents to give a thousand dollars to the disowned siblings … and they complained about the amount without knowing they would have gotten nothing otherwise .
"stating that you are intentionally excluding the estranged child" would be clear indication to the courts. Leaving them something leaves room to wonder if some 0's were left of the amount.
I can see your just a hate filled person that trolls looking to insult people and give invalide opinions without knowing any facts now go away and make yourself a good person
@@mattstone8878 no to keep up with the bills I worked out of town a lot. And because the devorce court are to one sided and I was seen only as a money source, she was awarded 40% of my gross income so her and her AP live in luxury and sometimes I had to live in my car. Add 40%+ 27% income tax and the government was basically confiscating 67% of my gross, if your a spoiled selfish brat you go where the money is. Not not going to give anymore to fuel their selfishness, nor will I reward them for abandoning me for money.
My siblings and I were raised in poverty thanks to our dead-beat alcoholic dad. My brothers worked hard as a result, determined their wives and children would have better. One was robbed in divorce like you. Now his boys are dead-beat dads, who likewise only visit him at holidays for the Santa Money he hands out... It's a vicious cycle.
I agree. I explain to the folks that they must acknowledge the existence of the excluded child to avoid the pretermitted heir issue. Including them in the probate means more copies, paperwork, etc. I acknowledge them in the will and then state "for personal reasons I make no provisions for X".
Yes, and so many ungrateful, narcisstic kids, it's so sad! Most kids, don't even obey or respect their parents, the bible says, Honor thy mother & father. Children feel entitled, that's poor parenting to spoil a child rotten. So, don't assume it's the parent's fault, it takes two to make a relationship built upon loyalty, respect & love
@@madambutterfly7513 Many narcissistic parents like to use God as a weapon to keep the children silent on their abuse. But the kids all grow up and can escape. Parents screaming for money 💰 ,making demands, phoning other relatives to attack the grown child for not submitting. A special place in hell for such horrible parents.
@@madambutterfly7513 - Just admit it, you were a bad and more likely than not abusive parent that is bitter that your kids hate you. Maybe you should look in the mirror why your kids hate you so much.
Disowning a child is a double slap in the face. First the parents are making the child's life and childhood so horrible that it decide to cut them out of their life as an adult, and then the adult child is disowned. One example; a girl is sexually abused by her father. So when she moves out she never speaks to him again. Because she is mentally destroyed she never gets an education, never marries and never have children. Because her father ruined her life. And then she got to learn that she has been disowned. How is that fair?
Just about every partner my mother has had has abused me and I'm estranged from her. Keep abortion legal and safe; some parents do not deserve to be parents.
I had a rich aunt who constantly manipulated her grown children by threatening to cut them out of the will. I was glad my dad didn’t have a lot of money! He was very supporting and loving. I would rather have that than any amount of money.
Sounds like we have the same aunt!
Having money and being loving are not mutually exclusive
Not all people that have money are unkind or manipulative.
Can't be manipulated if you aren't moved by the money.
@@fc-pl9kr
Exactly!
I can't fathom the mind that is manipulated by greed?
They can keep that money.
The person with all the money threatening not to leave it to the other party waiting to receive it is less greedy, and more wise.
It's theirs they worked for it, they know their greedy relative wants it & just waiting for them to kick off, so they hold it over them, because they can. Slick ass move LoL 🤣
More often than not stupid people don't reach wealthyness, and if they do they lose it fast.
My father got $1 from his father. My father smiled and said it was worth more than his father. My father transferred ownership of his home and assents to me, thus avoiding probate all together. I cared for him and my mother to the end of their lives and made sure they were comfortable and had all they needed to have a quality last few years of life.
So, in other words, you manipulated your siblings out? Jacka$$.
That's a very good way to live your life
What did he mean that the the million was worth more than his father? That it was wirth more than the relationship they had?
How sad for your father. That is so mean spirited. I'm glad you are friends with your father. What a joy that is. Thank you for being a kind caregiver.
Thank you for this. Blessings to you :)
My father used his estate of three million dollars to punish my brother and his children , and me to a lesser extent. My brother and his children got nothing and I got one ninth of the estate and my two children got another ninth each with half going to my sister. Fortunately we were tight knit siblings and divided the estate so that each of our families got a third. All my father succeeded in doing was to bring us closer and making my brother and I have only negative thoughts about my father.
This is very impressive to me. You are wise people. You handled it how it should be handled in the first place - congratulations!
I was the executor of my father’s estate, all of the kids got an equal share and I broke down all the expenses and what was left over in a sheet that each family member got to make sure everyone was happy, now when my mother dies that will probably be overseen by my sister but as we are all very close I am absolutely sure that everyone will get an equal share and I don’t believe there will be any problems.
@@mileakin2689 I am a retired Judge and I wrote my parents first will (under duress). However that will divided my parents estate equally among the siblings. My father would have been better off to have kept that will.
Was you sister, who received the $1.5 million, ever SAed by your father?
@@roundtwo3321 Are you just some sort of a creep?
My mother and I struggled to like each other but before she needed to go into a home after a stroke I shopped, took her to appointments and dropped in to see her. She left my brothers money, who lived too far away to be of much help but left me nothing. Sometimes leaving nothing is beyond unkind. I always knew she didn’t like me but that was the final slap in the face. Not all estrangement is how it’s told.
GO WITH GOD WISH U THE BEST I
At least you have the peace of mind of knowing you did the right thing. Some people in our world are just cruel.
I was out of will until dad read a letter for me from the IRS. He added me back on. Weird, he thought I was wealthy. I Took care of mom untill it almost killed me, I was so exhausted. Her son took all the money and had her euthanized. I had to go to court for my fair share out of five, from half of what was left. It didn't go far, still fixing the crappy fixer upper I was able to buy five years ago. While they are all millionaires, I live below poverty on disability in only half of the house that's repaired.
I'm still blessed, I'm safe, I don't have to be around any of them. Grateful, The house keeps me busy and not go nuts staying home 🏡 in this pandemic. Mom never liked me either. It was hard, but just like we can't pick our parents, I always understood that they can't pick their kids either. Women can't always choose when to get pregnant. 59% of this overpopulated planet are accidents. Go figure. victims of abuse, violence and orphans in 3rd world countries have it the absolute worst. Sadly. Take care
@@rhondakendrick2563 ❤️🌺
@@lynettebrinkman606 ❤️🌸
I learned quickly as a child that my unloving mother used money to control others. I valued integrity and freedom more than money, and vowed never to be dependent on her or anyone else. I escaped her orbit decades ago but my brother, now 60, never did. I pity him and count my blessings.
Same! My dad was a tool and my brother now carries the torch. Not being caught up in all their drama and garbage behavior is priceless and peaceful.
I just hope they both get everything they truly deserve, good, bad or otherwise. Not saying I'm perfect or anything, I'm just not letting them tarnish my dented halo. Lol
Same here. My mother died about 12 years ago. I did not and will not mourn her. She was a mean person who made my life hell.
My mother was similar, but without the "using money to control people" part!! Though my parents are not "loaded" by any means they both worked two, three or sometimes four jobs at a time, and saved almost every cent they could for "some day"!! And so often some day never came!! In my case my parents dumped all their money on my baby brother. Typically they never did many things for me, and would often tell me "You made your bed now lay in it" which was their outlook on me most of the time!! And generally around my house I was constantly blamed for everything, even most of the things I never actually DID to start with!! And I was often punished for it too!! Jokingly I say "My brother could rob a bank, and burn down a children's hospital, and still be considered their "perfect child"!", but that isn't too far from how things actually worked inside my family!! And me I was often told that I was "too stupid" or "crazy" because my logic and reasoning often ground up against what they believed to be "normal"!! And in many ways it is still like this to this day.....and I am soon going to turn 58 years old as my brother is 54, and still leeching off our parents!!
I can definitely relate to that situation. My mother was throwing that if I any of a list full she would threaten to take me out of Will, at age 12, by 13, she was threatening to leave it to the nextdoor neighbor's dog. Already I had shut up from calling me an S.O.B!? Which was the only time I would verbally agree Yes Mame, I Am!!! By 15 stil mot caring to be controlled, I shut her up even quicker by responding that This is no law in this country Where A Self Proclaimed _itch! Does't have a right to Will anything to Real _itch! And; walked away. She'd then Go To Your Room!!! I 'd respond already half there, but Thanks For You Usless Reminder.
@@brianfuller4071 Sounds like a typical narcissistic family structure to me. Your brother is the golden child and you, the scapegoat. People should look into this who have had these problems.
My mother was recently hemming and hawing about getting hearing aids because they were "too expensive". Once I got to the truth, she was more concerned about leaving money for my sister and me. I told her to buy whatever she needed and wanted and to not worry about us because I'd rather she live her life and spend her money on herself.
My grandparents have wealth. We always tell them spend it all leave a nickel in your account lol. They have disinherited my mother. She was and is a toxic individual that has always caused drama. I love her because she’s my mom but yeah the toxic level is high with her.
It’s narcissistic behavior toxic is being to kind.
@@quantumtechcrypto7080 What? Explain pls.
I had a similar talk with my Mom. I told her that if her kids haven't sorted out their own lives by the time she passes, then leaving us money won't change that so spend what you can while you can. As long as there's enough aside for the funeral expenses then we're golden. I also remarked that she may as well leave everything lock stock and barrel to my brother so there's nothing to fight about. Trying to split it would only lead to a "You have six more Cheerio's than I do!" moment that I'd rather avoid.
@@quantumtechcrypto7080 Huh? What are you talking about?
I lost my husband to early-onset Alzheimer’s we have 3 children. Two years after my husband died my youngest child a daughter died suddenly of Asthma. My remaining children a daughter & a son want me to leave everything I have to my late daughter’s two sons. Their father died when they were very young and when their Mom died I finished raising them. They are so close with their aunt & uncle. I am blessed to have such caring children who put their nephews first in their lives.
That is a wonderful story & your children are to be commended - you raised them well, Mama !
Wow, that is touching. You raised them right.
R.I.P. sorry for your loss
That is some lovely kids you have... But I would still split it 4 ways and your grown up children can choose who to give to, after all your chikdren may have kids of their own in the future.....
@@bxxmb80 but the adult children’s children will hopefully have their parents well into their adulthood.
My siblings and I were that mythical perfect family you wanted to see. Four brothers and a sister. We all agreed with one brother being executor. Everything was divided evenly and fairly. Personal items were done by a cycle of picking one item each until all done. We cooperated. The way we did it has been used for at least four generations in my father’s family. No strife.
Until someone becomes successful and leaves behind a fortune worth killing family over. People will literally murder their parents and siblings over inheritance when it becomes large enough.
Y’all are good decent people. Few left these days. God Bless you and your family for the rest of your lives. Peace be with you all.
Wow smart way of dividing
Yay for your family! Should be more like this!
Just like my Wife and her siblings did.
This is what narcissistic parents do to their already abused, & neglected children. I expect rejection, invalidation, & discouragement
from my narc mother...as that is
what I have received all my life from her. Signed..." The scapegoat "
Bull tutti
What did the kids do?
It’s not always the child that causes the estrangement.
Mommy and Daddy aren't always the pricks either!
TRUE. What a shitty thing to do to a child!
You cannot pick your parents either.
No but when parents r continued to be disrespected then yes it's the parents "fault" because eventually they get Jack of the attitude.....
@@Keep-on-ok Anymore than we can pick our kids!
My mother left me ten dollars so i told my brother to take it and have a drink on me because he put up with her bs all those years. He earned it!
wow
hah. haha
She did it for good reason I’m sure.
@@MDD-ut8woI’m sure her good reason was she didn’t love her child.
My father left $1.00 to myself, my sister, and all eight of his grandchildren. My brother got the house and all the money. I was not at all surprised as one of my elderly father's favorite activities was figuring out how to stick it to people from his grave. He was an evil person and all I felt when he died was utter RELIEF that he could never hurt anyone ever again. In solidarity with my sister, I set fire to my $1.00 inheritance check. Seemed fitting under the circumstances!
Well then u got what u was supposed to why are u crying
Just to deal with all of that anger , in these families ; it takes it's tole. I have experienced a situation like his, and angry people are nasty. It just breaks your heart. But it happens very often.
What is it with people? A person works and acquires something how is it that you can think you are untitled to anything? And if you don’t care enough to be in that person’s life, then why when the die do you feel or think because that is your parent you are owed anything? You are not. That is insane to think otherwise. When you decide to not have anything to do with your parents why would you think when they die you would get there any money and or their material things?
@@jaydoe2920 My estranged sister (wealthy), has not communicated with my folks or myself for over 11 yrs. Cries to one of my adult sons that she and her nasty hubby are remorseful, but still hasn’t called to at least apologize. My folks left an open door for discussions, but she’s all bark, and a coward with face to face confrontations. Btw, we’re all seriously clueless as to her behavior. 7 yrs ago, my folks made their living trust, without any reference to her or her family. She kept their precious grandkids from them. Mom got breast cancer (fine now), and never a card. My father passed away unexpectedly on June 1st., without hearing his daughter’s voice in those 11 yrs, but my mom split kindly his ashes three ways, yet she didn’t show up for his small memorial, telling my son she was afraid of me 🤷🏻♀️ (confrontation coward). I never would hurt my mom with added grief by starting anything. Sister ended up having her (drama/victim) own memorial spreading my dad’s ashes out in the ocean with her friends that I assume she’s lied to about us. She has no idea about the will, or that we’re going to move my mom here. Knowing her, she’ll try putting it into probate when my mom’s gone. Surprise 😊
There are reasons a child decides to go no contact.
I've just made my new will to totally write out our estranged daughter. It's taken me over 4 years to come to this decision. I've had it written into the will that she is not be be allowed into my home when I die and that she has nothing left to her as I provided for her in my lifetime when I paid off her drug debts.
My mother did this to me. I took the dollar and pinned it to the wall where I saw it everyday for several months giving the dollar too much thought. I thought of lots of things to do with it. Burn it? Tear it to pieces? Flush it down the toilet? Even thought about stuffing it in the flower holder at her grave site. However, I wrote a note explaining the dollar donation along with the dollar and left in the donation basket at the church. My mother really hated the church, why, who knows. But I’m a believer in choosing what you can live with, because you are going to have to live with what you choose.
Grammamona1 I'm sorry your mother was so unkind to you. Kind of funny that you gave the dollar to the church. Your mom was as wrong to hate the church as she was to leave you a dollar. If you find Jesus, you will find true love and healing in your life. Find a really good church and you will gain a great new family too. God bless you!
Great idea!
Sounds like your mom lived with trauma of her own, very sad:(
I am not a believer and I think that was good
God bless you. Sorry you had to suffer with that.
I'm preparing to cut contact with my mom in few days. This is exactly the kind of thing she'd do, since money is the only thing that holds any meaning or value to her.
Maybe she has every right to cut you off…what an ungrateful bastard you are
Don't understand why children would "expect" anything from their parents. Mine owes me nothing, they are in their 80's and need lots of support. They weren't rich but they owe me nothing. They raised me the best they could, that's all I could ask for.
When a parent has money and won't leave it though, that indicates a lack of love.
Asian kids gives. Money to their parents lol
@@charwest9449 Not necessarily, I know a few that were very rebellious in their teens, caused their parents all kinds of problems, stress, behavior and money issues. They moved out, have been in several relationships and been users in those relationships making poor decisions. They have chosen not to be
involved with their parents. Do you feel they actually deserve anything? I don't.
They do owe you. Children are a responsibility. Children aren't to steam-roll their parents, but parents owe children love, education, and to a certain extent, material support. Old parents are owed love, care, material support (within reason) and basic human consideration.🌺
@@miriamhavard7621 Well said. Each has responsibilities to help each other, but I think parents moreso. A rebellious child may be just a phase, and reconciliation remains possible upon maturity, but to deliberately choose to leave nothing upon death is so cold, unkind and heartless, in effect showing no warmth for ANY memory of that child, that you just know why that child was rebellious in the first place.
When our Mom died, my brothers and I split everything evenly. No drama! Mom would have been proud!
Boy, speaking from experience, that's definitely rare and wonderful.
Rare. Some smell blood in the water.
@@danielfronc4304 qqq
That’s how I would do it too.
@@quantumtechcrypto7080 most. After finding out my parents estate was roughly short of a mil, now I’m having to fight off attempts at manipulation by my father’s remote step family now that my step mother has finally passed away.
Well this explains why my Dad's lawyer told me and my brother that it was refreshing to see people who weren't fighting. Which was interesting to me because my brother and I were all but estranged from each other. I think it came down to the fact that we both had a good relationship with our Dad and we each decided with our relationship on it's last legs the decisions we made would set the pace for us going forward. We're now closer than we've ever been. Too bad my Dad never got to see it.
In a way, this may be the fulfillment of his last wish on Earth
Maybe his presence somehow caused the strife between you two.
My mother-in-law (a real piece of work) left my wife "$1.00 and my love" in her will. It's interesting that at least one lawyer "fired" my MIL because he got tired of writing and rewriting her will every time she got ticked off at one of her children for some real or imagined slight. At the time of the MIL's death, my wife was in the doghouse because of some triviality that I don't fully remember. Ergo, the $1.00 bequest. It may have been different if her estate had any real value, but as it was, her "I'll write you out of my will!" threats were just tragi-comic.
Apparently, either the probate court wasn't too interested in ensuring that all the enumerated bequests were satisfied or the executor perjured herself because that was several decades ago, and my wife has yet to see a penny of that dollar.
i experienced this as my 83 yo parent threatens this a couple times..i asked my therapiat if i should just opt out or ask her NOT to put my name in, have narc sibs and expecting dysfunction, she said hold the line...but boy oh boy, talking issues in a relationship to resolve issues is a thing of the past or only in healthy families...smh
I’m estranged from my parents, i expect nothing because its what I’ve always got from them.
Why expect from someone when they never gave you their ❤
Preacherman, I am saddened by your comment. I wish it was otherwise for you and the countless of individuals who had similar childhoods.
You probably weren't much of a daughter either
@@madambutterfly7513 your lucky you were never abused.
Ron must have love his father up his ass at night. Don't dont play someone's hurt. If you have a relationship with your parents great. I don't expect anything from mine why are you upset about my situation.
Some people should never have been parents
In my state leaving a person $1 in your will makes them an estate beneficiary and gives them the legal standing 1) to obtain a copy of the will and examine all provisions and 2) to challenge the validity of the will. The proper approach in my state is to write "My son Billy Smith is not a beneficiary of this will." It acknowledges their existence while REQUIRING the executor to exclude Billy from probate proceedings, denying him the legal standing to challenge.
So, if a forged will explicitly lists all relatives|friends as non-beneficiaries, then said will's validity can not be challenged?
@@PieceOfSource ha nice
@@PieceOfSource the challenger would need to prove that the will was forged.
@@PieceOfSource The authenticity of a will can be challenged by any "heirs at law" (surviving spouse, children, grandchildren, etc.). A no-contest clause in a will prevents a specific "devise/bequest" or exclusion from being challenged.
You could always take legal action to see the will anyway!
""My son Billy Smith is not a beneficiary of this will." It acknowledges their existence while REQUIRING the executor to exclude Billy from probate proceedings, denying him the legal standing to challenge."
Nope doesnt stop legal action!
I went from an awful homelife to an awful marriage. I had two children, one survived past adulthood. I CREATED my own family with my remaining child. He and I are close to this day and then I remarried a wonderful husband and I created a family with him, too. In life, we often have to create our own happiness.
@@theraptureisnearbelieveinj7695 ha ha, that’s totally f’d up
@@theraptureisnearbelieveinj7695 Perhaps Artsy Craftsy isn't Christian or Bible-reading? One's path is not another's path.
@@nemo7782 That’s exactly my point. We ALL need to get on the path of God by reading His Word, the Bible.
Beautiful
@@theraptureisnearbelieveinj7695 translated incorrectly by humans
When you are brought up with one parent being an alcoholic and the other a narcissist…you really don’t expect much AT ANY TIME in your life! Give it to the Government, I’m mentally better off than the blackmail and always guilting us to death from a young age.
I always told my parents to enjoy their money and make sure there is nothing left when they die. I've seen to many people go nuts when a will isn't what's expected and relaying on "future" money is a bad attitude to begin with
I've said that very thing! Spend it all and leave nothing behind to fight over!
My hubby says that to his parents, who are now in their mid 80's. He talks with his dad all the time even though they are many states away. His parents have 5 kids- 2 are daughters, they are the favorites. My hubby doesn't expect anything, we already know they are giving their house to a daughter. They asked us when we came to see them and help around the house and yard if we wanted anything. Of course we didn't say much at all. But later he mentioned that it would be nice to have the picture they had on the wall for years , I've admired it as well. Hubby mom said sure take it. We couldn't because we had a car load of family, picture wouldn't fit. Oh, and they were only giving to their kids and spouses, not grandkids. 6 months later, the oldest son ( hubby is exact middle child) says that he thinks the picture should go to his oldest child because it will have more meaning to her ( grandchild) subject of the picture is a temple, and the granddaughter got married in that particular temple. Well, hubby or I said nothing about that. If they want to do that, I guess they do it. The eldest son is also the Executive of the will, so that works for the oldest. We like the picture and had meaning to us as well simply because it reminds us of them. But we are going to be the nice families, it's just stuff in the end.
I agree completely. Parents shouldn't feel guilty about spending money on themselves and shouldn't be expected to be stingy with themselves in order to eave more money for their kids after they die. And children should rely on their own earnings, not sit around waiting for their parents to die so they could get their money.
I advised this to a client, her family was fighting over her deceased husband's money, the money was not even hers, and I told her to spend her money on herself and what makes her happy.
Yes, I tell my mom that. I think it gives here some peace of mind knowing that her kids are doing OK and don't need money. My parents were careful about spending money, so mom has enough after my father passed away. After reading some of the stories posted here, it makes me realize how fortunate I am to have the relationship to my mom that I do. Dad was great too, but sadly he got Alzeihmers and the last years of his life weren't so good.
My mother did that to me. My brother was the executor, and offered to include me in the even split. I told him no, that this is what she wanted and the only thing I wanted was an Italian music box I bought her for her 65th birthday. I got the music both with a crisp dollar bill inside. Worked for me.
Your brother was very decent. Most would bit rake the high road as he tried to. At least he gave you the opportunity.👍🏼
You had a good brother. My sister is trying to take everything away from the rest of us.mom left a will but she's fighting it.
Good thing that you don’t have my brother. When our dad died, my brother actually believed that because he is the only son (8 sisters) that he got the house that our mother was living in. He stated this after dad’s funeral and mom set him straight, right then! She told him that the house was left to her in the will. All the very nice tool set, gun-smith equipment, and a great gun collection, he sold quickly. One of our sisters asked for one of the many expensive tool sets, but he didn’t even consider it. All of us girls were listed for that $1.00 inheritance (which we didn’t receive).
Wow my siblings would never do that. Your brother at least acknowledged the wrong.
Sad that you didn't take him up on the offer. I think it would have made him feel better to do the right thing. I knew my siblings were nasty
I never thought they would have her euthinized. She had a tough life. Mothers don't come with directions.
I always knew that
My dad's father ran off when he was little and never contributed a dime of support to help raise his son. I never met that so called "grandfather" but when I was around 5 that man died and had the audacity to leave $1.00 to his son (my dad). Dad was mailed a check for a dollar which he never cashed. I will never understand why people do hurtful things like that.
That's called defacing a grave time
When my father passed away things went very smoothly. When there isn't a great deal to divide, there isn't a great deal to argue about. It helps we have always loved each other, though.🌞
Keep your money, love is all I wanted and NEVER GOT!
Yeap. We can get our own money, more satisfying that way anyways. Things ahead are better than things behind
👏👏
l hear you sister.
Wow. I thought I was the only one.
Look up narcissistic personality disorder. Your parents may have some or all of these traits and that information may help you to heal. I am sorry that your parents treated you that way. No child should have to feel that way. Ever.
My parents both died at a young age due to all around unhealthy living. My mother was much younger than I am, now, when she died. She was the youngest of 5, the first one to die. Same with my father, he was the youngest of 16 children, he was the first of his siblings to die.
My father died 6 years after my mother. There were many bad situations in the family. I left as soon as I could get out on my own, then, broke the cycle of child abuse.
When my father died, my eldest brother wanted me to be there for the funeral & reading of the will. He was the executor & trustee of the will. He didn't know what the will said. I saw him struggle when he read that our father left me NOTHING. That the estate was to be divided between his children, excluding me.
That was a shock to my 4 siblings. They had a conversation, agreed to each take a little less so that they & me would have an equal share divided between us. I'm sure it would have pissed my father off to know this.
Isn't it good to have good siblings who will have your back no matter what.
@@grisom5863 They don't have my back most of the time. I'm very grateful to them that they did this for me.
I saw this happen with an Italian friend of mine. The dollar thing will only produce rage and hard feelings, and the estate will not get done in a timely way.
Not happy you had to enter....the race....???????????? Why even say their heritage ??? THIS happens IN ALL FAMILIES........of Race, Creed, Color........ : (
@@josephinetyree1476 Italian isn't a race it's a nationality, dumbass. It was obviously mentioned just to show that this practice happens everywhere
Then by all means do NOt estrange your parents for some nebulous ‘emotional trauma’,you think you suffered. Otherwise, you deserve nothing from parents who loved and roses you the best they cools. Poor decisions that hurt others have consequences in life. Karma is a bitch at times…
That's not a universal truth, maybe for you and how you handle your emotions. But that's isn't everyone
As an estranged child to my father, I'm kind of glad he doesn't have anything to leave me. I don't wish him any ill, I just know how messy family gets after a death. It's insane the number of people that come out of the woodwork after a death. It's just sad.
My dad didn't have much when he died. Just about 3,000 in the bank, a very small old home, and a car. I had to go through probate, and get a lawyer. State law. I had some problems with my sister. I was even falsely accused a couple of times. But I did everything by the book, and have proof where every penny went. Plus I have a lawyer. So, even if she thinks in her mind she was cheated, she can never prove it. After going through this, I would always reccommend you have a lawyer no matter what. Keep proof of everything, and never use cash but only pay checks out of an estate account. I only have one sibling, but I won't be surprised if she doesn't stay in contact after she gets her money. But I can't say I'm surprised.
My whole family came out of the woodwork when my daughter was killed by a drunk driver and they found out she was on my auto insurance since college. That's true PTSD for the rest of my life. No child and no family.
Thank you drunk drivers for being the most selfish turds in the universe. No thanks to the turds in the family. My mother's son euthanized her and took most of the money.
Yeah family. Both his parents regret him.
This is exactly what my original post was about. When grown adult children choose not to have a relationship with one or both of their parents. In my opinion, they deserve nothing.
Estranged from
My dad. I want nothing from him. That relationship was painful and full of disappointment long before I cut ties. Small things add up to a lot of stupid things I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
From my experience nobody chooses estrangement lightly.
I have chosen to be estranged from my only parent, I have set my self up to not need any money from anyone ever. I consider myself, self made. My parent did very little to help get me started in the world. I am so glad I have planned over my lifetime to support myself. I had no idea in my earlier years that I would choose this path of estrangement from my parent. Because I have planned to take care of myself financially I am not expecting anything from my parent in the future. Which ,
Makes it easier to be estranged. The hard part is that she wants a fake relationship with me and I have no interest in a relationship with her.
$1 just validates you were correct to be estranged.
Shoot you said this way better than I did!
Or that the parents were right and they are showing their hurt.. Kids sometimes just go astray, wild lives drugs etc, it's not always the parents fault.
Agreed. And to the parents who are blaming their child, they raised them, they created that and it's obvious their love was conditional in the first place.
You're quite the piece of work aren't you? So you think a kid that kicks you to the curb, doesn't want to be your friend even, withholds grandkids from family interaction deserves to be part of the family when they decide they want to cash in on that relationship? User.
Or it validated the adult children estranging the parent as it seems to be a trend in this generation more than any other.
Dying with resentment and one final act of cruelty. I would never want to die like that. I can’t imagine how much that would hurt the grown child.
It's not universal, some of us wouldn't be bothered because we're estranged....we cut ties for a reason...
It can hurt but for me it was astonishment in the first place. Reading his will I was so astonished that someone is able to leave this place full of resentment. I never understood him and I don’t get his self destructiveness. How can someone get there?!
I’m waiting for my mother to do that. I want nothing from her but she’d be the type to get in her last jabs even on her death bed.
What did the grown child do?
plus eternity is going to be extremely toasty 😢
I heard a case where a guy got divorced and his ex took the kids far away. When his son was 17 he emailed his son and said “soon we can have a life and a spend some time together.”
His son emailed him back and said
“I don’t need u.”
Then About a year later his son emailed him again and said he got accepted to a large famous university and can I have $20,000 for tuition?
The guy emailed his son back and said
“You don’t need me.”
Unfortunately its neither father or childs fault. The mother did her part to turn the kid against and distant the dad .
No. ALL of them are jerks. 😊🌺 Have a nice day, all!!! 🌻
That’s just sad - wish the dad had kept trying - obviously the child had been brainwashed by the mom
@@Melody-285 very true
I guess the Dad measured the value - and cut bait.
Ha! As the “estranged child” in my own Cleaver family, I can say that leaving an adult survivor of your abuse $1 is EXACTLY the sort of thing certain parents would do.
Joan Crawford is a good example, she left NADA.
Same here. Estranged daughter here, it's like you couldn't love me stick your $1 up your backside
One last reminder that they never cared about you and you don't deserve anything. Many of us got that message from birth on.
@@ellyk8834 SAD , but TRUE‼️
It's so cruel, like just die and have the half decency to leave $0 ffs! No, they have to do one more nasty power trip.
😓
Thanks for the video. I'm estranged from my abusive familiy and this helped me understand what to expect. I don't want anything from them, but should my mother leave me $1, I know what to do. Great video! :)
You should not expect the bad outcome - except good things to happen.
My father did this left my mom too do his dirty work after the blow up I being the youngest got my dollar and take care of mom what is funny is mom never worked but at 92 she saved everything dad gave her and has a nice lil nest egg I built her a 1 bedroom cottage here in Florida on my property and she says she never been happier some time things work out God Bless
Terrible parents, should have taught you how to punctuate.
I’m a family scapegoat and it’s been 3 years no contact. I don’t even want any money from them anymore, it’s all toxic. Both parents were narcissist.. therapy at 47.. 3 years in. My brother is a narcissist too and the executor of the will. I won’t be invited to the funeral I don’t think. My family are evil. Love to all ❤
It sounds like we're raised in the same home. I was also the scapegoat.
I am also 3 yrs in and about to turn 50... The best thing they could do for me is leave me out of the will. I can't imagine having to interact with my sister over their estate.
@@strugglebus365 same!!!! Love to you ❤️
When my mother died I was relieved. She never wanted me. She was physically and verbally abusive. I walked on egg shells while around her. I left when I turned 18 and never looked back. I would go once a year to see her. But she do her best to put me down. I finally just called her every few months. When she died it was like I could finally breathe. My dad was the complete opposite of her. He was good to me. If not for him I would not have made it. He divorced my mother. He wanted the children but the court back in those days gave them to the mother. Even if she was poison.
Your story sounds the same as mine Alissa. I just wish that when I turned 18 and joined the military, that I had cut off all contact. My mistake was that I kept trying for another 12 years, until I was 30. Sometimes one has to realize when they are kicking a dead horse and just throw in the towell. Relief is the only thing I felt when I found out about her death after many years of zero contact. I had already shed all the tears I was going to shed while she was still alive.
I hope you are doing well these days. My life is much better now and I thank the man upstairs for that. Our mothers are now in our rear view mirrors, so keep looking forward. I wish you the best of luck.
Same story stay strong 🤗
Pretty much same here.
The courts remain pretty much the same.
@Alissa Gonzales Our society puts "mothers" on a pedestal. It is taboo to speak ill of ones mother. My Mom was a monster: violent, unloving, drug addicted, greedy, and mean. The world became a better place the day she died.
I have seven children I cannot imagine being estranged from anyone of them They are all different I do my best to love each of them and make each one feel special it’s what DAD’S DO I may not always agree with their actions and decisions but I love them all UNCONDITIONALLY if I left this world and had anything to leave them I would expect them all to have an equal share
You have something money can't buy.,...
That will only happen if you leave a will.
Dear, loving dad , if you want peace among your 7 children once you leave, please spell it out legally in a will or trust. Also make one responsible for medical decisions, and a different one responsible for financial decisions, if you are not able and have no spouse.
How you expect them to behave, and how they behave may be two different things. A legal document spelling out your wishes will keep conflicts down after you go.
@@judylongcore5076 I agree thank you
Yay, finally a normal good parent speaks up!
When my father died he stated that " My biological children S & G get nothing and they know why"......well guess what....WE DIDNT KNOW WHY!!!!!!! I always knew he didn't want us, and his will solidified that for me and my sister.
So sorry that happened to you.
My god, what a hateful man your father was! Good grief.
There is an option that you did not consider & that is to simply give them the assets/money while you’re still here! That eliminates the probate nonsense!
What happens to the residual you need to set aside to live on?
@@jacqdanieles Well I’m not a specialist in this area, but I believe you can set up something called a living revocable trust where in you control the assets in the trust until the day you pass on! The other thing is even if you didn’t do it that way, you still maintain a certain amount of passive income to support your life expectancy & style! I mean if you got $100 million how much of that money would you need at age 65 based on your life expectancy?
@@theodorehaskins3756 - but what happens to the remainder of the trust once you pass away? Don't you still have to bequeath it, thereby not really avoiding the original problem?
@@LarryNewmanSusanNewman Well it’s an option & you don’t have to do it, particularly if you don’t trust your kids to do the right thing, but at least if you’re alive you can see how they handle themselves with money & how they will handle your final affairs & I never said you had to give them all the money!
@@LarryNewmanSusanNewman So your promise also misses another misconception a lot of people have about Medicaid & how you qualify to be on Medicaid, but that’s a whole other discussion that I am not prepared to get into at this time & maybe never! So what I will say is that as long as you have money the government is not going to pay, they will exhaust every asset you have before you ever get on Medicaid!
Leaving a child a dollar in your will is like a slap in the face. Why do it and cause the hurt and harm that will stay with him or her the rest of their lives. Just don't leave the child anything, but a dollar is the ultimate insult.
Hello Gypsy 👏
What IF the child is the ONE who TORE the family unit apart ??? I'm NOT leaving ANYTHING to that child........Honest ...plus they have MORE $$$$ now than I do, since THEY chose NOT to have any children ....and made SURE they married into $$$$$$ !!!! Case Closed...no we don't talk.....Not AFTER ...STEALING their brothers child..who I have NOT seen in 10 yrs...
People do things like that because they are nasty people. It's like dealing with a child.
Leaving a dollar is just using one to hurt another. Better to turn their backs on that son/daughter sincerely for the last time and let them be free.
@@josephinetyree1476 You sound like a narcissistic monster.
That's really sad to make the kids have to continue this madness and have to deal with this and grieve. Thank you.🧡🙏🏻
My ex father-in-law left the child from his first marriage $1.00. The first time his kids from the second marriage even met their older half-brother was when they were all summoned for the will. Fortunately, the other five siblings from the second marriage chose to do the right thing and give their half-brother two life insurance payouts. Leaving an estranged child $1.00 is a cruel, hateful thing to do, but this was 25 years ago. I hope people realize how rotten this practice really is.
Not your place to say...we each have choice..you yours, they theirs,...whatever the reason...take your church values and bag em.
@@AcidArt362 Church values? Are you an idiot, or something? It IS my place to say. It's your place to shut up and sit down. Kthksbye
@woodymuller No denying that, but it was evidently bad old advice that estate lawyers used to give.
@woodymuller I will do this because my child is an even BIGGER azzhole!
@@bijou3000 I understand you're probably looking at normal families with some problems, but there are some really really dirty kids (and I mean adults) out there who would do some really terrible and hurtful things to get their parents or grandparents money. I can see for legal purposes why someone would do this. You don't know what some parents go through with their rotten children. Best to just have an iron-clad will to make sure they can't cause trouble.
I have an estranged child, and not much to leave, but despite being estranged, the very last message they will receive from us is what they are left in our Will. And I remember being taught in law school that what you leave your children equates to love in their eyes so be careful how we advise our clients when they come to have their Will written. I wouldnt want my last message to be that I dont love you. It will be with them for the rest of their lives.
🎯
My father did this to me😂. My brother and sister had a life insurance policy each left to them worth $20,000 , my brother got his home and jeep, my sister got his boat and RV. I GOT $1.00 because my mom divorced him when I was a yr old so I was disowned by my father and his mother. He lived in Maryland and mom in Virginia. He picked my brother and sister up every other summer and Christmas and they would stay with him in Maryland. I was never welcome there. I got nothing for Christmas, nothing for holidays or even a hug. He did pay $190 child support for 3 kids back in 1973 until I was married at the age of 16 and it stopped. He passed away in 2012. In my 40 yrs of life I spent about 2 yrs total around my father. But it's okay. I was raised by my mother and grand mother and I am not selfish and self centered like my father. In reality I guess he did me a favor. I feel I am truly a better person because he wasn't in my life. Don't get me wrong. I would loved to have had my father like my brother and sister. But I think I turned out okay without him
only 1 of 7 kids got an inheritance from the inlaws, husband did not care.
Have you considered a DNA test? I wonder if he questioned whether or not you were his child.
This is going to sound messed up, but did he suspect infidelity?
My mother in law always says she's gonna spend all her money and not leave anything behind. I say I'm okay with that since what she likes spending her money on is taking us on vacations, which means a lot more to my husband and I than a check after she dies would.
Yes, this is the "legal" way to eliminate the Probate. Spend it on good times together with family.
I hope I can leave my daughter a good inheritance? I only have one child, so at least she doesn't have to fight with a sibling over it. LOL.......
If the parents were abusive, they know why their child is estranged. If they are truly at a loss, assume the spouse is controlling them. Leaving the beloved estranged child a dollar would be unbearably cruel. Why not leave the beloved estranged child a specific amount for a specific purpose you believe will bring them joy. With a note saying you love them unconditionally and are sorry for anything you’ve done to hurt them. How will that hurt you when you’re gone?
I'd so love it if my Dad wrote me before he died! If he offered to get together one last time. To talk things out, to both sincerely apologize, then let it go. Then just apologize and hug each other. I'd want that more than all the money he cared so much more about. Just to hear he loved me costs nothing and means everything 🌞💞
@@sonshine5038 agree, I got that. that was enough. He died knowing he had been screwed by his first born who sucked off him his entire life, scammed him to change his will and lied to him about me and my sis. babyman brother still got it all. But I got truth and love.
Sometimes it’s the children who abuse the parents. I’ve seen this happen before. Elderly abuse is a thing. So are children with severe mental health issues who are dangerous to parents. This happened to my grandmother- battered by child who then stole her life savings. Her other children stepped up to the plate and provided for her the remainder of her life. Sometimes the parents have good reason for leaving someone out.
@@ThirteenKidsLater thank you it happens a lot more than people know. The are so many support groups of parents those children are just without natural feelings. They leave with no real reason. No fault of the parents. They weren't perfect but no parent is. My three children are biologically narcissistic from the fathers side. Scary stuff in this world today.
I helped my mom get a ton of money from being estranged from her father's will. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call... nobody wants to waste money on lawyers.
I really like how you tell a story when explaining Estate Planning. You have a knack for it. 😊
You should check out the videos on scapegoats and narcissists. The kid who goes “no contact” usually has a very VERY good reason. It’s never done lightly. For example, if your mother comes right out and tells you that she never liked you and that you gave her the creeps ever since you were a child, and that her other kids, Jane and George, are her REAL children. Then the mother calls you on the phone and tells the kid what a loser she is and how nobody likes her. Note that the kid educated herself, never treated the mother with anything but respect, etc. So, going “no contact” is the only way to keep their sanity. And remember, the kid had TWO parents at one point. Being cut out of the will was just a matter of chance where narcissist mom outlives the normal dad.
Exactly. You can also make it easy as the child and ask to not be included in the will.
Your situation does not apply to others. Many children just grow up to be asses or addicts, despite having loving parents.
Good advice and reassurance for parents whose adult children have rejected them. It seems unnatural to leave a child, whom one loved but who is now a stranger, out of one's Will, but knowing that's the sensible thing to do. Thanks
Remember, blanket “catch all” advice can be harmful. Everybody’s situation is unique. If you need real advice seek a professional. Don’t make life altering decisions based on TH-cam videos/comments.
@@johanneslebrecht3097 agreed. Fits my situation, but maybe not yours. I have been relieved to learn about parental alienation and narcissistic abuse, but this is not everyone's experience.
In her book Done With the Crying, Sheri McGregor helps one work through one's own relationship and consider possible options.
My friend/ex coworker asked me to be the executor of her will, she is leaving her daughter $1 and her son the rest. To me it just seems petty because it is not like her daughter is doing drugs or anything,she just married someone my friend does not like (and they have been married over 10 years and have kids) I ended up refusing because it just seemed cruel and petty. I told her as much.
Good for you. It is very petty and cruel.
There was a really sweet girl where I worked, and she fell in love with a colleague who was from another ethnicity and country. Her parents disowned her when they got married. It was so sad because she was the kindest person you could imagine.
Leaving an estranged child $1: what a way to punctuate an already bad situation. The "penny tip" of estate planning.
Worse then a "penny tip". I believe you're referring to the paltry tip (l'd always heard it as the '2-cent tip', which tells wait staff, "2-cent tip for your 2-cent service"; because if you leave NO tip they'll just think you're just a cheapskate who never tips.
In my state leaving a person $1 in your will makes them an estate beneficiary and gives them the legal standing 1) to obtain a copy of the will and examine all provisions and 2) to challenge the validity of the will. The proper approach in my state is to write "My son Billy Smith is not a beneficiary of this will." It acknowledges their existence while REQUIRING the executor to exclude Billy from probate proceedings, denying him the legal standing to challenge.
Thats honestly the quickest way to get your bone exumed and thrown in a river.
Might as well leave them a turd in a box.
@@bryonslatten3147 wrong
My mother-in-law left my husband’s younger brother with a lifelong ability to stay in her home, which was her only asset. It’s my belief that if there’s a disparity between what the siblings receive, it always feels like a love disparity and inevitably leads to wrecked relationships. Now a once close family is completely broken apart with lawyers being the only ones to benefit.
The amount left might not be indicative of the amount of love . May be the mother felt need to protect vulnerable and his future needs due ti his inability to take care of himself , while your husband is blessed by ability to make leaving and hoped for everybody's understanding .... 🤔
@@Nadia-xy9db yes ,well parents enable the golden child and that is on them, the other kids are the real victims in life in the hurt department but usually fair better in the long run even if golden one took from the parents their entire life and even profit from the grave.
So very true.
Because your husband wants half the house?
I enjoy watching your videos. I find the information informative. I have separated myself from my mother. After years of dealing with her narcissism
I had to cut her off from my family. That was one of the issues I had with her in my life. She stays in contact with my older brother who updates me about her. She moved across country this past summer and I only found out from my brother. She lives near him now. I don't think she has changed her will or her living will, as my brother has not told me of any changes, but if she did remove me, I'm okay with that. She's not wealthy like my father and I don't expect anything from either one, but my brother and I have an agreement to not disagree on anything. Sometimes not being part of the family is okay. I know my life is a lot better now.
My mothers side of the family has 'money' while my fathers side of the family is considered 'poor' or lower-class. They are divorced. I was raised by my well-to-do grandparents who were verbally and emotionally abusive as well as alcoholics. If I stood up for myself while they badmouthed my father and his family and me for having the same last name (usually happened while they were drunk) then I would be punished with more abuse and basically bullied. As an adult one day I finally had enough and told them exactly how I felt about them and their behavior towards me. Now I find myself disowned and informed that my inheritance has been taken and split up between my half sister and step brother. They wont even take my call or return a message. Fine with me. A broken and toxic home. At least my son wont have to witness any of that from that side of my family.
🪴
Paul, your videos are great, this one included. Thank you. In regard to this video and the issue of having an estranged child, I think you could go further in your advice. Obviously your preamble to your clients should be "I'm here to advise you and I will try to craft a will which fulfills your intentions." But I think you should go further and add "I've been doing this for X years and I have learned something along the way. Ask to meet with your estranged child and say, 'I am preparing my will and want to discuss my plans with you.' " IMHO talking is always better than not talking. Of course, parents ought to talk with their non-estranged children too. Another option is to simply leave the estate in equal shares to the estranged and non-estranged beneficiaries. I am not a Christian, but God rains on the Just and the Unjust alike. Should we be any less generous? I don't think wills should be used to punish people. Just my 2¢.
Beside the point that Estranged is almost always estranged in self-defense against narcissistic abuse.
And the leaving $1 is further evidence of the parent being a Narcissist. The old you don't deserve anything because you walked away from my 'love'. If they were loving they'd leave their wayward child their fair share regardless. And abusive parents pull the, "Well, if you're not there you really don't deserve anything." and I say sure, "But I don't deserve abuse either which is what being around my 'family' gets me so then what?"
@@ellyk8834 or the child has, up until the parents death made off with thousands of dollars, car, jewelry and even pets. Has broken into home and stolen personal items. Has asked repeatedly "Where is all your money?"(specifically which bank, savings ect) . Has attempted on at least 5 different occasions, to impersonate parent (by phone) to the different banks to gain access to funds. I have been threatened so many times that I have had to move. Only my children know where I live. And they don't want HER to know where they live. The rage, violence, triangulation between family members has all taken its toll. The bridges burned.
Sometimes ,just maybe, it's not the parent who is the narcissist .
@@momof2949 Or ... I'm dealing with a step mother that has excluded my father's children. After he got dementia she made him sign over the money market account into her name. Took the money from our account and put it into another account with just her and him on it. This was an account started by my father with the oldest 2 children and himself many many years ago. She couldn't just cancel it without my brother and sister signing. Sooo she got my father to transfer it to a new account. My sister and brother were informed of the small amount left ($50) I don't know if my sister will fight but, I just walked away from them all. Being treated like "outsider's" since my father married the witch. I've tried for decades to get along. Getting along meant being belittled, hit and doing without basic needs. The $300,000 that was in that account just isn't worth my sanity.
Estrangement is in Vogue as is the RAMPANT overuse of the term narcissist.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 There is only rampant overuse in the term Narcissist in the minds of Narcissists. Those of us who have dealt with Narcissistic abuse knew all the behaviors but never had a word to put to it. Now we do and the message is spreading. You just outed yourself. If you don't want people knowing what you are, never say that the term is being overused/misused... Ending the cycle of abuse with Narcissists and improving mental health is what is in Vogue and Narc abusers hate it.
My Gma left 3 for her 6 kids everything and the other 3 a dollar. The 3 she left a dollar to actually took care of her. It was a last slap in the face to them. She was a truly mean person.
They also stole from her and lied about it 🪴
I suffered horrific child abuse at the hands of an abusive father growing up - almost ritualistic in nature. In the end, he blamed us kids for everything that ever went wrong in his life, told me I was someone elses' son (DNA says I'm his), wrote us all out of his will, stuck a gun to his head and that, as they would say, was that...THANKS DADDY!
WOW, Oh my goodness. So sorry.
I sincerely hope my father leaves me nothing. I would never take anything from him if he left it. I don't want or need his blood money.
I've always been the black sheep of the family and it's worked out so well for me. My siblings still have some sort of relationship with him so if he leaves anyone anything they deserve it all just for dealing with his narcissistic personality disorder that he refuses to go to counselling for. I only kept a relationship with him as long as I absolutely had to and now I've made a family of my own.
I'm in therapy trying my hardest not to repeat the same mistakes he and his father before him made. Just show up for your kids. Be present. Love your kid for who they are and don't try to force a square peg into a round hole. You'll never agree on everything but if you instill a good set of core values within them they will make you proud.
Did you ever try family counseling with your dad? Do you have any conflict resolution skills? Just know that going no contact may backfire... you may be on the receiving end one day. Estrangements are devastating, unless there's physical or severe emotional abuse.
Also show your dad some compassion as he was probably raised the same way. No contact is not the answer.
@@jilljones7600 You have no idea what you're talking about. Narcissism can't be cured, look it up.
@@jilljones7600 A narcissist will never agree to family counseling as they do not think that they have to change. They are already perfect, in their own mind.
The fact that somebody wants to leave an estranged child $1 probably speaks more about why an estranged child doesn’t want to have anything to do with controlling and vindictive parents.
If you have three kids and one is an asshole, while the other two are loving and supportive, then it's perfectly resonable to want to leave your estate to your kids who love you and not want the asshole kid to reduce their inheritance. It's not always the parents at fault.
I think you put this very well into words!!! Thanks and yes I agree with you 1000 fold.
My mother took her nail technician into her notary the year after my dad died and represented herself as me and signed off on my father's will giving my share $80,000 back to my mother and giving her access to the full amount of money for my dad's estate now that she had all the kids signatures - even though my signature was forged.
Some people are just EVIL and someone that wants to leave a 'estranged child a $1' seems to be a vindictive piece of work and I can understand the child not having anything to do with these people anymore. Taking more abuse by toxic family members is a dead end road. GET OUT NOW!!!
I left the toxic ones decades ago and I'll never go back. Happier without all their negative feedback of how they perceive me.
@@jojohehe3251 There's a big difference between not leaving a child an inheritance and leaving them $1. It's the difference between not leaving a tip for a restaurant server or just leaving a penny.
@@nocalsteve sure, unless your intent is to exclude them altogether, and the advice you have received is that this is how to do so. If you wrongly believe that leaving them out altogether opens the door to them suing for whatever fraction applies to the number of kids you had, but leaving them $1 seals them off, then it's a formality, not a slap in the face. You're probably right about this in a lot of cases. I'm just saying it's not necessarily pettiness, every time.
@@jojohehe3251 One problem I foresee with looking at how many kids support you vs how many don't is not every person is the same when it comes to how being raised a certain way effects them. For some kids tough love will cause them to be a superstar later in life while for a child with less fortunate traits that sort of treatment might cause them to spiral out of control perhaps even to violence. The child would have the justification to blame the parent for not understanding that one method child raising doesn't work for everyone while the parent justifies that what they did worked for the other kids so obviously that must mean it's something wrong the other kid it didn't work for.
When my parents passed, my two brothers and I had zero problems getting the work done and sharing what was left. I know many other families like mine. Maybe if parents weren’t assholes who would leave their kid nothing, things would be much easier.
There are kids that do deserve to be left out.
My mother didn't agree with one decision I made after getting married... NOT ONE! Yet she still made provision for me.... Equally with the other siblings..
My grandpa gave all his money away while he was alive and his land and homes were sold also! When he died his entitled spoiled kids received nothing.
It's a bit hypocritical to complain about the results of his own parenting job.
Good man
It’s always the parents fault said every entitled fool ever. Bad choices are a conspiracy for morons.
@@nyotauhura7412 Some spoiled kids appreciate it and some spoiled kids think they deserve more. Blaming the sinful condition of children on the parents is not only ignorant but childish.
I was brought up with the following:
If I haven't made anything of myself, I probably don't deserve it. If I have made something of myself, I probably don't need it. Either way, I shouldn't count on it.
This came to be when much of my grandmother's money was whittled away by nursing home fees. Remember, even parents who have every intention of leaving everything to their children won't be able to control their expenses towards the end.
If that's a parent''s attitude, they probably shouldn't EXPECT assistance from their children either, eh?
@@SiCrewe So you must be the child that didnt make a life for yourself?
@@gigiis526 Not really sure how you arrived at that conclusion.
Nobody should EXPECT an inheritance but if a parent is spiteful enough to tell their child that they don't deserve an inheritence, they probably shouldn't expect too much from that child either.
Course, the reality is that very few parents are likely to act in such a spiteful manner but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
@@SiCrewe You are removing context, they were being taught a lesson to not expect things as a insurance policy and solely rely on that. It makes total sense, and I find funny you thought you were being clever by trying to state a gotcha but didn't work out...
@@bigbay1159 I find it funny that you don't see the blatant hypocrisy in any such "lesson".
Any parent who is disinheriting a child is, presumably, unhappy with them in some way and intends to make the child similarly unhappy.
And let's bear in mind that there may be any number of justifiable reasons why a parent might feel neglected but for a parent to disinherit a child is a singular, deliberate, wilfully spiteful, act.
That isn't a "gotcha".
It's simply pointing out that any parent who judges whether or not a child "deserves" an inheritance based on whether they've "made something of themselves" is a jerk.
My Dad Found your Channel the Best Content on TH-cam! Thank you for helping my Dad
Leaving one dollar to a child is mean, rude and unnecessary. It’s a big screw you and it’s not ok.
People don't become 'estranged' because of positive interpersonal dynamics.
You got that RIGHT ✅
Are you parent that has had this experience?,,,No I didn't think so
They can become estranged by control freak spouses.
@@zamyrabyrd 90% of estrangement is enacted by the child, and 90% of that is due to narcissistic, abusive, or otherwise toxic parents.
@@smallpseudonym2844 Where do you get your figures. PS, 90% + 90% is 80% more than 100%, so can't be right.
My grandmother left us $500 each except for the eldest grandson who got over 6-figures. I used my inheritance to pay for my last term in college and went on to a great career. My cousin burned through his pile of cash and had nothing. Its not how much money you have, its what you do with it.
im swiss, my parents are middle class. when i was a child they were concerned not to spoil me cause they grew up poor. but in the love and affection department much was missing. my mother probably had some post natal depression she never got out of. leaving me developing a avoidant personality disorder that led to me wanting to end my life at the age of 30. after this point they were eager to shower me with money. but i dont want a single cent from them. i dont even want to deal with them. i just want to be left alone, im not half as afraid of dieing alone as they are.
at the end of YOUR life you will learn that your money is just accumulated time you didnt use to raise your child. and a child that wasnt raised by their parents, they dont want the parents money either.
It isnt your parents fault that you wanted to off yourself. Your choices are your own. Dont play the victim
I've always told my parents to use their money on themselves. I don't expect any of my siblings to fight over any inheritance. But I've made it clear if any of them fight over the money, then they can have it. But that they will be dead to me afterwards. I would never speak to them again.
I've seen extended relatives fight over inheritance and it disgusts me to no end.
My father's 2nd wife ensured that she had everything signed into her name so nobody got anything but her when he passed away. She excluded anyone from his family from any information about a funeral or a wake. She was a terrible person to have to deal with when he was alive - and used my father's death as a vehicle for revenge on anyone she felt "wronged" her.
NO .Especially if there are other children in the family .It will just leave behind even more bitterness and dysfunction .
If it were me , I would either dole out my money equally , even to estranged child , or give all my money to charity
You're a good person. This shylock (estate planner🤣🤣) just wants HIS $$$. He doesn't care about what's right as long as he gets paid.
It's nice to see that some people as parents care about the final legacy that leave their children. 👍
@@jelegance7415 I agree 👍 Horrible advice
The parents not knowing why their child won't talk to them is a flat out lie. Don't want to admit it would be more accurate.
If my parents left me a dollar, I'd go buy a coffee and it'd be the most positive thing they'd ever done for me.
You got that right!
I don’t believe that. My sister is always a victim no matter how much my mother tried to help her. If the parent wants to leave $1. Kids can still split everything.
I love this lol. I'm 100% certain my dad knows why I don't talk with him anymore because I texted it to him before I blocked his number and waited for acknowledgment. I'm also 100% sure that he doesn't bring me up with extended family. If they ask about me it's highly likely he'll play the victim. It's just the two-faced way he is. He can't own up to his mistakes because he honestly feels like he's a God among men and can do no wrong.
@@chrisp7530 I'm sorry to hear that, rough situation. If you're not familiar with Dr. Ramani here on YT, she's worth looking up.
@not tellin Lots of places. Look for actual coffee, drip coffee, milk, sugar. Not a vaguely coffee sugar milkshake like Starbucks sells.
Communication is key. Stopping that is the death knell of every relationship.
A last opportunity to be cruel. Sneer on your way out. (Since you can’t take it with you.)
Exactly. Truly GROSS!!! 🤢
Truly horrible.
Informative video. As for the parents, you expect your kids to give you unconditional love. How can you expect that when you yourself can't give unconditional love?
I worked as grounds keeper mowing grass and cleaning up at a cemetery. We would find nasty items, on graves. Even found where someone defecated on a grave of a person who had been buried two months earlier. They have installed cameras since but stull you have to wonder what goes on between people.
There is always a reason...
I was written out this way. I was named as one of my fathers 3 children; but not one of his descendants and neither myself nor any of my children will receive anything from the estate.
This is an excellent way to stop any kinks in the system.
I was the “estranged “ although all communication was cut off by Emily and all legal matters were taken care of by Emily who never showed up for the years of care myself and children provided to our parents. After I followed medical advice and relieved myself as 24/7/365 caregiver for a decade; suddenly I was eliminated and Emily & Edward got the entire estate. So if you want to cut someone out; give no recourse to them to contest in Florida this is a good way to do it. Happens to the caregiver all the time.
You should have put a claim against the estate.
I'm sure if they are estranged they dont want nor expect any money probably wont show up to your funeral nor care if your including them in anything. Most dont care and go off to create great lives for themselves and forgot all about the estranged parents.
How fucking sad that makes me feel.
@@m.s.biteth1164 I say heal get over in time and live your life at first its painful but anyone and anything can be replaced. Learn to love with the mistake you both made and make peace with the fact that maybe next time you get to try again better, not all is lost unless you want it to be. Just focus on you and your happiness. Money cant buy love cause its over priced.
Yeah, I’m building my own family now in a beautiful house with a husband my parents have never even met. They won’t meet my baby. Don’t know why this popped on my feed because I stopped looking at content like this years and years ago🤔
But I don’t know how they’d manage to leave anything to me because they have no way of knowing where I live or what my new last name is.
Exactly this.
So not true. Sorry you dont see there could be great pain there
You hit the nail on the head buddy! There are no perfect families. Problems big problems are a part of this crazy life.
Three out of five of mine and my husband's children have gone 'no contact' and, yes, it sucks, and we have talked about disinheriting them. We have decided that we are not going to do it though. We love each of them, whether or not they are in contact. They have their reasons, we presume, for going 'no contact' and, as we see it, it is between themselves and their consciences as to whether they feel their behaviour is acceptable. None of them have made the effort to explain why we deserve what, to us, is harsh treatment. We both had parents/step parents who disinherited us or who have played 'favourites' with our siblings, and we know what it feels like to be devalued in such a way. Losing a parent is hard enough, but to be left feeling you were worthless to them is even harder. Inheritances are not just about money. It is your final chance as a parent to tell your children that you love each and every one of them with all of your heart. Please do not miss the opportunity to make your goodbye a loving one.
Marian, thank you for your beautiful words. I miss my daughter and even though I haven't heard from her for years, and she has made some nasty accusations towards me, she will inherit everything her stepfather and I will leave, not just because we have no one else, but if nothing else, it puts the ball in her court. I doubt she will feel bad about it, though, and that isn't really the intention.
You are very wise - stay the course.
My understanding of California law (as explained to me as my parents' will was being drafted) is that is not legal to disinherit a child by silence but the disinheritance must explicit, though no reason need be given. If that is correct it is fairly likely to be similar in other states.
I sure do wish there was a lawyer such as yourself here in Georgia that would get on here and do as you do explaining things to people about wills, estate planning ect. Have a great day God Bless
Estranged? That child came from my body. Nothing they could do would make me consider them estranged. If my child steps away from me to heal, grow or seek self awareness, I will grant them that space. They may some day return on their own time. I didn't work three jobs most my life to provide for them to then turn around and not do the same in death. I love my kiddos unconditionally.
you obviously do not have an estranged adult child.
@@darlenebailey2127 I most certainly do, she asked for space and I gave it to her. No questions asked. She will return when she is ready.
@@darlenebailey2127exactly what I was thinking.
No, leaving that amount can be seen as being insulting and intentionally hurtful, behave like an adult and a parent, it's not something you can change later, you will be gone and leaving that amount is forever, no do- overs.
I am in NJ. I agree one other way out is to split a share for a son/daughter with them and/or their children. That was done by my mom due to issues with one of my brothers. It may be necessary to exclude a child or others as benefices of an estate as have addictions, have borrowed and never paid money back, are disabled or have a spouse that is and may lose government benefits.
I convinced my parents to give a thousand dollars to the disowned siblings … and they complained about the amount without knowing they would have gotten nothing otherwise .
"stating that you are intentionally excluding the estranged child" would be clear indication to the courts. Leaving them something leaves room to wonder if some 0's were left of the amount.
My father left me a ton of unpaid debts and a tangle of chaotic financial issues. I love him dearly and miss him so much. Money is not important.
I'm not going to leave my children anything they only know me if they want money, haven't heard a word since Christmas.
@spookytimes if that makes you feel good
I can see your just a hate filled person that trolls looking to insult people and give invalide opinions without knowing any facts now go away and make yourself a good person
@@goofyjohn6191 unfortunately there are people like spooky times is talking about, most likely it’s personal. Thankfully not my worry
@@mattstone8878 no to keep up with the bills I worked out of town a lot. And because the devorce court are to one sided and I was seen only as a money source, she was awarded 40% of my gross income so her and her AP live in luxury and sometimes I had to live in my car. Add 40%+ 27% income tax and the government was basically confiscating 67% of my gross, if your a spoiled selfish brat you go where the money is. Not not going to give anymore to fuel their selfishness, nor will I reward them for abandoning me for money.
My siblings and I were raised in poverty thanks to our dead-beat alcoholic dad. My brothers worked hard as a result, determined their wives and children would have better. One was robbed in divorce like you. Now his boys are dead-beat dads, who likewise only visit him at holidays for the Santa Money he hands out... It's a vicious cycle.
I witnessed Satan’s tactics in our dysfunctional family......It was easier to walk away!
I left my 6 sicko siblings as well. Im MUCH better off without the satanists...
It's sad but this is my situation too.
Yes…
I agree. I explain to the folks that they must acknowledge the existence of the excluded child to avoid the pretermitted heir issue. Including them in the probate means more copies, paperwork, etc. I acknowledge them in the will and then state "for personal reasons I make no provisions for X".
So many sad stories of abusive, narcissistic parents here. God love all the survivors of such horrible parents.
Yes, and so many ungrateful, narcisstic kids, it's so sad! Most kids, don't even obey or respect their parents, the bible says, Honor thy mother & father. Children feel entitled, that's poor parenting to spoil a child rotten. So, don't assume it's the parent's fault, it takes two to make a relationship built upon loyalty, respect & love
@@madambutterfly7513 Many narcissistic parents like to use God as a weapon to keep the children silent on their abuse. But the kids all grow up and can escape. Parents screaming for money 💰 ,making demands, phoning other relatives to attack the grown child for not submitting. A special place in hell for such horrible parents.
@@madambutterfly7513 - Just admit it, you were a bad and more likely than not abusive parent that is bitter that your kids hate you. Maybe you should look in the mirror why your kids hate you so much.
I like that, very well said!
Hi hi
For Bank accts, Life insurance or specific investments a will isn’t necessarily needed provided everything goes listed beneficiaries or POD’s.
THAT is just showing your own state of your heart....FORGIVE...LOVE...PRAY for those who despitefully use you..SHOW LOVE NOT HATE.
Disowning a child is a double slap in the face. First the parents are making the child's life and childhood so horrible that it decide to cut them out of their life as an adult, and then the adult child is disowned.
One example; a girl is sexually abused by her father. So when she moves out she never speaks to him again. Because she is mentally destroyed she never gets an education, never marries and never have children. Because her father ruined her life. And then she got to learn that she has been disowned. How is that fair?
Just about every partner my mother has had has abused me and I'm estranged from her. Keep abortion legal and safe; some parents do not deserve to be parents.
Thank you ❤😢
It isn't in the slightest but then again life's not fair.