How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ย. 2014
- The way you start your divorce sets the stage for everything that follows, and a bad start has the potential to derail what could otherwise be a good divorce.
The fourth video in the series, 'Divorce For Grown-Ups'.
Other videos in the series:
1. "Everything Wrong With American Divorce" - • What is Divorce Mediation
2. "What is Mediation?" - • Everything Wrong With ...
3. "Good Divorce" - • Good Divorce
To find, follow or reach out to Sam:
Website: sammargulies.com
Blog: sammargulies.com/blog/
Facebook: / sammarguliesdivorcemed...
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/sammargulies
Email: sam@sammargulies.com
Phone: (336) 669 - 3141
Music: "Perspectives" by Kevin MacLeod.
Available under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license: creativecommons.org/licenses/b...
Download link: incompetech.com/music/royalty-...
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I’m still debating it and it makes me so sad
This video helped me so much. I followed through on how to ask my spouse for a divorce and it went well. I maintained myself calm without offending him and my divorce ran smoothly. I am so glad I watched this video before telling him I wanted a divorce.
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I did ask my Husband but he is refusing ...his answer is God Hates Divorce ...
@@princesstuta6863 Not true sometimes People get married and is not the right time or by force .
@@princesstuta6863 "God says so" is an instrument of control used by people to make others stop doing things like they don't like, such as playing with oneself or asking for a divorce. "how dare you!".....argue with God, goes the thinking.
1) say this is not about blame or fault
2) you have thought long and hard and your vision is irrevocable
3) finally you are confident you can work out a fair and decent plan financially and with the children
Guilty accusations are treated the same way to get the kids through it
Ignore threats and negative statements
I am sure we can work this out
There is time to have discussions about the future without lawyers
Maintain calm
When all has been said you stay calm
Thank you brother. I feel truly at peace approaching my partner. Sometimes purposes just don't align, and that's ok.
Our Faith is key.
Self control vital.
I pray you are well.
Concrete advice.
What incredibly sage advice. I’m about to take this step within the next day or two, and hope to report back on how it goes. I’m certain my other half will respond with a mix of shock and disappointment, and fight hard to get me to change my mind, or riddle me with guilt, as she can be very persuasive. Wish me well…
What did you decide?
How did it go?
@@CeaSeMusic1 I did almost what he said. It was still painful, really difficult for her, but in the end, I did leave. We still stay a little in touch, and I'm not entirely certain she's over it, but I now live across the country.
@@Sniper001nii I followed what he said very closely. She was more shocked than anything, upset, and did everything within her power to get me to stay. She was as I said, extremely persuasive, incessant to get me to change my mind, find another solution. But in the end I did leave. I'm doing an emotional waltz so to speak. Two days I feel better, the next day I have regrets. But I'm happier overall, and she's slowly come to grips with it, slowly accepting that I'm gone, and not coming back.
@@PhilAndersonOutside Thank you for your response. Did she start doing everything you needed her to do the whole time as well? Did you stay in the house, same bedroom for weeks, months after that initial talk? How did you manage it all? Were you scared she could hurt you in your sleep, or poison you?
Thank you for your sage advice. It is so apparent that you are a caring person who truly wants to help. Thank you.
This is well thought out. Thank you
This was excellent! Thanks for sharing!
Very wise advice
Thank you so much for sharing
Be blessed
Basically focus and restraint. This helped
What an excellent video. Soon, i'll be taking these steps. I agree that I'm the one way ahead of the game because I've been thinking of divorce and the exit plan for quite some time. I don't want to hurt the missus, and intend to be as compassionate and loving as possible, but have had great difficulty as i imagine "how AM i going to do it?". This video is so helpful. Thank you.
As an added note, i'm writing this during the COVID crisis. Our last relationship "crisis" occurred just as the coronavirus stay-at-home orders were being established. Normally, the emotional impact of our predictable crises would cause me to react by walking out the door in a big huff, holing up in a hotel for a few days, wondering what i'd done....then coming home to start our dysfunctional patterns all over again. This time, i had nowhere to go. Instead, i've taken the time to reflect, to think, to read, to learn.....and to really ask myself the hard question if the pain of leaving is greater or less than the pain of staying. At least when i pull the trigger i'll know in my heart that this was not a reflexive emotional decision. I've had the thought that "Emotion PUSHES you out the door. Reason LEADS you out the door". I think i'm on the side of reason this time......though i know there is an emotional price to pay too.
I really appreciate how Mr.whills help me intercept my wife text, i can now manages to ask the right questions that clarify things.
I've been scouring the internet for advice on how to break the request of divorce to my wife and this is BY FAR the most helpful. Thank you for this.
Daniel Campbell I’m telling your wife Mrs Campbell what your planing on doing I know her
Great video! Thank you for this
Love what he says-I am def pleased with his advice
Thank you for this!
What a fabulous and productive video! Thank you sir. You've saved thousands of people unnecessary pain.
Thanks I needed this.
Thank you for this, it make sense at every bit
My god this wad more helpful than I could have hoped for. Thank you. I needed this
Thank you!
Great advise sir Thank You
Thank you I got this
Good Video. I like the no blame note. Don't want to hurt my spouse, but we are at a point where we need to exit the marriage. I could cast so many blames towards him, but I am beyond that. Those are the things we could never work out for decades. I know I need to move on, but I feel so sorry for him.
If you cant be faithful to your husband who has been faithful to you, then do what very few women do - the right thing. If you are going to leave him, then act like an adult and take care of yourself. If you dont have a job, then woman up and get one(or three, if that is what it takes). If you have kids, then take responsibility and share equally in the responsibilities. If he is a good dad and is responsible enough to be involved in their lives and take care of the bills, then let him be the dad. Dont use the corrupt child support industry to soak him. Woman up and simply share in taking care of their needs and expenses.
A woman who uses her children as cash cows to take money that no longer belongs to her is a parasite. If he is a good dad, he deserves the same rights and responsibilities as you. He deserves the same rights as any parent. He deserves to be as free from you as you want to be from him.
Think you can do that?
I feel the same way. After 26 years of marriage, I don't want to hurt him. I am just not in love with him, but I do love him.
Jim Monroe - Um, project much?
The commenter said they have had problems that haven’t been solved in DECADES.
What makes you think they’re even asking for child support?
@@state924 he's an angry incel. Weird projection, indeed.
Same here. 🥺
Ah, TH-cam, you have answers for all of life’s questions.
awesome video great advice!
My husband is a serious narcissist and this is perfect. Thank you!
Jason Blaha's Strength and Fitness Bra- she cheated on you bc you made her feel like shit and she needed to make herself feel good.
You may be the victim in the affair, but you’re not the victim in the marriage!
@WVGIRL - good luck
This was sooooooooo helpful!!!!!
Very wise. Thank you so much for the big advice
Do you need help ?
Great work
This is going to help me know how to say it and what to say, thank you.
Good advice
Great advice
hello from Spain! thanks for your advice. ..it's so useful!
I like how you explain this. But can you redo it with a better audio record? I'm leaning towards this route with my wife.
Just out here casually saving lives 🦸♂️
I have been divorced and this advice is genius, follow it!
Thank you so much for that video. I watched it when I told my soon to be ex husband and now I have another person close to me going through the same. Especially the part about not retaliating to accusations is important, however, if there are misunderstandings about your own actions or motives that are brought up and are not true, you should bring that up at a later time in a calm manner, and just explain that from your point of view, the story was a little different. It is very important to have clear understandings about what has happened. And also the part about giving the other time.
I really appreciate how Mr.whills help me intercept my wife text, i can now manages to ask the right questions that clarify things.
I told my husband I was close to asking him to move out. We are having significant issues which includes financial infidelity. He said he’d do anything. So I said marriage counseling, he gets counseling and he starts contributing financially to household expenses. 4 days later he hasn’t moved forward with anything. So sadly I think we are moving in this direction
Excellent
2024 and came back to say thank you for your video. It went well! 😊
Seems like solid advice.
dude, YOU ARE THE BOSS, I'm going through a bad patch, and just watching this video has helped me with focus,, thanks man, I've liked and sub'd
Interesting info wow 😑wished I seen this video first before I told my husband I want a divorce because its causing me extra stress now.
@Be Ye HOLY Go away clueless person.
please take note the initiator is not always the one who is forced to file.
This wonderful but I am worried my husband will dodge being served if he has a heads up.
When your spouse retains her lawyer a month into your two year military deployment and then breaks it to you less than a month after you're back home that she wants a divorce, she hasn't done anything this guy talked about doing. Traitors to a relationship should get nothing from the divorce process. You want out of the marriage? Then you leave with nothing but whatever you brought into the marriage.
tc556guy wow that's 2 much stress 4 me 2 deal with god bless u
Preach!
If both ppl don't have any feeling for each other it should be very easy to get the divorce & move on. Life goes on 👍👌
No. It shouldn't be. Marriage is the cornerstone of a stable society, your feelings are of lesser importance.
I wish this were true for everyone. Unfortunately when dealing with a narcissist, they very much dislike losing control over you.
This is extremely helpful. Thanks for this.
How can you deal with an emotionally immature spause who chooses to walk out on you whenever to try to discuss important issues like reconciliation or divorce.
How can you tell them about a divorce
If he won't discuss it just tell him what you are going to do and that if he wants to discuss it you are willing to do so. Then act on your decision.
@@SamMarguliesI will keep trying.i hope something works.
My plan is to try and learn more about emotional abuse so that I don't get offended with his acts.until my two year old girl is old enough and independent to handle the divorce.
Ever since l found out about emotional abuse.i feel like I hold some great power against him abusing me.i am learning to ignore his stupid acts and try to enjoy my days more. Am almost like living my dream 🦹
I just want peace and quiet
What should i do or say if he is totally refusing the Divorce???we r both Christian .he says this is against The Word of God.
Have you filed for divorce yet? You do not need his consent to start the divorce process.
Same questions from me but in this case a wife who will never accept a divorce currently as it's not a "Christian thing to do" (she has a strong Christian values & in both ours cases Christian parents family history & many religious friends as the circle my wife tends to be with) should be together not matter unhappy we might be with each other. We have 9 & 11 girls & also cites that as the reason to stay together for sale of children if nothing else. It's me who would be proposing the divorce much resentment between each other that can get nasty so for sake of children's happiness & safely think I should go. It's mainly my fault anyway as many financial mistakes on my part which partner after much trying will not forgive in any way - leaving not much in way of trust or forgiveness in any way. "Just making do/muddling through with a resentful relationship for children's sake for all" just not healthy for us long term or children I believe.
Mark Turner-smith Is not divorce then separate. I’d imagine divorce not being worse than living with two parents who resent one another
@@markturner-smith5309 I know that must have been hard. Did you go through with it? I left a marriage of 24 years, leaving behind a very religious Christian woman. "God hates divorce", etc is an instrument of control in this situation....and being controlled was the very thing i'd had enough of.
He sits there coldly explaining his so-called "strategy that works" and states that the initiator believes their life will benefit from divorce? What if the initiator is the one most at fault? He also states that anyone can pull this off no matter what the individual issues are. You can move to a "good divorce"???. Not likely!! If you haven't already made attempts to resolve your marital conflicts/issues and you spring this on your spouse, I guaranty the s*#t will hit the fan. People in this society have extremely unrealistic and often unreasonable expectations of marriage. It's no wonder the rates of divorce are 50%, 64% and 76% for 1st, 2nd and 3rd marriages. We have a bigger problem than "moving toward a good divorce."
Totally agree!!!
That's my idea for anybody that anybody wants to
PlzHow long is a consensual divorce in New York State with no children or anything in common?
at least 5 seconds
Is the sound bad or its just me?
I am scared to tell my wife I am not happy in our marriage at all…
We're where u when u herd about devorce.
I was playing mine craft when I got call
"Marige is kil"
"no"
Your grammar sucks
Don't mind me just another kid in quarantine looking at random video's
You can be good priest... ha ha
God damn. This is gunna be hard, and she's gunna be hurt.
Does this apply when dealing with a narcissist? It does not seem so.
People should go with their gut feeling and not use this advice simply on its face value. Be SURE you’re in a safe place-both emotionally and physically to do this. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, seek specialized expert help. All bets are off!
My ex is a narcissist, it didn't work well with her at all. it turned into child abduction, and not we've been to court more than 7 times in a two-moth period. It's hell. We have been separated for 6 month now, and she's in no contact with me, making co-parenting very difficult!1
This is my fear! My narcissistic husband is very clever at playing the victim. I’ve tried many times to initiate divorce proceedings and it always ends up in disaster. I’m honestly fearful for my life!
@@sisis_eyes_wide_open You got to be prepared for the worse, take precautions ahead of time, and act accordingly!! Do not underestimate this process at all. I’ve lost all my money at this point fighting in court with her. Be overly prepared if you’re gonna do this, and make sure to stay away after
@@Sniper001nii one of my family members was in a similar situation and couldn’t get out for many years due to her toxic controlling ex . She had to execute an exist strategy before she officially served him the divorce papers and then went ghost! Thankfully her children were grown and out of the house therefore there was no reason for him to be in contact with her. Somehow he found where she was secretly living and started stalking and harassing her even slashing her car tires. Needless to say he contested the divorce and caused her a lot of ptsd. That’s my fear 😨
@@sisis_eyes_wide_open Your peace of mind is most important. Prepare your exit strategy. And get ready to move to a new state maybe, get him served. And almost court hearings are through Zoom. Start talking to divorce attorneys secretly immediately
O hell no. If I tell my wife that, she will literally kill me.
Unfolding Reality and that’s the problem. Take your power back man!!
If I tell mine she may suicide lol
Let no man put asunder!
That refers to people outside the marriage.
@@robbiejk9613 you wrong there big time.Really?
@@robbiejk9613 oh ok.That makes no sense.Im referring to bible.But I respect your opinion
Lol lol lol lol
I watched bunches of videos ALL blaming the woman. ALL saying she wants the divorce ALL the time, always, alwats, always. The guy NEVER has a clue.
Women always seem to start the divorce proceeding.
This is true. There was a study showing that about 70% of divorces are initiated by women and among college-educated women this number jumps up to 90%.
...when they have a suiter in the shadows
After 22 years my husband left a note on the bench for me to find. Gutless wonder.
You were bankrupt in his mind. You had zero credit.
Word of advice to guys, never leave your house after letting your wife know you want a divorce, contrary to what this guy says. I have a VA secured mortgage and I am responsible for my house. I will keep it at all costs. Once a guys leaves the home with plans to come back a couple hours later, you have a host of other issues to deal with, like a scorned Woman. Another word of advice is don't go looking for another woman. Why do guys think they need a woman in their life? You really don't!
keep it simple ,.. " Get out ".
*Try this level of honesty;*
"Honey, I know you have been faithful to me for the last ten years, but I am a self-centered, western educated female who grew up watching soap operas and Hollywood crap that teaches us marriage is all about love, happiness and Disney Land fantasies. I want to find someone who does that for me(for the first year or so). I realize this will devastate you and the kids, but hey - its all about me, right?
....Oh, and just so you know; now that I am violating my obligations to you, I will still expect that you will fulfill your obligations to me. I will expect you to support me, that I will be given the privileged status of "custodial parent" as a reward for my infidelity, and that you will give up a third of your income on top of alimony so that you can pay both your share and my share of taking care of the kids.
....whats that? Me?... get a job and support myself and pay my fair share of taking care of the kids now that I am kicking you out of the house????? No, no, no, you silly man. That is not how these things work. There are no "equal rights" in divorce, and certainly not equal responsibilities. I am, after-all, just a suppressed American female, and you are the privileged male. Got it?
So here is how this will work - I will be the real parent, and you will simply be the "non-custodial" parent(even if you have equal time with them). You are simply the wage slave that will work to support us now. So just shut up and do what you are told.... or the state will take your drivers license and throw you in debtors prison, further violating your rights.
Anyway, I am divorcing you under the no-fault divorce law, which means that even though you havent done anything wrong, there is not a damned thing you can do about it. Glad we had this talk. I feel so much better now!"
Marriage is a joke now a days.
I'm not buying it
Don’t get divorced. You will regret it.
Women initiate divorce 70-80% of the time
Its the only contract their incentivised to break
Family law has their back... your delusional if you think kids dont get impacted by divorce
What if your spouse is having an affair and is being cruel and still seeing him while you are married? What about the covenant you made with each other and God? You make divorce sound like. a walk in the park but it is devastating especially to the spouse who is being cheated on and don't underestimate the pain on the children especially when the cheating spouse is trying to defend her actions. What if the husband was a good and responsible man and a wonderful father? DIVORCE IS ELFISH AND SO IS AN AFFAIR. UNLESS THERE IS ABUSE OR INFIDELITY, THE GRASS MAY NOT ALWAYS BE GREENER.
This guy is nuts
Good advice