15 months no contact with my mother. She actually gave me "permission", she told me "I don't wanna hear from you ever again and don't bother coming to my funeral", something she used to say to me 3 or 4 times every year (only to later act like nothing happened and never apologize). But last time, I decided to take her words seriously. It is a blessing to not have to suffer her constant criticism and her invalidation of every word that came out of my mouth. I do not mourn the relationship I had with her, but I do mourn the loving and supportive mother I never had.
I’m 60 now. I went no contact at 25, way before it was cool. The recriminations in those days were intense. How could you leave your parents?!? They gave you life! It doesn’t matter what they did or how you were raised, you can never escape that! The main thing I remember is how grateful my inner kids were(I have DID and yes, my parents gave this to me). They understood, w their child’s intelligence, that the parents didn’t hold up their end. They fed me(barely), didn’t throw me out(though they may have if I had ever come out to them) but they completely neglected my emotional needs and physically and sexually abused me. They were chaotic drunks who never should have had kids. It took me having my own kids(3 grown and they’re all in my life!😃) to understand that having them was MY choice, not THEIRS. And as such, I’m responsible for all their needs, just as my parents were responsible for me. I’m grateful I broke the cycle. But idk how on Earth I could have done it while still in their sphere of influence. If your parents are toxic, and you’re considering no contact, remember that there’s nuance. You’re in control. You can let them know, I won’t see you for a year and here’s why. Or, I won’t communicate unless we’re in therapy. Or, walk away entirely. Point is, you have the right to shape your own life and you OWE THEM NOTHING. Best luck to all those out there struggling 😘
I'm getting grief from my only sister for wanting no part of my mom's life anymore, including listening about her and her toxicity. Since having kids of my own, I realized more and more how to treat your children. I owe it to little me to have autonomy. My kids deserve to have a peaceful mother and safety. But I still hear an earful, apparently it also makes me hypocritical Christian.
I went no contact with my older sister. She passed away a few years ago and I was a little worried I would regret it but I never did. I loved her and because I went no contact I was able to hold onto the love I still had. She died of alcohol related liver failure. I didn't go to her funeral either. Glad I missed that too. The celebrated her by getting drunk and dumping alcohol on her grave. I have no regrets.
18 months no contact. Thank you for posting content like this. Normalization efforts from creators like you are a large part of the reason I was able to work up the courage to walk away.
It’s been 30 years for me this fall! I left when I was 18 and I never looked back. I still feel like an escaped prisoner or something. People who never went through this will never understand. It gets better over time. I won’t feel a sense of peace til their both dead.
Nothing like seeing how the other half lives to make me appreciate the good parents I've had. Not perfect... But to know they did the best they could with the tools they had and the love in their hearts. It's so heartbreaking to know how some parents treated their kids.
Almost three years of no contact now with my eldest brother. He has tried to subvert it and get around it by talking to me through other people but I have done my best to hold firm. I have never been happier. I no longer have to live life with my abuser lingering over my shoulder manipulating me, being cruel, and keeping me from saying anything freely. Many judge me for this choice and say I am dramatic or am harming the family or need to be “the bigger person” They don’t know the side of him that I do. And I hope they never have to.
I’m at 15 years. Just remember that loving them, forgiving them, and actually inviting all that chaos and hurt back into your life are all different things. I’ve never heard of anyone patching things up after a kid goes NC IRL. But I know plenty who’ve tried and ended up profoundly dissapointed. Be ready for big asks like money, organs, or elder care. And feel free to say no. You don’t owe them anything.
Sending love to everyone here in these comments. Parental estrangement is brutal, because it’s a painful solution to an excruciating situation. It’s been 2.5 years since I last spoke to them, and I didn’t have the courage to tell my friends until the past couple months.
I couldn’t choose my parents or siblings. I enlisted in the Navy because it was the only way that I would ever go to college. My parents saw me as a pipe fitter. While in the Navy I was given orders to a Navy SEAL farm command where SEALs got fleet experience with regular Navy at Amphibious Commands. I was NOT a SEAL myself but shared training for certain tasks. I spent a lot of time in the field working with them doing reconnaissance. When I got out of the Navy I was a very different person. My parents and siblings expected me to immediately dive back into my role, allowing them to pass judgment on my life and choices. That didn’t work for me. I got married and they tried to destroy my marriage. I was forced to step away because their expectations were totally unrealistic. They said that my wife and I wouldn’t last 6 months. We celebrated 44 years of marriage yesterday.
Just turned 53 yesterday. I have been no contact with my dad for nearly 15 years, but low contact with my mother for almost a decade (my parents are divorced). I finally received my official ASD diagnosis a few weeks ago. I texted my mom to let her know. Her one sentence text response: “I hope you find the support you need.” Stunningly unparental, dispassionate, cold. Not what you say to your only your child. And certainly not by text. And it made me think back on when I received my ADHD diagnosis at 28. How she opposed that. How my dad implied it was an excuse for being lazy. How they both dismissed it as being insignificant and criticized me being on medication and treatment. Intellectually I get that ADHD and ASD are likely neurodivergence’s that they both have. But I just cannot subject myself to them undermining my care and treatment for my disabilities even though it means I will likely never see them again. (There are other issues as well, including queerphobia, my dad trying to end me on multiple occasions, etc.) It hurts. I think parental alienation will always be with me and hurt. But I know continuing to subject myself to the abuse will be far more damaging and will not change anything.
I relate a lot to your experience. I was diagnosed with ASD last year, when I was still talking to my mother on a daily basis. When I sent her the final report with the official diagnosis, she completely ignored it, like she didn't even read it, and gave me the silent treatment for over a week. When I confronted her about her silence, she got mad, told me I was an "ungrateful daughter" and screamed at me that she never wanted to hear from me again. So going no contact was a decision that I made "with her blessing". My father is autistic too, no doubt about it, and my brother as well, but they haven't looked for a diagnosis like I did (I needed it, as I have an autistic son and my everyday life is absolutely exhausting and overwhelming). But my mother won't accept it. And she will invalidate my feelings and dismiss my needs at every step of the way. No more. I'm sorry that you've been through all that. The queerphobia sounds devastating... I am gender non conforming and my mother has judged me harshly all my life because of it. Told me I wasn't feminine enough, I needed to make myself prettier, I needed to act like a lady... A huge part of my low self-esteem was directly caused by my mother. That is not unconditional love, as you well know. And it's better to stay away from it indeed.
My mother keeps messing up my streak by violating my wishes for no contact and stalking me and attempting to show up at my home. My streak would have been from the time I was 18 and left home and went no contact originally but her stalkery behavior has led to SEVERAL trips where she somehow found my address after moving out of state and made a whole trip to ambush me. Getting me to yell at her and exclaim in shock to break the streak of no communication. I'm 43 now and she did it again just 2 years ago. Best I can do is tell the cops and ask them to trespass her. (Local courts will not take a protective order seriously if it's against an old woman. I tried already in 2 states. I give up)
Yep! It can be a hard process, though the other end of no-contact helped me more than I had realized! Very limited contact with my parent, no-contact with my sibling. My entire health has been so much better with it!
Thank you so much for sharing and speaking up. Too many people want to just assume the one going no-contact is the problem/insane/evil whatever. Too many kneejerk reactions from strangers, really weird when strangers on the internet think they know more than we do about our own lives. That's the "trend" that is the problem, strangers on the internet thinking they know everything about everyone else. And just in general, outsiders who think they know more than we do about our own lives. What a weird time we're in.
Something you said really resonates with me, I too, have a problem identifying the things that are stressing me. Take care of yourself, create a chosen family.
Near-zero contact started when nobody was supportive of ANY minimum COVID precautions for Christmas. The year prior, we all agreed to test before coming, & at the time masks were still socially expected in public places. I felt sick & tested positive 12/26, told everybody, we all isolated, & a few days later my sister-in-law got it. A month later, & ever since, Long COVID wrecked my employability & ability to do many things that once brought me joy, it's been over 2.5 years. So they've witnessed asymptomatic transmission, & a single "mild" infection being debilitating, yet they won't make any events accessible for me to join - I still get invited to inaccessible holidays! They all but ignored my 40th birthday, a few cards but no effort to make an accessible party. In June, where all outdoors would have been quite practical!
My mom left my sperm donor when i was a toddler and I decided that i was better without him in my life, it's odd to me that would accept and understand my story but not that of people who have firsthand with the parent(s) in question. It might be hard to fathom not wanting to have your family in your life but instead of condemning count your blessings that you were never forced to make such a heartbreaking decision.
Hard as that is,now imagine going 20yrs and having a court say they will be in your kid's life. Yup, it happened in 300th district court in tx where all rights are fuzzy. There's no right to estranged in the law
Mom is on her 4th husband. One of the last times I talked to her she was telling me something about her 4th husband’s 2nd wife. And I said - Mom I don’t care about number 4s number 2. Gasp on the end of the line. Didn’t talk much afterwards.
Currently about a 1000 miles away from my mom w/ low contact. One day I will come out to her properly and she'll end it herself. I'm on my fifth year since the move and I get better every day.
I’m coming up on 2 years of no contact with my mother, the narcissist of a brother, and my two oldest siblings that enable him to different degrees. I don’t have any regrets. I’m 62.
I had to go no contact with my Mother for a year in my 20's. She constantly told me I was worthless. I was hardest on my Sister who is a wonderful Sis. When I reconciled with my Mom she treated me better. I ended up moving her in with me and looked after her for many years. So a break can work.
It took me a long time to go no contact, longer than I’d like to admit. The nervous system thing is so real; for me it’s not so much the anniversary, but the holidays. Every year, when October is over, I completely shut down. It always catches me by surprise, even though I’ve been aware of this pattern for ages and usually things are going okay. I fall apart in November, and just hang on for dear life until January. Then it lets up and things slowly go back to normal. It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve tried everything to mitigate it - trauma work/therapy, vitamin D supplements, exercise, journaling, meditation…doesn’t matter how prepared I am, it just always happens.
I would love to go no contact but having access to money is honestly worth more than my mental health rn I buy a lotto ticket once a month on the off chance I get lucky and no longer need them for their sole purpose in my life
I did 2 years, was super depressed and decided to kill myself, but while thinking about ending it, I felt no anger or resentment anymore. When I contacted them and told them how I felt, about how I was thinking of killing myself, they didn't react at all. I think my mother didn't care whether I die or live... I hate her so much but still for some fucked up reason I can't be as mean to her as she was to me.
Well I went "no contact" with my son about 3 years ago. I have no regrets. Tired of the lying, stealing, disrespect, and manipulation. You need to understand that when a parent doesn't want to talk to you either, that you have really crossed a line. A parent, a loving parent, will give you a million chances to be a decent human. I'm not saying that you all have decent parents that really love you, but I'm willing to bet that some of you do, and if they've stopped communication with you as well, then it's maybe something to reflect on.
Walked away from my mother when I was 37, I’m now 68, had a lot of guilt but I knew I had to do it for my soul. She died last November at the age of 95 and I’m ashamed I never shed a tear when I heard, my feelings I had for her disappeared long time ago, I feel bad about that but that’s how it is, Hod bless everyone who reads all these stories and I hope you understand what we all had to do, we had to protect ourselves from a toxic family, a parent that didn’t understand us, thank- you.
Well you never did say why. So I don't know the severity of what happened. My parents were not perfect and they were hunman beings with problems of their own. I distanced during certain times and went back. I forgive them for all their own problems and love/loved them very much. Miss them too. Parents are human beings also. They make mistakes and suffer greatly for them. Sometimes, children have to be their parents.
No parent is perfect. If it affects you then you may still not be sure what you did was 100% right. Personally I would rather cut ties with friends than family. Friends marry and go away, family stays forever, even not being perfect or fun as friends.
It affects me. Them stalking and assaulting me and my kids affects us. Just because it "affects someone" does not mean they "may not be sure it was right." Stop questioning other people's choices of safety. It's none of your business.
I went no contact at 15. I went into foster care and started healing. I am 73 now. No regrets.
15 months no contact with my mother. She actually gave me "permission", she told me "I don't wanna hear from you ever again and don't bother coming to my funeral", something she used to say to me 3 or 4 times every year (only to later act like nothing happened and never apologize). But last time, I decided to take her words seriously.
It is a blessing to not have to suffer her constant criticism and her invalidation of every word that came out of my mouth.
I do not mourn the relationship I had with her, but I do mourn the loving and supportive mother I never had.
I’m 60 now. I went no contact at 25, way before it was cool. The recriminations in those days were intense. How could you leave your parents?!? They gave you life! It doesn’t matter what they did or how you were raised, you can never escape that!
The main thing I remember is how grateful my inner kids were(I have DID and yes, my parents gave this to me). They understood, w their child’s intelligence, that the parents didn’t hold up their end. They fed me(barely), didn’t throw me out(though they may have if I had ever come out to them) but they completely neglected my emotional needs and physically and sexually abused me. They were chaotic drunks who never should have had kids.
It took me having my own kids(3 grown and they’re all in my life!😃) to understand that having them was MY choice, not THEIRS. And as such, I’m responsible for all their needs, just as my parents were responsible for me.
I’m grateful I broke the cycle. But idk how on Earth I could have done it while still in their sphere of influence. If your parents are toxic, and you’re considering no contact, remember that there’s nuance. You’re in control. You can let them know, I won’t see you for a year and here’s why. Or, I won’t communicate unless we’re in therapy. Or, walk away entirely. Point is, you have the right to shape your own life and you OWE THEM NOTHING. Best luck to all those out there struggling 😘
Thank you for sharing your story, very glad to hear you're doing much better now.
I'm getting grief from my only sister for wanting no part of my mom's life anymore, including listening about her and her toxicity. Since having kids of my own, I realized more and more how to treat your children. I owe it to little me to have autonomy. My kids deserve to have a peaceful mother and safety. But I still hear an earful, apparently it also makes me hypocritical Christian.
Eww ‘before it was cool’? Make sure you don’t do what they did.
@@koju-kin Don’t do what now? I’m a little confused
I went no contact with my older sister. She passed away a few years ago and I was a little worried I would regret it but I never did. I loved her and because I went no contact I was able to hold onto the love I still had. She died of alcohol related liver failure. I didn't go to her funeral either. Glad I missed that too. The celebrated her by getting drunk and dumping alcohol on her grave. I have no regrets.
18 months no contact. Thank you for posting content like this. Normalization efforts from creators like you are a large part of the reason I was able to work up the courage to walk away.
It’s been 30 years for me this fall! I left when I was 18 and I never looked back. I still feel like an escaped prisoner or something. People who never went through this will never understand. It gets better over time. I won’t feel a sense of peace til their both dead.
Nothing like seeing how the other half lives to make me appreciate the good parents I've had. Not perfect... But to know they did the best they could with the tools they had and the love in their hearts. It's so heartbreaking to know how some parents treated their kids.
Or how some kids treated their parents...
Almost three years of no contact now with my eldest brother.
He has tried to subvert it and get around it by talking to me through other people but I have done my best to hold firm.
I have never been happier. I no longer have to live life with my abuser lingering over my shoulder manipulating me, being cruel, and keeping me from saying anything freely.
Many judge me for this choice and say I am dramatic or am harming the family or need to be “the bigger person”
They don’t know the side of him that I do. And I hope they never have to.
I’m at 15 years. Just remember that loving them, forgiving them, and actually inviting all that chaos and hurt back into your life are all different things. I’ve never heard of anyone patching things up after a kid goes NC IRL. But I know plenty who’ve tried and ended up profoundly dissapointed.
Be ready for big asks like money, organs, or elder care. And feel free to say no. You don’t owe them anything.
Sending love to everyone here in these comments. Parental estrangement is brutal, because it’s a painful solution to an excruciating situation. It’s been 2.5 years since I last spoke to them, and I didn’t have the courage to tell my friends until the past couple months.
I couldn’t choose my parents or siblings. I enlisted in the Navy because it was the only way that I would ever go to college. My parents saw me as a pipe fitter. While in the Navy I was given orders to a Navy SEAL farm command where SEALs got fleet experience with regular Navy at Amphibious Commands. I was NOT a SEAL myself but shared training for certain tasks. I spent a lot of time in the field working with them doing reconnaissance. When I got out of the Navy I was a very different person. My parents and siblings expected me to immediately dive back into my role, allowing them to pass judgment on my life and choices. That didn’t work for me. I got married and they tried to destroy my marriage. I was forced to step away because their expectations were totally unrealistic. They said that my wife and I wouldn’t last 6 months. We celebrated 44 years of marriage yesterday.
Just turned 53 yesterday. I have been no contact with my dad for nearly 15 years, but low contact with my mother for almost a decade (my parents are divorced).
I finally received my official ASD diagnosis a few weeks ago. I texted my mom to let her know. Her one sentence text response: “I hope you find the support you need.” Stunningly unparental, dispassionate, cold. Not what you say to your only your child. And certainly not by text.
And it made me think back on when I received my ADHD diagnosis at 28. How she opposed that. How my dad implied it was an excuse for being lazy. How they both dismissed it as being insignificant and criticized me being on medication and treatment.
Intellectually I get that ADHD and ASD are likely neurodivergence’s that they both have.
But I just cannot subject myself to them undermining my care and treatment for my disabilities even though it means I will likely never see them again.
(There are other issues as well, including queerphobia, my dad trying to end me on multiple occasions, etc.)
It hurts. I think parental alienation will always be with me and hurt. But I know continuing to subject myself to the abuse will be far more damaging and will not change anything.
I relate a lot to your experience. I was diagnosed with ASD last year, when I was still talking to my mother on a daily basis. When I sent her the final report with the official diagnosis, she completely ignored it, like she didn't even read it, and gave me the silent treatment for over a week. When I confronted her about her silence, she got mad, told me I was an "ungrateful daughter" and screamed at me that she never wanted to hear from me again. So going no contact was a decision that I made "with her blessing".
My father is autistic too, no doubt about it, and my brother as well, but they haven't looked for a diagnosis like I did (I needed it, as I have an autistic son and my everyday life is absolutely exhausting and overwhelming). But my mother won't accept it. And she will invalidate my feelings and dismiss my needs at every step of the way.
No more.
I'm sorry that you've been through all that. The queerphobia sounds devastating... I am gender non conforming and my mother has judged me harshly all my life because of it. Told me I wasn't feminine enough, I needed to make myself prettier, I needed to act like a lady... A huge part of my low self-esteem was directly caused by my mother.
That is not unconditional love, as you well know. And it's better to stay away from it indeed.
1 year no contact. Thank you for normalizing talking about it. Still feels difficult and forbidden.
My mother keeps messing up my streak by violating my wishes for no contact and stalking me and attempting to show up at my home. My streak would have been from the time I was 18 and left home and went no contact originally but her stalkery behavior has led to SEVERAL trips where she somehow found my address after moving out of state and made a whole trip to ambush me. Getting me to yell at her and exclaim in shock to break the streak of no communication. I'm 43 now and she did it again just 2 years ago. Best I can do is tell the cops and ask them to trespass her. (Local courts will not take a protective order seriously if it's against an old woman. I tried already in 2 states. I give up)
Yep!
It can be a hard process, though the other end of no-contact helped me more than I had realized! Very limited contact with my parent, no-contact with my sibling. My entire health has been so much better with it!
Thank you. My 7th anniversary for my mom is coming up in October and my 6th just passed in July with my dad. I'm much healthier and happier.
Dad's thankfully dead, and I went no contact with my mother 11 years ago. It saved my sanity, but it has been hard. Thanks so much for this video.
Nine months no contact with my father. It hurt, but it was necessary.
Thank you so much for sharing and speaking up. Too many people want to just assume the one going no-contact is the problem/insane/evil whatever. Too many kneejerk reactions from strangers, really weird when strangers on the internet think they know more than we do about our own lives. That's the "trend" that is the problem, strangers on the internet thinking they know everything about everyone else. And just in general, outsiders who think they know more than we do about our own lives. What a weird time we're in.
Something you said really resonates with me, I too, have a problem identifying the things that are stressing me. Take care of yourself, create a chosen family.
5 years and 4 months since I decided going no contact. The flying monkeys all for her.
Near-zero contact started when nobody was supportive of ANY minimum COVID precautions for Christmas.
The year prior, we all agreed to test before coming, & at the time masks were still socially expected in public places. I felt sick & tested positive 12/26, told everybody, we all isolated, & a few days later my sister-in-law got it.
A month later, & ever since, Long COVID wrecked my employability & ability to do many things that once brought me joy, it's been over 2.5 years. So they've witnessed asymptomatic transmission, & a single "mild" infection being debilitating, yet they won't make any events accessible for me to join - I still get invited to inaccessible holidays! They all but ignored my 40th birthday, a few cards but no effort to make an accessible party. In June, where all outdoors would have been quite practical!
My mom left my sperm donor when i was a toddler and I decided that i was better without him in my life, it's odd to me that would accept and understand my story but not that of people who have firsthand with the parent(s) in question.
It might be hard to fathom not wanting to have your family in your life but instead of condemning count your blessings that you were never forced to make such a heartbreaking decision.
Hard as that is,now imagine going 20yrs and having a court say they will be in your kid's life. Yup, it happened in 300th district court in tx where all rights are fuzzy. There's no right to estranged in the law
Mom is on her 4th husband. One of the last times I talked to her she was telling me something about her 4th husband’s 2nd wife. And I said - Mom I don’t care about number 4s number 2. Gasp on the end of the line. Didn’t talk much afterwards.
I’m in the boat with you buddy.
Your have some sad days , but for the most your life gets only better.
Keep safe brother know we love you 👍
Currently about a 1000 miles away from my mom w/ low contact. One day I will come out to her properly and she'll end it herself. I'm on my fifth year since the move and I get better every day.
I’m coming up on 2 years of no contact with my mother, the narcissist of a brother, and my two oldest siblings that enable him to different degrees. I don’t have any regrets. I’m 62.
Heartfelt recognition of your choice to show up to yourself! ❤
Thank you for posting. I’m struggling with this right now. I never could have imagined this would happen to me, an only child.
Never regretted it but my children never understood. My relationship with them was unique. How grandchildren feel about it is different.
Love and support to you, Friend
I had to go no contact with my Mother for a year in my 20's. She constantly told me I was worthless. I was hardest on my Sister who is a wonderful Sis. When I reconciled with my Mom she treated me better. I ended up moving her in with me and looked after her for many years. So a break can work.
I went no contact in 1973 with multiple family members. Some still alive, some not. Absolutely no regrets.
It’s been 17 years since I went NC with my mother. Not long ago, it occurred to me that’s she’s a complete stranger to me now and I’m ok with that
5+ years of not talking to my "parents" (abusers).
I rarely think of them, and feel free without them holding me back ✊
It took me a long time to go no contact, longer than I’d like to admit. The nervous system thing is so real; for me it’s not so much the anniversary, but the holidays. Every year, when October is over, I completely shut down. It always catches me by surprise, even though I’ve been aware of this pattern for ages and usually things are going okay. I fall apart in November, and just hang on for dear life until January. Then it lets up and things slowly go back to normal. It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve tried everything to mitigate it - trauma work/therapy, vitamin D supplements, exercise, journaling, meditation…doesn’t matter how prepared I am, it just always happens.
I would love to go no contact but having access to money is honestly worth more than my mental health rn I buy a lotto ticket once a month on the off chance I get lucky and no longer need them for their sole purpose in my life
I did 2 years, was super depressed and decided to kill myself, but while thinking about ending it, I felt no anger or resentment anymore. When I contacted them and told them how I felt, about how I was thinking of killing myself, they didn't react at all. I think my mother didn't care whether I die or live... I hate her so much but still for some fucked up reason I can't be as mean to her as she was to me.
Well I went "no contact" with my son about 3 years ago. I have no regrets. Tired of the lying, stealing, disrespect, and manipulation. You need to understand that when a parent doesn't want to talk to you either, that you have really crossed a line. A parent, a loving parent, will give you a million chances to be a decent human. I'm not saying that you all have decent parents that really love you, but I'm willing to bet that some of you do, and if they've stopped communication with you as well, then it's maybe something to reflect on.
Wow I wonder where they got the disrespect from.
Thanks for demonstrating your toxicity and judgmental, self-rightous attitude.
I went no contact with my dad 8 years ago. I don't even think he cares, if that says anything about why I went no contact in the first place...
Walked away from my mother when I was 37, I’m now 68, had a lot of guilt but I knew I had to do it for my soul. She died last November at the age of 95 and I’m ashamed I never shed a tear when I heard, my feelings I had for her disappeared long time ago, I feel bad about that but that’s how it is, Hod bless everyone who reads all these stories and I hope you understand what we all had to do, we had to protect ourselves from a toxic family, a parent that didn’t understand us, thank- you.
❤
4 years for me
Well you never did say why.
So I don't know the severity of what happened.
My parents were not perfect and they were hunman beings with problems of their own.
I distanced during certain times and went back.
I forgive them for all their own problems and love/loved them very much.
Miss them too.
Parents are human beings also.
They make mistakes and suffer greatly for them.
Sometimes, children have to be their parents.
No parent is perfect. If it affects you then you may still not be sure what you did was 100% right. Personally I would rather cut ties with friends than family. Friends marry and go away, family stays forever, even not being perfect or fun as friends.
It affects me. Them stalking and assaulting me and my kids affects us. Just because it "affects someone" does not mean they "may not be sure it was right." Stop questioning other people's choices of safety. It's none of your business.
💙
I cut off my aunt and uncle recently (very small close family) when she came out as a terf and stopped having any chance of being safe for me.
💖🫂