How Love Stories Ruin Our Love Lives
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ต.ค. 2016
- The love stories we read and see are often hugely unhelpful to our chances of having satisfying relationships, for the expectations they raise are as naïve as they are cruel.
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“It sounds strange to ask what a novel might be for. We tend not to wonder too much what role made-up stories should have in our lives. Generally we suppose we just read them for entertainment…”
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Romantic films and novels are destroying the image of relationships for women as much as porn is for men.
also fifty shades of grey
Truth lol
The Notebook...
You think you're as good as the men in porn? I do love reading romantic novels, I watched porn before, I hate fifty shades and I don't like the notebook.😫 I'm obsessed with marvel movies and star wars right now and I'm a female. :)
So, we men should read more love novels and women watch more porn.
As a poor girl growing up, love stories that depicts someday a rich, handsome, and kind man will come and "save" you from your misery is kinda a bad influence for the young, impressionable me. Now at 29 years old, still poor, still struggling, jobless, homeless, and I know now nobody is going to come and save me - I have to save myself.
how are you now? if I may know
@@282_daffarabbani3 Working a minimum wage job at the moment but I am learning how to open businesses on the side so I am thriving, I would say.
I believe that miracles will accompany you
@@annaschle6628 Thank you, I hope you are right.
I hope you are having a good life
I want a love story showing the actual love stories with the tolerance, jealousy and all that actually happens with the couple growing old together
Srushti patil
As the Wind Rises, by Hayao Miyazaki
Ravengal101 Thanks!
Srushti patil Blue Valentine.
Watch Blue Valentine ☺️
Srushti patil Have you seen the 'Before' series (sunrise, sunset, midnight)? It's a fantastic study on a relationship's different stages and how a couple in each stage faces specific challenges
You know what ruined my teenage love life? All these stories about nerdy insecure teenage girls who fall in love with the coolest guy in the school and this guy of course doesn't pay attention to this girl at all but at the end of the film it suddenly turns out that this guy has been in love with her all along and that he loves her "just the way she is". By the time i figured out the world doesn't work this way it was already too late.
You're absolutely relatable
😭😭😭
Ah, the format of most shoujo mangas.
So in what way the world works ?
4 years late... But your comment hit me hard because I'm a nerdy guy who somehow has unrealistic and ridiculous hopes for what you described.
I hope your doing well these many years later.
As always, reality is much more ugly, boring and hurting.
Jackson at times.
If you don't live in reality you don't actually live. Living in a dream is exactly society's problem.
I think it's a matter of perspective. If you think about it in the right manner, fiction can never be more beautiful than reality. We idolise fiction and judge reality by keeping it as the standard. If we do the opposite, it would result in better art and more tolerable lives.
nice!
i like eating food than watching fake ass stories.
reality rules!
"the wiser kind of love story would know that the real problem isn't finding a partner.. it's tolerating them and being tolerated over time." i said god damn.
Steve Biddulph has written about how to keep the romance going within the hurly burly of life.
Since you can't practice the "real stuff" until you find a partner, I think finding one is a problem that shouldn't be downplayed. I'm 57 and still haven't found one. The whole story is too long, and several times I thought I was close...but something happened each time. I'm not a freak and in fact have often been asked why I'm not married because I'm so nice, or some other compliment. That's unanswerable! I guess someone has to be part of the tiny statistic, those who have never married.
"The problem is not to find a partner" I beg your pardon?! >:(
you're ugly as fuck aren't you?
You arent trying hard enough lol
its only the START of the problem ... staying (in a positive/healthy relationship) with the partner for the long run is the harder part
im stuck in a celler too, mate
Exactly. As long as you're single you think finding a partner is the problem. But they are right, staying with them is EVEN harder. Not saying finding one isn't hard because it is.
What if it was the other way around? What if, because our love lives are inevitably ruined, we invent love stories to make sense of how love lives should have been? It may sound like a romantic notion but what if reality is not good enough for love? If love lives were perfect from the start. would we need comforting and unrealistic love stories in the first place?
Hmmm? 🤔 that's an interesting view.
AL Seth Maybe the first few love stories were made because reality was not good enough, but now when people grow up watching or reading the 'perfect' love stories, they feel entitled to live such 'lived happily ever after' love lives. Rather than making sense out of imperfect love lives, these stories are now the standards by which people judge the quality of their life.
Are the writers of love stories responsible for the love lives of their readers? Should they be accountable for if or when their readers marriage falls apart for so and so reason?
And to add to this, with which I absolutely agree: what if the reason why our love lives are so ruined, to begin with, stems from the ever-growing pressure culture: keeping up appearances on social media, long work hours, high and abnormally unhealthy expectations imposed upon one's self, etc. What if it's the system at present is what requires reform? What if we are compromising our inherent ability to love wholly and hiding it in the shadows of our anxiety and inner turbulence- paralyzing us of our very ability to extend ourselves to another person? Generally, people are afraid to open up and become vulnerable to such things; maybe our love lives aren't successful because we've lost touch with this great gift: the gift of human connection! We've become so self-absorbed, egocentric, fearful of the possibility of connecting with another individual simply because we've lost a connection within ourselves. Deep down, we dislike ourselves very much and we can't imagine anybody else enjoying our company, so we allow our egos to put up a wall of self-protection, rendering us impermeable to outside emotions. Everybody is an "introvert" these days. You have to respect the introvert and condemn the extrovert for being "too much" and too personable, frankly! Don't confuse what I am saying with judgment- there is such a thing as, introvert, ambivert, and extravert; but even these are just basic examples of types of behaviors that we all experience throughout our lives. In today's world, we've learned to associate and identify with every single label, i.e, "I am an introvert so I have an excuse not to be outgoing." or, "I am an extrovert so they won't mind if I chime in abruptly- they know that's how I am." This is incredibly unfortunate and lazy ... By identifying too much with these characteristics, we forget that our default is love THROUGH connection. Love is not just a behavioral response to meeting someone then liking them, love is a universal truth- introversion, extroversion, etc, are learned behaviors and conditionings. And in order to find true love, we have to strip ourselves of every identity with which we've associated over the years; tune into the human condition, which is the whole spectrum of the human experience and their respective emotions; and utilize empathy to realize that we all experience said emotions, and through that realization we can free ourselves of one confining identity and join the rest of the human race in the journey toward the ultimate goal which should be to connect with one another- to love one another.
Life of an average human is too long & human mind is too diverse to keep on loving a single person for the lifetime (with exceptions), what these perfect love stories force on people, is that there has to be a single person, which should be loved for the eternity and which will love you for forever, which is statistically impossible (with exceptions).
So marriage is an experiment which is designed to fail, given that there is a lifetime available for it to fail. Frustration of 'failed love/marriage' increases even more when the society, the books and the movies around a person wants him/her to keep on loving a single person and keep on wanting to be loved by the same person.
So whether a writer writes a love story or not, marriage/love lives will keep on failing, so the burden is not on writers. But these stories surely increase the frustration. They increase the desire for love and desire of being loved for sure, which is not always helpful.
tolerating and keeping up with them? So Homer and Marge's relationship is the right relationship?
Its better than being alone
better alone than in bad company though
Let's just pretend new Simpsons ft. Jerkass Homer doesn't exist. Obviously, TS has ended a long time ago
***** They ALWAYS get divorced but managed to get back. The show is just dragging, hope it ends soon
***** By season 30? Eh. They said that on season premier of the early 20s seasons, so I doubt it. For now, I stopped caring for the show.
I think history will show that Disney has destroyed more relationships than porn, drugs and chat rooms put together.
Problably, but I think that they're now trying to fix this, for example, in frozen the "act of true love" wasn't kissing a stranger, instead it was anna saving her sister
GeF1 But that doesn't make up for the YEARS of damage done by Hollywood storytelling
Also it's turned our children into spoiled-rotten princesses.
rofl hahahahaha chat rooms
AMEN! TESTIFY!
This is very true. I grew up on Disney movies, and now, 7 years into a marriage I get really insecure that we don't have those big romantic gestures like in the movies. Logically I know they are unrealistic, but it hurts to be without them, which is a really silly and immature. With age, hopefully those tethers of childhood idealism will fade and my wants will become more realistic.
Ali Z Then make your own damn "disney" style epic moments. Stop making crap excuses for why your unhappy
I understand this as a woman who grew up on Disney
I am still paying debt from big epic moments I did out of being stupid.
"Reality is often disappointing"
- Thanos
Or, one could just have a job that makes them not want to kill themselves and not have children.
Just sayin'.
true
N3rdSci3nc3 Or only have as many children as you can handle.
Marcus Tullius Cicero Good point.
I think many people are having a hard time finding the first thing you mentioned, what with the economy and all.
A hefty chunk of eurpeans are doing just that.
Revolutionary road, the movie, is a very realistic love story!
Getting a partner is kind of easy comparing to keeping her. It's also nothing compared to the challenge of keeping your love alive, both of you. It requires a very wise couple who understand that relationships are not just flowers and rings and kisses.
That's kind of what I said to my girlfriend in our first week together as a couple. Now it's been almost two years, and our love is still on the rise, still getting better and stronger.
Just watched Revolutionary Road two days ago!!! It was phenomenal!
I hope you go from strength to happiness to love etc
"She was all alone in this imperfect world,
And was very, very lonely,
Nobody really understood just how she felt,
Till one day she slipped on a banana peel,
Then there he was, he picked her up,
And asked her, "Hey, are you okay?",
He was tall and dark, and strong and kind,
And sensitive with washboard abs, and it was,
Bullshit,
Bullshit,
That would never happen,
Knights in shining armor haven't been around since the middle ages,
No one will love you till you've gotten through all your depression stages."
- Psychostick - Space Vampires VS. Zombie Dinosaurs In 3D - It's Just A Movie, Stupid - 2011"
When I was online dating, there were so many women interested in being swept up in some beautiful moment right away. That shit isn't real. Love takes time.
women are very prone to believe in "the one", the soulmate bs...they reject perfectly imperfect suitors clinging to the dream their knight in shining armour will save them while in the meantime being so far removed from the typical "princess" its laughable
No matter how much we tell ourselves the truth and try to use reason, getting over the illusion (or delusion) of Romantic love is damned difficult.
Exactly 😩
Sometimes it's easier to dance to the music the warm lies brings than lie on the cold reality known as truth
The thing with romance novels and films is that they're meant to entertain. Every day real general relationships would make for boring and dull films/novels. So I disagree that we should change what romantic media we consume. We should be able to consume it for its entertainment value and not see it as inspirational or a guide for real life. Rom-coms and rom-dramas are just like any other genre. You're not going to try to listen to what goes on in your walls because you mistook Lovecraft's "The Rats In The Walls" for a documentary.
Stefan B. While I understand your point that the romance genre is entertainment, if everyone understood that it was just that and had their perception of love, especially those that are younger, shaped by healthier mediums we wouldn't even need to have this conversation. Unfortunately, many don't have an example as to what love and relationships actually are, and falter for it. Since tv/movies are still the mediums most readily consumed it's impossible not to be influenced, and quite heavily, by them. And I'm a firm believer that every part of life can be taught and honed because everything's a skill and not an innate talent that you either do or don't have a knack for, including love/relationships.
Stefan B. that's exactly what I thought. people should watch films to space out of their ordinary lives for a while.
Daniel Gunter AvgJane19
You are both correct, which makes me think the underlying problem is that we have no idea what love is. There is no consensus in what it is and how it works, so it's difficult to write a story based on it. Love is just as tricky as happiness. We also have no idea what happiness is. Rom-coms starr people reckless with their safety and of their peers doing stupid things in the name of love. That's when it hits you: everything is done in the name of love, not because of love itself. They use love to justify their actions. And since there is no consensus on what love is we can't call bullshit, we just say the tag line "Love makes you do crazy things" when in fact love said "OK stop stalking the girl! It's not romantic just because you listen to James Blunt while you do it and it rains. Y'know what? I had enough of this, you're on your own."
BlackSkullHeart
Very true, but I disagree that it's necessarily a chemical feeling. I'd argue the highest expression of love comes from Al Bundy of the sitcom "Married With Children". He hates his life, his job -- allegedly his family as well and yet goes to work to provide for them. He puts their well being in front of his, he defends them and though he's given opportunities to bail he stays with them. And it's not because of a sense of duty since Al is, by and large, a morally reprehensible person.
Philosophy hasn't necessarily failed us. Perhaps language has. The ancient Greeks had four words for love: eros, storge, phileo and agape. So they tried to catalog and quantify the concept of love.
Today we seem to dismiss love as a spiritual and emotional elevated state of mind, but rather quantify it in terms of a collection of actions as expression (or proof) of its existence. That's why in rom-coms, the crazier things a person does the more that person loves. Rom-coms aren't to blame since they extrapolated the normative definition of love prevailing in culture -- ie collection of actions, not feelings in themselves -- and exagerated them for narrative purpose. It wasn't the other way around. I don't know when we got so blasé and cynical about love. Possibly during the industrial revolution, turn of the century and during the two World Wars.
It's like in that Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy standup about relations "Guy: But, baby, I love you -- Woman: What have you done for me lately?!?"
BlackSkullHeart
Not really. Al is nihilistic. He encourages his neighbour to cheat on his wife, swindles strippers -- like that time he taught his son at a strip club to attach a string to the bill they stick to the stripper's bikini and then yank it back -- and yet impulsively defends his wife and children and cares for them thereby explicitly showing he actually loves them.
But the Greeks having four words for it didn't mean that the words were synonymous. They categorized love and defined four types of this concept called love, whereas we have only one word, which makes it much more ubiquitous in communicating it. For instance "agape" with the Greeks is the highest form of love, between man and divinity/gods. It implies a spiritual transcendental love. "Phileo" is brotherly love, love for one's neighbour and people in your community and country -- ie "I vote this way out of phileo for the well being of my country even if it goes against my personal interests". If you say "I feel *agape* for my partner and/or my countrymen, not *phileo*" then by definition it means you have a transcendental spiritual love, a divine connection to these which weighs you emotionally, not just a sense of brotherhood, belonging and justice. By having four different words and definitions for love these could be used to express what the person meant when they said "I love" more clearly. It was less abstract. In a way it's like categorizing social connections. You have strangers --> distant acquaintances --> casual acquaintances --> close acquaintances --> friends.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a better love story than Twilight
Lies, everyone knows girls love guys who stare at them creepily as they sleep. That's why, I climb over to my neighbor's house and stare at their 12 year old daughter every night. /s
Can I get 5 subs for no reason wow, not creepy at all
I mean hell, silence if the lambs is a better love story than twilight
Now do "How Porn Ruin Our Sex Lives". :P 'Don Jon' anyone?
yeah i was thinking about that too
please do this!!
Naw. ^_^ I think it enhances it and you get to watch laugh disturb each other with the endless amounts of videos. Hehe
I have to disagree, Porn is extremely unrealistic and it is the first sexual encounter that most of us experience, it can you false expectations and make you feel self concious with your genitals/body in general(since all pornstars have big dicks, small labia, etc) i think its extremely toxic.
I dont think its good on relationships either,a lot of people are addicted to porn and real sex pales in comparison, in porn the possibilites are endless, want an asian girls puking on eachother? everything is a few clicks away.
although one thing that i find good in porn is that people discover kinks and they can get to explore them in real life with their partner.
but even then, i think we should get some sort of sex ed that deals with sexual exploration.
I always say that women live in a Disney fantasy and men live in a Porno fantasy
"You've bewitched me, body and soul."
I don't care it ruined my life! I just like novels by Jane Austen.
And other classics like Wuthering Heights.
😭I'll just remain as the hopeless romantic
I love those novels, too, and the ones by Jane Austen do show different types of marriages and how people choose to manage them. E.g. Charlotte Lucas makes a success of her marriage in Pride and Prejudice, despite her husband having obvious flaws.
This is so true....all of the books that i've loved over the years have distorted my expectations of love/what I look for in a partner. These fictional characters are so perfect, the stories always more or less have a happy ending. My attraction to perfectionism, coupled by fictional love stories, has in no doubt made connecting with other people incredibly hard. And it has taken so long to break this way of thinking - don't get sucked in people!
People aren't perfect. Life isn't perfect. But that doesn't mean wonderful and beautiful things can't still happen, and that we can't end up happy. We have to let go of preconceived ideas and just start living our own stories.
How did u overcame ? Any advice
The story of finding a partner is just more inspiring and connects with more people because even most people who successfully HAVE found a partner are unhappy and wishing for someone else who is "the one."
Love stories and then love music, a perfect recipe for falling in fantasy land
Can you recommend love stories that shows the actual growth of love in the real world? I know the Before Sunrise Trilogy is one.
Adriane Vance Angayan The Outlander series really shows the gritty details of love and marriage, while also being very entertaining
I actually recommended Story of Us with Bruce Willis to someone a few comments above this one. Blue Valentine is pretty realistic though.
500 Days of Summer. Hands down
Read Zadie Smith and Jonathan Franzen
6 years
Love stories don't show your wife letting go of herself and getting fat!
Peanutbudda sounds personal
Peanutbudda maybe she's missing good sex???
I think the problem is she's getting too much sex and knows he wont leave lol
after a few children everyone would get fat
YummyPancake lol. Do you know how hormones effect cravings when you're a women? How emotionally and physically draining pregnancy is? Weight gain during pregnancy is almost required. What they choose to do after pregnancy is their business.
I agree that "I promise you I'll never fall in love with anybody else." Is unrealistic lol.
Damn School of Life, who the hell broke your heart?
Why do you think anybody did?
Bohdan Donchenko It was more of a joke but I'll explain anyway.
School of Life often takes what it seems a more negative approach towards romance, focuses more on the negatives that everyone overlooks and sees it from the more logical standpoint which I like but with this somewhat negative perspective, it seems like a view someone would see if they were ever in a bad relationship. Experiencing the bad can actually make you wiser and more aware that there are indeed negative points in a relationship and not just a happy fairytale but personally I think there are some good aspects as well. Overcoming the rough patches can actually form a happier and stronger relationship, which the video subtly says but with the amount of negativity from the other videos like this from School of Life, you really start to wonder, "who the hell broke School of Life's heart?" XD
I actually like these videos though, as stated before but there are times where the romanticism from a movie does come true. You just gotta see it to believe it and if you don't, experience it yourself.
EDIT: I feel like my explanation was just a babble of words out together with no order whatsoever. Blegh. You know what, ask someone else. I am horrible at explaining things XD
Don't worry, you aren't bad at all :)
Thanks for the thorough answer!
negative approach? what this video tells us is that the real test of relationship starts after a couple gets together. its not negativity, its simply looking at it in a realistic way. There are no romantic movies that shows where a couple struggles to make ends meet, look for a stable job, overcoming their own personal problems and the list goes on. And that's the problem, these movies paint a false pretense that love is all about feeling good about oneself and your partner.
But that's only on the beginning, and eventually these feelings will undoubtedly subside as you get more relaxed and complacent with your partner. At this stage, you hear people saying they have fallen out of love, or it isn't "hot" as it used to be. And again there lies another problem. That a good relationship should always feel exciting or liberating. If it isn't one of those then it must mean its over. Which results in divorce or break ups simply because it doesn't excite them anymore. Remember that when you are an adult, you are riddled with responsibilities and duties, more so if you now have a kid. That freedom you once had when you were a teenager will disappear along with some of your hobbies and of course your social life. Things will get dull as you struggle through everyday with work and making ends meet. However even if you, after all these years of struggling still want to be with your partner, then that is LOVE.
Love isn't all about fun and games. The moment you start to make a family, you will have to sacrifice a lot things and honestly, you will feel lifeless and empty. These sacrifices (responsibilities, duties, obligation) are what romantic movies fail to portray and never will portray. Because no one would like to watch something so cumbersome as watching someone get a job or make end meet. It isn't entertaining to say the least.
TheDangerWolf Real life
Don't use twilight as an example again. I left that behind in my tween years.
L. T C. Maybe, but it is a good example. I still remember how many girls romanticized what they saw in that movie and book.
Cmon, every girl loves a creepy old man staring at them while they sleep.
this is like how when distant relative talks about how you wet your bed as a kid.
its deserves a fockin trigger warning.
Twilight's a love story? Wow.
still a better love story than tw..... oh wait.
Have you watched it?
How dare you ask that.
+Barath Raj
I thought it was a cautionary tale about avoiding guys who go after girls 1/10th their age.
lol
I think that this is one of the most impactful and important videos that the School of Life has made so far.
"That's a loaded question" 😂😂😂
Thanks to love stories, I simply don't understand why people have to go through breakups, even though I've broke up with someone in the past. Sounds crazy but that's just how it is.
The girl I like wants a fucking flawless Disney prince 🙄... She only likes guys she doesn't know, and she knows me very well...
Yea... I was once with someone for a couple years that would express disappointment regularly that what we had wasn't some Nicholas Sparks novel. Not that she came out and said it, but based on the things that she would say and express, I use that for the sake of brevity.
This episode really blew me away it really forces me to look on my own expectations of relationships
thank you school of Life
I wonder what people would think if you said to them "love stories are a lie."
That's one reason why I don't want kids
But I think sharing the task of childbearing encouraged my former husband and I to be our best selves. Also my relationship with my now grown up kids is an extremely meaningful part of my life.
Love doesn't exist, just find someone you can live with and tolerate.
I think love exists in family, friends or pets but it's rare to find the one that's romantic. Few people will get it but the sad reality is that a vast majority of people will not get it because it requires lots of efforts and commitment that not anyone can get. I like falling in love but when I reach reality, it's just not for me.
@@differentboy9697 The problem is that love is not eternal and always the same, but a temporary feeling. When I'm currently angry at my spouse, in that moment, minutes, days there is no love feeling. But it can come back under the right circumstances. What binds us together is commitment not love. But it does exist and it's a great feeling, but we kinda need to work for it each and every day.
Love is an action, but toleration is up to chemistry lmao
As an aspiring story writer, I appreciate this video giving me guidance on what sort of story would speak to what people need to hear on this topic.
This is why i lovee studio Ghibli movies. They romanticise the normal, the moments of quiet breeze we get to experience after the tornado dies down. I found my appreciation for real, tangible love, for life especially from those movies.
i am a student of philosophy nd your philosophy videos brought me here but without any doubt this is the best channel here literally now i ve seen every video of urs no matter to which genre it is related ... just keep uploading more in psychology nd philosophy or any genre ... may god bless u
being in love and staying in love takes lots of work
I'm so glad I landed on your channel. I really needed it.
What a beautiful video. Changing up the things you put in your brain is always a great way to change the way you look at things. Thanks for another great lesson!
It would probably be for the best if people accepted that romance in this stories is, like most stories in many ways, a fantasy far away from reality.
I don´t think that we need to stop consuming and enjoying this kind of stories any more than we need to stop consuming action movies where violence may be seen as tolerable or even fun or comedy movies where a character is mocked for mere entertainment. We just need to separate fantasy from reality and explore such reality with an open mind.
Easy. Don't have kids and don't work too hard.
Luckily, it will not end, as there will always be millions of humans like you whom will reproduce. Have fun doing that.
Loved the unusual showing of (very pertinent) clips from films in this School of Life video.
I kinda think these videos have been repeating the same concepts over and over, but I don't even care because these are so well made. Love you!
There are times when you feel like it's a fairy tale when you are with your partner. Even while doing the dirty laundry work. Just looking up to see him smiling is heart pounding. ^_^
this is so much needed for our time where the divorce rate is soo high all around
It's quite interesting actually, I once read about suggestion that the higher divorce rate (compared to a couple of decades ago) could be due to people being less likely to stay in unsatisfactory relationships. So people have raised their standards of relationships, but it could be the case that they've raised them so high that they're never happy.
Just because he didn't mention anything about what YOU think the problem is, doesn't make any of his points less valid. I'm pretty sure he was just replying to the OP and giving his thoughts on why divorce rates might be high. Instead of trying to bait people into an argument with you (it's painfully obvious with your incessant "I wonder why"), I would recommend that you simply state your thoughts on the matter. So in this case, talk about why you think that women are the problem, instead of lashing out at people who aren't even talking to you in an attempt to start some kind of argument. Sorry if I came across as too blunt or rude. Have a nice day, my friend.
***** I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with you, I was just pointing out that you seem very eager to start an argument, and that you'd be better off just saying what you want to say. I think you would have a more receptive audience on r/MGTOW. Just a suggestion.
***** Please tell me your life story. I want to know why you feel hurt. I love you very deeply, Mr. Stranger
***** Yes, add this victory to your tally of "Internet Arguments That I've Won". So pathetic.
This spoke to me real deeply. I feel the reason I feel so guilty or dreadful about my relationship is because I keep comparing it to things that I read or watch that are simply just romantic fiction... and I've been trying to avoid such things now because I simply can't relate to them... I wish there were stories that actually relate to the struggles in my relationship this way I don't feel like it's ending simply because it's not "how it looks in the movies" and I can also say the same for the couples that you meet in your everyday life. Every relationship is unique and different and we truly don't know what goes on behind the curtain so you also make the mistake of comparing your relationship to your friend's or co worker.. but we should really just look at our own partner and accept that we truly are the average couple and that just because we're not them, doesn't mean we're not real.
Fantastic points in this installment!
I grew up watching Disney fairytales and watching rom-com movies, but I refuse to see it as a negative thing!
Yes, they have made be believe in true love, they have awaken in me the desire to be in a relationship because of the way love makes you feel. Even though the actors are not really in love, the way they portray love is real, because it comes from a place where they felt the love themselves, so they transport it to me as a viewer.
These movies have raised my expectations, as in: I know what I want in a man, I know what I want from a man, and I know what I deserve as a woman. I never got these lessons from my parents, as they had never learned them themselves.
If it weren’t for movies, I would have never believed in love, coming from negative love models in my upbringing. I find romance movies therefore extremely positive.
Romantic movies will for sure not portray the everyday life events, but more salient stories that draw attention, and why should they be realistic? Because of them being different, they awake in us ideas, desires, creativity, they bring more soul into our lives. It should go without saying, that one should be able to separate reality from movies, and stop being sad because your own life doesn’t compare to a movie.
I dont know about you guys but me and my Womans love story is magical. I still sometimes shake my head at how lucky we are.
It's so wonderful for those who find the one. I hope you can always make time for special time together and to talk through any issues that arise.
I LOVE THIS CHANNEL SO MUCH
best channel I've subscribed to. this channel never ceases to unload a fuck ton of knowledge unto my young and absorbent mind.
I want an actual love story to be written
try Course of Love by Alain de Botton
Valdis Reķis okay thanks, I will
What about Lost in translation or Her? I think those are good movies. You could try Happy together by Wong kar wai too, though that movie focuses more on one character, but it still has some romantic elements
Ohh, thanks!
Try "Blue is the warmest color". It won the Palme d'Or at Cannes. really good movie showing the true nature of love.
So true! Even for those of us who are childfree...
School of Life, you're my hero.
Altho i like this channel a lot, some of the videos are disappointing and seem to be pointlessly supportive of anything and everything people wish to do, maybe for the sake of being appealing to more people. I must say this one is SPOT ON!!! Books, television and even music constantly messes up our idea of what love, relationships, love making, etc are and how they work and what should be our approach and main focus points. In this case I understand that the formation of a couple is very easy to use as a resolution for the adversities in the story. It takes place in a specific moment in time and people will relate to it with their own good memories and very immediate and satisfactory feelings. Also, films are part of a industry, they're usually not made to be helpful or educational but simply sellable. I hope more people realised that the main task of each one of us is not to find THE RIGHT person, but to BE the right person in order to overcome and help the other overcome with us the adversities the WILL come! Adversities will be a part of our life and our growth and they're not a symptom of the other person not being the right one or of you having some emotional or social problem or whatever. Thanks for spreading such important and helpful ideas. Entertainment and even art should be taken as what they are and we should still be able to separate ourselves from it, being conscious that they lie! they're purely aesthetical! (mostly)
mate,not everyone is a european tourist with his wife buying snacks,there is people who live passionately till their death.
this video came at the perfect time of my life.
This channel is the base school everyone needs
Great video! :)
"The real problem isn't finding a partner"
Could have fooled me.
At 4:30 why is that guy so damned relieved to find a couple of milk cartons?
Whithout love stories, some people wouldn't even known what love is...ever!
Great video !!
Thank you so much :D
What is the name of the cartoon with the old black man looking at a picture of this wife?
Chico & Rita
Sherifa Star Chico & Rita and it's amazing. Watch it
SirVolcy it's an amazing book as well.
Love stories are sometimes hate stories (Revolutionary Road, American Beauty)
I think Richard linklater's 'before' trilogy is quite realistic in it's treatment of romance and love. Not only does it portray how serendipitously two people can fall in love,it also shows us the mundane days, the quarrels , and the reconciliation.
Beautiful as always
I had girls who loved me, but now I feel so lonely and regret leave in them. I feel terrible
I hope you keep mixing around in the community so you can find someone for you.
I wish they would tell us where the clips are from. Some of those movies look really interesting.
Loved this.
Unrealistic stories give us hope... Although they may set our expectations too high, it also stops us from settling for less.
I want a love story that takes place after they become a couple.
What's that black and white movie at the end? (TSoL should really list their source material)
Oh my gosh! Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!
also, I find it interesting that the genre of 'romance' in literature is based on a happy ending and a happy beginning but the typical romantic plots in movies and texts fall with an unhappy beginning and only when they find that love they find happiness.
Great video as always I hope I remember to use it in the future
i believe it's more of a feeling while watching and reading romantic novels. ...we get hyped to feel that way but realistically, the relationship changes over time. butterflies stop flying, work. bills, kids, family ect can break a marriage or relationship. passion fades over time. you get bored. a long lasting relationship takes hard work. sometimes you want that feeling like you had. and you can have it. it takes effort and mutual want to bring the heat back.
"a long lasting relationship takes hard work." then long lasting relationships are not natural
Love stories make me want to vomit.
Liane Moriarty has written lots of novels which depict marriage as complex, changing and difficult. However her novels are funny, exciting and very interesting. They look at relationships in unexpected ways.
"Misleading medium of art." Art has both the power to show us what we wish to see and to show us what we do see. Nice video, once again :)
I would love a list of movie suggestions :)
Amen.
word.
the amen word :P
Skittles.
"kids almost always kill the passion that made them possible" xD
The novels of Catherine Cookson don't follow the usual formula. They continue after the wedding and show how life goes on in different situations.
What's the animated movie called with the guy with the cigarette?
Chico & Rita
Morten Willums thank you
Morten Willums is it pretty good?
List of movies??..anyone?
pretty much every movie set under romance genre
boondock saint Book recommendation: Madame Bovary by Flaubert
i'm not big on romance movies, but i have to say i thought the notebook was a great love story.
The one with Bill Murray is Moonrise kingdom
Both the Victorian films were "Belle" and "Pride and Prejudice". I highly recommend both!
Reality was always there, we just surrounded and polluted our brain with these fairy tale, beautiful love stories.
I was like one of those kids that grew up learning from TV. I was a only child and didn't have to many friends or play dates.
The way this video describes love doesn't make romance - and especially not children - seem appealing in the slightest. Maybe the point of idealistic love stories is that they are necessary to make want relationships in the first place, because realistic relationships are not actually preferable to being single?
No. Human beings are social creatures so those kinds of relationships will form regardless of idealistic love stories. What this video is trying to say is that the ideals presented in a love story can create unrealistic expectations of a relationship, leading to problems regarding patience, acceptance, and compromise.
It'd be cool if they had the movies they drew from and the time marks for them in the description
Some of them are obvious for me, but then not everyone grew up watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Mary Poppins... lol.
i've pondered on these thoughts before thank u for putting it into better words then i could
This is so weird I have been thinking this exact thing. Whenever I go for a girl I always do something that seems incredibly over the top and rhetorical as if it came from a movie.
Still a better love story than twilight
Was that the movie with the werewolf who, when he didn't get the girl he loved, waited for her to have a daughter to get with? How can you not see the romance in pedowolf's heart?
I guess I don't understand modern love? :P
+Sebastian Kristiansen
There's no sign of life
It's just the power to charm
I'm lying in the rain
But I never wave bye-bye
But I try, I try
Never gonna fall for
Modern love
At least that's how I understand it.
Can someone tell me the names of the movie clips in the video please
keep them coming
Brilliant video