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Why Romantics are Ruining Love | Alain de Botton | Google Zeitgeist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2016
- Google Zeitgeist is a collection of talks by people who are changing the world. Hear entrepreneurs, CEOs, storytellers, scientists, and dreamers share their visions of how we can shape tomorrow.
"Most adults look like adults, unfortunately." Lol he puts it so keenly
thank you. young people need this. at 84 I found this so true.
'You can't teach anyone by humiliating them'
What makes Alain so popular is not his ideas, or his philosophy. It's his personality, charisma, and the special humble way he uses to present his ideas... always good to watch.
El Matadores sounds like you might have some issues you need to address. Sorry about that, but must you bare them in public?
Not his ideas? Wow. His ideas are absolutely liberating and educational. He delivers ideas that are artful, memorable, comprehensible, useful and eloquent.
Mmmmh... not at all. What makes Alain so popular is precisely his outlook in life and his down to earth anti-idealistic philosophy. I have no idea about his personality and neither you do.
Soytu19 don’t know who anyone is talking about anymore in this thread:. Peterson or de Botton? Either way, de Botton is a lovely breath of positive air and I enjoy hearing him speak.
Soytu19 this man is an academic . He has a clear dispassionate outlook on the subject. These conclusions are totally analytical based on our human history since written word came about. I would suggest you read classics to learn what is ‘a temporary folie’ that is love.
when I feel low, I hear this extraordinary man.. he speaks so well and is articulated brilliantly.
"They didn't fit my pattern for madness..." I'm going to say that from now on.
Actually calling it Crazy is more acceptable than mad; In his later lectures it's modified to Crazy. "They are crazy in a different unfamiliar way."
Subscribed your channel for that.
Love is not only built on top of sexual/romantic attraction but also the energy, time and patience that is put into improving and learning about each other and fixing the cracks along the way, which is definitely not fun. But this is exactly where the beauty and meaning of love lies, which is, regardless of our differences, the difficulties we have encountered or will encounter, we still choose to stay with each other and love each other.
To sum this thing, Alain de Botton said "Love is a skill and a skill that needs to be learned. Love is not just admiration for strength, it is also tolerance for weakness and recognition of ambivalence. To be with another person is negotiating imperfections every day."
Never agreed with someone more than Alain. Brilliant talk - thank you for posting.
Desire doesn't last. Number one rule of marriage. Only duty and gratefulness does.
It is so nice to hear someone articulate things I have always felt myself. Also to know that they are common feelings. if there is to be any progress, individually or collectively we must start being more honest.
Love this man, envy him also.
Alain de Botton is probably one of the best philosophers of our age. If people ever wanted to understand a bit about living, de Botton and the school of life he created should be at the epicentre. How, I wonder we have become to be so false and deceiving about life and living and the majority just swallow it all up and take it as the absolute truth and try to burn those criticizing all the nonsense to the stake. It takes though a very mature and an open minded community who can actually put all these concepts into practice.
“Mutual enlightenment” I love that
Well, that's not possible too. How can 2 "crazies" as Alain puts it create "mutual enlightenment". This is actually a weak point in an otherwise great talk.
unless crazy is a path to enlightenment. @@ss2k-u9g
I can listen to this over and over. Great message. Excellent messenger.
I feel so good that everyone is crazy and it is not just me :)
What an enlightening speaker. I’ve just binged three of his videos and hardly slept. See I am crazy too
Man, if only they taught love in school.
Grateful to be introduced to Alain de Button at this phase of life. Late but still great. The philosopher of modern world that everyone needs to know about. Disagree or agree, he will make you think from different dimension.
PS the video is as amazing as the book ‘The Course of Love’
What an intelligent and insightful speech! He became one of my favourite speakers now.
yees love him too!
can u recommend some others please?
I see that people who criticize Alain are mostly criticizing his choice of words, or how he explains the history of love and such. I don't much about it, and maybe what he is saying isn't exactly 100% accurate, but content wise I do find that he pinpoints precisely the social conventions of today's society.
Thank you for posting one of the best videos on TH-cam! Your talk needs to be seen by everyone. Pity that cat videos do so well. It's a strange world. I suppose cats provide that romantic love to humans. I watched this video from start to finish and appreciate you sharing your words of wisdom. Think a more appropriate title would be: The Future of the Way We Love by Alain de Botton.
He has explored the subject of love in his book ''The Course of Love''. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to educate themselves...
cats ???? are you wrecked?
Why are you hating on cat videos? Don't you know there's about a bazillion gamers that all stream about 14 hrs a day and it's actually being watched as well? XD
*This guy changed the way i view life*
THIS IS BRILLIANT ! So insightful and funny, and just, whether we like or not, so true.
wisdom , pure wisdom
i love this man😂👍everything he says,is right,and he puts it in such a humorous way😂👍
This guy has best accent that exist here on earth.
His examples are brilliantly specific
That's why for most couples, happy marriage starts later in life after love disappears.
What a Man or God , Sane, Sensible, Amazingly Touching, Wow
God Bless You
wonderful speech his ideas are strong and coherent that makes the audients difficult to challenge!
Love love love Alain - he sees the human world as it is - we are a mixed up bunch of weirdos, who believe they are Normal - very few of us have climbed down from the Trees 🌳🌳🌳
''Most of us are on the edge of insanity. It's what it means to be human.'' LOL
For friends who may not know: Alain has a wonderful youtube channel called " The School of Life". If you subscribe now, you can be sure that it will change your life! If I may recommend you something, here are three of my favourite videos from that channel:
Memento Mori ( Made of legos!)
First World Problems ( The story of our lives! With an excellent animation by Peter Caires)
Higher Consciousness ( So inspiring...)
The average wedding costs $26,000. It is easy to see why romanticism is so widely promoted.
Cynic
weddings are large even in cultures without romanticism, like india for many of our parents with arranged marriages
@@headphonic8 They've traditionally been a display of wealth. Now we'e guilted into proving the degree of our love by how much money is spent. The same is true with funerals.
@@AndrewN75 Cynicism is a virtue. Keeps you out of a lot of trouble.
A very well thought out honest talk and one everyone should see. I bought into the romantic delusion when young but soon felt there was some thing artificial about it. Excellent to hear someone tell the truth about human beings, dangerous to be around and on the edge of insanity! Nice one!!
This “anti romantic” view is stupid.
That was incredible! Thank you so very much.
“....people cannot seem to invest in the deep mutual enlightenment..” but when they do, mutually, what a great relationship of growth, realization and peace you can have.
I'd love to see a Slavoj Zizek vs. Alain de Botton debate.
Matt Gilbert Alain wouldn't stand a chance!
Mary Reilly
Right you are!
I'd be too distracted by that resplendent dome shining under the studio light
No one understands Slavoj because he’s a mess
I think love schools should be compulsory. I have met enough people labouring under unrealistic romantic ideas that don't work for them and divorced bitter people who are totally disillusioned and damaged having bought into romantic nonsense.
Love love love this guy!
I've been watching a lot of his presentations on love and I think I've fallen in love with him plz help
Elle Doubleu lol! If I were a woman I might be thinking the same thing...I’d need him to get rid of those side flaps of hair first....would look SO MUCH BETTER!!!
I can listen to this over and over so interesting and intelligent information
Looks like someone just philosophized the crap out of love---always a pleasure hearing you talk, Alain!
So true and amusing.
Awesome. So much wisdom.
Brilliance
Wonderful speech!
This is true.. That's why Im single, I pick someone's mind just to understand how someone thinks, how they get mad before sleeping with them unfortunately men nowadays are intimidated or get bored with that process hence they leave thinking I am not rea interested.
It is unfortunate indeed that we have been conditioned to value body over mind. I say the mind is most important, because the body is only a passing fancy. The values and virtues that we hold are timeless and will either make or break relationships.
beautifully said
Perfect summary of what I have come to realise through life.
wish i saw this sooner.
He's so nice to listen to its like he's reading verses from the common sense bible or something
Alain knows his stuff.
we have to reinvent love. Unfortunately, people are so attached to the romantic ideals... They prefer to suffer unnecessarily
Beautiful ! And so true 🌈
love this guy
it's sad that he's rushing so much, but content-wise he pin-points the modern society like no other. I love to listen to Alain de Botton in his 'School of Live' - Videos. For the future I'd wish that he can translate the calmness that his videos inherent
you can read his book The Course of Love
I have to agree - it's fantastic that he covers so many mediums and platforms, but you really get the feeling that he's done this many times and some of the videos are very fast. I'm a fan of what he is doing, but a little more breathing room would be nice
Great man! I will be like you
Alain de Botton's discussion reminds me of my first girlfriend. she complained sometime that I was too rational. I tried to be less rational, but one day she simply refused to ever talk to me or go out again. There was no educational effort involved. I suppose the different approaches to love that Alain de Botton is describing are found in "Pride and Prejudice". Charlotte marries Mr. Collins for economic security, she is not interested in romantic love and simply wants a fairly comfortable life. She tries to avoid spending too much time with Mr Collins. Lizzie wants both economic security and romantic love. She at first rejects Mr Darcy because of his personal qualities of pride and arrogance, but later she learns that he is more compassionate than she thought and the two educate each other in love and social relations. Lydoa falls for Mr Wickham, who has no fortune and is a bit of a ne'er do well. Presumably she is purely emotional in her romantic love. And of course Jane is attracted to Mr Bingley because of both love and the need for security, and both can understand each other. However, they are temporarily separated because of Mr Darcy's mistaken interpretation of Jane's motives. In the series "Sex and the City", Charlotte and Trey seem to be a perfect couple until it becomes clear that Trey is impotent. She tries to educate him in sex, and he tries to learn, but in the end he is unable to become a good sexual partner and unable to impregnate Charlotte.-As she cannot live without a sex life and children, she asks for a divorce. Her second husband is her divorce lawyer who is not as handsome, cultivated or wealthy as Trey, but he is a good sex partner, and they do manage to have a child. So in a way education in love has its limits, even when there is a desire. Other women simply do not make an effort to educate their partner at all, as with Samantha and some of her partners, while some women try but only to a certain point. And these types of behavior are illustrated in the various relations in the series, as Alain de Botton says.
Wonderful wisdom!
He should do stand up
I need to find someone with Alain de Botton's wisdom and sense of humor.
i swear i've watched this like 4 times but i know by heart now
Lol I love the content. And I like how it feels fore like a stand up routine then a lecture. Has a lot of similar ideas to a book called getting the love you want.
Wonderful talk. Would love to see Alain in conversation with Sex of Dawn author Christopher Ryan
I would love Chris to have Alain on his podcast.
I think some romanticism is fine, as long as we’re aware it’s kind of a game.
Though his termanology can be crude at times, I love his humour and honasty. If only somebody had told me this earlier in my life...alas I learned it anyway.
great
if you ever come to Kenya i will gladly host you free.. Absolutely love you.
We need to examine romanticism and love. Intellectuals, poets and authors give us many imaginary answers. they imagine things no one is enough wise to give us what is love? Why do we fall in love? I think that we must revise our standards of romanticism and love and base our knowledge about them not in imagining love stories and what should love be? Instead what should we do to fulfill love as it is? but in a psychological analysis based in real stories not chosen and imaginary ones.
Omg this is so funny while being informative
this guy is great comedy philosophy with an underlying sense of realism...truism???????????????
perfect
Love you Bro!
Very funny and wise
Brilliant, intelligent, funny... a sort of stand up comedy that also makes you think, like Wooky Allen!
I'm here only because of Peep Show. My mind is blown!
he said "reinvent love" and my ryan ross stanning ass shrieked and now im sobbing
Glass slippers never fit.
Pity be to the person
who falls for the complicated one
the abused, and the mentally screwed
Pity be to the person
who thinks they can repair or show them
how "real love" goes
Pity be to the person
who can't make the abused suffer
as suffer they must
in order to feel loved
Pity be to the abused one
who has trashed the good man
in her search for the real love
Many lifetimes were chanced
and lost, when life's path itself
disappeared and she sunk
Into the red moon's lagoon
Her message "I'm sorry",
too late
who authored it...... butiful
When are those ideas becoming part of the curriculum??? It is high time!
Hmm...actually what was called romanticism, starting in mid 19th century, had little to do with marriage or romantic love the way we mean it now, but rather with artists finding, inventing, breathing, eating drama in life, heroicism etc
I think you'll find that love was at the center of these romantic artists of which you speak, expressed through the respective media in which they worked.
...we are very dangerous beings
and most of us are on the edge to insanity... (4:30)
I'd say it's business as usual.
I don't completely agree with him about the mad thing. Could you not in principle hate being with someone for being too normal/boring? I'm sure you could. And this would not involve madness unless you also consider being boring as a mad state. You can also love a person more the more you realise they are not as normal as we thought they were. He presumes that we all look for exceptionally balanced individuals when in fact that is not what we want but what society instills upon us. We are required to appear normal once we step outside our homes. Madness is not socially acceptable and that is why we don't show our madness until we are deep in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that beeing crazy within certain limits is wrong. One of the beauties of love consists in knowing your partner better than anyone else and accept their 'craziness', aka defects. Alain implies that we should hung a disclaimer on our necks listing our defects or 'mad ways'. If everyone is mad then no one is cause that would render the word 'normal' meaningless given that normality would be inexistent. So this means everyone is normal since everyone is mad and that is the general therefore normal state of people's mind.
researching is the key to romanticism
‘Most of us stand poised at the edge of brilliance, haunted by the knowledge of our proximity, yet still demonstrably on the wrong side of the line.’ Alain de Botton, The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
Most of us stand poised at the edge of understanding the truth, not quite grasping that the daily accessing of the genius, and more, capabilities of the intelligence we each received at the moment of our creation is the process for accessing knowledge which proximates our empirically perspectivized knowledge with the truth that we feel our perception elucidates.
‘...our dealings with reality undermined by a range of minor yet critical psychological flaws (a little too much optimism, an unprocessed rebelliousness, a fatal impatience or sentimentality).’ Alain de Botton, The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
Our dealings with the reality of our perception are undermined by a range of moderate, yet overcomable, perspective flaws (vested-ness in information only masquerading as the truth, which both reside as clutter within our subconscious mind, and as a daily bombardment of biases and undue influences from the culture which surrounds each one of us.)
‘We are like an exquisite high-speed aircraft which for lack of a tiny part is left stranded beside the runway, rendered slower than a tractor or bicycle.’ Alain de Botton, The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
We humans possess genius, and more, capabilities of intelligence, which for lack of a tiny piece of individual understanding, leaves us stranded beside the highway of life, rendered stupider and slower by our free will choices to only meet the ‘average’ to ‘stupid’ levels of the norms and expectations of the culture in which we are compelled to exist to survive.
Seek Truth.
Seek Your Truth.
Experience the happier-ness of accessing the Whole Truth.
And then you’ll know.
That is the truth.
I am an everyman, if I can do it, anyone can.
I really want to know what that "Thing" is... :o
It would be awesome if this video had subtitles :/
Hmm...actually Carenina, Bovary etc. were about women being judged for following their hearts not adultery in general...
so absolutely dead on
The entire speech given by Alain de Botton is derivative of the behaviorist school of psychology (BF Skinner) mixed in with some existentialism. Romanticism has nothing to do with living in blind ignorance. It is the poetic expression of human emotion founded on the understanding that humans do have a soul and that there is a GOD. There should be a feeling of excitement at the sight of a sun-set !! There should be excitement in love. The romantics saw the world far more generously than our modern day materialists who theorize an accidental, irrational universe.
Living by ideas of romanticism means living in blind ignorance. Of course it is poetic expression of human emotion but that human emotion is temporary, it should not be the guide in an effort to maintain long-lasting relationship. Unfortunately, nowadays, ideas of romanticism are presented as something that should every relationship be based on. But reality is far from this way of thinking.
ly24 you can live any way you deem fit for yourself.
PS. // The above statement, in and of itself, is a romantic notion.
The word ‘romantic’ means something entirely different today than it did in the earlier era. Another good idea has been corrupted by the greedy and unscrupulous.
wow this was excellent. great mind
Do you have subtitles? Thanks.
Brilliant DUDE DDD
madness is godliness
We have different capacities to love.
He says that Madam Bovary is about adultery. Is this true? I have only seen a film about the novel, but I cannot recall adultery as a part of the plot. I recall that Emma wanted more conspicuous consumption in the film. Her husband was unable to earn enough money to finance her desire for clothing and jewelry. And there was an operation on a cripple that he was urged to perform in hopes of becoming an important surgeon, even though he was only a general practitioner with no special training at a major hospital where such operations are developed by experts. And when the creditor started to pressure Emma, she chose suicide to avoid the humiliation of admitting to her husband how she had gotten into debt to finance a livestyle he could not afford to provide with his modest medical practice and limited medical skills. That is how I recall the movie.
Looks like u doing business of my life lol
very good.i believe he is on to something