Why You Have Love & Relationships All Wrong: Alain De Botton
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 พ.ค. 2024
- Alain de Botton is an author and philosopher, known for co-founding The School of Life in 2008. The School of Life was created to fill a void in our current education systems with the teaching of emotional intelligence. Alain’s work also focuses on love, parenthood, mental health and the meaning of success.
During this episode, Jake, Damian and Alain dive deep into each of these subjects, exploring what a life filled with the constant search for knowledge could look like. This episode encourages us to explore a deeper understanding of ourselves, our relationships, and why we should be seeking fulfilment not happiness.
Alain shares what we can learn from our mental health struggles and how they can be revealing a deeper truth. This conversation highlights how important it is to lean into uncomfortable emotions to truly understand ourselves. Alain challenges Jake and Damian’s perceptions of what high performance really looks like, debating whether the fight for success actually leads to a good life, and why we should be embracing averageness.
Within this conversation they discuss why we’re obsessed with fame, how to be a better parent, the benefits of a breakdown and how we can improve our relationships.
Find Alain’s new book ‘A Therapeutic Journey’ here: uk.bookshop.org/p/books/a-the...
0:00 Trailer
0:21 Start
2:19 Finding purpose
7:54 Embracing averageness
12:22 Spoilt children
15:39 Uncomfortableness
20:07 Your false self
24:33 Jake's worry
30:11 Fear of freedom
34:45 A lack of love
41:42 Relationships
46:28 Changing the world
51:11 Breakdowns
57:34 Happiness
59:11 Quickfire questions
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Listen via your Podcast player: www.podfollow.com/highperformance
I was amused when Alain de Botton said he was 53, and the interviewer praised him for being at such an advanced age and still learning. I will be 70 on my next birthday, and I feel I'm just learning so much in my life.
Exactly! I have learned the most and the most important things in my fifties and sixties and definitely continue to be open minded and seeking to learn more.
Profound, may i be blessed in the same way.
This is why I look forward to ageing and it’s a privilege. Thank you for sharing. #embracechange 1:59
Yep I’m 70 and I’m learning more than ever
In grad school at 54 and don't want it to end. There's so much to learn!
This man is so well spoken. I could listen to him all day. 🙏🏻
Agreed 👏
Same...
Same
Same
Ahhh.. You're just some American
This guy is a genius. It should be mandatory for the whole population to listen, discuss and study what he says. The world would be a much better place.
In regard to asking your partner to share what annoys them about you....
We do a "team" meeting a few times a week. We touch (hold hands or cuddle), talk about something we learned, share appreciation or admiration for eachother, and then share a metric, which would be something that's annoying us- we stick to little stuff, like, could you put your dishes in the dishwasher instead of on the counter. We learned this somewhere on the internet as a quick way to reconnect at the end of the day, and also to refrain from nagging/complaining
What a lovely, gentle, positive way to communicate ❤
I would absolutely love to see the raised eyebrows in the room on the people when their "metrics" get brought up 😆 Great concept.
Alain’s point of view is so unique and refreshing. I love the school of life ❤
Every time listening to Alan is a therapeutic journey. I can listen to Alan’s wisdom forever.
I know I always remember the last time I listened to him in the nicest way, he is so pleasant
I love Alain de Botton.
We love him too ❤️
I started listening to him when I was 16 and now I'm 23. He has been with me the whole time and I learned so many things that I know about myself from him❤
Alain is really one of the best we have.
Alain is such an invaluable source of wisdom and one of those individuals who help as many people as those being lucky enough to find him.
"- Kindness; 2- Thoughfulness; 3- Laughter" 💡 💛
Alain is and always has been amazing. He's a true gem. A modern Plato/Nietsche/Schopenhauer/Kant...and the greatest philosopher of our time.
I have a spinal injury with consequences of extreme pain .
I am not envious of a friend who sends me her pictures having fun and free to move .
I feel lonely in not being able to be so free .
I have learnt that others joy is a wonderful thing and strive to be able to be unconscious of pain.
I have also learnt "Smile , and the world smiles with you; cry, and you cry alone."
Written by Larry Shay, Mark Fisher, Joe Goodwin 1928.😊
So happy to see Alain is active doing interviews and videos again ! Always love hearing him ❤
Me too
He's been so missed
@@patlabelle1yes he seemed to disappear for a while.
For those that haven’t come across Alain De Boutton, he has a channel called the “School of Life” that has been a great source of bite size wisdom/philosophy. Aside from that, his books are pretty good too. He’s always an interesting listen and this was no exception.
I wonderd if is it from there where his voice I recognize.
Oh, I had subscribed to Shcool of Life but I never knew that was Alain’s channel thank you so much for mentioning that!
Thanks for sharing on TH-cam. I am 66 years, seven months and 13 days as of my comments. Listening to this video and reflecting back on pains that were in some of my body parts, seen as arthritis from aging, I must say spending time alone and having conversations with myself responding more positive, honest, letting out my true thoughts and emotions, pains have disappeared. I think holding on to lifelong thoughts, experiences, feelings were the prisons holding those internal pains. Being able to appreciate the past experiences released the pains allowing me to wake up not letting the medical report keep pains inside related to me aging. Mind over matter has been what society calls it. I said to myself the pains were not always there and only started more recently in the last year. My mind had so much concern for others that I really believe had my body say enough is enough and I am not able to change others, so focus and deal with myself. What a great relief. I was living carrying others burdens as if I was Jesus or God and holding on as if I can solve other people issues. Stressing myself on how to help others with their issues was hidden beneath my skin and was in my blood. I was told October 3, 2023 my blood pressure elevated but not enough to give me a blood pressure pill in the emergency room. That moment was when I said to myself, other people has to be put on hold and moving forward is getting me back to some normalcy beginning with my blood pressure. I went straight to Walmart and purchased bananas and a cabbage head and cooked it. The blood pressure was because of low potassium. The emergency room head nurse said I need to eat more green vegetables which I had slacked on cooking at home. The body spoke louder than any words from myself and others. I knew I did not want to live the rest of my life taking medications for the medical report. I wanted to know how the issue got started. No one can know where I been or what I did, eat, feel so I had to think back on my past actions. Being a person that has never blamed others for things I’ve said and done made the journey much easier and better. Loving myself has been my main focus because I can not give what I’m not aware of what I have. Thanks for reading my comments. Smiles
The best quote: " we don't value good relationships". So simple, so true! Westrn societies value only tangible things.
Great hearing you Alain
Exactly, so true.
I’m supposed to say I feel so much smarter after this….
But at the same time I feel incredibly stupid for not already knowing this.
My own kindness grows everytime I listen to Alain. Thank you for your generous sharing of your wisdom and experience. Indeed as human beings we do get to have regrets. Lovely to see an all male discussion for a change.
In Eastern Buddhism, the concepts of 'awareness' and 'awakening' are highly valued, and your profound teachings remind me of these Eastern philosophies. Your words were so impactful that I didn't want to miss a single moment of them. Thank you so much from Korea❤
This man deserves all the respect and adoration humankind has to offer ❤️
Alain is like a tour guide for the human experience "please keep your arms and legs inside the planet, things will get bumpy, now not to worry its all to be expected, ok off we go then..."
Applause. Gratitude. Realness. Whatever that is. Thank you. Appreciate your honesty and wisdom. Freedom to accept and be who you are, at any given time. Priceless. Choose kindness, wherever you can.
One of your best guest, could listen to Alain all day. Well done chaps great discussion.
Admiring someone is the ultimate form of love for me, I absolutely love him ❤
Creating problems you never knew existed, a huge benefit for all.
What a brilliant, gentle intelect this guy has. A true voice for "the broken who let in the light". More like this please!
8:30 "We have a really conflicted vision of the good life in our societies."
Wow. Profound.
This is gold, Alain is so good at articulating the traits of our character and emotions
"Why can't it be enough, to just be here?", great question, love Alain's response too. Insightful conversation, thank you.
Alain is my virtual Therapist
Mine too 💯
the part when he says that regret is a normal part of being human makes me feel better. i always worry about making the "wrong choices" and regretting it for the rest of my life. but knowing that it's normal, even if i make the least regrettable choice possible, gives me relief of some of my worries
I love Alain. I have such admiration and respect for this man. I aspire to be more like him ❤
You don't ''instill' anything in children. They aren't blank slates for adults to fill up. The way that you act will show them something they might want to emulate, and being open to listening to them without judgement helps a lot. Thanks for this discussion...it's really good.
Please invite Alain de Bottom more often if that’s possible. I would really want to hear him talking about more topics!
He has a channel called “school of life” very life changing videos
Can we please clone Alain? He’s a genius and a wonderfully generous, open and caring at the same time - what an incredible rare and fascinating human!
Thank you for this interview 🌺
This is so powerful !
The lightbulb moment in Breakdowns at min 50. Manic and Mania how many people are suffering this and don’t even know ? Excess use or throw one’s self into Work Family Exercise (Running Gym etc ) alcohol drugs pornography etc. all used to mask our true feelings.
" I think none of us need a perfect life. We need a life where the difficulties we run into make sense within our wider conception of what we're doing here on Earth..."
Alain De Botton is the greatest philosopher of our time.
I've missed seeing Alain. His writing helped a very confused young man (myself) very much and Im grateful. Thanks, Alain.
This gent. Has a very temperate, celebral voice. His words (and voice) resonate with my soul. 🧡🙏
I can never go wrong listening to Alain. I've learned so much from him for so many years.
I could listen to Alain all day
I envious of how de Botton articulates himself, I’m signing up for toastmasters 😅
Unpretentious, accessible, and calming. I adore this man.
Alain has soooo much wisdom to share !
I could listen to him for hours and hours without ever getting bored.
The school of life is in the building.
I love that he said “why isn’t it enough that I’m just here?”
Alain de Botton has been a very positive influence in my life. He never claims to have all the answers. Instead he makes me think, helps me reflect. But most of all, he's been teaching me how to live and embrace my being 'human' (imperfect, broken in some ways which are OKAY!). It made me tear up when he said his non-negotiable is kindness. I think the same. Growing up, it was my main goal--to be kind. It's different from my peers dreams so I kept it hidden. Sometimes the amount of care I have for people weighs me down, but I've never stopped trying to help myself. I want to be kind to others, as well as to myself. I'm still learning.
This was soooooooo valuable. Thank you for doing this interview. It should have 5 million views
Wow what a disarmingly honest conversation. Loved it and learned a lot.
What a kind and thoughtful man he is.
so glad to hear Alain again after some years of no videos on youtube.... his wisdom is an island of peace in these times....thanks
welcome back Alain!! It is good to have you back!
That was absolutely delightful!. Thankyou !!.. Let's celebrate the mundane and feel blessed with a boring day xx
For those who don't know, he is the founder of the School of Life youtube channel and he is the guy narrating those videos. @theschooloflife
I was sitting there going.. I’ve listens to Alain and maybe he’s the one doing those videos 😂
Thanks for clarifying
Absolutely stunning talk! Thank you
I’ll be bookmarking this for repeated listening. So much to excavate here! Wonderful conversation.
always love listening to his perspective & how he sees things.
what a conversation, wow.. just wow
Alain talks are always life changing
Thank you Alain De Botton, you've really influenced my thoughts in a positive light. Really rationalised my thoughts on relationships and self worth.
First time coming across your channel. Love your questions and how you give him the space and time to answer. Many don’t. Thank you, great interview! What a wise man he is I’ve learnt so much from him and ‘The School of Life’. Thank you, new subscriber.
This is a very honest conversation. Thanks so much
Thank you Alain for putting some sanity into our minds.
This whole piece is so important and profound, minute by minute.
I miss this man so much. Need his wise words as always. I hope we get to see him more often.
Wow you guys hammered him with questions at the end. He is possibly the sanest man alive. He makes so much sense, I can never disagree with him. And you even asked his age - he looked up with surprise I think. The most eloquent and articulate person ever to speak aloud. And a soothing voice to go with him.
"We're not obvious to ourselves..." Love that!
I love Alain De Botton so much. I read The Course of Love a little while ago and I've just started reading On Love-loving it so far! Thank you Alain!
I am also still learning through the new challenges presented in my life. Sometimes it is overwhelming, but I am still standing here.
Thanks! Alain is the best!
Brilliant especially at 31 minutes. I will certainly be using this response when questioned about... well everything. I have subscribed to your channel and look forward to listening to more of your vids. 👍
I've said it before and I'll say it again. AdB is a saint.
Alain is so amazing. And I love his voice!
I really appreciate these videos! Grateful to have secure relationship also modelled! Thank you!
So so wise. thank you Alain.
what an incredibly self aware man Alain is . Thank you for this podcast , it has been an inspiration for better kinder living . Today because of this podcast I have sat with my feelings for the first time in years. What a relief
Alain De Botton, you are a genius in emotional health! Thank you for sharing your insights. You were speaking to me.
"why is my freedom so threatening to you?" reminds me of our child-freeness....
The OG. I remember coming across his channel years ago and it changed my outlook on love. Love him!
Alan's channel: The School of life.
It's a wonderful channel to watch. Lots of insightful videos.
Beautiful conversation between these three men on topics such as being ordinary, anger, sadness…
This is amazing. Thank you
One of the best episodes so far!
What a fantastic conversation
What an amazing conversation, everyone can learn from this. Thank you Alain for sharing your own vulnerability and wisdom with us
More of this please, genius, so inspiring. I am huge fan of Alain the Botton, his book “Essay in love” is amazing and helped me during a sentimental break up 15 years ago. Thanks for that.
I enjoyed listening to this. Thank you.
A fascinating conversation that I learnt a lot from. Thank you
A much needed voice. Appreciate him naming the impatience of the question. It has an undertone of "What's THE answer/quick fix". which is the overly represented attitude in these spaces.
Good questions, average answers, thank you for the effort 🙏
Beautiful! We all need more of these conversations!
Thank you!
Very well said about the desire for fame.
Thank you ❤
48:19 Great words about change. It's all about being ready. What we as an individual can do is to talk with people, raise the awareness, and if influential enough, get into more political aspects of the society.
Fascinating is the word! Loved it!!
What a good time listening to you !🙏
This is soooo inspiring. Thank u
Not as a competition but as praise for him, I’ve been listening to the school of life since probably …2017? And wow has Alain changed my life, I just wanted to add a positive message about him