These UNCOMFORTABLE SEXUAL QUESTIONS Should Be Answered Before Things Get Too Serious
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ส.ค. 2024
- How much of your past sexual activity should you discuss in your current relationship? What does the Bible say about preparing for a healthy sexual relationship in marriage? Here are 5 uncomfortable things a man and woman should talk about when it comes to the topic of sex.
(COURSES and EMAIL COACHING) AGW University: Relationship Training for Christian Singles: agwuniversity.teachable.com/p...
MY BOOKS AND BIBLE STUDIES
(My New Book) Christ-Centered Dating: Pursuing a Relationship that Glorifies God: amzn.to/3j3XzyU (Available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook)
100 Relationship Signs: How to Know What God Is Saying to You in Singleness and Dating: amzn.to/2RIm02U
The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage: amzn.to/2HIbuXa
The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness: amzn.to/2OuIL8Q
Intertwined: Our Happiness Is Tied to God’s Glory: amzn.to/3kP7epZ
Redeemed Like David: How to Overcome Sexual Temptation: amzn.to/3vwctBT
Never Quit: A 5 Week Small Group Bible Study on the Power of Prayer: amzn.to/2UZP7PX
Basic Transformation: A Small Group Bible Study on the Basics of Christianity and Transformation: amzn.to/2WtsRyg
FREE EBOOKS
FREE eBook: 10 Powerful Tips to Prepare You for a Successful Christian Dating Relationship applygodsword.com/10-powerful-...
FREE eBook: The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness: applygodsword.com/christian-si...
CONTACT INFORMATION AND SOCIAL MEDIA
Instagram: / markballengeragw
Email: markballenger@applyGodsword.com
Please note: Sadly, due to the large amount of emails I receive, I am unable to respond to everyone. I’m so sorry about that! I truly wish I could! The shorter your email is to me, the more likely I will be able to respond. Thank you so much for understanding!
In Christ and with love,
-Mark
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” -Ephesians 3:20-21
To be honest, I don't mind the idea of marrying a woman who's committed sexual sin in the past. If she's truly repentant about it anyway. Jesus washes away people's sin with His blood, so I don't think anything disqualifies you from the beauty of a Godly marriage.
Besides, I wouldn't have any room to judge anyway.
I fully agree.
I know a guy who would marrry a girl who kissed another guy before😢
She might be virgin and still corrupted in marriage
I guess you will can marry a porn actor/only fans model right
Agreed.
I do my part in staying pure so she doesn't have to worry. I hope she does the same for me.
God bless!
I believe that is beautiful!! Living for your future wife. Make sure you pray for her, whoever she is. ☺️🙏🏽💜
Be careful, because women hurt men. Sexual morality is for women one of the best indicators of character. If she's not a virgin, a r*pe victim or someone who left an abusive situation or someone who only had serious relationships before converting, widows and so on, are examples of women who are probably still safe.
God bless you!!
Bingo.
Great video. Can you do a topic on retroactive jealousy, the anxiety and pain associated with finding out about someone’s sexual past? It’s something I struggled with big time and it hit me like a truck, all of the thoughts and Satan preyed on that to cause mental torment. I feel a lot of women and guys go through this… it’d be interesting to hear your perspective on this.
It’s nice to know I’m not alone in struggling with this area.
Agreed
Agreed!
Now, it's one thing to know things are in the past. But if things don't stay in the past (relapsing to pornography or an ex is recontacting), it is a whole 'nother picture.
An important issue that I believe should also be discussed between a couple is if one of them has some type of sexually transmitted disease (temporary or permanent) that could affect the SO when they get married. In my opinion, my love and respect to any Christian that unfortunately has some disease like this because of their past that they have repented from, but for me that would be a dealbreaker for sure cuz I don’t want that to be transmitted to me or my children.
To is not meant to be off topic ; however, “Are you aware that AIDS was developed in a Lab?” Dr. Judy Mikovitts has written a few books explaining about this disease and other information related. She said that when she was working at A.M.R.I.D. ( Army Medical Research of Infectious Diseases ) they ( She and another colleague) we’re working on a particular subject and came up with a different Result which they were uncertain about and had questions regarding. She discovered that this particular disease was removed from the Facility and learned that ( in short ) it had turned up in a different kind of Lab experiment. It happened to be introduced to an individual who had gone to a ‘ Blood Bank ‘ to sell some blood . ( This dame thing happened to my sister.) When he did this he was given ( they say “ inadvertently) this disease and THEY had to STUDY its CHAIN of Development until it died out. This was the “ AIDS “ virus 🦠,and the individual who was the UNSUSPECTING recipient of it happened to be GAY. It began to spread throughout the GAY Community until it jumped into the HETEROSEXUAL Community via Bi- Sexual transmission. At that time it became EVERYONE ‘S disease. She explained that the similarity is the same as with COVID . To do we are Learning the Truth regarding that as well and it is exactly as Dr. Judy Mikovitts had explained. I believe that the speaker of this channel is preaching / teaching GODS WORD with “ Soundness of mind “ . There is also scripture that tells us that we should be of a Sound mind. When an individual wants to make serious changes in their life, they will read GODS WORD. IF you are a TRUE Believer, GOD will shed HIS Light upon your understanding about the things that concern you and about the things that concern HIM. I know this for a FACT because GOD had been leading me to HIM throughout my life since I was two. He ha always kept me in HIS mind, heart and always etch d in HIS hands. Since my Baptism in HIS Son , HE has taught me to be Loving, patient and kind as I Live for HIM. 👍👍🙏🦋🦁✨✝️
10:37
Even if the disease completely dissipated would you still be at risk?
So non judgemental and straightforward. Thank you Mark.
In the Garden, Adam and Eve were "naked and unashamed". Nothing should be hidden your spouse, and there should be nothing for which one feels ashamed.
Unfortunately we're not in the Garden and most people have something for which they'll feel ashamed. If I marry, which I hope I will, I'm not looking forward to needing to go full disclosure with her but it'd be deceptive if I don't.
As an aside, I don't think this openness only applies to sexuality. "Naked and unashamed" strongly implies sexual history but I interpret it to also apply to other areas of who I am.
Good topic. I would love to hear more about how to “loosen up” for lack of a better word. I sometimes feel so uptight because I have spent so many years avoiding sex that in dating I feel guarded and don’t know how to express interest like a flirt for ex. I hope what I am saying is making sense.
Yes, that makes sense! I'll consider how to make a video about that :)
@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger Thanks for your reply! I really appreciate it! God bless!
If you're now married, read study and meditate on the Song of Songs.
I'm not married so have tended to avoid that book. But maybe that's a mistake and it'd help the unmarried, too. The world is both actively and subtlety programming our minds to think (and feel!) about sex in a certain way. Might be best to counter that with what the Bible says about this topic.
@@andrewd7112 I’m not married yet either. I have only read it once but was not experiencing what I am experiencing now. Thanks!
Pray for peace. Jesus wasn't uptight.
Excellent analysis of the importance of sexual attraction between consenting adults! It really does matter inside a Christian marriage.
You forgot the most important question! What is the couples respective sex frequency expectation? If the guy is once-a-day but his future wife is a once-a-year the couple is in for some serious misery.
Yesssss! 🎯
Good question, but how can any woman with a pulse stand to have sex only once a year?
Then again, I’m basically a rabbit trapped in the body of a human. Hope that’s not tmi.
Two things to mention here: couples change each other as they walk together in marriage, that's #1, and #2 is there is always going to be a sexually starved spouse...so, if you don't want to be part of the problem, don't let your spouse become sexually starved in the first place, it is cruel and satan will take advantage of that because you didn't "feel like it".
@@stargazingcatgirl3233 Easy, she becomes a mother, that's how.
@@stargazingcatgirl3233hormonal birth control useage and unhealthy lifestyle can be a huge role and needs to be addressed.
Thank you, Mark, once again! You have taken a Christian "taboo" subject and gracefully and tastefully covered it in a biblical way. Keep doing the Lord's work ❤🙏🏽
I was into 15 years ago. God delivered me.
I believe in redemption.
I don't care about
my Christian
partner's sexual
past unless it
affects our sexual future.
Exactly.
Agreed ❤
So you believe in redemption unless its something that effects you personally? My how holy we are.
@@amberslahlize7961I think the point was that redemption has evidently taken place when the past doesn't affect the future anymore.
@@Antsaboy94 Maybe you should think more before speaking.
Love your videos man and your book! Keep teaching us.
Amen brother!!! To ALL of it! The Lord freed me from so much when I was saved.
*LOVE the Way This Channel Is SO REAL In It's Approach On AGW, ESPECIALLY With How It Debunks SO MUCH Out There About What People Falsely AGW With, More Specifically When It Comes Down To Relationships. And, the Sense of Humor In It Is Top Notch. Totally MY Style, Though Watered Down In Comparison To Me, LOL. Anyways, Total Thumbs Up. God Bless.* 🎯✝️✡️🆗🗝️👍💯
So glad you are enjoying the content! God bless!
Any form of porn use should be talked about. Not just porn "addiction".
Sexual sins/sex acts are byproducts of an individual's mental state. Rather than questioning someone's past sexual sins, question their propensity for cheating or promiscuity, question their past sexual abuse/trauma, question whether or not there on the down low, or whether they might be attracted to children/teens! These are the real elephants in the room that should be discussed on the 2nd or 3rd date. If the partner has experienced any of these issues, RUN!!
People who have experienced trauma don't deserve to get married?
Thank you for speaking about this important topic 🙏
This is a great video addressing a topic that needs to be addressed but can be hard to address. Yes we should have grace for a person's past but also know what we can handle.
My first wife’s promiscuity prior to our dating should definitely have been a dealbreaker.
Past behavior is a big indicative of future behavior if one hasn't truly repented
@@timypaul She has NEVER repented, but still wonders why her prayers are not answered.
@@tedschmitt178 too bad, may God have mercy on her. Unfortunately for her bad deeds have consequences.
Forgive you wife. The Bible says to forgive others. It doesn't matter if she has repented or not. Forgiveness should still be given. It will strengthen your marriage too.
@@AbstractMindsThinkAlike I have forgiven her. We divorced after 31 years of marriage.
I agree with points on this. Maturity and purity is important. Good job on these issues on our intimacy within
our marriage.
God bless you
God bless you too!
This was really good brother Mark
Those first three questions are usually the uncomfortable ones. Last two I’d say are as important as well to talk about.
God bless!
What a controversial topic! I bet no one wants to tell those things in person. But it's really interesting, that Pastor Mark used the scripture about "a thorn in the flesh" to describe this topic. I also think Apostle Paul had to struggle with something that was not right for his celibacy and piety. And just the fact that Apostle Paul didn't want to elaborate on the details of his affliction, makes me believe it would be calling to the flesh of those who read. And it's really scary to know that the devil swindles people who were made for singledom into lust, and stalls the godly unions of people made for romantic companionship. Our inner narrative is twisted to generate chaos and lies and blasphemy. Thank goodness I wrote my testimony, so I can always go back to it and know what I'm about as a Christian. Thank you so much for this video! God bless!
Considering how horrible our economy is right now, Christian men and women should ask each other these questions before the even start dating each other.
Great video Mark
Was wondering if you could speak on the affects of soul bonds and how to break those from previous partners and the possible effects of not dealing with that
I talk about that here: th-cam.com/video/UU1jzHPXpDc/w-d-xo.html
"Soul bonds" or "soul ties" are not a Biblical teaching. It's a New Age concept that has crept into the church.
@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger thank you. Does the reference in the Bible snd the two shall become one flesh also speak on that connection?
I agree. Maybe because church teaches this doctrine that because of redemption you can live anyway you want , come to Christ and repent and there would be no consequences. And everyone should accept them as thou they had no past that most likely will effect the future . I told my kids if they choose to live promiscuous lifestyle or any other worldly lifestyle, they sure can always repent, come back to God and He will forgive and receive them as they are. But there might be strong consequences. If someone got std or something else , just because you repent will not automatically remove std and so on
Those are all excellent points. Repentance through the blood of Christ restores relationship with God but it doesn't automatically remove all consequences here. People can repent of any sort of past and if they're sincere they have equal standing with others before the Father.
But that doesn't mean everyone is equally suitable for marriage. IMHO it's one of many considerations for being "equally yoked".
@@andrewd7112 That is very good explanation. Because mostly I heard emphasis on theology of redemption: God completely forgives all your sins and you are a new creation. Thus , you don’t have to have guilt and shame of your past. But almost no explanation of other part which I think bring confusion and misunderstanding, and even carelessness in choices.
An important question to answer is what is the difference between the sin of looking at someone with lust and the presumably innocent or healthy desire required for the establishment of a sound marital foundation.
i think it has to do with the intention behind the thought. you can be excited for your future sexual relationship with your future husband/wife but it's different when you look at someone and have thoughts that are purely out of sexual desire. i'm not an expert by any means, but that's just my first thoughts on it. would love to hear this guy talk about this
Being a virgin doesn't mean you've kept yourself pure or from sexual sin. I know virgins that have done everything but physical penetration and willingly partake in sexual activity in their dreams, which means they have spirit spouses. I'd just be careful assuming that because someone is a virgin means they're pure
Mmmmmm, i love my spiritual spouses, so hot. lol
Spiritual spouse? There's no such thing as spiritual spouse in the Bible. But I understand this may be cultural related where there is a lot of spiritism.
Being a virgin demonstrates self discipline. Some of your points are good. Unfortunately sexual temptations can take many forms and I believe no human is above it. That's why getting married young and staying faithful to your spouse is probably one of the best way to circumvent sexual temptations
Spiritual spouse? That's New Age. Not Christian.
Thank you for this message
In Jesus name Amen 🙏🙌🙏
God bless!
Praise Jesus
Master I will be waiting for you still
God bless!
A person's sexual past is very important. While a person may have repented from past sins, there still might be permanent consequences (STDs) that I wouldn't want to share in; especially since I've been very careful to develop the virtue of chastity. It is a sacrifice to not just give in to one's physical or emotional desires. I want a person who has been discerning and discriminating in this area.
God may forgive. But people Don't. And once someone knows something they can't unknow it!
People do forgive by the power of the Holy Spirit. If you have experienced otherwise, it wasn't meant to be. Please don't let the hurt eat you up and make you bitter.
@@agnesr.4664 7 months I was dating someone long distance, after meeting online on a Christian dating site. Phone calls, video chats, sending photos of myself and family and what not. Had her ask me about previous relationships and probing questions about my sexlife. I was a honest as I could be to a point. Initially she accepted the answers given. Ultimately in the end after meeting She used this very same thing against me to get out of continuing the relationship after meeting me. She asked me direct questions relating to who and how many. By this time it didn't matter that I had been celibate for 12months and faithful to her and God. So I gave her all the sordid details once I realised it was over. My faith in God died at that dinner table. I had fasted and prayed for 40 days prior to meeting this person. I had thought God had delivered me, from my Sins and granted the desires of my heart. Now I am worse than ever. So thank you for your thoughts, but I have no hope.
Thank you for helping us to prepare for marriage. It is a big blessing in my life. I pray that Yahuah multiplicate it in yours. Yahuah bless and save everybody who is reading this according to his will, in Yeshuas mighty Name 🙌🏼
If you're avoidant,
you most likely have said to family members
who had a major role in your childhood:
"You only accepted me or liked me
when I was happy/obedient/emotionless."
This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms
of avoidant attachment:
1. Being overly self-reliant
(and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses)
2. Pushing down anger until it explodes
and manufactures the boundaries you crave
but can't always ask for
3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems
4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent
or even getting bullied and teased/mocked
5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors
that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy
(like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating)
Remember ALWAYS
this process is all about YOU!!!
Not him. He is just a catalyst.
Consider,
he may be your twin flame.
Look into that.
After he initiated your trauma,
you're now left to deal with
and to heal: all that has come to the surface.
GOOD! This is a blessing.
Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless.
HUGE-HUGE gift!
Major advice!!!
Listen closely!!!
NEVER ever
CHASE HIM.
He will run further
and you will lose yourself more.
You are the feminine.
You are the divine goddess.
You just be
and approve (or disapprove)
whoever comes along.
It's a yes: you meet my requirements,
or: it's a no,
you do not.
Be clear
on whom you're accepting as a partner
and DO NOT settle for less
(or you just delay what's meant for you).
Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up.
It's all human, and in need of your attention.
If you push it away, block it, or run from it...
You will just have to deal with it later...
1) Put yourself first and foremost!
2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl.
Glow up and level up. Be the best version of yourself.
3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities.
And,
Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief:
1. Find the belief...
2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES to having the belief
3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES to having the belief
If you can NOT find advantages
then that’s EXACTLY why you're stuck!!
When you finally see both sides...
Your mind will STOP thinking about it
'cause your brain will be rewired.
So you gotta keep at it,
until you find the positive
to the negative...
And therefore, ultimately
rewire your brain!
AND REMEMBER:
STOP making it all about manifestation
when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION!
probably a bot, but what you said was the opposite of biblical
1) if this person is sexually active
2) how many partners they had or currently have
3) views on sex before or after marriage
4) std check
5) whether they want an open or closed relationship/marriage
For Christians, the target of this channel, many of those questions don't apply because they're not part of a Christian life. That being said, a lot of people say they're Christian but don't follow the New Testament standards. For example, a few days ago I saw a podcast where a young women with an OnlyFans site claimed she was Christian.
So, they end up being useful questions anyways because there's a lot of weeds in the field.
@@andrewd7112
Honestly, we have to ask these questions. Doesn't matter if they are Christian. Tons of Christian are part of hook up culture.
Biblically there's no open relationship.
Open marriage? ehat kind of joke is this ? that is very perverse and a mockery of Gods will for humans
What person with half a brain doesn't ask these kinds of questions?
I feel that the older You are with life experiences, the sooner You should decide who with and how serious You should be for You and Your partner future
Therefore all the """card's """ should be laid on the table ( so to speak ) sooner rather than later
Meaning not just sexual but relationships with God, Family, Friends, Money
Amen to ALL of it!
I have been so naive to not talk about pornography beforehand and it was such a huge deal for me. Got physically sick when things surfaced and needed to recover psychologically for a couple of months after that. My question is: How much do I need to know and what am I supposed to ask now as the relationship develops? Have been struggling with self esteem, rejection/intrusive thoughts and trust issues after that although I know, the problem has been older than our relationship and I am not the cause of this issue (but I surely felt affected big time).
Regarding sex within marriage, making sure you are generally on the same page is not nearly enough. My ex-wife and I were generally on the same, but once we were married I discovered we were wildly incompatible in the bedroom. There were specific things I needed that she constantly wanted to avoid. I always felt sexually starved as a result. Having an honest and detailed conversation about the specifics of sex could saved me from years of misery.
The issue for me isn’t so much “has this person changed from their worldly ways?” It’s more so me feeling disgusted, repulsed, grossed out etc in a physical sense at the thought of them being sexually active with multiple people in the past especially with how perverted society is nowadays - like how can I even kiss this person not even knowing where their mouth has been? The lord revealed to me who my spouse is but they do have a sexual past which involved STD, unwanted pregnancy and abortion - I myself am a virgin, devoted to honoring the lord since a child. I just can’t get over my partner being tainted (despite true repentance and being made new) and feeling like they’re going to contaminate me if I fully commit to them. Can anyone else relate to this? Any advice? I’d really appreciate it 🙏
Then both of you need to step back and take a serious look at were you want to be in all areas of married life
If you think this person is """ the one """ and you have these negative thoughts and feelings about them
I think that is a huge red flag and you really need to think and pray about how you feel
And
Maybe how they feel
My recent X promised me she would never turn me down and I said the same to her
We had a Great love life for several years
And
One day out of the blue she took a old conversation and twisted it and said she was done
That really really really hurt
Many things have came to light since then
Point being is that if your grossed out now
You will be later on as well
And That Is Not Fair To Your Partner
@@Plans4YouJer2911 but how can I not be grossed out by someone who’s had an STD? Wouldn’t you be? Btw this was a union put together by the lord, broken after her betrayal and now the the lord is in the process of restoring it (even commanding me to complete the restoration process) but I just feel sick to my soul and am genuinely confused as to how this can be God’s will for my life
@kunntakentay
First off, I did not know if it was a man or a woman who wrote this statement
Yes, I would be hesitant if in your situation about what you have learned and shared
I am not denying that
I think you missed my point
If you are grossed out and also hesitant about the relationship, especially the physical aspect
Then you really really really think about all the ramifications
I know you believe God put all of this relationship together, however STD can be passed on
At least some of them can be
Hence can you get sick ???
What about future children ???
The fact that you are questioning all of this tells me you are unsettled in your mind and not so sure about the whole situation and what to do
Hence my statement about stepping back and reevaluating
Also has your partner been medically treated or examined ???
How long has she been away from the former person and single again ???
I am not the one to tell you to stay or leave
That is ultimately up to you
I stayed in spite of lack of sex and not wanting a divorce
Most people have said I should have dumped her from that moment on
My pastor and his wife both said I went beyond the normal requirements and put up with a lot
However this is not about me
It really is your choice and thinking about the long range effects of your decision
Blessings to you on your journey
@@Plans4YouJer2911 thank you, what you’re saying is great advice and I really appreciate you taking the time to chat with a stranger such as myself. I will take all that you said into consideration and I wish you the best of luck as well in your situation with your partner. God bless you 🙏
@kunntakentay
I do not have a partner anymore
Tomorrow it will be four months ago that divorce papers were filed
I did not want to lose her
I did not want this divorce
Blessings to you on your journey
Great video here. Definitely agree with point one: as a virgin man (by God's grace), I've learned that dating a sister with any history of STDs is a deal breaker. Over the past year, have been open to dating/ marrying a woman with a sexual past, but because that has wavered much, I'm praying and asking the Lord to lead me to a daughter who's not consensually had sex.
maybe not a “virgin” but if she repents and was celibate for at least 2 years that shows that she is serious and that she is ready to marry specially if she is a Godly young women ready to have children than truly is a blessing.
@@antoniosalcido1931 by all means - I'm speaking from personal experience of dating a woman who had an STD - tried to get past it, pray though it, overlook it but it was too hard for me. And not being a virgin isn't a deal breaker, would be nice, but ultimately I'm able to love her regardless of her past
"By God's grace"? You must live in a dangerous neighborhood...maybe you should consider moving first before settling down with someone.
@@amberslahlize7961 you misunderstand - there have been many opportunities in HS, college and thereafter to sleep around. It is God's grace because He has given me the self control not to sleep with women with those different opportunities. Without him, it's likely I'd have slept with many women by this age.
@@CrownedJulz Or maybe it's your personality and not that God is holding you back.
At least you're aiming for a pure woman, but marriage is about who you're willing to forgive, not who you deserve.
Amen 🙏🙏🙏
God bless!
I need answers. I don't understand why God gave me a heart for marriage, the sex drive of a bunny rabbit, and a deep longing to shower my soul mate i love, but didn't make anyone for me. Why did God orchestrate a lifetime of suffering for me? I prayed to God to send me a kind and beautiful man to make a husband to me. I'm at a point in life where I've given up hope for marriage, but when I pray to God to take the desire for marriage away, it just gets stronger. Why did God deliberately make me HURT? It's bad enough that my ex boyfriend used to beat me every day, but now even God is hurting me. I really don't feel like spending eternity with God anymore, because I don't wanna be with someone who lets me hurt.
Marriage is the only relationship where intimacy is meant to be. That ex boyfriend didnt follow G-ds directive to honour you as a wife. Please find a church with decent people who are honest with themselves and where preaching is biblically accurate. Find Jesus and ask him to give you peace and wait a little so you will eventually find the loving spouse you need. God bless you, i’ve prayed for you my dear
I'm sorry about what happened with your ex, and I understand how it feels to desire for a spouse. I've had similar thoughts as you and am still praying to find a wife.
But the truth of the matter is, God's not trying to hurt you. In fact, I think right now He wants to love you even more due to all the pain you're dealing with. God called us to love Him first, then people. Without love for God, we're unable to love others in the way we're supposed to. Like how God loves us.
Our relationship with Him is not worth throwing away. An eternity with Him is worth far more than a single lifetime with someone else only to be separated from Him forever.
I'll pray that your relationship with God is mended. He loves you very much.
God definitely has someone very special in mind for you, and wrestling with the desires can be confusing at times.
You've been through a lot, abuse is nothing to scoff at, and taking time to be healed and ready in your heart for another person is very important.
I know you are speaking from a place of pain, praying for you 🙏🙏🙏
I think your problem is that you are letting your high sex drive blind you to the flaws of your potential partners, causing you to "jump head first, before checking if there is water in the pool". What you should do is see a doctor to prescribe you some medicine that would lower it. Maybe with that out of the way you will be able to see the warning signs easier.
God loves you, trust Him, don't give up. USE God-given desires to drive you closer to God in prayer, they are a blessing. See how Hannah prayed for a son in 1 Sam 1. She had a very deep desire and acted on it.
Here's one for both men and women: is there anything that you know about that could prevent you from physically consummating the marriage? Such as a medical/psychological condition? And is it easily treatable (such as erectile dysfunction) or not so easily treatable (such as vaginismus and/or vulvodynia)? Waiting until the honeymoon to find these things out is not a great way to start one's marriage.
this should go in the general views/expectations of sex in marriage, if this wasn't disclosed then the person has been lying by omission and is not trustworthy to begin with
What about the older person who has been celibate for 20 years and divorced in their 30's??
The verse in Proverbs 5 😂
My 2 exes were porn addicts. They were both stuck, passive, manipulative and lukewarm.
OUCH OUCH OUCH
Sorry to hear about that
Porn is a poor substitute
It's also known that women can have these struggles as well
Blessings to You on Your Journey
My boyfriend was caught up in porn the longest time in his life. He was passive, manipulative (also manipulated himself of course), stuck and lukewarm BUT for some reason something inside him stood up. He cried out to God and when God eventually started to deliver him, first thing he needed to get rid of: Passivity. People CAN get free and stay free. I just don't know exactly why some do and some don't but I assume it is the level of passivity.
Make sure you have dealt with pornography and have a clear stance on it. Also, make sure past relationships are really past and stay there. Otherwise you'll have drama which eventually destroys either the relationship or your life.
What about a man who has recently gone through a divorce? How long should I give him to heal and do "the work" on himself?
Good question. I think a lot of that would depend on how long the marriage was and what the reason for the divorce was, and who broke the covenant and how, etc.
Personally, my abusive ex-wife divorced me and refused all of my attempts to pursue peace and reconciliation as much as depended on me. Our marriage lasted less than 2 years, and there were no children.
However, now I’m stuck with the “divorced” label because of her sin against God and against me. So even though I’ve done a lot of healing and grown ever more dependent on the Lord, the label given to me by Christian’s and non-Christian’s alike continuously opens up the wound.
But it’s important to continue to go back to our Father in heaven as our rock and salvation. The “work,” as you put it, is never truly or fully complete for Any of us until we are called home to be with Jesus. So I wouldn’t put any timeline on anyone necessarily, divorce or not. Just my two cents.
The man should be a 1 timothy chapter 3 man and the woman should be a proverbs 31 woman . This is a good foundation for marriage.
Hopefully you would never marry him, but if you value feelings for this man, he would probably like a shoulder to cry on first, theres your opportunity.
@@amberslahlize7961 Why would you say you hope she would never marry him? Would you say that all men and women who's spouses have been unfaithful and divorced them should be judged based on the sin of their ex-spouse against them? Or should only men should be judged for their unfaithful wives' sin against them? Very confused where you're coming from, making a comment like that about a man about which you know nothing.
@@jcj6892 I love how my comment intrigues you.
Another uncomfortable topic is sexual expectations before marriage.
there should be an expectation of zero sexual activity before marriage if you're going to follow god's will for your lives.
@@red_phoenix0570 ideally, yes
If you were r-ped in your past… should you tell your husband? I dont think i could ever tell a man this as i am too ashamed.
It's up to you but if he loves you like Christ loves the church he will hurt for what has hurt you
I think it would be important to discuss as it would be part of your sexual relationship, as for me i would like to know so that I could try to avoid any potential triggers and treat the person gently
A good Christian man will not look down on your or see you as any less in that case, but treasure you as you ought to be
God loves You
Jesus loves You
A Truly Good Man will Love You and Care about You and Your Feelings and Emotions of what happened to You
If and when You do meet someone and You share that part of Your Life
You two as a couple should talk with Your pastor and his wife together about this situation
It is important I personally believe
My X insinuated that she had not had alot of sexual past including two date rapes from her party years
However it came out AFTER we were married for at least a year that she had a VERY HIGH BODY COUNT
That part did not impress me because of the illusion she had created earlier in our marriage
Just saying that's all
I personally would not be throwing rotten eggs and tomatoes at anyone because I know what mistakes I have made in my personal past life
Blessings to You on Your Journey
My wife did before we married, she said she felt like she was, "damaged goods". That had no bearing of "deal breaker" for me, rather I was sensitive towards her for that. I think you should because shame is a thief to intimacy and I can tell you 1st hand that you were not designed to have ANY shame (self inflicted or otherwise) with your husband, this (fear/shame) can sabotage your marriage. Satan traffics in darkness wherever we might "hide". If the man "digs you like crazy", he will be either offended, angry, sad or "all of the above" for what happened to you...if he could take the pain away he would.
What do you do if you discover your bride was sexually abused and she waits until after you are married to reveal the abuse to you?
That's something you will have to work through together. Sounds like counseling would be a healthy option
I agree with everything you said..
If two love .. sex is a way of coming one..
With God’s love n guidance.. it will work out.. Love comes in a lot of expressions including lovemaking. Amen 🙏
Well, I suppose that eliminates me from the "marriage material" category. It's hard to imagine any woman finding me physically appealing. Looks like the single life is my destiny. Oh, and just to add to the mix, I happen to be a virgin too. But hey, who knows what the future holds, right?
If you're going in with that attitude, then maybe. But through God, all things are possible.
Besides, women don't place physical attraction on the same level as men do. (Not that it isn't a factor for them). They place a more emphasis on character and you're ability to be a leader of the family.
Don't discount yourself. Trust in God for all your needs.
I think that's nice in theory and may have been true in a previous generation but statistically ladies are pickier about looks and other character/behavior than men are.
We have numerous videos of ladies self-reporting their several hundred list of "ick" items. Or dating app data showing that women swipe right on men 5% of the time while men swipe right 50% of the time.
Studies with men saying that if they got 80% of what they asked for that they would be over the moon while women wouldn't go on a date if he didn't meet every qualification.
Christian women are still women just like Christian men are still men. Women still don't generally like short (under 6 foot despite that being over 6 foot is the top 14% of all US males) or balding men and Christian women will generally have the same preference.
From my reading of Scripture, God is not black pilled.
True to its name, there's an "aura" or maybe a spirit that accompanies black pilled thinking. It feels heavy, just to read things written by black pilled thinkers. I'm not speaking figuratively. It's a tangible presence that reaches out through time and distance and I can feel it pulling downward.
I'll acknowledge some of the ideas within the black pill sphere are correct, such as most women are more superficial and strict on judging appearance than men are (at least for online dating, if people meet in person then other factors will overwhelm appearance).
But ultimately the black pill is not from God. It's demonic in origin, mindful only of the limitations of a world which is under the sway of the evil one, while ignoring the light flowing from heaven.
Start focusing attention on what and who you are in Christ so your soul can be set free from this darkness.
Maybe its more about the way you act and less about appearance. Sometimes people are too stressed trying to please a potential partner that they forget to be themselves. Then the person youre dating feels something is off or fake while youre just nervous or feeling down.
As a single Christian woman in my mid 30s I disagree with this. I'm celibate, practicing abstinence until I'm married and yes I've had sex in previous relationships before I started living on fire for Christ. I know that He has given me grace and forgiven me of my sin and unfortunately I'm frowned upon because I'm choosing to honor God and wait for marriage despite my past. People put me down because I refuse to "put out". Men don't want me because I'm either too fat, too skinny or they don't believe that a woman of color like myself can hold out long enough for marriage when she's already a non-virign and those are the comments and messages I get from men who say they are believers like myself.
What about if you were taken advantage of physically? When to share something deep like that?
In my opinion, I would talk about that after you know the relationship is getting serious. But I would also encourage you to talk with a counselor about that so you can weigh through the details of that situation
I wouldn't want to marry someone, and then find out we weren't compatible. Marriage is serious and "forever". You don't want to make a forever mistake. Better to be forgiven and forever happy with your partner. Things are way too evolved nowadays.
You mean, you rather would sleep with them to find out if your compatible? That doesn't work, dear. EVERY couple needs to figure things out in the bedroom at first and it is how you get along in life in general that affects your sexual compatibility. All you need to know: Would you WANT to have sex with them. Believe me, then everything can be learned together.
I would NOT want to compare my partner to my other experiences and even LESS to be compared in their head. Don't care how things are nowadays - I want to be HEALTHY and in a healthy monogamous relationship.
this is not biblical though. licentiousness (which is what you're saying here) is one of the most evil ways to live, and disrespects god the most by abusing his love and forgiveness.
this video and others hes made literally gives good instructions on how to avoid the problem you are worried about without being sinful.
@@red_phoenix0570 I never said something else. I don't believe in sexual testing before marriage.
@@agnesr.4664 i wasn't replying to you, sorry if it seemed that way. i was responding to the inital commenter.
Full disclosure nothing less
Thank you, Mark! Your tips are very convincing and applicable.
My guy never said I was pretty or anything. So I am going to ask him:
"Would you want to have sex with me?!"
if we were married, of course ;)
Curious on your opinion on if, in the dating market, someone should care more about someone’s sexual history or if they should care more about someone being divorced.
Seems like, hypothetically, I would be doing a lot better in the dating market if I had “only” slept with 1,000 women than to have been married for a short time and then betrayed and abandoned by my ex, earning the title of “divorcee,” which comes with no discernment from anyone in the dating market as to who was in the wrong. Why do you think that is?
Because adultery is worse than sexual sin.
Its so unfair isnt it. I personally believe that a man who was married and then went through a divorce he didn't want is 'better' than the other option you mentioned. However I use that word 'better' in a very general term because I don't even think the two SHOULD be compared. It's not fair to judge the divorced person who was abandoned. In fact for me the fact that he was married shows commitment and high standards Vs a lot of sexual partners.
@@mlady8137 Not when you can just remarry and call it a mistake later.
@@mlady8137 You might be the only lady in the United States who has actually understood what I was trying to get across and didn't try to tell me why I'm wrong. You are a gem, and I really appreciate your comment. My ex-wife did abandon me, but now I'm facing self-righteous judgement in the dating market from those who have been taught not to even give a divorced person a second glance, regardless of if they were the innocent party or not. I've been in need of a lot of prayers recently because of this sinful rejection I've been facing over the past year and several months. Thanks again for your comment.
@@amberslahlize7961 According to Jesus, if you look at another person lustfully, you have committed adultery in your heart.
Haha, I can't stop laughing! Legendary humor! 😂 👄👄👄🍆🍆🍆
Full disclosure on sexual past should be done when couple is ready for marriage. Done in front a Pastor of course.
chrishoffman9321 - Do you think that the Bible states that a pastor needs to know the entire s3xua1 history of every couple who comes to him for premarital counseling?
For what?
Christ is my Confessor.
Seek God's face not his hand .
Does masturbation count as a sexual sin?
It does my dear it does..😢
@@VeronicaMwilombe Thank you for your honesty.
Thought you were gonna give examples of "sexual questions" to ask, not give Bible verses. I have been mislead.
"I don't think you are Biblically required to marry a virgin" - I can see your point but it sounds a bit weird and temptatious, as if you would otherwise say we are not Biblically required to not make a sin.
it means the bible does not call us to reject someone who isn't a virgin from marriage, but it does not mean that you shouldn't strive for sexual purity. there's a difference
I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO DIE
Hey, I hope you're doing better.
A woman body count matters!!!! It will really make u look at the girl different especially if it’s high body count 🤮
This is why I'm praying for a virgin. I don't want to hurt her feelings.
@@Vincent-yp1gj u not gon find no virgin bro you’ll be lucky to even find a loyal jawn
@demboeytorres They exist. Check out Joshua Ezes wife. It's just getting more scarce. That's why I'm leaving it in God's hands. Also what's a jawn
@@demboeytorres They exist. They're just rare. I'll just leave it in God's hands. Look up a guy named Joshua Eze. His wife was a virgin. Also did you mean one?
@@Vincent-yp1gj i love god but I don’t think love is real and people can be together relationship just don’t last sadly
Forgiveness? yes but, be aware- It has been shown that women with multiple past partners have much less of chance of permanent bonding later. If they were promiscuous before, they are likey to do it again. It seems this is much less common in men.
you talk about pornogrophy much- how about, specifically, YOUR definition of the word? am convinced it is defined differently. As an example- what women wore in public in modern times would be considered pornagraphic in past times. the standard has changed .
I don't think you have to be sexually attracted to your partner in order for you to marry that person because of how their body looks. Like what if you're dating a woman who is a legal adult but is flat and has no butt, literally the body of a child, but is NOT one?
They exist! I am 24 years old and I look 15, even though I do have a figure, boobs and everything, not busty.
Going back to the topic, when you're dating a legal adult, depending on their body type, you do not have to be physically attracted to their body, in order to marry them, but you sleep with that adult because you like the sex, because liking their body type can give pedo vibes.
There is nothing sexy about a flat chest even when a young adult has it.
As a woman, I have no problem marrying somebody with a micro penis but I'm not going to be sexually attracted to it, I'm just not going to sleep with that person because, what can you do with it?
People always trying to say that sex is important but it's like, sex is not love, if sex is love to you in marriage, then sex is the main reason why you want to get married in the first place and lack of sex is the main reason why you will want a divorce, if sex is that important in a relationship then you must view that person as an object. You're not looking for a wife, you're looking for a sex worker that you can use for free!
If you're a man with a micropenis I have nothing against you, there is nothing wrong with your size. You guys are capable of finding love. If a Christian woman thinks that sex Is Love in marriage she's probably going to dump you once you take off your pants. Find somebody who knows that sex doesn't solve relationship problems, bonus if they can handle a sexless relationship. You don't need sex that much. When God gives some men a big penis or a micropenis, it's to teach people that sex isn't everything.
God just doesn't want sex to be for everybody
Sex is MAINLY for bringing life into this world, not just for pleasure
there is nothing broken about how he made you.
attraction needs to be almost the same for both partners marriage is about sex brcause that is the only point of getting married to be intimate with only 1 person for life and have a family
i think you should do some reading of bible passages that describe god's purpose of sex and his plan for marriage. you are very flawed in your beliefs on sex. additionally, just because someone doesn't have what is generally considered sexually attractive traits doesn't mean they are unable to have someone be attracted to them. saying a man gives pedo vibes if he likes a fully grown woman who is flat chested is just straight awful.
I shall take no man’s word for it that he is in ship shape in a Bristol fashion… I want to see it all officially written on paper… I come from the school of.. assume nothing.. believe no one… check everything… it’s just how I roll… I’ve got my papers saying I’m spotlessly clean from all STDs so I will expect the same from him but to be honest with you I never just hop into bed with just any ole Dom.. Rick.. or Barry… never been that kind of lady… I make my romantic interests wait a whole year before anything like that happens because I want to gage what kind of a person I’m potentially dealing with first.. I will not kiss anyone until 90 days has elapsed… I do not give myself freely to anyone… it’s not about looks per-se… it’s about the heart.. the soul the character the morals and the personality… I cannot stand those men that put it all about with all and sundry.. ewwww… I’ll stay firmly away from these sorts… I’m a one man woman and I absolutely expect the same grace back in return…
Hi… thanks for this video & bye ;)’
@endeleflefk temotaleh endant ayenet yetergem sew l eheteh yesetate
Because men and women are different the question(s) being asked will be different. While it’s very easy for women to get sex from men, it is in fact very difficult for men to get sex from women. Therefore, a woman must put “work” not to have sex-the opposite is true for men. If a woman has had sex with one or more men the question is this: Why should a virtuous man have to pay fir sexual exclusivity (and he will be paying for it over the long term) when she gave it away for free to other men? And let’s be clear about pornography usage-watching pornography, while immoral, is not necessarily an “addiction”. Additionally, women today are (generally) promiscuous-only around 3% are virgins at the time of marriage. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. This falls in women and their father (and the church)-and it is clear that these groups have royally failed to ensure that there are valuable women to marry (generally).
Yes , and 80% of divorces are initiated by woman. Divorces in church are at the same rate as divorces in the world now.
Agree on everything except the valuable part. People need to stop acting like we depreciate we are not vehicles. God says we have worth and are worthy but I definitely get your point.