Being an INTJ is Hard, But It's Okay (Advice/Rant Video) | INTJ Female
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- Hi everyone,
I wanted to make a video talking to other INTJ's, but of course, this video is for anyone and everyone. I hope you enjoy
INTJ, INTJ Female, Myer Briggs, 16 Personalities
ENFJ male here - married for 14 years to an INTJ woman. I adore her and love her passionately. As an ENFJ, my romantic expressions can be overwhelming for her, but I know she appreciates it.
For any non-INTJ reading this, if you want a relationship with an INTJ, the following are absolute and indispensable pillars for the relationship:
Honesty (this might be the most important)
Consistency between your words and actions - this has overlap with honesty, the INTJ wants a reliable person they can depend on.
Frequent displays of appreciation for everything they do for you and for all the time they give - because an INTJ who is in love does a ton for their OS, they go all-out, they have to know they are appreciated. (And never take advantage of them for this.)
Time and space - give them time and space, it's where they recharge their superpowers. After 14 years snd 4 kids, I still make sure my wife gets this.
Patience to let them express themselves and talk WHEN THEY ARE READY - do NOT try and force things out of them, it will not ever, no never work. My wife discloses everything to me (and I to her), but because she knows she the space to do so.
I cannot stress enough how important the above are for an INTJ. Anyone who can't be and do these things just won't work with an INTJ. Like I already said, I love my wife so much for all her INTJ glory.
Niki, I've watched several of your videos and I can't help but have enormous admiration for you - of course, having an INTJ soul mate helps in that regard.
Thank you for watching and for sharing what you've learned over the years. 14 years is a long time.
INFJ here having an INTJ girlfriend ❤
I truly appreciate this comment. I didn’t know I was an INTJ when I was previously engaged; it was difficult! I was learning myself but at the same time I knew who I wasn’t.
That’s funny, I had a relationship with an INTP and the list you shared is exactly the reasons it didn’t work out and we broke up
Your wife is very lucky :)
Growing up for me meant understanding that the things I want to keep to myself are the things others want to hear and the things desperately want to scream at the top of my lungs are things most people aren't ready or willing to hear. My relationships have improved a lot since I realized this. I know maybe two people with whom I can say what I really want to say, around everyone else I need to have a bijillion social filters to make sure I don't hurt fragile egos, that I don't make people face realities they aren't ready for, that I don't argue with people who don't even listen to what I say, etc. because all of these things will inevitably result in unecessary conflicts that won't even help improve anything because my point will be dismissed anyway.
It is frustrating. But accepting this was the first step towards a more efficient life. A life that doesn't lead to burnout after burnout.
It's really frustrating to need a lot of space, but be unable to feel completely satisfied being alone. I'm totally happy with my life being just me doing my thing, but there's always that ache of loneliness that only a partner can fill. I'm a guy and my singleness has taught me that many women aren't happy getting only a little attention. Ideally I would be living with someone that's happy doing their own thing and we get together when our mutual needs/interests arise. I guess something like a roommate with benefits, but it's love and together forever.
many men arent happy getting only a little attention either. im a woman, but i can understand your comment like only an intj could, i gess.
my dream of a perfekt relationship is a little too strange: i want a best-friend with benefits and a best girlfriend with benefits, both having a partner, so i dont get too much attention. 😁
im sure there are people outthere, who like things like this, also they will be hard to find. am i willing to search for them? definitly not. so i gess: for ever alone is the easiest solution for me. 🥳
I struggle with this. It's hard to explain the need for space to others when even being in the other room isnt enough space.
I being INTJ-A people around me in society and in workplace think i am psychopath and sounds like
a robotic and anti social. But the truth is i am very much logical and keen observer and 95 % introvert
and i don't care about society rules and i cant keep smiling always just impress others.
I am Sigma male and i have attitude of sigma.
I can't say I agree it doesn't get better. I relate to this a lot but here's what's changed for me: I no longer get involved in the emotional life of others and accept them to have faults, I spend *ridiculous* amounts of time working on the things I suck at - social skills, emotional intelligence, communication skills in particular. My new one is boundaries. I definitely notice over time INTJs really suck at boundaries. We let wayy too much of everyone else inside ourselves & show very little of ourselves proudly to the world, and that's why it hurts.
I never said it won't get better. It for sure gets better, just not always easier being ourselves depending on those around us. For example, you mentioned boundries (amazing insight by the way!). When I grew into an adult and set boundries and stuck to them, many people in my life did not like or understand it. No. I do not want to hang out every Friday and I will not set aside every Friday for you. No. You do not need an explanation. I'm not obligated to provide one.
This exact situation turned into an argument where I was, of course, the villain. Well, that's okay. Just call me Palpatine.
@@nikiyikes5674 Sometimes people who likes you need your explanation just to understand you better, understand your point of view and accept it. By explanation you can show them respect and honesty. I always appreciate that from my INTJ friends :)
My observation has been that female INTJs go through discrimination among females due to being a Te user (similar to ENTJ females) and thus very much break the stereotype that most men expect (feelers, or non-confrontational Ti users).
That could also explain some surprises from men.
Lots of great tips in this video! I agree, it doesn't get easier, you kinda just get used to it to the point where you're on autopilot when you see enough of the same signs 🙃
Thank you!!! This is what I go through always! It's hard, but I accept who I am and I'm glad to be me now. You're right as you get older, it gets a little easier. I realized that I scare people when I go into deep thought or when I'm quiet. It's that "what is she thinking" running around in their heads making them uneasy. I don't want people to feel that, so I'm genuinely trying to communicate more as I understand now because someone did it to me and it is super uncomfortable. Now I know how others feel even though it's unintentional.
I recently lost a friend because I call him out on his crap, it was hard, but I do not regret it because I needed to say it sooner or later. Sometimes, I want to live in silence, because when I speak the truth, things fall apart. However, when things fall apart, maybe, just maybe something good can grow from it. Never apologies by being an INTJ, I have learned the hard way that it is not a product of myself but others.
Great advice, i feel like this video not only helps intjs but also people that feel misunderstood. Unfortunately some people dont like the truth and are looking for someone to blame. I also agree that authenticity comes with a price to pay but its the only way to form honest&true friend-or relationships :)
INFJ here. I LOVE most INTJ's. Straight forward, no nonsense until you become good friends, then they're as goofy as, well goofy. We understand each other when we speak about anything except for feelings, but that's ok, I feel way too much. I like how I don't have to worry about them, because I know they'll make the right decision. Love how they're always inquisitive and willing to learn. And as a male INFJ, I think the female INTJ's are sexy as FUCK. Only down side is our same last function. Someone has to remember to pay the bills! Thanks for your vid.
Thank you for your comment. Auto payments are how I survive.
As a side note, I love raccoons.
INTJ's, you aren't alone. While we may be rare statistically, with 7.8 billion people in the world, there are around 164 million INTJ's. That's a lot of us. We just usually aren't that easy to find out and about.
this species is normally difficult to find because it usually hides in its cave... in front of their computer.
I was asked by a bank teller when I was eighteen if I lived in a cave. Yes.
I'm really glad this video exists. I'm really glad you exist.
Ditto. It's so good to know there's people out there like me. ;)
Oh...thank you! I'm happy to be here and to exist.
I feel like as an INTJ, dating another INTJ would be great!
Perhaps. There's far too much that goes into dating. Two INTJs may never talk to each other or they may do nothing but debate and irritate each other. Who knows!
INTJ here. Yes I am exactly like that. I dont have many friends because I observe them and I know he/she cant be trusted so I dont waste time with them.
it ABSOLUTELY IS because of how INFINITELY MUCH MORE AWARE we are of EVERYthing out there - so much so it seems like it ABSOLUTELY IS INFINITELY MORE than others are also aware of and; still, we wonder how in the hell can you (other people) NOT be aware of those things which are SOOOOOOO INFINITELY APPARENT to yourself.
well, perhaps THE thing to realize IS that others are ABSOLUTELY NOT NEARLY as aware and cognizant of either themselves - OR - others that we cannot expect them to be on the same level of awareness as ourselves.
we just have to accept that others may or may not be working on those things for themselves.
and, NOT that im religious AT ALL (im ABSOLUTELY NOT) BUT; that ABSOLUTELY IS THE time to invoke the serenity prayer.
grant me to sight to accept the things i cannot change, the power to change the things i can and, the wisdom to know the difference.
it also ABSOLUTELY IS STOICISM, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism
PRACTICE IT WITH GREAT REGULARITY.
ABSOLUTELY.
FOR SURE.
- INTJ
To me INTJ women are the best kind of women because they are not stupid emotional like most women. They always have a plan for everything and when they are passionate about a subject they will research it until there's nothing left. One thing about INTJ women is that once they allow you into their heart they can be a little kitten. They will help you and be patient with you. One thing is for sure is that they need time alone. I love you INTJ women -ISTJ
I wouldn't say women are stupid or emotional. I have certainly met men who I thought this about, so I've come to the conclusion that gender has nothing to do with it (lol).
What a kind thing to say, thank you! I fell into a depression when I realised that those around me did not share my love of knowledge so I am very happy to hear that some people enjoy that. Thank you!
As an ENTP i HIGHLY respect INTJs yall are so smart, knowledgeable, and just plain bullshit averse. No drama, just real. Rock on. Youre awesome
I sincere, and important video for INTJs. Thank you Niki fir this.
Very refreshing ! Wonder how it goes with INTP
You had me at "not discussing cognitive functions". lol thank god. This is the most relatable intj female video I've ever seen.
I know what you are saying I mean ... I was in my highschool farewell party were I was just sitting on a chair and watching maybe honestly livin' in my thoughts. Suddenly my home room teacher called me out asking why the hell I'm so sad and he literally make me sit near him and even asked me to give them a farewell speech cause I look so sad because I wasn't smiling or laughing. I mean excuse me??? What the the hell is there to laugh or even smile by watch' some dudes and chucks running after few chairs after a music.... Does anyone can elaborate. I'm so damn clueless
The choir teacher way out of line.
I do think that just dealing with people is one of the most stressful and difficult things. It is very draining.
100. ALL 100. Thank you for the clarity, truth. "Knowing" starts the appreciation of who YOU are... So, start and don't stop "knowing" and appreciating.
I agree 💯 cuz I'm an INTJ too
Thank you so much for this. So true.
I know when I act the most like the stereotype of an intj is when I am the most cynical; and depressed, and done with the crap of the world, and I just want run away to a cloud island and make it just MINE. I know this is because no one wants to hear how terrible life is and how much I think they are failing at it.
I get tired of helping them, so I just stare at nothing. Critically. And very alone.
I can't thank you enough for this video, I really needed to hear that. I feel like an alien between my people and the way I see things and decide things are almost always questionable because according to them "I don't fit the stereotype" as a female they expect me to be and act and want certain things while what I'm seeking and finding interesting and rewarding is something else. I love being the person I am, it's just not easy to openly be myself, but I'm trying.
you either be gifted by being INTJ or it would be curse :)
Please answer! are you 5w4?
Love your personality btw
😐
-INTJ
😐
@@nikiyikes5674 😐 I wonder if romantic relationships between INTJ's work!?
Having watched all your videos and revisiting this one after having forgot about it- I find it 10/10.
Being an intj does suck:
In our own world... its great (and it is)
but when we have to look outside... *....sigh....*
It's painful to be in the present moment, and even more painful trying to explain that to others.
INTJ here as well...I concur.
😢 Promo_SM
From a Christian perspective (as I understand it) statements such as “you are still fighting an invisible fire breathing dragon every step you take” or “you haven't had a chance to be yourself and flourish in the way you're meant to be" are perfectly normal things in this world. After all, your experiences describe that people are puppets of alien forces and who wants to date a puppet?
I agree that it's perfectly normal. And yet, I grew up being viewed as everything except a normal human. I've always found that very bizarre.
@@nikiyikes5674 It is bizarre! Luke 18:8
3:15 This happened to you, didn't it? :)
Oh, it most certainly did.
Witchcraft is fun, but you should really try the cultist hobby. The demons would tremble. 😶🌫
* An evening in a dimly lit kitchen illuminated by candles in a shape of a pentagram. *
Niki: Daemon perditionis audi vocem meam ego praecipio tibi ut venias ante me!
* Abaddon rises from a gate of fire. *
Demon: Why do you call me, puny human? Do you want me to destroy the world? Or should I rather destroy you?
Niki: Just wash the dishes, please. I'm really not in the mood today...
You understand me so well.
Me: INTJ-A Female (CIS/AFAB Female, she/her), Ocean - O-90%, C-69%, E-4%, A-54%, N-37.5%. Enneagram - 5w4; & I approve this video content. 👍👍
👇 I, Just put this comment on another video about INTJs a few days ago. As an older INTJ myself, I agree with everything you said, I also am a single parent, my son turned 18 last summer, & he's an INTP-A, I call him Mr Spock when he's at his most Mr Spock-ness. Understanding who, I am, has definitely helped me in understanding him. I just wish that I knew all of this earlier in my life, oh well.
Thank you for your videos.
{Also, there's a maturity (biologically, & emotionally speaking) level of difference between INTJ Females, it'd be kinda nice to see an analysis on that topic.}
I will look into that! I think it's a fascinating topic.
As per usual, nail on the head! Oh my gosh whyyyy not the high school song. 🥲 I'd also add not asking for help because we can "figure it out on our own" and then growing bitter because of it is a problem I've faced a lot as an INTJ and have only been able to overcome by admitting to people I do need help/encouragement. It's difficult and I don't think considering my outward confidence and certainty in my knowledge that people expect it, but I've learned the hard way that I realllly get into my own head and am really critical. Sometimes relaxing and letting a healthy third party assure us we're not total garbage for not being entirely perfect is what we need. INTJs might not think we need positive encouragement but it feels good and fluffy and sometimes a little fluff is what you need to lighten the mood.
Yes, that's a good one and one I'm guilty of. I tend to be really protective over my projects and don't want others to be involved. Or if something happens, asking for help is rarely on my radar.
Great insight!
as a young intj, i confirm that i can't be myself and that i think dating is disgusting, but i also feel lonely even though i want to be alone, and i always try to be myself, but it seems like the closest people to me always get hurt by that, do i really have to give up my morals to make people love me, to make them feel less miserable? Everything that comes out are out of good intention, but others perspective of my results are always negative... Im never enough and almost never seen as a freaking human who actually has feelings that can matter sometimes. I wish i could be better socially, but the way i grew up JUST DOESN'T ALLOW ME, and this is why (one of the reasons) i feel so lonely. I wish i didn't have to be so conflicted with myself, nothing inside of me makes sense, and i just wish i wasn't like this, cause i've never gotten anything good from being like this, from being myself but i can't be fake, cause that's the one thing that disgusts me the most, so idk ig i'll keep being myself, but idk what to do, it's so irrational! but one thing i know now, is that im hopefully not the only one feeling nothing and miserable (that's a bad and good thing-) and that nothing is wrong with me, im just weird old me that will develop and maybe one day be able to navigate in this world with my morals, hoping i can make myself stable and my loved ones happy.
❤ What I noticed with my INTJ friend, I need to know what is his intention. I think it's good for INTJ to say that, because without this knowledge message can be treated like offence or criticism just for saying. I learnt that often it's based on care. At first I didn't know that, it appeared in some bit nervous talks. And now I much, much appreciate it in its own kind. :) Honesty is the best in INTJ.
Even if the way you grew up doesn't allow you to be good socializing, you have to take the bull by the horns and force yourself to socialize. I was the same, traumatizing stuff happened from 5 to 16. Huge delay in social skills, depresson until the twenties.. until I managed little by little to impart good habits during my days (simply exchanging a few sentences with people outside in the street... then starting to practise music which was my passion, getting into contact with people who had that - or other - interest in common with me, doing activities and going out with other people. You won't be a queen bee the first day or first week, but it's like going to the gym. A few months in you will start to feel better, and a year in you'll see actual results. I know it is easier than done, but keep it in mind. Good luck ;)
@@tarukaja8 thank you, this means a lot
I relate to the face of that plushie.
I call him Frank. He is a mood.