Haha, typical INTJ stuff. I have an ENTJ acquaint that asks me to dinner sometimes, but actually follows through on his word. The problem is we have nothing in common. I just sit there and nod doing the social norm stuff as he talks about being torn between work and family, haha. Which is sad considering I read non-fiction all time. I have plenty to talk about, but as soon as I mention economics, philosophy, politics, psychology, or even a current video game his eyes just glaze over.
You are not alone in feeling the need to not respond to others in a work environment. My problem wasn't that I needed to respond to maintain social cohesion, it was that people get upset or offended when I don't respond. I do however communicate that I don't need to say "hello" back every damn day. I do communicate that they shouldn't be dependent on what I do. Rather, respect the opportunity they were given to respond.
My go to answer for "you need to smile more" is "I am smiling, on inside" with same relaxed face expression, it puts humor twist and allows me to keep doing what I'm doing without being more fake. -INTJ guy.
Think I need to make notes. LOL. -Say good morning. Okay. -Say good morning to everyone. What? Is that what the humans expect? -Say irrelevant speech, every time someone comes over. What? How do these people do any work? -Smile So being fake helps team spirits? -Go to social get togethers for coffee. What? I spend work time with you and now you want to take my precious social time too? Are you real? (Ok I won't say any of these lines, out loud). -Don't wear black What? Isn't black classy, professional and pragmatic (stains don't show up). -Don't have discussions (religion etc.) as people think you are arguing. What? You want me to talk, but not to give an honest opinion as I might hurt your feelings? Right? These human social rules are very interesting. Fi is like, I don't feel like doing any of this. Te is like, if this gets us good team feedback and a promotion, maybe we could consider it. Ni is like, once you judging functions agree, let me know.... so we can carry out the plan. Hahaha- awesome video!
The answer why you, me or any INTJ don't "get" these things is because unlike us, not everybody is rational. Everything you said makes perfect sense. so the only reason why someone behaves or expects those nonsense things from you is because they dont think, but just go along with the default patterns of behavior they observe from their parents, friends, or society. And because we actually question the rationality behind everything, we can easily spot these nonsense expectations that others have accepted by default. For example, I actually never greet anyone by voice anymore. I just look at them and wave - this way if they are interested, they see that I am greeting them, but if they are not interested but are focused on doing something else, it is not disturbing, because unless they are looking at me too, they dont even notice (unlike voice which gets noticed by anyone within the range of the soundwaves). Therefore, I am giving the other the freedom to choose whether they are interested in participating in the social tradition of greeting, or just skip it because of some relevant reason, meaning that those who want to be greeted will notice and those who dont will not. A true win-win in any situation.
I'd say it's not the most natural. Back when I was in an office of my own, I couldn't understand why they had such an issue with me cracking the door or shutting it when I needed to focus.
I'm INFP who work in IT support for more than 1 years and I'm 100% related to what Niki said but the job itself is not terrible for me because my Fi motivated me a lot and I can work in the field I'm interested in. What really bothers me in office enviroment actually are workplace regulations and social regulations.
"Could you smile more?" - Almost every person that tried to photograph me. Fun fact: this is the main reason why I don’t have a photo of me in my profile picture.
She’s definitely intj I wear black all the time I look friendly and approachable but low key I hate when people talk to me because it’s just a waste of energy
It seems like there is a huge misunderstanding of what "goth" is, but while I am a "spooky girl" and enjoy goth type things, that doesn't make me goth. It's a whole lifestyle beyond just wearing dark clothing. Every person I've met who does have a gothic esthetic and classifies themselves a much were all very friendly though.
My INTJ wife had difficulty working at one fast food place in Alabama because, even though she was smiling when facing the customers, her lack of smiling when getting the food or drinks with her back turned to customers wasn't smiling enough. I'd say the issue you're experiencing there is southern U.S. first, with INTJ issues a bit behind that. Any subculture with formalized/hierarchical elements is always going to feel like sandpaper to an INTx.
Very true. Even though I no longer work in something like retail and this is an office...I still find my ability to just focus on my work to be unappealing to those around me. Super baffling that they want me to slack off and conversate!
@@nikiyikes5674 Communicating like that is comforting to extroverts. It helps them feel safe in the community. Almost as if when they are quiet (not saying "hello", not smiling at someone) they may be forgotten. For someone who needs that social connection to feel safe and even know their own feelings, not getting that back can be jarring. I'm a female intj and I had a female enfj friend tell me she was in awe of my ability to know how I felt without checking in with the group. She thought I was such a strong person.. That opened my eyes to how extroverted feeling must be.
"We shd get together sometime" and other similar phrases..... only recently I learned ppl dont actually mean that. Dishonesty wd forever bother an INTJ.
Sometimes I actually like the pretending part in customer service. If it's casual with someone I know, I'll use my customer service attitude to mess with them. Or if I decide to go all the way I'll make up a ridiculous but convincing story, then tell them I made it all up so they can't tell if I'm being honest the next time I make something up. If it's not for humor, I hate pretending. Especially for job interviews. I think they're pointless because of the way they go about it. Nobody can honestly fit every quality they're looking for. It takes time to get things right, it's not instant. Yes, I'm salty because my last interview didn't go well lol. I just want to flat out ignore the questions and tell them what's actually real.
I'm fine with customer service and helping guests/ clients. That doesn't bother of exhaust me, even when they're difficult. It seems to be the office environments I've been in and the over all "let's talk all the time and if you're not smiling we'll complain".
In my opinion customer service is no go for INTJ. Been there done that. I Got SUPER burned out and hated how annoyingly irrational customers were. This led me to start drinking almost daily to help cope (This lasted nearly 2 years and I never really drank before this). After 2 years I got fed up enough that I took action and created short/long term goals to change careers. I started taking online courses which led me to a drastic change in career. I studied IT/CompSci which I felt more drawn to and was a much better fit. I have been in IT now for 12+ years and do not regret it at all. My opinion is that you, as an INTJ, really should look into the sciences, or some sort of problem solving related occupation that does not involve customer service directly. INTJ is more behind the scenes type and better at solving efficiency related problems.
I'm in the middle of changing work places at the moment and have goals to leave the US entirely. Everything right now is temporary. But the funny thing is...I am in business administration and finance. I'm not directly in customer service anymore and haven't been for years. My headache are the coworkers.
@@nikiyikes5674 Ugh. Bad co-workers can be even more painful because everyday .... there they are again and no escaping. I know you will make the best of it. Set your goals and stick to them and soon you will be living them. I wish you the best !!!
If you dislike repetition you really must hate those children shows, where they repeat everything annoyingly often. I noticed that as a kid and it went on my nerves. To make fun of it I sometimes said the same thing just with other words (some people got it some not). When I talked about it, I often rephrased the sentence. You know just talking about it again, changing the words. A repetition of what is going on through my mouth. Just saying it with my own words. A redundance which I demonstrated by using different descriptive words. I explained it by changing the grammar but keeping the meaning. I described it in my understanding using other combinations of letters. I would say I just recreated the meaning by another word order. I let it sink in by stating it in my own explanation.
The assumptions ppl make just because you're not constantly making small talk or smiling makes no sense. Maybe I just want a second of quiet since the rest of my work day is spent talking to the public constantly. That SHOULD make more sense lol! I love the point you made about religion. I know I uphold certain values and it would be a huge amount of effort to interact without arguing about beliefs with certain ppl. Half the time I don't even dislike then I'm just saving us both time since I know I won't have enough energy to invest in that probably complicated relationship. Being friendly with ppl but still not wanting to hang out is NOT a reflection on if I like someone or not! Liked the ranting of this video, it's a fun concept 😁
Well...I brought up to a fellow co-worker (INTJ-T) leaving in November that I would like to take her out and/or do something social after she leaves. Her response was "❤". Me: (an INTJ-A) 😊
O alas, males will get that too...haha. Rest assured..."You have such a good smile, why don't you smile more? You look so serious all the time." But hey, maybe they're right. I probably do have a nice smile. But sorry Charlie, the sun doesn't shine all the time, every day neither. That's life.
This reminds me of something I saw in high school. We had this surfer type substitute teacher that the girls would crush on. On of the girls asks him ‘sir, why don’t you smile more’. His response was ‘how can I smile when I look at you?’ I try to dress as blandly as possible…..it is a great small talk repellant.
Whoever told you to keep smiling is an idiot. The world is full idiots, bastards and bad news. Ain't no reason to smile, most days. Stay strong and take deep breaths. I hope your workplace has improved since a year ago.
@@nikiyikes5674 Glad to hear it. Do you have any advice on how to stop hating everyone? I want to like people in general, but I strugge to do this. Any thoughts?
When I was younger people always asked me if I was sad or what's wrong because I didn't smile when there was no reason. Well I have a neutral face when I feel neutral. I said to them: "No I'm fine. That's my neutral face." And then they said: You should smile more. Well I will if you make me laugh :) So I can totally get that.
As an intj myself it is madnesses that I am constantly tagged as “unfriendly” for just being focused and professional. I struggled at my last job, bc I was tagged as unfriendly and or strange for not wanting to be psychotically friendly like the rest of my coworkers. Mind you I chose the service industry. I’m a genius apparently.
Here in the UK we don't seem to get the pushy religious people but I do always get asked if I'm okay because to other people I apparently don't look very happy and I almost always wear black. I use an mp3 player at work and being plugged in discourages people from trying to talk to me so I get to choose who I want to talk to.
Damn, that smiling story is extremely cringy. That's very toxic. Like instead of making a job place more comfortable for you (because you are a part of the team like everyone else), they are implanting in your head a necessity for faking an emotion. That's a red flag if I see one.
I don't do well in a corperate enviornment. I do better as an outsider. Office politica aren't for me. I don't know how you pull it off. Males are expected to smile too, which feels even more superficial. I smile at neighbors with hopes that they will remove me from their serial killer hit list.
I really like that sentence "why should i smile at you when you enter the room when i am doing some projects on computer ?'' I am INTJ-A this is the issue with me most of the time and people in my work place think i am cold heart. Well don't care what others think i am concentrated on my work. I am dumb idiot to smile at you .
Yeah, I guess that's more of an American thing. Here in Ukraine where people are more direct and honest, its kinda weird to greet someone multiple times, and people would comment on that. I used to work in an American company and this extensive politeness drove me nuts.
In many cases where people have "strong opinions" (I think they don't have a strong opinion, but an annoying opinion) I saw that they are trying to get beliefs validated they need to not crack down on the reality of our world.
haha this is hilarious. I just imagined you smiling at your laptop making your calculations - feeling like a clown, even with your face muscles paining already! Why don´t you just make a general kind statement on the next team meeting like `Team, don´t take it personal when I cannot greet you in the midst of my work.` And if you want to add: ´ It interrupts my workflow to much`... Or just start telling this to the coworkers face to face, starting with the ones you sympathize most with.
this whole having to smile thing is so annoying but I think it's bc people feel intimidated by us intj's cause we have a serious face and come across as very sure and reflected which they don't like cause it makes them look weaker
I've always felt it was more of a perception thing, and it's a perception that revolves around expectation instead of reality. You and I may see someone working at their desk frowning while looking over reports and know that they're just concentrating, but someone else might look at them and go, "Wow, they must be really unfriendly or in a bad mood." I don't get it, but it seems to be a wide spread thing. And as far as just walking down the street, there's many out there who are extremely unselfaware. No one walks around smiling. When our faces our relaxed, almost everyone looks grumpy.
I just find it silly. I've come across people who dress "normal" who were mentally unsound, and people to don't dress "normal" who were great and genuine people.
Imagine if the whole world were made up of intjs. There would be no pleasantries/useless platitudes/small talk 🤣 We would not have to explain ourselves over useless emotional stuff and things would be much more efficient. Not sure how well that would work tho. Also, I totally get your point about smiling. I always have the same thoughts. Literally never agreed more with someone. I loled at the part where you talked about smiling in the shower. All these social expectations just seem so pointless haha
The color “black” is actually ALL the colors in the spectrum “embedded” in your clothing - humans see the “black” we know of because no color is reflected back into our eyes. So tell your coworkers that technically, black is actually the most “colorful” color there is lol - we just can’t see it.
I'm sorry for correcting, but all the colors in the spectrum “embedded”, it's actually white. When you are mixing tint you get black, but when you are mixing colors, you get white. No offense.
@@nikiyikes5674 yes, they don't, you have to understand that being a rational person in an emotional world is really difficult, it's like a fifth dimensional been existing in the third dimension... A living hell,😏😏😏😏 ενδελέχεια its the purpose of Humans, as the Greeks have stated..
@@dimitrioskaragkounis617 as proclaimed thinker that means u neglect ur emotions to others to deal with But when they try to mange it for u U feel controlled The same goes for feelers with logic
point 1+2: i am so glad that i live in germany, there are no problems like this. some say that germans are unfriendly, but i like the honesty. i would really suffer under american politeness...
5 months, where are you..... How are you... Have you just found some other focus points or might even serious love... I know we should not be worried.. Br another INTJ profile.
About the fake plans, yeah that's a very reasonable issue. A lot of people from my country who moved to the US were shocked to discover that Americans make a lot of fake plans just to be polite. And that's a big culture shock, for us. Because if everyone is polite then no one is polite. By the way, I guess that would hinder the dating life as well. But I would also say that this etiquette was developed for a reason. I guess it was more socially and evolutionary advantageous.
Smiling at your desk.... I think your supervisor may have had many insecurities to say something so rude, silly, and inappropriate. The Cheshire Cat is required to smile all the time, but when we humans are focused on work, interrupting that focus is rude and counterproductive. Especially on a computer. I'm sorry this happened, and I'm reading so many instances of this occurring on other videos. Half of all people (bosses too) are below average in intelligence by definition. That's part of it. No wonder so many people want to work from home since Covid......and.....how many personality types would tolerate being constantly interrupted while driving?
I am working towards not having a typical work life, but that may take some time yet. In the meantime, I hope to find an office environment where I don't get punished for trying to do my work.
Hilarious watching INTJ vids and its so relatable. I can just see the blank stares id be getting trying to explain any of this to someone. Wearing black just makes you look cool and deep, right - which i am! I remember a cute girl got upset at my profile pic because her grandfather had died a few weeks earlier. uhhhh sorry? I love a robust debate but i dont judge others for their opinions, I judge their character but then its so upsetting to be attacked personally by someone because theyre rocked by the ease with which we take their arguments apart because Ive already spent hours thinking about it. Men who wanted to wear womens clothing never seemed bizarre to me, even though i dress conservatively ofc - an INTJ can understand their need to express themselves within a system where they dont fit.
I was just looking for intj femaile like me on utube.its a bit conforting to know there is people out there like you.Undrestanding every word.but for an intj i think you give a fuck too much about what people think about you Loved your channel ❤️
So-called religious people and smiling all the time are an 'American thing'. Black fashion clothes are all about a silhouette, not the color, although I don't know what this color represents in the goth's world. I myself wear mostly black in my free time, but for my workplace, I do copy my coworkers' style (like a social camouflage).
I identify as an intj Sigma male that is also a Libra and I get your struggles I work in the automotive industry and I don't believe in fake Smiles however enfps and infp personality types have to these Tendencies to smile all the time maybe you mistyped you are really a INTP personality instead the intj and INTP can be mismatched easily I have an INTP best friend and we are extremely somewhere but he's a lot more quiet and studies data I am a little bit more outgoing and rely on gut feelings
Totally, totally agree! I feel the exact same way. People who want to say hi every single time they pass by me drive me crazy. We'll say hi 20 times a day. But If you don't they think there's something wrong, or your being a b****. It's so ungenuine. The thing people say that bugs me the most is "How are you today?" I hate to sound pessimistic but most people do not give a crap about how you're doing. But they'll ask you multiple times a day and if you try to say anything other than "fine" they'll cut you off and start talking about something else, or walk away and not even let you finish. It's like, why even ask me to begin with? It's just very robotic and it's meaningless. I love to wear black too. Black makes you look slim, it goes with pretty much anything. I don't like bright colors because I feel like they say look at me! look at me! I definitely don't like attracting attention to myself.
I totally get it. I've had jobs that I was shocked that they turned out to be more about dealing with people and their emotions. I've done IT jobs where I've had to spend so much time trying to help customers cope with their feelings of frustration, stress, confusion, etc. that it seemed like I was 'wasting' my time that I should have been spending on fixing hardware and software. It drove me nuts! I wished that I could just stay in the back away from the front counter and just fix stuff all day. The worst was when customers would want me to teach them how to do something with their technology that was baffling them. It was so difficult to try to explain it to them, especially if they got frustrated or upset about it. My preferred way was to write or type up instructions for them and let them read it and try my directions out without me present, but that didn't always work for them. I don't understand human behavior either. Never have. When I was a kid, I so related to C3PO in Star Wars and how baffled he usually was by how the other characters behaved even though he was supposed to be a protocol droid programmed to understand them. I feel just like that - I'm supposed to understand people, but I just don't. My favorite comedians are the ones who tell jokes about behavior, everyday objects, or happenings that they find to be weird. Comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Steven Wright are my sort of sense of humor. Especially Steven Wright. If I thought I could cope with crowds, stage fright etc., I'd want to be a comedian like him. Sometimes, I pepper my social media posts or blogs with things that I find funny. It's probably as close to being a comedian as I'll ever get. I did try actually doing stand up comedy once for a church fundraiser that was a talent show. It was a lot of fun once I got in the flow of it and stopped being nervous. The best part was writing the jokes and practicing them ahead of time, but the stress of getting up there in front of people was too great for me to want to keep doing that on a regular basis. My TH-cam channel is very tiny and the video my wife filmed of me doing stand up as well as a few how-to videos about board games is all that's on there. Most of my interactions on here are comments on others' videos. I find doing videos very difficult, so I admire people like you who are able to do them. You do great work. I'm not just saying that because our society says I should either, I mean it.
Though I still question the validity of mbti. I definitely relate to much of the things you bring to light, even in the relationship area. Though I question mbti. I hope you continue making videos, your efforts are appreciated. -Fellow (supposed) INTJ
story-tell more about your troubles in the workplace, talk about intj stress and how you cope with the extreme difficulties, and how you relax, be happy in the moment
Here are your cognitive functions distribution according to this video (+ means possitive attitude of function, - means negative one) IMO you might be ESTJ with high propability. If you want and you not 100% sure try to verify your character, because you might be mistyped. Best regards. Te +++++++++++++++++++++ Si +++----- Ne +++++------- Fi +++++------- Ti +++++-- Se +- Ni +++ Fe ++------
And also your functions from 2nd random video, just to confirm: Te +++++++++++++++++++ Si +++++++++----------- Ne ++++++------ Fi +++------------- Ti ++++++++---- Se ++- Ni ++ Fe +++----- BTW. ESTJ main fears are who they are and what they like (which may agree with your situation) and INTJ main fear is fear of chaos. Consider also your coversation styles which fit you most: talk direct, initiate and control (ESTJ) or talk direct, respon and move (INTJ).
In my opinion the "cog in the machine" workplace is one of the most socially stinted places left in our modern world. I've walked into offices sometimes and been bombarded with southern Belle bob haircuts, dresses down to the ankles and a "southern disposition" bordering on something out of a 50s movie.
as an intj male, i actually have been told by female strangers that i should smile more to be more approachable and less intimidating. family and coworkers also mention it once in a while.
Dealing with people is just a challenge. It’s nice to be able to be left alone. That seems to work for me, I guess I’m good at sending out “leave me alone” signals that work. I’m sorry that it seems you have people bothering you on a regular basis. As a side note, hope you had a nice time at the beach. But going with a group of people sounds a bit overwhelming. I like to be alone at the beach, preferably at night too.
@@nikiyikes5674 I had a question for you, that I had forgotten to ask. I am just curious, and if it isn’t too personal to ask, what are the things that comprise your interests? Other individuals that I know with the INTJ type have, in my opinion, compelling hobbies and interests. My apologies if this is something you have answered already elsewhere, that I haven’t seen.
@@nickr5213 I personally don't think I'm that interesting. My hobbies probably don't seem very "stereotypical "INTJ". I like to read, mostly fiction/syfi. I feel like my brain is always so focused on reality, that it's refreshing being transported elsewhere into a place that could never exist. I'm also always working on a small writing projects, short stories mostly which I show no one lol And surprisingly I like working out which I'd classify as more of a hobby vs a thing I do to be in shape cause eh. See, not very compelling. But also, video games.
@@nikiyikes5674 No no, this is exactly what I was looking for. I don’t tend to think of people in stereotypical terms anyway, but, what I meant about compelling interests was that I can just talk with individuals that are INTJs about their interests and have a fascinating and enjoyable conversation. Whereas often, I get bored in conversations generally, and small talk is irritating. The fact that you like reading, also sci-fi, a broadening of the mind and horizons. A very good hobby and way of spending time. Also, the fact that you are a writer, which makes sense since you express yourself well in video form, and it can be even easier to express with the written word. I wonder who your influences are as a writer, and your style and the subjects you gravitate towards writing about. Thanks again for taking the time to reply!
Saying "Humans" rather than people conveys the wrong impression that you consider yourself to be something other than human, which obviously is not the case, but that wrong impression can be avoided, Niki. Best wishes from an INTP friend!
Hey guys, this video is just for fun. I hope you enjoy me spazzing for 12 minutes and 3 seconds.
Haha, typical INTJ stuff. I have an ENTJ acquaint that asks me to dinner sometimes, but actually follows through on his word. The problem is we have nothing in common. I just sit there and nod doing the social norm stuff as he talks about being torn between work and family, haha. Which is sad considering I read non-fiction all time. I have plenty to talk about, but as soon as I mention economics, philosophy, politics, psychology, or even a current video game his eyes just glaze over.
@@laggininhd1499 My friends are similar. Now me and my ISTJ friend have plenty of common ground, so that is always fun.
I love it 🖤
You are not alone in feeling the need to not respond to others in a work environment. My problem wasn't that I needed to respond to maintain social cohesion, it was that people get upset or offended when I don't respond. I do however communicate that I don't need to say "hello" back every damn day. I do communicate that they shouldn't be dependent on what I do. Rather, respect the opportunity they were given to respond.
My go to answer for "you need to smile more" is "I am smiling, on inside" with same relaxed face expression, it puts humor twist and allows me to keep doing what I'm doing without being more fake. -INTJ guy.
7:29 “For the record, my favourite colour is not necessarily BLACK. I like a lot of colours, like GRAY” - INTJ
white has to be my favorite colour it represents purity and is the strongest overall.
Think I need to make notes. LOL.
-Say good morning.
Okay.
-Say good morning to everyone.
What? Is that what the humans expect?
-Say irrelevant speech, every time someone comes over.
What? How do these people do any work?
-Smile
So being fake helps team spirits?
-Go to social get togethers for coffee.
What? I spend work time with you and now you want to take my precious social time too? Are you real? (Ok I won't say any of these lines, out loud).
-Don't wear black
What? Isn't black classy, professional and pragmatic (stains don't show up).
-Don't have discussions (religion etc.) as people think you are arguing.
What? You want me to talk, but not to give an honest opinion as I might hurt your feelings? Right?
These human social rules are very interesting.
Fi is like, I don't feel like doing any of this.
Te is like, if this gets us good team feedback and a promotion, maybe we could consider it.
Ni is like, once you judging functions agree, let me know.... so we can carry out the plan.
Hahaha- awesome video!
This is great and made me laugh way too loud. I'm glad you liked the video.
The answer why you, me or any INTJ don't "get" these things is because unlike us, not everybody is rational. Everything you said makes perfect sense. so the only reason why someone behaves or expects those nonsense things from you is because they dont think, but just go along with the default patterns of behavior they observe from their parents, friends, or society. And because we actually question the rationality behind everything, we can easily spot these nonsense expectations that others have accepted by default.
For example, I actually never greet anyone by voice anymore. I just look at them and wave - this way if they are interested, they see that I am greeting them, but if they are not interested but are focused on doing something else, it is not disturbing, because unless they are looking at me too, they dont even notice (unlike voice which gets noticed by anyone within the range of the soundwaves). Therefore, I am giving the other the freedom to choose whether they are interested in participating in the social tradition of greeting, or just skip it because of some relevant reason, meaning that those who want to be greeted will notice and those who dont will not. A true win-win in any situation.
Bruh working in customer support sounds terrible for a fellow INTX
I'd say it's not the most natural. Back when I was in an office of my own, I couldn't understand why they had such an issue with me cracking the door or shutting it when I needed to focus.
I'm INFP who work in IT support for more than 1 years and I'm 100% related to what Niki said but the job itself is not terrible for me because my Fi motivated me a lot and I can work in the field I'm interested in. What really bothers me in office enviroment actually are workplace regulations and social regulations.
"Could you smile more?" - Almost every person that tried to photograph me.
Fun fact: this is the main reason why I don’t have a photo of me in my profile picture.
I remember being eight and glaring at people for telling me that.
For a "goth girl" you have a very bright and friendly face.
She’s definitely intj I wear black all the time I look friendly and approachable but low key I hate when people talk to me because it’s just a waste of energy
It seems like there is a huge misunderstanding of what "goth" is, but while I am a "spooky girl" and enjoy goth type things, that doesn't make me goth. It's a whole lifestyle beyond just wearing dark clothing. Every person I've met who does have a gothic esthetic and classifies themselves a much were all very friendly though.
@@nikiyikes5674 Hmm...... I'm not sure if my comment came across the way that I hoped; I intended for it to be tongue in cheek. 🤔
@@SARKEK Oh, I understood! I knew you were being funny. I was just adding to it about the stereotype.
@@nikiyikes5674 Good good. have a good day Ms. Yikes.
My INTJ wife had difficulty working at one fast food place in Alabama because, even though she was smiling when facing the customers, her lack of smiling when getting the food or drinks with her back turned to customers wasn't smiling enough.
I'd say the issue you're experiencing there is southern U.S. first, with INTJ issues a bit behind that. Any subculture with formalized/hierarchical elements is always going to feel like sandpaper to an INTx.
Very true. Even though I no longer work in something like retail and this is an office...I still find my ability to just focus on my work to be unappealing to those around me. Super baffling that they want me to slack off and conversate!
@@nikiyikes5674 Communicating like that is comforting to extroverts. It helps them feel safe in the community. Almost as if when they are quiet (not saying "hello", not smiling at someone) they may be forgotten. For someone who needs that social connection to feel safe and even know their own feelings, not getting that back can be jarring.
I'm a female intj and I had a female enfj friend tell me she was in awe of my ability to know how I felt without checking in with the group. She thought I was such a strong person.. That opened my eyes to how extroverted feeling must be.
"We shd get together sometime" and other similar phrases..... only recently I learned ppl dont actually mean that.
Dishonesty wd forever bother an INTJ.
Sometimes I actually like the pretending part in customer service. If it's casual with someone I know, I'll use my customer service attitude to mess with them. Or if I decide to go all the way I'll make up a ridiculous but convincing story, then tell them I made it all up so they can't tell if I'm being honest the next time I make something up.
If it's not for humor, I hate pretending. Especially for job interviews. I think they're pointless because of the way they go about it. Nobody can honestly fit every quality they're looking for. It takes time to get things right, it's not instant. Yes, I'm salty because my last interview didn't go well lol. I just want to flat out ignore the questions and tell them what's actually real.
I'm fine with customer service and helping guests/ clients. That doesn't bother of exhaust me, even when they're difficult. It seems to be the office environments I've been in and the over all "let's talk all the time and if you're not smiling we'll complain".
In my opinion customer service is no go for INTJ. Been there done that. I Got SUPER burned out and hated how annoyingly irrational customers were. This led me to start drinking almost daily to help cope (This lasted nearly 2 years and I never really drank before this). After 2 years I got fed up enough that I took action and created short/long term goals to change careers. I started taking online courses which led me to a drastic change in career. I studied IT/CompSci which I felt more drawn to and was a much better fit. I have been in IT now for 12+ years and do not regret it at all. My opinion is that you, as an INTJ, really should look into the sciences, or some sort of problem solving related occupation that does not involve customer service directly. INTJ is more behind the scenes type and better at solving efficiency related problems.
I'm in the middle of changing work places at the moment and have goals to leave the US entirely. Everything right now is temporary. But the funny thing is...I am in business administration and finance. I'm not directly in customer service anymore and haven't been for years. My headache are the coworkers.
@@nikiyikes5674 Ugh. Bad co-workers can be even more painful because everyday .... there they are again and no escaping. I know you will make the best of it. Set your goals and stick to them and soon you will be living them. I wish you the best !!!
Its hard enough being intj man, but women? Very attractive women everyone want to small talk with? good luck 😆
Telling anyone to smile is basically telling them - don't be genuine - be fake like me. As an INTJ you won't accept that.
If you dislike repetition you really must hate those children shows, where they repeat everything annoyingly often. I noticed that as a kid and it went on my nerves. To make fun of it I sometimes said the same thing just with other words (some people got it some not).
When I talked about it, I often rephrased the sentence. You know just talking about it again, changing the words. A repetition of what is going on through my mouth. Just saying it with my own words. A redundance which I demonstrated by using different descriptive words. I explained it by changing the grammar but keeping the meaning. I described it in my understanding using other combinations of letters. I would say I just recreated the meaning by another word order. I let it sink in by stating it in my own explanation.
Sesame Street and Barney were my least favorite shows. Ever (INTJ here 😂)
The assumptions ppl make just because you're not constantly making small talk or smiling makes no sense. Maybe I just want a second of quiet since the rest of my work day is spent talking to the public constantly. That SHOULD make more sense lol! I love the point you made about religion. I know I uphold certain values and it would be a huge amount of effort to interact without arguing about beliefs with certain ppl. Half the time I don't even dislike then I'm just saving us both time since I know I won't have enough energy to invest in that probably complicated relationship. Being friendly with ppl but still not wanting to hang out is NOT a reflection on if I like someone or not! Liked the ranting of this video, it's a fun concept 😁
One of my coworker asked me out for a coffee date and I l legitimately said 'are you out of your mind' well and I am an INTJ
Even though I liked that guy
That's hilarious. I'm working on a video talking about why INTJs are hard to date, and I bring up the workplace.
Well...I brought up to a fellow co-worker (INTJ-T) leaving in November that I would like to take her out and/or do something social after she leaves.
Her response was "❤".
Me: (an INTJ-A) 😊
O alas, males will get that too...haha. Rest assured..."You have such a good smile, why don't you smile more? You look so serious all the time." But hey, maybe they're right. I probably do have a nice smile. But sorry Charlie, the sun doesn't shine all the time, every day neither. That's life.
This reminds me of something I saw in high school. We had this surfer type substitute teacher that the girls would crush on. On of the girls asks him ‘sir, why don’t you smile more’. His response was ‘how can I smile when I look at you?’ I try to dress as blandly as possible…..it is a great small talk repellant.
Whoever told you to keep smiling is an idiot. The world is full idiots, bastards and bad news. Ain't no reason to smile, most days. Stay strong and take deep breaths. I hope your workplace has improved since a year ago.
Oh, I work somewhere else and go all day without interacting with people. So, yes. My workplace has improved. I made sure of it.
@@nikiyikes5674 Glad to hear it. Do you have any advice on how to stop hating everyone? I want to like people in general, but I strugge to do this. Any thoughts?
When I was younger people always asked me if I was sad or what's wrong because I didn't smile when there was no reason. Well I have a neutral face when I feel neutral. I said to them: "No I'm fine. That's my neutral face."
And then they said: You should smile more.
Well I will if you make me laugh :)
So I can totally get that.
As an intj myself it is madnesses that I am constantly tagged as “unfriendly” for just being focused and professional. I struggled at my last job, bc I was tagged as unfriendly and or strange for not wanting to be psychotically friendly like the rest of my coworkers. Mind you I chose the service industry. I’m a genius apparently.
Here in the UK we don't seem to get the pushy religious people but I do always get asked if I'm okay because to other people I apparently don't look very happy and I almost always wear black. I use an mp3 player at work and being plugged in discourages people from trying to talk to me so I get to choose who I want to talk to.
Damn, that smiling story is extremely cringy. That's very toxic. Like instead of making a job place more comfortable for you (because you are a part of the team like everyone else), they are implanting in your head a necessity for faking an emotion. That's a red flag if I see one.
I don't do well in a corperate enviornment. I do better as an outsider. Office politica aren't for me. I don't know how you pull it off.
Males are expected to smile too, which feels even more superficial. I smile at neighbors with hopes that they will remove me from their serial killer hit list.
I really like that sentence "why should i smile at you when you enter the room when i am doing some projects on computer ?'' I am INTJ-A this is the issue with me most of the time and people in my work place think i am cold heart. Well don't care what others think i am concentrated on my work. I am dumb idiot to smile at you .
Yeah, I guess that's more of an American thing. Here in Ukraine where people are more direct and honest, its kinda weird to greet someone multiple times, and people would comment on that. I used to work in an American company and this extensive politeness drove me nuts.
In many cases where people have "strong opinions" (I think they don't have a strong opinion, but an annoying opinion) I saw that they are trying to get beliefs validated they need to not crack down on the reality of our world.
haha this is hilarious. I just imagined you smiling at your laptop making your calculations - feeling like a clown, even with your face muscles paining already! Why don´t you just make a general kind statement on the next team meeting like `Team, don´t take it personal when I cannot greet you in the midst of my work.` And if you want to add: ´ It interrupts my workflow to much`... Or just start telling this to the coworkers face to face, starting with the ones you sympathize most with.
this whole having to smile thing is so annoying but I think it's bc people feel intimidated by us intj's cause we have a serious face and come across as very sure and reflected which they don't like cause it makes them look weaker
I've always felt it was more of a perception thing, and it's a perception that revolves around expectation instead of reality. You and I may see someone working at their desk frowning while looking over reports and know that they're just concentrating, but someone else might look at them and go, "Wow, they must be really unfriendly or in a bad mood." I don't get it, but it seems to be a wide spread thing. And as far as just walking down the street, there's many out there who are extremely unselfaware. No one walks around smiling. When our faces our relaxed, almost everyone looks grumpy.
I need a fellow INTJ to date. 😊. I agree with everything you said
Come to Poland. You belong here. Seriously.
I must say that this is the first time I found someone else that shares my views on each of these things.
Intj = Slytherin
Well, that's the case for me at least!
Black clothing is just a standard for INTJs. I've been wearing mostly black my entire life, screw what anyone thinks.
I just find it silly. I've come across people who dress "normal" who were mentally unsound, and people to don't dress "normal" who were great and genuine people.
@@nikiyikes5674 lol "normal".
Same here! I feel like an imposter and so uncomfortable if I'm not wearing black. My entire wardrobe is black - everything! :)
Hmm. As an INTJ, my wardrobe is very limited (all considerations taken), and now I wear mostly wear greys and blues.
@@theoreticaltrap992 grey and blue are a close #2 and #3 for me hahahaha
When people say we should go for coffee I say, no thats okay!
Imagine if the whole world were made up of intjs. There would be no pleasantries/useless platitudes/small talk 🤣
We would not have to explain ourselves over useless emotional stuff and things would be much more efficient. Not sure how well that would work tho.
Also, I totally get your point about smiling. I always have the same thoughts. Literally never agreed more with someone. I loled at the part where you talked about smiling in the shower. All these social expectations just seem so pointless haha
I think humans would be halfway through terraforming Mars and mining Jupiters moons right now if everyone was an INTJ.
Haha… It seems the world is just getting more and more irritating.
Repetition makes me crazy too. 😂
The color “black” is actually ALL the colors in the spectrum “embedded” in your clothing - humans see the “black” we know of because no color is reflected back into our eyes.
So tell your coworkers that technically, black is actually the most “colorful” color there is lol - we just can’t see it.
Very symbolic.
I'm sorry for correcting, but all the colors in the spectrum “embedded”, it's actually white. When you are mixing tint you get black, but when you are mixing colors, you get white. No offense.
@@KuhiChr technically, black, white and grey are not colours, they are neutrals.
Don't worry my dear, they don't know, we are facing things they would never understand... Take care 💕
I don't think people realize why they even do the things I mentioned in this video lol
@@nikiyikes5674 yes, they don't, you have to understand that being a rational person in an emotional world is really difficult, it's like a fifth dimensional been existing in the third dimension... A living hell,😏😏😏😏 ενδελέχεια its the purpose of Humans, as the Greeks have stated..
@@dimitrioskaragkounis617 as proclaimed thinker that means u neglect ur emotions to others to deal with
But when they try to mange it for u
U feel controlled
The same goes for feelers with logic
“ETIQUETTE GONE WRONG” “POLITENESS OVERLOAD” sounds like solid video potential there
4:21 I thought you were about to break into song.
The smile thing! YES!
Really miss your videos!
point 1+2: i am so glad that i live in germany, there are no problems like this. some say that germans are unfriendly, but i like the honesty. i would really suffer under american politeness...
I prefer honesty over fake niceties anyday.
Get an officedesk that is in the back of the building not in a walkthrough area.
This vidya is over a year old so you probably already did.
Already did and I go hours without speaking to anyone. It's amazing.
please bet back
Beautiful
Fe blindspot problems
At some point, the same person needs to stop saying hello every time they reenter the room lol
5 months, where are you..... How are you... Have you just found some other focus points or might even serious love... I know we should not be worried..
Br another INTJ profile.
I hope the mother ship UFO comes soon and gets us INFJ's off this planet. People are quite annoying. Tasty. But annoying nonetheless... haha.
You've been gone a while, hope you're okay.
I had some things going on, but I'm okay and just posted a fun video. Thank you so much for your concern :)
About the fake plans, yeah that's a very reasonable issue. A lot of people from my country who moved to the US were shocked to discover that Americans make a lot of fake plans just to be polite. And that's a big culture shock, for us. Because if everyone is polite then no one is polite. By the way, I guess that would hinder the dating life as well. But I would also say that this etiquette was developed for a reason. I guess it was more socially and evolutionary advantageous.
Smiling at your desk.... I think your supervisor may have had many insecurities to say something so rude, silly, and inappropriate. The Cheshire Cat is required to smile all the time, but when we humans are focused on work, interrupting that focus is rude and counterproductive. Especially on a computer. I'm sorry this happened, and I'm reading so many instances of this occurring on other videos. Half of all people (bosses too) are below average in intelligence by definition. That's part of it. No wonder so many people want to work from home since Covid......and.....how many personality types would tolerate being constantly interrupted while driving?
Sounds like you might be happier behind the scene.
I am working towards not having a typical work life, but that may take some time yet. In the meantime, I hope to find an office environment where I don't get punished for trying to do my work.
Hilarious watching INTJ vids and its so relatable. I can just see the blank stares id be getting trying to explain any of this to someone. Wearing black just makes you look cool and deep, right - which i am! I remember a cute girl got upset at my profile pic because her grandfather had died a few weeks earlier. uhhhh sorry? I love a robust debate but i dont judge others for their opinions, I judge their character but then its so upsetting to be attacked personally by someone because theyre rocked by the ease with which we take their arguments apart because Ive already spent hours thinking about it. Men who wanted to wear womens clothing never seemed bizarre to me, even though i dress conservatively ofc - an INTJ can understand their need to express themselves within a system where they dont fit.
I was just looking for intj femaile like me on utube.its a bit conforting to know there is people out there like you.Undrestanding every word.but for an intj i think you give a fuck too much about what people think about you
Loved your channel ❤️
So-called religious people and smiling all the time are an 'American thing'. Black fashion clothes are all about a silhouette, not the color, although I don't know what this color represents in the goth's world. I myself wear mostly black in my free time, but for my workplace, I do copy my coworkers' style (like a social camouflage).
5:01 ESFJs around their grandkids... That's who lol
I identify as an intj Sigma male that is also a Libra and I get your struggles I work in the automotive industry and I don't believe in fake Smiles however enfps and infp personality types have to these Tendencies to smile all the time maybe you mistyped you are really a INTP personality instead the intj and INTP can be mismatched easily I have an INTP best friend and we are extremely somewhere but he's a lot more quiet and studies data I am a little bit more outgoing and rely on gut feelings
Totally, totally agree! I feel the exact same way. People who want to say hi every single time they pass by me drive me crazy. We'll say hi 20 times a day. But If you don't they think there's something wrong, or your being a b****. It's so ungenuine. The thing people say that bugs me the most is "How are you today?" I hate to sound pessimistic but most people do not give a crap about how you're doing. But they'll ask you multiple times a day and if you try to say anything other than "fine" they'll cut you off and start talking about something else, or walk away and not even let you finish. It's like, why even ask me to begin with? It's just very robotic and it's meaningless. I love to wear black too. Black makes you look slim, it goes with pretty much anything. I don't like bright colors because I feel like they say look at me! look at me! I definitely don't like attracting attention to myself.
Hi queen
Hi!
I totally get it. I've had jobs that I was shocked that they turned out to be more about dealing with people and their emotions. I've done IT jobs where I've had to spend so much time trying to help customers cope with their feelings of frustration, stress, confusion, etc. that it seemed like I was 'wasting' my time that I should have been spending on fixing hardware and software. It drove me nuts! I wished that I could just stay in the back away from the front counter and just fix stuff all day. The worst was when customers would want me to teach them how to do something with their technology that was baffling them. It was so difficult to try to explain it to them, especially if they got frustrated or upset about it. My preferred way was to write or type up instructions for them and let them read it and try my directions out without me present, but that didn't always work for them.
I don't understand human behavior either. Never have. When I was a kid, I so related to C3PO in Star Wars and how baffled he usually was by how the other characters behaved even though he was supposed to be a protocol droid programmed to understand them. I feel just like that - I'm supposed to understand people, but I just don't. My favorite comedians are the ones who tell jokes about behavior, everyday objects, or happenings that they find to be weird.
Comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Steven Wright are my sort of sense of humor. Especially Steven Wright. If I thought I could cope with crowds, stage fright etc., I'd want to be a comedian like him. Sometimes, I pepper my social media posts or blogs with things that I find funny. It's probably as close to being a comedian as I'll ever get. I did try actually doing stand up comedy once for a church fundraiser that was a talent show. It was a lot of fun once I got in the flow of it and stopped being nervous. The best part was writing the jokes and practicing them ahead of time, but the stress of getting up there in front of people was too great for me to want to keep doing that on a regular basis.
My TH-cam channel is very tiny and the video my wife filmed of me doing stand up as well as a few how-to videos about board games is all that's on there. Most of my interactions on here are comments on others' videos. I find doing videos very difficult, so I admire people like you who are able to do them. You do great work. I'm not just saying that because our society says I should either, I mean it.
The problem is that you are beautiful -- Is dealing with brilliance any less difficult?
Though I still question the validity of mbti. I definitely relate to much of the things you bring to light, even in the relationship area. Though I question mbti. I hope you continue making videos, your efforts are appreciated. -Fellow (supposed) INTJ
“Leave Me Alone” if I’m doing math SO TRUEEEE
Well, there's a sentence I never would have expected to hear, "my D&D group is going to the beach."
story-tell more about your troubles in the workplace, talk about intj stress and how you cope with the extreme difficulties, and how you relax, be happy in the moment
Thanks for this video. I related a lot.
P.S. The cat behind you gave you cat ears!
I hope you come back someday
It is now someday!
Your audio and video not goes in align, did you spoke post recording it seems?
Btw Keep up with videos!!
Here are your cognitive functions distribution according to this video (+ means possitive attitude of function, - means negative one)
IMO you might be ESTJ with high propability. If you want and you not 100% sure try to verify your character, because you might be mistyped. Best regards.
Te +++++++++++++++++++++
Si +++-----
Ne +++++-------
Fi +++++-------
Ti +++++--
Se +-
Ni +++
Fe ++------
And also your functions from 2nd random video, just to confirm:
Te +++++++++++++++++++
Si +++++++++-----------
Ne ++++++------
Fi +++-------------
Ti ++++++++----
Se ++-
Ni ++
Fe +++-----
BTW. ESTJ main fears are who they are and what they like (which may agree with your situation) and INTJ main fear is fear of chaos. Consider also your coversation styles which fit you most: talk direct, initiate and control (ESTJ) or talk direct, respon and move (INTJ).
I'm a INTJ-A male and I absolutely love and relate to your videos.
Hah, I think I'm an INTP, and I relate to all of these.
6:00 I was asked to wear 'colors' more :/
Extremely similar in personality
I absolutely love your channel! Thanks for making this happen!
Thank you for enjoying!
how did you type yorself?
I wonder if INTJ females find it more challenging to 'people' than INTJ male
I also wonder about that.
In my opinion the "cog in the machine" workplace is one of the most socially stinted places left in our modern world. I've walked into offices sometimes and been bombarded with southern Belle bob haircuts, dresses down to the ankles and a "southern disposition" bordering on something out of a 50s movie.
LOLOL I don't know if I've dealt with THAT exactly...but great way to describe the southern office.
Where did she go?
as an intj male, i actually have been told by female strangers that i should smile more to be more approachable and less intimidating.
family and coworkers also mention it once in a while.
I figured that's happened. What a silly thing to tell someone.
Totally relatable.
This was so hilarious >.
Thanks
'are you a witch' XD .... this was a joke right?
Yes, it was joke lol but I had plenty of friends were into wicca among other things.
@@nikiyikes5674 you are the funniest INTJ i ever saw
☕?
Dealing with people is just a challenge. It’s nice to be able to be left alone. That seems to work for me, I guess I’m good at sending out “leave me alone” signals that work. I’m sorry that it seems you have people bothering you on a regular basis.
As a side note, hope you had a nice time at the beach. But going with a group of people sounds a bit overwhelming. I like to be alone at the beach, preferably at night too.
Well you see, I went with two couples. I knew what I was doing lol Also, they are very good people who love their alone time as much as I do.
@@nikiyikes5674 Oh, I see. I would do that too. I was thinking a larger group of people, hehe. Hope it was an enjoyable, migraine free time.
@@nikiyikes5674 I had a question for you, that I had forgotten to ask. I am just curious, and if it isn’t too personal to ask, what are the things that comprise your interests? Other individuals that I know with the INTJ type have, in my opinion, compelling hobbies and interests. My apologies if this is something you have answered already elsewhere, that I haven’t seen.
@@nickr5213 I personally don't think I'm that interesting. My hobbies probably don't seem very "stereotypical "INTJ". I like to read, mostly fiction/syfi. I feel like my brain is always so focused on reality, that it's refreshing being transported elsewhere into a place that could never exist. I'm also always working on a small writing projects, short stories mostly which I show no one lol And surprisingly I like working out which I'd classify as more of a hobby vs a thing I do to be in shape cause eh. See, not very compelling. But also, video games.
@@nikiyikes5674 No no, this is exactly what I was looking for. I don’t tend to think of people in stereotypical terms anyway, but, what I meant about compelling interests was that I can just talk with individuals that are INTJs about their interests and have a fascinating and enjoyable conversation. Whereas often, I get bored in conversations generally, and small talk is irritating.
The fact that you like reading, also sci-fi, a broadening of the mind and horizons. A very good hobby and way of spending time.
Also, the fact that you are a writer, which makes sense since you express yourself well in video form, and it can be even easier to express with the written word. I wonder who your influences are as a writer, and your style and the subjects you gravitate towards writing about. Thanks again for taking the time to reply!
Saying "Humans" rather than people conveys the wrong impression that you consider yourself to be something other than human, which obviously is not the case, but that wrong impression can be avoided, Niki. Best wishes from an INTP friend!
They are humans, what else...if not?