Responsible parenting: Create memories, not expectations | Austeja Landsbergiene | TEDxRiga
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ส.ค. 2016
- We all are familiar with expectations. Expectations laid on us once to succeed in life. And without noticing we transfer all these expectations on our children. But do high expectations help our children to succeed in life?
Austeja Landsbergiene, Ph.D., CEO and founder of a private chain of pre-schools in Latvia and Lithuania is an educator and visionary who thinks that the most important thing that parents have to give their children is unconditional love and childhood memories filled with parent kindness. Austeja is confident that by creating memories, not expectations kids can flourish in their lives.
Austeja Landsbergiene has been awarded by the President of Lithuania and the King of Sweden a Young Entrepreneur of the Year Award for the enhancement of Lithuania’s education system through implementing new concept of teaching and for being an inspiring role-model, showing of how passion and knowledge can be turned into a successful business.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I so wish I had the chance to reparent my now 18 year old daughter. The things I know now I didn’t know then, so I was doing the best I could but I can’t help but wish I could do it over again. So if you’re reading this learn from my mistakes, make childhood fun, don’t worry about the messes that are made or make chores more important than playing with your child. Childhood is so fleeting that when you’re child asks you do read to them, watch tv with them, play a game, whatever, drop EVERYTHING and do it. Let them know there is nothing more important to you then spending time with them. Don’t say no so much and don’t ever say please stop talking because Mom has a headache because one day you will want them to talk and they will be silent.
Yes l truly agree. I am a housewife from India. .Now my son is 22..How l wish l could do my reparenting.
I just cried reading this.. thank you so much for your advice ❤
I feel the same way
This is one of the most moving and valuable posts I've ever read. Thank you.
🥺this is very true.
I read somewhere a piece of advice for parents in regards to question: "which after-school activity I should send my young child to?" And the expert said: " twice a week 1 hr baking with mum, twice a week 1hr diy with dad". That is all they need as young children. To spend time with their parents. That was a great eye-opener for me. This talk is similar to that bit of advice. Another successful woman, a very successful woman at that said that she is what she is because of her dad: when she was still in school, every day at dinner time he would ask her, what she failed at today and they would laugh about it. He taught her that failure is not really a failure, it is just an experience, a try. It is ok to try and fail. A failure would be not to try at all because of fear. Anyway, Thanks to 1000 failures we have a light bulb today... NO SHAME, NO BELITTLING, JUST LOVE AND KINDNESS. Great talk.
Agree but better chance of baking with Dad than DIY. 😉
i cried at ur statement...i felt failure as a mother...but i can do bettet..i will
Anna Maledon Picture Book Author I like what you said. People need to love each other. Love is kindness and patience and gentleness. Love is what people need most. Because love is what heals us and helps us grow. Love gives us hope. And I believe the main reason why this world is growing darker & colder is because so many choose not to love their neighbors...nor their enemies. So many fail to love. This is very sad.
Anna Maledon Picture Book Author ❤️❤️❤️❤️👍🏻it well said
Now I strongly agree that failure certainly is experience. Thank you for this comment!
I love this! "If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money." -Abigail Vanburen
I totally agree it’s not about things it’s about times spent together
don't forget to take some pictures, you'll laugh at it when you look back.
❤❤❤
¤ Bite your tongue when you want to reprimand.
¤ create loving memories to last for a lifetime.
Think 20 years from today, what do you want your children to remember today.
Thanks for quoting
She just reinforced my type of parenting.....small children are so happy to give a helping hand...no matter how they wash the dishes or fold the clothes, praise them, it can all be done over after they go to sleep or off to school. In my opinion it is one of the biggest problems most mothers have is to try and make them do their chores the way we would do it or want it done.
yes I remember when I was a kid I always wanted to help my mom, so did my sibling. My mom thankfully gladly let us do chores. She saw that it makes us happy, so no problem there. I will do the same with my daughter :D
Omg, so wise!! You hit a chord right there! Why didn’t I look it this way?
At what point do you teach them the details of cleaning?
Couldnt agree more.
I’m the odd one out, my kid usually gets bored 10 seconds into doing a chore together. One day I announced we will turn music on and dance while we unpack the dishwasher. She loved it, that only lasted a couple of weeks. When we ask to help, she politely answers, “no thank you”😮 she whines the whole time we rake leaves. She’d rather play with her friends.
This touched me. It gave me chills down my spine and across my arms. I’m raising a 18 month old, and thank god I found conscious parenting
Sending the best of luck from all of us here at Family Is Love!
Check out Dr Gabor Mate.
@@solahuddin9528 love him!
"Kindness makes children feel LOVED" ......... awwww💗
how to snow kindness?
About my child sometimes I became very much strict.. But lately I realised that kindness is more important than being a perfectionist parent
This brought so SO much awareness. Wonderfully said. I wish we could make a commercial about this to spread it. "If you want to change the world, go home and love your family".
Such great words! It's a wonderful idea about the commercial.
If you want to change the world, love thy neighbor as thyself.
I think what she says has merit. I've seen how children thrive in this type of situation she describes. My brother and sister-in-law are both very kind, calm, and loving towards everyone. They have 3 sweet children who are not entitled or lazy, but are willing to be obedient and be kind to others as well. I've even seen their 2 year old girl be very mature and responsible. It's incredible how a little kindness goes a long way.
It’s sure does
Stay at home parents are the KEY to a better society, Better people and Better FUTURE!
I wish I could be a stay at home parent!
A.K. Nesbitt yes I wish I could afford that :(
I'm blessed I was able to run business from home so my work schedule worked around my kids schedule & it worked out great. Awesone video thank you.
You could just have your own credit card and that way have credit.
Not always
this brought me to tears at the end. I'm always making excuses as to my plans to change to be a better mom once I have more money or have a better career or when I buy a house of our own or blah blah blah and it's always tomorow tomorow and tomorow. i have to live for today and I see that but sometimes regret kills me so much that it disables me. I don't abuse my children or neglect them but I am often cold and annoyed and inpatient and loud and I dont say I love u enough and I know it stems from my own child hood which upsets me cuz I have turned into my mother. I wish gor this generation cycle to stop and I want me kids to know I love them but I don't know how to break the patterns I have only known. life is too short and I need to get my life straight and enjoy every single second of life with them and making them happy
Califas most of us as mothers are inpatient, loud and get upset about our kids not doing what we want them to do at the time we want it done, forgetting they are only kids. we want them to always listen to us but we don't listen to them😓😓. You can break the pattern dear one step at a time. Let's make continuous efforts to scream less, say I love you more,say you can do it more and not say anything when all we want to do yell scream and 👋🏻 hit them.
It’s a hard job. All I can say is good for you for making effort, good for you that this is what you watch on TH-cam. Your children are luckier to have a caring mom than they would be if they just had a perfect mom that makes it look too easy ❤️
Maryam m nasir thank you for the encouragement.
misssophiamae u brought tears back into my eyes. These words really do help me in reminding me to not overwhelm myself with shame for my mistakes and I hope my kids grow up feeling how much they mean to me. Thank you again
Califas
Kudos for admitting your faults as a parent, which is very hard!
" hug your child say that you love them "
Me: just realized that my parents never said I love you or hugged me for the 7 years lol
Me too but I have been doing it for my child.she is happy.
One of the best TED talks for just real life and real people (parents)
I would be more honored to meet this woman than any president or a famous person tbh bcs its much more fullfilling to meet a person that values things that make us happy in life more than everything. give her a nobel prize ffs
You wouldn't want to meet and know her in real life, believe me. Although this talk is really powerful and every word is true here.
@@prehistoricboar4620 Why not?
Her voice constantly made me keenly aware of the possibility that she might burst into tears at any moment.
“It’s only dozens of minutes most of us spend with our children a day” To me that is a super sad statement
This was so powerful! This brought much more awareness! Gave me the chills! Thank you! God bless!
I needed this video to pop up for me. My soul desperately needed this.
I had the same kind of father. He never scold at me, never yell or raise his voise. He always just calmly would tell me he love me the way i am, my mother on the other hand bit me to bleed. Anyway, I am glad that I know God is real and He knew what is best for my spirit. And now I have 4 kids, and I choose to be just like my dad, be kind and forgiving. Its not easy to be a parent, but its a blessing. I want everyone to be blessed!
What on earth, can the people who down voted this video possibly have against the advice this lady gives. She gives great advice, and it works. Sorry you guys had a resentful childhood, but being kind, and taking time with your kids dont make them soft. It makes them smart, cooperative, curious, and creative. It gives them courage and critical thinking skills, to solve problems, and it teaches them not to give up. It makes them better in the books and at sports. Tools to get them through. Growing up with parents who breathe, makes them stronger.
I don't even remember the last time my parents said me, " I love you ". They just say that if I don't get good grades they will leave me alone and make me feel what life is.
Dear send this link to your parents.
Our parents were raised in a very different environment. They took their patterns of parenting from their parents and were absolutely sure that just by earning a living, feeding children properly and criticising their kids every now and then( "who will open their eyes if not me?"- they used to think ). Thanks god, now we know and understand more about the needs of our kids. We have to walk ourselves through the fear of being undermined and share our true love with our children. It's a great deal for us though to overcome these fears and anxiety of being a bad parent.
It's not about the quantity of time but about the quality of time we give our children. Being 100% present for them, enjoying what they do and playing with them. In doing this we will gain much more respect from our kids and watch them be more rounded individuals and will contribute more without us constantly having to ask 😊
Thank you so much.
In that mom that cook 3 meals a day.
I'm exhausted.
This is so true
I will make a change.
Thank you for this eye opener.
sara
Did she say 3 meals a day or 3 meals for every kid? I think she saud making 1 meal for all
I cook three meals a day from scratch. I'm poor I can't afford easy food.
Sweetie Pie Yeah, if you don't eat what I cook, then you don't eat.
I believe each 3 children gets a different meal .. not feeding them one meal per day and not 3 ... she was cooking 9 different meals basically , not only 3
@@Wyntergracecopper_656 ,I did that for a long time and occasionally I still cook nine different ones. I'm tired ALL.THE.TIME.
Some of the most significant exchanges between men happen without a word. Many will never understand.
Parenting when done correctly is the hardest most important, most rewarding, job there is
Absolutely correct
Yes it sure is
I created many memories for and particularly with my kiddos. It will NEVER be something I regret. I embrace those memories now as I am in the winter of my life here on earth.
care the feelings of those you love. they'll remember.
"Whenever there is kindness in something, it adorns it, and whenever it is removed from something it disgraces it." Prophet Mohammad 😊
M G i wanted this in comments so badly...i m happy u wrote the name of muhammad in this He said if u want do sadaqa go to ur family and play with them...
Mashallah
Wow wow wow, I wish every single new parent were required to hear talks like this. Thank you!
Powerful message that made me really think about how I parent and ways that I can improve. Thank you!
13 weeks pregnant and I honestly needed this
i'm barely 22, no kids, and i found this beautiful. parents are only doing their best and i forget mine are actual people too, they have their own emotions and aren't just a hero on a pedestal with no struggles. I love my parents, and I aspire to be an even better example for my future children.
I love that I watched this. I have a three year old. And if anything Ive learned is that I need to gain patience to his growing mind. I love that I watched this because it's true. Kindness and making memories is what it should be about when we are together.
Such a beautiful talk and person! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and counsel. Parents do play such an important role in one's life, and I have been fortunate that I was, and still am, blessed with the utmost love from my parents, who are such wonderful human-beings. Growing up, we were given freedom to explore, and never reprimanded severely (scolded at times, yes, but not the sort which left one feeling bad about oneself after), and always encouraged to live one's life based on values: kindness, integrity, hard-work, going easy too, as opposed to basing it around meritorial achievement. Plaudits were appreciated, though failures never frowned upon. Just kindly nudges to do better, and to always believe in oneself. So much of who I am today is based on the love I received from my parents - and I shan't deny that an individual harbours certain responsibility too in one's growth. Other's can only do so much - certainly, especially in one's childhood that effect is more pronounced, but I do think that no matter little or grown-up, we must take accountability for our actions. I recall spending much time with myself too in my early years, and I taught myself some lessons; some through learnt experience, and some through intuition and observance. Though, nothing to speak less of the enormous love that was bestowed upon us from the very first day. Grateful to my parents. Love to everyone reading this!
7
Thank you!!! I want positive memories! My personal expectations are just too overwhelming for myself, I can not believe I have pushed those stressful expectations to my girls. This was a great message!
I have a 1yr old son,I am so fortunate to get to watch this.❤️
I'm crying....got me in my feels. As a parent, I needed this...
Everyone, especially parents, needs to watch this. 🖤
As 2019 dad I’m so touched by this talk. What a wonderful talk I will try to remind myself this everyday. Thank you 🙏🏾
That's my life to my children. Memories.
When I get off track, my son reminds me of this truth!
The most important thing that every dad and mom should know about their parenting!!!Bravo!!! Once Mother Teresa said:"The best thing you can do for family is just go to and love them!"👨👩👧👦❤️
Алима Абеуова
how to love a 17 year old son?
Absolutely! I believe in giving my child and us happy memories of his growing up years 💖
Not easy being a good parent, but we have no choice becauae we love these little monsters. I love my kiddos and I tell them all the time.
i understand. when u have two successful parents, i was expected to be one by the people around, naturally.
but… my parents, they even laughed it off when my results fell back of the class. they were there - always. they show up- always.
they make memories at every corner of my life.
they always remind me to live a life that i want. 😊
thank you, mom and dad.
i see that if we make memories, and let go of expectations.
naturally, your child will strive in most situations … as you have memory in many situations😁😁
If I could give my parents some advice without fear of getting yelled at. I’d tell them to have patience even though it’s hard, put your own disappointment of me aside because I could feel that as if it were my own. Don’t push me to be perfect because I fear the expectations. Tell me how to behave but leave your own preconceived feelings out of it. To parents and parents to be, children are more smart and perspective then you realize. They are capable
of feeling your own emotions. if your sad, angry, disappointed. They can feel that. if all that anger and disappointment is directed at them eventually that once happy go lucky child with start to break. That’s what happened to me and now I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay.
This lady is so passionate. I really enjoyed her talk.
Thank you. I am still crying and have watched this twice. Thank you. Its heartbreaking but much needed.
Absolutely beautiful and inspiring message. Thank you very much!!
Coming out of Foster care at 18 I only ever knew strict discipline and staying close cause God forbid I disobeyed my Guardians... These comments give me comfort that I'm not alone when unlearning toxix behaviors.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and GAD Anxiety ..
I need all the help I can get to over come my trauma so I'm not passing it on to my three beautiful children.
I love your advices, Austėja. Every time I feel helpless your vlog inspires me to become a better parent.
She has put it out everything so perfectly!
This is certainly one of the best talks I've ever heard. Thank you very much!
Fantastic, I love this perspective
what a coincidence 2 find this vid!!!
u must b wondering why ""COINCIDENCE""
cuz this vid was made just 4 me,
I saw it in the right moment of my life..........
children do what we do,
not what we say!!!
thnx 4 encourage me with da right words,
dats exactly what I needed 2 hear.
greets!!!
This is very helpful, especially around this very stressful time for all of us and especially us parents with children at home who need looking after and home schooled on top of all other responsibilities as parents and adults.
Inspiring. You certainly helped me shift my perception and reminded me about what really matters: love, kindness, play ❤️
Memories being with our parents are the best memories in our life I have many lovely memories too. 💓 . That taught me to be kind and let go of many things. Our stress shod not effect on our kid's life. We have to accept the difference between each child and situation.
Thank you. Precious. Important. Invaluable.
Come back to ski in Georgia. Loved this speach❤
Oh my god, I am crying this really resonates with me.
Yes true. Very moving for me too.
one of the best talks I have heard. great advice and especially good for educators. I will try put the tips of making memories into practice while building positive relationships.
Thank you so much for this. This let's me remember how loving parents I have when I'm a little girl. They are very kind to me. It's a lifetime story of Loving parents.
I love how she explained everything i want to be a parent like this. The world 🌍 would've been a better place if we are a good parent as she says.❤❤❤
outstanding.. very valuable lecture on parenting
This is powerful stuff. I am retired and I can't watch this all the way through. It's too painful to watch as l have only horror memories growing up. Yet there was one who spoke kindly of me. That was my only happy memory, but it was enough to carry me through my childhood and to do reasonably well in life.
Despite l have done as well as l could be, I am still extremely frightened to visit that dark spaces of my past. I have to block myself out all the time and immediately. I flee from them. That is the only way to keep me focus looking forward.
It really touch my heart! This is a nice message..hope everyone touch there hearts too.
I love your words! I was screaming YESSSS your whole video!
I loved it! Because even though being a parent is not easy, what she says about memory is the most important thing to plant in them
Transferal of expectations onto our children is inevitable. We must recognise, reflect- and also admit that we do this. So let's try our best as mothers and fathers to put less pressure.
incredible speech and insights
Wow powerful! Thank you best advice I’ve heard in a long time
I can not agree enough for every single word she says in her speech! Amazing mother educator and woman!
Fantástico.. 👏👏👏☆☆☆☆☆
Loved this talk, soooo realistic.
Thank you so much. Very inspirational talk. I have learned a lot.
New thing I can learn from.
Thank you very much. This is very helpful.
After 6 years I'm listening and crying!...She was great 👍 👌
One of the best Ted talks... So inspiring and encouraging... So true... Thank you. An amazing speaker...
These over expectations are really creating problems to our families.......
Brought me to tears
I've recently discovered Positive Parenting Solutions, Inc and all I can say is that it has shifted the way I parent and discipline my kids overall. I no longer yell!!! Loving it.
I told my teenager she can live with me as long as she wants when she gets older. I said dont leave me because i love you. Lol
Very deep and powerful message. Thank you!
you know what I have found is key in parenting. what i found as being key as a teacher - authenticity. be real with your child and he will perceive the truth in what you do. when a student sees that i am following a predetermined course of teaching they tend to turn off. when they see i am engaging them in the situation at hand directly they respond. one must follow a course of either teaching or child raising (ie the routines a child must be put through). but within that authenticity is something important to be injected to get the childs trust and attention
Great talk. I think about this all the time- what will my kids remember about their childhood? Thanks for articulating what I’ve been thinking.
This was a great presentation!! Good information on being a good parent
"we only get so many mins a day. make them count." i dont even get time with my son each day an its killing me completely more than any wound ever has.
We are sinful human beings raising babies, toddlers, adolescents and teenagers, all birthed from sinful human beings. Love, hugs, touch, encouragement, discussed goals, shared hopes and dreams, helping the child reach and learn knowing they are loved regardless how busy we get providing an income, providing and preparing food, helping with homework, teaching them about themselves and siblings...Learning in spite of difficult teachers etc, all while we are sinful human beings doing the best we can with what we have to work with, loving our children with all our hearts. All this from a single mom of 4, by the Grace of God, I did the best I could.
Thanks for the talk!
Many of us need this to listen often!
The best speech about parenting👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Best Collection of A Perfect Essay for New Age Parents Forever
The best ted talk on the subject
Motivational talk- Love it
GRACIAS !!!! Por poner subtítulos en Español
Thank you. I needed this. ❤️
She speaks from her ♥️ I love her
I definitely bawled the whole video.
"unconditional love" i wish my parents could do that kind of love to me
All of these parenting ted talks are making me cry. Thank you! Very nice