What every new parent should know: Diana Eidelman at TEDxBGU
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
- Drawing from her experience as a mother and a Family Counselor, Diana Eidelman shares her insights into challenging and often contradictory experiences that define parenting in the modern world. By drawing on keen insights into the psychology of both parent and child, Diana encourages listeners to consider the importance of active interaction, emotional stability, sustenance and physical touch to both infants and parents during the early, critical stages of child development.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
The key is to slow down. Housework, hygiene, health, none of it has a time limit. If you slow down everything will get done. It goes so much faster than you can possibly imagine. Remember that there will come a time when you'll miss nursing and pooping at the same time and you will miss even the most intense tears and screams that come from your beautiful baby. They cling to you for such a short time. Embrace it. It's such a special time. Just go slow and prioritize everything. Nothing is more important than this time. I have 5 kids ages 10, 8, 6, 2, and 1 month. A decade has blown by and many regrets and guilty feelings have come and vanished. I teach my kids that when you make mistakes you can't dwell in that space. You have to let go to make room for something new to come in, and when you let go of that mistake you will learn a lesson from it. And when we learn better, we do better the next time we face a similar situation. Parenting is go with the flow. Don't force your child into your world, learn to blend and flow with one another.
That was beautiful, thank you :)
such good advice
Many thanks, I been tryin to find out about "tips to get baby to sleep longer" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Qeysaiah Baby Bangka - (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some awesome things about it and my brother in law got excellent success with it.
💕🖖🏽
Maitri Bodhi
You assume we all like the super needy stage that much. I didn’t. I’m much happier with 2 year olds. WAAAAAAAAY happier.
I had my first baby at 35. Before that I had a successful career. Let me tell you; being a mother is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I look back and wonder how I managed it especially the first couple of years X
This brought tears to my eyes because she hit the nail right on the head for me. I have a 10 month old and 7 year old, and life has been soo overwhelming, being a working mum and a wife. My husband works 6 days a week and long hours, so is hardly around. I feel alone and stressed most of the time, and on top of that I am exhausted, and feel inadequate. I also feel like no one understands, but this video made me realise I am not alone and it's a relief. Thank you for this!
Exactly how I feel and so many Mums I’ve spoken to. You’re certainly not alone 🙏🏾❤️
Shia M i have a group on FB called Let’s Just Talk!! A group for all moms, dads, people who struggle will talk about whatever they need to talk about. You won’t feel alone ❤️
So true!!
This just hits a cord with me because I now have a first hand glimpse into the requirements and challenges a mother endures. I hope 3 years later you and your family are healthy and happy.
I did 8 years of Sales before I had my baby.
Before being a mum my whole week was about KPIs. It was stressful but when you hit your KPI it was super satisfactory. You can calculate the incentives by the amount of work you put in. My whole life was dominated by numbers.
So when I had baby, guess what
No quantitative measurement of the effort I am putting. No ROI.
It drive me crazy. I was confused all the time. I kept having this anxiety that I was doing something wrong.
I made an excel chart to track my babies feeding and pooping. Lol
My mum told me to relax.
She said that if they cry than that means they are either hungry or wet or sometimes they just want to cry. Hold them love them and forget the rest.
I was scared that if I hold him too much he will get used to it, but my mum said that this moment will pass so soon and I will regret that I didn’t hold him enough. And it was so true.
Let me tell you I was basically feeling and doing the same things as you described. I keep track of my baby's feeding, sleeping, pooping. I got anxiety feeling like I was doing something wrong or my baby had acid reflux, colic...I was worried that I held my baby girl for too long. I was crazy for the first 6 months 😰 I feel much better now and ready for baby no2, my baby is 14 months old now btw. I think this 2nd time around will be better 🤞
Sofia Ng thanks for the comment.
It’s wonderful to hear from someone who went through the same thibg
@@sumipun5856 same here, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gone through something like this. Thank you for posting this comment! Wish you and your family all the best!
Great talk! I feel that the concept of the “village” has been forgotten! The reason people are so anxious and find themselves isolated and thinking negative thoughts is because there is no village anymore and people are raising their babies/children alone which was never meant to be the way for centuries/millennia, humans have raised their children together. It’s very helpful and the way we are doing things is leading to more post partum depression and overwhelmed parents.
True to a certain extent. I think some people isolate themselves or take on everything single handed because of what the village has become. You hear so many stories about babies or children being murdered by the babysitter, daycare worker, the boyfriend/girlfriend, the grandparent or even a family friend. Sometimes people know they need the help, but they have no idea who they can trust in this day and age to actually care for the child as they're expected to.
I was chatting to my family about this today actually.. difference between grandparents generation raising in a village vs us trying to be self sufficient.Hence the older generation explains that they all went though it but lacks the understanding of why it’s “so hard” for our generation.
We need Jesus same yesterday today tomorrow here one memory can regenerate that dormant element of village (tribe) . Yea
One god is enough slow down it will get done it will go fast . Keep on
@@b.martin9344 You are absolutely correct! 👏🏾👏🏾
@@b.martin9344 a very valid point...our time is different to say 30 years ago when it was easier to trust others...especially now with the dark web and a plethora of people exposed to child exploitation
I think that if you worry about being a good parent means that you are already on your way to being a great parent. We hold ourselves sometimes to a unattainable standard which can prevent you from a realization of achievement and success in being the foundation of a growing and thriving little human. My 5cents worth as a Dad
I really needed to read this! I just want to be a good understanding mom that is able to provide my daughter with opportunities
Thank you
She hit the nail on the head.. 4 months pp and she precisely described my experiences.. and happy to know I'm not the only one experiencing these.. Love for this tribe of women..
I noticed that since I picked up hobbies and mommy friends I’m so much happier. She was pretty hard on me the first year but my love for her got us through. Her hugs are the most amazing thing in the world but sometimes I need a break to refill my mommy gas tank.
I'm only 8 weeks pregnant and already feel overwhelmed and anxious about this whole process and wondering if I'll be able to be a good mom when I know I'll be so tired and sleep deprived. So thank you for somehow rationalizing this absolutely crazy time
Good luck! You will be a great mom
Sleep with the baby and take naps with the baby. I did this and I didn’t feel tired. I researched it and it is safe if you are not obese or on certain medications
HEY HOWS IT GOING NOW?
I'm noticing a lot of mothers questioning their parenthood or what they did while pregnant. Ladies YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. We are all looking for guidance just like our babies are looking for it. You never know what's right for your baby because all babies are different. I ended having to experiment different methods of sleep training because my child would take a while to fall asleep and would only sleep 45 minutes to an hour most the time. It takes time and effort, my sister told me and it does. It's not easy. No one said it would be. Eventually your baby adapts to your routine and it gets more and more better for you both but do not expect the first 3 months to be easy because within that time they are learning how to sleep and when to sleep and how to put themselves to sleep. Don't feel guilty. It's not worth the time. Sometimes you will feel like an awful mother but the only thing that would make you an awful mother is if you gave up and abandoned your baby. Be proud. As women we work hard to do these things. If anything instead of being mean to ourselves, just give yourself a pat on the back for making it through the day.
Moral of the story: no ones ever ready.
Flower Power No this talk is about the conflict we as parents have with our babies.
I'm already 22 weeks pregnant. Right now I am anxious about how to take care of the future little creature. Her experience brings tears to my eyes and also encourages me to embrace my boy and become a good mother. Thank you very much!
I have a son who's 2,5 months old and I can relate to everything she described. This talk was so comforting. Thank you.
I relate to this so much. The first 6 months were the hardest adaptation period I've ever experienced. To become a mother is almost to go through metamorphosis. My son was "high needs" also. He was born looking around, blue eyes wide open, taking in everything. The nurses called him "bright eyes" which is coincidentally something my husband called me in our very early days 🤍
You want an alert baby...my son met all of his milestones early and at 16 months old is the happiest, cuddliest, and smartest baby I've ever known. He plays independently. He can problem solve. He amazes me. And he's still just as alert lol 🤣 he literally doesn't stop moving until he sleeps, his energy gives me energy!
Amazing tips.
First time mom, mother of triplets here 😉
Wow RESPECT
How on earth did you do that. You need to write a book if you ever get time that is
God bless you
Wow! I just had one little girl a week ago and I feel so overwhelmed. All the best to you dear!
Congratulations and practice the gift that she talks about. Reach out to your friends even just to talk about what you’re going through. Good luck.
Based on recent brain research, I would add an extra T to the GIFT acronym - Talk! Language develop occurs through the social interactions between parent-caregiver and the child. It is through language that children build more brain connections leading to stronger thinking skills, problem solving skills, and social/emotional skills.
This really made me feel good. She got right into the heart of it all.
Great talk! I went through the exact same thing. Everyhing you do is interrupted...absolutely true
Woman you make me cry that's exactly how I feel thank you very much at at least somebody understand
As a first time parent, this is so helpful and reassuring. Thank you. And the comment section is so thoughtful and useful too. great video and community section.
BTW I am not a western mom and I can relate to every word of this.
I was disappointed when the video ended after 12 minutes. I wish it lasted longer!
I just had a baby 2 weeks ago and I really needed to hear this. I’m most definitely giving him the G.I.F.T.
Congratulations! All the best to you and your little one.
I have twins in initial days it was very hard to manage every thing and I feel depressed about everything but after few days I realized that it's all in my head and as you said it's all about ourselves your advice really helped me thanks a lot.
Fantastic talk! I have run into a very frustrating rut with my toddler recently, and we need to reboot our schedule so that we are both happier. Thank you for this information.
Useful. So needed to new parents. This needs to be told to all “to be” parents.
Amazing thoughts🙏🏻indeed truly said crawl away, walk away n fly away.. fly away is my saddest part.💞
This is incredibly helpful at the moment, and perhaps forever. We're currently enduring the newborn phase (3 weeks) and he's ultra fussy. We find ourselves constantly reaching for solutions and reassurance and this video/talk gives me hope and catharsis with a fresh perspective.
Here after a week as a new parent. This was really helpful
Wonderful, sensible and inspiring little talk. It comes as a timely g.i.f.t. to my wife and myself, less than two weeks into parenthood :)
Such a nice speech. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience and the G.I.F.T.😍🙏
Sounds like my younger son, no3 child. Even as a 3rd time new parent, so resonate with this.
Thank you so much for this. Baby has been going through a sleep regression and hasn't been moulding to what we think he should he doing. I ended up frustrated, exhausted and sending him by my in laws (I'm also dealing with mild ppd). He's on his way back to me now and I promise to try giving him the GIFT and letting him just be a baby
I'm so glad i heard about high needs babies pretty soon after having my girl... i thought i was taking crazy pills...I'd never seen a baby like this! I was so happy to know it was a "thing" so i wouldn't have to wallow in thinking I was doing something wrong. She is fabulous... but a high needs baby will show you what youre NOT going to do!
Little House in the Big Apple is it your girl still like that? I have a son and he is always on me. I so neev some alone time 😭😭😭
I loved your talk. I didn't want your talk to finish. I want to hear you more.
Awesome video! Thanks for sharing. Really needed to hear this.
Parenting is the most challenging task. It grows you as well along with your kids. there will always be contradictions between parents and kids. as a parent you may fail and feel like giving up many times. I will recommend reading a book " Mom Dollar Money" by angela Reuss, its the best parenting book i have read so far.
Great 👍🏻. I will also recommend "Child Guidance" by Ellen Gould White, you won't regret reading it.
Great tips! 👶🏻👏🏼 The one things I hate the most is sleep training. Parents don't realise that babies are born 9 months early which means that once they are here, the beginning is like another stage of pregnancy. Touching them and making them feel safe will prevent an anxiety in the future. We just want to control too much.
@5:00-10:00
Hearing this portion, I looked to see possibly how old the video was. Such a difference in the perception and state of being women present now from 7-10 years ago.
Amazing talk!!! You described exactly how I feel!🙌🏻
she is right!! i have an 8 year old and 1 year old and i learned with my 2nd baby
I'm 7 months pregnant and freaking out about this. But this helped. I realise it will be hard and different. But I will find a way to get through this.
Hi Bella. Also 7 months currently and having a mini freak out. Seeing you post this a year ago, I wonder how you feel now?
@@ConscienceLearner well I'm doing fine. But also in the first year I had a burn out. And I got diagnosed with autism. So it doesn't mean that you won't be able to cope. I have learned to re arrange my life and I'm doing good now. You can too!
This was my exact experience as a new mom.
What u spoke is exactly what happened with me. Same lifestyle that u had, i had. Same like you, no experience with babies. N same pain n screwed up after my first!!! No guidance. Totaly with our self.
Great start of the talk. So real and practical words...
that's a wonderful speech very soothing voice it inspired me
What a child will remember is whether or not you cared. My mother feels guilty about "mistakes" she made with me decades ago. I don't even remember the stuff she is so stressed over and feels so guilty about.
Beautiful! Great video as I'm going through week one as a father. Thank you for this awesome collection of your thoughts and experiences 🧡
Very well said.
This was so beautiful and I’m glad I watched💛
Thank you
Needed this! Thank you
I was really able to connect with everything he was saying!
Thank you ♥️
I really appreciated this
I so needed this. I am expecting my first child and I'm nervous how I will be. My hubby works all day until late at night, six days a week... so I worry that I will feel like a single mom. I already feel the pressure of high expectations for myself and know my role probably won't be appreciated like I was as a career woman. I am going to shift my focus to GIFT and let myself go with the flow.
Dear Sophie, I wish you a wonderful beginning. Our greatest luck as parents is that our children offer us continuous opportunities to fall in love with them. You will experience your baby trying to connect with you again and again, even if you feel stress. you will flow into love, even when it is hard...(:
Sophie N how's it going?
diana eidelman gaqexqxzeetyGyghuioofpllnnmmkppp
Just wow!
thank u so much
Nice video. Many parents are not aware of the importance of touch to early brain development.
This was so helpful ❤️❤️❤️
I needed this right now ❤
We had the same and we got a sling and started baby carrying, we started co-sleeping and last but not least, lowered our expectations!
SBGJansen yes!
Bedsharing is extremely dangerous...the CDC has statistics about this.
Depends on what studies you look at. Assuming you are not obese or on certain medication it can be safe
@@karmichaelblue We have an American.
@@sansewai yes and?
9 months pregnant and already crying and feeling guilty....did I talk to my baby enough? Does he feel loved, did my stress affect him to much? I keep forgetting to take my vitamin...I am already a terrible mom, I feel guilty for being tired of being pregnant.
Like she said breathe..inhale..let all worries go away when you exhale..you are alright and its normal to forget..its not on purpose :) so smile.
Regulargirl Anonymous almost eight months and feeling similar things! already feel like a failure! :/ especially feel guilty about stress while pregnant etc
Regulargirl Anonymous that's the opposite of what you should be feeling! By this time your baby may be barely born. There's still SO much time for you to do those things. Learning this now and not 9 months ago should not deter you from doing the best you can for your baby NOW. Just start now, be positive, listen to your instincts, and move forward.
30 weeks pregnant and that's exactly how I feel!!!
I am pregnant and have stress through my job which concerned me but the fact that you are concerned & working on it means you are already a good parent. My doctor said when your baby is born, they will learn from your facial clues and you will teach them how to deal with stress and that they are loved by smiling at them. She said smiling at your baby often will help them a lot.
All I can is I love you diana thank you so much for your amazing talk :)
I really needed this perfect timing what you said it described my beautiful daughter I'm a new mom with no support no help shes with me as you said 24 hours I feel I give her all of me but back of my head I still feel guilty that it's not enough I feel that way because shes gifted after trying to get pregnant fo so many years weeks before doing ivf I found out I'm pregnant then I felt the world is mine shes my world
I'll do more of what you suggested g.i.f.t.
God bless you ♡
Up at 5 am after the 3rd blowout from my baby. Really needed to hear this, thank you ❤
Just finished breastfeeding at 3am and trying to get some me time . And to wake up at 6am 😊
Thank you, that was very interesting, true...and funny! 😊 (...dying to plug my eyebrows😊)
This is great, especially go. It is so true. Babies need to Goooo. Although I do think F should be Fresh air. Whenever I bring my unsettled baby out into fresh air outside, they always seem to feel peaceful. Watching the world around them. Or when my kids got hurt and they are crying hysterical. I step out side hot or cold, rainy too. And they just shut it down. Its amazing.
Amazing, great ted!
beautiful 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you!
The problem is that parents dont invest enough time with their babies, a baby is two full time jobs
I say 3 full time jobs, I say so now that I'm going through this experience.
It’s impossible to not spend time with your baby. The baby is number 1 and if you forget that they will let you know.
After 9th minute speech becomes meaningful
Truth!
5:40 SO TRUEEEEE
Hope I listened to this talk two years ago
one must think a whole lot before removing their birth control or deciding to forgo it. think long and hard .
xoxXOXO l no matter how much u think about it it doesn’t make it any easier when it happens
This is so interesting
I talk to my baby a lot from the start,she spoke early and I wasn't as stressed. BUT I try only to say positive things to her,"no" was Okay but not negative comments.
JLynn Rosado how do you mange your sleep
This is building
A new mommy of a beautiful babygirl here 😃
Glad Ialready treated my baby's like this
Check out the book by Dr. Ted Nugent, "Your baby is speaking to you. Ninety (90%) percent of human communication is non-verbal in both directions." It is why I do what I do, teach "Baby Whispering." I have three courses that help those first couple of years. Sign Language, watching their body language un understanding combine with Infant Massage (healthy touch that releases oxytocin in both the baby and the parent) dramatically supports the bonding and connection. I just love her talk!
I am a new dad of a baby that is 5 days old. And yesterday I started counting the number of sucks to measure the efficiency of feeding :)
While 3months pregnant I do for the most part consider myself pretty much prepared for baby pretty soon:-) This preparedness is not based on my lawyer’s career, but on 15years of active preparation/reading and practical experience with kids! It shocks me to see that this lady and all my colleagues think they are prepared for baby BECAUSE they’ve had a successful career for ten years, a husband and a car!!!??? That just goes to show how UNprepared they are, because the more control and effectiveness they have in life the harder the baby years will become. I wonder, would they prepare for a pilot exam by flying airplanes or by getting married?
okay, lady who is pregnant and never had a child of her own. dont think anyone should take advice from a non parent, whether u worked in day care or not
xoxXOXO just cause someone has a child it doesn’t automatically mean they know what they’re doing! You need to educate yourself about human development and child growth by reading and researching. Each child is different but science is constant.
Thank you, I could not agree more. That’s exactly what I meant by “15years of active preparation/reading and practical experience with kids” in my first comment. About 100 books did not make me a perfect mom. But over time I became a prepared one. So happy that I held on tight to my own intense childhood years that were full of love, laughter, understanding, nature, real experiences, creativity and all day free play with open ended materials. Can’t wait to prepare this environment for Alex and get to know him
It's gonna be harder for you...my career is in elementary education and I spent years working in daycare and my biggest challenge was the ego getting hit repeatedly.
xoxXOXO l Amen!
Currently feeding my 6wk old
I am still my 19 month old son's teddy bear when he wants to sleep.
Anyting . example immunization, planned family, breastfeeding, et cetera
I LOVE youtube!
Turns out it was all about me hohoho
I didn’t care about people’s opinion. I knew my baby and myself and I co-slept. You think back in the day cavewomen left their babies to sleep alone in their own cave?!! No! They co-slept!!!
Right?! It's terrible to see so many mothers and fathers put their young baby in a bed of their own, let alone leave them in a different room for the night - without any body contact during sleep.
@@t.r.1457 It's "terrible"? What's terrible is rolling over onto your baby and increasing SIDS risk. Just because it didn't happen to your baby doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Also, to the original comment, please don't use cavewomen as a barometer for good parenting. Infant mortality even 15 years ago was significantly higher. I'll pass on co-sleeping.
You don't care about people's opinion, yet happily vomit your nonsense on other people.
I co sleep too !☺️
Bedsharing is extremely dangerous. The CDC has statistics about this. It is one of the number one causes of SIDS typically due to suffocation. Yes it would be so much easier to sleep with the baby on the bed, but it puts the baby at risk of suffocation and as parents we must sacrifice comfort to keep them safe.
Separation Anxiety
Parenting is terrifying.. maybe because I study psychology and early childhood education!
I'm truly debating if I want children.
We're overpopulated and not having children sounds selfish to society.
However, having kids also sounds selfish since none of us asked to be here.
I'm a teacher, maybe I should stick with my career.
I have the opportunity to see children grow and learn without them being mine.
Our room is 2 king size mattresses in the bedroom and our baby and toddler sleep with us otherwise we would get no sleep.
Bessyisyourbestie Forever smart! I’ve gotta try that.
09:10
Would have been really helpful if the video was titled, "What every new mother should know"? That's fine, videos for mums are great and it would save dads time when they are looking for relevant info for themselves.
So...fathers should not take care of their babies and feed them????
easy solution: attachment parenting.
“Gift” en Danish means “poison” or “married”:)
Ja, det tænkt jeg også😉
Natasha Thomas in german it means poison too ☠️
but you pronounce totally differently,
For someone who brags about working in education!... I wonder what is the difference with the parents in developing and developed countries?!!.. They are human beings too arent they?!.. She talks about technology and material advantages those dont have anything to do with raising a baby.. Raising a baby is a strictly related to human interaction.. This woman had a perfect material life before having a baby.. Guess what having a child is beyond that and anything we could think so dont make a difference in between ppl in one part of the world thatn the other we are all the same and the work of raising a baby and the feelings we experience are the same for all parents... She should educate herself on being a human being
"But when your spouse comes home it's not something you are going to brag about." Why not? I would.
I do not agree with the distinction between developed and undeveloped countries, it is the same no matter the country
In undeveloped countries usually few generations live in a same household, it makes everything easier.
... "in developed countties?"... Why?
Well I hope that like any healthy spirited mother you would be proud of her even if she did not have children. If she had told you that she wants to focus on her career, travel, date or live her life to the fullest without kids I do hope you would've been proud also. As a mother. Because as long as you are fertile, making babies is easy. Raising them is another story. Women tend to live in a fairytale world posting about their kids on FB flaubting it just like the Watts did and look what behind closed doors happened. You cannot assume life is perfect by looking at what people post. Of course they only post the good stuff. Women are free now. We are not baby making machines. We can adopt. Take our own decisions and still be strong and hard working. This world is insane. Tons of kids need to be adopted. We don't need to make more babies. It's selfish.