Exactly she has to criticize everything. If she makes dinner she complains we don't help but if we do she says were in the way and can't do anything right. If we go out instead of cooking to give he a break she complains about the food. This is just a little example of what my mom does.
"Validation" is exactly the word I have been looking for. My mother never made me feel validated. Fortunately, I got plenty of validation from both of my much-loved grandmothers.
I turned 50yrs old on June 15, 2024 and I can positively write that the struggle carries itself well into adulthood life, a neurological wound for which not only we are not responsible for whatever wrong teaching, emotional mental and physical abuse was perpetrated upon us and engrained now into our skulls, we also need to deal with the aftermath and whatever obstacle this trauma has generated. They robbed us of a lot of things not just childhood . Ironically we can only heal by overcoming all this bucket of shit thrown at us and become anything and everything they so skilfully tried to prevent us to be: HAPPY HUMAN BEINGS, something this pathetic narc parents were not.
Good morning from Mississippi!! I’m 58 now. I didn’t even know what a narcissist actually was until some time after my loving dad passed away in 2013. After learning this, so much made sense to me. I know why my entire life I’ve had no self-esteem, no confidence, a longing for love. I always thought something was wrong with me and that I was always “wrong”. My mother passed 4 yrs ago. I have 1 older sibling who is a mirror image of my mother. Both are full blown narcissists. They both have made mine and my families lives hell. I wish I had known about this many years ago. I’ve lost so many years of my life I’ll never get back. Healing from all this trauma is difficult. I can’t even remember what pure joy feels like. I want that again. Listening to what other people have gone through seems to help. It reminds me that I’m not alone in this world. God Bless!
Thank you for this. I dont remember a single hug or i love you even as a small child., makes you thing whats wrong with me. This helps me realize so much...
If it's any consolation, hugs and I love you's can be used as a form of manipulation too. This can be done by anyone in any kind of relationship, whether parents, friends, or lovers. Even narcissists have personality.
My mother has never been an affectionate mother and at 36 my feelings have never been validated once in my life. The person she is right in my face is totally different from the untrue toxic gossiper. 👩🏽💻
While on the phone with my mom, I broke down and told her I was struggling and felt suicidal. Immediately she said a call was coming in and she had to take the call. There was no call. She always dismissed my traumas and mental health but spoke about it to everyone else behind my back. I let it slide for years. I finally cut her off this year. I had enough. Didn't realize she was a narcissist.
@@nmc1859 Thank you. You are so right. I try not to think of her but the pain hits everyday, like a few moments ago. My own mother doesn't care about my life. I need to love myself and grow from this. Thanks again for your kind words. 💚
@@ProfessorBae08 I am very sorry that you experienced that from your mom. It's sad. You don't deserve that. You deserve love and patience from your mom at all times.
My mom too... She'd always put the needs of my siblings ahead of my own. Me too,.. I finally quit speaking to my mom. Last year. Boxing day,.. Do I miss her. Not at all. Keep Trukin',.. Don't give up.. there are ppl out here that love YU,.n. Care about YU. K
I'm just now realizing why I have so many issues when it comes to perfectionism or looking at my accomplishments and talents as nothing special. My best friend was proud of me for getting my degree in accounting. She asked if I was happy about it, and I shrugged. It didn't feel like an accomplishment. I also found out why I don't like compliments on anything I do. I tear myself down because I'm used to it. So many things make more sense now that I understand who I have been dealing with this entire time.
This is it. Dr Ramani says that it's a kind of theft. You've had the joy of accomplishment taken away from you likely by someone who is jealous of and bitter about you.
This is my boyfriend. Like you, his narcissistic mother tore him down. I try to compliment him but he really doesn't like it or know how to respond to it.
Why does everyone else have a nice home, just not you two? ??? I took my parents to an older friend's home who had retired from a long mid management position and used the retirement payout to buy a gorgeous home in his hometown. The other house belonged to a relative who had had his own construction company with I don't know how many employees. And his charges to the country for building and maintaining public roads were probably not exactly low. So he had money to build a rather large house. Hubby and I were still living in our university flat. And he was in his second working year. It still hurts after all these years. But don't expect any apologies. (OT) Why do you constantly have to dig out old stuff?
If it makes you feel any better, after we got our home she was happy for us, but she kept mentioning how she wanted to buy a new house in the ritzy area of town and was going to look at them now. I just don’t understand. It’s always a one up.
It's so relatable...the pain was immese and growing up i dint know what I did wrong..walking on egg shells...and now she questions y don't i call her... whenever u call or talk to her .. It's so draining...leaves me feeling hurt for atleast the whole day.
You didn’t do anything wrong. They are so draining. Keep visits short if you can’t go no contact, practice the grey rock approach. Your worth and identity is in God. Let him deal with her and heal you. ❤
My harp teacher wanted to hear from my parents on my success as a harpist, because both of them wouldn't say squat. So, I asked my mom, about how I was doing on the harp? Here's what she said, "What do you want accolades?" Boy, did that sting. I found peace of mind after she passed. No more stomach aches!!!!!
Wow, I hope you kept playing the harp because you don’t need her opinion to enjoy something. That hit me about the stomach aches , I grew up with that too.
Having a narc parent is very hard, especially if you are the scapegoat. Or just the current target. I know how bad it hurts, and how it impacts our self confidence.
Yep, and it's impossible for anyone in your family to understand or care specially, when you're going through the worst time of your life you get blamed for what's happened to you like my narc ex leaving abandoning us not giving me my basic needs and my mother having a huge home underneath her house and won't allow me and my son to go there who does that? Or has conditions if I would go there that are impossible to meet
They will never change! They get worse as they age. If you can, move out and away from her. She will only cause you misery. It's very sad and painful but true.
I hate the feeling of that my mom is to the point I want to be completely away from her.everything was amazing in the past but now I just feel like she’s a bully
@@AddysonStout Trust your gut. I always thought my mom was difficult but I thought I was the cause of so many of her negative comments and reactions. Later on, when a therapist told me it was pure abuse I started examining my upbringing and realized she was always that way, I just didn't recognize it as abuse. I thought her behavior was pretty normal. Pray about it. I know it's so difficult feeling like you have to steer clear of your mother. It is such an uncomfortable decision that brings guilt and shame along with it. In the end make sure to do whatever brings you peace of mind. You deserve that.
@@cindy7733 thank you so much i will never stop loving my mom but it just has me to the point I can’t keep trying to tolerate it my dad left me years ago and she was all I had there for awhile but as years have went on it’s just been worse and worse sadly
@@AddysonStout I understand. We are wired to love our parents. And you don't ever have to stop loving her. Don't ever feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. But remember, you can still love her from afar. You can keep your distance to protect yourself from repeatedly getting hurt. Some go "no contact" but others go "low contact." There are options out there. Pray and think about what is best for your heart and spirit. And know that you are not alone and that you have a support system here.
I went through a brief phase when I wondered if my mom was a narcissist. Then I got my narc mother in law. There is a VAST difference between a mom who sees your potential and pushes you hard and a soul crushing demon.
Oh my mom everything came with strings attached. That’s how I learned never to ask for anything. BUY she sure as hell asked me for money guilt tripped me, drained my account. I had to file for bankruptcy and WHO was crying? My mom! She had to have her feelings soothed because she knew damned well by manipulating me into buying a home for her and my siblings when I couldn’t afford it, got me there. I’m learning so much of why I am the way I am. And unlearning my god awful people pleasing tendencies.
I sent my mom a copy of my latest album (7 songs that I spent over 15 months of really hard work on). I also sent a copy to my aunts and uncles. I heard very nice feedback and congrats from every single one of her siblings, before she even bothered to listen to it.
Even if she congratulates you on something she will blow by it as fast as possible and makes sure no mention of it to the family. She tries to make it a distant memory as fast as possible.
As a child I wanted to go into counseling to help my family. Ironically my family laughed at me. Back then I had no idea why my mom seemed at odds with me so much. Now I have a specific language, she was a narcissist and met the criteria. It helps to understand why
I suggested relationship counselling to my mother and she said (quote) "I'm not the problem. You're the problem." I didn't even know what we were fighting about. She was just raging.
My mom sent my brother to counseling; he was still a child and the therapist said the problem was my mom. My mom refused to join the sessions, got angry at the therapist for saying that, and never sent my brother again.
lol yes like coming over to your house talking about “huh, it’s actually clean for once” 😂 when she is literally a hoarder etc and you have never had that attitude with her or anyone else. Oh, but it was a “compliment” so “why are you just so difficult” lmfao
On the rare occasions my mom would come over to my apartment, even when I would make sure everything she could see and interact had been cleaned, told me my well used cooking spatulas looked "dusty" and started bringing her own plates and silverware. She also would only ever eat food that came from herself or somewhere else, even though I love to cook and talked about it all the time.
When I had told my mom about my new job with good earnings she responded with "and why I can't make such money?! Life is so unfair" That really stung...
Never knew a mother’s love. Only Knew a lady that left me in foster care and when I became an adult be jealous and compete with me. She tried to rewrite my childhood to leave out her piss poor parenting like putting drugs and men before her kids. She has this one story of my sister and I running in the house when she pulled up after work because we weren’t supposed to be outside. She never had a job and that never happened. Conveniently leaving out her crack use, revolving door of men, and us never having food. My sister and I wrapped old toys in newspaper to have gifts on Christmas. She fought with my aunt who got custody of us because she wouldn’t give my mom half the foster care check she thought she deserved because we were HER kids😢. She’s blocked from my life because I refuse to live in her false reality while she constantly puts me down while asking for money.
Here's one for ya: I was a teenager, worked very hard to lose 30 lbs before starting back to school, got down to 110 lbs. THEN>>mom just HAD to say "well yeah, but you still got thunder thighs!"
I lost over 50 pounds a couple of years ago, but I stopped telling my mom what I weighed after about 20 pounds (even though she tried to dig it out of me constantly) because she had already started criticizing how I looked "too thin" and "you need to make sure you're eating enough, I don't want you to be unhealthy". I did start eating a better diet and cut back on (too big) portions, but also exercised a LOT, and she would say "I wouldn't want to lose weight if it just meant I had to starve myself.", implying I could only do it because I just wasn't eating. None of my hard work mattered at all!
They have to have someone, to control and on whom they can project, their own failings; they need to have supply and children make a convenient, ample source, of that supply.
I don’t like wearing makeup or how it feels. If we were going somewhere, she would ask me to put on makeup. When I refused, she would say, “Every old barn could use a coat of paint.” I was in my 20s when she would say this.
I’m so sorry. My mom forbade me from wearing red lipstick. She always had a comment. Now I have every shade and she can’t stop me. Even bright eye makeup I’ll feel good and she’s pulled me aside and told me it made me look old. The exact opposite, they need to put you down.
My mother was like this too. She always wanted me to wear make up going out and would say " no one is even looking at you" when I didn't wear any. These mothers are psychos. Don't believe a word that they say.
Yes my own mother tries to put me down all the time. Somehow everything is my fault and she would deny any wrongdoing. When I confronted her she would blow up like a nuclear bomb, never taking any responsibility. She is the most heartless cold and ill temper person I ever known. I suspect she is under demonic control because it’s like there isn’t a soul inside of her.
I can relate to this short.... It resonated. I have a narcissistic abusive mother, sadly. Acceptance with frequent time apart, helps me personally. I had to seek validation elsewhere because she made me homeless at 15 years young 😢
I'm a senior in highschool and I really want to go to this certain university that's a couple hours away. And I'm really excited at first she was supportive and hyped me up about it but now all she has to say is negative, talking about all the things she thinks I cant handle trying to bring me down like living on campus (without her where she can't boss me around) and finances. And I feel like I have no one to turn to for advice because she herself never went to collage and knowing her she will purposely try not to help to make me feel like I'm making a horrible decision. All I want is for her to support and validate me approaching this milestone. I noticed the past 2 years how much of a narcissist she is, and I try not to let it get me down.
I remember my mom was fine all week of my graduation but on the day of she yelled at me called me bad names and made me cry and in all the photos of me and my family she was the only one with the most disgusted and huge frown on her face. No congrats from her or nothing
I'm not sure what this means like she gives the bad stuff all to the first child or the good attention because I'm the oldest daughter and I'm definitely the scapegoat of the bunch
Ditto. Same here. I get all the crap. My mother is vile to me, trash talks everyone in the family to me, but then is sweet as pie to their faces. She's been telling everyone how over sensitive and crazy I am, using depression against me (the depression she has caused) so now noone believes anything I say. I've been NC for a year and it feels so good. Self confidence is coming back.
There IS! I’m 47 as well! My mom is terminally ill. I see a therapist and I’m learning why I can’t seem to attract healthy relationships. It really wrecks you as a human. Seek a therapist and you can unlearn so many things that were taught to you. Like valuing yourself. I’m just now learning that’s why I have a hard time knowing what I want. It’s NEVER too late to live your life the way you were meant to live it. It’s a hard journey but it’s enlightening to know it’s NOT you. It’s them. ❤
@@Exorcist364xsyou can't have kids at 47. I support your message and I wish the best for you, but it is important to raise awareness among the population of narcissistic demons and their abuse. These entities belong in jail for life.
The subtle way my Momster would act like a friend said I was so beautiful if only I lost weight. Yeah of course years later she conveniently doesn't only not remember saying anything like that she outright denies it.
My mother left my wedding and with the most evil expression said people are talking about your divorce and left. It was then I knew she is not allowed into my family life.
I literally can't tell her Anything because she will mock, denigrate, and ruin it. After I graduated college (i paid for it entirely on my own and merit scholarships) I moved out and tried to avoid telling her Anything I truly care about. She still takes the scraps and spreads nasty pointless rumors and creates insults. My brother is just like her, unfortunately. But subtle she ain't lol. she told me "You look like a stripper" once after I held up the top that She bought me, for xmas. They both take turns calling me selfish for not doing enough for them. For instance, I'm expected to risk my job taking off work to do minor tasks for them like cleaning a basement. When i lost my baby girl i didn't even get a phone call or a hospital visit. I doubt either one even remembers. Both have called me selfish for not having children. They're always telling me to give up or destroy my pets because it gives me less time to spend on them. narcissists are demons that only want your unhappiness.
At 30 in still struggling with body image issues from my teens that were installed on me by my mom. All it took was being told I was a marternity model and them laughed at. When I called her out on it, i was told that it didn't happen 🤷🏼♀️
The only luckiest siblings in this family dynamics is the goldenchild, they get all the praise and support and even the narc mothers are martyr for them.
Yeah, this. My mum was always going on about how i have to go to uni to be qualified "enough". I got my degree, (even though she tried to stop me), i evem got a masters degree. She didnt come to or acknowledge either of my graduations. I always felt i did those degrees for her and she didnt even appear to care.
Yeah that’s too true for me 😓 I sought validation from social media, work, my doctor (don’t ask lol) but I found validation from being enough for myself and God. And yes, I am valued at last at work. Still not my mum though
Me 2 months ago (talking to my mom in the car): "It's kinda funny how I'm going through all of these big life moments and everyone's talking about their own mundane day or whatever. :) I'm not the center of the universe." My mom: "yea lol." (keeps talking about her garden.) Me now: "...that was trauma..."
And some narc moms aren't subtle. Mine was quick to put me down to her "friends", and even made public spectacles whenever other folks praised me. Absolutely pathetic the depths to which she'd sink in order to dominate the family, every situation we were in. I finally walked away.
How did you walk away? When the others in the family keep telling you how she will always be your mom, what did you say and do? Genuinely asking because I really want to know how to help my husband. And how can I support him? She is exactly like yours, she has made a big blunder recently and STILL won't acknowlege what she did wrong and resort to gaslighting and blaming others. Even in this situation she has and will somehow make her children be the bad ones who are not on her side. She will always make them feel like they owe her their lives for even being born. And I just can't bear to watch this go on any longer.
@@Miroarify I left maintaining the relationship up to her and did nothing to contact or encourage the relationship (gray rock). Previously, I realized she had never taken the initiative in our relationship since I'd left home at 18 -- no visits, no phone calls, no cards, etc. When I walked away, I also walked away from her enablers and anyone connected to them (their children and friends). That was the only way to prevent her and them from creating their malignant vignettes. No, it wasn't easy, but the instinct of self-preservation was already strong after a lifetime dealing with her machinations, so I knew it was the last resort.
@DHW256 thank you for sharing. If it was up to me, I would have up and left. I think he's still holding on to this expectation that he has for himself to be a 'good son' or 'good brother'. It's tough because either way, it eats him up inside, something I can't control....I just feel so helpless.
@@Miroarify Based on her own words, Mom resented that I was ever born, as I was the reason she couldn't leave Dad for failing to be a perfect father to her illegitimate, first-born child, around whom Mom kept a tempest boiling at all times. Throughout their relationship, Dad acted as Mom's enabler, probably because he couldn't afford to leave, and he couldn't leave us kids to face her wrath. I was sinuously leaving my parents to their devices when Dad was murdered and, predictably, I was asked to pursue justice for the family, against Dad's killer. The prosecutor used my argument to great success, setting a precedent for murder charges in car crashes that is now widely used. After the sentencing, the assistant D.A. made the mistake of praising me in front of the crowd that had assembled to discuss the sentence, and Mom reacted with "It doesn't matter what (my son) said in there, he doesn't represent the family!", repeating it twice during the meeting. This, after I had represented the family and the memory of my father for 2-1/2 years! For me, this sealed the deal: I had tried to walk away for decades, and I was finally, permanently gone!
How my mom would address my appearance "you'll do" "you'll pass" and my favorite "at least if you ever get a boyfriend you'll know its not for your looks"
And this is the very reason that I make damn sure to do the total opposite with my children. I’m so thankful to God that I went through it instead of them.
My mother thinks that giving gifts to people on their birthdays is absurd. She thinks people should give gifts to their mothers on their own birthdays in order to thank their mothers for giving birth to them. So, even the day that I was born is not about me; it's all about my mother.
Once I went out for lunch with a group of people who happened to be elders at our church. Later I told my mom about it and horror swept over her face as she called for my dad and said " Oh no! Guess who your daughter thinks she's good enough to have lunch with!"
I recently cut my mother off because the level of Narcissism was beyond throughout my life, after I cut her her she decided to play victim and basically try to play with my mind and say if I'm so called healed I should cherish her and blamed me for her mistakes lol lmao, sad but true. At that moment I realized I made the right decision.
Many from childhood but most recent from adulthood moved into a one bed flat it was expensive as all rentals are at 700 a month not including bills did my best to make it nice. Her response " its a bit seedy isnt it". Wont help me get on the property ladder. Proved to her a mortgage is less than rent. She chose to take the money equity she has in her mortgage free home and do her own house up instead. Ive been stuck in poverty rental trap for years. Tried to unalive myself due to the circumstances. She knows this still wont help me
“I can’t believe I’m so much older than you all, yet I’m healthiest”. “You know I always wanted a girl.” A repeated message from Mother regarding my two brothers and I….🙄
@@ParteraQuisqueyanayep, a regular thing I’d hear. It actually never clicked until I was older how messed up that was! But then a lot is revealed later on, when we realize what we were dealing with.
My Narc DNA match insulted and tore me down my entire life. I never figured out why I was treated so poorly. I point-blank asked her and she said I don’t treat you poorly.. Liar! I did a DNA kit and am able to prove both of the monsters produced me. I didn’t know if I was treated poorly because I was somebody else’s child? Apparently, that wasn’t the case..
I am grateful that I had adhd. Her vicious cruelty became so normali don’t know where the trauma ends and the tisims start. Object permanence also made her forgettable, if only till the next time. 😢😂 Love to all the survivors ❤
@@Groovytunes96 Hi we can help at my company private therapy clinic please drop me an email at info@privatetherapyclinic.com saying you saw this TH-cam video and I’ll link you up with my team to help.
How about "I don't have nobody" I always say I'm not a nobody, she never gets it even till now, she doesn't recognize me only for supply of pity others hurt her. No, never put up with it and always call her out but she doesn't even hear or CARE but I keep calling her out
The day of my graduation with my second degree my mother chose to sleep in. Let that one sink in. She was too lazy and uninterested to get off her ass.
Exactly not only lack of validatiom, outright betrayal of THEmost sensitive atea of my entire life. I'm fighting for my son back and she has broken my trust to people who dont know me well enough to know how outrageous the accusations were that led to my son being taken before I even had the chance to take him home. It destroyed me but ive leapt fighting to prove my worth. They mixed my personality with a dv partner. Im so angry, there was no reason to spread it around what im going through. She does it for sympathy and i dont get it. Both of us my btother and i, we brought ourselves up from 12 on. We were never validated past 12..i remember her putting a cup of tea on my brothers report card full of top grades in every class. It wasnt just him though. I felt unloved from 12, shes never there unless everything is fine otherwise she doesnt want to hear it. People can absolutely abise me infront of her face but she'd look the other way. I dont get her other than shes special needs and just isnt capable of care or taking accountability for anything..whatsoever.
Narc mothers treat you no different than a jealous & insecure girlfriend sibling or coworker...
💯 truth!
Spot on!
My first bully, my own mom.
Absolutely!!
Yep
I stopped calling my mom because she turns absolutely everything into something negative. Now she complains I don’t call her.
Because she needs her emotional punching bag. You did the right thing.
Me too.
I’m No Contact.
I referred to her as the DNA match because I felt it was an insult to me to refer to her as a mother.
Exactly she has to criticize everything. If she makes dinner she complains we don't help but if we do she says were in the way and can't do anything right. If we go out instead of cooking to give he a break she complains about the food. This is just a little example of what my mom does.
@@warjdanisounds familiar.
Wow! I can totally relate.
I hate how toxic my mom is. It’s very disturbing and hard to deal with. I just want to focus on my own life
Dealing with that right now
same x
"Validation" is exactly the word I have been looking for. My mother never made me feel validated. Fortunately, I got plenty of validation from both of my much-loved grandmothers.
Your very fortunate, please don't take for granted.
I turned 50yrs old on June 15, 2024 and I can positively write that the struggle carries itself well into adulthood life, a neurological wound for which not only we are not responsible for whatever wrong teaching, emotional mental and physical abuse was perpetrated upon us and engrained now into our skulls, we also need to deal with the aftermath and whatever obstacle this trauma has generated. They robbed us of a lot of things not just childhood . Ironically we can only heal by overcoming all this bucket of shit thrown at us and become anything and everything they so skilfully tried to prevent us to be: HAPPY HUMAN BEINGS, something this pathetic narc parents were not.
Wow, so perfectly well said.
So well articulated. So true.
❤❤
Exactly ... the trauma is real.
Your exactly right ! Us being Happy after they spent their lives trying to destroy Us is the Ultimate Revenge ❤
Good morning from Mississippi!!
I’m 58 now. I didn’t even know what a narcissist actually was until some time after my loving dad passed away in 2013. After learning this, so much made sense to me. I know why my entire life I’ve had no self-esteem, no confidence, a longing for love. I always thought something was wrong with me and that I was always “wrong”. My mother passed 4 yrs ago. I have 1 older sibling who is a mirror image of my mother. Both are full blown narcissists. They both have made mine and my families lives hell. I wish I had known about this many years ago. I’ve lost so many years of my life I’ll never get back. Healing from all this trauma is difficult. I can’t even remember what pure joy feels like. I want that again. Listening to what other people have gone through seems to help. It reminds me that I’m not alone in this world.
God Bless!
Thank you for this. I dont remember a single hug or i love you even as a small child., makes you thing whats wrong with me. This helps me realize so much...
If it's any consolation, hugs and I love you's can be used as a form of manipulation too. This can be done by anyone in any kind of relationship, whether parents, friends, or lovers. Even narcissists have personality.
My mother was the same way to me, Im 54 and still struggle with not being good enough
My mother has never been an affectionate mother and at 36 my feelings have never been validated once in my life. The person she is right in my face is totally different from the untrue toxic gossiper. 👩🏽💻
While on the phone with my mom, I broke down and told her I was struggling and felt suicidal. Immediately she said a call was coming in and she had to take the call. There was no call. She always dismissed my traumas and mental health but spoke about it to everyone else behind my back. I let it slide for years. I finally cut her off this year. I had enough. Didn't realize she was a narcissist.
Someone who did that doesn't deserve any more of your time or attention. Try your best to move on and never even think of her again!! ❤
@@nmc1859 Thank you. You are so right. I try not to think of her but the pain hits everyday, like a few moments ago. My own mother doesn't care about my life. I need to love myself and grow from this. Thanks again for your kind words. 💚
Same! My mom would go similar things. She’d even abruptly say “i gotta go bye.” And she’d hang up on me.
@@ProfessorBae08 I am very sorry that you experienced that from your mom. It's sad. You don't deserve that. You deserve love and patience from your mom at all times.
My mom too... She'd always put the needs of my siblings ahead of my own.
Me too,.. I finally quit speaking to my mom. Last year. Boxing day,.. Do I miss her. Not at all.
Keep Trukin',.. Don't give up.. there are ppl out here that love YU,.n. Care about YU.
K
I'm just now realizing why I have so many issues when it comes to perfectionism or looking at my accomplishments and talents as nothing special. My best friend was proud of me for getting my degree in accounting. She asked if I was happy about it, and I shrugged. It didn't feel like an accomplishment. I also found out why I don't like compliments on anything I do. I tear myself down because I'm used to it. So many things make more sense now that I understand who I have been dealing with this entire time.
This is it. Dr Ramani says that it's a kind of theft. You've had the joy of accomplishment taken away from you likely by someone who is jealous of and bitter about you.
I feel this to the core. It hurts so bad and it took me more than 30 years of my life to understand that. It’s so sad.
@@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu that is true. I have never felt good enough or accomplished about anything.
This is my boyfriend. Like you, his narcissistic mother tore him down. I try to compliment him but he really doesn't like it or know how to respond to it.
Well said. Thank you.
Bought my first home and mom said my closets were too small....thanks mom glad your proud of me.🎉
Why does everyone else have a nice home, just not you two?
???
I took my parents to an older friend's home who had retired from a long mid management position and used the retirement payout to buy a gorgeous home in his hometown. The other house belonged to a relative who had had his own construction company with I don't know how many employees. And his charges to the country for building and maintaining public roads were probably not exactly low. So he had money to build a rather large house.
Hubby and I were still living in our university flat. And he was in his second working year.
It still hurts after all these years. But don't expect any apologies. (OT) Why do you constantly have to dig out old stuff?
If it makes you feel any better, after we got our home she was happy for us, but she kept mentioning how she wanted to buy a new house in the ritzy area of town and was going to look at them now. I just don’t understand. It’s always a one up.
Break off all contact!
Hers were bigger - and better.
Always something to criticize.
It's so relatable...the pain was immese and growing up i dint know what I did wrong..walking on egg shells...and now she questions y don't i call her... whenever u call or talk to her ..
It's so draining...leaves me feeling hurt for atleast the whole day.
You didn’t do anything wrong. They are so draining. Keep visits short if you can’t go no contact, practice the grey rock approach. Your worth and identity is in God. Let him deal with her and heal you. ❤
you are not alone. Walking on egg shells is horrible
I used to get upset but now I'm 63 I can finally see what she is so now I get angry and when visiting I leave the room
She's getting old now and now it's my time to enjoy this
My harp teacher wanted to hear from my parents on my success as a harpist, because both of them wouldn't say squat. So, I asked my mom, about how I was doing on the harp? Here's what she said, "What do you want accolades?" Boy, did that sting. I found peace of mind after she passed. No more stomach aches!!!!!
Wow, I hope you kept playing the harp because you don’t need her opinion to enjoy something. That hit me about the stomach aches , I grew up with that too.
@@desertfox1273 translation - you were doing amazingly. 👌🏻
Went no contact 12 years ago, the ongoing problem is their flying monkeys.
We went no contact with the flying monkeys first.
10 years..and yeah, the flying monkeys show up about every 6 months. We just say "is she dead? "If not she's fine.
Having a narc parent is very hard, especially if you are the scapegoat. Or just the current target. I know how bad it hurts, and how it impacts our self confidence.
Yep, and it's impossible for anyone in your family to understand or care specially, when you're going through the worst time of your life you get blamed for what's happened to you like my narc ex leaving abandoning us not giving me my basic needs and my mother having a huge home underneath her house and won't allow me and my son to go there who does that? Or has conditions if I would go there that are impossible to meet
All of us on this feed have suffered the exact same things .
They will never change! They get worse as they age. If you can, move out and away from her. She will only cause you misery. It's very sad and painful but true.
They will haunt with hoovering. Please don't allow someone else to determine your Worth.
You ARE your own person.
I hate the feeling of that my mom is to the point I want to be completely away from her.everything was amazing in the past but now I just feel like she’s a bully
@@AddysonStout Trust your gut. I always thought my mom was difficult but I thought I was the cause of so many of her negative comments and reactions. Later on, when a therapist told me it was pure abuse I started examining my upbringing and realized she was always that way, I just didn't recognize it as abuse. I thought her behavior was pretty normal. Pray about it. I know it's so difficult feeling like you have to steer clear of your mother. It is such an uncomfortable decision that brings guilt and shame along with it. In the end make sure to do whatever brings you peace of mind. You deserve that.
@@cindy7733 thank you so much i will never stop loving my mom but it just has me to the point I can’t keep trying to tolerate it my dad left me years ago and she was all I had there for awhile but as years have went on it’s just been worse and worse sadly
@@AddysonStout I understand. We are wired to love our parents. And you don't ever have to stop loving her. Don't ever feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. But remember, you can still love her from afar. You can keep your distance to protect yourself from repeatedly getting hurt. Some go "no contact" but others go "low contact." There are options out there. Pray and think about what is best for your heart and spirit. And know that you are not alone and that you have a support system here.
I went through a brief phase when I wondered if my mom was a narcissist. Then I got my narc mother in law. There is a VAST difference between a mom who sees your potential and pushes you hard and a soul crushing demon.
Or dad's who brought you up. Being told you owe them because they brought you up.
Oh my mom everything came with strings attached. That’s how I learned never to ask for anything. BUY she sure as hell asked me for money guilt tripped me, drained my account. I had to file for bankruptcy and WHO was crying? My mom! She had to have her feelings soothed because she knew damned well by manipulating me into buying a home for her and my siblings when I couldn’t afford it, got me there. I’m learning so much of why I am the way I am. And unlearning my god awful people pleasing tendencies.
@@Exorcist364xs Same here and they be the ones upset that we put it all together like a puzzle.
I sent my mom a copy of my latest album (7 songs that I spent over 15 months of really hard work on). I also sent a copy to my aunts and uncles. I heard very nice feedback and congrats from every single one of her siblings, before she even bothered to listen to it.
Congrats on your album!
@@emmajo3974 Thanks! ❤️❤️
@@emmajo3974 thanks! ❤️❤️
Even if she congratulates you on something she will blow by it as fast as possible and makes sure no mention of it to the family. She tries to make it a distant memory as fast as possible.
My mother would tell me I don't need constant validation, but wouldn't even validate me 1% of the time.
As a child I wanted to go into counseling to help my family. Ironically my family laughed at me. Back then I had no idea why my mom seemed at odds with me so much. Now I have a specific language, she was a narcissist and met the criteria. It helps to understand why
I suggested relationship counselling to my mother and she said (quote) "I'm not the problem. You're the problem." I didn't even know what we were fighting about. She was just raging.
My mom sent my brother to counseling; he was still a child and the therapist said the problem was my mom. My mom refused to join the sessions, got angry at the therapist for saying that, and never sent my brother again.
lol yes like coming over to your house talking about “huh, it’s actually clean for once” 😂 when she is literally a hoarder etc and you have never had that attitude with her or anyone else. Oh, but it was a “compliment” so “why are you just so difficult” lmfao
Omg. Same. My mom is a hoarder. Came over my first apartment and claimed it was messy. I barely had anything in it and it wasn't messy at all.
On the rare occasions my mom would come over to my apartment, even when I would make sure everything she could see and interact had been cleaned, told me my well used cooking spatulas looked "dusty" and started bringing her own plates and silverware.
She also would only ever eat food that came from herself or somewhere else, even though I love to cook and talked about it all the time.
When people get their life review (after death) they feel the pain they have caused others.
When I had told my mom about my new job with good earnings she responded with "and why I can't make such money?! Life is so unfair"
That really stung...
Never knew a mother’s love. Only
Knew a lady that left me in foster care and when I became an adult be jealous and compete with me. She tried to rewrite my childhood to leave out her piss poor parenting like putting drugs and men before her kids. She has this one story of my sister and I running in the house when she pulled up after work because we weren’t supposed to be outside. She never had a job and that never happened. Conveniently leaving out her crack use, revolving door of men, and us never having food. My sister and I wrapped old toys in newspaper to have gifts on Christmas.
She fought with my aunt who got custody of us because she wouldn’t give my mom half the foster care check she thought she deserved because we were HER kids😢. She’s blocked from my life because I refuse to live in her false reality while she constantly puts me down while asking for money.
God I'm sorry. my mother had made up stories too but no drug issues.
@@gonegirl9114 I'm so sorry that you went through that.
Here's one for ya: I was a teenager, worked very hard to lose 30 lbs before starting back to school, got down to 110 lbs. THEN>>mom just HAD to say "well yeah, but you still got thunder thighs!"
I’m sorry to hear this, that must have really hurt you.
@@judyholland7236 she said that ONLY to tear down your confidence. It had nothing to do with your thighs. What a 'parent'
I lost over 50 pounds a couple of years ago, but I stopped telling my mom what I weighed after about 20 pounds (even though she tried to dig it out of me constantly) because she had already started criticizing how I looked "too thin" and "you need to make sure you're eating enough, I don't want you to be unhealthy". I did start eating a better diet and cut back on (too big) portions, but also exercised a LOT, and she would say "I wouldn't want to lose weight if it just meant I had to starve myself.", implying I could only do it because I just wasn't eating. None of my hard work mattered at all!
Evil mothers. I do not know why they have children.
They have to have someone, to control and on whom they can project, their own failings; they need to have supply and children make a convenient, ample source, of that supply.
I don’t like wearing makeup or how it feels. If we were going somewhere, she would ask me to put on makeup. When I refused, she would say, “Every old barn could use a coat of paint.”
I was in my 20s when she would say this.
I’m so sorry :(
I’m so sorry. My mom forbade me from wearing red lipstick. She always had a comment. Now I have every shade and she can’t stop me. Even bright eye makeup I’ll feel good and she’s pulled me aside and told me it made me look old. The exact opposite, they need to put you down.
When a narcissist puts you down, take it as a backwards compliment. It means you look really good and she can't bear it 😂
For me it was my whole life
My mother was like this too. She always wanted me to wear make up going out and would say " no one is even looking at you" when I didn't wear any. These mothers are psychos. Don't believe a word that they say.
Yes my own mother tries to put me down all the time. Somehow everything is my fault and she would deny any wrongdoing. When I confronted her she would blow up like a nuclear bomb, never taking any responsibility. She is the most heartless cold and ill temper person I ever known. I suspect she is under demonic control because it’s like there isn’t a soul inside of her.
I found myself in what you are describing 😢
@@cau4528 i understand that completely
yes! I just posted that. they are demons because they try to ruin all that is good. they hate goodness and happiness.
I can relate to this short.... It resonated. I have a narcissistic abusive mother, sadly.
Acceptance with frequent time apart, helps me personally.
I had to seek validation elsewhere because she made me homeless at 15 years young 😢
I'm a senior in highschool and I really want to go to this certain university that's a couple hours away. And I'm really excited at first she was supportive and hyped me up about it but now all she has to say is negative, talking about all the things she thinks I cant handle trying to bring me down like living on campus (without her where she can't boss me around) and finances. And I feel like I have no one to turn to for advice because she herself never went to collage and knowing her she will purposely try not to help to make me feel like I'm making a horrible decision. All I want is for her to support and validate me approaching this milestone.
I noticed the past 2 years how much of a narcissist she is, and I try not to let it get me down.
🫂
Thank you for telling the truth
Being brought up without love and affection is a life sentence.
i wish each and every mother of the commentors here, that they finally recognize what a mess they made.
I remember my mom was fine all week of my graduation but on the day of she yelled at me called me bad names and made me cry and in all the photos of me and my family she was the only one with the most disgusted and huge frown on her face. No congrats from her or nothing
She gives it all to her first daughter
I'm not sure what this means like she gives the bad stuff all to the first child or the good attention because I'm the oldest daughter and I'm definitely the scapegoat of the bunch
Ditto. Same here. I get all the crap. My mother is vile to me, trash talks everyone in the family to me, but then is sweet as pie to their faces. She's been telling everyone how over sensitive and crazy I am, using depression against me (the depression she has caused) so now noone believes anything I say. I've been NC for a year and it feels so good. Self confidence is coming back.
My golden child aister
@@Seeme-s6i My mother's same way,..
Gives all her attention to my eldest sister too,.
It's sad ,.
I’m 47. So there’s no hope whatsoever ??? 😢😢😢😢😢
There IS! I’m 47 as well! My mom is terminally ill. I see a therapist and I’m learning why I can’t seem to attract healthy relationships. It really wrecks you as a human. Seek a therapist and you can unlearn so many things that were taught to you. Like valuing yourself. I’m just now learning that’s why I have a hard time knowing what I want. It’s NEVER too late to live your life the way you were meant to live it. It’s a hard journey but it’s enlightening to know it’s NOT you. It’s them. ❤
@@Exorcist364xsyou can't have kids at 47.
I support your message and I wish the best for you, but it is important to raise awareness among the population of narcissistic demons and their abuse.
These entities belong in jail for life.
My friend just gave birth in march and she's 47 so what you're saying is factually incorrect.
@@FabulousCucumber-ip9huthat's extremely rare
No. They don't change. However the good fact remains - YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD ❤
The subtle way my Momster would act like a friend said I was so beautiful if only I lost weight. Yeah of course years later she conveniently doesn't only not remember saying anything like that she outright denies it.
Soooooooo True!! I learned I had a Narcissistic Mother 4 years ago. That explains why my mother behaved the way she did Narcissistic Traits 😔😥🤨
My mother left my wedding and with the most evil expression said people are talking about your divorce and left. It was then I knew she is not allowed into my family life.
I literally can't tell her Anything because she will mock, denigrate, and ruin it.
After I graduated college (i paid for it entirely on my own and merit scholarships) I moved out and tried to avoid telling her Anything I truly care about. She still takes the scraps and spreads nasty pointless rumors and creates insults. My brother is just like her, unfortunately.
But subtle she ain't lol. she told me "You look like a stripper" once after I held up the top that She bought me, for xmas.
They both take turns calling me selfish for not doing enough for them. For instance, I'm expected to risk my job taking off work to do minor tasks for them like cleaning a basement. When i lost my baby girl i didn't even get a phone call or a hospital visit. I doubt either one even remembers. Both have called me selfish for not having children. They're always telling me to give up or destroy my pets because it gives me less time to spend on them. narcissists are demons that only want your unhappiness.
They are evil 👿
At 30 in still struggling with body image issues from my teens that were installed on me by my mom. All it took was being told I was a marternity model and them laughed at. When I called her out on it, i was told that it didn't happen 🤷🏼♀️
I totally have drifted away from my mother and did not even realize I was
Hello Doctor Becky!
Thank you for this video!
Thanks again I know you are well
The only luckiest siblings in this family dynamics is the goldenchild, they get all the praise and support and even the narc mothers are martyr for them.
Yeah, this. My mum was always going on about how i have to go to uni to be qualified "enough". I got my degree, (even though she tried to stop me), i evem got a masters degree. She didnt come to or acknowledge either of my graduations. I always felt i did those degrees for her and she didnt even appear to care.
Yeah, I hate my mother 😁
@@PerrySkyePhoenix HATE,..is Mos DEFINITELY,.NOT a Strong Enough word to describe,.how I feel about my mother,.
But Yur Not wrong.
Yeah that’s too true for me 😓 I sought validation from social media, work, my doctor (don’t ask lol) but I found validation from being enough for myself and God. And yes, I am valued at last at work. Still not my mum though
Me 2 months ago (talking to my mom in the car): "It's kinda funny how I'm going through all of these big life moments and everyone's talking about their own mundane day or whatever. :) I'm not the center of the universe."
My mom: "yea lol." (keeps talking about her garden.)
Me now: "...that was trauma..."
And some narc moms aren't subtle. Mine was quick to put me down to her "friends", and even made public spectacles whenever other folks praised me. Absolutely pathetic the depths to which she'd sink in order to dominate the family, every situation we were in. I finally walked away.
How did you walk away? When the others in the family keep telling you how she will always be your mom, what did you say and do? Genuinely asking because I really want to know how to help my husband. And how can I support him?
She is exactly like yours, she has made a big blunder recently and STILL won't acknowlege what she did wrong and resort to gaslighting and blaming others. Even in this situation she has and will somehow make her children be the bad ones who are not on her side.
She will always make them feel like they owe her their lives for even being born.
And I just can't bear to watch this go on any longer.
@@Miroarify I left maintaining the relationship up to her and did nothing to contact or encourage the relationship (gray rock). Previously, I realized she had never taken the initiative in our relationship since I'd left home at 18 -- no visits, no phone calls, no cards, etc.
When I walked away, I also walked away from her enablers and anyone connected to them (their children and friends). That was the only way to prevent her and them from creating their malignant vignettes.
No, it wasn't easy, but the instinct of self-preservation was already strong after a lifetime dealing with her machinations, so I knew it was the last resort.
@DHW256 thank you for sharing. If it was up to me, I would have up and left. I think he's still holding on to this expectation that he has for himself to be a 'good son' or 'good brother'.
It's tough because either way, it eats him up inside, something I can't control....I just feel so helpless.
@@Miroarify Based on her own words, Mom resented that I was ever born, as I was the reason she couldn't leave Dad for failing to be a perfect father to her illegitimate, first-born child, around whom Mom kept a tempest boiling at all times. Throughout their relationship, Dad acted as Mom's enabler, probably because he couldn't afford to leave, and he couldn't leave us kids to face her wrath.
I was sinuously leaving my parents to their devices when Dad was murdered and, predictably, I was asked to pursue justice for the family, against Dad's killer. The prosecutor used my argument to great success, setting a precedent for murder charges in car crashes that is now widely used. After the sentencing, the assistant D.A. made the mistake of praising me in front of the crowd that had assembled to discuss the sentence, and Mom reacted with "It doesn't matter what (my son) said in there, he doesn't represent the family!", repeating it twice during the meeting. This, after I had represented the family and the memory of my father for 2-1/2 years! For me, this sealed the deal: I had tried to walk away for decades, and I was finally, permanently gone!
How my mom would address my appearance "you'll do" "you'll pass" and my favorite "at least if you ever get a boyfriend you'll know its not for your looks"
And this is the very reason that I make damn sure to do the total opposite with my children. I’m so thankful to God that I went through it instead of them.
My mother calls me fat. I’m not even fat.
I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s terrible, so upsetting.
My mother thinks that giving gifts to people on their birthdays is absurd. She thinks people should give gifts to their mothers on their own birthdays in order to thank their mothers for giving birth to them. So, even the day that I was born is not about me; it's all about my mother.
Once I went out for lunch with a group of people who happened to be elders at our church. Later I told my mom about it and horror swept over her face as she called for my dad and said " Oh no! Guess who your daughter thinks she's good enough to have lunch with!"
I recently cut my mother off because the level of Narcissism was beyond throughout my life, after I cut her her she decided to play victim and basically try to play with my mind and say if I'm so called healed I should cherish her and blamed me for her mistakes lol lmao, sad but true. At that moment I realized I made the right decision.
Many from childhood but most recent from adulthood moved into a one bed flat it was expensive as all rentals are at 700 a month not including bills did my best to make it nice. Her response " its a bit seedy isnt it". Wont help me get on the property ladder. Proved to her a mortgage is less than rent. She chose to take the money equity she has in her mortgage free home and do her own house up instead. Ive been stuck in poverty rental trap for years. Tried to unalive myself due to the circumstances. She knows this still wont help me
Never received validation from her. The harder I tried, the more she turned away.
“I can’t believe I’m so much older than you all, yet I’m healthiest”.
“You know I always wanted a girl.”
A repeated message from Mother regarding my two brothers and I….🙄
I have three boys and that’s absolutely awful to say. I wouldn’t change them for the world. Boys are amazing to their moms!
@@ParteraQuisqueyanayep, a regular thing I’d hear. It actually never clicked until I was older how messed up that was! But then a lot is revealed later on, when we realize what we were dealing with.
@@newworldastrology1102 💔
thank-you ❤️🩹
My Narc DNA match insulted and tore me down my entire life.
I never figured out why I was treated so poorly.
I point-blank asked her and she said I don’t treat you poorly..
Liar!
I did a DNA kit and am able to prove both of the monsters produced me.
I didn’t know if I was treated poorly because I was somebody else’s child?
Apparently, that wasn’t the case..
Yep and dad
True 💯
1 year and 3 months of no contact, and my only regret is that I didn't start sooner
I am grateful that I had adhd. Her vicious cruelty became so normali don’t know where the trauma ends and the tisims start. Object permanence also made her forgettable, if only till the next time. 😢😂
Love to all the survivors ❤
Same with dad's.
For sure.
It was reverse for me.
I’m so tired of there being problems with no solutions. I already knew this was a problem. I guess it’s beneath you to offer a solution.
This sounds like my mother
When I turn 18 I will move out as soon as possible I love my dad and my brother they never hurt me but my mom always find a way to do so
So how do I help someone who have such a mother?
How and where do we get counselling for this? I need help!
@@Groovytunes96 Hi we can help at my company private therapy clinic please drop me an email at info@privatetherapyclinic.com saying you saw this TH-cam video and I’ll link you up with my team to help.
True
How about "I don't have nobody" I always say I'm not a nobody, she never gets it even till now, she doesn't recognize me only for supply of pity others hurt her. No, never put up with it and always call her out but she doesn't even hear or CARE but I keep calling her out
The day of my graduation with my second degree my mother chose to sleep in. Let that one sink in. She was too lazy and uninterested to get off her ass.
Exactly not only lack of validatiom, outright betrayal of THEmost sensitive atea of my entire life. I'm fighting for my son back and she has broken my trust to people who dont know me well enough to know how outrageous the accusations were that led to my son being taken before I even had the chance to take him home. It destroyed me but ive leapt fighting to prove my worth. They mixed my personality with a dv partner. Im so angry, there was no reason to spread it around what im going through. She does it for sympathy and i dont get it. Both of us my btother and i, we brought ourselves up from 12 on. We were never validated past 12..i remember her putting a cup of tea on my brothers report card full of top grades in every class. It wasnt just him though. I felt unloved from 12, shes never there unless everything is fine otherwise she doesnt want to hear it. People can absolutely abise me infront of her face but she'd look the other way. I dont get her other than shes special needs and just isnt capable of care or taking accountability for anything..whatsoever.
Y esa es la TRUE
Mine
😢
🍀
Both of my parents are narcissists.
Im so hurt
Mine just makes me feel ill
I'm sorry mom I didn't live up to my potential.. that's what he always says to his mom. Jealous mother
You don’t need an apostrophe in the word “Mothers.” It makes you look uneducated and you are very educated!
I look like my farher who had two children on her while they were married and the hate shows
And if your parents are illiterate they won't like it if their children are successful in studies
This has never happened she my dad family school doesn’t even care if we’re to die
What's with the jerky camera?
True!🎉