Im a trans woman with sickle cell anemia and on top of having an unsupportive family, the people i live with fake supporting me, having to cut certain friends off, and the general trans anxiety i also have had to deal with family literally begging and crying for me to stop my hrt because they though it was causing me more sickle cell pain. I told them that the pain of not being myself was far greater than any chronic pain i deal with and the number of pain crisis i go through. I am now 2 years into my hrt and its going well!
1:20 funnily enough, for me it was the opposite. i'd be like "yeah i wish i were trans like all these people, then i could actually be a woman. but i'm not. i'm just a cis guy who has always wanted to be a girl, like the cis guys obviously do"
THIS IS ME. Like I want to be a girl and I want to be trans, but I don't really "feel" like I'm a girl so I can't be one. But like, I still really want to be a girl. I hate it, its like two different contradicting lines of thoughts in my brain.
I'm miserable, I'm afraid, I'm fucking terrified. My boyfriend is the only person that knows I feel this way and he treats me so sweet (he's also trans) and I always feel so happy in that little world, but as soon as I leave my damn room, it's she this, she that and it fucking hurts. I don't feel like I've been in the right body all this time, and all those years avoiding it have made me just crash at this very year. I don't know what to do :( I'm scared to give myself the chance
That sounds so hard I feel your pain ❤️🩹 If you need some encouragement here it is, you've got this. Actively shape your life into what you want it to be. Good luck 💗
There was a time in my late 20s and early 30s when I thought it was too late for me to transition. I was also afraid of what family and friends would think. Started HRT right after my 34th birthday. I'm now 35 and coming up on a year and a half of HRT.
You're fine, i started at 56 moving slow but sure. I was worried to that my family would reject me. But the farther i go along the more i think i'll Reject THEM. Their a bunch of Crack pots!
The first ten years of my transition were the happiest years of my life. October 11th 2000. I don't even remember my own wedding day date as clearly. Consider boymoder while HRT secretly
I'm a physicist (amab) who had the exact same dreams of you, and though I never questioned my gender, I had never actually had deep thoughts about it. Until very recently when I suddenly realized an extreme gender envy towards another woman (I wanted to be her, not with her--an important distinction), which allowed me to start thinking more deeply about my identity and start questioning. Then I recalled all these instances in my life when I had shown gender dysphoria but never was consciously aware. Then suddenly it hit me at 2:30 am one night: oh no, I am transgender!
You spoke out a lot to me. My gender bubble had it comming for a long time theres no denying that, but there is just a lot I have in common: ambitious dreams, *that* annoyingly throaty voice, not having trouble seeing myself in the future - though having some doubts, a weird prophecy dream at the age 10-12, even that phone 😂 and your style of presentation. This wont be a turning point, nor is it a landmark, but I'm happy seeing a close enough version of me living the best life transitioned. Thanks. As for me I'll keep having my struggles probably for some time with breaks, highpoints, euphoria overflows and dysphoria downpours with doubts about being legit or being happier enough. Idk who will I be at the end of it all, hopefully I find a conclusion, I just hope Ill end up the most authentic and self aligned as I can. Ideally at peace.
An additional thought: I'm actually not sure when I had that dream, it could have been from when I was anywhere from 6 to 12 years. Now that I think about it, maybe it was closer to when I was 12, I could totally see the dream working as a metaphor for puberty. I'm reminded of Euphoria's special episode for Jules where she compares her body changing to the vastness of the ocean.
I'm already disabled 😕 so weeeee but you inspire me quite a bit. If I can be kinda like you I think I could feel much more self confident. Happy. Blossoming.
The Go Team! Haven't listened to them in so long and actually I almost forgot about them even though I have one of their CD'S. Thanks for reminding me of them. But thanks even more for this video. It was more big picture than most of your videos and also more spiritual, but that's what makes it more inspiring. I like how you relate pattern of just doing your own thing and going your own way to everything in your life, like going abroad and exploring other cultures, especially Taiwan and China which most people overlook. I mean it's not just about gender even when gender is so all consuming. But your fearless, open approach really hits a nerve with me as someone who is struggling with figuring out how to navigate her gender issues while planning big life changes like long trips abroad or relocating. It seems overwhelming to do all these things but your outlook makes it seem like just one big project of going one's own way. Rowing your own boat into an open seat. I love that metaphor. That it was in a dream makes it even more meaningful. A dream about one's dreams in life. Thank you for this. 💎
Yeah, I'm scared to commit. I'm scared that Ill regret it eventually, many years down the line, and find yet again that I'm not trans after all. I also still feel like the other body type isn't the right thing for me. Whenever I imagine it, it just feels... off. Is that a thing other people feel too? Or just me getting confused about being NB?
I have seen this video like 10 times, and I always hype with the Corridors of Time, which, just noticed matches your nick (zeal), oh my god, this is so god.
Even just changing my look feels impossible. Like I wish I could just decide yeah I’m gonna socially transisttion around a few friends. That seems just as impossible.
Fuck I feel the same way. I’m so scared and I don’t think it’s even possible for me, but I want to change that but I.. in my head the only option I have is to come out and I just can’t do that.
I didn’t find this because of the song and I love this video as I am struggling with my fear of transitioning right now. I started E the stopped and now I want to start again but I’m so scared. On the note of music again though was this a sample from Chrono Trigger? Lol
I wish you all the best in your journey! I know it's really scary. Look for resources and support online, hopefully that will give you some courage and determination :) Also yes I sampled chrono trigger in this song haha
the very cis urge to watch a video about the fear of transitioning
yup! we're all cis here we're just curious... i think... why are you looking at me like that?
im transphobic
*still cis though*
Im a trans woman with sickle cell anemia and on top of having an unsupportive family, the people i live with fake supporting me, having to cut certain friends off, and the general trans anxiety i also have had to deal with family literally begging and crying for me to stop my hrt because they though it was causing me more sickle cell pain. I told them that the pain of not being myself was far greater than any chronic pain i deal with and the number of pain crisis i go through. I am now 2 years into my hrt and its going well!
1:20 funnily enough, for me it was the opposite. i'd be like "yeah i wish i were trans like all these people, then i could actually be a woman. but i'm not. i'm just a cis guy who has always wanted to be a girl, like the cis guys obviously do"
THIS IS ME. Like I want to be a girl and I want to be trans, but I don't really "feel" like I'm a girl so I can't be one. But like, I still really want to be a girl. I hate it, its like two different contradicting lines of thoughts in my brain.
I'm miserable, I'm afraid, I'm fucking terrified. My boyfriend is the only person that knows I feel this way and he treats me so sweet (he's also trans) and I always feel so happy in that little world, but as soon as I leave my damn room, it's she this, she that and it fucking hurts. I don't feel like I've been in the right body all this time, and all those years avoiding it have made me just crash at this very year. I don't know what to do :( I'm scared to give myself the chance
That sounds so hard I feel your pain ❤️🩹 If you need some encouragement here it is, you've got this. Actively shape your life into what you want it to be. Good luck 💗
There was a time in my late 20s and early 30s when I thought it was too late for me to transition. I was also afraid of what family and friends would think. Started HRT right after my 34th birthday. I'm now 35 and coming up on a year and a half of HRT.
You're fine, i started at 56 moving slow but sure. I was worried to that my family would reject me. But the farther i go along the more i think i'll Reject THEM. Their a bunch of Crack pots!
@@jessicaembers924 Sell it. its everyone else
@@jessicaembers924 your awesome, i love that so much
I’m in my early 20s and I feel like My life would be over if I did anything about these thoughts
The first ten years of my transition were the happiest years of my life.
October 11th 2000. I don't even remember my own wedding day date as clearly. Consider boymoder while HRT secretly
I'm a physicist (amab) who had the exact same dreams of you, and though I never questioned my gender, I had never actually had deep thoughts about it. Until very recently when I suddenly realized an extreme gender envy towards another woman (I wanted to be her, not with her--an important distinction), which allowed me to start thinking more deeply about my identity and start questioning. Then I recalled all these instances in my life when I had shown gender dysphoria but never was consciously aware. Then suddenly it hit me at 2:30 am one night: oh no, I am transgender!
It is so comforting to have videos like these to watch. It helps me to not feel alone in all this. Thank you, so much!
i keep coming back to these once in a while
You spoke out a lot to me. My gender bubble had it comming for a long time theres no denying that, but there is just a lot I have in common: ambitious dreams, *that* annoyingly throaty voice, not having trouble seeing myself in the future - though having some doubts, a weird prophecy dream at the age 10-12, even that phone 😂 and your style of presentation. This wont be a turning point, nor is it a landmark, but I'm happy seeing a close enough version of me living the best life transitioned. Thanks.
As for me I'll keep having my struggles probably for some time with breaks, highpoints, euphoria overflows and dysphoria downpours with doubts about being legit or being happier enough. Idk who will I be at the end of it all, hopefully I find a conclusion, I just hope Ill end up the most authentic and self aligned as I can. Ideally at peace.
An additional thought: I'm actually not sure when I had that dream, it could have been from when I was anywhere from 6 to 12 years. Now that I think about it, maybe it was closer to when I was 12, I could totally see the dream working as a metaphor for puberty. I'm reminded of Euphoria's special episode for Jules where she compares her body changing to the vastness of the ocean.
I'm already disabled 😕 so weeeee but you inspire me quite a bit. If I can be kinda like you I think I could feel much more self confident. Happy. Blossoming.
The Go Team! Haven't listened to them in so long and actually I almost forgot about them even though I have one of their CD'S. Thanks for reminding me of them. But thanks even more for this video. It was more big picture than most of your videos and also more spiritual, but that's what makes it more inspiring. I like how you relate pattern of just doing your own thing and going your own way to everything in your life, like going abroad and exploring other cultures, especially Taiwan and China which most people overlook. I mean it's not just about gender even when gender is so all consuming. But your fearless, open approach really hits a nerve with me as someone who is struggling with figuring out how to navigate her gender issues while planning big life changes like long trips abroad or relocating. It seems overwhelming to do all these things but your outlook makes it seem like just one big project of going one's own way. Rowing your own boat into an open seat. I love that metaphor. That it was in a dream makes it even more meaningful. A dream about one's dreams in life. Thank you for this. 💎
Yeah, I'm scared to commit. I'm scared that Ill regret it eventually, many years down the line, and find yet again that I'm not trans after all.
I also still feel like the other body type isn't the right thing for me. Whenever I imagine it, it just feels... off.
Is that a thing other people feel too? Or just me getting confused about being NB?
Thanks for sharing your story ! You seem to be a really great person :)
Thank you for watching and for your kind words
I have seen this video like 10 times, and I always hype with the Corridors of Time, which, just noticed matches your nick (zeal), oh my god, this is so god.
You are so pretty I love your hair!
im digging the Chrono music! 💟
And just today i wondered where you've gone for so long :)
Covid really messed up my momentum but I'm back on it now! Thanks for sticking around
Even just changing my look feels impossible. Like I wish I could just decide yeah I’m gonna socially transisttion around a few friends. That seems just as impossible.
Fuck I feel the same way. I’m so scared and I don’t think it’s even possible for me, but I want to change that but I.. in my head the only option I have is to come out and I just can’t do that.
I didn’t find this because of the song and I love this video as I am struggling with my fear of transitioning right now. I started E the stopped and now I want to start again but I’m so scared. On the note of music again though was this a sample from Chrono Trigger? Lol
i’m in the same boat as you
I wish you all the best in your journey! I know it's really scary. Look for resources and support online, hopefully that will give you some courage and determination :) Also yes I sampled chrono trigger in this song haha
corridors of time specifically. loveee that song
thank you, i now have a stomachache ❤
❤
💖!!!!
How do you have the best timing?
lol wdym
taiwan is a lovely country
a city would be a big change and you would have many trans ect good luck
If you’re afraid of transitioning, that might be your instincts telling you to probably not go through with it, I don’t know but you do you.
=)
i wish i didnt exist tbh
Fine, don't then.
yo you got habibi funk in the intro?!?!? yes!!
❤️