The last example is a romantic subcategory of an abuse tactic called "Response-Baiting" , in which the abuser says something they know is incorrect to get a response from the victim that the abuser then can twist to make the victim more hurt.
My ex did all of this. He'd ask me if I loved him, I'd say yes, then he'd say "If you really loved me, you would do abc". And he gaslit like a champ. Had me crying and asking HIM for forgiveness after he did something terrible. Mind games are a bitch
Happened today had to beg for forgiveness for holding his hand too tight he said. And yes I was punched twice for my "jealousy" when I reacted to his online porn site dating profiles. 😢
I heavily relate to the last one. Like after all the emotional abuse they proceed to ask if I still love them and if I don’t say it they use that as another reason to be mad and abusive.
I very much relate to the last one I noticed he wouldn't say I love you back unless he needed to keep me hooked or get instant validation and love. I now know he never meant it truly he just used it as a tiny carrot on a string to keep me going forward with the relationship.
Gaslighting to a tee! Call him out on it and your the one with the issue. Just because you bring it up dosnt mean there isn’t a problem- it means they won’t address it.
I was told to stop with my psychobabble bullshit that I'm trying to indoctrinate him with.....and if I ever tell him that I deserve better and I love myself enough to know that.......he sarcastically starts yelling, "oh you're so strong!! Good for you!!!" In the most demeaning and hurtful way that is mocking and making fun of me. He also does the same if I ever bring up or when he himself brings up the fact I went to therapy on my own for a while a couple of years ago......if I ever tell him that I think he needs to go as well and we need to go together.....he starts in with the it's all "psychobabble bullshit " and literally mocks me for working through a lot of trauma both in childhood and early adulthood.
Oh my goodness! That was my narc to exactly! Thank you thank you for putting that out there, that's exactly what he would say to me. And up until three weeks ago I was in so much denial and I would make excuses for him. 😞😞
Legit my ex-gf, (except for the sex part) she forced me to get into a relationship ship I didn’t wanna be in and she constantly mentally and physically abused me. I’m way happier in my new relationship, don’t trust people who gaslight
Example: Them: “I wish you would wear makeup more often. It feels like you don’t put in the effort that you used to” me: * wears makeup to show them I’m putting in effort * Them : “oh now all the sudden you’re wearing makeup?! Who are you trying to impress??” Me : “YOU!” Them: “yeah, right! You’re probably cheating.”
Its also worth noting that people who do those things will have the mindset that what they did wasnt that bad because you came back to them and of course that previous abuse now becomes your foundation. Run from them, block them and if possible get into therapy so you dont end up with someone like them again
Yea that last one, mine wouldn't exactly put it that way but a lot of times he would say "I'm not mad at you I'm just disappointed in you" Or his most common one is "I love you... sometimes" pisses me off all the time.
The telling me he would never hurt me while screaming at me just happened 10 minutes ago. All while I have a torn mcl acl and miniscous because of him. Thank you for making your video.
Yeah, me and my boyfriend had been together for literally nine years and one day found a girl in our bedroom. It got crazy. He slapped me in the face. I left him immediately and I unenrolled him out of all of his college classes ( petty, but deserved I think, he didn’t finish anyway) took my car, filed a police report told his parents that was it. and you know he still messages me, he’s really been under the assumption that I’m going to quit my job and move out of state to where he went. This is a crazy person. doesn’t matter what I say to him. He really thinks that we are one day going to get back together these people don’t change. If they show it to you once, don’t let them ever show it to you again.
Husband asked "Geez how many times do you need to hear I Love You from me? We're married already, grow up!"🙄. Then when I tell him I was hurt by that...he throws a fit, yells at the top of his voice, saying I'm being so dumb. When I tell him to stop yelling, he tells me, "Well YOU made me like this, and you think it's just a switch I can turn off?" I proceed to cry and he steps on the gas again telling me it's my fault he's acting that way 😩. I'm getting tired of living.
Narcissists "Love Bomb" in the first several weeks of a relationship. Gifts, calls, flowers, cards, unexpected visits, big spending... all signs of Narcissists. RUN!!
That sounds like my mum wtfuuuuk….not the sex part but the beginning like “I literally never hit you” I have been in that situation when I was younger where she has left bruises and I’d call her out while I was sitting there wiping blood of my shirt 🥺 This channel is healing.
The only time my husband does NOT look at me with disgust when I touch him, NOT push me away, or NOT say " you like sex too much" is when he's high. So he gets high and leaves the house for hours... We've been platonic for about a year now...
can’t do that anymore bc he left me due to my mental healthy apparently straining us. it took us breaking up for me to realize he narcissistic he was and how manipulative he was. he wouldn’t let me set certain boundaries. blamed me and turned every argument into my fault, even if it was his. i told him sometimes i can’t control my thoughts, he called me psychotic and said i need to ‘fix myself’ and woke up the next morning like nothing happened. now it’s been 5 days and he’s already interested in someone else. it took me 9 months to realize this as he broke up with me 5 days ago. fucking crazy.
Mine added a hellish spin to that last one. I got "I love you" from them dozens of times. If i didnt respond, they ignored it and just increased the frequency. When i healed enough to be able to acknowledge my own emotions, i asked them to temporarily stop for a bit because I realized something was going wrong with me internally when they said it and I couldn't get a grasp on it. I just knew it was bad and i wanted a break to see if it would go away. How they responded turned "I love you" into a flashback trigger. Thankfully just typing it doesnt immediately set it off, but i certainly cant elaborate without my mental state disolving like sugar in boiling water.
Honestly the fact that people really go through this makes me even more content with staying single and i know there's some really good people out there who wont do this to you but its also okay to be and stay single❤
My ex fiance did this to me, she hit me in a rage once when i walked by her then blsmmed it on trauma her past etc etc. It caused me to be very jumpy towards her at times afrer msny more rage moments but yet she never wanted me to bring it back up. Along with hurting me in the end and constant bekittling of me and using god back and fourth to detour from her own accountability
My parents do this to me. I’m just a kid and I’m so scared. I can leave in 3 years, so I’m just counting down the days until I can leave. I’m coming up with an escape plan. I’m just scared that they’re going to have an impact on who I am. What if I become a terrible person? Can anyone give me advice? Or any tips on how to get out?
The truth is they've already impacted who you are. Your parental environment plays a huge part in shaping you. But the earlier you leave, the better chance you have of minimizing that impact and healing. I've known a couple people in your situation. Your best option (if you can) is to tell a relative you're close with and stay with them. They can petition for legal guardianship, or you can file for emancipation. If there's no relative, a close friend is your next bet with the same process. Whatever you do, do not just run away. Once you've made arrangements, send your parents a text (so you have it in writing) that you've left and specifically mention the abuse as the reason why. Know that it's going to cause a ruckus. They'll be upset and will say anything to get you back home. But if you return it'll be so much worse. Hope this helps. Feel free to dm me. 🙏
I admire that you are able to recognize that you are not the problem, that it is your parents and that their behavior is not how healthy adults treat their children. Alot of times the abuser is a parent and I know many children who have turned into wonderful caring adults who strive to be different. A lot of time they are co dependent and almost always they have PTSD. Seek counseling, and open up truthfully. They will guide you. Prayers ❤
Omg. He would literally walk me into a corner and put his arms wall to wall. around me, telling me, "we need to go back to the beginning ". What beginning.! "I would never hurt you, your my delicate flower 🤢" "I don't know why you think such evil things about me" 5 minutes later he's sitting in the dark watching me. Dude. I'm shaking.
Literally as soon as I woke up, the MINUTE he knew he started. So of course I grabbed my phone and wa reading some things. Then I just went and looked it up online. He said "who were you texting?" I said no one, just looking up something about Disney. He proceeded to tell me I was talking to someone and said give me your phone. So, I have nothing to give so I gave it to him, 😫😡 but it still mad me so mad. Anyway, he then starts saying I sent my friend my boobs. So he read our whole convo looking for something to argue about. When he didn't find anything, he just started being mean and went upstairs!! Now he's texting me he loves me. It's a mind fuck , and that just made me so sick. No tears, just sick. I can't do this anymore
Omg iv had nearly that exact manipulation conversation, and was told I’m crazy. So I was gaslighted also? This quote comes to mind 😅”I loves Harpo. God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me.” And I flat sure will 🤷♀️ Edit Now that iv seen the whole video, I’m positive it need to rethink my situation.
This! It makes you crazy! And you don’t really know what’s happening. Glad it ended. He said I hurt him but he would never hurt me, it’s just jokes. You literally give me back handed compliments and like pushing my buttons!! Ugh
He told me that sex with me is boring and when he's high he wants something else and that I'm only one girl and at least the girls he looks at on porn are clean , he still denying physically cheating which hard to believe cause he never stays with me and the multiple dating and hook up sites but apparently it's my unhealed trauma, insecurity and trust issues. Say he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else but yet I've also been told by him I'm not worthy of anyone's love, but then wonders why I don't trust his intentions. Tells me he show up or plans and outting but doesn't show and doesn't communicate that he's not going to show, plays dumb like he didn't remember saying those things or will drop plans to hang with friends, if I point out that I'm not a priority he acts like I'm insulting him with a dumb idea or tells me I'm jealous and controlling then when I'm sad and I try and say it because your not listening to the things I need and want he goes I'm not responsible for your happiness.... Just a small snippet of the mental backflips I'm pretty sure I'm traumatized now, struggle to be present in my day to day life even when he's not around which is a lot
Literally in the process of this now. You really don't realise the level of abusive behaviour until you look back on it. My (Ex) GF is half my size at most. I'd never put my hands on her. I just wish she had the same respect. Yet im the one sat up middle of night looking for advice via TH-cam. Please, if anyone reads this comment.... acknowledge the red flags early on. I wouldn't wish this on anyone
Add giving me depression anxiety trust issues and low self esteem you just described my "dad" , the hag aka my step mom, and their family (Minus the sex stuff)
dated a guy who was built like a gorilla and did a tour in Iraq as an MP. He told me the Swiss Army Knife I had on my keychain was threatening. ??? So I took it off.
Wiw i fell for it 27 yrs. I knew he like me because i worked then i got cancer and was destroyed deserted left homeless. And that really the good part 😮
Both. The need to manipulate and gaslight usually comes from being narcissistic bc it's all about them, with no regard for your feelings. Healthy, well adjusted people know it's wrong to intentionally mistreat someone and avoid doing it.
My parents decided they needed to get a divorce when I was 1 month old the divorce was finalized when i was 9 months old my father was and still is an alcoholic me and my sister were always scared he would hurt us or our step-mom who controlled him and took him for granted when he did soemthing for her she would shame him they both bodyshamed me when I was five because I was “too skinny” but I was only like that because they made me feel like it wasn’t ok to gain any weight they didn’t let me have friends over and would always talk bad about my mom to my face and I had to go through many traumatic experiences involving my stepbrother attacking me my sister and my dad but the worst part was that my dad when I was 8 got drunk almost every night and would take us outside to a road then walk out in it and said he was going to commit suicide because of us now I’m 13 he moved across the country when I was 12 and I just recently realized what he did to me was awful but yet I still love him and my step-mom more than anything
Oh yes Here's my daily life... I was straight up the other day. He said i had a good imagination. Too bad it's the truth, he could never handle the truth. He sure as hell never takes responsibility for the truth, never will.
Would she agree to couples therapy? My captain & his wife had that issue around the time she went thru menopause, but she didn't communicate well with him at all. They finally went to therapy & FINALLY figured out how to properly communicate with one another after 7 years lmao & the intimacy issue resolved. Sorry if that isn't the case for you... That is an important part of a partnership for sure. I hope you figure it out
She is literally telling you she doesn't feel intimacy with you. Rather than being resentful, you should be talking to her and trying to create intimacy. Demands or expectations are um probably not the way to go. 2 resentful ppl in a marriage won't have one for very long. Good luck.
Actions speak louder. If a man ever acted like that with me, I'm out with no discussion. I would never succumb to begging a man for sex or telling a man he hurt me or why don't you go hiking with me. People have pride in yourself!!
Insensitive much. Do you think people whom are abused have no pride? I vaguely remember the abuser who abused me, would say something very similar to “ I would never allow … treatment from my spouse (referring to one of his male friends) and the entire time he was responsible for the same behaviors. Just saying.. what you have said sounds a little emotionally abusive.
Very good. Except, the "abuser" in these examples is actually allowing the "victim" to speak unimpeded. My husband quite literally will say "yep. Okay. Alright." I keep trying to be heard, "Im gonna leave. Ssshhhhh. Shut up Heather. Oh my God. Settle down." I'm only speaking in a passionate, 'please hear me right now', tone. Not yelling... Yet. He will oroceed to ignore me, and make awful judgemental dissaptiving looks and do rabdom things ( like move around things in his lunch cooler, etc. Stupid, random things) all the while not looking at me and moving all around the house making me tail him just begging to be heard. Until i realize what's happening and stop and just go in our (my, honestly) bedroom and close the door and cry. That's my reality when he is manic. Will he get gelp? No. Im now trying to face that fact and build up the courage to be an independent person and try to eork out a plan of, I don't even know... Not escape but just the ability and power to walk away and NOT need him at all, ever again. It's been almost 12 years of this and I'm either going to go mute or get out. Thank you for caring about this subject. It's incredibly complex and difficult to explain or even know how we get here once we realize we're here. Pisses me off, to be frank. Anyway- I'm rambling. Thank you, really. 💙 In Christ, shalom.
If he isn't willing to listen to why you are upset then it's time to go. There's millions out there that will treat you differently, life is too short to be anything but happy, content and feel loved❤
Look up covert narcissism, and word salad. I had no idea this was happening either way the guy I was dating. This sounds a lot like my situation. Luckily he ended it at 1 year bc I kept putting up boundaries and he didn’t like it. Good luck, you don’t deserve this. Look up Dr. ramini
I would be interested to hear examples of emotional abuse from the male perspective. Or maybe there is no such thing, because women are perfect. Many of the examples you gave I have experienced in reverse. My wife justifying a lack of sexual interest with a maybe if you...., Saying things to intentionally hurt my feelings & then swear that she loves me so much. She will only do things for if she "feels like it," but if I don't feel like doing something for her, it means that I don't really love her, etc.
Men absolutely get abused. I've known 3 men in abusive relationships. Usually it'll be the woman withholding sex unless you do xyz. Or you'll constantly be accused of doing things, while also being told you do nothing. They often use crying as a manipulation tactic and will ask "Why don't you love me?" If you don't do something she wants. One of my friends was physically abused by his gf to the point of bruises. NO abuse is ok! If your partner is intentionally hurting you emotionally, you should leave (if possible).
She's speaking from the perspective of a lesbian, while it's not the same and men who are abused and mistreated do deserve a lot more representation, her abuser was a woman and she IS speaking out on the topic of female abusers
She's speaking from the perspective of a lesbian, while it's not the same and men who are abused and mistreated do deserve a lot more representation, her abuser was a woman and she IS speaking out on the topic of female abusers
The last example is a romantic subcategory of an abuse tactic called "Response-Baiting" , in which the abuser says something they know is incorrect to get a response from the victim that the abuser then can twist to make the victim more hurt.
I'm sending this to the abusive ex so he can see what it's technical title is 🤣
Ooo thanks for the lesson!
@@OnlyLoveIsWelcome No problem! The more people know, the more they can avoid and defend against
Wow never heard of this, and I've been researching this stuff after a bad breakup. I cannot believe I never came across this term
Wow, never knew this was a thing. Jees it's horiffic
My ex did all of this. He'd ask me if I loved him, I'd say yes, then he'd say "If you really loved me, you would do abc". And he gaslit like a champ. Had me crying and asking HIM for forgiveness after he did something terrible. Mind games are a bitch
Omg…. I just had a PTSD 😢 reaction
Yup. Catch em cheating and then they cuss you out for going thru their phone. But you only looked at their phone because they were cheating.
Happened today had to beg for forgiveness for holding his hand too tight he said. And yes I was punched twice for my "jealousy" when I reacted to his online porn site dating profiles. 😢
@@fionasmith4315 🥺🥺🥺
@@PlAiNJaNe521 thanks, we're one Sister
I heavily relate to the last one. Like after all the emotional abuse they proceed to ask if I still love them and if I don’t say it they use that as another reason to be mad and abusive.
exacly my mom is abusive and always say after she has talket shit about me and other things that she loves me and if i love her
@@lucasdemartino6710When you can, get a far away from your mom as possible. Then contact a therapist. You're going to need a lot of healing friend
Well said 👏
I very much relate to the last one I noticed he wouldn't say I love you back unless he needed to keep me hooked or get instant validation and love. I now know he never meant it truly he just used it as a tiny carrot on a string to keep me going forward with the relationship.
Gaslighting to a tee! Call him out on it and your the one with the issue. Just because you bring it up dosnt mean there isn’t a problem- it means they won’t address it.
Exactly.
I was told to stop with my psychobabble bullshit that I'm trying to indoctrinate him with.....and if I ever tell him that I deserve better and I love myself enough to know that.......he sarcastically starts yelling, "oh you're so strong!! Good for you!!!" In the most demeaning and hurtful way that is mocking and making fun of me. He also does the same if I ever bring up or when he himself brings up the fact I went to therapy on my own for a while a couple of years ago......if I ever tell him that I think he needs to go as well and we need to go together.....he starts in with the it's all "psychobabble bullshit " and literally mocks me for working through a lot of trauma both in childhood and early adulthood.
Oh my goodness! That was my narc to exactly! Thank you thank you for putting that out there, that's exactly what he would say to me. And up until three weeks ago I was in so much denial and I would make excuses for him. 😞😞
Been there. It's hard to face the reality of what's happening. Especially when you love someone, you don't want to admit they could hurt you
Legit my ex-gf, (except for the sex part) she forced me to get into a relationship ship I didn’t wanna be in and she constantly mentally and physically abused me. I’m way happier in my new relationship, don’t trust people who gaslight
Been through almost this exact conversation so many times.
EXACTLY!!!!
Ughhh, panic attack just watching to this. It’s so real.
Example:
Them: “I wish you would wear makeup more often. It feels like you don’t put in the effort that you used to”
me: * wears makeup to show them I’m putting in effort *
Them : “oh now all the sudden you’re wearing makeup?! Who are you trying to impress??”
Me : “YOU!”
Them: “yeah, right! You’re probably cheating.”
Same
Wow this girl described my relationship perfectly
Its also worth noting that people who do those things will have the mindset that what they did wasnt that bad because you came back to them and of course that previous abuse now becomes your foundation.
Run from them, block them and if possible get into therapy so you dont end up with someone like them again
Yea that last one, mine wouldn't exactly put it that way but a lot of times he would say "I'm not mad at you I'm just disappointed in you" Or his most common one is "I love you... sometimes" pisses me off all the time.
Been there... free now. ❤
My Mr said he'd "sooner hurt himself than me" - but why does he feel that the only option is that SOMEONE gets hurt??
Going thru this now n it’s so sad. Especially the last one.
I hope you can get out!
Please leave. You're worth more than they're offering 🙏
I got out and I found someone amazing. I am worth more than they were capable of giving.
@@bruhhh_4203 Best news of the day ❤
How did you get out?
The telling me he would never hurt me while screaming at me just happened 10 minutes ago. All while I have a torn mcl acl and miniscous because of him. Thank you for making your video.
Find a safe place and leave no trace.
Yeah, me and my boyfriend had been together for literally nine years and one day found a girl in our bedroom. It got crazy. He slapped me in the face. I left him immediately and I unenrolled him out of all of his college classes ( petty, but deserved I think, he didn’t finish anyway) took my car, filed a police report told his parents that was it.
and you know he still messages me, he’s really been under the assumption that I’m going to quit my job and move out of state to where he went. This is a crazy person. doesn’t matter what I say to him. He really thinks that we are one day going to get back together these people don’t change.
If they show it to you once, don’t let them ever show it to you again.
They expect you to accept their crap, and if not, they hit you
Husband asked "Geez how many times do you need to hear I Love You from me? We're married already, grow up!"🙄. Then when I tell him I was hurt by that...he throws a fit, yells at the top of his voice, saying I'm being so dumb. When I tell him to stop yelling, he tells me, "Well YOU made me like this, and you think it's just a switch I can turn off?" I proceed to cry and he steps on the gas again telling me it's my fault he's acting that way 😩. I'm getting tired of living.
he doesnt deserve more of your patience ❤
Narcissists "Love Bomb" in the first several weeks of a relationship. Gifts, calls, flowers, cards, unexpected visits, big spending... all signs of Narcissists. RUN!!
That sounds like my mum wtfuuuuk….not the sex part but the beginning like “I literally never hit you” I have been in that situation when I was younger where she has left bruises and I’d call her out while I was sitting there wiping blood of my shirt 🥺 This channel is healing.
My husband gave me a black eye since I caught him flirting online, telling me he does that because it's my fault I get mad at him for going online
The only time my husband does NOT look at me with disgust when I touch him, NOT push me away, or NOT say " you like sex too much" is when he's high. So he gets high and leaves the house for hours... We've been platonic for about a year now...
People will treat you how you allow them to, never tolerate this behavior.
Future faking my boyfriend always does this. idk if he’s a narc but seems to always just tell me what I wanna hear
@@amariajade255yeah def
That last one really hit my soul. Like wtf 😔
can’t do that anymore bc he left me due to my mental healthy apparently straining us. it took us breaking up for me to realize he narcissistic he was and how manipulative he was. he wouldn’t let me set certain boundaries. blamed me and turned every argument into my fault, even if it was his.
i told him sometimes i can’t control my thoughts, he called me psychotic and said i need to ‘fix myself’ and woke up the next morning like nothing happened.
now it’s been 5 days and he’s already interested in someone else.
it took me 9 months to realize this as he broke up with me 5 days ago. fucking crazy.
Mine added a hellish spin to that last one. I got "I love you" from them dozens of times. If i didnt respond, they ignored it and just increased the frequency. When i healed enough to be able to acknowledge my own emotions, i asked them to temporarily stop for a bit because I realized something was going wrong with me internally when they said it and I couldn't get a grasp on it. I just knew it was bad and i wanted a break to see if it would go away. How they responded turned "I love you" into a flashback trigger. Thankfully just typing it doesnt immediately set it off, but i certainly cant elaborate without my mental state disolving like sugar in boiling water.
Going through this now and its absolutely hell
Honestly the fact that people really go through this makes me even more content with staying single and i know there's some really good people out there who wont do this to you but its also okay to be and stay single❤
My ex fiance did this to me, she hit me in a rage once when i walked by her then blsmmed it on trauma her past etc etc. It caused me to be very jumpy towards her at times afrer msny more rage moments but yet she never wanted me to bring it back up. Along with hurting me in the end and constant bekittling of me and using god back and fourth to detour from her own accountability
Thank you for this please check out my poem beaten by words
My parents do this to me. I’m just a kid and I’m so scared. I can leave in 3 years, so I’m just counting down the days until I can leave. I’m coming up with an escape plan. I’m just scared that they’re going to have an impact on who I am. What if I become a terrible person? Can anyone give me advice? Or any tips on how to get out?
The truth is they've already impacted who you are. Your parental environment plays a huge part in shaping you. But the earlier you leave, the better chance you have of minimizing that impact and healing. I've known a couple people in your situation. Your best option (if you can) is to tell a relative you're close with and stay with them. They can petition for legal guardianship, or you can file for emancipation. If there's no relative, a close friend is your next bet with the same process. Whatever you do, do not just run away. Once you've made arrangements, send your parents a text (so you have it in writing) that you've left and specifically mention the abuse as the reason why. Know that it's going to cause a ruckus. They'll be upset and will say anything to get you back home. But if you return it'll be so much worse. Hope this helps. Feel free to dm me. 🙏
I admire that you are able to recognize that you are not the problem, that it is your parents and that their behavior is not how healthy adults treat their children. Alot of times the abuser is a parent and I know many children who have turned into wonderful caring adults who strive to be different. A lot of time they are co dependent and almost always they have PTSD. Seek counseling, and open up truthfully. They will guide you. Prayers ❤
“You know I’d never lay a hand on you.” Has literally spit in my face when he was drunk and now I can’t stand the smell of alcohol 😅
I got spit on too because he said I deserved it
To assess for Narcissists. When in a crowd ask them if they "know they are better than these people". If the answer is yes... RUN!
Omg. He would literally walk me into a corner and put his arms wall to wall. around me, telling me, "we need to go back to the beginning ". What beginning.! "I would never hurt you, your my delicate flower 🤢" "I don't know why you think such evil things about me" 5 minutes later he's sitting in the dark watching me. Dude. I'm shaking.
Omg yesss!!! I get cussed out for putting on make up and then get cussed out for not doing anything with myself. Literally cant win.
Same
Emotional abuse can be far more covert than this!
My fiancé does all of this. I’m so ready to be over .
gather strength ❤
Literally as soon as I woke up, the MINUTE he knew he started. So of course I grabbed my phone and wa reading some things. Then I just went and looked it up online. He said "who were you texting?" I said no one, just looking up something about Disney. He proceeded to tell me I was talking to someone and said give me your phone. So, I have nothing to give so I gave it to him, 😫😡 but it still mad me so mad. Anyway, he then starts saying I sent my friend my boobs. So he read our whole convo looking for something to argue about. When he didn't find anything, he just started being mean and went upstairs!! Now he's texting me he loves me. It's a mind fuck , and that just made me so sick. No tears, just sick. I can't do this anymore
Omg iv had nearly that exact manipulation conversation, and was told I’m crazy. So I was gaslighted also? This quote comes to mind 😅”I loves Harpo. God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me.” And I flat sure will 🤷♀️
Edit
Now that iv seen the whole video, I’m positive it need to rethink my situation.
God knows I do ..
Great examples.
The gaslighting one. You've literally hurt me before.
But I'd never hurt you.
But you did, actually.
No i didn't. I never would
This! It makes you crazy! And you don’t really know what’s happening. Glad it ended. He said I hurt him but he would never hurt me, it’s just jokes. You literally give me back handed compliments and like pushing my buttons!! Ugh
He told me that sex with me is boring and when he's high he wants something else and that I'm only one girl and at least the girls he looks at on porn are clean , he still denying physically cheating which hard to believe cause he never stays with me and the multiple dating and hook up sites but apparently it's my unhealed trauma, insecurity and trust issues. Say he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else but yet I've also been told by him I'm not worthy of anyone's love, but then wonders why I don't trust his intentions. Tells me he show up or plans and outting but doesn't show and doesn't communicate that he's not going to show, plays dumb like he didn't remember saying those things or will drop plans to hang with friends, if I point out that I'm not a priority he acts like I'm insulting him with a dumb idea or tells me I'm jealous and controlling then when I'm sad and I try and say it because your not listening to the things I need and want he goes I'm not responsible for your happiness.... Just a small snippet of the mental backflips I'm pretty sure I'm traumatized now, struggle to be present in my day to day life even when he's not around which is a lot
Why is all of this reminding me of characters on Grey's Anatomy? I feel like there shouldn't be so many abusers on a "romance show"
Ah Jesus, this is a whole can of worms. Sorry you went through that.
Went through something similar, but hope you and your son and dog are better now.
Literally in the process of this now. You really don't realise the level of abusive behaviour until you look back on it. My (Ex) GF is half my size at most. I'd never put my hands on her. I just wish she had the same respect. Yet im the one sat up middle of night looking for advice via TH-cam. Please, if anyone reads this comment.... acknowledge the red flags early on. I wouldn't wish this on anyone
Add giving me depression anxiety trust issues and low self esteem you just described my "dad" , the hag aka my step mom, and their family
(Minus the sex stuff)
dated a guy who was built like a gorilla and did a tour in Iraq as an MP. He told me the Swiss Army Knife I had on my keychain was threatening. ??? So I took it off.
Spot on
Glad youre talking abiut this, its important for pwopme tp know that abise can hapoen to anyone, even in our lgbtq community
Wiw i fell for it 27 yrs. I knew he like me because i worked then i got cancer and was destroyed deserted left homeless. And that really the good part 😮
Is this narcissism? Specifically? Or is it generally abusive?
Both
Mainly negative manipulation and gaslighting
Both. What does it matter?
@@derusmares9508 which are tactics, and are shared by both
Both. The need to manipulate and gaslight usually comes from being narcissistic bc it's all about them, with no regard for your feelings. Healthy, well adjusted people know it's wrong to intentionally mistreat someone and avoid doing it.
Thank you for sharing.
My parents decided they needed to get a divorce when I was 1 month old the divorce was finalized when i was 9 months old my father was and still is an alcoholic me and my sister were always scared he would hurt us or our step-mom who controlled him and took him for granted when he did soemthing for her she would shame him they both bodyshamed me when I was five because I was “too skinny” but I was only like that because they made me feel like it wasn’t ok to gain any weight they didn’t let me have friends over and would always talk bad about my mom to my face and I had to go through many traumatic experiences involving my stepbrother attacking me my sister and my dad but the worst part was that my dad when I was 8 got drunk almost every night and would take us outside to a road then walk out in it and said he was going to commit suicide because of us now I’m 13 he moved across the country when I was 12 and I just recently realized what he did to me was awful but yet I still love him and my step-mom more than anything
I think I’m only 10 videos in from the first one posted. I relate to every single one of them.
This is really good thank you but it also confuses me. How do you know the difference between being the abuser or abused person
Not me having this conversation a hundred times over :c
Ok. You are very pretty. The idea that people talk to their significant other this way is insane. I always talked up my wife. Always.
@@robertdyers it’s more common than you think!
If I talk about my feelings, I will be yelled at. :/
This is 💯💯but so sad
Oh yes
Here's my daily life...
I was straight up the other day. He said i had a good imagination. Too bad it's the truth, he could never handle the truth. He sure as hell never takes responsibility for the truth, never will.
They always answer in platitudes and never answer the wuestion, then I'm the bully because I "corner" them with their words
Relatable 😢 terrible
First he told me he loves me a lot and fast,after just 2 weeks. Then ge said he doesn't like to repeat himself and won't say it anymore....
Like it's a privilege hearing those 3 words from them
@@fionasmith4315 Yeah. It's control. Taking love away to control you so you work harder to "earn" it...
@@danika9411 you got that right
Look up cover narcissism
*covert narcissist
Side question, where did you get the jacket?
From my wife “all you care about is sex”….. well we are married and not having it.
Would she agree to couples therapy? My captain & his wife had that issue around the time she went thru menopause, but she didn't communicate well with him at all.
They finally went to therapy & FINALLY figured out how to properly communicate with one another after 7 years lmao & the intimacy issue resolved. Sorry if that isn't the case for you... That is an important part of a partnership for sure. I hope you figure it out
@@Chelzebelles we did and she changed for a couple months then went back to excuses. She passed away from cancer 8 years ago now.
@Dr. Von’s Life Investing Did you change for a bit too? Or what was found out in therapy? It was all her??
She is literally telling you she doesn't feel intimacy with you. Rather than being resentful, you should be talking to her and trying to create intimacy. Demands or expectations are um probably not the way to go. 2 resentful ppl in a marriage won't have one for very long. Good luck.
Actions speak louder. If a man ever acted like that with me, I'm out with no discussion. I would never succumb to begging a man for sex or telling a man he hurt me or why don't you go hiking with me. People have pride in yourself!!
Insensitive much. Do you think people whom are abused have no pride? I vaguely remember the abuser who abused me, would say something very similar to “ I would never allow … treatment from my spouse (referring to one of his male friends) and the entire time he was responsible for the same behaviors. Just saying.. what you have said sounds a little emotionally abusive.
💯
⛽ 🔥
The first one for sure
wouldn't this fall better under psychological abuse /gen
So on point
Very good. Except, the "abuser" in these examples is actually allowing the "victim" to speak unimpeded. My husband quite literally will say "yep. Okay. Alright." I keep trying to be heard, "Im gonna leave. Ssshhhhh. Shut up Heather. Oh my God. Settle down." I'm only speaking in a passionate, 'please hear me right now', tone. Not yelling... Yet. He will oroceed to ignore me, and make awful judgemental dissaptiving looks and do rabdom things ( like move around things in his lunch cooler, etc. Stupid, random things) all the while not looking at me and moving all around the house making me tail him just begging to be heard. Until i realize what's happening and stop and just go in our (my, honestly) bedroom and close the door and cry. That's my reality when he is manic. Will he get gelp? No. Im now trying to face that fact and build up the courage to be an independent person and try to eork out a plan of, I don't even know... Not escape but just the ability and power to walk away and NOT need him at all, ever again. It's been almost 12 years of this and I'm either going to go mute or get out. Thank you for caring about this subject. It's incredibly complex and difficult to explain or even know how we get here once we realize we're here. Pisses me off, to be frank. Anyway- I'm rambling. Thank you, really. 💙 In Christ, shalom.
If he isn't willing to listen to why you are upset then it's time to go. There's millions out there that will treat you differently, life is too short to be anything but happy, content and feel loved❤
Look up covert narcissism, and word salad. I had no idea this was happening either way the guy I was dating. This sounds a lot like my situation. Luckily he ended it at 1 year bc I kept putting up boundaries and he didn’t like it. Good luck, you don’t deserve this. Look up Dr. ramini
12 years of this...
#Facts
Oh my goodness I totally told an ex boyfriend I loved him and he said well I’m not going to say it because I don’t love you and I was like ok.
Oh god this is triggering.
Omg I just ran away from my dads house and this I one of the first things I see lmao
Omg my ex did all of this.
💯💯💯💯
Omg my kids father always does this shit I don't listen to him
🤢🤢 How did we find these people. 😅
Real life
Ya. Like dont feel scared.
Oh is me ghaslighting telling someone that I don’t have it in me to harm another human being and meaning it
I would be interested to hear examples of emotional abuse from the male perspective. Or maybe there is no such thing, because women are perfect. Many of the examples you gave I have experienced in reverse. My wife justifying a lack of sexual interest with a maybe if you...., Saying things to intentionally hurt my feelings & then swear that she loves me so much. She will only do things for if she "feels like it," but if I don't feel like doing something for her, it means that I don't really love her, etc.
Men absolutely get abused. I've known 3 men in abusive relationships. Usually it'll be the woman withholding sex unless you do xyz. Or you'll constantly be accused of doing things, while also being told you do nothing. They often use crying as a manipulation tactic and will ask "Why don't you love me?" If you don't do something she wants. One of my friends was physically abused by his gf to the point of bruises. NO abuse is ok! If your partner is intentionally hurting you emotionally, you should leave (if possible).
This tik tokers abuser was a woman. Lesbian abuse is per capita way higher than male to female or female to male.
She's speaking from the perspective of a lesbian, while it's not the same and men who are abused and mistreated do deserve a lot more representation, her abuser was a woman and she IS speaking out on the topic of female abusers
She's speaking from the perspective of a lesbian, while it's not the same and men who are abused and mistreated do deserve a lot more representation, her abuser was a woman and she IS speaking out on the topic of female abusers
Divorce your wife and move on w life
😢
Yep
All. Of. This.
Want to know who this abuser is
Boundaries people. They work for both sexes.
War flashbacks
A better example of a video being sexist than just gaslighting.
@@SouthSaltLakeJake can you point out the sexism?
Delusion is being with a woman thinking you’d be happy!!! 😂😂😂😂
Delusion was thinking the same with q man.
@@thelindsaygoodman maybe you should try to be with a sane individual
@@up2nodamngood732 I’m good being single, thanks.
Omg sounds like my ex. For real. 😮
You are beautiful 😍
Omg my bf right now
There's no point in discussing violence...just leave and never go back.
I feel bad for your kid being around this crap.
Audience biasism / should be called " Male Gaslighting" or "Female gaslighting exampless examples.
Maybe if you all fix better partners, I don’t know maybe wouldn’t be like this just a thought
Fix better partners? You mean choose better? Yeah. It doesn’t work like that.