The Effect of Emotional Neglect Symptoms on Highly Sensitive People | Dr. Jonice Webb
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 มิ.ย. 2024
- To learn much more about how Childhood Emotional Neglect happens and affects you through your adult life, sign up for my CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenbreakthrough17
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Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
In this video, I explain the interaction between Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). What happens when an HSP grows up in a CEN household? I’ll answer that question and also tell you what you can do about it now as an adult.
CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
• Emotional Neglect: How...
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 4 S...
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 5 W...
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Wha...
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Use...
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Lac...
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Jum...
00:00 Introduction
My mother used to say, "Don't be so sensitive!" Being this kind of person makes it difficult to really connect to others. "Normal" people have no idea what a burden it is and it is tough being in the world when one feels invisible most of the time! I'm nearing my seventh decade and it's never become easier.
I have always felt invisible and alone.
I see you. :)@@junegroome6643
Yep
Yep! I find it hard to when you can think ahead and perceive things before they even happen in the mourn those thoughts! We can also can be super processors!
I have a HS friend who was told this by her parents constantly, so she sometimes reads this into something I say. I take care to make sure she understands I mean "I don't like it when you get hurt."
Others don't want us around because we can feel their lies. Super power
This is true Bc of my high sensitivity I can tune into others feelings etc: and it's something I've had as a child and I've been disliked for it but never understood why I was disliked others could pick up my thoughts and feelings and makes them uncomfortable I don't do this consciously! But since I was a child people haven't liked me unless they're taking advantage.
That is absolutely true.
I heard all the time ‘you are TOO sensitive!’ 😢😢😢😢😢CEN x HSP = cPTSD
Yes! Me too! How have you gotten help? I'm recently on SSDI and Medicaid Medicare and looking for support if you know of any. Thank you.
Hey @Mcalison and @dianeibsen5994 i truly recommend you guys these (2) helpful tools
1- The Qu'ran regardless of your belief give it a listen
2- Heal Your Nervous System by Linnea Passaler
I am 45 and am just now embracing my high-sensitivity. Many of the things mentioned accurately describe my childhood experiences. I was also ridiculed by my family for being sensitive, and that hurt so deeply. As a result, I learned to stuff that part of me down and never show it to anyone again. Now I am bringing it out to see the sun. One thing I recently started doing was talking to my inner child by looking at a photo of me as a child. During tough times, I will pull out the photo and tell the child she is safe to experience her emotions, but she does not have to be afraid of them anymore because there is someone here who will protect her now, and that someone is my adult self. I know it sounds weird, but it seems to help 😊
It took me until my mid forties to understand all that as well. Can I hazard a guess is to how and why you were able to do it? For me it was a special person who was able to love me through all my so called weirdness. I’m happy for you, it validates me
I am 41 and I have just recently realized this video describes me better than I ever could. I can absolutely relate to your story and that is helping me too! I am so thankful for your story and this video because I now have a better understanding as to when "it all started". It is helping me through my journey! We are not alone!
Soo true
umm, great idea! also, looking in mirror and saying I Love You is another self-validating exercise.
Not weird at all! Inner child work 💪 😊
HSPs are a gift to the world.
This is my childhood and my life!!! My mother could never handle my emotions to the point of embarrassing her when I was just a child. I felt very alone as if my mother hated me. I was the crybaby of the family "We have to walk on eggshells around you" and treated like I was fragile and unstable. Sheesh. I'm very sensitive to light, sounds, and smells, which to this day my sister rolls her eyes at because she doesn't smell things the way I do. I tend to spend a lot of time on my own to avoid "bothering anyone" or being accused of being picky and difficult. Thank God my husband is an amazing human being! I discovered this HSP thing just recently and have been researching, I'm so glad I found this it will help both my husband and me understand it better. Thank you! 🌹
Spent my whole childhood and teens being shamed for my emotions, being told to ‘grow a thicker skin’ and feeling like I was an alien.
I resonate with this.. my mother used to always say my skin is very "thin" skin as a kid cos I cried easily :(
Totally! Being told you're too sensitive or your over sensitive by adults & called a cry baby by a sibling. You become you're own worst enemy & begin to hate being the lovely, empathic, loving person you are which takes its toll at some point on your mental health as an adult especially when it then gets validated in relationships. It's like you feel you are too much for everyone. Wish I had a pound for everytime I'm told to not over think something though, I'd be rich 🤑
I realized in my early 20s that I was far more effected by chaos at work than my coworkers were. They seemed to be able to switch off even when people were displaying bullying and abusive behaviours. Even if the abuse was not directed to me, it effected me as though it was. Forty years later I still struggle in the workplace, absorbing all the bad vibes and toxicity. I'm grateful to get to my peaceful home at the end of the day but I don't want to become a hermit.
I was exactly the same, it is lovely to know I was not the only one who struggled with peoples' behaviours in the workplace. I was retrenched two years ago at 62 during Covid and lost my mojo to find another job, feeling totally exhausted by almost 40 years of work in big organisations. Now I understand my exhaustion - being HSP meant I felt overwhelmed much of the time, and when finally I was able to take a rest, my whole being jumped at the chance. Now I love my solitary life (not a hermit though), the first time ever with no pressure as I had CEN and emotional abuse from my mum as a child and then from my siblings in my adult life (duly banished out of my life a couple of years ago)....money's tight but the freedom to just be me is blissful.
@@nanmcc6695❤❤❤
Same here! I take that as a good sign - that I’ve protected that divine part of myself so well (that part that only knows love, kindness and goodness), that I haven’t habituated to the brokenness and unkindness of the world! So many people have. It’s great that we’re not desensitised when it comes to the essential things in life (e.g. treating each other with kindness, love, and respect - workplace toxicity is the opposite of that)
I grew up in an ice cold home that had everything materialistic that humans need but emotionally it was inept. I found papers I wrote as a kid and really big wrote “I feel so lonely.” I was 7. Around 2010 I bought the HSP book and tried to show it to my parents to get them to understand me more. It feels as if my parents aren’t interested in being parents. They divorced when I was 10. I was expelled from high school for missing so much school due to depression from my home life being so bad. I discovered alcohol and drank a lot in my 20s. My mom always was easily disgusted and repulsed by my presence. The more she hated me the more I hated myself. My dad just shut me out. He physically there but mentally long gone from caring. The werid part is after 23 years divorced they just got back together. My dads partner died and my mom still hasn’t remarried so she moved back in with him. I feel sorry for them both and guilty for my mental health being so bad because I know it hurts them even if they don’t show it. Certain friends come along and have saved me from a lot of pain by showing me I’m not alone. I also pray a lot. I tried to take my own life at 26 am on disability because of cognitive impairment. As much I love aspects of life like nature, friendship and cats.. the haunting of my life being so lonely from day one never leaves me. I volunteer with disabled adults and foster cats. Try to always keep active and do what I can to improve the community. I’m positive that content like yours benefits the future of society. What a relief it would be to hear this decades ago! As much as the digital age has its downfalls I’m grateful I can connect with likeminded individuals who went through similar experiences as me. I love being an HSP because it helps me be a better cat mom and friend. Thank you for your support for us lonely souls out here. ❤
please feel embraced you beautiful soul 😊
th-cam.com/video/f7_K4krQmlo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=rYRDesFfjk0tbc9P
I'm sorry to hear about your trials, thank you for sharing them. This poem helped me through a lot. I hope it may help you. While I was in the womb, my parents separated and went to court. My dad said in court "I want to give up my rights because I won't be able to buy myself nice clothes." Even though it hurt hearing that at a young age by my mom, it proved how much I needed God and Jesus. They will not let you down.
Even though we may feel alone, God is there. When we are in pain Jesus heals all sickness and disease. In the darkest moments God's Word is a lamp to our feet, and a light unto our path. Trust in God with all your heart and seek Him with all your heart and you shall find Him.
James 1:2-3 NIV says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith." May we glorify His Holy Name and sing praise with joy and love. To be in His presence. If you want to hear a song that will move your soul, look up "For All Eternity Beyond The Gates" it's beautiful. Have good courage and faith. God be with you.
Not alone no more!
🌹😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🌹
@@robynmarler1951 God is with you 🎉❤
You learn to distrust everything including your own instincts thinking there is something wrong with you and it becomes too difficult or dangerous to cultivate that beautiful, artistic inner world and bring it forth in the world and our world is lacking and suffering because of this, all because of lack of patience and trust.
I would fantasize about a man coming to save me and fill the void of love that I so desperately need
HSP men we have that feeling too. You could be surprised how common is that feeling to HSP men.
@@angelrogo- may I ask you a question? I am an hsp lady married to a man very obviously damaged by his narcissistic mother & his parents’ unloving marriage - his dad was killed in a plane crash when he was 13, but by that time, both parents were involved in extramarital affairs. There was a lot of yelling, anger, criticism and disapproval. He not only felt he was never good enough, his mom came right out and told him that. So sad. But he treats me exactly how his mother treated him, even tho he used to tell me he hated the way she “disapproved and told him he’d never be enough.” That was over a decade ago that he told me that- now, he has withdrawn & behaves very narcissistically to me, yet he refuses to belief it relates to his childhood. My question to you is - Do you feel he might also be an hsp, but possibly thinks a man shouldn’t be “sensitive” … I’m wondering if that might cause his angry outbursts and his cold, “I don’t care” attitude. Any thoughts, tho I know you don’t know me/us, would be appreciated. Thank you! Amanda
@@jeffpardo855 Hi Amanda, I am a podcast host from a different channel, but I get these questions a lot on my channel as well. Your husband could be highly sensitive or not, but in the end, I believe it doesn't matter that much. What does matter is, that from your description he has traumatic wounds. What you describe here are complex CPTSD-related symtoms. It is important for both of you to understand the underlying dynamics of his trauma symptoms. And yes, it is pretty common that there is narcissistic part involved in that. I made multiple episodes about that scenario in the past weeks on my channel: HSP vs. CPTSD: The Highly Sensitive Person, Childhood Trauma & the Cycle of Shame and Codependency & Complex Trauma in HSP/SPS (and the Shocking Link to Narcissism).
I fantasized in the same way. I dreamt of someone hugging me because I was never hugged by my parents.
@@understandablepodcast "Shocking Link to Narcissism" I'd be very careful with suggesting narcissism regarding HSP, because a lot of people who cannot relate equate being "too sensitive" with narcissism or some other issue, when that's not the point at all. Actual narcissism is a serious issue, and being accused unjustfully of it adds a lot to already existing pain and struggling for understanding. So careful with such a bold diagnosis, especially on social media, it adds to confusion instead of freeing people.
I’m HSP. my entire childhood I was either ridiculed or told off for being so sensitive. I didn’t find out really what was “wrong” with me til I think in my 40’s. What a shame. There are so many like me on here.
❤❤❤
Wow! I’m very sensitive to light. I tend to need to be alone. I’m quite in crowds. I have said to my husband, I feel invisible. I often feel obligated to attend a function but dread the thought of feeling so out of place. I grew up with CEN too. I hope I can heal from this. I am also in my 6th decade. I’m thankful to know about this, at least I see a reason I’m this way.
We sound exactly the same except you are married.
OMG I am 70 female (only child)but you have described my childhood PERFECTLY.
Hi Leon. Where are you located? I would love to support, I'm in Washington State.
Being told to smile more as a child growing up.
I have recently come across your series on CEN and finally after 68 years of wondering what happen to me, all makes since!!
And now another revelation on HSC is completing all this wondering I’ve had for so long!! My other six siblings seem very content in life and just normal human beings with many friends!! I always felt alone and was the loner, and no fun as my sister once said!!
My first spanking in first grade I was told was to help me stop day dreaming!! Thank you so much Dr Jonice now I can live my last years of life in peace understanding what happen to me!!!! ❤
I can relate to much of what you said. I’m 51 and just learning about these topics too. Always felt like the outcast in my family. I can’t change their minds but I can change mine. I’m growing more confident and comfortable with who I am rather than believing I’m inferior and weak.
💗 gosh you seem so positive. I really struggle with how much has been stolen from me.
I was labelled a dreamer as a child. I elected not to be listened to and put my siblings before me when there were things offered - sweets, to ride in the front passenger seat (I’m the eldest). I still retire to darkened rooms when I am overwhelmed. I’m 50 now and this is the first time I have recognised myself in a description such as you have given. Thank you
Imagine if you had allergies back in the early 1900s in Europe. Your family would call you lazy and have no idea where your lethargy came from. Those of us who are only coming to understand these issues in our 6th or 7th decade missed out, but we are lucky to know now so we can take proper care of ourselves and enjoy what is left of our sensitive lives. It's hard not to isolate when you have this combination because you don't want to constantly be triggered by insensitive, inconsiderate, self-centered people, but it's very important to connect with someone you trust, someone with whom you feel secure. That might only be God, in which case, write a letter to Him every morning thanking for all you are grateful for and asking for everything you need and want and pouring out your heart without fear of a reaction that triggers you. Been doing it for about five years now, along with meditation and morning workouts and it really does help. Crappy Childhood Fairy does this writing method without God. Whatever works :D
I'll take a stance from someone who includes God because what I'm not going to do is feel shame for it nor condescension. I am not going to feel ashamed because God wired me differently, than others or make myself be like them, no! If adding God makes one feel uncomfortable, good.
@@sunshinesunflowerz1647adding God in there doesn’t automatically take away your shame… it very much depends on your beliefs
Luckily now WE are the adult & can go on our own spiritual journey & shift/change the beliefs instilled in us! Im grateful I was given a spiritual foundation to grow from. It changed mine & my dads relationship after I (finally!) cut myself from his christian coat tails & thru attending church, bible studies & searching for my own Truth, I found freedom once I 'gave myself permission' to stand & grow on MY own faith!!! And yes, we HSP ARE wired differently (plus Im wired ADHD) & I learned to embrace it & when I encounter a self-righteous christian (the ones that are all serious & judgmental) my comment is 'Oh, thats too bad you're not able to accept me just as God made me!'
I have been exhausted all my life.
@napkin38 - you are so right! That God made us in His image, which your Bible studies will show, is pure untainted Christ-like LOVE (not pollyanna sop luurv that calls anything 'love'). But God's infallible (beware! there are many false messages out there) history Book tells us that the Fall introduced sin. I'm sad that your dad, even wearing the Christian label, showed you how the human heart leans towards self righteousness judgementalism, amongst other besetting sins. We are, however, ALL sinners, needing a Saviour able to ensure our eternal destiny. To love God and each other as He so loves us. Numbers6:24-
If I was upset or hurt my mother would actually tease and make fun of me, even in front of other people. My parents treated me very well but totally neglected me emotionally, just like they were neglected growing up. But damn did it hurt 😞
My dad would say, -You're acting. You are faking it. -
1st time he met my ex-husband he said, -never believe her when she crys. She's manipulating you. 😢😢 That messed me up.
Hi Dr.Webb, I have your book "Running on Empty." Reading even the most helpful books is so triggering for me that I've had to put it on hold. Thank you for this video. It describes me perfectly. I'm 63 now, and I can honestly say that CEN ruined my life. I have struggled with CPTSD for as long as I can remember. For me, the most damaging phrase was, "Go to your room, and don't come out until you can be happy / stop crying." This command was given every time I went to my mom in emotional distress. I just learned to stay there. She is 83 now and will probably outlive me. She still completely shuts down if I ever become overwhelmed. I've had to 'gray rock' my entire birth family. I love them deeply, but I'm smart enough to know that further interaction, valuing their views toward me at all only hurts me, and I'm done allowing it. I'm one of those with CPTSD who never could shut down or block out my emotions, I think because I'm an HSP. I could go on, but you get the picture. Friends, I had to wait until I was 60 to even begin to have any idea that this was not just me being a failure at everything, not just jobs, but every single aspect of my being. I am well familiar with the deepest inner sorrow and grief that I could endure. I've had to go to some pretty extreme lengths to preserve my own life. Even though I'm on that long road of healing, my husband still keeps all my pills and takes them to work with him at my request. I tell these things here, partly just to be heard, but also to reach people like me. Keep doing what you can in the good times. Just hang on when it gets bad. If you can't hang on, please get yourself to the nearest emergency room ASAP any way you can, whether you can pay for the visit or not. They can just suck it up. You are more valuable than money. You matter to your real family, me and all who KNOW you because we are you. Do we have truly supportive support groups like the AA group on the TV show Mom? If not, let's start one, right here, maybe, for those of us who aren't able to interact in person. We need friends who really understand whom we can trust to not hurt us anymore. Thank you for reading. Love who you really are. You are more beautiful, loving, and more lovable than a perfect newborn puppy. You were right. They were wrong, plain and simple. WE are the next step in human evolution. The ones who see more, feel more, who turn the inner eye and embrace the totality of an experience, sort through the chaos we perceive, who really connect. Love more, not less. Speak your truth. You matter in this world. You matter to me. My deepest wish is to give comfort, acceptance, and love that can really be felt and trusted.
Thankyou so much Judith😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🌱🌹
In a 'devil's advocate' way, I find the statement 'We (presumably HSP)are the next step in human evolution' an interesting comment. It is well known that the whole raison d'etre of evolution is survival of the fittest, by which the process favours the strongest, most successful physically, mentally, emotionally, socially etc resilient individuals to reproduce even stronger PMES offspring. Why should HSPs, in an evolutionist's worldview, matter in that 'red in tooth and claw' scenario?
Look up Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. It is a good 12-step. Sending love.
This is incredible Judith❣️
can relate to all you’ve written especially being well familiar with the deepest inner sorrow & grief one could endure coming to these realizations.
Wishing you peace on your continued journey 🤍
The Light of Heaven to you Judith 🙂
I am struggling with these issues plus being bipolar also as a consequence of childhood abuse and neglect. I am 70 years old and still suffer from early poor parental care. Thank you for your work. It helps to validate those traumatic concerns.
I've always thought of my sensitivity as a gift because I've always been aware of things that other people seem oblivious to: smells, sounds, changes in a person's mood or energy. It always surprised me how other people didn't notice things that were so glaring to me. These traits have served me well as a teacher, even though as a child my family definitely teased and tormented me. My dad constantly told me I was too sensitive and too soft, but I am glad I am me and not like him.
I remember screaming and freaking out crying as a toddler at a 4th of July event at a baseball park. I could not have been more than 3. There were boys running around throwing lit firecrackers in the air and letting them explode really close to the people (including me) sitting on blankets waiting for the fireworks. My parents just sat there and stared at me while I had a Vietnam War flashback all by myself. Many years later, I pointed this event out to my mother and asked why they just let me scream and feel so unprotected and uncared for (sometimes she said it never happened) and she said, “yeah, we’d never seen that before.” I was the family scapegoat. “Shy and too sensitive and spoiled,” was the family narrative about me. A girl born 8 and 9 years after two rough and tough, mean brothers. An artist and musician. My parents never protected me from anything.
My whole life (6 decades) I've been told I was too sensitive and needed "a thicker skin." There is no question I am an HSP and grew up with CEN. I was actually told once that women only cry to manipulate men. I only cry when I'm alone since then. I would love to heal from CEN. 14:04
Hi 👋
Right then here is my, abbreviated, story.
I am a child of the 70’s, on my 4th birthday my maternal grandmother died suddenly, my little brother was coming up to his 2nd birthday and I had a baby sister who was 9 or 10 weeks old. We lost our mother to profound grief, depression, post natal depression and alcoholism ( god only knows what else because she STILL cannot speak of it) for four years. Dad did his best, as a parent I can appreciate how difficult it must have been for him, he worked hard and we only saw him properly at the weekends. Three kids craving positive attention and a broken wife, let me tell you - that man is an absolute hero - nobody would have blamed him for leaving!
Our physical needs were attended to but she couldn’t do anything emotional, no cuddles or praise; every A was received with, “Well, I should hope so with your brain!”
We had to suppress our emotions and needs because somebody else always ‘had it worse’. We were NEVER allowed to display anger, or feel sorry for ourselves. I understand, and implement, the abundance ethic of being grateful for the good things in life but as a child I could never understand why everyone, anyone else was more important than I was.
Consequently, I was bullied constantly and that lasted into adulthood- as it always does. I was about to say that I made bad choices, but of course-they weren’t my choices - because I couldn’t say no, because everyone else’s needs were more important than mine. Phew, that’s a new one, they weren’t my choices …
Even now I won’t confront a woman in anger, oh I forgot to mention that my mum entered the menopause when I was 10 and her rages were absolutely terrifying., because she couldn’t have HRT!
So, when she recovered from her ‘breakdown’ , she then fell into the hideous emotional upheaval of the menopause. - and so did we!
I have no memories between the ages of 4 and 8, apparently this is a common reaction to any trauma, I didn’t find out/realise that I had suffered E.N. until I was mid-30’s. Since then I have done the legwork and counselling and research to help myself, and my siblings process the fallout of that one tragic accident.
Even though my siblings and I struggle with MH issues and obviously working with ‘people’, our children are doing ok; we have done our best to break the chain so that they feel able to pursue their goals.
Dr Webb, I am very grateful to you for validating my feelings and I will be doing your course because I know I will get something out of it.
I hope the above is helpful to someone, because we ‘live to serve’ don’t we? 😉
Check, check, and check. I was a highly sensitive child who felt things so very deeply. Raised by a narcissist mother who's needs always took priority, and who actually blamed us for "ruining her body." Raised by a father who became emotionally absent after the divorce when I was 12 years old. Then another narcissist step-mother who was always critical of our behavior (i.e. we could never load the dishwasher right). We were required to attend "family dinner" where we would have to sit quietly and listen to our father and step-mother tell endless tales of their work day. We got to witness our father being loving, and emotionally available for her while he was only available to us as an enforcer of the (her) rules...... in high school I became a rebel punk-rocker, skipping school, experimenting with dangerous drugs....then in my 20's I wonder where all this anger is coming from? ...then in my 30's, 40's, and now 50's, wondering why I have friends and boyfriends who break up with me...why my relationship life is characterized by rejection....and why I am still single at 51, having missed my biological window to bear children, and incredibly lonely. Yes- I am a candidate for this type of therapy for sure. Help Dr. Webb!
I also missed my window for children. Sometimes, I'm grateful that I have no children because I didn't want to screw them up. Other times, the loss is so deep that I don't think I can bear it because the widow of time I was supposed to receive my parents' love was also denied me. I will never know a Mother's love from either direction, except what I can give of myself to all other living things. I love plants and animals. I was born to be a mother. In my church of one (I'm the only member), I know with my inner knowing that we experience in this life that which we are not. We are all trying to find our way back to our true selves, the really real. We are caught in a nightmare, and when we step out of this lifedream, we will remember who we really are and just how intensely we love and are loved, NO MATTER WHAT, NO EXCEPTIONS. Love is all there is. You are love.
Get into therapy, I also am a hsp/cen and I’m 59 and it has taken me 5 years of therapy and self reflection to figure out who I am.
Thanks for this. I think the way people described my sensitive nature was that I was "shy". I don't think I was ever really shy, just highly sensitive.
Similar to my experience too. I learned to set low expectations, low standards for myself in my birth family. It was much safer to seen as 'shy' , 'scared', 'unadventurous,' or 'just a girl', rather than risk "trying and failing".
Trying but being inept.
Trying, but getting it wrong from the start.
For most of my teenage, I hardly knew I even had any feelings.
And if I did, they were always the WRONG feelings!
I've got Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Add CEN to that now... 🤪
I resonate with both of your comments. The shy label really limited my self image and what I was lead to believe I was capable of as a child. The adult perception of a child makes the world of difference to how they see themselves.
Thank you so much for this video! I am a 62 year old HSP and a survivor of a childhood of extreme trauma. Being so sensitive amplified the horrors of my home life and I have spent over 40 years actively recovering from it. You have cracked open a much needed door into how trauma affects HSP’s and how we should begin to help them navigate back to safety. I teach young gifted children, many who are HSP’s, and am keenly aware of their challenges as well as their gifts. Your awareness gives me hope that more will be researched and brought forward about this crucible of cruelty and compassion. Please continue your very important work!
I remember when I first went for therapy in my early 20s to deal with my eating disorder (bulimia) that my therapist described me as an emotional orphan. That was 40 years ago and it shook me as he was so right and it explained so much. Having found your channel, I know that you call people like me “Emotionally Neglected Children” so he was definitely on to something. I knew I was sensitive as well, but after watching this video, I can see how having that was a double whammy. I just recall how much I loved to read (my escape) or going to my friends’ houses as much as possible where things seemed so different, but I didn’t really think about why until years later. I’m so glad I found your series ! I’m learning so much about myself and my relationships with other people, including my husband. Thank you. ❤
I had been told so many times that I’m too sensitive. My mom use to ask me what i wanted to do when she picked me up from high school. I would say something I don’t even remember what, my mom would continuously ask me Are you sure. She asked me until I didn’t know what i wanted and we would always do what she wanted, which was shopping. Today I realize that im very good at prioritizing other people’s desires yet, unable ro prioritize what i want, except 1 thing. That one thing is meditation. I put off the creative things i want to do, yet always make time for meditation.
I have memories as early as 5 years old where I felt I was the strange one, the broken one, I was too much, it felt like I came from a different planet and I didn't belong. I learned that I wasn't worthy of attention or help. I grew up alone in a family of 6!
Now that I have a child of my own, I didn't want him to feel the way I felt growing up so I started learning about emotional intelligence and I understand a lot better where my struggles come from and I'm starting to find my worth. As you said, high sensitivity is a superpower, not a weakness! ❤ I'm proud of how far I've come and I'm growing stronger everyday 😊 thank you for you videos xx
You sound like me, I am parenting the exact of how I was parented.
I feel you on this. As a child I felt like an alien around my peers.
I think this is a big part of my growing up and explains why I’m so different from my siblings… why I was the “ slow” one. My sisters even got me a bumper sticker that said “don’t follow me… I’m lost “ Anyway thanks for your advice and help
I am an HSP who was also the family scapegoat in a highly dysfunctional family. Divorced parents but both sides of the family were like that. For anyone that can relate there is a book called “rejected shamed and blamed “. Family scapegoat abuse is something else and it is eye opening if you’ve been in or are in this family “role”
Thanks for the reference, I also was the family scapegoat, in childhood by an abusive mother and then by my siblings in adulthood. A truly awful experience for an HSP and I even wonder if I wasn't targeted because of being HSP as it was easy to get me over-reacting so I became useful for them to dump on.
I relate to both of you. I was targeted as the scapegoat by my abusive mother. It really is hard to overcome being rejected by the people who should have protected us from abuse. My mother was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive and my dad was a sexual child predator. So there was no safe place to be. I am an HSP, so spent my whole childhood being scared to death. My mother shamed me every chance she got and accused me of always " being mad about something." Turns out I was not mad, I was just trying to survive.
Jay Reid focuses on narcissist abuse recovery. His videos have really helped me a ton!! I also love Patrick Teahan- they both put words to feelings and explain everything so well. I wish you well ❤
I just ordered that book,
" Rejected, shamed and blamed" Thank you fot sharing that. The more we understand how this happened to us, we can heal from it. Take care! :)
@@lapislazuliphoenix Thank you for the Jay Reid resource, I'll look into that. A lady by the name of Tammy Joyce is also a good resource for understanding narcissist behavior and how to deal with it.
I'm crying , you are describing my childhood 😢😢
I've watched about a dozen of your videos but this one absolutely nails it for me. I'm 63 - wish I learned this years ago, but at least I have the opportunity to heal now. Thank you x
Oh, I don't have to "imagine it." I lived thru it. It's nice to finally have someone describe me and my childhood. This is the 1st time I have heard about this, thank you! I thought my sensitivity/aversion to light, busy crowds, especially loud noises, etc. put me on a mild autistic spectrum, even though I know I'm not autistic. - And wow, I am lucky that the neglect I had didn't label me any of those things, bc my mother didn't allow unkind words, so I never saw myself as weak or damaged. But she just didn't have any kind words or actions in the house either, so I was never loved or cared for. And I married a man just like that.
I’ve known for a while that I am an HSP and in the last few years have learned about CEN. My mom was deeply uncomfortable with emotions (there are some good reasons for that for her). I’ve always felt that one of the biggest issues arising from the HSP/CEN combination is how quickly and how deeply the CEN lessons are learned and internalized.
I agree. It feels like I picked up the messages that I was different, vulnerable, too sensitive from a very early age. Sadly the negative effects have stuck with me my whole life. My mother is also very uncomfortable with emotions. She never told me she loved me and she doesn’t like to hug. I’m trying to figure out how to move past what I didn’t get and focus on what I can do to change my beliefs about myself to have a brighter future.
I’m a 74 year old HSP (female) and am grateful to finally understand my CEN childhood. Between ages 3 and 18 (when my father died) my dad had six serious heart attacks. Our house had to be very quiet and I was often told “stop your crying/whining or you’ll make your dad sick”. So I shut down almost completely. Today I still have deep sorrow and rage issues even though I am in a loving marriage. Thank you Dr. Webb for finally helping me see the truth. ❤
I was not only emotionally neglected, but coming from a broken home and dealing with an evil stepmother at age 6, I was just neglected altogether. I can remember as a child, I cooked my my own can of food, Spaghettios it was. I could not reach the top of the stove, so I had to sit on the counter. I am 60 years old now, so at that time microwaves would be common for another 10 years or so.
I have all the traits. Lots of suffering, shame, humiliation, but I created a special life.
That's beautifully put and something to aspire to.
Reading all these comments is making me cry.
Thank you for your clear and peaceful explenation. There is a lot I recognize. When I see photo’s of myself it’s like I see a ghost. I was too scared to be really present so I dissociated as long as I can remember. It s heartbreaking… how I would love to hug this little Girl and have a good cry together.
Thanks so much, you hit every point for me. 66 and feeling better as I go.
You managed to package this up in detailed accuracy. It helps me accept myself and love myself the ways my family should have bothered or cared to understand. You have described my life experience within my family. I grew tired of never getting beyond the lack of interest in my life experience from them. I accept their toxic lack of compassion towards me and am fine with being invisible, less painful. When my child lay dying in the hospital and I never left her side for weeks and weeks, not one single family member visited or supported. Guess I was just overly sensitive? They are so committed to their hostilities, they missed seeing real strength in real time.
This is quite the revelation for me, thank you. I always hated being "sensitive", but one of my friends said oh it's a gift. Still hated it, but not as much.
It’s a gift and a curse. We are who we are.
Combine emotional neglect to a highly sensitive child who is being gang bullied at home, at school, at work, AND the HS child gets even further abused by those to whom the child is crying for help.....surprised that this child is still alive, and doing as well as she is - openness to learning, seeking help, and drawing intimately to the Lord. This child wasn't always bothered by it when she became a nurse in a critical care unit -- oddly, but I think she felt in control and for the first time, she was liked, appreciated, respected and affirmed by her patients for the love she gave and how attentive and sensitive she was. She ever stops learning through, and had to work on boundaries more than ever....long story short. This child was not shy. She screamed out for help and was turned away at every turn. The when sh advocated for others, they didn't help her help ..others. Deeply alone is right! ....Deeply..... and led to fear relationships with the right guys, and gravitated to the wrong ones.
Hello 👋
I grew up in this situation in the rather more buttoned up UK. I can see that both of my parents suffered CEN themselves and, as would be typical of their generation, nothing was ever addressed. This resulted in my childhood being one where emotions were discouraged and even punished. Working on this is taking time, but things are slowly moving along.
My maternal grandmother moved here from England when she was a teen. My father died when I was young. My mother reared me the way she was reared, English style. Here's the kicker, Grandma had a totally American accent by the time I was born, and since the family was not one to talk about the past (no sharing memories), I had no idea! I didn't know my heritage and true family dynamic until my late 20s. By then, damage done. Sometimes, I feel cheated.
May God's love cover your efforts towards CEN healing. Parental indifference, let alone downright abuse of any kind, is staggeringly incomprehensible to me, even though my birth mother abandoned me at 9months & my life has consisted of the hole where her voice, her touch, her smile, her smell should be. She left me and my 3 siblings with a violent, abusive bully whose second marriage taught us how to survive a loveless environment.
Why do these ppl have children?? (Actually, I know why he did.. )
Join me in Christian's experience of the True Father's love...
HSP video.
Thankyou for acknowledging the shame and guilt i have been feeling for all these decades.
Thankyou for acknowledging my feelings of being weak.
Thankyou for acknowledging my feelings of being different from everyone else.
Finally, thankyou for allowing me to acknowledge my own feelings, to be able to, now, start to see through the clouds and, indeed, to start the process of feeling different and positive about myself, to grow and to begin self-healing. Ibraheem.
Amazingly helpful… you’ve just described my childhood exactly… I was the invisible middle child of stoic, uninvolved parents, with 4 siblings, one who was I’ll & required a lot of attention. I am an HSP & was teased about it all the time… I always called my treatment by others a Learned Pattern of Neglect… thank you for more insight .🌼
Thank you…SO MUCH. I don’t think people talk about this enough. Most of the neglect I have seen people talk about is in more severe cases and that can be invalidating. It creates the same lonely feeling I had throughout childhood, like my struggle is invisible and I’m alone or blowing things out of proportion. Because I’ve had all of these secondary issues occur with nothing to point to as to why I’m like this. For the longest time I thought nothing “bad enough” happened to me for me to be having these issues. Why I keep putting up with neglecful partners etc is starting to make sense hearing all of this. I am so grateful to have discovered your channel.
What it is to sense what everyone is ACTUALLY thinking and feeling.
I love dimly lit rooms in the morning when I get up and when I need to get away. The new LED bulbs that allow control of color and intensity are fantastic. You described my childhood. My brother was a narcissist and I roomed with him Growing up was a traumatic event.
This is hard for me to hear about this. I can remember the only time being asked how I was doing or feeling as a young girl was when we to went to visit relatives once a year. I know I was neglected emotionally growing up. I was always silenced by my Mother and my Dad was always too overwhelmed.
I was told that until I'm an adult, they don't want to hear anything I have to say or show emotions unless they find them amusing. I was threatened with violence if I showed emotions. I left home at age 9 and had been depressed most of my childhood. Some people should never have children.
I do not recall my parent or siblings asking me anything ever about if I was okay, or how I was feeling or even expressing affection or kind concern or loving behavior or words. Mostly what I recall is being made fun of, or in looks or manner expressed that I was not okay and this still goes on today in my family. I am not around them much anymore which is helpful. I'm 60 and just realizing in the past few years how I am an HSP and this helps to know this.
It was the same for me. In my childhood, as the oldest and female, I was expected to help Mom and "set a good example." Up until I was about 9 my childhood was normal but then my sensitivities brought out bullying at home and at school. I wanted to please my parents but I never felt I could. When I did chores my mother would say, "I'll just do it myself" because I guess I did it wrong? My father was emotionally absent and mostly negative in his comments. I began to overeat, realizing much later that I did it to try to fill the lack of affirmation. I remember leaving the dinner table and going to my room to cry from all the teasing from my father and siblings. No one came to check on me or talk to me. Later I would sneak back to the kitchen to get food and eat by myself. I preferred being alone and hid in the closet to read. My parents had difficult childhoods too, but I didn't know that then. When my father died I was devastated and went into a long period of mourning, neglecting my own household and family. I was still doing everyday things but I felt so overwhelmed, I'd stay in my room for an hour or so at a time to "brood" I guess and then do other things with my children. We have one car and my husband needs it to go to work most days but I can use it on Fridays and Saturdays to run errands. My mother has macular degeneration, so, since my house is the closest to hers, I usually have to take her shopping or whatever. It wouldn't be so bad if she'd give me some notice, but she texts me Thursday night saying she needs something but if I'm too busy it's okay. Nothing like a guilt trip. She insists on staying in her house by herself which is kind of scary considering, but I'm the wimp and too afraid of all the negativity of arguing with her or my siblings about the best course of action to do anything about it.
Nowadays it's my husband who says I'm overly sensitive and need to have a thicker skin. He says I overreact to everything and have no sense of humor. Sometimes his words slam me harder than anything my parents or siblings ever said or did. I thought I could trust him, but this has definitely built a wall between us and I can't help but withdraw from him when I sense hostility from him.
I definitely appreciate this video and I will start the healing process now that I have a better understanding of what happened to me. It wasn't my fault and it wasn't my parents' fault. My husband doesn't understand why I am this way. I hope I can talk to him about this so we can get to a better place.
Ha! I was never asked any of those questions. I was told that I thought too much and to snap out of it and get in the real world. Yes, I do feel alone but tend to relish it. A Few wonderful friends really help. I am in my sixties and still get taken aback when I see good, caring, confirming, thoughtful parenting - like whoa - that kid is so lucky! Things still pop up that I should know but was never taught - but much less often. I had to learn social etiquette on the fly since that didn’t happen either. Ugh but I think I’m pretty ok now after lots of reading and counseling. Hang in there is you are still on your journey!
I had to teach myself as well, every so often I watch the soaps or reality shows - just to have something in common with the ‘others’.
My therapist had not heard of CEN when I conveyed your research to him; it was not in the DSM. Therefore I was treated as having PTSD with reframing. Bringing up my past did not go well, causing more trauma and so I am continuing only with med checks every three months. Thank you for your gift of CEN research and your podcast. I finally understand in my late-seventies what I had experienced in childhood. This has been life-changing! Now I understand that I was not at fault all those years ago. CEN affected my whole life and my marriages and suicides.
Using sensitiv in a good way, can actually help other people ❤
As a HSP - I think you also become a double-person. You have an external and an internal persona which are kept quite separate. I was not the slow or problematic child - I know I was a dreamer and I isolated myself but my family identified me as clever, able, book-worm etc. But I clearly remember my middle and young brothers being very quiet and introspective - and I know they suffered in my no emotions family.
Learning that your emotions are unwanted, embarrassing, excessive, shameful - all of those things makes you become very very good at concealment. I lived in a world of books and films - I lived through the characters in my books and TV series and films. In fact I recognise that today I use books - novels, dramas as a way of being able to identify and recognize what I feel. I hope this is interesting and valid information for you as a researcher and psychologist.😊
I identified with being highly sensitive a number of years ago, although now I wonder and reevaluate. I saw the title and thought that's me! But now listening, not so sure. I think I did experience some of this. I felt a lot of uncomfortable feelings growing up, and with 4 kids, I do believe my parents were unaware. When I once tried to talk to them once I was shut down quickly. But it didn't go so far as calling me weak or slow or something per se. The one time I was shut down, it was basically like there is no space for those feelings in our religion. When we would say we didn't like something, it was tough, you should be grateful (or sometimes suffer consequences). I remember the time payment of some expenses were taken away when as a young adult, I didn't take the first summer temp job that was offered (because I had tried the work previously and was so unhappy and wanted to take time to see for a better fit). Or when I didn't eat my oatmeal and got recycled oatmeal at subsequent meals. It wasn't abuse. But yes, I think my true feelings were uncomfortable if I dared to share. My likes dismissed. But yes, still struggle, am I an HSP. I am highly sensitive in some ways, but definitely not all of what you describe.
I had a NDE and now I am highly emotional and my sensations have gone crazy. I might have been highly emotional as a child but I believe my NDE started this. The benefit I have is I know I am good. If I were young that might have been an issue. It’s just nice to know what it is.
You just described my entire life thus far with my father. I remember as a child, my brother and I would debate about something and my father would yell out “WHO CARES!!” Of course my brother and I would begin crying and my father would just look at my mom like … 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️ He has told me twice in my adult life that he loves me…when I graduated HS and on my wedding day 33 years ago. If he told me he loves me today, it would feel incredibly uncomfortable and I wouldn’t believe him. My existence has been his biggest regret and burden. 💔
I'm an HSP who was just diagnosed with c-ptsd and anxiety. I've known for years that I had c-ptsd, but it was a relief to have my therapist to diagnose me. I can now get to work on my childhood trauma; physical abuse and emotional neglect...which affects me deeply today. I heard all these things during my lifetime, but mostly from a sibling. I have felt alone most of my life until I met the love of my life, and this was after 2 marriages. We are separated so we can both do deep work on ourselves, but it hardcore triggered my emotional neglect, rejection and abandonment wounds. IT's been a rough 3 months. I learned at an early age that the only thing, besides my imagination, that comforted me, was food, so I became a food addict. I'm using discipline, therapy, spiritual work and other tools to combat this.
Ooofff… thank you for this. I’ve been searching for this for a long time. Have come to understand thats why I just can’t say what I mean and think. My marraige is breaking up - and I want so badly to leave, but the words are just blocked. Ive never said what I mean, what I needed and always focused on him. So I just disappear as a human. My needs and thought where screamed at and just in the way. And I feel so, so sad for the little girl inside who is screaming to me. But there is a big heavy block in my throat. Signed up for your free series. Scored 17 yes-es. 😭😭
This video has helped me not to hate myself so much, but to feel a measure of kindness and mercy, and some peace. HSP - YES! CEN YES! Now let’s add physical, psychological, and emotional abuse, as well as always being the target of bullies, and you got ME.
Also, "You and me against the world" can be called in to account for the HSC. If such a child has gone over to embrace individuality over society, then naturally there is going to be feelings of being overwhelmed by the world of people.
10:58 Accept and value your emotions
11:18 Pay attention to your feelings ; let them guide, motivate, protect, connect you
12:48 Celebrate the unique qualities that make you different
Thank you for this insightful video, Dr. Webb. As many other youTubers wrote below this video, I recognized so much in what you said. I don't want to berate my parents in any way. I just think they hadn't all the tools to offer me an appropriate attention. Often, my wants and desires were ignored, even ridiculed or straight out despised. Not only by my parents, but by many of my friends. I don't keep any grudge against them. I rather think ignorance and/or lack of sensitivity were the cause of their attitude toward me. While I was watching your video, a lot of feelings, sometimes very disturbing, were going up to the surface. As you put it so aptly, when I was expressing my feelings, it wasn't rare that my surroundings incited me to harden myself, even calling me a «sissy». And one of them confounds often hyper sensitivity and sentimentality. Sentimentality is a pejorative word and each time this friend used this term, it hurts my feelings very much. Also, I want to undelight that I like very much the calm, peaceful and clear tone you use when you speak in your video. It helps very much to let go out the stress of this situation and make your listeners more receptive to what you say. Congratulations! I'm still eager to watch your other videos.
Yes, I find all of your work incredibly helpful. It's so great to hear you talk about the journey and process of the CEN/HSP person. The acknowledgment alone feels important. Thank you for what you do. ❤
Thank you Dr. Webb. I am beginning to see why I am the way I am....
I am the youngest of 5 kids and was very shy and very sensitive growing up. My parents had many problems and my two older brothers have narcacistic personalities. It still affects family dynamics as adults.
Dude, this is like, almost my exact story. I was the second to last kid of 5. The boys sucked
@@Sweetshaunna All I would say is to love and believe in yourself. It wasn't our fault! Best wishes!
I was called "the brat". I did not like being grabbed at or smothered by older siblings. I had no power to say what i wanted or to be heard. Older sibling were the "gang".
It's a shame this is a topic because there are so many people with no sensitivity and treat others so terribly. The main issue I had was my mom treated us the same thinking she had to be hard on us so we would stay out of trouble. But I was never the type to get in trouble. I liked this woman from Church and sometimes I think she's a narcissist but she just may be a person like me who is sensitive and is broken because of her own disappointments and people not respecting her for who she is. Another reason we should be together because I understand what she is going through and would respect her and nurture her knowing all she wants is to give and receive unconditional love.
I'm glad to know HSP is a real thing I already know I am from an Childhood Emotionally Neglectful Home. I want to get healing for both. Thank You. Kay
I would imagine that others like myself, see the opportunity Dr. Webb is bringing to our attention. I would also imagine that many of us have been resigned to taking care of ourselves, especially living within the United States' paradigm, where we are caught in a cycle of degradation and unimportance based on our interaction with society. I myself left a job because it seemed that I could not tell others what music to listen to at work but I could be forced to listen to loud, rap music. I don't value the vulgarity in the music played nor that it was brought over to a calm workplace and we were abruptly battered with the deafing cacophony. I don't mind loud music at times and classical music is the best music, unless you are trying to work, I tune into classical music more than my work. I really don't understand how many people function. Learning about CEN and HSP is interesting. I guess I solved PTSD, hyper-vigilance and some anger issues on my own so I'll consider CEN.
I am 57 year old woman. I knew my family was dysfunctional in many ways. I knew I was different and I never fit in. My mom had me at age 45, my siblings were all much older. My mom was not mentally stable, I was the loneliest child growing up, dreaming about what my life would be like when I grew up. I was named spoiled, a dreamer, dramatic and I was always dismissed and told to “go away”, I never felt included or valued as anything other than “the baby”, a burden for all to bear resentfully.
I’m overwhelmed with this information! I never imagined that this existed or that I’m not the only one who grew up this way. I cried everyday during adolescence, I struggle with abandonmen because at 13, my father put my oldest narcissistic brother in charge of finishing raising me. I was grounded for no reason my entire high school years. I ran away at 18, with the first boy that came along and I’ve been running ever since! I wish I had been aware of how damaged I was and the impact it would cause throughout my life! I forgave my parents many years ago. I haven’t been so successful with my siblings. I am alone now with no family, it is my choice.
I will explore this wth your help! Thank you ! You are an Angel! ❤
I also learned this from my grandmother. Had to live with her a couple times and my siblings while my mom was in the hospital because of nervous breakdowns. My grandmother would say don't say anything to your mom that would upset her because that could send her back to the hospital. Being sensitive I just never wanted that responsibility. Didn't know what I could say really. Always kept things to myself. I Was told I was too sensitive also a sibley was told that. Is being sensitive inherited even though it is not a taught trait or just random? Never thought about it but it does make you feel weak. Yes, this video was helpful. I question alot and overthink and I think that got on my Dad's nerves because he would say, "I will be glad when you are grown and gone". I said I will too, lol and not my fault I am here. I also tend to be very logical. Not sure if that's a sensitive trait or not. Couldn't wait to leave. Thank you for the video ❤
Apparently I am a HSP. Describes me perfectly. Very informative video!
Thank you! 🙏
I identify as voidpunk, because it's been my way of embracing my otherness, that had been supressed in the past. My biggest issue is that I cannot even tell my partner that I love them, because I learned to hide any emotional vulnerability deep inside of me. At times I think I cannot feel much, even though I know it is in my nature.
5 years so far of mental & deep emotional suffering and unexplained physical chronic illness, all due to being an HSP raised in CEN home -the reason I’m more and more convinced with. It’s been 4 years since I discovered Dr. Webb’s and Dr. Arons’ great articles and books and I’m healing, though slowly.
My theory is that we’re so divinely connected/preserved, that what’s normalised in our world is actually perceived as very broken to us (and rightly so!) We’re comparing the world around us to the divine standards that we knew and are made of. So in a way, we’re really “not of this world”. It doesn’t mean we’re better - but that somehow, our divine nature was preserved when so many others were born desensitised. It’s okay that they are though; I appreciate the steady, constant care and support my less-sensitive friends are able to afford me (because they’re less easily overwhelmed and burnt out, they can be there for me!)
Ha.. yes, I got "you're too emotional", "You're too sensitive" over and over. I have had to grow as an adult to "re-parent" myself and to articulate and value what I feel.
This resonated very strongly with me. I am a deep thinker and slow at basically everything, but especially homework. I always got good grades, mostly straight A's, but instead of praise for that, I got more criticism for doing my homework slowly or being the last one done with the exam. I'm also very sensitive to sound. Basically, I can't organize a thought to save my life if there is any background noise. So I would complain about the computer being in the living room because my Dad would watch TV, literally all evening every single day, (probably 6 to 8 hours a day) and sometimes there would be two TVs on with one in the kitchen too. So I would ask for some quiet to do homework and he would never turn them off and instead get mad that I hadn't done my homework earlier and I must have procrastinated. I was also very sensitive to violence, so my Dad would get my sister and me to watch movies like Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs when we were around the ages of 8-13 and we were obviously scared and didn't like it, but he just thinks it's a funny story now that we're adults. I also was very interested in bugs and loved all living things and would try to save any lost bug that made it into our house, but I was usually mocked by my Dad and if he got to the bug first, he would smash it in front of me and laugh and say that I shouldn't care about them. I would get headaches all the time as a kid and I think it's because I was constantly being overstimulated with no escape. Eventually I just died inside and stopped having any emotional expressions and it has been a long process to re-awaken but it is happening thanks to your work Dr. Webb and therapy.
Your video shone a light on what has been a huge problem for me my whole life!! Now all is explained!! Thanks souch Dr Jonice!!❤
Hi Dr. Webb,
My name is Rahul. I am 25 years old. 5 years ago in 2018 i bought your first book "Running on Empty". I was completely numb at that point in life, full fledged Alyxythymia so to speak. My life was complete mess due to that and was on the verge of suicidal thoughts. Bad habits, no feelings or emotions, alone, lonely, completely dissociated and disconnected from myself, people around me and environment. I read your book and understood what went wrong in my formative years. I implemented all the things little by little in my daily life. Made charts, wrote down emotions, did exercise and all other things mentioned. I failed all the time but i just kept going as suggested in book. I relapsed in bad habits again and again but still i put my belief and kept going and kept pulling myself together. Fast forward today, i have developed extraordinary habits, getting more connected with myself day by day ( i still do all the practices in book, they are part of my life now), understanding myself more. I am more focused, disciplined, energetic and out of depression. When i look back , i feel happily tearful 🥲and grateful that i came in contact with your book. You and your book has changed my life.Thank you from bottom of my heart❤.
I was confused about the mismatch between the extent of my lived experience of trauma and the lack of evidence of childhood trauma. The fact that I was HSP was highly valued by my parents. My mom effectively ignored my emotional world. We didn't have a relationship until my early teens when she leveraged my desire for harmony and connection and used me to mediate between her and my dad. My dad didn't do that but he had his own issues that would isolate him from the world. He might be a covert narcissist honestly but I was his friend and confidante. I'm realizing how messed up that all was.
Thank you for sharing that HSPs are born that way bc it helps explain the differences between some of my siblings and I.
And my therapist didn't want to hear about my feelings nor did she help me understand what had transpired. I felt like I was a burden in therapy too blabbing on while she sat there with a blank look on her face. Here's a DBT Workbook, why do you want to keep talking about the past?
I learned about CEN from my sister-in-law, and subscribed to the newsletter a while ago. This is the first video I got around to watching but it seems especially relevant as I'm what you describe as an HSP. I have been living with Complex PTSD largely due to adult emotional trauma (including five years in conversion therapy, and chronic relational trauma) but I recognize that the pattern began in childhood with my parents discounting and disrupting my intense inner life. What hit me most in this video was a 20-second segment (which I've clipped for my journal) of the questions that go unasked in CEN families. Ironically, every day after school Mom would sit me down and ask what happened during the day, which seemed like caring, but she only wanted to know what happened. I don't remember her asking anything like how I felt or what I needed. She was more concerned with my school performance, and what other people thought of us. I was a good student, highly involved in creative extracurricula activities, and I was her golden boy. So I had to conceal my loneliness, failures, embarrassments, and despair -- and being gay.... There's more: at age 59 I realize I probably have struggled with chronic fatigue all my life, which was obscured because of periods of depression and anxiety complicated by PTSD. That's another story! Certainly, as a child I was not allowed to be feel uncommonly tired, but I think I did... looking back from age 59 as I hopefully emerge from a year of being housebound and sometimes bedridden by fatigue. I appreciated the insights here. In my journal, I plan to process how I experienced no one asking those important questions.
Brava! Very well done and presented.
You explained me and my home perfectly, especially the portion about using that energy to propel us. I did.
While there is still some residue, I am working through it. Some of it was reignited because I relocated back home for a time and experienced the same old same old. My relocation was, more or less, out of control and I thought that it was the best option. I stayed for nearly 5 years, but relocated back to Tennessee and been back now just over 3 years. Life has gotten better again.
I have gone complete no contact. Your emphasis on feelings and their purpose and message was spot on, because my feelings told me that I can be happier, healthier, freer, and safer with family at a distance.
If they see trauma bonding as normal, so be it, but I can be my best version of myself without them, family or not.
What took away from my time there, in summation, was, just because a person is family, it doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is mutually beneficial.
All the best to you and your family.
Both an HSP and a victim of EN it is exciting to have found your website. I hope to benefit from what you have to offer. Thanks!
Intolerance is definitely an issue for me when it comes to anything vaguely resembling disorder because I saw it so such growing up.
I'm crying right now. All of this is my childhood. I am so HSP. I would love to find a therapist that is educated on this near me. Thank you for your videos.
This has been so helpful, inspiring. You just described ME…😌. Thank you for this explanation. At 50, I finally get myself…🙏🏼🦋
We are the truth tellers. We also ask questions that shame the parent who is not sensitive. We know when they are lying or insincere. NPD parents. And neglected because of it. All me. Dr Joyce. I love your book. Very enlightening for me.
Thanks for the clarification! It's really interesting. I am not highly sensitive to everything, but I noticed that during an internship all the personnel was so stressed out. It felt so tense that I could not work on my report. I just say, I sense some tension here, whats going on? Everyone was so busy because of a deadline that my only option was to leave. I say politely if I can go home so I can finish what I needed to. Until then, they asked why I was so calm. The problem here is I can appear fine from the outside, but inside I am getting everything from everyone. I got a burnout and could not sleep. Luckily, it was the end of the internship, so that sensation went away
Per my mom, I am the shy child, spoiled by her and dad, should stop comparing with others.
This really hit home for me, validating my feelings about my parents and siblings. It’s taken too many decades, and I am just now confronting the messages I internalized which had weighted the choices I’ve made in life. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Perfect timing. Helps me so much to hear this. I'm embracing being a hsp. My emotions and feeling no longer need to be invisible.
This is highly relevant, my parents weren't abusive mainly but there's wasn't a lot of input creativly. It manifested in people thinking I was gay which I'm not, this makes it difficult to make relationships with females, which I've had & were abusive as I'm co dependent. Don't find most councillors understand remotely these issues & physcologists are expensive & on the whole unavailable.