I think a lot about Carrie. How in the book she was a fat girl with acne, but in the movies she's skinny and, all be it in a sort of unconventional way, attractive. Feminine rage is always more about the femininity than the rage
And what you said made me think about insatiable and how in the show the time patty is allowed to be angry is when she is thin and attractive and how all social reasons for why she is angry and her experiences being overweight is ignored and how the anger of the people who wanted the show canceled were also ignored because they were angry
I was hoping for a reference to Ginger Snaps, but then I remembered that the movie wasn’t about fem rage as much as it as just about the general horrors of fem puberty. It just happens to follow similar story beats as movies that are about fem rage. Still worth mentioning, though as it’s a very well-done film. Edit: I did not mean to reply to this comment 😅
literally. i never was ugly. just an energetic blk girl. now that i grown into my features, ppl will rush to comfort me while if it was a year ago, theyd laugh. it kills me knowing that
i cant even complain bc its always "well youre pretty so why are you upset?" ive literally had friends stare at me while i cry. waiting minutes to comfort me just to tell me after "you look so pretty when you cry!!!" ...like i just told you im so stressed ab school and THATS what youre worried about?
@@Claire-cc6xyAre we the same person. All they say is that i'm pretty and i am actually crying out of hurt and anger. Their remarks make me so fucking angry and make me think i'm insane. How can ppl think it's okay to say that right now???
i love art about feminine rage, but fat women esp fat woc aren't represented--if anything, our rage is seen as masculine. we're not allowed to be ugly even in our emotional output a a direct result of how we're treated by society.
I once expressed to a friend that I always loved the punk community but always knew that I, as a fat woman, would never be able to dress as a punk. Fat women have to present as ultra friendly and feminine to be perceived as a person.
@@greeplurch Honestly, dressing as a punk anyway would be one of the most punk things you could do. And I know you don't need other people to validate a choice you want to make but... I think big girls dressed as punks look cool.
There’s a Spanish language movie on Hulu called ‘Piggy’ that I think fits the bill on seeing feminine rage from a fat girl (centers on a teenager). I thought it was pretty good!
as a kid, i was always known as the dramatic one. i stubbed my toe, dramatic. a dog bit me, dramatic. sick, dramatic. suicidal, dramatic. and then i was angry. i would always “talk back”, until it wasn’t talking, it was screaming, and then it wasn’t screaming, it was silence. i had learned to lock away my emotions in my room or my diary, or cry silently as i’m still dramatic. they never care until you’re on the roof.
same and its really a pity because i get along with my family but i will never trust them with my emotions. my mum and brother even complained that i never tell them about my life
Thank you for putting this into words. I experienced much the same in my childhood and you aren't alone in this pain. Being labeled as "dramatic" or "moody" while you are showing your emotions authentically hurts. I've always wondered if my emotions were bigger than others, but now I see that others have suppressed theirs and others emotions out of fear. Their fear is what tells us to keep it all hidden. Now as an adult, I say let our anger and all the other emotions show! Let them be uncomfortable with your emotions! We don't need to sacrifice our self-expression to make others comfortable anymore. I've had enough of hiding away because I fear that my emotions will slip out around others.
This kept me away from horror movies for most of my life. Partly I'm just too much of a baby, but I also couldn't stop noticing how men will get killed in droves, but very quickly, while women are often half naked, vulnerable and it's usually more violent and vicious than anything done to the five men who just got stabbed in the head.
Classic example: in high school strangers would jump at the chance to soothe the pretty white girl that cried. Be a part of her trauma. Be the hero she'll surely be thankful for. And then if I was distressed/cried being an overweight brown girl... It was seen as a nuisance and promptly ignored.
you just....made something from my high school years make so much sense all of a sudden. I'm white, not a POC, but in high school was not considered attractive and didn't look how I was expected to and did not have the suitable emotions (I acted out *a lot* through anger and uncontrolled tears, very "inappropriate" for a "young woman"). But I remember this girl who was kind of one of my friends, and she was *perfect* - thin but curvy "where it mattered", soft, delicate, beautiful, etc., but also had all of her sadness and negative emotions displayed in just the right way. She would cry delicately, or stay sweetly silent, was just the perfect sympathisable victim that needed to be protected by everyone. And I remember being so fucking jealous of her and wishing desperately that I could be like her and get the attention that she got, and didn't understand why people fell down at her feet but didn't even want to acknowledge my existence. Sorry to make this about me and trauma dump, lmao. But your comment just made things make sense and kind of helped release a bit of resentment and confusion and pain over it all
@@EJ_2091 As a conventionally attractive black girl, it very much is also about what people think they can get out of you. Tbh, it's why I hate the "pretty girl privilege" thing. It's all "you get attention, you get free drinks, you get men helping you!" Like... okay, because they feel entitled to my body and WILL snap if I turn them down after they did all that stuff I never asked for that I thought was just them being nice. At the end of the day, even "pretty girl privilege" feeds into misogyny and turns women against each other. Not arguing, just also adding onto the thread.
@@soandso5058 Sucky people and misogynists are two different things. Watering down bigotry + entitlement that leads to the danger of others is delirious. "Sucky people" are actual assholes, not men who weren't raised right.
@@EJ_2091 I went through the same thing in highschool and it sucks. I’m so sorry love. I’d like to think it gets better as time goes on~ that it won’t be as painful and I hope you have a blessed day with plenty of reasons to laugh and to smile🥰
@@SpiritVinesPaul Bearer reference? (If it's not, Paul was a notable pro wrestling manager who managed the Undertaker, and would frequently break into a high-pitched voice yelling, "Oooooh Undertaker, YYYYYYYEEESSSSSS!!!")
I see so many people saying that women are allowed to express their emotions without being judged but I never feel that way. the times where I cry in front of other people, even in front of family members, I feel like I'm giving people reasons to look down on me. I believe that people witnessing me like that think I'm too sensitive or immature.
Women are "allowed" to express emotions only because we are expected to be irrational, messy creatures. We aren't *respected* for our emotions, which is the important part. Our emotions are never seen as real or valid. Instead, like you said, expressing emotions reminds people that we are women, and thus "weak" and "irrational" and "inferior". So the idea that women can express their emotions and are thus completely okay is total bullshit.
@@EJ_2091 Yup, this. I’vd found in online discourse in particular, if I express opinions on a topic with *any kind of force*, I’m accused by men of being angry. And I’m using that word because the implication is that a) that it’s not ok for me to be angry, and b) that accusation undermines any point I’m trying to make. Like I can’t be angry and make sense. Even though there are a lot of good reasons to be angry these days, and I rather wonder why my interlocutors *aren’t* angry. The answer there is usually they’re not angry because not much affects them directly as men, especially white men.
Women are held under the negative stereotypes of being emotional and irrational, men are held under the negative stereotypes of emotions being “feminine” and therefore “irrational/messy”. I do not believe ANYONE is allowed to experience emotion as it is. We cannot embrace our humanity when we demonize the emotions that make us who we are.
I express my emotions and get told I'm dramatic, I'm overreacting, I need to suck it up...etc. I'm allowed to cry in public but it's met with constant excuses for why I'm crying. If I'm angry then it's brushed off as being cranky from tiredness or my period. If I express why I feel certain emotions, I get told that it's not that deep nor is this a reaction of a long built up pile of issues, and that what I'm feeling is caused by something more trivial and immediate
i think the whole recent rise fem rage thing was definitely influenced by the massive rise in misogyny and weird alpha male shit as of recent years. however i do really really really hate how centric the rise of fem rage is of skinny white cis girls. it's annoying how the people participating it often glorify it as some big new feminist wave even though it's not inclusive of any fem people who don't specifically fit the aforementioned characteristics. however it may be even more annoying when people try to use fear mongering to frame it as some "evil angry feminxzi (god i hate that word) uprising of man hating femcels oppressing men" type bullshit. it just feels like there's no way to win, fem people will always get the losing outcome in both options while cis men get to rise even higher in control and power than they already are :/
"it just feels like there's no way to win" - bingo. The system is that anything femme is less than, weak, not as good as, to be avoided. So, anything that femmes and those perceived as femmes (or as "supposed" to be femmes or "acting like" femmes) do or are or embrace is automatically in those judgement categories. Patriarchy is inherently rigged and toxic af for all.
@mun1nnn Honestly, hang out around women who you want to be like. They rub off on you. You also see that they have boyfriends despite what we were brainwashed to think. I liked that they viewed their life as their own and not some sacrificial testament of womanhood to uphold. Metta meditation and trauma informed mindfulness meditation, eft and channels like hailey gamba & love your natural helped. Also the podcast date yourself instead, openhouse therapy podcast, manifestelle and charlies toolbox helped. I think really surrounding myself with woman focused content helped. Also, sadly, just lots of trauma forced me to have a more fight response vs fawning and freezing.
@itsspringtime Yes... I'm very sorry. It becomes very fulfilling though because you realize you designed your own womanhood consciously. I can offer some reading recs if you want. It also felt very terrible to realize you were upholding what men say they want yet it just got you overlooked, targeted or mistreated. Don't get me wrong tho. Many men like the initial stages but healthy men want a woman who wants herself too. I digress. You're going to most likely be proud of yourself in the end and be glad you lost users
If your family continues to disregard your pain without meaningful apologies or change, feel free to join us in the “estranged adult children” club who cut off their families because we don’t deserve that kind of mess in our lives. All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids. Some people would rather have abusive parents than none at all, and I am NOT one of them holy hell. Spent years and years trying to get change and change never came. So I made it for myself.
So many people so close to realizing gender is a harmful social construct and not innate or biological in any way. It’s all external. Your sex exists and does not relate to interests or hobbies or fashion or mental capacity. Pizza rolls not gender roles. End gender.
Also it's not that the sad girl does not desire change, it's that she thinks the only change possible is that she can make her pain glamorous. It's not that she does not desire change, it's that she believes the changes available to her are only to convince people to fetishize her pain.
exactly this--- i've been thinking about this subject on and off for a while now and i've come to hypothesize (a little personal, but through examining/reflecting back upon some of my own thought processes from low points in of my life in the past 2 or so years) that when people romanticize, glamorize, fetishize their own sadness, pain, mental illness it's most likely because they do not see any way out. they feel trapped in their pain, and the only (non)solution they can see so far is to view it as something tragically beautiful. and so they get attached to it as some form of identity, which perpetuates the whole anti-recovery sort of thing... my wording is probably failing me here but i hope i got this across decently haha,,
@@okaneez001it might be similar to the "romanticize your life" thing. it might look like glorifying on the outside, but sometimes you partake in it to get yourself through the day.
"Anger is a human emotion, neither good nor bad. It's actually a signal emotion: it warns us of indignity, threat, insult and harm. Severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women from the emotion that best protects us from injustice." ~@schemaly
As gay young man growing up in a homophobic county I always found myself attracted to and identified with the whole female rage I guess it kinda comes from the constant bullying I experience due to my interest in many things that are considered feminine
As a brown Latine enby, my parents raised me “masculine” but expected me to adhere to my afab-girl gender roles. It was confusing learning what I was or wasn’t allowed to feel as a kid or teen. I couldn’t cry if my feelings were hurt or if i scraped my knee, I couldn’t be upset if someone hurt me or made fun of me, I was raised to be numb and indifferent, adherent to everyone but myself. Now that I’m making good progress with inner child work in therapy, anger isn’t scary and far more comfortable, sensitivity is my strength, loneliness is understandable, and I let myself feel sadness. Bc I present femme, there’s always so much pushback on my femme rage but like it was stated in the video, community helps me express and navigate through it
So feel you, as a child I wasn't allowed to cry or be sad, i wasn't allowed to be anything but happy and agrreable to the point that I broke an arm and didn't even cry, It wasn't till I was asked why I dind't moved my arm that I said I couldn't, I was already in the hospital (an aunt was having a pregnancy checkup) so I was tranfer to pediatry, my mum arrived and was over me the hole time saying "my poor baby what happen?" but the second no one was around she started telling me "how could you be so dump and broke you arm, you're causing your aunt problems and why didn't you said anything before, you make me and your aunt look bad" and when I told her that she told me no to annoy with my presence she ask me If I was stupid no joke those where here exact words, I was 7 btw: Till this day I can't tell this story with any relative 'cause my mum will immediately say I was to young I misremembered what happen and I'm not to be believe since according to her "I always lie". I'm glad you are working in connecting and healing with you inner child, I'm not there yet buy you gave encouragement to me just by saying here, wish you luck.
@per-c8229 where our parents fail to provide us the gentleness we deserved as developing children, I hope you know you deserve it and can definitely give yourself the softness you needed when you were younger now. You can do it and much love to your healing journey ❤
same for me, although I feel like in their efforts to make me that way they failed terribly. I feel every emotion with so much depth not just for me but for others too. I am very over emotional. I became exactly what they didn't want me to become and in many ways it's a good thing but then even now as I'm getting older, they still push that idea of being indifferent and like you said "numb" to everything and its difficult because that is simply not who I am. and it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.
Growing up i felt like I was not allowed to feel anything. I was raised in a loving family but we were not financially well to do in Nigeria. But i still have my trauma from when i was young. I was bullied by many people, adults and child, male and female, mostly female especially when you go to a snotty rich school where the kids know that you don't beling there. Whenever i tried to react, cry, scream, fight, to how i was being treated i was made to be the monster. Whenever i saw my reflection on the face people made when addressing me when i was just trying to exist, I died more. No matter how hard i tried to seem normal, happy, friendly, quiet , smart or dumb...it didn't matter, i was not important, i was an inconvenience. So i stopped fighting, i stopped talking, reacting. In fact i took every annoyance and apologized on their behalf for fear of violence. Then i developed depression, became suicidal. I suppressed my emotions so much that i now have this condition where i have this seizures and so many other health issues. I now have a very loving supportive partner and my family still supports me and they all love me. And im getting help,therapy and learning to communicate with others and have boundaries and not take anybody's shit. So i wish everyone the best❤❤.
@@hollymartinez1911same! I came back to my parents house during the pandemic, after thinking that I had grown and changed and fixed the "problem," only to realize I was not actually "the problem." It was my father all along. Because I've gotten stronger, and more self aware... more "stable", I've unfortunately also gotten better at suppressing and bottling up my rage and sadness and panic, to the point where I've had two grand-mal seizures between the ages of 27 & 28 with zero history of such things. There's a chance it's latent epilepsy, but I greatly suspect that it's actually directly related to the emotional trauma. I have so much rage that I'm constantly holding in, while he lets his rage and hate spew everywhere all of the time, all fucking willy-nilly, thinking it's him showing strength and manliness.
Some of the points brought up in this reminds me that 'kawaii' things, especially writing styles, in Japan were initially considered pitiful and shameful, then annoying, and then got commodified to hell and back and is now considered the norm for feminine people instead of subversive
@@stargiirls literally because women were considered docile and therefore anything associated with them was not favourable- basically the same as how emasculation works in the west with 'feminine' things associated with weakness
@@MsAirnation from what I've learned cutesy/kawaii culture is considered childish moreso than emasculating (tho the 2 def overlap). Iirc a lot of it started w/ teen girls refusing to give up the "childish" (actually age appropriate) things they loved in favor of making themselves more "mature" & appealing as furture wives. Or am I misinformed? It's been a while since I last explored kawaii culture's roots.
@@melancholyjones2873 I thought it was more of a defiance thing like harajuku and ganguro. They display lots of feminine things that women and girls love participating in and exemplifies them as a sort of defiance to say they're not going to enjoy things to the acceptable level and to minimize themselves for the sake of society's comfort. They've been repackaged and commodified though as capitalism is known to do lol
I was raised in an abusive household and I wasn’t allowed to be angry. I wasn’t allowed to go off and take a deep breath when I was angry. I was followed and antagonized so I learned that I should hide my anger. Unfortunately now I can’t contain all the anger from over the years. I’m letting it out and trying my best to make sure it’s only hitting people I’m actually mad at but it’s difficult to direct such more rage in my experience. I’m found that sadness and anger are two sides of the same coin for me so when I’m extremely sad it’s because I’m internalizing the anger and pointing it at myself.
I'm dealing with this as well. I've learned over time my emotions are just as valid as everyone else's, and I don't need to hold them in for the sake of peace. Granted people don't like being called out on their ish, but I do it anyway. I'm let people know when they angered me whether they want to hear it or not. Thanks for sharing, I wish you well.
I still feel this SO MUCH. Even though I thankfully moved away from my abusive father, the trauma still remains and it's difficult for me to actually be able to process my emotions.
Something about the “do women actually understand their emotions more?” touched me really deeply and idk where exactly or how exactly. It prob had to do with how I have no idea what I want or how to even *identify* what I’m feeling, so instead I just file it under “idk man. It’s prob fine” and leave it be. To the point where one of the things I’m more proud about myself for is that I’m fairly chill with most things. And I know that’s def an issue idk if/how I should unpack. I look like a woman, even though I don’t particularly have any attachment to it beyond “that’s what I’ve always been and I don’t feel uncomfy with that”, but even that idk if I actually feel that way or if I’m pushing down my actual feeling about it. Idk. Some of the repression of emotions is prob cuz I was “not like other girls” when I was younger, so I rejected “being emotional” about things that affected me bc “I’m not a stereotypical girl”. So that’s also def something I need to unpack.
god damn. i was wondering why that part rang so hard for me, too, and then everything else you said also hit me in an uncomfy but also relievingly seen way. huh.
@@GamerGirl2347 If you related to the not really having attachment to being a woman but not particularly caring either, look into gender detachment. It's fairly new as a concept I think (and it isn't quite agender), but it's something I that describes me fairly well. I think most of the discussion surrounding it is how it relates to ace-ness, but it's a thing all of its own.
As a fem black woman who’s with a beautiful Native women just the first 15 minutes hit me super hard. Growing up as a dark black girl, I was not allowed to express either of these emotions and am in general viewed as more masculine by nature. My partner was raised pretty much the same way. We have some of these same conversations and share our personal experiences with each other. It’s wild comparing ourselves to these figures and then each other; goes into some pretty interesting directions.
My coping mechanism for any difficult situation is intense rage that gets bottled up and unexpressed because I'm immediately the bad guy if I respond to rage inducing stimuli. I'm 99% sure that this is why I usually end up angry crying.
I can kinda relate to this, it's odd- anger/frustration is one of the few emotions I can feel really strongly (identifying complex/subtle emotions is a bit tricky for me. such is brain) and my body's reaction to this emotional overload is generally to start crying. so on the one hand I have a tendency to (probably over-)identify with my anger, it feels very real to me in the moment in a way that other emotions often don't, but I also associate it with feeling humiliated, because I know that I'll quickly become incoherent and people will react to it in that awful "aw poor baby what's wrong? :(" way, which just makes me angrier. that was a crazy run-on sentence but you get the idea. maybe we're similar maybe we're not, your comment just reminded me of this weird experience.
In my teens I made friends with the "crazy" girls: the kind who fought their brothers and threw hands at men, the kind who faced conflict with rage, the kind who yelled and swore and got into trouble. I was nice and quiet, but often told by friends that I was like a robot for my coldness and lack of emotion, a stark contrast to the group of girls I hung around with. But I liked them because they were courageous, and their rage gave them power to fight back in ways I never could. I remember writing in my diary at the time how I no longer felt sad inside, but rage outside. The pain turned into rage because rage was validated (and sometimes encouraged) by us girls. These girls gave me a space to be angry, and so I filed through that pain to rage pipeline with ease. We were bullies in a lot of ways, taking our anger out on people we didn't like. And it felt like I finally had a place to direct my negative emotions, an action to ease my ever worsening despression at the time. But, it didn't last forever. As I went to college, changed friends and got into the working world, anger became less and less appropriate. No longer was I a hormonal teen experiencing the pains of puberty. No longer was "acting out" exusable by lack of experience. When the safety of my adolescence disappeared, I realized I became a woman, someone held even tighter by the grip of the feminine experience. As I've gotten older, I see the roots and realize too that my anger was only a symptom of pain. It's become harder to hold back tears when they come, no longer running to the bathroom for a good cry. I let them go: in public, with my friends, in the face of my heartbreaker, at work, and often still, alone in my room. When that song touches my soul, when that one commercial is particularly hopeful, when I'm angry at myself, tears come. I don't know why this change occured in me, but I feel powerful in a way. Perhaps it's honesty, self-acceptance, vulnerability, a desire for humanity, or a new-found bravery that is growing stronger than my sadness. Thank you Shan for seeing, accepting and validating my experience with this video. Thank you for giving me a place to share this. I will definitely be signing up for your newsletter so I can write in for the next one instead of flooding your comments section lol. Much love - Tina
When I think of fem rage that is taken seriously is in Hinduism, goddess Kali. This may also bleed culturally from east to west and how fem rage differs between those boundaries, but that rage is raw and revered in a way that is, to me, not really in the binary where rage is either "masculine" or "feminine", as seen in western media. It is rage that presents as a scary physically, but it is the power that goddess Durga summons as Kali to be a force that is undefinable and unbeatable . I don't know how to explain it, but this is a rage that is not sexualized, westernized, etc. it's just pure rage. I wish I could type more but ahhh I couldn't put my thoughts properly and concisely here in a comment box.
Also, Durga Devi is considered protector of women and Kali Mata's rage is so similar to Shiva's (her partner) that he understood her. I am not explaining it very well, but her rage being understood and empathised with instead of being considered a burden made child me understand that rage is an emotion that can be destructive but can also be good and helpful, I think Kali Mata's story illustrates that point so well.
Absolutely, the goddess Kali's whole identity is stemming from unsatiable rage, which only stops when she realises she's going to hurt someone she loves.. it's not sexualised, non western, just pure unfiltered bloodthirsty rage
As someone who is a neurodivergent black woman, I felt so seen and heard from this video. I literally had to pause and sob at so many parts. Because as a woman who is also in her early 40s, I wish I could have had the understanding at your age, and younger millennials like you that I follow and listen to, in order to heal the inner child in me earlier, instead of retroactively. Thank you ❤. You are truly doing important work in helping my healing process, and countless others ✨💕🙏🏾
As a two spirit person and a mixed Native Jew, thank you so, so, so, so much for bringing up indigenous women and two spirited people and so many other intersections. It means everything! 🥺💕✨
as an afab enby who wants to go into a field primarily dominated by straight cisgender men (trauma surgery) i've been called "angry" more times than i can count, and it's honestly fckn sickening. the same men that give me no choice but for the only way to be heard is scream are the ones that complain when they have to hear my voice. this sums up my experience so well and i'll definitely be sharing w my friends
I feel like black woman's rage is practically imbedded into their identity, almost to the point where it dehumanises them. They're then seen as "masculine," as anger is usually associated with masculinity. Because of this phallacy, many black women ARE denied proper health care because maybe their pain is really their strong, masculine anger?? This is exactly why I'm training to become a doula for exclusively BIPOC women. I live in a state with very few black women so it's really important that they have the knowledge that I'm here to support them.
I remember crying in pain in the hospital. My stomach was killing me, and i had been in pain for almost an hour. I just wanted the pain to stop. To my surprise, the medicine they gave me was a light tranquilizer, not an analgesic. According to them, i was hysterical and needed to calm down. No surprise that the pain didn't stop. Well, now i know i have gastritis and thankfully can deal with it at home and not be treated like a hysterical liar. It took 3 trips to the hospital in excruciating pain to be taken seriously.
I was giving birth, my epidural had stopped working and I was screaming in pain and able to get up and move around. I had a group of nurses yelling at the anesthesiologist to give me something and my anesthesiologist just said "you built a tolerance to it so there's nothing I can do. You shouldn't have been given it so early." And proceeded to sit there chastising me for having an epidural so early in my labor and how what I was feeling now isn't that painful, but if it is then it's what I get for being a baby about labor earlier (before their shift started) Like excuse me?? I described my pain to the last anesthesiologist and she gave it to me, I wasn't about to tell her "no, the puking and knee buckling pain isn't that bad...let's wait it out until I'm really feeling it."
This reminds me of the movie Heathers: we see Veronica being sad and then angry, but we also see how much they pay atention to the characters who are considered "atractive" and "commit" s*icide, but when a plus size girl, with no make up, tries to unlive herself, people either don't realise it or they mock her for failing.** it also reminds me of my own experience with men, being a woman: when i express my pain, I'm exhausting them. And when my pain turns into rage because it was never addressed, I'm unworthy of their attention and I'm the one to blame for what happened.
This reminded me of a famous song in my country, that's inspired in a poem by Eusebio Blasco. It's about a man confessing to a priest that he's in love with a girl that has a bad reputation and that maybe doesn't share their faith, and the priest is strongly advising against the relationship, until this man shows him a picture of the girl. Then, the father changes his mind immediately. The song goes: "The priest seeing your image, sweet soul, Contemplating you, absorbed, he smiled "That one does reflect holy loves" He thought you were the Virgin of Sorrows" It's okay to be a sad girl as long as you're pretty.
you may not have ended the video on a highly positive note, but youve definitely made me feel heard, and also helped me to consider how as a young white woman, my feminine rage/sadness is more digestible than a WOC in my position. thank you shan
When I talk with my husband sometimes he acts stupid because I often say "I feel like..." as my natural segway into my words, but as soon as he hears the word "feel" he stops taking me seriously and he thinks I'm literally telling him about my emotions on a topic.
Bit of a unique experience with this phenomena myself, as someone who is visibly male but presents in a "soft femme" sort of way both in conscious presentation and demeanor. To give an idea, people frequently refer to me as maternal, "secure woman energy". I've been hurt a lot, as many of us have at this point, and used to suffer with severe anger issues, which persisted even through people trying to beat it out of me. People trying to stifle my anger only added fuel to the fire and made me more desperate to fight for the validity of my pain. It was sadness at first, but sadness wasn't...getting me anywhere. I wasn't crying and feeling less hurt in the aftermath. There was no relief. It was like crying out for help and then being swallowed by the silence when no one responded to it. If someone tried to suppress that sadness, well, sadness wasn't gonna do anything about it. Anger felt -way- better. It was internal torture, for sure, but I was -doing- things. Fighting. Screaming. Manipulating. I still hurt, but I felt powerful. But I discovered a way to relate to my emotions that has made me just...broadly feel a lot more harmonious with them. Treating them like little people living inside me, each with their own needs and personalities. Taking care of these little people and looking at them with compassion has naturally made my expression of emotion much softer. Even my anger, now, is much more peaceful. I started to refusing to let others, and myself, speak poorly about these little people. Invalidate these little people. My emotions are like my children, little extensions of myself that I need to allow to grow and be what they are without fear of judgement, and I will reject the input of anyone who tries to say the feeling itself is somehow intrinsically a moral issue or failure. Anger is your boundaries trying to fight for themselves. Sadness is your gratitude for something that's been taken away, cementing it's significance with pain. Since my demeanor tends to read as femme to people, though, I do vibe a lot with what's been said in this video. People respond to my passive sadness of a modest expression with support, but the moment there's the rare occasion of ugly crying it's treating me like I'm hazmat. Same with anger. People get really weird about me expressing anger, like they just saw a rat sprout wings or some shit.
I wish I would be able to really express my anger to let it out and kick and scream,because lately I just feel numb and don’t have the fight to struggle anyhow
that section about trying to rationalize your emotions instead of feeling them hit hard to me. I'm an autistic adult and there have been times where someone has triggered me (either on accident or on purpose) and i will always be in my head like "ah i see. this reaction i am holding back from expressing is not logial. yes let's be rational about this like a normal woman." LIKE GIRL 💀💀💀I act this way because i don't want to be viewed as an impossible autistic adult who has random meltdowns and makes social situations uncomfortable and a hassle to navigate. This video helped me be okay with just *feeling* my hurt and pain and anger. Thank you Shanspeare.
My pain was frequently ignored growing up. Expressing my discomfort and anger often got me ignored or in trouble. Unfortunately I’m fairly mentally ill, and this manifested in me feeling deeply wounded without any outlet. Around 10 or 11 I started hurting myself, and even after that no one seemed to truly understand that when I was complaining it was because I was at a breaking point. I’d spent so much time being obedient, I was abused for it, and now I was angry. I’m still angry! Im so fucking angry, I’m not allowed to be, but I am.
Shan your curls are looking exceptional! P.S. thank you for mentioning MMIW. It's a huge issue in North America and something we should never stop talking about.
I am also someone who "doesn't do gender" but is perceived as a woman, and I have been processing a lot of rage about childhood abuse I faced from my mother. This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you xx
My favorite saying of all time is " the way out is through" ( it's like the story of my life with my migraines, depression, ADHD, tough life lessons, all of it). It's crazy how you can be in the same wave length as a complete stranger. Makes you feel like there is sense to a senseless world. So thank you for that ❤ Other sayings I love are " we are all just walking each other home" And " every path leads to the unknown" ( when I'm overthinking something)
But yes embrace your anger. For years I avoided mine bc I grew up with volatile parents and I saw it as weak or something to be avoided and shunned. But then I realized there are different types of anger. And as long as you don't direct your anger into victimizing others then in the words of Zack de la Rocha: "anger is a gift" if you vibe with great poetry then branch out to old rock songs - " revolver" ( from rage against the machine - " don't mothers make good fathers" for anyone that grew up with an abusive father). Or when I'm down I listen to pink floyd the wall But especially: "nobody home" followed by " one of my turns" it's a cathartic album really. Because of the lyrics. Oh embracing your inner sekf/ inner child : song "jimmy" Tool, or REM " the one i love" But I'm a child of the nineties so my music may not be to your taste but lyrically and emotionally those are some of my favorites. At least check out the brief pink floyd dong below - in less than 2 min you have sadness , longing, poverty, hope, sarcasm/wry humor, and reclamation th-cam.com/video/IC2HGTHkqnU/w-d-xo.htmlsi=0qjT_b1HsalswgSX
Thank you for the inclusivity @6:50 because I'm transmasc, but feminine rage is something I identify with grateful largely due to my traditional "female" upbringing.
First of all, you look GORGEOUS, the hair the lip the brows?! Thank you for the video, I do feel like I aesthesize my pain, I remember losing a family member and not letting myself to ugly cry in front of people. Some good points about selling the sadness back to you all packaged and cute. However some of it like the memes and the silly shirts do make feel a tiny bit better sometimes
Only 9 minutes in and I feel feed and validated! I am non-binary and have been told the “you can’t be mad” or my anger is never taken seriously. I also completely get how you feel about how you view gender and how it goes back and forth- I get it- I really do. Though I do want to say, I know understand why when any horror film woman mc would get angry and stab the person they are mad at, I felt that, I knew that anger. Especially since from the time I got my periods, having it be seen as something to “be ashamed of” and to keep away from men, despite not liking men in that way, from how any time I’ve gotten seriously depressed or angry in my life, and my own mother will say it’s due to my period. It isn’t. I’m frustrated that society makes people think that my vagina is the source of my emotions. I hate it. I wish I wasn’t born with any genitalia. Honestly the idea of making a horror-esk story that ends with the mc stabbing away at what makes them be seen as a woman to the world, the way I am going to make that comic.
Seems like femmes and mascs are only allowed to feel a non-overlapping set of negative emotions. Male-coded folks get rage, female-coded folks get sadness. Despair might be non-gendered, but idk how valid it's viewed in anyone.
Despite 13 years of suffering and a bout of septecemia that almost killed me, i finally got a diagnosis of endometriosis. Even the ER nurses told me it's just period cramps. It's just period problems. I have every right to feel angry and neglected for this. People tell me constantly that I do not.
I really need more bipoc feminine rage in all media (music, books, movies, tv shows etc). If it is shown, it is based on stereotypes like the angry black women or the toxic latina. I also would like to see different depictions of women (women with acne, women with disabilities, plus size women, etc). I've only ever seen it being depicted thru white skinny women or those who are fair skinned. It's so tiring to not see us being represented. Why is it that only white women are allowed to show that anger? I also want to see a realistic depiction of it. Women's pain and anger is often so glamorized and beautified. We need more female writers, performers, artists to show this.
I think anger continues to scare me because I so associate it with my dad and it frightens me. But by god am I mouthy and won’t let an issue go. This was a real interesting video. I liked the diff format, the greater room for reflection. Thank you
43:58 hit HARD. I remember my 'friend', not actually a friend it turned out, said that when i laughed it sounded "fake". He said he thought I was fake laughing. I've stressed over and analysed the way I laugh since. We're never allowed to just exist.
speaking as someone with a medical condition that i have been fighting for years which has shortened my lifespan significantly: i have learned to bottle up my pain in fear of being dismissed, ignored, or called dramatic by those who can't possibly fathom the depths of my despair. when i cry, doctors don't take me seriously. friends and family who say they're here to help me will call me dramatic. they get bored and annoyed of watching me do nothing with my life but survive, despite the fact that it's all i can do, and that I can't escape the pain for even a moment, not even in my dreams. even as i'm actively dying, i still cannot express my anguish without feeling unsafe to do so. this causes me to stop myself from asking for help when i need it, and then i'm blamed for that, too. i've learned that if i don't want to be alone when i die, i will have to go unheard, and i must make sure to be a pretty corpse.
"people keep giving me gender" I like that. I'm not nb, but... I do know what you mean. Both because I notice myself "giving" people gender by accident and also because people still give you gender you don't want even if you want some gender.
Ohh I Don't have the time to watch the vid rn but will so later today but a PhD researcher at our university explores the portrayal of women's anger in anglophone literature and I can't wait to read her work but it'll probably take a few more years so this here is likely gonna be an absolute treat
as a trans guy, who's suffered from abuse and tens of mental illnesses. i don't have the willpower to go in depth because talking about my traumas was integral to my girlhood. i will say my gender identity has an interesting effect on this. as a "girl" i was sad and ragefull, and while i still feel similarly sometimes because we're in late stage capitalism and my government wants me dead, accepting my gender identity and socially(and beginning medically) has transformed my feminine rage into something different, less ragefull for myself, and more for the millions of women and girls who have gone through what i went through, and more seeing as i am white and visually able bodied, and sad not for me own traumas but for the traumas of others. idk if any of that makes sense but nothing really does anyway
"the people who have caused me pain are waking up to my anger...and they're denouncing it." God that hit so hard. I lived in real terror of my mom even after I finally moved out for good, and she "can't remember" anything she did, insisting she was a great mom.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with an abusive situation this year. I have been faced with that myself this year and it can be super lonely. Sending positive vibes your way
"I'm angry because I'm sad, I'm sad because I'm in pain, I'm in pain because I'm unheard, and I'm unheard.. well.." this is actually poetry you cant tell me otherwise. On another note though, trying to obtain all the emotions and the responsibility that comes with them is hard, and this video was incredibly calming. Thank you so much for this.
Your point about how ‘sad girl’ aesthetic reproduces itself reminds me of Sophie Lewis’s observation in Abolish the Family that mainstream media is full of anti-family sentiment; horror movies in particular are almost always tacitly anti-family. However, even as this media offers some narratives of resistance, it also co-opts those narratives back into the mainstream, defanging them. I think you could say the same thing for narratives about feminine pain and rage. The mainstream is jam-packed with powerful testimonials about how feminine people resist patriarchal violence, but they are packaged and spun in ways that co-opt it and reinforce it, hence the ‘sad girl’ discourse. There’s a glimmer of truth that comes out of it, and that’s good because it helps people heal and feel seen, but what’s subverted ends up reverted. As you point out, though, it doesn’t have to be that way.
This video was so thorough and so validating. As a neurodivergent femme who grew up in an abusive household, I was always told that my feelings were "too big" and I similarly viewed my anger in multiple ways. On one hand, it was/is the voice in my head saying "you deserve better" and on the other hand, anger can ferment into a destructive force very quickly, so balance is both hard-fought and very important in my personal opinion. I never connected these tropes before, but their connective tissue makes total sense to me the way you describe it. This was the first video I've seen on this channel and that's an instant subscribe from me. Great video, great job!
Thank You! I have spent years having to deal with emotional, psychological and physical violence related to a lot of what you share. Constant attempts to convert still go on.
As someone also coming from an abusive family and dealing with the CPTSD from that, going from being overwhelmed with sadness to being overwhelmed with anger was a huge shock. Healing while also learning more and more about the systems in place in this world just spreads that anger out even more. Its so hard to figure out how to deal with it cause its not "acceptable" to be loud and angry. Even the people in your life who seem to be able to accept you sharing your emotions and being open about your anger, can say you've crossed the line if you get angry with them and call them out. Its so frustrating.
Sadly, growing up in a household of women, and not even conservative women, didn't spare me from often having my pain and anger dismissed and my reasons (often my own family hurting me) deemed illegitimate. It was never about understanding my pain, it was about making me shut up so they didn't have to confront what was actually upsetting me. Now even at 30 I still struggle to control my anger because I was never once given tools to actually manage it, just useless advice about "not letting things bother me".
Sending all the love, strength, and happiness your way gorgeous 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. After you experience your rightful anger ofc. I wish nothing but the best for you and thank you for bringing quality each and every time no matter what you are even going through or facing 🙌🏽 that is so admirable and you are amazingly talented. 💜💜💜
As someone female- adjacent in gender I've survived childhood and teenage years exclusively on my rage at the people who traumatized me and my fem friends, we were constantly abused and violated by adults who were there to help us and it made me so so so angry that i was only anger for years. I've lost it since after a trauma that will never go away and I miss it. It felt nice to be mad at people who hurt you, knowing that they had no right and I didn't deserve it, it was validating to scream that i feel pain and I'm not making it up. Can't anymore. Maybe it is for the best, maybe not.
got a new microphone (i promise it's good, i just don't know how to use it yet.) i apologize for any inconsistent audio :-p
Everything was understandable and your message was delivered. Great work. Glad to have started following your content.
I think a lot about Carrie. How in the book she was a fat girl with acne, but in the movies she's skinny and, all be it in a sort of unconventional way, attractive. Feminine rage is always more about the femininity than the rage
thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis ‼️
That is very interesting since there must be a reason for that choice
And what you said made me think about insatiable and how in the show the time patty is allowed to be angry is when she is thin and attractive and how all social reasons for why she is angry and her experiences being overweight is ignored and how the anger of the people who wanted the show canceled were also ignored because they were angry
Exactly like one of the reasons people bullied her was not only because she was religious but because she was unattractive in their eyes
I was hoping for a reference to Ginger Snaps, but then I remembered that the movie wasn’t about fem rage as much as it as just about the general horrors of fem puberty. It just happens to follow similar story beats as movies that are about fem rage. Still worth mentioning, though as it’s a very well-done film.
Edit: I did not mean to reply to this comment 😅
The sad girl is only accepted if you look pretty to others while crying
yes omg. everyone rushes to comfort the stereotype all the time n it gets old so fast
literally. i never was ugly. just an energetic blk girl. now that i grown into my features, ppl will rush to comfort me while if it was a year ago, theyd laugh. it kills me knowing that
i cant even complain bc its always "well youre pretty so why are you upset?" ive literally had friends stare at me while i cry. waiting minutes to comfort me just to tell me after "you look so pretty when you cry!!!" ...like i just told you im so stressed ab school and THATS what youre worried about?
*Looks at this and sighs in ugly crier*
@@Claire-cc6xyAre we the same person. All they say is that i'm pretty and i am actually crying out of hurt and anger. Their remarks make me so fucking angry and make me think i'm insane. How can ppl think it's okay to say that right now???
I just don't like how feminine rage doesn't usually include WOC or biracial/mixed girls or fat women
My thoughts exactly
Mhm it usually just feeds into angry black women stereotypes.
Unless it's a pretty able-bodied cis skinny white women it won't be shown
Is called 'sass' when black.
And these are usually the people who have the MOST reasons to be angry 🤦🏾♀️
@@vladtheinhaler93yo this is a pivot but its a horror to see "sassy" get twisted into a homophobic dog whistle against black men
i love art about feminine rage, but fat women esp fat woc aren't represented--if anything, our rage is seen as masculine. we're not allowed to be ugly even in our emotional output a a direct result of how we're treated by society.
I realized this too and this experience needs to be expressed too though I also chronically Ill and disabled people are not allowed to be angry either
I once expressed to a friend that I always loved the punk community but always knew that I, as a fat woman, would never be able to dress as a punk. Fat women have to present as ultra friendly and feminine to be perceived as a person.
@@greeplurch Honestly, dressing as a punk anyway would be one of the most punk things you could do. And I know you don't need other people to validate a choice you want to make but... I think big girls dressed as punks look cool.
Yep. Reminds me of how in Carrie in the book is Fat and has acne but is transformed into skinny model who is made "ugly" w/ bad clothing
There’s a Spanish language movie on Hulu called ‘Piggy’ that I think fits the bill on seeing feminine rage from a fat girl (centers on a teenager). I thought it was pretty good!
as a kid, i was always known as the dramatic one. i stubbed my toe, dramatic. a dog bit me, dramatic. sick, dramatic. suicidal, dramatic. and then i was angry. i would always “talk back”, until it wasn’t talking, it was screaming, and then it wasn’t screaming, it was silence. i had learned to lock away my emotions in my room or my diary, or cry silently as i’m still dramatic. they never care until you’re on the roof.
I'm so sorry about that. I also have to hide my pain because my family will never understand. After my attempt then they cared, but only for a little.
Are you some kind of alt account I didn’t know I had because this is literally me and how I’m treated
this is literally my childhood summed up
same and its really a pity because i get along with my family but i will never trust them with my emotions. my mum and brother even complained that i never tell them about my life
Thank you for putting this into words. I experienced much the same in my childhood and you aren't alone in this pain. Being labeled as "dramatic" or "moody" while you are showing your emotions authentically hurts. I've always wondered if my emotions were bigger than others, but now I see that others have suppressed theirs and others emotions out of fear. Their fear is what tells us to keep it all hidden. Now as an adult, I say let our anger and all the other emotions show! Let them be uncomfortable with your emotions! We don't need to sacrifice our self-expression to make others comfortable anymore. I've had enough of hiding away because I fear that my emotions will slip out around others.
Women taking 2x more time to be killed in horror movies sent chills down my spine. Disgusting.
fr
This kept me away from horror movies for most of my life. Partly I'm just too much of a baby, but I also couldn't stop noticing how men will get killed in droves, but very quickly, while women are often half naked, vulnerable and it's usually more violent and vicious than anything done to the five men who just got stabbed in the head.
Classic example: in high school strangers would jump at the chance to soothe the pretty white girl that cried. Be a part of her trauma. Be the hero she'll surely be thankful for. And then if I was distressed/cried being an overweight brown girl... It was seen as a nuisance and promptly ignored.
you just....made something from my high school years make so much sense all of a sudden. I'm white, not a POC, but in high school was not considered attractive and didn't look how I was expected to and did not have the suitable emotions (I acted out *a lot* through anger and uncontrolled tears, very "inappropriate" for a "young woman"). But I remember this girl who was kind of one of my friends, and she was *perfect* - thin but curvy "where it mattered", soft, delicate, beautiful, etc., but also had all of her sadness and negative emotions displayed in just the right way. She would cry delicately, or stay sweetly silent, was just the perfect sympathisable victim that needed to be protected by everyone. And I remember being so fucking jealous of her and wishing desperately that I could be like her and get the attention that she got, and didn't understand why people fell down at her feet but didn't even want to acknowledge my existence.
Sorry to make this about me and trauma dump, lmao. But your comment just made things make sense and kind of helped release a bit of resentment and confusion and pain over it all
@@EJ_2091 As a conventionally attractive black girl, it very much is also about what people think they can get out of you. Tbh, it's why I hate the "pretty girl privilege" thing. It's all "you get attention, you get free drinks, you get men helping you!" Like... okay, because they feel entitled to my body and WILL snap if I turn them down after they did all that stuff I never asked for that I thought was just them being nice. At the end of the day, even "pretty girl privilege" feeds into misogyny and turns women against each other.
Not arguing, just also adding onto the thread.
I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that.
@@soandso5058 Sucky people and misogynists are two different things. Watering down bigotry + entitlement that leads to the danger of others is delirious. "Sucky people" are actual assholes, not men who weren't raised right.
@@EJ_2091
I went through the same thing in highschool and it sucks. I’m so sorry love. I’d like to think it gets better as time goes on~ that it won’t be as painful and I hope you have a blessed day with plenty of reasons to laugh and to smile🥰
we are about to be fed tonight ladies 😩
im SAT
FED
OH YESSSSS AUGGHHHHHH YESSSS
@@SpiritVinesPaul Bearer reference? (If it's not, Paul was a notable pro wrestling manager who managed the Undertaker, and would frequently break into a high-pitched voice yelling, "Oooooh Undertaker, YYYYYYYEEESSSSSS!!!")
Grab your drinks everyone!
I see so many people saying that women are allowed to express their emotions without being judged but I never feel that way. the times where I cry in front of other people, even in front of family members, I feel like I'm giving people reasons to look down on me. I believe that people witnessing me like that think I'm too sensitive or immature.
Women are "allowed" to express emotions only because we are expected to be irrational, messy creatures. We aren't *respected* for our emotions, which is the important part. Our emotions are never seen as real or valid. Instead, like you said, expressing emotions reminds people that we are women, and thus "weak" and "irrational" and "inferior". So the idea that women can express their emotions and are thus completely okay is total bullshit.
@@EJ_2091 Yup, this.
I’vd found in online discourse in particular, if I express opinions on a topic with *any kind of force*, I’m accused by men of being angry. And I’m using that word because the implication is that a) that it’s not ok for me to be angry, and b) that accusation undermines any point I’m trying to make. Like I can’t be angry and make sense. Even though there are a lot of good reasons to be angry these days, and I rather wonder why my interlocutors *aren’t* angry.
The answer there is usually they’re not angry because not much affects them directly as men, especially white men.
Women are held under the negative stereotypes of being emotional and irrational, men are held under the negative stereotypes of emotions being “feminine” and therefore “irrational/messy”. I do not believe ANYONE is allowed to experience emotion as it is. We cannot embrace our humanity when we demonize the emotions that make us who we are.
I express my emotions and get told I'm dramatic, I'm overreacting, I need to suck it up...etc. I'm allowed to cry in public but it's met with constant excuses for why I'm crying. If I'm angry then it's brushed off as being cranky from tiredness or my period. If I express why I feel certain emotions, I get told that it's not that deep nor is this a reaction of a long built up pile of issues, and that what I'm feeling is caused by something more trivial and immediate
i think the whole recent rise fem rage thing was definitely influenced by the massive rise in misogyny and weird alpha male shit as of recent years.
however i do really really really hate how centric the rise of fem rage is of skinny white cis girls. it's annoying how the people participating it often glorify it as some big new feminist wave even though it's not inclusive of any fem people who don't specifically fit the aforementioned characteristics.
however it may be even more annoying when people try to use fear mongering to frame it as some "evil angry feminxzi (god i hate that word) uprising of man hating femcels oppressing men" type bullshit.
it just feels like there's no way to win, fem people will always get the losing outcome in both options while cis men get to rise even higher in control and power than they already are :/
"it just feels like there's no way to win" - bingo. The system is that anything femme is less than, weak, not as good as, to be avoided. So, anything that femmes and those perceived as femmes (or as "supposed" to be femmes or "acting like" femmes) do or are or embrace is automatically in those judgement categories. Patriarchy is inherently rigged and toxic af for all.
Can we talk about the cinematography of this channel and how great it has become
I was the ideal woman for so long. Meek, agreeable, didn't complain, tried to inspire... it only got me stalkers and pushed around
still trying to get out of this phase. fucking help me
@mun1nnn Honestly, hang out around women who you want to be like. They rub off on you. You also see that they have boyfriends despite what we were brainwashed to think. I liked that they viewed their life as their own and not some sacrificial testament of womanhood to uphold.
Metta meditation and trauma informed mindfulness meditation, eft and channels like hailey gamba & love your natural helped. Also the podcast date yourself instead, openhouse therapy podcast, manifestelle and charlies toolbox helped.
I think really surrounding myself with woman focused content helped.
Also, sadly, just lots of trauma forced me to have a more fight response vs fawning and freezing.
Thanks I'm going to do that
Working on this slowly and surely in therapy. It is a hard and lonely road. You lose so many people who are just used to pushing you around. 😢
@itsspringtime Yes... I'm very sorry. It becomes very fulfilling though because you realize you designed your own womanhood consciously. I can offer some reading recs if you want. It also felt very terrible to realize you were upholding what men say they want yet it just got you overlooked, targeted or mistreated.
Don't get me wrong tho. Many men like the initial stages but healthy men want a woman who wants herself too.
I digress. You're going to most likely be proud of yourself in the end and be glad you lost users
If your family continues to disregard your pain without meaningful apologies or change, feel free to join us in the “estranged adult children” club who cut off their families because we don’t deserve that kind of mess in our lives. All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids. Some people would rather have abusive parents than none at all, and I am NOT one of them holy hell. Spent years and years trying to get change and change never came. So I made it for myself.
I’m also part of the club. Best decision I’ve ever made.
Im so proud of you all!
Same….I’m so tired….😭
As a Black woman raised in an abusive family that turned me into a Sad Girl- I definitely appreciate this and the discourse it's creating.
“Sad Girl” chile just say depression.
I can relate to that!
❤❤
"I don't... gender?"
My current gender identity is "It's complicated."
Felt. I want to be the brother and the wife and the something whispering from the stormpipe. Gender is beautiful in so many directions.
Sameeee.
So many people so close to realizing gender is a harmful social construct and not innate or biological in any way. It’s all external. Your sex exists and does not relate to interests or hobbies or fashion or mental capacity. Pizza rolls not gender roles. End gender.
@@leiliabug5240 it translates to do it.
Also it's not that the sad girl does not desire change, it's that she thinks the only change possible is that she can make her pain glamorous. It's not that she does not desire change, it's that she believes the changes available to her are only to convince people to fetishize her pain.
exactly this--- i've been thinking about this subject on and off for a while now and i've come to hypothesize (a little personal, but through examining/reflecting back upon some of my own thought processes from low points in of my life in the past 2 or so years) that when people romanticize, glamorize, fetishize their own sadness, pain, mental illness it's most likely because they do not see any way out. they feel trapped in their pain, and the only (non)solution they can see so far is to view it as something tragically beautiful. and so they get attached to it as some form of identity, which perpetuates the whole anti-recovery sort of thing... my wording is probably failing me here but i hope i got this across decently haha,,
the femms and the voyeuristic relationship with their own pain strikes once more
@@okaneez001it might be similar to the "romanticize your life" thing. it might look like glorifying on the outside, but sometimes you partake in it to get yourself through the day.
…or she’s just clinically depressed
"Anger is a human emotion, neither good nor bad. It's actually a signal emotion: it warns us of indignity, threat, insult and harm. Severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women from the emotion that best protects us from injustice."
~@schemaly
"A vague human entity who happens to enjoy hyper-femininity' I FEEL SEEN
As gay young man growing up in a homophobic county I always found myself attracted to and identified with the whole female rage I guess it kinda comes from the constant bullying I experience due to my interest in many things that are considered feminine
Welcome, let's rage together
As a brown Latine enby, my parents raised me “masculine” but expected me to adhere to my afab-girl gender roles. It was confusing learning what I was or wasn’t allowed to feel as a kid or teen. I couldn’t cry if my feelings were hurt or if i scraped my knee, I couldn’t be upset if someone hurt me or made fun of me, I was raised to be numb and indifferent, adherent to everyone but myself. Now that I’m making good progress with inner child work in therapy, anger isn’t scary and far more comfortable, sensitivity is my strength, loneliness is understandable, and I let myself feel sadness. Bc I present femme, there’s always so much pushback on my femme rage but like it was stated in the video, community helps me express and navigate through it
Oooh, are you me?
So feel you, as a child I wasn't allowed to cry or be sad, i wasn't allowed to be anything but happy and agrreable to the point that I broke an arm and didn't even cry, It wasn't till I was asked why I dind't moved my arm that I said I couldn't, I was already in the hospital (an aunt was having a pregnancy checkup) so I was tranfer to pediatry, my mum arrived and was over me the hole time saying "my poor baby what happen?" but the second no one was around she started telling me "how could you be so dump and broke you arm, you're causing your aunt problems and why didn't you said anything before, you make me and your aunt look bad" and when I told her that she told me no to annoy with my presence she ask me If I was stupid no joke those where here exact words, I was 7 btw: Till this day I can't tell this story with any relative 'cause my mum will immediately say I was to young I misremembered what happen and I'm not to be believe since according to her "I always lie". I'm glad you are working in connecting and healing with you inner child, I'm not there yet buy you gave encouragement to me just by saying here, wish you luck.
Literally same dude, you are so real for this
@per-c8229 where our parents fail to provide us the gentleness we deserved as developing children, I hope you know you deserve it and can definitely give yourself the softness you needed when you were younger now. You can do it and much love to your healing journey ❤
same for me, although I feel like in their efforts to make me that way they failed terribly. I feel every emotion with so much depth not just for me but for others too. I am very over emotional. I became exactly what they didn't want me to become and in many ways it's a good thing but then even now as I'm getting older, they still push that idea of being indifferent and like you said "numb" to everything and its difficult because that is simply not who I am. and it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.
*Thank you for blessing my Sunday with another video, mother.*
You’re welcome, child. 🧛🏾♀️
Growing up i felt like I was not allowed to feel anything.
I was raised in a loving family but we were not financially well to do in Nigeria.
But i still have my trauma from when i was young.
I was bullied by many people, adults and child, male and female, mostly female especially when you go to a snotty rich school where the kids know that you don't beling there. Whenever i tried to react, cry, scream, fight, to how i was being treated i was made to be the monster.
Whenever i saw my reflection on the face people made when addressing me when i was just trying to exist, I died more.
No matter how hard i tried to seem normal, happy, friendly, quiet , smart or dumb...it didn't matter, i was not important, i was an inconvenience.
So i stopped fighting, i stopped talking, reacting.
In fact i took every annoyance and apologized on their behalf for fear of violence.
Then i developed depression, became suicidal.
I suppressed my emotions so much that i now have this condition where i have this seizures and so many other health issues.
I now have a very loving supportive partner and my family still supports me and they all love me. And im getting help,therapy and learning to communicate with others and have boundaries and not take anybody's shit. So i wish everyone the best❤❤.
I have seizures from trauma too. I just had to comment because I rarely hear of other people that suffer from it.
I wish you healing and happiness.
@@hollymartinez1911I'm sorry about that dear. It's really hard to deal with these things. I also wish you the best 🙏🙏
@@hollymartinez1911same! I came back to my parents house during the pandemic, after thinking that I had grown and changed and fixed the "problem," only to realize I was not actually "the problem." It was my father all along. Because I've gotten stronger, and more self aware... more "stable", I've unfortunately also gotten better at suppressing and bottling up my rage and sadness and panic, to the point where I've had two grand-mal seizures between the ages of 27 & 28 with zero history of such things.
There's a chance it's latent epilepsy, but I greatly suspect that it's actually directly related to the emotional trauma. I have so much rage that I'm constantly holding in, while he lets his rage and hate spew everywhere all of the time, all fucking willy-nilly, thinking it's him showing strength and manliness.
im too much of a coward to ever consume horror movies but your lighting, editing and costuming is always so cool
Some of the points brought up in this reminds me that 'kawaii' things, especially writing styles, in Japan were initially considered pitiful and shameful, then annoying, and then got commodified to hell and back and is now considered the norm for feminine people instead of subversive
wait that’s weird, why was it considered shameful
@@stargiirls literally because women were considered docile and therefore anything associated with them was not favourable- basically the same as how emasculation works in the west with 'feminine' things associated with weakness
@@MsAirnation from what I've learned cutesy/kawaii culture is considered childish moreso than emasculating (tho the 2 def overlap). Iirc a lot of it started w/ teen girls refusing to give up the "childish" (actually age appropriate) things they loved in favor of making themselves more "mature" & appealing as furture wives. Or am I misinformed? It's been a while since I last explored kawaii culture's roots.
@@melancholyjones2873 I thought it was more of a defiance thing like harajuku and ganguro. They display lots of feminine things that women and girls love participating in and exemplifies them as a sort of defiance to say they're not going to enjoy things to the acceptable level and to minimize themselves for the sake of society's comfort. They've been repackaged and commodified though as capitalism is known to do lol
I was raised in an abusive household and I wasn’t allowed to be angry. I wasn’t allowed to go off and take a deep breath when I was angry. I was followed and antagonized so I learned that I should hide my anger. Unfortunately now I can’t contain all the anger from over the years. I’m letting it out and trying my best to make sure it’s only hitting people I’m actually mad at but it’s difficult to direct such more rage in my experience. I’m found that sadness and anger are two sides of the same coin for me so when I’m extremely sad it’s because I’m internalizing the anger and pointing it at myself.
that last part hit hard.
I'm dealing with this as well. I've learned over time my emotions are just as valid as everyone else's, and I don't need to hold them in for the sake of peace. Granted people don't like being called out on their ish, but I do it anyway. I'm let people know when they angered me whether they want to hear it or not. Thanks for sharing, I wish you well.
I still feel this SO MUCH. Even though I thankfully moved away from my abusive father, the trauma still remains and it's difficult for me to actually be able to process my emotions.
Oh god. This is relatable as fuck and is also something I've not thought about much
❤❤❤
Something about the “do women actually understand their emotions more?” touched me really deeply and idk where exactly or how exactly. It prob had to do with how I have no idea what I want or how to even *identify* what I’m feeling, so instead I just file it under “idk man. It’s prob fine” and leave it be. To the point where one of the things I’m more proud about myself for is that I’m fairly chill with most things. And I know that’s def an issue idk if/how I should unpack.
I look like a woman, even though I don’t particularly have any attachment to it beyond “that’s what I’ve always been and I don’t feel uncomfy with that”, but even that idk if I actually feel that way or if I’m pushing down my actual feeling about it.
Idk. Some of the repression of emotions is prob cuz I was “not like other girls” when I was younger, so I rejected “being emotional” about things that affected me bc “I’m not a stereotypical girl”. So that’s also def something I need to unpack.
god damn. i was wondering why that part rang so hard for me, too, and then everything else you said also hit me in an uncomfy but also relievingly seen way. huh.
@@GamerGirl2347 If you related to the not really having attachment to being a woman but not particularly caring either, look into gender detachment. It's fairly new as a concept I think (and it isn't quite agender), but it's something I that describes me fairly well. I think most of the discussion surrounding it is how it relates to ace-ness, but it's a thing all of its own.
you're so real for that. hope we all find the strength to unpack what we need to
As a fem black woman who’s with a beautiful Native women just the first 15 minutes hit me super hard.
Growing up as a dark black girl, I was not allowed to express either of these emotions and am in general viewed as more masculine by nature. My partner was raised pretty much the same way. We have some of these same conversations and share our personal experiences with each other. It’s wild comparing ourselves to these figures and then each other; goes into some pretty interesting directions.
My coping mechanism for any difficult situation is intense rage that gets bottled up and unexpressed because I'm immediately the bad guy if I respond to rage inducing stimuli. I'm 99% sure that this is why I usually end up angry crying.
I can kinda relate to this, it's odd-
anger/frustration is one of the few emotions I can feel really strongly (identifying complex/subtle emotions is a bit tricky for me. such is brain) and my body's reaction to this emotional overload is generally to start crying.
so on the one hand I have a tendency to (probably over-)identify with my anger, it feels very real to me in the moment in a way that other emotions often don't, but I also associate it with feeling humiliated, because I know that I'll quickly become incoherent and people will react to it in that awful "aw poor baby what's wrong? :(" way, which just makes me angrier.
that was a crazy run-on sentence but you get the idea. maybe we're similar maybe we're not, your comment just reminded me of this weird experience.
@@shineymightyena Yooooo, why does emotional overload sound like a great explanation for angry crying?
In my teens I made friends with the "crazy" girls: the kind who fought their brothers and threw hands at men, the kind who faced conflict with rage, the kind who yelled and swore and got into trouble. I was nice and quiet, but often told by friends that I was like a robot for my coldness and lack of emotion, a stark contrast to the group of girls I hung around with.
But I liked them because they were courageous, and their rage gave them power to fight back in ways I never could.
I remember writing in my diary at the time how I no longer felt sad inside, but rage outside. The pain turned into rage because rage was validated (and sometimes encouraged) by us girls. These girls gave me a space to be angry, and so I filed through that pain to rage pipeline with ease. We were bullies in a lot of ways, taking our anger out on people we didn't like. And it felt like I finally had a place to direct my negative emotions, an action to ease my ever worsening despression at the time.
But, it didn't last forever. As I went to college, changed friends and got into the working world, anger became less and less appropriate. No longer was I a hormonal teen experiencing the pains of puberty. No longer was "acting out" exusable by lack of experience. When the safety of my adolescence disappeared, I realized I became a woman, someone held even tighter by the grip of the feminine experience.
As I've gotten older, I see the roots and realize too that my anger was only a symptom of pain. It's become harder to hold back tears when they come, no longer running to the bathroom for a good cry. I let them go: in public, with my friends, in the face of my heartbreaker, at work, and often still, alone in my room. When that song touches my soul, when that one commercial is particularly hopeful, when I'm angry at myself, tears come. I don't know why this change occured in me, but I feel powerful in a way. Perhaps it's honesty, self-acceptance, vulnerability, a desire for humanity, or a new-found bravery that is growing stronger than my sadness.
Thank you Shan for seeing, accepting and validating my experience with this video. Thank you for giving me a place to share this. I will definitely be signing up for your newsletter so I can write in for the next one instead of flooding your comments section lol. Much love - Tina
Thank you for spelling things out like this, I have a hard time expressing myself and I really was able to relate just now ❤️🩹
@hodelhophopp9386 thank you for reading my long comment! ❤️
This was a wonderful read Tina, thank you for sharing your story 🩷
This was so beautifully written. I hope you've found yourself in a creative field.❤
@@florence969 thank you for your kind words :) writing is my hobby, and i make music for my own enjoyment but maybe i will share more in the future
“i like bad bitches who be ragin” - rico nasty vibes! love the concept thank you for creating content!!
LOVE that song
When I think of fem rage that is taken seriously is in Hinduism, goddess Kali. This may also bleed culturally from east to west and how fem rage differs between those boundaries, but that rage is raw and revered in a way that is, to me, not really in the binary where rage is either "masculine" or "feminine", as seen in western media. It is rage that presents as a scary physically, but it is the power that goddess Durga summons as Kali to be a force that is undefinable and unbeatable . I don't know how to explain it, but this is a rage that is not sexualized, westernized, etc. it's just pure rage. I wish I could type more but ahhh I couldn't put my thoughts properly and concisely here in a comment box.
Your thoughts and insight are appreciated. Thank you for sharing them here.
Also, Durga Devi is considered protector of women and Kali Mata's rage is so similar to Shiva's (her partner) that he understood her. I am not explaining it very well, but her rage being understood and empathised with instead of being considered a burden made child me understand that rage is an emotion that can be destructive but can also be good and helpful, I think Kali Mata's story illustrates that point so well.
Absolutely, the goddess Kali's whole identity is stemming from unsatiable rage, which only stops when she realises she's going to hurt someone she loves.. it's not sexualised, non western, just pure unfiltered bloodthirsty rage
Have been on a feminine rage hyperfixation the past two days, and then you bless us with this. Thank you ❤️
My favourite bed time creator releasing a new video just as I tucked into bed with my melatonin? Excellent.
As someone who is a neurodivergent black woman, I felt so seen and heard from this video. I literally had to pause and sob at so many parts. Because as a woman who is also in her early 40s, I wish I could have had the understanding at your age, and younger millennials like you that I follow and listen to, in order to heal the inner child in me earlier, instead of retroactively.
Thank you ❤. You are truly doing important work in helping my healing process, and countless others ✨💕🙏🏾
As a two spirit person and a mixed Native Jew, thank you so, so, so, so much for bringing up indigenous women and two spirited people and so many other intersections. It means everything! 🥺💕✨
as an afab enby who wants to go into a field primarily dominated by straight cisgender men (trauma surgery) i've been called "angry" more times than i can count, and it's honestly fckn sickening. the same men that give me no choice but for the only way to be heard is scream are the ones that complain when they have to hear my voice. this sums up my experience so well and i'll definitely be sharing w my friends
I feel like black woman's rage is practically imbedded into their identity, almost to the point where it dehumanises them. They're then seen as "masculine," as anger is usually associated with masculinity. Because of this phallacy, many black women ARE denied proper health care because maybe their pain is really their strong, masculine anger?? This is exactly why I'm training to become a doula for exclusively BIPOC women. I live in a state with very few black women so it's really important that they have the knowledge that I'm here to support them.
Fallacy, phallacy is a book about animal p***s
The part where you show the credits and it’s all just you is always so iconic.
I remember crying in pain in the hospital. My stomach was killing me, and i had been in pain for almost an hour. I just wanted the pain to stop. To my surprise, the medicine they gave me was a light tranquilizer, not an analgesic. According to them, i was hysterical and needed to calm down. No surprise that the pain didn't stop.
Well, now i know i have gastritis and thankfully can deal with it at home and not be treated like a hysterical liar.
It took 3 trips to the hospital in excruciating pain to be taken seriously.
I was giving birth, my epidural had stopped working and I was screaming in pain and able to get up and move around. I had a group of nurses yelling at the anesthesiologist to give me something and my anesthesiologist just said "you built a tolerance to it so there's nothing I can do. You shouldn't have been given it so early." And proceeded to sit there chastising me for having an epidural so early in my labor and how what I was feeling now isn't that painful, but if it is then it's what I get for being a baby about labor earlier (before their shift started) Like excuse me?? I described my pain to the last anesthesiologist and she gave it to me, I wasn't about to tell her "no, the puking and knee buckling pain isn't that bad...let's wait it out until I'm really feeling it."
That's so fucked up
I literally just typed in female rage and saw the 0 min ago pop up. Shan we r n sync
Our brains 🔗
Do 👏 not 👏 claim👏 to be n sync unless you've performed the hit 2000s single Bye Bye Bye for an audience of thousands 😩
The way you took the cool girl speech and made it into a more accurate sad girl monologue is actually genius
This is the perfect Halloween gift 😩🙏🏼 🎃
This reminds me of the movie Heathers: we see Veronica being sad and then angry, but we also see how much they pay atention to the characters who are considered "atractive" and "commit" s*icide, but when a plus size girl, with no make up, tries to unlive herself, people either don't realise it or they mock her for failing.** it also reminds me of my own experience with men, being a woman: when i express my pain, I'm exhausting them. And when my pain turns into rage because it was never addressed, I'm unworthy of their attention and I'm the one to blame for what happened.
This reminded me of a famous song in my country, that's inspired in a poem by Eusebio Blasco. It's about a man confessing to a priest that he's in love with a girl that has a bad reputation and that maybe doesn't share their faith, and the priest is strongly advising against the relationship, until this man shows him a picture of the girl. Then, the father changes his mind immediately. The song goes:
"The priest seeing your image, sweet soul,
Contemplating you, absorbed, he smiled
"That one does reflect holy loves"
He thought you were the Virgin of Sorrows"
It's okay to be a sad girl as long as you're pretty.
you may not have ended the video on a highly positive note, but youve definitely made me feel heard, and also helped me to consider how as a young white woman, my feminine rage/sadness is more digestible than a WOC in my position. thank you shan
When I talk with my husband sometimes he acts stupid because I often say "I feel like..." as my natural segway into my words, but as soon as he hears the word "feel" he stops taking me seriously and he thinks I'm literally telling him about my emotions on a topic.
Sounds like a building divorce!
Bit of a unique experience with this phenomena myself, as someone who is visibly male but presents in a "soft femme" sort of way both in conscious presentation and demeanor. To give an idea, people frequently refer to me as maternal, "secure woman energy".
I've been hurt a lot, as many of us have at this point, and used to suffer with severe anger issues, which persisted even through people trying to beat it out of me. People trying to stifle my anger only added fuel to the fire and made me more desperate to fight for the validity of my pain. It was sadness at first, but sadness wasn't...getting me anywhere. I wasn't crying and feeling less hurt in the aftermath. There was no relief. It was like crying out for help and then being swallowed by the silence when no one responded to it. If someone tried to suppress that sadness, well, sadness wasn't gonna do anything about it. Anger felt -way- better. It was internal torture, for sure, but I was -doing- things. Fighting. Screaming. Manipulating. I still hurt, but I felt powerful.
But I discovered a way to relate to my emotions that has made me just...broadly feel a lot more harmonious with them. Treating them like little people living inside me, each with their own needs and personalities. Taking care of these little people and looking at them with compassion has naturally made my expression of emotion much softer. Even my anger, now, is much more peaceful. I started to refusing to let others, and myself, speak poorly about these little people. Invalidate these little people. My emotions are like my children, little extensions of myself that I need to allow to grow and be what they are without fear of judgement, and I will reject the input of anyone who tries to say the feeling itself is somehow intrinsically a moral issue or failure.
Anger is your boundaries trying to fight for themselves.
Sadness is your gratitude for something that's been taken away, cementing it's significance with pain.
Since my demeanor tends to read as femme to people, though, I do vibe a lot with what's been said in this video. People respond to my passive sadness of a modest expression with support, but the moment there's the rare occasion of ugly crying it's treating me like I'm hazmat. Same with anger. People get really weird about me expressing anger, like they just saw a rat sprout wings or some shit.
I wish I would be able to really express my anger to let it out and kick and scream,because lately I just feel numb and don’t have the fight to struggle anyhow
that section about trying to rationalize your emotions instead of feeling them hit hard to me. I'm an autistic adult and there have been times where someone has triggered me (either on accident or on purpose) and i will always be in my head like "ah i see. this reaction i am holding back from expressing is not logial. yes let's be rational about this like a normal woman." LIKE GIRL 💀💀💀I act this way because i don't want to be viewed as an impossible autistic adult who has random meltdowns and makes social situations uncomfortable and a hassle to navigate. This video helped me be okay with just *feeling* my hurt and pain and anger.
Thank you Shanspeare.
My pain was frequently ignored growing up. Expressing my discomfort and anger often got me ignored or in trouble. Unfortunately I’m fairly mentally ill, and this manifested in me feeling deeply wounded without any outlet. Around 10 or 11 I started hurting myself, and even after that no one seemed to truly understand that when I was complaining it was because I was at a breaking point. I’d spent so much time being obedient, I was abused for it, and now I was angry. I’m still angry! Im so fucking angry, I’m not allowed to be, but I am.
How much times did you retake the part where you’re caressing the knives 💀💀💀
surprisingly only 2! Or 3, I can’t remember. The first shot of mine always comes out blurry so I feel like it doesn’t count 💀
Shan your curls are looking exceptional! P.S. thank you for mentioning MMIW. It's a huge issue in North America and something we should never stop talking about.
I am also someone who "doesn't do gender" but is perceived as a woman, and I have been processing a lot of rage about childhood abuse I faced from my mother. This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you xx
My favorite saying of all time is " the way out is through" ( it's like the story of my life with my migraines, depression, ADHD, tough life lessons, all of it).
It's crazy how you can be in the same wave length as a complete stranger. Makes you feel like there is sense to a senseless world. So thank you for that ❤
Other sayings I love are
" we are all just walking each other home"
And " every path leads to the unknown" ( when I'm overthinking something)
But yes embrace your anger. For years I avoided mine bc I grew up with volatile parents and I saw it as weak or something to be avoided and shunned. But then I realized there are different types of anger. And as long as you don't direct your anger into victimizing others then in the words of Zack de la Rocha: "anger is a gift" if you vibe with great poetry then branch out to old rock songs - " revolver" ( from rage against the machine - " don't mothers make good fathers" for anyone that grew up with an abusive father).
Or when I'm down I listen to pink floyd the wall
But especially: "nobody home" followed by " one of my turns" it's a cathartic album really. Because of the lyrics. Oh embracing your inner sekf/ inner child : song "jimmy" Tool, or REM " the one i love" But I'm a child of the nineties so my music may not be to your taste but lyrically and emotionally those are some of my favorites. At least check out the brief pink floyd dong below - in less than 2 min you have sadness , longing, poverty, hope, sarcasm/wry humor, and reclamation
th-cam.com/video/IC2HGTHkqnU/w-d-xo.htmlsi=0qjT_b1HsalswgSX
i love "the way out is through"
its so true!
Thank you for the inclusivity @6:50 because I'm transmasc, but feminine rage is something I identify with grateful largely due to my traditional "female" upbringing.
First of all, you look GORGEOUS, the hair the lip the brows?! Thank you for the video, I do feel like I aesthesize my pain, I remember losing a family member and not letting myself to ugly cry in front of people. Some good points about selling the sadness back to you all packaged and cute. However some of it like the memes and the silly shirts do make feel a tiny bit better sometimes
Only 9 minutes in and I feel feed and validated!
I am non-binary and have been told the “you can’t be mad” or my anger is never taken seriously. I also completely get how you feel about how you view gender and how it goes back and forth- I get it- I really do.
Though I do want to say, I know understand why when any horror film woman mc would get angry and stab the person they are mad at, I felt that, I knew that anger.
Especially since from the time I got my periods, having it be seen as something to “be ashamed of” and to keep away from men, despite not liking men in that way, from how any time I’ve gotten seriously depressed or angry in my life, and my own mother will say it’s due to my period. It isn’t. I’m frustrated that society makes people think that my vagina is the source of my emotions. I hate it. I wish I wasn’t born with any genitalia. Honestly the idea of making a horror-esk story that ends with the mc stabbing away at what makes them be seen as a woman to the world, the way I am going to make that comic.
Seems like femmes and mascs are only allowed to feel a non-overlapping set of negative emotions. Male-coded folks get rage, female-coded folks get sadness. Despair might be non-gendered, but idk how valid it's viewed in anyone.
the production value is THERE as always
Despite 13 years of suffering and a bout of septecemia that almost killed me, i finally got a diagnosis of endometriosis.
Even the ER nurses told me it's just period cramps. It's just period problems.
I have every right to feel angry and neglected for this. People tell me constantly that I do not.
I really need more bipoc feminine rage in all media (music, books, movies, tv shows etc). If it is shown, it is based on stereotypes like the angry black women or the toxic latina. I also would like to see different depictions of women (women with acne, women with disabilities, plus size women, etc). I've only ever seen it being depicted thru white skinny women or those who are fair skinned. It's so tiring to not see us being represented. Why is it that only white women are allowed to show that anger? I also want to see a realistic depiction of it. Women's pain and anger is often so glamorized and beautified. We need more female writers, performers, artists to show this.
the visuals are the definition perfection 😍😍
I think anger continues to scare me because I so associate it with my dad and it frightens me. But by god am I mouthy and won’t let an issue go. This was a real interesting video. I liked the diff format, the greater room for reflection. Thank you
43:58 hit HARD. I remember my 'friend', not actually a friend it turned out, said that when i laughed it sounded "fake". He said he thought I was fake laughing. I've stressed over and analysed the way I laugh since. We're never allowed to just exist.
I always love the effort you put in your videos 😊
speaking as someone with a medical condition that i have been fighting for years which has shortened my lifespan significantly: i have learned to bottle up my pain in fear of being dismissed, ignored, or called dramatic by those who can't possibly fathom the depths of my despair. when i cry, doctors don't take me seriously. friends and family who say they're here to help me will call me dramatic. they get bored and annoyed of watching me do nothing with my life but survive, despite the fact that it's all i can do, and that I can't escape the pain for even a moment, not even in my dreams. even as i'm actively dying, i still cannot express my anguish without feeling unsafe to do so. this causes me to stop myself from asking for help when i need it, and then i'm blamed for that, too. i've learned that if i don't want to be alone when i die, i will have to go unheard, and i must make sure to be a pretty corpse.
I found myself pointing at the screen and saying "yup!" several times while watching this video. Thank you.
I think that what Taylor Swift said once, "Men can react, women can only overreact." is SO. TRUE.
"people keep giving me gender" I like that. I'm not nb, but... I do know what you mean. Both because I notice myself "giving" people gender by accident and also because people still give you gender you don't want even if you want some gender.
Ohh I Don't have the time to watch the vid rn but will so later today but a PhD researcher at our university explores the portrayal of women's anger in anglophone literature and I can't wait to read her work but it'll probably take a few more years so this here is likely gonna be an absolute treat
DYING over the "leather squeak" disclaimer XD
as a trans guy, who's suffered from abuse and tens of mental illnesses. i don't have the willpower to go in depth because talking about my traumas was integral to my girlhood. i will say my gender identity has an interesting effect on this. as a "girl" i was sad and ragefull, and while i still feel similarly sometimes because we're in late stage capitalism and my government wants me dead, accepting my gender identity and socially(and beginning medically) has transformed my feminine rage into something different, less ragefull for myself, and more for the millions of women and girls who have gone through what i went through, and more seeing as i am white and visually able bodied, and sad not for me own traumas but for the traumas of others. idk if any of that makes sense but nothing really does anyway
"the people who have caused me pain are waking up to my anger...and they're denouncing it." God that hit so hard. I lived in real terror of my mom even after I finally moved out for good, and she "can't remember" anything she did, insisting she was a great mom.
I JUST GRABBED MY POPCORN, SHANSPEARE JUST POSTEDDD!!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
@josephregland is this an ad or something😭😭😭😭
For the besties who are in need of some woc in horror I highly suggest watching Barbarian it’s one of my favorites
Yes. YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS.
intense! i need to watch your video about this again!!!
not now sweetie, mommy’s watching the newest shanspeare :DDDDDD
I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with an abusive situation this year. I have been faced with that myself this year and it can be super lonely. Sending positive vibes your way
My phone may be on 11% and as a South African experiencing loadshedding rn I will be 100% watching this video 🤙🏾
"I'm angry because I'm sad, I'm sad because I'm in pain, I'm in pain because I'm unheard, and I'm unheard.. well.." this is actually poetry you cant tell me otherwise.
On another note though, trying to obtain all the emotions and the responsibility that comes with them is hard, and this video was incredibly calming. Thank you so much for this.
Girl, you be editing the ish outta these videos! I love it!
Your point about how ‘sad girl’ aesthetic reproduces itself reminds me of Sophie Lewis’s observation in Abolish the Family that mainstream media is full of anti-family sentiment; horror movies in particular are almost always tacitly anti-family. However, even as this media offers some narratives of resistance, it also co-opts those narratives back into the mainstream, defanging them.
I think you could say the same thing for narratives about feminine pain and rage. The mainstream is jam-packed with powerful testimonials about how feminine people resist patriarchal violence, but they are packaged and spun in ways that co-opt it and reinforce it, hence the ‘sad girl’ discourse. There’s a glimmer of truth that comes out of it, and that’s good because it helps people heal and feel seen, but what’s subverted ends up reverted. As you point out, though, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Happy Halloween! Best treat this year is a new Shanspeare video 🙏
Happy Halloween ❤
dude can I just highlight real quick how crisp and nice the visuals were, like slayyyyy !!!!!!!
"Blessed with beauty and rage"
babe wake up it’s time to feel our feminine rage with shanspeare
This video was so thorough and so validating. As a neurodivergent femme who grew up in an abusive household, I was always told that my feelings were "too big" and I similarly viewed my anger in multiple ways. On one hand, it was/is the voice in my head saying "you deserve better" and on the other hand, anger can ferment into a destructive force very quickly, so balance is both hard-fought and very important in my personal opinion. I never connected these tropes before, but their connective tissue makes total sense to me the way you describe it. This was the first video I've seen on this channel and that's an instant subscribe from me. Great video, great job!
Thank You! I have spent years having to deal with emotional, psychological and physical violence related to a lot of what you share. Constant attempts to convert still go on.
As someone also coming from an abusive family and dealing with the CPTSD from that, going from being overwhelmed with sadness to being overwhelmed with anger was a huge shock. Healing while also learning more and more about the systems in place in this world just spreads that anger out even more. Its so hard to figure out how to deal with it cause its not "acceptable" to be loud and angry. Even the people in your life who seem to be able to accept you sharing your emotions and being open about your anger, can say you've crossed the line if you get angry with them and call them out. Its so frustrating.
Love this channel so much. Every video feels like a entire movie
Also one thing I noticed is that feminine rage never seems to include WOC? Or fat women? That's never really sat right with me
Your words hit me so deeply that I would cry, but i don't know how to anymore. Thank you for your beautiful videos
Sadly, growing up in a household of women, and not even conservative women, didn't spare me from often having my pain and anger dismissed and my reasons (often my own family hurting me) deemed illegitimate. It was never about understanding my pain, it was about making me shut up so they didn't have to confront what was actually upsetting me. Now even at 30 I still struggle to control my anger because I was never once given tools to actually manage it, just useless advice about "not letting things bother me".
It's crazy how I just saw the clip from Anna Taylor Joy and then you post this video Crazy
Sending all the love, strength, and happiness your way gorgeous 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. After you experience your rightful anger ofc. I wish nothing but the best for you and thank you for bringing quality each and every time no matter what you are even going through or facing 🙌🏽 that is so admirable and you are amazingly talented. 💜💜💜
Oh you KILLED IT with this one, absolutely fantastic omg
thank you, this made me cry and sit in my emotions which i haven't done that in a while
new subscriber. Fundie Fridays sent me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Excellent and much needed video! 🥰
OMG YES A SHANSPEARE VIDEO AS A HALLOWEEN PRESENT!!!
As someone female- adjacent in gender I've survived childhood and teenage years exclusively on my rage at the people who traumatized me and my fem friends, we were constantly abused and violated by adults who were there to help us and it made me so so so angry that i was only anger for years. I've lost it since after a trauma that will never go away and I miss it. It felt nice to be mad at people who hurt you, knowing that they had no right and I didn't deserve it, it was validating to scream that i feel pain and I'm not making it up. Can't anymore. Maybe it is for the best, maybe not.