TikTok Boy Moms Scare Me
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ค. 2024
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Hi! I'm Shaniya but I use the moniker Shanspeare on TH-cam. I'm 25, use they/them pronouns, and love all things pop culture! My channel has a lot going on: think Shakespeare meets Baz Luhrmann meets insufferable jester in a relevant but silly costume. I have a bachelor's in English Professional Writing (and basically Literary Analysis--long story) which aids me in the creation of my content. Above all, I wish to emphasize teachability and critical engagement through a fun lens.
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Timestamps:
0:00 introduction
5:03 internalized misogyny
16:24 shoutout to parade
19:05 freudian mischief
29:39 genderrrrrrr
40:19 toxic parenting
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Tags:
boy moms, girl dads, boy moms toxic, boy moms cringe, video essays, video essay pop culture, shanspear - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
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Go to: yourparade.com/Shanspeare40 and use my code Shanspeare40 for 40% off sitewide! (does not apply to 80% off sale or Betsey Johnson collection) 🤍
Hello everyone, good viewing🐼
Thanks for sharing! I was a 36i, need to get measured again after losinga few lbs. It's so hard to find comy and cute bras at this size.
I hope this doesn't come of as creepy, but might I ask what's your cup size? On the website i only see bralettes going up to f cup and yours...well seem bigger. Do the bralettes stretch beyond f cups?
You can't be using good songs at the end of your videos and not telling us what they are in this era where google sucks ass 😭 Please may I have the source of the song at the end❓
@@hologomes1388 never dream of freud by tage
"i love my daughter"
:)
"but"
:(
Oh my god don't get me started on that bs. It's always "my son though"
I hate it when they say the don’t do something and go like “but” and prove they are literally lying
It's misoginy
This reminds me of the "I'm not racist, but..."
But aren’t parents entitled to their feelings and opinions? It shouldn’t be _“I love my child so they can do no wrong”_
I don’t see the problem with equally loving your children regardless of gender while simultaneously having a bias or preference towards aspects of parenthood.
No I don’t think gender stereotypes and misogyny towards women/young girls should be pushed on TikTok or at all, but the difference would only be if Kim said “MY Girl” instead of “A or Girls”
The fact that some women view their daughters as competition before they’re even born is so sad and disturbing.
It's really heartbreaking.
Unfortunately it goes both ways. I just saw texts from a guy threatening to divorce his wife because she was breastfeeding their newborn son or as he put it "her boobs were in another mans mouth"
@@sarab3888 ain’t no way, that man is so idiotic😭
It’s heartbreaking and for the daughter in the situation it’s so beyond damaging, like life long damage, it’s insane and it’s so gross and seemingly never ending even into adulthood- at least my experience- I still struggle with the childhood trauma, but it’s also still a struggle now a lot of the time too because it doesn’t seem to stop (especially if they’re a textbook narcissist 🙃🙄)
I have a daughter and only her and she is my best friend I’ll never understand women who don’t like their daughters and see them as competition
My brother stopped any ‘boys are so much better than girls’ talk by sleepwalking and pissing down the stairs while my parents were at the bottom.
Forever grateful
he’s a feminist icon truly 🤞🤞 him AND his golden showers
I just cackled so loudly at this it concerned my cat. A++ on your brother's part
How old was he?
@@Mariathinking if I remember correctly, he was 3/4?
I cant wait the “boys are better” bs. I work with a group of 1st grade boys that are, pardon my french, tiny shitheads
lusting after your son is deranged and as cringe as dads giving their daughters promise rings to symbolize possessing their daughters virginity til marriage.
Lusting after your son is beyond deranged. Especially if they are really young. Making is not only incestuous but also pedophilic.
they are literal psychos
Plus it emphasizes the parents want to control their children
I would argue it’s worse since they are lusting after their son which makes it not only incest but pedophilia. Unless the fathers in those circumstances are doing that as well.
@@jamabo0the dads are doing it in a creepy way tbh. Donald trump for instance
We, as a collective society, need to stop proving Sigmund Freud right
i try to say that no one believes him anymore in psychology every day but then people do shit like this and i'm like god damn it sig not again
@@spockezri Freud cackles from hell when another boy mom posts online
i fear we can't beat the freudian allegations, no matter how hard we try
@ville__ As a fellow Autistic person I'm happy for you, but respectfully, what the fuck is your profile picture
@ville__no you're not, you're literally the same troll that goes around insulting creators for attention. STFU.
I remember someone commenting that toxic boy moms are just the next stage of pick-me girls and I can’t unsee it 💀
I mean...that's basically it, since those same moms see their own daughters as competition.
The Final Boss of pick-me girls, in which normal people have to fight their way out of back-hand compliments and worrisome incest.
Then they become their final form: monsters-in-law that hate their sons’ wives!
Whoever told you that is correct.
@ville__Uh, ok? I’m not sure what any of that has to do with toxic boy moms though.
The irony of Freud naming it the “oedipus complex” is wild because oedipus clawed out his own eyes after realizing it was his mother. Like the guy was NOT happy about it, and Freud names his kink after that? The disrespect
The disrespect was probably part of the kink
It's not a kink to Freud, it's a fenomenon that happens to everyone in early childhood
@@gurgui3110it literally isn’t but what a way to tell on yourself. also it’s spelled phenomenon
@@gurgui3110 He has made a whole school of thought just to find a way to justify his kinks.
@@BonnieBuggie”to frued” are the operative words here, OP is saying that in sigmund freuds mind every child experiences this phenomenon, not that they personally believe it
The fact that woman get so much hate before they even enter the world is actually sad.
Because we center men. Men hoard resources so we depend on them for our survival (throughout human history). Notice women who have their own money usually aren’t the pick me types that go around hating other women.
Boy moms: *gasp* A girl!?! Now I can't have an emotionally incestuous relationship with my son 😡🤬😡
The internalized misogyny goes hard fr
Least delulu narc roastie
When I was pregnant with my first kid everyone kept telling me that I should hope for a boy cause they're easier than girls and I pushed against it everytime. It ticked me off so much.
She came out a girl and now everyone tells me how she is one of the sweetest and most wrll behaved kids they know. Its almost like its how you parent that determines how a kid behaves 🤔
Imagine knowing that your own mothers prefers your sibling based on his gender, that shit would be so traumatizing
My grandmother did this to my Mom. TWICE. And then turned around and did the same shit to her grandkids! 😑
Kim shouldn't act so surprised that North has such an attitude. Can't wait for the future autobiography
My mam and sisters implied constantly when I was growing up that I should have been a boy (I have 3 older sisters and a younger brother) and now I'm going through therapy to deal with the lasting feelings it left. It really does stick with you
My father openly bragged about loving his only son more than me, his daughter. Crap stuck with me for years.
My mother had 5 children, only one son. She broke my brother's mind with a weird lack of boundaries and hyper-controlling behavior, and he ended up going to jail for pulling a knife on her.
sexualizing the babies that look at womens chests or whatever is also just so weird because like. thats where the milk comes from??? maybe he's just hungry????
Related - nothing icks me out quite like women saying their baby sons are flirting with grown women
Not to mention that babies can't see well and aren't staring because they have much cognitive thought about what they're looking at... so it's suuuper fucking gross and weird
It’s so fucking disturbing to me… THAT IS A BABY!!!! The idea that people are trying to sexualize their children when they’re literal babies is sickening.
whenever i see a baby looking at at someone’s boobs i automatically assume they’re hungry 😭 how people sexualize that is beyond me
Finding breasts attractive is literally classified as a fetish. There are places around the world where sexualizing breasts is as weird as sexualizing feet. Like, you know people are into them, but it's nowhere near the norm.
People in the west are so weird.
As a librarian I get parents ask if we have any "boy" books....that's just books. You have a child, they have interests and likes and dislikes not dictated by gender.
I mean their are lot's of thing that's common in manhood or part of manhood example most sports viewer's are men same with games most gamer's are men especially rpg games. Shonen manga literally translated to boy's comics in English same with lot's of super hero comics it's mostly focused on male audience. their are lot's of book that is forced on male audience or male gaze
@@rd3munna812 dude I’m literally a girl who was always into “shonen” manga from a really young age and my niece was always into soccer since she was really really small. It’s all just the way we are socialised not what we would actually choose if it wasn’t suggested to us. This way of thinking just leads to unhappiness if the child’s gender happens to not overlap with the stereotypes. Which does happen a whole lot. Like I’m sure almost everyone has this one interest where it would have been really advantageous to be perceived as the opposite gender.
@@Ia_catI no you can be girl and like and do whatever you what's but that still doesn't change the facts theirs are lot's of things made to entertain men/boys their is a reason why womens sports get less views than mens sports. Same with modeling fashion I'm a guy and I like fashion but that still doesn't change the fact that fashion is a female dominated industry their are lot's of creativity in women's clothes compare to mens clothes. mens clothes are basic. Their is nothing wrong women liking things that are associated with masculinity vice versa. Masculinity and femininity is just a word do describe what is common in women and men physically and mentally
@@rd3munna812 Yeah we need to change that. It kinda sucks
I’d just take that to mean books about boys or with boy characters in it. Then if they try to say this book about trucks is a boy book I’d say “no that’s a truck book.”
😅 My dad used to say: "I'm less worried about you getting pregnant, you can only do it once in a year. Now your brothers? They can get like 6 girls pregnant a day." Not saying my brothers were out having sex left and right, but he got a lot of comments about "keeping me locked up when I became a teen" and thats how'd he answer it.
Amazing. Will use that response if those comments ever come up again lmaoo
w dad move
LITERALLY THANK YOU like in THEORY a whore son can have hundreds of kids a year. but a whore daughter? one! unless its twins! so which gender should really be gatekept from sex??? (neither but you get it!)
Would love to hear some of the replies he's gotten 🙂
My dad got my mom and his ex gf both pregnant in the same year. Just thought I'd share, because it fits with what your dad said.
My mom is the youngest of 11 girls. No twins/ multiples. By and large, the most common response I get when I tell this fact is sympathy… for my grandfather. “How did he handle that?” “How does he feel about that?” “Wow they really kept trying for that boy”.
Simple fact is they were bored, poor, and catholic. Grandpa loved his daughters.
I hate how I just Known that would be the reaction of people if they were told something like that...
Your grandpa is good man and love for mom, auntie, and grandma
"Bored, poor, and Catholic."
Tale as old as time 😂
Both sides of my family are very similar to that description, but they had an even split of girls and boys. Both sets of grandparents were just happy to have more farm hands 😂
When I hear stories like this, my sympathy goes to the woman most of the time... Not cause she only had daughters, rather cause she had to give birth to all 11 of them 😱😂
There were 8 siblings in my Dads family.
He just says his parents needed a television😂
These women need to be careful with how they treat their daughter-in-laws, because statistically it won’t be their sons that look after them in old age.
One of those things where if you teach them not to respect women equally, he’s not going to respect you either.
Not to mention if the mother broke up their home who will look after their children? A lot of women these days are giving up custody and the grandmother will be stuck with the kids!!
my dad takes really good care of his mom tho and his mom has 5 sons and no daughters but maybe it is because he is the eldest and the only one that got married and has a really strong sense of responsibility, i always admire him because he was an outstanding dad compared to other men his generation
@@mmgs1148your dad seems cool. I wish he wasn’t the exception but both stats and my anecdotal experience working in residential aged care say he is the exception
Aw try again. Not everyone has to be taken care of. Grow up before you condemn every woman on the planet. Jfc.
Boy mom: my son shows me how to be treated by a man
The son, 15 months old: *throws up on everyone, kicks and screams on the floor in stores, won't wear pants or socks*
Okay rude, I'm right here.
children’s rights are something i’m sooo passionate about. in leftist and feminist spaces it’s not that hard to find people being terribly unkind to children. calling them “crotch goblins” and bullying their stupid parents for having the audacity to take their child out in public is something i see so often. i used to work with toddlers and understand why people don’t want to necessarily spend time with children but to strip them of humanity by insinuating they don’t have a place in society is just subhuman. seeing dead, disabled by warfare, and starved children in places like palestine really gutted me like nothing i’ve ever seen before. there are children who are brutalized by war and we as adults can’t even extend sympathy towards them.
thank you so much for saying this. it sounds stupid, but it made me tear up to remember that there are online leftists like you
people really have no compassion even for kids nowadays (not that it was that much better or any better before, it’s just spread more)
exactly this!! I may not personally enjoy being around kids or want any of my own, but I still recognize them as humans? who deserve love and respect??
yeah i agree. not everyone likes kids or wants them, and i get that a lot of kids are bratty and misbehaved, but they're human. Just like the rest of us, and they're young and inexperienced in the world. I
@@Me-vn3gzi still think the left is more concerned with kids rights tho, especially the age of consent and conservatives tend to be more likely to think spanking is a good method
Growing up in Asia, I always heard the saying, 'daughters steal the mother's beauty while they are in the womb, making the mother ugly.' I think it is something that has been said for a long time
yup very much!
The trauma of growing a human and giving birth will change how you look. I hate that this saying implies boys are worth the trauma and girls aren't. You deserved better.
Sexist….
Sounds like something from American Horror Story (Coven). Kinda disturbing.
😢
As a trans man, when I came out to my father he told me how he felt 'betrayed' - he always raised me and my brother by our assigned genders. Days after that talk, my dad would constantly tell me on good days how i could never be a true man because of how soft and caring i was, how gentle i was. On bad days, he would mock my social name and spit, ask me angrily "is this how i'll have to introduce you to my friends?" as if that was the most important thing about it. It took him 2 entire years to come to terms with it and allow me to start HRT, and even then he still shuts the conversation down if i even mention top surgery. Gender has been nothing to me but a prison in which i am belittled and mocked, never enough for either binary - never womanly enough so society can overlook my 'tendecies' but never manly enough to be 'accepted as a man'; and it fucking sucks.
ugh this is so REALLLLL
The “is this how i’ll have to introduce you to my friends?” is so narcissistic 😒
Im sorry you’ve had to deal with that!
So selfish of him to put his own comfort and convenience over your happiness and fulfillment.
doing a lot of worrying about what his friends will think of you, and not a lot of worrying about how he's the kind of dad his son probably wouldn't want to introduce to his own friends. or the kind of dad who might not always have the privilege of contact with his kids.
but man, more than that, i would be embarrassed of any friend of mine who cant even be there for his son who has the nuts to talk about what a real man is like. a real man lives life with compassion.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that
Off topic but you’re a great writer, I really love your voice!!
I'm trans-fem and while unpicking the complexities of "boy moms" through a queer lens is beyond me, I do know that if my mom had been a "boy mom" that would have been really rough for me. Like she's making her identity partly based on MY gender. It might have made it harder to think about my gender feelings, harder to talk about them, or harder to come out. And I fucking hate that.
Parents, your kid's gender is their journey, not your accessory.
same, im so glad my parents were normal
In a society based on the gender binary a kid's gender to some extent is always part of the parents' identity ... My father works in childcare and already in his training being sensitive towards each kid's individuality instead of putting them into boxes was a big part. I was raised to believe that I can choose any path for me in life. Nontheless my parents emphasized a lot that I can do whatever I want as a GIRL.
After I came out to them as non binary my dad told me the story of how because of his training he was very sceptical towards gendered clichées. But then he saw my reaction towards my first doll (a present from my grandma, my other toys and stuffed animals so far had been pretty "gender neutral") and doubted what he was taught.
And still to this day I'm like: "Please what? Most kids talk about wanting to be parents one day. And my having had a really close emotional bond with this doll had nothing to do with my percieved gender identity ... Many kids like dolls."
So yes, even in people who like to think about themselves that they are pretty open minded oftentimes distinguish mentally between "boy", "girl" and "gender neutral" toys. I'm convinced that most people even only distinguish between "gender neutral" and "feminine" clothing. At least that explains why homophobia towards men / amab people in general wearing dresses is still so rampant and why us afab non binary folks who like to wear skirts still get so much doubt like "Are you really non binary?"
Yes, I am. Clothes don't have a gender. Anything that human beings like and do and care about are human things. But so many people still only see it like that in theory but deep down unknowingly they still have a very emotional connection towards the gender binary.
As a trans woman… yeah it was incredibly rough especially when the incestuous abuse happened
@@Myladyinred999 I would like to add that the current Western gender fashion norms are also informed a lot by the suffragette movement and was controversial not that long ago.
Women still very much get shit for not being feminine in their fashion too, esp in certain circles that are lagging behind
Women get to wear pants "without comments" because they literally fought to do so. I'm not really aware of any historical movements where men protested not being able to wear skirts tho
@@crazydragy4233 That's true that apart from pride and drag events there is no movement to make skirts an acceptable piece of clothing for men and amab people in general. I used to be surprised by this fact but now I am no more. Since the patriarchy's stability depends on most men still somewhat playing visibly by the rules. So the patriarchy makes sure that men who stray from those rules get a social punishment that is especially hard. The harsh violence that both gay men and trans women experience is an example of that.
Also we need to abolish those sexist rules already in our heads: Women need to publicly acknowledge more that it's totally ok for men and amab peope to wear skirts 👍
That also entails being open and insertive in dating men who (sometimes) wear skirts.
We are only free once everyone is free ❤ To wear whatever they want without it being a big deal.
I started publicly transitioning about six months after my son was born, my husband likes to joke I took the most extreme measures possible to avoid association with boy moms at all cost lmao
That's actually really interesting. So is your husband very supportive in your journey? I'm not trying to be nosy but I've honestly never heard of this dynamic.
@@bres.4806 he’s the most supportive person I have
@@bres.4806i actually know quite a few trans people whose married partners stuck with them, that’s the benefit of marrying a cool bi guy lmao
@@TinyTurtleDuck common bi W
@@TinyTurtleDuckyou and your husband are both amazing! Good luck with parenthood lol
They don’t even need to have sons. The woman who gave birth to me often reminded me and my sister that she always wanted boys and told us what our male names would have been. It was as though she failed at providing heirs lol
Ah I see we have the same birthgiver. Mine has stated (despite never having sons) that sons are so much nicer and less "drama" so parents should want them instead
My womb donor is the same way. Two daughters and one son. 😮💨 My sister and I went through too much all because we were born female.
Ma had me and my brother, female and make twins. She ended up being very biased to me, the female. Then I turned out trans after she had my little sister and now she has a little girl to dote over instead lol.
My parents told me my "boy" name, too, and I've always kept it in my back pocket in case the Gender switch flips in my brain. XD
4b movement is the solution
When you brought up girl-dads in relation to boy-moms, for a second I thought "Wait no, that's different," until I stopped and thought about it. No, it's not. In the common use of the word, girl-dads have the same weird assness that boy-moms do, treating their daughters as objects on a pedestal to protect for... Reasons.
I’d even say “girl dads” go even further. Purity balls used to be extremely pervasive and still take place across the US. The Republican speaker of the house attended one of these with his daughter. Merch declaring “dads against daughters dating” has been a meme for a long time and I’ve seen men wearing/displaying it irl multiple times.
Purity rings. "Marrying your dad." The whole "bring out the shotgun" trope when the girl brings her new boyfriend home.
idk i have seen way more weird boy moms than weird girl dads, yeah weirdos will exist in any community but some communities foster them more than others. Most girl dad videos ive seen were more "ohh i help her do her hair and play dolls with her" rather than "i will never allow her to date" vibes
@botanicalitus4194 I think boy mums use TikTok and social media more.
They way I see girl dads is: “I was a POS to women, so I know what men are capable of.”
But idk. Maybe I’m being too hard on dad..
The cis-hetero normativness gets me every time. Like you are 1. Assuming your son is going to stay a son & 2. That he won't bring home a boyfriend
Thats what im sayinggg 😂
In China, where most of my family still lives, boy moms are still the norm. Attitudes towards girls and women have been changing as China has been coming to grips with the catastrophic fallout of the One Child Policy, which resulted in the absence of millions of women and a generation of men unable to get married.
Systemic misogyny always comes back to bite us. It shouldn't have to take a catastrophe like this to remind people of the value of girls and women.
even then, do they really care about women? are the missing generations of women actually missed or are they sad their sons have no one to continue life with? it feels fake to me, no one cares about women unless its men-related
I am taking a Chinese language course and my female Chinese teacher told us about this. I think she spoke of a saying that said that girls were like water, they just flow and leave, I don’t remember that well though.
@@Jiydiyonyeah the idea is that the girl leaves when married to take care of the new husband’s parents. The trope of the evil mother in law forms from this idea, as they’re supposed to be deferent to their mother in law and take care of her. With the advent of men unable to marry, I’ve heard there’s been a shift from the mother in law having power to the daughter in law, as there are tons of men desperate, making the son value keeping his wife more than pleasing his mother.
I actually love how a lot of ladies in China are getting educated and NOT getting married so the society decides to pump out a ton of derogatory terms to shame "on the shelf" ladies. They cannot accept the fact that the few women left have wised-up and don't want to be slaves to their husband and in-laws.
Same thing has been happening in South Korea and Japan, in South Korea they blame "feminism" until you read up on how the country is hell for any woman. In Japan, married women are usually expected to quit their careers upon marriage. There is a huge reckoning in east asia and how misogyny is killing their population but they ALWAYS blame the women for not settling.
4b movement is the solution
We have actual research showing oldest girls are given too much responsibility at a young age that isn't seen in boys, and that makes a lot of sense when moms (and dads, if the gender reveal videos can be believed) are completely open about preferring and prioritizing sons over daughters. Sons are a pride to be cherished. Daughters are a resource to be exploited.
This was my experience growing up.
It makes it even sadder when you see the statistic that daughters are way more likely to take care of their parents when they're ill or old. As the oldest daughter of three children (two younger brothers) this is 100% my future and what you described in your comment was my childhood and present. Sometimes I just feel so angry to be born a woman and even more upset when I see idiotic men prattling on about how women have more rights and that it's better to be a woman 🙄
I have 2 older brothers and 1 younger sister. Guess who did all of our laundry/ cooking/ cleaning while babysitting my sister and still staying on the honor roll. Then cared for my grandmother in home after her stroke, and took my mother to all her chemo, and washes my father's dishes when the gout is too bad. And babysits ALL of my nieces and nephews for free until this day. Is been too long to not be that person at this point. But I sometimes stop and realize that NONE OF THEM, my parents included, would ever do the things I do with the lack of expectation of gratitude that I do. I was raised to be like this, but I think they'd say groomed in current vernacular. I said bred to be a wife and mother. But I'm not, and I won't, cause I don't have the time, and I've got enough kids hanging off me all day already.
On the plus side, NO ONE WOULD EVER ask me when I'm having kids. If I did, I wouldn't have time for theirs.
THIS RIGHT HERE
the oedipusification of vlog moms
😮 why would you say something so controversial, yet so brave (and correct lol)
I love how your beautiful mind works, you wonderful stranger you 😂🫶🏻
666th like 😏
My exact thought lmaoo
Jocastafication fits better I think
I have been openly non binary for 4 years, name and gender legally changed for 3. Its crazy how parents get angry when u change this mindset THEY created about you, your life, your choices. Last month I got yelled cause I live a life that isn't the one they picked for me, based on my gender assigned at birth ... Keep in mind I have a normal life, not radical at all, but the fact im not living as a woman/man HURTS THEM(???
"I feel you unalived my child" umm... I'm here, I'm alive, Im just living not accordingly to YOUR FANTASY of what a normal girl/boy is. Also is crazy cause they never ask about your intereses, just asume some things and expect you to be this image they created in their imagination
Fellow enby here and I feel the same. Except in my case it was with a former best friend.
I hope you have people who love you for you and not who they think you should be.
That really sucks
Sending love
Hope for them that one day they can see you as you
Hope for you that no matter if they do, you're surrounded by love and understanding ❤
I wonder what they think would be different if you _were_ a boy/girl? Like would that magically make you interested in the "right" things or not want to make your own decisions? Do boys and girls never become independent people who pursue their own dreams??
my mom acted similar when i came out to her as trans a couple years ago. it had only been 1-2 years since my grandparents died, and my mom told me she was "mourning the loss of [her] parents AND daughter." girl, i'm standing right in front of you?????😭 and she's always been a hater on parents who get mad at their kids for not being the exact person they wanted them to be, but of course that doesn't apply to her when i'm transgender. cis people really act like gender is THE MOST important part about a person, and like being a different gender than they thought you were fundamentally changes who you are as a person. it's freaking bewildering to me... they take gender too seriously in all the wrong ways💀
My mom is definitely a boy mom.. she very plainly plays favoritism towards all her sons while emotionally neglecting if not outright abusing her daughters.
As a transman, I’m her most hated child. For what could be worse than not just a daughter, but a daughter who thinks they’re a man?
Love to you bro. It’s hard out here 😢
I was born female. My spern donor would take me to a grave sized hole he dug. He would tell me if I got a boyfriend before thirty he'd kill him and bury him in said hole. He would make me lay in it as he talked about how hed kill this theoritical guy. He'd laugh like it was a joke but it always felt there was a level of seriousness in it. Sadly its more common than some think for parents to have werid attachment to their children.
I'm so sorry you went through that, hopefully you're away from him now and able to live your life how you want?
He is just a "spern donor" for a reason... I am sorry for you, hope you get all the happiness and joy you deserve. Hope you are in a good place in life now where you could be just happy without such toxicity.
Absolute cult behaviour holy shit
Whuuu...ht...no wonder he is sperm donor
i got fucking goosebumps while reading this
i appreciate you bringing up the “children as property” mindset. it’s a cage i’ve been trapped in for most of my life, but as a mexican child that was raised in the states, it’s always been hard to acknowledge the harm it’s caused me. my white friends emphatically accuse my parents of abuse, and it makes me want to come to my parents defense because i never feel like my friends understand the cultural context of my parents’ actions. but abuse is abuse, right? no matter the culture? shits confusing fr
Man, I feel you. Asian parents can be borderline abusive with their emotional manipulation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, lack of affection, etc., but we're so used to how our parents behave that we don't see them as abusive. And I've also found myself defending them and chastising myself for being angry with them even when their behavior is not acceptable.
@@miaomiaochanI don’t have Asian parents, but I have tons of Asian friends due to the area I live in and listening to them tell stories about their parents is always like…”hello? Should I call the police on your parents or something? Because this is low-key abuse” but also, many of them also form connections through ranting about their parents, so hopefully this will change in the future.
yes it is abuse no matter the culture. We can still love our family and believe that they are good people while also acknowledging that they hurt us and did horrible actions. Especially if they didnt mean to harm us with those actions and simply didnt know better due to cultural factors
Just remember that parents are not perfect and can also make mistakes. Maybe you’ll find forgiveness in your heart for them if you openly talk to them about it. I know that might feel scary, but if you love them, I think it’s the best thing to do, talk about it.
@@PossibleBatThere's a difference b/w "making mistakes" and emotionally/physically abusing your child in ways that will leave lasting psychological scars
it occurred to me that when a woman has a son, he may be the first man that she feels like she actually has full control over, not to mention that she feels like she's entitled to unconditional eternal love from them. its kind of a scary and not very kind interpretation, but i think it might subconsciously be a part of the boy mom trend.
it also kind of blends into the internalized misogyny aspect of it, that by obsessively raising this son that you project yourself onto, you can perform masculinity through him.
I agree but from a personal view I disagree. But that’s me. I grew up in a very dysfunctional house where it was just women. My vain of a mother preferred my half sister over me and caused a massive sibling rivalry. I’ve always been ‘visibly feminine/gay’. Then again she is an addict who likes to be physically dm abused. And don’t get me started on my auntie. Let’s just it’s very unhinged. I think I have a unique experience growing up. But I am glad that I haven’t fell completely into misogyny traps but deep down I crave a mother figure especially a father figure I’ll never get.
As someone who grew up in India where female foeticide is still a thing in many areas it is HORRIFYING to hear this rhetoric in the "progressive west" because these are the same people who will call us misogynistic and hold up their own countries as the flag bearers of feminism
4b movement is the solution
Female infanticide is still happening in village areas and the knowledge of this horrifies me
Im a transgender man and ive been following this saga online when it comes to this topic. Ive seen a lot of videos showing parents being distraught or disappointed when they are going to give birth to a daughter in gender reveals. Really, i think people are too fixated on if someone has a penis or a vagina rather than bothering to be excited about bringing life into this damn world. Why are we so fixated on what people have going on between their damn legs, especially when ut comes to babies?
i'm nonbinary and i agree with this, i always feel kind of apprehensive/curious about how these parents would respond to their kid being trans/gnc later on or even having any queerness at all
you just know they'd treat their trans sons like shit too despite being bOy MoMs💀 let alone how evil they'd be to trans daughters or nb kids
It is very creepy to me, when you really think hard about the implications of what they are saying. Like, it really is all about genitals and the “allowance” society will give to then raise that child a certain way. Based solely on their sex organs.
It’s called gender disappointment! There are tons of articles online talking about how to become ok with the fact that your baby isn’t the sex you wanted. Very interesting phenomenon
Because women want mini-versions of their husbands to dote on and men feel like they must have sons to be "real" men.
I have this theory that woman that label themselves as “Boy Moms” who openly say they hate or not love as much their daughters, have found an outlet for their internal misogyny. By taking it out on a little girl they’re supposed to love because ya know…they’re her children too. Or maybe I’m wrong idk and maybe I’m a sort of bitter Afab person who fully believes their mom loves their older brother more than them.
Also and I just thought of a pretty big what if:one or all the kids transition. Something’s tells me a Boy Mom wouldn’t be the most accepting of that.
no ur right it's 100% misogyny. alot of the "reasons" i've seen in the video so far is just misogyny.
Afab said afab u gotta realise it bro
I mean, yeah, it’s all misogynistic. Every quote from the kardashians in the into were dripping with misogyny. Even “girl dads” are misogynistic and objectify their daughters.
No, no, you're cooking here
My mom named me after her childhood doll and used me like one until I pulled away and chopped off all my hair. After that I was dead to her and her attention went fully to my older brother. I was 7.
I cut my hair with Scissors myself a day before picture day. I wanted short hair I hated long hair and still do on myself.
You sound badass I wish your mum could've understood that
This reminds me so much of a story from an older relatives' family history. Their grandparents had 6 girls and one boy. The boy died of strep throat in his teens in the early 1910s or 20s, back when losing a child like that was a common but devastating experience for families. Couple months after he died, the boy's father had a lady come into his business who said, "I'm so sorry about the loss of your son! Too bad it wasn't one of your daughters! You have so many to spare!" The father threw her out and told her never come back.
what will those girl moms do once their daughters hit puberty and start finding their own style? Like a goth phase or a punk phase or just don't get into makeup etc. Having too many expectations for what you want your kids to be like and do with you is setting you both up for conflict
Real question is what will they do when their daughter grows up knowing that her mother doesn’t like her and leaves her in a nursing home, god knows her son won’t care for her
i think alot about a friend i had in middle/highschool. A anime loving edgelord who would later transition to male as an adult. His bedroom was pastel yellow, pink bedspread, with framed bible scriptures and paintings of flowers on the wall. It was so strange being in there, even when he identified as female, absolutely no trace of his personality or aesthetic to be found. I remember being in thier our senoir year and it still looked like an 10 year olds room because his mom wouldnt let him change anything.
i’ve seen this happen and it is not good…
daughter of a girl mom here: thats where those stereotypes of moms and daughters always fighting comes from. They just fight until one of them gives in so they can interact as adults, and usually not happily
See I still think boy mums still have these expectations of their daughter. I'll dress you up and you will be socialised in the girly things I like but he is still my favourite. Then get shocked about how their girl is no longer a mini me when no amount of good behaviour will change their mind.
I don't think any parent should say they have a favourite (unless one of their children is a murder or something extreme) because its something you can never unhear.
"I can never escape Freud," I cry as I tap on a video about boy moms
One of my favorite comments I saw on "Sarah's" vide3o about her kids weddings was something to the effect of "I highly doubt you'll be invited to your daughter's weddings"
I am a trans man. My mother and father do not accept. They said they did not raise me like this. I truly think parents raise genders and mini-thems then people.
I always found the mini-me thing as a gross sense of narcissism, same with clones in general because I feel like it's the ultimate form of narcissism to create a clone or have a child with the intention of raising them simply because they are yourself.
I don't think it's wrong to want to have biological children but I get thrown off when people refer to their kids as mini me because I always thought if I were to have a biological child I'd want them to have my traits but also my partner's, I never personally had a goal of having children in my life but never was opposed to it, but I always felt like it was kinda like an evidence of my love for another person I guess.
I always saw children as a commitment and I don't really see me having kids just for an arbitrary reason, I feel like I'd have to be in love with someone else to really consciously go I wanted a child, and more than like a projection aspect, it's a legacy and curiosity aspect for me, by virtue of having and raising the child with someone else it implies I loved this person enough to have a child with them and furthermore my relationship to my child will impact both of our lives permanently, but also curiosity as a person with my genetics bound to inherit my and my spouses traits exist and it'd be a bit of a mystery of what they'd want to be, in all honesty I hope that they don't choose the same path as me and have individuality and uniqueness personally. I look at it somewhat from an scientific perspective too because I'd be curious if any traits skip generations and stuff, but I never had a desire to vicariously live through my children. The only questionable thing I really have is that I kinda hope my child has neurodivergent traits in all honesty because it really impacted my perspective in childhood, I think if they didn't have them some of the things in my parenting might not be as effective because I feel like growing up the reason why I had some of the issues I did were because I was atypical from a normal child in some ways, so my corrections might be a hindrance to a neurotypical child in contrast.
I think a key reason why some parents get so touchy about sexuality and gender is from a feeling of entitlement to kids. I think it might be biological to a degree of "keeping the family alive or whatever" but I hear stories all the time of people essentially pressuring their children into "purity" until a certain age then suddenly back peddling to "make grandchildren" which is not only incredibly ironic but in my opinion very controlling. When a child comes out as gay or transgender and they themselves aren't not only does it break that narcissistic reflection of themselves as their child makes decisions they themselves wouldn't have made, but then also that whole entitlement to having grandchildren and stuff comes into play too and they get extra defensive. I'd argue that a homophobic family with only a gay child would be more invested and distraught by their sexuality versus a homophobic family with multiple kids since they can easily just excommunicate them and move and manipulate the other children.
A theory I have why these single mothers are so invested in their sons and loathe their daughters is because rather than seeing their sons as individuals they may see them as clones of their fathers, possibly capable of filling that void they lacked, or maybe because they themselves lacked father figures themselves and their sons can fill that weird role of both. I strongly believe that some people try to have their romantic partners fill that weird father figure role as well, so it wouldn't surprise me if people tried to have their sons fill that significant other role as well.
For the reason the daughters are despised i'd argue it's rooted in projection too but rather of themselves. I"d say that many of these women probably hate themselves to an extent and project that on their daughters, whether that be from having multiple kids, to being abandoned by the father, they probably hate themselves somewhat do to feeling like they allowed these men to take advantage of them or deprived them of a potentially better life. Many single moms struggle financially because they have to work while supporting multiple kids often in underfunded communities with little opportunity, they might say those negative things about their daughters because that's how they feel about themselves and they ultimately believe their daughters won't be much different.
I assume this dynamic can be reversed too where the women hate their sons for reminding them of their neglectful partner, I wouldn't be surprised if many single mom's felt a strange feeling of love and hate for their children who remind them of people of controversy in their life, they loved them enough to have their child but in that same vein they hate them because of that love and how they were let down. People assume hate is the opposite of love but i'd argue it's apathy, if these women just didn't care they'd be apathetic but on the contrast they are passionate about the dislike because deep down they still have internal conflict.
In the opposite side of this reverse dynamic presumably they display favoritism towards their daughter because they not only remind them of themselves but feel as though they can vicariously save themselves by offering their child the opportunities they didn't have, and direct them away from the choices they deemed as mistakes in their lives.
I think that it's natural for parents to try to alleviate the mistakes in their upbringing with their children naturally for themselves and their children and some are easier to address (like sexual abuse, physical abuse, and substance abuse) but in trying to alleviate certain issues they can over correct leading to strain and a separate type of damage.
For example a parent could be from an upbringing where as a child their parents were unnecessarily strict leading to resentment as they cracked under the pressure, eventually cutting off their parents. Eventually they have their own children and their excessively lax, having no discipline allowing them to get away with anything, but this gives their child a lack of feeling of support leading to them to resent their parents for being distant.
Then the child decides to over correct from their parents at that leads to another authoritative parent and the cycle continues, the tragic aspect of this dynamic is that it's born of love, and yet even though it seeks to help the next generation it actually increases their burden.
I think that's an important reason to know your family history in general and to not project on your kids too heavily, I don't thinks it's wrong to see your own traits in your children, you likely raised them in accordance to your values (and personality wise they likely inherited traits from you which may be genetic), but you need to be able to see them as the individuals they are and be willing to parent them in the way they need support rather than you did in your childhood.
Ironically I think Homelander and Ryan in the Boys is the best example, Homelander keeps projecting himself on Ryan expecting him to need the same type of support he did when Ryan is mentally more well off then him, in contrast Homelander isn't willing to support Ryan in the way he (and Ironically Homelander himself) needs to be supported because he sees it as being the opposite of what he needed. Due to the scientists experimenting on him and abusing him by manipulating his sense of empathy Homelander neglects his human emotions and seeks to divorce himself from them, the ultimate evil the scientists did was turn his own need for love from a family into an exploitable weakness, a need everyone has. On the contrast, while Becca made her mistakes with Ryan (completely isolating him from his peers, he probably has bad social skills) he actually has had a mother figure in his life leading him to have a better mental state, but even more importantly he actually wants to have Homelander as a father figure for him, he wants to have him present in his life. However, Homelander still doesn't see it and he essentially tries to monopolize all his time and turn him into another version of him when actuality what Ryan needs is to likely be in a school of some sort, getting educated, building social connections, and actually having a secret identity so he can live a normal life. Homelander was made as a product and that's why he can never separate himself from Vought because being "The Homelander" is his identity, Homelander never had a real connection with someone that wasn't trying to manipulate him and that's why he's so broken, while Ryan Ironically recognizes this and seeks to have genuine connections whether that be with his father Homelander, Butcher, and likely more people if he was given the opportunity to socialize with people his age, but due to Homelanders partially unresolved trauma he still can't let Ryan go enough to let him develop his own identity and friends. Even when Ryan was getting a costume, while Homelander and Soldier boy have different identities, Homelander wants Ryan to essentially be a miniature version of himself which throws even Ryan off somewhat. He can't stop seeing Ryan as him and furthermore, he can't see how he's damaging Ryan, even if Homelander casts off his humanity he still won't be happy because like it or not his humanity is what gives him joy and sadness, love and hate, without it he's hollow and apathetic, and Ryan is really the first character he can exercise his humanity with and develop a positive relationship with because he can relate to him and he isn't trying to manipulate him.
Even further on this Metaphor Soldier Boy is an even greater example because what they both needed in each other's times of need was each other. Ironically while both of them were being experimented on in the 80's they needed each other, Homelander needed soldier boy to care for him, to be an example, to relate to him with no fear, and to discpline him and he lacked that and became the broken man we see in the series while contrastingly, Soldier Boy was shamed by his father and actively wanted to raise a child to prove his father wrong and not be a disappointment but that opportunity was stolen to him. We see the development Soldier Boy had from the experiments but I firmly believe that if Soldier Boy raised Homelander he might actually be the hero the world needed him to be, rather than the broken corporate shell of a man who was raised to be flawed by the humanity that should've been embraced.
Homelander's family line is really one of the most notable examples of family trauma in media that really come up as we can see from Soldier Boy's father and Onward how the issues go further and further back.
This actually made me get a bit self reflective, but really I think this should be a warning not to disregard our children's individuality regardless of how much they resemble you, we often project are own childhood issues onto our children when we raise them and we need to be aware of that and resolve and come to terms with them before we pass those issues onto them, and in the Boys, even when Homelander wasn't raised by his biological dad the issues came up in fact, even worse because they deliberately induced them within him using child psychologists.
In actuality while our parents can often be the ones who can relate to us with specific issues their projection and over correction of their childhood can birth new issues, furthermore in an obvious and more blunt manner we shouldn't feel entitled to our offspring reproducing nor feel as though we have control over their sexual choices (unless they're actively hurting people like EDP, Doc Disrespect, or the subway guy, but even then it's less about control more about keeping people safe).
Also I plan to update this later, believe it or not I haven't finished the video either, so there's a high probability this is subject to change but I'd like to apologize if I offended anyone, I didn't mean to be rude in any way but I may have spoken about some issues that may be controversial and this is intended to offend anyone (except over controlling parents, not really meant to offend but more if they feel called out I ain't finna apologize).
I'd also love to read other people's opinion on the things I've spoken about as well, i'm down for criticism too, if you read this to the end I'd like to thank you because this is very long I just got in a writing mood, but in particular I'd like to hear your thoughts @dimdim269
I didn't link any articles but I did reference some things in pop culture.
Also this isn't just directed to the original poster i'd like to hear other people's opinions not just the OG comment creator but i'd also like to apologize for the IMMENSE SIZE OF THIS COMMENT, but I might be shadow banned anyway so you might not see this to begin with since apparently TH-cam does that now.
I wrote a lot so this had to be broken into two comments
Omg I have a son and this woman argued me DOWN bc I said I would never refer to myself as a boy mom because they are strange asf and then she asked me if I wanted a daughter next and I said I didn’t want anymore kids but IF I did I would totally pray hard for a daughter and she got even more MAD! Like huh?!?
she literally proved your point in real time that these women are weird as fuck that's crazy... the lack of self awareness
getting upset about the hypothetical gender of someone else’s kids is absolute madness
@@rottenisee2751 I was so confused! Mind you this happened at work🤦🏾♀️
My cousin had a very traumatic birth that almost took her life. Her husband and her decided to stop trying for kids after her beloved daughter. But her mother who was a boy mom told her while she was literally too weak to get off the bed and still recovering from birth that next time she gets better, she should try for a boy to balance things out. And her and her husband looked at her in anger and disbelief…like….wow
Boy moms are the gender swapped version of the episode of American Dad where Stan and Steve join an abstinence/purity group wherein all the dads are dating their daughters
Exactly what I was thinking. Those weird daddy-daughter ceremonies where (pre-)teen girls vow to their dad to stay a virgin until they marry.. it's weeeeeirdd
@@Rhaifha yes! And there are some dads that think they own their daughter's bodies, which is beyond disgusting
@mcoteish Can confirm. That's how I was raised.
I was an only child and my mom was a boy mom. 100% not the worst sterotype of a boy mom by far but she was heavily invested in the idea of my 'maleness' to a degree that always made me uncomfortable. Lots and lots of comments growing up about how raising boys is better, being glad to have a boy/only wanting a boy, how I was going to be a heart breaker, teasing that any girl I was friendly with I had a crush on and lots and lots of comments about my sexuality and manlieness which were strange to me because I was a child and a very femenine one at that. When I was a teenager there were even more off comments about my sexuality. Lots of 'you're not allowed to date until you're 30' type of jokes. Comments about how girls would be all over me and I need to be careful. There was also the classic of her refering to every girl I was dating or interested in as a slut/whore. There was also the lack of privacy and independence as though she had a right to have access to every faccet of my life weather I wanted it or not, even well into adulthood. There was just a lot of investment into this idea that I would grow up to be a strong smart sexy and desireable man which left me with a sense of failure and depression as I failed to live up to what was imagined for me even more so when, with the most possible irony, I turned out to be a trans woman.
Wow... I am very glad at least some kids of boy moms are aware this is effed up
I've seen this "boy mom" attitude play out in real life, and the incredibly damaging repercussions it can produce in adults.
(CW: mentions of SA, physical abuse)
My ex was extremely abusive (S*xually, emotionally, and physically) as well as a pathological liar. He would lie about innocuous pointless things constantly, but also bigger things, like inventing a traumatic past; a history with self harm, an abusive ex girlfriend, and a supposed physically abusive dad. I believed him, of course, because I loved him. I felt massive guilt and pressure to get him away from this situation, so he moved in with me and my mum as a teenager - to get him away from his toxic home life. When we went to visit his family, the lies started to peel away, I learned more and more about his life, and that nothing added up. When I asked some (innocent, but damming in retrospect) questions to his mum, she - unprompted - asked if he had ever "done something to hurt me". I thought this meant she must know something, and she wanted to help. Without me saying anything, she then proceeded to tell me that "he tells little porkie pies sometimes". Then told me verbatim that, sure, she likes her daughter, but its nothing compared to the unending love for her son, he was "My beautiful, perfect little angel. He will never do wrong in my eyes" - and It showed. They way she communicated between them was completely different. She then finally, subtly threatened me, insisting that no one would believe me if I ever spoke up, because he's perfect, and it must be some kind of mistake, and he would never try to hurt anyone. So she did know, and she just didn't care.
After many years of hindsight, I've started to piece together the many, many, signs of something insidious about her relationship to her son. I think some of his trauma was real, but I think he changed the characters to cope. His entire understanding of consent was broken from the start, and these kind of obsessive parent/child relationships are unhealthy at best, and extremely damaging at worst.
So I said a few days ago, seeing a Kardashian on TV "ugh. I can't stand their faces anymore. 20 years has been long enough. Please go the hell away" and my 13 yo niece said what?. I said "I'm tired of the Kardashians" and she asked "what's a Kardashian" and I finally knew their time of reigning social media is almost up. ❤ I've never been so happy over childhood ignorance over pop culture because to be goddam honest, the last recent generations do nothing but hold on to the carcass that is our collective childhood memories. Although I am also a nostalgic xennial myself, I'm definitely ready and looking forward to the days where nobody knows nor cares wtf a Kardashian says.
the only reason my 12 yr old sister knows of them is bc of taylor swift 💀
@@Me-vn3gzCan't wait for Taylor Swift to go away as well.
I'm pretty sure my 12 Yr old sister and her friends all still know who the kardashians and jenners are
I almost clicked off because KK was right there. Ugh. Perhaps there will be a day when someone doesn’t know who they are. Other than your niece.
Gen z here, i also dont know who the kardashians are. I only know them by name, and because of videos that mention them briefly (like this one). But maybe thats just bc i dont care about celebrities
I'm rewatching Cobra Kai right now and Mrs Larusso says "Karate moms freak me out." Think about it, Soccer Mom, Stage Mom, Dance Mom, Teen Mom, there is no subtitle on Mom that is ever positive. No specificity is encouraged, because nothing should to p just being a mom. The running theme is that most of them use their mom status as an excuse to act out personal axes they have to grind, rather than being dedicated to their kids well being. That's my theory.
That's interesting to me, because women are often encouraged to make their children their whole personality, but you're right, the women who do are also disparaged for doing so. In pretty much any variety
@@Rhaifha interesting observation!
As someone who grew up doing competitive sports, I can tell you that when the dads were involved they would be just as bad as the [insert activity here] moms, often living their failed dreams of high achievement in the sport vicariously through their kids. The only difference is that we don't make fun of dads for that.
It pretty much that women's identity is tied to their relationships to others. I know in my relationship with my in-laws as soon as I had my kids I disappeared in their eyes. I was nothing other than a mother and I was expected to act that way. I was called selfish for wanting to go out without the kids, I was expected to sacrifice my identity for the kids.
That's why the whole concepts of dance mum, boy mum etc exist. Mothers are expected to be nothing BUT mothers and why Dads don't have the same issues because they are acknowledged as still being something other than a parent.
the human doll thing hits hard, i swear some people have kids because they actually want a little purse dog
When I was pregnant with my daughter I heard more than once “oh yeah girls steal your beauty” like what the heck?!? How are you calling me ugly to my face while also somehow insulting my unborn daughter?!?! Now I’m a mom of both a daughter and a son… the thing that stands out about my pregnancy with my son was at EVERY ultrasound the tech (usually a different person each time) would literally point out my sons private area… never once did this happen with my daughter . These weird biases are everywhere everyday
boy moms are so insane to me because the moms just can’t let their boys live. like you have a husband, you do not need to be nurturing your jealousy over your son’s first girlfriend
They can’t control their husband but they can control their son. If her husband treated her right and gave her all the attention she needs she wouldn’t have suffocated her son (still wrong though).
I wonder if the fathers are just not even engaged either or if these women are just good at hiding what they are doing.
@@user-rx7uh9mg4fwhy she needs to control her husband? Controlling someone is wrong regardless of the circumstances. Also the lady in this video has a good relationship with her husband she still claim her self as boy mom. I know women who are in a healthy relationship and are boy mom. It's seems like you are trying to blame everything on the husband
Correction TOXIC boy moms are insane lol 😆 because I'm a boy mom just by default because I happen to have 2 sons. We don't do that weird overly affection crap that I seen online. Where moms act like their son's are husbands. That is sick! 🤢 There's moms like me who want independent sons who value women and be a productive member of society. We want real men! These toxic moms are creating mamas boys or son husbands smh
@user-rx7uh9mg4f "give her all the attention she needs"
😂🤣😂🤣
That's silly. People like that never get enough attention. It's not on those around her to mend her inner thoughts. It's her own Responsibility.
All you've done is try to make her problem a man's doing.
Booooo
We don't do that, either. We do Personal Responsibility.
In Mexico we say that they become toxic mothers-in-law when they're older. And in here those women always say "Children of my daughters, my grandchildren. Children of my sons, I don't know" to put down the wife/girlfriend of their son. The worst part is that men always prefer to listen to them, even if they always hummiliate their partner. (Sorry for my bad English tho)
@ville__ omg you're in the comments sections of all my fav youtubers. we should get gay married
yes! it’s so messed up!
Here in romania we do the same. The man's mother will be called "The big mother in law" and is characterized as being toxic and hates the wife his boy married for some reason. And the man since he is a mamma's boy will listen to any bullshit his mom will say
@ville__why are you ignoring @WinningSidekick proposal :( Are you not getting gay married?? :(((((((
@@zesty6781They're a spammer, I think. They copy other people's comments, and keep repeating the same comment. They only say something original when it's to rage-bait.
As a currently pregnant anarchist, navigating pregnancy forums and subreddits is absolutely soul crushing. The amount of pregnant people bemoaning their "gender disappointment" when they find out the gender of their own child is heartbreaking, and the enabling echo chamber that ensues of "your feelings are perfectly valid! it's okay to mourn the child you imagined!" is positively disgusting. I'm so grateful for this video as it feels like a lifesaver in a sea of misogyny and child hatred; I'm particularly grateful for the last section where you discuss the rights of children. Thank you very much for this.
Not to hijack the conversation here, but shit gets even more yikes if those kids of their's end up being trans. Speaking from experience as a trans guy, both my parents seemed never quite able to come to terms with me assigned female at birth, never quite able to come to terms with me categorically failing to be a girl in the way that's expected of women, and now not yet (and perhaps never) coming to terms with me being a man. Though a cis male son is probably what they wanted, instead of accepting they got there the long way even, to them, I've died three times.
Look! An anarchist in the wild! It's good to see more of my folks navigating through this hellscape of a society we've created for ourselves.
@@DarkArt888 no kidding. I've always thought, "what if the kid is trans?" After being treated in such way, I would understand not being comfortable being a dude. It also doesn't help that your mother would practically shun you from being her child because she doesn't have a son. I always thought your parents should love you unconditionally, but after the rise of boy moms, I've realized that hoping for a son was far deeper than "I hope I have a son"
@SomeRandoDum honestly, though I love my parents (and there is a lot to love about them when I don't need them to actually be my parents) but what they actually wanted was social validation they've "succeeded" as adults, not children. My cis older brother was also extremely inconvenient for them being a living person and all, just less than I was.
I wonder if these boy moms are using their sons as a substitute for male attention because they are not otherwise getting it from their husbands or partners. It gives them an outlet to dote and be doted on by a man who they can also influence into becoming their ideal partner without much pushback like their grown husband would
This plays a huge part in it. Emotional inc*st is extremely common. She covers some of this around 25:00
This has always been my thoughts on it. Desperate, lonely, weirdos projecting their need for male attention on their sons.
The open display of this sub culture is especially disturbing to me because I come from a country with a history of female foeticide and infanticide because parents here want boy children and dislike having the ‘burden’ of having girl children so much
India?
@@LaraCookie5 Female infanticide is practiced in many countries, sadly.
i used to think i was a "pick me" because i truly didnt feel like other girls even tho i never put girls down for liking things i didnt - turns out i was just nonbinary the whole time
i think genuine pick-me-ism is a classic human reaction to the danger of misogyny, thinking that if u offer up someone else to the sacrificial pyre u will be safe. it sucks that so many ppl get hurt in the process of ppl figuring out that things dont work that way
Not being a girl at all is definitely one of the less acknowledged outcomes/reasons of the ‘I’m different’ stage. Another is that being neurodivergent and particularly being ostracized or bullied about it will make those girls absolutely certain they are not like other girls because they have been loudly and forcibly excluded from girlhood.
@@ellishale2523 i did also turn out to have been neurodivergent the whole time (diagnosed in adulthood) and it absolutely led to a lot of bullying and exclusion from social understandings of girlhood ur very correct
@@akisutahatter3245 sad high five (genderqueer and autistic here)
Bless this thread.
@@akisutahatter3245 me too! (im a trans man and autistic)
i never felt like i fit in to being a girl like all my peers
"Girl moms treat their daughters like baby dolls"
This kinda hit tbh, after elementary school i always felt a shift in my moms behavior. Growing up she always described missing when i was a baby, as I was "just like a little doll for her to dress up". Of course she didnt mean to be malicious, but it very much is the "girl mom" experience without the terminology.
I think something that might be lost in the conversation is that once you gain more of a sense of personhood, including identity, nuance, flaws, self expression, etc. you are no longer given that same adoration.
The other day my mom sent me a picture from my senior prom last year, she sent it with the message "I've been staring at this picture and couldn't believe it. You look just like a doll." (This is months after I was outted as trans)
I didn't know why, but it frustrated me, even though it was a compliment. I could only think "I'm not a doll, I'm a person. I'm an individual person."
I think this video articulated why, so thanks
Hello, I had a girl mom as well. Me and her had so many fights with each other because of this as I was exploring my styles and basically my identity during my puberty, I may have gone too far sometimes but finally understood what was wrong, that I am me her child not her try-on/display doll. You have every right to feel like this, honestly I didn’t think much of your mom sending a photo of you in a dress and voicing her sentiment and love for how “doll like” you were until you said you are trans. I am not trans however I know that would make anyone feel like shit, I know your mom was trying to be nice but I think parents in general should stop associating their interests, biases and identity on their children. You are not bringing a child in this world who is going to like everything you like and be anything you imagined them to be. They are just going to be them and you need to be ok with that.
By the way not saying your mom is a bad parent, I am sure she is lovely.
As a man, I can confirm that I stole all the beauty from both of my parents at birth.
while the phrase "boy mom" is new. the idea is not. there are countless stories of moms putting their boys on a pedestal and they can't do anything wrong but the daughters are nitpicked and can't do anything correct. the daughters get the front of the emotional and controlling abuse.
there are obviously moms who are the opposite where the sons get the emotional abuse and the daughters can do whatever. but to me this seems more rare.
and what I think it more rare is a mom or dad that treat their sons and daughters the same.
so it is deeply concerning there are people who are openly a "boy mom" when they also have daughters.
they are essentially openly saying "I am a horrible parent" but bragging about it. ....
ESPECIALLY in poc households ( we latinos can relate )
It's not rare, you're just a typical narc
My mom is evil but one thing I will give her credit for is that she always made sure to treat each of us equally because she knew what it was like to be treated poorly bc of her gender. And then she went conservative and started acting like her poor treatment at the hands of her parents was never due to sexism 😑😑😑Like, I’m a feminist now bc I grew up hearing about this, there’s no way you’re changing your own memories like this, mom.
As someone who is currently pregnant with my first child, I find this pretty disturbing. I think it's normal to want to share things and bond with your kids, but if you're putting yourself and your desires first that's not ok. If my child grows up to be a good person, I'll consider that I've succeeded. If they're also happy and healthy and able to have fulfilling relationships with people who are not just me, I won't have anything else to wish for.
Also pregnant, and the only thing I can feel for my soon to be son is deep responsibility to give him safety, agency and joy, and a tiny bit of terror that I'll screw up totally despite my best intentions 😂 best of luck 🎉
As someone who has seen three generations of Boy Moms (my grandmother, my mother and my older sister) it’s wild to hear them complain about how they were treated vs their brothers and then continue the cycle
I was my mother’s “best friend”. And it’s taken years of therapy to undo that damage
Defigning pick-me-ism as a phase in adolescence makes so much sense to me! I experienced it right at the time I was old enough to sense that somehow society demands so much of my female self and body while seeing the male as superior. However I did not understand yet that what I experienced was misogyny and sexsism. And I was not strong enough to embrace my feminity the way I want to and stand up against misogyny yet. I actually am kind of proud of myself for fighting against the female stereotype which I truly didn't fit in at the time. But I also hurt for my past self that I did so by devalueing feminity and pretty much all girls my age. But how could I have known better?
I don't think I was ever a true pick-me like TikTok defines it, but I remember such IMMENSE pressure to be accepted by boys by any means necessary. If the guys didn't like you, no matter the reason, you weren't cool. I watch videos posted of "pick-me girls" making fun of them and feel empathy, not cringe. I was in my mid-twenties before I could acknowledge that I actually really like pink and look damn good in it!
I was raised In the opposite way-to hate any girls who hung out with boys or were one of the guys. It made me a different kind of pick me that I’m still unpacking.
Good grief, Frued would of had a field day with these folks. Hell, they prove him right. And saying that as a psych major brings me immeasurable pain.
As a transmasc, the part about AFAB children being raised as "dolls" really resonated with me. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my dad always made the observation that my mom treated me like her little doll. It was something that bothered both my dad and myself. Once, my mom said that she lives vicariously through me, right in front of me. And yes, that was the wording she used. She was speaking especially in reference to my clothing, but I wouldn't be surprised if this extended to other parts of life as well.
I started struggling with an eating disorder when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I'm doing better now for the most part, and I'm at a healthy weight, but for years, I was noticeably thin. My mom expressed concern over my weight and eating habits, but also overtly treated my thinness as ideal. She wanted me to eat more and take care of my body, but she also expressed excitement at the fact that her own "daughter" was the first person in generations to end up so thin. When she mentioned that she lives vicariously through me, she specifically said that I can wear clothes that she can't, because I was thin, and she's much larger than me. I think that her negative image of her own weight was a big contributor to my eating disorder, and I don't think she ever realized that. She's happy that I've gained a healthy amount of weight now, but that weight gain was only able to happen after I moved out.
On a somewhat related note, I sometimes wonder if my mom envies how openly queer I am. She always loved the pride flags I had in my room, and was disappointed when I took some of them down (e.g. I took down my pansexual flag once I realized my attraction isn't genderblind). She has also said things every now and then that have made me wonder if she is closeted, or has feelings about her own identity that she's too afraid to explore as a woman with a husband and kids. Things like "I was bisexual once, but I grew out of it" or "sometimes I wonder if things would be better if I had married a woman."
I think that a lot of mothers have issues that they just haven't worked through, and they end up projecting those things onto their kids, or they end up living vicariously through their kids because they're too afraid to take those steps themselves.
I just realize, what will happen if the boy in a boy mom’s life turns out gay? Will they be homophobic with incestuous undertones or be supportive with misogynistic undertones ????
Where i come from, a country that insects arabic and african culture, boy moms are the norm. Moms are obsessed with their boys and their boys can do no wrong. Growing up i realised it can be partly due to not loving their husbands (whether its an arranged marriage or marrying young and falling quickly out of love with their husbands) and them diverting all of that emotion into their boys, the man they molded who is "perfect in everyway for me, if he just wasn't my son"
It's very common with Latino cultures too.
As a Spanish person i get it, but I also feel bad for those women, most of them had no choice at all, not in control of their own life, I see it as escapism, I feel for them. They are just a byproduct of their surroundings
@PossibleBat you're right, it sucks that this is their coping machinism. However, in my culture a lot of that turns to enabling their sons very shitty and toxic behavior, while also hating/mistreating their daughters. The video of the lady that says "sometimes i let them beat their sisters" immediately took me back to how some women in my country
@@Claire_Loves_Music I was going to comment this as well
Bless you for showing a stock shot of a woman in her '70s and calling it "middle age." I don't even care that it's not accurate; I'm just happy there's some small corner of the internet that isn't making another "turning 30 equals death" insinuation. 💗
Off-topic a bit, but I remember seeing a video with a dad and his daughter where the caption simply read something like "teaching my daughter how to grill, so that she can grill"
And among the cesspool of 'boy-mom'/'girl-dad' videos, this one was just wholesome
I’m Palestinian and I wasn’t expecting for Palestine to be brought up. You brought me to tears talking about the children there. Thank you
I can’t believe Kim actually said that 😮💨 and the whole myth abt being pregnant with a girl taking your beauty is so stupid and people really say it like it’s a fact 🙄
The babies in dresses era wasn't that long ago either. I have a picture of my great-grandfather as a baby in a white frilly pinafore.
It is just easier to dress and take care of babies in a floating garment. With the invention of cheap diapers and cheaper clothing, pants were put on kids earlier.
"You're not raising a therapy session." This!
I wonder if perhaps the idea these moms share of "owning" their children are tied to the idea of a women's worth being their ability to bear children. The reason they believe they "own" these kids and can do whatever they please to them is because they were taught that's the only thing they will ever be worth in the eyes of society. Even for fathers, the idea their kids are sentient beings with feelings and opinions of their own baffles them because that's not what they were taught. They were taught that kids are essentially moldable dolls they keep forever and ever, because a women is only useful for kids. It scares them that kids have opinions, feelings, thoughts etc because kids have been so dehumanized that they no longer see them as humans but as again, dolls.
This made me remember that every time my mom is out with my brother she always make it extra clear to every stranger they talk to that he’s her son
👀
It’s like your mothers only “achievement” in life is birthing a son. She has more value than that.
i cant believe a Shanspeare video is how i learned Kim K has 4 kids
My mother is somehow a frustrated boy mom who only ever had girls. The internalized misogyny is out of this world. 😐
Luckily our dad is just a dad. 😆
i may not be a girl anymore, but i'll always be the eldest daughter of a boy mom. god's strongest soldier
Fr
I think how "girl dad" has evolved is actually kind of interesting? I have...thoughts about Kobe Bryant, but he was using it in a context of "excelling at sports isn't a masculine thing that only boys can do, having all daughters doesn't mean they can't be as good as or better than me in sports," which isn't about dating or reinforcing traditional femininity (as I feel like it sort of become on social media) but more challenging the idea that sports and athletic excellence are coded as male.
I have known men that used it with STEM and STEAM too.
the color grading is giving me dopamine
Thank you for bringing up children's rights. Parental agendas are a problem, full stop.
I wanted to add is that, here in India, women "spoiling" their sons and being overly permissive is often a bid for future security and control, since their adult son will be a breadwinner and have the social respect and influence she herself never will. Often men will treat their mothers with contempt despite this, because misogyny spares nobody. Now that more women are financially independent, adult daughters often support their parents - but they aren't lauded, praised or even acknowledged like adult men are, and it's surreal.
On rare instances there are girl moms in India who pampered their daughters to the point that they literally have no life skills or sense of independence without the mom when they become adults
My mom frequently told people, right infront of me, that it was so much easier raising boys than girls. Which is bull because I was a pretty quiet/chill kids and she'll admit that when pressed. She was a boomer boy mom.
I grew up with a mommy blogger as a mother and she used my brother's disability as an excuse for not teaching him boundaries. She also likes to sexualize his behaviour and post it for her Facebook followers to see.
i know it’s pretty extreme considering the topic “tiktok boy mom 😭🎀”, but lately i’ve been thinking a lot about the quote that marguerite duras makes about her mother’s relationship with her eldest son, in her book l’amant: “she asked for him to be buried with her. i don’t know where, in which cemetery, i just know it’s in the loire. both in the same grave. just the two of them. it’s as it should be. an image of intolerable splendor.”
My late grandmother loved to tell everyone how when I was born everyone was disappointed I wasn't born a male. I doubted it until my little brother was born a few years later. He was everyone's favorite (especially my mom's). It definitely affected me negatively and I was forced to grow up quickly. Favoring the male child, even when they are grownup, is very common with Latino families.
Latinos and their "little boys" I swear.
It's really sad how these women treat their children like emotional support animals to the detriment and neglect of their other kids.
Family vlogs always freaked me out as a kid while my friends loved it. I think i was just ahead of my time😔
I got into an argument and eventually banned someone from my twitch stream about this, and now I feel validated. Thanks. They even said they treat their daughters just as well despite using the term boy mom to describe themselves. But she was still giving me mega red flag vibes because she refused to recognize their was any pattern of misogyny in the "boy mom" community.
When my mum was pregnant with me, she had a moment of disappointment when she found out I was a girl because she wanted to have a son. It didn’t impact her treatment of me, and she and I are probably the closest people in the family. She had a gender preference, but she never let it change how she treated me because ultimately it doesn’t matter
Then when I was 14 I came out as trans so she got to have a son anyway
This is the best ending.
I remember that trend from a few months ago, where people were projecting the same misogonystic stereotypes to female cats. Not even other species are safe 🙄
No! What were they doing?
My deeply cynical take is human societies often end up along 'might makes right' lines, so that's why children's personhood will be the very last frontier of human rights, because the average 5 year old just can't beat up the average 40 year old. This doesn't make it ethical for parents to view their kids as inhuman property that they own, just kinda makes it inevitable.
YES! exactly, it has never made sense to me how you can’t hit another adult without it being considered assault, even if they are physically bigger than you or whatever, but you can hit a child, who cannot defend themselves against you
we as a society don’t treat children as humans
I hate that this rings so true.
@@rottenisee2751😢 unfortunately
One issue with children's rights as a movement is that it's hard to stand up for a child's right to be heard, to be respected, to be treated like an intelligent being. Because how do you defend that in court? It falls into the territory of culture and opinion and social pressure. There's a reason 5 year olds can't vote for president and nobody is going to champion that fight. But how does one champion the nebulous fight for a child's right to freedom of expression? The people fighting against that right are the people who have the most power in the child's life- their parents and teachers. All we can fight for today is custody- who gets to make a child's decisions for them.
literally after you mentioned stereotypes of black people and showed the watermelon picture i got an ad for watermelon deodorant… wtf youtube
How does a watermelon deodorant work
@@turkeyhamanddeath it smells like watermelon probably
The part about the parent viewing the child as an extension of themselves really resonated with me. I’m a trans guy and when I came out to my parents, my mom took it very poorly (my dad too but that’s another story). Mostly my mom was disappointed because in her own words “she raised me to have the life she didn’t have when she was younger.” And looking back, her reaction was really unsurprising. My mom expressed the same grievances when I decided to pursue history and liberal arts instead of STEM like she did when she was younger. In the end, I think having a child for her was partly a way to fulfill her personal dreams. She wanted to live vicariously through me in a way and that led her to see me as an extension of herself.
Anyways, that was a great and very insightful video!
My best friend is the daughter of a "boy mom"-- of that personality-type and flavor of favoritism. I heard her complain about it all the time growing up. Now as an adult, what do you think has happened? My friend and her sister resent their mother and want nothing to do with her, and their brother finds their mother over-bearing and annoying. He and his wife (whom apparently mommy-dearest is very hostile towards) moved juuuust far enough out of the city that impulse visits (which were common pre-marriage) aren't possible.
Point is, all that weird favoritism just got her terrible relationships with all of her children-- the "favorite one" actively trying to even get away from her.
Very interesting video essay. Great explanation of internalized sexism! Also recently learned about sibling abuse, specifically sibling rape. Often the mistreatment of girls to favor boys can lead to gendered violence and rape. Actually scarily common!!! And often never caught or punished. Sibling abuse is theorized to be 5x more common then parent-child incest. (Hattery and Smith : social dynamics of family violence
I actually witnessed a toxic "boy mum", I'll call her 'Tulip'. Tulip let her son (4, but he was big for his age) do any and everything to her daughter (7, normal height, very slender) who would get in trouble if she wasn't "protecting" him 25/8. Tulip hit both of them but it was by far and away the daughter who had it worse, she couldn't do right for doing wrong. One day she was hit in front of me, a wicked smack to the face which caught her eye too and I left without even finishing Tulip's hair, I just walked out and went home. On the way, Tulip's mother in law called me acting all oblivious and making excuses. She said 'No, she only slapped her arm' (a classic excuse, she couldn't see from the kitchen anyway, she only heard the scream and came out to see what happened). Apparently Tulip bought her a bunch of toys so 'All is forgiven' as the mother in law put it. Tulip's friend and her two were there, that friend was the one who comforted Tulip's daughter, not her grandmother. I don't know what the daughter was doing with her pent up anger but she couldn't do anything to Tulip, her brother or grandmother...or her dad who treats her mum like crap. He had another girlfriend and kid swiftly after he and Tulip broke up because he was in prison. He's the handsy type of creep too.
My mom had a friend in the 70s who always said she only wanted “a wiener baby” because they were inherently better. She would never say “boy”, only “wiener baby”. Disturbing as all hell.
Anyone who has ever said "I love my kid, but..." is not a cool person.
“Pursued by bear” comment is funny considering the conversation about man vs bear on tiktok rn
Loved thos video. Has anyone ever heard that some people even say that raiseing boys is "easier" thsn raising girls. It seems to be because theh dont police their boys' behavior or how people treat them
Exactly. They just dont care about their boy not being able to do chores or being mean to other kids because "boys will be boys". Of course raising a child without teaching them any responsibilities will be easier
The irony is that, despite being the daughter of a boy mom, I really sympathize with them. When I was pregnant, I desperately wanted a son; not because I hate women, but because I know that social femininity is a skill that I was never able to learn. I'm tasked with raising a child that's perceived feminine, but has no parental examples of femininity and I worried that she would be at a disadvantage for it. (I realize how silly that is now, but it made my life hell when I was younger.) I think that if she had been born male, I might have been so relieved that I would have believed any insane rhetoric to justify why I felt that way.