@@stephenfisher3721 That is correct. And yes, they really do pick up Hebrew much faster than American Olim. Probably because they're not constantly surrounded by fellow Filipinos.
@@stephenfisher3721yes, true. Many years ago when my now 31 year old niece was in preschool she had a caregiver and her parents (jokingly) said that her Philipinit was Irish. 😁
This tracks with some of the best Hebrew language learning video on TH-cam being done by Philippino's. (Really admire their commitment in making these.)
Only American Olim are distinguished in the hilariously pathetic manner satirized in this bit. The USA: Greatest (Dumbest and most unilingual) ountry on Earth! Note than French, Canadian, Belgian, Swiss, German etc. Olim generally know or quickly learn Hebrew very quickly, far more than Americans. No surprise. Here is a quizz: Name more than ONE 20th or 21st Century US President who can speak a second language! (depressing answer: only George W. Bush, who has a barely passing street-level knowledge of Spanish, which he calls, "Mexican"!)
Well... I am Israeli, and let me tell you? It's the same for me, but with English 😅 I know how to speak, but the accent is so strong nobody understands😂
omg, this is sooooo good.!!!😂😂😂 But as an Israeli, Let me help sort things out a bit. wool- ztemer-צמר linen- pishtan- פישתן fins- snapirim- סנפירים scales- kaskasim- קשקשים It's not like you're ever gonna use these words, and you might actually know how to say 'flight' first. and yet...😁
I didn't get the point of this gig, are you really complaining or is it just another way to go down on jews or Judaism? You learned at a Yeshiva and look what came out of you a 'Goy'. I'm sure that if you wanted to learn Hebrew you could.
@@sharonalevy4512He's a comedian, and he's poking fun. That's what comedians do and have always done. They help us laugh at ourselves. BTW, one says 'get down' on something; 'go down' is completely different, which, I'm sure would embarrass you to know.
@@sharonalevy4512 Hebrew is NOT לשון הקדוש. It was created to convince Zionists to leave their own religion. It sounds the same, but give the grammar that turns Shabbos into ShabbaT?
I studied Arabic at DLI in Monterey and was at the top of my class. People learning Chinese were chatting with each other like natives - but all I knew how to talk about was military hardware and troop movements. Not all language lessons are created equal.
allygee9123: I always answer ‘k’tzat’ when I’m asked. Moved to Canada at the age of 3 (in 1953).....and only continued speaking ‘kitchen Hebrew’ until now.
This is just what I needed this morning. He is so funny because it's true. I should be way better with my Hebrew then I am. I took it in college as part of my Judaism minor. I still can't speak it with the exception of few words. My professor was Israeli and I felt so ashamed at my laziness. I came from a small town in the Midwest of the United States so I didn't have a lot of exposure with the exception of going to temple. I feel more committed to learning it now that I'm in my late fifties because we want to live in Israel. Thank you for the laughs.
@@AK-ky3ouyes, Palestinians have to get a permit if they want to go certain places like Tel Aviv, and other cities. The ones who generally get excepted the ones with American passports. It’s the same for Israelis if they want to go to Palestinian part. Depends on idf some will turn you away.
Not so ridiculous considering that once Hamas was able to break through, they tortured and killed killed hundreds of people, including babies and elderly people. Knowing that is their goal for decades, it ruins it for all the peaceful Palestinians. Hamas has been wrecking the peace process for decades (especially recently) and no surrounding countries even want to accept Palestinian refugees because they don't want to inherit the Hamas problem. So, it remains Israel's problem and for safety against Hamas, they have to impose restrictions. Very sad!
@@chatisawasteoftimehow exactly are you supposed to learn the Toyre without understanding Hebrew? The translation is not even the real deal.. I’ve been learning Hebrew for quite a long time already, and it hasn’t been easy.. would it have maybe killed Him to write it in Yiddish?😂 Would’ve been so much easier
I was born Jewish but not raised as one, didn’t start studying my faith or learning Hebrew until my 30s, I can recite the prayers without any problems with the throat clearings on the right letters, but just speaking modern Hebrew I speak like a stuck cow with a horrendous accent! Took 15 years to learn and recite the prayers correctly but learning to recite it conversationally? Maybe by the time I’m dead!
This was hilarious! I am not Israeli nor do I know any hebrew at all, so I really appreciate whoever put the subtitles in with the translation of the hebrew words!
Okay, as a non Jewish German I can totally understand after Hebrew lessons how I embarass myself in Israel during holidays. Me trying order in Hebrew, answer "We are also speaking English!" 🙂 I am not alone
sometimes , it not the level of Hebrew that gets the locals speaking English , it's your accent !!- 30 years after emigrating to Israel , I still have my British accent , even though sabras usually mistake it for an American accent , then off they go with their " Tik Tok English "
Consider yourself lucky, as a non German in Germany it was more like "uh... Menu? English spice... Karte?" "um... Nein..." "okay, danke, I guess I'll Google Lens the whole thing then." I guess the larger the country and the language base the less need for people to learn English, especially in rural areas. I got through with Duolingo and hand gestures with some. Those who spoke English thought that everybody else there did. It was a fun trip there though, don't get me wrong. The nerd in me enjoyed the challenge, when there was one.
You really should do a bit about how Israelis fly on El Al. It's as if they're actually being transported in their home ..not in a public airline full of people. The flight attendants food service area is their kitchen. They shuffle out of their seat in stocking feet, hair jacked up coffee cup in hand. No need to disturb the attendant. One looking for a minyan, the other stretching his calves while waiting to get his cup, or doing a couple pushups..
What a Canadian Psychologist Knows about Israel that Israelis Do Not Jordan Peterson, a Canadian media personality, clinical psychologist, author, and professor emeritus at the University of Toronto, describes himself as a “classic British liberal.” The media often describes him as conservative. Be that as it may, his words to a 3,000 strong audience at the International Convention Center in Jerusalem should not fall on deaf Israeli ears because when he says emphatically, “You have a tremendous moral responsibility,” and “Show the world what the holy city could look like - because we need it,” we should understand that he speaks for billions and the onus really is on us. A couple of weeks ago, at an event hosted by The Daily Wire in Jerusalem, Peterson said, “Everyone looks here to see how you are doing under this tremendous assault of adversarial criticism - as this little tiny people in the middle of no-man’s land - as a cardinal model of the nation state and the city on the hill. You have a tremendous moral responsibility like you have perhaps had for your entire history for reasons that are very difficult to understand.” The problem is that what non-Jews feel about Israel and Israelis, we refuse to admit because while they can simply express how they feel, we have to respond to those emotions. It is a heavy burden to be responsible for the world’s problems. It is perfectly understandable that we refuse to admit it and strive to either deny it or assimilate among the nations. But the nations will clearly not allow us to do either. We have been decrying our fate for centuries; we have written books about it, and we even titled one of them Israel, the Ever-dying People. However, when it comes to doing what we must, to making ourselves “a shining light on a hill,” as Peterson put it, we turn our backs on our mission and blame each other for the hatred turned against us. The obligation we avoid is our obligation to each other, to unite “as one man with one heart” and become the “cardinal model” that Peterson and the rest of the world want to see. They do not need our high-tech industry or our sophisticated weapons. They need our unique, authentic moral system, the one that was established on the basis of love of others. Only if we establish our society in Israel based on this value, we will win the world’s approval. The world is aching for it. Some of the people will ask this from us nicely, the way Peterson articulated it. Others will demand it through violence. Either way, we will know no peace or peace of mind until we provide the world the example of unity and solidarity that we must.
And to do that you need the Life that is the light of man. Only with this can you for God’s sake face death all day long like sheep to the slaughter but still overcome the world. We the watching world don’t need morality. We need the very Life of God making us partakers of the Divine Nature. Like the comedian said - we don’t need laws and rules we need to communicate. We need goodness beating in hearts of flesh by the spirit of God and no longer just carved on tablets of stone. There is no getting around Jesus and how He has made it possible for us to be partakers of the Divine Nature. But it means nothing if we just leave that deposit of His Spirit in the bank and don’t take up our cross and also be the suffering servant. The law is the shadow of these things. He is the reality. And so we fill up what is remaining in the sufferings of Christ. He showed us how like a city on a hill lit up for the world to see. He showed us how to be the ever dying people, ever dying but ever resurrecting into newness of life. Fruitful in suffering like Joseph. This is what we the world are begging for - ever suffering and dying men and women falling like seeds but rising and bearing the fruit of the Spirit of God.
He doesn’t belong to me. God doesn’t belong to anyone. He’s not yours or mine. You don’t get to keep Him for yourself. You were meant to be a light to the Gentiles not say “you do you and we’ll do us.” This is why He looked and there was no one and so His own arm had to come for the Gentiles. He became the suffering servant in Christ because His chosen people wouldn’t. And we the Gentiles don’t get to say that it is just for us. We are chosen to be a light. Not chosen to watch the other half suffer not knowing God. Morality is not knowing God. The light of morality is too dim to help anyone. That’s why so many people feel something is inherently missing in Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson’s message. It’s utilitarian but it lacks heart and soul.@@mitar6206
@@mercychesed4104 do me a big favor believe what you want about Jesus. He was no more than a human. The mighty God is much more than one human. Though every human has god within.
Most Jews speak Hebrew. About 8 million Jews live in Israel, which is more than half of the Jews in the world. Most French Jews grow up speaking Hebrew. Most Orthodox and Conservative Jews in America, as well as in most countries, are also educated in Hebrew and read the Bible in the original language. And even Elon Musk... sorry... Elon Gold gives the impression that he actually speaks Hebrew better than he tries to make fun of it
Around 46% of all Jews on earth speak Hebrew. About 30% as a first language. So, in a few decades, a majority of Jews in the world will know Hebrew, to varying degrees.
@@ForeverRepublic I'm counting every person who is half Jewish like Scarlet Johannson, 1/4 Jewish like myself since my dad is half-Jewish, and every crypto-Jewish person, on top of everyone who is born to two Jewish parents. With all those criteria factored in, the real world Jewish population is 80-100 million.
@LordMalice6d9 Ah. The threshold the government uses is 1 Jewish grandparent, which makes you eligible for citizenship. Halachaly, and I'm sure you're aware, your Jewish if your mother is, or if you convert. Beyond that criteria, I wouldn't consider someone Jewish. Jewish identity is more cultural, and while there is an obvious ancestral and genetic component, someone having distant Jewish ancestry doesn't necessarily make them Jewish.
Part of the problem is that the average level of English in Israel is pretty high, especially in the main cities; they watch lots of American and British programming. I found that even at a time when my Hebrew was functional as soon as they'd hear my (not even so strong) American accent they'd go right to English. The people in my ulpan who came from, let's say, Romania, learned much more quickly because Israelis were forced to stay in Hebrew.
I (Israeli) stay in the language the other person uses for just that reason, among others. But when people struggle a bit it's hard not to say "Are you sure you don't want to switch to English?" However, as someone with great English and greater worries about people treating my every stutter as a sign that I don't, I completely understand you from that different PoV. Every once in a while someone in am English speaking country will slow down their speech and use simpler English with me. Part of the reason why I won't do it to you. And yeah... I know olim who don't speak Hebrew well for that precise reason. I think I found the reason people here are often helpful yet in other things they'll be aggressive. I think they're helpful when they can show off. So they'll speak English to show off their/our "speaksing English very goodly". Or help you navigate because they feel they'll get a cookie from the teacher. But if you need help changing lanes in high traffic, may God help you.
@@ef2718 Yes, if they read hebrew as well. But in many cases, understanding the actual laws requires knowledge of the oral law. Jewish law in the The Bible, which is the old testament, was written concisely, accompanied by the oral law given to Moses, and passed down generation to generation. For instance, "an eye for an eye" is not literal, but refers to financial compensation. That is why the oral law, is vital for truly understanding the intention of the laws as written.
@@ef2718to be more clear, anyone who can read and understand hebrew would be able to read and understand most of the bible including many of the laws. However, for many laws the literal translation would not give you the actual practice of the law. One would need to reference the oral law to get the full picture. Because the literal translation may be the meaning of the words, but not the intent the of the law.
Every language has different registers. Being a native English speaker doesn't guarantee you'll understand 18th century English poetry, but you don't stand much of a chance getting it if you're not fluent in English at all.
On my first trip to Israel many years ago, I had to go to to the bathroom. I could not find anyone who spoke English. Someone pointed and said sherutim. At that time, I only knew sherutim to mean the shared taxis. Why was he sending me to the shared taxis?
It's the same word which pretty much or even for sure pronounced the same - but it has more than one meaning . In the case of that word it can mean both "Services" and both "bathroom" - As for instance the English word "season" can be meant to seasons of the year and seasons of television series (btw this specific word "season" has these same 2 meanings in Hebrew too 😊) .
Rabbis don't demand Jews speak Hebrew, unless they are called up to the bimah; but they do demand potential Jews-by-Choice learn to read and speak Hebrew before they can become a Jew!
On the flip side, I get a kick whenever I see signs here in Israel that must have cost thousands of shekels, but no one actually bothered to pass the English text by someone who actually knows English.
Before the Talmud Torah on Wednesday afternoons, I had attended our JCC's kindergarten, where we had a Haredi teacher from Basel, and she had taught us many words in Hebrew. Many years later in a Kibbutz's Ulpan, these words could still somehow bubble up from the depth of quasi-atavistic memories!
Great sketch! But i think the Irishman there speaks more irish than the person Gold is playing speaks Hebrew. 😂 (I'm a Hebrew-speaking fan of Foil Arms and Hog.)
A clearer transcription for English speakers would be: "Tsemer". "Zemer" with the sound of ז would be "a chant" or "singing". linen is: "פשתן" - "Pishtán"
Fun fact. Modern Hebrew, as spoken in Israel, is based on classical Hebrew. And thus, it lacks modern words. Mostly notable in technical things but also political, and almost all new things. What they use in such moments, is often polish words, even with a decent polish pronounciation... I do speak polish, so I have heard it very often... If they use an international word, its typically not english pronounciation but polish.
Funny stuff as always from you, the other Elon! 😛 😍 Actually, many restaurants in Tel Aviv are not kosher. Our 'hiloni' brothers are rebelling against the rules, the money they Have to pay the Haredi population and the Kosher keepers etc. In Jerusalem, you don't have to ask.
Of course, not kosher comes in graduations, to some cooking EXACTLY like Jews have been doing for centuries without some sort of rabbinical supervision is the same as serving pork, camel and cheese burgers.
OK, seventeen years of yeshiva didn't get me conversational Hebrew, either. Twenty-seven years of living in Israel, and marrying an Israeli girl (am I allowed to say girl, or do I have to say woman?) sort of did. (As my Israeli kids snicker at my accent and grammar...) If you're ever in Jerusalem, look me up and I'll do what I can to help you communicate with the locals.
30+ years living in Israel , and a tourist one day in Tel-Aviv, with a Berlitz guide , can speak better Hebrew than me !! . Americai , ken ?!!! ( lo , ANGLIA !! )( followed by a whole bunch of mis-pronounced ( English) words learnt on MTV or Tik-Tok . Next time Elon Gold is in Israel , ( or Isreal as the Americans pronounce it ) , we gotta meet up !!
The emphasis is on Grammer, not speaking the language. Sure it would be useful to actually communicate, so that's what ulpan is for. And if I needed to say something, I would use a dictionary or translate. This is so funny! Toda! Ze matzchik!
Yes, scutes are not scales, and a telson is not a fin, yet the best bait if you're fishing for Israelis is a Prawn. We'd "get shrump" at every opportunity!
Because this is what is used for an osmotic pressure bath to make meats kosher, that aims at drawing out all the blood from them. Blood from any Tetrapod is the most unkosher substance known to man! For this procedure to be approximately safe, it requires both refrigeration and a sufficient salt concentration to inhibit the development of potentially pathogenic microorganisms. Salmonella and Campylobacter, however, do not care much, and it is still advisable to handle raw and frozen, kosher chicken, as bio-hazard material!
Very funny, i get the jokes but we do know what finn and scales are, our english however...not good, took me a while to realize what ox is haha. I want to go to one of your shows one day in tel aviv if i get the chance.
I read Jewish joke compilation books instead of counting sheep at night. The jokes in those books are so long winded and with the weirdest attempts at punch lines that I either get won over and laugh at how bad they are or I enter a psychedelic realm and fall asleep within the hour. It's a win win. I highly recommend Jewish joke books.
Some French nephews of mine took Hebrew to the Baccalauréat final High School exam. My Israeli daughters say that their otherwise very bright elder cousin cannot string a whole sentence together, and that they communicate in English, which is awkward. Her kid brother, who studies in Eastern Europe in English, speaks fluent Hebrew because the Israeli-Arab Med students at his university think he should and are making sure he can!
Funny but you can actually get a Lobster, Mussels and a good BLT sandwich in practically every restaurant in Tel Aviv (obviously, none of whom are Kosher). A sheep is Kivsa in Hebrew but in this case you mean mutton which is Bsar Keves (or simply Keves) in Hebrew. Anyway, as basically all Israelis know English, most are fluent, you can simply speak English.
The reason most don’t speak Hebrew is because they are usually or European or Arabic descent. Hebrew was reintroduced when Israel was created in 1948 (coincidentally also when hundreds of thousands of Palestinians had a diaspora.)
This is just continuing to provide here some further proof that its somehow that Jewish comedians will always be the best of this trade - it is a proven reality.
Didn’t go to yeshiva but went to Hebrew school my entire childhood and just learned the alphabet over and over again so I can read it. If you put Hebrew in front of me I can read it just fine I just have no clue what it means 😂
In modern Hebrew kaskeset is dandruff, while scales are kaskasim. But in the Book of Leviticus it does say kaskeset. It’s pretty funny how the language changes.
@@iiofin אל תדאג, גם לאנגלית יש כאלה... בחיבור של הידוע והסתמי "אל-כהל" (אל זה היידוע בערבית) הפך ל"אלכוהול"... ותפוז, בספרדית: una naranja, ובאנגלית an orange (במקום a norange...)
@@iiofin עוד גזירות לאחור: גרוטאה (צ"ל גרוטה, מן גרוטאות) ערכאה (מן ערכאות, ריבוי של arche היוונית) עיירה (מן עיירות, במקור ריבוי של עיר) כפה (אצל בע"ח, מן כפות)
Come to Israel! Submerge yourself in Hebrew- Live here, listen to people, read street signs, hear the news and everything else Hebrew around you. You will the acquire the language pretty quickly. And your kids will probably get it even faster than you. There is no other good way… Besides, we need you here!
My native language is Hebrew and I am a polyglot. I have learned German and Russian to fluency. But I would never learn Hebrew if it was not my native language. It is completely useless. Learning a language is a long process that takes many years of dedicated study, listening, reading and translating. Most people are not built for it. And it's okay.
Him: Fins and scales! I don't know the Hebrew words for them! Me, a native Israeli: Haha, of course, they're... Wait Him: Even native Hebrew speakers don't! (tbf, it just takes a little thought because it's not something we'd recite, so I'd need to pull out my mental dictionary)
Ok you are funny. But you are not telling the story correctly. Hebrew school only teaches students to read and speak the prayers.NOT CONVERSATIONAL EVERY DAY HEBREW! You know I am right
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Olim who have lived in Israel for 30 years can't speak Hebrew but their Philippine care givers can speak it fluently after five years.
New York Times reports "Filipina" has become synonymous in Hebrew with “metapelet” - "caregiver"
@@stephenfisher3721 That is correct. And yes, they really do pick up Hebrew much faster than American Olim. Probably because they're not constantly surrounded by fellow Filipinos.
@@stephenfisher3721yes, true. Many years ago when my now 31 year old niece was in preschool she had a caregiver and her parents (jokingly) said that her Philipinit was Irish. 😁
This tracks with some of the best Hebrew language learning video on TH-cam being done by Philippino's. (Really admire their commitment in making these.)
Only American Olim are distinguished in the hilariously pathetic manner satirized in this bit. The USA: Greatest (Dumbest and most unilingual) ountry on Earth! Note than French, Canadian, Belgian, Swiss, German etc. Olim generally know or quickly learn Hebrew very quickly, far more than Americans. No surprise. Here is a quizz: Name more than ONE 20th or 21st Century US President who can speak a second language! (depressing answer: only George W. Bush, who has a barely passing street-level knowledge of Spanish, which he calls, "Mexican"!)
I'm not even Jewish and this is hilarious...,
As a non-Jew who speaks Hebrew, I agree!
Well... I am Israeli, and let me tell you?
It's the same for me, but with English 😅
I know how to speak, but the accent is so strong nobody understands😂
omg, this is sooooo good.!!!😂😂😂
But as an Israeli, Let me help sort things out a bit.
wool- ztemer-צמר
linen- pishtan- פישתן
fins- snapirim- סנפירים
scales- kaskasim- קשקשים
It's not like you're ever gonna use these words, and you might actually know how to say 'flight' first. and yet...😁
עכשיו אני מרגישה רע שאני יודעת את המילים באנגלית, אבל לא זכרתי איך אומרים חצי מהם בעברית
I didn't get the point of this gig, are you really complaining or is it just another way to go down on jews or Judaism? You learned at a Yeshiva and look what came out of you a 'Goy'. I'm sure that if you wanted to learn Hebrew you could.
@@sharonalevy4512He's a comedian, and he's poking fun. That's what comedians do and have always done. They help us laugh at ourselves.
BTW, one says 'get down' on something; 'go down' is completely different, which, I'm sure would embarrass you to know.
Oy
@@sharonalevy4512 Hebrew is NOT לשון הקדוש. It was created to convince Zionists to leave their own religion. It sounds the same, but give the grammar that turns Shabbos into ShabbaT?
An American stand-up without sexualising anything! A miracle!
Nes Gadol haya sham!
Those 15 years of yeshiva do pay off!
כן, זה נס
Listen to his other stuff. It sexualizes everything.
That's because he's a KOSHER stand-up comedian. 😅
My Japanese friends from Hawaii went to Japan knowing no Japanese. They looked the part but the confusion was spectacular when they used English.
I studied Arabic at DLI in Monterey and was at the top of my class. People learning Chinese were chatting with each other like natives - but all I knew how to talk about was military hardware and troop movements. Not all language lessons are created equal.
To all comedians thank you for bringing us humor through the most unhumorous time in the history of Our Lives thank you so much😊
I feel personally attacked by this relatable content 😂
Oh my gosh when he said "Atah Midaber Ivrit?" "K'tzat" I legit choked on my coffee 🤣
I legit said it to someone just this past weekend in a sukkah.
Funny. You do know that the true translation of the word ktzat means “not at all but I hope to, sometimes in the foreseeable future “
allygee9123: I always answer ‘k’tzat’ when I’m asked. Moved to Canada at the age of 3 (in 1953).....and only continued speaking ‘kitchen Hebrew’ until now.
This is just what I needed this morning. He is so funny because it's true. I should be way better with my Hebrew then I am. I took it in college as part of my Judaism minor. I still can't speak it with the exception of few words. My professor was Israeli and I felt so ashamed at my laziness. I came from a small town in the Midwest of the United States so I didn't have a lot of exposure with the exception of going to temple. I feel more committed to learning it now that I'm in my late fifties because we want to live in Israel. Thank you for the laughs.
Bro i am not jewish but i love jewish humor and this is fucking hilarious😀
This is so true! I am better at reading Hebrew then speaking it fluently😂
I can’t read it without the vowels.
@orithfrankel2151 💖
Im a Palestinian and i find this hilarious and true😂😂
And if he comes here, i'd get a permit to go watch him.
You’d get a permit to watch him? Interesting
@@AK-ky3ouyes, Palestinians have to get a permit if they want to go certain places like Tel Aviv, and other cities. The ones who generally get excepted the ones with American passports. It’s the same for Israelis if they want to go to Palestinian part. Depends on idf some will turn you away.
Yes, I’m aware, I was unobtrusively pointing out how ridiculous it is.
@@AK-ky3ou oh ok. Got it.
Not so ridiculous considering that once Hamas was able to break through, they tortured and killed killed hundreds of people, including babies and elderly people. Knowing that is their goal for decades, it ruins it for all the peaceful Palestinians. Hamas has been wrecking the peace process for decades (especially recently) and no surrounding countries even want to accept Palestinian refugees because they don't want to inherit the Hamas problem. So, it remains Israel's problem and for safety against Hamas, they have to impose restrictions. Very sad!
Yes the yeshivot must teach the Hebrew language , it also helps a lot on all the Hebrew subjects
Why must they teach Hebrew? Yeshivos are for Torah learning.
@@chatisawasteoftimehow exactly are you supposed to learn the Toyre without understanding Hebrew? The translation is not even the real deal.. I’ve been learning Hebrew for quite a long time already, and it hasn’t been easy.. would it have maybe killed Him to write it in Yiddish?😂 Would’ve been so much easier
Wow Elon, as an Israeli, you cracked me up man!! Every word of yours is true, MERICAN JEWS GOT TO GET ONTO THE HEBREW achi... it goes without saying.
אני אמרוקי ואני מדבר עברית! עם ישראל חי! ניצחון על כל איביינו!
No, _he_ goes without saying.
I was born Jewish but not raised as one, didn’t start studying my faith or learning Hebrew until my 30s, I can recite the prayers without any problems with the throat clearings on the right letters, but just speaking modern Hebrew I speak like a stuck cow with a horrendous accent! Took 15 years to learn and recite the prayers correctly but learning to recite it conversationally? Maybe by the time I’m dead!
This was hilarious! I am not Israeli nor do I know any hebrew at all, so I really appreciate whoever put the subtitles in with the translation of the hebrew words!
HILARIOUS. And true. So so good.
Okay, as a non Jewish German I can totally understand after Hebrew lessons how I embarass myself in Israel during holidays. Me trying order in Hebrew, answer "We are also speaking English!" 🙂 I am not alone
sometimes , it not the level of Hebrew that gets the locals speaking English , it's your accent !!- 30 years after emigrating to Israel , I still have my British accent , even though sabras usually mistake it for an American accent , then off they go with their " Tik Tok English "
This was hystericalThanks
I really laughed a lot.
Its a terrible language to learn dont beat urself up😅
@@ypanso try RUssian....
Consider yourself lucky, as a non German in Germany it was more like "uh... Menu? English spice... Karte?" "um... Nein..." "okay, danke, I guess I'll Google Lens the whole thing then."
I guess the larger the country and the language base the less need for people to learn English, especially in rural areas. I got through with Duolingo and hand gestures with some. Those who spoke English thought that everybody else there did.
It was a fun trip there though, don't get me wrong. The nerd in me enjoyed the challenge, when there was one.
You really should do a bit about how Israelis fly on El Al. It's as if they're actually being transported in their home ..not in a public airline full of people. The flight attendants food service area is their kitchen. They shuffle out of their seat in stocking feet, hair jacked up coffee cup in hand. No need to disturb the attendant. One looking for a minyan, the other stretching his calves while waiting to get his cup, or doing a couple pushups..
Try flying a Arab airline like royal morocco and you’ll love elal
Oh my G-d, yes!!!!
I felt identified with it so much, I couldn't stop laughing and worrying at the same time.
Worrying lol definitely a fellow Jew :)
Elon is GOLD!
תצוגה נפלאה וכה מצחיקה! כאמריקאי שלא מדבר עברית שוטפת כל עיקר, אני מתמודד באותם האתגרים שעליהם דיברת. אך בחיוך אפשר להתגבר על הכל. תודה רבה!
But you wrote all this!
In perfect high language
@@XmanSullyGoogle Translate…
Well said!
That looked fluent!
Google Translate? 😊
What a Canadian Psychologist Knows about Israel that Israelis Do Not
Jordan Peterson, a Canadian media personality, clinical psychologist, author, and professor emeritus at the University of Toronto, describes himself as a “classic British liberal.” The media often describes him as conservative. Be that as it may, his words to a 3,000 strong audience at the International Convention Center in Jerusalem should not fall on deaf Israeli ears because when he says emphatically, “You have a tremendous moral responsibility,” and “Show the world what the holy city could look like - because we need it,” we should understand that he speaks for billions and the onus really is on us.
A couple of weeks ago, at an event hosted by The Daily Wire in Jerusalem, Peterson said, “Everyone looks here to see how you are doing under this tremendous assault of adversarial criticism - as this little tiny people in the middle of no-man’s land - as a cardinal model of the nation state and the city on the hill. You have a tremendous moral responsibility like you have perhaps had for your entire history for reasons that are very difficult to understand.”
The problem is that what non-Jews feel about Israel and Israelis, we refuse to admit because while they can simply express how they feel, we have to respond to those emotions. It is a heavy burden to be responsible for the world’s problems. It is perfectly understandable that we refuse to admit it and strive to either deny it or assimilate among the nations. But the nations will clearly not allow us to do either.
We have been decrying our fate for centuries; we have written books about it, and we even titled one of them Israel, the Ever-dying People. However, when it comes to doing what we must, to making ourselves “a shining light on a hill,” as Peterson put it, we turn our backs on our mission and blame each other for the hatred turned against us.
The obligation we avoid is our obligation to each other, to unite “as one man with one heart” and become the “cardinal model” that Peterson and the rest of the world want to see. They do not need our high-tech industry or our sophisticated weapons. They need our unique, authentic moral system, the one that was established on the basis of love of others. Only if we establish our society in Israel based on this value, we will win the world’s approval.
The world is aching for it. Some of the people will ask this from us nicely, the way Peterson articulated it. Others will demand it through violence. Either way, we will know no peace or peace of mind until we provide the world the example of unity and solidarity that we must.
So basically what Rabbi אורי שרקי has been saying for ages.
And to do that you need the Life that is the light of man. Only with this can you for God’s sake face death all day long like sheep to the slaughter but still overcome the world. We the watching world don’t need morality. We need the very Life of God making us partakers of the Divine Nature. Like the comedian said - we don’t need laws and rules we need to communicate. We need goodness beating in hearts of flesh by the spirit of God and no longer just carved on tablets of stone. There is no getting around Jesus and how He has made it possible for us to be partakers of the Divine Nature. But it means nothing if we just leave that deposit of His Spirit in the bank and don’t take up our cross and also be the suffering servant. The law is the shadow of these things. He is the reality. And so we fill up what is remaining in the sufferings of Christ. He showed us how like a city on a hill lit up for the world to see. He showed us how to be the ever dying people, ever dying but ever resurrecting into newness of life. Fruitful in suffering like Joseph. This is what we the world are begging for - ever suffering and dying men and women falling like seeds but rising and bearing the fruit of the Spirit of God.
@@mercychesed4104oh really. Keep your Jesus and we the jews keep our faith.
He doesn’t belong to me. God doesn’t belong to anyone. He’s not yours or mine. You don’t get to keep Him for yourself. You were meant to be a light to the Gentiles not say “you do you and we’ll do us.” This is why He looked and there was no one and so His own arm had to come for the Gentiles. He became the suffering servant in Christ because His chosen people wouldn’t. And we the Gentiles don’t get to say that it is just for us. We are chosen to be a light. Not chosen to watch the other half suffer not knowing God. Morality is not knowing God. The light of morality is too dim to help anyone. That’s why so many people feel something is inherently missing in Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson’s message. It’s utilitarian but it lacks heart and soul.@@mitar6206
@@mercychesed4104 do me a big favor believe what you want about Jesus. He was no more than a human.
The mighty God is much more than one human. Though every human has god within.
Most Jews speak Hebrew. About 8 million Jews live in Israel, which is more than half of the Jews in the world. Most French Jews grow up speaking Hebrew. Most Orthodox and Conservative Jews in America, as well as in most countries, are also educated in Hebrew and read the Bible in the original language. And even Elon Musk... sorry... Elon Gold gives the impression that he actually speaks Hebrew better than he tries to make fun of it
Around 46% of all Jews on earth speak Hebrew. About 30% as a first language. So, in a few decades, a majority of Jews in the world will know Hebrew, to varying degrees.
There about 100 million Jewish people in the world.
@@LordMalice6d9 I wish lol, there's only 16 million of us
@@ForeverRepublic I'm counting every person who is half Jewish like Scarlet Johannson, 1/4 Jewish like myself since my dad is half-Jewish, and every crypto-Jewish person, on top of everyone who is born to two Jewish parents. With all those criteria factored in, the real world Jewish population is 80-100 million.
@LordMalice6d9 Ah. The threshold the government uses is 1 Jewish grandparent, which makes you eligible for citizenship.
Halachaly, and I'm sure you're aware, your Jewish if your mother is, or if you convert.
Beyond that criteria, I wouldn't consider someone Jewish. Jewish identity is more cultural, and while there is an obvious ancestral and genetic component, someone having distant Jewish ancestry doesn't necessarily make them Jewish.
Part of the problem is that the average level of English in Israel is pretty high, especially in the main cities; they watch lots of American and British programming. I found that even at a time when my Hebrew was functional as soon as they'd hear my (not even so strong) American accent they'd go right to English. The people in my ulpan who came from, let's say, Romania, learned much more quickly because Israelis were forced to stay in Hebrew.
Most Israelis I know and went to school with have really bad English skills, especially in conversations, and that accent makes my ears bleed
I (Israeli) stay in the language the other person uses for just that reason, among others. But when people struggle a bit it's hard not to say "Are you sure you don't want to switch to English?"
However, as someone with great English and greater worries about people treating my every stutter as a sign that I don't, I completely understand you from that different PoV.
Every once in a while someone in am English speaking country will slow down their speech and use simpler English with me. Part of the reason why I won't do it to you.
And yeah... I know olim who don't speak Hebrew well for that precise reason.
I think I found the reason people here are often helpful yet in other things they'll be aggressive. I think they're helpful when they can show off.
So they'll speak English to show off their/our "speaksing English very goodly". Or help you navigate because they feel they'll get a cookie from the teacher.
But if you need help changing lanes in high traffic, may God help you.
Thanks Aila. You are more considerate in this regard than most of the Israelis I'd encountered. @@ailaG
You're referring to American Jews... then again ignorance with languages is more a problem with that Americans part more than the Jewish part. ;)
Although based on Biblical Hebrew, modern Hebrew is not exactly the same language. And the Boy's schools study in Aramaic as well.
You make it sound like Hebrew speakers of today can not fluently read the Bible, which is utterly false.
@@ef2718 Yes, if they read hebrew as well. But in many cases, understanding the actual laws requires knowledge of the oral law.
Jewish law in the The Bible, which is the old testament, was written concisely, accompanied by the oral law given to Moses, and passed down generation to generation. For instance, "an eye for an eye" is not literal, but refers to financial compensation. That is why the oral law, is vital for truly understanding the intention of the laws as written.
@@teamleader837 That is not what your opening comment implied.
@@ef2718to be more clear, anyone who can read and understand hebrew would be able to read and understand most of the bible including many of the laws. However, for many laws the literal translation would not give you the actual practice of the law. One would need to reference the oral law to get the full picture.
Because the literal translation may be the meaning of the words, but not the intent the of the law.
Every language has different registers. Being a native English speaker doesn't guarantee you'll understand 18th century English poetry, but you don't stand much of a chance getting it if you're not fluent in English at all.
On my first trip to Israel many years ago, I had to go to to the bathroom. I could not find anyone who spoke English. Someone pointed and said sherutim. At that time, I only knew sherutim to mean the shared taxis. Why was he sending me to the shared taxis?
Shirotim means bathroom
Sherotim means services
we call share taxis - Monit Sherut
@@hamtzitz9705It's the exact same word: "sherutim", which literally means "services". That's how we call the bathroom. It's polite.
It's the same word which pretty much or even for sure pronounced the same - but it has more than one meaning .
In the case of that word it can mean both "Services" and both "bathroom" -
As for instance the English word "season" can be meant to seasons of the year and seasons of television series (btw this specific word "season" has these same 2 meanings in Hebrew too 😊) .
@@danielshalev50Don't forget that season also means to spice ones food!
Rabbis don't demand Jews speak Hebrew, unless they are called up to the bimah; but they do demand potential Jews-by-Choice learn to read and speak Hebrew before they can become a Jew!
Around 46% of the world's Jewish population speaks Hebrew either fluently or as a second language. We're doing well.
Perhaps he wonders why Italians dont speak Latin?... except in Church.
Actually majority of Jews do live in Israels and obviously do speak fluent Hebrew.
...all the irish here doing 12 years of compulsory irish & only remembering "do i have permission to go toilet!"
On the flip side, I get a kick whenever I see signs here in Israel that must have cost thousands of shekels, but no one actually bothered to pass the English text by someone who actually knows English.
Great show!
When I was in Hebrew school, I learned how to read and say all the prayers, but I lost interest because I didn't know what the words meant.
Before the Talmud Torah on Wednesday afternoons, I had attended our JCC's kindergarten, where we had a Haredi teacher from Basel, and she had taught us many words in Hebrew. Many years later in a Kibbutz's Ulpan, these words could still somehow bubble up from the depth of quasi-atavistic memories!
I’m literally dying in the floor laughing.
Literally?
Try "when Irish people can't speak Irish" by Foil arms and hog
Great sketch! But i think the Irishman there speaks more irish than the person Gold is playing speaks Hebrew. 😂
(I'm a Hebrew-speaking fan of Foil Arms and Hog.)
This is hilarious 😂
2:06 so true! 😅
in Israel had Hebrew in a year..no excuse excuse
Brilliant I was crying I was laughing so much I can so relate
And I thought fish needs a carrot and chrein.
I spotted the American! 😜
(Ashkenazi Jews specifically, and they're very common in the US) (they? We? I'm a mix)
If only Israelis would show such humility towards non Jews in Israel.
Religious Judaism and Yeshiva in the US is so different than in Israel.
He is absolutely correct. 😂😂
סנפיר וקשקשת
Snapir and Kaskeset
Those things on the fish.. whats it called in english?
wool is zemer
if it was on the washing machine youd remember😂
A clearer transcription for English speakers would be:
"Tsemer". "Zemer" with the sound of ז would be "a chant" or "singing".
linen is: "פשתן" - "Pishtán"
Fun fact. Modern Hebrew, as spoken in Israel, is based on classical Hebrew. And thus, it lacks modern words. Mostly notable in technical things but also political, and almost all new things. What they use in such moments, is often polish words, even with a decent polish pronounciation... I do speak polish, so I have heard it very often... If they use an international word, its typically not english pronounciation but polish.
Funny stuff as always from you, the other Elon! 😛 😍
Actually, many restaurants in Tel Aviv are not kosher. Our 'hiloni' brothers are rebelling against the rules, the money they Have to pay the Haredi population and the Kosher keepers etc.
In Jerusalem, you don't have to ask.
There was never any difficulty finding a kosher restaurant in Tel Aviv. Some of them are even good!
Of course, not kosher comes in graduations, to some cooking EXACTLY like Jews have been doing for centuries without some sort of rabbinical supervision is the same as serving pork, camel and cheese burgers.
OK, seventeen years of yeshiva didn't get me conversational Hebrew, either. Twenty-seven years of living in Israel, and marrying an Israeli girl (am I allowed to say girl, or do I have to say woman?) sort of did. (As my Israeli kids snicker at my accent and grammar...)
If you're ever in Jerusalem, look me up and I'll do what I can to help you communicate with the locals.
30+ years living in Israel , and a tourist one day in Tel-Aviv, with a Berlitz guide , can speak better Hebrew than me !! .
Americai , ken ?!!! ( lo , ANGLIA !! )( followed by a whole bunch of mis-pronounced ( English) words learnt on MTV or Tik-Tok .
Next time Elon Gold is in Israel , ( or Isreal as the Americans pronounce it ) , we gotta meet up !!
The emphasis is on Grammer, not speaking the language. Sure it would be useful to actually communicate, so that's what ulpan is for. And if I needed to say something, I would use a dictionary or translate. This is so funny! Toda! Ze matzchik!
It's a shame because kids can learn languages so quickly if taught early enough...if they manage two languages in Canada why not here?
American Jews tend to not speak Hebrew. Jews from other parts of the world speak it slightly more often.
I had two year of Hebrew in college trying to conjugate verbs
Here you go Elon; fins and scales is Kaskasim and Snapirim - סנפירים וקשקשים . Every Israeli who goes scubba diving knows that!
Yes, scutes are not scales, and a telson is not a fin, yet the best bait if you're fishing for Israelis is a Prawn. We'd "get shrump" at every opportunity!
וואי איזה גדול 😂
אהבתי מאוד ❤
i want an explanation why coarse salt is called kosher salt
Because this is what is used for an osmotic pressure bath to make meats kosher, that aims at drawing out all the blood from them. Blood from any Tetrapod is the most unkosher substance known to man!
For this procedure to be approximately safe, it requires both refrigeration and a sufficient salt concentration to inhibit the development of potentially pathogenic microorganisms. Salmonella and Campylobacter, however, do not care much, and it is still advisable to handle raw and frozen, kosher chicken, as bio-hazard material!
Thank you for sharing this video!. 🇮🇱🕯️
Never heard of this guy before but a big goyish mazel tov to you, my man- very funny.
Very funny, i get the jokes but we do know what finn and scales are, our english however...not good, took me a while to realize what ox is haha.
I want to go to one of your shows one day in tel aviv if i get the chance.
How is your Yiddish ? And wool and linen it’s for different seasons
I read Jewish joke compilation books instead of counting sheep at night. The jokes in those books are so long winded and with the weirdest attempts at punch lines that I either get won over and laugh at how bad they are or I enter a psychedelic realm and fall asleep within the hour. It's a win win. I highly recommend Jewish joke books.
You'd have a hard time finding a kosher restaurant in Tel-Aviv. Try Jerusalem.
Some French nephews of mine took Hebrew to the Baccalauréat final High School exam. My Israeli daughters say that their otherwise very bright elder cousin cannot string a whole sentence together, and that they communicate in English, which is awkward. Her kid brother, who studies in Eastern Europe in English, speaks fluent Hebrew because the Israeli-Arab Med students at his university think he should and are making sure he can!
Just ask a guy with a kipa wher is a kosher restaurant.
average cup size in this crowd was massive
Funny but you can actually get a Lobster, Mussels and a good BLT sandwich in practically every restaurant in Tel Aviv (obviously, none of whom are Kosher). A sheep is Kivsa in Hebrew but in this case you mean mutton which is Bsar Keves (or simply Keves) in Hebrew. Anyway, as basically all Israelis know English, most are fluent, you can simply speak English.
The reason most don’t speak Hebrew is because they are usually or European or Arabic descent. Hebrew was reintroduced when Israel was created in 1948 (coincidentally also when hundreds of thousands of Palestinians had a diaspora.)
This is just continuing to provide here some further proof that its somehow that Jewish comedians will always be the best of this trade - it is a proven reality.
But your accent in hebtew is not bad.
What is the business of fish with fins and scales? In Tel Aviv most of us eat shrimp and mussels. And more Palestinians know Hebrew than Jews abroad.
Didn’t go to yeshiva but went to Hebrew school my entire childhood and just learned the alphabet over and over again so I can read it. If you put Hebrew in front of me I can read it just fine I just have no clue what it means 😂
Snapir ve'kaskeset....🤣🤣
In modern Hebrew kaskeset is dandruff, while scales are kaskasim. But in the Book of Leviticus it does say kaskeset. It’s pretty funny how the language changes.
@@iiofinWell, the plural of kaskeset is kaskasim, and in modern Hebrew we re-derived the singular as kaskas...
Back formation is weird...
@@adrianblake8876 שפה קשה. או, כמו שהרוסים אומרים, קשה שפה….
@@iiofin אל תדאג, גם לאנגלית יש כאלה...
בחיבור של הידוע והסתמי "אל-כהל" (אל זה היידוע בערבית) הפך ל"אלכוהול"...
ותפוז, בספרדית: una naranja, ובאנגלית an orange (במקום a norange...)
@@iiofin עוד גזירות לאחור:
גרוטאה (צ"ל גרוטה, מן גרוטאות)
ערכאה (מן ערכאות, ריבוי של arche היוונית)
עיירה (מן עיירות, במקור ריבוי של עיר)
כפה (אצל בע"ח, מן כפות)
Perfectly illustrated the typical American in Israel!
Hysterical!!!
No, I've never wondered. Most Muslims too can't speak Arabic.
Why is there an American flag in the auditorium? Two different countries. Americans are not required to support Israel.
Hilarious 😂😂😂
To be fair, Israeli sometimes ask if a restaurnt is kosher, ask for some proof.
Come to Israel! Submerge yourself in Hebrew- Live here, listen to people, read street signs, hear the news and everything else Hebrew around you. You will the acquire the language pretty quickly. And your kids will probably get it even faster than you.
There is no other good way…
Besides, we need you here!
Because they never did modern Hebrew is Yiddish 😂
Brilliant
Hilarious!
SOOO FREAKING FUNNY
(if you know, you know)
I’m not even Jewish and this still not funny.
Ummm, because they aren't Israelis/Hebrews? Same reason most Christians don't
If you did not understand hebrew how did you analyst the Torah.
Very funny and true.
Just ask the waiter for dag im snapir ve kaskas.
Better just ask for the edible parts...
Yeshiva is not the place to learn Hebrew. You need a day school.
We have all been to Israel and looked like baaaaa'mbi in the headlights.
... because it is very difficult (if you also intend to read and write it) and if you don't live in Israel you have no one to speak it with.
If he went to Yeshivah of Flatbush in Brooklyn for 12+ years he would know how to speak Hebrew...עברית בעברית! #yofjbhs #yofes
My native language is Hebrew and I am a polyglot. I have learned German and Russian to fluency. But I would never learn Hebrew if it was not my native language. It is completely useless. Learning a language is a long process that takes many years of dedicated study, listening, reading and translating. Most people are not built for it. And it's okay.
Him: Fins and scales! I don't know the Hebrew words for them!
Me, a native Israeli: Haha, of course, they're... Wait
Him: Even native Hebrew speakers don't!
(tbf, it just takes a little thought because it's not something we'd recite, so I'd need to pull out my mental dictionary)
אני עיפרון (I am a pencil)
Is my favorite catchphrase
I think it reminds me of Klingon......
But they know more Torah than you ! What’s more important?
Ok you are funny. But you are not telling the story correctly. Hebrew school only teaches students to read and speak the prayers.NOT CONVERSATIONAL EVERY DAY HEBREW!
You know I am right