Yes, imagine a mother without it but able to comprehend that. i was adopted myself- but disowned by those who chose me at birth because of the effects of my adhd. Bless this woman! I wish so much, that i could have been able to communicate at least with a parent who TRIED to understand it. I got adopted into a family where both my parents are in the medical field, the only answer to my 'problems' is dam medications. Meanwhile, I'm apparently the most 'intelligent' person in my whole family, yet ive forgotten what i was going to write in this next sentence, and I'm a web writer! literally by profession. Go figure lol
My mother found out I was ADHD at 6 years old and without her education did her best and paid every doctor possible to get me help and success. I made it through college with my bachelor degree 🤣👍
Man. I'm in tears. I was born with ADHD. I am about to turn 22 and this woman, someone whom I don't even know and doesn't know me, was the first person to really understand me and still let me know that I am needed. The only other living being like that is my dog Bailey. Do you know how amazing that feels? I don't care if ppl think I'm smart, I just want to be wanted and needed. Wow. Thank you TedX for doing this.
Hannah Rose I'm right there with you. This talk had an incredibly beautiful message, and I'm so thankful to be given permission to value myself despite whatever my academic shortcomings may have been.
Hannah Rose I'm in the same boat. I'm also 22 and had the same epiphany when I first discovered the 'How to ADHD' TH-cam channel. If you want to find like-minded people and also learn some helpful tricks to handle your ADHD better I can only recommend to go and check the channel out yourself. I finally know that I have a place in this world and so do you. Good luck on your journey.
Hannah Rose I guess I am slow, but YES I know how you feel. For me also, it is the first time in my life that someone described me and understand me. My "deep dive" is How does/did it work. I was blessed to find a career where my "deep dive" was rewarded. At retirement, the only thing left to look at was, ME. At 70 years old, I look back on my life and wish I knew when my family was alive why I am ME.
Right there with you. Diagnosed a few months ago at 32. Done so much research on it but this lady speaks so truthfully and shows a brilliant level of understanding. Stay strong ADHDers
I know! I really resonated with that line myself, as I’m sure all of us here do! I teared up when she said that line too!! The pieces are coming together now ( at 44) that feeling understood and validated, and loving myself for my faults as well as my strengths..I may never know what exceptionally organized actually feels like, but I’m gonna do my best to maintain and find more balance! Such a great talk!!
I hate (and I mean, I absolutely *despise* ) people who cling to the thought, 'We can't alter school as a whole just for a few oddball kids. Everyone else would suffer.' That claim has *no foundation* . In fact, many studies are proving that different school models such as Montessori- the literal *perfect fit* for kids with ADHD -would be a significantly better learning environment than what kids dredge through today. The world is changing, and people with ADHD have such incredible ability to thrive in the future! The problem with that? They're stifled. The 'status quo' doesn't want the 'weirdos' to thrive. I say we toss the status quo into a trash compactor like Captain Phasma and make progress to fix this problem of failed schooling. Because, let's be honest. The kids aren't failing school. It's the other way around.
I'm in tears writing this. Knowing there are people out there with the patience you exhibit gives me hope. I'm 56 and for the first time diving deep into my issues of ADHD. Thank you!
She was so smart about this, and related so well. Especially with relations towards the 'deep diving' aspects of ADHD. And ditto to you sir, I've been researching for many hours! It feels great. Have a great day and good luck!
this ??? is for neone who has the answer feel free reply to me ready? here goes.............. i was adhd diagnosed as a child n given ritalin pure speed n it fukd my life up. the ??? is cant i sue child protetive zervices and or socialworkers/pharmaceutical co.?
@@corey-ow5my sorry nobody ever answered your question, I'll try. My disclaimer; I retired insurance adjuster. I investigated and paid "claims" made against insurance for 30 years. Answer: Not likely Why; #1 time, your no longer a child. In theory, when you turned 18 (or legal age where you live), you may have had an opportunity to complain about your prior treatment. To succeed, you would have to "Prove your claim". That means to show exactly why and how Ritalin caused you more problems than the ADHD. That would also require examination of your cognitive abilities both before and after treatment, would be very difficult to do. Finally, it's possible that CPS as a public agency treating children, there may be immunity from civil suit. I know this isn't what you were looking for. that said, rely upon yourself for there is nobody who cares more about you than you. I am 70 years old, was prescribed Ritalin as a child. I had no diagnosis about my deficiencies until 6 years ago. Life isn't easy but can be rewarding to succeed on some levels. Never give up and never let the people in your past win.
This is how I want people to see me. Not as someone that needs to change. Someone who is creative, intelligent, and free spirited. Yes, I have ADHD, but I'm not inhibited by the way my brain likes to think, and I'm not ashamed of the way I admire the things I find wonderful in the world around me. Nobody should have to feel like a 'defect'.
Im ADHD. I work in R and D. Im by far the most innovative person at my company just based upon the number of improvements in processes and new products that I have produced.
I'm actually crying. This was exactly how I felt all through school. I dropped out of high school at 17, with depression and suicidal thoughts. Due to fierce determination, I've come a long way from that; Got one year left on my Master's Engineering degree, but it's been hell at times. It improved a lot when I got the ADHD diagnosis a few years ago, at 25, but the experience has scarred me for life. The feeling of never being good enough is not something I wish for my kids. Thank you!
My ADHD 17 year-old only kid is dealing with exactly what you mentioned you experienced at 17. I’m looking for therapists to help me learn to help him so he can find the interest and passion to stick around this world and enjoy his journey. I’m praying and letting him know his mom is here for him and truly want him to stay and be happy! Any recommendations are appreciated 🙏🏾
You people who became engineers, WOW! That is a huge accomplishment. I love it (not really) when people tell me how intelligent I am and that I should have/get a college degree. I'm not committed and lack every kind of follow through and I'm in my 50's. Beyond not interested. But I applaud every single ADD person struggling through every single day trying to know our worthiness is not tied to our performance and not tied to our inability to just get things done like everybody else. We learn ways to compensate for our weak areas, and some of us escape corporate America's jail of modular furniture and being chained to a desk 9 hours a day, but I'm not what anyone would call financially successful. I am an amazing, loving, creative, genuine human being, and if you choose to not see that, well, you are entitled to your opinions. I will not fight to change them, I will just politely disagree and go on my merry, dreamy way. Much love to all my fellow ADDers. You are worthy. Never stop trying. Surround yourself with people who love you despite your flaws. If you have a warm heart, you will find create a supportive community. I have.
As a licensed-Ist who specializes in ADHD, I deeply appreciate your metaphor for understanding the ADHD mind. Thank you for spreading the word that ADHD is a Difference and NOT a Disorder. It is only through shifting the societal understanding and treatment of these special minds that we will begin in change the other statistics that frequently get paired with ADHD. We all share in the responsibility to each other to create a world where all minds can thrive in their areas of excellence.
I really need help from a professional handling my ADHD. Could I hire you online? Or could you please point me towards the right professionals? Thanks in advance.
The best way I can explain how the world looks to my ADD brain: I can see the Entirety of Space and Time and see the Tiniest Atom and see the Similarities and Differences between them and Everything in-between. This is my brain. You can see why my groceries get lost.
I've watched a lot of videos on ADHD and this one brought me to tears. I've lived with ADHD my entire life and struggled in many areas. Five years ago I began to follow my passion as a researcher and writer. An area in which I have excelled greatly. I realize now that I can become so hyper focused on something I am passionate about because of my ADHD and before this, I was simply on the wrong path, one that was not right for me. Hearing this message reaffirms what I knew about myself and also reaffirms what I know to be true about my children. I often tell them they were created for greatness. Their minds are differnet in a good way. They are researchers and developers, they were not created for the assembly line.
I love her so much... she gets me, tear... I will never be part of an assembly line... It's so difficult for me to really get interested in something unless it really captivates me somehow... I'm just so happy watching this knowing I'm not alone. My parents have taken me to psychiatry, I've turned to drugs, I've been given pills... they try to make us be "normal" but there is nothing wrong with us. we're merely bored. our current model of education consumes so many resources.
electronic engineering for fun! love brainstorming and finding solutions but it kills me see sooo many faults in engineering designs. but i gets be thinking in my head of redesigning new things for replacements... in my head
Wow this made me cry so much... I come from a family of ADHD and crime/drugs (I have adhd) I have been told I'm brilliant all my life and when I was in 7th grade I scored higher than most seniors on the SAT, yet I'm getting F's in most of my classes. Its really hard to see all my peers getting straight A's when I'm failing yet I'm smarter than most of them. Very crazy to see that all these people that have all the same issues as I have. The school system is so messed up and I definitely think they should make it so much easier for ADHD kids. Thank you so much for making this TED talk
Ya, that was me in high school too.....teachers laughed at the idea of my going to University.....peers thought I was weird and overly emotional.....and now I am a tenured professor with a great group of happily weird friends.......she is totally correct. When I finally got my (for lack of a better word) diagnosis and went to Uni and could focus on what I loved my ADHD gave me an advantage and my life got good.
Ask your parent or guardian to request an EVALUATION CONFERENCE through special education and the evaluation can identify what problems you have and what accommodations you need. If your problems are not severe a 504 will be set up. If the problems are severe enough you will have an Individual Education Plan with tutoring or other focused help. Having a diagnosis of ADHD qualifies you for help under both Federal and State law. All the way into college! And qualifies you to receive financial and vocational assistance through your State's Rehabilitation Services. ADHD is not a learning disability but does often create difficulties in learning. You ask for services and you should be helped for the remainder of your education. 😊
The shit she said about school hit me so hard I literally began to weep. She described my mind state about waiting for something interesting to happen at school and feeling dumb...that is until standardized test scores came out and I smoked everyone, lol.
She made me cry too. I always try to just let the past go, but it hurts when people can't see your potential. I grew up in foster homes and they just kept on moving me because nobody could see what I could become. Medication just made silent, uncreative and unhappy. But just under 2 weeks ago I got my diploma's for bakery and entrepreneur. All because I now know what interests me and because I have a wonderful boyfriend (5 years
I have ADHD and school was horrible and blunted my love of learning. after almost failing out i was lost with no path. I became obsessed with linguistics and immersed myself in NLP. I am publishing a book on psycho-linguistics that IMO is revolutionary. Then I became obsessed with nonverbal communication. Now im publishing my book, The Nonverbal Dictionary, which is much better than any book on nonverbal communication besides masters level textbooks.. .. I just looked at what linguists learn and learned it on my own. I researched what nonverbal experts study and learned it on my own. Most of my insights are way beyond what most people can integrate but with time and plenty of metaphors they get the picture i uncovered and benefit from expanded understanding and integrative potential... I also have aspergers, but the systemic nonverbal communication knowledge I have learned allows me to function normally.. .. This talk helped me understand why im so different and why R&D of linguistics and nonverbal communication fit so well. TED is my favorite resource i have ever found and it engages me in new learning obsessions often and with great results...
TED is great for learning new things yes indeed bit # binge watching risk is high! * Is it not always about how someone who is different is looked upon as weird and disabilities/ personality disorders "need to be fixed"?
This is so awesome to read and I have the same interests. Got into psychology, NLP and hypnosis as new big passions after being into languages for years (mostly Japanese, aside from self-taught English, then French, then Russian and Korean). I also love music, guitar, bass, drums, drawing, reading, writing stories, crossword puzzles, puzzles, coloring, danced in the past, sang in a children's choir and more. But some just find all of this weird D: And my mom didn't really believe in ADHD, despite me and my two brothers and her having it and still doesn't that much, likely. So school was extremely bad, 10+ years of bullying and more. And everyone thinks I'm too negative, I talk too much, I write too much, finds it weird I have so many/too many hobbies and interests :/ I always got diagnosed with depression and anxiety until I found out through past documents about me that I have ADHD and that this caused everything. Only took til I was 26, welp. Actually, I'm going through a bad depressed time again due to people who hurt me about having ADHD or rather don't find me normal. It sucks.
embrace the pain, persist... it is a gift ADHD, THOUGHT process, is so fast, you can out thing 10 people on their good day. develop it, love it thank the universe for it.
I know like I jump from one idea to ten others to me it makes perfect sense everyone else just is lagging behind I feel like Sherlock Holmes some time in the sense that his processing speed is so quick
Richard Daratony Not always, but sometimes - sure. Like on math exam in 9th grade, I finished it, went home (around 20min walk), changed clothes to "civilian" ones, rode back to school on a bicycle to meet my classmates. Nobody wad outside, since they were all still sitting there on exam. WTF?!
that line at 8:23 hit home. I’ve made peace with it. That’s why I’m not stressed about submitting an assignment late, okay I kind of am but I’ve stopped tying my self worth to external validation (grades). Yet, I did not realise that my grades were a measure of my organisational ability not my intelligence. The education system at uni doesn’t match the needs that I have. It’s extremely difficult to get extensions, I don’t even try anymore. I’m penalised for submitting things late, which brings up feelings of shame, but not anymore. I’ve tried my best, and I was not lazy, there was nothing more I could’ve done, short of asking for an extension. No matter how much I plan, I underestimate the amount of time it takes me to research and write assignments. But I’m passing so I’m okay with that. It pains me though, that I forget the information I learnt, so it’s double the work. Research things I should’ve known again, then delve into one question for 8 hours and get frustrated that I still don’t have an answer. I’m saving this video to a playlist.
I'm glad you let that go. Your worth has nothing to do with your grades or your timeliness. I'm sending you much love that you find a life based largely on something that your hyperfocus is the greatest gift.
Hi Amber , I’m trying so desperately to understand what my husband needs from me in order to thrive in our marriage. He shuts down and avoids basic conflicts that arise in all relationships.
@@pamelapoe7441 I do this also. I believe it's normal when you have ADHD plus trauma. We're usually at a loss for words when confronted. Keep in mind he's been told all his life he does this wrong and that wrong. It's a coping mechanism for him. I'd keep watching these videos and the ones from How To ADHD's page. I hope you find some answers and some healing. I think it's great you're trying to understand him.
Amber Rusterucci omg I cant even believe you replied. Thank you 😢😢 I’ve heard him say all these things. Each time his reaction is more extreme- he moved out a few weeks ago- but says he want to work on the marriage. But I don’t see him making the effort. I believe he wants to- but , maybe don’t think it will get any better. I feel like me and the marriage is causing him so much pain , anger and frustration- like he’s caged- I think I should divorce to free him.
@@pamelapoe7441 only you guys know the answer to that. Maybe therapy can help both of you navigate these answers. Maybe go together. Believe me, he's trying. He might not know how to though
Fantastic talk, thanks for this! While I can see very much why the school system particularly doesn't work for those with ADHD, I have my doubts about whether it works for any kids, frankly. I think there are really good reasons why our teenagers are so demotivated. A book I would recommend for any sufferers is 'The Teenager's Liberation Handbook'.
i am 39 and struggled my entire life with ADHD, being pushed down every time i wanted to stand up, to learn something that i wanted to learn with the line "you cannot do that BECAUSE of your ADHD" or "you cannot do that BECAUSE you to impulsive and unable to focus BECAUSE of your ADHD" it went so far that i basically always rose up and proved them wrong ... even then i never got that "Bravo" ... just the "hmm" ... it let to the point that i gave up and became as lazy as i can be ... the way they basically trained me to be. never doing what i wanted to do and created a fear in me that i just cannot do anything ... that even at life i am a failure ... i am glad that this mom points out all the things that i should be able to do but i fear it is too late.
It's never late. You have no choice. Both ways you gonna die some day, at least try , make it worthy. I always ask myself : "The pain of Discipline OR the pain of regret? "
You're alive, so it's not too late! Do the things you love for your own sense of meaning and purpose and try to let some of the need for external validation go. I personally care more about what God thinks of my life and work; frees me from what everyone else thinks. He made you, He thinks you're perfect.
You’re husband and son are so lucky to have a understanding wife and mother ... you have actually put in your time to figure out and crack an ADHD mind ...love you Rebecca.. you are the best.. your speech made me cry after I realized all this time (25 years) I’ve been trying to fit in (which I always failed to fit in no matter how hard I tired 😢 made me depressed)when I was made to stand out...I hope I find someone who understands this complicated gift as you do in my life.. Thank you so much for sharing this knowledge with all of us
My lord! Jaw on floor! Im going today to get tested. I have struggled for 32 years of life changing ideas that I never pulled the trigger on because I couldn't get validated I was onto something. Now I've seen my ideas come & change the way we live. I beat myself to oblivion because I feel I knew & saw the potential in (whatever it was) but wouldn't pull the trigger. Always felt It was a great idea for someone who can make things happen but not me.
I absolutely love this video and come back to it often as a source of peace with my own neurodivergence. And today for the first time I noticed the team in the front row midway through with glasses and the bouncing legs and the big smile who clearly is in our club and being seen by what she’s saying while in the audience 🙌❤️🤣
This is some very helpful and powerful information. She has hit the nail on the head. She was repeating many lives of children I witness in NYC Public School. I hope she is able to bring this up front to parents who deal with this issue on a daily basis.
Amazing talk. We all know (I apologize for this error in logic play) that the future is in online education, the question is, how many people are going to have their futures taken away before serious changes are made? Every ADHD person I've met excels at self educating. I'd advise you look around and try some if your ADHD and reading this. Then again, you probably already have.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. I only got through high school and college because my family always supported me. I absolutely hated school with rare exception. I had a few professors who were awesome and whom I learned a great deal from, but most of what I learned, I taught myself.
+Ryan Daley haha I had similar experiences. Unfortunately for an intelligent person you chose very unintelligent topics of study. First take care of your ability to generate value for society. Or money. Then get into the manipulative bull, and hopefully dispel it! I've met a handful of very intelligent people who went your route then followed through into law. I strongly advise you do the same! I'm personally a fan of technology, business, finance(accounting) and I enjoy economics. Business as in broad general day to day business operations, planning, and management. I adore startups and disruptive solutions that change the world in a more efficient and effective way (:
I was never diagnosed with ADHD and my teen daughter was diagnosed and she kinda said “mom you have UNDIAGNOSED ADHD” bcs I self learn and have a hard time focusing on school structure. I want to learn what I want. What is sad is bcs I have struggled with understanding my own child who I will go the ends of the world for to make her know she is truly a genius who thinks in a higher plain!!!
I was diagnosed with ADHD less than two months ago. The year this was uploaded, I was repeating year 11. I wish I'd seen this back then. It's 100% accurate.
I am 23, ADHD is not taken seriously in my country, in fact only a few are aware of how it really is. I have been jobless for more than a year and a half. I still haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD, but I know I have since many years ago. I can relate to people with ADhS. I cry a lot. I have anxiety and depression too. I get so easily overwhelmed. Although I was bad at school, I had high grades. I have a really short attention span, and I am a bit hyper. My friends have noticed. I always imagine things that are not normal and actually are creative and out of the box but I can’t explain and people think it is weird. I also have bad memory. When I try to apply for a job they most likely like me, but I end up not pursuing the job. My parents’ misunderstand me. I wanna cry a lot because they don’t understand. I am so confused really.
So I just listened to this at work and I’m in tears. I love my mom to death but hearing how this mom always supported her son with his hyper fixation and never forced him to choose something else , we need more woman and moms like this that truly understand how our ADHD brains work , especially during education
Thank you so much for the presentation of who we are! May your work change the systematic conformity of the educational system that creates the confusion, fear, rejection, aloneness, destitute belief that we never release at least I still am finding release an I'm 45 Yrs old
I’ll be 49 next Monday, recently realized I have a severe case of combo adhd, only recently realized because it’s become debilitating. The tools that got me this far in life have dulled or have completely broken. Made a doctor’s appointment but I missed it because I was so late, keep telling myself to make another…I’ll call tomorrow. I always wondered why I called myself the master of destruction and failing at adulting, now I know why and I feel SO slighted, because being the smartest person in the room, isn’t working anymore.
Thank you! I love you for saying all this, I was raised without me or my parents being aware of all this and had many problems I faced. I am a successful researcher.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s with ADHD and was placed in cubicles during classes, made to miss recess to finish homework, and told I needed to simply apply myself. I'm thankful I had a mother who fought to keep me out of special ed. I'm thankful for people like this and TED talks bringing our struggle to light. When I was a child teachers wouldn't even recognize ADD or ADHD AS A real thing. Thank you.
True... I'm ADHD & Introvert... Almost kicked out from school when i was a children, Always lost my note books everyday in class & college. And i was writing a patent application about renewable energy when just realised i ended up watching youtube and writing this comment... O.o how come??!
This made me want to cry. I have a passion. Psychology is my passion. It just makes me upset. I've spent my whole life thinking about the human mind. What do I do with this knowledge? Get a worthless psychology degree in a class with 50 other people who just chose a random major? Who haven't spent their lives obsessing about the human psyche? Who are just regurgitating bs from other psychologists and handing it in as a paper? I don't know what to do man. I feel trapped. I'm 17, and I know whatever job I get, I won't be able to use my full potential. I feel trapped in this assembly line world. I'm tired of playing a game.
+idk In the talk, the woman said that many ADHD people did incredibly poorly in school. If this is the case, don't worry about your marks, but pursue your passion relentlessly. Learn the way that you want to, and don't pay attention to the numbers. I promise, if you have a true passion for what you do and you can break free of what most schools want you to do and you just do what works for you personally, you'll go fantastic places. (PS Love the profile pic, I'm also in the Phandom ;) )
hey,you sound a lot like me,and its so weird yet ecxiting for someone to have same way of looking at your favourite subject as you,may I ask what are you up to now?I believe that you should chase it,i myself LOVE psychology and observing peoples minds,but i got very low grades in school,but as a famous quote says; find what you love and let it kill you :P P.S. Do you have Facebook?, i would love to have a talk with you over this matter
wow, you just described me to 80 every problem I had as a kid comma every problem in school, every problem with the education system. the things you mention are things that people with ADHD learn over time, but even mid-thirties it's still nice to hear when somebody speaks with so much passion about something that's affected me so deeply. Thank you
I got diagnosed with ADHD. Whats weird with me is that I got C grades on average, but on achievement tests I rated from 2 to 6 years above my grade level. So I had gained the knowledge on average of kids about 3 or 4 years older than me without doing much of anything, except listening and thinking. I guess I realized on some level it was a waste of energy to do the busy work.
i'm terrible at school. i mostly get D's and C's. This woman understands how i feel. I get D's and C's on my report because i have terrible organisation skills. my school doesnt seem to understand how i think and they keep trying to question my and put me in bottom classes of every subject that im not interested in which doesnt help. Most teachers dont understand how i think therefore dont help me with teaching me things differently. Everyone gets scared when i forget to take my medication. I think all schools should watch this and get somw tips from this woman of how to help their students with ADHD.
What a wonderful wife and mother. As a 30 year old woman who was diagnosed with adhd at 7, I truly appreciate and understand this video. You are amazing. It’s unfortunate that most of us don’t have parents that are as understanding as you. But instead we are left with belt beatings for being rebellious and rambunctious for better lack of understanding. Thank you.
Lol I haven't Checked in the comments yet but I had to mention, that the moment you said that anyone who has someone around them who has ADHD. Please go in listen to them and dont think bad. Just see them differently and allow them to share with you. Help them learn. It really made me happy cry. Thank you thank you. I wish I found this years ago. I absolutely love how stimulating it is for myself to learn of how others live with ADHD. I wish I found out more back in 2008 before I ran into a finding out I am an addict. Thankfully at 30 this year I can be proudly say I am still clean since 12/18/18
I just finished 36 yrs with ADHD (starting 37), I've never been considered for diagnosis or medication even as adolescent. I adapted and functioned close enough to normal, but ADHD in private, to get through school fine. Yes I hated reading/writing and loved math/etc I just naturally "over analyzed" to observe the surroundings that I wanted to act different in or thought different and concluded "don't do that, you're going shock or freak people out. Sit yourself or thoughts down for later." I slow down my impulses and thoughts to be under the rug or silent. I would express my self later in private or even now in the car alone driving. I"ve many counteractive thoughts and behaviors that no one has ever thought I was anything more than little fast talking (some random word stutters b/c my thoughts are way ahead of my mouth.) on a particular subject or random excitement. I have controlled it so much to be undetectable. But the creativity and moment by moment ability to access something completely new on the fly is definitely there (Hyper Focus). I basically feel like MacGyver in every moment of life. There is little I can't do on the fly with just picking up lying around resources or start to critical thinking to a solution. I've created in thought for years, years before many inventions have come out. Much is tweaking or combining previously ungathered resources to make a better one. Oh, I self diagnosed myself off the internet on the spur of the moment about 8-10 yrs ago very easily to find an answer to my interesting memory ability, "hyper focus", etc etc characteristics I had. There are 3 things that lead to ADHD, and if I was born with it as I was (Type-1), the other 2 my life provided anyway (Type-2). I can say I really like it, and as I get older conglomerating knowledge and life experience, interacting with the world of people,...I'm a sponge and feel like I live in fast forward. I better stop now ;)
this comment is 5 years old but I just wanted to say thanks for posting it. I've never felt like I've never related to anything as strongly as this. I've observed everything and everyone silently most of my life and picked up on others cues to act normal. Stoned faced on the outside at times but privately I'm holding in overwhelming feelings and worries. And the MacGyver thing is so true! I feel like I haven't come across many situations I didn't have an answer for (and they just kind of appear). I generally have several and can't pick one to go with because I want to try all of them. The only time I ever get them done is when the deadline is about to hit...anyway, I feel weird about posting this and I didn't really express what wanted to say but. Thanks again!
Thank you thank you. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 33 - and only after insisting for a year that my psychiatrist finally evaluate me - and this was my experience to a tee. Often it saddens me - but this is sparking a desire to advocate for others and reshape education. Thank you!!
I have always had adhd. Since childhood. I have never been able to concentrate but I tried to jump from one field of science to another despite my biology teacher told me to focuss. I could not. I ended up becoming a paralegal, a legal assistant, a senior criminal law student and currently I am a realtor. Through the ages, I have loved science and when child I had a friend with whom we worked on an xray gun then we departed. I always think science, science, science, science. My brain is hard wire for science like a computer that most of the times make me feel that I am not a human but a computer that says all the time, "FEED ME DATA, MORE DATA AND ONLY DATA." In a way it ruined my life because I did not know how to deal with it until now that I am watching this videos. To make it worst, I am antisocial to the core.
awesome speaker and mother. I couldn't ignore people fidgeting in the first row, it is comforting to see that there is so much of us ... we are not alone ...
I ❤️ this talk, more than I can express because this is our current battle with the school system, although they probably don’t know it yet. Thank you for providing the pathway!!! ❤️❤️🙏🙏❤️❤️
I have ADHD and have been diagnosed with it, but I admit she overly glorified us LOL. It made me feel like she's saying non-ADHD people aren't remarkable, but ADHDers are. All this innovating and stuff. But the other thing is, she is right. This world is too much set on an assembly line. But strangely I enjoy breaking the factory rules way of living life. I enjoy doing things differently even though I'm stuck in a rut with an useless psychology diploma, unable to go to grad school for it. Only time will tell how my life will end up. Maybe I'll hopelessly burn down and give up. But for now as I break the standardized path of life, I survive by the thinking that my time will come for me succeed for once.
She doesn't say people without ad(h)d can't be remarkable, but she needs to express how good ad(h)d can work in a different model of learning. So she has to really exaggerate it, because the stigma is so deep. We already know that people without ad(h)d can be remarkable, and she wants to show that we can be too, just different and in ways people without it maybe can't. Just like we can't do some things people without ad(h)d can do (as proven by my 'remarkable' organisation skills and constant focus hahaha NOT).
You can actually do a lot with a psychology degree, even if its not in the field of psychology. It is a sign to your future employers that you can pay attention to human behavior, which can help sell products, bring people in to a program... pretty much public relations stuff. You don't need a graduate degree to be epic. Just find something you are passionate about and go for it (even if you have to self educate to get there/ also it really impresses people when you self educate)
She over did it on saying we are remarkable?? Hunny, we are remarkable and it’s about damn time someone tell us that. I’m done feeling like a reject and less then the nuerotypical people. Talks like this are saving my life.
This is one of the best Ted Talks- one of the best presentations- I’ve ever seen. She is on point with content, presentation, order, and holding space for audience. And then... topic... wow! Truth!
She must be an amazing mom. As of today I am 23 and I was 13 when this video was posted. Only this year I have been aware that I could have ADD. It hurts me because I have struggled so much since then. I wish I had known what was the chaos that happened in my mind. I didn't understand myself and nobody did.
I think my highest complement in High School was to be called "Cliff Clavin" by my 11th grade Social Studies teacher, because I always knew the most inane and pointless facts about the topics I truly loved. I could even stump him. Thank you Mr. Peterson.
I have adhd my hyper focus has always been on dinosaurs I spent 3 months labeling 5 of my dinosaur books each individual page and no one could stop me and when someone saw me working on it in public they would ask my mom if I was mentally disabled to which my moms response has always been “this boy right here is gonna do great things he’s gonna change the face of paleontology because that’s what he strives to do”
Thank you! At 66 I’ve just figured out that I most definitely have an innovator brain! It explains so much, including why I finally succeeded in school when I created an independent study degree program that aligned with my passion. It was wellness coaching and it was 40 years ago!
This is me so much, Even in my late 20's I have had such a hard time. My problem is that I have so many things that are my topic of focus. I am learning how to deal with it but its hard. One of my hardest things is watching my son deal with the same issues. I am trying to learn now how to be a parent of the kid that I used to be. This brought me hope, Even almost 7 years after the speech was given. THANK YOU!
I`m so happy to watch this. The assembly line scarred me, but I won`t let it win. My topic is marine science and lobsters and my hyperfocus has helped me succeed as an adult.
If more people thought like her, people who are 'different' would not be 'different'. We'd be accepted and perhaps even celebrated. We need more people like her.
I'm ADHD, OCD, have ANXIETY, Clinical Depression and have TOURETTES syndrome. I'm 39 years old. All these TEDx talks have made me realize I'm NOT alone. We are different and yes society has failed us.
This is so good!!! I'm a teacher and I believe in teaching in different ways because we all learn differently. It doesn't mean we are any better or worse because we learn and focus "differently." Where's the empathy...
I feel this. I had to take stand after stand against the assembly line for my oldest daughter and ended up homeschooling because I refused to give into her needing meds or placed in a different class. Her 2nd grade teacher tried to punish her because I told her I would not put my daughter on drugs to make her job easier. Our Pediatrician agreed with me and said my Daughter's path would not be easy, but it was best she learn how to deal with her gift instead of masking it. There were other situations I had to take a strong stand on and ended up homeschooling which worked well for her. She now excels in the Tech world, not from a College degree, but via online bootcamp classes. I am very proud of her and her accomplishments.
I have been thinking about my life and my career path lately. I've been so sad lately and I came to the realization that the reason why is because I miss creating. When she said those of us with ADHD are creators and innovators, I started bawling. I need to begin creating again.
My mom's favorite progress rpt from sophomore yr high school: pleasure to have in class, genuinely interested in the subject, in danger of failing... Solid sum up of having adhd in the public school system
I know how exactly how everyone here feels. It seems like we are on a different planet and no one understands us. We have to create a world we want to see because society will never see it through our lens.
You're an R and D guy. Woof. Feeling visable and validated right now. Only benefit of being in the assembly line is that now I have survived and been resilient enough to be a polymath. Lots of knowledge from many non connecting spheres. We are synthesizers and innovators, collaborators and AMAZING crisis response members.
Thank you so much! I cried watching this, it's so spot on! My school experience was awful, I was taped to a chair by a nun in preschool (we had lot of nuns in italy teaching back in the 80') because I was too chatty and cannot stay put. In primary and middle school I was brilliant but my high school grade where bipolar, I had very high grades on subjects I found fascinating and horrible grades in the boring ones.. and I had depression. I've always regretted not going to university because I love so much learning and I feel I could have done some good things with my inclination for finding unseen connections between different topics. I have two sons, my 4years old is in a Montessori preschool and just yesterday the teacher explained to us how the classroom's various corners are organized by subject like math, language, science, biology, daily tasks. If you are not familiar with the Montessori method, look it out. In my son's classroom, there are various trays and each tray has an activity studied to get a specific concept to the child with a sensorial exercise, like the pink tower of cubes for sizes. During class, every child can go and choose the activity s/he's more interested in, pick up the tray and experiment with that activity for as long as he likes and then put the tray in place. No need to stay seated, no subject and pace of learning forced on children. I think this is a great school model and we could take it as a starting point to design an ADHD friendly environment and a new way of teaching so that all this talent doesn't go wasted. Ok, now I'm going to search info on Montessori school for older children.
I think a lot of teachers are not being taught to teach adhd kids. These kids need great teachers who can excite their brain! Hopefully in the future that will change
I hope so too, but I'm sure not seeing it change quickly enough. Luckily, there are more school options out there these days that aren't all the traditional public school format.
Getting A+ and then gradually facing the decrease in grades in the same subject makes you question your worth.... Like her son asked her whether he's good enough 😢 I was relieved that I am not alone❤
It's also crazy hard being twice exceptional. I'm a gifted student and used to consistently get 90%+ every single one of my math and science tests. I had never fail a test before. During remote learning, I failed four grade 12 physics tests and got a low 60s final mark. Lower than the minimum mark permissible for many universities, even if you have a stellar average. Remote learning may have been good enough for neurotypical people, but it was the worst year I'd ever had. Got depression. Lost all my friends. ADHD is dangerous. It can help, but it can kill
Damn, her son is so lucky to have her as a mother.
Yes, imagine a mother without it but able to comprehend that. i was adopted myself- but disowned by those who chose me at birth because of the effects of my adhd. Bless this woman! I wish so much, that i could have been able to communicate at least with a parent who TRIED to understand it. I got adopted into a family where both my parents are in the medical field, the only answer to my 'problems' is dam medications. Meanwhile, I'm apparently the most 'intelligent' person in my whole family, yet ive forgotten what i was going to write in this next sentence, and I'm a web writer! literally by profession. Go figure lol
just what i was thinking.
I thought the same thing. What a fearless, passionate, and understanding person she is.
My mother found out I was ADHD at 6 years old and without her education did her best and paid every doctor possible to get me help and success. I made it through college with my bachelor degree 🤣👍
@@erikmaguina1 how bruh .. I struggle atm
Man. I'm in tears. I was born with ADHD. I am about to turn 22 and this woman, someone whom I don't even know and doesn't know me, was the first person to really understand me and still let me know that I am needed. The only other living being like that is my dog Bailey. Do you know how amazing that feels? I don't care if ppl think I'm smart, I just want to be wanted and needed. Wow. Thank you TedX for doing this.
Hannah Rose I'm right there with you. This talk had an incredibly beautiful message, and I'm so thankful to be given permission to value myself despite whatever my academic shortcomings may have been.
Hannah Rose I'm in the same boat. I'm also 22 and had the same epiphany when I first discovered the 'How to ADHD' TH-cam channel. If you want to find like-minded people and also learn some helpful tricks to handle your ADHD better I can only recommend to go and check the channel out yourself. I finally know that I have a place in this world and so do you. Good luck on your journey.
Hannah Rose I guess I am slow, but YES I know how you feel. For me also, it is the first time in my life that someone described me and understand me. My "deep dive" is How does/did it work. I was blessed to find a career where my "deep dive" was rewarded. At retirement, the only thing left to look at was, ME. At 70 years old, I look back on my life and wish I knew when my family was alive why I am ME.
how you deal with it? and how about medications? please tell.
Right there with you. Diagnosed a few months ago at 32. Done so much research on it but this lady speaks so truthfully and shows a brilliant level of understanding. Stay strong ADHDers
I'm a teen with adhd and when she went "that grade is a measure of your organisational ability" i paused it and teared up lol
I'm 23, almost 24, and I did the same thing lol
21 here, your not alone man. School is a horrible and boring place.
Me too, and I'm 22, I worked 3 years after school in the professional field and I struggle with managing time and deadlines but I know I'm smart
100% agree
I know! I really resonated with that line myself, as I’m sure all of us here do! I teared up when she said that line too!! The pieces are coming together now ( at 44) that feeling understood and validated, and loving myself for my faults as well as my strengths..I may never know what exceptionally organized actually feels like, but I’m gonna do my best to maintain and find more balance! Such a great talk!!
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti
such a beautiful quote
*Just added this to my favorite quote list
Azen Kwed right on
I hate (and I mean, I absolutely *despise* ) people who cling to the thought, 'We can't alter school as a whole just for a few oddball kids. Everyone else would suffer.' That claim has *no foundation* . In fact, many studies are proving that different school models such as Montessori- the literal *perfect fit* for kids with ADHD -would be a significantly better learning environment than what kids dredge through today. The world is changing, and people with ADHD have such incredible ability to thrive in the future! The problem with that? They're stifled. The 'status quo' doesn't want the 'weirdos' to thrive. I say we toss the status quo into a trash compactor like Captain Phasma and make progress to fix this problem of failed schooling. Because, let's be honest. The kids aren't failing school. It's the other way around.
Exactly! The school system has failed ADHDers. It's past time for it to change!
Thank you even tho you prob forgot about this comment I still appreciate it 3 years in the future
Man i shouldn’t have left my montessori school.
Unschooling is another great method of schooling for ADHDers.
Status quo schools feed our prison system
I'm in tears writing this. Knowing there are people out there with the patience you exhibit gives me hope. I'm 56 and for the first time diving deep into my issues of ADHD. Thank you!
She was so smart about this, and related so well. Especially with relations towards the 'deep diving' aspects of ADHD. And ditto to you sir, I've been researching for many hours! It feels great. Have a great day and good luck!
dont treat it or think of it like an issue first of all . that the way doctors and the uneducated think of it.
i just wrote her telln her i was brought 2 tears
this ??? is for neone who has the answer feel free reply to me ready? here goes..............
i was adhd diagnosed as a child n given ritalin pure speed n it fukd my life up. the ??? is cant i sue child protetive zervices and or socialworkers/pharmaceutical co.?
@@corey-ow5my sorry nobody ever answered your question, I'll try. My disclaimer; I retired insurance adjuster. I investigated and paid "claims" made against insurance for 30 years. Answer: Not likely Why; #1 time, your no longer a child. In theory, when you turned 18 (or legal age where you live), you may have had an opportunity to complain about your prior treatment. To succeed, you would have to "Prove your claim". That means to show exactly why and how Ritalin caused you more problems than the ADHD. That would also require examination of your cognitive abilities both before and after treatment, would be very difficult to do. Finally, it's possible that CPS as a public agency treating children, there may be immunity from civil suit. I know this isn't what you were looking for. that said, rely upon yourself for there is nobody who cares more about you than you. I am 70 years old, was prescribed Ritalin as a child. I had no diagnosis about my deficiencies until 6 years ago. Life isn't easy but can be rewarding to succeed on some levels. Never give up and never let the people in your past win.
This is how I want people to see me. Not as someone that needs to change. Someone who is creative, intelligent, and free spirited. Yes, I have ADHD, but I'm not inhibited by the way my brain likes to think, and I'm not ashamed of the way I admire the things I find wonderful in the world around me. Nobody should have to feel like a 'defect'.
Totally get ya .outcome independence my fellow ADHD
Exactly
Im ADHD. I work in R and D. Im by far the most innovative person at my company just based upon the number of improvements in processes and new products that I have produced.
Watching this for my girlfriend to better myself and our relationship. I love her brain 🥰
It is so reassuring and frankly romantic for a partner to admire your brain. Bet she feels fortunate you are in her life.
That's amazing
I'm actually crying. This was exactly how I felt all through school. I dropped out of high school at 17, with depression and suicidal thoughts. Due to fierce determination, I've come a long way from that; Got one year left on my Master's Engineering degree, but it's been hell at times. It improved a lot when I got the ADHD diagnosis a few years ago, at 25, but the experience has scarred me for life. The feeling of never being good enough is not something I wish for my kids. Thank you!
@hatori I am, very much so. Thank you.
@@jaga_bassist185 yeah!!!!!! Ty for sharing and that you are better!!!!
same bro. i already became an engineer. long road with adhd
My ADHD 17 year-old only kid is dealing with exactly what you mentioned you experienced at 17. I’m looking for therapists to help me learn to help him so he can find the interest and passion to stick around this world and enjoy his journey. I’m praying and letting him know his mom is here for him and truly want him to stay and be happy! Any recommendations are appreciated 🙏🏾
You people who became engineers, WOW! That is a huge accomplishment. I love it (not really) when people tell me how intelligent I am and that I should have/get a college degree. I'm not committed and lack every kind of follow through and I'm in my 50's. Beyond not interested. But I applaud every single ADD person struggling through every single day trying to know our worthiness is not tied to our performance and not tied to our inability to just get things done like everybody else. We learn ways to compensate for our weak areas, and some of us escape corporate America's jail of modular furniture and being chained to a desk 9 hours a day, but I'm not what anyone would call financially successful. I am an amazing, loving, creative, genuine human being, and if you choose to not see that, well, you are entitled to your opinions. I will not fight to change them, I will just politely disagree and go on my merry, dreamy way. Much love to all my fellow ADDers. You are worthy. Never stop trying. Surround yourself with people who love you despite your flaws. If you have a warm heart, you will find create a supportive community. I have.
As a licensed-Ist who specializes in ADHD, I deeply appreciate your metaphor for understanding the ADHD mind. Thank you for spreading the word that ADHD is a Difference and NOT a Disorder. It is only through shifting the societal understanding and treatment of these special minds that we will begin in change the other statistics that frequently get paired with ADHD. We all share in the responsibility to each other to create a world where all minds can thrive in their areas of excellence.
.
I really need help from a professional handling my ADHD. Could I hire you online? Or could you please point me towards the right professionals? Thanks in advance.
The best way I can explain how the world looks to my ADD brain:
I can see the Entirety of Space and Time and see the Tiniest Atom and see the Similarities and Differences between them and Everything in-between.
This is my brain. You can see why my groceries get lost.
Beacuzz ... Exactly !!!
That should become a classic quote. Beacuzz
Right there with you!
I can identify with this too much. It makes me cry.
Same
Same here
Me too
@@nilsy_wzy4103 èqw
I’m crying too
I've watched a lot of videos on ADHD and this one brought me to tears. I've lived with ADHD my entire life and struggled in many areas. Five years ago I began to follow my passion as a researcher and writer. An area in which I have excelled greatly. I realize now that I can become so hyper focused on something I am passionate about because of my ADHD and before this, I was simply on the wrong path, one that was not right for me. Hearing this message reaffirms what I knew about myself and also reaffirms what I know to be true about my children. I often tell them they were created for greatness. Their minds are differnet in a good way. They are researchers and developers, they were not created for the assembly line.
I love her so much... she gets me, tear... I will never be part of an assembly line... It's so difficult for me to really get interested in something unless it really captivates me somehow... I'm just so happy watching this knowing I'm not alone. My parents have taken me to psychiatry, I've turned to drugs, I've been given pills... they try to make us be "normal" but there is nothing wrong with us. we're merely bored. our current model of education consumes so many resources.
it's fucking boring when I don't smoke, it's Fucking boring
Society is broken.
cause being normal you just follow like a sheep and iam like fuck that i do what i want to do
electronic engineering for fun!
love brainstorming and finding solutions but it kills me see sooo many faults in engineering designs. but i gets be thinking in my head of redesigning new things for replacements... in my head
Christopher Inductivo strate up man wit you all da way
Wow this made me cry so much... I come from a family of ADHD and crime/drugs (I have adhd) I have been told I'm brilliant all my life and when I was in 7th grade I scored higher than most seniors on the SAT, yet I'm getting F's in most of my classes. Its really hard to see all my peers getting straight A's when I'm failing yet I'm smarter than most of them. Very crazy to see that all these people that have all the same issues as I have. The school system is so messed up and I definitely think they should make it so much easier for ADHD kids. Thank you so much for making this TED talk
Hang in there, the freedom of adulthood is worth it.
Ya, that was me in high school too.....teachers laughed at the idea of my going to University.....peers thought I was weird and overly emotional.....and now I am a tenured professor with a great group of happily weird friends.......she is totally correct. When I finally got my (for lack of a better word) diagnosis and went to Uni and could focus on what I loved my ADHD gave me an advantage and my life got good.
Ask your parent or guardian to request an EVALUATION CONFERENCE through special education and the evaluation can identify what problems you have and what accommodations you need. If your problems are not severe a 504 will be set up. If the problems are severe enough you will have an Individual Education Plan with tutoring or other focused help. Having a diagnosis of ADHD qualifies you for help under both Federal and State law. All the way into college! And qualifies you to receive financial and vocational assistance through your State's Rehabilitation Services. ADHD is not a learning disability but does often create difficulties in learning. You ask for services and you should be helped for the remainder of your education. 😊
Everything she said is spot on. I say this as an educator and as someone with ADHD.
Same here!
The shit she said about school hit me so hard I literally began to weep. She described my mind state about waiting for something interesting to happen at school and feeling dumb...that is until standardized test scores came out and I smoked everyone, lol.
no lie, my response was exactly the one you had.
I weeped also.
She made me cry too. I always try to just let the past go, but it hurts when people can't see your potential. I grew up in foster homes and they just kept on moving me because nobody could see what I could become. Medication just made silent, uncreative and unhappy. But just under 2 weeks ago I got my diploma's for bakery and entrepreneur. All because I now know what interests me and because I have a wonderful boyfriend (5 years
blubastud fuk yea naild it
how you deal with it? and how about medications? please tell.
I have ADHD and school was horrible and blunted my love of learning. after almost failing out i was lost with no path. I became obsessed with linguistics and immersed myself in NLP. I am publishing a book on psycho-linguistics that IMO is revolutionary. Then I became obsessed with nonverbal communication. Now im publishing my book, The Nonverbal Dictionary, which is much better than any book on nonverbal communication besides masters level textbooks.. .. I just looked at what linguists learn and learned it on my own. I researched what nonverbal experts study and learned it on my own. Most of my insights are way beyond what most people can integrate but with time and plenty of metaphors they get the picture i uncovered and benefit from expanded understanding and integrative potential... I also have aspergers, but the systemic nonverbal communication knowledge I have learned allows me to function normally.. .. This talk helped me understand why im so different and why R&D of linguistics and nonverbal communication fit so well. TED is my favorite resource i have ever found and it engages me in new learning obsessions often and with great results...
Right on!
TED is great for learning new things yes indeed bit # binge watching risk is high!
* Is it not always about how someone who is different is looked upon as weird and disabilities/ personality disorders "need to be fixed"?
This is so awesome to read and I have the same interests. Got into psychology, NLP and hypnosis as new big passions after being into languages for years (mostly Japanese, aside from self-taught English, then French, then Russian and Korean). I also love music, guitar, bass, drums, drawing, reading, writing stories, crossword puzzles, puzzles, coloring, danced in the past, sang in a children's choir and more. But some just find all of this weird D:
And my mom didn't really believe in ADHD, despite me and my two brothers and her having it and still doesn't that much, likely. So school was extremely bad, 10+ years of bullying and more. And everyone thinks I'm too negative, I talk too much, I write too much, finds it weird I have so many/too many hobbies and interests :/ I always got diagnosed with depression and anxiety until I found out through past documents about me that I have ADHD and that this caused everything. Only took til I was 26, welp. Actually, I'm going through a bad depressed time again due to people who hurt me about having ADHD or rather don't find me normal. It sucks.
What are the titles of your books?!?! Hello! I want to read them both! 😀
I needed her in my life 70 years ago.
Hi, it's never too late to be exactly who you were made to be. If you're alive, there's time. Praise God.
"Your grades will only reflect your organizational skills, not your intelligence." Felt that one.
I could never put my own mind into words and this lady comes along and just nails it. Also whoever named dyslexia needs a slap.
embrace the pain, persist...
it is a gift ADHD, THOUGHT process, is so fast, you can out thing 10 people on their good day.
develop it, love it thank the universe for it.
I know like I jump from one idea to ten others to me it makes perfect sense everyone else just is lagging behind I feel like Sherlock Holmes some time in the sense that his processing speed is so quick
Richard Daratony
Not always, but sometimes - sure. Like on math exam in 9th grade, I finished it, went home (around 20min walk), changed clothes to "civilian" ones, rode back to school on a bicycle to meet my classmates. Nobody wad outside, since they were all still sitting there on exam. WTF?!
that line at 8:23 hit home. I’ve made peace with it. That’s why I’m not stressed about submitting an assignment late, okay I kind of am but I’ve stopped tying my self worth to external validation (grades). Yet, I did not realise that my grades were a measure of my organisational ability not my intelligence.
The education system at uni doesn’t match the needs that I have. It’s extremely difficult to get extensions, I don’t even try anymore. I’m penalised for submitting things late, which brings up feelings of shame, but not anymore. I’ve tried my best, and I was not lazy, there was nothing more I could’ve done, short of asking for an extension. No matter how much I plan, I underestimate the amount of time it takes me to research and write assignments. But I’m passing so I’m okay with that. It pains me though, that I forget the information I learnt, so it’s double the work. Research things I should’ve known again, then delve into one question for 8 hours and get frustrated that I still don’t have an answer. I’m saving this video to a playlist.
Agreed
I'm glad you let that go. Your worth has nothing to do with your grades or your timeliness. I'm sending you much love that you find a life based largely on something that your hyperfocus is the greatest gift.
THIS is how you support your loved ones with ADHD. This is what we need from our family. She's amazing
Hi Amber , I’m trying so desperately to understand what my husband needs from me in order to thrive in our marriage. He shuts down and avoids basic conflicts that arise in all relationships.
@@pamelapoe7441 I do this also. I believe it's normal when you have ADHD plus trauma. We're usually at a loss for words when confronted. Keep in mind he's been told all his life he does this wrong and that wrong. It's a coping mechanism for him. I'd keep watching these videos and the ones from How To ADHD's page. I hope you find some answers and some healing. I think it's great you're trying to understand him.
Amber Rusterucci omg I cant even believe you replied. Thank you 😢😢 I’ve heard him say all these things. Each time his reaction is more extreme- he moved out a few weeks ago- but says he want to work on the marriage. But I don’t see him making the effort. I believe he wants to- but , maybe don’t think it will get any better. I feel like me and the marriage is causing him so much pain , anger and frustration- like he’s caged- I think I should divorce to free him.
@@pamelapoe7441 only you guys know the answer to that. Maybe therapy can help both of you navigate these answers. Maybe go together. Believe me, he's trying. He might not know how to though
Amber Rusterucci I understand- thank you Amber for taking time to share with me- I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. God bless you💜
Fantastic talk, thanks for this! While I can see very much why the school system particularly doesn't work for those with ADHD, I have my doubts about whether it works for any kids, frankly. I think there are really good reasons why our teenagers are so demotivated. A book I would recommend for any sufferers is 'The Teenager's Liberation Handbook'.
You make more sense than any doctor I have ever heard. Thank you for speaking up for us. I hope God blesses you.
i am 39 and struggled my entire life with ADHD, being pushed down every time i wanted to stand up, to learn something that i wanted to learn with the line "you cannot do that BECAUSE of your ADHD" or "you cannot do that BECAUSE you to impulsive and unable to focus BECAUSE of your ADHD" it went so far that i basically always rose up and proved them wrong ... even then i never got that "Bravo" ... just the "hmm" ... it let to the point that i gave up and became as lazy as i can be ... the way they basically trained me to be. never doing what i wanted to do and created a fear in me that i just cannot do anything ... that even at life i am a failure ...
i am glad that this mom points out all the things that i should be able to do but i fear it is too late.
It's never late. You have no choice. Both ways you gonna die some day, at least try , make it worthy.
I always ask myself : "The pain of Discipline OR the pain of regret? "
You're alive, so it's not too late! Do the things you love for your own sense of meaning and purpose and try to let some of the need for external validation go. I personally care more about what God thinks of my life and work; frees me from what everyone else thinks. He made you, He thinks you're perfect.
You’re husband and son are so lucky to have a understanding wife and mother ... you have actually put in your time to figure out and crack an ADHD mind ...love you Rebecca.. you are the best.. your speech made me cry after I realized all this time (25 years) I’ve been trying to fit in (which I always failed to fit in no matter how hard I tired 😢 made me depressed)when I was made to stand out...I hope I find someone who understands this complicated gift as you do in my life.. Thank you so much for sharing this knowledge with all of us
Mt heart is on fire with Gratitude
My lord! Jaw on floor! Im going today to get tested. I have struggled for 32 years of life changing ideas that I never pulled the trigger on because I couldn't get validated I was onto something. Now I've seen my ideas come & change the way we live. I beat myself to oblivion because I feel I knew & saw the potential in (whatever it was) but wouldn't pull the trigger. Always felt It was a great idea for someone who can make things happen but not me.
Sending you much love! Find a partner who loves to execute and work together, you with the ideas and them making it happen!
I absolutely love this video and come back to it often as a source of peace with my own neurodivergence. And today for the first time I noticed the team in the front row midway through with glasses and the bouncing legs and the big smile who clearly is in our club and being seen by what she’s saying while in the audience 🙌❤️🤣
This comment makes me happy.
I'm watching adhd videos all day and I noticed this is the first person by now who knows how to hold my attention
This is some very helpful and powerful information. She has hit the nail on the head. She was repeating many lives of children I witness in NYC Public School. I hope she is able to bring this up front to parents who deal with this issue on a daily basis.
Amazing talk.
We all know (I apologize for this error in logic play) that the future is in online education, the question is, how many people are going to have their futures taken away before serious changes are made?
Every ADHD person I've met excels at self educating. I'd advise you look around and try some if your ADHD and reading this. Then again, you probably already have.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. I only got through high school and college because my family always supported me. I absolutely hated school with rare exception. I had a few professors who were awesome and whom I learned a great deal from, but most of what I learned, I taught myself.
+Ryan Daley glad you overcame it! Mind if I ask what your focus is?
+Ryan Daley haha I had similar experiences. Unfortunately for an intelligent person you chose very unintelligent topics of study.
First take care of your ability to generate value for society. Or money.
Then get into the manipulative bull, and hopefully dispel it!
I've met a handful of very intelligent people who went your route then followed through into law.
I strongly advise you do the same!
I'm personally a fan of technology, business, finance(accounting) and I enjoy economics.
Business as in broad general day to day business operations, planning, and management. I adore startups and disruptive solutions that change the world in a more efficient and effective way (:
I believe this must be the argument for a Montessori education. It lets children explore what fascinates them. Ideal for curious ADHD brains!
I was never diagnosed with ADHD and my teen daughter was diagnosed and she kinda said “mom you have UNDIAGNOSED ADHD” bcs I self learn and have a hard time focusing on school structure. I want to learn what I want. What is sad is bcs I have struggled with understanding my own child who I will go the ends of the world for to make her know she is truly a genius who thinks in a higher plain!!!
I'm crying right now, my mom is passed but hearing the same passion she had as a mother in your voice...hit heavy. Thank you sm! Thank you.
God rest her soul. Her love lives on in you. : )
I was diagnosed with ADHD less than two months ago. The year this was uploaded, I was repeating year 11. I wish I'd seen this back then. It's 100% accurate.
Natalie Hughes - I’m 59 and was diagnosed last week!
Thanks for understanding our life! Please share it to more and more people!
I am 23, ADHD is not taken seriously in my country, in fact only a few are aware of how it really is. I have been jobless for more than a year and a half. I still haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD, but I know I have since many years ago. I can relate to people with ADhS. I cry a lot. I have anxiety and depression too. I get so easily overwhelmed. Although I was bad at school, I had high grades. I have a really short attention span, and I am a bit hyper. My friends have noticed. I always imagine things that are not normal and actually are creative and out of the box but I can’t explain and people think it is weird. I also have bad memory. When I try to apply for a job they most likely like me, but I end up not pursuing the job. My parents’ misunderstand me. I wanna cry a lot because they don’t understand. I am so confused really.
I haven’t had a job in such a long time
What a great mother! Your family is lucky to have you! Congratulations for seeing more than yourself learning more about you kid and husband.
I love the tornado of thought. That’s exactly how I explain it to people
So I just listened to this at work and I’m in tears. I love my mom to death but hearing how this mom always supported her son with his hyper fixation and never forced him to choose something else , we need more woman and moms like this that truly understand how our ADHD brains work , especially during education
oh my god she said it perfectly. since I was a child i did deep dives into history and its stuck with me ever since.
Thank you so much for the presentation of who we are! May your work change the systematic conformity of the educational system that creates the confusion, fear, rejection, aloneness, destitute belief that we never release at least I still am finding release an I'm 45 Yrs old
I’ll be 49 next Monday, recently realized I have a severe case of combo adhd, only recently realized because it’s become debilitating. The tools that got me this far in life have dulled or have completely broken. Made a doctor’s appointment but I missed it because I was so late, keep telling myself to make another…I’ll call tomorrow.
I always wondered why I called myself the master of destruction and failing at adulting, now I know why and I feel SO slighted, because being the smartest person in the room, isn’t working anymore.
Here's your loving & friendly reminder to make another appt. and maybe add some prayers. God made you and thinks you're freaking perfect.
That's so crazy because I have ADD and I'm insanely interested in starting my on R & D :)
Thank you! I love you for saying all this, I was raised without me or my parents being aware of all this and had many problems I faced. I am a successful researcher.
As someone with ADHD, I greatly appreciate this. Thank you.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s with ADHD and was placed in cubicles during classes, made to miss recess to finish homework, and told I needed to simply apply myself. I'm thankful I had a mother who fought to keep me out of special ed. I'm thankful for people like this and TED talks bringing our struggle to light. When I was a child teachers wouldn't even recognize ADD or ADHD AS A real thing. Thank you.
This warmed my heart. At 39 just coming into the powerful realization that I have adhd and my kids do too.
i actually started crying watching this . how true it is
My father and I have ADHD and no divorce for 30+ years. I guess it worked for my family.
True... I'm ADHD & Introvert... Almost kicked out from school when i was a children, Always lost my note books everyday in class & college. And i was writing a patent application about renewable energy when just realised i ended up watching youtube and writing this comment... O.o how come??!
May i ask what do you do now? I needed a reference for future career, i'm alsocboth introvert and hve adhd-add
This made me want to cry. I have a passion. Psychology is my passion. It just makes me upset. I've spent my whole life thinking about the human mind. What do I do with this knowledge? Get a worthless psychology degree in a class with 50 other people who just chose a random major? Who haven't spent their lives obsessing about the human psyche? Who are just regurgitating bs from other psychologists and handing it in as a paper? I don't know what to do man. I feel trapped. I'm 17, and I know whatever job I get, I won't be able to use my full potential. I feel trapped in this assembly line world. I'm tired of playing a game.
+idk In the talk, the woman said that many ADHD people did incredibly poorly in school. If this is the case, don't worry about your marks, but pursue your passion relentlessly. Learn the way that you want to, and don't pay attention to the numbers. I promise, if you have a true passion for what you do and you can break free of what most schools want you to do and you just do what works for you personally, you'll go fantastic places. (PS Love the profile pic, I'm also in the Phandom ;) )
hey,you sound a lot like me,and its so weird yet ecxiting for someone to have same way of looking at your favourite subject as you,may I ask what are you up to now?I believe that you should chase it,i myself LOVE psychology and observing peoples minds,but i got very low grades in school,but as a famous quote says; find what you love and let it kill you :P
P.S. Do you have Facebook?, i would love to have a talk with you over this matter
+idk Watch the movie "Patch Adams" starring Robin Williams
I’ve always wanted to be an actress but society has prevented me
@@monroetaylor999 then there are also many of us with ADHD who also did well at school too
wow, you just described me to 80 every problem I had as a kid comma every problem in school, every problem with the education system. the things you mention are things that people with ADHD learn over time, but even mid-thirties it's still nice to hear when somebody speaks with so much passion about something that's affected me so deeply. Thank you
Just found this and Love it!!! Had me in tears my 10 year old is an innovator and creator!!
I got diagnosed with ADHD. Whats weird with me is that I got C grades on average, but on achievement tests I rated from 2 to 6 years above my grade level. So I had gained the knowledge on average of kids about 3 or 4 years older than me without doing much of anything, except listening and thinking. I guess I realized on some level it was a waste of energy to do the busy work.
Adhd and dysfunctional parenting was a perfect storm for my failure.
Thank you. I had tears because your son was me. Down to the senior reading level and the D to go with it.
i'm terrible at school. i mostly get D's and C's. This woman understands how i feel. I get D's and C's on my report because i have terrible organisation skills. my school doesnt seem to understand how i think and they keep trying to question my and put me in bottom classes of every subject that im not interested in which doesnt help. Most teachers dont understand how i think therefore dont help me with teaching me things differently. Everyone gets scared when i forget to take my medication. I think all schools should watch this and get somw tips from this woman of how to help their students with ADHD.
What a wonderful wife and mother. As a 30 year old woman who was diagnosed with adhd at 7, I truly appreciate and understand this video. You are amazing. It’s unfortunate that most of us don’t have parents that are as understanding as you. But instead we are left with belt beatings for being rebellious and rambunctious for better lack of understanding. Thank you.
Wow lucky you were diagnosed at 7 I wasn’t diagnosed until 40
U have great love, great mother u are, thanks and respect
Thank you so much. I love your handle, me too. 🙏
Wow being ADHD my whole life and I never fell to those stats. Thank God for my parents.
Lol I haven't Checked in the comments yet but I had to mention, that the moment you said that anyone who has someone around them who has ADHD. Please go in listen to them and dont think bad. Just see them differently and allow them to share with you. Help them learn. It really made me happy cry.
Thank you thank you. I wish I found this years ago. I absolutely love how stimulating it is for myself to learn of how others live with ADHD. I wish I found out more back in 2008 before I ran into a finding out I am an addict. Thankfully at 30 this year I can be proudly say I am still clean since 12/18/18
Good for you!
I just finished 36 yrs with ADHD (starting 37), I've never been considered for diagnosis or medication even as adolescent. I adapted and functioned close enough to normal, but ADHD in private, to get through school fine. Yes I hated reading/writing and loved math/etc
I just naturally "over analyzed" to observe the surroundings that I wanted to act different in or thought different and concluded "don't do that, you're going shock or freak people out. Sit yourself or thoughts down for later." I slow down my impulses and thoughts to be under the rug or silent. I would express my self later in private or even now in the car alone driving. I"ve many counteractive thoughts and behaviors that no one has ever thought I was anything more than little fast talking (some random word stutters b/c my thoughts are way ahead of my mouth.) on a particular subject or random excitement. I have controlled it so much to be undetectable. But the creativity and moment by moment ability to access something completely new on the fly is definitely there (Hyper Focus). I basically feel like MacGyver in every moment of life. There is little I can't do on the fly with just picking up lying around resources or start to critical thinking to a solution. I've created in thought for years, years before many inventions have come out. Much is tweaking or combining previously ungathered resources to make a better one.
Oh, I self diagnosed myself off the internet on the spur of the moment about 8-10 yrs ago very easily to find an answer to my interesting memory ability, "hyper focus", etc etc characteristics I had. There are 3 things that lead to ADHD, and if I was born with it as I was (Type-1), the other 2 my life provided anyway (Type-2).
I can say I really like it, and as I get older conglomerating knowledge and life experience, interacting with the world of people,...I'm a sponge and feel like I live in fast forward.
I better stop now ;)
J. Edward . . . WOW!!
this comment is 5 years old but I just wanted to say thanks for posting it. I've never felt like I've never related to anything as strongly as this. I've observed everything and everyone silently most of my life and picked up on others cues to act normal. Stoned faced on the outside at times but privately I'm holding in overwhelming feelings and worries. And the MacGyver thing is so true! I feel like I haven't come across many situations I didn't have an answer for (and they just kind of appear). I generally have several and can't pick one to go with because I want to try all of them. The only time I ever get them done is when the deadline is about to hit...anyway, I feel weird about posting this and I didn't really express what wanted to say but. Thanks again!
100% i could have written this comment... dang
Thank you thank you. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 33 - and only after insisting for a year that my psychiatrist finally evaluate me - and this was my experience to a tee. Often it saddens me - but this is sparking a desire to advocate for others and reshape education. Thank you!!
I was diagnosed at 40
wish more parents and teachers thought like this
I have always had adhd. Since childhood. I have never been able to concentrate but I tried to jump from one field of science to another despite my biology teacher told me to focuss. I could not. I ended up becoming a paralegal, a legal assistant, a senior criminal law student and currently I am a realtor. Through the ages, I have loved science and when child I had a friend with whom we worked on an xray gun then we departed. I always think science, science, science, science. My brain is hard wire for science like a computer that most of the times make me feel that I am not a human but a computer that says all the time, "FEED ME DATA, MORE DATA AND ONLY DATA." In a way it ruined my life because I did not know how to deal with it until now that I am watching this videos. To make it worst, I am antisocial to the core.
awesome speaker and mother. I couldn't ignore people fidgeting in the first row, it is comforting to see that there is so much of us ... we are not alone ...
I ❤️ this talk, more than I can express because this is our current battle with the school system, although they probably don’t know it yet. Thank you for providing the pathway!!! ❤️❤️🙏🙏❤️❤️
I have ADHD and have been diagnosed with it, but I admit she overly glorified us LOL. It made me feel like she's saying non-ADHD people aren't remarkable, but ADHDers are. All this innovating and stuff. But the other thing is, she is right. This world is too much set on an assembly line. But strangely I enjoy breaking the factory rules way of living life. I enjoy doing things differently even though I'm stuck in a rut with an useless psychology diploma, unable to go to grad school for it. Only time will tell how my life will end up. Maybe I'll hopelessly burn down and give up. But for now as I break the standardized path of life, I survive by the thinking that my time will come for me succeed for once.
She doesn't say people without ad(h)d can't be remarkable, but she needs to express how good ad(h)d can work in a different model of learning. So she has to really exaggerate it, because the stigma is so deep. We already know that people without ad(h)d can be remarkable, and she wants to show that we can be too, just different and in ways people without it maybe can't. Just like we can't do some things people without ad(h)d can do (as proven by my 'remarkable' organisation skills and constant focus hahaha NOT).
You can actually do a lot with a psychology degree, even if its not in the field of psychology. It is a sign to your future employers that you can pay attention to human behavior, which can help sell products, bring people in to a program... pretty much public relations stuff. You don't need a graduate degree to be epic. Just find something you are passionate about and go for it (even if you have to self educate to get there/ also it really impresses people when you self educate)
She over did it on saying we are remarkable?? Hunny, we are remarkable and it’s about damn time someone tell us that. I’m done feeling like a reject and less then the nuerotypical people. Talks like this are saving my life.
This is one of the best Ted Talks- one of the best presentations- I’ve ever seen. She is on point with content, presentation, order, and holding space for audience.
And then... topic... wow! Truth!
Thank you! This means so much to me.
She must be an amazing mom. As of today I am 23 and I was 13 when this video was posted. Only this year I have been aware that I could have ADD. It hurts me because I have struggled so much since then. I wish I had known what was the chaos that happened in my mind. I didn't understand myself and nobody did.
I think my highest complement in High School was to be called "Cliff Clavin" by my 11th grade Social Studies teacher, because I always knew the most inane and pointless facts about the topics I truly loved. I could even stump him. Thank you Mr. Peterson.
I have adhd my hyper focus has always been on dinosaurs I spent 3 months labeling 5 of my dinosaur books each individual page and no one could stop me and when someone saw me working on it in public they would ask my mom if I was mentally disabled to which my moms response has always been “this boy right here is gonna do great things he’s gonna change the face of paleontology because that’s what he strives to do”
As someone with ADHD who has learned to deal with it and flourish in my career, it scares me that my 6year so obviously has it as well.
Oh my God SO TRUE!! It totally is a deep dive mentality! THANK YOU!
Thank you!
At 66 I’ve just figured out that I most definitely have an innovator brain! It explains so much, including why I finally succeeded in school when I created an independent study degree program that aligned with my passion. It was wellness coaching and it was 40 years ago!
This is me so much, Even in my late 20's I have had such a hard time. My problem is that I have so many things that are my topic of focus. I am learning how to deal with it but its hard. One of my hardest things is watching my son deal with the same issues. I am trying to learn now how to be a parent of the kid that I used to be. This brought me hope, Even almost 7 years after the speech was given. THANK YOU!
I`m so happy to watch this. The assembly line scarred me, but I won`t let it win. My topic is marine science and lobsters and my hyperfocus has helped me succeed as an adult.
If more people thought like her, people who are 'different' would not be 'different'. We'd be accepted and perhaps even celebrated. We need more people like her.
I'm ADHD, OCD, have ANXIETY, Clinical Depression and have TOURETTES syndrome. I'm 39 years old. All these TEDx talks have made me realize I'm NOT alone. We are different and yes society has failed us.
This women is an amazing person. God Bless her. I believe in what she is saying.
How to hack education on ADHD: skip class, use the pressure of impending finals to induce hyperfocus, binge learn, crush exams. Worked for me (mostly)
Wow. Feeling liberated. I always have a huge world running inside my mind. :D And it is so lively.
The best thing about this video is how happy the fidgety kid in the front is from hearing this.
Hes like : "yesss its everything I try to explain to my mom but she just wont accept it" (on his left I believe) She seemed stunned lol
"And hope that they don’t get spun out as a reject or a defect" Oh boy, does this resonate
This is so good!!! I'm a teacher and I believe in teaching in different ways because we all learn differently. It doesn't mean we are any better or worse because we learn and focus "differently." Where's the empathy...
I feel this. I had to take stand after stand against the assembly line for my oldest daughter and ended up homeschooling because I refused to give into her needing meds or placed in a different class. Her 2nd grade teacher tried to punish her because I told her I would not put my daughter on drugs to make her job easier. Our Pediatrician agreed with me and said my Daughter's path would not be easy, but it was best she learn how to deal with her gift instead of masking it. There were other situations I had to take a strong stand on and ended up homeschooling which worked well for her. She now excels in the Tech world, not from a College degree, but via online bootcamp classes. I am very proud of her and her accomplishments.
Wow! You are what all us ADHD mamas should be striving to be. Sadly, majority of us with ADHD don’t end in greatness. God bless.
But there are those of us who are destined for greatness if society didn’t hold us back
I have been thinking about my life and my career path lately. I've been so sad lately and I came to the realization that the reason why is because I miss creating. When she said those of us with ADHD are creators and innovators, I started bawling. I need to begin creating again.
You got it..u really got it..tears in my eyes as u explain your son..that's ME..n no one gets it..
My mom's favorite progress rpt from sophomore yr high school: pleasure to have in class, genuinely interested in the subject, in danger of failing... Solid sum up of having adhd in the public school system
I know how exactly how everyone here feels. It seems like we are on a different planet and no one understands us. We have to create a world we want to see because society will never see it through our lens.
You're an R and D guy. Woof. Feeling visable and validated right now.
Only benefit of being in the assembly line is that now I have survived and been resilient enough to be a polymath. Lots of knowledge from many non connecting spheres. We are synthesizers and innovators, collaborators and AMAZING crisis response members.
Thank you so much! I cried watching this, it's so spot on!
My school experience was awful, I was taped to a chair by a nun in preschool (we had lot of nuns in italy teaching back in the 80') because I was too chatty and cannot stay put. In primary and middle school I was brilliant but my high school grade where bipolar, I had very high grades on subjects I found fascinating and horrible grades in the boring ones.. and I had depression.
I've always regretted not going to university because I love so much learning and I feel I could have done some good things with my inclination for finding unseen connections between different topics.
I have two sons, my 4years old is in a Montessori preschool and just yesterday the teacher explained to us how the classroom's various corners are organized by subject like math, language, science, biology, daily tasks.
If you are not familiar with the Montessori method, look it out. In my son's classroom, there are various trays and each tray has an activity studied to get a specific concept to the child with a sensorial exercise, like the pink tower of cubes for sizes.
During class, every child can go and choose the activity s/he's more interested in, pick up the tray and experiment with that activity for as long as he likes and then put the tray in place. No need to stay seated, no subject and pace of learning forced on children.
I think this is a great school model and we could take it as a starting point to design an ADHD friendly environment and a new way of teaching so that all this talent doesn't go wasted.
Ok, now I'm going to search info on Montessori school for older children.
I think a lot of teachers are not being taught to teach adhd kids. These kids need great teachers who can excite their brain! Hopefully in the future that will change
I hope so too, but I'm sure not seeing it change quickly enough. Luckily, there are more school options out there these days that aren't all the traditional public school format.
Getting A+ and then gradually facing the decrease in grades in the same subject makes you question your worth.... Like her son asked her whether he's good enough 😢 I was relieved that I am not alone❤
It's also crazy hard being twice exceptional. I'm a gifted student and used to consistently get 90%+ every single one of my math and science tests. I had never fail a test before. During remote learning, I failed four grade 12 physics tests and got a low 60s final mark. Lower than the minimum mark permissible for many universities, even if you have a stellar average. Remote learning may have been good enough for neurotypical people, but it was the worst year I'd ever had. Got depression. Lost all my friends. ADHD is dangerous. It can help, but it can kill
I’m twice exceptional too.
I wish I had had the same support from my as a kid. Thank you for this! ❤️