Maravilloso, Meredith! Yo soy psicoterapeuta mexicana y AMO tu podcast! Qué bien que a muchísima gente le llegará tu sabio y útil contenido! Thanks a lot!
My narcissistic, abusive elderly mother has been causing the most horrible drama in our family for half a century. And why do we, her adult children, feel her control and manipulation every single day? She knows us so well and knows our soft spots. I hate it. I’ve been learning so much from your videos. Thank you
brightpurpleviking I feel for you! I’m a caregiver to my father in law who is an accomplished shit starter who in the past has known exactly how to devastate me. In the past it felt like being stuck on train tracks and hearing that train bearing down on me. When I really just respond rather than react it’s freaking magic!! It works when I don’t give him the reaction he’s expecting and I can still be a kind person and not hate myself for feeling mean. I still have some of the feelings but don’t let him get off on it. The first time I felt confident that I had stumped him it was wonderful and then he was the one confused and ended up with a cold. I think that’s got to be some kind of energy thing. Before I knew respond vs react I had heard that it’s not about what the other person says or does but how I react and I hated that statement and wanted to prove it wrong but still can’t. I mostly try to observe his tactics and see how sad it is that he does what he does. This can be a fun experiment 😎 good luck!!
Night Owl wow sounds like you know exactly what we are going through. My mom uses illness and Bible verses to control us. Then dangles gifts. Then reminds of what she has given. She is currently angry at me and I dread having to call her. It begins with “oh, do I even HAVE a daughter?” If I ignore or respond versus react she will try any and all tactics she can think of. It’s exhausting. I sit in her driveway in my car and try to calm down from anxiety attacks when I visit her. She loves instilling fear, gaslighting, religious shaming and control, etc. I’ve never met her equal when it comes to mind bending abuse. We feel like Pavlov’s dogs. Someday I hope to be strong enough to be able to think straight and answer correctly in her presence. Is it ever bad enough to just walk away? Ahh and I’m so glad it is working with your father! What a relief! Well done!!! Thank you for sharing your story with me. It gives me hope!
Ariel Green I’m about there. Now that she is older she forgets which stories and lies she spins at whom so we all take turns being called liars, uneducated losers, and then the crying tantrums with “why is everyone so mean to me?!” Good heavens enough is enough.
The gray rock technique and all your other tips have helped me get to the healthiest mental place I’ve ever been. The validation alone from your channel is priceless.
I love naming the game of getting me to step out of my integrity. When I know that's what they're doing, I can recognize it and pause my reaction. This is so helpful.
This is great, I’ve started doing this. 1) breathe, don’t act like you noticed the provocation. 2) get grounded in your body 3) respond They alwaayyysss try to change the schedule. This is great - they do all those things. Basically just ignore them hahaha they’re idiots. Sadly this the story of my whole life. So glad I’m finally learning all this.
Great Podcast!!! Also with the holidays upon us the narcissists love to return and begin hovering. This came at just the perfect time!! 🤗🤗 thanks for this Meredith!!!!
This is the lesson I have been learning. My reactions to my narc's emotional abuse got me into trouble and made him feel justified in calling himself the victim. All I was trying to do was reach him, but I finally realized he cannot be reached and he is not ever going to change. So now it is a matter of surviving until I can get away. I am applying for jobs in Russia. I have saved just enough money for a one-way ticket. I am really working hard on suppressing my reactions. But I look forward to a time when I can finally feel the emotions I am holding inside, so that I can release them and find peace.
I love you for sharing this information with the world. Your response is your freedom. Breathe. Notice what emotion YOU are feeling. Think about the consequences for if you react. "I'm not sure what you're trying to say, can you explain" "hmm" ignore the provocation. Act like you didnt hear the abuse. Don't go on the defensive. Remind yourself it's a lie and own your reality. Don't explain yourself. "I'm sorry you feel that way." "That sounds frustrating, what do you think you will do about that." For love bombing just say "Thanks". They will escalate before they give up. Stay firm, uninteresting and uninterested. You lose your sense of self if you are raised by a narcissist. Reinvent your new sense of self. Thank you Meredith Miller!!!
Excellent video! When i started doing this is when he was willing to sign the divorce papers, i did not know the terminology or even that he was a narcissist at that point. However at the advice of my therapist i kept calm, no yelling or emotions, if he tried to provoke me i would ignore, when he stood outside the locked bedroom door to talk i would ignore. It was a couple of days later and he was on the phone with a new person and willing to sign the papers. I would answer questions dealing with the dissolution but kept my emotions in check and stayed calm. It is really amazing how effective this is in dealing with toxic people. I needed a refresher for my family coming to my house for Thanksgiving! LOL. Thank you, i love your videos.
I have been waiting for years for someone, in an accessible and easily digestible way, to give me non-confrontational yet strong, adult words, phrases and actions to integrate in my being and then implement when I am in situations with these types of people/encounters. This will allow me to remain being my kind, happy, loving self, amongst many other glorious innate qualities before I was programmed over. 😊 Thank you sooo much for gifting this today. ❤
Have a "friend" (frienemy) I've known for years who plays the Sympathy Extortion & Emotional blackmail card with everyone. When she starts doing that, it's usually via text, so I just don't respond. I've learned over the years that she doesn't take my advice, and like you said, she's not looking for a solution, just sympathy. I don't have the time or the energy for that. Also, she's always pointing out to people/her family members (if they don't cater to her whims) what all she's done for them. It's sickening. Needless to say, I rarely communicate with this person anymore. But we have a mutual friend who she talks to pretty regularly, so I hear stuff from her about the "games" & stuff. She gets frustrated with narc and just tells it how it is, tries to teach narc some things, but of course narc won't take advice, and when she's had enough of hearing the vomiting tells narc she's got other things to do. Also, I'm the scapegoat child of my father. In addition, my daughter exhibited NPD & BPD behaviors. The family problems and researching disorders because of my daughter's behavior is how I stumbled across your videos. I'm truly grateful for them as they have helped in a number of ways. Thank you.💕
Responding rather than reacting is something that without doubt isnt my strong point even though more often than not i hold out for a long time suddenly the balloon goes pop so this is very interesting thankyou.
Mysterious Labyrinth same!!! If I follow the ignore tactic, internally, I’m fuming 😤, and I don’t think that’s healthy either. I need to learn or be taught how do deal with my internal, very emotional feelings!!!
Do not internalize . Do not defend My roommate has no moral compass, no brakes on destruction . They have duplicated my p.o. box keys stealing my mail. Long story short..,,infiltrated every facet of my life. I've been dealing with this kind of abuse my whole life. Especially the last 25 years. Your insight is so helpful. Thankyou!
You also have to be willing to speak up....and possibly embarrass yourself by pointing something out.....when my ex-husband promised something and then conveniently forgot....I pointed out that that was his passive-aggressive behavior pattern before others came to his defense.....I got tired of playing the mature one and got tough....I'm still working on that.....Ms. Miller ....you are so strong and so clear....and remarkably calm...very INSPIRING indeed.
I learned to communicate via texting if there no chance to avoid call I'm just saying I call you soon back, and after setting emotions things gets more clear, writing a text in a front of me what I have to say and that's it
After i started calling every action out of what my partner is doing - things have improved greatly. I just say -i see what you're doing this and this and this and this. Shuts him up immediately.
Thanks for reminding me. Had a crazy customer getting aggressive with me. Accusing me I’m not trustworthy, I’m overselling when I already showed her it goes for $200-300. We sell similar item at $40. 2 for $35. With warranty. She started at yelling at me not to touch her. She don’t like things touching her skin. Just before she asked me how it works. Yet she goes and and continue to work it on her arm. She said she’ll take it. I asked what color. Silver it is. I packed it. Then she yells at me not to push her. She keeps going off. Tells me I need to relax and calm down. That I need the massage roller. I had enough of her toxic energy. I told my boss i have to leave and for him to take over. Yet he brings me back. Thinking she’s gone. I see her on her phone. Then she goes off about the price she saw online. Which is the same as ours with the buy 2. Price. She goes off telling my boss all What I mention earlier. I’m so upset for him bringing me back to the lion. Next time I’m calling security when I come across another one! I’m letting my boss know never to being me back to a toxic situation. Then he goes off that Trump is a narcissist after telling him she is one. I said cause CNN said so? It’s ok. Every customer have told me I’m sweet and a really good sales person. So one crazy will not dictate who I am. I AM ........... Whats worst is my boyfriend blames me for not talking back to the customer and my boss. He has no idea they suck you in a windwhirl. No matter what you say. Just like talking to him! It makes it worst. He already knows I will have a talk to my boss when things calm down. I’m done with them all! He knew how it upset me. Knowing i was hurt. Never even asked if im ok or a hug. Sadly i think He’s one too. I cried that night when I saw a couple married for 30 years. Husband joking around. So much light and love. They came back couple of times to buy special nail files. They were my angles that day after the crazy making! I would love to have what they have. Soon I believe. I deserve to be happy.
This is a very important life skill tool! You are right, we will come across these people at all venues and levels CONSTANTLY. Better we learn to keep ourselves sane...
Love your healing messages, Meredith! I hope you will do a video or podcast to help those of us who are spending the holidays alone out of necessity. Thank you. ⚘
Been awhile since I heard ur wise words ..thanks Meredith,,,you been such help with me in life dealing with the abuse from a karmic x and the us navy and her and my familys church,,,,,...she teamed up with.,,I so happy after they fucked me over I managed to get to a new town and have them out if my life for good,,,I really am happy on my own once again in life,,,.... Its been a real opener ,,,,yea if I run unto any of them I just walk of and ////shake it off,,,and a best friend ..i thought ..that has major comerication problems with me in in life, ,,if they push again I ready to fight ,,,thu if they come too close,,,, but I don't think they try,,they not worth my time or energy,,,,,#8,,I on my own and I OK with that ,,as. Am a intovert anyway..with a few issues,, which I no I got to work on,,,,which I plan too,,in this life time,,
I saw my ex husband yesterday after 3 weeks. We were married for 27 years. I thought I was strong enough to keep my emotions in check. But then he started acting like he cared for me and promised to do something nice for me and our disabled son. Then he’s like you need to move out of this neighborhood, like he did when he divorced me. ( he moved into his parents house) I got a sad feeling like he abandoned me all over again. I showed a little emotion in my voice, and he sensed it. He stonewalled and said don’t get emotional. Then he left. I feel like I failed in my response. But I didn’t expect him to act like he cared. Master manipulator.
It is so hard not to fall into their traps. Especially when you actually could use their help and it is offered. My ex actually said his promises come with strings. It’s not worth it.
I struggle with responses to my Narcissistic and abusive mother. She can almost always find something I will break over. My humble and unprofessional advice is to keep all interactions short and sweet. Prolonged time with my mom just gives her more opportunities to find out how to break me. Might be the same with your ex. Lord, I hope you are free of his manipulation someday.
Preparing for our daughters wedding. Just divorced. This provocation that he does is predictable. Thank you for clarifying the steps and stages and giving all those strategies ❤️🙏
If this happens at a workplace, document everything and save all written correspondence, text messages, voice mails, etc. Get the names and contact info of any witnesses too. When you go to report it to HR, it is not a he said she said (or vise versa) situation. You now have the power over the manipulator.
Documentation of 3rd party bullying should also be done. The more evidence you have, the more power you will have over the manipulator and their minions.
I have a friend I've known since being teenagers. We lost touch for 25 years or so and reconnected. (Nothing romantic here on both our parts) We have a lot in common and got along well, except at times I found she can make little insulting comments about my personality that come out of no where and disguise them as jokes. She also displays some controlling behavior if I'm not doing or behaving the way she wants. If she invites me somewhere (she has a lot of free time, I do not) and I respectfully decline she will make a sarcastic or rude comment about how I need to plan better..."It's called planning!" was one of her comments. She also wrote me an email once telling me how I need to change. I have to let go of my rules, schedule, learn to live life ....etc. basically she was irritated because my schedule does not fit hers and she wanted to change that. She can be very nice and giving. My mom became ill last year and she made some meals occasionally for her and gave her a pep talk before her chemo. I appreciated all of it. The problem is I let the little insults slide and just ignore them, but If i reach my limit and calmly and respectfully respond that I didn't appreciate that comment, she becomes very angry and goes into silent treatment. This has been a pattern. She has not spoken to me in about 3 months, all because i respectfully declined an invitation to go out, ( by text) she came back with a sarcastic comment. I replied back respectfully about my lack of free time. She replied back with a very rude comment and saying she is just trying to help me to have fun before I die, and she will NEVER EVER invite me anywhere again.... and I have not heard from her since. I sent her an email finally telling her that I don't appreciate her little rude comments and I do have a limit. No response. In truth I have so much going on in my life, very stressed out (like most people) that I don't have time for childish head games. (we are both in our early 50's, we are not teenagers) I feel like she behaves like a pouting 15 yo girl. I feel a sense of relief with the no contact but I do remember the very nice things she has done for me which makes it all very confusing. I think she definitely lacks self awareness of her behavior. She has told me she doesn't have many friends. This is long but it's the condensed version, can anyone relate? The video is helpful.
I want to know why sadistic groups of predators whose main thrill in life is hurting others aren't considered to be dangerous, mentally ill, and to be contained, like in prison, which seems like the appropriate place for those deviants who enjoy torturing, destroying, robbing, and harming others. Please explain why oftentimes it's the people who are harmed by these soulless predatory psychopaths and out and out criminals who are the recipients of all the debilitating labels and pilings on by thug flying monkeys.
How can I handle situations that involve my child? Like when the narcissist is essentially lovebombing my 2 year old knowing that it's driving me crazy and I feel like I can't breath, but I also have nowhere else to go. And I don't feel like I can just say 'stop being nice to and playing with my daughter'. I hope somebody out there understands my predicament and can offer some advice. Thanks.
Meredith I went onto the therapist site with the link you provided however it couldn’t find the referral podcast and couldn’t go further in the application
Hello 🤗 I am from Argentina and I wish You would seriously listen to me: this problem is far more serious than it seems, Even to You: narcisists are fallen Angels who are encarnating on Earth at this crucial time in human history for a mysterious purpose. Morally fallen and near Psichopathy, Sociopathy and whatever else one can possibly think of. .
Outstanding advice, thank you so much! I just don't understand one specific point - when someone calls you a bad name, 23:27, and you reply "that's possible" - what's the logic there?
M R basically I am whatever you say I am. Instead of getting mad and defending yourself. My ex used to get mad and call me a bitch and when I responded with getting mad or crying he won! He got to me. And then would say it’s just a word it shouldn’t bother me. Once I learned what he truly was and we were separated but have to coparent he’d call me out my name. Call me a bitch or hoe and I’d say I can be all that and more or yup I’m a good one. And eventually he stopped calling me that because he saw it didn’t bother me anymore. Grey rocked. No emotional response.
Thanks a lot, Meredith. Found this helpful. One question: in this podcast, you keep referring to the role of the "abuser." But, I don't see my wife in that light, though her behaviour does border on abuse. It isn't narcissistic but it is highly selfish, unfortunately, and she does give me a lot of silent treatment. It's really painful as a parent because sometimes I find myself wanting to contact her to resolve the situation...or expressing myself about what happened. How can I handle this better (to the extent you can give me some general advice)? Thanks again. Best, J.
But she never replies to my emails or text messages, even when it's about a parenting matter. It's just really upsetting for me as a father, and I'm not sure what to do exactly. I may need to pray, reflect further, and if necessary, seek legal advice. Thank you.
Hi, Meredith, what if I am bound to stay in contact with abusive, narcisistic bullies in the classroom. This academic yesr I am suffering and enduring a 16-17 year old student who is keen on bullfighting and who enjoys humiliating me and provoking me by saying he enjoys killing animals. How difficult it is to try to educate these jack=asses. The nicer and more conciciliatory you try to approach, the more abusive they become. If you try to ignore them, they pull the rest of the group toward themselves, and they play havoc with the studying atmosphere. Please, could you help me? Thanks for your attention and congrats on your valuable contributions on your channel !
I would like to suggest that perhaps you do a collaboration with Kris Godinez. I don't know if you know her work or if you are fond of it or anything but you both have similar experiences with dealing with narcissistic families/family members. I think if you collaborated it would be great.
HI Meredith thank you for the upload very useful. I have one question , how can you cope with passive aggressive attitude if you are living with that family member? Thanks
Look for another podcast I uploaded here to TH-cam called 8 Styles of Highly Dangerous Love, a commentary on Walter Riso’s book in Spanish One of the 8 types is the passive aggressive person. The most important thing is to not delegate any tasks to them.
The other day I saw my ex. It’s minimal contact with us cause we have kids, and just interacting with him was weird. I used to pee my pants at the sound of his car. Anyway, so seeing him was trippy, I was there to see my teens, and drop some food off. Anyway, he wanted to smoke a bowl right there. Worse still, I did it. Weed is legal here, but he’s a narcissist. I am beating myself up now for smoking with him. I’m sure there was an angle, and more importantly, wtf was I thinking?
How about if you just walk away after a nasty text? I recognized 1 word he used in a text to provoke me. I recognized the emotion in my gut and told myself ok you are getting provoked. Say nothing dont answer and walk out the door to change scenery. I was in my bedroom when i saw the messege. He wanted to get something earlier in the day i had gone out for 2 hours he had that time do it. Then he repeated again later in the day but used a word that he knows wouldve gotten on my nerves. I had the door closed and that is when i recognized how i was feeling and just left the apt to go listen to this podcast
How do I get into an empowered state of self control the rest of the time. Ive had 4 days off and still have not taken care of things I need to. Its clearly not about time.
I live with my old mother who has a narc behaviour. She hurts my feelings constantly and we get in a fight with words every time...I try to protect myself by going silent ....so that I dont hear the mean words for a few days...because it is too much.Is it bad what I am doing?
Do you have any videos or thoughts on a person who is a narcissist who realizes that they are a narcissist and wants to change? Also... are you familiar with the Myth of Narcissus, from Greek Mythology? It might be helpful to study the character, Echo, in that story?
HELP please. What’s the safest / smoothest way to break up with a narcissistic? He’s currently cycling from bad behavior, to apologizing. I simply can’t and won’t do it for another day. I’ve tried literally everything over the years and zero has changed...except me always playing smaller to make him feel big. I realize explaining why it’s unhealthy doesn’t work because it of course is all my fault...so what about simply saying “I can’t do it anymore. I’m not strong enough to keep going” this way it’s on me and something he can’t argue. *even though he’ll try. I’m scared of him but just leaving will send him into a rage. I need my leaving to not upset his ego as little as possible. Any suggestions would mean the world 🤍
I’m stuck bc it’s my MIL 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 She’s got everyone fooled. It’s incredible this covert narcissistic bitch! I can’t stand her! She chooses to abuse me, because of my over emotional personality. Everyone tells me to ignore her, but internally, I’m fuming 😤!!!! I can’t stand her. If it were my choice, I’d never see her again. However, she’s my MIL, and the center of the family, just how she wants to be. She even said, (on this Christmas holiday) “Because, it’s all about me!” JHC! Seriously! 😳 She has financial power over the entire family, often paying for trips, buying expensive gifts, then reminding you later. I’ve said before “I’ve never asked you for anything!” So rubbing it in won’t help her, when it comes to me. I’m so freaking done. The next trip is this summer. I’ve taken notes 📝 in my phone from this very amazing video!! Thank you so much for the help!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I found that frantic background music, very distracting from your important message...it actually gave me a headache, as my ear was focusing on both things. Thank Goodness it didn't last the whole podcast.
What if they r ur parents n they live 1/2 mile away from u. They stalk u n when they see ur car home they r entitled to just come unannounced n create havoc. Yell n scream. Demand to be let in. Yell at the whole street on why u r degrading them.... how u deal with that??
Okay... Let's expose Akos Vetek from Helsinki to the world... This person has been hacking and stalking me in my internet proxys and I. P. . He works at Nokia as A. I. Researcher for many years, hence he can easily hack other peoples' computers. For more than 2 years he has been stalking and hacking my phone, laptop and also my friends' and family to gain information. He does lot of abusive things to me.
Sometimes you can’t . Tired lack of sleep everything in your life fall apart. In those circumstances what can you do? Sensitization over and over by more than twenty people per day. Thanks for take those parameters in considaration. Please when you try to give some key for coping with those people , take the worst case scenario.
El Inner Integration Podcast en español se lanza en enero del 2020! Ya estamos creando los primeros episodios.
Maravilloso, Meredith! Yo soy psicoterapeuta mexicana y AMO tu podcast! Qué bien que a muchísima gente le llegará tu sabio y útil contenido! Thanks a lot!
Felicidades aunque me gusta escucharlo en inglés para practicar un poco también abrazote!
que bueno! Excelente idea!
My narcissistic, abusive elderly mother has been causing the most horrible drama in our family for half a century. And why do we, her adult children, feel her control and manipulation every single day? She knows us so well and knows our soft spots. I hate it. I’ve been learning so much from your videos. Thank you
Same case as mine!!
brightpurpleviking I feel for you! I’m a caregiver to my father in law who is an accomplished shit starter who in the past has known exactly how to devastate me. In the past it felt like being stuck on train tracks and hearing that train bearing down on me. When I really just respond rather than react it’s freaking magic!! It works when I don’t give him the reaction he’s expecting and I can still be a kind person and not hate myself for feeling mean. I still have some of the feelings but don’t let him get off on it. The first time I felt confident that I had stumped him it was wonderful and then he was the one confused and ended up with a cold. I think that’s got to be some kind of energy thing. Before I knew respond vs react I had heard that it’s not about what the other person says or does but how I react and I hated that statement and wanted to prove it wrong but still can’t. I mostly try to observe his tactics and see how sad it is that he does what he does. This can be a fun experiment 😎 good luck!!
Night Owl wow sounds like you know exactly what we are going through. My mom uses illness and Bible verses to control us. Then dangles gifts. Then reminds of what she has given. She is currently angry at me and I dread having to call her. It begins with “oh, do I even HAVE a daughter?”
If I ignore or respond versus react she will try any and all tactics she can think of. It’s exhausting. I sit in her driveway in my car and try to calm down from anxiety attacks when I visit her. She loves instilling fear, gaslighting, religious shaming and control, etc. I’ve never met her equal when it comes to mind bending abuse. We feel like Pavlov’s dogs. Someday I hope to be strong enough to be able to think straight and answer correctly in her presence. Is it ever bad enough to just walk away? Ahh and I’m so glad it is working with your father! What a relief! Well done!!! Thank you for sharing your story with me. It gives me hope!
Going no contact is the best choice. You don't owe her anything.
Ariel Green I’m about there. Now that she is older she forgets which stories and lies she spins at whom so we all take turns being called liars, uneducated losers, and then the crying tantrums with “why is everyone so mean to me?!” Good heavens enough is enough.
The gray rock technique and all your other tips have helped me get to the healthiest mental place I’ve ever been. The validation alone from your channel is priceless.
I love naming the game of getting me to step out of my integrity. When I know that's what they're doing, I can recognize it and pause my reaction. This is so helpful.
This is great, I’ve started doing this.
1) breathe, don’t act like you noticed the provocation.
2) get grounded in your body
3) respond
They alwaayyysss try to change the schedule. This is great - they do all those things. Basically just ignore them hahaha they’re idiots. Sadly this the story of my whole life. So glad I’m finally learning all this.
Great Podcast!!! Also with the holidays upon us the narcissists love to return and begin hovering. This came at just the perfect time!! 🤗🤗 thanks for this Meredith!!!!
This is the lesson I have been learning. My reactions to my narc's emotional abuse got me into trouble and made him feel justified in calling himself the victim. All I was trying to do was reach him, but I finally realized he cannot be reached and he is not ever going to change. So now it is a matter of surviving until I can get away. I am applying for jobs in Russia. I have saved just enough money for a one-way ticket. I am really working hard on suppressing my reactions. But I look forward to a time when I can finally feel the emotions I am holding inside, so that I can release them and find peace.
Thank for this one, arrived in the perfect moment!!
I love you for sharing this information with the world. Your response is your freedom. Breathe. Notice what emotion YOU are feeling. Think about the consequences for if you react. "I'm not sure what you're trying to say, can you explain" "hmm" ignore the provocation. Act like you didnt hear the abuse. Don't go on the defensive. Remind yourself it's a lie and own your reality. Don't explain yourself. "I'm sorry you feel that way." "That sounds frustrating, what do you think you will do about that." For love bombing just say "Thanks". They will escalate before they give up. Stay firm, uninteresting and uninterested. You lose your sense of self if you are raised by a narcissist. Reinvent your new sense of self.
Thank you Meredith Miller!!!
Your response is your responsibility (ability to respond). I love it.
Responding versus Reacting = responding with your Adult ego state instead of your Child ego state (according to Transactional Analysis).
Excellent way of looking at it! 💯
Excellent video! When i started doing this is when he was willing to sign the divorce papers, i did not know the terminology or even that he was a narcissist at that point. However at the advice of my therapist i kept calm, no yelling or emotions, if he tried to provoke me i would ignore, when he stood outside the locked bedroom door to talk i would ignore. It was a couple of days later and he was on the phone with a new person and willing to sign the papers. I would answer questions dealing with the dissolution but kept my emotions in check and stayed calm. It is really amazing how effective this is in dealing with toxic people. I needed a refresher for my family coming to my house for Thanksgiving! LOL. Thank you, i love your videos.
I have been waiting for years for someone, in an accessible and easily digestible way, to give me non-confrontational yet strong, adult words, phrases and actions to integrate in my being and then implement when I am in situations with these types of people/encounters. This will allow me to remain being my kind, happy, loving self, amongst many other glorious innate qualities before I was programmed over. 😊 Thank you sooo much for gifting this today. ❤
Have a "friend" (frienemy) I've known for years who plays the Sympathy Extortion & Emotional blackmail card with everyone. When she starts doing that, it's usually via text, so I just don't respond. I've learned over the years that she doesn't take my advice, and like you said, she's not looking for a solution, just sympathy. I don't have the time or the energy for that. Also, she's always pointing out to people/her family members (if they don't cater to her whims) what all she's done for them. It's sickening. Needless to say, I rarely communicate with this person anymore. But we have a mutual friend who she talks to pretty regularly, so I hear stuff from her about the "games" & stuff. She gets frustrated with narc and just tells it how it is, tries to teach narc some things, but of course narc won't take advice, and when she's had enough of hearing the vomiting tells narc she's got other things to do.
Also, I'm the scapegoat child of my father. In addition, my daughter exhibited NPD & BPD behaviors. The family problems and researching disorders because of my daughter's behavior is how I stumbled across your videos. I'm truly grateful for them as they have helped in a number of ways. Thank you.💕
I've learnt so much from your TH-cam channel about toxic human behaviours. You are very articulate. Please continue to teach.
Responding rather than reacting is something that without doubt isnt my strong point even though more often than not i hold out for a long time suddenly the balloon goes pop so this is very interesting thankyou.
Mysterious Labyrinth same!!! If I follow the ignore tactic, internally, I’m fuming 😤, and I don’t think that’s healthy either. I need to learn or be taught how do deal with my internal, very emotional feelings!!!
Do not internalize . Do not defend My roommate has no moral compass, no brakes on destruction . They have duplicated my p.o. box keys stealing my mail. Long story short..,,infiltrated every facet of my life. I've been dealing with this kind of abuse my whole life. Especially the last 25 years. Your insight is so helpful. Thankyou!
I think this may be the most informative video I have ever heard on how to respond to emotional abuse. THANK YOU!!!
Wow, so true. Provocation , reaction.....solution like a frigging hampster wheel. And the cops do nothing!!!!!!!!!!!
You also have to be willing to speak up....and possibly embarrass yourself by pointing something out.....when my ex-husband promised something and then conveniently forgot....I pointed out that that was his passive-aggressive behavior pattern before others came to his defense.....I got tired of playing the mature one and got tough....I'm still working on that.....Ms. Miller ....you are so strong and so clear....and remarkably calm...very INSPIRING indeed.
I learned to communicate via texting if there no chance to avoid call I'm just saying I call you soon back, and after setting emotions things gets more clear, writing a text in a front of me what I have to say and that's it
vincent's Soul texting is also great for the times narcs deny saying whatever they said. Texts are proof that you aren’t crazy.
After i started calling every action out of what my partner is doing - things have improved greatly. I just say -i see what you're doing this and this and this and this. Shuts him up immediately.
Thanks for reminding me. Had a crazy customer getting aggressive with me. Accusing me I’m not trustworthy, I’m overselling when I already showed her it goes for $200-300. We sell similar item at $40. 2 for $35. With warranty.
She started at yelling at me not to touch her. She don’t like things touching her skin. Just before she asked me how it works. Yet she goes and and continue to work it on her arm.
She said she’ll take it. I asked what color. Silver it is. I packed it. Then she yells at me not to push her. She keeps going off. Tells me I need to relax and calm down. That I need the massage roller.
I had enough of her toxic energy. I told my boss i have to leave and for him to take over. Yet he brings me back.
Thinking she’s gone. I see her on her phone. Then she goes off about the price she saw online. Which is the same as ours with the buy 2. Price.
She goes off telling my boss all What I mention earlier. I’m so upset for him bringing me back to the lion.
Next time I’m calling security when I come across another one! I’m letting my boss know never to being me back to a toxic situation. Then he goes off that Trump is a narcissist after telling him she is one. I said cause CNN said so?
It’s ok. Every customer have told me I’m sweet and a really good sales person. So one crazy will not dictate who I am.
I AM ...........
Whats worst is my boyfriend blames me for not talking back to the customer and my boss. He has no idea they suck you in a windwhirl. No matter what you say. Just like talking to him! It makes it worst. He already knows I will have a talk to my boss when things calm down.
I’m done with them all!
He knew how it upset me. Knowing i was hurt. Never even asked if im ok or a hug.
Sadly i think He’s one too. I cried that night when I saw a couple married for 30 years. Husband joking around. So much light and love. They came back couple of times to buy special nail files. They were my angles that day after the crazy making!
I would love to have what they have. Soon I believe. I deserve to be happy.
This is a very important life skill tool! You are right, we will come across these people at all venues and levels CONSTANTLY. Better we learn to keep ourselves sane...
Love your healing messages, Meredith! I hope you will do a video or podcast to help those of us who are spending the holidays alone out of necessity. Thank you. ⚘
your videos, overall, are so compassionate and empowering.
You’re making my life so much easier Meredith! Love your podcasts and video ♥️
In other words a key is to IGNORE these behaviors, all of them; otherwise it will be fuel to full their emptiness and their eager to diminish you.
Thanks so much Meredith for providing all this information. I feel heard!
Been awhile since I heard ur wise words ..thanks Meredith,,,you been such help with me in life dealing with the abuse from a karmic x and the us navy and her and my familys church,,,,,...she teamed up with.,,I so happy after they fucked me over I managed to get to a new town and have them out if my life for good,,,I really am happy on my own once again in life,,,.... Its been a real opener ,,,,yea if I run unto any of them I just walk of and ////shake it off,,,and a best friend ..i thought ..that has major comerication problems with me in in life, ,,if they push again I ready to fight ,,,thu if they come too close,,,, but I don't think they try,,they not worth my time or energy,,,,,#8,,I on my own and I OK with that ,,as. Am a intovert anyway..with a few issues,, which I no I got to work on,,,,which I plan too,,in this life time,,
Thank you! I needed this Meredith!
I saw my ex husband yesterday after 3 weeks. We were married for 27 years. I thought I was strong enough to keep my emotions in check. But then he started acting like he cared for me and promised to do something nice for me and our disabled son. Then he’s like you need to move out of this neighborhood, like he did when he divorced me. ( he moved into his parents house) I got a sad feeling like he abandoned me all over again. I showed a little emotion in my voice, and he sensed it. He stonewalled and said don’t get emotional. Then he left. I feel like I failed in my response. But I didn’t expect him to act like he cared. Master manipulator.
It is so hard not to fall into their traps. Especially when you actually could use their help and it is offered. My ex actually said his promises come with strings. It’s not worth it.
Sorry you are going through this. Its such a horrible feeling. You did the best you know how. New skills take practice.
I struggle with responses to my Narcissistic and abusive mother. She can almost always find something I will break over. My humble and unprofessional advice is to keep all interactions short and sweet. Prolonged time with my mom just gives her more opportunities to find out how to break me. Might be the same with your ex. Lord, I hope you are free of his manipulation someday.
Preparing for our daughters wedding. Just divorced. This provocation that he does is predictable. Thank you for clarifying the steps and stages and giving all those strategies ❤️🙏
I used gray rock on my mother, she accused me, my husband, and daughter of "mistreating her".
Amazing.....
Exactly what’s happened to me by my MIL!!! I’m going to try the ignore tactic, but my internal emotions are what I’m most concerned about with that!!
If this happens at a workplace, document everything and save all written correspondence, text messages, voice mails, etc. Get the names and contact info of any witnesses too. When you go to report it to HR, it is not a he said she said (or vise versa) situation. You now have the power over the manipulator.
Documentation of 3rd party bullying should also be done. The more evidence you have, the more power you will have over the manipulator and their minions.
Priceless information! Thank you
Thank you Meredith! Excellent, actionable video ❤️🌸
Greetings From Colombia🇨🇴. Thank you Meredith. Your advices are the better. Blesses¡!¡
Thank you so much
I listen to this everyday
Boy that's one big, beautiful smile!
Thanks so much Meredith. You help us very much. A big kiss. 😘😘😘😘😘
Brilliant and life-saving.
Thank You.
Yes this is the perfect moment I found this video
Good morning and thank you for all of your information. 😊💜🙏
Gracias Mera,
Your book and vídeos are awesome.
TNX
I have a friend I've known since being teenagers. We lost touch for 25 years or so and reconnected. (Nothing romantic here on both our parts) We have a lot in common and got along well, except at times I found she can make little insulting comments about my personality that come out of no where and disguise them as jokes. She also displays some controlling behavior if I'm not doing or behaving the way she wants. If she invites me somewhere (she has a lot of free time, I do not) and I respectfully decline she will make a sarcastic or rude comment about how I need to plan better..."It's called planning!" was one of her comments. She also wrote me an email once telling me how I need to change. I have to let go of my rules, schedule, learn to live life ....etc. basically she was irritated because my schedule does not fit hers and she wanted to change that. She can be very nice and giving. My mom became ill last year and she made some meals occasionally for her and gave her a pep talk before her chemo. I appreciated all of it. The problem is I let the little insults slide and just ignore them, but If i reach my limit and calmly and respectfully respond that I didn't appreciate that comment, she becomes very angry and goes into silent treatment. This has been a pattern. She has not spoken to me in about 3 months, all because i respectfully declined an invitation to go out, ( by text) she came back with a sarcastic comment. I replied back respectfully about my lack of free time. She replied back with a very rude comment and saying she is just trying to help me to have fun before I die, and she will NEVER EVER invite me anywhere again.... and I have not heard from her since. I sent her an email finally telling her that I don't appreciate her little rude comments and I do have a limit. No response. In truth I have so much going on in my life, very stressed out (like most people) that I don't have time for childish head games. (we are both in our early 50's, we are not teenagers) I feel like she behaves like a pouting 15 yo girl. I feel a sense of relief with the no contact but I do remember the very nice things she has done for me which makes it all very confusing. I think she definitely lacks self awareness of her behavior. She has told me she doesn't have many friends. This is long but it's the condensed version, can anyone relate? The video is helpful.
Very poliical actual during coronavirus pandemi.
And.......very often they arent even aware that they are doing it ! (Its just habitual ! )
I want to know why sadistic groups of predators whose main thrill in life is hurting others aren't considered to be dangerous, mentally ill, and to be contained, like in prison, which seems like the appropriate place for those deviants who enjoy torturing, destroying, robbing, and harming others. Please explain why oftentimes it's the people who are harmed by these soulless predatory psychopaths and out and out criminals who are the recipients of all the debilitating labels and pilings on by thug flying monkeys.
Love this! Thank you so much 💕
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
EXCELLENT WORK, Meredith ✨💎✨
Thanks Meredith--very timely for me! Cheers :-)
How can I handle situations that involve my child? Like when the narcissist is essentially lovebombing my 2 year old knowing that it's driving me crazy and I feel like I can't breath, but I also have nowhere else to go. And I don't feel like I can just say 'stop being nice to and playing with my daughter'. I hope somebody out there understands my predicament and can offer some advice. Thanks.
Lo abrí bien emocionada y está en Inglés 😥 me encantan tus videos
Meredith I went onto the therapist site with the link you provided however it couldn’t find the referral podcast and couldn’t go further in the application
Hello 🤗 I am from Argentina and I wish You would seriously listen to me: this problem is far more serious than it seems, Even to You: narcisists are fallen Angels who are encarnating on Earth at this crucial time in human history for a mysterious purpose. Morally fallen and near Psichopathy, Sociopathy and whatever else one can possibly think of. .
Devilish Even beyond anything officially accepted by psuquiatry
Amen sis! U got it
@@blessed74Godmillions of thanks for your support
That sounds like a crazy theory, yet I get it, and I think it is true.
Outstanding advice, thank you so much! I just don't understand one specific point - when someone calls you a bad name, 23:27, and you reply "that's possible" - what's the logic there?
M R basically I am whatever you say I am. Instead of getting mad and defending yourself. My ex used to get mad and call me a bitch and when I responded with getting mad or crying he won! He got to me. And then would say it’s just a word it shouldn’t bother me. Once I learned what he truly was and we were separated but have to coparent he’d call me out my name. Call me a bitch or hoe and I’d say I can be all that and more or yup I’m a good one. And eventually he stopped calling me that because he saw it didn’t bother me anymore. Grey rocked. No emotional response.
Thanks a lot, Meredith. Found this helpful. One question: in this podcast, you keep referring to the role of the "abuser." But, I don't see my wife in that light, though her behaviour does border on abuse. It isn't narcissistic but it is highly selfish, unfortunately, and she does give me a lot of silent treatment. It's really painful as a parent because sometimes I find myself wanting to contact her to resolve the situation...or expressing myself about what happened. How can I handle this better (to the extent you can give me some general advice)? Thanks again. Best, J.
But she never replies to my emails or text messages, even when it's about a parenting matter. It's just really upsetting for me as a father, and I'm not sure what to do exactly. I may need to pray, reflect further, and if necessary, seek legal advice. Thank you.
Thank you for this!
Take care!
Thank you for this medrith
Hi, Meredith, what if I am bound to stay in contact with abusive, narcisistic bullies in the classroom. This academic yesr I am suffering and enduring a 16-17 year old student who is keen on bullfighting and who enjoys humiliating me and provoking me by saying he enjoys killing animals.
How difficult it is to try to educate these jack=asses. The nicer and more conciciliatory you try to approach, the more abusive they become. If you try to ignore them, they pull the rest of the group toward themselves, and they play havoc with the studying atmosphere.
Please, could you help me?
Thanks for your attention and congrats on your valuable contributions on your channel !
I would like to suggest that perhaps you do a collaboration with Kris Godinez. I don't know if you know her work or if you are fond of it or anything but you both have similar experiences with dealing with narcissistic families/family members. I think if you collaborated it would be great.
When society becomes totalitarian its your duty to rebel. Same goes for relationships. Do it consciously.
Respond.
HI Meredith thank you for the upload very useful. I have one question , how can you cope with passive aggressive attitude if you are living with that family member?
Thanks
Look for another podcast I uploaded here to TH-cam called 8 Styles of Highly Dangerous Love, a commentary on Walter Riso’s book in Spanish One of the 8 types is the passive aggressive person. The most important thing is to not delegate any tasks to them.
The other day I saw my ex. It’s minimal contact with us cause we have kids, and just interacting with him was weird. I used to pee my pants at the sound of his car. Anyway, so seeing him was trippy, I was there to see my teens, and drop some food off.
Anyway, he wanted to smoke a bowl right there. Worse still, I did it. Weed is legal here, but he’s a narcissist. I am beating myself up now for smoking with him. I’m sure there was an angle, and more importantly, wtf was I thinking?
concrete scenarios are super helpful
Why would someone ruin their life the way Narcissists constantly do?
How about if you just walk away after a nasty text? I recognized 1 word he used in a text to provoke me. I recognized the emotion in my gut and told myself ok you are getting provoked. Say nothing dont answer and walk out the door to change scenery. I was in my bedroom when i saw the messege. He wanted to get something earlier in the day i had gone out for 2 hours he had that time do it. Then he repeated again later in the day but used a word that he knows wouldve gotten on my nerves. I had the door closed and that is when i recognized how i was feeling and just left the apt to go listen to this podcast
How do I get into an empowered state of self control the rest of the time. Ive had 4 days off and still have not taken care of things I need to. Its clearly not about time.
thankyu my anjel❤
Much love
Excellent! Thank you 😄
I live with my old mother who has a narc behaviour. She hurts my feelings constantly and we get in a fight with words every time...I try to protect myself by going silent
....so that I dont hear the mean words for a few days...because it is too much.Is it bad what I am doing?
Not at all you are diing an amazing jod!!!!!! All you gotta do respect her and love as you always do
Thank you!
Fantastic.!
Do you have any videos or thoughts on a person who is a narcissist who realizes that they are a narcissist and wants to change? Also... are you familiar with the Myth of Narcissus, from Greek Mythology? It might be helpful to study the character, Echo, in that story?
Echo? Like the echo? ...beautiful
Can anyone post the link of the video from this channel about not being too polite it can lead to danger in some circumstances. Thanks
HELP please. What’s the safest / smoothest way to break up with a narcissistic? He’s currently cycling from bad behavior, to apologizing. I simply can’t and won’t do it for another day. I’ve tried literally everything over the years and zero has changed...except me always playing smaller to make him feel big. I realize explaining why it’s unhealthy doesn’t work because it of course is all my fault...so what about simply saying “I can’t do it anymore. I’m not strong enough to keep going” this way it’s on me and something he can’t argue. *even though he’ll try. I’m scared of him but just leaving will send him into a rage. I need my leaving to not upset his ego as little as possible.
Any suggestions would mean the world 🤍
I have a video on Leaving the Narcissist with helpful tips!
24:54 gold!
Very very Good! ❤️😀
Thank you very helpful.
I just want this redone without the news AND the frog bit....,the rest fantastic
Going through trauma bonding and PTSD Meredith .
Can you public this post in spanish, please? Is very interesting but I can't understand at all. Thank you
Well she has that in espanish as well.... She has changed soooo many lives in this universe!!!! God bless you all ...
I’m stuck bc it’s my MIL 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
She’s got everyone fooled. It’s incredible this covert narcissistic bitch! I can’t stand her! She chooses to abuse me, because of my over emotional personality. Everyone tells me to ignore her, but internally, I’m fuming 😤!!!! I can’t stand her. If it were my choice, I’d never see her again. However, she’s my MIL, and the center of the family, just how she wants to be. She even said, (on this Christmas holiday) “Because, it’s all about me!” JHC! Seriously! 😳 She has financial power over the entire family, often paying for trips, buying expensive gifts, then reminding you later. I’ve said before “I’ve never asked you for anything!” So rubbing it in won’t help her, when it comes to me. I’m so freaking done. The next trip is this summer. I’ve taken notes 📝 in my phone from this very amazing video!! Thank you so much for the help!!! ❤️❤️❤️
u r wonderful... brilliant
I found that frantic background music, very distracting from your important message...it actually gave me a headache, as my ear was focusing on both things.
Thank Goodness it didn't last the whole podcast.
What if they r ur parents n they live 1/2 mile away from u. They stalk u n when they see ur car home they r entitled to just come unannounced n create havoc. Yell n scream. Demand to be let in. Yell at the whole street on why u r degrading them.... how u deal with that??
Estará en español?
Okay... Let's expose Akos Vetek from Helsinki to the world... This person has been hacking and stalking me in my internet proxys and I. P. . He works at Nokia as A. I. Researcher for many years, hence he can easily hack other peoples' computers. For more than 2 years he has been stalking and hacking my phone, laptop and also my friends' and family to gain information. He does lot of abusive things to me.
En español ? Por favor ?
Sometimes you can’t . Tired lack of sleep everything in your life fall apart. In those circumstances what can you do?
Sensitization over and over by more than twenty people per day. Thanks for take those parameters in considaration.
Please when you try to give some key for coping with those people , take the worst case scenario.
Thank you 💖
Thank you 💖