Christian dating advice that is bad for men
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ต.ค. 2023
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In a culture that either demonizes men or excuses them, we need men to know that God has a mission for them to pursue. To lead and love well.
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I LOVE how men are ALSO being told to wait for their spouse! On the girly side we are told your man will seek you out so wait for him. Bro if we follow this advice no one is going to make the first move I cannot😂
Lol. Speaking from the dude community I agree
Yea the man has to take action or nothing happens. It’s our duty to “court” them.
EXACTLY!!! Both parties should connect!!! Not just one… I find that so stupid… let the guy know you’re oke with him trying. And let the girl know you want to try for real
The woman should put herself in the proximity of the man that she likes. Biblical men do not chase woman. God places woman that are sent into our path; only then will we act upon what God has placed in our path .
Of course the right woman.
I feel like as a men nowadays , women view us as ‘creepy’ when we approach them!
You would be mostly correct. I've dealt with the same thing with women (grown girls if you will) my age, and I'm 23. That's why I cherish the women that value me and treat me like a human being.
That’s only when you’re unattractive to them
You may not be incorrect about women seeing men approach as "creepy" but in my opinion there's a lot going on with that. There is this terrible culture nowadays that patriarchy and all men are bad, there's how one approaches said woman, is it awkward? Best approach is "Hi, how's it going". Previous comment is spot on, if a women likes you they will be more receptive. We as men can't overthink the initial responses from women are set in stone. Women can be awkward too, they may like a man but come off as judgy or cold when really they are nervous or insecure. Also, women get approached 100X more than a man does and plenty of those guys are in fact creepy, so they might be leery that you are like all the others. Never hurts to try!
If you act like a creep then yea but me and guys I know usually get positive responses whether that’s rejection or a yea. I see people say stuff like this online but I never hear about it in person
@@thegreatest1999-fv8kior stop aiming for the supermodels when some dudes can barely wash their butts.
That first advice about, just staying still and hoping that someone will fall out the sky in front of you is SOO true!!!
Intentionally pursuing someone is WAYY better than passively finding someone.
true, but in my case pursuing means continually being shut down, sadly...
@@braedynhoward3644 that’s unfortunate to hear man… hopefully as you are waiting in your season of singleness you are able to be the best version of you that God has called you to be… and when you least expect it… opportunities might present itself
Praying for God to reveal the woman you should pursue is integral
@@braedynhoward3644literally!!! Every time for the past 4 years I’ve tried to pursue a woman it INSTANTLY gets shut down. It’s like the Lord is trying to keep me single. This is how I have trouble reconciling the fact that I ‘should be pursuing a woman’. It feels like I should be waiting for the right woman to enter my life and then pursue her.
@@braedynhoward3644don’t worry brother, keep pursuing Jesus so He can guide you and take away any stress
Saving it for marriage is a little disheartening when most ladies today have a higher body count than a John Wick film.
I've been dumped three times for not jumping immediately into the sack on the second date.
Then that person isn’t right for you anyway. The right one will come along when the time is right.
Never ever sleep w someone who is not your spouse. Ever. You invite demons in your life when you do and they will follow you. Stop dating women who are easy.
Your devotion is to be towards the Lord and His ways of living. Nothing before marriage. Nothing. If you don't marry that's someone else's wife someday and God's daughter. Good for you for saying no to those women. Count it all joy when you face various trials.
I’m a Christian woman and I approve this message 🙌🏼
Yep💯
This guy just told men what we want
"stop trying to catch butterflies, instead build a beautiful garden they will come yo you. And even if they don't at least you have a beautiful garden"
This is the advice about waiting for men. And I agree that there is no point in trying to get a girl if you don't have what it takes to maintain one. But I also don't agree with just simply waiting. Once you have a beautiful garden go search for a butterfly to populate it. You build this garden not only for yourself but for your future partner and kids.
I hope this makes sense to you guys.
Well said
Exactly
I'm not saying this is wrong, but then men need to be taught by literally ANYONE what it takes, because we're CONSTANTLY told that if we don't make a 6 figure salary and aren't 6 feet tall and aren't perfect all the time then we don't deserve companionship
I can’t directly reply to Galen but you need to adjust the content you see online and maybe surround yourself with more positive people. Because yes, the big joke is that women want the man with 6 figures and is 6 foot online.. but in the real world, what do you actually see?
I couldn't agree more with this. Modern society is out of touch with masculinity and the church is ESPECIALLY out of touch with it. It's blatantly obvious in contemporary worship music. As soon as I really started restoring my God given masculinity like being more decisive, being capable of leading, and building up confidence in my body through the gym, God blessed me with a wonderful girlfriend that has immense potential to become my future wife. I approached her, expressed my interest in her, found out she met all my standards and more, then asked her to be my girlfriend
Dude how do u restore your masuclinity? Theres this cute girl across the road and i think we like each other, i just wanna go up to her and ask her out, any tips?
@@pappa_pandaJust go up, introduce yourself, and ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. That's what I did and it was a huge success, until she got all age prejudiced on me. Hopefully you are under 30 otherwise you're mostly out of time. 😎
There is no such thing as girlfriend for a christian.
@@M4rcLLI'm a Christian and I've had a bunch of girlfriends.
@@ModelJames13 Sad. Didn't you realize you are supposed to have one wife? Not a girlfriend (you are affectionate with).
I really like you're videos they're motivating me and getting me more to Christ. Thank you and God bless you
so glad to hear that friend!
Thanks for this. It is much needed. We don’t get this anywhere.
Man I loved this! May God continue to be with you and flourish you with wisdom and courage to address such crucial topics which definitely need highlight in these days of confusion
I thought this was fully on point! Thanks for sharing this. 👌🏼👌🏼
Thanks man. Needed to hear these things.
Changing who you are is important. It never stops being important. Because we are far from perfection. And although we may never reach perfection, we can always strive to be better than who we were yesterday. How we think about life, process emotions, and how we enjoy or don't enjoy things should be subject to improvement. This is true whether you are in a relationship or single.
That's why the advice "just be yourself" is the most awful thing anyone could say
Great Video! Really solid points! Wish that this info could go more mainstream
Idk man, ive kinda just given up. Its next to impossible to find a girl who isnt already taken. Let alone a Christian girl.
Go to a church event, they have many. Get involved in their things
@@0.7hujhyh Storytime. There's a girl at my church who's about my age. She's the most beautiful, feminine person I've ever seen. I looked her up on Instagram. She has a six-foot tall athletic boyfriend. The end.
@@THE_SAMURAI_PETER Well don't you think the most beautiful feminine person you've ever seen would pick anything other than the best of her options? Be brutally honest with yourself, if you were here would you choose you or her current boyfriend. If the answer is not you don't throw a pity party. Instead you should become the best version of yourself spiritually, physically, and mentally. Read your bible daily, be constant in prayer, go to the gym, work hard to become financially stable, etc. If you work on these things I guarantee you you'll find a woman that meets your standards and you meet hers
@@Dhooly Thank for your advice. You may be pleasantly surprised to hear that I am not unattractive. However when it comes to being my best spiritual self, I'm still waiting for God to grant me repentance.
Get involved in your community. Go to some pro-life stuff, guaranteed to have virtuous Christian girls.
Loved this video. It opened up my eyes so much! Thank you
Bro this is fire! Yes! 🔥
thanks bro, you would never know how much this video have help me. I'm a Christian boy since the day I born, been serving Him for more than 10 years and still going strong now as a youth leader, trying my best to help out the youths in this dating or relationship area but me myself have never been dating anyone or having a serious relationship with anyone nor have sufficient experiences. Been doing whatever i can , listening to tons of Christian or church podcast , Christian books. Still, never ever stumble across whatever you just said : Man should never be waiting for girls to pursue him, wow it's just soo good man common preach it ! All the while in this time, i always thought it was ok for man to improve himself to be the best version faithfully serving Him or be more like Jesus and less of us then God will give you a partner in the right timing, ( like i thought this was the " you do your part , & God will do His part " thing & that's it FULL STOP if you know what i mean. Been trapped in this concept for more than ages man. Really thank God for all the truth and may God continue use you as His vessel and bless you in every areas of your life man especially your newly marriage, Congratz btw bro 😎👊
Speaking about the issue of passivity, what I noticed in a lot of (majority women) viewers of ApplyGodsWord videos, they are attracted to the channel's videos that contain the word 'confirmation', '...God has for you', etc and they're usually advanced in age which says a lot of unfortunate truth about delusions in the Christian dating scene.
Yeah, I’ve watched some of APG, but some things he says are a little off or just strange, but he’s not alone, plenty of influencers are profiting off of this, signs and confirmations.
@@Professorgutierrez My thoughts exactly; I can't even hate on the man that much these days because I understand that despite the Christian label of his channel, TH-cam is first and foremost a business at the end of the day.
This is hard for me to hear since I really like ApplyGodsWord as a channel and Mark himself but, this video and the comments made me remember to take all TH-cam advice with a grain of salt.
I do agree tho, I don't like too much of the confirmation thing going on; one as a christian must be diligent in consuming the word of God to discern, and biblical wisdom is always needed to know how to live a God-honored life. Relying on God talking all the time is spiritual laziness.
This sounds an awful lot like the struggle my boyfriend had with dating, though I'm not religious, but he's a good guy so... it seems like you guys haven't figured it out yet, with how both sides are waiting for the other to make a move. I just made my move, because I don't know what is feminine or unfeminine about letting a person know that they are by heart and attitude attractive and lovely people that you feel lucky to have run into.
Many Christian young women won’t go out with guys who approach them because they don’t feel God telling them He’s the right one. I actually had a close female friend tell me “When they approach us they don’t feel the’nudge’”.
Telling people they have to wait for the perfect person and that sex is amazing when it's with your spouse has created an entire generation that is addicted to porn
Yep. Young Christians wait and wait and wait and eventually they are 35 and get comfortable being single or give up on finding a spouse.
@@Andrew--S I was 25 when I gave up, I already knew it was never gonna happen
@@riftshredder5438 When i was 27 a bunch of ex's and old flings contacted me out of the blue and all of the were within 5 weeks of each other. At lunch with one she started asking questions about marriage. I instantly knew what was going on. She was getting older and running out of options so i am Plan B.
If I wasn't good enough for them in my early 20's, they don't deserve me in my late 20's.
The window to get married is smaller than Christians want to admit.
No man wants to be a woman's last choice.
Porn won't take half your stuff and keep you from seeing your kid.
Absolutely 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 and 70% of Christian men are addicted to porn
BRO YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS 🗣️
How did you know I needed thus video
So on point, brother!
The problem is the imbalance of supply and demand. More young men seeking marriage than women, and the amount of liberal women is astounding, even in the church.
I think the statistics would refute this. There are almost always more women in church than men especially at the young adult stage. I think we have hit a point where Christian men don't know how to pursue women/ don't know how to interact with women due to purity culture. I know from my experiences in several different churches but there are tons more single Christian women looking for marriage than single Christian men. The church needs to do a better job of instructing young men and also "marketing" to young men (as in creating a culture that is positive for men and doesn't emasculate them like some churches unintentionally do with feminism leaning teachings)
@@joshuagarber3576 if there's more women, then theoretically men should have an easy time yet women either A) don't make themselves approachable, B) don't seriously pursue marriage, or C) YA church groups are cringe and don't appeal to average guys. But the church can't teach men how to approach women because there is no consistent standard from women on how to approach them.
Yes! Amen…
1. The only “dating” requirement we have is do not be unequally yoked which is smart.
2. Everything else is just preference.
3. Pursue people, do not wait.
4. God isn’t Amazon, your future spouse will not arrive at your door step.
Pursue God, not people my friend, He will provide as He provides, servitude to God by nature brings you to servitude to others, ie people.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4
@@Koki-qe7vz Pursue people means be proactive in seeking their affections and not expect affection from a potential mate just by standing there.
@@Koki-qe7vzYes but don't sit around and do nothing. MAKE MOVES! Delighting yourself in the Lord doesn't mean you shouldn't initiate dates and have conversations with people
@@Koki-qe7vz This is a bunch of christian hocus pocus. Do you sit around and pray for GOD to present food to you? Do you wait for GOD to beam you into your church seat? why must we be active in some things but passive in other things? There is a better way to yoke peoples obsessiveness about things, but telling them to sit on their hands and wait is NOT the way! Its childish!
The days before Easter comes up, to me is the most masculine part of year. Prayer and fasting before Easter to come is great. Christmas is good too, but we need to celebrate Easter too.
This is an amazing video, thank you
I’ve ‘watch later’d’ so many of this guy’s videos but now that I’m actually watching he is so legit 😭💯
very good points, especially about not ‘waiting for your spouse’. The bible says “he who finds a wife finds a good thing”, it also says “seek and you shall find”, so the vindication i got from hearing that Im not supposed to ‘just wait and God will drop someone in my lap’ was encouraging after hearing otherwise for so long.
If you’re reading this and are in a similar position, just go out in faith and try. You’ll never make it to your destination if you don’t leave the driveway. God can’t steer a parked car
Amen! As a young girl who’s never dated or anything whatsoever I am displeased with how most boys in my generation act and how they approach relationships (from what I understand). I feel like because of feminism, men are taught to stray away from their natural masculinity and that they should do everything in their relationships just for their girlfriends, and that girls should be “in charge” of their relationship. Not only would this video be helpful to Christian men, both young and old, but to non-Christian men as well. I’ve only been Christian for a couple of months and after experiencing God’s love it’s hard for me to understand why I or anyone else ever didn’t want to. For me I think it was a lack of education and knowledge of stereotypes. If people looked towards the Bible when dealing with problems, especially ones like these (relationships), no matter how religious they are, I think people would be more content in general and live much better lives ❤
Amen
It’s not cuz of feminism, at least not entirely. Lots of the redpill content preach similar things
@@TheNinjapancake14 I don’t think it’s 100% because of feminism necessarily either, but I think it’s been influenced a lot by it. If I was a teenage boy who felt pressured to support modern feminism, I think I would start expecting girls to act a certain way when it comes to relationships, and I think I would feel inclined to put myself in a “stand back” position in a relationship, if that makes any sense. I would assume that a girl would want to sort of lead the relationship and take more initiative, and that I should just let her do what she wants to do. And if she wasn’t like that, or didn’t want to “take charge” in the relationship, I would probably not know what to do or how to go about the relationship since I wouldn’t feel prepared to take on that role. I would have been taught that doing that was wrong, so what would I do if a girl actually wanted me to take on that masculine role, if I were a boy in that situation? I don’t know, maybe it’s less complex than I think it is, but as a girl I’ve always felt that modern feminism does not actually support equality like it claims it does. But that’s just my opinion.
@@TheNinjapancake14 Red Pill is a REACTION to what women have said & done first! The Red Pill is like a hospital for men. First we were sick & broken, THEN we found the Red Pill, not the other way around.
@@valiw5118 if you dont think it is then it 100% is! tell us FIRST what you think is the other %age that is NOT feminism, THEN tell us what you would do! if it is not feminism, what else could it be? Maybe it is Cultural Marxism, which seems to feed theories to the feminists? i would buy that! But anything else, you should really suggest what you think is the factor influencing it before you offer some half-baked solution based on nothing but your personal preferences.
Dope
All the glory 2 God
Amen
Hallelujah
God bless you 😊
You absolutely nailed it!
Bad dating advice!
WATCH FULL VIDEO FOR CONTEXT!
1. Wait for her
2. Always have her wants first
3. Don’t change who you are
Thanks. My dad isn’t a Christian and my mom would try to give me advice that just didn’t sit right with me. Such as these 3 points. I’m glad it’s more clear on my mind now. Gods using it. Praise to Him.
Do the Fathers will, and whatever happens is in His perfect will for you. There is no greater gain than to be His, and do His will, if that brings you into the confines on marriage and a family, God be praised! If not? Then praise Him still more my brother!
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4
NEVER take dating advice from a woman, even if it's your own mom. Not because they will mean bad, but because their viewpoints will greatly contrast upon your own personal experience because you're a man living in 2023.
Surrendering our future marriage and love life is essential. But waiting on God does not equal passivity. Definitely.
We re meant to focus on God, run our race, and when someone stands out to us by their love for Him, then the adventure starts, with God at the center.
It's worth it. Even if it the wait feels long. :)
amen! so good video!
Thing is there are really not many options for me to "put myself out there". No guys at church, no guys at the gym, online dating has failed too many times to count. How can I be intentional? Its like trying to find water in the middle of a huge desert.
There are NO guys at your gym? Do you go to a women's gym? Most of the time I have gone to the gym its been 60% - 90% men! LOL Do you live in a female commune, or something?
Correction. No SINGLE guys in these places. I recently went to a gym in town for a month and 80-90% of the people were female and the few that were there were married. Same with the gym I was at before for a few years. At church all the few single guys are either teens or old enough to be my dad. I even called literally over a dozen churches asking if they had singles groups for people in my age range and zero of them did. I work remotely and nursing is also female dominated anyway on top of that so no go there. When I went to college I was older so nearly all the guys there were about 10 years younger than me or had girlfriends and there was little time to engage with each other anyway. I kind of think you get the picture now. @@inconnu4961
If you are going to do online dating. Get one of the apps people have to pay for. DO NOT get tinder or plenty of fish or whatever.
Also, don't be afraid to make the 1st move. I know that there's stigma around that, but quite frankly it's a necessity these days. Don't be a passive participant in your own life.
Im done with online dating, it gets me nothing. Over the span of a decade, I have tried more platforms than I can remember including paid subscriptions and sites that are reputable. The results are the same each time, I either get a lot of creeps or very little response. I send out messages as well and I have tried all kinds of different profile approaches. Im fully aware that POF and Tinder are absolute garbage along with many other sites. Iv accepted that its a waste of my time and its better for me to stay away from online.@@TheChuckfuc
Let God give you water in the desert. When the time is right, it can happen; (not saying it will) :)
very well said!
26 , I've been told to wait for only God will allow it. Now your saying I should look. Man, now rethinking my life, I can't even hold conversations yet approach without being looked at like a creep or weirdo
Yeah same
Hey dude being a Christian and single kinda sucks. Tough to know the right approach to take.
I got out of a long term relationship in early 20s. Prayed to God to help me recognize the right one when she came along, but other than that help me not get too involved with the wrong ladies.
So every time I would pursue a chick and get a few dates, develop a crush, catch myself pushing sexual boundaries etc ,,, I would pray real serious like about it and God would always shut it down. This went on for 8 years. Never could feel like i had the green light from God to get serious with anyone. Was gettin real dang lonely, and horny. Then I was at work one day, heard a girl talking about Jesus and asked her out on a date. After one date, I prayed about it, and instantly knew she was my wife. We were married 3 months later, and it’s been an amazing life together so far.
So my advice: don’t be afraid to go on some dates, need some practice to at least be reasonably smooth with lady folk. But guard your heart, and hers. And don’t accidentally smash. Keep your ears open to the Lord and trust Him to guide you through His will. Don’t expect a princess to fall out the sky tho. She deserves to pursued by her prince.
@zachnunya8749 seriously appreciate it man. I don't know what to say, but this was really good advice. Thank you
Define creep. How does this creepiness express itself in your conversations with women, specifically women you like?
@dahliaherrod4301 so I really struggle holding a conversation and create an awkward environment, which in turn makes her uncomfortable. The creepy part is cold approaching, which I will never do again, rather meet through friends than that, and lastly, self-esteem is destroyed by constantly being rejected through my high school and early 20s.
But @zachnunya8749 gave some good advice, so I'll prolly try again next year
1.Have a goal, mission ambition (beyond yourself: social good a ministry etc.)
2. Pray to God to find a godly women to be your helper
3. Vist Churches and charity where a women plays an active role help people(sign of good quality.
4.get to meet her and eventually invited her on a date
5 marry her if over have this
- like minded (god, family, earthly ministry
- you have chemistry (fun to be around)
- she support and want to help your dream.
Girl want to be love and secure ensure whatever your mission can fulfill them
3
Find a girl who supports or want to help that dream.
What I was told was the Proverbs quote "He who finds a wife finds a good thing", with "find" meaning something like "to trip over".
This video got you a sub. I've been saying this all year. I drank so much Kool Aid in my 20s.
Solid video.
God bless this guy
What’s gonna get done is what I want
Banger video.
I truly cannot emphasize the importance of a man seeking first the kingdom of God and all these things being added unto him. Nervous about talking to women and need confidence? Seek first the kingdom. Need a wife, food, protection, community, meaning, education, hope, life? Seek FIRST the kingdom. Stop waiting for nothing, seek FIRST the kingdom of God and ALL these things will added unto you.
What about atheists who find these things?
Thanks for making these videos. I have read about these subjects on "christian red pill" type forums, but those are kind of from a past generation. It is good that these ideas are being spread among a new generation of young christians.
Also, I do find it very weird how feminized American Christianity is. I really can easily feel it oozing from all english-language christian media I consume. I am from Finland, and while mainstream christianity here is very liberal, with female pastors and all, the small confessional lutheran conservative church I am part of feels very masculine. The pastors teach scripture and the gender ratio is very balanced. However it could of course just be very much a bubble, as this church is very much galvanized by being a fighting church going against the grain in social issues, and I do not have so much experience in nondenominational protestantism. But I cannot help and sense a difference between christian content in finnish and in english.
You are not wrong in your assessment! The anglosphere has become VERY matriarchal, and everything touched by it is matriarchal as well! it would take FAR too long to do justice to explain this, but many men sense this, and this is why they stop going to church. A book called "Why Men Hate Going to Church' is worth the read if you are interested, or type it in TH-cam and there is plenty! Aaron M. Renn is my preferred speaker on the subject. he has short email touching on important topics, usually directed at male Christians.
The best advice I’ve taken to heart as a 25 yo is stop pursuing a relationship with a woman. It is a waste of time in 2024. “Christian” women have impossible standards. They want a Godly man AND he has to make more money than her, be taller than her, be charming, be funny, and pretty much be perfect. 😅 I’ve never been as happy as I am now by just accepting that I’m going to live my life single.
Get that bullshit out of your mind. Quit watching the "man-o-sphere" secular culture crap that's telling you guys you need to have all these things. It's from Satan. The only type of women that want all of those things are getting drunk in clubs and aren't Christians.
I smell a man drawing on unhealthy amounts of copium.
@@KevvoLightswift That would be the smell of healthy amounts of reality my friend, something that must be unfamiliar to you.
@@IkeCreed Keep telling yourself that. I'm not saying there aren't poisonous women, but if you were truly happy, you wouldn't have posted this.
@@KevvoLightswift Alright bud. If you were truly happy you wouldn’t be on a post that you commented on 7 months ago. I see you talkin crap on other people’s comments too. Loser lol
I’ve officially given up at this point. I’ve accepted it’s not in the cards. Great video tho.
Yes, it must be said that being in a romantic relationship is not for everyone - something which Jesus taught in Matthew 19:11-12, teaching that some people are simply fated to remain single.
Great video man. I’ve been hearing these things for a while now. I totally agree Christianity has this feminine glaze over it, and men are looking more advice on how to be men. I admire guys like you and Jordan Peterson who target the hearts of men, but especially young men. Great work.
Yes I was told by many married people to just wait and let God bring me someone in his time. Of course they all got married when they were young and it wasn’t by following the advice they were giving me. Also I agree that a man should be a leader. However if a Christian woman does not believe that she is to have a submissive attitude then if a man tries to lead it will end up in fights. And the modern church will not teach that women are to be submissive. So when we try to lead and our wives just want to fight about it then we’re left not knowing how to proceed. This is what leads to passivity.
Wow this is so good
Its almost as tho the system doesnt want us to get together
@@trevrockrock16Both are good, however, he’s right, the system is fighting to keep couples from marrying and having children.
It is what it is.
@BansheeKing22It's all about reducing the world's population.
@@Professorgutierrezit’s too late. Too much damage done. It’s already been prophesied. There’s nothing to save. You have to let it run its course. It’s over. The system will die.
Time-stamps
2:24, 2:52, 3:50 - Taking action
4:57, 5:20 - Passivity, people-pleasing
6:08, 6:28, 7:00 - Taking charge
7:45 - Trustworthy
10:27, 10:40 - roles
God’s timing is always perfect!! I really needed this video right now, like literally right NOW 😂
Really solid advice!
Honestly we all just need to allow holy sprit to guide us to our relationships and are special someone ask God in prayer to provide u a wide and trust me he will he will show you the womam you need to pursue or even have that woman pursue u u just need to trust him and live the Christian life fully
I agree. You have to make yourself accessible in that you participate in the group events, social and service related events in your church community (ideally the young adult/singles ministries). So you are visible, seen, and heard. But like you mentioned, it will be God that’s forging that connection for you. He’ll give you a sign, or as you say, her the sign to pursue you. And that’s the distinction we have to understand.
Definitely don’t sit around alone in your home, or hang with non-Christian friends every Sunday instead of being at church hoping to find a wife. But also, don’t shoot your shot with new women at your ministry each week - you are meant to be with one woman, not all. You can still shoot your shot here and there - perhaps you’ll learn.
But I truly believe when it is time for THE ONE, you will feel it. You will feel his command. So wait for the godly timing by continuing to do the ground work of putting yourself out there.
Proverbs 18:22
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."
How will you find your wife if you don't look for your Wife?
Is what I'm getting from that verse.
You are God sent
my married friend has implied to me that I’m being picky yet it’s hypocritical that she got to choose who she married. I feel like married people forget what it’s like to be single and they think they know who I’d be suited for and give advice that’s just not helpful. I do want a man that leads me and loves Christ and isn’t passive.
The taking control in decision making is huge. For my entire dating life I kinda just went with the flow because I didn’t want to suggest us doing something that maybe she didn’t like. But two things I’ve learned since:
1.) This is where listening comes in. Be an active and attentive listener/involved in the conversations y’all have. Think of maybe some things she’d like to do or remember stuff mentioned early on during the whole “what do you like to do” conversation and and execute. Plan the date. And the plans don’t always have ti be stuff she’s explicitly said she enjoys; consider what she likes, find some things to do that may be adjacent to it (i.e., she likes photography; head to a museum where there’s tons of art and photography. An art museum would probably be ideal. Or she likes to exercise; maybe take a fitness class or go for a hike).
2.) Just make sure it’s something to do/experience. Generally girls I’ve dated have been pretty open minded and I’d assume most are as well to a degree. Don’t be scared to try something new but make sure it’s something both of you would potentially enjoy. Pottery classes can be good here, checking out events in your area. Don’t be scared to branch out and experiment, if things go south you’ll have a story to tell and know not to go again. Plus, if she like you she’ll have a good time just doing stuff with you, if not this could be A way to gauge that (A WAY not THE WAY, correlation doesn’t equal causation).
It’s okay to take the lead, don’t be afraid to be the one to plan things out all the time. Rather see yourself as a leader who facilitates/guides instead of a dictates/rules.
This sounds like advice my teacher would give to an elementary school kid. Have you ANY clue as to why people dont do that know, that you need to tell them? is it because you are the smartest person whose ever been, and we've been waiting for you to save us? or is it because its NEVER, EVER as simplistic as you make it sound! LOL women LOVE to criticize, complain, and play the victim! As soon as you do something she is unhappy with OR her friends or family TELL HER she should be unhappy with, THEN you understand why guys let women choose! Women care infinitely more about these things than men do. We just want to hang out! Women want an episode from "friends' and everything has to be just perfect (or she will complain to SOMEONE about it) All the little details matter and she will scrutinize them for hours to the Nth degree!
@@inconnu4961Kinda sounds like most of the women you’ve known have been pretty immature.
If a woman is immature enough to be unduly swayed by the opinions of others, thereby outsourcing her own thoughts and right judgment to other minds or perhaps being too weak-willed or naive to resist their outsized influence, then she’s likely not ready for a serious commitment to you or anyone else anyway. (Note that I say “unduly;” there are many times when an outside perspective provides greater clarity than we are capable of in a given moment or situation, not least where feelings and hormones are involved.)
As for your other remark on a woman’s criticism, yes, we often employ a higher standard of discrimination and as genuinely unpleasant as that may be at times there are some very, very good reasons for it. If, however, a woman is so critical-and I would say ungrateful-as to pick apart something you’ve done for her, especially if it’s something that required real thought and effort from you, then once again she may very well be immature and a poor choice in partner. There may have been a miscommunication, of course, or some other benign explanation, but if it seems to be a recurring thing then there may be some sense of entitlement at the back of it-or worse. Whether it’s immaturity, narcissism, or worse, she’s still probably a poor match for anybody.
And it’s at this point that I’ve gotta ask if you’ve stopped to consider just WHY you keep encountering this kind of woman. Maybe it’s the geographical dating pool you’ve been trying to swim in, in which case you might consider looking elsewhere. Maybe it’s the societal trend in general, in which case I’ll remind you that even societies are made up of individual people and as hard as it may be to find them exceptions to rules do exist. But you might also ask yourself if you may have played a part in this, even if small.
I would sincerely hope that not every woman of your acquaintance, including family, has been so unpleasant as you seem to imply. If so, though, it is nevertheless still true that women are not factory-made automatons-we are not all the same.
I am a woman who is often opinionated and has lots of ideas. I 100% agree with this!!
the "Oh beautiful, gorgeous-- YOU F-ING DONKEY" meme sums up church's advice about dating for Women vs Men. Honestly, there's so much sex negativity and deincentivization for men, unless its to wife up a single mother who "found God and wants a Godly man" after her 10th bad relationship and 3rd child, its sickening. So many christian men are so blasted whipped.
You sound like a deeply happy man.
The Holy Orthodox Church does not have a “feminine glaze”
It's a tough balance, isn't it? Being a leader, to me, means taking initiative. When it comes to suggestions for what kind of dates, if he says "guess what we're doing", I can handle that once trust is built. But in the beginning, it's best to say "how about______ what do you think?" And if the ideas are consistently things other than "Netflix and chill" , then I consider that to be good. The key is listening to each other and taking into account what each other wants.
Dang and here I actually thought I wasn’t supposed to do anything to get a gf 💀
That's what Christian dating advice in books, videos, sermons and pastors was in the 90's and onwards.
Exactly 😂, I ain't gonna chase anyone though, unless I feel like it
This! Thank you for putting this out Isaac, number 1 is SO common, just sit and wait, and when nothing happens, “oh well” I’ve been learning that, that men need to take initiative and lead, that women don’t like effeminate men, that passivity kills more opportunities than rejection, and the fact that everyone has a book, podcast, conference on singleness, presenting their experiences as God’s Word, giving all these “signs that God is” and villainizing any man who is actually leading, there’s literally a book “Lady in waiting” and they rewrote it for men and just changed some words, so I’m glad to see that we are coming out of that, we need more Godly male figures to help young men before they turn to Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, or the Trad Movement, great video Isaac, these lies have kept men passive and effeminate. I’ve been doing my part, growing in Godliness, cleaning the house, learning financial discipline, and hitting the gym.
What’s wrong with Jordan Peterson?
@@iFunnyV2 A lot of things he says are great and he is far better and superior than Tate. The issue is 1) He’s not a Christian, so he would not give biblical advice, 2) He and Dennis went on record saying p*rn is okay for married men. At the end of the day, young men need Godly men to be an example to them not looking to the newest podcast, or the latest Trad movement.
It doesn't matter. It will take too long and Im pushing 33 so its far too late. I just have to accept that God gave me a desire that will never be fulfilled and move on. It is what it is.
She won't come to you men, you have to go get her.
I’m pretty much stuck as a single man at this point. Too scared and too awkward to find someone. I tend to avoid people anyway.
Lately I started desiring a relationship with a girl I have a crush on but thankfully I saw this video and I came back to my senses and I realized that it's waay too much work for what it's worth. Loner life is way better.
I don't think that was the point of the video, if you're not ready, that's okay. But looking at it like its too much work is the wrong attitude to have.
If you are younger than 30 it would be foolish to give up already. You'll regret it later most likely.
@@reaganlecroy7773 it's not the "wrong attitude" if there are options out there that aren't as stressful that God may still want for you (ie: not dating in the West). That's just a realistic viewpoint, and as a man, I've sure come to realize that the juice isn't always worth the squeeze.
Some girls want to know that they are worth the effort. Some just want a guy, any guy. But, some want to know that they are special to a guy. So, a shy guy who has to overcome a mountain of insecurities is hugely complimentary to such a girl.
It is common for the guy to already be emotionally committed before he makes his move. And it is also common that the girl hasn't thought too much about the guy prior to him deciding. She's aware of him. she's aware of whether she respects him, but maybe hasn't thought it through.
For such a girl, it is best to move slowly. Treat her like a doe in the woods who will frighten easily. When you talk to her, talk to her as if you find her interesting. Everyone loves to talk about family, hobbies, food & travel. Travel can be tricky, since ya'll are young & have travel on your parent's dime. So you could play "would you rather" if you want to talk about travel.
When you ask to spend time alone with her, just ask to spend time with her. Choose an activity that allows silence to be natural. For example, ask her to go with you to a holiday festival or ice skating or a hike in the woods.
@@kathyp1563 that can either work out, or fail horribly by her getting to 40yrs old with no one who's been able to jump through such hoops enough to woo her to that extent.
Much needed perspective. Good to hear advice from a male perspective.
9:30 ish that's funny, you said clean your room, and I'm cleaning my room while watching this in the background haha, who said men couldn't multitask
This is so relatable 🤣
What if you feel like a complete failure, after 10 years of being alone. I just don’t know what to do. I feel god has forgiven me but I still feel this way.
I just want to cry
@@Krencik68 hope your okay feeling the same way lately
I know this could be a dumb question but how do we know when we're ready? I personally don't feel ready, but idk
There’s no perfect time to be ready, there’s not some magic moment, but there are things to work on continuously, you build Godliness, character, maturity, finance, etc. these aren’t done overnight rather over time, so if you are following Jesus and they are following Jesus, do it.
Thank you. Would you say if you have a foundation in Christ and are daily in the word and prayer, someone would be ready even if we still struggle with sins like lust, pride, etc?
@@Julianrocker200 Yes, even the strongest veteran Christian can still stumble into them, as long as we keep following Jesus and growing in Him, we won’t be perfect, but we will indeed be stronger against that sin, this is sanctification, so yes, you can be ready and continue fighting sin.
Read Mortification of sin by John Owen. It will blow your mind.
You'll never be ready. And God will not bring you a person as a reward. You meet someone and together, you work it out together.
I will not approach a woman romantically unless they express interest in me.
Christian ladies, the young men like me (20’s, good family relationship, strong income, treat women right) are not going to play the rat race of “competing” with goofball men for your attention. We’re building our own thing hoping a beautiful, kind woman notices and wants to help. I’ve approached women without knowing them before.. gotten their numbers even. They always ended up being bad connections.
My point: If you see a handsome man who carries himself well, let him know you’re interested. He WILL pursue you if you’re a woman of character. We don’t want to waste our time fishing through hundreds of random women just to figure out if they’re spousal material.
What does showing interest look like to you? I ask because as a Christian woman I was raised to not engage in certain behaviors that would give the appearance of easiness or a lax sexual attitude.
@@dahliaherrod4301 It’s pretty simple actually! By showing interest, I mean a woman noticing a guy they may be interested in and being curious about them.
Some examples;
• I’m taking a walk with my dog in the park, minding my own business and she’s walking by. She stops walking and asks some a question or two about my dog and introduces herself to me.
• I’m working on or cleaning my car and she approaches me to compliment and ask a question or two about my car. Maybe ask what I’m doing and introduce herself.
• I’m at a young adult group and speaking during a breakout session. She approaches me afterward and brings up points I may have brought up, or asks questions about things I may have said or what I think about some points related.
The big takeaway is to be curious. If you ask questions, it will show a guy that you are curious about them. I’m not saying women need to pursue men whatsoever, I’m just saying that showing curiosity will hint that you are wanting to get to know them. To me, there is nothing sexual energy or flirtation that needs to happen to showcase this. Most men feel unseen and don’t think that anyone cares about their interests, wisdom, or choices. If you show that you care about any of those things, they’ll understand you want to know who they are.
So you want to be found?
@@Ashley_MG I just want a woman who’s actually curious about and interested in me. Men are building a life and need a helper, right? So why go out fishing through thousands of potential helpers, when all it takes is a curious woman who actually want to be MY helper specifically.
Let me clarify this as well: I’m not some incel loser. I’ve been in a 5 1/2 year long term relationship. I’ve asked girls for numbers. I’ve never been rejected. I’m just saying that most real men aren’t going to go out of their way to approach stranger women.
@@Ashley_MG Let me also say, I most likely won’t pursue a stranger. I need have an established idea of who a woman is. I’m not asking for women to “find” me, I’m just desiring for one to care enough to place herself in my path and make it clear that she is interested in being pursued by me specifically.
Women don't love money, women love men with money, BIG difference. MY uncle weighed 230kg, and had millions of money but when women saw him they wanted to flirt with him, at the time he said to me: "These women are only after my body."
This kinds of advice has come before and this advice will keep you single..because even in today's churches this is the same drivel that has always been taught...especially in non-denom and evangelical churches. I have been mentoring and ministering Christian youtu for over 30 years and this is essnetially Eldredge 'Wild at Heart' teachings
Yes! Dating advice has to take into account how masculinity and femininity work!🌹 Thank you!
Ouf, when it comes to Christians dating, it isn't easy out there. Most things are out south now
Tip for men: if you don't initiate, if you don't talk to us, if you are not consistent, if you take months and months (over 4) and you haven't said you like her we will think you are NOT INTERESTED or USING US for an ego boost.
Im pretty content and have everything I need thanks to gods mercy which is a blessing . 34 and single and im fine with it . Gods will for my life is more important. But I also suggest to be aware the dating culture is messed up . Even moreso outside the church where you have to be in the top 10% of men in order to be desirable to western woman . Which many men are leaving . In the christian church im not surprised the old ways in when grandpappy pursued doesnt work anymore in the day and age .
The only way I can meet women is through those dating apps. My church has hardly any singles.
Go find a new church.
good advice
But why don’t some women call a guy a creep for pursuing her making the move being direct with her?
girl queen can you turn the sound up on your videos please?? I've got the volume on full blast just to hear you then an add comes and explodes my eardrums
Feminism and MeToo have made it practically impossible for men to safely ask a woman out
No they haven't. Just don't have a social media presence. Then they can't cancel you.
I literally got a tinder Ad on this😭
A good Christian relationship book for men is “The Dating Blueprint” by Jason Evert. 100% recommend, the book is very biblical and comes entirely from a Christian worldview.
"Love your wife before you meet her." Yep. Jason Evert is great!
With respect I’ve read it but it really isn’t. When it comes to purity, sure he’s doing great, but he starts the story with how his WW2 grandpa wasn’t afraid to approach the woman who became his wife then he proceeds to recommend stuff I guarantee grandpa never did. He asked a bunch of women what they wanted and he then took it all at face value regardless of how contradictory it all was. If he’d spent more time determining what women actually do as opposed to what they say they think they’d link he’d have been way more on the mark.
@@michaeldyer7421do you have a better recommendation?
Bro thank you for speaking the masculine truth of the Bible. I don’t know about your other videos, but this content speaks truth. The Bible says “a man who finds a good wife find a good thing”… so we as men must FIND a wife. Not wait around for one. We as men must FIND, SEEK, and LEAD a good woman.
This was definitely solid advice
Where’s the button down from tho ?
rely on christ as you submit to him to bring these characteristics out of you. he is the great provider, protector, and the one who changes hearts. thanks for this video! much love bro keep going as the Lord leads!
It's difficult, having spent my young adulthood in the MeToo, feminism era and absorbing what was taught to me; I just can't perceive romantic feelings towards women as being something that are appropriate. I refer to the teachings of Christ, but this attitude has been difficult to shake. I pray I can reconcile with these feelings and perhaps, if it is god's will, have a normal relationship one day.
Should we wait on our spouse? When I would say this, people would scoff at me like "what, you expect her to just fall out of the sky?" and at the time I kinda hoped she would because I was (and still am) absolutely hopeless around girls. God has been working on me through this by bringing a Proverbs 31 woman in my life who has little interest in me and having me go through the painful awkwardness of learning how to be a friend to her. It's been its own sort of boot camp, in that a lot what I'm learning through this I know is preparing me for whatever He has for me down the road, whether or not that may be marriage. In a way I think the advice of "waiting on your spouse" can be inhibiting for both men and women, especially when not given with the context that we should first be pursuing our One True Love and letting Him mold us into the kind of person that our future spouse would want to marry.
Volume level is a bit low on this video
Not only is modern society shutting down men approaching, but purity culture (they’re told to “flee from temptation”, which is women)
Everything is so ridiculous. I give up lol
Put intentionality into finding your spouse.
Put yourself in the right circles.
Woman need a man who can take leadership.
Woman want you to say that I am the man and you are trustworthy.
Don’t change who you are like your personality, dreams hopes.
Change who you are and better yourself.
This is why i left the church, it didnt offer any real practical advice. If i remained at the church, i wouldve remain single and never have my daughter