Christian Guy talks about Female Friendships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ค. 2024
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In a culture that either demonizes men or excuses them, we need men to know that God has a mission for them to pursue. To lead and love well.
Join me as I work through the challenges, and joys of what it means to be a man. This is a place for men to be strengthened on their mission to lead and love.
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Its easy, girls dont even talk to me anyways
LOL😂😢
Same😏
Yep same here 😅😂
I agree
It’s true. How can i put this into practical use if i’m never in those situations
Before I was married I dealt with this situation and learned an important lesson. I had a crush on a guy friend of mine, and he acted like he liked me too. He invited me to hang out all the time. Sometimes in groups and sometimes one on one. He commented on several of my pictures on Facebook and told me I looked pretty. He would pick me up and take me to church events and we would stay in his truck and talk afterwards. I truly and honestly thought he liked me and that our friendship was building somewhere. Then, one day we're talking and he casually mentions that he has a crush on this other girl that we both know. I was completely blindsided and crushed. I realized I had completely misread the situation, but even now as a much older and now happily married woman I also feel like he led me on a little bit. I don't think it was intentional on his part, but it still hurt me.
I pulled way back on our friendship and put boundaries between us from that point on. A year later I met my husband and he stated his intentions with me a couple of weeks after we met. It was soooo refreshing to finally experience building what we called an "intentional friendship" and I always knew exactly where he stood. But being single in the church my girlfriends and I experienced A LOT of this type of thing, and it caused a lot of hurt feelings and confused young women.
He was definitely into you. No guy would go to those lengths just to be “friends”. Not sure why he went with the other girl
@@ofauvi2089 He really wasn't. He asked a mutual friend why I was more distant and what was going on. Ahe let him know that I was taking some space because I had a crush on him and needed to guard my heart better. She told me that he was surprised to hear that I liked him.
The whole thing confused me, but if he really did like me he could have at that point pursued me romantically, but he didn't. The whole thing was odd.
It worked out for the best. My husband is completely amazing and is a much better fit for me.
@@ofauvi2089 He was playing games. This seems to be an arising problem for both sexes.
@@ofauvi2089she was his second choice
I think what could have avoided this was by being inviting towards him romantically like Ruth was to Boaz in chapter 3. Let's say then he wasn't intentional in the next couple hangouts, then he obviously isn't into you and you should move on. Hanging around with a guy you like and not showing interest doesn't make sense as men are waiting to see that you're interested before they will make a move. In the book of Ruth, you see Boaz being kind, Ruth reciprocating it and then making herself available and obvious to Boaz she's interested romantically.
After we had hung out a couple of times and even watched a movie together with no one else home, I let a female friend of mine know I was not looking for a relationship and I didn’t ever want to hurt her. She said that was fine and she was just happy to have another Christian friend in her life. After a year of just being friends, she started getting distant. My mom suggested she might be “guarding her heart” because she had feelings for me. I brushed it off at first but after we went ice skating together, I realized I had suppressed feelings for her too. Luckily I asked her out shortly after, she said yes and we got married a year and a half later.
I have no regrets in my situation but I really appreciate mentioning the point that “If you wouldn’t have the same relationship if they were married, maybe consider changing how much and how deeply you’re interacting.”
The guy in the video doesn't take into account this:
In some cases you just can't define your intention too soon. For example specially in your first one or two interactions with a particular woman because you don't even know her well yet to begin with. Even if she's a christian, sometimes some women might not be compatible with you. It's both logic and common sense that you need to first know well a woman before deciding what is what you want with her.
But I agree that you shouldn't even flirt ( nor do anything that could make her think you want something romantic ) with someone with whom you don't seek nor expect anything romantic ( at least at the moment ). You should set boundaries.
I’ve really needed this video…
I know I’m not unattractive, I work hard, everyone says I am really funny and super caring, and so on. Heck, my wife has cried on several occasions from seeing me do almost all the chores at our house, handle our finances, pay our bills, and more (she sometimes feels like a terrible wife).
Im only the way I am because I follow the Word and I have self confidence issues. So I’ve learned to slow down and let her take control of somethings (even though I want to spoil her and let her live a carefree life lol).
But saying all of that, that means there are women who have their eyes on me as well. I’ve made the mistake of sharing too much of my personal struggles with women in the past, and it only complicated their feelings towards me. It doesn’t help when one of my wife’s friends is going through some hard time and she wants them to sit and talk with us (mainly me. I may talk to her about that actually).
Right now we are housing someone who is going through a hard time and she has three daughters as well. They have been coming to church and I’ve had a great time teaching them in my Sunday school and Wednesday nights, but we have set boundaries. Anytime my wife is at work and her friend is off, I am not allowed to be in the house at all (this includes her kids as well of course). I’m even stepping up our boundaries to where I will not be with her and her daughters when my wife isn’t home; and my wife said it was ok, but I explained to her why it isn’t.
Though they are living in our house, I buy groceries, only let the mom pay for a couple of utilities, and so on, I am not their father or her husband. And I don’t want her to covet either.
It isn’t easy. I’m being honest. I’ve had a porn addiction in my teen years, and scenarios play in my head all the time. I’m not perfect, and that’s why we need to be careful with not only how much we share with the opposite sex, but what roles we play in their lives as well.
One of the problems is that in certain occasions not all have exactly the same concept about "friendship". For example let's imagine a man and a woman agree verbally to be friends. One of the two might assume being in friendship with a person of the opposite gender necessarily implies or includes romantic things or that it will neccesarily escalate to the romantic level. On the other hand, the other might understand "frendship" only as interacting with someone without any sentimental/romantic interest from neither party. And that's where misunderstandings happen and one of the two gets hurt.
Stay strong brother
I’ve had to learn this lesson the hard way. I’ve always had more female friends than male friends because I’m SSA, so I’ve naively entered friendships with girls assuming they only thought of me as a friend as well. I’ve stopped indulging ultra personal details about myself or my family to my female friends somewhere around 10th grade in high school because I learned that that’s a signal to deeper intimacy. Since then I’ve always approached female friendships that way, but now it’s harder and harder to be friends with them at all without them thinking I’m interested in them. I’m working to be more intentional in finding guy friends, but since my friendships are with fellow church members, people are starting to look at me strange. They don’t get why I’m not interested in anyone at all. Eventually I’m probably going to have to tell them about my attraction struggle, because right now I’m afraid I’m starting to look selfish.
Brother, I am sorry to hear of your pain in finding friends. It's easy to get caught in others perception of you, and its good to care not to offend others, but I would advise not to share details with people you're not comfortable sharing with if possible. I pray for your strength in carrying this difficult cross.
Hey, thanks for sharing! I'd love to offer some advice, if you're open. Although I don't struggle with SSA, I deal with the battle of the flesh much in the same way as it relates to lust. Having been exposed to porn at 11 years old, it's been a serious battle for me to remain pure and to keep my sexual desire Holy and pleasing to God. I have failed many times, and still fail, but the verses I wanna share with you have helped me a ton. Also what has helped is having faith that one day I will find a woman that I can love the way God intended, and I have faith God can do the same for you. All it takes is one person. Anyway, I just want to encourage you. Here goes:
Although difficult, I think it could be beneficial to tell someone you trust about your struggle, as they may be able to offer you some support and advice. Some people may shame and condemn you, but don't listen to those voices, for there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Now, I'm not saying God condones same sex relationships, He doesn't, but I'm saying that we struggle with a sinful flesh and a sinful nature that wants the opposite of what the Spirit wants (Galatians 5:17). So, no one should shame you for struggling with your flesh. They should encourage you to depend on Jesus and his grace and to seek freedom through the renewal of you mind (Romans 12:2), the cleansing of your heart (Psalm 51:10) and the putting on of your new self (Ephesians 4:22-24). Continue to seek the truth, abide in Jesus' word, and the truth will set you free (John 8:31-32). Perhaps there may be lies and spiritual attacks that the devil has sent you which are making the struggle harder (Ephesians 6:12). Take down those lies one by one and I'm confident this struggle will one day be behind you. Until then, walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Live as if you are free and walk in the Spirit, and your flesh will not get what it desires (Galatians 5:16).
I could share many more verses but it would take to long. My last piece of advice will be to seek Jesus! He is the way the truth, and the life. We cannot experience true life without him. God bless!
Whats does ssa mean, if yall don't mind explaining?
@@nickazarmusic You’re totally right- and my pastor does already know. I’ve been in counseling with him and I’ve finally opened up to my small groups leader about my struggle and he’s become my accountability partner with an accountability software I got. I really just feel guilty I can’t be what the women in my young adult small group want me to be. I want a family, but I have to have a holy sexuality first. No SSA and no lust.
@@tjj_ Thank you brother. I’ve been in counseling for about a year with my pastor so he does know thankfully.
As a female, this is so nice to hear. It makes me feel that all of the boundaries I’ve always thought men I’ve dated should’ve had with female friends were not weird, crazy or having irrational expectations. I was the normal one! 😅 they were not…. Wow.. what a relief. I was not dating the right people. That’s for sure.
samee bro
Yes. I really appreciate him making these videos and letting guys know what isn’t ok and what is. It’s a relief to me as well that I wasn’t being controlling or jealous.
girls : you're not dating the guys who love you and want to clearly commit ; You're only dating the guys who are attractive according to the worldly wishlist. Admit it.
@@MsYoshiGreen One of the problems is that in certain occasions not all have exactly the same concept about "friendship". For example let's imagine a man and a woman agree verbally to be friends. One of the two might assume being in friendship with a person of the opposite gender necessarily implies or includes romantic things or that it will neccesarily escalate to the romantic level. On the other hand, the other might understand "frendship" only as interacting with someone without any sentimental/romantic interest from neither party. And that's where misunderstandings happen and one of the two gets hurt.
I absolutely agree with the guy on 3:49 and your conclusion statement.
You can have female friend's as long as both of y'all are aware of each others intention in that friendship.
But having a female "Best friend" is when you confide in them about everything in your life similar to your main/ core guy friends. When you start blurring the lines of friend to best friend... thats when it gets messy/ confusing for all parties involved.
I made friends with this guy and we were texting back and forth to the point I noticed his message was what I first saw when I woke up and last before I went to sleep. That’s when I realised we needed to set boundaries and made it clear to eachother that we are friends and would be nothing more. We reduced the staying up at night talking but spent time talking only during daytime. Now our friendship lasts and we both care for eachother as friends and are in our own relationships
My best friend from early 2020 to late 2022 was a girl I’d grown up with since we were maybe 5-10. I was interested, while she said openly that she was not. I told myself it was okay to be really close friends because I accepted it and was okay with being just friends. In reality, I was holding out hope that she’d someday mention how she had developed feelings for me. Late last year she started distancing herself from me and it hurt. I didn’t understand and I tried to ask why but I only got excuses so I just assumed she didn’t want to associate anymore. I respected it and decided I would only respond to texts and never initiate anything, even in real life when we’d see each other for church events and stuff. I now realize that she was being incredibly mature in distancing herself from me and that we should have never had such a deep relationship without intentions to become something more. We’ve gotten to the point that we chat maybe once or twice a month about trivial stuff, and while I miss having someone to talk to about deep emotions, I’m glad we’re not as close as we used to be
Sorr for long story it really wasn’t meant to be so long lol
I feel you
@@achritam The guy in the video doesn't take into account this:
In some cases you just can't define your intention too soon. For example specially in your first one or two interactions with a particular woman because you don't even know her well yet to begin with. Even if she's a christian, sometimes some women might not be compatible with you. It's both logic and common sense that you need to first know well a woman before deciding what is what you want with her.
But I agree that you shouldn't even flirt ( nor do anything that could make her think you want something romantic ) with someone with whom you don't seek nor expect anything romantic ( at least at the moment ). You should set boundaries.
I'm just wondering how romantic relationships are supposed to begin without having a foundation of friendship. Just starting off of physical attraction seems like a recipe for disaster, so wouldn't it be better to have that basis of being good, close friends, and then moving from there? Obviously being clear with one's intentions.
As long as you want this friend as a partner, then yes.
I think what he is trying to say, is that guy/girl friendship should not be without wanting that individual as a partner.
@@jinside. I definitely agree with that point. The problem is when one side is interested and is unsure about the other side. It's pretty difficult and awkward to immediately start off with romantic intentions, and it's unlikely that you'll know it's mutual before becoming closer. While I definitely agree with the boundaries aspect, it does create a situation that's more difficult to navigate than it is to discuss.
It’s not uncommon for romantic relationships to spawn in friend groups. But the wisdom here is avoiding developing opposite sex friendships 1 on 1 because doing the logical thing isn’t always as easy as doing the emotional thing for many
@@danielmacdonald5703 Exactly!
That's why one should only have a 1 on 1 friendship with someone, with who this individual wants a relationship with.
However, if the other person doesn't want this relationship, he/she should not even build that 1 on 1 friendship.
I hope that makes sense.
if you wonder how to create a relationship with a woman without prior friendship, then you're a woman.
Your last sentence confirms you either never had to date (being clear with your intentions makes women run) or that you're a woman.
The way I think about male to female friendships is how would you feel if you're girlfriend was hanging out with another guy in 1 on 1s and texting often, it is obviously not appropriate if you're in a relationship with someone else, even the side that will pretend beyond any reason that men and women can be intimate friends will agree that if you're girlfriend is texting another guy and hanging out with him 1 on 1 it would not be right.
Just apply the standard in all your interactions and think "if I was dating a girl would I be fine with her interacting with another guy in this way" and if the answer is no then you are clearly violating boundaries, and if you're in this zone of "friends" it will always end up with one of you falling in love with the other one.
Why people must always deny this and pretend this is about insecurity is so ridiculous, a man can have 1 singular female friend, and that friend is his wife.
Yeah that's why I'd only have female friends in a group setting or small conversations at church.
Some of my close friends are women, I'm 27, and there is a difference between how we interact vs how I interact with my guy friends.
One in particular asked me outright if I liked her because she interpreted some compliments I made to her as flirting.
Now, I'm sure most guys here know that sometimes we try and build each other up and that includes compliments of various things including looks.
I genuinely saw her as a "bro" and didn't think twice about it and none of what i said was overtly romantic. Even still, she felt she had to ask me if I liked her and she wanted to lay down where we stood.
As much as it sucks guys and girls can never truly be "just friends" to the same degree we are friends with our own group. If you swapped out the same stuff you say around your bros with your girl bffs you will quickly see how different it is.
It can also start to beg the question, "We get along so well. Why aren't we dating if that's the case?" Afterall, if i was going to marry anyone I would want it to be with a Christian woman who I can have a strong bond with. If the only barrier is physical attraction then you need to beware this "block" because women think far less of physical attraction as they begin to bond with men.
Women generally see the whole picture more than men do. So even if she isn't initially attracted to you she very well might become attracted to you down the road because of that bond.
One of the problems is that in certain occasions not all have exactly the same concept about "friendship". For example let's imagine a man and a woman agree verbally to be friends. One of the two might assume being in friendship with a person of the opposite gender necessarily implies or includes romantic things or that it will neccesarily escalate to the romantic level. On the other hand, the other might understand "frendship" only as interacting with someone without any sentimental/romantic interest from neither party. And that's where misunderstandings happen and one of the two gets hurt.
The Holy Spirit has given me this revelation that I'm still trying to put to practice and i believe that it will help everyone. For those who struggle with intrusive/lustful thoughts or questions on female friendships. Look at them as your sisters. Yes, biologically. Through this thought pattern i can find some solution to get through the thoughts and i hope this helps you too. May The Lord Jesus Christ bless you all and everyone we know, amen!
What do you do when you want to marry one of "your sisters" then ?
Orthodox Church has taught Christian’s this for over a Millennium.
To look at women (aside from your wife and mother) as sisters. And men as brothers.
@@S.M.Jean-Mahmoud_Ier do it, just forget the sister angle
there is no such thing, If you don't keep your boundaries with them, things will get complicated when one of you develops feelings.
@@S.M.Jean-Mahmoud_IerThe Holy Spirit will show you when you meet the right woman, and you'll have more specific feelings for her before that. Don't worry, your Guide will not leave you, just trust in Him. Hope this helps brother, have a blessed day! 😊
Tbh, it really hurt to watch this vid and the last one. This is an area that I have struggled with for a while, and not in temptation but In willing ignorance. Luckily God has placed natural boundaries and circumstances in my life where I cannot trick myself into making more mistakes, so I’m glad I’m thinking about this now.
One of my closest and best friends is a girl. We both know and set boundaries, we know each others priorities and intentions. We've been able to help each other in our own walks with Christ and encourage each other in pursuing Him. I am incredibly thankful for the female friends I've been able to have and currently have in my life.
Just be careful. The girls in your life probably like you if they’re having deep conversations about God with you, even if you’ve set boundaries…
bro is whipped and she isn’t even yours
@@raandomuser710 How dare a guy is best friends with a woman, right?
@@crfstewarje 100% correct. Because he is only hurting himself in the long run
@@raandomuser710 Except he said that they both have set boundaries. It just sounds like you believe that guys and girls can't be close friends.
When I wasn’t in a relationship I had a lady who made all the effort to message me and try to hang out with me while she was in a relationship. Her messages wasn’t overtly flirty but they were far too frequent and it sketched me out. I eventually broke it down to her and said I’m not looking for close friendships with the opposite sex.
The only Exceptions are Job, ministry, or academic relationships even then public area, or groups.
One of the problems is that in certain occasions not all have exactly the same concept about "friendship". For example let's imagine a man and a woman agree verbally to be friends. One of the two might assume being in friendship with a person of the opposite gender necessarily implies or includes romantic things or that it will neccesarily escalate to the romantic level. On the other hand, the other might understand "frendship" only as interacting with someone without any sentimental/romantic interest from neither parties. And that's where misunderstandings happen and one of the two gets hurt.
I have a woman friend with whom I have pretty deep 1-on1 convos with, mostly about dating (other people we are interested in, and how to approach different situation), but also hopes and dreams and Jesus. From the very beginning we have both been suuuper clear that anything romantic is completely off the table, and it is reiterated pretty much every time we hang out(which is in general every couple of months).
What you said about if I would act the same if she or I had an SO has me thinking. I think that it is natural for various kinds of relationship to change over time, and when it happens that either me or her gets an SO, the way we interact would naturally change(but maybe that just how I want it to be?). This is certainly something I will have to talk with her about. Thank you for this video, I will think seriously about it.
This is the right way to go about it. Things can grow and change, maybe you and your partners can become family friends. But be intentional with drawing those boundaries
Whether you are discussing about the Word or the weather , emotions are deemed to set in at some point even though both parties agreed not to, we are human but outliers are there
There’s a wonderful book called “his needs her needs: building an affair proof marriage.” The first couple chapters of the book hit this point really hard. Almost every affair happens with a family friend, especially as a man provides the emotional needs of a woman when her husband is lacking. Without noticing, the woman will slowly build trust and seek the validation of this man, and he has essentially stolen her from her husband. This is without notice and could even happen without ever realizing.
I’m not opposed to male friends ship as long as they are platonic same if I had a spouse. In the faith we just suppose to look at one another as brother and sister because eventually that’s what we will all be in heaven God willing. Friendship with anyone needs to have some sort of boundaries. Paul was friends with Pricilla and Aquila. Just focus on God and he will lead you to the right path
This is my hope but unfortunately it doesn’t pan out that way.
Thanks again Issac! And to all the guys who posted comments. God's showing me that this is a big issue in my life that I really didn't think much about. I've already made it up in my mind that I'm not going to have a girlfriend in this season of life. But my loneliness and longing for a close friend has lead me to have a ton of friends who were girls that I've probably led on by accident and even a couple that I feel stuck with right now. I've told her I just want to be friends but then I go back to texting her daily and opening up my feelings. I need to be ok with the fact that it's better to have no close friends than to have one but that friendship could hurt both of us in the long run.
The guy in the video doesn't take into account this:
In some cases you just can't define your intention too soon. For example specially in your first one or two interactions with a particular woman because you don't even know her well yet to begin with. Even if she's a christian, sometimes some women might not be compatible with you. It's both logic and common sense that you need to first know well a woman before deciding what is what you want with her.
But I agree that you shouldn't even flirt ( nor do anything that could make her think you want something romantic ) with someone with whom you don't seek nor expect anything romantic ( at least at the moment ). You should set boundaries.
Happy you covered this topic. Great wisdom.
THANK YOU FOR ADDRESSING THIS BRO!!
Hey brother! Thank you for talking about these topics that SHOULD be talked about more in the Christian community. Growing up, I was surrounded mostly by women, and most of my friends who reached out to be friends in my childhood HAVE been girls. I have opened up and trust in women more than men; I have a certain level of distrust and/or fear of men for most of my life due to MANY interactions, including a potential lack of a strong fatherly figure. I am reaching a point in my life where I am recognizing that change needs to occur; any advice or suggestions to transition into having more Christian guy friendships is appreciated. God bless you brother and all :)
The guy in the video doesn't take into account this:
In some cases you just can't define your intention too soon. For example specially in your first one or two interactions with a particular woman because you don't even know her well yet to begin with. Even if she's a christian, sometimes some women might not be compatible with you. It's both logic and common sense that you need to first know well a woman before deciding what is what you want with her.
But I agree that you shouldn't even flirt ( nor do anything that could make her think you want something romantic ) with someone with whom you don't seek nor expect anything romantic ( at least at the moment ). You should set boundaries.
I wish I found this video 5 months ago. This serves a great lesson on how to set up Boundaries. Thank you for this
Issac! Couldn't be grateful more to God and you for this! Glad that you approached it in a practical manner and described in depth. Got answers to questions that were circling in my head for sooooo long!
This is amazing. Your hitting the the nail on the head every time. Thank you to all the people that commented.
Hey brother. I’ve been listening to your videos lately and they’ve been such a blessing in my life. These are topics that I wish the local church would cover more specially on this day and age where the family is being attacked by the enemy.. I’ve been going through a lot lately. I feel like an older brother is giving me advice through you. All the glory to God keep up the good work bro. Blessings 🙏🏼
Discernment is key, have intentional relationships with clear communication
I’m a woman watching this and I greatly appreciate your content on both channels. I’ve been deeply wounded by males in the past who didn’t respect a “friendship boundary”. I either WAS the female friend that was lead on or unfortunately taken advantage of and traumatized … OR I was the girlfriend who developed deep rooted insecurities involving women because my former boyfriends didn’t set healthy boundaries with their female friends or even former ex girlfriends… and not only did they not set healthy boundaries and protect me in that way, many of those female friends went out of their way to harass me and I was still not protected… my guard is instantly up any time a potential partner talks about his “female friends” and if I’m shown they can’t immediately set and stick to healthy boundaries I’m immediately put off. I’ve been cheated on multiple times or harassed or neglected BECAUSE of involvement with another woman where there were not boundaries. OR unfortunately I was the one who was used to cheat on some unsuspecting girlfriend that I was unaware of because I was getting taken out on dates and being treated like the girlfriend and shown affection that was “more than platonic” Just to find out they had a girlfriend the entire time that I never knew about because they kept me in the dark and honestly finding out that I was some “side chick” and my involvement caused pain to another woman was angering and heartbreaking… I appreciate your wisdom that you are sharing with men on this channel. It’s reassuring knowing that there are men out there who are seeking wisdom and to grow in spiritual maturity.
Oh dear I’m really sorry to hear you went through any of these situations. I know first hand how all of them are heartbreaking. Because of your experience with being led on by a male friend I wanted to hear your opinion on my situation. I have this pretty close christian guy friend of 4 years and I’ve always liked him because of how helpful and caring he was with school. As of this year he began to behave a bit flirtier, would give me weird compliments, be touchy etc. I have absolutely no clue if he likes me because he is generally affectionate with others as well. It has been driving me up a wall of feeling lead on and confused for months. And ik he has attempted to date girls this year. What am I to do as a christian in this situation to avoid being hurt as well?
@Alice, I am so sorry to hear about your experiences… in a fallen world we live in, these men are unfortunately going to be unavoidable. BUT, we have God who loves us like a Father! When a mature Godly man likes you, who should he go to? Your father out of respect. Well, as a Godly man, he should have a good relationship with the Lord. He should first go to the Lord about you. God gives us free will, so if you like him back too, He’ll work out all things good for those He loves. Guard your precious heart and hand your desire over to the Lord. It was Him who gave you the desire, let Him finish it. He knows you completely and has good things for you. Pursue Him and fall in love with Him in the waiting. God bless you ❤
@@sweetieboo991hi , I’ve experienced this myself too (more than once unfortunately, but God is still good!) so as a sister in Christ, I’ll offer my input. Note my only interpretation is only from your comment and my own experiences, so take it with a grain of salt and pray about it.
If he’s generally affectionate/flirty with everyone, best to not assume anything. I truly believe that a mature Godly man will be straightforward about his intentions with you, there’s no beating around the bush. Now I get he could be shy or nervous, but he wouldn’t lead you on in confusion… I’m also going to be a little transparent but I mean it out of love towards you and him. If he’s being more flirty with you and trying to date other girls at the same time, he’s not serious about you.
Guard your heart by setting healthy boundaries with your friend. Be a sister in Christ to him. If you find that too hard to do, it’s okay to take a step back from 1on1 hangouts, daily texting, etc. in fact if you are doing that with him, I’d recommend to heavily slow that. Do you even talk that much with your girlfriends? As imperfect Christians, sometimes our flesh makes us rely on human affection for self worth and validation. Show and remind him that only God’s love can complete him, not yours or anyone else’s. Hopefully he’ll believe and remember that truth so he’ll not be tempted to merely gain affection from you for self worth. God bless you both ❤
Sheesh! Spot on!!! We gotta be assertive and intentional about setting boundaries, even if feelings get hurt. It's for the safety of both individuals.
Bro this video is so good! I totally agree with what you have said.
I wanna start of by thank you for creating this channel. Gives me confirmation I’m establishing the correct steps needed in the start of my relationship with this girl I have full intentions of marrying. This the first week hanging out, we already establish our intentions and agree with each other. Known each other for a year cause of work but never had the opportunity to have long conversation or ask her out. The problem now is self control, how do we deal with resisting temptation. I know we’re called to walk away but how is it done? I feel like I know the answer , I think I just neeed to hear it from someone else .
Amen! This video is great! I wish I would have watched it sooner, I got myself into a heartbreaking situation from March of 2022 to April of this year, and I told myself I was, “seeking the Lord”, but in reality, I was trying to justify pursuing a girl when He had clearly shown me I wasn’t ready.
I’m still not sure if I’m going to pursue a relationship with this girl someday, but for now we’re only hanging out in groups, and I’m only texting her about once a week on a group chat with a mutual friend. (Most of the time it’s to discuss which song we’re singing in my teen class, she’s the pianist and I’m the song leader.) I’m waiting on God for now!
Ughhhh i needed this video a few months ago. Would have saved myself alot of heartache 😢
Thanks so much for this Isaac!
Seriously an eye-opener! 😁
For a while now I’ve been distancing myself from very “flirty” Christian guys.
Setting up better safeguards with my guy friends has been quite beneficial.
I’ve also noticed that the 3-hour long conversations have turned into quick 10 minute chats (with the friend’s new girlfriend present), which I actually really appreciate and respect now ☺️
Absolutely agree with what you said at 3:07 - you wouldn’t meet up with them for hours on end if they were in a relationship, so why do so now? 🤩 Gold!
The hard thing is when as a guy you connect better with girls as friends than guys. I'm an emotionally sensitive person and so I find a lot more girls who would rather talk about topics that guys just don't seem interested in. Finding strong male friends is REALLY hard for me. I have two close friends. One is friends with a lot of people and so we don't hang out as much as I would like, and he doesn't always seem to want to talk about deep topics like I do. The other is a female friend and she really understands me and values my thoughts and feelings like no one else does. I struggle to make friends in general so I feel that my fear of losing one of my closest friends is too great for me to set boundaries with her. Once I develop an emotional intimacy with anyone it's very hard for me to let go.
This is facts brother💯💯💯
Setting up boundaries is so important! I've been having a lot of deep one on one conversations with a guy friend and I was beginning to develop some feelings because of our interactions. However, I noticed that he has multiple one on one conversations with other girls, so the best thing I can do for myelf to guard my own heart is to set clear boundaries moving forward.
I'd have to fully agree with this video. I think it is the way to go.
This is actually a really good channel
Great video!
The only real difference is with someone you're dating you are going to be more physically intimate(holding their hand, kissing them,) you can still very much have great conversation with a woman that you're not dating.
YESS not everyone is the same, if a guy and girl is bestfriends like the same gender friendships (1v1 and deep stuff) but has intentions to remain FRIENDS it should not be a big deal
Love watching these videos and I have suggested them to the guys I hang out with. Keep it up bro. Nice jacket by the way
You should talk about opposite gender colleagues. Because it’s behind 4 walls, 8 hours per day, many many people start an affair with a colleague and if it’s nothing physical, it’s emotional because of the type of the relationship.
You don’t have to say « I am going to spend time with this girl/guy » because they already are at your work place.
You don’t need to find excuses to see them, you see them everyday.
They start to connect and relate. If you are in a bad mood they will ask « what’s going on » and then if you open up (and of course, the coincidence that you’ll be in a bad mood because some fights/disagreements happened with your partner) and the person is listening, compassionate, you’ll start to see them differently.
It’s very insidious because you are just like « it’s just a colleague » , then they will ask you to go to lunch, and you don’t refuse because it’s weird and you want to be seen as a good relational-skilled type of person and not the « bad/unfriendly colleague ».
And then you have afterworks, parties organized with the team, or the company, and of course then the irreparable happens.
It’s awful because then the partner compares everything you are with this person, how beautiful and nice she/he is while you are the awful one… it’s all an illusion but unfortunately if they don’t put up STRONG boundaries, they will fail.
And the problems that they thought thy had in their relationship are absolutely NOTHING compared to the chaos they will get and the destruction they did in this person’s life….
I got lost in the last 2 paragraphs… can’t understand who is who there.. but would love to.
Yes! Agree
@@love7love sorry English is not my mother language and I get lost sometimes in my brain translating and then writing but what I say to myself in my head in French it’s not how you say things in English ahah
It’s a little trick, I’ll try to edit my comment.
Thanks for feedback btw!
I like the idea of “I want to protect your heart.” It’s also hard to risk them not wanting to be your friend or as close to you, but it is definitely the right thing to do. Thankfully many of my guy friends have respected this & some have been LIFE LONG friends I’m truly grateful for!!
Exactly! One of my friends was the same, the best way to communicate friendship is it is 1 on 10 times. Not one on one, my bf who is a girl is getting married and I can not make it so I bought them something as a friend. I always made it clear after we passed the first hiccup of her really liking me, I simply explained you are like a sister to me, and the same was with her after a while, and it has not really changed. But I always communicated with her about being a good friend nothing more nothing less.
Bro got married 😮
Ikr
I think I agree with everything you said here
Women are different from men and as Christians we should accept this, but let’s also not forget that women are also human. As humans we are more similar than we are different. I’ve had girls who were my best friend who I did eventually get feelings for, and there’s been ones where we both made clear we would never go to that point. We could still talk deep and everything, cause friendship is different from romance. So for single guys, don’t give into the paranoia, just be honest and open. To all the people claiming it’s always inevitable, I understand there can be risk that we should be aware of but ultimately if you just cannot make a platonic deep relationship with a woman than that’s a ‘you problem’.
If you’re married tho, then yeah you probably shouldn’t have female best friends unless you had this person as a friend ever since childhood or something extremely entrenched like that.
I don't think saying that's a you problem is respectful and drives out your point. I understand what your are saying but all he's saying is not a great idea to lead other women on and remember one thing can actually mean another. Watch Bill Burr talk about no actually meaning yes.
My point is you might Tell each other that but Satan still exist and will take advantage of that so it's best to avoid having that kind of relationship. By the way that doesn't mean you shouldn't be kind or respectful it just means keep some distance
Thank you, that's a very good way to approach this
I get what you mean man.. but I don’t think saying that a platonic DEEP relationship is a recipe for disaster is always a you or me problem. It’s actually not possible no matter which way you look at it. Friendships between guys and girls are possible, but a deep one? Where you talk consistently, and share deep and emotional communion with each other on a regular basis? Impossible to not eventually catch feelings. We are hard wired to fall for the opposite sex when the environment is right and things are lining up in your friendship.
Yeah this is exactly it
I would love a video like this the other way around, how to tell if a women knows you are pursuing them and what to do if they don't.
It's awesome, thank you so much for this videos, I don't have that much experience, but i can say that is true and loving to set boundaries with other women friends, i talk as a single guy, and also I think about 1 Tim 5:2 where Paul writes to Timothy to see the young women as sisters, so it is clear how I have to know them, care about them; and also in this verse there's that thing which I'm understanding: The absolute purity is needed in this relationship, so above the love I can show to a sister in Christ, I have to care about my intentions to her and also what are her intentions towards me; all this to be able to love her in truth and sincerity.
Also, couple friends are amazing to have!! Then you and your spouse can go out together… with friends! Meeting with friends, with your best friend(spouse) is so nice!
No no no YOU ARE RIGHT ON! THEY CANNOT BE just friends. Ive seen It ive been through it all. It does not work
Song of Solomon said that love is as powerful as death and jealous as fierce as the grave. In light of this, minimizing the chance of jealous seems wise.
I pretty much agree with your position Isaac, though I’ve been thinking recently about reaching out to some women at my workplace. They are not Christians as far as I can tell, and so I would like to have conversations with them and try to talk about God with them. The issue is that there is no time to have any meaningful conversations at work, so the only way I could do that is by trying to meet them 1 on 1. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not this is a good idea or not, though I have felt like God is trying to get me to share my beliefs with them. I don’t really have any intention of wanting to date them, so the hard part of it I guess would be figuring out when to stop meeting them 1 on 1.
Anyways, really appreciate your videos so keep it up!
recently I've been trying to adopt a no-hug policy when it comes to ladies. The thing is, hugs are so part of the culture now, it crazy, but i don't think i should be hugging every single girl i see. i do not want to touch females casually, I see them as sacred beings to be respected. Also, personally speaking, when i get a girlfriend i wouldn't want her giving hugs to every single guy, that would be wild and jade. it would be a perf
it doesn't need to make sense to everyone if it's helping you
"Sacred beings"? relax bro. Shes just a regular person like you and I. Women are our counterparts, they're not to be revered like gods. The way you see them looks like idolatry, which is a sin.
I agree with you completely, they're not to be treated as God's. You see, human beings are sacred beings set apart from all creation on earth. Treating woman in a way other than using the biblical blue print laid out in the bible would be a perf.
I don't idolise women, I treat them and want to see them how our father does, as valuable
My friend told our friend group this about female friends. “Why are we playing house without a property? You’re doing boyfriend/husband duties when it’s not your role”
From that moment on, we started setting up healthy boundaries and hung out in groups.
This is 100% true. As female, who never have close male friend. We should always treated the opposite as friend like acquaintance and with only 1 intentions which is friend. Not as your therapist, relationship guidance, deep talk or be giving daily updates in hoping to be besties. Some day somehow one of you gonna fell with one another and then if does not reciprocate then how do u heal that brokeness inside,is it worth it to lose that so called friendship. Guard your heart. Save it for your future spouse and wait on the lord❤
Amen, this timing is perfect! I recently had to friendzone a guy who I fell for and who fell for me because he is Mormon. It was really hard and we've both agreed that we need space until we get over each other because we both know it's not going to end in marriage. It's been hard, but i know it was the right thing! My prayer for both of us is that we both turn from dependance on each other to God! I would appreciate y'all's prayers! 🤍
it feels so weird but i feel like this video relates to me . i feel lke i'm one of those guys who overshare and end up friendzoning them.
See female friends are so great to have and I have never had any trouble with them but I think thats because I don't go 1 on 1 and I treat almost the exact same as my guy friends and they can see that since my guy friends and female friends hang out together and we are a very close knit group. We are close knit since we are like the outsiders of the group and very open Christians at our school, we also all go to the same youth group and church. This group has been close knit since year 7 since we've had the same small group at youth since then. I don't know why I haven't had any problems yet but if this helps anybody with trying to keep a stable friendship with a girl then great
This is very relatable for me. I go to a local homeschool co-op and one of the girls there I've known for over a year now. We have gone over a few times boundaries and intentions. I personally have had feelings for this girl and we have sorted things out about that. It's been the hard way for sure, but I have and am still learning a lot from it. I would like to know one thing at the very leats: I chat with her online on a group chat with me, her, and my Mother for boundary reasons, as I have previously done 1o1 before and it didn't feel right. However, back to my question, how often should conversations happen, and how long should they be? I know everyday is ove a bit much but once a week just doesn't seem right as I see her twice a week at the co-op. So where's the sweet spot for conversations and how deep should they go? We also go on tangents which can end up in more philosophical and theoretical topics and scenarios, so I don't know if that's fine because it's less personalized or if it's not fitting for being friends because it goes to deep. Thank you so much for doing these videos, because they do an astronomical amount of good.
For me with my interactions with women I always think of this hypothetical.
If my wife was doing this with another guy in our marriage and I would have a problem with it, then I should not be doing this with a women I am not married to.
This is how it makes sense to me. So for example I put things in this context for how often I text women and why I text them, what kind of things I talk to women about, physical interactions, etc.
This is a helpful context to hopefully make it clear, “should I hold my Girlfriends hand?”Seems innocent enough, until you ask the question would I be ok if my wife did this with another guy? The answer is no. Why because in that context we see the clear emotional betrayal.
Im keeping both my emotional and physical purity for my future wife. Then when I have a wife it will be for her only.
1 Timothy 5:1-2 CSB
Don't rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, [2] older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters with all purity.
At first, I appreciate the content you make. It is great! I have a girlfriend who I know from my birth. We raised up with each other. She is one year older than me and I have always seen her as some of a ‘sister’. I had never feelings for her once, but I don’t know I hear these stories and I’m thinking; what is healthy? We know everything of each other, like idk? Christ have the first place in my life, so I like to question to my fellow brother and sister some advice?❤
This is fine. Some people are just friends, and only see each other as such. This is perfectly okay. Don't worry 😊
If you don't see your life without her, marry her. Else, prepare to leave her because her husband will not want you near, and he'll have every right to.
Thanks for using my comment brother and great video as always. Your insights have greatly helped me in my faith journey and my pursuit of becoming a biblical man. How do you suggest that I handle this situation with my friend? Do I tell her how I feel? If so, how should I start that conversation with her? God bless
The “feeling” takes over logic sometimes its unfortunate but thats why we need mental strength
after a year of "incel" you'll lose your strength too.
Hey Isaac, I honestly feel for this. A few months ago I went through something similar where there was a girl that I liked where she told pretty early on that was not in the season for a relationship and I respected; she wanted to continue to be friends I agreed. Since she did make that clear I decided to hold off on pursuing her and wait for the right moment and things change. Well, very soon after she's texting me almost everyday of the week hanging out with me 1v1 wanting to do things usually friends dont do watch the sunset and things like that. So of course I started to pursue again and honestly felt like she was the one but she realized that these things may have been leading me on and she felt bad. So unfortunately a boundary was put on our friendship to where we can't hangout 1v1 anymore or text each other like we used to, this broke my heart so bad and she ended up moving away. Am I wrong for being sad?
I'm sixty and have come to realize most women are like a fan. Move a lot of air, make a lot of noise, easy to fall asleep listening to. Who needs all the drama.
Dude 🙏🏼 purity culture has done a lot of damage I think in my life, I'm still trying to get over it
I like the title today lol
Who do you spend time with and communicate with the most, and who do you place boundaries with if your married or in a relationship with someone? is the real question to be asked here
As a young Christian man, I have a lot of friends that are girls. I got to a large Christian university, so it's inevitable. But first of all, I don't treat them like my guy friends. We aren't super close, I don't do many, if any, one-on-ones, and I don't text them all the time. I mostly see them in groups, and we act like cordial friends. When I'm interested in a girl, that's when I text and check up on them. That's when I ask them to hang out one-on-one, and try to get close to them... and obviously, if I'm successful and they like hanging out with me, then I have the conversation about our intentions with each other. The problem I'm running into, is girls love getting close to me, being close friends with me, and treating me like a special guy in their life, but then get scared of me wanting a relationship. They lead me on, and see no problems with us seeing each other one on one and being close, but not intentionally seeing each other for dating purposes. At least from my perspective, if I'm going out of my way to be there for someone, give them a lot of attention, and genuinely care for a girl, it's clear that I have intentions to potentially take the relationship further... apparently girls I know don't see it that way at all, and idk what to do about it.
These videos have been really eye-opening to me, so thank you for that. One question I have though is how do you know if you know if the girl you're talking to (and wanting to open up to) is someone that you intend to date? I have a couple of close female friends that I've shared personal stuff with and hung out with one on one with before, and I've always justified it in my head as "oh i'm seeing if we're compatible, I could see myself with any of them." but is that really wrong of me? I've never been in a healthy relationship before and so I'm not really sure what it would feel like to find a girl and know right away that I want to date her and we could make it together. Have I just not found the one yet?
solid...
I generally agree with you, but I think that it can be more circumstantial than than your saying. I’m a 17 year old guy with a 20 year old girl best friend, and for starters, we text very frequently, we’re both pianist and spend hours of “one on one time” practicing together, we frequently have deep conversations, and we can share our feelings openly, yet neither of us have romantic attraction to one another. And the primary reason for that, at least on my end, is that I’m sadly not attracted to women. I don’t think that she knows that as of now, but it’s at least the primary reason for me. And I think that another reason on her end, is that I am 3 years younger than her, and even though people always tell me I’m mature for my age, I’m probably less mature than her. Those aren’t all of the reasons, and I don’t think I could even think of every reason, but at least for my situation, there are a lot more variables involved than in most opposite sex plutonic relationship if I had to guess. Again though, as a general principle, I agree with you.
You should do a video encouraging young adult Christian men who are virgins
Good illustration with that to-be wife’s best guy friend. 😂
Even in the best case scenario if you’re a married man with a female friend, and you have what you might think is a healthy relationship with this woman, with clearly defined boundaries and no risk of romantic, sexual, or otherwise intimate entanglement, it’s still wrong on its face. Why? Because it’s incredibly disrespectful to your wife. People will talk, and she will be hurt every time she hears people mention they saw you with another woman. If you can put your wife through that pain and discomfort you don’t love her nearly as well as you should.
Nothing on either of these videos is really anything new to me but, the dynamics at play in certain situations is not always easy to do these things.
So right now for example, I picked back up my helicopter flying lessons again once my mil service slowed down. The full-time instructor was replaced with this nice girl just slightly younger than me and upon first meeting each other nothing too out of the ordinary took place. As flight time racked up however, we've gotten to know each other (both Christians, with similar values and interests) and there's been some flirtatious comments that I'd still kick to the typical banter bin. Having that working relationship though makes me really hesitant to take a step further whether we both want to or not. Bringing up will change the dynamic unless it's me saying "I'd love to BUT..." and I still believe that would effect things in a negative way no matter how nicely I say it.
I've had some other situations before like this and it seems to always end in bad blood for whichever reason.
nice
Honestly this type of situation can lead to so much pain for the person who HAS feelings, thinking the relationship is going somewhere, and ends up feeling used in the ens. When that kind of relationship is kept ambiguous, it can (in some cases) be like porn for the emotions. Deep emotional needs are met, but there is absolutely no marital commitment there / no movement toward marriage.
Understood.. but in the process as a man you should guard your heart as well ... Because there are some girls who come just to tempt you and take your attention... Of course this applies to both male and female .. we both need to be able to seek God and protect our hearts because not all innocent faces are angels
I'm in this situation right now, and even I didn't open my heart, he did and that built emocional intimacy and I see that is off, and I'm in the other side, I'm trying to put the boundaries, but is really hard and i don't thing he realized that he need to put boundaries, and I know a can't change a person, but will be wise if I'm transparent with him and tell what can be confusing. I already talk to him that I can't open my heart to him because I can develop a emocional dependencie to him. But is necessary to talk direct?
thank you again for shedding some light on this topic. i have a question tho, if for example i have a friend that is a girl that i do have feelings for but i don't think i am ready to date, should i tell her we need to cut back on our relationship or maybe explain how i feel abt our relationship? also, its hard for me to explain it to her because im afraid i might push her away but i also don't want to hurt her because i do really care for her. what should i do?
I have female work friends, I don't text them unless it's work related because like you Issac I value my own soon to be wife
Exactly! Having any opposite sex "friendships" is dangerous territory for married Christians!
I commented the last video that 90% of single cases and in 100% of married cases I agree with you. However I just got back home to the USA from Denmark, where my only option to be there for a month was to use the spare room in a house that two women friends of mine were in. It went great. I know for a fact that none of us were interested in each other because we were clear from the get go of meeting each other what we were to each other. Just friends. Being there from Sep 16th - Oct -18th, I can count with my fingers how many instances there were when we even talked to each other. And when we did, it was just about like geopolitics or me sharing my experience as a Christian actually. The idea that its not possible for a man and a woman to be mature, not develop feelings, and communicate with each other properly just isn't true. Because when those things happen, complications don't happen. Communication and maturity is an everyday thing by the way. not just saying once "oh by the way you're just a friend to me." If at any point that changes, you have to say something.
One thing you said is "would you treat them the say way if they had a partner" I think that is an EXCELLENT point. As long as your answer is yes (and you have common sense) and the conditions i listed above are met, there is no reason why it cant work. I'm not saying i haven't had situations where being friends with women didn't work out and there were not complications. But I know those complications were because I personally was not mature and did not communicate properly. The only way for any type of relationship to not work out is if the pillars that create a good relationship, are not held up consistently.
Now if you personally feel convicted to not have a friend of the opposite gender, then don't. I think we should follow our convictions. But I am in a potentially abusive home situation right now and I might have to get out. Every single person that can help me for a while (like a place to stay) is a woman that I am 100% confident sees me just as a friend, and they know I see them the same because we have talked about it and gone back to the idea. The message Issac is sending here makes me feel like I am supposed to stay in my situation vs go to a better one that is perfectly lined up, and not talk to these people just because they are the opposite gender.
I do think that just because people tend to be attracted to the opposite gender this sort of thing can happen I get it. I do think that with the opposite gender there should be much more care put into your interactions also. However I still disagree with the idea that its 100% impossible because it is. 90% impossible? Im with you there lol. But every instance in which complications have had, can be pointed easily at bad communication, or lack of maturity. Every single time ive seen both of those things, the friendships have been flawless and healthy and fruitful. Those are my thoughts. This is a really good conversation I hope you keep talking about it.
I have 2 major close friends that are girls, but I never had anything for them (only for other girls because they were basically cousins, or even siblings to me at times) and we simply are just friends. One has a boyfriend, and one is going into Airforce Academy (you cant have any romance partner, and she still plans on being single anyways) and of course we go to church together and have known each other since birth. I believe men can have girl friend, not romance, and I would never go out with just one of them (either of them, there's 2 when I say "them") and we only hang out in groups because we don't ever go out.
I almost commented on the first video you made on this subject. However, my scenario is a little different than most single guys. I am single and most of my best friends are girls. Because I struggle with same sex attraction. I click better with girls and can be make friends with them so easily. I am so thankful for these friends who are very close to me and we do have deep meaningful conversations. If i didn’t have them that would be hard for me. But I know my story is different. I chose not to act on those feelings and deny myself what my heart desires because I know it goes against Gods design and it’s a sin. I firmly believe that. But I do need those female friends because there is no temptation for me, no sin, no lust.
@@Daniel-tr3zlWooooooah there. That's...that's just not true. I've known men who are/were SSA who ate plenty of eggs and hated all things soy. Attractions, even same sex attractions, outside of marriage, are the domain of the Holy Spirit in sanctification. Homosexuality isn't really a special sin; in a similar way to how lust for the opposite sex isn't "cured" by a diet, neither is same sex attractions. We battle not against flesh and blood and sin is sin. You don't solve kleptomania by a new diet or a different outfit or by using a certain soap. You solve it by the Holy Spirit, accountability with other Christians in the Body, and the Word of God. This is what Scripture surely indicates.....
You seem well intentioned, but have you ever thought about what happens if he took your advice and it didn't work? Because it almost certainly won't work. Spiritual battles against sin are primarily that: Spiritual. The Spirit sanctifies all believers. Pointing to a diet as a "cure-all" for a heart issue is incredibly destructive.
Just remember that, even if you're SSA, boundaries need to be made, for her sake. Because you love your sisters in Christ. The possibility of God fully taking away your SSA is never zero. I don't say that for you to obsess over it and try to fix yourself, but because if your female friends find you to be the most quality man out of all the ones they know, they may be attracted to you. They may be hoping for a day where you are no longer same sex attracted. I've seen it happen, and godly women absolutely still find same sex attracted men desirable if they're godly men who hate their sin. It's probably a good idea for you to talk to a church elder or pastor if you think you may be overstepping the boundaries of a healthy single man-single woman friendship. They would know you better than random people on the internet
@@umbrellathegreatdetective5423 thanks for your input, however I can say with all honesty and reassurance
that there is no attraction from my female friends towards me nor has there been her been. I am a little more on the feminine side, not always but not your “typical guy”. I would say we do have healthy/normal boundaries even. But we still share things with each other and have grown close in our friendship over the years. It’s not just one female friend either. Oh believe me I have definitely talked this out with church leaders, counselors, family members, other friends. I don’t think anyone would say in my case that I’m over stepping any boundaries. But that’s why you have healthy boundaries in the first place!
On the same sex attraction thing keep up the good fight brother! Christ defeated all sin at the cross so focus on him first and sinful desires will slowly go away.
Amen I argree to an extend because as a guy who has a female friend who I am very close and yes there has been times we both fell into sin but we never had send praise God but now I feel God tugging on my heart to finally date her and I know we will marry so yh I understand that but yet again how are men suspose to find their wives if we can’t have female best friends your wife should be your best friend and yes I believe healthy boundaries are important and I argree married men should not have female friends who are not friends with their wife but in all honesty all we need to do is be led by Holy Spirit and we all would be fine
Interesting first point about stating your intentions first. I have a female friend who is close, we play video games with her brother and stuff. But then again I'm not physically attracted to her. if i was with someone who was physically attractive, then it could cause a problem.
I’ve been friends with this certain girl for 3 years. We began, and shared everything. We had many conversations where we were both vulnerable. I liked her for a year. She never reciprocated feelings. It hurt. We are still friends. It is extra stress. The friendship is slowly crumbling.
Another, is a friend I met last year. (I liked her for a year too). Same thing. Never reciprocated. But she was not only even better to talk to, she was physical too. We would go dancing one on one, and we even talked about us, because I wanted a relationship. She treated me like her boyfriend. I liked her a lot. I lost that friendship. And it hurts a lot. Be careful boys. Don’t do to someone what she did to me. And don’t let it happen to you.
That's not a friendship. You were in that friendship purely to want more from it. If she only wants platonic friendship then her learning that you want more will cause your her to distance herself from you.
@@CyrilSneer123 well there is a lot more to it than I shared lol. It’s a long story. But yes, you are right. It was all complicated
As a man there's only one female friend I intend on having and that's a girlfriend and one day wife! - Having opposite sex "friendships" is dangerous territory for married Christians
I have a case study boys (it's me, I'm the case study): if I currently like a girl that I'm "friends" with (text daily, see in group settings), should I make a move, even if it might ruin our church friend group dynamic (idk how she feels about me)?
Jan 2024 update: God has been good (he always is, regardless of if we see it or not)! After a lot of praying, we've been dating for a month and a half now, going great! :D
i would say that if you think that you are at a point in life that you feel like you could take on the responsibilities of being in a relationship it may be a good idea. but i wouldn't recommend getting into a relationship before you are ready for the responsibility.
@@ethanovenell2173 sound advice mate, thanks for the wisdom. God bless!
@@Manlikebenj God bless you to man. praying that you find what God wants you to do for your situation!
I think I need to work on boundaries? But I’m not sure how, cus I also know I tend to freak out a lot because of my ocd issues .-. There’s some friends that I’m just not trying to talk to right now cus it’s clear I was in a weird place. But then there’s friends who I think it’s pretty clear I’m not in a weird place with. But I do have spurts where I talk to them regularly and I am upfront when I’m having issues, but this is making me worry maybe that’s a bad thing? I guess I don’t know how to think about the “deep conversation” issue? How do i know what’s gone too far. I have a lot to think about and it’s very scary cus like I care about my friends, guy and girl. I don’t want to just kick someone aside and I’m afraid that I might have to do just that if I can’t get this correct right away and that’s terrifying. It also didn’t help one of these friends was from a mixed group, we’d all hang together a lot … then infighting happened .-. And I’m the only one left between everyone in that group so went from a group of friends hanging around a lot to me trying to balance between 1 male friend and 1 female friend (there was another person but that I’m just … man I have a head ache. God give me wisdom and a heart to do your will first even if it might hurt in the moment.
Yeah, I got waaaay too close to a female friend. We got closer and closer throughout high school. When I told her I liked her she told me she saw me as a friend, but we hung out together anyway. When she got boyfriends she told me that they were always jealous, and when I got a girlfriend it seemed a bit off when she called me and I was at this friend's house. I had to wrestle with myself whenever she got a boyfriend because I felt that I could do so much better than these guys, but I didn't want to intrude, or ask her out again when she would break up because why would I? Because she never checks her phone, there was many times that she just didn't seem available to the point that I just gave it up and told her that if she wants to hang out, she'll have to message me first. Even though we knew each other better than probably either of our friends, and we hung out most days after class, she never messaged me lol. I'm a few years out of high school and starting Fire Academy soon, and I'm happy I did that. Out of sight, out of mind.
This is so true. Relationships are never 50/50 someone might be just giving more than the other person
Let's remember to not make our wisdom and advice equivalent with God's law. Just be cautious about your convictions and remember that we are called to love our brothers and sisters in all purity. In the letters, when Paul gives us a command ("Brothers, do xyz"), we should be thinking of how we follow this with not only our brothers but sisters as well (Galatians 6:1-2 as an example).
I know someone who recently told me that they made a female friend pregnant. The situation is so complicated as she is also friends with his family
He now has to marry that female friend.
I have been friends with this girl for a long time. And in the spring she blocked me bc she was worried that her current bf would be mad at her. In July she unblocked me and has sense told me that she should’ve never done that bc i’ve only been nice to her and shine with the light of God. It is really hard for me to decipher what is actually going on. I have also liked this girl since before we were friends so i’m having to look to God to show me how I should approach my situation. It’s especially hard bc she is everything i would want in a future gf/wife and i can’t tell if God put her there for a reason.
I was in your situation once. I asked myself the same exact question.. “she’s perfect, Lord, why else would you put her in my life like this?”
In my case, it was a 2 year period of heartbreak and confusion because I was determined in my heart to have this woman, and God didn’t allowed it to happen, but He allowed this woman in my life to teach me not to idolize a person, or marriage, and have self control. And I’m grateful God didn’t actually give me what I wanted at the time, and he lovingly used the situation to mature me. The breakthrough was when I decided to fast for direction, and the Lord gave me this answer:
“Love does not insist on its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
If you’re serious about doing the right thing here, I encourage you to fast, pray and read during that time so you can be sensitive to the Lord’s voice and not your flesh. The heart really can be deceptive, the Lord showed me I was being insistent on my own way. Godbless you sir.
@@AuraScar God bless you!! I will and thank you!!
I can see where you're coming from, but still, it *is* possible to have great friends who are of the opposite sex! Not every female friend must be a girlfriend! Anyway, on a slight tangent, how are you supposed to have a girlfriend if you don't first have a friend who is a girl...? Like, you don't want to go date someone based on their looks or whatever - get to know her first!
I fell in love with a church friend once, but I could never admit it to her (despite my actions) because she was an arosexual.
Guard your heart does not mean protecting “her” heart or anyone’s heart. That is God’s territory. It’s about protecting your own heart preventing evil speech to be projected into others. I am not responsible for anyone’s well being, they are. I agree though the moment I am aware through communication that they are misunderstanding out of my kindness I will correct them. This is the full verse:
Proverbs 4:23-24
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious speech far from you.