Mum And Me (Alzheimer's Documentary) | Real Stories
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
- This powerful documentary, first broadcast in 2009, hit a chord with thousands of people - not just those who are dealing with a relative who has Alzheimer's. The film was an unusual departure from Sue Bourne’s normal approach because she turned the cameras on herself and her family to make the documentary. Sue’s mother Ethel has Alzheimer’s and lives in a nursing home in Scotland. For three years Sue and her daughter Holly filmed the time they spent together with Ethel. The reason Bourne wanted to make this film was that everything she had seen about Alzheimers had been terribly sad and depressing. Yet her experience with Holly and Ethel was that, in spite of her mother having Alzheimer’s, the three of them still managed to laugh and enjoy their time together.
The resulting film is an unusual portrait of living with Alzheimer’s - a funny, charming, quirky and sometimes harrowing record of how the family have managed to fumble along making the most of their time together in spite of the ravages of Alzheimer's. It is a simple story of love and laughter - and of trying to make the most of what you have. Made all the easier by the personality of Ethel who turns out to be the undoubted star of the film.
Winner: Best Documentary (Celtic Media Film Festival 2009)
Winner: Making A Difference Award (Mental Health Media)
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I have enjoyed this documentary so much. All i see is how much Sue loves her Mum Ethel. And , the grandaughter Holly loves her Grandma too. If you've never dealt with alzheimers then you really have no right to judge. I think Sue has done an amazing job with her Mum. Because , she has spent so much time with her mother, taken her there and everywhere, cared for her in the most amazing way, she will not have regrets. lots of people just dump their parents in nursing homes and forget them. These two embraced their loved one with Alzheimers and just loved her to bits. This documentary has really moved me. Especially the day she found her mother sad and then they both started crying. Thankyou so much Sue for creating this documentary. You've done an amazing job shedding light on a very difficult topic.
Yes And people are forgetting that one of the hardest decisions to make is whether or not you are capable of giving a person 24/7 care that is good care……. And if the answer is no (which it usually is for 99% of the population) then you have to be honest with yourself and the situation and put them in a facility. Some people think burying their head in the sand and just letting them flounder away and rot away to nothing is fine as long as it’s in your own house That’s not true Nurses and doctors are damn good at what they do And many people are just cared for better in a facility than they would be at home because it’s physically impossible for a person who has a daughter and a job to care for another person on this level 24/7.
I think she struck a perfect balance Wow This is a beautiful portrayal of a real life solution for a problem. It’s not a fairy tale where the lady with Alzheimer’s is always in a perfect mood and she lives at home and nothing has changed That’s not how this disease works.
If you are looking for that fairy tale you can find it on TH-cam Lots of people are even profiting off of their loved one with dementia by making videos with them Everything seems a little too good in many of them.
To be able to look on the bright side of the dark, to be able to laugh while struggling is inspiring. If you're going to speak, speak sensibly, no truer words. Thank you for sharing the journey.
My Mom had a Beautiful Sense of humor when she developed dementia. It was like all her worries about responsibility and perfection vanished. She seemed happier than she ever had before. She passed on June 6,2021. I still miss her so Much.❤
I loved your Mom's personality. She still looked beautiful in her old age, I imagine in her younger days she was the life of the party, with many suitors!
@@CMoore8539 how long did she lived before being diagnosed
I think you were very lucky!
unless you have taken care of a loved one with this horrible disease you have no idea how hard it is. There are times they seem normal, and other times they can be very mean and turn on you. It takes a lot out of you mentally and physically.
zitavldz57 those times when their behaviour changes is known as Sundowning Syndrome. At those times they need a calm environment without too much noise/stimulation because they can’t process as much information. They need to be made comfortable.
Sundowners are the worst. Breaks my heart with my mum.
Yea cause my grandmother had this disease and sometimes she was happy and laughing and the other times she was so mean
ZITA303 She saw her once a month and complained and bitched about it and then abused her mum when she got there.
@@user-yt5dg8nf6y My mums last stage dementia, been saying it 3yrs, its horrible for last 2yrs she just sits mumbling to herself, she doesnt know who any of us are, i think she knows im her son but thinks my eldest brother is my dad so her husband who died 32 yr ago. She was 96 sunday and worked in NHS for 48 years til aged 63 and thinks she knows more than the Drs. she served the NHS treating patients all those years now we pay a small fortune for her care, id have thought they owed her care for her lifes work.i know my mum a proud, clever woman would hate being like she is, i just pray she doesnt understand, its terrible and heartbreaking,
All of you need to stop complaining, many people just leave their parents in nursing homes and never visit them. This lady does what she can to help her mother, it might not be the best in your eyes but you're not living their lives.
jodian i think thats honestly coz this video shows mostly the positive times... they dont see the harsh reality behind that so much... in a way thats a bad thing coz when they have a family member with alzheimers they r gonna b shocked bigtime they arent funny n cheerful n just a lil dotty. beautiful story but it doesnt show so much of the terrible moments behind the scenes
jodian beckfored sadly people can be very judgmental.
Well said try walking in her shoes .. I think they were doing an amazing job all things considered ❤️💯
FACTS
I agree. I believe she did the best she could do. That's all anyone can expect under those circumstances.
Love to see how much fun the three ladies are having. The daughter and grand daughter show much love for the sweet lady .
Wonderful documentary, it was very real & not dressed up for the cameras. It us very evident that Grandmother, Daughter & granddaughter love each other. The grandmother is a lovely woman & would have been a very attractive woman in her youth, her good looks are still evident today, she is a Lady. I wish the daughter & all of them good health, laughter & Gods Blessings.
Anne Murphy I totally agree, a wonderful film.
Anne Murphy I will second that! Thats exactly how I feel about the film but couldn't put it into words so eloquently as you have.
One thing I have learned about this doc is not to depress that person with bad news and remind them of their reality. Let them live with some of their alternate thoughts and show compassion. I don't judge these people though because they tried their best but it is worth learning from.
Couldn’t have said it better! Thank you.. a few times you could see the pain in the moms eyes and the next second she smiles for the camera. Broke my heart.
One thing I’ve learned from watching a number of these videos is that it is pointless to try to correct or scold or quiz an Alzheimer’s patient. They won’t remember, it won’t change their behavior, and it most likely will just upset them. The best thing is to just distract them or go along with whatever their illusions are. Of course doing this won’t solve anything, but neither will confronting them, and at least this way they - and probably you too - will be less upset.
This is by far the best documentary I have ever seen, about dementia. It is so raw but it shows the incredible bond you all have. X
A wonderful, generous portrayal of a very challenging time. Thank you for sharing your family. Your mother is so beautiful and her smile and laughter lights up the whole room ... thousands of miles away in California where I watch on TH-cam. Yours is an honest portrayal of three dynamic, intelligent women in one family trying to cope with the unthinkable - Alzheimers. Big hugs to all three of you. xoxo
I think how common it is for documentaries to cut out the uglier bits of life, the parts where anger rises up, where voices are raised and frustrations peak, it's caused many people to become disillusioned with reality as others experience it. It's tiring, both physically and emotionally to care for people with advanced Alzheimer's. The ending reminds us of the complexities of coping with your own life in addition to someone else's declining health. We've all had moments where we said things out of anger only to regret it later on. The only difference is she showed it to the world. Overall, this was a wonderful documentary and the love between them all was very obvious.
Right, poor Sue was exhausted.
I also had to have a few talks with everybody and make myself perfectly clear NO MORE F. IATRIC character assassination comments from anyone, Mom years ago tried to make me out to be the family freak then gradually caught on the major trouble I had was indeed with her sister, hence the legal action. When Mom and my brother &Co. got out of that that damnable place and moved many years ago, hopefully the all pretty much changed from that mainstream lifestyle. From then on, fortunately, we could keep some semblance of relationships. I told folks the buck stopped a long time ago with me and my first husband but I don't mind "helping around the house". As she and everyone started hanging with a better class of people, I was respected for doing the right thing anyway. We did have a nice bonus for awhile. One of her friends was absolutely taking me in.
I'm a CNA for 40+ years in Wi USA. God bless you...your Mum and your daughter 💝 Beautiful documentary of true life...3 generations..and Alzheimer's 💝 truly..God bless you all !
I dont know how I stumbled upon this, but Im glad I did. It just shows how much laughter helps in times like these. Such a beautiful family.
As someone who has had more than one relative and loved one with this disease, I truly appreciate how you didn't just show the negatives but bothered to show the beauty of the childlike innocence of those with Alzheimer's as well. God be with all three of your spirits regardless of where they may roam and best of recovery with your cancer and the emotional struggles you've faced due to both illnesses and other extraneous factors.
What an honest and brave video. The struggles of the individual with dementia, especially the family’s struggles are so clearly captured. It’s so enlightening.
My heart broke the minute she relived the sorrow of her dad having died. It's so devastating watching little pieces of people slip away as this terrible disease takes them. Making each day the best it can be is the best we can do
I totally understand that it's hard for them to deal with their loved one declining BUT saying things like "You're going to get a row now", criticising her, belittling her and laughing at her 🤦 is NOT helping and it's awful, maybe she needs some support because if someone was talking to my mother like this I wouldn't be happy.
My mother had a break down and was like a child, she lost her memory and literally reverted back to a child, I bathed her, cared for her but MOST IMPORTANTLY had patience with her.
I know it's hard, I get that but a little bit of comfort is what she needs, they can't be laughing in her face, telling her she's on her own etc 🤷
I ABSOLUTELY agree With you 100% ~ Broke my Heart😢
@Michelle Dewitt I've watched this for the 2nd time today, my 1st was when my mother was diagnosed and thought it was a good insight as to how alzheimers affects people. Today, after my mother passed away in July 2022 , I am sick that I thought thus was a good documentary after being muns official carer from her diagnoses, you nevercever try to tell a alzheimers person tgat they are wrong, they stink, they piss , and constantly try to make them as normal as they are, their brains are slowly switching off. They can never understand what they have forgotten. It's the illness, its not about upu keeping then as normal as possible, I was mums sole carer until the last 18 months. I had no personal time to myself, I couldn't get home help, apart from 2 x 30 minute visits to start washing mum as it was tough for me. Eventually she developed the habit of walking up and down stairs over 100 times per day, which made her fall numerous times, she had a falk, but it caused a little bleed in the head, nothing major, but tge hospital decoded she needed a care home , trained staff, etc . Luckily, they placed her in a superb home that only dementia residents were residents. Brilliant, her last 18 months were so happy for her. Especially as she made good friends, unfortunately, covid hit, si as an essential person, aka her official power if attorney, I could still visit but one on one, but lucky if she let me have 30 mins, as she wanted to be with her friends , I was so happy she was happy, but sad at the same time for her memory if me fading, but she knew me until the day she passed. So let them live as they become, they dint understand what rules or reminders or hygiene criticism that will be detrimental to their life ahead with their alzheimers . Lits of issues are created by tge family not the patient.
I agree. This all was cringy, unsettling & not professional. It's hard to watch. The granddaughter was obnoxious and aggressive
Ethel clearly had a sense of humour on par with sue and holly. Like sue said at the beginning, her mother has always had a sense of humour. So unless you are like that, including Ethel then obviously you won’t understand. There’s also a big difference between a nervous breakdown and Alzheimer’s. I know first hand what it’s like to care for those with Alzheimer’s and I can tell you now it’s not bloody easy. I don’t know of any other daughters who have drove miles to visit their loved one to then take them back for a few days and holidays away, days out. All while barrelling serious ill health. Sue did an amazing job of what she did for her mum. So how dare you say anything negative. She actually dealt very good in the stressful situations. And even if she did tell her mum in a joking way to shush, Ethel forgotten strait after. It’s not like it would of played on her mind. Anyway it was her mum, no one else’s business. I saw she was also an amazing mum to holly too. I’m so glad they have each other
@@erinzoe1362Thank You ! ! .I feel exactly the same ! I care for my mum with vascular dementia .Have a care package in place for her now at home .However, I'm the primary carer along with my 87yo dad (just me ,my sister has passed & my brother lives in different city).It is bloody hard .Our sense of humour which is v similar to these three lovely ladies is what keeps me going.However ,I'm suffering pretty bad depression atm as my mum declines .The pressure is too much at times ,I wish I could run away for good ! .I loved the documentary .ITS F@@KING REAL
I’m a 21 year old CNA in nursing school. I work with dementia and hospice patients. Since I’m so young I was worried I wouldn’t find connections with my patients.
However, you do laugh with them, you want to hear their stories, you want them to show their pictures of their families to you. Even if the stories or other conversations is just a confused person speaking, seeing them happy truly makes such a difficult job so worth it. Even when you see them finally pass, you remember the good moments.
This documentary truly made me so happy. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Obviously everyone who criticizes the daughter never had to take care of family member with Alzheimer's. My Dad passed away 2 months ago and he's been suffering from Alzheimer's for 3 years. My Mum was taking care of him and I've seen her shouting at him, angry with him and I always tried to calm her down, remind her it's all because of the disease. At first, I was angry at my Mum for treating Dad like this but then, one day, I lost control with my Dad and shouted at him for a small thing he did. I ended up crying and ashamed of myself but I realized how hard it is to be around someone with Alzheimer's and that I don't have the right to criticize my Mum. She was with him most of the time and it's hard sometimes to be patient and jolly.
I am also glad that there is documentary like this. It doesn't only show that you can still have a laugh and enjoy your life with Alzheimer's but it shows how difficult the disease is for the loved ones. I think it's easier for professional carers - they are paid to do this and they have to do it every day for years and they attitude is not burdened with past quarrels etc. Let's not also forget that the care at many nursing homes is not the way it should be - there are many awful stories how the staff mistreats old, helpless people.
Michalina Prokop yeah well there’s lots of people in your position, myself included, but you’ve got to hold back your own feelings and think about the family member who has this horrible disease, and have patience , lots of it, it’s sheer selfish ignorance on this daughter’s part in this film that made her shout and say those horrid things to her mum in the car near the end of this , no excuse whatsoever
Michalina Prokop I took care of my mom for 5 years and never yelled at her.I t depends on lot of factors!
@@mirjanapucarevic2105 Sue had just found out she had breast cancer! She said all she wanted to do was tell her mum & have her mum hold her & tell her she'd be OK, but she couldn't. Her Child W/in, & eeryone has one, was hurting, felt cheated, felt anger! Her adult didn't feel that way, that's why she was w her mum before she had to go into surgery. She was taking care of her mum before she was taking care of herself.
When her mum started griping about something that Child W/in had a tempertantrum! She said things she didn't mean to say. Her Child was saying, "Mommy I'm sick! Why don't you see that I don't feel well?! Why don't you ask me?! Why don't you hold me!" Since she was angry that her mum couldn't do that she lashed out. She was going to help her mum into the van then close the door, but that Child was angry so she turned away as a way of saying, "You won't hold me, so you can get yourself in!" Even the name calling was that of a child.
She then had another burden of guilt that she put her frustrations of her problem & lashed that fear, anger (why me?), & all her other emotions out onto her mum who she so dearly loves.
Please don't judge Sue negatively. Traveling 800 miles round trip to put a smile on her mum's face. To take her mum out of the home for meals, movies, & so much more, is pretty amazing! She will miss her mum when she's gone.😿😸
@@mirjanapucarevic2105 ok miss perfect
Laura Hunter Yes - she only sees her monthly and I get the feeling that there has always been a personality clash. She didn’t have to remind her that she was the one in charge now. The nursing home are doing the main caring..The family do memory tests which confuses her and she tries to diffuse the situation with laughter.This film humiliated the mother. I’m ashamed to be Scottish- and yes , I did look after my mother.
my perspective is that the daughter has her own struggles with her battle with a frightening disease and so does her Mom - I do think that her Mom is trying very hard to keep her dignity and her daughter needs to see that - her Mom seems very embarrassed at times which must be very hard - but it is also difficult for her daughter who is still seeking some kind of validation and approval from her Mom which is also hard on her
As a person who takes care of the elderly for a living, I will say, it seems like their are underlining issues they have that we are unaware of, however, I did cringe at some of what I heard and it's not good that the granddaughter is doing the same. There's no need for the constant reminders that people are dead or that they are incontinent, they forget 5 mins later and your only hurting their feelings, upsetting them, that's the only thing accomplished. It is admirable how she visits and does so much for her, I don't see family visiting their loved ones much, it's sad! So I give her that, 100%!
SueAnn I totally agree
I think she's doing the best you can. It's awful having a parent suffer from this and saying the exact right thing every time is nearly impossible. Plus, sometimes they remember and sometimes they don't. You're not sure which one it is until the words fly out.
Well said SueAnn! I completely agree. No idea of how to treat people with this awful disease.
I'm a carer and family member and I didnt like the way she talked about her Mum or how her teeth weren't in. We NEVER have their teeth in when residents are asleep. When family members know nothing and try to speak rudely it's so hard to have them around when they do come around then we take care of them the other 90% of the time and well.
yes i feel the same some comments was rude asf that is her mother she cant help it she constantly complained about going to see her once a month i cringed at the end when she went to hit her caling her useless all she did was sit there while she did everything like the mother did nothing for her in he life time then complain why come see someone who doesnt know me like wtf that is your mother😢made me happy an sad the whole video
I work with dementia patients. Please don’t judge the family. A lot of the time they leave crying due to guilt and sadness as their loved ones fade.
The relationship these two have is beautiful and her mums smile is just pure sunshine :)
However.... sometimes the way they spoke to her was so upsetting 😢
i can;t fault them for snapping a little and i think the old lady didn't shun the direct approach in her time so yeah. "If you're going to speak make some sens"
Thank you for sharing this, warts and all. My sister took care of dad in her house a few years after mom died. There were days she was so frustrated (especially after he lost the use of his legs because he wouldn't do his exercises) that she would say she felt like pushing him down the stairs. We knew she'd never do it but could understand. They had a bit of a grumpy relationship at times but that's normal human interaction between people at times. When it came time for him to go into a home as she couldn't physically manage any longer she asked if we would be angry with her for doing it. We unanimously said it was her decision because she had been the one to take him on and we'd support her no matter what she did. She was lucky and got dad into a place very close to all of us so she could go over almost daily and the rest of us could go every couple days. You are doing/did an amazing job with your mom and you need to forgive yourself for not being a Saint but a human.
I love the smiles of these 3. They all have the same spirit and sense of humour. I totally understand the daughters frustration with the mum at times. It’s a difficult illness to deal with and the odd bad day is reflection of her care for her mum.. she’s only human and I respect and admire her commitment to her mum’s happiness ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. You are all wonderful women. The daughter got disrespectful towards her mother at times and I sincerely hope my son doesn’t ever film me on the toilet and in the bath in my old age and then put it on the internet.
This brings back so many difficult memories of my mother & her struggle with dementia following several strokes. And also of my grandma, who had Alzheimer's. Having one's mind fail has got to be the worst thing a person can experience. It's horrible for all involved. I thank these women for sharing their story.
Was such a lovely experience to watch this and share this with the world. As care assistant myself I find it overwhelming for patients who suffer this disease but there is still some of their own character there even if a lot of them is missing. Was sobbing when she was having a bad day and was so upset and crying, lovely family ❤️
Oh my I just reached the filming about your breast cancer. I hope you are healing and the outcome looks promising. You are truly such a loving and respectful daughter. Loved your documentary. You are too hard on yourself. You took wonderful care of your mom and showed her alot of love during those years
❤️❤️❤️
When my grandmother first started losing her memory my mother really struggled to come to terms with it. I'm not sure if she was initially in denial about the situation, but she too would often shout at my grandmother or correct her over certain things she said. She then went through a phase of treating my grandmother like a child which, naturally, resulted in her becoming frustrated and arguing with my mother! Its a very difficult sittuation for anybody concerned to come to terms with, but above all I think the most important thing is to keep the patient as calm and content as possible. I always try and talk to her the way I always have, never as though she were stupid or a child, and I never correct her: If she's happy thinking its 1948 why correct her? If she asks were my Grandad is I just tell her he's had to work late etc. As hard as it may seem, your own emotions really do need to be put to one side and the feelings of the patient have to be top concern.
This is such a beautifully done documentary I recently lost my mother she’s was 92yrs… please except my condolences for the loss of your lovely mother Ethal and again Thankyou for sharing your journey much love from Sydney Australia 🇦🇺
What an absolutely adorable lady and what a wonderful documentary.
"Do you love my visits?"
"God, I live for them!"
As do all of us mums 🙏
@Reginald Colt You're correct, no one cares. Wtf why even comment this here?
This documentary touched my heart in ways that it is hard to explain. I lost my precious grandfather to Alzheimer's and let me tell you...the last day I saw him, he still remembered who I was despite not remembering his own children or wife. I will have that memory and the joy it brought me for the rest of my life. Bless you for documenting your mothers journey with this devastatingly cruel disease. Her sense of humor was infectious and darling to watch. 💜
Beautifully honest and insightful. Not all mother/ daughter relationships are idyllic and i could relate to much of the dynamics with Sue and Ethel. Any negativity in the comments in my opinion comes from people unable to relate to this families relationships, walk a day in someones shoes before judging.
I have so I totally understand, she was dealing with issues, but they laughed ~ no respect at Times~ Just say it’s ok Mom and if she thinks she’s 18 , let Her!!!!❤
I'm not sure the people saying bad comments understand how difficult caring for a person with Alzheimer's actually is. And having a grandmother with Dementia myself I totally understand, how truly upsetting it is being unrecognisable to a family member. You know what I think is disgusting, you lot saying the Daughter is mean, this is there family relationship how they talk to each other, and how they have a laugh. I think there relationship and attitude towards the Alzheimer's is their way of coping with it, and honestly I think it's great. Understand people that every family is different, and each and every one would deal with this heartbreaking disease in there own way.
Grace Louise Williams There was a photo of her when young. She looked very attractive in it.
Right, Grace. People soon cracked up with us on the airplane when we weren't seated together and we were going back and forth with the double finger wiggle and sticking out our tongues, five rows apart. We had a gas making faces at each other. Pretty soon our fellow passengers caught on. Before long we were "passing notes in class" via the flight attendants writing each other jokes.
Your documentary made me sob. My mum has the early signs of Alzheimer's Disease although she hasn't been officially diagnosed. I was a mental health nurse for 32 years so I know she has it. I'm an only child and my mum lives with me. She refuses to go to her doctor to be checked for the disease and I don't wish to force her in case it makes her worse. I can relate fully to you. I have the same arguments with my mother and then feel totally miserable and guilty but as you said it's so hard not to say things to her. You just want your mother to behave like she used to. You are mourning for the mother you have lost. Ive always done my best for her. We travelled the world together and are very close as my father died when I was a baby. The most difficult thing is telling other people that she has Alzheimers. It feels like I am betraying her. It becomes very embarrassing when she looses the thread talking to people and can't hold a proper conversation. I too have been diagnosed with a serious illness. I told my mum but I think she's already forgotten about it. It's a very lonely life sometimes.
I appreciate the film you've made so much. At least I know Im not abnormal and I know other people are struggling the same as I am. I don't know if your mum is still alive but I hope she is and would like you to give her my love. Lots of love to you also. You are a wonderful daughter and are doing an amazing job. You shouldn't feel guilty at all. You can see your mum adores you. Love Jennyxxx
I went through this with my mom and she passed away last August. I think the daughter and granddaughter did a great job with her mom. I don't understand the negative comments. My mother got very angry and mean with me at times for no reason, and other times she would be very nice. You never knew what to expect. She would insist it was 12 p.m. lunch time and light out, and when you would show her it was dark out and 12 midnight, she would get furious and insist it wasn't. Later she called me Mom every now and then. You learn to just agree with everything they say even if they are wrong. But like the daughter said, the hardest part is not being able to talk to them and tell them what hardship you are going through as I was always able to confide in my mom and I missed that part more than anything. I still do. People don't understand the myriad of obstacles caretakers face every hour. Phone calls all hours of the night. My mom calling 911 constantly because of hallucinations, etc. She would be furious because she couldn't remember how to use the microwave, coffee maker, t.v., and insist they are all broken and I should go buy more, then get furious when I would show her how they worked. People should try to be more understanding of the daughter and understand that there is a whole lot more going on in the background when it comes to taking care of her mom. Not to mention taking care of their finances. I had to sell my mother's huge house and everything in it. Etc., Etc. Her daughter did a fabulous job.
Yes, exactly MiamiMom63. Poor Sue just flat out missed her mum in the process of that Long Goodbye.
As an RN whose worked with dementia and Alzheimers patients, I find the treatment of this poor woman reprehensible. The daughter talks to her mom as if she doesn't have the disease. She tries to reason with her, takes her out of the environment where she is most comfortable. Then she gets mad and frustrated when she has accidents or acts out. She reminds her of all the sad things about her life, when she's the one who is sad. The daughter and granddaughter laugh at her and get annoyed when she displays signs of her disease, like when she didn't use her utensils... Why make a fuss, let the woman eat. She should be wearing an adult pull up, not a pad. The pad obviously isn't doing the trick. I feel sorry that her daughter and granddaughter don't just accept her for the way she is...
This was filmed in 2009 times and practices were different, i don't think Alzheimer's medication was as advanced back then. Maybe ethel was raised to sue to be that way, maybe its her way of coping. It doesn't mean the family is abusive or neglectful. Working with a dementia patient on a 12-hour shift is completely different to living at home. Sue has centred her mum's preferences and likes around her mums patient care, and she wasn't get paid for it. Nutrition and hydration is important to keep her mother healthy. Maybe taking her out and about will stimulate the brain in some sense it builds good memories, especially with the family, ofc her disease will make her feel tired and not want to go out it's a part of dementia, sadly.
I have also worked on an acute ward and even have a grandmother with dementia. If you personally had someone with dementia of course you will deny the disease but am sure in some way they come to terms with it.They probably need emotional support. Dementia on a family is really stressful, were as hospital staff only deal with that one patient for 12 hours.
Try playing classical music, it's been proven to make old people remember the joyful things in life.
@@happyweekend2343 I have worked with dementia patients as an RN since 2005 in acute and ong term care settings and in the home as well. Treatments and approaches do change, but fundamentally, we must meet these patients where they are and always treat them with the respect they deserve. I appreciate your thoughtful feedback.
Then calls her mother useless and gets upset when her poor mum says the same thing back. It was like the daughter was teasing her mother. it seemed cruel to me.
A really moving, yet funny real life film. Every family deals with things differently however underlying in the whole film is the amazing sense of humour they all have. Alzheimer's is cruel but if you don't laugh at the smaller things then you won't get through it and boy have the three generations laughed. Even when Ethel does not remember any of the them she still feels comfortable and safe enough to have a laugh with those around her. Good on you for being so honest.
Hope you and you mum are both bell xx
Very touching. I was bawling when you and your mum were crying together. What a wonderful documentary!
This is a lovely documentary. You captured what moments you had left with your mom. So sweet that your daughter participated as well. Wish I had videoed my moms last years.
Everyone has their own experiences , all we can do is be compassionate and learn from them .
I work with Dementia patients and they're all different, all loving wonderful people. I must say all of my patients are pretty mild mannered, all very easy going and I know that this is not always the case. The families really appreciate the help. I love helping. This is a great doco.
That was a wonderful story………..it left me wanting more!!!!
Bless the grandma, mother and daughter
"You're Holly my granddaughter and you're . . . My grandmother!!" HAHAHAHA!! This is fantastic!
Regardless of their difficulties, I love how they managed to find their peace together before alhzimers took that opportunity away.
Wow! That was tough. First of all I thank you for being so brave and show us how it’s actually like and most of all the good times. Many people will criticise you, but I think you’re a lovely woman. I’m a hca and I know exactly how it is to look after patients with Alzheimer’s. While they criticise you, they won’t even realise that you have yourself to look after, and it actually touches my heart to see that you’re making memories of your mother and daughter at the same time, someday your daughter will show that to her own family and it’ll keep going on like that and your mum will not be forgotten. Well done once again and I hope to God almighty that you e fully recovered. Please let me know how your precious mother is doing. 👍🏾🤗😘
If a person has never been a caregiver than you have no idea the backside. I’m a caretaker of my 89 year old mom who’s dying. Some people are standing on the outside looking in. We as caretakers are on the other side where it gets very real. It can be very painful to watch. I find my self getting frustrated but I also remind my self that she can’t help it. You just have to keep your feelings in check
From the get go, I was weepy watching it. Not just sad, but you all made my heart smile. One of the best docs I’ve seen, for reals. And I too, have EOAD. I’m 59 now. Thanks for showing my soul there is hope. ❤️
Thanks for uploading this fantastic documentary! It was both charming and bittersweet, and perfectly captured a very difficult time in this lovely families life. Not only was it an honest and funny look at someone living with Alzheimer's, but often a terribly sad one too. I thought it was incredibly brave of Sue, Holly and of course Edith, to allow people this rare glimpse into their lives and I'm quite shocked and confused by all the negative, judgemental and hurtful comments on here, it really seems like they must have watched a completely different documentary to the one that I did! I'm beginning to think that nuance isn't too common a trait amongst TH-cam viewers, or maybe the self-deprecating dry wit and sarcasm that us Scots are known for somehow got lost in translation! In this type of situation, if you don't laugh, you'll inevitably cry, and I laughed and cried my way through the entire film! Very well done indeed!
A very sad and thought provoking documentary, and at 64 thoughts turn to my own future,we never know what other people suffer unless we walk a mile in there shoes...and although these ladies are fiery there is a lot of love and laughter and im sure it is needed in this situation, thank you for uploading
I just keep thinking, what if the daughter gets Alzheimer's? Is she setting the example of how she would want Holly to treat her? Videoing her going to the bathroom, telling her that her parents are dead and that she no longer has a home of her own and that she does in fact live in one? It would be a privilege for me to take care of either of my parents. Dignity Respect Love..... Having said all this, there are some happy, sad and touching moments. It can't be easy for anyone concerned. Walk a mile in their shoes.
My grandma has Alzheimer's, I visited her at the rest home when she was there for a short stay to give my grandfather a break since he is her carer. She asked me when Missy was going to visit, I am Missy. It's horrible when your grandma doesn't recognize you, but she always is smiling so I can take some comfort in that she is happy.
Same with my mother. She will look at me her daughter and say who are you? I see her every week. The most important thing is that you know who she is and love her even as she does not remember you. But there are moments when she has a bit of clarity and remembers a bit. Old memories. She does not know who her grandchildren and great grandchildren are. she thinks they are still babies. Sometimes not to make her confused, just go along with it. The best thing is that every day is a new day and you can start anew.
It’s sad to hear stories like this. But at least she remembered that Missy was important to her, even if she didn’t recognize you.
Thank you so much for sharing such real footage!!! This is an awful disease that's slowly taking my favorite Aunty. Much love to your family!!
Winnie Wallace... This is both heartworming and sad to watch..But it shows us what a strong and courageous family they are. Much respect to all of them, and the difficulties that they faced while making this film.
The poor old girl being talked to like that, never would I ever tell my mother to shut up.
Lu-Lu-LuvU Neither would I and my mum had dementia. I was disgusted with the daughter
A brave and courageous insight - thank you so much for sharing. Your love shines through the frustration, the travelling, the intense focus ensuring Ethel's happiness and wellbeing. Sue and Holly - you are both legends and Ethel is the bright shining star. I am so grateful to see this documentary warts and all, because the moments of brightness that came through far outweighed the witnessing of a sad plight. Chick power!!!
I love how they laugh together. My dad died with Alzheimer’s November 2016. He was sweet but he was worried and scared a lot.
I don't understand why so many bad comments about the daughter . I think she was very good to her mom
She was terrible to her mum, totally disrespectful, should be ashamed of herself.
I wonder why she didnt have her at a home in London?!
Renee Prosser I think we need to remember the stresses the daughter was personally dealing with. She was battling breast cancer after all.
@@karensmith7927 don't judge to be judged, judge first yourself if you'r perfect.
Etele von de Kleen well said
I was sobbing by the end of this. What a beautiful and important documentary, full of love. I love the honest portrayal of taking care of a parent and the emotional toll this can take on someone. Thank you for sharing the highs and the lows.
I thought this was a very touching, well done documentary. For all the negative commenters, I feel like maybe you don't realize that families can have so many varied dynamics. This is obviously how they interact, laughing, self deprecating jabs. Even when the mom was sad she tried to make light of the situation. Every person is unique and what may seem humiliating to one person is not the same for all. I don't think it was disrespectful to show the difficulties that arise with dealing with someone with incontinence, just reality. Life isn't always pretty, but we make the most of what we're given. The daughter said that blowing up at her mum wasn't a proud moment, but it happened. It is what it is. I'm very glad for everyone who has cared for an elderly parent without losing their temper or becoming frustrated or selfishly missing their mum or dad being the parent they once knew, but unfortunately I believe you're in the minority. I for one thought this was a very loving and uplifting view on something so devastating.
I cannot believe the negative comments from viewers. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer 4 years ago and, living abroad and working full time, I had no choice either than to place him in a home. I can relate to your journey, it's a tough one. You and your daughter are doing a wonderful job with your lovely mum, giving her loads of time, love and caring. It shows from her constant laughter that she is happy. Bless you for that.
I made this same journey with my own mother. She has been gone two years now. I miss her dreadfully. I just want to say that anyone who is caring for a loved one deserves our understanding and support. And also, that caring for a loved one suffering from dementia is an act of great love. It is hard and so heartbreaking but so worth the effort.
I love that she did not lose her magic of laughter.. xo
Memories. I relived all of them. My mum passed at 93. If I had known then, what I know now, I would have done things differently Im sure. The last 3 years were volatile, aggression was a daily thing, the violence frightening at times. Thank you for your video and some of the realism we dont or cant often talk about when you are the sole carer. The guilt stays, always feeling, I should have done better.
Such an awesome documentary. Loved the spirits of all three beautiful ladies. May God bless you all
I have worked with people with dementia and Ethel is a good example of why I love my job. She is such a wonderful person with such a sunny disposition. I really enjoyed the video because the family shared the highs and the lows of their journey. It is not easy. It is far harder to care for your own than someone else. When your care for your own, the emotional element is far greater and you can see that in the video. It is a strange thing but one seems to have more patience with non family than family. The human side, Ethel and Sue getting upset with each other but love each other so much. I take my hat off to this close-knit family as you can see in all of them, their devotion and love for each other. I have learnt that when being with people with dementia you need to be in a good place mentally as they pick up your moods so easily and it definitely affects their mood. Thank you.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your film....done wonderfully. I love it. THANKS ❤️
My mom has Alzheimer’s and she doesn’t communicate much. I never ask her if she remembers things or remembers me. If she talks about dad who has past…I just go with her thread. Long explanations are not helpful as she doesn’t understand or remember. I know i have felt like repeating things but just got to the stage where i stopped. I let mom lead conversations. She was combative for many years and when she went to PCH everything improved and I could be a “daughter” again. I don’t remind her of all her losses and we colour, listen to music and look at a lot of pictures.
Please don't ask people with Alzheimer's "can you remember" or "do you know who I am" - it's frustrating for them and it can be triggering. Just enter their world and let them be. If they think you are their grandmother, you're their grandmother. It won't matter in five minutes anyway.
Your Mother is a lovely person. Your film brought back so many memories of my loving father until that awful disease stole him away from me bit by bit. At least we had lots of time to laugh and fun together. I'm blessed to know that at the end of his life he still knew me and his transition was peaceful.
Your mother was a beautiful woman ❤️❤️❤️ she had such a bright look on life despite dealing with a horrendous disease. I love your laughs with your mom and daughter ❤️❤️ she had an incredible relationship with her granddaughter, so sweet . Bless you going through something so hard and not being able to share that with her ... I pray you’re doing ok. 🙏❤️. I love remembering her looking so happy to see you when you walked in “ Hello Darling”❤️❤️❤️
I loved every moment of this film! I laughed, I cried, and I even held my hands together under my chin sobbing and laughing and crying! Thank you so much!
I Loved the documentary -the good -the bad and the ugly - I loved it all -thankyou!!!!!!
I have to say I thought this film was brilliant, it made me laugh and cry in equal measures. The three of you were a wonderful team, I hope everything turns out the way you want it too.
keep loving your mother. I enjoyed the whole show, the good, the bad, the ugly. Its not easy with you being sick yourself. My only concern is why is our mother so far away from you..
it seems like a nice nursing home but why is she always just in her room - she should be doing activities with the other patients and the staff should be keeping her mind stimulated
@@janetbrowning9089 Right on. Respecting other people's privacy. Like their version of HIPA.
Why do they keep telling her things that will upset her? If she can't remember peeing the bed DON'T TELL HER! If she doesn't remember her parents are dead, or that she lives in a nursing home, why tell her and rub it in?
Anon Z you obviously have not dealt with someone that has Alzheimer’s , it is apparent in your post. You didn’t get it .... shame because it was very clear!!
Twit smh
My dad died of this wicked illness and seeing this is harrowing my mum is 84 and iam disabled iam left struggling to do a million things now she is getting older i have 2 older sisters who do not even visit her yet I imagine if any thing happens to her they will crawl out of the woodwork iam times in total despair i have no support no family andviam so lonelyvi can not describe it
Amazing beautiful documentary of what life is really like. All three are doing there best and doing it well.
Thanks. 🐨😀🐨😀
Thank you for being realistic, transparent about your family journey. This is where I am with my 81 year old mother these days. It truly is such a challenge in many ways, especially when we know time is running out. Your love and devotion is obvious and it doesn’t mean there’s any less love when we get upset with one another. This is family, this is life, we get honked off and we make up with God’s help.
Such a touching, honest and very moving film. Thank you for sharing such a private and personal time in your lives.
Gosh ur Scottish sense of humor is beautiful..ur a great daughter as sometimes it's safer they are in a home as they can wander the streets and get hurt. What a beautiful day. Thanks for sharing and ur mum is such fun and certainly smart. 🤗🌸💮💚keep smiling.
Thank you so much for sharing and making this video! This was so beautiful and also raw it’s shows all true emotions that both of you guys go thru. Thank you so much🙏🏻
I had to care for my mom who had a sodium deficiency (Hyponatremia) due to her lung cancer, rendering her memory essentially useless for a few months and also caused her to seize, so I know what this feels like. We had nurses come in during the day for an hour or so but after that it was me who had to clean up after her, that's including urinary/hygiene stuff. Instead of her humor she mostly retained sadness and depression, which took a toll on me too obviously. Obviously not being able to leave the house or even her bed causes such issues.
The last two months were horrible, next month she will be dead for a year. Dealing with stuff like this basically alone in your mid 20's sucks. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
My Dad has a sodium defiency too and this is the only other time I've heard of it. My dad can be quite confused and when it's low I can always tell. It actually really panics me x
I'm sorry to hear about your Mother, it sounds absolutely devestating. Well done for taking care of her, I'm sure that meant the world to her 💗
my dad had Alzheimer,unfortunately he was violent with it, he passed away 6 months after being diagnosed,and to be honest
i was glad for me and mum, we had no help from any other sources, it was 24/7 so very tiring, mum passed away 10wks after it turned my life upside down, ALZHEIMER I HATE YOU......
What a beautiful and truly honest documentary. Love, laughter and tears. That is reality.
Ur mother looks so much like my grandma Greta, she was American born 1902 of Scottish/German immigrant parents. She was a tough old bird, I was 15 watching her fade away from Alzheimer's. Just can't get over the similarities. God bless u and ur daughter for including her in ur lives, even while stricken with cancer. This is so honest and beautiful. I'm so moved, I cried throughout, thank u for not editing it. This is real,life.And it ain't always pretty. Much love from North Carolina 💙 Daria 💜 #STAYHOMESTAYHEALTHY
Every time i see people dumping their parents in ''care centers'', it hurts.
Every family is different. Sometimes the parent told their kids early on that they didn’t want to be a burden, other times the family caring for them at home would have done otherwise if they could have afforded it. I don’t think anyone can judge until they are in the same situation, which hopefully won’t ever happen.
Now, notwithstanding what I just finished saying in a previous comment, I can imagine how awfully hard taking care of an Alzheimer patient must be--especially after the daughter has her own health struggles, following breast cancer diagnosis--but I sense some resentment on part of the daughter and, again, understandable, when she constantly reminds us that the daughter-mother relationship wasn't always a good one. The fact is, the mother, bless her, has this incredibly beautiful sunny outlook despite the disease. Sometimes I'm amazed at her apparent grasp of reality re her disease & what's going on around her. Her sometimes attempts to mask her illness with humor & wit (this could be reason why her illness is progressing slowly) are so endearing that it makes me smile. It's quite obvious that her daughter & granddaughter have inherited both gifts. Also, one gets an idea from watching the documentary, that the elderly woman must've been very brainy/smart before she fell ill. At the risk of sounding presumptuous, the daughter appears to be a woman of means & therefore wonder if everyone wouldn't be better off, were she to employ a half-time carer during the time her mother visits, in order to lessen the tension, thereby, making the visit much more relaxed & fun. Note: I"m writing in the present tense because I haven't watched the entire documentary--ALTHOUGH I'm almost at the end. It's just that some things were too urgent & I couldn't help to put pause & comment. :) All in all, I'm this documentary is very moving & provides a learning experience. Thanks for sharing.
All their laughter can’t cover up their long standing tempestuous relationship. Worst caregiver behavior I’ve witnessed in the many Alzheimer’s videos I’ve seen.
Very sweet. People saying she was mean? How? Acting like all of your relationships with your parents hasn't had its problems.
Any private insight into the life of a family coping with a loved one suffering from this horrid condition is always welcome and I am glad people open up about their personal experiences. My mother who is 80 years old has Alzheimer's and it is very very hard on so many levels for my family. Sense of humour is a great help and one cannot survive this battle without it. BA is a condition that is slowly killing one's loved one and to date there is no way to stop it. The Daughter is doing as much as she can to help her Mother and is trying to have as much fun with her Mother as possible. The documentary gives the viewers a chance to see the level of care the loved ones need to provide. What struck me the most in this film is the Daughter's seeming ignorance and in some ways childish behaviour. There are many books around and other sources of information regarding what to expect and how to interact best with someone suffering from BA. There are excellent lectures on youtube mostly from USA regarding care etc. I struggle to find a reasonable excuse for the Daughter's and Granddaughter's behaviour around this defenceless old lady who is, as they put it, losing her marbles. Yes, BA is slowing destroying her brain, erasing memories of her past and stealing her sense of self. BA is making her incontinent, playing with her mood, depriving her of every bit of herself. There will be a day when she will not recognise her loved ones and even herself in the mirror. Care facilities are indeed the best solution when this disease wins over completely as the person cannot be left on her own and needs help with every task. But to explain to the sufferer over and over again that she has BA, is alone in the care home etc - what for? In one of the comments somebody pointed out a possible underlying problem with the Daughter and I agree. Get professional help for yourself, learn basis skills of interacting with your ill Mother and hopefully enjoy her very slow departure into the Abyss together with her while you have meaningful time together. Telling your Mother 100 times that she has BA will not cure her. Telling her 100 times that she is all alone in the care home will not help her and will not help you. I know the frustration and sometimes anger that creeps into one ever so often. Life is so unfair! Our parents did not choose to have BA, they did nothing to deserve it. You do not get BA because you are a bad person. Beautiful old lady! I hope her "better" stage will last much longer than the "worse" one. Please get help for yourself!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if all patients had such a wonderful family.
Hey
That was a beautiful piece , my father died having Alzheimer’s so I have experienced much of what I saw in your film. God bless you all for your kindness , love , and humor on your lives path. The laughter touched my heart and I smiled and laughed so during your travels. Prayers of good health to all you love!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This was a lovely film . I care for my mother who has dementia and it is very very hard . God bless you and your lovely family and thank you for sharing 🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️
One of the best documentaries I have ever seen. ☺️
Ethel died in 2011-2012. Sue got her breast removed for cancer and is still living.
Don't give up on her.....she's your mother, in Africa we take care of our elders under harsh conditions, I remember taking care of my great grandmother I took it as a blessing ❤️❤️❤️
She did not give up on her!
This documentary is so human, it’s so humane, and it’s dynamic with a complexity that many of us face, will face or have faced.
This video made me cry, made me laugh, & made me smile. It made me pray for the family and for gran’s soul.
Her granddaughter‘s relationship with gran is like my daughters relationship with her gma, except my mother is not affectionate like your mother is in her older years.
Thank you so much for posting this and bringing awareness to Alzheimer’s. My godmother was diagnosed six months ago and she’s not laughing & she’s not coping well with the diagnosis because she knows the prognosis. God bless you and your family. Everyone that is in this situation; hopefully will be inspired to do the same thing or something similar so their families and generations can look back on those memories or Get to know Gran through the documentary and the stories If they were not around to meet gran.
I do see where people could look at this and see parts of this documentary that seem demeaning, condescending, or making fun of gran. But… If you’re not in the relationship yourself or knowledge of the families history, we really can’t judge the relationship dynamics because maybe that’s OK for their family to talk to each other like that or displays certain types of behaviors. I think this family loves her very much and are doing everything they can to be with her and improve her quality of life, at least I pray so.
We laugh with my mom when shes being silly or just bcuz, and I feel mean for doing it but I try to include her in the conversation so that she laughs as well and knows that we are not laughing at her but with her. And this gran is laughing the majority of this video.🙏🏽❤️