What is "projection"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 เม.ย. 2020
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramaninetwork.com
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
It’s crazy how they all do the same thing. It’s like they all went to the Cluster B Institute of Narcissism.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra yes it is and that just amazes me how cookie cutter narcs are.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra - LOL 😂 (though it’s really NOT funny)...It doesn’t matter where they’re from in the world, male/female, etc. They’re all the same basically in what they do. Narc. U. PhD’s
I always believed that, too!
It's the same evil spirit.
Anne McCartney Yep, not remotely special or original at all.
Projection is actually my favorite Narc trait! It is like he/she is giving you hand written list of his/her own transgressions and flaws. It’s confession by projection. Once you understand it and can see it, it makes everything so much easier to accurately assess your relationship. That’s the first step to getting out.
MsKK909 - Excellent comment & well said..It really does! You can start to distance, make an exit strategy, and not be pulled into the guilt anymore!!
My ex Narc was like a kid with jam on his face. At the time, I wasn’t sufficiently schooled in narcissism to know the genesis of the “projection” technique. I just thought he was indulging in silly, childish name calling. He would regularly accuse me of being a whore and a slut.... If he’d get frustrated or disappointed at ANYTHING, even if totally unrelated to me like a flat tire or something at work, he’d start calling me a slut. Of course, it wasn’t pleasant, but it really didn’t deeply wound me because I knew I wasn’t a slut or a cheater. I mean, I’d certainly be the first to know if I were screwing around, right? So it was pretty cut and dried and though I wanted to please him, luckily my self worth was located within myself and not in his opinion of me. Then later, I was constantly accused of hiding money. Since my check was direct deposited into our joint account, there was no way I could do that, yet I was constantly accused of cooking the books. During the inevitable divorce, it came out that he was, of course, screwing around and hiding money. If I’d understood narcissism (with features of BPD...and a bit of HPD....he was the Cluster B poster child), my marriage wouldn’t have lasted 2 years instead of the hellish 11 it did. But I don’t regret any of it. The Universe sends us situations to teach us lessons we need to learn. The most important thing is to not wallow in the victimhood portion of the program...it should only be experienced as a stepping stone to becoming a student of narcissism.
One piece of advice: when your Narc starts projecting, don’t call him/her out. Just file it away and use it as a big clue and as a starting place for gathering information. Never tip your hand. Never let ‘em know what you know and never let ‘em know how you know it.
A lot of times I used it as a data.
Did my mom use projection when she called me a narcissist ? Because when I looked into narcissism I found out it was her !
Thankfully, I noticed within 3 months, left, then researched "backhand compliments" which led to "Narcissist." All I knew before was no one is going to abuse me or make me unhappy now that I'm grown and able to make that choice!
Wow! An empath would apologize for one's mistakes but a narcissist never apologizes and acts like a victim and projects back! Ditto experience that I've had
I can totally relate to what you are saying , had this experience for 13 years of my life & then finally left.
some narcs DO apologise. Don’t be fooled. They’ll apologise but continue to do the shit that they know will upset you.
@@reylime2991 true! 😊
Yes, they will apologize if it makes them look good and look like the bigger person. And if they think their apology will get you to feel guilty and feel like you did something wrong, and ease up on the truth.
So crazy! My narcissistic ex accused me for being a narcissist
Being accused of gaslighting and “twisting things around” by a narcissist is truly next level effed up.
As William Shakespeare said “suspicion always haunts the guilty mind”
Absolutely. I got accused of shadowbanning. To my experience that is making someone invisible in live streams.
I do not know how to do that.
In my case I was always suspicios becouse I cought him in lies all the time. And he always made coments about other woman to make me feel insecure.
That is so true. Great comment 👍
Yep. She was always suspicious of me. Turns out she had a harem of men in her text messages, sending pictures back and forth, and then had the audacity to blame me saying "you didnt give me enough attention"
Moreover, they accused me of talking shit or playing her. The last day I say her she said "i played you like a fiddle." And everyone around me apparently heard all these nasty things about me.
Favorite Shakespeare quote of all time.
(Or, Francis Bacon, rather)
Every thumbs down is a narcissist pissed off that their garbage is being exposed. LOL
:D Totally
Totally
I believe that and it tells me they know they're full of 💩!
LMAO
Lol
Projection makes you feel like the crazy one! You start to dissect everything they say to you and them question yourself! Then you start feeling like the one with the issues! This is what they want!
When only a person makes you feel like a bad person while the others treated you like a normal person, you know that that one person is the real problem. I had met this kind of person two times in my life. The first time is hell, I was just 22/23. Ended up in depression followed up with panic disorders after I broke the relationship with her in a cruel way (by lashing at her for the first and last time in my life). The second time, I managed it much better and recognized the pattern faster. I was 27/28 at that time. Ended the relationship in a mature way after discussing with my psychiatrist first. Both of them are nightmares, but that taught me to be a better person with more experience. Will be much more careful next time.
"You sound like you're angry?" They will say anything to get you out of your genuine calm peaceful nature.
OMG, I literally watched this video because my therapist said this to me the other day and it's doing my head in! I was in a good mood, finally getting some useful techniques out of her, and she stopped the techniques to say, "You sound angry". I laughed and said, "That's just how I sound!" (I don't sound angry, but made a joke about it to move past something untrue to get back to the techniques I wanted to learn about). She persisted that I was angry and I said I didn't understand why she was saying that, then she gaslighted me with, "So now I'm not allowed to ask how you feel?" I said she hadn't asked me how I feel, she'd said I sounded angry. She said, "Well I'm not going to apologise". She's a complete weirdo!
Unfortunately she is my link to a psychiatrist, my meds, and a support worker. Psychiatrist and support worker are both excellent so I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I just have to put up with her and work out how to manage the situation and weirdness better (it's been stressing me out all week). Fortunately she's also lazy so I only speak to her once a month. She got mad this time and ended the call after only 20 mins (which is a usual thing, the excuse to blame me for her cutting the call short just varies). At least I don't have to speak to her often, I just need to work out how to not let her BS get into my head.
Thanks for the rant lol, your thought of it being a deliberate attempt to mess with my 'genuine calm peaceful nature' really resonated with me! :)
@@jessicataylor7174 My neighbor a retired policeman 75 years old..knows my story. He said, remember this- "you are the boss". We talked for an hour. Every 15 min he said, "who's the boss"? "I am the boss" I replied. Say it every day- "I AM THE BOSS OF ME" in every single event in this life, you are the boss! Trust yourself. You never have to put up with anything....EVER. Keep Going.
@@makaylahollywood3677 THAT is really good advice. I love it. Thank you.
@@jessicataylor7174 Take care - I can't believe the number of bad therapists out there. People have to be careful that their therapist is well trained. I've had good and bad. Good ones call you out on things you need to fix with concrete examples, bad ones blame you and speak vaguely.
@@jspaingreene6350 Thank you! Yeah she is shockingly crap! Yesterday I told her about how a particular trigger makes me feel like the child I used to be - being abused, telling the world but no-one listening, always just being told 'honour thy mother and father' blah-de-blah...and her response was: "But was that little girl _really_ powerless?"
Fortunately I was recognising that I am NOT that little girl and _feeling_ the same doesn't fit with reality. So I had the confidence and clarity to say that yes, that little girl WAS totally powerless, and told her how ridiculous it was for her to claim a 5 year old in that shit could have done _anything_ to change it.
Honestly, I'm just glad I see through her and only have to speak to her once a month. If she wasn't necessary for keeping my other support I'd have thrown her to the wind from the very first time I spoke with her.
"Why are you so angry?" - "I'm not." Repeat umpteen times until you can't take it anymore. "See, you're such an angry person."
My ex said I had an anger issue too. I said no, just need to get away from you. Only time I was angry was dealing with her nonsense.
Oh, I know this one all too well.
Oh yea, I get this one too all the time!
Happened with all the narc survivors
When I was asked this loaded question by my Narc, I answered, “Why do you think I’m so angry?!” The fool proceeded to innumerate reasons I was “angry” .... thereby exposing his inner Narc life even more! It’s a wonderful data-gathering technique... use it!
BTW... he claimed I was afraid of “losing my youth”. LOL!! Well, no one contemplates with glee losing his/her youth, but he was the one buying a penis shaped car!
You can’t really manage a relationship with a narcissistic, the stress will eventually lead to sickness or even death. If you must communicate with them use as few words as possible, never try to reason or rationalize with their accusations just walk away, even if it hurts don’t show them, always be in the process of breaking any emotional, physical or financial bond and move on with your life.
Did that recently with a narcissist friend
I like this, thanks 🍒
Easy to say I guess I got to much entangled and is hard to see the way out
I can tell you that the stress will definitely lead to open heart surgery, I know
I have wanted to die while being involved with him. He knew my past trauma/abuse and didn’t care that he added to it.
My draw dropped when he said ,"You never admit a mistake, you never apologize!"
He was projecting on me literally everything. He was telling me that I don't know what love is, I will never love anyone, I have no shame, I'm too full of myself, I don't accept critic, I'm not humble, I have no humility, I am a deeply violent person and brutal, I am egocentric, that we always end up talking about me, I am a liar and I am altering the reality, I don't see reality as it is, I don't accept his authority because I want to have control, I have no respect and don't know what that word means, and of course he even told me that I am a narcissist.
Went through exactly the same
Almost the same ! Always heard “you don’t know what love is”
Um no, u don’t bully abuser!
Someone going through your laundry list of mistakes and saying how you failed at every turn...
Hee
Dimitra I hope you got out and are free of the narc now. It’s so much better on the other side.
Projection is one of the biggest red flags that the person projecting is a narcissist.
When the narc abuser says his ex is the abuser but his behaviours indicate an entirely different story! I’m grateful they tell on themselves!!
@Quiche Lorraine I'm glad to hear that you understand how much of a red flag responses like that are. They are basically sidestepping the question. When they won't give a direct answer, it means they refuse to take responsibility for themselves, which means that it would be impossible to have a happy relationship with them.
Yes I agree, just that in one of my cases my narc ex - ex was also a narcissist !!! I found out through his family members. So he wasn´t fully lying! But ofc he couldn´t see that he and his ex were/are "the same". The most confusing plot twist I´ve ever excperienced
@Quiche Lorraine I don't know about growing apart but i do know that after i was discarded, my gut reaction told me "TEAR THIS MARRIAGE APART WITH A DIVORCE AS SOON AS IT IS FEASIBLY POSSIBLE WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT....and use a HACKSAW/AXE of a Solicitor to complete the task".
NO REGRET....apart from her now obvious UN-DIAGNOSED BUT OBVIOUS PARENTAL ALIENATION MANIPULATIVE TACTICS...used by her for YEARS before the discard.
Our daughter needs a narcissistic wake-up call.
Yes! Mine said his ex was "a lil cray cray" and didn't want to share her real name because she has money. Just a ball of confusion!
Yes narcs are master manipulators! I just went through this with a girl I had one night stand with in college. I follow her on IG and she posts a lot about abusive friendships she’s (even publicly tagging the people saying she’s called the cops on them for their threats to her) She described what appeared to be a narc dynamic and I reached out to her consoling her. The convo was friendly and engaging at first, but then she said I was being invasive and overstepping boundaries when I sent her links to books I thought might help her. Then, out of the clear blue sky, she said shes’s known for being hateful to people she thought were being invasive (I guess implying she was about to be hateful towards me) I apologized immediately as I never knowingly would overstep someone’s boundaries. When I said it’s not okay to be hateful to people, then she really went off and went on a gaslighting/word salad/invalidation spree even saying she was being sarcastic when she said hateful before (thus gaslighting me and implying I took her very clearly vindictive words too seriously) and even tried to say I called her hateful (something I never did) because I thought it was odd that she called herself hateful to people out of the blue (almost like she was proud of it) Then I realized she was a Narc herself and probably got into a friendship with another Narc. I was stunned at how manipulative she was trying to be, but we all know the games when it comes to these possessed people.
These videos should been shown to middles schoolers and high schoolers. Im in my 40's now and had no clue what a narcissist is until my late 30's. Would have changed my life if I would have know about them sooner... Keep saving live Dr. Ramani.❤️
Sort of in the same boat here. Just now finding out just how insanely petty and narcissistic my dad and step mom/moron . What it started out with early this year was scary as hell but now that I know what they are up to it's become laughably pathetic to an absurd level.
I think we all feel like you do!
I feel exactly the same. Found out at 30 years old - lost a whole decade to them 😞
Love this 💗
I'm 55 and I figured out that I was being emotionally abused less than a year ago. I started realizing I was seeing narcissistic patterns less than 6 weeks ago. It would be good to teach kids about this young.
"You are angry! You don't have any reason to be angry right now!" screams the parent to the confused and previously calm and happy child
💯
My ex narc accused me of wanted to go back to my ex and that I was still in love with my ex. It was really he who was still obsessed with his ex. He also called me a gold digger when I was buying a house with my own money. I told him “gold diggers” don’t put 200k down on a house. They get someone else to do it. He was projecting. HE was the gold digger!
Anne of Green Gables - The parallels in our lives are staggering. Have been accused of the same thing after putting 200k down on a house too!!
Very true
Yes!! Do you, these people leech on us.
My ex narc would tell everybody that I was worthless and couldn't make it with out him. While he was living with his mom, in her house. Next thing he knew I was gone. I had to go no contact to get him and his flying monkeys out of my life. Then I heard that I was so bad for leaving him. He left me first. I just moved on and got on with my life. I can make it with out him. I did before him and after him. He is the one who cant make it on his own. He is the one who was holding me back and causing me problems. Everything that he said that was wrong with me was what was wrong with him.
Julianne ByGrace isn’t it insanity!?! Best to you :)
Even though it’s really well explained in the video, trust me, you have to see it on a narc in order to fully understand. The narc doesn`t just use projection and denial. He/she IS projection and denial. It’s like narc rage. It leaves you in awe, like «wow, this person’s really deranged»... and yes, there’s no point in trying to discuss things and try to reverse that. The projecting narc, sees you as an intruder, an enemy that threatens that fragile ego core. And they will strike back, they will hurt you, they’ll do anything.
Talking to an enraged narc is like trying to help out of a trap a wild cat.
Yes sis
The whole time you're trying to assess how to get away from them and get out of the situation
Whew..!
My narc believes his own lies and projection...and that is what is sooooo scary.
Projection was so confusing and damaging when I was a kid. It actually made me believe I was wrong even when I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so confused, I became extremely anxious and distrustful of myself. Self doubt is something I’m trying to heal from constantly as I finally went no contact with sibling. What a horrific psychological state to experience. I was lost for far too long. The pressure from my codependent mom made it harder for me to gain the courage to finally put myself first. Building Self respect, self-esteem, and self-worth along with managing my crippling autoimmune illnesses are now some of my main priorities. I never thought I could actually be strong enough to let this relationship go. It’s the best and most difficult decision I’ve ever made.
Currently experiencing this. Having health issues while dealing with the toxic environment they perpetuate is suffocating. Along with all the other side effects of their ways, trying to do bare minimum some days is hard. Getting out means having to work on organizing, planning, many errands to set up safe space or temporary situation. Trying to detangle all the responsibilities they left on my plate like their pets and the debt. It’s very hard.
I share your pain. I have been gaslighted by my sister since at a very young age so I can understand what you are going through and the feeling like you are wrong. I am trying to figure out how to become stronger.
Love and hugs
You should be proud of yourself, that takes courage x
I had a couple friends, who didn’t know each other, who would do this to me. I was gullible. One would go radio silent on me even after scheduling hanging out on a Friday. Car is there but won’t answer the door or phone.
As far as autoimmune issues, got them too. I’ve been following Dr Berg and the MotivationalDoc.
I remember watching tv one evening and my spouse came home and was pouring the usual alcohol drink and said, “I can never tell what mood you’re going to be in” I was like, wtf I’m the most levelheaded person I know. But I did think, I wonder if she’s right. Insanity at its finest but she was trying to justify her upcoming weekend away with some fool. When that was announced I was done. Devastated but gone. Projection personified. Pathetic.
Spot on...well spotted. Once you know, you know. Strange thing is, like others, i wish i could time travel back to those moments..and make adjustments like HIDING THINGS OF HERS!!!..lots of them.
Accusing you of having affair.... While they are Cheating !
Whole Spirit yes!
Yup!
"Have you been with any girls since last week?" -her
"no, im not some kind of slut, you're my gf, wth" -me
5seconds after sex
"so i fkt this other guy" -her
I can see it happening deffenetly they have a perverted mind.
@@FractalPrism. 🤯
I know what faults my narc has - I just listen to what she calls me.
So true I get called everything but a child of God. I do not answer anymore I do not argue. I walk away or the phone goes dooowwwwwnnn
@@nataliewyllie156 exactly. When she becomes rageful (a couple of key words tip me off and let me know we have reached the "point of no return"), I walk out the door or hang up. Go grey rock. Responding and arguing only fans the flames.
Good luck with that
Yup. I was accused of "feeling superior to her" and she insinuated that "maybe you are jealous that I (achieved something) sooner than you". I was like "han? Where did that come from?" I'm not even prone to jealousy... God. The mindfuck.
Best when they tell you you're jealous of their achievements, at the same time accusing you of shaming then for not having done the very same thing.
Didn't care about that until then as I thought we were a team.
"How should that be?" - "See? You're doing it again!" - Wtf?!?
Lol that's a common thing a woman says to me, she will always say that I think I'm better than her and look down on her, it's completely not true, that's after all the insults, the best way to deal with these ppl is agree with everything they say with added humour like, saying I agree with you 🤣🤣🤣, it really fucking pisses them off, never try to defend yourself that is what they want you to do, you will also be called a narcacist and this is hard to deal with because you will do some things that narcs do you just have to realise that also is projection
Well my narc does a version of this. If I try to talk to him about something I need or something he does that is bothering me, he will say, "I need that too!" or "You do that, too!" He does this in counseling every time. If we start talking about my needs he will derail the conversation by turning it around to himself. "She does that to me, too!" Smoke screens and mind-fuckery.
Just dump him! It's not worth it. You only waste precious time and money (counseling) on this excuse of a human being. Throw it away, you have a life to live!
Just experienced this
Oh yeah I got only this type of projection, thank yoy for ur comment
Yeah it's really agonizing.
OMG he actually told me that I'm good at manipulating the situation in order to be seen as the good one! And this happened when I told him he was neglecting me and I wanted more attention from him cause I was hurt...
A couple of weeks after I told my ex that I felt like there was something wrong, that I was noticing subtle changes in how he was interacting with me, I was told in a "joking" way that I had "high-maintenance feelings", in the midst of compliments about what kind of woman I was. Ultimately I was discarded, and his "rage" was actually spewing, projecting, his own insecurities onto me. In a normal relationship, those insecurities could have been discussed, with honest communication that would have benefited both of us. I now know that no matter what I think I could have done differently at the time, projection would be an ongoing issue for him, not only with me, but with anyone that he might have conflict with.
M Curit exactly! Normal people would discuss some important topics, instead of running away from them
This was SO helpful!!! I was told I was gaslighting my husband 8 months ago and I thought ‘what is that?’ And looked it up later realizing wait a second, that’s what he is doing to me. That was the beginning of the end for our relationship and if he hadn’t projected a term I was unfamiliar with I would still be stuck in that abusive, narcissistic relationship. Thank you for this series. I haven’t missed a single day. It’s great!
This is best comment I've seen so far lol
I know. We need our daily dose, right?
You too huh? Exact same thing happened with my wife. For years, I couldn’t rationalize her behavior no matter how hard I tried. She’d always tell everyone and more importantly my family, I was a narcissist. I didn’t know the meaning but, just ignored it as harmless, as she was always talking *hit about me to family.
One day, she yelled at me to stop gaslighting her and and I was thinking, wtf is that?
I then got on TH-cam to search the term and discovered the most meaningful explanations of life, that I’ve found in my life. If only I’d known 11 years earlier.
@@geauxtigers2714 when the narcissist learn about narcissist and use it to continue to turn things around on you :( so exhausting. He will never take accountability, only demands
Exactly how I discovered my wife is a narc.
She called me manipulative once.
Amusingly, early on in the relationship, she said "you won't want to be with me forever. You'll get bored of me eventually." Hmm... Discarded because I was getting anxious and needed reassurance? Increasingly blanked and treated like I didn't even matter to her? Yep, checks out. I guess I should've listened early on. She was giving me valuable information about herself.
She only said that to set you up for blame when you did leave. It is crazy. Narcissists know they drive people away, so they say these things hoping you will try to prove them wrong, as if it has to do with Your character and commitment...it doesn't at all. They are deflecting from their own behaviour so as to not take the blame later on when the relationship crumbles.
Yes! The projection and denial are CONSTANT and will truly have you questioning your sanity.
Same. Happened with me
Wow great comment, exact same thing happened to me, my ex gf said the same thing to me at the start just before she moved in with me and then discarded me 3 months later aftter the breadcrumbing and devaluation...
My parents excelled at this . I came to realize that they had been subjected to the same behaviour in their younger lives and seemed to have committed themselves to outdoing their own parents in every aspect of abuse . Projection was a favourite weapon along with severe verbal , emotional and physical abuse . The world surely doesn't miss these types when they die off .
As I listen to Dr. Ramani explain projection, I keep thinking about how important it is for us to opt-out of a relationship with a narc before it starts. Once you're in it, you practically have to become a psychologist to free yourself from the clutches of a narcissist. Let's keep studying, though, so we'll (ideally) never have to use what we know in a relationship. If you are in one, defend yourself with the information until you can get out of Dodge.
I wish none becomes their permanent victim.
I've been thru the Narc Wringer more than once but now that I KNOW wtf it is I will never engage with another. My eyes are wide open and my intuition is sharp. I know what I know and I trust myself implicitly above all else, forever and always.
@@casperinsight3524 I agree with you except I'd say I trust God now. He warned me of these wolves in sheep's clothing.
Right. My "spell" lasted just over four months and I "woke up" with a manic feeling one day! I am such a calm, loving, easygoing person at heart and I knew something was wrong when I just couldn't stop my heart from racing with anxiety over this man. I then asked my sister who has an ex-narc and found answers. I am now in day two of no contact and these comments and videos fortify me!
@@briana14333 Hopefully, your new no contact with this person will last forever. Do not get back together with these monsters. They'll never become decent people, not ever.
This video is really insightful. Narcs’ projection is their natural reflex. The things they say can be utterly abominable and illogical and they never back down no matter how hard we try to talk sense. The only way to preserve our sanity is not to catch what they throw at us and take it personally. Just let it bounce off and remain emotionally disengaged. It’s their mess, not ours.
This was my ex's favourite past time. I got so tired of arguing and telling him he was wrong about how he said I was feeling that I'd just give in. I'd say it doesn't matter how I actually feel because you're just going to tell me what I'm feeling anyway. What a waste of time and energy!
My mother always told me I was '
"hard as nails" when I was growing up. As a child I believed her. It was her all along. I was not then and am still nothing like her.
My mother also tells me I’m cold or became cold as an adult. Tells me that I’ll probably fine when she and my dad pass away one day. “Oh, you’ll go on just fine”... like I have no feelings making me feel like I’m a piece of garbage, especially when I’m the golden child who has been the most support to them out of all their children, and have been best friends with them since childhood. Display some inner strength and independence... and they think you’re too good for them or that you stopped loving them!
@@truelove7751 So relatable. I'm sorry. They're all the same.
This is why so many narcissists accuse their partners or family of being obsessed with money. My dad blamed my mother for his own ambitions, saying he had to spend lots of money to satisfy her even though she hated his extravagances and said so. Then, after the divorce, he would accuse me, out of the blue, of being ashamed of him because his house wasn't as big as my mother's. It was bigger!
phemyda94 smh .
Wow, that’s messed up. 🙁
Oh my gosh! I've never come across someone else who experienced a narcissist accusing this! I'm so sorry you went through this but was a huge 'Aha' moment to read this and feel less alone.... my ex would constantly accuse me of being obsessed with money and being 'driven by money', mainly because he couldn't pay his half of our rent and I said I felt uncomfortable footing his bill given he was a 40 y/o man working full time and should be able to at least pay his own bills...also when I later found he stole from me to feed his hidden alcoholism, he played it down and said he didn't like my money mindset! I work in care earning minimum wage, get my clothes in charity shops and always buy new phones/cars etc second hand. I'm so NOT obsessed with money! Laughable really!
Rowan Pring Classic projection tactic . Smh .
Thank you! This is a revelation. I just listened to 'projection' without connecting that my ex constantly accused me of spending all his money...because it was him who always over spent. Finally makes sense
Dr. Ramani you're looking gorgeous and filled with brilliant tools as always. Keep on shining queen!
@hani hani I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this situation. If you are able to find a safer space then it is something you should consider. If there is no other option then you have to set clear boundaries and one of which is understanding that you are valuable regardless of anyone else's validation. Secondly, you want to find a good support system online. There are so many communities like the one here or on Facebook where you can meet people who appreciate your contribution, third, you have to practice taking responsibility for your self and saying a big YES to all the things you love and that will bring you peace of mind and joy and one of which can be practicing meditation here on TH-cam there are many videos, practicing Yoga as these help with your peace of mind and patience. Next, you have to understand that you are not responsible for making your mother or anyone happy neither is she or anyone to you so take your power back and have empathy for yourself and understand that you cannot change your mom or anyone so all you can do is give her the space to deal with her inner issues and wish her peace of mind. You could also send her some of Dr. Ramani's video on Narcissistic parents...lastly put these steps into practice, give them time to yield results and keep watching Dr. Ramani's videos for awareness and growth. I hope it helps! Once you start loving yourself and setting boundaries, you will have little energy to expend on trying to fix narcissistic people and know that is not your responsibility or role but start with yourself ♥
She is a beautiful lady inside and out I believe. She is very wise but down to earth. She’s a gem!
Once I'd left the relationship, physically and mentally, I thought I had been living with a 'psychological terrorist' - (my italics), but I was living with a Narcissist! Thanks for sharing.
Narcs are psychological terrorists….
When my narcissist told me how to live my adult life and I refused to live my life like she told me to, she accused me: "You are always thinking you know it the best! You are always thinking you know it better than anyone else!"
Me: Stands up for own beliefs, forms own opinion. Takes care of self and doesn't give in for once.
Narcissist: You dominate people too much. You're controlling and selfish. You can't always get what you want. You have to think about others.
Me: I feel like you're just not listening to me.
Narcissist: YOU'RE not listening to ME!
Me: I feel like I can never please you.
Narcissist: That's how I feel about YOU!
Me: My feelings were hurt when you did this.
Narcissist: YOU'RE hurting MY feelings!
Exactly! It is so depressing.
Omg for real. We've tried calling them out on deflecting and projecting and each time they act like they don't know what we're talking about and just continue doing it 🙄 then they start acting like they want to physically fight.
Perfect. Word for word.
Exhausting...right?!
Told me that he has to babysit me while I was just sharing my feelings about my dad's liver transplant, whereas I had "babysitted" him in the past when he used to whine and cry bout how his ex cheated on him. Oh and ya, he went back to that ex for sympathy telling her that how "God is punishing him by being with me because he used to curse her for what she did." And the nerve that he sends this email screenshot that he sent to her to me !
I confronted a coworker temporarily in charge about her abusive behavior leading the team and they unloaded a LIST of absurd things that they claimed I am. It was so weird in the moment that they were listing the things they were doing wrong without even saying it. Craziness.
Finally had the guts to leave. I had no clue I was married to a narc. Thank God for these videos they opened my eyes to the hell I was living. I feel like my health is slowly coming back.
Me: *checks e-mail*
Narcissist: "You always say I'M on my phone, look at YOU" (says the guy who spends at least 8 hours a day on social media)
I got accused by my mother multiple times of rationally trying to drive her crazy when I was a preadolescent who wanted to talk to her to make a sense of her behaviour towards me (like shaming me in public). Another thing she used to do in similar situations was to shout to me: "don't try to use me to let off steam because of other people out there treating you poorly!" The "Bad People Out There" has always been a great hit with both my toxic parents.
Annarosa Girardini I grew u with a mother who was a narcissist and also bpd. Hi was diagnosed with bpd about nine years ago x the doc said it was a direct result of growing up with my mother. I sympathise
@@scarlettthebrave5854 And I hug you in sisterhood ❤️
Annarosa Girardini ditto sweetheart and here whenever you want to chat- heartfelt ❤️
@@scarlettthebrave5854 ;* ;* ;*
Look at the beauty that came out of your pain... this beautiful human connection, I mean. I sympathize as well. I had toxic parents too. Boundaries are so important. Dr. Ramani has a great video on this as well. Hang in there!!
I have noticed that when the narcissists in my life project on me, that at that time they are struggling with an issue inside of them and that they will actually work really hard to manipulate a situation that evolves into a conflict just so they can dump or project on me. Like you say, Dr. Ramani, it's psychologically throwing-up. And you can sense it, you can tell when you are being manipulated, when you are being set up to take a fall. Its like foreplay...sometimes it lasts for an excruciatingly long period of time and the other times it comes at you out of nowhere...slam, bam, Thank you maam. It all depends on what the narcissist is needing to regurgitate.
Disgusting
My ex used to think so low of himself and try to project those thoughts of himself on to me . I had never experienced a relationship like this before . He was draining the life outta me.The level off insecurity he had was off the charts.
He accused me of being emotionally abusive as he was emotionally abusing me.
thanks for sharing this! I JUST posted (in comments above) my own little story with this very same experience!
Omg yet another bizarre and damaging thing these people do. I went through it and feel so much for people who are trapped in damaging relationships. Thank you for your work, I truly believe it saves lives. 🙌
All of her videos was my life (felt just like a horror movie) until I walked away..they are truly helping to save and restore lives .
I have been financially abused by covert narc. He would keep accusing me of how come I dont understand the value of money and save every penny. Whereas infact he is the one who spends recklessly and leaves me crumbs!!!!
It shows up in the facet of every aspect of the relationship. I would be accused of everything he was doing. I wish that I had the understanding then that I have now.
@@aungar2403 You are right. I wish I knew better earlier I wouldn't have had kids with him. Now it's hard to exit as I have kids with special needs, and even worse is my mental and physical health due to all the emotional-financial-phsycological abuse! 😔
Omg my ex does/did the same !!
He was abusing me with a long tex as a page with all the verbal abuse , yet called me a abuser for replying which was ....
I will not respond to inappropriate text messages. ...
Omg its like dealing with a child
Then later he would say im sick thats why i abuse ?
Im like what just happened?
Every time I buy something with my hard earned money my mom audibly judges me and the purchase, making me feel guilty that I didn’t save my money “because I’m broke” when in fact I am financially stable and she’s the one with credit card debt 🤷🏼♀️
This isn’t happening in my life now, but when I was married to a malignant narcissist, this would’ve been very helpful in how to handle the constant projection I was bombarded with. I would constantly get hit with accusations of cheating and keeping secrets. Little did I know at the time, that’s what she was up to. Fortunately, the trash took itself out and I was free from the ugliness. That’s where the real work started....
This is what’s happening to me right now , my ex is the father of my children and probably would do anything to make it work but I’m not in love with him therefore I’m not with him , come to find out the guy I’m dating sends his ex links to sexy underwear saying stuff to her like these would look so hot on you and blah blah blah. His projection and gaslighting is on a different level , it’s not only how he acts but who he is . He will sit there in front of me kindly and non confrontational bit when he’s alone he is lying cheating and who knows what else I’ve caught him in so much of his bs and it always gets turned into being my fault. So apparently it’s my fault that he’s such a terrible person … this fake self is who I fell for not this man that lies to himself about how humble and amazing he is . I he is nothing but a lier in every aspect, his whole family thinks he’s this great man and all he does is lie to them and puts on this facade. They don’t even know him is sad as hell , and I’m sure they have something to do with it
I get projection followed by ghosting/stonewalling weekly. It might last a day and has gone up to a month. I do love this person very much and knew he had pain from the first time I looked into his eyes. These videos have helped me to not feel as though my soul is being ripped from me. Thank you as always for the very helpful information.
I have been call projection a slick way of telling on yourself. Narcissist will do this often. The you should do this, you hate me, you just think I’m stupid. You think your better than me, or the whole I wish I was like that. It’s really sad when you think about it, but by then so much has happened and you really don’t care anymore.
This comment is on point
Dr. Ramini - you are a translator for my past! These videos are so helpful to unwrap the uncomfortable fog that I lived in for so many years. My family doc simply described it as simply as "you didn't have anxiety - you were married to an a$#%@$". Thank you for the time you have taken to make these posts.
Ya sometimes a little common sense goes a long way! I've got mine by the short hairs, I think his ego couldn't handle a divorce, ha ha! Glad you got away! Keep watching, you're just hitting the tip of the iceberg!
When my narcissistic brother and I were taking care of our elderly mom who at the time was 114 lbs at 5’10- he blamed me for encouraging mom not to eat. After he was taken to jail and I had to take over cooking- she gained 25 lbs in just 6 months. His constant blaming behavior towards me was so bewildering. Now I understand that he was constantly projecting on to me. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
²⁰aug:
"When there are more tears than smiles, leave. When there are more fights than jokes, leave. When it hurts more than it feels good leave. They don't have the right to destroy you just because you love them. And loving them doesn't mean you have to stay."
- ʟɪғᴇ ʟᴇꜱꜱᴏɴ
You really hit the core of how I felt when I left finally. I loved him deeply, and still do, but had to leave.
❤ thx, this is great. I'm writing this down for later
Simply just dont shed even a tear
"Why do you want to be with someone like me then?"
Yeah. That never works, does it? LOL! I used to use that.
"If I'm so horrible, why are you with me?"
"AH, SO YOU ADMIT YOU'RE HORRIBLE!"
Narc: “Because I actually care about this relationship, unlike you, who never wants to make things better, blah blablah bablah bablahbablah crazy-making blahah, gaslight blah.”
Omg.. that’s exactly what he’s keep on repeating saying...
Sophia Sebring because the break in the soul is yang to your yin. Instead of healing, one seeks that “perfect” fit. The twisted familiarity of its deformity or disrepair offers an unholy comfort to those unconscious of its unhealthiness.
Yep, why did you marry then? Well you must have been very stupid to marry me! Heard it so many times.
Wow!! I’ve not heard it described this way. My ex would tell me he “knew what I was thinking” which is why he did what he did.
Mine too.
This is a very good explanation of projection, thank you Dr. Ramani! The frustrating part of it, though, is that there is no chance to resolve any conflict, because there is no way to have a normal and fair conversation with people who rely on projection and gaslighting (which in my experience go hand in hand). So, while I agree with you that observing projection for what it is, and internally acknowledging that's what is going on, is the only non-damaging response ... the "projecter" gets to go on his merry way, leaving the "projectee" to smolder and develop ulcers. Ending the relationship looks like the only way to save your health and sanity.
Well, my psychiatrist was hell bend in wanting me to end the relationship 😂. I did and it serves me good. There's really no other better solution. You're not responsible to heal them. Take care of yourself first.
THIS is the biggie, this is the one I experience the most - and the one that confuses me the most, because I genuinely consider what they are accusing me of, accept it as true (even though it doesn't feel like it is), attempt to change myself enough so that I no longer upset them.... but of course, there is always something else; and the original thing will always be used. How can you be SURE that it's projection, when you're the kind of person (like me) that thinks "oh, well maybe I am doing / being that" even when you didn't originally think you were being.
This!!!! And you become so confused and start to doubt your own intent and motives. It’s horrible. I feel like I don’t even know myself now.
Me too....Im not sure what to do...If anyone has answers or advice Id love to hear them.
You describe exactly how I feel - is it true? Is it me?
I think this had to be the thing that was the biggest time waster and energy suck in the entire relationship. But I find it hard to believe it's unconscious. He knew damn well cheating was unacceptable behavior. Accusing me of it means he was fully aware it was happening, and that it was him doing it.
My questions as to whether he was cheating was answered with " You can't tell me what to do, where to not go, who to follow/not follow on social media, and who I can talk ( text) with ." Never answered the question, and that was when I made my way out of the relationshit. He told on himself.
Indeed, I spend my time in quarantine on feeding my heart what Dr Ramani teaches. I am a wiser being growing and healing. Thank you with all my heart ❤️
"the only ppl who call me condescending are less successful than i am"
My mother was a PERFECTIONIST at projection. I called her on this as a teenager and told her to stop accusing me of things she did so she didn't have to feel bad about them. The ONE time she was ever honest with me was when she was very drunk and told me how I was the only person to ever call her on her stuff and hit the nail on the head about what she was doing and who she was. It was the craziest thing to hear from her. It happened one time.
Thank you Dr. Ramani... I’m speechless and my eyes are tearing up. That’s exacly what I experienced for so long with my mother. And everytime I was trying to make her understand, or to defend myself from these accusations, the situation would become dangerous. My mother would be so angry that she would scare me. She would be unrecognizable. It was impossible to make her see the reality... She believes her lies as if it was the reality. It is really exhausting to engage in these arguments.
Well, thank you again!
This puts all the times the narcissist in my life accused me of things that were not true in an entirely different light, especially all the times he called me a liar, insisted I was indoctrinated, and told me I was closed-minded.
Wow. No one has ever made me feel so sane. Thank you. That first example you gave - accusing you of being angry when THEY are one who is angry is literally exactly what my narcissist does.
"Does"?... meaning you're still with them... which is a waste of the most valuable resources you have... time, mental health, and love. They only change for the worse. Leaving isn't easy... but it is absolutely necessary. I left my vulnerable narcissist ex-w over a year ago... best decision I ever made.
Exactly what happens to me every single time
This is the one thing I experienced 24/7
Constantly being accused of all manner of bizzere false stuff as though the other has special prophetic ability - and sticking to it like it's a matter of life and death.
How I wish I had learned this from you before, because too much time was wasted defending myself from totally false accusations!!
First thing,Ramani hats off to you!
Projection! We all have seen this hardest thing to digest.I used to feel suffocated when he used to project.I wanted to scream out like I am sinking deep down into water and I know this projection isn't him or isn't me sometimes, when he used to pretend like a victim.
shilpa patil It’s so exasperating, isn’t it, dealing with them. We just keep running in circles. Stay strong! Sending you loads of light and strength😊
@@nelumbonucifera148 it is really.Thank you
Another great video explaining the terminology. As you said, when they project, it "shows their cards" in a sense. The narc I deal with will say things like, "I bet you ______, didn't you?", a lot, meaning HE did whatever he is asking me about. If you pay close attention, it is very revealing.
Even though we know it's projection it is still damaging to us.
And then they gaslight us and say, I don’t do that!! 😱
I have been dealing with this on such an intense level in my relationship that I even was saying its so confusing I don't know how to even name it- it is crazy making- but you just described EXACTLY what i have been experiencing. Our conversations get so confusing and turn into intense arguments that make me feel like hitting my head on a wall. And then the denial.I get convinced it's my behaviour / told it is- that is causing it all - on some level- and they don not even seem aware they are doing anything to cause it.
I did hit my head on the wall in frustration. Second concussion in one or two weeks, in the same place. Then the next day I feinted while walking the dogs due to stress of being forced to be on the phone with him for hours while I have other responsibilities. Extortion, r*pe. I hate him so much but he endangers my life in ways I can't report him.
I can't thank you enough for this insightful explanation on projection, Dr. Ramani!! Very often, out of the blue, I was caught up in a reaction of "what???" Like suddenly, you find yourself lost in space. Thank you for giving me the full understanding about this issue, Doc!! Have a nice day, and God bless you!!
This provides clarity to some rather obscure questions. It answers nagging doubts I've had about narcissistic behaviors. Ends with the sad truth of the narcissist. I appreciate your reminder to not waste psychological energy on arguing with their distorted reality.
A similar train of thought runs on a familiar track to land on a common conclusion. Almost like a story taking place.
I was repeatedly accused of invalidating their feelings and not trusting them . When I told them this felt hurtful because of how much I cared and how hard I tried to cater to their (consistently very big) feelings, they told me I was assigning them "mal-intent"-- this was so crazy making, especially because it was them who who didn't trust me and who constantly invalidated or ignored or made fun of my feelings. I really thought I was going insane and was doing everything I could to rationalize and cope with this. Thank you Dr. Ramani for providing this language and explanation
Broke up with a narc recently...Time to get better now!
This just happened to me last night! He eat all the I've cream and i said (in a childlike sad way) "you ate all the ice cream." He proceeded to tell me he didn't eat it all and I ATE ALL HIS almond rolls and protein bars! I told him (defensively) "I don't even like those so NO I didn't eat ANY of those!" So, belatedly projection!
*ice cream
Notice instead of taking responsibility, he’s deflecting by creating a gaslit false equivalence. As though your supposed actions justify his own. So now you are in fact defending yourself and the attention is taken off his actions altogether. It’s crazy making.
Wow! Learning so much each day . Many thanks for examples like this. So so helpful to me
My first exposure to projection was my own brother. “You’re selfish” “stop shouting at me”. None of it made sense to me, but I knew it was a form of bullying at a young age
Projection is the best insight into your narc, who they are and what they’re up to. I would always be accused of cheating, lying, wanting attention, liking and creating drama, being lazy, being a bad parent, etc but looking back I know now all the things he projected onto me was really who he was and what he did and how he truly felt about himself. He couldn’t deal with those emotions so it was easier for him to project them onto me.
Dr Ramini....I can never thank you enough for doing this video's....my whole life is full of narc....mother in law, own father, so called best friends n a former boss who all made my life a hell....thanks so much
Thank you so much for all you do, Dr. Ramani! Your work is playing an integral role in my healing.
One day when I was 12, my Nmom said as we were driving along, "You hate people. You're going to have to find a job where you work on your own because you don't get along with people." I said, "What? No I don't!?" Without missing a beat she said, "Oh - yes you do."
It came out of the blue - nothing was going on. She just made that pronouncement. I was devastated. I sat there asking myself, "You hate people? Why do you hate people? What are you doing to come off as hating people?" It was a really sick moment.
She's really the one that has that issue!!!
That’s what I grew up with, too!
It’s utterly exhausting 😢
This is so insane, I think I will never get over it in my life: being accuse of manipulation, gaslighting, being incohrent with the conversation. when it is clearly the person himself doing it. It just make it even more disrespectul and the more I explain it make no sens the more I get treat lie shit. How weird. Bless their heart and mind I guess, I am out.
This happens to me all the time. Sometimes I’m quietly smiling on the inside but other times I laugh out loud before I can catch myself. I used to cry and ruminate. Not anymore. Thanks Dr. Ramani!
My narc mother made a comment that suggested I was an abuser. But it's HER. SHE is the abuser.
Omg! I have been in the same situation its so frustrating.
@@madelinesosa1881 the worst!!! I think it's a classic projection that they do. It's part of their deal unfortunately
@@AngelKrystalStar I think it is I hope your situation gets better. But I can tell you that the more time I spend away from these people the better I get and I can heal with these videos specially with Dr. Ramani. But as soon as I have to be incontact the abuse starts all over again over the smallest thing they don't even let you explain what happend this literally just happend to me an hour ago. I was told I am stupid I will never be anyone in life, I will never get anywhere in life, in such a calm voice like they are doing you a favor. I was just like thats your opinion your intitled to your opinion and he hung up. But I cried so much becouse it hurts and its so counfusing becouse you dont understand even after seventeen years of knowing how this person is and I now even know what a narc is. But still counfusing and you dont understand how a person that one said that he loved you so many times off the top of his lungs with such passion can treat you this way much less treat anyone this way I would not say this to anyone and I worrie that he will say things like this to my son I cant sleep worrying about my son. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@madelinesosa1881 😭🙏❤ yes. The more I'm away from any abusers the better I feel. It's just amazing that way 🤗🤗🤗
@@AngelKrystalStar detox
All of this is my relationship with my ex, exactly. Thank you so so much. I left my ex a month ago and you’re helping me keep my sanity. I just wish I had known about your channel sooner
Dunno how many times I’ve vocally called out gratitude to you watching so many of your videos. As a NPD abuse survivor, who is grateful to have been on a strong recovery path and inner healing, your content has been absolutely crucial in this healing journey. Especially this video!
Sending you all the amazing amounts of love and high vibrations to doing such a phenomenal job at helping so many of us to be and become better. Thank you again. Much love. 🙏🏼❤️✨
Yes both of my parents are this way.
They accuse me of having all the issues they're dealing with .
Actually makes me incredibly sad.
And it's over any small thing .
I really pitty them .
I’ve been told I project! Its like inverse projecting 😭😭😭
It's possible, but don't just believe what others say. Think about it and try to get a rational conclusion.
Technically, *almost all of us do this to some extent. The book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford is a good one on this I think.
Narcs will project their projecting onto their victims. Lol. My mother used to.always accuse me of projecting onto her when she was raging. Pretty heavy thing to lay onto your 18 year old daughter. Ugh....
AngelaMerici12 - It was a 💡 moment realizing that I PROJECTED my goodness onto them!
OMG! It’s so true! My sister does this to me all the time. I never knew it had a name. Thank you very much for being so enlightening. One of her favourite things to say to me is “I didn’t want to bring this subject up, because I know you will freak out” I normally say that said subject doesn’t even bother me. She immediately gets irrational and tells me i’m lying! Happens time and time again. A few months back, I even said “Stop projecting your issues onto me”. Oh boy are you right Dr. R, she went off the charts crazy. THANK YOU for all your videos. You are indeed a gem and I am so grateful to have found your channel
My sister has a legal action against our mother. I told mom she needs to have a lawyer, and made her an appointment. Sister tried to stop her from going, and demanded that she not sign anything. So, mom can't even have the lawyer act as she is scared to sign. Meanwhile sis has had her sign documents with no witness. Next is a letter to mom from sis's lawyer saying she needs to get legal representation. Sis accusing me of trying to get mom to secretly sign things.... It's like everything is reflected to them backwards.
Wow you are describing my life. I'm really thankful for you. I'm scared that I did not even know this was a thing . Any of it. It's amazing to hear someone describing my situation. I feel less crazy and less alone. ❤️
Yes!! So confused and yes "the twilight zone!" I figured it out after riding the ride for 3yrs and repeated behavior and so exhausting trying to explain myself. Tears and frustration while he just kept accusing and for HOURS and HOURS of accusations. Finally stopped trying to explain myself....2 months now since I've left. And I'm still confused...clearer that is to this amazing woman and her chanel! Thank you thank you Dr Ramani💛you brought so much peace to my head, heart and body!!!
I think she touched on this but usually one tactic isn’t used at a time. Narcissists use several techniques at once to achieve their goals... it’s a whole arsenal not one bullet... that is one of the reasons it’s so hard to understand and deal with....
"You are taking your own conclusions" I literally had photo proof that he was lying... "You are throwing away every good thing we had and all we know from each other" I was literally blindsided... I had no idea that was coming, I felt like dying that day, but I'm here 1 month later, guys.
Welcome, best seat in the house for answers🌼🌼💗
Good for you! Stay strong ☺️
Wow! All I can say is wow! I have experienced this so many times; was always taken by surprise, argued my innocence, only to be destroyed! Thank you!
I didn't know it was called projection but many years ago I figured when this happened the "projector" was talking about themselves. I just knew I then had to listen and realize they were telling me their feelings. Yes, you are right Dr Ramani, that's the time to observe and listen and say nothing. That's the time to gain some insight into THEIR inner world and pain that THEY do not want to deal with. Thanks for the balanced view too that we all sometimes engage these defenses. Though, a person that wants to be honest does not continue using this defense, an honest person processes their inner world to match reality and controls themselves when they are tempted.
recognizing my ex-husband narcicsst's projection actually gives me insight into what he is feeling and what his current strategies are to hurt me and the children to gain power. thank Dr Ramani. I live way over in Israel and your videos are amazing.
Thank you so much dr. Ramani for explaining such important elements of narcissism!
My father accused me of being manipulative and lazy, I looked at him and said to him. 'Why do you engage with me if you see me that awfull? '
He became to mumble and play the hero and victim cards.
Thank you again, again and again! I grew up with a mom who projected constantly & always hated winter. Consequently, I sadly expected to hear the same tired old jokes about winter weather when my January birthday rolled around. It became a punch line, still to this day about the need for kids to wear boots, etc. to ENDURE the harsh winds and snow blizzards, to cross the street and come over for ice cream & cake. Sounds ridiculous? Yes, it is! I remember keeping to myself how much I loved the snow. I didn't even realize until I was 47 just how much my love for winter had been repressed. Your lectures are extremely cathartic and are helping me to heal. Namaste-☮
I was going to tell my mom goodbye one day as I was leaving her house. I simply walked into the kitchen where she was.just wanted fo give her a hug and tell her I love her, but I Never had the opportunity to even open my mouth and say a word because as soon as she saw me she started going off on me for my “attitude”. Stuff like this has made me feel like I was crazy all my life. It truly is crazy making. Just simply learning about this topic has helped me and my mental health so much. Dr. Ramani what your doing is so important. Thank you.
My previous boss (worked for on 3) previous occasions had me take charge of one of his 2 factories. Way behind on production almost 3 months when I stepped into the breech. Within 2.5 months brought everything up to current orders. The workers worked brilliantly and were becoming a team. Really proud of their effort.
Anyway narcissistic boss took a set against me. Some conversations would begin with questions and immediately escalate to rage. 'Don't you lie to me' before I had a chance to give an answer. Needless to say he did this in front of others. For maximum effect. Within weeks of having broken the back of the workload. He was sitting drinking with another drinking buddy(neighbour) when I walked in. First words to me "meet your new boss". Stopped for a second to take it in. Congratulations. Shook my new boss's hand. Left a few weeks later. No contact. Narcissistic boss had his misses attempt to contact me by sms several weeks later. When am I coming back from leave? Go figure.
Well done Brian. You left with dignity having gone beyond the call of duty to get this man's business back on track. He drinks on the job. Does that tell you anything?
Now thinking of how the narcissist once in my life projected her issues on me, I can finally see how silly she truly was, my sister had so many insecurities and tried to project her feelings on to me, but the moment she saw me figuring out my life in good spirits she discarded me.
Spot on. “What huh?” I have said that to myself so many times to his bullying. I wish I had the strength to dish it back, but that would make me look like I’m the crazy one. denial is his middle name. He will NEVER CHANGE.
Very grateful for this clear explanation. "Pang of pity" is a lovely concept.