Is My Husband Gaslighting Me?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
- Is My Husband Gaslighting Me?
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Rhonda please please If he doesn’t want kids and you do, please don’t settle. You are going to resent him and hate yourself when you got to a age that you can’t have any.
Get a divorce and find someone who also want kids. Compatibility is very important in a marriage. Good luck to you.
Yes children is one of those things that cannot be negotiated, either way if he gives in and has kids he will resent her and the kids which is horrible for the innocent parties and for someone’s dreams to be to have a child, not having one (obviously infertility is a different battle) will break them once the chapter has closed.
You're right. He married her on the pretext of them having kids and then he changed his mind. She should leave before it's too late.
I agree. Having a child is still the single most awesome thing you can do with your life. I fully understood this only after having my daughter. Every day since her birth has been full of joy.
@@bibiblocksberg2081that's a stretch, maybe having kids was the best you could do with your life. Many people have a life as fulfilling and worthy as yours, without having kids. I agree it's something it can't be negotiated, both wanting or not wanting kids are perfectly valid choices.
When I was 20 I got involved with an acute narcissist. We started out by having a long distance relationship of 2 years and towards the end of that, before we met up (which lasted for only another 6 months when I ended it) he had talked about marrying me. I got on a plane and flew to his country to be with him. He only mentioned he didn't want kids when some acquaintances one evening were joking around about when we would start having kids. He said privately later that evening that due to his own trauma growing up he did not want to have kids. That's selfish. To casually tell me after more than 2 years. I have never known of a woman who stayed with a man if she wanted kids and he didn't. No man should ask (or dictate which is what it is) a woman who wants to have children to give up on that. She needs to leave him. ASAP.
Hahahaha my ex husband does all of this. He will NEVER answer a question directly, not even to his doctor or anyone else who is genuinely trying to help him. His m.o. is to argue and challenge. You can tell him one thing, and he will pretend you didn't say a word and call you a liar when you point it out. So glad to be rid of that clown.
Bravo!
I had that while I was dating a guy and now he is married. I always wonder if that was a pattern of behavior with me or is it ingrained in his soul that he will treat his wife that way too.
He look good since you lost that dead weight. 😊
@@WVgrl59 He has to really truly see that his gaslighting is wrong & he has to want to change. If not, it's time to leave.
That grieving over not having children (when you really wanted to) doesn't end, it gets
re-started over and over again when you see other parents with their children.
Mmm!! 🔥💥
Yes 😢
I love the way she has to sacrifice her life to be with this guy. What sacrifice is he making for her? I see none
Wrong question. You can’t compromise on having kids. And he should not feel guilty for his decision. It’s on her to make a decision to stay or to leave.
@@minchen087they are married. It doesn't work like that when you are married. This is why marriage has no meaning these days because as soon as something happens everyone wants to just ran away with someone new. You are married for life. You say it at the altar. Everyone has the ability to change and do better.... Every
@@clarebear1981
Nice sentiment but like what was already said. Kids are not a compromise. They can literally be the most important thing in someone's life. Children are the most important thing in a lot of peoples lives. So we are talking about being miserable the rest of your life for what? Vows? Doesn't seem a good enough reason.
My ex-husband was a classic gaslighter. He would say a demeaning and insulting comment to create a reaction, then once I responded he would then say it was a joke. That’s an example of gaslighting. I am divorced. I chose my mental health and no contact with ex. Therapy has been life changing for me.
She should leave. If you want kids then you find a partner that wants the same thing. The marriage is over as soon a there is a material change to the terms of the marriage. Kids is a deal breaker.
Wow.
I don't think he changed his mind. I think he went into this knowing he didn't want kids and lied to her because he wanted her. Now that she's in deeper with marriage, he lets the truth out. She shouldn't just try to throw her dreams away of being a mom. She should just divorce him now, instead of years down the line when she's too old to have kids and she doesn't have him either. Maybe pessimistic, but very realistic. She will regret it the rest of her life if she doesn't leave him now.
Agree. I bet he knew all along but just lied to her in the beginning.
This is what I believe my husband did. I'm now 49 and in perimenopause. He still tries to gaslight me when I bring it up. I actually wish I left him years ago now.
@@daisy9910 Do it now. Or you'll yourself regretting 10 years from now that you didn't. You can still find a better partner to spend the second half of your life with.
@@vaska1999 I will never enter another relationship again. I will be blissfully solo.
@@daisy9910 A serene single life is worth infinitely more than the misery of a bad marriage.
I don’t think she is truly grieving this loss of motherhood Nor the fact he agreed to one thing (kids) then changed his mind. That is betrayal of the highest level . . Bait & switch . . I’m not sure she’s being honest here . . at least not with herself . .
Why is changing your mind betrayal? Should he just do it against his will and be a shitty father because he didn’t want to be a father?
@@minchen087it’s usually not something one changes their mind on
Please read my comment on this situation as I was him in the way I didn't want children at one point in my life due to past history.
I'm so sorry for this woman. I wouldnt sacrifice motherhood for anyone. 🥺
She sacrificed for her husband and then he disrespected her. Sounds more like she doesn't love herself enough to leave this guy. This is her problem.
That’s an incredibly unempathetic response. My goodness. Should she leave? Yes, sounds like it. But remember she’s been in an emotionally abusive relationship. It takes time to realize it’s time to leave. But don’t blame an abuse victim for the abuse. He is the problem. Not her.
@@Chels-fz5uqyes, it truly does.
I was so moved by the amount of attention given to the loss of having children and the importance of grieving that loss.
My husband and I fought a more than decade long battle with infertility and I applaud Dr. John for giving the issue the weight it deserves.
I was lucky enough to marry a man who told me, in the middle of the fight, "If it ends up being just me and you... that's enough for me." And sadly, after a miscarriage, that IS how it has ended up for us.
I STILL haven't done the work I need to do about it to truly be happy where I am, but I felt compelled to comment and give Dr. John his flowers for how he gave attention to the issue. 💜
No one should have to give up their need to have children. No one and no matter how much you love someone. I knew since I was an early adult I didn’t want kids. I love kids but it is a big undertaking. At now almost 40, I don’t have kids and my now husband didn’t want any either. Get your needs in order or let this go. Seriously. Life is too short to have to settle for something of this magnitude. Dr. John, you should have pushed her more to think about her decision to not have kids when clearly, she’s already resenting this man.
Should have pushed? Pushing is not his job. In fact, it could get someone in his profession in legal trouble.
@@catherinenelson4162 why are you trying to be a troll?
@@BagsNBaguettes_327 Not a troll. Psychologists and the rest of the profession cannot push
Their job is to reason with people with the end result being that the person can see things more clearly and can make up their own mind.
@@catherinenelson4162 Yeah I agree. The wants, desires and compromises are the people to make for themselves. He does his due diligence warning her that if she doesn't grieve her decision, it's going to become resentful and explosive.
I don't think what she's describing is gaslighting? It just sounds like disrespect...
Wow
I'm 6 minutes in and it sounds like passive aggressive behavior. Gaslighting is different in my opinion. Gaslighting would be catching your husband in bed with another woman and he denies it by saying "are you gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?!"
That’s wh as t it’s called these days
Oh wow. Really good point. It is just disrespect.
Does anyone know the author & name of book she mentions, around 11/11.35?
If she wanted kids, why did she stay with him? Why did she just accept that instead of leaving and finding someone who wanted the same things as her? And now she's in this marriage that sounds SO hard and frankly, not worth it. I have a feeling that as soon as she starts speaking up about her needs and her worth he's going to become more outwardly abusive.
She sounds like she has low self esteem and is willing to settle.
@@amberriley7633 It could also be that she respects God and knows divorce leads to far worse problems.
It's possible to not find someone else who lines up with 100% of what a person wants.
@@EmilyGloeggler7984marrying whilst misleading your spouse over something as important as having children is what leads to problems. It creates a marriage built on a serious fault line.
Divorce without children does not cause anywhere near the same level of problems as divorce with children.
@EmilyGloeggler7984 so divorced people is a disrespect to God? Explain!
Okay, he sounds like a selfish child and I can see him leaving her and having children with someone else and she would have wasted her prime years.
Yes, that's a very likely scenario... If he can't empathize and take responsibility for misleading you, this is a terrible wound. It will get worse. Don't lose yourself for a man. Get out 🎉!
My ex did this to me … “I don’t want any more children” after we agreed to 2-3 and only had 1. Then left me and had a baby with her. 🤨
I believe that if she wants children and he doesn’t then she should divorce him and find a new partner. He said he wanted children prior to marriage and then after marriage said he didn’t want to have any. She deserves to be with someone that will share her dream. If she stays with him, she’s signing up for a lifetime of resentment.
Yeah, you right. Marriage vows should definitely be broken all willy nilly. Crap advice right here folks.
Sounds like two passive aggressive people living under one roof. Good times!
And immature! She probably is eluding to him that he’s going to see a woman not to the store
She's trying. Give her some slack.
Uh, he lied about wanting kids, pretty sure that's what this whole thing has been about
It's a major issue they can't agree on the kid thing. If that's so important to her may just be time to move on with someone that wants kids.
Absolutely
It's a common deal breaker.
@@wijcik Agreed. And i don't take either side in these situations. Your much better off not having kids if you don't want them. But some people do so if you can't agree it's gonna be serious issues.
@@johniii8147 I agree completely. The hubby and I just hit the 11.5 year mark and married for 4.5 years. We made the decision to try to had kids recently, but we both have always wanted them. It just took us a while to feel ready.
@@marieroxylox1456 That makes sense. You are better off that's it's planned decision vers an "accident". Being a parent and expenses are a huge responsibility.
gaslighting is a real thing. So is over analyzing a situation and slapping a label on it.
Right!!! This had nothing to do with gaslighting 😐
@@BHauck-os9sy almost like how everytime someone cheats now they are BPD or something else the betrayed tries to rationalize with, when in reality some people are just selfish and shouldn't be in monogamous relationships. Everyone always tries to understand why someone does this or that, in reality some people are just a$$holes.
Yes, it's become trendy to use the phrase for everything. 🤣
Yeah, he lied and manipulated her. The old switch-and-bait thing.
that doesnt sound like gaslighting ….
Everyone thinks everyone they deal with who doesn’t get their way is a narc and gas lights 🤦🏻♂️ Aka dodging accountability
Sounds like a selfish jerk. She deserves better.
@7:10 Dr. John makes such a significant point to a great relationship. Learn to take ownership over stupid things and apologize.
Why does he not want to have kids? Is there something deeper going on there? Say, he is interested in having kids but he is no longer having kids if it is with you.
I didn't hear any gaslighting
“Tangled” the Disney movie?
I LOVE that movie. It’s like they put my mom on the screen. It’s unbelievably validating
The only difference between my mom and Mother Goethe’s is that my mom never says, “Just kidding.”
I’m sorry
he doesn’t love her she is wasting her egg years on him
Read "why does he do that?"
It's a great way to figure out if you are dealing with a narcissist: masters of gaslighting.
Excellent book!
I'm 7:40 in and I say the advice is SPOT ON.
1. Be clear and respectful of your worth/needs.
2. Owning up to your own pitfalls
3. Not make it your responsibility to make the other person feel good.
I've done all these three things. I set up my boundaries. Any time I messed up, the other person would try to use that against me (Like if I snapped or yelled) and I'd be like "Nope, I was wrong there. I'm going to keep trying even if I was wrong."
Or if I was mad about something and they'd try to use it against me like it was wrong to be mad. I'd be like "Nope, I'm a person and it's okay for me to be mad about this."
Gaslighters will chip away at you for very long time and wait to see if you'll snap, then they'll be like "Hah see, look how you are" from the pedestal they stand on, in the hole they dug themselves lol
The truth is none of us are holy saints. As patient as we try to be with this behavior, it will get us fired up eventually.
So these steps are good. Because it keeps you consistent. Because even if you do snap, if you own up to it, they can't use it as ammo.
Especially if you have a respectful amount of self-worth. Not that narcissistic self-love but a healthy sense of self-respect to do what is healthy.
Learning to have peace regardless how the other person feels is also a good tool. Yeah, at times you can help them out. Help. Being the key word. It isn't your responsibility. If you feel like you're needed, that's getting into codependency.
Each and every person has got to have responsibility for themselves and getting help from others. Not being dependent, demanding or expecting it.
Not reading this. Too long! 😂
Disagree. Gaslighting is an intentional attempt to convince another they aren't experiencing what their senses tell them is going on. Psychologically it's setting up intentionally a narrative of promises that are fake, goals that you agree to that they have zero interest in. Its intentional deception for the deceivers own jellies and warped psyche.
How about having a spouse that defended two toxic friends behavior and saying that he refuses to take any one side?
That sounds like a Narcissistic Coward.
That's a spouse to get rid of. Fast.
A takeaway from this is that when a person gets into the pattern of calling out gaslighting routinely over and over it can sometimes be adding fuel to the fire.
The person we are with will either make us or break us.
This husband doesn't respect you and doesn't have manners. You shouldn't have to ask for respect. Take your life back and dump him.
Gaslighting, the most overused term of 2022.
That’s why when people are really gaslit nobody listens to us. Gaslighting
Being abused and the abuser denying the abuse
Being told something didn’t happen when it happened
Being shown proof of something and they denied the actual evidence and proof right in front of your face
"Narcissist" is a close second.
@@BeaBelfastVideos Too much gaslighting and Narcissism.
"Gaslighting, the most overused term of 2022" -- Says the Narcissist.
@@athens31415 Right!! Gaslighting is rampant in relationships and many like me and no idea what was happening. Now we know. The narcissists are now exposed !
A lot of people take passive aggressive behavior as gas lighting
Gaslighting can be passive aggressive. They’re the same thing. It doesn’t mean all passive aggressive behavior is gaslighting though.
@@staceystrukel1917 sorry Man but if you’re claiming that gaslighting and passive aggression is the same thing, then you can be gaslighting and be passive aggressive vice versa.
That is called an inherent, objective truth. A.k.a. In this instance, Tautology.
@@VaughanMate what?!
A narcissist (not saying per se that he is one, but) enjoys taking away your pleasures, the things you would have loved. They love to make sure you never get those. They also don't care that they hurt you, in fact, it is a kick for them. They love to make you question everything you do. Not saying her husband is one of those N people, but they are utterly selfish. All I will say is...if the shoe fits....
I got the ladies problems. she wanted kids but her husband refused and now she resents him but doesn’t have the courage to leave the marriage. Her husband is not gaslighting but he is passive aggressive and doesn’t care much for her feelings. She still doesn’t have the courage to leave and fears she will stay in a loveless and childless marriage all her life .
Leave him. He lied to you.
ya if a person doeesnt want kids and you do, dont pursue a relationship with them hoping it changes.
I 100% agree. I almost gave her the benefit of the doubt because the whole point of gaslighting IS to make you look crazy, but the examples she gave John gives me the impression that she doesn’t fully understand what gaslighting is. I think her having to try to read his mind all the time just drives her nuts because he probably says one thing but his actions may show another. That’s enough to drive anyone crazy. Been there
Yup that sums it up
Exactly the husband clearly isn’t in love with her lacks respect for her and he’s too cowardly to break up the marriage so he’s trying to annoy her enough that she leaves
If she can give up one of the main reasons she was sold the relationship which is "motherhood" for him, one would assume that he's a perfect man. Which is why it's very surprising to hear about the gaslighting.
And this leads me to believe she might have given up for insecurity reasons , fear of being alone, etc. The sad thing is she will end up alone regardless.
One day he'll get bored of tormenting her and find someone new to play with. Especially as she gets old and depressed because of the guilt of what she gave up and all she allowed and allows.
She should just leave. It doesn't seem like there's much worth saving here, as it looks like he doesn't even like her. Lucky for her that he doesn't want kids, because now there's nothing tethering her to him
He tricked her about wanting kids.
If you ask the gaslight question then it’s going on 100%.
So about 3/4 of the way thru she has dropped a bomb about the children issue. So her husband is apparently a real jerk, a gaslighter, *and he doesn’t want children , the truth of which he apparently hid until after marriage?? Why on earth stay with this man? Please leave and find someone who wants kids. I did. My life is complete now. Seriously , not having kids when you want them is too big an ask.
She is 💯💯💯 being gas lighted. Avoidance is abuse
Sounds like PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR to me. Than GASLIGHTING.
That man is extremely self-centered.
This man won't give her a direct answer to basic questions, refuses to have children with her, and insults her cooking???
When she said one of the big issues was “I really wanted kids…” my heart just sank.
Never not have kids that you deeply desire in order to be w a specific partner. That’s a lifelong decision and pple change, relationships break up. You will have so much resentment at some point.
I have always been very clear with my gas lighter and it does not work. Also, he never apologizes or admit to anything, so why should I
He may have genuinely changed his mind about having children, but it's possible that it was yet another covert way of being abusive, aside from the gaslighting, upending her dreams and causing major emotional upset on her part, while he can just say he changed his mind. He seems to specialize in emotional or psychological abuse that you can't call out as straight-up abuse. It also sounds like withholding behavior to me.
The rejection of her cooking, even though he is now cooking, could also be a covert form of abuse. If this were the only thing going on, I wouldn't be so quick to theorize that it's covert psychological abuse, but it isn't the only thing at all. Did he really not know what her cooking was like before they got married? Rejection of a woman's cooking when there are no particular issues like vegan/not vegan or gluten free/not gluten free, is often a covert rejection of her, felt by the woman and done covertly by the man. Not liking this or that dish is one thing, but flat out "I'm not eating your food" is a withholding of approval and a rejection of her, in people who were raised at all traditionally, which they apparently were.
He drives her "crazy" with his weird questioning of normal things she says, but if she gets frustrated with him, she needs to apologize for and own HER behavior? If a relationship is mostly healthy and one partner goofs up, yes, but not really fair when she's being driven psychologically to react to covert abuse and then treated as if she messed up. It's like a sport where his side doesn't really have any rules, but her side has plenty of rules and he can barrel over her but she has to play by the rules. And her actually owning her mistakes, likely in response to his dysfunction, will have no impact on his rule-free behavior.
If a pattern of covert psychological abuse is what's going on, then for one, he will either privately enjoy a letter she writes him telling him how much pain his (bait&switch) decision to not have children has caused her, or just not care at all. And for another, her calling out his specific behaviors as unacceptable may stop a given behavior, but not the motivation behind it. Another behavior, different but equally as or more noxious, will pop up. It will be like whack-a-mole.
@@ComeHomeAlreadyIdiot What do you mean, "large"?
100%
Well if she can’t cook she can’t cook lmao. Pick up a cook book and learn something. Ask him what he likes there’s a plethora of ways to go about fixing the problem without resorting to him being abusive. That’s wild.
They should have decided the kid thing before they got married. Of course that got better I. The marriage because he got what he wanted. Move on lady
I would love to hear the husbands side of the story.
Yesss, it sounds like she's doing the gaslighting. Like did they agree to not have children before marriage.
Look up "Conversations with a Narcissist" and you'll have your answer.
Get off the "narcissist" trend. Its very obvious that you have join the cult of trauma.@@athens31415
Holy moly. Look at all the psychologists in here diagnosing a "narcissist" by a one sided video! With all these mental health professionals, one would think that the mental health crisis in America would be stomped out.
It’s one thing for a man to decide he doesn’t want children but that needs to be very clear before you marry. They can always leave and go have kids at a later stage with a younger woman.. she however has a biological clock ticking. When she no longer has the choice she will regret not leaving and meeting someone else and having that child. Menopause is a funny time with lots of mourning without having the regret you didn’t have that child you always wanted. Their the relationship was fantastic and she was at peace with her choice fair enough but the relationship sounds very troubled, she isn’t happy and she isn’t yet if she ever will be reconciled with the idea of not having a child. It is a fundamental part of most wonens lives even if early on they say they don’t want one many come around to wanting one as time is running out and that choice is no longer available. She needs to look after herself and her own happiness do what is best for her. Walking away from someone you love when you see it isn’t right for you is one of the hardest things you can ever do.
I don’t think she knows what gaslighting is.
I dont want kids but seriously to be denied your womanhood and motherhood of having kids is a major blow to a woman who is also disrespectfully treated by the man she chooses to marry, and give up the dream she rightfully deserved ! Rhonda, please don't leave, but run, run for your life before you go crashing down at a high speed mentally emotionally, and when you come to the end of the tunnel, you're old and grey and longing to have kids !
Reason why her man comes off that way is cause he can’t express himself about something he might not like what she is doing. Because when he expresses what’s bothering him about her, she flips it on him, and makes him the problem. Now leaving him more confused and hurt. She sounds like an older woman that still loves to party and all he’s doing is setting boundaries which she isn’t respecting and now wants to embarrass the man on social media.
I can't wait till the term Circle back is no longer in the vernacular
No gaslighting is when your out to dinner with your husband and he picks up the phone and starts talking to his son and I ask him to hang up and call him later but he keeps talking then tells his son that I want him to hang up because we are at dinner. Then looks at me and says” What’s wrong”. I say well first of all we have had this conversation and the phone is off limits for both of us during date night and then you blame me for having to hang up. The your husband lies snd says “ No I didn’t”. So I got up and left. He was so angry because his ego was bruised and still would not accept that he lied and blamed me. He said that it was what I heard as if it was not what I heard sitting 18 inches away from him. That is gaslighting
Why do people say are they doing good when they are calling into a talk so about huge problems?
For me it is gaslighting. She just didn't feel comfortable to talk about everything. I bet there's more.
My husband is gaslighting me all the time. Not a simple look or question goes without toxicity. How did I look, what did I ask, why did I ask...and everithyng I did, was on purpose, just to irritate him. Me and my kids are waisting hes time.
No man is worth giving up your dream of being a mother. No man.
My first question would be: Is he having an affair? Did he have one in the past?
So what if he is he can still love her and tolerate her
@@beatdown3361 Tolerate? Who wants that kind of dynamic?
He's incredibly selfish. Go find another man.
I had a daughter before I met my husband, who loves her some days more than he does me...and thats what I wanted in life. We had a son when my daughter turned 4, and i aksed him flat out "do you want any more kids?" And he said no...unless I did. I didnt, and I got my tubes tied about a month later. 9 years later we are still married, we still love each other, even though we struggle some days more than others...yet for the most part we are on the same page. If your husband/wife doesn't want kids, that's a them issue, and you should definitely leave if this is something that's important in your life
Her age is a major factor in all this but it was not mentioned.
The problem with this type of grief is that it has two parts and one of them is very challenging. The first part is for her to greave about herself never experience motherhood., the other part is the “reason” for why it happened. It’s not that they are unable to bring kids, it is that she has to make a conscious choice to give up on that experience for him. He will always be the reason you never became a mom and that could eat you up if he was behind that reason. Is being with him really worth it??? I’m very sceptical that your relationship will ever recover from this. This is something that hurts woman to the core.
I hope to hear some update…
Good luck.
Quite the opposite! Most women don't want to be mothers, if given an equal choice.
My husband used to meet with a group of people once a week on Monday. After a year or two they switched to Tuesdays, then after almost another year they switched back to Mondays. I mentioned that they were going back to Mondays and he said they had always met on Mondays.
THAT is an example of gaslighting.
He does other stuff but that's a clear example.
Maybe he was doing something else on Tuesdays and not going to the Monday meeting.
For the grieving thing.. I don't think it's healthy to grieve things that didn't happen in such detail....'I was going to have a daughter or son, and they were going to do this and that, and I was going to see them married' and so on. You don't know how things would've gone. I don't mean it to be negative but it's important to just keep it more simple. I think she should just grieve her hopes. He didn't even give her the chance to start a family.
Yeesh. All the other problems here aside... People need to agree on whether they want kids or not before they marry. It could be THE most important thing in someone's life. It's not a compromise.
Yeah, there's no way that I would stay with someone this disrespectful who changed his mind about kids AFTER marriage. I hope she left the AH.
A man who married a woman who wants kids, and then takes that away from her, is just cruel. That would be a huge dealbreaker, to tell a woman you expect her to reject the nature of her very body, for her whole life, for his sake, is heartbreaking. I would leave, and find a man who wants children. He was unfaithful when he lied to her/withheld the truth about whether or not he wanted kids. A very dear friend of mine and my husband's, divorced his wife, because she changed her mind about kids and about her faith all in basically one day. Neither of them wanted to stay married after that, and he didn't want to spend his whole life, never getting to be a father. He is now remarried and the father of an almost one year old. So happy for him.
Gas lighting would be saying you want kids then acting like she's crazy for even mentioning having kids because I told you I don't
The key word used was I feel... For a woman those are the most important words. Because she is pointing out she's dealing with herself not projecting her feeling and making him deal with it.
I am also impressed that he didn't say yes your husband is syco. He doesn't know how to talk through feelings or express them when she's projecting...
I do think that he is also not dealing with his feelings as far as children go. He probably had a crappy life with a projecting parent. He doesn't want to fail like they did so he won't have kids... There it is feelings again.
This was very helpful.
Yeah, all that might be true but it doesn't change that it's selfish and deceptive to successfully lock a woman because you promise to give her her most important relationship need.
Only to waste her time and youth while very well knowing that it might be impossible for her, if she misses her window.
I don't know how this woman will deal with this but this behaviour deserves a serious punishment.
Why is she staying with the gaslighting narcissist?That won't even give her children get out of there now lady
A lot of people regret their marriage. Hardly anyone regrets having kids. (Sure there are some bad parents) You only live ONCE!! Deal breaker. Don’t settle for not getting what YOU want in life. Period! Relationships should be two sided. And BOtH parties should be getting what they want and need.
Love your Brand New Vinyl!
Sounds like he is jealous and disrespectful
Not gaslighting unless he changed her mind for her BUT she knew what she was getting into HOPING he would change his mind. She is STILL wanting a child which is why she still hasnt accepted it so is very conflicted SHE WILL regret it
This is so helpful. So grateful I clicked on this episode.
They need more of these reaction videos. Overall great info.
and if they never care to listen.. and always gas light you saying you should grow up when you are injured and need help... when you cannot walk, they walk 5 meter ahead of you instad of slowing down when you walk with extreme pain on crutches for five years... and pretend that you are just playing a victim so that they do not need to show empathy and care.. what to do with a father and sister like this? I depend on them as I got handicapped by a doctor in an operation.. now they treat me like dirt with disgust
That's disrespect, and disgust.
@@joywebster2678 yes, that is how I feel about it, but no one takes my side and says it out loud to them! and as I am under their economic control and need I have to please them and often apologise for all my feelings and what ever I say that they do not like or when ever they want to play the pleasing game when they know I need money for food to get any or otherwise they leave me without money over a weekend and find themselves so smart to hurt me this way too...
Gaslighting= someone peeing on your leg and telling you it's raining. 😊
Gaslighting? I’m not sure I see any real evidence of that. 2 people who want different things? THAT is what this is. She wants kids, he doesn’t. Why is her staying and “grieving” even valid advice? This is a dealbreaker for many people. I did not want kids. My ex later decided he did. I ended things. I have no bad feelings about it and he didn’t either. People need to do what is right for themselves and what will make them happy and fulfilled. Her staying and grieving HER OWN CHOICE to be with someone who doesn’t want kids will lead to her resenting him and punishing him in the end. But the choice was her own so her unhappiness is 100% her own fault. Why not end it and find someone on the same page?
And if you cannot communicate what you need or like results in insults and more gaslighting, what then ???
Can we stop using words like gaslighting as some catch all phrase ? It means manipulation from someone very very controlling. It certainly shouldn't be used between couples who have different memories of events or at worst are just in denial over issues, past or present. Communicating really isn't helped once we start aiming these verbal grenades around. It's an accusation that helps no-one and only confuses the real issues between couples.
I watched the Tangle video as well. It was a lot of fun to watch. I would love to see you do more! I appreciate your wisdom and point of view. I can't wait for you to do 2 hour shows, like Ramsey!!
No kiddos? I would have said goodbye. That's not fair.
Some of this sounds like word-salad. Not answering a question directly, side-stepping, flipping it onto the other person _instead_ of answering....Word Salad.
It is not another adults job to fix another adults childhood trauma
What? He said he wanted children and changed his mind (how many?) years into marriage and behaves like a moody tween? I hate to sound harsh but this man is not worth sacrificing your dream of motherhood for. (Actually, is any man?) Here is my one vote for bailing and finding a man who truly wants a family or fostering by yourself. So many children need a loving home and you sound like a very thoughtful and strong woman.
If you want kids, eventually you'll realize that you're stuck with just one big baby - your husband.
Did everybody start using this gaslighting word in 2020? I swear I never heard anyone say that word prior to then
I agree so over used, dangerously so for relationships. these catch all phrases like gaslighting, toxic, narcissist,red flags, borderline etc. Once couples start using these terms without any compassion or self reflection they are in trouble. Therapists aren't always better with their vocabulary. Compassion is what we need for both sides of a conflict. Love is a real word that we have tended to misunderstand as well.
Rhonda, how are you going to feel about not having children if down the road you divorce?
I’m betting she’s not conveying what she wants.she expects something and is assuming. She maybe has been passive aggressive in the past
My younger brother and I lived together for 3 1/2 years before he passed away and there was one meal (the only one I ever used a recipe for) that someone thought he would love. It involved multiple types of sausage and meat, sauce and rice and my personal opinion was it was a total flop. He did eat one serving but that was it and I only ate half of mine. He came out to the kitchen after and asked if he could make a recommendation. This was at the end of the first year living together after over 20 years 2300kms apart so he was a bit tentative. I said, spit it out but I will tell you that was nasty! He said oh thank goodness you thought so too! What went wrong, your meals are normally amazing? I said, I used a recipe and he said just cook what you normally do because
Everything you've made up until today has been excellent but I'm dumping the rest of this in the bin! I have only used recipes for baking since then.
They aren’t suited .. she needs to leave him.
Life is short. Again, life is short. Don’t put up with mistreatment. If he isn’t willing to fix himself, why should you just live with this foolishness?
Why is she not getting off birth control. It’s her decision to have kids not his…
Ffs.. I feel that gaslighting is saying something like “you never said you wanted kids”
Run run run, go and find yourself a man who will give you kids. Because you will end up alone over the age of being able to conceive, and he will go marry a younger woman and will give her kids.
Never going to work out.
I honestly was surprised at her examples of gaslighting? I don't see that as gaslighting, rather someone defensive and hurt and doesn't have good communications skills and struggles with sharing emotions.