Don’t forget, you have to find yourself through God before you go looking for a wife or husband. Be the person you would want to spend your entire life with.
Amen but it’s honestly all up to God and His mysterious ways. It’s always his timing. My wife and I met before we were believers and Jesus changed our lives YEARS later. 2 separate encounters.. sometimes it happens when we least expect
@@Kryillebecause god loves us all no matter if we turn our backs on him or not. Me and my girlfriend turned our backs on god before we met and through our trials and tribulations we have found our way back to him as a unit on our own as individuals but also at the same time. Very weird but very blessed to have been forgiven and to be able to repent to do better is a great honor that i have been bestowed
This gives language to what Holy Spirit has been talking to me about. It seems like both genders see each other as either a dating pool to explore romantically or a stumbling block to stay away from. We need to learn to socialize in church as brothers and sisters in Christ before starting to identify each other as future mates. Not everyone we interact with from the opposite gender is a potential mate. Others God sent our way to purely be our friends. May God help us❤
A friend is a friend and while a lover is also a friend, it's not the same kind of "friend" as a friend. It's not wise to not have boundaries between the two. If there is actual romantic-level physical attraction between you then you should not be friends at all because it will always be a threat to you actual relationships. People know when they like a person "like that" and it's best to never put them in a friends place, it can create a lot of unnecessary confusion and crossed signals and heartbreak for no reason. Be a man or a woman and just ask the person out and get to know them with intention.
Exactly. This is why I despise this kind of advice. This, sanitized, conformist, gummy bear christianity that is influenced by the world rather than the other way around. This probably came from a well-meaning place but it causes extreme damage. I know because I was harmed by applying it until I actually read my bible and understood its message concerning these matters.
@@Da-Iceman. If you look at the old testament and saw how the saints came across their women, you’d see that the whole “make sure you’re a friend before making her your gf/fiance/wife thing doesn’t work” Especially if you look at the analogy of Christ relationship with us (The Church) which mirrors husband and wife. I’d within the 60 books, reading the old testament story of Isaac and how he found his wife is a good example. Furthermore, read the testament of Ruben, a book that was taken out of our modern bibles, that’s probably the clearest scripture on that matter
Dont think your comment really contradicts his advice.. hes talking about being upfront and honest about your intentions, but prioritising building the base of the relationship as a friendship. Therefore the criticism of “confusion, crossed signals and heartbreak” doesnt apply.
There’s something here. . . And I would add a caution that communicating “I want to be your friend” when you know you like someone and are interested in a “friend in a relationship” is very kind. Just telling a woman that you want to be friends with her knowing that you like her in a non-platonic way is confusing and NOT clear. I don’t know who said it, but clarity is kindness. Why not just let a woman know I’m interested in getting to know you. Getting to know you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. If you tell me you want to be my friend, I’m like cool. We can be friends but I’m going to keep meeting other people who might want to be more than friends some day. I’m not rushing out to sleep with them, but at least a man who tells me I’m interested in you gets a gold star for being real. “Friends” between two people who meet in a non-platonic context and then get a “let’s be friends” is a nice “I’m not interested in you” message. Just my interpretation . . . And I add for context that I know and 1000% agree that friendship is paramount to a successful long term relationship.
Yeah that can be a minefield. The annals of my life are littered with broken friendships where a gal wanted to up the ante on our friendship and I was not interested in going that route. Once that cat is out of the bag it aint going back.
@@cobrabosse I'd like to add to that context: we're also called to let Jesus redeem and transform whatever cultural processes we take part in. I assume that's what the original commenter meant by "higher standard"
@@jamesmccraw7245 Usually, when secular people say "dating," what that means is an exclusive relationship between two people who regularly have sex. Courting is more focused with the goal of marriage under the blessing of the Lord.
Loved that part about boundaries and how if we can trust each other and ourselves to set those boundaries before marriage, we can trust each other with the boundaries that come with marriage
Oh this is so beautiful. I'm nearly 29, never been in a relationship, never really even desired one until recently. I'm at a point when I don't have close friends, let alone anything close to a romantic relationship and my heart is yearning for deep connection and companionship. How can I change that? I often cry myself to sleep because of the loneliness..
I hope you may have not been scared in your past to just put yourself out there. But look to the lord for guidance and trust him. No one is perfect and we all have to learn lessons along the way it’s all for his glory. But nonetheless just put yourself out there it’s the only way and let god take care of the rest but use your discernment to make the right decision.
@@lilpump880 thanks! Actually I suffered from deep depression and anxiety for years (late teens up to mid 20s) which made me self-isolate for the most part. But I've been wanting to change that for quite some time now, but I'm not looking for shallow relationships but ones based on deep connection, vulnerability and trust. Recently I got briefly involved with a guy who's not a Christian (wasn't planning to, just happened), and I ended up brokenhearted, though I know it's for the best. I don't even know where to meet people (Christian men and women more less my age who are genuine Jesus followers). In my church fellowship they're middle aged and married (almost) or kids.
Can you get plugged in to community groups at your church/find a new church with a younger population? It’s been super helpful for me in finding friends recently since I moved somewhere new
Ask God for a companion to come into your life and truly believe they will as God is infinite and can bring anything into your life that you ask. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and the person that seeketh findeth; and to them that knocketh it shall be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24
If you haven't heard today... You are so very loved and you are so very worthy of love. The hardest part is learning to love yourself and to know: it's not all your fault, and to see: that you're beautiful; wonderfully perfectly brilliantly created. You're stronger than most; a true leader/warrior in the making. Keep going and keep thanking. Remember Jesus was an outcast and he suffered more than any human being could ever endure... And the most important message here is to forgive them and to forgive yourself and to love all. Keep walking in truth. AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER: I am one with the Divine. I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy: CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY. I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE. I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me.
That “affirmative prayer” is not Biblical at all 😳 Christ lives in us, no Divine anything - that language is very much new age. The Bible doesn’t mention bliss. “I honour the divine within me” 😬😬 new age again
You have to be clear about the fact that you are here for marriage. The friend zone or the brozone are not places you can get out of at will. Don't go there in the first place. I have been a born again Christian for 14 years and all this has gotten me into was friendzone after friendzone and they all proceed to go and marry someone who doesn't bother will all this protocol. I guess it's time to radically change my strategy. They say that "nice guys" finish last and I learned the hard way that it isn't different in the Church. If you are there for courtship, do courtship if she aligns with a godly lifestyle, don't waste time being people's friends and hoping to be promoted to a romantic position somewhere down the line, that is a recipe for disaster.
That means those women weren't ever meant for you to begin with. Keep in mind that while it's uncommon, SOME Christians are not called to be married. The Apostle Paul actually teaches that it is BETTER to be unmarried. I would say that if you're struggling with marriage, you might take a break from seeking it for the time being.
Kevin, you are absolutely right. When I was young, it was absolutely clear that both are in for marriage if they go out together. I don't know what exactly happened and when that nowadays it seems very common that guys pretend to want nothing more than being a "friend" or "brother". Why is that? Are those guys afraid of commitment? If so, just don't date and lead a woman on. Btw, it's nearly impossible to develop romantic feelings for a man who comes across as uninterested in me as a romantic partner, and that includes also the physical component, of course with the necessary boundaries before marriage. A friend is a friend, and he will NEVER "be promoted to a romantic position".
Honestly, I don’t want to be friends with men first anymore. I’ve always thought men were my friends & then they hit on me or I’ve ended up liking them..idk there just seems to be a lot of confusion in it. I’d rather a man state his intentions upfront & then we can go from there.
A friend is a friend, a lover is a friend but more than that. If a person sees you just as a mere friend then what's so special about the relationship you have together? Many people can be our friends but not many can be our lovers. Something has to set the significant other apart from the others in one's heart.
This was so good to listen to. Wow. Love the fireplace analogy. Boundaries are so good and important. The virtue of Chasity is necessary for authentic love. Highly recommend St. John Paul II’s writings on the Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility!
the fire place metaphor was goodd. at first when he said they didn’t kiss before their wedding day i was alittle… but then it truly makes sense though because one kiss can cause temptation. but this message was good. friends first. brother and sisters in christ first.
This video came right in time. I didn't know how to approach the girl I like. It isn't about the the physical things but the love I give to her before hand. I'll have to reflect a bit on being just a friend and brother in Christ but honestly that sounds like the best type of relationship. One that doesn't seek its own priorities but seeks the love Jesus has for us but in each other. Thank you!
This allows much respect from each individual. My biological brother and I have this conversation often. As he is and becomes frustrated with woman wanting more after he’s simply being since and the gentleman that he was raised to be. And the same with me, if I’m cordial and friendly which is natural. Men often take this as flirtatious (or not) and immediately want to go quickly in to a relationship when I’m seeing possibly a friendship.
I’ve struggling with this… I felt like putting myself in the friend zone was counterproductive and I always feel a type of way when I’m seen as a brother by my girl of interest. But this adds clarity, God bless you Alex 🙏🏾
It is, don't do it, women want men who are intentional from the start. We are not supposed to sleep with our brothers and sisters... why blur these lines?
@@r.walker7986 your comment runs contrary to most of the women in this comment section. Most women in this comment section agree with this message, and I'd rather take advice from women on what they want than men.
Hey Alex, this video is super timely for me. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost seven months. Our eyes have been set toward the finish line the whole time and we drew the line right before kissing. But we’ve recently been challenged to think of our relationship like a brother sister relationship instead of two lovers. I’ve been unsure exactly how to apply that. Based on this video I’d bet you wouldn’t recommend saying I love you before marriage. Is that true? What about things like holding hands. Do you think little things like that can help a relationship? Or do those things seem like a way to ‘play marriage’ in an unhelpful way? Always appreciate your content. Thanks for loving Jesus. It helps me love Him more too.
Holy Spirit has been downloading this to me as well. Whenever we meet someone, the foundation should just be "GETTING TO KNOW" the person to determine IF they are a true brother or sister in Christ and a worthy friend. Once enough time and experience have shown the 'FRUITS of a true genuine friend, then one can decide if this person someone that's a godly spouse material and then next if the person is The Spouse for you> And contrary to popular opinion: THE FIRST KISS should be after the "I Do." The Bible Commands that we treat each other as SISTERS and BROTHERS in purity...no sampling...because that person could be someone else's husband or wife and you two may never make it out of "the get to know stage" or Friendship stage" or Courtship stage.
Oh geez! Another video aimed at a certain niche of a very complex population of individuals. What this will result in for the majority of people is being friendzoned. This advice works for some not everyone. I met my wife 18 years ago. We were lovers first and developed into friends later as we met the challenges of married life together. We're still together by the way. There were tons of gals in my sphere who I was friends with. No way in hades I would ever touch them intimately. Just not interested not ever would be. I was attracted to my wife from the outset. The feeling was mutual. Now we are lifelong partners with two wonderful children about to enter adulthood.
There’s a difference of being friends with the intention of marriage and there’s the situation where you’re friend zoned and just giving her validation
I like this video. It’s smart to keep pure intentions when it comes to being in a relationship. Starting off as friends is good for the foundation ! 😁👍🏽
Amen Amen. I love this It's such a similar teaching in the Theology of the Body. It's the idea that we have to build a strong foundation with Christ and focus on "friendship dating" It's a great accountability and shows how to love "willing the good for the other" and not *lust* after your partner or potential romantic interest.
And if you look at it's adherents the vast majority of them are years later no better off than they were before going down that road. This stuff only work s in a few instances. I've met people years later whose relationship lives were nonexistent. And they weren't too awful happy about it. Modern church dating and marriage advice is drooling with feminist doctrines and influences. How has that worked for modern society?
@@Kevin-jc1fx liking someone does not mean they are the life partner you are meant to be MARRIED to. I include God in my decisions especially life-long and life-altering ones. Thank you.
I need some advice in my situation. So theres this guy I met through my sister who I became comfortable with right away. He was just super easy to talk to and we related in a lot of things. I thought we would be good friends but I found out he likes me. I had never even thought of him that way because he's a little younger than me and though he's a God fearing man he kind of just starting off in his walk with God. I've been praying that God will take these feeling from him but he kept popping back up in my life. Recently I realized I kinda like him. But the problem is our families don't really like each other and my parents don't like this guy either since he's younger and just starting his walk with God. I've been talking to him recently because he said that we should get to know each other and see if our relationship is in God's will since we both like each other. We talk about the Bible all the time and we just make each other dig deeper in the scriptures so I feel like it’s a healthy relationship. Neither one of us have dated before so I don’t know if we’re doing this right and in the Lord. I've been praying about it but I don't know what I should do. What do you guys think?
I think you should continue to ask God for council. My encouragement would be to fast as well if you are troubled and can’t discern what Gods will for you is. And not just you but tell this guy to fast as well, take some time to be separate and then after you both have fasted, come back together and talk about what God revealed.
God is not an author of confusion. If you want to know what He says about something. Go to His word, seek His council. “God is not an author of confusion, but of peace” 1 Corinthians 14-16
I need a miracle. MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE. MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION! that being said, all my life... I have given people access to me in ways that I should not have EVER granted them access now, I want to scream at the top of my lungs: FUCK OFF!! YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!! THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!! YOU MAY NOT COME IN!! ACCESS DENIED!! I've been programmed my whole life to be silent, conditioned to have no boundaries...
I swear the Lord got jokes because I’ve been praying about this one girl I met in church to hopefully talk to her and I watched this and just started laughing at myself😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Me personally as a 21 year old Christian I don’t believe in dating anymore it feels like a premature marriage, kissing or romantic pleasure should be considered when married in my opinion, and I used to date someone but right after our relationship failed, it was hard to become friends after that especially after all the romance like we were already married ya know. And we coulda been really great friends if we didn’t jump the gun And the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating either, it’s more of a western culture thing I feel like Dating kinda ruins things, I can be friends with women and still have romantic feelings but I just cant let my lust get in the way. But I know one day, if God wants me truly to be with this woman, then it would make sense to wait for marriage and grow with each other til then, rather than dating and rushing things
I am just tired of these messages now. I get too many mixed messages from pastors and other Christian influencers and users. I’m going to just stick with Proverbs 18:22 and follow God on these matters.
Yea I think when stuff like that happens and many influences are telling you different things it’s important to run to the word so you can know truly what to do and once God tells you don’t be swayed by anything else.
@@jnr2912 And they continued as friends. Christ wasn't here to start a family but to die for humankind. You aren't called for such a lofty sacrifice so a family might be in order.
take everything that you hear with a grain of salt until you hear confirmation from God. everyone’s experience will be different and that’s okay. that’s expected!
Is the want to be your brother thing really necessary for someone that might be your potential mate. I mean I get what he's trying to say but is the brother word the right way to say it.
I find a message like this very unhelpful. I’m not an expert when it comes to this topic but I had my share of experience and I do know a bit about the problems young people today are facing… and getting stuck in a friend zone is a real concern. This point of “being best friend” first was voiced multiple times throughout the video but if you watch it carefully, it’s pretty obvious that the relationship described is not that of friendship but something more. If you strive to be a “friend” to this one girl to the point where other guys have to compete with you in your “friendliness”, why not just start with making your intentions clear in being a boyfriend? And if there are any women reading this comment, please confirm if you’d like to hear compliments from a guy who likes you? Giving you flowers and small gifts? Paying for your dinner? The world today is full of guys who ask girls out to “hang out” not defining their intentions clearly leaving the other person confused. Men in the world are afraid of being judged - and making the first move always puts one in a very vulnerable position. But we as Christians should be above that.
Buying someone’s dinner is fine as a friend but if you’re saying hey I want to buy your love or buy your affection or buy you and put you in a place of dependency - none of that is a great place to start a relationship.
Even beyond that, he’s not saying he wanted to be her boyfriend because that’s not biblical or Christian behavior. You’re a friend and then you’re a spouse. The idea of a boyfriend or girlfriend is a trap into sexual intimacy immorally.
No matter how you feel, you should be pursuing and praying for a genuine friendship with those that call on the Lord with pure hearts. (see 2Tim 2:22) Seek first the Kingdom of God, everything else will come in time. A perfect example of this as always, is Jesus. Jesus followed God's will, did not seek a girl and God gave Him a bride (the Body of Christ.) Ya see, if He had went for His girl, He would have lost both His relationship with God (to love God is to keep His commands; He would have disobeyed God's will) and His more suitable *bride.* In the same way, we should not look for a relationship prematurely. We will strengthen our bond with Love itself, thus being able to love a not girlfriend, but a partner; a bride.
The point I more-so heard was about boundaries, that when pursuing a sister in Christ it is as though you are just brother & sister in Christ until stated otherwise. If you cant be her best friend then how can you be her boyfriend?
@@ricoparadiso Exactly. Abba told me this. Boundaries are important in any genuine friendship. He will not bless you with something you are not ready for.
Marriage needs to be in place before the marriage document is signed. Otherwise you're only married because of a legal document. That's not how Adam and Eve were 'married'
There's a co worker at my job she's a Jehovah's Witness and she has a teenage daughter and she doesn't let her daughter date at all because Jehovah's Witnesses don't let teenagers date at all because they think that teenagers are too young to be dating and Jehovah's Witnesses view dating is when a person wants to select a marriage mate and they're ready for marriage
That was great!!! Many blessings!!! I yurn for passion for our Father, my being cries out... He's been so gracious to point the truth out to me though, repentance and obedience is absolutely necessary!!
Alex I really appreciate your the example your setting, it’s encouraging me to walk the more difficult (meaning good) way and to keep looking to Jesus. He is here to help as long as I am willing to accept him. Man I don’t deserve such an amazing God.
I love the concept and I agree with the entire thing, but the terminology of brother/sister/siblings is throwing me off.. at least add the 'in Christ' suffix bc wow..
THANK YOU!! This is what I was thinking the whole time. It would be understandable for someone to be confused about their role in the relationship if you’re referencing them as your sibling. We don’t marry our siblings, but adding “in Christ” changes the context completely
@@clear_chrysalis9219Yep. I consider every man a brother in Christ until further notice (from God)😂 and if you don’t walk with God, you’re an acquaintance at best.
I am glad to hear this because I like somoene but not in a romantic way yet but I still want to be with him because I think that he fits me. I felt a kind of pressure for the fact that I didn't feel anything romantic towards him yet but I am realising that I just want to set things right with him first and put God in the center. then evantually romantic feelings will come
No, you need to like a spouse in a romantic way. It does not work this way, this is a surefire way to end up with a dead-bedroom and a host of other issues. We like people romantically for a reason, that should be your guide in choosing who is going to be a friend and who is going to be a lover. Women can like a man in all kinds of ways and not be interested romantically and vice versa. The fact that you dont feel anything for him romantically means he is just a person you like who might be a good friend, leave it there... Trust me. You will ruin both your lives not being clear on this...
@r.walker7986 With respect, God should be our guide in choosing a lover, and feelings of "eros" (physical and sexual intimacy between husband and wife as described in the Bible) should be a secondary factor to that. It's a valuable point to consider, but not our guide. Song of Songs talks repeatedly about not stirring up or awakening love until it pleases. Suggesting that @angem9934 will not develop romantic feelings for someone simply because she doesn't feel it at the moment is possibly a bit presumptive; perhaps God may awaken those feelings at the appropriate timing.
Hmmm, this seems a bit off. Can’t you establish that you like someone romantically and still get to know them with setting boundaries not to be physical with them? You and them both are intentional with courting each other to be married…
I don’t think I agree unfortunately. The man and woman dynamic is based on the fact that the man is manly and the woman is feminine. And that’s why they attract each other. They’re polar opposites, with both having totally different traits which complement each other. Love is amazing. A friendship however, has equal energy from both sides. It’s nice, but it doesn’t create love tingles and I don’t think it creates love for the long term. Yes, we should seek to be anyone’s brother or sister in Christ - but I don’t think this means we cannot be our manly or feminine self? Especially when you want to court with someone, it’s so much better when you are in your manly/feminine role. You get to be the best version of yourself and you get to find a person who can complete and complement you. Imo the order should be: I am a follower of Christ > I am a man / woman and live by that role > I can be your friend Example: You can be someone's brother in Christ. And be there to support them. But after that there's no obligations. The friendship may die out and that is totally okay. Next is fulfilling your male / female duties here on earth, which is what you were made for. Being a friend first to anyone you meet will sorta set you up for failure. As not everyone reciprocates friend energy. And let’s be real, it makes relationships go stale. If you however say: I’m a man first and it’s nice to make a friend - but - it has no impact on my life if I lose them or not, if they hurt me or not, if they stop having a relationship with God or not - I am still the happy man who fulfils his duties and by the end of the day is just happy with doing manly things like working on his health, taking care of responsibilities, working on his goals - Then you’ll be content no matter what, because you actually do what you were made for.
"If he is unwilling to cross this boundary, that means the boundary of our marriage he will not cross."
💎💎💎
Self control 🙏🏾
this the one
so good
Don’t forget, you have to find yourself through God before you go looking for a wife or husband. Be the person you would want to spend your entire life with.
Amen but it’s honestly all up to God and His mysterious ways. It’s always his timing. My wife and I met before we were believers and Jesus changed our lives YEARS later. 2 separate encounters.. sometimes it happens when we least expect
The truth has been spoken.
yup. If you're not a godly man or woman, why would God entrust one of His sons or daughters to you?
@@hebrewrldthat’s badass bro amen✝️
@@Kryillebecause god loves us all no matter if we turn our backs on him or not. Me and my girlfriend turned our backs on god before we met and through our trials and tribulations we have found our way back to him as a unit on our own as individuals but also at the same time. Very weird but very blessed to have been forgiven and to be able to repent to do better is a great honor that i have been bestowed
This gives language to what Holy Spirit has been talking to me about. It seems like both genders see each other as either a dating pool to explore romantically or a stumbling block to stay away from. We need to learn to socialize in church as brothers and sisters in Christ before starting to identify each other as future mates. Not everyone we interact with from the opposite gender is a potential mate. Others God sent our way to purely be our friends. May God help us❤
Amen 🙏🏽
AMEN
So good!
The Holy Spirit just confirmed this very exact same thing for me.
Amen 🙌🏾 Very well said
this is so beautiful. love to see men thinking like this.
We aren't hard wired to. keep dreaming.
I meannnn!🙌🏽😭
A friend is a friend and while a lover is also a friend, it's not the same kind of "friend" as a friend. It's not wise to not have boundaries between the two. If there is actual romantic-level physical attraction between you then you should not be friends at all because it will always be a threat to you actual relationships. People know when they like a person "like that" and it's best to never put them in a friends place, it can create a lot of unnecessary confusion and crossed signals and heartbreak for no reason. Be a man or a woman and just ask the person out and get to know them with intention.
Exactly. This is why I despise this kind of advice. This, sanitized, conformist, gummy bear christianity that is influenced by the world rather than the other way around.
This probably came from a well-meaning place but it causes extreme damage. I know because I was harmed by applying it until I actually read my bible and understood its message concerning these matters.
@@SonDeku-y5x
What scripture did you read concerning that?
@@Da-Iceman. If you look at the old testament and saw how the saints came across their women, you’d see that the whole “make sure you’re a friend before making her your gf/fiance/wife thing doesn’t work”
Especially if you look at the analogy of Christ relationship with us (The Church) which mirrors husband and wife.
I’d within the 60 books, reading the old testament story of Isaac and how he found his wife is a good example. Furthermore, read the testament of Ruben, a book that was taken out of our modern bibles, that’s probably the clearest scripture on that matter
I couldn’t agree with you more! Well said. The advice given on this video does more harm than good
Dont think your comment really contradicts his advice.. hes talking about being upfront and honest about your intentions, but prioritising building the base of the relationship as a friendship. Therefore the criticism of “confusion, crossed signals and heartbreak” doesnt apply.
biggest take away; I WANT NOTHING FROM YOU. I GOTTA DEAL WITH MY SELFISHNESS
selflessness*
@@f4ithy7 huh?
Alex always posting something that calls me out right when I need it
There’s something here. . . And I would add a caution that communicating “I want to be your friend” when you know you like someone and are interested in a “friend in a relationship” is very kind. Just telling a woman that you want to be friends with her knowing that you like her in a non-platonic way is confusing and NOT clear. I don’t know who said it, but clarity is kindness. Why not just let a woman know I’m interested in getting to know you. Getting to know you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. If you tell me you want to be my friend, I’m like cool. We can be friends but I’m going to keep meeting other people who might want to be more than friends some day. I’m not rushing out to sleep with them, but at least a man who tells me I’m interested in you gets a gold star for being real. “Friends” between two people who meet in a non-platonic context and then get a “let’s be friends” is a nice “I’m not interested in you” message. Just my interpretation . . . And I add for context that I know and 1000% agree that friendship is paramount to a successful long term relationship.
Yeah that can be a minefield. The annals of my life are littered with broken friendships where a gal wanted to up the ante on our friendship and I was not interested in going that route. Once that cat is out of the bag it aint going back.
*Courting not dating. We are called to a higher standard.
Both are cultural and aren’t biblical laws. So it doesn’t matter. Also there is virtually no difference between them other than a few extra steps
Courting means you have marriage in mind, dating not so much@@cobrabosse
@@cobrabosse I'd like to add to that context: we're also called to let Jesus redeem and transform whatever cultural processes we take part in. I assume that's what the original commenter meant by "higher standard"
What's the difference between courting or dating in your opinion?
@@jamesmccraw7245 Usually, when secular people say "dating," what that means is an exclusive relationship between two people who regularly have sex. Courting is more focused with the goal of marriage under the blessing of the Lord.
Loved that part about boundaries and how if we can trust each other and ourselves to set those boundaries before marriage, we can trust each other with the boundaries that come with marriage
Oh this is so beautiful.
I'm nearly 29, never been in a relationship, never really even desired one until recently. I'm at a point when I don't have close friends, let alone anything close to a romantic relationship and my heart is yearning for deep connection and companionship. How can I change that? I often cry myself to sleep because of the loneliness..
I hope you may have not been scared in your past to just put yourself out there. But look to the lord for guidance and trust him. No one is perfect and we all have to learn lessons along the way it’s all for his glory. But nonetheless just put yourself out there it’s the only way and let god take care of the rest but use your discernment to make the right decision.
@@lilpump880 thanks!
Actually I suffered from deep depression and anxiety for years (late teens up to mid 20s) which made me self-isolate for the most part. But I've been wanting to change that for quite some time now, but I'm not looking for shallow relationships but ones based on deep connection, vulnerability and trust. Recently I got briefly involved with a guy who's not a Christian (wasn't planning to, just happened), and I ended up brokenhearted, though I know it's for the best. I don't even know where to meet people (Christian men and women more less my age who are genuine Jesus followers). In my church fellowship they're middle aged and married (almost) or kids.
Can you get plugged in to community groups at your church/find a new church with a younger population? It’s been super helpful for me in finding friends recently since I moved somewhere new
Ask God for a companion to come into your life and truly believe they will as God is infinite and can bring anything into your life that you ask.
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and the person that seeketh findeth; and to them that knocketh it shall be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24
I’m turning 29 in a few months, and have such a similar story!! Praying for you ❤
If you haven't heard today...
You are so very loved
and you are so very worthy
of love.
The hardest part
is learning to love yourself
and to know: it's not all your fault,
and to see: that you're beautiful;
wonderfully perfectly
brilliantly created.
You're stronger than most;
a true leader/warrior in the making.
Keep going
and keep thanking.
Remember Jesus was an outcast
and he suffered more
than any human being
could ever endure...
And the most important message here is to forgive them
and to forgive yourself
and to love all.
Keep walking in truth.
AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER:
I am one with the Divine.
I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy:
CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY.
I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE.
I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me.
That “affirmative prayer” is not Biblical at all 😳
Christ lives in us, no Divine anything - that language is very much new age.
The Bible doesn’t mention bliss.
“I honour the divine within me” 😬😬 new age again
You have to be clear about the fact that you are here for marriage. The friend zone or the brozone are not places you can get out of at will. Don't go there in the first place. I have been a born again Christian for 14 years and all this has gotten me into was friendzone after friendzone and they all proceed to go and marry someone who doesn't bother will all this protocol. I guess it's time to radically change my strategy. They say that "nice guys" finish last and I learned the hard way that it isn't different in the Church. If you are there for courtship, do courtship if she aligns with a godly lifestyle, don't waste time being people's friends and hoping to be promoted to a romantic position somewhere down the line, that is a recipe for disaster.
That means those women weren't ever meant for you to begin with. Keep in mind that while it's uncommon, SOME Christians are not called to be married. The Apostle Paul actually teaches that it is BETTER to be unmarried. I would say that if you're struggling with marriage, you might take a break from seeking it for the time being.
Kevin, you are absolutely right. When I was young, it was absolutely clear that both are in for marriage if they go out together. I don't know what exactly happened and when that nowadays it seems very common that guys pretend to want nothing more than being a "friend" or "brother". Why is that? Are those guys afraid of commitment? If so, just don't date and lead a woman on. Btw, it's nearly impossible to develop romantic feelings for a man who comes across as uninterested in me as a romantic partner, and that includes also the physical component, of course with the necessary boundaries before marriage. A friend is a friend, and he will NEVER "be promoted to a romantic position".
Honestly, I don’t want to be friends with men first anymore. I’ve always thought men were my friends & then they hit on me or I’ve ended up liking them..idk there just seems to be a lot of confusion in it. I’d rather a man state his intentions upfront & then we can go from there.
A friend is a friend, a lover is a friend but more than that. If a person sees you just as a mere friend then what's so special about the relationship you have together? Many people can be our friends but not many can be our lovers. Something has to set the significant other apart from the others in one's heart.
Love stories that start with friendship are the best in my opinion and most important, they are GODLY.
This was so good to listen to. Wow. Love the fireplace analogy. Boundaries are so good and important. The virtue of Chasity is necessary for authentic love. Highly recommend St. John Paul II’s writings on the Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility!
the fire place metaphor was goodd. at first when he said they didn’t kiss before their wedding day i was alittle… but then it truly makes sense though because one kiss can cause temptation. but this message was good. friends first. brother and sisters in christ first.
This video came right in time. I didn't know how to approach the girl I like. It isn't about the the physical things but the love I give to her before hand. I'll have to reflect a bit on being just a friend and brother in Christ but honestly that sounds like the best type of relationship. One that doesn't seek its own priorities but seeks the love Jesus has for us but in each other. Thank you!
Be clear with your intentions while presenting them respectfully. Playing games doesn't help.
This allows much respect from each individual. My biological brother and I have this conversation often. As he is and becomes frustrated with woman wanting more after he’s simply being since and the gentleman that he was raised to be. And the same with me, if I’m cordial and friendly which is natural. Men often take this as flirtatious (or not) and immediately want to go quickly in to a relationship when I’m seeing possibly a friendship.
Not always. Some people you will always accept as friends, but if there is no so called "chemistry" - no way that it will be marriage.
I’ve struggling with this… I felt like putting myself in the friend zone was counterproductive and I always feel a type of way when I’m seen as a brother by my girl of interest. But this adds clarity, God bless you Alex 🙏🏾
It is, don't do it, women want men who are intentional from the start. We are not supposed to sleep with our brothers and sisters... why blur these lines?
Be clear with your intentions, let her know what the plan is from the beginning. Don't play games, it always backfires.
@@r.walker7986 your comment runs contrary to most of the women in this comment section. Most women in this comment section agree with this message, and I'd rather take advice from women on what they want than men.
Such a counterintuitive view but it makes so much sense!
There’s always this enforced hunger to serve God more genuinely when I watch your videos Alex, God bless you thank you! 😎
You, your wife and ministry are a gift. Thanks for this video.
The most beautiful message I have ever heard, explained in this manner....
Hey Alex, this video is super timely for me. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost seven months. Our eyes have been set toward the finish line the whole time and we drew the line right before kissing. But we’ve recently been challenged to think of our relationship like a brother sister relationship instead of two lovers. I’ve been unsure exactly how to apply that. Based on this video I’d bet you wouldn’t recommend saying I love you before marriage. Is that true? What about things like holding hands. Do you think little things like that can help a relationship? Or do those things seem like a way to ‘play marriage’ in an unhelpful way?
Always appreciate your content. Thanks for loving Jesus. It helps me love Him more too.
Holy Spirit has been downloading this to me as well. Whenever we meet someone, the foundation should just be "GETTING TO KNOW" the person to determine IF they are a true brother or sister in Christ and a worthy friend. Once enough time and experience have shown the 'FRUITS of a true genuine friend, then one can decide if this person someone that's a godly spouse material and then next if the person is The Spouse for you> And contrary to popular opinion: THE FIRST KISS should be after the "I Do." The Bible Commands that we treat each other as SISTERS and BROTHERS in purity...no sampling...because that person could be someone else's husband or wife and you two may never make it out of "the get to know stage" or Friendship stage" or Courtship stage.
A fine way to end up with someone who is asexual or gay.
Sorry but this is not right
As a woman, I completely agree with this message.
Thank you. Been struggling to understand this paradigm but this helped.
Amen brother!! 100% no one gets this!
This is so timely as I’m reading single, dating, engaged and married by Ben Stuart, he also used the fire analogy
Oh geez! Another video aimed at a certain niche of a very complex population of individuals. What this will result in for the majority of people is being friendzoned. This advice works for some not everyone. I met my wife 18 years ago. We were lovers first and developed into friends later as we met the challenges of married life together. We're still together by the way. There were tons of gals in my sphere who I was friends with. No way in hades I would ever touch them intimately. Just not interested not ever would be. I was attracted to my wife from the outset. The feeling was mutual. Now we are lifelong partners with two wonderful children about to enter adulthood.
There’s a difference of being friends with the intention of marriage and there’s the situation where you’re friend zoned and just giving her validation
He actually responds to this @ 3:48
@@dajourphil0soph3r36 thanks brother, I misunderstood that part before
I like this video. It’s smart to keep pure intentions when it comes to being in a relationship. Starting off as friends is good for the foundation ! 😁👍🏽
Amen Amen. I love this
It's such a similar teaching in the Theology of the Body. It's the idea that we have to build a strong foundation with Christ and focus on "friendship dating"
It's a great accountability and shows how to love "willing the good for the other" and not *lust* after your partner or potential romantic interest.
And if you look at it's adherents the vast majority of them are years later no better off than they were before going down that road. This stuff only work s in a few instances. I've met people years later whose relationship lives were nonexistent. And they weren't too awful happy about it. Modern church dating and marriage advice is drooling with feminist doctrines and influences. How has that worked for modern society?
This is deep what I needed
How can you want you even want to be romantic with someone w/o knowing them as a friend. I cant date anymore bc i need to know all their values first
@LerzMerz I just want to get to know people. Just know them as good friends until God reveals to both people that they are each other's mates.
@@MistyGlades567 God doesn't need to reveal to you that you like someone. If you get close to them, be clear about your intentions.
@@Kevin-jc1fx liking someone does not mean they are the life partner you are meant to be MARRIED to. I include God in my decisions especially life-long and life-altering ones. Thank you.
I've got lots of friends. I don't want to sleep with them.
@@jasonwilliams8321 okay??
I LOVE THIS!!! It really is a good way to weed out the bad seeds. Amen
I need some advice in my situation. So theres this guy I met through my sister who I became comfortable with right away. He was just super easy to talk to and we related in a lot of things. I thought we would be good friends but I found out he likes me. I had never even thought of him that way because he's a little younger than me and though he's a God fearing man he kind of just starting off in his walk with God. I've been praying that God will take these feeling from him but he kept popping back up in my life. Recently I realized I kinda like him. But the problem is our families don't really like each other and my parents don't like this guy either since he's younger and just starting his walk with God. I've been talking to him recently because he said that we should get to know each other and see if our relationship is in God's will since we both like each other. We talk about the Bible all the time and we just make each other dig deeper in the scriptures so I feel like it’s a healthy relationship. Neither one of us have dated before so I don’t know if we’re doing this right and in the Lord. I've been praying about it but I don't know what I should do. What do you guys think?
I think you should continue to ask God for council. My encouragement would be to fast as well if you are troubled and can’t discern what Gods will for you is. And not just you but tell this guy to fast as well, take some time to be separate and then after you both have fasted, come back together and talk about what God revealed.
God is not an author of confusion. If you want to know what He says about something. Go to His word, seek His council.
“God is not an author of confusion, but of peace” 1 Corinthians 14-16
This is so fire
this was good, thank youuuuu & thank youuuu Father
I need a miracle.
MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE.
MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE.
MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION!
that being said,
all my life...
I have given people access to me
in ways that I should not have EVER granted them access
now,
I want to scream
at the top of my lungs:
FUCK OFF!!
YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!!
THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!!
YOU MAY NOT COME IN!!
ACCESS DENIED!!
I've been programmed my whole life to be silent,
conditioned to have no boundaries...
Thank you for the needful message. God bless you.
Powerful message for our generation!
This was pretty helpful to hear. Its so simple.
I swear the Lord got jokes because I’ve been praying about this one girl I met in church to hopefully talk to her and I watched this and just started laughing at myself😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Absolutely love this bro,
You just discipled me big time,
I've definitely been comprising too much of late 🛐📝💯
Me personally as a 21 year old Christian I don’t believe in dating anymore
it feels like a premature marriage, kissing or romantic pleasure should be considered when married in my opinion,
and I used to date someone but right after our relationship failed,
it was hard to become friends after that especially after all the romance like we were already married ya know. And we coulda been really great friends if we didn’t jump the gun
And the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating either, it’s more of a western culture thing
I feel like Dating kinda ruins things, I can be friends with women and still have romantic feelings but I just cant let my lust get in the way. But I know one day,
if God wants me truly to be with this woman, then it would make sense to wait for marriage and grow with each other til then, rather than dating and rushing things
I didn’t even really want to get married til I came to Christ. One of those “Holy Spirit changes you” moments
I am just tired of these messages now. I get too many mixed messages from pastors and other Christian influencers and users. I’m going to just stick with Proverbs 18:22 and follow God on these matters.
do as Jesus did, he was friends with women without enticing any sexual intimacy
Yea I think when stuff like that happens and many influences are telling you different things it’s important to run to the word so you can know truly what to do and once God tells you don’t be swayed by anything else.
@@jnr2912 And they continued as friends. Christ wasn't here to start a family but to die for humankind. You aren't called for such a lofty sacrifice so a family might be in order.
take everything that you hear with a grain of salt until you hear confirmation from God. everyone’s experience will be different and that’s okay. that’s expected!
I think the best passage is seek the Kingdom of God first and all these things will be added onto you
0:58 when little man darted across the screen 😂
Interesting view, thanks for sharing!
This is literally perfect❤
Well said! Amen 🙏
Some people who say they are Christians don’t even understand this. Sad times.
thanks for this alex
God bless you Alex. Thank you for all you’ve done man. All glory to God. We must decrease, so He may increase. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen!! ✝️
Is the want to be your brother thing really necessary for someone that might be your potential mate. I mean I get what he's trying to say but is the brother word the right way to say it.
Love you brother Alex
This is so good bro I often rush to wanting to date and forget to be their best friend or brother first.
❤❤❤
I find a message like this very unhelpful. I’m not an expert when it comes to this topic but I had my share of experience and I do know a bit about the problems young people today are facing… and getting stuck in a friend zone is a real concern. This point of “being best friend” first was voiced multiple times throughout the video but if you watch it carefully, it’s pretty obvious that the relationship described is not that of friendship but something more. If you strive to be a “friend” to this one girl to the point where other guys have to compete with you in your “friendliness”, why not just start with making your intentions clear in being a boyfriend?
And if there are any women reading this comment, please confirm if you’d like to hear compliments from a guy who likes you? Giving you flowers and small gifts? Paying for your dinner?
The world today is full of guys who ask girls out to “hang out” not defining their intentions clearly leaving the other person confused. Men in the world are afraid of being judged - and making the first move always puts one in a very vulnerable position. But we as Christians should be above that.
Buying someone’s dinner is fine as a friend but if you’re saying hey I want to buy your love or buy your affection or buy you and put you in a place of dependency - none of that is a great place to start a relationship.
Even beyond that, he’s not saying he wanted to be her boyfriend because that’s not biblical or Christian behavior. You’re a friend and then you’re a spouse. The idea of a boyfriend or girlfriend is a trap into sexual intimacy immorally.
No matter how you feel, you should be pursuing and praying for a genuine friendship with those that call on the Lord with pure hearts. (see 2Tim 2:22) Seek first the Kingdom of God, everything else will come in time. A perfect example of this as always, is Jesus. Jesus followed God's will, did not seek a girl and God gave Him a bride (the Body of Christ.) Ya see, if He had went for His girl, He would have lost both His relationship with God (to love God is to keep His commands; He would have disobeyed God's will) and His more suitable *bride.* In the same way, we should not look for a relationship prematurely. We will strengthen our bond with Love itself, thus being able to love a not girlfriend, but a partner; a bride.
The point I more-so heard was about boundaries, that when pursuing a sister in Christ it is as though you are just brother & sister in Christ until stated otherwise. If you cant be her best friend then how can you be her boyfriend?
@@ricoparadiso Exactly. Abba told me this. Boundaries are important in any genuine friendship. He will not bless you with something you are not ready for.
I Needed To Hear This😮💨🙏🏽
He talkinggg🗣️🗣️
This is good 🔥
Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤🙏🏾
Super good 🙏🏼❤️
Marriage needs to be in place before the marriage document is signed. Otherwise you're only married because of a legal document. That's not how Adam and Eve were 'married'
There's a co worker at my job she's a Jehovah's Witness and she has a teenage daughter and she doesn't let her daughter date at all because Jehovah's Witnesses don't let teenagers date at all because they think that teenagers are too young to be dating and Jehovah's Witnesses view dating is when a person wants to select a marriage mate and they're ready for marriage
That was great!!! Many blessings!!! I yurn for passion for our Father, my being cries out... He's been so gracious to point the truth out to me though, repentance and obedience is absolutely necessary!!
Well said
I feel like this is a ticket to the friend zone
Yep. Read Joshua Harris "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" ......uh better yet don't. Anyway you'll see where this all leads.
He addresses this in this sermon 0:58
“I want to marry you” and “I want to be your brother” should not be said in the same sentence.
Amazing!
Post full sermon bro ❤
it’s on amen podcast
What's it called , can't find it
@@pecky206it’s linked in the description!(:
THANKS ALEX!
Hey everyone Jesus loves you and you are not alone
Preach Brother
Alex I really appreciate your the example your setting, it’s encouraging me to walk the more difficult (meaning good) way and to keep looking to Jesus. He is here to help as long as I am willing to accept him. Man I don’t deserve such an amazing God.
I love the concept and I agree with the entire thing, but the terminology of brother/sister/siblings is throwing me off.. at least add the 'in Christ' suffix bc wow..
THANK YOU!! This is what I was thinking the whole time. It would be understandable for someone to be confused about their role in the relationship if you’re referencing them as your sibling. We don’t marry our siblings, but adding “in Christ” changes the context completely
@@clear_chrysalis9219Yep. I consider every man a brother in Christ until further notice (from God)😂 and if you don’t walk with God, you’re an acquaintance at best.
i need this now😂
True 🤣
no fr right
I am glad to hear this because I like somoene but not in a romantic way yet but I still want to be with him because I think that he fits me. I felt a kind of pressure for the fact that I didn't feel anything romantic towards him yet but I am realising that I just want to set things right with him first and put God in the center. then evantually romantic feelings will come
No, you need to like a spouse in a romantic way. It does not work this way, this is a surefire way to end up with a dead-bedroom and a host of other issues. We like people romantically for a reason, that should be your guide in choosing who is going to be a friend and who is going to be a lover. Women can like a man in all kinds of ways and not be interested romantically and vice versa. The fact that you dont feel anything for him romantically means he is just a person you like who might be a good friend, leave it there... Trust me. You will ruin both your lives not being clear on this...
@r.walker7986 With respect, God should be our guide in choosing a lover, and feelings of "eros" (physical and sexual intimacy between husband and wife as described in the Bible) should be a secondary factor to that. It's a valuable point to consider, but not our guide.
Song of Songs talks repeatedly about not stirring up or awakening love until it pleases. Suggesting that @angem9934 will not develop romantic feelings for someone simply because she doesn't feel it at the moment is possibly a bit presumptive; perhaps God may awaken those feelings at the appropriate timing.
Thamk you brother
This is incredible!!
Truly beautiful
Amen
Absolutely beautifully put
Wow, 🙏🏽 Amen!
@LerzMerz no
This one right here.
Amen!
Amen
Hmmm, this seems a bit off. Can’t you establish that you like someone romantically and still get to know them with setting boundaries not to be physical with them? You and them both are intentional with courting each other to be married…
Where can we ask questions ?
Where is the full podcast I cant find it
the link is in the description of this video!
nice guys syndrome eeh
exactly, totally agree
What I'll would say, follow God first and foremost. Let him be the number 1 in your life.
I don’t think I agree unfortunately. The man and woman dynamic is based on the fact that the man is manly and the woman is feminine. And that’s why they attract each other. They’re polar opposites, with both having totally different traits which complement each other. Love is amazing.
A friendship however, has equal energy from both sides. It’s nice, but it doesn’t create love tingles and I don’t think it creates love for the long term.
Yes, we should seek to be anyone’s brother or sister in Christ - but I don’t think this means we cannot be our manly or feminine self? Especially when you want to court with someone, it’s so much better when you are in your manly/feminine role. You get to be the best version of yourself and you get to find a person who can complete and complement you.
Imo the order should be: I am a follower of Christ > I am a man / woman and live by that role > I can be your friend
Example: You can be someone's brother in Christ. And be there to support them. But after that there's no obligations. The friendship may die out and that is totally okay. Next is fulfilling your male / female duties here on earth, which is what you were made for.
Being a friend first to anyone you meet will sorta set you up for failure. As not everyone reciprocates friend energy. And let’s be real, it makes relationships go stale. If you however say: I’m a man first and it’s nice to make a friend - but - it has no impact on my life if I lose them or not, if they hurt me or not, if they stop having a relationship with God or not - I am still the happy man who fulfils his duties and by the end of the day is just happy with doing manly things like working on his health, taking care of responsibilities, working on his goals - Then you’ll be content no matter what, because you actually do what you were made for.
❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥
Amen 🙏