I'm the same way. But I realized is a child I was never allowed to get angry because I was being "a bad little boy". So now I just dropped my end of the rope and walk away. Ugh.
I’m the same way- I get mad sometimes but a lot of the times- I repress the anger and instead I get mad at myself for not doing anything. Its like I go on freeze mode and I hate it.
How to fucntion: Setting boundaries, working on vulnerability and self-care, being grounded Relationships aren't about self-sacrifice, they are about compromise. A two sided way
NeonFluffyCakes I can really relate to this as well. Fearful avoidant attachment style seems so difficult. I feel like I am inside a ping pong 🏓 machine
I have this really bad tendency to drop my emotional needs as soon as I see someone else suffering and in need of help. Instead of tending to myself or asking for help, I end up taking care of them instead and, in the end, neglect myself. I know I got this from my emotionally inconsistent mother and it mirrors in all my relationships. I feel like there's no room for me when someone else is hurting: they can't help me and trying to help myself would be abandoning them. How do I resolve such an issue?
Yup, this is me and that's why I decided to stay away from people, at least for some time. I don't even dare form friendships, because I'm too hungry to be strong when I'm close to people. Only recently it came to me that I shouldn't really want to be with people who need me, but with those I myself want to be with. It should be something obvious, but for me it took years to figure out, so it was quite an epiphany
Reading this I was like... wait, what!? Everytime I wished to form a connection with anyone and I thought I don't deserve it, it was actually like "but they don't need me, what do I have that they need? what do I contribute?" They contribute by simply *being* but me? Nope. At the same time I know I want someone to consciously want me, not need me.
I am literally crying watching this... I feel sooooo fucked up. I feel so dysfunctional. What if you do express yourself and nothing changes or the person accuses you of "playing the victim. I want so much to connect with others deeply but also am scared to expose myself. I feel so insecure in relationships.
@@medikiki8567 We must be the same LOLOL... at the end of the day I do not trust that if I express myself vulnerability and honestly I will be heard and my needs will be met or even respected, more so I will be let down yet again so what is the point... and depending on the relationship whether it is me at work expressing to my boss that perfume makes me struggle to breathe and I need help, that those bids for support will be dismissed and overlooked I will want to quit my job but sadly we need money to survive. Its easy to say to someone well just go get another job right, its not that easy... being in close relations with ppl now feels like a disappointment waiting to happen.
Jaclyn H I feel you girl. What I am doing is throwing myself in these programs and talking to different therapists. I need to change because the way I’m acting is extremely toxic and I need to learn to be stable and secure. Sometimes you don’t realize you’re in pain or have a problem until a professional tells you that you do
@Jaclyn H Hey Jaclyn, so sorry for what you're going through. It's the little things. Start small..a day at a time..a step at a time. When communicating, keep it simple, direct and frame it in a way that uses "I" eg I feel like 123 makes me feel this way, then suggest a better way of doing it. Using such statements make people listen more because it is a personal sentiment. Keep communication simple and straight to the point. With practice, you'll find that you'll improve greatly and so will your confidence and self esteem. Along the way, you'll find people who'll be willing to understand you better and be the source of support you need. Be better each day and I promise you that it'll get better. Work on yourself..watch more videos that help you understand yourself better. That way, you know where the problem is and what you can do to fix the underlying issues that contribute to the challenges affecting your life now. Stay strong. It gets better. Good luck Jaclyn. Everybody's going to hurt and disappoint you. Just find healthy relationships to invest in. ( You don't have to). Being alone is drama free 😉
@@medikiki8567 Hey Medikiki, may you find the answers you are looking for. It gets better. Therapists help you discover the underlying problem. Once you do, work on making improvements in your life each day. Practice makes perfect. Good luck.
Thanks for this. I relate 100%. I am definitely a fearful avoidant. I recently realized that I play out my childhood abandonment in my relationships and friendships. I people please all the time and choose one- sided connections. I can relate to a lot of what you said, including the part about putting others first and coming second on my own list if any at all. I notice I also choose to be in relationships with emotionally unavailable and dismissive avoidants and that just makes all my fears even worst, feeling like being on a roller coasters trying to get my basic needs met. I really do want to change and I am trying as I have recently started to understand the root causes and connections of my patterns and self defeating habits.
Thias Gibson, I have this attachment style, and I have so much anxiety and fear. I'm always trying to read peoples facial expressions, and think people are lying. I truly feel I can't trust anyone. I don't Like this about myself. I always think something is wrong with our relationship or somebody is hiding something. I also think I have PTSD on top of this. From being in an abusive relationship for many years. I have been in counseling for a year or longer but it doesn't seem to be helping. Also been doing EMDR. I'm causing myself a lot of pain, relationships are very painful. Some days I rather not feel at all.. I wish there was a place I could go for treatment for this, a class. I'm tired and exhausted.
I think I need to do the course as well. I am totally a fearful avoidant. At least we know where we are at. Admitting the truth about where we are at is one step. I am in same boat 🚣♀️ as all of you. I mostly relate to your comments. I don’t trust either at all no matter how hard I try. My trust has been deeply broken too many times. I was in counseling as well and all they seem to want you to do is to just trust, and be vulnerable again like it’s easy.
You explained what so many therapists and friends never could. You described me to a T. I’m 52 and always lose myself in relationships so with each one I fear them more and more because they derail my life and goals and cause me palpable ongoing depression & I’ve always said I don’t know what to do abt it or how to be different. You’ve explained more to me in 15 min than a lifetime of self help books. No one has explained it better. Thank you thank you!
I never knew I was supposed to care for myself. I would feel selfish for having needs. When I hurt someone when I inevitably lash out, I would feel so guilty and want to kms. When others hate me, I would tell them it's okay if they decide to murder me.
@Enigma - I couldn't agree with you more. As a fearfulnavoidant, I tend to resort to self abandoning and become hyper vigilant to the needs of others which was originally a coping mechanism to self-protect from abuse. Being aware of these patterns operating within, I am now working on myself to overcome them and also finding ways to heal from childhood abuse.🤗🙏
I have this and i suffer alot in friendships and relationships because of this. The lack of communication and the sudden hot and cold. At this point i don't even think i can ever find a partner because i keep pushing everyone away and it's really hard to reprogramme my subconscious mind.
I had to frequently pause this video because it was checking off so many things in my childhood and adult relationships. Was kinda overwhelming to be seen like that! Thank you, Thais.
My thing is if i feel non hyper emotion/ connection I get scared n think I might not love that person cuz it doesn't feel natural and i lack confident so that's makes it worst the self doubts plus crazy thoughts
I feel like I guard myself off from so many people because I figure, what's the point. Because these people will end up just eventually leaving and so why put myself through the hurt. This is a real problem for me. Because I crave these connections yet cant bring myself to let myself get close to anyone. A couple months ago I let myself get close to a girl...a virtually unavailable girl. Started out as friends to real real good friends and got real close. And then it escalated in to a full blown romance...and ....it didnt last. And now were not close at all and not even friends really. So again, what's the fucking point!? Everyone only leaves you in the end. And your just left there wondering what happened? like a tornado hit you. And it makes you think to yourself that you yourself weren't worth being close to once that someone actually got close to you.
I can't see myself dating another fearful avoidant, he messed me up totally . Im am anxious and after months of him wanting to be with me , he starts to pull away and calls me Clingy and needed. This man jumps from one women to the other , after a year of still contacting me and feeding me bs telling me only a month ago loves me , Misses me ,he now seeing someone else a week later. I'm now seeking therapy because I'm finding it hard to trust, any man that comes near me
Like@@CikisHelyzet said he sounds more like a narcissist than just a FA. They may be also a FA but this is definitely more than just FA. I'm a FA and I've never acted so horribly to a partner. I don't have healthy patterns but what you've described is just flat out abusive (love bombing and then devaluation). I have been in relationships with narcissists (as well as both of my parents have narcissistic patterns) and they act exactly like you've described. The emotional whiplash is so traumatizing and I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I hope therapy will help and you're able to feel safe enough to connect again.
The only(?) effective way is through deprogramming and reprogramming your subconscious mind, which has great efficacy. It doesn't take as long as you might think! Have hope. :)
Thank you so much for videos, they have helped me interpret my own triggers and trauma not just in romantic relationship but friendships as well as with my family members. Thank you so much for insight
This describes my single parent mother quite accurately and as a result me and my siblings (there are 6 of us) are mostly dismissive avoidant lol. Because of most of us now being dismissive avoidant she has bought 2 pets even though she can't afford to have them as a way to get her needs i think. Such an annoying roller coaster to grow up with so i just avoid relationships and have made it a habit in my life (to me that's not a bad thing).
Thank you, your videos are GREAT! Please help me understand how I can help my fearful avoidant husband.. who still struggles to share sustained physical intimacy almost 2 years into our marriage. He comes from the Middle East, Muslim upbringing, & still struggles to come out to himself. Kind of harsh the way he was raised by his father & older brother. We've had some crazy fights until I figured out his attachment style, & my deep anxious triggers. Now I am healing myself in deeper ways than ever before, and our marriage is improving. I want even more closeness & emotional intimacy with him.
I don't freak out when I feel violated, but I feel utterly hurt and in pain inside. I feel totally scared to feel vulnerable about my feelings so I bottle them up and get angry and resentful. None of this makes for happy relationships.
Wow, I have this problem. It's so hard for me to say what I need because I grew up with everyone having a tendency to dismiss what I say or just speak over me. It can be hard
Your videos are so wonderfully helpful. The insights and understanding the core wounds is so enlightening and the strategies you recommend to help with healing actually work. Of course it takes a bit longer (ha ha ha) to heal than one would wish, but the strategies totally work. Thank you 🙏🏻
My ex has been through so much and I did something that triggered her and within a week she was being so mean and telling me she doesn’t love me:( but I’ve spent this whole time training on myself and this so I can show her I wasn’t ready for her then (lack of understanding) but I am now.
This is my wife to the core. She took care of her kids neglected herself . She traumatized has a child, her parents abandoned her and abused her. Now she has abandoned the marriage. Each time in May. May of 2007, May 2013 May 2017 and May of 2020. She has all the characteristics. I feel sorry for her but this sucks for us!
I mean everyone goes through different traumas at some point. It's normal. I was needy or clingy with my caregiver and then years passed on because of trauma, I become fearful avoidant. Although I still dont know what it means. I took a test on it and got the result.
Would you be able to talk about the attachment styles and adoption and how trauma around adoption may play into each style? I feel like I am every one of these attachment styles so I am confused as to which one is my main one.
Enjoyed this video so much - so much wisdom. Anybody have any additional insight on the boundaries of giving? What’s a normal level of giving in relationships? I am asking because if I always matched what other people put in, I feel like I would be shrinking myself and the level of giving and kindness I want to live at 🤔...
I would say it's more a question of open communication than really tracking who is Giving the most in a relationship. If you are a natural "giver", that's fine, but make sure you aren't ending up resentful that the other person isn't reciprocating. If you constantly give, that could be a trauma response known as 'fawning', especially when your giving nature ends up leaving you in awful, one sided relationships. A useful exercise is to be very honest with yourself as to the 'why' you may enjoy giving as much. Meaning; what is it you get, or hope to get emotionally from the act of giving. The line of a 'healthy' balance may well be whether you are perfectly content not to give anything for an extended period when nothing is expressly required.
You should really invest in a better microphone. I love your content and I'm so grateful it's free but I wish it was more satsfying to listen to. Your voice is great but the mic breaks that.
My ex has been through so much and I did something that triggered her and within a week she was being so mean and telling me she doesn’t love me:( but I’ve spent this whole time training on myself and this so I can show her I wasn’t ready for her then (lack of understanding) but I am now.
"Relationships aren't sacrifice. Relationships are about compromise." Love this Gem from Thais!
My therapist said I was fearful avoidant but I don’t get mad at others- it’s like it’s repressed and used to be directed at myself.
I'm the same way. But I realized is a child I was never allowed to get angry because I was being "a bad little boy". So now I just dropped my end of the rope and walk away. Ugh.
I’m the same way- I get mad sometimes but a lot of the times- I repress the anger and instead I get mad at myself for not doing anything. Its like I go on freeze mode and I hate it.
How to fucntion: Setting boundaries, working on vulnerability and self-care, being grounded
Relationships aren't about self-sacrifice, they are about compromise. A two sided way
This is exactly what im going through. And you're so right about my parents only knowing i existed when i parented them.
had exactly the same
NeonFluffyCakes I can really relate to this as well. Fearful avoidant attachment style seems so difficult. I feel like I am inside a ping pong 🏓 machine
My therapist pointed this out to me too!
I have this really bad tendency to drop my emotional needs as soon as I see someone else suffering and in need of help. Instead of tending to myself or asking for help, I end up taking care of them instead and, in the end, neglect myself. I know I got this from my emotionally inconsistent mother and it mirrors in all my relationships. I feel like there's no room for me when someone else is hurting: they can't help me and trying to help myself would be abandoning them. How do I resolve such an issue?
I would love the answer to this too, I feel the same
Same here ...
this sounds like codependency
I've the same problem. I hope someone wise comes around here and provide some insight
You just may be a very empathetic person
I’m crying. I know you must have been a fearful 😧 avoidant too bc the way you understand this is amazing.
Got our needs met by violating our own boundaries geez 😨
Oh my good God. Thank you for this. When I was a child I’d go around my house and repeat “nobody loves me, nobody loves me, nobody loves me”.
God loves you
@@Kareena1988 ❤️
Yup, this is me and that's why I decided to stay away from people, at least for some time. I don't even dare form friendships, because I'm too hungry to be strong when I'm close to people. Only recently it came to me that I shouldn't really want to be with people who need me, but with those I myself want to be with. It should be something obvious, but for me it took years to figure out, so it was quite an epiphany
Oh yes! As a fearful avoidant it is like you want to make everyone happy but the question is: what makes you happy and who is good for you??
Reading this I was like... wait, what!? Everytime I wished to form a connection with anyone and I thought I don't deserve it, it was actually like "but they don't need me, what do I have that they need? what do I contribute?" They contribute by simply *being* but me? Nope. At the same time I know I want someone to consciously want me, not need me.
I am literally crying watching this... I feel sooooo fucked up. I feel so dysfunctional. What if you do express yourself and nothing changes or the person accuses you of "playing the victim. I want so much to connect with others deeply but also am scared to expose myself. I feel so insecure in relationships.
Jaclyn H wow did I write this comment? Or are we the same person
@@medikiki8567 We must be the same LOLOL... at the end of the day I do not trust that if I express myself vulnerability and honestly I will be heard and my needs will be met or even respected, more so I will be let down yet again so what is the point... and depending on the relationship whether it is me at work expressing to my boss that perfume makes me struggle to breathe and I need help, that those bids for support will be dismissed and overlooked I will want to quit my job but sadly we need money to survive. Its easy to say to someone well just go get another job right, its not that easy... being in close relations with ppl now feels like a disappointment waiting to happen.
Jaclyn H I feel you girl. What I am doing is throwing myself in these programs and talking to different therapists. I need to change because the way I’m acting is extremely toxic and I need to learn to be stable and secure. Sometimes you don’t realize you’re in pain or have a problem until a professional tells you that you do
@Jaclyn H Hey Jaclyn, so sorry for what you're going through.
It's the little things.
Start small..a day at a time..a step at a time.
When communicating, keep it simple, direct and frame it in a way that uses "I" eg I feel like 123 makes me feel this way, then suggest a better way of doing it.
Using such statements make people listen more because it is a personal sentiment.
Keep communication simple and straight to the point.
With practice, you'll find that you'll improve greatly and so will your confidence and self esteem.
Along the way, you'll find people who'll be willing to understand you better and be the source of support you need.
Be better each day and I promise you that it'll get better.
Work on yourself..watch more videos that help you understand yourself better.
That way, you know where the problem is and what you can do to fix the underlying issues that contribute to the challenges affecting your life now.
Stay strong.
It gets better.
Good luck Jaclyn.
Everybody's going to hurt and disappoint you.
Just find healthy relationships to invest in. ( You don't have to).
Being alone is drama free 😉
@@medikiki8567 Hey Medikiki, may you find the answers you are looking for.
It gets better.
Therapists help you discover the underlying problem. Once you do, work on making improvements in your life each day.
Practice makes perfect.
Good luck.
Thanks for this. I relate 100%. I am definitely a fearful avoidant. I recently realized that I play out my childhood abandonment in my relationships and friendships. I people please all the time and choose one- sided connections. I can relate to a lot of what you said, including the part about putting others first and coming second on my own list if any at all. I notice I also choose to be in relationships with emotionally unavailable and dismissive avoidants and that just makes all my fears even worst, feeling like being on a roller coasters trying to get my basic needs met. I really do want to change and I am trying as I have recently started to understand the root causes and connections of my patterns and self defeating habits.
More power to you
Thias Gibson, I have this attachment style, and I have so much anxiety and fear. I'm always trying to read peoples facial expressions, and think people are lying. I truly feel I can't trust anyone. I don't Like this about myself. I always think something is wrong with our relationship or somebody is hiding something. I also think I have PTSD on top of this. From being in an abusive relationship for many years. I have been in counseling for a year or longer but it doesn't seem to be helping. Also been doing EMDR. I'm causing myself a lot of pain, relationships are very painful. Some days I rather not feel at all.. I wish there was a place I could go for treatment for this, a class. I'm tired and exhausted.
Thais is offering paid in depth courses on her website. One is starting this weekend. Maybe these might help
Somatic experiencing
I think I need to do the course as well. I am totally a fearful avoidant. At least we know where we are at. Admitting the truth about where we are at is one step. I am in same boat 🚣♀️ as all of you. I mostly relate to your comments. I don’t trust either at all no matter how hard I try. My trust has been deeply broken too many times. I was in counseling as well and all they seem to want you to do is to just trust, and be vulnerable again like it’s easy.
How was your experience with EMDR? If you mind me asking. I am seeking this out for my PTSD as well!
You explained what so many therapists and friends never could. You described me to a T. I’m 52 and always lose myself in relationships so with each one I fear them more and more because they derail my life and goals and cause me palpable ongoing depression & I’ve always said I don’t know what to do abt it or how to be different. You’ve explained more to me in 15 min than a lifetime of self help books. No one has explained it better. Thank you thank you!
I'm watching this in tears
I never knew I was supposed to care for myself. I would feel selfish for having needs. When I hurt someone when I inevitably lash out, I would feel so guilty and want to kms. When others hate me, I would tell them it's okay if they decide to murder me.
My heart aches when I hear this😪 Love shouldn't be a rollercoster, its caring and kind.
Just bought a book by this woman as her observations are so well-understood by her, so clear and spoken with such belief and conviction. Thank you.
@Enigma - I couldn't agree with you more. As a fearfulnavoidant, I tend to resort to self abandoning and become hyper vigilant to the needs of others which was originally a coping mechanism to self-protect from abuse. Being aware of these patterns operating within, I am now working on myself to overcome them and also finding ways to heal from childhood abuse.🤗🙏
I have this and i suffer alot in friendships and relationships because of this. The lack of communication and the sudden hot and cold. At this point i don't even think i can ever find a partner because i keep pushing everyone away and it's really hard to reprogramme my subconscious mind.
I had to frequently pause this video because it was checking off so many things in my childhood and adult relationships. Was kinda overwhelming to be seen like that! Thank you, Thais.
My thing is if i feel non hyper emotion/ connection I get scared n think I might not love that person cuz it doesn't feel natural and i lack confident so that's makes it worst the self doubts plus crazy thoughts
Maybe rocd
Watching this video gives me a another breakthrough...thank u Thais! You are helping me so so much to heal❤️
super deep really resonated really needed this thank you for this presenting this information so eloquently
I'm literally sobbing into my cereal. Thank you Thais, you've been a gift.
It’s so healing and validating to listen to you. Thank you.
I feel like I guard myself off from so many people because I figure, what's the point. Because these people will end up just eventually leaving and so why put myself through the hurt. This is a real problem for me. Because I crave these connections yet cant bring myself to let myself get close to anyone. A couple months ago I let myself get close to a girl...a virtually unavailable girl. Started out as friends to real real good friends and got real close. And then it escalated in to a full blown romance...and ....it didnt last. And now were not close at all and not even friends really. So again, what's the fucking point!? Everyone only leaves you in the end. And your just left there wondering what happened? like a tornado hit you. And it makes you think to yourself that you yourself weren't worth being close to once that someone actually got close to you.
It changes, keep going :)
I always thought I was AA, now I see a lot of FA in myself. Very eye opening, thank you for this. 🙏
Thais explains things very well and clearly. Thank you. You bring peace 🙏
Really good video. Would like to see the video for the partner of F.A. attachment style. Thanks so much.
Yes please we need such a video just to know how to deal with a FA❤️🌷
That was a punch to the gut. I felt and related to this on a very deep level.
I can't see myself dating another fearful avoidant, he messed me up totally . Im am anxious and after months of him wanting to be with me , he starts to pull away and calls me Clingy and needed. This man jumps from one women to the other , after a year of still contacting me and feeding me bs telling me only a month ago loves me , Misses me ,he now seeing someone else a week later. I'm now seeking therapy because I'm finding it hard to trust, any man that comes near me
Like@@CikisHelyzet said he sounds more like a narcissist than just a FA. They may be also a FA but this is definitely more than just FA. I'm a FA and I've never acted so horribly to a partner. I don't have healthy patterns but what you've described is just flat out abusive (love bombing and then devaluation). I have been in relationships with narcissists (as well as both of my parents have narcissistic patterns) and they act exactly like you've described. The emotional whiplash is so traumatizing and I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I hope therapy will help and you're able to feel safe enough to connect again.
Sorry Nicole.
May you find peace and healing.
These issues run deeper than most can understand.
Always a lesson, never a failure.
Good luck.
Thank you so much for your videos their extremely helpful ❤️
Hi Thais, can you make a video about two fearful avoidants dating each other. Is this type of relationship possible? Thank you!
How long does it usually take to heal from this style? It seems like a lifetime.
beyondios it does feel like it will take a lifetime to heal
Thais healed herself from it and she's still super young :) there must a way 💐
Seriously, Every time I get over 1 thing, another thing pops up - another trigger, another trauma
The only(?) effective way is through deprogramming and reprogramming your subconscious mind, which has great efficacy. It doesn't take as long as you might think! Have hope. :)
Thank you so much for videos, they have helped me interpret my own triggers and trauma not just in romantic relationship but friendships as well as with my family members. Thank you so much for insight
Thank you so much for providing clarity
Thanks Thais. You explain things so comprehensively and compassionately. You are inspiring.
This describes my single parent mother quite accurately and as a result me and my siblings (there are 6 of us) are mostly dismissive avoidant lol. Because of most of us now being dismissive avoidant she has bought 2 pets even though she can't afford to have them as a way to get her needs i think. Such an annoying roller coaster to grow up with so i just avoid relationships and have made it a habit in my life (to me that's not a bad thing).
Thank you, your videos are GREAT! Please help me understand how I can help my fearful avoidant husband.. who still struggles to share sustained physical intimacy almost 2 years into our marriage.
He comes from the Middle East, Muslim upbringing, & still struggles to come out to himself. Kind of harsh the way he was raised by his father & older brother. We've had some crazy fights until I figured out his attachment style, & my deep anxious triggers.
Now I am healing myself in deeper ways than ever before, and our marriage is improving. I want even more closeness & emotional intimacy with him.
I don't freak out when I feel violated, but I feel utterly hurt and in pain inside. I feel totally scared to feel vulnerable about my feelings so I bottle them up and get angry and resentful. None of this makes for happy relationships.
Your videos have changed my life. Thank you.
Is a difficulty articulating oneself a common trait in this attachment style?
I am Nef I believe so
Wow, I have this problem. It's so hard for me to say what I need because I grew up with everyone having a tendency to dismiss what I say or just speak over me. It can be hard
Your videos are so wonderfully helpful. The insights and understanding the core wounds is so enlightening and the strategies you recommend to help with healing actually work. Of course it takes a bit longer (ha ha ha) to heal than one would wish, but the strategies totally work. Thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you. So key.
My ex has been through so much and I did something that triggered her and within a week she was being so mean and telling me she doesn’t love me:( but I’ve spent this whole time training on myself and this so I can show her I wasn’t ready for her then (lack of understanding) but I am now.
You're so cute
Good luck
You are changing lives with these videos. Thank you!
this was extremely insightful and interesting thank you
Thankyou for sharing
Your videos are amazing and so helpful ♥️
THANK YOU!🌹
Its heartbreaking to realize fear = love for me
You are basically describing me %100
This is my wife to the core. She took care of her kids neglected herself . She traumatized has a child, her parents abandoned her and abused her. Now she has abandoned the marriage. Each time in May. May of 2007, May 2013 May 2017 and May of 2020. She has all the characteristics. I feel sorry for her but this sucks for us!
This is SO helpful!! Thank you SO much, Thais. I look forward to investing in more courses.
If the traumas only come up when I’m in a relationship, how can I possibly heal when I’m single?
Ive never really had a proper relationship, and nothing at all for years. I wouldnt have any clue how to even start
Could you do some parenting videos to help us from screwing up our own kids?
You might want to look up on TH-cam jimmy Evans hurt pocket. It’s good, watched it three times with my kids
I mean everyone goes through different traumas at some point. It's normal. I was needy or clingy with my caregiver and then years passed on because of trauma, I become fearful avoidant. Although I still dont know what it means. I took a test on it and got the result.
How can a fearful-avoidant and a fearful-avoidant work through their attachment insecurities together and individually in a relationship?
Thank u ❤❤❤
Thank you, this is powerful! Amen
My entire life I’m also anxious preoccupied
Needed these
Thank you
Would you be able to talk about the attachment styles and adoption and how trauma around adoption may play into each style? I feel like I am every one of these attachment styles so I am confused as to which one is my main one.
What if you leave a relationship before they leave you always ?
What mechanism is it ?
Now there is a name to the type of messed up I am lol 😆
I feel bad for being like this to myself.
I feel like this is me. I really need help with this!
Enjoyed this video so much - so much wisdom.
Anybody have any additional insight on the boundaries of giving? What’s a normal level of giving in relationships?
I am asking because if I always matched what other people put in, I feel like I would be shrinking myself and the level of giving and kindness I want to live at 🤔...
I would say it's more a question of open communication than really tracking who is Giving the most in a relationship. If you are a natural "giver", that's fine, but make sure you aren't ending up resentful that the other person isn't reciprocating. If you constantly give, that could be a trauma response known as 'fawning', especially when your giving nature ends up leaving you in awful, one sided relationships. A useful exercise is to be very honest with yourself as to the 'why' you may enjoy giving as much. Meaning; what is it you get, or hope to get emotionally from the act of giving. The line of a 'healthy' balance may well be whether you are perfectly content not to give anything for an extended period when nothing is expressly required.
I feel like I was an anxiously attached and then had trauma as n adult and morphed into a fearful avoidant , can that happen?
I realize now.. 😰😭
Omg you said it @ 1:50
Wow this is me!
I died inside instead. Dissociative disorders are common for FA's/disorganized people.
Thais , you are wonderful . How does one work with you ? Any contact info ?
See the video description for contact info
5:45
You should really invest in a better microphone. I love your content and I'm so grateful it's free but I wish it was more satsfying to listen to. Your voice is great but the mic breaks that.
Deep
6:30
Well damn 💔
Damb 🤐
You are truly amazing you born to do this .. grateful
My ex has been through so much and I did something that triggered her and within a week she was being so mean and telling me she doesn’t love me:( but I’ve spent this whole time training on myself and this so I can show her I wasn’t ready for her then (lack of understanding) but I am now.
thank you
Thank you Thais
Thank you