My guardian ask my mom if I could go on a all paid for trip with my cousins to Europe. And my mom said no. I felt terrible and left out. I still think about how much fun I missed. This was 15 years ago and I’m now an adult. My mom didn’t want to take me to Europe, she just didn’t want me to go. Not ever parent wants the best for their kid, some parents are just spiteful
If I was a parent and someone else wanted to bring me to Europe, while I would be thankful, my answer would probably be 'no' as well. For safety and other reasons. We all miss fun in different situations, but it is not the end of the world. And, now that you are an adult, you know how much it costs to go to Europe. You still have time to make that visit -- and why not consider inviting your cousins along! That is, if you are still friendly with each other :-)
My mom would have said no, unfortunately. I’m grateful for the family that graciously took me anyways and recognized how her behaviour was deliberate and intentionally trying to keep me from making happy memories. Shout out to the parents who are willing to let their children have these beautiful experiences with their foster families.
I'm so glad to see this one. Over COVID, a lot of child protection cases were streamed online. I saw a lot of situations where the children were in legitimate danger -- and I also saw a lot of gamesmanship from _many_ different parties, as well as cases that were ultimately just retaliation-by-CPS for some petty perceived personal slight. One that really hit me for the parents was a very normal, lower-middle class married couple who had their three children (including an infant) removed and placed with an _adoption-track_ foster family. The allegations against the parents were ultimately _disproven_ (it was a complicated case, but the allegations weren't just unsubstantiated, they were actually found to be fabricated). ...But that wasn't before the foster family (who actually moved to intervene, with the goal of adoption, before termination of rights was even on the table), took the parents' children on their _first ever_ Disney World trip. The parents didn't find out until the fosters (and the children) no-call/no-showed for their _Christmas visitation._ The fosters alleged they thought they were allowed to take the children on a trip for Christmas, regardless of holiday visits. I honestly couldn't believe it. And what an especially terrible spot for the parents to be in -- of course you'd want your kids to get to tell and share all about their first big Disney trip, but hearing about it would be so painful. And even when they get to take them themselves, they're still going to hear, "Last time we got to...", "I already did that one," etc.
I had a CAS (Canadian CPS) worker try to get me and my sister put up for adoption based on total lies, by someone who had had NO contact with us. Long story short, my mother was having mental health problems, asked for Respite Care (since her only reliable family were dealing with surgery/recovery). WAS DENIED (told they wouldn't offer respite care for people without open files). My mother attempted suicide via overdose. After I saved her life (I was three btw, but I accidentally let my sister outside and people came to check on us) they made my mother sign a statement saying she was an unfit mother, while she was BARELY AWAKE AND STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THE DRUGS. She fought them on this when she was more conscious, stating there was no way it could be considered valid. But in the meantime she said "I'll undergo all the parenting exams you want, ask anyone I know, just not my mother they'll tell you i'm a good mother." Well they went to my grandmother and asked her (She hadn't spoken to my mother since she was 15 because my mother fled from her abuse) and she said we were always dirty, and hungry and all these other things. They didn't ask anyone else, just decided that was good enough and LEFT ME WITH MY ABUSIVE GRANDMOTHER FOR SEVERAL WEEKS until she got TIRED OF US AND DUMPED US ON MY Great-Grandmother's doorstep (mother's paternal grandfather. And dumped literally. All our stuff was in garbage bags and she said she didn't care if she sold us, she didn't want us anymore). Meanwhile they were trying to terminate my mother's parental rights. Eventually an assessment of her and me specifically said that we had a very close bond and that me not being in her care was doing me more harm than good, and they ordered a "Swift return to the maternal home". No slow reintroduction. Within like a week I was home. (I found out later that my great-grandmother was in the middle of applying to adopt me if my mother DID lose her parental rights, when they told her I needed to go back) The CAS worker was fired for her bias. HOWEVER, despite the accusations being 100000% unfounded and falsified, my mother DID eventually turn out to be abusive to me, so...I sometimes wish that I had been adopted by my great-grandmother...
This reminds me of when my aunt and uncle were foster parents, before they ended up adopting my cousin. One of the kids that they Foster cared for was invited when they were going to disney, since the family was going anyways, they invited the kid of course who was with them at the time. The mother said no. It always broke my heart, because I felt like it was so selfish of her to do that. It was the only chance that he had to go to Disney as a kid, since she wasn't as well off. I always wondered how they talked to her about it. I never understood why she would say no. Edit: I wanted to add my aunt+uncle where going to pay for the trip out of their own pocket. They just wanted to included him.
Alot of times its because the parents have hope that they will one day be able to take their child to something like Disney themselves and they want to be able to experience it with their child
@@edensworld5731I get that, but still how heartbreaking would it feel as a kid when the other kids come back and are all talking about the fun they had at Disneyland , I’m assuming they meant the rest of the family still went
It perhaps could have been Jealousy or could be discomfort. In cases where the childs family would normally not be able to go to a place like Disney, taking their child might make them feel inadequate or less. They may feel that their child would think less of them as parents. It dosen't make sense but some of these parent may already questioning themselves so there's some vulnerability there. I think asking and offering various options maintains some dignity for the parents.
I love how you consider the parents rights. Most people think kids go into foster because parents are unfit and on drugs but sometimes they just need to correct one thing to get THEIR kids back. And its important to remember that if the parent is working WITH the foster parent, they do care about their kids
@@Freiya2011 Sometimes children are placed in foster care through no fault at all of the parents. If a parent has an accident and needs to stay in a hospital, and kids have no one to stay with it can happen until the parent gets better.
My foster carer did this and both me and my mum really appreciated the plan change to not visit a specific beach town because that was our special away place for the 2 of us 😊
I was a foster parent for a few years and these parent interactions were not allowed. (I'm in California) I would ask social worker about vacation and other plans. Bio parent interactions were brief. Drop off and pickup. Sometimes even staying to observe the visit. We were told that these children were removed for a reason. When children were removed from the home the parents were not making the decisions until all criterias were met and reunification complete. All states must be very different. You are an awesome foster parent! Ur kids are very lucky that you are so knowledgeable about some of the issues they can have. Kids that hid food just absolutely broke my heart. I kept a low cabinet in the kitchen where food was always available. Just knowing it's there really helped with their anxiety. God bless you!!
Wow. Yes, for a kid to be actually taken away and put in the Foster care, something serious was going on, and seriously bad conditions. It's not like, oh Dad lost his job so off to foster care kids. I've known more than a few burnouts in my life, and a lot has to go down before kids are removed. Your way sounds better.
@@stacyjaye6350 my nephew is currently going through this circumstance. because something bad happened with his mum, but just because a foster carer is taking care it does not mean that was the only option, it can mean no one else in the family could care, i myself cannot go for care of my nephew, my sister will try. But at the same time a foster option is there. If no parent or family from either side can go for the care of the kid it goes into foster/adoption.
I like this method much better, in SOME cases. If these parents wanted to make parental decisions for their children, they should have acted like parents in the first place and their kids wouldn't have been removed. Of course, this only applies to parents who are abusive, combative, on drugs, or otherwise completely unfit to raise children. It doesn't apply to parents whose children's removal was not their fault, like those with IDs, those who are in the hospital or otherwise physically unable to take care of their children, or those who live in poverty. I assume that if a lot of the abusive bio parents were allowed to make the decisions, they would make them out of spite or as a method of remote abuse to their kids.
Vacations are so interesting for fosters. I remember the One time my foster mom took a weekend vaca and only one of the 4 girls got approved to go with her. The other three of us got placed in something called respite care and went to different homes for the weekend. It was so weird lol. I feel like if our parents had been asked more directly like this instead of always the caseworker channels we would've gotten to go. This was cool to watch, thank you.
Some things like that are so special, I'm glad you brought up asking. When I graduated high school (2014) my mom promised to take me to Harry Potter in Universal, FL, but for a number of reasons it had to wait quite a while. Fast forward to this year, I spent a year in FL for an internship, and I skipped a lot of Universal trips with my roommates because I wanted my mom to be able to take me my first time, like she had wanted when I was in high school. In July she was able to, and it was a blast, and I was so happy I waited to let my mom take me. Those kinds of trips can be once in a lifetime for some, and seeing those first reactions is irreplaceable.
I sadly know someone whose biological mom took his sister and not him. This family was not a foster care family. How could she only take her daughter and nit her son. It destroyed him and felt like his mom hated him.
I want to go to Disneyland. I've never been to any Disney park. I haven't been to Universal or any of the other big parks. I have barely traveled the states and I have not yet gotten an opportunity to travel to another country etc. I am an adult and I have wanted to do all of those things I listed for my entire life. But I have never had the money. You are so amazing for doing that for your foster kids. They might never be able to go somewhere like that, without you. Gah. I just love you so much. You are the best. I equally want to be your friend and your kid. Lol. I love all of your videos. I love children. I used to teach. I can't have children. I would love to foster and or adopt. Thank you for spreading such good information and for being such an amazing foster mom to all of your kids. Your kindness and understanding, wow. All of your videos blow everyone away. Hopefully you can make a positive change for foster parents etc through your educational videos. You really help a lot of people. I wish I could meet you and I wish I could do something for you. Your videos help me. Thank you. 😊
Omg!! Yes! Treating the parents with respect. Even when the parents may be on drugs or whatever is the problem. Just the slightest bit of respect or disrespect can be a huge difference, for everyone involved. Thank you for being so kind, loving and teaching. Instead of judging and criticizing. You should teach a class , that all foster parents have to take.❤🙏🔥💯
Omg this is awesome and so considerate! When my kids were in foster care they went to Florida,Chuck e cheese, the zoo…. I’m happy my kids got to experience all that,but I was not informed until after the fact and I have a little tradition where I take my kids to the zoo on their 3rd birthday and I just love seeing their first time impressions, so it broke my heart when I found out that they had already gone.
I love how extremely compassionate and empathetic you are towards the parents. Always including them in the conversations about their child if possible. Like, keeping things in mind that maybe they wanna be the person to take their kids to Disneyland. I bet even asking simple questions like holiday traditions and food allergies makes the parents still feel needed and included, which is so special to me.
Your continued respect & thoughtfulness towards the children & their parents is brilliant in addition to refraining from judgement (I'm sure every case if different though) is something all ppl could learn from. Kudos & keeonip the great work. I'm can imagine the rewards felt by all involved in the childs welfare are numerous 🙏🇨🇦💕
I feel like some parents might deny a kid that opportunity to have that special experience just because they are unable to provide it their selves. Also be at the fact that due to abuse or neglect their children are in foster care why should they be given a choice?
Oh my goodness! YES! I can only imagine how important that is for the parents. I have always had my kids and their first like first time to Disneyland or even their first walk as a family we're sooooooooooooooo important! Good job being amazingly respectful and considerate.
You are so compassionate and caring. How lucky these children are to experience love, and feeling secure with your calm sweet personality. I hope to foster next year as I am retired and will enjoy this challenge. . Any tips to prepare? I bought the book "Now I am known "by Peter Mutabazi.. Since writer inspired me to try fostering. You should definitely write a book or better a Work Book of your Pro tips, troubleshooting, courtesies, and coping skills with places to add notes, lists and suggestions. Your experience is too priceless, your character is one of a kind. You are a treasure to humanity.💕 Blessings✨
Ouch, my heart. As someone who could never afford an expensive vacation, I would be torn in half about letting my kids go to Disneyland without me. On the one hand I would want them to go, but I would also feel very sad that they were bonding with their foster parents at a place I could never afford to take them.
But hopefully you (or the bio parents in this example) would come to the conclusion that what the child is going through is hard enough and it's not their fault.. it's the parents. So do the right thing for once and put your sad little feelings aside and let them have a great time and be happy for them. Which is a sign of unconditional, healthy loving relationships.
@@bekkimadison yeah, as the kid that was left out, (I was the only one that wasn't allowed to go on the 6th grade field trip to an amusement park), I thank you for your comment, it's spot-on. I'm 65 years old, and that still stings.
My mom fostered for over 30 years these interactions were none existing. Parents communicated through the social worker and could not know where the children's foster home was. Usually the ones who found out were more trouble than helpful.
Somehow I read “ask directly about vaccines” and was like “wait a minute, why” but also proceeded to be completely confused until the video looped back to the beginning 😂
You are a great foster mom because Foster mom or dad should be allowed to take the kids on a trip but it nice and respectful to still make sure they parents have a say because even if their kids are in foster care doesn’t mean they are bad parents
@@Freiya2011 so if I have health issues and am a single mom (dad is not in the picture) and in the hospital for an extended period of time, I am an unfit mother?
@@emmib1388 You can only parent if you're present, can't you?!! If you're unfit or not is not on me to decide, but you would have to deal with more obstacles than a parent who is healthy, stable and well off. Please change perspective and see it from the point of view of your child! No grown-up is entitled to a child, but every child is entitled to grow up in a safe, reliable, caring, understanding, supportive ... environment. [The child needs the care of a parent! Not the other way round!] If a parent (with health issues) can provide this: great! If not, the child needs support and help, as well as the parent does.
Fostering really takes a special kind of person. I just want my own kids. Taking someone else's when they were forcibly removed, doing parent visits and stuff... I feel like the foster parents probably get trampled on. Emotions are running high in the kids and the parents, and there's something major in the mix to take the kids. What a tough situation.
It's astonishing how many people have a very narrow view of the situations that lead to foster care and the emotional toll on every person involved in those instances. Not letting them go is incredibly selfish, but having a feeling of jealousy or being replaced is totally normal. I know my kids would be scared they were hurting my feelings and that could ruin what was intended to be a good memory in their life. Maybe ask for a new call schedule for some facetime during the trip so you can show them that you're happy and assuage any child guilt. Not in an interruptive way, they aren't responsible for your feelings, but maybe a good morning what's on the docket today or an end of day how did it go. That way the memory you were worried about missing, will still include you in the future. You'd be able to say, remember when you went to Disney and you showed me... It doesn't take much to pause and just be thoughtful of everyone's feelings.
My second cousins took in some foster kids and decided to go on a long vacation out of state. They "couldn't" bring the foster kids with them. It was two weeks and they were left with foster grandma and some other adults as babysitters. I love how you try to make them feel welcome rather than a tax ride off.
My foster parents had to fight TOOTH AND NAIL with my birth mom to go to Great Wolf Lodge. Honestly, it was the best gift I could have gotten at that time
I’m surprised foster parents are allowed to have a lot of interaction with the birth parents. I didn’t think that would be allowed because of safety reasons and I assumed a social worker was the go between.
My foster parent did everything in her power to erase everything of my true self and family, she how to my beautiful curly hair cut off at a salon. Told me I didn't need to go to my mom's funeral because I was too young. She told me she died while she was sunbathing and when she was done she went back to sunbathing. And reminded me that every time the social worker came that if I said anything about her spanking me or my brother I would never be able to have all the pretty things she's giving me. And how I lose all that if I told. And when the time came and she met a man and he wanted to go to Arizona, she left me behind because she couldn't take me out of state. She gave me a way to her apartment manager.Abdbsge fostered me instead.Foster care was a nightmare for me.And I'm so very glad that part of my life is over.
When I was a kid we lived next door to a foster mom so I got to play with some of the foster kids and one time I asked one of the girls what should we play and she said "sleep" her response to most of my questions was "sleep" and I think I understand it more now but at the time I just thought it was kinda funny.
I will say it’s obviously different in every situation, but my father definitely would’ve said no just to be able to exercise some control in a situation where he didn’t have a lot of control anymore when I was removed.
My younger sister is in foster care, her foster family never checked or checks in with my mom regarding vacations. Instead of building trust they are trying to completely cut her out.
My foster mum asked my parents if she can take me to florida (I live in uk). They said yest if she let's them know I arrived safely on holiday and back at her house. She refused so they declined consent. She then proceeded to take me, illegally, anyway.
Knotts Berry Farm RULES. I feel like Disneyland is either for kids or Disney-obsessed adults, but Knotts Berry Farm has amazing rollercoasters and tons of cool, fun things to do for both kids and adults. Highly recommend!
Deal with a caseworkers and not the parents. Don't forget these kids have been taking for a reason usually. These parents think that you are too friendly and you don't want that.
Not always the case, in the UK they have a high threshold to remove a child so often they'll encourage parents to voluntarily give the children to care and retain (someor all) rights, to prove to the court system that they were able to prioritise the child's needs above everything else and be willing to do what they're told to create a safe home. Obviously many times that doesn't work so they have to get a court order. The parents can often block things like cutting hair etc which can be really frustrating but it's on a case by case basis, the overriding focus is to get children back to their homes if possible. The reality is that this often delays signing off the children to be adopted, making the child older and less likely they'll be adopted
I mean... wouldn't you want to meet the parents to at least get a picture of what was going on? Even in cases where the kids were taken because of addiction, the parent(s) can still, and sometimes does, get clean. It's not a black and white, you're a bad person now, kind of a thing. People make bad choices, it doesn't mean they can't start making good ones. Also, there aren't nearly enough case workers. If you communicate and establish a relationship with the bio parents, it should make things easier on the kids. Ultimately, that's what it should be about. What's best for the kids.
So, do you just not go if the parent says no? Or what do you do with the kid(s) while the rest of you are having a vacation? How freaking awkward if the bio parent says no.
So, I’m confused. I just don’t want to ask it wrong. So is it the biological parents you’re talking to? They can’t see the kids but can see what’s happening??
@@shabanaakhtar2224 It was in 1988. Not all Fosters are Horror stories. Mine was. The Foster Family just happened to be the "abusers" brothers family whose father in law was a police officer. The Foster Family got paid the survivors benefits while they watched me not be able to make our family's home house payment. I never lost custody, but since I wasn't primary. I became homeless. They threatened to place my children in to adoption if I didn't consent, and I Said do it. Let's get it out of this monkeys court into A 3 panel judge for appeals. My court appointed attorney was having an affair with judge. They knew where my children's father's body was for 3 days and left him freeze.
I'm tired. At first I thought she was asking the parents about like vaccinations for their kids. Like if they need their vaccines, are they allowed to get them. Then I was confused why she was talking about missing school and Disneyland. 😂 I love these videos. This one was just my brain being a little slow. Lol.
Depending on situation have to be more caution because parents kidnap their kids all the time and we've had two incidents in Middletown where I come from where I said parents literally killed their son and one foster parent killed someone's son and burned his body you just have to be really caution
What do you do then the parents don't want to know anything from the child ans don't want to see the child. People I know have a forster child in their family and the father ran away before she was born and her mother gave her away when she was 4 and the mother wanted the two little brothers more than her and her big brothers which lived in forster care since they were little. A friend of mine has an adopted brother and the parents never wanted anything to do with the kids so the family just met with the adoptive family of the boys biological sister so the siblings know each other.
My kids foster parents just takes them without asking they took them camping to water parks zoos and even taught my daughter to ride a bike all things we wanted to do and teach they stole precious moments from us we cant get back
Some of y’all have never dealt with CPS or seen someone close to u deal with CPS before lol a lot of these situations are not like y’all make it out to be.
So for something like Disney, I thought you weren't allowed to leave the state with the kid, because technically the state is their legal guardian? So you'd have to be in California or Florida already, right? Or does it vary state by state, with some allowing you to travel/go on vacation within reason?
Oh wow, this is probably no big deal in larger states- but I wonder if it is modified for small states. I live in Rhode Island and its about 45 min end-to-end. You have to enter Massachusetts just get to other parts RI. I I always wondered about people on parole who need permission to leave the state. It's prob no big deal in Texas, Florida etc, but that is so much more limiting in RI aka "baby Massachusetts."
Here in Florida we have to get permission to leave the state but I wouldn't have to get permission to go to Disney because it is in our state. We are actually taking our foster kiddo to Disney for their birthday since we can't have a party with their family. I want to do something special for them.
Why? Them patents don't have their kids for a reason...wither drugs or abuse or neglect...they were taken away for safety reason than to include the ppl who were harming them to start with? Don't make sense to me...
Not every foster care situation is like this. Sometimes kids are taken for bs reasons, and are given right back to the parents after investigation closes. There are people (drug addicts included) that have had their kids taken and that makes them work hard to get them back. It would be nice to know that the person taking care of your child while you can’t cares about that child enough to want to include you as much as possible. For the sake of the child who will definitely ask about their parent. but it also shows so much compassion that she asks the bio parent for permission, it’s about treating people as human beings. Not making them feel like they don’t deserve anything because they’re on drugs. That will keep them in drugs. It’s still someone else’s kid.
People get into bad situations. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t love their kids. If the parents are uncomfortable with something, you should take that into account.
A lot of parents end having hate for the foster family. When in reality that family had nothing to do with why the children were removed, its just a way to build a bond so when the children eventually (hopefully) go back home the parents can have a support system if they ever need another parent to reach out to. Parenting is hard, most make mistakes that in their mind seem harmless because another family did it, or “my mom and dad did it and I’m fine” its just one of those ways to build a bond.
@@lizziecross8149 I don't call beating on your children or allowing your husband or boyfriend to beat on them and starving your children for drugs. A bad situation. I grew up in foster care ever heard of them Jamieson center in Bakersfield California.
@@happywhispersasmr obviously that's different...I'm talking Bout the ones who had them taking away for physically abusing their kids or drugs involved etc.
Oh boy, another short of yours that has me in tears. 🥲😭 Back in 2004, my Husbeast and I lost custody of our 2 sons (now 21 & 19) for one year and 27 days. They were placed with Husbeast's aunt and then-uncle in the theory that familial foster care would allow us extra non-court/DCF mandated visits. That backfired tremendously. Because of the DCF worker we had at the time of placement, the foster parents were encouraged to not allow extra contact (phone calls, visits, etc), and to avoid allowing the mandated visits whenever possible. DCF was actively looking to have the foster parents adopt the boys. We only found out about this years after the fact from my MIL. I had known beforehand that his aunt was unable to have biological kids. When we were reunified, I chose to allow the aunt to take the boys every other weekend, mostly because I knew the excruciating pain that comes with having the kids you've been loving, raising, and bonding with ripped from your arms. We had gotten custody back 5/21/05. By the time that autumn rolled around, Husbeast and I had begun making plans for a truly grateful Thanksgiving to celebrate as a whole family again. The aunt had asked to have the boys overnight on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving so she could have a little celebration with them. We saw no problem with that arrangement. Well. Instead of bringing them home Thanksgiving morning, she took off out of state to have them celebrate with the in-laws in that area. We had no prior knowledge of this plan. She didn't bother asking us, and lied to the new worker about having our permission to keep them over the long holiday weekend. Husbeast and I were livid. That was the year that we put our foot down about Thanksgiving being just for our little family, not any of the extended fam. Thank you for being so positive and compassionate towards the birth parents of the kids in your care. I truly appreciate you for the good you put out into the world.
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My guardian ask my mom if I could go on a all paid for trip with my cousins to Europe. And my mom said no. I felt terrible and left out. I still think about how much fun I missed. This was 15 years ago and I’m now an adult. My mom didn’t want to take me to Europe, she just didn’t want me to go.
Not ever parent wants the best for their kid, some parents are just spiteful
we feel like we experienced a very similar thing with our foster kiddos....and it was just 20 minutes across a state border. So sad :(
If I was a parent and someone else wanted to bring me to Europe, while I would be thankful, my answer would probably be 'no' as well. For safety and other reasons. We all miss fun in different situations, but it is not the end of the world. And, now that you are an adult, you know how much it costs to go to Europe. You still have time to make that visit -- and why not consider inviting your cousins along! That is, if you are still friendly with each other :-)
My mom would have said no, unfortunately. I’m grateful for the family that graciously took me anyways and recognized how her behaviour was deliberate and intentionally trying to keep me from making happy memories.
Shout out to the parents who are willing to let their children have these beautiful experiences with their foster families.
I'm so glad to see this one. Over COVID, a lot of child protection cases were streamed online. I saw a lot of situations where the children were in legitimate danger -- and I also saw a lot of gamesmanship from _many_ different parties, as well as cases that were ultimately just retaliation-by-CPS for some petty perceived personal slight.
One that really hit me for the parents was a very normal, lower-middle class married couple who had their three children (including an infant) removed and placed with an _adoption-track_ foster family. The allegations against the parents were ultimately _disproven_ (it was a complicated case, but the allegations weren't just unsubstantiated, they were actually found to be fabricated).
...But that wasn't before the foster family (who actually moved to intervene, with the goal of adoption, before termination of rights was even on the table), took the parents' children on their _first ever_ Disney World trip. The parents didn't find out until the fosters (and the children) no-call/no-showed for their _Christmas visitation._ The fosters alleged they thought they were allowed to take the children on a trip for Christmas, regardless of holiday visits.
I honestly couldn't believe it. And what an especially terrible spot for the parents to be in -- of course you'd want your kids to get to tell and share all about their first big Disney trip, but hearing about it would be so painful. And even when they get to take them themselves, they're still going to hear, "Last time we got to...", "I already did that one," etc.
And no retaliation can ever happen against CPS
It’s a hell for ppl that get trapped in it
I had a CAS (Canadian CPS) worker try to get me and my sister put up for adoption based on total lies, by someone who had had NO contact with us.
Long story short, my mother was having mental health problems, asked for Respite Care (since her only reliable family were dealing with surgery/recovery). WAS DENIED (told they wouldn't offer respite care for people without open files). My mother attempted suicide via overdose. After I saved her life (I was three btw, but I accidentally let my sister outside and people came to check on us) they made my mother sign a statement saying she was an unfit mother, while she was BARELY AWAKE AND STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THE DRUGS. She fought them on this when she was more conscious, stating there was no way it could be considered valid. But in the meantime she said "I'll undergo all the parenting exams you want, ask anyone I know, just not my mother they'll tell you i'm a good mother." Well they went to my grandmother and asked her (She hadn't spoken to my mother since she was 15 because my mother fled from her abuse) and she said we were always dirty, and hungry and all these other things. They didn't ask anyone else, just decided that was good enough and LEFT ME WITH MY ABUSIVE GRANDMOTHER FOR SEVERAL WEEKS until she got TIRED OF US AND DUMPED US ON MY Great-Grandmother's doorstep (mother's paternal grandfather. And dumped literally. All our stuff was in garbage bags and she said she didn't care if she sold us, she didn't want us anymore). Meanwhile they were trying to terminate my mother's parental rights. Eventually an assessment of her and me specifically said that we had a very close bond and that me not being in her care was doing me more harm than good, and they ordered a "Swift return to the maternal home". No slow reintroduction. Within like a week I was home.
(I found out later that my great-grandmother was in the middle of applying to adopt me if my mother DID lose her parental rights, when they told her I needed to go back)
The CAS worker was fired for her bias.
HOWEVER, despite the accusations being 100000% unfounded and falsified, my mother DID eventually turn out to be abusive to me, so...I sometimes wish that I had been adopted by my great-grandmother...
This reminds me of when my aunt and uncle were foster parents, before they ended up adopting my cousin. One of the kids that they Foster cared for was invited when they were going to disney, since the family was going anyways, they invited the kid of course who was with them at the time. The mother said no. It always broke my heart, because I felt like it was so selfish of her to do that. It was the only chance that he had to go to Disney as a kid, since she wasn't as well off.
I always wondered how they talked to her about it. I never understood why she would say no.
Edit: I wanted to add my aunt+uncle where going to pay for the trip out of their own pocket. They just wanted to included him.
Alot of times its because the parents have hope that they will one day be able to take their child to something like Disney themselves and they want to be able to experience it with their child
I mean the mother may have not wanted to miss their kids first disney experience
@@edensworld5731I get that, but still how heartbreaking would it feel as a kid when the other kids come back and are all talking about the fun they had at Disneyland , I’m assuming they meant the rest of the family still went
It perhaps could have been Jealousy or could be discomfort. In cases where the childs family would normally not be able to go to a place like Disney, taking their child might make them feel inadequate or less. They may feel that their child would think less of them as parents. It dosen't make sense but some of these parent may already questioning themselves so there's some vulnerability there. I think asking and offering various options maintains some dignity for the parents.
I could see a birthparent saying no bc they don't want the kid to have 'too high expectations' when they go back to their natal family.
I love how you consider the parents rights. Most people think kids go into foster because parents are unfit and on drugs but sometimes they just need to correct one thing to get THEIR kids back. And its important to remember that if the parent is working WITH the foster parent, they do care about their kids
Most kids go I to foster care because there parents beat them, sexually abuse them, starve them, or abandon them.
And if they don't they go on destroying the kid's life.
@@Freiya2011 Sometimes children are placed in foster care through no fault at all of the parents. If a parent has an accident and needs to stay in a hospital, and kids have no one to stay with it can happen until the parent gets better.
@@happyllama1160 ok. I did not gave THAT in mind. You're right!
I was in foster care cuz my mom was on drugs so this wouldve probably ended badly.
My foster mum would always my mother for permission to cut my hair etc, a lot of respect to these foster parents
I love how much you respect the parents. You dont act like they are awful horrible people..But like what they usually are, people that need help.
My foster carer did this and both me and my mum really appreciated the plan change to not visit a specific beach town because that was our special away place for the 2 of us 😊
I was a foster parent for a few years and these parent interactions were not allowed. (I'm in California) I would ask social worker about vacation and other plans. Bio parent interactions were brief. Drop off and pickup. Sometimes even staying to observe the visit. We were told that these children were removed for a reason. When children were removed from the home the parents were not making the decisions until all criterias were met and reunification complete. All states must be very different. You are an awesome foster parent! Ur kids are very lucky that you are so knowledgeable about some of the issues they can have. Kids that hid food just absolutely broke my heart. I kept a low cabinet in the kitchen where food was always available. Just knowing it's there really helped with their anxiety. God bless you!!
Wow. Yes, for a kid to be actually taken away and put in the Foster care, something serious was going on, and seriously bad conditions. It's not like, oh Dad lost his job so off to foster care kids. I've known more than a few burnouts in my life, and a lot has to go down before kids are removed. Your way sounds better.
@@stacyjaye6350 my nephew is currently going through this circumstance. because something bad happened with his mum, but just because a foster carer is taking care it does not mean that was the only option, it can mean no one else in the family could care, i myself cannot go for care of my nephew, my sister will try. But at the same time a foster option is there. If no parent or family from either side can go for the care of the kid it goes into foster/adoption.
@@soniiabaybee I understand. That definitely happens. I also understand that's the minority of cases.
Yeah I’ve never heard of parent interaction
At all
They weren’t allowed to know where foster homes were even lol
I like this method much better, in SOME cases. If these parents wanted to make parental decisions for their children, they should have acted like parents in the first place and their kids wouldn't have been removed. Of course, this only applies to parents who are abusive, combative, on drugs, or otherwise completely unfit to raise children. It doesn't apply to parents whose children's removal was not their fault, like those with IDs, those who are in the hospital or otherwise physically unable to take care of their children, or those who live in poverty. I assume that if a lot of the abusive bio parents were allowed to make the decisions, they would make them out of spite or as a method of remote abuse to their kids.
Vacations are so interesting for fosters. I remember the One time my foster mom took a weekend vaca and only one of the 4 girls got approved to go with her. The other three of us got placed in something called respite care and went to different homes for the weekend. It was so weird lol. I feel like if our parents had been asked more directly like this instead of always the caseworker channels we would've gotten to go. This was cool to watch, thank you.
Some things like that are so special, I'm glad you brought up asking. When I graduated high school (2014) my mom promised to take me to Harry Potter in Universal, FL, but for a number of reasons it had to wait quite a while. Fast forward to this year, I spent a year in FL for an internship, and I skipped a lot of Universal trips with my roommates because I wanted my mom to be able to take me my first time, like she had wanted when I was in high school. In July she was able to, and it was a blast, and I was so happy I waited to let my mom take me. Those kinds of trips can be once in a lifetime for some, and seeing those first reactions is irreplaceable.
It's amazing and so thoughtful loving and caring to ask when you don't have to. You go above and beyond. Bless you
I sadly know someone whose biological mom
took his sister and not him. This family was not a foster care family. How could she only take her daughter and nit her son. It destroyed him and felt like his mom hated him.
I want to go to Disneyland. I've never been to any Disney park. I haven't been to Universal or any of the other big parks. I have barely traveled the states and I have not yet gotten an opportunity to travel to another country etc. I am an adult and I have wanted to do all of those things I listed for my entire life. But I have never had the money. You are so amazing for doing that for your foster kids. They might never be able to go somewhere like that, without you. Gah. I just love you so much. You are the best. I equally want to be your friend and your kid. Lol. I love all of your videos. I love children. I used to teach. I can't have children. I would love to foster and or adopt. Thank you for spreading such good information and for being such an amazing foster mom to all of your kids. Your kindness and understanding, wow. All of your videos blow everyone away. Hopefully you can make a positive change for foster parents etc through your educational videos. You really help a lot of people. I wish I could meet you and I wish I could do something for you. Your videos help me. Thank you. 😊
Omg!! Yes! Treating the parents with respect. Even when the parents may be on drugs or whatever is the problem. Just the slightest bit of respect or disrespect can be a huge difference, for everyone involved. Thank you for being so kind, loving and teaching. Instead of judging and criticizing. You should teach a class , that all foster parents have to take.❤🙏🔥💯
Omg this is awesome and so considerate!
When my kids were in foster care they went to Florida,Chuck e cheese, the zoo….
I’m happy my kids got to experience all that,but I was not informed until after the fact and I have a little tradition where I take my kids to the zoo on their 3rd birthday and I just love seeing their first time impressions, so it broke my heart when I found out that they had already gone.
I love how extremely compassionate and empathetic you are towards the parents. Always including them in the conversations about their child if possible. Like, keeping things in mind that maybe they wanna be the person to take their kids to Disneyland. I bet even asking simple questions like holiday traditions and food allergies makes the parents still feel needed and included, which is so special to me.
You're very kind to ask the parents what they want if it's okay with them for you to take their kids
Your continued respect & thoughtfulness towards the children & their parents is brilliant in addition to refraining from judgement (I'm sure every case if different though) is something all ppl could learn from. Kudos & keeonip the great work. I'm can imagine the rewards felt by all involved in the childs welfare are numerous 🙏🇨🇦💕
I love how your always considering the bio parents too
I feel like some parents might deny a kid that opportunity to have that special experience just because they are unable to provide it their selves. Also be at the fact that due to abuse or neglect their children are in foster care why should they be given a choice?
Oh my goodness! YES! I can only imagine how important that is for the parents. I have always had my kids and their first like first time to Disneyland or even their first walk as a family we're sooooooooooooooo important! Good job being amazingly respectful and considerate.
You are so compassionate and caring. How lucky these children are to experience love, and feeling secure with your calm sweet personality.
I hope to foster next year as I am retired and will enjoy this challenge. .
Any tips to prepare? I bought the book "Now I am known "by Peter Mutabazi.. Since writer inspired me to try fostering.
You should definitely write a book or better a Work Book of your Pro tips, troubleshooting, courtesies, and coping skills with places to add notes, lists and suggestions.
Your experience is too priceless, your character is one of a kind. You are a treasure to humanity.💕
Blessings✨
You are so sweet and considerate! 💜 I love your videos
Ouch, my heart. As someone who could never afford an expensive vacation, I would be torn in half about letting my kids go to Disneyland without me. On the one hand I would want them to go, but I would also feel very sad that they were bonding with their foster parents at a place I could never afford to take them.
But hopefully you (or the bio parents in this example) would come to the conclusion that what the child is going through is hard enough and it's not their fault.. it's the parents. So do the right thing for once and put your sad little feelings aside and let them have a great time and be happy for them. Which is a sign of unconditional, healthy loving relationships.
@@bekkimadison yeah, as the kid that was left out, (I was the only one that wasn't allowed to go on the 6th grade field trip to an amusement park), I thank you for your comment, it's spot-on. I'm 65 years old, and that still stings.
@@aprilmay1700 👍 I like your name. ☮️💖 From Tulsa
I feel the same way. I can't afford to take my kids either but it would be hard to see them go without me.
@@aprilmay1700 not what that's about, but go on.
My mom fostered for over 30 years these interactions were none existing. Parents communicated through the social worker and could not know where the children's foster home was. Usually the ones who found out were more trouble than helpful.
Yeah
These vids baffle me
You have excellent therapeutic communication skills.
I like how she leaves other options available so that if the mom wanted to take her own kids to Disneyland she still has the option
How do you handle really controlling/angry parents
You are just the kindest person alive
NIce job of keeping parent involved.
Somehow I read “ask directly about vaccines” and was like “wait a minute, why” but also proceeded to be completely confused until the video looped back to the beginning 😂
So respectful. Love it.
You are a great foster mom because Foster mom or dad should be allowed to take the kids on a trip but it nice and respectful to still make sure they parents have a say because even if their kids are in foster care doesn’t mean they are bad parents
Yes, it DOES mean exactly THAT! They are unfit to parent and thar's why the kids got taken away. Don't sugarcoat!
@@Freiya2011 no it doesn’t always..you’re wrong about that.. it’s not always the case
Bingo
@@Freiya2011 so if I have health issues and am a single mom (dad is not in the picture) and in the hospital for an extended period of time, I am an unfit mother?
@@emmib1388 You can only parent if you're present, can't you?!!
If you're unfit or not is not on me to decide, but you would have to deal with more obstacles than a parent who is healthy, stable and well off.
Please change perspective and see it from the point of view of your child!
No grown-up is entitled to a child, but every child is entitled to grow up in a safe, reliable, caring, understanding, supportive ... environment. [The child needs the care of a parent! Not the other way round!] If a parent (with health issues) can provide this: great! If not, the child needs support and help, as well as the parent does.
You are doing a great thing posting these shorts!
Fostering really takes a special kind of person. I just want my own kids. Taking someone else's when they were forcibly removed, doing parent visits and stuff... I feel like the foster parents probably get trampled on. Emotions are running high in the kids and the parents, and there's something major in the mix to take the kids. What a tough situation.
It's astonishing how many people have a very narrow view of the situations that lead to foster care and the emotional toll on every person involved in those instances. Not letting them go is incredibly selfish, but having a feeling of jealousy or being replaced is totally normal. I know my kids would be
scared they were hurting my feelings and that could ruin what was intended to be a good memory in their life.
Maybe ask for a new call schedule for some facetime during the trip so you can show them that you're happy and assuage any child guilt.
Not in an interruptive way, they aren't responsible for your feelings, but maybe a good morning what's on the docket today or an end of day how did it go. That way the memory you were worried about missing, will still include you in the future. You'd be able to say, remember when you went to Disney and you showed me... It doesn't take much to pause and just be thoughtful of everyone's feelings.
Everyone should check in with you on how to express themselves
Wowwwww yeah my kids had alot of firsts without me including hair cut....your very thoughtful
You are an amazing person
My second cousins took in some foster kids and decided to go on a long vacation out of state. They "couldn't" bring the foster kids with them. It was two weeks and they were left with foster grandma and some other adults as babysitters. I love how you try to make them feel welcome rather than a tax ride off.
My foster parents had to fight TOOTH AND NAIL with my birth mom to go to Great Wolf Lodge.
Honestly, it was the best gift I could have gotten at that time
Love you ♥ keep it up!
I’m surprised foster parents are allowed to have a lot of interaction with the birth parents. I didn’t think that would be allowed because of safety reasons and I assumed a social worker was the go between.
My foster parent did everything in her power to erase everything of my true self and family, she how to my beautiful curly hair cut off at a salon. Told me I didn't need to go to my mom's funeral because I was too young. She told me she died while she was sunbathing and when she was done she went back to sunbathing. And reminded me that every time the social worker came that if I said anything about her spanking me or my brother I would never be able to have all the pretty things she's giving me. And how I lose all that if I told. And when the time came and she met a man and he wanted to go to Arizona, she left me behind because she couldn't take me out of state. She gave me a way to her apartment manager.Abdbsge fostered me instead.Foster care was a nightmare for me.And I'm so very glad that part of my life is over.
I'm 32....is it too late to be in foster care cause I've never been to Disneyland.
My mom before I was born actually took her foster kids to Disney
When I was a kid we lived next door to a foster mom so I got to play with some of the foster kids and one time I asked one of the girls what should we play and she said "sleep" her response to most of my questions was "sleep" and I think I understand it more now but at the time I just thought it was kinda funny.
You inspire me to foster
I will say it’s obviously different in every situation, but my father definitely would’ve said no just to be able to exercise some control in a situation where he didn’t have a lot of control anymore when I was removed.
My younger sister is in foster care, her foster family never checked or checks in with my mom regarding vacations. Instead of building trust they are trying to completely cut her out.
My foster mum asked my parents if she can take me to florida (I live in uk). They said yest if she let's them know I arrived safely on holiday and back at her house. She refused so they declined consent. She then proceeded to take me, illegally, anyway.
Knotts Berry Farm RULES. I feel like Disneyland is either for kids or Disney-obsessed adults, but Knotts Berry Farm has amazing rollercoasters and tons of cool, fun things to do for both kids and adults. Highly recommend!
I misread as vaccinations at first lmfao and I was like “lmfao WHAT”
I feel sorry for the kids if parents are using the word no as another form of abuse
Deal with a caseworkers and not the parents. Don't forget these kids have been taking for a reason usually. These parents think that you are too friendly and you don't want that.
Not always the case, in the UK they have a high threshold to remove a child so often they'll encourage parents to voluntarily give the children to care and retain (someor all) rights, to prove to the court system that they were able to prioritise the child's needs above everything else and be willing to do what they're told to create a safe home. Obviously many times that doesn't work so they have to get a court order.
The parents can often block things like cutting hair etc which can be really frustrating but it's on a case by case basis, the overriding focus is to get children back to their homes if possible. The reality is that this often delays signing off the children to be adopted, making the child older and less likely they'll be adopted
I mean... wouldn't you want to meet the parents to at least get a picture of what was going on? Even in cases where the kids were taken because of addiction, the parent(s) can still, and sometimes does, get clean. It's not a black and white, you're a bad person now, kind of a thing. People make bad choices, it doesn't mean they can't start making good ones.
Also, there aren't nearly enough case workers. If you communicate and establish a relationship with the bio parents, it should make things easier on the kids. Ultimately, that's what it should be about. What's best for the kids.
So if they don't want the child to go, they would have to stay with a different foster family while you go on vacation? That stinks 🙁
no, they wouldnt go? pay attention to what she said, she’d be going FOR them
Or they would pick an alternate vacation
If they wanted to take their kids to Disney they should have custody of them.
💜
So, do you just not go if the parent says no? Or what do you do with the kid(s) while the rest of you are having a vacation?
How freaking awkward if the bio parent says no.
So, I’m confused. I just don’t want to ask it wrong.
So is it the biological parents you’re talking to? They can’t see the kids but can see what’s happening??
My daughter was in foster care and they pierced her ears at 8.
😟
Wow! I’m sorry this happened. This definitely seems like something they should’ve asked you about!
Did you eventually get her back?
@@shabanaakhtar2224 no.
@@shabanaakhtar2224 It was in 1988.
Not all Fosters are Horror stories.
Mine was.
The Foster Family just happened to be the "abusers" brothers family whose father in law was a police officer.
The Foster Family got paid the survivors benefits while they watched me not be able to make our family's home house payment.
I never lost custody, but since I wasn't primary. I became homeless.
They threatened to place my children in to adoption if I didn't consent, and I Said do it.
Let's get it out of this monkeys court into A 3 panel judge for appeals. My court appointed attorney was having an affair with judge.
They knew where my children's father's body was for 3 days and left him freeze.
When they turned 18, they moved into Mom's.
❤️
Can you explain how you tell the child when mom says no but the rest of you are going?
It’s a dream of mine to go to Disney with my kids and mom so that would be one of the only places I wouldn’t want them to fo
I'm tired. At first I thought she was asking the parents about like vaccinations for their kids. Like if they need their vaccines, are they allowed to get them. Then I was confused why she was talking about missing school and Disneyland. 😂 I love these videos. This one was just my brain being a little slow. Lol.
I wonder how do you communicate with kids about what happens on school.
Depending on situation have to be more caution because parents kidnap their kids all the time and we've had two incidents in Middletown where I come from where I said parents literally killed their son and one foster parent killed someone's son and burned his body you just have to be really caution
This is weird because from my experience the foster parent has no contact with the biological
But then again, the parents might feel like youre shoving it in their face that you can care for the kids and they cant
Well, but if that's the case? If I loved my kids I'd want to get whatever is great for them - and not deny it out of petty, selfish reasons.
@@Freiya2011 you ve never been in a situation similar even or you wouldn’t say ignorant things
"They wouldn't miss any school" what do you even mean? If there is school, they go to school
I wonder if the birth parents get Jealous - and how do you manage that?
Have you had any parents said no?
Sorry…I get it but they have lost custody of their kids at this point go on the vacation.
You want to spend time and money on my kid, go right ahead.
What do you do then the parents don't want to know anything from the child ans don't want to see the child. People I know have a forster child in their family and the father ran away before she was born and her mother gave her away when she was 4 and the mother wanted the two little brothers more than her and her big brothers which lived in forster care since they were little.
A friend of mine has an adopted brother and the parents never wanted anything to do with the kids so the family just met with the adoptive family of the boys biological sister so the siblings know each other.
😢
My kids foster parents just takes them without asking they took them camping to water parks zoos and even taught my daughter to ride a bike all things we wanted to do and teach they stole precious moments from us we cant get back
Some of y’all have never dealt with CPS or seen someone close to u deal with CPS before lol a lot of these situations are not like y’all make it out to be.
So for something like Disney, I thought you weren't allowed to leave the state with the kid, because technically the state is their legal guardian? So you'd have to be in California or Florida already, right?
Or does it vary state by state, with some allowing you to travel/go on vacation within reason?
You have to get permission to go out of state.
You just need permission from jfs, and some county's require permission from the bio parents.
Oh wow, this is probably no big deal in larger states- but I wonder if it is modified for small states. I live in Rhode Island and its about 45 min end-to-end. You have to enter Massachusetts just get to other parts RI. I I always wondered about people on parole who need permission to leave the state. It's prob no big deal in Texas, Florida etc, but that is so much more limiting in RI aka "baby Massachusetts."
Here in Florida we have to get permission to leave the state but I wouldn't have to get permission to go to Disney because it is in our state. We are actually taking our foster kiddo to Disney for their birthday since we can't have a party with their family. I want to do something special for them.
Hello
I gotta disagree with this one tbh
All of this... WRONG
Why? Them patents don't have their kids for a reason...wither drugs or abuse or neglect...they were taken away for safety reason than to include the ppl who were harming them to start with? Don't make sense to me...
Not every foster care situation is like this. Sometimes kids are taken for bs reasons, and are given right back to the parents after investigation closes. There are people (drug addicts included) that have had their kids taken and that makes them work hard to get them back. It would be nice to know that the person taking care of your child while you can’t cares about that child enough to want to include you as much as possible. For the sake of the child who will definitely ask about their parent. but it also shows so much compassion that she asks the bio parent for permission, it’s about treating people as human beings. Not making them feel like they don’t deserve anything because they’re on drugs. That will keep them in drugs. It’s still someone else’s kid.
People get into bad situations. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t love their kids. If the parents are uncomfortable with something, you should take that into account.
A lot of parents end having hate for the foster family. When in reality that family had nothing to do with why the children were removed, its just a way to build a bond so when the children eventually (hopefully) go back home the parents can have a support system if they ever need another parent to reach out to. Parenting is hard, most make mistakes that in their mind seem harmless because another family did it, or “my mom and dad did it and I’m fine” its just one of those ways to build a bond.
@@lizziecross8149 I don't call beating on your children or allowing your husband or boyfriend to beat on them and starving your children for drugs. A bad situation. I grew up in foster care ever heard of them Jamieson center in Bakersfield California.
@@happywhispersasmr obviously that's different...I'm talking Bout the ones who had them taking away for physically abusing their kids or drugs involved etc.
lol take them to The Ritz-Carlton!
Oh boy, another short of yours that has me in tears. 🥲😭
Back in 2004, my Husbeast and I lost custody of our 2 sons (now 21 & 19) for one year and 27 days. They were placed with Husbeast's aunt and then-uncle in the theory that familial foster care would allow us extra non-court/DCF mandated visits. That backfired tremendously. Because of the DCF worker we had at the time of placement, the foster parents were encouraged to not allow extra contact (phone calls, visits, etc), and to avoid allowing the mandated visits whenever possible. DCF was actively looking to have the foster parents adopt the boys. We only found out about this years after the fact from my MIL.
I had known beforehand that his aunt was unable to have biological kids. When we were reunified, I chose to allow the aunt to take the boys every other weekend, mostly because I knew the excruciating pain that comes with having the kids you've been loving, raising, and bonding with ripped from your arms. We had gotten custody back 5/21/05. By the time that autumn rolled around, Husbeast and I had begun making plans for a truly grateful Thanksgiving to celebrate as a whole family again. The aunt had asked to have the boys overnight on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving so she could have a little celebration with them. We saw no problem with that arrangement.
Well.
Instead of bringing them home Thanksgiving morning, she took off out of state to have them celebrate with the in-laws in that area. We had no prior knowledge of this plan. She didn't bother asking us, and lied to the new worker about having our permission to keep them over the long holiday weekend. Husbeast and I were livid. That was the year that we put our foot down about Thanksgiving being just for our little family, not any of the extended fam.
Thank you for being so positive and compassionate towards the birth parents of the kids in your care. I truly appreciate you for the good you put out into the world.