Talking insomnia #71: From exhaustion and confusion to enjoying life and cheeseburgers!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- After starting Antibiotics for a pneumonia Brenda started having jerks when she was about to sleep. This quickly escalated and soon she was not sleeping at all during the night, only to catch up when she could during the day. Things started to change when she found this channel and joined the Insomnia Immunity program. She now (as she finds out in this episode) is immune to insomnia and is loving life again!
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Are you thinking of a new career helping the world sleep better? Would you like to pay forward by helping those still struggling? Are you looking for a coaching niche with few knowledgeable coaches and a vast unmet need?
If the answer is yes, then check out our sleep coach certification program! Next batch starts October 15.
www.thesleepco...
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Would you like a roadmap from Insomnia to immunity? Download using below link.
www.thesleepco...
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Would you like to work with a sleep coach? Awesome! Here are some great options:
- The Insomnia Immunity Group Coaching Program.
- BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android offering 1:1 text based coaching.
- Zoom based 1:1 coaching with Coach Michelle.
The Insomnia Immunity program is perfect if you like learning through video and want to join a group on your journey towards sleeping well.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
The 1:1 Zoom based program is for you if you like to connect one on one with someone who has been where you are now.
For more about these programs here: www.thesleepcoachschool.com
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Do you like learning by reading? If so, here are two books that offer breakthroughs!
Set it & Forget it by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com...
This is Natto by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com...
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Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
Speed bumps - when you think you had a setback or “relapse.”
• Talking insomnia #55: ...
The self coaching model
• The model
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.
Thank you for sharing your journey; I had a similar experience and on the beginning I also lost some weight because of the anxiety. I had a stomach problems and thought something was wrong with me. Now I am not worried about sleep I enjoy eating again and sleep better.
Sooo glad reading this, and thanks for supporting the channel 😊
Awesome!!! So glad that you’re doing better!
I too have stomach problems like slow digestion nd weight loss...but if I sleep even a little that too hyperarousal one, digestion works .last 2 yrs are so hard for me.. knowing that sleep will solve everything but mind is not allowin to happen..I m so confused sometyms ..hoping for the best.
@@BrendaHall1 I am also having trouble sleeping. What do you do if you really can't fall asleep. Do you read books or you're just lying in bed?
how long did it take for you bro
I love everything about this story! This is a prime example of the importance of education!
Absolutely!! Education, application and patience.
@@BrendaHall1 👍🏼
Hello there, I must say that at some point I had tears in my eyes because I could relate so much with Brenda. I suffered from insomnia very long 8 years! Than 2 years I slept well and now last 3 moths I have a relapse. That is why I started to find information about it and am amazed how much information is about insomnia now. Back in 2011 no info whatsoever.. Once I would love to become a sleep coach to help people like myself, so they would not waste life feeling exhausted, and to be honest, at some point wishing the worst.. So thank you
Veronica! I’m sooo glad you related to Brenda’s story, it’s so helpful to see that what you’re going through isn’t strange or unusual. And also, so happy to read that you can actually find some meaningful help now as opposed to ten years ago. This makes me hopeful that real change is possible.
Oh and yes when/if you want to joint the movement as a coach, let me know!
In the meantime, here’s a playlist that I hope can help:
th-cam.com/video/JC8kIR3zDKA/w-d-xo.html
Be well and be in touch!
I've been going through difficult times with insomnia and watching this gave me hope!! The currency dollar is so much stronger compared to the real, otherwise, I would definitely join the program. Daniel, you're doing such good work with all these videos. I'm happy to see Brenda in a better place. Thanks a lot!
So glad you found your way here Filipe and thanks for the support 🙏 Brenda is an inspiration and you know, we have no secrets, just listen and learn and you’ll see things get easier.
Hi Coach D! Just want to say, it’s sooo amazing seeing you really change peoples lives! I get so excited to see new success stories ☺️ I laughed when Brenda said she freaked out about getting her vaccine shot and not being able to sleep. I just had my first cold in over 2 years (thanks quarantine) a week ago. I freaked out about not sleeping on the first night. I took Nyquil and it never knocked me out but I STILL went about my day, even though I was sofa ridden lol. I didn’t sleep great the entire time my cold was here but I didn’t care and my cold went away in 3-4 days as normal. The sleep wasn’t the biggest deal ever but I rested and that’s what was most important. Just thought I’d share that!
Sierra! Thanks for sharing this and you know, it was so fun with Brenda, in the midst of the struggle she could see something comical in things 😊 And again, it’s so nice you share this, surely someone will relate to having a cold and getting worried. They’ll see that just letting things be like you leads back to a peaceful place!
Sounds surreal for those who are down the rabbit hole
It can be a surreal experience for sure
yay Brenda!!!
This should also be in the hypnic jerks playlist aswell ! :)
Added!
lmfaooo the "im not sleeping" but i really am sleeping thats legit 😆
Apologies, I didnt answer your question about work: I got a few days off only but since I’m new at the job I couldn’t take disability which I was considering.
in the first month when you werent sleeping at all at night, i think you said you could nap in the day? I cant even do that
@@MM-kq2rt I was able to nap (micro sleep) just a few minutes but the hypnic jerks kept waking me up. :-(
@@BrendaHall1 Thanks for your response :)
@@BrendaHall1 hi Brenda you are such an inspiration ! I am going through sort of the same . And I am looking for hope ! Any words would help !
@@carlamaldonado6169 Hi Carla, sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Just know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
1. Remember that insomnia stems from the fear of being awake.
2. Try to watch success stories on this channel and apply the principles.
3. Be patient, it takes a little time for your brain (amygala) to retrain that there’s nothing to fear.
4. On rough days, deploy self-kindness. Remember that this is temporary and good sleep is soon to come.
Hope this helps!! Good luck on your recovery.
So I'm not the only one; I'm like this now it feels like a month since I slept. I just ran into his channel I hope he can help me. 🙏
Hi Tony, no you’re not. Trust me when I say that in June I was not sleeping at all. But with some education & applying principles you’ll start sleeping better. You have to trust the process. Good luck!
@@BrendaHall1 hey thank you! I started thinking I had fatal insomnia 😫 or something, you're interview came at perfect timing everything you described is me right now. I needed that.
@@BrendaHall1 hi Brenda great story. How did you feel after not sleeping at all for a whole month were you not seeing and hearing things? I had that feeling for a whole year that i wasnt sleeping at all
@@colinpatrick2729 Hi - I didn't have vision problems but that is common with people experiencing insomnia. I did experience intensified hearing. I went to a fair during my phase and their music was so loud to me, I felt like my ears were pulsating.. Again this is normal during this experience- all of that is due to hyperarousal (fight or flight response) being activated. Remember a time when you got scared of something, your probably felt hot, you were sweating and shaking? Many of these thigs we experience during insomnia. Hope that helps.
@@BrendaHall1 yeah totally Brenda dont know how you managed to go 1 whole month with 0 sleep
This is exactly me. After taking antibiotics i have insomnia plus anxiety. For three months now. Now that i learned something from Sir Daniel. I can sleep but still having jerking or interrupted sleep. Hehe wish i can enrol your class.
So glad it resonated! And you know, what lead you here will lead to more and more peaceful sleep
Hi Samantha! How are you doing now? Are you Filipino? 😅
@@melissasanpablo3493 hi. Oo filipino ako. Hehe. Insomnia is here parin. Pero medyo nagimprove na, nakakatulog nako effortless. Problema ko nnman yung pagising2 ko hehe. Why? Ikaw musta?
@@samanthapaclibar5079 Hello. Kakastart lang nung insomnia ko nung May. Di pa masyadong nag iimprove sakin hays haha. Grabe pa din hyperarousal ko. Any tips para mag improve? Hehe. Thank you in advance!
@@samanthapaclibar5079 helll. sorry ulit sa pangungulit. Medj desperada lang pero ano ginawa mo para mabawasan ang hyperarousal? Salamatt
Hey Daniel so last night I realized the number 1 thing that keeps me from sleeping restfully since my insomnia started is that I am monitoring/watching myself sleep. like my mind keeps on eye open all the time. How can i stop monitoring myself while I sleep? Is it because of the vigilance? It’s basically torture because my mind never fully shuts down and stops being “on”
And i have a question, does monitoring happen when you do sleep efforts, because you’re subconsciously questioning “is it working?”?
Or is it the fear of being awake, apart from any sleep efforts, that keeps you monitoring?
Hope this makes sense and thank you 😊 also thanks for sharing your story Brenda
Hi Ellie!
I’m glad to hear that you are seeing this so clearly :-) understanding like this is so very helpful.
Now naturally when you see that self monitoring is what is keeping you in this vigilant states, the question becomes how to stop self monitoring.
To me, this is like trying to control sleep or control our thoughts, we cannot just turn off self monitoring. There’s no such switch. Looking for the switch actually can keep things going!!
So I would say just allowing the self monitoring to happen without any judgment or criticism. This automatically creates a gap and you’re not entangled in the monitoring. And when the brain understands that self-monitoring isn’t helpful but you don’t pressured it to stop monitoring, then it automatically fades.
And yes I do believe that part of why sleep efforts are tricky is that they lead to monitoring because naturally you want to see if what you’re doing works or not!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you! So I will just let myself monitor.
Another thing is:
My mind also does this thing where if im making something as basic as tea for example and I am choosing between green or black tea, I will try to stick with the same one I’ve been drinking when I was learning and feeling good about sleep, so basically if im gonna go make tea and I know that the past few days I have been drinking black tea and learning more about sleep and feeling like I am in a good mental space, I will avoid picking the green tea because Im not sure “what could happen” if I choose it. Like maybe if I pick green over black today, I could set off a series of bad nights? Its this feeling of “I won’t feel safe if I pick green tea over the one I’m used to”. It definitely comes from a place of OCD and superstition. What do you think I should do in this situation? Should I drink the green tea and just face whatever happens? I know you have a part in your book about this which I believe is called “the untangling way” but im curious, does it apply here? I also do this thing with other things like picking a shirt to wear. I feel like some shirts might promote sleep over other ones if they’re a relaxing color or something lol. It’s bizarre and definitely a superstition
Hi Ellie!
You know, it’s funny when I read this I was like “the untangling way could really help”…. Only to find you had already seen this!
Oh yes definitely, I think when the brain is in this process of trying to connect things, get us entangled… it really can help to either just make a choice and don’t question it or to do the opposite of what the brain suggest, exactly!
Daniel can you do more vids on multiple awakenings I keep waking up many times in the night.
Hi Sharan, yea will keep this in mind. We do have a pretty recent sleep maintenance video that can maybe help
Daniel, sometimes hyperarousal is so much at peak that even if I just close my eyes st night not watching time and resting without thinking of sleep, sleep doesnt happen.
What needs to be done.
Hi Jack, you know seeing this in itself is helpful. It’s when someone doesn’t understand why they have trouble sleeping and try things to sleep that things get really confusing.
Now naturally when you see that hyperarousal is what keeps one awake, the questions become - how to change this?
I think there’s more than one answer, but this is my go to one:
Our brains communicate with us using various signals. Anxiety is a signal that there’s something we should look out for that may potentially hurt us. Pain signals to us that we are getting hurt and we should do something to avoid harm. All our emotions and physical sensations are signals.
Now there’s never anything wrong with the signal itself. For example if someone is afraid of spiders, the fear is totally appropriate, because the brain thinks that there’s a real threat.
Now what happens often however is that we start looking at the signals as the problem, not seeing that it’s the confusion that is what we should look at!
For example, we may start to think that anxiety (a signal) is something that we shouldn’t have so much of. Then what happens is that we try to get away from this signal, which to the brain means… we aren’t hearing the signal!
What does the brain do when we aren’t hearing? It sends more of the signal!
Now the question becomes this - the signals often are very unpleasant (which is of course the point!) so how to have less signal?
It’s to show the brain that we hear the signal.
We do this by being willing to experience the discomfort without judgement, without trying to make it stop, just acknowledging it without action.
When the brain sees that we are hearing the signal, it stops signaling!
So how can we listen in practical reality? Here are three ways!
1 Thought download
Write your thoughts and feelings down for 10 minutes daily at a specific time. With no intention but to show the brain we are listening. This can really give the brain an outlet and you can find that it starts postponing warning you until this time.
2 Going there in the mind
Imagine the scenario the brain is trying to warn you about. This is a bit scary, but really shows that you’re listening! For example if the brain says “what if I you get fired?” then you can imagine this in detail. The call from your boss, leaving the work place etc.
When we are willing to experience something if even just in our minds, then the brain sees that we listen.
3 The Aha method
I think this is very practical and effective. When you have a stressful thought you go “Aha! My brain is trying to warn be about losing my job. I see what’s happening here” or “Aha! My bear is racing, that’s normal and expected when there’s some fear!”
Literally any thoughts or emotions or physical sensations of hyperarousal can be met with an “Aha!”. It’s a very practical way of listening.
Thanks daniel for complete explanation. If my mind is asking me to sleep by giving signals of hyperaraousal, then even if I listen the signals as acceptance but still when sleep is not happening(though I stopped trying and only resting on bed as sleep is passive) , but when I toss and turn whole night and morning happens without sleep, my mind is depressed again. I am not upse because of signals but because of lack of sleep from months affecting my weight and looks.
I am not upset because of signals but because of lack of sleep from months.
I know the word still is like I am obsessed with sleep but trust me I just lie down and close my eyes and thats it. I am not able to teach my mind that wakefulness is ok, my subconscious mind still thinks I am doing wrong by not sleeping.
Got it Jack,
And you know, it helps much to see that often something like our weight or how we look can be what maintains the struggle. I call this appearance insomnia, it’s very common Jack, nothing strange or unusual.
Let’s take a look!
It’s actually very common to be worried about how one looks, dark circles/skin quality, generally looking tired, when you’ve had trouble sleeping.
And, when wanting to look good (which is very human!) is what makes you pressured to sleep, and that pressure then keeps you from sleeping, you have what we call appearance insomnia.
This is a form of secondary attachment insomnia.
Let’s take a look at secondary attachments!
When you’ve had trouble sleeping, something happens that I call a primary attachment. You start to Desire (capital D to emphasize that it’s more than “wanting to sleep well which everyone does!) sleep. Wanting to keep well is again perfectly normal, but when you struggle with sleep you start to have a longing/craving/strong want to sleep. It’s almost like unanswered love, you want it so badly but yet you can’t seem to have it! And all of the teaching here is about how to loosen up that primary attachment.
So this is not what we will talk about here but rather what we call the secondary attachments. They are also very important.
This is for example when someone says I have to sleep or my skin will deteriorate. Or, if I don’t sleep enough, I will lose my job and go crazy. Or if I don’t get enough sleep my performance will tank and I won’t graduate from college.
Here’s the thing - the more pressured you feel, the less you sleep!
So when you have these things that you think depends on whether you sleep or not, then they increase the pressure to sleep so much that it becomes very hard to sleep!
As you can see, the key becomes to loosen those secondary attachments.
You can do that in two ways:
Detective work - find evidence from the past that you CAN look good even when you’ve slept little. That can be all you need.
And even if you just find this one outlier, this one fingerprint, one piece of evidence, that’s all you need to prove that everything doesn’t depend on how you sleep!
Go there in your mind - this is scarier, but really effective. You actually imagine exactly what that outcome you’re trying to avoid would be like. You imagine looking tired with dark circles and face this fear.
This second way is so powerful because, if you’re willing to experience something (even if only in your imagination!) then that thing has no power over you.
When you go towards loosening this secondary attachment, the pressure to sleep decreases a bunch and sleep comes much easier!
It might also just be metabolic, I was over exercising, under eating and not getting enough carbs which resulted in several nutritional deficiencies after 6 years etc (thought I was being healthy, felt great in the initial years) unknowingly I was putting my body in a catabolic state which will cause the body to stay awake and alert, as it is meant to. Think about what you are doing and what messages you are sending to your central nervous system via the way you eat exercise and live...you might be putting your body in survival mode and its simply doing what its meant to be doing. I cut back and changed the way I exercise opting for more anabolic promoting activities with ample recovery time, ate more frequent balanced meals and also allowed myself to take naps. It has taken a long time for my body to balance out and recover, I now don't even need to bother with or think about sleep hygiene, I get tired and sleep. I hope this helps someone in a similar predicament, the worst part is not knowing what is happening and how to recover.
Hi! Thanks so much for sharing and you know, for me, the part you said about not caring about or engaging in sleep hygiene, this effortless way… to me this is the magic 😊
Hi Daniel hope you’re doing amazing
I have a question. What is it that you personally think holds people back from seeing “the matrix”.
I can see if I don’t care if I sleep or not (like in Pexis success’s story) how powerful it can be and resolve my insomnia
But I still hold myself back? From going out , Have to be home by this hour & Enjoying life so on. What is it I’m not seeing or accepting?
Thank you have a blessed day/evening hopefully you get to answer this 😊
Hi Leticia!
Thanks for being here and the kind words.
You know, I think it may be as simple as seeing that having to be home a certain hour, avoiding things that you think can hurt your sleep, “protecting” sleep… this is what creates trouble sleeping.
When we protect something, we create or reinforce the idea that something needs to be protected, that something is fragile. This maintains some fear of losing something.
When we no longer protect sleep, we create a new idea… there’s nothing that’s fragile or needs to be protected. And this leads to freedom, to seeing that it was all a matrix, and to the place where you want to be.
This is so me.
So glad you can relate, whenever we know we aren’t alone, this in itself can help much
i have the same symptoms the last 9 days😊
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
ok no problem
I also ask if I’m sleeping .
Please help me. I'm having insomnia for about a week now. I can only thru the medications. If I try to sleep without medication, I feel hyperaroused. I cant even have an hour of sleep. Please help. Thank ypu.
Hang in there Melissa, so sorry there has been a struggle, but I’m glad you found our channel. Something that can really help to know is that whenever we try to sleep, there is some struggle. Because sleep is a passive process. When we try to sleep without medication or we try to sleep with medication, both are tricky.
On the other hand, when we take a medication and we think “ this will take care of sleep for me “ then we are not trying anymore. And not trying, this really needs to sleeping well.
Please help me. Whats happening to me I don't understand. I can't sleep at all in night nor in day for a month. When I feel sleepy for 1 or 2 hours during so much vivid dream comes and sweating in night. What is it please tell me.
Hi Hemant,
Hang in there! Check our playlist called “This is Natto” that’s a great point to start. Things get easier when we understand
If i should go to bed only when I'm sleepy...what happens if I never feel sleepy ever? When do I got to bed then?
Hi MA,
Thanks for sharing these common and important questions!
Here are some thoughts I hope can help:
When somebody says that you can go to bed when you feel sleepy, that’s generally speaking a sound tip. But what can happen is that you don’t feel sleepy and you wonder if you should be looking for signs that you are sleepy.
Here’s the thing - sleepiness naturally happens when the body is in need of sleep and we are not hyper aroused. Now looking for sleep cues, actively checking ourselves to see if we are sleepy or not, that makes us hyper aroused and this in itself makes sleep cues absent!
So I think it’s helpful to not know the time, and you can be in bed or not, but when you feel sleepy (without having monitored) you can allow sleep to happen. If you don’t feel sleepy, you may just feel tired. Then you can allow yourself to rest with your eyes closed. Perhaps you are actually sleepy and you’ll sleep, perhaps not.
The most important is just to not self-monitor or look for an ideal way, and then things fall into place by themselves!
Omg.Im almost embarrassed to ask...after hearing this women's journey and her wakefulness.
I have ditched the sleeping tabs .I was only getting two hours on them and dont want to take them and then tried to start cbt.went one day and awake all night.i couldn't do it the next night as I have felt so crap for so long.im more scared of how I feel the next day than being awake all night....plus I haven't been able to put myself to sleep without medication so I'm scared I might be awake for days.
And also..if I was awake for days and I got up and then was just sooo tired..should I catch some sleep straight away or should I wait till that night...
Hi Joanne,
You know, she has the same questions you have and wasn’t embarrassed to ask, that’s how we help each other 😊
Very much understand you concerns about pills and cbt is very tricky, it easily becomes a source of more anxiety rather than less because of all the rules.
You know what can help, learning about what I call battle scars, why we feel so bruised and battered the day after not sleeping. Check episode 346 for this.
Now a little comment, no human can control their sleep, nobody can put themselves to sleep, it is thinking this is possible, that other people have this ability, that you have lost this ability, this is what creates trouble. And when you feel frustrated, you can meet this with awareness (nobody can put themselves to sleep so I don’t need to be hard on myself) and kindness.
Should you catch some sleep right away?
To me it’s all about intent. If someone just feels like they’d like to sleep some more, no problem! We just sleep a bit in the morning after not having slept much at night.
What does creates some struggle is when the intention is to make up for lost sleep, to “get it when I can” or otherwise chase sleep. Because this teaches the brain that it should chase sleep and that not sleeping is bad… which is insomnia.
Did this make sense Joanne?
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 yes...thank you Daniel.i can't believe that you reply to everyone.You are definitely God sent.Funnily enough....last night....I SLEPT!!!!! I remembered what you said about insomnia kind of being like a form of anxiety ..and I thought..well I have succeeded with anxiety before so I can use those skills ie..basically pay it no attention....and it worked.dont wanna get too cocky....but that was a big confidence boost.I know I can sleep on my own.Thank you SOOO much.🤩🙏
Anytime Joanne, I’m so glad it made sense and that I still can reply to everyone 😊 And also so glad to read about this magical moment! It’s wonderful to see that there really isn’t anything wrong with us, just some worry that’s all. And when we learn and understand and worry less, more magic happens!!
how are u now joanne tangira?
Hi daniel, how can you say that wakefulness is not a threat? If I wake someone for 3 months or few months their eyes will start giving signals in the form of dark circles and fatigue.
All your lectures are based on this. So you mean to say wakefulness is not a threat means eventually we will sleep or sleep is not even needed for body?
Let me know the lecture number if you hav explsined this in any
Actually this line brings lot of confusion. Please clear
Hi Jack, I think first you have to understand insomnia. Insomnia stems from the fear of being awake or not sleeping. Where does fear come from? It comes from these two small almond shaped glands in your brain called the amygdala. These two glands process emotions such as fear. It drives the so-called “fight or flight” response which in a case of insomnia we have activated this response . Now let me ask you, do you remember a time when you were going on vacation and had a flight the next day and stayed awake because you didn't want to miss it? Or you had a VERY important event which you were so EXCITED that you couldn't sleep? If you have, you probably didn't stress over it. You probably felt tired but you kept going about your day. You went on vacation and sipped on some margaritas or you went to that event and had a BLAST! You didn't mind the dark circles and probably ignored the fatigue. So you see, you didn't fear wakefulness or being awake. Same concept applies here, you having the FEAR of being awake is the threat, not the wakefulness itself. Hope this make sense.
Brenda said it so well! I just will add that what I mean is that despite discomfort… we are safe even if we sleep little, and yes the body always regulates sleep, even when we doubt this much!
Here’s a playlist that clarifies a lot!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cik8Xr8iVdxmKB9FYieevYj.html
Hi daniel, brenda. Understood. But not stressing for the fear for one-two days is ok. Got that. But what about long time like months? Months of fear and wakefulness
Hello coach . I need help here .
Hi Jay, hang in there - and that’s what we are here for!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 it’s has been 2 nights since i was not sleeping . I think only sleep for minutes