Google is the worst for people going through insomnia. Lots of negative stuff people who say they've had it for years etc. That's made me so anxious. we all feel like we are stuck like this for ever. These positive stories really help.
Daniel, you are a wonderful person and I know your heart is in it fully to help people with insomnia and the anxiety arising from it. You are wonderful, encouraging and insightful. I hope one day I get over my sleep anxiety but your videos keep me grounded and reminding me I can get through it , even if it won’t be right away !
What an honour it has been to witness your transformation Charlene. I know you tell me that I saved your life but was really you who saved me, by giving meaning to my own journey. I love how beyond our shared postpartum mental health and insomnia journeys, we also share a passion for learning, mastery and self actualization. I am excited to see how our journeys continue to unfold. As you said, there is no good or bad, everything is just practice. 😁 Cindy
Hi Cindy and Charlene, I am having insomnia that was triggered by birth of my second son in may. Cindy’s video was what gave me hope. I watched and rewatched it so many times. I am currently doing BedTyme and immunity program. I was hoping to connect with Cindy and Charlene. I hope they see this message and reach out to me. I can relate to Charlene so much.
“The journey doesn’t end, you just keep learning” Wow! That’s exactly right. That really is what walking alongside it is. Great interview again Coach D! 🙌🏾
Thank God I found this channel! I had a GRUESOME postpartum with my first child, predominately around sleep/anxiety. I am having my second child in June and am facing so many fears. I've found the most relief through ACT therapy, which is how I came across this channel. I have hope again ... thank you both from the bottom of my heart!
Thanks for sharing so many fantastic insights, Charlene! As you pointed out, if we can move away from battling with difficult thoughts and emotions and allow them some space to exist instead, we might be better able to focus on all the things in our control that we can pursue that help us move toward the kind of life we want to live. If we can live a life according to our values even in the presence of difficult thoughts and emotions, they tend to have far less power/influence over us! The fact that you and Cindy connected in the way you described is so heartwarming! It sure sounds as though your experience with insomnia (and all the difficult thoughts that come along for the ride) has actually ended up helping you in a really positive way!
I must extend a much needed and deserved thank you to you as well Martin. Your videos were watched religiously by me and I’ve seen every single one of your guest videos at least twice. Back when I was going through a lot of fear, your videos and podcasts provided a lot of relief, education, and hope. For that, I cannot thank you and Daniel enough for. From the bottom of my heart, thank you SO much and don’t stop what you both are doing. It saves so many people. Cindy and I are so grateful, and insomnia gave us a wonderful friendship.
@@shinchintai7 I really appreciate your kind words, Charlene! And I need to thank YOU - for sharing your story with others. Stories like yours are immensely powerful.
Totally identify with the part about feeling like you were arguing with your thoughts during CBT-type thought work. I remember when I first started doing CBT-type thought work, I had created some tables to fill out, which had columns for describing my situation, my emotions, my underlying thoughts, and then a whole column for thought "distortions." For the thought "distortions," I would choose from a list of things like: mental filtering, overestimating the threat, "should" thinking, catastrophizing, fortune telling, etc. The list goes on. Talk about judging thoughts! Even just the idea that the thoughts are "distorted" leads to self-criticism. Whew, glad I have other tools now, thanks to this channel!
Wow, thanks so much Charlene and Daniel. This was so hopeful for me. I especially love the idea that Charlene expressed of looking at your "speed bumps" as practice--that you can't recover without practice. I love that framing. Thanks so much for sharing!
Hi Coach So I feel I know and have learned the idea of acceptance and I’m using it as a way to get past my insomnia which has turned into a sleep effort. Even though I’m trying not to use acceptance as my way out, I still feel that it’s somewhere in the back of my mind. How do I actually fix my intentions with regards to acceptance
It was such an honor Daniel. Thank you again. So much more I wish I had time to share, but of course, there’s only limited time to really get into everything in a single sitting especially with as much amazing content you have shared. I love your insomnia insights and found your latest video on the sleep study so relevant to my fears also, I’d run into articles just like that however as you said, if you really read into the article you can see how the studies have limitations! Will forever continue learning through your videos. Take care!!
I’m so grateful on my end 🙏 As you know, these stories are truly what makes such a big difference. And I’m glad you caught that one about hallucinations. I was thinking about this myself as we were talking. Oh and by the way, I’d love to have you back for Open class or just talk about some other topic. Until then, be well and be in touch!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Absolutely I would love to! I thought of so many things I neglected to say that are important! Let me know any time in the future and I’d be willing to!
Thank you Charlene for sharing your story and thank you so much Daniel too. Like you the stories have helped me so much. Like you... I found the Martin Reed strict SBTi technique far too stressful. Once I found Daniel everything started to fall more into place. I ordered his book which took ages to arrive in England but was very good, but it's the advice in these videos and stories such as yourself which have helped me so much. I still struggle and have challenges and completely resonate with you saying it's a gradual process recovery. I just wanted to thank you both so much. Have a wonderful day/
Hi Charlene. Would it be possible to get in touch with you? Your story is so similar to mine and I'd love to hear some more of your thoughts around the fear of psychosis as this is something I struggle with myself. Thanks Charlene. Kate.
Amazing, amazing as always :) Glad to see Charlene doin better. What my mind is so obsessed with lately is that sleeping less and less is going to affect my workout routine. I read it in some posts that it can impair muscle growth and such. My last two nights were not so good but im not feeling sleepy and able to go on with my day. Its just bothering me so much - why does it take me 1 or 2 hours to get to sleep like what the hell? (And i know that this isthe exact thing thats causing me bouts of insomnia) I still got my Mirtazapine in my end table but dont really wanna take it, because it will make me gain weight like crazy, what i obviously dont want. Its been going on for almost a year, and even tho i have good nights there are some speed bumps indeed. Whenever that happens i always wind up on your channel watching these podcasts. And its glad to see people making progress and you trying to help us lost souls. Thanks again Daniel :)
Hi Gabor, Anytime, so glad the videos are helpful. And you know, I do think the answers are there 🙂 Which made me think of Talking insomnia 75 with Brittany, I always think of this episode when someone is worried about muscles and fitness.. Thanks again for the support and, like Charlene said, I believe we can all arrive where we want to be. Hang in there and be in touch!
Hi Daniel, thank you for the helpful content. I have a question: have you come across someone with insomnia that wakes up like 5-7 times throughout the night. My sleep is so light that the only way I know I slept is because of dreaming, and I wake up multiple times (no problem falling back asleep). I know that sleep anxiety only makes things worse and so I’m trying not to freak out, but why that happens is beyond me and I’m extremely exhausted .
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you so much. I was wondering if you work with people individually online. I am looking for a sleep coach. I feel like I need extra support other than the videos and reading the book, and I am really determined to beat my insomnia.
Your story sounds exactly like mine!!! Went into first trimester in shock that I had even gotten pregnant as it had taken awhile- then for some odd reason ( I now think work stress) caused one sleepless night and then it spiraled into even going to the er. That lasted about 2 weeks luckily then went away, now I’m in second trimester and it returned!! Im so mad! I am going to do my best to handle it but yes so afraid of lack of sleep causing mental health issues, causing the baby harm, etc. hopeful that these videos will help me rid of this again!
Hey, fellow postpartum mom here. Just had my fourth child a month ago and having really bad insomnia which I’ve never had before. I’ve been diving into all your material and Martin reeds podcast. Would love to connect with you Charleen. I’m a week into my CBTI journey and trying to accept my wakefulness without getting panicked that I’m not sleeping.
And I can relate to the mirtrazapine. I saw a counselor to help me because I felt so hopeless about sleeping and it has helped me sleep but have only taken it for about ten days. But five days ago I found Martin and this channel and now I believe this is what I need to get better.
So sorry to hear about the struggle but glad that you are here. One day, we look forward to having your story. I hope watching these videos will really help.
@@kathy.7475 It worked for bit but in my case to force myself to stay up to a certain hour put me over the edge and I became more wired so I could not except my situation and I came across neurofeedback, it was the best think i ever did. It worked and I sleep very well. It is not cheap because insurance doesn't cover it but $2500 saved my sanity.Give it a shot it is life changing
@@kathy.7475 I would google the providers in your area. That's how I find mine and also you can find videos on TH-cam too. Do not expect miracles on the first try but after the first week you should feel the difference. I got on a 20 session program 5 a week and it worked. Good luck 🍀
Just found this channel accidentally. I certainly hope it helps. Tried everything medical, natural and hypnosis, prayer, so many prayers. Exercise. Yet and for many many years have suffered with extreme chronic insomnia which has completely changed my life . It effects everything after years.
Gigi, when I read something like this - someone with years of struggle stumbling across the channel… it makes me sooo hopeful, because I think you’ll learn an incredible amount of things that can change your life in a nice way. If you have by found them, these stories can be a really nice place to start, because you can find hope here: th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cj68v9hdoXYv_fpOR65oI3U.html Be in touch!!!
Welcome Arlene 🤗!!! So glad you’ve taken this step and you know, Coach Veronika has her own momsomnia story, definitely take advantage of her. And you’re so welcome, it’s a privilege to get to be part of a journey like yours.
This episode and Charlene’s analogy of falling backwards and having people there but feeling SO afraid and losing control brought me to tears. Because that’s how I’ve felt this entire time in this scenario that I’m in with sleep. It’s like you want to let go so bad, but our personality types and the fear of the unknown continually makes our brain want to send what ifs and figure things out, DESPITE there being nothing to figure out. I find myself already noticing the progress I’ve made just 2 weeks into your app Daniel, and I still find those “what ifs” rearing their head. I pray with God and the remaining time in your app, I will find the courage to finally fall back and let go! This episode has been so eye opening
Brittany, I’m so so glad you found this episode and saw all this. You saw that courage is so helpful, and this alone is so nice to hear. Because then just thanks to this awareness, we find that courage becomes more available, and those times when it isn’t - that’s truly just an invitation to see that we are human, we get frazzled sometimes and then we can just be kind to ourselves. And by the way, you wouldn’t see things get easier if it wasn’t for heart work. Being willing to learn, looking inside, courage, kindness… and although the road may be bumpy, I have no doubt what has led you here will lead to where you want to be 🙂
Wow the way she explained how she was scared to develop psychosis and she would take so many different meds because the panic builds so high really resonates with me
@@lillianyoukhana8451 Hi, I am doing much better thank you, definitely on the road to recovery. I hope things calm down for you, I know how full on the post partum time can be especially coupled with sleep problems. I joined the bedtyme app and have enjoyed the pace of content and the access to a coach. Best wishes to you.
Charlene I would love to connect with you somehow regarding the whole postpartum anxiety. I have never come across someone who has had incredible insomnia attached to it and would love to help others as well!
Hi, I’m not sure what she shared here, but if you go through the stories, you’ll see that it’s when we no longer keep track or focus’s on time, days/hours/minutes/weeks… then so much pressure comes off and we sleep well 😊
I’m binge watching these videos like crazy and a lot of this is making sense but I’m currently on Xanax and I want to get off it! Can you still wean down from 1mg of Xanax while still implementing these techniques because feeling like I need to take the meds is not helpful in and of itself. I want off and I want my life back! I’m sick of being tied down to meds and letting insomnia hold me back!
So glad you’re here 🙂 And you know, it’s very possible to come off sleep medication while still taking them. Meaning: when we learn and understand that they’re actually not what matters at all, we have already started to come off, so yes, very possible
I just ordered your book. I had a triple bypass and was already addicted to Lunesta for 22 years. I was told I would not live another week and it took almost 3 weeks to find a surgeon. During that time I laid in bed taking lunesta for sleep with bp 230/110. I was told I would not live a week. Now, I am worse than before due to my dependence on Lunesta. In the hospital they took my sleep meds away and I started to have symptoms of an optical seizure. I survived my 6 hours of open heart but I have not been able to heal due to nausea and detox.
Hi Aron, Yes I do think it’s not human to sleep well every nigh, we all have stress and also illness, pain and much more. But - I also think we can leave the struggle to sleep forever. We may still have choppy nights, but we are free. Those nights don’t turn into a pattern and what truly matters: we feel whole, like ourselves and our days are no longer dominated by thinking about sleep.
Hi Amber, Yes it can look so odd but you know, when we no longer track hours, track time, track days and months, then things get so much easier. And then when there’s no struggle with sleep, it’s like it’s not relevant anymore, which is why in so many of these stories the guests don’t talk about sleep much once they’ve left the struggle
Hi Amber, I think self kindness for sure is so so helpful… often we are critical of ourselves, blaming ourselves for how we feel and sleep, “why can’t I get this? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so exhausted?” etc etc… and that is actually what makes it so difficult, much more than sleeping little… when we are kind and gentle with ourselves, then things really change
Hang in there JO, I was recently in touch with here and she no longer has the Facebook messenger group. But, we do have a playlist called momsomnia where other moms tell their stories, maybe this can help. Be in touch
Hi daniel i started getting 5 hours of sleep but than i made a mistake,, i went to bed early trying to get more sleep one day and day after had a look at the time now iam back to 3 four 4 hours sleep,, will i go back to 5 hours and eventually 6??
Hi Raju! You know what, I don’t believe in mistakes when it comes to sleep! This is because sleep is a passive process, it requires nothing. We can’t do anything to sleep, and so we can’t make a mistake that makes us not sleep. Going to bed early, this in itself is not problem at all! But what can happen is that we can questions our decision. “What if I made a mistake? Maybe I should have waited until later?“ you see going to bed early doesn’t make us afraid and have trouble sleeping, but thinking we made a mistake does! So yes, when we no longer are hard on ourselves or look for some optimal timing or other way to make sure we sleep.. then we go back to sleeping peacefully 😊 Oh and also, I think it can help to not have a goal in numbers. Because this leads to performance anxiety! But when we have a goal like “I can be kind to myself even if I sleep little” or something like this, this helps much 🙂
Wow what an inspirational episode. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Charlene, I can relate to so much of it. Your perspectives are refreshing and have given me so much hope. I'm so grateful to you and Daniel.
Hi coach i wanted ask you about insomnia as i dont have trouble going to sleeping. The only thing that bother me is im able to wake up by the slightest sound and even if im able to sleep for like 6 or 7 hours i dont feel fresh at all
Hi Jay! Thanks for sharing and commenting and you know, I think I have one episode and one playlist that can can clarify a lot. Talking insomnia 37, this is about Joe who starts having trouble when there’s new noises. He realizes after he has done everything he can to soundproof (successfully) that trouble wasn’t about the noise… but the fear that the noise would keep him from sleeping. As for never feeling refreshed, here’s a playlist that can really help: th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cje9e66guVo6BsSF-glS8c7.html Let us know how things go!
Hello sleep coach, I suffer from insomnia for a year now and I am worried about not sleeping, but what really increased my concern is watching people claiming that they did not sleep even one minute in 30 or 20 years, saying that they do not sleep on
Hello Nedal, it is great that you have found this channel, you can learn a lot in here! And about your concern that people would not sleep a minute in 20 years - this is not possible. Everybody gets some sleep, especially after some stretches of not sleeping there are microsleeps that keep your body working. It is the inevitable minimum. I can agree that they might feel like not sleeping, but I guarantee you that such people do all possible on earth to chase their sleep so in result they get some. During my insomnia I used to have stretches of 4-5 nights when I slept nothing, but that was it, our bodies are way smarter and makes sure we survive. And here I am, sleeping again. So watch some inspiring success stories here on the channel and do not look up things that makes you anxious and inevitably keep you from sleeping ;)
@@Veronika-zy1to Thank you, Veronika, for your response. Yes, your words are logical and correct. No one is psychologically or physically unable to sleep, but hearing such stories made me doubt and really wonder that this thing is possible. Are they really losing their ability to sleep permanently and there is no way to treat them for this long period and my mind began to think and worry that maybe this would happen to me.
My insomnia has been improving a lot. But this video actually made me feel anxious….. I always hoped that if I stopped caring about sleep and just lived my life to it’s fullest, my sleep will return to normal. But your guest seem like she just accepted the fact that she can’t sleep normally.
Hi Kevin, we all are different. For expamle, despite having severe insomnia for 8 years, I sleep now just like before, every night, no problem falling asleep or staying asleep. Since I consider myself a "normal" sleeper, like anyone else I have occasionaly sleepless nights when there is lot of stress or my kids are sick - but this is just a sleep disruption, no fear of not sleeping. I don't want to give you fake hopes that you will sleep every single night for the rest of your life. Just want to say that being sleepless does not have to be emotionally charged. When you live your life to its fullest, you will remove that extra layer of anxiety that keeps you from sleeping, so inevitably more sleep will come your way. Isn't is wonderful as you write "she just accepted the fact that she can’t sleep normally" that she considers herself cured from insomnia? Take care!
When I stopped caring I slept normally. Even “normal” sleepers have nights where they don’t sleep. It’s not our sleep that is the issue it is our fixation and reaction to poor nights that is the problem. My sleep did return to normal when I stopped caring and focused on my life. But I still have “bad” nights if we are going to call it that, just like everyone else! There is no such thing as sleeping well all the time forever, so I explain how that can’t actually be the goal of recovery.
Oh my gosh, this is my story word-for-word. I'm currently taking magnesium, hydroxyzine, Trazadone, Seroquel, buspirone, and unisom at night just to go to sleep. I also just spent a month in a mental health facility because I was struggling so much. My little boy is about to be 15 weeks old. I feel so hopeless and tired.
Hello you will recover I went through the same situation 2 years ago at times you feel like you gonna die. I still feel the anxiety but I sleep 7 , 8 hrs I also too medicine lorazepam , hydroxyzine buscar when needed. I now got off of all. That nothing wrong with taking it to take care of your self and family. Your body will let you know when u no longer need it. Good luck 😊
I have had terrible insomnia for 14 months now, I am exhausted mentally and physically. 2 nights ago I slept 3 hours, last night I slept 2 hours. It's 3 in the morning and I'm still awake. Terribly tired but not at all sleepy. Is there an end to this hell 😢
Skipperne, so sorry you’re in this place… but glad you found the channel. You know, so much of the struggle happens because we don’t understand what’s happening… I think listening to more stories like this and looking at this other playlist can help much.. This is natto - the perfect place to start learning! th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cik8Xr8iVdxmKB9FYieevYj.html Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you. th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cj68v9hdoXYv_fpOR65oI3U.html Hang in there and let us know how things go.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks a lot for the reply. I recently came across your channel and am starting to watch videos. For almost 2 months now I have been applying the tips I found about CBT techniques for insomnia, I had a period of about 10 days when I slept better but then the insomnia came back. For these year I have tried everything - supplements, meditation, breathing ... I am physically active during the day, I take sleeping pills, very strong doses, but I would stay awake again until the morning.
Anytime 🙂 and you know, when you go through the success stories, you’ll find that most of the guests tried CBTi and sleep hygiene and supplements and breathing exercises, and physical activity and pills.. to see that this isn’t the answer. Well, CBTi can be helpful but, it often is quite confused. So yes, I think you can find much that will bell here 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 hope so 🤗 I would love to overcome this fear of another sleepless night. All my life I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks - with coping techniques I have managed to live despite all but this "next level" is much harder. You are so kind, thank you so much 🤗🍀
Yes! About a year but the struggle with insomnia went down slowly month by month as my fear decreased, and I cared less and focused less on sleep. I realized that sleep is a natural bodily function that occurs on its own without any intervention from ourselves. I considered myself fully recovered when I no longer cared whether I slept 10 hours or slept none. That is when you reach true freedom.
@@shinchintai7 helloo Coach Daniel and Charlene! Thank you for your wonderful insights. I have had insomnia since May 2017. My recovery begun when i started to follow coach Daniel's channel in January 2022. I am better now. I know truly that i can live my life even when fear is still here. I am no longer stuck in the struggle as i was before. But i have not yet reached the stage of 0 care about sleep. I honestly still care how much i slept. I still care if i feel fear. I tell myself: when will i arrive.to that stage of full and full recovery? My wedding will be.celebrated this summer 😊. I feel joy and excitement. But the thoughts come to my mind such as: " will i be rested the day of my wedding?", "Will i have insomnia the night before my weddding?", "how will i live all the day of the wedding if not rested well?", "do i take a medication the night before the wedding to garantee that i will have enough sleep?" I know that these thoughts will lead me to no sleep before my wedding. I cannot lie to myself. I wish that i will be well rested before the big day. I am not careless. Do you have any thoughts concerning this situation?🙏
Hi Peace, Charlene may have much more to add but you know, I so so often use this as an example when I teach. We can be so excited/nervous the day before our wedding that we don’t sleep, and it becomes one of the most wonderful days in our lives 😊 I think when we try to find a way to make sure we sleep, or a way to stop these worry thoughts, then there’s some struggle… but when we see that again, we can have THE best day of our lives after a sleepless night, then there’s no friction or trying, and things become more and more peaceful ☺️
@@peace57 Hi Peace, I can share my experience. I had insomnia in the times when I got married back in 2016 and I had exactly the same worries. This is a big day, once in a lifetime, with lot of preparations before so it is just normal that ANYBODY would sleep poorly just because of pure excitement. Insomnia stripes us from the fact that sleep has its nuances that normals sleepers do not even bother to care about. But my night before was not only about excitement, it was also about the fear how will I survive the day if I will not sleep. I wanted to enjoy my big day and wanted to feel good and energetic. As many things in life, you cannot control and plan everything. The evening before I took a sleeping pill, it knocked me out for a few hours, but I woke up very early in the morning, totally unrefreshed and desperate. I remember thinking - Is my big day really going to be a disaster?? As a proof, that sleep cannot be controlled, I fell asleep :D Can you imagine? Me, nervous, anxious, upset and sleeping :D I think I slept maybe just 2 hours, but my own sleep without pills is the best thing in the world! I literally jumped out of the bed in the morning and ran towards my big day :) I am not going to lie, I felt my body being tired, but with all the whirl and duties I did not have time to think about it. I totally enjoyed my day. It was wonderful, with me being pretty and dressed up in wonderful dress, people wishing me well and all the fun afterwards. I wish anyone such a great wedding. My advice to you - sure you can take sleeping pill, if it removes some anxiety. Take it as part of self-care and self-kindness. With all what is going on during the wedding day, you will not have time to worry about not sleeping, so even if you do not sleep, you still can have wonderful moments. It is like you remove the emotional fatigue that comes from all the negative thinking. Stays only the tiredness of the body, but mood is high in the skies. I wish you a wonderful wedding and if you have any questions just let me know.
Dear Daniel,, midnight awakenings,, do i really need to force my slef to get out of bed to befriend wakefulness,, cause sometimes its easy to get out of bed ans sometimes its really hard that i just cannot get out of bed cause iam so sleepy,, what should i do or just lay there till moring ??? I just find it really difficult,, or should i apply sleep restriction??
Hi Raju! Oh yes, some really common and important questions here. Firstly, how do you know it’s midnight ? 😉 I’m case you check the time, there’s an invitation here to let go of some attempts at control 😊 - Secondly, whenever we hear words like “need” or “should” or “force myself” - then we can see that we are trying to control something that gets more slippery the more we try to control it. Another invitation to let things be 😊 - Thirdly, it can help ti understand where the idea that we “should” get out of bed comes from: When you are told to get out of bed if you haven’t fallen asleep in 20 minutes and only go back when you feel sleepy again that creates some problems. Firstly it encourages you to know how much time you have been awake. It makes you monitor time more. It takes you towards a place of more anxiety and more attempts to have control (of something no human can control, sleep) when the opposite is what will help you! Secondly, when you are told only to go back to bed when you feel sleepy, that encourages you to monitor yourself for sleepiness. And anything that makes you monitor yourself makes you more anxious and it makes it more difficult to sleep! The idea behind stimulus control is that you have started to associate the bed with being awake, but this isn’t actually the problem with insomnia! The bed and linens and the pillow cover are all innocent. Anything that makes you think of your problems sleeping, like a yawning cat, can be triggering. And this is because the brain has started to think that being awake is a threat. And by the way, nobody tells you to avoid yawning cats! So it doesn’t matter where you are at night, in bed or outside of the bed, as long as you teach the brain that being awake is ok. No need to leave the bed or bedroom. Just be where you feel like you want to be and do something that makes it ok (maybe even enjoyable!) to be awake. This is the way! - Finally, sleep restriction… I think it can help to take a deeper look at why I think this is so tricky: The good thing with traditional CBTi is the educational component. The C if you will. Knowing that most people sleep about 6 hours and have awakenings many times per hour (that they don’t remember because there’s no fear of being awake, and they quickly fall back asleep!) for example, they are great parts of CBTi. However, where traditional CBTi is getting it wrong is that it’s implied that you can control sleep and that you can control associations. In CBTi the key teachings are the “techniques” sleep restriction and stimulus control. You’re told that if you simply stay up really late, you create a strong sleep drive that will make you sleep. Now, it’s true that sleep drive is a requirement for sleep, but you don’t get insomnia from not being sleepy! Insomnia isn’t a gas problem. You have plenty of sleepiness but it’s blocked by hyperarousal. It’s a brake problem. And even if you do sleep after having made yourself stay awake really long, you’ll end up thinking that you have to force yourself to stay awake really long to sleep! This creates a lot of anxiety for no reason! Now when it comes to stimulus control, there’s another problem of implied controllability, that you can force an association between the bed and sleep. This is a simplistic understanding of conditioned arousal! If you try to force an association, that will just cause frustration and anxiety. Associating one thing with another thing is something that happens in the subconscious, without effort, it happens by itself. So I think these implied controllability issues are very problematic. In fact even the word “technique” is problematic for that very reason. It is implied that you can control sleep. And in fact it is a very desire to control sleep that is the reason insomnia exists! When you understand this, and you no longer try to control sleep on the other hand, then sleep starts really coming your way! - Oh and one more thing - when we see that our questions of “should I do this or that?”, they are really ways of trying to control sleep - again, an invitation to let things be and see peaceful sleep happens by itself 😊
Google is the worst for people going through insomnia. Lots of negative stuff people who say they've had it for years etc. That's made me so anxious. we all feel like we are stuck like this for ever. These positive stories really help.
Daniel, you are a wonderful person and I know your heart is in it fully to help people with insomnia and the anxiety arising from it. You are wonderful, encouraging and insightful. I hope one day I get over my sleep anxiety but your videos keep me grounded and reminding me I can get through it , even if it won’t be right away !
🙏😊
What an honour it has been to witness your transformation Charlene. I know you tell me that I saved your life but was really you who saved me, by giving meaning to my own journey. I love how beyond our shared postpartum mental health and insomnia journeys, we also share a passion for learning, mastery and self actualization. I am excited to see how our journeys continue to unfold. As you said, there is no good or bad, everything is just practice. 😁
Cindy
This is amazing, THE Cindy is here 😊! It was amazing hearing Charlene’s story, now I’ll tune in to Martin’s podcast to hear yours!
Thank you again for coming onto the Insomnia Coach podcast and directly impacting the lives of others in such a positive way, Cindy!
Name of mom group please. I need help 😢
Hi Cindy and Charlene,
I am having insomnia that was triggered by birth of my second son in may. Cindy’s video was what gave me hope. I watched and rewatched it so many times. I am currently doing BedTyme and immunity program. I was hoping to connect with Cindy and Charlene. I hope they see this message and reach out to me. I can relate to Charlene so much.
“The journey doesn’t end, you just keep learning” Wow! That’s exactly right. That really is what walking alongside it is. Great interview again Coach D! 🙌🏾
Sierra! Thanks so much for the encouragement (!) and, I hardly think I ever did less, Charlene was an amazing guest, just like you 😊!
Thank God I found this channel! I had a GRUESOME postpartum with my first child, predominately around sleep/anxiety. I am having my second child in June and am facing so many fears. I've found the most relief through ACT therapy, which is how I came across this channel. I have hope again ... thank you both from the bottom of my heart!
Thanks for sharing so many fantastic insights, Charlene! As you pointed out, if we can move away from battling with difficult thoughts and emotions and allow them some space to exist instead, we might be better able to focus on all the things in our control that we can pursue that help us move toward the kind of life we want to live. If we can live a life according to our values even in the presence of difficult thoughts and emotions, they tend to have far less power/influence over us!
The fact that you and Cindy connected in the way you described is so heartwarming! It sure sounds as though your experience with insomnia (and all the difficult thoughts that come along for the ride) has actually ended up helping you in a really positive way!
I must extend a much needed and deserved thank you to you as well Martin. Your videos were watched religiously by me and I’ve seen every single one of your guest videos at least twice. Back when I was going through a lot of fear, your videos and podcasts provided a lot of relief, education, and hope. For that, I cannot thank you and Daniel enough for. From the bottom of my heart, thank you SO much and don’t stop what you both are doing. It saves so many people. Cindy and I are so grateful, and insomnia gave us a wonderful friendship.
@@shinchintai7 I really appreciate your kind words, Charlene! And I need to thank YOU - for sharing your story with others. Stories like yours are immensely powerful.
Everybody are constantly saying the same thing just ignore insomnia and stick to your life routine
Totally identify with the part about feeling like you were arguing with your thoughts during CBT-type thought work. I remember when I first started doing CBT-type thought work, I had created some tables to fill out, which had columns for describing my situation, my emotions, my underlying thoughts, and then a whole column for thought "distortions." For the thought "distortions," I would choose from a list of things like: mental filtering, overestimating the threat, "should" thinking, catastrophizing, fortune telling, etc. The list goes on. Talk about judging thoughts! Even just the idea that the thoughts are "distorted" leads to self-criticism. Whew, glad I have other tools now, thanks to this channel!
Wow, thanks so much Charlene and Daniel. This was so hopeful for me. I especially love the idea that Charlene expressed of looking at your "speed bumps" as practice--that you can't recover without practice. I love that framing. Thanks so much for sharing!
So so glad it made sense and yes, it’s so helpful to see things this way!
Hi Coach
So I feel I know and have learned the idea of acceptance and I’m using it as a way to get past my insomnia which has turned into a sleep effort.
Even though I’m trying not to use acceptance as my way out, I still feel that it’s somewhere in the back of my mind. How do I actually fix my intentions with regards to acceptance
It was such an honor Daniel. Thank you again. So much more I wish I had time to share, but of course, there’s only limited time to really get into everything in a single sitting especially with as much amazing content you have shared. I love your insomnia insights and found your latest video on the sleep study so relevant to my fears also, I’d run into articles just like that however as you said, if you really read into the article you can see how the studies have limitations! Will forever continue learning through your videos. Take care!!
I’m so grateful on my end 🙏 As you know, these stories are truly what makes such a big difference. And I’m glad you caught that one about hallucinations. I was thinking about this myself as we were talking. Oh and by the way, I’d love to have you back for Open class or just talk about some other topic. Until then, be well and be in touch!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Absolutely I would love to! I thought of so many things I neglected to say that are important! Let me know any time in the future and I’d be willing to!
Thank you Charlene for sharing your story and thank you so much Daniel too. Like you the stories have helped me so much. Like you... I found the Martin Reed strict SBTi technique far too stressful. Once I found Daniel everything started to fall more into place. I ordered his book which took ages to arrive in England but was very good, but it's the advice in these videos and stories such as yourself which have helped me so much. I still struggle and have challenges and completely resonate with you saying it's a gradual process recovery. I just wanted to thank you both so much. Have a wonderful day/
Hi Charlene. Would it be possible to get in touch with you? Your story is so similar to mine and I'd love to hear some more of your thoughts around the fear of psychosis as this is something I struggle with myself. Thanks Charlene. Kate.
@@katebennett9807 I second this, do let us know if you have a group or anything. Going thru the same situation as well!
Great interview, I really want to get off 25mg Sertraline I think it has made my sleep and insomnia a bit worse.
It does
@@rmperez4574 I've been off for 2 months, much easier to sleep and get out of bed now
Holy. Charlene's story is so similar to mine. This video was incredible
So so wonderful when we can relate 😊!
Amazing, amazing as always :) Glad to see Charlene doin better. What my mind is so obsessed with lately is that sleeping less and less is going to affect my workout routine. I read it in some posts that it can impair muscle growth and such. My last two nights were not so good but im not feeling sleepy and able to go on with my day. Its just bothering me so much - why does it take me 1 or 2 hours to get to sleep like what the hell? (And i know that this isthe exact thing thats causing me bouts of insomnia) I still got my Mirtazapine in my end table but dont really wanna take it, because it will make me gain weight like crazy, what i obviously dont want. Its been going on for almost a year, and even tho i have good nights there are some speed bumps indeed. Whenever that happens i always wind up on your channel watching these podcasts. And its glad to see people making progress and you trying to help us lost souls. Thanks again Daniel :)
Hi Gabor,
Anytime, so glad the videos are helpful. And you know, I do think the answers are there 🙂 Which made me think of Talking insomnia 75 with Brittany, I always think of this episode when someone is worried about muscles and fitness..
Thanks again for the support and, like Charlene said, I believe we can all arrive where we want to be. Hang in there and be in touch!
Is mood off here and there in insomnia normal sir..???
Hi Daniel, thank you for the helpful content. I have a question: have you come across someone with insomnia that wakes up like 5-7 times throughout the night. My sleep is so light that the only way I know I slept is because of dreaming, and I wake up multiple times (no problem falling back asleep). I know that sleep anxiety only makes things worse and so I’m trying not to freak out, but why that happens is beyond me and I’m extremely exhausted .
Hi Sujoud,
Check episode 321 on vivid dreams, I think it can help
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you so much. I was wondering if you work with people individually online. I am looking for a sleep coach. I feel like I need extra support other than the videos and reading the book, and I am really determined to beat my insomnia.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I wanted to add that I’m referring to individual sessions not the bedtime app
What a wonderful epizode, thank you Daniel and Charlene. I really like the message of hope you spread, this is what we all need.
Your story sounds exactly like mine!!! Went into first trimester in shock that I had even gotten pregnant as it had taken awhile- then for some odd reason ( I now think work stress) caused one sleepless night and then it spiraled into even going to the er. That lasted about 2 weeks luckily then went away, now I’m in second trimester and it returned!! Im so mad! I am going to do my best to handle it but yes so afraid of lack of sleep causing mental health issues, causing the baby harm, etc. hopeful that these videos will help me rid of this again!
Hey, fellow postpartum mom here. Just had my fourth child a month ago and having really bad insomnia which I’ve never had before. I’ve been diving into all your material and Martin reeds podcast. Would love to connect with you Charleen. I’m a week into my CBTI journey and trying to accept my wakefulness without getting panicked that I’m not sleeping.
And I can relate to the mirtrazapine. I saw a counselor to help me because I felt so hopeless about sleeping and it has helped me sleep but have only taken it for about ten days. But five days ago I found Martin and this channel and now I believe this is what I need to get better.
I am struggling horribly. I really want to get better and be a guest. I think my story would blow some minds. I have been binge watching your videos.
So sorry to hear about the struggle but glad that you are here. One day, we look forward to having your story. I hope watching these videos will really help.
CBTI is the best help I found. It's working for me and I highly recommend it all the insomniacs 😎
So glad to read this Norbi! Anything that leads us to no longer being scared and living a free life, that’s the way 😊 and CBTi can do this for sure!
@@kathy.7475 It worked for bit but in my case to force myself to stay up to a certain hour put me over the edge and I became more wired so I could not except my situation and I came across neurofeedback, it was the best think i ever did. It worked and I sleep very well. It is not cheap because insurance doesn't cover it but $2500 saved my sanity.Give it a shot it is life changing
@@norbibajgyik4460 I’m happy to hear you are doing so well. Where would I find a neurofeedback program like the one that has worked for you?
@@kathy.7475 I would google the providers in your area. That's how I find mine and also you can find videos on TH-cam too. Do not expect miracles on the first try but after the first week you should feel the difference. I got on a 20 session program 5 a week and it worked. Good luck 🍀
Just found this channel accidentally. I certainly hope it helps. Tried everything medical, natural and hypnosis, prayer, so many prayers. Exercise. Yet and for many many years have suffered with extreme chronic insomnia which has completely changed my life
. It effects everything after years.
Gigi, when I read something like this - someone with years of struggle stumbling across the channel… it makes me sooo hopeful, because I think you’ll learn an incredible amount of things that can change your life in a nice way.
If you have by found them, these stories can be a really nice place to start, because you can find hope here:
th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cj68v9hdoXYv_fpOR65oI3U.html
Be in touch!!!
Did you recovered ?
Very similar story to mine after I had my first child!! So thankful for your videos. Just joined immunity😃
Welcome Arlene 🤗!!! So glad you’ve taken this step and you know, Coach Veronika has her own momsomnia story, definitely take advantage of her. And you’re so welcome, it’s a privilege to get to be part of a journey like yours.
This episode and Charlene’s analogy of falling backwards and having people there but feeling SO afraid and losing control brought me to tears. Because that’s how I’ve felt this entire time in this scenario that I’m in with sleep. It’s like you want to let go so bad, but our personality types and the fear of the unknown continually makes our brain want to send what ifs and figure things out, DESPITE there being nothing to figure out. I find myself already noticing the progress I’ve made just 2 weeks into your app Daniel, and I still find those “what ifs” rearing their head. I pray with God and the remaining time in your app, I will find the courage to finally fall back and let go! This episode has been so eye opening
Brittany, I’m so so glad you found this episode and saw all this. You saw that courage is so helpful, and this alone is so nice to hear. Because then just thanks to this awareness, we find that courage becomes more available, and those times when it isn’t - that’s truly just an invitation to see that we are human, we get frazzled sometimes and then we can just be kind to ourselves.
And by the way, you wouldn’t see things get easier if it wasn’t for heart work. Being willing to learn, looking inside, courage, kindness… and although the road may be bumpy, I have no doubt what has led you here will lead to where you want to be 🙂
Hi
How’s your sleep now?
@@AyeshaKhan-q9sit’s been well as u can tell from the lack of response
Wow the way she explained how she was scared to develop psychosis and she would take so many different meds because the panic builds so high really resonates with me
@Amyyp0518 so glad you found this Amy, learning from someone who’s taken the journey ahead of you can help so much 🙂
Thanks for the video, as a fellow post partum mom who started experiencing insomnia this was really nice to relate to.
So glad you found it Sarah, and know we have a whole playlist called momsomnia, that can help. Link in description of any new video
How are you doing? Currently five months postpartum and still experiencing bad insomnia
@@lillianyoukhana8451 Hi, I am doing much better thank you, definitely on the road to recovery. I hope things calm down for you, I know how full on the post partum time can be especially coupled with sleep problems. I joined the bedtyme app and have enjoyed the pace of content and the access to a coach. Best wishes to you.
Charlene I would love to connect with you somehow regarding the whole postpartum anxiety. I have never come across someone who has had incredible insomnia attached to it and would love to help others as well!
How long did it last for her? How many hours could she sleep in a night?
Hi, I’m not sure what she shared here, but if you go through the stories, you’ll see that it’s when we no longer keep track or focus’s on time, days/hours/minutes/weeks… then so much pressure comes off and we sleep well 😊
My story is so much the same. Is it possible to contact you Charlene?
Anybody know how to reach out to the group she mentioned?
I’m binge watching these videos like crazy and a lot of this is making sense but I’m currently on Xanax and I want to get off it! Can you still wean down from 1mg of Xanax while still implementing these techniques because feeling like I need to take the meds is not helpful in and of itself. I want off and I want my life back! I’m sick of being tied down to meds and letting insomnia hold me back!
So glad you’re here 🙂 And you know, it’s very possible to come off sleep medication while still taking them. Meaning: when we learn and understand that they’re actually not what matters at all, we have already started to come off, so yes, very possible
How can I get a hold of Cindy?
I just ordered your book. I had a triple bypass and was already addicted to Lunesta for 22 years. I was told I would not live another week and it took almost 3 weeks to find a surgeon. During that time I laid in bed taking lunesta for sleep with bp 230/110. I was told I would not live a week. Now, I am worse than before due to my dependence on Lunesta. In the hospital they took my sleep meds away and I started to have symptoms of an optical seizure. I survived my 6 hours of open heart but I have not been able to heal due to nausea and detox.
Hi David,
So much happening at once, hope you’ll feel better soon. And thanks for getting my book, I hope it will help. Let us know how things go
Why do people "recover" but still have trouble sleeping? Is it impossible to sleep well forever?
Hi Aron,
Yes I do think it’s not human to sleep well every nigh, we all have stress and also illness, pain and much more.
But - I also think we can leave the struggle to sleep forever. We may still have choppy nights, but we are free. Those nights don’t turn into a pattern and what truly matters: we feel whole, like ourselves and our days are no longer dominated by thinking about sleep.
What was the timeline for recovery? I feel like many stories talk about letting it go and accepting but when did that translate to better sleep?
Hi Amber,
Yes it can look so odd but you know, when we no longer track hours, track time, track days and months, then things get so much easier. And then when there’s no struggle with sleep, it’s like it’s not relevant anymore, which is why in so many of these stories the guests don’t talk about sleep much once they’ve left the struggle
What are some coping skills for days with little to no sleep? I find it hard to accept without ways to cope and comfort that fear.
Hi Amber,
I think self kindness for sure is so so helpful… often we are critical of ourselves, blaming ourselves for how we feel and sleep, “why can’t I get this? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so exhausted?” etc etc… and that is actually what makes it so difficult, much more than sleeping little… when we are kind and gentle with ourselves, then things really change
This is my hope. That I can get over this and become a guest!
That's a fantastic mindset to have! So glad you found your way here 😊 and thanks much for the support 🙏
Amazing interview Coach Daniel & Charlene very Inspirational!!! 🙏🏾
So glad you found it 😊
I feel like Charlene was telling my story. I wish I can somehow connect with her as I am still struggling with sleep
Hang in there JO, I was recently in touch with here and she no longer has the Facebook messenger group. But, we do have a playlist called momsomnia where other moms tell their stories, maybe this can help. Be in touch
Hi daniel i started getting 5 hours of sleep but than i made a mistake,, i went to bed early trying to get more sleep one day and day after had a look at the time now iam back to 3 four 4 hours sleep,, will i go back to 5 hours and eventually 6??
Hi Raju!
You know what, I don’t believe in mistakes when it comes to sleep!
This is because sleep is a passive process, it requires nothing. We can’t do anything to sleep, and so we can’t make a mistake that makes us not sleep.
Going to bed early, this in itself is not problem at all! But what can happen is that we can questions our decision. “What if I made a mistake? Maybe I should have waited until later?“ you see going to bed early doesn’t make us afraid and have trouble sleeping, but thinking we made a mistake does!
So yes, when we no longer are hard on ourselves or look for some optimal timing or other way to make sure we sleep.. then we go back to sleeping peacefully 😊
Oh and also, I think it can help to not have a goal in numbers. Because this leads to performance anxiety! But when we have a goal like “I can be kind to myself even if I sleep little” or something like this, this helps much 🙂
Wow what an inspirational episode. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Charlene, I can relate to so much of it. Your perspectives are refreshing and have given me so much hope. I'm so grateful to you and Daniel.
😊
Hi coach i wanted ask you about insomnia as i dont have trouble going to sleeping. The only thing that bother me is im able to wake up by the slightest sound and even if im able to sleep for like 6 or 7 hours i dont feel fresh at all
Hi Jay!
Thanks for sharing and commenting and you know, I think I have one episode and one playlist that can can clarify a lot.
Talking insomnia 37, this is about Joe who starts having trouble when there’s new noises. He realizes after he has done everything he can to soundproof (successfully) that trouble wasn’t about the noise… but the fear that the noise would keep him from sleeping.
As for never feeling refreshed, here’s a playlist that can really help:
th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cje9e66guVo6BsSF-glS8c7.html
Let us know how things go!
Wow! I needed this so much!
What is NATTO?
Hi Fran,
It stands for Non attachment to the outcome and it’s the name of our philosophy.
Hello sleep coach, I suffer from insomnia for a year now and I am worried about not sleeping, but what really increased my concern is watching people claiming that they did not sleep even one minute in 30 or 20 years, saying that they do not sleep on
Hello Nedal, it is great that you have found this channel, you can learn a lot in here! And about your concern that people would not sleep a minute in 20 years - this is not possible. Everybody gets some sleep, especially after some stretches of not sleeping there are microsleeps that keep your body working. It is the inevitable minimum. I can agree that they might feel like not sleeping, but I guarantee you that such people do all possible on earth to chase their sleep so in result they get some.
During my insomnia I used to have stretches of 4-5 nights when I slept nothing, but that was it, our bodies are way smarter and makes sure we survive. And here I am, sleeping again.
So watch some inspiring success stories here on the channel and do not look up things that makes you anxious and inevitably keep you from sleeping ;)
@@Veronika-zy1to Thank you, Veronika, for your response. Yes, your words are logical and correct. No one is psychologically or physically unable to sleep, but hearing such stories made me doubt and really wonder that this thing is possible. Are they really losing their ability to sleep permanently and there is no way to treat them for this long period and my mind began to think and worry that maybe this would happen to me.
My insomnia has been improving a lot. But this video actually made me feel anxious….. I always hoped that if I stopped caring about sleep and just lived my life to it’s fullest, my sleep will return to normal. But your guest seem like she just accepted the fact that she can’t sleep normally.
Hi Kevin, we all are different. For expamle, despite having severe insomnia for 8 years, I sleep now just like before, every night, no problem falling asleep or staying asleep. Since I consider myself a "normal" sleeper, like anyone else I have occasionaly sleepless nights when there is lot of stress or my kids are sick - but this is just a sleep disruption, no fear of not sleeping.
I don't want to give you fake hopes that you will sleep every single night for the rest of your life. Just want to say that being sleepless does not have to be emotionally charged.
When you live your life to its fullest, you will remove that extra layer of anxiety that keeps you from sleeping, so inevitably more sleep will come your way.
Isn't is wonderful as you write "she just accepted the fact that she can’t sleep normally" that she considers herself cured from insomnia? Take care!
When I stopped caring I slept normally. Even “normal” sleepers have nights where they don’t sleep. It’s not our sleep that is the issue it is our fixation and reaction to poor nights that is the problem. My sleep did return to normal when I stopped caring and focused on my life. But I still have “bad” nights if we are going to call it that, just like everyone else! There is no such thing as sleeping well all the time forever, so I explain how that can’t actually be the goal of recovery.
@@shinchintai7 hope one day I'll have an attitude like yours 👏 Wishing you all the best ❤️
Oh my gosh, this is my story word-for-word. I'm currently taking magnesium, hydroxyzine, Trazadone, Seroquel, buspirone, and unisom at night just to go to sleep. I also just spent a month in a mental health facility because I was struggling so much. My little boy is about to be 15 weeks old. I feel so hopeless and tired.
Hello you will recover I went through the same situation 2 years ago at times you feel like you gonna die. I still feel the anxiety but I sleep 7 , 8 hrs I also too medicine lorazepam , hydroxyzine buscar when needed. I now got off of all. That nothing wrong with taking it to take care of your self and family. Your body will let you know when u no longer need it. Good luck 😊
I have had terrible insomnia for 14 months now, I am exhausted mentally and physically. 2 nights ago I slept 3 hours, last night I slept 2 hours. It's 3 in the morning and I'm still awake. Terribly tired but not at all sleepy. Is there an end to this hell 😢
I'd recommend Daniel's book if you haven't read it yet. Very practical and got me out of the worst time of my life.
Skipperne, so sorry you’re in this place… but glad you found the channel. You know, so much of the struggle happens because we don’t understand what’s happening… I think listening to more stories like this and looking at this other playlist can help much..
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cik8Xr8iVdxmKB9FYieevYj.html
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
th-cam.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1cj68v9hdoXYv_fpOR65oI3U.html
Hang in there and let us know how things go.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks a lot for the reply. I recently came across your channel and am starting to watch videos. For almost 2 months now I have been applying the tips I found about CBT techniques for insomnia, I had a period of about 10 days when I slept better but then the insomnia came back. For these year I have tried everything - supplements, meditation, breathing ... I am physically active during the day, I take sleeping pills, very strong doses, but I would stay awake again until the morning.
Anytime 🙂 and you know, when you go through the success stories, you’ll find that most of the guests tried CBTi and sleep hygiene and supplements and breathing exercises, and physical activity and pills.. to see that this isn’t the answer.
Well, CBTi can be helpful but, it often is quite confused. So yes, I think you can find much that will bell here 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 hope so 🤗 I would love to overcome this fear of another sleepless night. All my life I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks - with coping techniques I have managed to live despite all but this "next level" is much harder. You are so kind, thank you so much 🤗🍀
Can she reach out to me. I’m postpartum and can’t sleep with almost same story as hers
She might, if she sees this comment. We do have a momsomnia playlist that can help to watch, hope it will helo
Hang in there RM, we do have a playlist called momsomnia in the description of any new video you’ll find the link. Hope it will help
@@rmperez4574 I’m still having issues but I’m going to continue cBt1 on my own and incorporate lemon balm extract as I heard it’s good for insomnia.
@@rmperez4574 I’ll be praying 🙏 for you. Continue eating right, excersize and take care of yourself
@@rmperez4574 definitely I will!! Thank you. Bless you too
Hi Charlene how long did you had insomnia before you recovered!
Hi Karolina, Charlene may of course reply here (!) but from talking with her I think if was about a year.
Yes! About a year but the struggle with insomnia went down slowly month by month as my fear decreased, and I cared less and focused less on sleep. I realized that sleep is a natural bodily function that occurs on its own without any intervention from ourselves. I considered myself fully recovered when I no longer cared whether I slept 10 hours or slept none. That is when you reach true freedom.
@@shinchintai7 helloo Coach Daniel and Charlene!
Thank you for your wonderful insights.
I have had insomnia since May 2017. My recovery begun when i started to follow coach Daniel's channel in January 2022.
I am better now. I know truly that i can live my life even when fear is still here. I am no longer stuck in the struggle as i was before.
But i have not yet reached the stage of 0 care about sleep. I honestly still care how much i slept. I still care if i feel fear. I tell myself: when will i arrive.to that stage of full and full recovery?
My wedding will be.celebrated this summer 😊. I feel joy and excitement. But the thoughts come to my mind such as:
" will i be rested the day of my wedding?", "Will i have insomnia the night before my weddding?", "how will i live all the day of the wedding if not rested well?", "do i take a medication the night before the wedding to garantee that i will have enough sleep?"
I know that these thoughts will lead me to no sleep before my wedding. I cannot lie to myself. I wish that i will be well rested before the big day. I am not careless.
Do you have any thoughts concerning this situation?🙏
Hi Peace,
Charlene may have much more to add but you know, I so so often use this as an example when I teach. We can be so excited/nervous the day before our wedding that we don’t sleep, and it becomes one of the most wonderful days in our lives 😊
I think when we try to find a way to make sure we sleep, or a way to stop these worry thoughts, then there’s some struggle… but when we see that again, we can have THE best day of our lives after a sleepless night, then there’s no friction or trying, and things become more and more peaceful ☺️
@@peace57 Hi Peace, I can share my experience. I had insomnia in the times when I got married back in 2016 and I had exactly the same worries. This is a big day, once in a lifetime, with lot of preparations before so it is just normal that ANYBODY would sleep poorly just because of pure excitement. Insomnia stripes us from the fact that sleep has its nuances that normals sleepers do not even bother to care about.
But my night before was not only about excitement, it was also about the fear how will I survive the day if I will not sleep. I wanted to enjoy my big day and wanted to feel good and energetic. As many things in life, you cannot control and plan everything.
The evening before I took a sleeping pill, it knocked me out for a few hours, but I woke up very early in the morning, totally unrefreshed and desperate. I remember thinking - Is my big day really going to be a disaster?? As a proof, that sleep cannot be controlled, I fell asleep :D Can you imagine? Me, nervous, anxious, upset and sleeping :D I think I slept maybe just 2 hours, but my own sleep without pills is the best thing in the world! I literally jumped out of the bed in the morning and ran towards my big day :)
I am not going to lie, I felt my body being tired, but with all the whirl and duties I did not have time to think about it. I totally enjoyed my day. It was wonderful, with me being pretty and dressed up in wonderful dress, people wishing me well and all the fun afterwards. I wish anyone such a great wedding.
My advice to you - sure you can take sleeping pill, if it removes some anxiety. Take it as part of self-care and self-kindness. With all what is going on during the wedding day, you will not have time to worry about not sleeping, so even if you do not sleep, you still can have wonderful moments. It is like you remove the emotional fatigue that comes from all the negative thinking. Stays only the tiredness of the body, but mood is high in the skies.
I wish you a wonderful wedding and if you have any questions just let me know.
Dear Daniel,, midnight awakenings,, do i really need to force my slef to get out of bed to befriend wakefulness,, cause sometimes its easy to get out of bed ans sometimes its really hard that i just cannot get out of bed cause iam so sleepy,, what should i do or just lay there till moring ??? I just find it really difficult,, or should i apply sleep restriction??
Hi Raju!
Oh yes, some really common and important questions here.
Firstly, how do you know it’s midnight ? 😉 I’m case you check the time, there’s an invitation here to let go of some attempts at control 😊
-
Secondly, whenever we hear words like “need” or “should” or “force myself” - then we can see that we are trying to control something that gets more slippery the more we try to control it. Another invitation to let things be 😊
-
Thirdly, it can help ti understand where the idea that we “should” get out of bed comes from:
When you are told to get out of bed if you haven’t fallen asleep in 20 minutes and only go back when you feel sleepy again that creates some problems.
Firstly it encourages you to know how much time you have been awake. It makes you monitor time more. It takes you towards a place of more anxiety and more attempts to have control (of something no human can control, sleep) when the opposite is what will help you!
Secondly, when you are told only to go back to bed when you feel sleepy, that encourages you to monitor yourself for sleepiness. And anything that makes you monitor yourself makes you more anxious and it makes it more difficult to sleep!
The idea behind stimulus control is that you have started to associate the bed with being awake, but this isn’t actually the problem with insomnia! The bed and linens and the pillow cover are all innocent. Anything that makes you think of your problems sleeping, like a yawning cat, can be triggering. And this is because the brain has started to think that being awake is a threat. And by the way, nobody tells you to avoid yawning cats!
So it doesn’t matter where you are at night, in bed or outside of the bed, as long as you teach the brain that being awake is ok. No need to leave the bed or bedroom. Just be where you feel like you want to be and do something that makes it ok (maybe even enjoyable!) to be awake. This is the way!
-
Finally, sleep restriction… I think it can help to take a deeper look at why I think this is so tricky:
The good thing with traditional CBTi is the educational component. The C if you will.
Knowing that most people sleep about 6 hours and have awakenings many times per hour (that they don’t remember because there’s no fear of being awake, and they quickly fall back asleep!) for example, they are great parts of CBTi.
However, where traditional CBTi is getting it wrong is that it’s implied that you can control sleep and that you can control associations.
In CBTi the key teachings are the “techniques” sleep restriction and stimulus control. You’re told that if you simply stay up really late, you create a strong sleep drive that will make you sleep.
Now, it’s true that sleep drive is a requirement for sleep, but you don’t get insomnia from not being sleepy! Insomnia isn’t a gas problem. You have plenty of sleepiness but it’s blocked by hyperarousal. It’s a brake problem.
And even if you do sleep after having made yourself stay awake really long, you’ll end up thinking that you have to force yourself to stay awake really long to sleep! This creates a lot of anxiety for no reason!
Now when it comes to stimulus control, there’s another problem of implied controllability, that you can force an association between the bed and sleep. This is a simplistic understanding of conditioned arousal!
If you try to force an association, that will just cause frustration and anxiety. Associating one thing with another thing is something that happens in the subconscious, without effort, it happens by itself.
So I think these implied controllability issues are very problematic. In fact even the word “technique” is problematic for that very reason. It is implied that you can control sleep.
And in fact it is a very desire to control sleep that is the reason insomnia exists!
When you understand this, and you no longer try to control sleep on the other hand, then sleep starts really coming your way!
-
Oh and one more thing - when we see that our questions of “should I do this or that?”, they are really ways of trying to control sleep - again, an invitation to let things be and see peaceful sleep happens by itself 😊