Being Non-Binary kinda SUCKS.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ก.ย. 2024
- You've been tricked again to watching an art timelapse while I yap!
But on a real...I'm only not having fun being non-binary because of everyone else. I know I'm Agender, I know these things as a fact, I'm just tired of the correcting, the explaining, the protecting myself from freaks who get triggered when they see pronouns that aren't the binary he/she. It's a little exhausting!! Being more visible on the internet has it's lapses and downsides and clearly this is one of them. I don't know how to escape the curse of not being seen as I am. I'm not a licensed professional on these issues or whatnot, I just wanted to vent. Try not to take offense...I think. Enjoy!!
Music:
Fallen Down (Reprise) - Toby Fox
Caged Wings - HOYO-MiX
Manifest Content of Dream (Extended Version) - HOYO-MiX
Le Souvenir Avec la crepuscule - Hoyo-MiX
Do you know I yap a lot on twitch? / sentientbeingg
And I post all my art (and thoughts) on TWITTER??!! / sentientbeinggg
#lgbt #art
Being non-binary kinda sucks, being non binary kinda sucks, trans, trans TRANS!!!
Please remember, these are my personal thoughts, and it was a stream of consciousness so I definitely said some incorrect things. But the sucky part about being non-binary is just how the world perceives me. Clearly this is something a lot of other non-binary/trans people experience! I took a gamble being vulnerable on here and it seems to have struck a chord. I'm glad there are others who can relate. Please always be kind!!!
Also if you care for more yapping, I do stream on twitch and draw too! twitch.tv/sentientbeingg
I match your experience almost perfectly, thanks for talking about it!
r u nigerian?
@@ididntknowwhattonamemyself9626 Yes!!
@sentientbeinggg you'll be her'ed but you won't be heard😔
@sentientbeinggg recognized the accent ;3
can't agree w evwrything more.. and you're art is BLOODY GORGEOUSSSSSS:0
Do yo thing>.
what I am: They/He nonbinary person
what I call myself irl to avoid conflict: boy
what everyone that isnt super close to me sees me as: girl
I'm the same. It sucks and I hope one day society will change. For now though, just know that you are a valid person just like anyone else despite what others think of you.
@@FinnRodgers-ce4bq Thank you :]
We support you, dude! 💪
Fr whenever I go anywhere everyone just assumes I’m a girl because I have long hair ig and I have too much social anxiety to correct them….
I'm not exactly non-binary but I'm still a transmasc genderfluid, I can relate heavy to this comment :(
As someone who uses he/him exclusively as a nonbinary person I always felt bad for people who want to present completely androgynous, or even just simply use they/them pronouns because I know from experience these people probably get little to no respect and it infuriates me.
It's so crazy the amount of flack I get for simply just stating my pronouns. Very upsetting...
To me it makes sense to accept all pronouns.
I had a funny moment where my friend used they them for me while we were orderding food, and the server was like.. "They..? Is she pregnant?" and i almost cried laughing. I clarified, and she still gave a side eye, but it sucks just going numb
I'm trying to identify as non-binary, completely, and yeah while people disrespect my pronouns honestly I live in New York, there are bound to be people that disagree on such a fundamental level
So ig I just kinda ignore them 🤷
Some people doing a whole schpeel about how it isn't right yadda yadda, I just say 'ok' usually and let the weirdo be
Let them live in their box because they don't wanna learn to be more accepting, and that's okay, as long as we are I figures that's all that matters
Being enby in Germany sucks because we don't have they/them here. The closest you have is It/its but that is not always an option especially cuz lots of people feel uncomfortable when calling someone an "it" as it feels very dehumanizing. I mean I get it. But then as an AFAB NB I struggle so much with my chest. My genes cursed me with D cup and I couldn't find a single way to get rid of them without going bankrupt. German docters are either very conservative and will tell me to keep them and think about getting babys instead OR actually be supportive. However, the insurance companies won't support your decision to get your boobas removed unless you either go on T and transition (I don't want to fully transition and I don't need T) or proof that your boobas cripple your back and or have cancer in them. My dysphoria is so bad and I won't be able to get my boobs removed. It is a daily struggle and I wish they were gone.
I can relate so much!
It's pretty much the same in them post soviet countries, both in terms of the lack of they/them pronouns and lack of any top surgery acknowledgment, I think for most it is unless you were in a psych ward for a while and are on T.
A doctor literally told my friend who is 19 that they are WEIRD for not finding the first male in the street and giving birth from him the moment they turned 18 purely based off chest size and body type, refused to do any tests on why they have debilitating period cramps because "just birth a baby this will go away"... Completely ignoring the fact that the person in front of him is only into women and has blatant signs of dysphoria...
The same doctor ignored the fact that the friend has every symptom of a certain disability, which was later diagnosed with a different doctor in a private hospital... And would basically be a deadly hindrance to pregnancy and could easily make them immobile by 30 without the pregnancy... In a country that lacks wheelchair accessibility, if we are being cold and sadistic like those "sane" men who run at any sign of responsibility to suggest it's worth it.
By the way, to prove that you are a trans woman you need to say that you like guys and wish to find a husband, but oooooh boy fucklng try to prove that you are any sort of transition deserving person if you are afab, good luck, let alone if you are enby.
Not to trivialize the trans women experiences, it's still hell, especially when you are socially conditioned to undergo every surgery under the sun for literally just being a gay dude and liking sparkly things, but it's like conservative doctors only treat dysphoria seriously if it's a man who doesn't want to be a "true manly male man", not if it's some, idk what it is to them, fertile incubator throwing a tantrum over normal incubator experiences...
Yeah I think using it/its pronouns should be the default if you are female in a conservative environment, because come on, this pretending that they even see afab people as people gotta go, if you treat us like androids, do it to the end, we don't get no gender, it me to the ground.
Sorry, my dystopia itch just came through 😅
I'm so sorry to hear this! And it also sucks, my native language doesn't have they/them in it either. I'm so so sorry to hear about your dysphoria. Sending you lots of love
fellow german here, the pronoun situation does kinda suck but there are more options! the non-binary people i know use dey/dem("demm")/deren (i've seen sier used in literature but i have yet to meet anyone using that irl)
(obv pronouns don't equal gender also, this is for anyone looking for a they/them equivalent)
Also German here! I really try to use the dey/dem pronounces for enby people but I'm on a good way to it to make it to a habit! I got kind of lucky with my body. I am petite and for having a C cup with my body looks kind of huge. But it's smol enough to cover them. I don't want a transition either because what I really need is just a second, a male body because I'm liquid (genderfluid) and a body can't take these transitions for obvious reasons. My hair does a lot of work since I've got an androgynous cut. I don't feel uncomfortable anymore wearing dresses and skirts or make up. It has such a huge input to feel androgynous enough and I kind of love that
Same with the portuguese language, in portuguese masculine pronouns are also neutral, but today they are used much more for the masculine than for the neutral, which can make people uncomfortable.
Im also nb and afab, and whenever someone refers to me as "girl" or "she", i just feel like they aren't talking to me, that there's this "girl" behind my back that people see instead of me, like, I'm just me. I'm not a woman, not a man, just good ol' me, that's it. It doesn't help that society sucks and a lot of people are bigoted and i can't get treatment.
whenever people called me girl or she, apart of me liked it cause it was nice to see that they could see a very masculine looking afab person and still think girl because that proved they weren't misogynistic and could see masculine girls as still girls. But on the other hand, it gave me dysphoria and confused me ive rarely ever been called girl and she before, and nowadays when people call me it, it feels gender neutral like how people call a group of people "guys" idk how to explain it
I feel so so similarly! Whenever I get "she'd" it genuinely doesn't feel like I'm being referred to!
You are a woman/girl
AMAB NB from Mexico here.
Living in a gendered language makes it harder cuz even if you openly express being NB to people, they will still refers to you with male pronouns as it is the grammatically right thing to do, and asking them to change that (with neo pronouns for example) would kinda be asking them to use language in a way they simply believe is wrong
Well because it is wrong. Male pronouns are the default. And referring to someone as ''Elle'' would mean the distortion of Spanish grammar. Take Raine from The Owl House as an example, what do you think the dub did?
🤝 another nb from mexico here, yeaaah it sucks to all hell. makes me wish that time would speed up and we'd have another gender neutral option ingrained in our language that's just normal and an option, and i get why people are so hesitant to use the new "elle y le" shit, it's new and doesn't completely fit in with the language yet and nobody has grown up pronouncing it all their lives yet unlike El y Ella so it's just foreign, but it still feels shitty being stuck with two binary options for the rest of your life when you're in another box completely. cheers to still persevering despite it all though even if it's hard
Same with french I feel you
yeah I hate when people do that.. as if language isnt a construction that always changes...
i’m also a NB from méxico, i relate a lot i feel like no matter what most of society will perceive me as a woman :/
Honestly, as someone that falls under the non-binary umbrella, I just pretend to be cisgender in real life because I feel like nobody would take me seriously as anything but my assigned sex at birth. The furthest I ever go is going by a preferred name at work/school and when asked for my pronouns on a form I answer any pronouns. Other than that, I'm usually just pretending to be something I'm not because of that one idea in my head that people won't accept me for who I am. (Sorry if this is too personal, just figured I'd say this where I'm anonymous and nobody I know would be able to find me more likely than not anyways)
Wow that's so similar to me 😭especially at work and outside my friend bubble
@@sentientbeinggg Yeah... I suppose that's why I related to your video so much
That's similar to me, all my life I've been kind of paranoid people will think I'm weird so I try and act as normal as possible. My relationship with gender is practically non-existent so I just don't rock the boat by mentioning it to anyone, plus it doesn't bother me much
LITERALLY me 😭
oof that's relatable
like yes i'm very nonbinary but i don't wanna bother people about it irl. i'm fine with only being open about it online, in text form, where people can go look up my pronouns on their own instead of having me tell them.
my friends gender me correctly and honestly that's all i need
Jesus I feel so heard with this. If I tell someone I use they/them pronouns, they assume I’m hopping on a “trend” and it feels weird. I have just omitted being my true self. I feel gender really should not matter but our societies say otherwise.
I usually say I’m just a tomboy. If I lived in a world where I COULD represent myself to my true extent, I would identify as nonbinary.
in reality, they're the ones who have jumped on a trend. if it were a trend, you wouldn't be contemplating your identity, but they don't actually bother contemplating the experiences of enbys, rather blindly accepting the claim that it's a trend, this claim being spread by illiterate people online. it's inconsiderate.
"Trend" yeah like im actively hopping on the trend of being a minority 😭
this just described exactly how i've felt about my gender identity basically my whole life. i just couldn't find the words to explain how im not a boy or a girl but will still live a woman's experience. and then i finally see a video discussing this, which seems to resonate with many other people too. thank you for talking about this, and i love your artwork!
Thank you for your compliment! And I'm glad you can relate!!
I've always kinda felt disconnected from womanhood. Stuff like cute things, pretty dresses, makeup I love but more social expectations and being truly perceived as a woman makes me so upset. I identify as a demigirl (or Girl Lite tm) bc I don't really mind being feminine but it's just not entirely me. Maybe it's the autism who knows lol (also I started identifying that way when I first found out you were agender bc I was like oh wow you can do that 😮) anyways here's hoping you fund now people who understand get you ❤
I read somewhere that being autistic makes it more likely for you to be transgender, so probably lol
do you mean ™?
Literally same, I have never felt like a guy. And if someone ever refers to me as a man if makes me physically cringe 😭 I also wonder if it's the autism too lmaooo
Maybe ur gender non-conforming which isnt exactly nonbinary but like tomboy or girlboss ig
I think you're so goated, and I'm glad my identity helped you find yours??!! That's so cool, I love you, you're the bestest ever 🥹🥹🥹
As an AMAB nonbinary person, there's a lot of similar doubts and social complications here that I resonate with too 😢
I'm glad and sad you can relate, may the world treat us kindlier.
Hello 👋🏾 also nb amab, it suckssss
Saaaaaame! (I also just posted a more extensive reply in main...)
this is why I surround myself with other queer people, because I know they see me as nonbinary- people who haven't delved into their relationship with gender tend to have a very narrow-minded view of what gender really is and are too commonly committed to pushing their idea of gender onto you
As do I! But!! I've also found some really accepting allies. Trust me they're out there. And they're amazing people as well
That's the only healthy way forward really
This is what i do but still i get some people who are queer who still dont understand sadly, but I am making them understand, that sounded forceful sorry. I am educating them and explaining to them different feelings of gender differences etc etc.
@@user-zx4ov4ns7oThere are quite a few queer people at my work, which I was really excited about as I don't have a lot of queer friends. But I soon learned that they don't respect nonbinary people. There's an enby who works with us, but remotely. My queer coworkers are the main one's constantly misgendering them. And I've heard some comments made that imply nonbinary is just a silly trend. Hence why I decided not to come out at work. She/her pronouns don't bother me much anyways, but still so disappointing. I thought I could finally be myself at work. Oh well.
@aspiringcrone Yeah it's the safest when we get the hate from our own community.
it's even more frustrating, in my opinion, when you're hanging out with other queer people and they try to push you into a more easily understandable box
i've had people force both femininity and masculinity onto me, depending on what they assume my agab to be and it always feels wrong
i find it annoying how often people will use masc terms as gende rneutral but never fem terms like a lot of us dont wanna be called by masc terms, yet people do it anyway because they think masc terms are neutral by default so they call nonbinary people "bro, dude, man, guy" And its so dysphoric. But they'll say its gender neutral. Yet they wont call a nonbinary person "girl, sis, gal, woman" cause femininity isnt neutral to them.
It all boils down to the "male is default" idea. And it sucks because the closest to neutral in my language is masculine pronouns.
We really need to let go of that idea that male is the base gender as a whole :/. Not just in languages like mine, but culturally speaking (internationally) as well.
just a question, is 'pal' considered masculine?? i want to use it in place of masculine terms but im unsure if it is as neutral as i think it is
@@Randod2💀
@@templecattI don't think so. there are terms like "pen pal" that can describe someone of any gender so that one's probably fine. if you need others try "friend" and "comrade" or maybe "buddy," tho that one might be more masc idk
I was thinking of this too! How come gender neutral terms just means male terms 😭
"Just another girl who wants to be something special." Damn, hearing that was like a jab to the heart. Im still fairly new on my nb journey, (I've known for about a year and a half now!) But it can still be scary. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am and im sitting in a good place rn, but I could be doing better. I wish that I could go and explore myself the way that I want, I wish I could experiment, and I wish I could be openly myself. Thankfully I have friends who accept me and times to myself where I can be who I am. For those who were scared like me, it's going to get better. There's going to be ppl who don't understand you and won't respect you and it'll be hard, but they never deserved you anyways. You are stronger and more capable than you realize. Be the change you want to see in the world, and keep fighting that good fight. ✊
So kind 🥹🥹🥹
Aww, thank you for sharing! I tooootally get what you mean, I'm also NB and AFAB, and I have been on T for years. It worked TOO WELL tho, lol - I got the lower voice and bigger muscles I wanted, but I also went bald... so now I don't look androgynous at all XD
Now I have to come out as NB to ppl who think I'm cis male! And they always look a little confused like, "You're bald with a beard. Don't you want the safety of being a cis man in our society? Why paint a target on your back like that?" And it's for the same reason you said, that it's important to be who we are on the inside. Sure, it would be EASIER to be 'stealth' binary, but it's UNCOMFORTABLE to be sitting in spaces where everyone else thinks no queer people are present... They will SAAAAY THIIIIINGGS... XD
We're all trying to be ourselves in a place where there's very few of us, and the various non-binary labels are SO NEW, we're even having to build the trail as we walk it! But that means we also have the great opportunity, to become EXACTLY what we want, we don't HAVE TO fit ourselves into the two boxes that were handed down to us from thousands of years ago. Boundless, terrifying freedom, to build our own paths.
Ohhh, that's why you picked your name! It makes so much sense! :D I love hearing the stories behind people's names. Cuz online, they're picked by the actual person so they have meaning! Most of the time. Mine is just a meaningless pile of numbers because I didn't want to have a gender attached to my name... Huh, that's also why I use plants or geometric shapes as my avatars! So maybe it DOES have a meaning!
OOH that line of people saying things when they assume no queer people are present is so real!! The audacity! I've had to sit around people who boldly say non-binary people don't exist. Presenting femininely is safety, but at what cost? Your name does have a meaning if you so wish teehee! Also congrats on your T journey for years!!! I wish I could commit, but I like my hair a bit too much 😭 Non-binaries together strong!
@@sentientbeinggg oouf sorry you had to deal with that. Im on year ten of testosterone and still have all my hair. I just buzzed it a month ago and its still growing back. It just boils down to genetics. But yeah how people look doesn't mean their non binary or not. I hate that society has just made non binary into a box that you have to look like an androgenous twink when you don't. You can just be yourself and be non binary.
I mean...as a trans man, I dont think gender exists? I think we're all agender, some of us are just less aware of it. It's so much easier living binary because of how society is structured, but gender is a social construct.
I am comfortable looking "like a man", and I prefer people thinking of me that way - I suit the stereotype of "man" pretty well. But I don't really identify as a man. I have no concept of gender in my mind. I transitioned because of physical gender dysphoria, but I don't particularly care what gender people perceive me as so long as they see me as AMAB.
Maybe some people do experience feelings of gender, I can't know that. But from what I've seen, I think we're all just going along with societal expectations by identifying in these rigid boxes.
Then are you agender instead of trans male?
There's a hard truth on what you say and that's it that we're all just performing to live in the construct of the society (with each of it's cultural diversity). It's not hard to thing that if things were different, from the very start, gender wouldn't be a thing at all, or it would be just a whole diferent concept, who knows. People always brings animals to compare biology with our situation, when biology and sociology had nothing to do with eachother; in fact, animals don't follow gender norms because they don't even know tf a gender is. A female animal wouldn't mind itself any different from a male besides their role in reproductions, which are instinctual, not identitary.
FR
As a genderfluid person, I don’t agree that gender is entirely a social construct. Obviously gender roles, presentation, and expectations are completely constructed, but I do firmly experience feelings of gender in a way that cannot be attributed to any social aspect.
@@Null-value The feelings you have toward gender are absolutely real, but gender itself is still a social construct. every society and culture that developed independently cultivated an idea of how many genders there were and what they were, but that's just the thing- the idea of gender is something that has to be cultivated. I think it's inherent to humans in the way that we do feel that our roles and attributes in life separate us into categories of gender, but no specific gender such as "man" or "woman" is inherent- it's learned. that doesn't mean that the feelings of gender you have are false in any way, but gender itself is a social construct
Stop being so real 💔💔💔In Spain being NB sucks too bc people just make fun of enby people there, they made neutral pronouns and people just make fun of them, it's sad
Hi! i'm a NB person from Argentina and your video just popped up on my feed. First of all, your drawing looks fantastic! second is, lol I resonated hard with your video. I've been through quite the gender journey for around 3 years i guess? what I know is that society is not ready for nonbinary people... But that doesn't means we should quite presenting our true selves to the rest of the world, our existence is enough to prove a point without need for words. I've learned that I don't need to explain myself nor how I feel to others, I don't have to prove how much of a nonbinary or a trans person I am, this is what I AM and whatever the rest of the world thinks of me is NOTHING. And yes, we are people, we don't need more than that and we're perfect just that way. I really don't care much what pronouns others use to me, i'm quite used to the "ella" so it doesn't bothers me, but being called "él" or "elles" fits just as fine, I also use neutral language despite whatever others may think of it; I know enough about communication to be sure i'm not doing anything wrong. The most important thing is that I learned to do things for myself; my happyness and comfort first, rather than to try and be accepted or fit in people's despictions of how a nonbinary person should look like. Honestly? there's not a rule and i'm glad of it. Androgynous people, bi genders, two souls and long etcetera had existed for millenia; gender binarism is a construct as much as gender is by itself. Biology can presents in so many unique ways, there's not such a thing as white or black, this or that.
Besides all that, I know sometimes we just can't scape feeling bad when people is fucking mean to us, so I hope wholeheartedly you can find some rest from all that shit and be able to enjoy yourself freely, because that's all that matters.
Thank you for your sweet compliment!! YES!! You are you!! No explanation needed!! :D Your happiness and comfort trumps all...such wise words! Much love to Argentina!!
as someone who feels both female and male at times, it sucks. It really does, I used it be so feminine but I used to feel like a guy then, but now that I look like a guy I feel more like a girl, and it makes me feel so dysphoric that I can’t just look the way I want to.
I always felt left out with girls, I never felt very girlish or boyish. I don’t do make up and I’m not interested in many things most girls around me like, and I’m not interested in most things boys like. I hate the standard attitude for boys and girls, I behave like neither, I dress like neither. Sometimes I wish gender/sex wasn’t that important. I like that in my native (kazakh) language we have the same pronouns for men and women «ол» and we don’t have “word endings” that depend on the gender of a person or item, like in russian. But we do have different names for big and little sisters/brothers, that depend whether you’re a big or little sister/brother, never understood why, it’s kinda weird.
you are just you your personality does not define our gender or the things you like that should be obvious to you by now
@@dukcboy912 I know. I just don’t understand how others are chill about being one thing and not overthinking. Most (especially older gen) people make everything about gender, I guess that’s why it makes me and some other people confused
@@rainyuwu3129 because it's a useless thing to waste time with doubt, older people don't have any doubt about who they are or what they like, while the younger gen is overthinking everything in their life trying so hard to fit in, it's a problem caused by over polarization in the US over the ideal family that's why it's mostly in US these debates
Non-binary people don’t owe anyone in androgyny.
I have a lot of conversations with friends and peers that their envious of me that I’m able to present myself androgynously that they’d wanna do some drastic change their appearance, even though that they know it’s not them and just really upsets me that people bottled down non-binary to just an androgynous third gender.
Sometimes I’ve confronted people about their continual refusal of respecting someone’s identity and they would say shit like well “They don’t “really” try or they’re not “really” non-binary or trans like you” or whatever lame excuse.
A lot of it can come down to privilege. Not having the money to pursue affirming care or safe binding option are safe packing options etc. etc.
I can still remember the time when I was forced to conform because of the abusive religious community that I was stuck in. And not all of my bio family came out of it at the same time I did and it took a long time to get respect from them. And I mean, femininity ,masculinity ,androgyny is all subjective anyways. Makeup and high heels were originally designed for men for example.
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life how I am now but there are still things i’m not happy with and I’m working on change ,It’s important to note that it’s for me first and foremost.
I don’t know I don’t really have an answer and I don’t think anyone else does I just hope overtime people get less obsessed with categorizing people and just letting them be.
I wish you all the best and their ability to feel comfortable with yourself and your community
I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes I’m dyslexic
A lot of check boxes there and there
Thank you so much for this. I think I really needed to hear it. But it's so hard to expect to be they'd and yet not present as androgynously as possible. But you're so right. Thank you for being the voice of reason, and good on you for correcting those people! It's really the small things.
people dont seem to understand masculine and feminine, male and female, are just numbers, assigned to the categories of the social roles we are supposed to fit. dont get me wrong, i support my trans brothers and sisters, but primarily because they're expressing their individuality rather than accepting the societal arbitration of gender to be equivalent to sex, that should thusly dictate the way they live their life.
“Girl voice??” What *girl voice* I wish I had your voice!! It’s very androgynous :D
Thank you so much I'm sooo flattered 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️
I’m non-binary and I adore it
Same! ❤
I love being non binary
love being nonbinaryy ❤
I love it too! I just wish more people treated me as such :(
@@sentientbeinggg :(
I've never cared about how others percieve me as long as they could see who I am, so when I realized I was NB it wasn't a shock. I am a shifting blob of emotions and thoughts and who I am changes with what's on my mind and how I feel. But all of that is hard to describe and express in words to people who don't get it, so I get to hide behind the fantastic mask of "I literally don't care what pronouns you call me by" around people who don't know me
It’s nice to see someone else talking about this. I’m nonbinary as well, and while my gender feels completely neutral, I still like to dress feminine. (Which is quite inconvenient because being called she/girl makes me incredibly dysphoric.)
Being very quiet and non-confrontational makes it hard for me to correct or inform people of my pronouns, so a lot of the time I just don’t. And unlike binary trans ppl, I’ll probably have to keep doing it for my whole life.
I hope it becomes a lot more accepted in the future so I don’t have to consider my safety whenever a stranger asks me “if I’m a boy or a girl”.
My stories isn’t terribly different. I’m also agender and use they/them pronouns. My whole life I was uncomfortable with ultra masculine things such as tuxes, being muscular, or other things of the like. It made me feel odd. That’s not why I started to ID as agender. I did so because I had no connection to gender. Being called a man or referred to masculinely always feels odd to me as well. Honestly, my voice occasionally makes me dysphoric, whenever it’s low, but that tends to change day by day. I have an affinity to femininity, I’ve always been called to it as a child. I’d love to present more femininely (or just androgynously), maybe even go on HRT too. That doesn’t make me a woman though. You can have any presentation and be some flavor of non-binary.
I’ve been lucky to have a lot of friends who respect my identity and pronouns, although a lot of religious people in my life haven’t had the best reaction to my queerness. It’s caused me to become semi-closeted again.
I get what you're saying! I'm afab too, and ever since I started questioning my gender until now, where I know that I'm nonbinary and genderfluid (as much as my gender changes, I often "stay" in nonbinary), I've always seen trans folks presenting in a more masculine or androginous way. This led me to think that I was "less nonbinary" or not "nonbinary enough". Now I know I can be afab and more femme presenting *and* nonbinary.
However, I've seen it's easier for others to perceive trans men or nonbinary people as such, if they submit to masculinity/androginity. And it sucks. I'm always seen as a girl and the only time a stranger called me by gender neutral pronouns (I'm from Argentina, so it'd be 'elle', 'chique', etc) was when I was wearing a nonbinary bracelet. I'm pretty used to being called as a girl so it isn't a big issue for me, but for other people, it is.
If you don't see yourself as what you are, who will? It's up to one to embrace themselves as what they are, no matter if people don't like it. Maybe we can't be openly out to everyone for our safety, but it's important to know deep down who we are and what we are. Sending love!
Thank you for your very kind words! I wish better acceptance for the both of us. Sending love back!!
The fact that society has so heavily pushed gendered roles on everything at this point is extremely frustrating when it comes to this type of stuff.
Im a transfem, so I obviously don't 100% know where you're coming from but I do relate a lot.
Like I hate the fact that from these masculine and feminine roles existing, there could be literally the straightest cis girl imaginable but she acts very masculine so people think shes trans or lesbian.
Or a straight guy who paints his nails is assumed to be gay.
Things like that are frustrating, and people have been conditioned to these roles for so fucking long it's ridiculous.
A person's physical appearance doesn't define them.
And that applies not only to identity and sexuality, but their personality and characteristics too.
This!!! My main struggle has been my voice and chest. I wear a binder to try and feel more neutral externally, I prefer tuxes and more neutral clothes, and for the longest time I was SCARED to wear a dress because I didn't want to be seen like that.
I had an exception where I was the only Soprano that wore a tux, and I was one of the two highest Sopranos in that Chamber Choir in high-school. It's been so tough, because my natural more 'friendly' voice is very fem, but my preferred voice is deeper, and I always wanted to be a Bass, but.. how do you risk T when your voice means so much to you?
I have my pronouns on my badge at work and people still see my name and miss the pronouns right next to it, and while I'm super patient because I know people just. Don't know, or didn't notice, they never meant any harm, but it still hurts some, y'know?
My grandmother was the hardest, as I tried to talk to her about my issues with my chest, my disconnect, feeling like they were parasites, like they never belonged on me, and she tried to tell me it was just 'part of being a woman, you'll grow into them and grow to like them' and I just
Hated how she said it in such a 'duh, you should know that' manner, belittling me..
I want to lean masc presenting, but.. I don't want to take on the binary, I just.. want to wear what makes me feel like *me.* My gender is me. It's just. That. However I feel, however I dress, whatever I feel like day by day.. my presentation is fluid, and my gender is unchanging because I identify with the lack thereof in that sense. That I don't claim any one or other, and for the sake of convenience, feel like he/they defines me best in the terms that others want to use, but.. I just exist. ..Yeah.
I'm glad to feel like someone else gets that to that extent, that you're just sort of. You. Not some specific binary identity, and not even a specific identity outside of the pair, just. You. And Agender defines that pretty well.
I remember how excited I was when, at my third pride parade, they *finally* had an agender flag. Middle school, Weber State University had a float for the parade here, and I remember being on it, and how excited I was to put pinwheels in the foam of the back of the float, and even getting my picture on their paper that year with everyone else in the back because my mother was in college (came back after not being in for a bit), and how I looked everywhere for that flag, as it was my first year, and the best I got was a tiny one on a stick, the cloth being the size of my hand.
I'm so glad to see more folks find themselves, and more identities get the respect and eyes they deserve ^^
this comment ❤❤❤
i relate so much,, i just wanna exist
Oh my gosh, I've never resonated with a point of view so much as I have now 😭 The voice comment is so real...gosh the struggle of having to choose. I'm sorry for what your grandma said to you...perhaps there are others in your life who are more understanding and will show you grace and respect
T doesnt destroy your voice. You could still sing just as good as you do now. You just need to adapt to your new voice and practice while it changes. Also you can take hrt for a while and then get off again if thats a better way for you.
oh my god this found me at the best possible time!! i'm feeling so dysphoric bc a classmate found out my deadname and directly asked about it? i'm genderfluid, i like having masculine and feminine traits, i use he/they/she pronouns in that order, i'm not fully a guy OR fully a girl and that's somehow impossible for people to understand. even the people that support me, including all my trans friends, are binary and see me as just a guy. that's not me either and it's frustrating as hell. everything is so black and white in our society that even the possibility of thinking outside that norm is mind-blowing for people. and i'm done correcting everyone over my pronouns and explaining my identity and outing myself at every corner just so people can pretend to respect me. i just want to live.
they/he enby here :3 i relate a fair bit to your way of understanding yourself!! i've seen myself as just a person for the longest time now, even though i only came out last year
i also haven't really tried to present any different... i've only changed my gender and my (english) pronouns. everything else is the same. maybe i'd do more if i was perfectly alone more often? idk
Im apagender, meaning that i don't really care what gender or pronouns people use on me, i dont relate to all but most. Like i know people will always see me as a woman and use she/her on my probably and ive got no problem with that but like it would be at least nice if other pronouns would be used too. I MEAN I USE THEM ALL. And i don't want any transition or whatever. I do think smt how annoying my boobas are and want THEM GONE. but like also wanna keep em. and like i probably also wont stop using like the woman's bathroom or watch vids directed to females. i just wish i didn't had any things on my body or idk that say "u a female!".. idk if that makes sense but kinda like agender but im not agender... dayum bro 😭 im just gay trying to live my life IN PEACE brother.
(tho i love that i cant be mistendered by ANYONE ^ - ^)
(also i apologise for my shit english i am no native)
Wow, that sounds like me, didn't know there was a different word for it
This video was great, you shared it at the perfect time too for me since I'm going through a lot right now. I was just caught really caught off guard today by my mother coming into my room today to remind me "We're still waiting on your explanation for being non-binary, I'm pretty certain you're just being a tomboy."
That's so sadly diminutive...you're allowed to express yourself however and not need to be tied down to labels that might not fit you
@@sentientbeinggg Thankyou, this means a lot to me :)
I really understand this. I'm a trans man(he/him pronouns), but even the people I've told irl don't see me as a man. To them I'm just a little girl playing dress up, or I'm one of those people you just avoid because I look weird. I've been told by many people I'm androgynous looking, but still my voice gives me away. I feel disconnected with manhood because nobody sees me as a man, I am too young to medically transition, and I didn't grow up with the knowledge that I even could be a man. But I am also just... not a woman, so I'm obviously disconnected with womanhood. I feel like I don't have a community, especially because I don't like talking about the fact that I'm trans. It feels like a fault of mine. Something dishonorable.
But online, I can just be me. A guy. People will just assume I'm cis(depending on the community), and it's awesome.
Being nonbinary sucks because it’s never a respected identity and i don’t think it’ll ever be considered ‘normal’ in this society. Like i’m happy it’s MORE normalized but it still sucks. and dysphoria is terrible too 😭 if i was happy with being either a woman or a man, people would treat me like anyone else. but when ur nonbinary u aren’t even real to a lot of people.
Pro tip from an enby after 5 years on HRT. Androgyny in the eyes of the cis is impossible. They will always choose a binary gender to inflict upon you. So just figure out a way to present that makes you the happiest.
I’m an afab nonbinary individual as well and honestly, it’s been one hell of a struggle just getting comfortable in my own skin. I went though trying to be feminine(ish), it made me extremely self continuous so I pushed so desperately to be masculine and it hurt to have people still use she/her. It was one hell of an experience but in the end, as much as it can be a little unsettling when people use she/her, I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to use they/any and dress the way I feel like it. That being said, you’ll never catch me in a dress or skirt but I rely on my binders and flip flop between androgynous and masc clothing. I still use the fem designated bathroom cause of how I was socialized but it’s really nice to see more and more gender neutral bathrooms pop up.
Anyway, I’ve come to terms with the fact people out side of my circle and even some in it are gunna see me as a girl and maybe that’s all they’ll ever see but as long as you’re happy in your skin and you surround yourself with people who respect and love you for who you are, that’s all that should matter. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope one day we can just live our lives peacefully :>
Seeing gender neutral bathrooms is so lovely and it proves that we can get there as a society. I hope we can live peacefully too one day!!
I often feel dysphoric about my voice (I’m afab) and it helps me to think, that younger boys in cartoons are often voiced by women, and you couldn’t tell their gender just from their voice either, plus a lot of people thought I was an underage kid in videogame vcs so honestly that sometimes helps
I like being NB but it can be a bit upsetting sometimes I try to tell my pronouns to every person I can but it gets awkward when they forget and I have to tell them again not wanting to come off as annoying. At first people referring to me with He/Him pronouns was uncomfortable but now it’s just annoying. I don’t like being seen as masculine it’s not me. I want to be a bit feminine yes, but I also know I’m non-binary.
You're very valid!!
@@sentientbeinggg Thanks, you too.
Ah yeah I get it. I’m non-binary and there is no specific reason, like same reasoning that would be given to someone in the binary ig. I just feel so unwell about the concept of gender in general, I just need to escape it. Like someone trying to force me into a box in a way. So yeah, I’m here to fight the power. And when society is so hardwired to gender things (I’ll find that root and prune it eventually) it’s so hard to escape and I have to teeter in a delicate balance.
Thanks for your thoughts ::)
Yooo as a fellow agender person who relates to what you're saying, gender is fucked. But yeah feeling trapped in the way other people see you in regard to gender sucks. So the struggles real. Well wishes and if you're not a girl youre not one! The only person who gets to decide your gender is you.
I'm AMAB and duosex and I agree with alot of the thing said here. I feel this so much.
I'm glad you can relate !
Im a demigirl person and its actually so annoying to correct ppl that i use They/She (Ｔ＿Ｔ) this goes on in games and irl where i need to correct to use They/them when referred (and that friends and family can use She on me)) and sometimes the ppl respond so unnecessarily rude ;x;
im glad that youve shared this too !! :3 i rlly love agender ppl and how unique yall r fr
Issues in gender is inevitably related to issues in race. “Femininity” presented in media and mainstream conception actually refers to white femininity, while other forms of femininity are unacknowledged.
I'm a demigirl (the way I feel about it is it's more like I can switch between the two or be both at the same time, I think..? It's just this feeling) and I can't find not one person who will refer to me as 'they' or 'them' so I never can find that gratitude of being addressed properly. Not even friends will say it even after I've talked to them many times before and they agreed to start swapping it in and out with their usual vocabulary of 'she' and 'her' that they use for me. I'm also black + a minor and my people won't stop buying me more feminine presenting clothing no matter how many times I say that's nice but I like baggy alternative clothing more. I've thought about ways I can try to be more me but there's really just no way of winning with these people. So, overall, I can't say I fully understand but I will say after listening, I've grasped a better understanding on these issues. Thank you for talking about this, Sentient 🫶🏽.
Woah! I have a friend who's a demigirl. You guys are really neat. And as my own personal rule of thumb, if I meet someone who ...say they're masculine presenting and they have he/they pronouns, I make it my personal problem to refer to them mostly with they! People tend to ignore the they part. But I know what kind of joy it can bring to be referred to that way. I hope your friends will warm up to your preferred pronouns soon. Have a lovely day!
That's so frustrating they won't refer to you how you want. A few years ago I asked my friends to start mixing in 'they' and 'he' to the usual 'she' but I think they kind of forgot and when I reminded them they used 'they' maybe once :(
Now I don't have that problem anymore because I don't have any friends lol :')
That may seem sad but on the plus side it's hard to get misgendered if no-one's talking about you!
I just wanted to say thank you for putting this out there. I've been struggling with pretty much the exact same thing recently. I'm Non-Binary afab but being called a girl just feels so wrong, but it's exhausting to constantly correct people and it makes me feel guilty like they're going to think I think they're a bad person for if I mention it, which I don't, but it's still really hard to remember that my pain is worth mildly inconveniencing people for. And I sometimes enjoy dressing quite femininely. But I find myself tending to dress more masculinely because I'm like maybe people actually remember that I'm not a girl. Then. I feel like most the people I tell like you said just feel like I'm a girl but I want to be different or something? And that's just not why. Anyway, watching this made me feel really seen, and I hope that at some point non-binary people will just be able to exist without other people being weird about it.
(Vent)
I sometimes just feel like crying. When I want to present little bit more feminine and then my dad comes and say how pretty I am and then I just hate it. I go to school and I hear "she" all the fucking time even if people know I don't identify like that, and I'm too scared to correct my school friends, and problem with my language is that we don't have any they/them pronouns that can replace it. And best point in my life is when I'm with my friends that are from LGBTQ+ community or in class with my teacher that actually uses my preferred name. I'm just tired. At the same time it doesn't really bother me. And then it all comes crushing down. Sorry for venting.
I've always been apathetic towards gender as a concept. I only care when it comes to how my friends identify. I only present and introduce myself femininely for others convenience.
I hope one day you can present as you are
@@sentientbeinggg Thank you, that means a lot to me 💝
I feel this, Im not very open about it but I am nonbianary or at least SOME FORM of that and I totally get what your saying honestly. Its so frustrating and so dehuminziing when people treat me differently due to being nonbianary. Youre amazing for sharing your experience!
Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean alot 🥹
Ty for calling out the "women and NB" and "afab only" stuff. It really pisses me off when that shit is on apartment listings.
Also your voice is fairly deep, like just keep practicing. There were points in the video where if I heard it from someone I didnt know, I'd say "I cant tell, I should ask" which means thats its pretty androgenous. As a trans woman, I can empathize a lot with having a _wrong_ voice that wont automatically change. It's not easy, but progress is possible. I'm at the point where my voice is gendered as female online, if a bit weird sounding for now.
My suggestion is: learn how to listen to your voice. Feedback is the most important for learning and we hear our own voice different than others do (cause you're essentially hearing it from the back of your ears, not the air). In the beginning Id recommend using your computer to listen to your voice. There are also apps for your phone to get a graph gor individual things like pitch. Theyre mostly tailored for trans women (cause HRT doesn't do much for voice for us sadly), but you can always just deliberately keep it in a lower pitch. Also one thing that helps is to practice a wide range. Eg go much lower than you'd want for your goal, go higher than your default, and everything in-between. Resonance, cadence, nasality, and other small stuff are also important of course, but harder to quantify.
And of course the shared experience of clashing with the world hurts so much. I absolutely detest having to learn about "mens health" or shaving which is often very male centric. It's also hard cause AFAB/AMAB just feels like the same boxes we've been trying to escape. Like I can already see it being used against non-cis people like male/female often is, even in our own communities. I absolutely detest having the "AMAB" box weighing on me and wish we could keep those kinds of boxes exclusive to medicine and intamacy and nowhere else.
Idk, gender can be great and validating at times, but invalidating and horrible when people want to put us in boxes we dont belong, even if we'd better fit in a different box or none at all.
Thank you so much
Hunter Schafer, a mtf transwoman actress I once admired, is enbyphobic and transmedicalist. When asked about it, she doubled down and insisted that enbies were taking up too much of the conversation and taking it away from transpeople. It was so disappointing that even WITHIN the LGBT community, there are issues with biphobia, enbyphobia, etc. Makes you feel unsafe everywhere. :/
I felt uncomfortable when someone calls me girl but also get uncomfy when someone calls me boy it kinda feels weird
if i want ANYONE to not call me a girl or "her" i have to constantly look out for and correct people when they mess up, and i HATE IT!!! WHY should it be MY responsibility that others RESPECT ME??
You. I don't know you at all but just hearing this, I feel like you're my twin. I thought that having these thoughts was because I'm not out IRL, but it looks like not...
You are super brave, talking to family and new people about it, even if it sucks. I hope you realize that ❤
Thank you🥹
As much as I wanna say “from one non-binary person to another, you shouldn’t care about if you present masculine or feminine”, but I am literally in the same boat. I’m AMAB and I’m terrified of doing anything to present less masculine
This really resonated with me, like a lot of other thoughts from queer folks on here. It feels so difficult to untangle the whole construct of gender and put it into words, but over the years, and thanks to queer activism/education, I’ve started to question my own gender more every day. But I’m not yet at a point where I know if I’m NB or not.
I’m an AMAB person, but since I was a child, the whole idea of gender as a social construct weirded me out, even though it was obviously more on a subconscious level back then. I still vividly remember the day when I expressed the desire to learn how to dance ballet, and my father absolutely lost his shit. Not long after, I was signed up at the local football/soccer club, and I absolutely hated it. I also loved giving my plushies and my sister’s dolls make-up and such, but my mom and I were pretty good at hiding it. She eventually got divorced, for the better. But it feels like at that point, it was too late, and the idea that I have to live as a boy was too much ingrained in my head, especially when bullying started in school because some people thought I was too girly.
Today, I look at manhood as a social construct mostly with disgust, but at the same time, I don’t have any desire to present more feminine (except for painting my nails black once in a while and my already long hair). I still present myself clearly as a guy and am viewed and treated as such, wearing a beard and masculine clothes (even though I’m really slim and non-muscular, which is not really "manly"), but my character traits are pretty much feminine in the way that I’m very compassionate, gentle, emotionally intelligent, and I love taking care of others. There are very rare situations, even to this day, when people who don’t know me think they can mock me by calling me “she” or a girl, but to me, it doesn’t even feel wrong. Or at least it doesn’t feel more right or wrong than when I’m called “he.” They/them isn’t really an option in my native language. Calling myself and presenting myself as “he” just makes it way easier to live in this society since male privilege is real (not saying that men aren’t struggling or that being raised as a boy doesn’t come with its own challenges). Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because of it. I opened up to some close friends that I couldn’t care less what pronouns people use when addressing me. They felt kind of indifferent about it and said they would prefer to address me by “he” since that’s what they got to know me by and what I present as (they don’t “get” all that queer stuff but aren’t discriminatory about it either).
At the same time, I really don’t want to refer to myself as they/them because, as mentioned, it’s not really an option in my native language, but also because I really, really don’t want to glue another label to myself and give people another box to put me in. There is this desire in me to surround myself with more queer, especially more NB, people, but as you mentioned, most of them are AFAB (and people identifying as NB are usually quite a bit younger than me), and because I present myself so clearly as a guy, just thinking about it feels like I would invade a safe space I’m absolutely not supposed to be in. Not to mention how this would look to bystanders who have zero understanding about queer people. I think I’d rather shoot myself right on the spot than ever work up the courage...
Right now, I’m fine with redefining “manhood” for myself. Doing my small part dismantling the whole shithole that are social gender constructs. I wish one day we can all just live as... humans, as who we are and feel inside. That’s the first time I’ve opened up to such an extent on the internet, but it felt good to get this off my chest.
Oh, and I really like your art; it’s very cute :) I started drawing again about 5 months ago myself (haven’t drawn anything since I was like... 14? I’m 30 now) and absolutely love it!
Thank you so much for sharing this, got me all emotional 😭Thank you for the compliment, and wow...such profundity. I wish one day we can all be seen as humans first :')
this is going so sound pretty opinionated, but it's my belief that our culture of seeing gender as different than sex will last only a hundred more years at most, just the time society will need to progressively break down gender roles enough for identifying as one over the other to not make sense anymore.
i'm aware that there are biological differences in the ways of thinking between boys and girls, but i observe that they must be no more than 5% of the dynamic, with the other 95% being purely social construct.
i'm hoping for a world were boy or girl only signifies your body, and at that only genitals, hormones and morphology, but has no deeper societal implications.
it's too bad that's not how the world already is, but this is likely the logical next step, i'm sorry if this was unrelated.
That would be a lovely world to live in I suppose.
And I don't want such a world, as a non-binary person I don't want to change my genitals and I want to be seen as non-binary
Within 100 years we will have new biological sexes as well
This video put my gender experience into words in a way I have never been able to. My gender exists in relation to societal norms as much as it does to my own internal sense of “I am not a girl.”
Some points you made especially struck such a cord with me, like being black in a white area and having that double minority status compounding your problems, I can relate to that, despite being white. I’m autistic, aroace, and nonbinary/genderfluid. It feels like I have to explain each of those things in detail whenever I mention one of them in passing and it is absolutely a barrier to me feeling connected to the rest of the world, and even to those I’m close with. People have these ideas about what my identity should look like and it’s exhausting to see those stereotypes on the daily.
Or, the part about automatically responding when someone says something targeted at women/girls just because it’s how you were raised. It is often hard being nonbinary because I’ll exist in women’s spaces and feel community but I am repelled by the thought of actually BEING one. And I feel even less connected to the idea of being a man. Being trans but still connected to your AGAB isn’t something I have seen discussed in depth like this before and I am seriously glad to have found this video.
Ever since I started questioning my gender, I’ve felt this pressure to categorize and explain it, especially after I’ve been outed to my parents and couldn’t even explain why I was anything other than a girl following a trend. I feel like I’m starting to get some headway now. Thank you very much
I relate to this mental struggle so much I'm glad I'm not the only one always rethinking my gender identity. I always arrive at the conslusion that yeah it's actually not that complicated I just *am* agender and that's it. I would love to be a girl right now I really vibe with the alt girl aesthetic but I'm just not a girl at the end of day I'm just me.
Oh my gosh I dress in a sort ..of alt ish way, maybe more emo and it's really fun!!!!!
as a non-non-binary person, this was really interesting to listen to! i wish i could send this to the people in my life who are less understanding of non-binary people (alas they don't speak english that well lol). i feel like those people often think a non-binary gender identity comes from a place of entitlement, when in reality so many non-binary people just (have to) accept being misgendered all the time for the sake of others and their own well-being. hope i'm not being disrespectful with this comment. props to you!!
I know that people will "She" me by default. It doesn't really bother me when it is someone who doesn't know me.
But some people try to know me. I tell them that I'd prefer to be called 'Dawn', but they is fine. Yet those people whom tried to know me keep going She. It's like a small betrayal, since they cared to ask what I prefer, and discarded my wishes immediately; sometimes even telling me that my request is inconvenient. Its gross
As an isolated enby - who has moderate transphobic people in my life. I naturally shut down upon getting shed on a regular basis. It's really hard to correct people who get irritated, or who are not acceptable to change. It's exhausting, so you dissociate in any way you can, despite the dysphoria that enby as myself - can't describe.
My mom just can't accept that she does not have a daughter anymore.
Lol I have issue of being missgendered all the time and I try rlly hard to look more masc, I literally wear a nonbinary flag and a pic with they them.. 😂😅. Your art is beautiful btw ❤
Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry to hear that :(
Maybe if you wears men clothes, people won't misgendered you instead of that wgat you're wearing
OMYGOSH THIS WAS RELATABLE
I’m a demigirl and i have alot of problems with my gender😭 I have always liked feminine things, but I also hate them(mainly because I had a pretty fucked up childhood and feminine things trigger me at times) and I’ve always felt super uncomfortable at looking at myself as a girl or even being called a girl.
for awhile I thought I was trans masc but I started to realize that I miss being feminine.
it’s really hard to present myself as a non binary person(manly because I’m a minor) but I look SO MUCH like a girl and I feel comfortable with it.
(Sorry if this didn’t really make sense at the end, I’m trying to think of how to word this💀)
you can be feminine as a guy or nonbinary though. theres a difference between gender expression and gender identity. If you miss being feminine but dont like being seen as a girl then you're probably a feminine guy or nonbinary person.
@@forest1605 yeah ik-
You’ve expressed a lot of the same thoughts I have had about myself. It’s easy for me to present androgynous or masculine online because of my naturally deep voice, but I look like your average Russian-American woman. Sometimes I wonder if I actually am Agender, but at the same time not any two Agender experiences are the same so I very well could be. I’m still trying to discover myself.
I wish you luck on your gender experience
@@sentientbeinggg Thank you so much 🥹🌻
I don't really find it a struggle, and maybe I'm just lucky, but I've always been percieved as gender ambiguous unless proven otherwise. I don't conform to feminine things and never did, felt it odd that tshirts were in the mens section, when frankly both genders could wear anything so long as it fit. I describe my existence as gender blind, I see no gender, have no gender preferences, and present no gender. Well, unless I'm specifically acting out a character from my arsenal of ocs, which can be of any gender existence. I am AFAB, but I wear baggy enough clothes to appear neutral, I've even been referred to as a sir a handful of times. Anyone I've met outside my immediate family, has either referred to me at first with they/them pronouns, he/him pronouns, or by my own name. Despite making no effort to transition, or even look a certain way, I have androgynous traits. I even have a natural moustache, chest hair, and things of the sort while also having the female parts too. Its just my genetics. I dont mind either gender, as in if I were born male i wouldnt be upset, but I will not destroy my body. I'll just keep the built in incubator, having kids is an important thing to me, if i ever were to find an appropriate partner (though if the partner is female this wouldnt matter at all, the possibility is still gonna be there incase. I havent met the right person yet, so my decision isnt gonna be made until then, or if i get... can cer).
Wow, you're living the dream 😭 I'm glad there's at least a win for some of us out here!
I’m agender. I try to present androgynously, but I tow the line WAY too close to twink. I get shoved into boxes so much. It’s I *feel* like I am androgynous but I’m still pushed into boxes. It’s not fun. I know if I give up my identity it will be so much easier. But I can’t. It would make me so uncomfortable.
I clicked on this because I've been relating to the sentiment in the title really hard, but I didn't expect to relate to it as precisely as I do. Almost all of this is exactly what's been going through my head and none of the other nonbinary videos or essays or posts of Reddit I've seen have encapsulated all of that so perfectly. I'm also agender and use they/them but get she'd and ma'am'd no matter how I present. Getting my hair cut short felt so good, but I'm still "a woman with short hair." When I drop my pronouns casually when introducing myself (which sometimes I feel too awkward to even do) people are always like "ok cool" and then proceed to call me "she" without any pause or self-correction. Lately, I've actually sometimes found relief in wearing skirts - in what I consider a fairly androgynous, not super femme style, but still skirts - because if someone calls me she or ma'am, I can at least feel some benefit of doubt that they've clocked me as a woman because of the skirt, and not because there's something about my looks or mannerisms that says "woman." But I don't *want* to wear skirts all the time; I want to dress in a more masc way sometimes, or even straight out wear men's clothes in formal settings sometimes, but I'm worried that if I do I'll be seen as a woman dressed like a man and get side-eyed or told my dress is inappropriate.
One advantage is that I live in Japan and can normally go through the day hearing nothing but gender-neutral terms (sensei, -san, okyakusama a.k.a. "valued customer" instead of ma'am/sir), but the other day I was called "she" in Japanese twice, which was almost worse because it's so much easier not to use any pronouns at all in Japanese. And last month visiting my home in the US, all the ma'am'ing was a shock even though I was prepared for it, and yeah, I would have maybe liked to just hear "sir" once. And a lot of people when you say that are like, "Obviously that's a sign of internalized misogyny, you just hate being a woman, because if you're really nonbinary it should bother you equally to be seen as a man." But, no, if I were seen as a man all the time I'd hate that just as much if not more. Being misgendered occasionally in the opposite direction from usual would not be great but it would at least feel like a step in the right direction as I know most people aren't in the habit of looking at a person and not assigning them a gender.
I'm sorry for rambling in your comments section, just, thank you so much for this video, it makes me feel better to hear someone else talk about all this stuff even though it sucks that it happens.
i relate a lot, especially about the part about being referred to as "they." I've only been called "they" once in real life (by another gender queer person) and the happiness it gave me was just insane honestly. i'm excited for when i can find people who can call me "he" and "they," not just she.
amab enby here; it is really annoying when there are like, girls + nonbinary events at or around school because obviously they dont want me
I may not be NB myself but I do know a fellow individual who falls under this umbrella, for example I always have to be the one to correct their pronouns but I’m also afraid that would be too exposing to their family because right now they’re closeted and only a few of us know, etc.
You're a great person for this, and I hope you're aware!
I'm AMAB and there are so many things in this video I've related to, although I'm not sure I'll be able to explain it. I've always just wanted to not be perceived as a man although it is pretty much impossible, I've always wanted to be less "obvious" in a way, like I don't mind being called he because in my language there are no gender neutral pronouns, but I wish people would at least doubt it and be unsure so they wouldn't affirm my gender. With all that I just wanted to say thank you for the video it helps a lot 😊
Also nice art!
Thank you!! And I'm sorry to hear this :(
I'm a demigirl who wants to present androgynous, I honestly relate, one time when I was in the car my mother was on a call and called me "She" and that time I felt my heart drop, it felt...wrong, that's when I realized...I wasn't exactly a girl, and then I found the term "Demigirl" and I started going by She/They around my friends and online, I never shared with my parents though, because I feel they won't understand, but I feel good right now!
I'm glad to hear that!!
its always true that only your friends will see your true self. i am fembee to my friends, and i'm just a girl to the rest of the world. its possible to make yourself "look enby", but for those that don't specifically relate to that look or cant perform it often, yeah it kinda sucks.
theres also that sex expression is bimodal, so people still fit things into either binary unless you get a specific set of genetic expressions that confuse ppl enough, and also that it is harder to break norms as an AFAB when they're already broken. AMABs can wear a dress and boom, norms fucked, but i'm not gonna go into the philosophy of that, i'm a tired bee
So relatable. I dont really change how i look and only few people know how I identify. Its kinda imposible since they/them doesnt even exist in my language . I wish I could just be person first and not my apperent gender but oh well. Im alwazs the happiest when Im alone and dont have to play a role of "girl" for others
So so real!
Thank you for this Senti, I found it very interesting and is something I wonder about quite often, not specifically about you, just in general. I wonder if I hadn't been raised in a *society* would I, or anyone else raised in the same way, know what their gender is? Kinda like what you said at 1:10, I just feel like I'm a person. I'm not sure if I feel like I'm a man because I have nothing to compare what I feel like too. But I'm happy, or at least don't disagree, with what society's perception of me is.
Thanks for the thought provoking video
I'm glad you could relate somewhat... i hope i don't regret being this vulnerable on main lmao. Hooray for gender acceptance!
This is why I go by the old definition of gender.
As in Sex = gender (and trans people just have brain components of the opposite sex)
If you go by this definition, there's no need to think about whether or not you're non-binary ect, because you just are what you are, and no matter how differently you act from conventional ways you're still whatever you were born as.
Unless you're intersex I don't think being non-binary is a thing. I wonder what percentage of people who call themselves non-binary are intersex, apparently around 1-2 percent of people are intersex, but most don't realise it.
@@Allyfyn 👍
I feel a similar way. Like almost exactly the same. I just don’t want people to see me as a girl. Or a boy. I want people to see me as me. And I know I can just be me as a girl, but it feels so wrong to me. The gender binary seems so useless to me, but I understand that for others it’s everything. I absolutely hate the stigma that comes with being NB, like how people think I’m just a “quirky Tom girl/boy” or just don’t really see my identity at all. The awkwardness behind me identity is a struggle, especially when it comes to dating. But I remind myself how uncomfortable I feel when called a girl, when seen as a girl. I remind myself that being myself feels a lot better (despite it being awkward for others) than being someone I’m not
this totally speaks to me as an agender person, i've always said i'm totally fine just existing as me, but when i go outside that's when things get complicated. i've wished on many occasions that we could all just become floating orbs of light and nobody could tell anything about gender anymore, because it really is just all about how other people perceive me. in my mind i'm nothing, but to everyone else i HAVE to be something, and it's always been such a struggle. for people to see you as someone trying to be different when really you're just being as true to yourself as you can be. humans like categories and labels instinctually to keep themselves safe and i get that, but i also wish it wasn't the case. i don't want to be seen as a quirky girl who's just trying to be different. i'm just ME, like how a robot just exists. it can really suck sometimes.
thanks for making this.
I've been talking about this obvious spectrum since like I was a lil kid 20 yrs ago, I didn't rly know where I felt til recently,
but it certainly is at least fluid if not nb.
I appreciate these sort of open commentary train of thoughts on this gender nuisance :c
2:23 feel that pressure. for sure.
i usually dress pretty androginous and people refer to me as she her so i eventually understood that when people use pronouns they usually refer to sex, so having nothing against my sexed body i just think whatever regarding pronouns. Pronouns are not prescriptors nor descriptors of femininity/masculinity
Hey! AMAB Gender-fluid person here, I feel like this shit is like just so utterly frustrating. I mostly present as a guy, and honestly some days I like how I present and think I look good. But then SOME DAYS i’ll just look in the mirror and just be like UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Idk it’s kinda just frustrating, and I do have that same lingering thought of just “dude you’re basically already cis why are you making your life harder than it needs to be”. Thanks for the video, also you have a great voice!
its absolutely incredible how much i relate to this video. i am afab nb but i havent really changed anything drastically about myself from looking like a girl - and sometimes i really wish i could just be a girl and avoid all the talk around not being one - especially in my country which is very conservative and mostly does not understand anything beyond someone being trans - and that still is being incredibly judged and people hide it from the world aswell, plus additionally my language does not offer a good option for a singular they so people really dont have any other choice but to refer to me as a she/her in that language anyways. everything you said here was what my thoughts have been like for the past few months and im so grateful to you for sharing your experience because its basically identical to mine, and i really felt alone in it all this entire time.
I'm nonbinary, and also technically ftm since I'm on hrt.
I definitely empathize with your situation. It's hard to feel valid in your own identity when everyone except close friends referrers to you as your assigned gender. It sucks having so many traits be associated with uncontrollable physical features.
For me personally, I've gained a lot of confidence since being on hrt and becoming more androgynous. Being treated as male feels more "neutral" to me, but I can still dress up feminine if I want to. In that way it feels like I'm more control of my own femininity.
Thank you for your raw honesty and awesome art!
I'm an amab enby but have lived a big part of my life socially as a woman, so I feel like I relate both to amab and afab trans people somewhat. Right now I'm half comfortable with my gender presentation, I float around somewhere between fem-leaning and masc-leaning androgyny, but mostly I get seen as a woman. The rare times I get seen as a man are kinda funny, but I would love for the gendered expectations to not be put on me by society. Sometimes I question my identity but everytime I return to agender with dysphoria (also called neutrois). The journey to find some kind of peace has been long but I've finally created some kind of peace within myself.
Being enby is an endless struggle, but I couldn't be any other way!
YOU. YOU UNDERSTAND. SUBSCRIBED TO A FELLOW GENDERLESS ORB OF SENTIENCE
this is why i had to become a trans boy instead. the idea that "you dont have to choose :)" is nice but in real life, you do have to chose. you can live as a man, or a woman. my internal identity will always be its own thing, and my identity around close friends doesn't need to be something fake. but in the outside world, i have to suck it up and just pick oe, and i fuigred i guess i'd just pick male. one day, there will be a world where gender doesn't matter. but we dont live in this world.
You don’t choose who you are
Trans and non-binary people don’t owe cishet people anything. While it’s great that you figured yourself out, you can’t police other people’s identities. Non-binary people have existed for centuries. It’s just that now more people are learning about them due to the internet aka more access to information.
You can’t choose who you truly are, it will always be inside you
guys, in a way, even if you don't choose your gender or whatever, you choose the label and things associated with it.
the whole "you don't choose it" argument makes me so sick sometimes cause if someone does want to call it a choice (for themselves) it's like, who cares, it's okay and still valid. It shouldn't be "it's okay cause it's not a choice" it should be "it's okay."
Hm that's crazy, and not for me. I'm glad you transitioned into who you were!
i kinda figured out i was nb pretty recently and it just feels right. i was never comfortable being a girl but i didnt wanna be a boy either so i just assumed my self esteem was crap (which, to be fair, it was). my parents were supportive but kinda had an its a phase mentality. im scared im just making it up because im young. and being nb is really hard because i always feel annoying or in the wrong for asking people to use certain pronouns. as an ace nb i always feel kinda invisible. i really feel like we're not really mentioned as much as a lot of other people in the queer community so this video was really nice to see. thanks and it's good to know people with similar experiences exist :)
I'm an agender AFAB too, and I felt this video to the core.. except I actually bind and wanna take testosterone.
I used to think I was just a trans man, but no.. I just don't like being called a girl. It took me a while to realize, since in Spanish we don't really have "they/them" and just "elle" (a make up they/them, but for me it sounds weird) so I just prefer people calling me a he than a she.. and it pains me. because I realized, that even if I was born a man I would still be nonbinary. my mom does.
I really hate how this world is so into stereotypes, I don't feel as anything of these things, I just wanna be seen as a person, not a woman, not a man, just a human being, a friend, etc.
honestly its really amazing to hear everyones struggles with stuff like this. we all struggle being under the trans umbrella and all and its amazing that we can all share our struggles together ❤❤
Yeah I'm ostensibly a trans man out of convenience, since it stops the she/hers and I'm more confortable presenting "masculine" but it's still restrictive. Like, the patriarchal idea of a "man" severely limits what I can get away with wearing without being misgendered or hatecrimed.I feel like I'm sacrificing less when I lean into stereotypical manhood because at least I'm not being "she'd" but I still feel like I'm sacrificing my desired androgynous presentation.
I feel this video strongly. People all see me as male and I am completely lost on how to add any feminity at all. Basically everyone calls me he pronouns. I dont know how to get people to see me as agender.
AFAB enby here- I relate to so many of the things you said, and you explained it so eloquently. It's like no matter how hard I try to present androgynously, I'm still seem as a woman and it's exhausting.
Time to send this to my friends to explain exactly how I've been feeling lately. Thank you
I understand this. I’m nb (afab) and I have been presenting that way for years. But sometimes it can be so stressful living in a smaller town and always having to introduce yourself to people this way. It’s also stressful because of parents who don’t understand the concept of androgyny at all and think you just want to be a man. Or thinking that future jobs might try to reject you or discriminate against you for being nb. It’s a hard to just want to comfortably be yourself.
I hate it when people say "when will you finally transition all the way to boy". No, i am non-binary :/ Just let me be
This video spoke to me so well. Being a non-binary sapphic, with no eyebrows who wears dress shirts as often as possible in a little country village in Canada has not been easy. I know nobody but me can do anything about it, but it's nice to know someone with a completely different life understands.
dude honestly I feel this so hard and I'm so glad to see someone else who feels this way, it feels so validating wekfjgbsdkf You pretty much just described my own experiences with my nonbinary identity
to anyone who reads this comment, just remember that you can look and sound however you want, regardless of gender.
clothing has no gender. makeup has no gender. you dont need to appease the haters
Voice tip that's helped me - if you try and physically lower the back of your tongue while you talk that can help open your throat more and make your voice a bit deeper. Mine is already pretty high so it doesn't do *too* much but it was a decent change
This is so painfully relatable - I still technically go by she/he/they but she is only really cause I'm used to it and I know some people will only ever see me like that cause I'm short, built very feminine and I have a higher voice. If anything people just think I'm a lesbian because of my short hair and the fact I call my bf my "partner". I used to identify as a man before for like 6 years but near the end of that it didn't feel right to sit in that label either. I just like being a little guy, a gremlin, maybe a girlie but only colloquially - for all intents and purposes Nonbinary just feels like it fits
Thank you for the good advice!!!! And hooray for more non - binary people!