I am a detransitioned ftm and this was the most validating thing I've ever seen. So nuanced and understanding. I've always kept quiet because I never wanted to harm trans people and have my experience weaponized to harm the community I still hold dear. I realized my gender dysphoria was due to other factors in my life, but I don't regret a single second of transitioning. It gave me strength I needed at the time and I am grateful for it.
well, just don't grift. your experience is valid and i personally think detransitioners are part of the lgbtq, but unfortunately, a lot of detransitioners then suddenly go hard right and want to ban it for everybody. not saying everyone does, but enough people do for the right to abuse them for their agenda. anyhow, with the bitter stuff out of the way - i am glad it gave you the strength at that time and its great you got out of that place (at least it seems like it). 😊 hope you're doing fantastic and continue to be amazing! good luck!
@@chrissyweikoop7931 I think it's less that "a lot" of detransitioners go hard right, and more that the hard right seeks those few out and gives them a huge platform.
Thank you so much Sam! I appreciate you having the conversation with me and showing me that there are still many parts of me that still resonate with trans men. Hope everyone enjoyed the conversation ❤
As someone who identified as a trans man before realizing I was a more feminine nonbinary person, it was so validating for them to mention experiencing gender dysphoria even before detransitioning - I thought I was faking my experience with gender dysphoria somehow but I'm coming more to peace with the fact that my dysphoria just kinda got less severe over the years & my identity just essentially shifted 🙇🏾♀️
for real!! i had a similar experience, at one time i was a trans man but over time i stopped feeling comfortable with that label... it was difficult to come to terms with the idea that my inner sense of self could just change like that, and for a while i thought i had been faking or misinterpreting my gender dysphoria. but now i'm okay with myself and the fluidity of my gender over time.
Same! I'm always questioning my transness- especially because as I've transitioned I realize new dysphoria with passing online with my voice. But then I take a step back and realize I AM trans, I'm equally uncool with being read as completely a girl or a guy, and that's about the easiest proof I have of my own identity
I detransitioned at one point in my life and later retransitioned. I had to detrans for my own safety and because of abuse. I feel a deep connection to other people who detransed either permanently or temporarily. the emotional toll it takes on you to have to adapt to one set of norms then another is incredibly stressful.
@@rainniebee a few weeks ago, one of my nieces told me they had a friend named Sal and I said I wonder what Sal is short for. And she said with the utmost confidence "Salamander." I asked her if she was sure and she said "Yeah, what else could it be short for. It's either Salamander or Salisbury like the steak, and nobody wants to be named after Salisbury steak." She said she'd ask next time she saw him, and to both of our absolute surprise, his name actually was Salisbury. We'd never heard it used as a name before and I thought she was making it up until I Googled it. She told me "I told him he should change it to Salamander and he said he would. I'll keep you updated." Lol, kids are so wild.
as a recent detransitioner (ftmtf) i couldnt even fathom spreading hate and misinformation regarding trans people.. like those are our siblings and after having spent over a year in their shoes i genuinely dont understand why so many people are quick to discount trans experiences. just because it wasnt for us doesnt mean its not for them, everyones different and im personally glad i was able to explore my gender identity with the support of my trans friends
They have a right to be angry at doctors who enabled them when in retrospect it was obvious other issues were leading to them wanting to transition, which irreversibly changed their body. The ethos behind modern medicine is to do no harm, and unfortunately their transition had negative consequences for the rest of their life. Them being angry and turning on the trans community & trans healthcare makes total sense & they almost have a moral obligation to warn others
@@swegatron2859 Dude fuck off, not everyone's experience has been like that. Also, you literally do not care about proposing real medical system reforms unless you have the opportunity to spread hate towards trans ppl like myself, then suddenly you're preaching that the medical system needs fixed. No different when y'all preach about "internalized misogyny" only when you can use it to put trans ppl in the crosshairs. You do not care about medicine nor feminism, you're just a fuckin political opportunist.
This is so important! As someone who identified as a transman for 5 years and then detransitioned, I hate that my story gets bashed and shut down because many people misunderstand it as me discrediting other trans peoples experiences and validity. Just bc i dont identify as trans anymore doesn't mean that it isn't a part of my past and growth as a human, and also just bc im no longer a part of the trans community doesn't mean that I no longer support the community 100%❤️
I'm really glad to see this too. The right-wingers have tried to form a monopoly on the detransition narrative, and they've paid big bucks in their attempt to do so while silencing detransitioned people who disagree with them. The only way we are going to take this back is if we give people who've detransitioned the opportunity to share their stories safely and welcome them with open arms. I would say 99% of detransitioned people are the biggest allies, and it's only the smallest percentage of an already small group who grift and take money to throw the rest of the community under the bus. I mean, to see so many trans folk fall into the trap of hating detransitioned people because a select few have been used against us is so sad. Right-wingers use this tactic all the time and it's shameful to fall for it. They pay Candice Owens to talk about how racism doesn't exist, they pay Ben Shapiro to play buddy buddy with the antisemites, and they give Marjorie Taylor Green the authority to make decisions on laws while spouting that women only exist to serve men and shouldn't have authority. People who haven't caught on to the game by now might just be clinically and hopelessly stupid.
You're valid and so is your experience I'm proud of you for finding out who you truly are and no matter how that identity changes you are valid and always will be
I really hope the community helps support and uplifts your voice. Detransitioners experiences at ein a lot of ways like trans people, both involve your connection to yourself and exploring, and both are important and deserve to be heard 💙💙
De-trans stories have been heavily exploited and and manipulated by the transphobic movement to restrict affirming medical care and demonize trans people. Tbh It's only lately that I've seen more visibility of de-trans people that support the trans community or see themselves as trans-adjacent. Personally, I have absolute empathy for detransitioners struggling with dysphoria and changing their mind about their identity. I hope you are getting the support and care that you need.
This kind of thing is so important. We need to listen to all experiences, as long as the people are respectful; they don’t deserve hate just for a different experience.
Sam, this makes me so happy. So, so happy. After nearly two years of HRT, I've decided it was best to detransition a while back. It has been so painfully lonely. The discourse and hatred surrounding the topic, the transphobia. It all felt hostile. It makes me so happy seeing two people I admire talking about the topic in a healthy way. Us detransitioners will always support trans rights!
it's fascinating to hear about that "realisation moment" where she describes how she felt depersonalized/derealized and then suddenly had this epiphany. This is exactly how it felt like for me when I came out to myself as trans. Before I fully realized I'm trans I would feel so disconnected from my body and couldn't focus and daydreamt all the time. Then there was this moment of clarity and suddenly I knew. It felt definitely spiritual in a way. So yeah, it seems like there can absolutely be a shared experience between trans and detrans folk!
I never experienced depersonalization/derealization, but I did have an "epiphany" about being trans, where everything just snapped into place in an instant, and I didn't have any doubt about it.
@@ravenna9969 because these communities are often pinned against each other when they're at their most vulnerable in order to eradicate them from public life
She is SO right about the internal work. I'm on my 2nd year of HRT,I'm happy in the area. But my dad passed away 6 years ago and I was so focused on how I looked and my transition that I really neglected that grief. However I have a therapist that's an older trans man,and he's been a life saver when in it comes to that internal work.
@RonnyBoy504 Fortunately I got very lucky in finding him cuz he was literally the ONLY one in my area,because unfortunately there are a very limited amount. I searched the internet and searched local trans resources until I found him.
I feel like people would be a lot more open to having conversations like this about the trans healthcare system if it wasn’t always so loaded and didn’t always lead to “trans ppl bad lol”. Like I think these are some really real concerns to bring up, but every time I’ve heard them brought up before they’re brought up by someone who immediately goes onto invalidate trans people as a whole or some garbage like that. But I’m really appreciative that this conversation was had and it was so chill. Thank you for posting it
Yeah it always like "These complications can come from surgery, so we shouldnt perform it at all." "This mistake might be made in the affirmative approach so we shouldnt affirm at all." If we do find issues with treatments we should improve them. Like if for example we discover more serious side effects from puberty blockers, we should develop better meds.
Any comment from Blair White seems always so backhanded. Whether for trans people or for detransitioners, it's like she'll always side with the enemy no matter what.
The idea that access to hormones is to quick is hella fearmonger-y considering how low regret for transitioning actually is. By all accounts it seems to be low and MUCH lower than other medical procedures that we don’t bother gatekeeping. (Like knee replacement surgery where 1/5 or more have regret). Most of the complaints she seemed to have about her medical issues seem to stem more from how broken our medical system is in regards to mental health care treatment, as opposed to stemming from transitioning being to easy to access.
yeah i agree, I never hear about that happening so maybe it's rare, but the wording she used was iffy. I do think she is valid and her experience is extremely important, I just have a problem when people say that you should gatekeep. I nearly died when that happened, several times. It took two years for me to start hormones, and I developed anorexia and tried offing myself several times, spent half a year non consecutively in psych wards. If they gave it to me instantly it would have saved so much pain. Like we should definitely take detransition into the equation, but changing everything just because less than 1% of people detransition is harmful. Instead of gatekeeping it for everyone, we should take it on an individual basis. Like if someone comes in and desperately needs hormones, prescribe it to them as soon as possible, but if they aren't sure, then talk through with them for a long time. I mean, same with people who are desperate, they should definitely go through a deep chat, just not as long. I think we should definitely educate everyone who gets hormones about detransitionig though, in the first appointment. Tell them its completely okay, and that they can any time. We should do that along with prescribing people hormones fast if they are sure, because gatekeeping will always lead to more pain, and a significant amount too. But if they arent sure, they shouldn't give it out instantly.
yeah, i don’t support the bullying she has received, but i (respectfully) disagree with most of what she was saying. a lot of it felt like the usual right wing talking points, such as framing medications as bad bc doctors are incentivized by corrupt pharma. by the same logic, we shouldn’t take the covid vaccine bc they’re making money off of it (even though it was publicly funded). i agree it’s an issue, but it could be solved by socializing healthcare, rather than doing homeopathic medicine. ultimately it’s an issue of deciding policy, which detrans narratives are often used for (in bad faith). the stark reality is that detrans people aren’t being murdered for detransitioning or having their existence legislated away. not to say i don’t support detrans people sharing their stories, especially if they are our allies in passing pro-trans legislation (which is severly lacking). i wish this person well on her journey.
@@SS-xr7jftransitioning has only had such a surge in the past 10 or so years it takes time for these things to come out far more than 10 years while it might seem rare now every day we see more people coming out and saying they are detransitioning. being trans was seen as having an extremely small chance a long time ago as well but over the years as it has become more known and accepted as well
This is so important. When I first started to think I needed to transition, I went and searched for detransitioner stories. I found Alia's story and it was so important to hear her and other's. I wanted to be so sure that I was really trans and not having some underlying issues. I wanted to look for similarities in hopes that detrans stories would trigger something in me. For me the stories were just affirming. They also alleviated the fear of "being wrong". Life continues even after that. And some times you can't know if hormones are for you, until you are on hormones. That is the risk I am willing to take. I am pretty sure I won't regret, but if I will, it is not the end of the world. Detransitioning is not a failure. It is an another journey.
And something I've heard from other detransitioners is that it was worth it, to see if they really were trans. That way they know if they're trans or not, and they won't have any regrets over not doing it, nor will they wonder what it's like to transition, and if they should do it.
@@sleepieste Yep. The thing is, that you can't basically ever tell what helps for your dysphoria, until it helps you. You can have an idea, but you can't be sure. It is always a leap of "faith". Usually it pays off, but not always.
When I was socially transitioning, that was the darkest time of my life. I thought transitioning would fix everything. Then once everyone started calling me he/him and the name that I chose, I realized (after a long period of denial) it wasn’t meant for me. And then I found Alia and I felt so seen. Thanks for bringing her on your channel
This is important because I’m a trans man and people have been attempting to make me doubt myself but I realized that every time I’m affirmed by people it makes me feel good. I like being known as he/him, I like being Hugh, I like the social aspect of being a man. That’s something that I think regardless of influence of others, nobody can take away. It’s really a selling point for me, because I know that I’m feeling my feelings and not making decisions off of my stubborn nature or other people’s opinions.
You know that - like so much of this interview are parroting anti trans talking points - if you can be trans and not transition - then others will argue why should anyone be even ALLOWED to transition?
@@bichmale6799 because some people's dysphoria is so bad that medically transitioning is the only solution for them to cope with it while some people like me have very low and manageable dysphoria that doesn't require medical intervention.
@@bichmale6799 the response to why you should be able to transition if not everyone who's trans or has gender dysphoria has to should be 'everyone should be allowed do whatever they want with their own fucking body'.
@@bichmale6799 because everyone's individual case is different. Some trans people might not feel the need to transition, some do. All should be allowed to make that decision for themselves.
@@bichmale6799Ppl should be allowed to transition because for some it is more important what their fysical body looks like. Other people factor in other things than looks, for example wanting biological children, wich can be a reason to not transition, but stay in the body they are while still having a non-gender typical identity.
re: the therapist that recommended hormones within 30 minutes of meeting Alia - i think some people might look at this as an argument for more gatekeeping in medicine for trans people. but i think Alia’s story, and stories of gender affirming care being gatekept, all involve a medical/health professional *assuming* that they know what is good for you without trusting the conclusions you come to on your own. To me the therapist’s issue was paternalism, which is the same issue we see in medical gatekeeping.
30 minutes of any diagnosing is not goid psychology or therapy. It take months and they need to learn to know you and form a relationship. But in some places like in psychiatry, in my experience. They rushed in medication, they didn't ask me or really bothered learning to know me fir depression which was an awful experience. Sometimes i think it's like lack if time and space people rush being understaffed etc.
@@Andalaeknir86 Yeah. The experience varies widely from person to person and from mental health professionals. In my case I got prescribed antidepressants at the first consultation with a psychiatrist and they did work for me. I improved in social skills, in memory, in lowering negative thoughts. Perhaps they even helped me to finish college. But my experience is not the only valid one and lots of people who get diagnosed with depression actually were misdiagnosed and have a different mental health issue.
The one point i wanna heavily dijsagree on is the worry about informed consent. Its all good to have psychiatric evaluation and careful therapy for those who need it, but to make EVERYONE go through a long process even if they dont need it is just as wrong as not providing that option at all. Give people BOTH options, informed consent for those who are sure and psychological counseling to those who want it. Informed consent actually makes therapy more available too, i was forced to talk to a psychologist i didnt need for a year, i was miserable and i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NEED that counseling, someone else could have taken my spot if i had had access to informed consent! Even Alia pointed out that she waited 6 months to talk to her doctor again because SHE wanted to wait, so i dont see why why we wouldnt trust others to determine the tempo they go at! Informed consent works in synergy with the "slow" path and it is a necessary policy, putting more roadblocks in the way will just clog up therapists with unecessary patients and take away access from many folks entirely!
Not everyone needs INFORMED CONSENT???!!!? You know.... Uninformed consent isn't consent all. And the unrealistic idea of allowing 2 options (informed consent vs fast track)- my God this comment is absurd and would be one used for videos that make transgenderism seem negative. Reconsider.
@@thepurpleflute9740 you are being silly, i never said people should give uninformed consent. Informed consent is a specific medical policy in regards to hrt which i am arguing for, don't twist my words and say i want uninformed consent (what would that even look like) Also, you say it's unrealistic but there ALREADY is a 2 options system in many us states, and it works perfectly fine^^
@@thepurpleflute9740 you misinterpreted them. They didnt say that at all... literally advocating for a choice between the two, read it again. If you still can't see it, I will quote it: "Give people BOTH options, informed consent for those who are sure and psychological counseling to those who want it." "Informed consent actually makes therapy more available too, i was forced to talk to a psychologist i didnt need for a year, i was miserable and i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NEED that counseling, someone else could have taken my spot if i had had access to informed consent!" "Informed consent works in synergy with the "slow" path and it is a necessary policy" oh and the use of "transgenderism" is a big red flag in this context, change that shit
As a non-binary person, I think theres also a flaw in how society thinks we need to a binary whether its trans or not. It also doesn’t help that right wing holds up detrans as a “look it doesn’t work”. When we should be promoting gender exploration and telling people its ok not to be a man or a woman. I 100% don’t connect with one side or the other.
As someone who is looking into transition and already feeling pressure to fully medically transition, this brings so much light to a dark situation. Thank you Sam and Issa
It's so weird to hear about people getting pressured. I've always had the exact opposite experience. I gave really obvious signs to my therapists, and none of them ever suggested that I might be trans. I had to figure it all out on my own.
Please, please, please, transition only for yourself and at your own pace, your own timeline. You may want some or all or no surgeries, or only a certain lower dose of hormones, or to stop hormones for so many different reasons. All of this should be for YOU and only you. You don't have to prove anything or impress anyone else. Only take a new step when you feel ready. That step may take a long time to get to, but that's the right timeline for you. This heavily binary world we live in, it is really hard to be between the binaries as a trans person, so I get wanting to just get to the other side, but there is a cost that comes with that. It is better in the long run to do it at your own pace and on your own terms. You are in control, it is YOUR body. You can take as much time as you need. I waited more than a year after coming out to start hormones. I knew I wanted the effects of hormones as soon as I came out, but I also knew that I had to unpack some heavy emotions before I felt ready to start that new journey. When I did start, I was confident and excited and knew I was doing it for me. In the end, it is just our own story. Honour it and do it for you and only you.
@@electronics-girl sometimes the pressure can be internal. I grew up during a time when the issue of transition was black or white. You either want everything or you're not real trans just something else. Having so many more options to explore today and pick and choose what to do is a lot more to figure out but so much better
Wow its wild she wanted to give her T on her FIRST appointment. It literally took me 5 years. Granted I do have a lot of heavy issues, they wanted to stabilize me first and all, but still- even then, I’m still shocked.
Same here in the UK. Started on the journey at 17, finally was on T at 23. I feel like states in America with really lax rules will probably see the most detransitioners due to people having similar experiences as Alia (i.e. prescribed in under an hour)
It's not very uncommon I think because inability to transition can pose a direct threat to a patient's safety. A lot of people with severe enough dysphoria are already on a clock when they step into a therapists office seeking transition. I know before informed consent became accessible to me when I moved, the only way I could even start the process was to see a "trans-friendly" therapist usually the ones that would be quick about signing letters. Ultimately the legislation barring people from transitioning on their own accord doesn't prevent what it claims to prevent and only aids additional suffering.
Ultimately the barricades form safe haven offices that fast track the process, in certain states, while people that don't have access to those offices have to battle with therapists that may or may not even believe trans people are valid for months or even years on end. On top of the in the US you have to pay out of pocket or with parental/employer provided insurance, IF it covers mental healthcare, for at least 6 months in the states that require a therapist's letter to start hormones. Most of the problems are actually created by the barricades because people that need the push back and end up going where they know they'll be safe aren't likely to get the mental health work they needed and the people whose problems came from needing to transition are gonna struggle to get their care they needed. Overall it's lose lose especially when detransitioners continue to feed the narrative that the one healthcare provider that was making it easier for trans people that needed transition were "at fault" for them transitioning. I'm pretty sure the notion that easier transition = more detransition isn't actually statistically sound either.
I got mine through an informed consent telehealth clinic at age 18, and that was pretty quick. But I had almost no comorbid mental health conditions and was already well informed about the benefits and risks. When I finally got through to the NHS two years later, they fast-tracked me because I'd already been on it for a year I may stop at some point because a lot of my favourite changes are permanent, but I want to learn about alternative ways of stopping my period before I do. There's no rush, so I'm happy to take my time with it
My gender doctor prescribed estradiol for me on my first visit, and I'm so glad she did. I've been wrestling with gender my whole life, and it's made me very unhappy. I finally had the epiphany that I'm trans, and everything just clicked into place, in an instant. Once I figured that out, I'm so glad that I didn't have to go through further gatekeeping. I'm 47 and don't have any time to waste.
As a non-binary person, my personal goal is to masculinize myself through testosterone to an extent (permanently) and then get off hormones post top surgery ^^ It's nice seeing content like this. My little nagging fear in the back of my mind is for being shunned from the LGBTQ for reaching my goals. It's hard enough being non-binary in the community as is in the current day and age...
As a non-binary amab person, this is the only reason why I wish I was afab. I would literally do the same as you in your case. I'm personally doing laser to have my beard completely removed (as well as most of my body hair), and people seriously don't talk about how hard and criminally expensive that is. I also plan on doing facial feminization surgery when I do have the financial independence.
When Alia talks about why she detransitioned, it resonates with me, it's kinda why I haven't really opted into transitioning in any way yet. I consider myself nonbinary, but part of the reason why I don't socially or physically transition is bc the treatments available today aren't going to fix what I am unhappy with. For me it's weighing the pros and cons. And I do think I'd get some euphoria becoming a version of what I want for myself, but the cons of that is all the baggage from society, coming out to family that won't accept it, to my children, plus transphobia and what will actually happen if I do get hormones? All of that, and I know I will still be wanting. My reasons aren't exactly the same as Alia, for me, its more bc I want to more physically blend masculine and feminine, which isn't as possible with my body bc I'm not androgenous enough, but I also don't want to alter my body to get that. It's like it's not severe enough to risk all of the ways it could go wrong for me. But at the same time, that doesn't mean it can't work for others. Actually these risks is why I take trans people's identity seriously.
Exactly. There are a lot of risks and downsides to transitioning. The fact that there are people who still want to transition, knowing all of these risks, shows how severe gender dysphoria is for many of us.
I will never understand the ‘some people detransition so being trans isn’t valid’ or whatever argument. Like nobody argues that being cis is invalid because some people transition?
Detransition is a valid part of the transgender experience. It's two sides of the same rich, complex, and deeply nuanced coin. If gender is a spectrum and a journey, then detransitioning has to be a possible destination.
I don't hate or dislike people who detransition, I hate that it happens because it's so sad. Like I'm trans and it was a war to figure out who I am and transition but then imagine having to do all that again? And getting even more hate for it? I used to get angry when I found out about detransitioners because I thought other people would take trans people less seriously but I now get angry that someone got hurt. Everyone is just trying to be themself and I hope we all get that
Sadly as long as we have stigma against trans people this too will happen. I've heard people detransitioning due to the pressure being trans brings and others who felt they were on the wrong path but took more time than needed to admit it out of fear of being used as guinea pigs by right wing politicians. Not to mention that the reason people even make mistakes is pressure to hide any doubt from therapists to avoid being gatekept. Or nb people that got stuck in a binary transition because the health care system didn't want to recognize them otherwise. You'll hear people say we should restrict access to transitioning to reduce detransitioners. But that's gonna blow back in their face. Eliminating transphobia. That's what's needed.
People are ever changing beings, its only natural that there are some people who detransition. Everyone is deserving of respect and having their stories told. Empathy is so important and people have their own struggles. Love to all of you guys out there, regardless of where you are in your journeys. 💚💚💚
It is almost best to mention that the most common detrans experience is detransitioning to escape some kind of discrimination. More as a disclaimer not an invalidation
I'm not done watching but I just had to comment how soft, loving and gentle the topic is being handled. Sam, your voice is both literally and figuratively so soothing to me. ❤️
hey sam, glad to see you back. thank you for everything you’ve uploaded, your videos have helped me a lot over the past few years. youre a wonderful person.
the way alia talks about feeling high when she was presenting as a trans man is exactly the way i feel presenting as a cis woman (as a trans man myself).
the truth is that those who silence detransioners are actually the transphobics, since most of them are afraid that their experience could be use to just not invalidate the trans community, but their own as well. my friend is a ftmtf, and she found her real self because of this experience, but is silent about her detransition because she knows it could hurt trans people. it was really good to see her journey, cuz it helped me realize i'm really a ftm
For 1-2 years I thought I was a trans man (I am a cis woman), it was the hardest time of my life. The disconnect I felt between my mind and body was so painful, I never "came out" (except to a few people) and never transitioned physically (just presented masculine). Because of that I don't consider myself "detrans", but relate to that experience. But because I questioned my identity so heavily, I feel so much sympathy for the trans community and don't understand how so many detransitioners don't feel the same way
Alia is awesome, I've been following their socials for a while now and it's great to see you interview her. Good faith conversations between trans people and people who detransition (who may or may not be trans) are so sorely needed.
I'm so glad my therapist immediatelly told me that even if we perscribe hormones and go ahead with everything, I will still need to continue visits to therapist in regards my other problems and how that let me uncover my untreated adhd and trauma related to my childhood and how my depressive episodes were not caused only by dysphoria
i love hearing from someone who detransitioned and doesnt blame the trans community. what a wonderful chat. the mutual compassion and respect is so refreshing. great video, Sam!
For myself, I travelled 5 hours one way to see a therapist to start my transition. I was 100% sure with who I really was and what I wanted, so I left my first session with a prescription for T. I still saw him after, but over skype because I couldn't afford to travel 10 hours just for a therapy appointment. For me, the sessions weren't really overly helpful. But he never told me I was trans, because I knew. It seems weird a doctor/therapist can meet a person for 30mins and decide that for them. Her detransition is so valid and as others have said, we should be in solidarity with each other.
Honestly I don’t like anyone telling someone they’re trans. That should be a conclusion that person comes to on their own. My friend is trans and he has been out much longer than I have. He always felt like I might’ve felt like a man but he never asked and he never told me I do, he waited for me to work the feelings I had about myself out on my own then he told me that he thought I might’ve been trans. I greatly respect him for not ever telling me I am. Especially in his position, he could see some of the emotions flowing from me that he familiarized with and keeping his mouth shut must’ve been quite difficult, but he did it for me. I love him for it and I feel authentic because I came to that conclusion on my own without coaxing of any kind. It seriously eliminates any self doubt I might’ve felt if he told me what he thought.
for someone who continuously says "i like to see things from all sides", a lot of what she said is generalized from a personal conclusion and then blanketed over as some sort of universal "truth". i agree with the comments saying that a lot of it is just anti-trans talking points spoken in a kind tone. of course, she is entitled to her own feelings and experiences, but i hope anyone questioning takes this conversation with a grain of salt. hell, take what i say with a grain of salt. i'm tgnc. to anyone watching, you do not have to fit into any sort of mold. your decisions are yours, cis or trans. but idk, the pervasive idea that the default should be cis no matter what, and that to be deemed trans enough you have to perform some kind of relay race is like... people love to talk about the effects of going thru transition that they realize didn't work for them, but yet it's perfectly fine to endure a puberty you didn't want? your body will change regardless if you transition or not. permanent changes. surgery is a response to that. hormones are a response to that. it's not some evil organization forcing that onto you. it's called *informed* consent. if someone isn't properly informed, they should take a step back. also people change their minds but that has no bearing on the system itself-- change your mind, sure, but why should that affect *anyone* else. there is no binary i fit into being tgnc. i'm constantly at the crossroads of a little bit of this and a little bit of that. i had surgeries. i don't take hrt. things only changed because i pursued them. binary cis people and binary trans people often piss me off. just fucking give people options even if you don't want the option yourself. it's like abortion. you don't have to want it to allow others to receive that care, even if to you it seems extreme or whatever.
I think it might be confused that my feelings are what I feel for everyone. I definitely am speaking on my experience and how I feel because of those collective experiences. Not to be a blanket statement for everyone else. This interview was specific to me and not how I view how everyone’s transition goes. These are just thoughts that make sense or just get me to think more and more about my decisions, not that they are true, just how I feel in the moment. Everything can change and or be wrong, even if it makes sense and feels right for me. Mostly just a conversation to show how I analyze/analyzed my decisions.
Often the only content I can find about detransitioning is just people who are hurt yelling at each other because they are desperately avoiding getting even more hurt. Well done man, this is a fantastic video. I'm glad there is peace to be found in these spaces
Honestly my therapist was just like hers. He just rushed things. Part of me wished he wouldn't have so I could have discussed my identity and feelings more. I don't regret transition but I wish I would have sat on it more. I'm gender fluid I think and I have lots of internalized transphobia on that as well. So if I would have discussed that I would be more confident in my female identity while still being a boy as well. Or just a person. A masculine/feminine person
I really love how Alia really explains and touches on the touching on the mental aspect and everything while also explaining her feelings in a way that I genuinely relate to not even as a like trans person just someone who is fluid in their expression. Idk this video is honestly so good tbh I loved hearing Alia’s perspective and experience within her identity
Wow I found this very educational. I am not trans but a gay man that has dated trans people in the past. Never really researched this before . Detransitioning (my spell check is telling me ,I spelled that wrong) isn't something I really knew anything about. Thanks for addressing this. And educating me. ❤️
Over the past six months (since my egg cracked), I've noticed that there are a *lot* of trans-related words that aren't in the spellchecker, such as transphobe, deadname, feminization, vaginoplasty, and detransitioner.
She mentioned that she really felt good when she was going on two years of testosterone, because really liked how she looked, and honestly I want that for myself. I feel like most of her experience aligns with mine, with growing up and wanting to be more like a boy and having body dysmorphia. I want to look more androgynous while somewhat masculine, and I'm non-binary. I know I'm a transmasc feminine non-binary person, and watching this I was kind of scared I would deter from HRT, but it's encouraged me more. I don't want to be percieved as a man or even look super masculine. I just want to look like me, and I know I'll always have that choice.
Also, informed consent vs. needing letters tends to be an issue of how you're paying for treatment. Insurance companies may likely require letters, but if you pay out of pocket, informed consent is possible.
this is reaally interesting!! I have never heard a detrans perspective besides twisted terf lies, and i feel like this is super helpful and important to understand trans people? at least i feel like i have an expanded understanding of being trans and honestly being human in general now. Really amazing conversation you two had there!! Im gonna sit on this for a while i think
I had an easy time getting my hormones, and got them prescribed in my first visit, *but*, I was already in my 30s, and I went to a transition specialist explicitly to ask for hormones. The hormones were 100% my idea. I don't think it should be difficult to get on hormones, but I do think there should be some level of care in how it is recommended.
I'm supportive and I understand where she's coming from, but comparing the opioid crisis, which was specifically and consciously manufactured by pharmaceuticals, is in no way comparable to doctors prescribing HRT. There is no "big HRT" that is consciously benefiting from a hypothetical over prescription of HRT medication, and that is a VERY DANGEROUS narative. Informed consent is an incredibly important issue that must be allowed.
Honestly the reason they benefit at all is because their work OPPOSES trans liberation. Because the same treatments are practiced for cis people to fit into norms, and coercively on intersex people. The conclusion of "trans healthcare makes money" is wrong : it's "cis and perisex normativity makes money, trans people just happen to benefit on the few occasions we can access the same stuff consensual".
Don’t agree with everything she said and do think some things she said can be misinterpreted/taken out of context and can be harmful for the trans community but overall it was amazing and much needed topic to be discussed. Her story is so valid and so is everyone’s and totally agree with the no tolerance for bullying. However, INFORMED CONSENT saved my life as an adult transitioner. If I would have had to have waited a year at the point that I was I would have commit suicide so I’m beyond grateful I was able to start immediately when I decided it was time. However I come from a clinical background as I am in a graduate program for clinical psych. That being said just because the public can’t find said xyz research about a topic doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s gate kept by subscriptions and or academia and as I said as a grad student I have access to that info and some of the things she said are because of that gate keeping of research. Great video love your videos my gf and I watch every video and love that u play dbd!!! But FR informed consent for adults is the shit and you never know but the option should remain imo ! Oh also yeah not all therapist/medical professionals are created equal but it IS THEIR ethical responsibility to be up to date with the latest research to provide the best type of care possible and that is seriously not often the case.
Honestly I think the gatekeeping of academic research is a really, really big problem for both trans and detrans people, because how are we meant to give fully informed consent if the information is behind a paywall? The education system also has a role to play in teaching us how to read medical research, understand statistics, measure risk probabilities etc, which became abundantly clear during COVID
@@ashergibson9969 exactly, buuuuut this is an issue that applies to every piece of scientific research which should be free to the public. Especially when it effects the judgments that people make for their own bodies and legislation. Lawmakers don’t even get or bother to look at the research before making laws most of or any of the time and this applies to a lot of things. It’s been one of my main gripes with the US academic system but I think it has more to do with gatekeeping knowledge to keep the social hierarchy in check, just my opinion though. You keep a certain ethnicity or social class uneducated/make it difficult for them to get educated then it makes them much easier to manipulate and control etccccc
something that I notice is that many of the things she went through are major alt right talking points about transitioning/detransitioning (this is not me saying she is one, she obviously is not) and these points, like the pharmaceutical industry taking advantage of trans people, therapists quickly prescribing hormones, transness being connected to societal pressures and dissociation and dysmorphia, are all things we should be able to talk about more. we need to talk about them more, but i think the hesitation for the trans community, and from myself as well, is that we can't without the fear that it's going to used as "proof" or "evidence" that trans people are not real or valid. I mean, it already has. most of the detransitioners i've seen on the internet instantly talk about how being trans is fake and we're forcing poor innocent children into destroying their bodies.(read, not detransitioners in general, just the very small amount that get the most attention) I wish more detransitioned people would come forward and talk about their experiences, I think that would add a lot more nuance to the conversation, and maybe show more people that being trans and detransitioning is not a monolith. and just because someone has detransitioned, does not invalidate their experiences or the experiences of the trans community. okay long ass comment over.
I agree totally! I do feel like my thoughts might sound like alt right talking points, but I’m so understanding that my experience with how I view myself and the world is so different from the next. I guess I can just always see all sides of things. I do believe that being trans is very real & the feelings associated, but I also can totally see how that does stem from culture, time & gender stereotypes that are put on us. I can also see the medical fields profiting off a lot of different people, not jus trans folks. It’s really sad and everyone is human and we all make mistakes, have egos, and hurt people. And we all want to feel good in this physical body, but we are so much more and so much more complex than our outward appearance.
@@azukib2230 reading comprehension my friend, i did not say that any criticism towards the trans community is alt right, i said that many of the alt right's criticism sounds like that. If you're still confused on what i mean, just listen to tucker carlson or any other alt right figure talk about trans people and these things are bound to come up. (and again, like I was talking about in the original comment, that doesn't mean that these things aren't issues, its just that these people tend to use them with no nuance to fear monger about trans people instead of actually being interested in making any of our lives better.)
I liked how she mentioned about how she was 100% sure she wanted to medically transition at the time she did and then later with the experiences she had and a lot of other stuff she reached a point when she decided she no longer wanted to be on hormones. She changed her mind. This is something people need to talk about more. About how we might just change our minds. It's something we can't control , predict nor it even means we were all wrong about what we changed our minds of. I know it's something transphobes likes to twist to say that we can be changed to be cis or like we are all going to regret transitioning but the thing is that denying this reality also affects trans people. I say this as a nonbinary person who does not see himself as someone who were nonbinary all their life. I wasn't trans without knowing it/having the words. I was my agab but later in life I went through what I went through and my gender identity changed (I am not genderfluid). I didn't just choose to "change my mind". I wish I never did honestly , but it happened . To have seen this reality be more recognized would have saved me at least some months of feeling like an imposter , refusing to get a binder and therapy even though I knew that if I didn't I might be setting myself in a path to depression.
I can relate to so much of this. When I started exploring my identity (I realized I wasn't a girl when I was 9) I thought I was 100% a trans man and went with it till I was about 17. I think I would have transitioned then detransitioned if I didn't find out what non-binary is.
i won't lie it definitely scared me when she started talking about doctors and surgeons doing this stuff for money, that's a common transphobic talking point, but i agree in the sense that trans or questioning people can totally be exploited by the way the system currently works. it's not because being trans is a fad or whatever but because healthcare in america is a for profit endeavor!!!
Honestly it goes both ways... I think the reception of detransitioners in general would be better if so many of them weren't actively doing harm to the trans community and actively giving support to oppressive ideologies. When there is little to no social support for those who transition in the first place, why would there be an expectation that it would be there for detransitioners while so many are going out of their way to help erode what little support trans people have?
Thank you for having this conversation; I've said that probably the biggest reason detransitioners so often end up in gender critical circles is that the GC crowd engages with them. You are manifesting the respect that trans or pro-trans people often voice, but often in a way that makes professions of "love and support" as hollow as the conservative "thoughts and prayers" that used to follow hate crimes.
I almost got hormones, it was way too easy. I had one appointment with an endocrinologist and I only had to get blood work done and I would’ve been able to be on hormones. I’m glad that I ended up not doing it because I needed to be on mood stabilizers because I had severe identity issues from bpd, I’m also on the enby spectrum, but no one knew at that point. I was so far into my social transition that once I really became uncomfortable with who I was becoming, I just kept living like that except at home. Thankfully I found Alia and she really helped me come to terms with everything I was feeling! She was a huge step in accepting that I could be who I needed to be. Sam is still one of my favorite TH-camrs so having him talk about this stuff is super validating
I LOVE that you put this out. I am a leftist and in my core I've always been a leftist but I'm not going to agree to something just cause the left said so. I've always had a mind that questions and it just irritated me how the right was completely weaponizing detransitioners and the left was completely dismissed them. Like of course a capitalistic system wouldn't care about you as long as they made profit. But again of course trans ppl need all the medical and psychological help that they can get. Those were the only two truths that i knew.
One thing I really don't like about the Republican bill proposals is that they lump bottom surgery together with puberty blockers and then act like anyone opposed to the bill would want children under 14 getting a body part removed for purely mental health benefits. It's a massive lumping together, and the Democrat members of parliament should call them out on it.
I think Alia's story is vital to tell, because most of what we (and counting me as 'we' only in the sense that I've been a lay transition counselor for new trans men) tend to hear is detransitioners who "chose" to detransition because their families were not supportive, their church was not supportive, their community was not supportive. And that's a LOT of pressure to put folks under, let alone people who are dealing with second puberty, chemically. And it becomes far, far too easy for anti-feminists to swoop in and tell them all about the big bad trans community, *forcing* this poor innocent lesbian (because it's generally always MtF they're talking about, with one notable FtM exception) to "mutilate" her body. What we need to start doing now is work on trans and nonbinary existence to be just another way to live. And that the existence of trans and nonbinary people does not mean grooming, does not mean sexual assault, does not mean any of the things they're saying it does by nature. If we can do that--just that--I think we could start looking at *how* we support those leaving a purely binary structure, and how we can best fix the issues.
Thank you so much for sharing her journey with more people. I'm v glad you're helping to shine a light on how detransitioning =/= transitioning isn't worth it or shouldn't be accessible.
Thank you so much, Sam, for being so open to listening to detrans stories. You were so patient and understanding, even though you knew some of the things that she said might’ve made you uncomfortable. It’s so important to hear these stories 🙏
this is an amazing video. honestly, this has given me a much better perspective on detransitioning and has also alleviated some fears i’ve had about going through with transitioning to begin with. i knew that some people do detransition, and lately i’ve been terrified by those random “what if i’m actually wrong” thoughts, but this has honestly made me feel so much better. even if, down the line, i do decide to detransition, it won’t be because i “wasn’t trans all along” or i was “brainwashed and/or mentally ill”, it doesn’t even mean that i was wrong to begin with. i’ve realised that i always tell people things like “sexuality and gender are fluid” and all that, but whenever it’s come down to having those talks with/about myself, the fluidity of it just doesn’t seem to apply anymore and then fear kicks in. this has made me feel much more comfortable with whatever decision i make, even if i don’t know what those decisions are yet. i really want to thank both of you for this, i can’t explain just how much this has helped me!
I'm not only glad to see someone who can detransition respectfully, but also acknowledge that transitioning is not for every person. A person should always choose what's most comfortable for them, whether it's permanent or temporary, and gender isn't solely about how you present on the outside. And even if you're trans, you can detransition and still be valid. What's most important is how YOU feel comfortable with yourself, and she did what was right for her at the time. :)
I love that you did an interview but tbh it felt more like a casual conversation. I wish you would have asked her more questions and moderated the conversation more when it went too far off topic. Love your content & wish you a nice week! Stay safe.
Amazing interview! I only disagree on one part: Doctors don't prescribe pills to make money. Surgery scheduling is much more prone to corruption, although mostly regulated if you have insurance.
I am so happy to see someone who has a similar outlook to me! I'm currently detransitioning but I do not regret my transition at all! It was a necessity for me at the time, I made a fully informed decision and when I felt like it was no longer right for me I stopped the hormones and I'm still super happy with the changes I did have with what did reverse back and I'm just mostly comfy in my body now :)
I would even go as far to say that the natural state of human beings is to always be defining the self. We find identity and belonging in so many different ways and points in our lives that it would be strange to NOT change. I love her emphasis of looking inward always, self discovery and healing is so important and the notion of accepting you as you are is really beautiful and really hard. You can be someone completely different at even 10, 20, and 30 and still have known yourself the whole time. Frustration, pain, regret, are all natural states. You can't know what you'll need in 10, 20, 30 years but you know what you need now and it's okay to give that to yourself even if later on you end up needing something different. In a smaller way, I think this notion of being stuck in your identity keeps people in relationships they're miserable in because they'd have to give up their identity of being married, or jobs they hate because they've already been there for 20 years. Humans are complicated and I think we'd all benefit from being kinder to ourselves for making the best choice we could with the information we had even if that is the wrong choice for us today. Alia was a wonderful guest! So smart, kind, and articulate!!
I think it's also important to talk about personal accountability. Which I have very rarely heard any detransitioners actually do. I it bothers me when I hear them blaming everyone and everything including the trans community.
It baffles me how this is everybody else's problem, outrage, mental issue and so on... when it is in fact nobody's but the single individual going through it. Do you feel trans? Be trans. Do you want to detransition? Detransition. How does this concern the entirety of the internet, most politicians, the whole community and half the religions? Who am I to think or feel or say anything about this person's choices?
And this would be fine except that it doesn't just affect the person. It's not just a personal decision to be a sportsman who transitions into a sportswoman and wants to compete against cis women. It's not just your business if you are married and have promised, legally and spiritually, to be this way and now you're not. And sadly, the MOST important reason that this is not just a personal issue, is MONEY. If someone was paying for their own transition, and not using public funds, or increasing the cost of medical insurance for others that might be different, but that's not the case, every medical/surgical transition costs other people cold hard cash as well as having other consequences. Not allowing medical professionals to provide any other treatment besides 'gender affirming care' is not helping everyone, it might not even be the right treatment for the majority, we just don't know because hormones and surgery are now the only available treatments and you know what they say, If you only have a hammer, all your problems start to look like a nail...
Personally, any detransitioners who make it harder for people to transition or spread lies about the effects of hormones are the only ones I object to. If you transitioned and it didn't feel right, it's your right to feel comfortable with your body.
I'm a detrans woman. It's not necessarily a secret but I pretty much never talk about it because I don't want to explain myself to anyone and because there is negativity like you said and because I don't want someone to think I'm trying to say something that I'm not. it's a very lonely experience/pov at times. I've followed her detransition and it made my detransition easier emotionally. I don't identify as cis or necessarily trans. my experience is far too in-between. But her experience is sooo relatable. I definitely see it as a body mod that i felt i needed at the time. i dont regret it.
Thanks Sam, watching this wasn’t scary because you were there I was so hurt when I had to wait years longer to get on hormones due to moving to England, and part of me still is because my sense of self really didn’t change much and part of me feels I could’ve been on hormones since I was 16 and it would’ve been very helpful. But it didn’t work like that, I was able to start at 24 🙃 HOWEVER all that time I had to wait really forced me to spend a lot of time on the inside and go through a lot of healing and understanding of myself. And I’m pretty sure it’s something that enabled me to be completely at peace with my transition and the transition itself was probably more beneficial because there was way less of repressed emotions and pain. Because of my work for lgbtq inclusion in the Catholic Church, I see how much I needed this strength I’ve acquired to not doubt myself and work hard for my trans siblings. Thanks Alia for your witness, it’s really important and I’m glad you say that transition was the journey you had to take for your own healing and quality of life. God bless you!
This is allowing me to understand myself so much more. 3-5 years ago I was dead set on top surgery and now my relationship with my chest is that it’s more of an accessory instead of part of me. It doesn’t define my gender identity anymore and watching this allowed me to really understand my newer feelings about my chest. Such a good talk and very insightful on how we perceive ourselves!
On the antidepressant argument. That exact thing happened to me. Barely 16 I went to one appointment with my GP about my mental health and was prescribed 50mg Sertraline. At my first medication review a month later they upped me to 100mg because I didn't feel like it was working enough. The man who prescribed me barely spoke to me or asked me anything about my health he just googled depression in front of me, skim read sections then scrolled to the part where it told him what to prescribe me. The man who upped my dose also barely asked me anything or spoke to me before making his decision. I was on sertraline for only 6 months but it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I took myself off it abruptly and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms because I couldn't take being on it anymore. I have medical trauma and anxiety and I avoid my appointments enough as it is because of that despite being disabled and suffering health wise because I won't go. I won't take painkillers unless I really need them and I haven't touched an anti depressant since. I avoided medical transition for years because I was afraid of so many different things. I was given the Nexplanon implant post abortion and the hormones fucked me up even more. I felt like I had no choice but TO do the internal work first. I'm lucky to now be in the position to finally be ready to pursue what I want medical wise, and not have all the same fears I had before. I'm still terrified of actually going and asking for what I need though.
Thanks for sharing her story! I'm not trans, but I love to learn about trans peoples experiences. There is SO much fear mongering surrounding people that de-transition, so it's nice to see someone be more positive about it.
@@ko-lq7vu I was saying an example of just lying about identity in a sense of lying to get something. I was speaking more on the lack of going through my identity with a therapist, which guidance was what I was seeking, and in stead was told who I was and they would give me a medication. That felt off to me.
This is a really amazing perspective I wish everyone could see. I have started my transition 1-2 years ago, medically 5 months. When I went to see about hrt, my doctor practically gave me a prescription same day on my first visit. I was honestly confused because I thought they would at least give me a more in depth examination. That alone really made me unsure about hrt. I still chose it and I really wish I thought about it longer. I'm not saying I regret going on HRT as I'm still on it but I wish I had more confidence that it was right for me. Even then I sort of jumped straight to it. I still gave it a lot of thought but I never asked me these important questions Alia made. I thought it was an easy way to transition and that's what I see a lot of trans people do. So far I like what hormones have done for me but I don't know how I will be in a few years. I've hopped onto this train and I'm praying that it doesn't derail.
I haven't finished the video yet, but I wanted to mention that another detransitioner who doesn't regret her transition is the TH-camr "graysons projects".
I never liked the term "Detransition". I say it every video but you CANNOT undo a transition. You just transition again. Your memories, experiences and such carry forward with you helping shape who you are. Some people transition and realize it is not for them. Guidelines and things are in place to try and limit the people who have to go through it but it is just the way it goes. They then transition again to something new that works for them. They need just as much love and support as someone going through their first transition. There is nothing wrong with a second transition like there is nothing wrong with a first transition. I will never understand the hate or vitriol for either end.
I feel like a lot of "detransitioners" are nonbinary and tend to be more genderfluid, where their experience as a transgender man for example is still valid and they were no less of a man, yet their gender shifted again to be either non binary or a woman and they started feeling that gender dysphoria again. As someone who experiences a mild fluidity in gender I can completely understand how confusing it can be.
@@draalttom844 While I can relate with that, how else are we supposed to describe medically transitioning? Using T or being on HRT can be wordy terms and i think the word "transition" has it's purpose. It describes medically transitioning, getting the surgeries necessary so we can be honest.
One of the most interesting things that she brings up in this, I think is how she never even considered going off of hormones as an option, and I really think that’s a major attitude change that would helpful in the world of medicine, making sure patients know all their options and that it is there choice to make. Like I was on an antidepressant for like a year even though it wasn’t doing anything for me, didn’t work for me at all, but it took me so long to realize that it was my responsibility to bring that up and make that change bc I’m not used to those choices being in my control. It’s interesting to hear about other people’s experiences with dysphoria tho, bc mine behaves differently than how I hear other people describe it, most of the time. I rarely if ever feel social dysphoria and when I do it’s pretty minor, no part of my transition is or was motivated by the way other people saw or treated me most of the time. To be fair, part of that is bc I’m non-binary, so most of the time I can’t win in terms of how people treat me bc they think there are only to options, but also bc I’m just kind of oblivious to other people a lot of the time, especially when I was younger. Also outside of my dysphoria I have a pretty good relationship with my body. This is such a lovely video, thank you for sharing this!
As a non-binary trans person who is very fluid with my presentation, I relate so much to this de trans person and love her for sharing her experiences.
Maybe its the tism and being autigender, but i feel like having that personal connection to yourself is literally the only thing that matters. If you build that relationship with yourself and feel more authentic as You in the world on hormones, off hormones, presenting masc, fem, androgynous, any combination of traits or lacktherof thats really like *it*. I mean gender is a social construct that informs SO much of our social lives and perception of self and others, but theres no way to KNOW that you're "doing it right" the only way to tell is if what you're doing feels good to you. Imo learning to sit with ourselves and learning to FEEL what feels right to us is the only way. There isnt like a checklist for being or not being a man, woman or enby. There are no rules
Just because detransitioners exist doesn't mean trans people don't exist it just means we need more research on both subjects! 😌
lol no
@@keelinmacken95522 what lol
@@keelinmacken95522 what
@@keelinmacken95522 bruh
its so stupid, "just because a few people are allergic to something, no one gets to have it". More Education, not less
we really need more trans/detrans solidarity
so bad
Fag
@@sachinvara5103 if you’re gonna use the slur at least use the full word 💀 put in some effort at the very least
@@shadesofcallum is detrans a slur? it just means de-transitioning, “un”transitioning. its not intending any violence.
@@azul4904 no they called me a ‘f*g’
I am a detransitioned ftm and this was the most validating thing I've ever seen. So nuanced and understanding. I've always kept quiet because I never wanted to harm trans people and have my experience weaponized to harm the community I still hold dear. I realized my gender dysphoria was due to other factors in my life, but I don't regret a single second of transitioning. It gave me strength I needed at the time and I am grateful for it.
well, just don't grift. your experience is valid and i personally think detransitioners are part of the lgbtq, but unfortunately, a lot of detransitioners then suddenly go hard right and want to ban it for everybody. not saying everyone does, but enough people do for the right to abuse them for their agenda.
anyhow, with the bitter stuff out of the way - i am glad it gave you the strength at that time and its great you got out of that place (at least it seems like it). 😊
hope you're doing fantastic and continue to be amazing! good luck!
@@ajasen I appreciate that. Hopefully someday there won't be so much stigma
@@chrissyweikoop7931 I appreciate your kind words ☺️
@@ajaseneverything is political under capitalism. Especially happiness and help
@@chrissyweikoop7931 I think it's less that "a lot" of detransitioners go hard right, and more that the hard right seeks those few out and gives them a huge platform.
Thank you so much Sam!
I appreciate you having the conversation with me and showing me that there are still many parts of me that still resonate with trans men.
Hope everyone enjoyed the conversation ❤
I appreciate your insight immensely! You're incredibly well spoken and enjoyable to listen to :)
You were wonderfully well spoken! Thank you so much for sharing your side! And thank you so much for your respect! I wish you all the best! ❤️
Thank you for coming on ❤
Thank you so much for educating so many of us! I'm so grateful to have heard your side, you're so elegant!
This petty, but I can’t help myself… Blair just put you down because no matter how much plastic surgery she has you’ll always be prettier than she is.
As someone who identified as a trans man before realizing I was a more feminine nonbinary person, it was so validating for them to mention experiencing gender dysphoria even before detransitioning - I thought I was faking my experience with gender dysphoria somehow but I'm coming more to peace with the fact that my dysphoria just kinda got less severe over the years & my identity just essentially shifted 🙇🏾♀️
for real!! i had a similar experience, at one time i was a trans man but over time i stopped feeling comfortable with that label... it was difficult to come to terms with the idea that my inner sense of self could just change like that, and for a while i thought i had been faking or misinterpreting my gender dysphoria. but now i'm okay with myself and the fluidity of my gender over time.
i’m so glad i’m not the only one!!!
Same! I'm always questioning my transness- especially because as I've transitioned I realize new dysphoria with passing online with my voice. But then I take a step back and realize I AM trans, I'm equally uncool with being read as completely a girl or a guy, and that's about the easiest proof I have of my own identity
LMAO
@@brownbear8754 I'm the exact same!!
I detransitioned at one point in my life and later retransitioned. I had to detrans for my own safety and because of abuse. I feel a deep connection to other people who detransed either permanently or temporarily. the emotional toll it takes on you to have to adapt to one set of norms then another is incredibly stressful.
Yes this us mist common factor, lack if support, financial reasons and family. The rarest case being that it's people miss their okd self
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you are doing a lot support and care and have your own peace. ❤
I feel really bad for you. Personally, I would like to hear your story, if it doesn't really hurt you to remember this horror
My goodness absolutely legendary levels of internal bravery right here, transitioning three times
Hope you’re doing good
Hopefully you have that support system in your life now and can live your truth
i think it’s important to talk ab but also important to say its rare!! and its ok to de transition but we dont use it against people who are trans
yes :D
off topic but we have the same name 💪
@@rainniebee a few weeks ago, one of my nieces told me they had a friend named Sal and I said I wonder what Sal is short for. And she said with the utmost confidence "Salamander." I asked her if she was sure and she said "Yeah, what else could it be short for. It's either Salamander or Salisbury like the steak, and nobody wants to be named after Salisbury steak." She said she'd ask next time she saw him, and to both of our absolute surprise, his name actually was Salisbury. We'd never heard it used as a name before and I thought she was making it up until I Googled it. She told me "I told him he should change it to Salamander and he said he would. I'll keep you updated." Lol, kids are so wild.
@@TheAwesomes2104 I would much rather be called Salamander than Salisbury.
as a recent detransitioner (ftmtf) i couldnt even fathom spreading hate and misinformation regarding trans people.. like those are our siblings and after having spent over a year in their shoes i genuinely dont understand why so many people are quick to discount trans experiences. just because it wasnt for us doesnt mean its not for them, everyones different and im personally glad i was able to explore my gender identity with the support of my trans friends
They have a right to be angry at doctors who enabled them when in retrospect it was obvious other issues were leading to them wanting to transition, which irreversibly changed their body. The ethos behind modern medicine is to do no harm, and unfortunately their transition had negative consequences for the rest of their life. Them being angry and turning on the trans community & trans healthcare makes total sense & they almost have a moral obligation to warn others
@@swegatron2859 they're literally talking about their own experience
@@swegatron2859 Dude fuck off, not everyone's experience has been like that. Also, you literally do not care about proposing real medical system reforms unless you have the opportunity to spread hate towards trans ppl like myself, then suddenly you're preaching that the medical system needs fixed.
No different when y'all preach about "internalized misogyny" only when you can use it to put trans ppl in the crosshairs.
You do not care about medicine nor feminism, you're just a fuckin political opportunist.
This is so important! As someone who identified as a transman for 5 years and then detransitioned, I hate that my story gets bashed and shut down because many people misunderstand it as me discrediting other trans peoples experiences and validity. Just bc i dont identify as trans anymore doesn't mean that it isn't a part of my past and growth as a human, and also just bc im no longer a part of the trans community doesn't mean that I no longer support the community 100%❤️
I'm really glad to see this too. The right-wingers have tried to form a monopoly on the detransition narrative, and they've paid big bucks in their attempt to do so while silencing detransitioned people who disagree with them.
The only way we are going to take this back is if we give people who've detransitioned the opportunity to share their stories safely and welcome them with open arms. I would say 99% of detransitioned people are the biggest allies, and it's only the smallest percentage of an already small group who grift and take money to throw the rest of the community under the bus.
I mean, to see so many trans folk fall into the trap of hating detransitioned people because a select few have been used against us is so sad. Right-wingers use this tactic all the time and it's shameful to fall for it. They pay Candice Owens to talk about how racism doesn't exist, they pay Ben Shapiro to play buddy buddy with the antisemites, and they give Marjorie Taylor Green the authority to make decisions on laws while spouting that women only exist to serve men and shouldn't have authority.
People who haven't caught on to the game by now might just be clinically and hopelessly stupid.
You're valid and so is your experience I'm proud of you for finding out who you truly are and no matter how that identity changes you are valid and always will be
I really hope the community helps support and uplifts your voice. Detransitioners experiences at ein a lot of ways like trans people, both involve your connection to yourself and exploring, and both are important and deserve to be heard 💙💙
@sewer~rat Your name is accurate.
De-trans stories have been heavily exploited and and manipulated by the transphobic movement to restrict affirming medical care and demonize trans people. Tbh It's only lately that I've seen more visibility of de-trans people that support the trans community or see themselves as trans-adjacent.
Personally, I have absolute empathy for detransitioners struggling with dysphoria and changing their mind about their identity. I hope you are getting the support and care that you need.
This kind of thing is so important. We need to listen to all experiences, as long as the people are respectful; they don’t deserve hate just for a different experience.
Q
@@angieb.4673 Q
Agreed
Sam, this makes me so happy. So, so happy. After nearly two years of HRT, I've decided it was best to detransition a while back. It has been so painfully lonely. The discourse and hatred surrounding the topic, the transphobia. It all felt hostile. It makes me so happy seeing two people I admire talking about the topic in a healthy way. Us detransitioners will always support trans rights!
Grayson Project is also a very kind person who went from FtM back to F, she's a really cool comic geek love her content :)
I love her content!!
it's fascinating to hear about that "realisation moment" where she describes how she felt depersonalized/derealized and then suddenly had this epiphany. This is exactly how it felt like for me when I came out to myself as trans. Before I fully realized I'm trans I would feel so disconnected from my body and couldn't focus and daydreamt all the time. Then there was this moment of clarity and suddenly I knew. It felt definitely spiritual in a way. So yeah, it seems like there can absolutely be a shared experience between trans and detrans folk!
I never experienced depersonalization/derealization, but I did have an "epiphany" about being trans, where everything just snapped into place in an instant, and I didn't have any doubt about it.
So brave of her to be so vulnerable and open with her story. Trans and de-trans solidarity is much needed 💙
Why is that ish needed ?
@@ravenna9969 what ish?
@@ravenna9969 because these communities are often pinned against each other when they're at their most vulnerable in order to eradicate them from public life
She is SO right about the internal work. I'm on my 2nd year of HRT,I'm happy in the area. But my dad passed away 6 years ago and I was so focused on how I looked and my transition that I really neglected that grief. However I have a therapist that's an older trans man,and he's been a life saver when in it comes to that internal work.
HOW did you find a trans therapist?? i’ve been looking for years.
@RonnyBoy504
Fortunately I got very lucky in finding him cuz he was literally the ONLY one in my area,because unfortunately there are a very limited amount. I searched the internet and searched local trans resources until I found him.
I feel like people would be a lot more open to having conversations like this about the trans healthcare system if it wasn’t always so loaded and didn’t always lead to “trans ppl bad lol”. Like I think these are some really real concerns to bring up, but every time I’ve heard them brought up before they’re brought up by someone who immediately goes onto invalidate trans people as a whole or some garbage like that. But I’m really appreciative that this conversation was had and it was so chill. Thank you for posting it
Yeah it always like "These complications can come from surgery, so we shouldnt perform it at all." "This mistake might be made in the affirmative approach so we shouldnt affirm at all."
If we do find issues with treatments we should improve them. Like if for example we discover more serious side effects from puberty blockers, we should develop better meds.
Blair White's "sHe WaS sO BeAuTiFuL" was so foul 💀💀💀💀
Like no one asked her.
Any comment from Blair White seems always so backhanded. Whether for trans people or for detransitioners, it's like she'll always side with the enemy no matter what.
Lmao
@@dannmevoyalv2407 💯%
She's all about looks 🙄🤦♀️
The idea that access to hormones is to quick is hella fearmonger-y considering how low regret for transitioning actually is. By all accounts it seems to be low and MUCH lower than other medical procedures that we don’t bother gatekeeping. (Like knee replacement surgery where 1/5 or more have regret). Most of the complaints she seemed to have about her medical issues seem to stem more from how broken our medical system is in regards to mental health care treatment, as opposed to stemming from transitioning being to easy to access.
yeah i agree, I never hear about that happening so maybe it's rare, but the wording she used was iffy.
I do think she is valid and her experience is extremely important, I just have a problem when people say that you should gatekeep. I nearly died when that happened, several times. It took two years for me to start hormones, and I developed anorexia and tried offing myself several times, spent half a year non consecutively in psych wards. If they gave it to me instantly it would have saved so much pain.
Like we should definitely take detransition into the equation, but changing everything just because less than 1% of people detransition is harmful. Instead of gatekeeping it for everyone, we should take it on an individual basis. Like if someone comes in and desperately needs hormones, prescribe it to them as soon as possible, but if they aren't sure, then talk through with them for a long time. I mean, same with people who are desperate, they should definitely go through a deep chat, just not as long.
I think we should definitely educate everyone who gets hormones about detransitionig though, in the first appointment. Tell them its completely okay, and that they can any time. We should do that along with prescribing people hormones fast if they are sure, because gatekeeping will always lead to more pain, and a significant amount too. But if they arent sure, they shouldn't give it out instantly.
yeah, i don’t support the bullying she has received, but i (respectfully) disagree with most of what she was saying.
a lot of it felt like the usual right wing talking points, such as framing medications as bad bc doctors are incentivized by corrupt pharma. by the same logic, we shouldn’t take the covid vaccine bc they’re making money off of it (even though it was publicly funded). i agree it’s an issue, but it could be solved by socializing healthcare, rather than doing homeopathic medicine.
ultimately it’s an issue of deciding policy, which detrans narratives are often used for (in bad faith).
the stark reality is that detrans people aren’t being murdered for detransitioning or having their existence legislated away.
not to say i don’t support detrans people sharing their stories, especially if they are our allies in passing pro-trans legislation (which is severly lacking).
i wish this person well on her journey.
the regret rate only appears low because no one has been coming forward to be counted until relatively recently.
@@StJimmy89 source?
@@SS-xr7jftransitioning has only had such a surge in the past 10 or so years it takes time for these things to come out far more than 10 years while it might seem rare now every day we see more people coming out and saying they are detransitioning. being trans was seen as having an extremely small chance a long time ago as well but over the years as it has become more known and accepted as well
This is so important. When I first started to think I needed to transition, I went and searched for detransitioner stories. I found Alia's story and it was so important to hear her and other's. I wanted to be so sure that I was really trans and not having some underlying issues. I wanted to look for similarities in hopes that detrans stories would trigger something in me. For me the stories were just affirming. They also alleviated the fear of "being wrong". Life continues even after that. And some times you can't know if hormones are for you, until you are on hormones. That is the risk I am willing to take. I am pretty sure I won't regret, but if I will, it is not the end of the world. Detransitioning is not a failure. It is an another journey.
And something I've heard from other detransitioners is that it was worth it, to see if they really were trans. That way they know if they're trans or not, and they won't have any regrets over not doing it, nor will they wonder what it's like to transition, and if they should do it.
@@sleepieste Yep. The thing is, that you can't basically ever tell what helps for your dysphoria, until it helps you. You can have an idea, but you can't be sure. It is always a leap of "faith". Usually it pays off, but not always.
When I was socially transitioning, that was the darkest time of my life. I thought transitioning would fix everything. Then once everyone started calling me he/him and the name that I chose, I realized (after a long period of denial) it wasn’t meant for me. And then I found Alia and I felt so seen. Thanks for bringing her on your channel
This is important because I’m a trans man and people have been attempting to make me doubt myself but I realized that every time I’m affirmed by people it makes me feel good. I like being known as he/him, I like being Hugh, I like the social aspect of being a man. That’s something that I think regardless of influence of others, nobody can take away. It’s really a selling point for me, because I know that I’m feeling my feelings and not making decisions off of my stubborn nature or other people’s opinions.
1:00:57 "You can still be trans and not transition" was a very validating sentence to hear today, thank you
You know that - like so much of this interview are parroting anti trans talking points - if you can be trans and not transition - then others will argue why should anyone be even ALLOWED to transition?
@@bichmale6799 because some people's dysphoria is so bad that medically transitioning is the only solution for them to cope with it while some people like me have very low and manageable dysphoria that doesn't require medical intervention.
@@bichmale6799 the response to why you should be able to transition if not everyone who's trans or has gender dysphoria has to should be 'everyone should be allowed do whatever they want with their own fucking body'.
@@bichmale6799 because everyone's individual case is different. Some trans people might not feel the need to transition, some do. All should be allowed to make that decision for themselves.
@@bichmale6799Ppl should be allowed to transition because for some it is more important what their fysical body looks like. Other people factor in other things than looks, for example wanting biological children, wich can be a reason to not transition, but stay in the body they are while still having a non-gender typical identity.
re: the therapist that recommended hormones within 30 minutes of meeting Alia - i think some people might look at this as an argument for more gatekeeping in medicine for trans people. but i think Alia’s story, and stories of gender affirming care being gatekept, all involve a medical/health professional *assuming* that they know what is good for you without trusting the conclusions you come to on your own. To me the therapist’s issue was paternalism, which is the same issue we see in medical gatekeeping.
30 minutes of any diagnosing is not goid psychology or therapy. It take months and they need to learn to know you and form a relationship. But in some places like in psychiatry, in my experience. They rushed in medication, they didn't ask me or really bothered learning to know me fir depression which was an awful experience. Sometimes i think it's like lack if time and space people rush being understaffed etc.
@@Andalaeknir86 Yeah. The experience varies widely from person to person and from mental health professionals. In my case I got prescribed antidepressants at the first consultation with a psychiatrist and they did work for me. I improved in social skills, in memory, in lowering negative thoughts. Perhaps they even helped me to finish college. But my experience is not the only valid one and lots of people who get diagnosed with depression actually were misdiagnosed and have a different mental health issue.
The one point i wanna heavily dijsagree on is the worry about informed consent. Its all good to have psychiatric evaluation and careful therapy for those who need it, but to make EVERYONE go through a long process even if they dont need it is just as wrong as not providing that option at all. Give people BOTH options, informed consent for those who are sure and psychological counseling to those who want it.
Informed consent actually makes therapy more available too, i was forced to talk to a psychologist i didnt need for a year, i was miserable and i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NEED that counseling, someone else could have taken my spot if i had had access to informed consent!
Even Alia pointed out that she waited 6 months to talk to her doctor again because SHE wanted to wait, so i dont see why why we wouldnt trust others to determine the tempo they go at!
Informed consent works in synergy with the "slow" path and it is a necessary policy, putting more roadblocks in the way will just clog up therapists with unecessary patients and take away access from many folks entirely!
this!
Not everyone needs INFORMED CONSENT???!!!? You know.... Uninformed consent isn't consent all. And the unrealistic idea of allowing 2 options (informed consent vs fast track)- my God this comment is absurd and would be one used for videos that make transgenderism seem negative. Reconsider.
@@thepurpleflute9740 you are being silly, i never said people should give uninformed consent. Informed consent is a specific medical policy in regards to hrt which i am arguing for, don't twist my words and say i want uninformed consent (what would that even look like)
Also, you say it's unrealistic but there ALREADY is a 2 options system in many us states, and it works perfectly fine^^
@@thepurpleflute9740 you misinterpreted them. They didnt say that at all... literally advocating for a choice between the two, read it again.
If you still can't see it, I will quote it:
"Give people BOTH options, informed consent for those who are sure and psychological counseling to those who want it."
"Informed consent actually makes therapy more available too, i was forced to talk to a psychologist i didnt need for a year, i was miserable and i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NEED that counseling, someone else could have taken my spot if i had had access to informed consent!"
"Informed consent works in synergy with the "slow" path and it is a necessary policy"
oh and the use of "transgenderism" is a big red flag in this context, change that shit
It's to make sure
Trans+Detrans coexistence is super important. Really glad to see this. :)
Is Sam trans ?
@@R-rr1Yes Sam is a trans man, he transitioned i believe around 15-16 years old
@@BellaVRC ew
As a non-binary person, I think theres also a flaw in how society thinks we need to a binary whether its trans or not.
It also doesn’t help that right wing holds up detrans as a “look it doesn’t work”. When we should be promoting gender exploration and telling people its ok not to be a man or a woman.
I 100% don’t connect with one side or the other.
Yes 🎉❤
As someone who is looking into transition and already feeling pressure to fully medically transition, this brings so much light to a dark situation. Thank you Sam and Issa
It's so weird to hear about people getting pressured. I've always had the exact opposite experience. I gave really obvious signs to my therapists, and none of them ever suggested that I might be trans. I had to figure it all out on my own.
only do what makes you feel comfortable and feel good with yourself
Please, please, please, transition only for yourself and at your own pace, your own timeline. You may want some or all or no surgeries, or only a certain lower dose of hormones, or to stop hormones for so many different reasons. All of this should be for YOU and only you. You don't have to prove anything or impress anyone else. Only take a new step when you feel ready. That step may take a long time to get to, but that's the right timeline for you.
This heavily binary world we live in, it is really hard to be between the binaries as a trans person, so I get wanting to just get to the other side, but there is a cost that comes with that. It is better in the long run to do it at your own pace and on your own terms. You are in control, it is YOUR body. You can take as much time as you need.
I waited more than a year after coming out to start hormones. I knew I wanted the effects of hormones as soon as I came out, but I also knew that I had to unpack some heavy emotions before I felt ready to start that new journey. When I did start, I was confident and excited and knew I was doing it for me.
In the end, it is just our own story. Honour it and do it for you and only you.
@@electronics-girl sometimes the pressure can be internal. I grew up during a time when the issue of transition was black or white. You either want everything or you're not real trans just something else. Having so many more options to explore today and pick and choose what to do is a lot more to figure out but so much better
Wow its wild she wanted to give her T on her FIRST appointment. It literally took me 5 years.
Granted I do have a lot of heavy issues, they wanted to stabilize me first and all, but still- even then, I’m still shocked.
Same here in the UK. Started on the journey at 17, finally was on T at 23. I feel like states in America with really lax rules will probably see the most detransitioners due to people having similar experiences as Alia (i.e. prescribed in under an hour)
It's not very uncommon I think because inability to transition can pose a direct threat to a patient's safety. A lot of people with severe enough dysphoria are already on a clock when they step into a therapists office seeking transition. I know before informed consent became accessible to me when I moved, the only way I could even start the process was to see a "trans-friendly" therapist usually the ones that would be quick about signing letters. Ultimately the legislation barring people from transitioning on their own accord doesn't prevent what it claims to prevent and only aids additional suffering.
Ultimately the barricades form safe haven offices that fast track the process, in certain states, while people that don't have access to those offices have to battle with therapists that may or may not even believe trans people are valid for months or even years on end. On top of the in the US you have to pay out of pocket or with parental/employer provided insurance, IF it covers mental healthcare, for at least 6 months in the states that require a therapist's letter to start hormones. Most of the problems are actually created by the barricades because people that need the push back and end up going where they know they'll be safe aren't likely to get the mental health work they needed and the people whose problems came from needing to transition are gonna struggle to get their care they needed. Overall it's lose lose especially when detransitioners continue to feed the narrative that the one healthcare provider that was making it easier for trans people that needed transition were "at fault" for them transitioning. I'm pretty sure the notion that easier transition = more detransition isn't actually statistically sound either.
I got mine through an informed consent telehealth clinic at age 18, and that was pretty quick. But I had almost no comorbid mental health conditions and was already well informed about the benefits and risks. When I finally got through to the NHS two years later, they fast-tracked me because I'd already been on it for a year
I may stop at some point because a lot of my favourite changes are permanent, but I want to learn about alternative ways of stopping my period before I do. There's no rush, so I'm happy to take my time with it
My gender doctor prescribed estradiol for me on my first visit, and I'm so glad she did. I've been wrestling with gender my whole life, and it's made me very unhappy. I finally had the epiphany that I'm trans, and everything just clicked into place, in an instant. Once I figured that out, I'm so glad that I didn't have to go through further gatekeeping. I'm 47 and don't have any time to waste.
As a non-binary person, my personal goal is to masculinize myself through testosterone to an extent (permanently) and then get off hormones post top surgery ^^ It's nice seeing content like this. My little nagging fear in the back of my mind is for being shunned from the LGBTQ for reaching my goals. It's hard enough being non-binary in the community as is in the current day and age...
As a non-binary amab person, this is the only reason why I wish I was afab. I would literally do the same as you in your case. I'm personally doing laser to have my beard completely removed (as well as most of my body hair), and people seriously don't talk about how hard and criminally expensive that is. I also plan on doing facial feminization surgery when I do have the financial independence.
When Alia talks about why she detransitioned, it resonates with me, it's kinda why I haven't really opted into transitioning in any way yet.
I consider myself nonbinary, but part of the reason why I don't socially or physically transition is bc the treatments available today aren't going to fix what I am unhappy with.
For me it's weighing the pros and cons. And I do think I'd get some euphoria becoming a version of what I want for myself, but the cons of that is all the baggage from society, coming out to family that won't accept it, to my children, plus transphobia and what will actually happen if I do get hormones? All of that, and I know I will still be wanting.
My reasons aren't exactly the same as Alia, for me, its more bc I want to more physically blend masculine and feminine, which isn't as possible with my body bc I'm not androgenous enough, but I also don't want to alter my body to get that. It's like it's not severe enough to risk all of the ways it could go wrong for me.
But at the same time, that doesn't mean it can't work for others. Actually these risks is why I take trans people's identity seriously.
Exactly. There are a lot of risks and downsides to transitioning. The fact that there are people who still want to transition, knowing all of these risks, shows how severe gender dysphoria is for many of us.
I will never understand the ‘some people detransition so being trans isn’t valid’ or whatever argument. Like nobody argues that being cis is invalid because some people transition?
Detransition is a valid part of the transgender experience. It's two sides of the same rich, complex, and deeply nuanced coin. If gender is a spectrum and a journey, then detransitioning has to be a possible destination.
I don't hate or dislike people who detransition, I hate that it happens because it's so sad. Like I'm trans and it was a war to figure out who I am and transition but then imagine having to do all that again? And getting even more hate for it? I used to get angry when I found out about detransitioners because I thought other people would take trans people less seriously but I now get angry that someone got hurt. Everyone is just trying to be themself and I hope we all get that
Sadly as long as we have stigma against trans people this too will happen.
I've heard people detransitioning due to the pressure being trans brings and others who felt they were on the wrong path but took more time than needed to admit it out of fear of being used as guinea pigs by right wing politicians.
Not to mention that the reason people even make mistakes is pressure to hide any doubt from therapists to avoid being gatekept. Or nb people that got stuck in a binary transition because the health care system didn't want to recognize them otherwise.
You'll hear people say we should restrict access to transitioning to reduce detransitioners. But that's gonna blow back in their face.
Eliminating transphobia. That's what's needed.
People are ever changing beings, its only natural that there are some people who detransition. Everyone is deserving of respect and having their stories told. Empathy is so important and people have their own struggles. Love to all of you guys out there, regardless of where you are in your journeys. 💚💚💚
It is almost best to mention that the most common detrans experience is detransitioning to escape some kind of discrimination. More as a disclaimer not an invalidation
Yes one of most common reasons. It doesn't mean they arent trans or dont have gender dysphoria but just being different can be a horrible experience
I'm not done watching but I just had to comment how soft, loving and gentle the topic is being handled. Sam, your voice is both literally and figuratively so soothing to me. ❤️
hey sam, glad to see you back. thank you for everything you’ve uploaded, your videos have helped me a lot over the past few years. youre a wonderful person.
thank u so much!
the way alia talks about feeling high when she was presenting as a trans man is exactly the way i feel presenting as a cis woman (as a trans man myself).
so glad to be able to watch your content. makes me realise not everyone in my life thinks i’m delusional.
the truth is that those who silence detransioners are actually the transphobics, since most of them are afraid that their experience could be use to just not invalidate the trans community, but their own as well. my friend is a ftmtf, and she found her real self because of this experience, but is silent about her detransition because she knows it could hurt trans people.
it was really good to see her journey, cuz it helped me realize i'm really a ftm
For 1-2 years I thought I was a trans man (I am a cis woman), it was the hardest time of my life. The disconnect I felt between my mind and body was so painful, I never "came out" (except to a few people) and never transitioned physically (just presented masculine). Because of that I don't consider myself "detrans", but relate to that experience. But because I questioned my identity so heavily, I feel so much sympathy for the trans community and don't understand how so many detransitioners don't feel the same way
Alia is awesome, I've been following their socials for a while now and it's great to see you interview her. Good faith conversations between trans people and people who detransition (who may or may not be trans) are so sorely needed.
I'm so glad my therapist immediatelly told me that even if we perscribe hormones and go ahead with everything, I will still need to continue visits to therapist in regards my other problems and how that let me uncover my untreated adhd and trauma related to my childhood and how my depressive episodes were not caused only by dysphoria
exactly, those issues are all connected and need to be treated together. We are full humans.
i love hearing from someone who detransitioned and doesnt blame the trans community. what a wonderful chat. the mutual compassion and respect is so refreshing. great video, Sam!
Exactly or doesn’t become a reborn christian allowing christians to us them as marketing tools.
For myself, I travelled 5 hours one way to see a therapist to start my transition. I was 100% sure with who I really was and what I wanted, so I left my first session with a prescription for T. I still saw him after, but over skype because I couldn't afford to travel 10 hours just for a therapy appointment. For me, the sessions weren't really overly helpful. But he never told me I was trans, because I knew. It seems weird a doctor/therapist can meet a person for 30mins and decide that for them. Her detransition is so valid and as others have said, we should be in solidarity with each other.
Honestly I don’t like anyone telling someone they’re trans. That should be a conclusion that person comes to on their own. My friend is trans and he has been out much longer than I have. He always felt like I might’ve felt like a man but he never asked and he never told me I do, he waited for me to work the feelings I had about myself out on my own then he told me that he thought I might’ve been trans. I greatly respect him for not ever telling me I am. Especially in his position, he could see some of the emotions flowing from me that he familiarized with and keeping his mouth shut must’ve been quite difficult, but he did it for me. I love him for it and I feel authentic because I came to that conclusion on my own without coaxing of any kind. It seriously eliminates any self doubt I might’ve felt if he told me what he thought.
for someone who continuously says "i like to see things from all sides", a lot of what she said is generalized from a personal conclusion and then blanketed over as some sort of universal "truth". i agree with the comments saying that a lot of it is just anti-trans talking points spoken in a kind tone. of course, she is entitled to her own feelings and experiences, but i hope anyone questioning takes this conversation with a grain of salt. hell, take what i say with a grain of salt.
i'm tgnc. to anyone watching, you do not have to fit into any sort of mold. your decisions are yours, cis or trans. but idk, the pervasive idea that the default should be cis no matter what, and that to be deemed trans enough you have to perform some kind of relay race is like... people love to talk about the effects of going thru transition that they realize didn't work for them, but yet it's perfectly fine to endure a puberty you didn't want? your body will change regardless if you transition or not. permanent changes. surgery is a response to that. hormones are a response to that. it's not some evil organization forcing that onto you. it's called *informed* consent. if someone isn't properly informed, they should take a step back. also people change their minds but that has no bearing on the system itself-- change your mind, sure, but why should that affect *anyone* else.
there is no binary i fit into being tgnc. i'm constantly at the crossroads of a little bit of this and a little bit of that. i had surgeries. i don't take hrt. things only changed because i pursued them. binary cis people and binary trans people often piss me off. just fucking give people options even if you don't want the option yourself. it's like abortion. you don't have to want it to allow others to receive that care, even if to you it seems extreme or whatever.
I think it might be confused that my feelings are what I feel for everyone. I definitely am speaking on my experience and how I feel because of those collective experiences. Not to be a blanket statement for everyone else. This interview was specific to me and not how I view how everyone’s transition goes. These are just thoughts that make sense or just get me to think more and more about my decisions, not that they are true, just how I feel in the moment. Everything can change and or be wrong, even if it makes sense and feels right for me. Mostly just a conversation to show how I analyze/analyzed my decisions.
Often the only content I can find about detransitioning is just people who are hurt yelling at each other because they are desperately avoiding getting even more hurt. Well done man, this is a fantastic video. I'm glad there is peace to be found in these spaces
Honestly my therapist was just like hers. He just rushed things. Part of me wished he wouldn't have so I could have discussed my identity and feelings more. I don't regret transition but I wish I would have sat on it more. I'm gender fluid I think and I have lots of internalized transphobia on that as well. So if I would have discussed that I would be more confident in my female identity while still being a boy as well. Or just a person. A masculine/feminine person
I really love how Alia really explains and touches on the touching on the mental aspect and everything while also explaining her feelings in a way that I genuinely relate to not even as a like trans person just someone who is fluid in their expression. Idk this video is honestly so good tbh I loved hearing Alia’s perspective and experience within her identity
Wow I found this very educational. I am not trans but a gay man that has dated trans people in the past. Never really researched this before . Detransitioning (my spell check is telling me ,I spelled that wrong) isn't something I really knew anything about. Thanks for addressing this. And educating me. ❤️
Over the past six months (since my egg cracked), I've noticed that there are a *lot* of trans-related words that aren't in the spellchecker, such as transphobe, deadname, feminization, vaginoplasty, and detransitioner.
She mentioned that she really felt good when she was going on two years of testosterone, because really liked how she looked, and honestly I want that for myself. I feel like most of her experience aligns with mine, with growing up and wanting to be more like a boy and having body dysmorphia. I want to look more androgynous while somewhat masculine, and I'm non-binary. I know I'm a transmasc feminine non-binary person, and watching this I was kind of scared I would deter from HRT, but it's encouraged me more. I don't want to be percieved as a man or even look super masculine. I just want to look like me, and I know I'll always have that choice.
just started the video but I'm SO happy you are talking about this in an open light, without all the TERF/anti-trains
Also, informed consent vs. needing letters tends to be an issue of how you're paying for treatment. Insurance companies may likely require letters, but if you pay out of pocket, informed consent is possible.
this is reaally interesting!! I have never heard a detrans perspective besides twisted terf lies, and i feel like this is super helpful and important to understand trans people? at least i feel like i have an expanded understanding of being trans and honestly being human in general now. Really amazing conversation you two had there!! Im gonna sit on this for a while i think
I had an easy time getting my hormones, and got them prescribed in my first visit, *but*, I was already in my 30s, and I went to a transition specialist explicitly to ask for hormones. The hormones were 100% my idea.
I don't think it should be difficult to get on hormones, but I do think there should be some level of care in how it is recommended.
+1
I'm supportive and I understand where she's coming from, but comparing the opioid crisis, which was specifically and consciously manufactured by pharmaceuticals, is in no way comparable to doctors prescribing HRT. There is no "big HRT" that is consciously benefiting from a hypothetical over prescription of HRT medication, and that is a VERY DANGEROUS narative.
Informed consent is an incredibly important issue that must be allowed.
Honestly the reason they benefit at all is because their work OPPOSES trans liberation. Because the same treatments are practiced for cis people to fit into norms, and coercively on intersex people. The conclusion of "trans healthcare makes money" is wrong : it's "cis and perisex normativity makes money, trans people just happen to benefit on the few occasions we can access the same stuff consensual".
Don’t agree with everything she said and do think some things she said can be misinterpreted/taken out of context and can be harmful for the trans community but overall it was amazing and much needed topic to be discussed. Her story is so valid and so is everyone’s and totally agree with the no tolerance for bullying. However, INFORMED CONSENT saved my life as an adult transitioner. If I would have had to have waited a year at the point that I was I would have commit suicide so I’m beyond grateful I was able to start immediately when I decided it was time. However I come from a clinical background as I am in a graduate program for clinical psych. That being said just because the public can’t find said xyz research about a topic doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s gate kept by subscriptions and or academia and as I said as a grad student I have access to that info and some of the things she said are because of that gate keeping of research. Great video love your videos my gf and I watch every video and love that u play dbd!!! But FR informed consent for adults is the shit and you never know but the option should remain imo !
Oh also yeah not all therapist/medical professionals are created equal but it IS THEIR ethical responsibility to be up to date with the latest research to provide the best type of care possible and that is seriously not often the case.
Honestly I think the gatekeeping of academic research is a really, really big problem for both trans and detrans people, because how are we meant to give fully informed consent if the information is behind a paywall?
The education system also has a role to play in teaching us how to read medical research, understand statistics, measure risk probabilities etc, which became abundantly clear during COVID
@@ashergibson9969 exactly, buuuuut this is an issue that applies to every piece of scientific research which should be free to the public. Especially when it effects the judgments that people make for their own bodies and legislation. Lawmakers don’t even get or bother to look at the research before making laws most of or any of the time and this applies to a lot of things. It’s been one of my main gripes with the US academic system but I think it has more to do with gatekeeping knowledge to keep the social hierarchy in check, just my opinion though. You keep a certain ethnicity or social class uneducated/make it difficult for them to get educated then it makes them much easier to manipulate and control etccccc
@@hellasomber exactlyyyyy
@@hellasomber It's not much of an opinion, more so a fact. The profit motive has destroyed millions and millions of lives.
something that I notice is that many of the things she went through are major alt right talking points about transitioning/detransitioning (this is not me saying she is one, she obviously is not) and these points, like the pharmaceutical industry taking advantage of trans people, therapists quickly prescribing hormones, transness being connected to societal pressures and dissociation and dysmorphia, are all things we should be able to talk about more. we need to talk about them more, but i think the hesitation for the trans community, and from myself as well, is that we can't without the fear that it's going to used as "proof" or "evidence" that trans people are not real or valid. I mean, it already has. most of the detransitioners i've seen on the internet instantly talk about how being trans is fake and we're forcing poor innocent children into destroying their bodies.(read, not detransitioners in general, just the very small amount that get the most attention) I wish more detransitioned people would come forward and talk about their experiences, I think that would add a lot more nuance to the conversation, and maybe show more people that being trans and detransitioning is not a monolith. and just because someone has detransitioned, does not invalidate their experiences or the experiences of the trans community. okay long ass comment over.
I agree totally! I do feel like my thoughts might sound like alt right talking points, but I’m so understanding that my experience with how I view myself and the world is so different from the next. I guess I can just always see all sides of things. I do believe that being trans is very real & the feelings associated, but I also can totally see how that does stem from culture, time & gender stereotypes that are put on us. I can also see the medical fields profiting off a lot of different people, not jus trans folks. It’s really sad and everyone is human and we all make mistakes, have egos, and hurt people. And we all want to feel good in this physical body, but we are so much more and so much more complex than our outward appearance.
Also, thank you for the kind comment lol I enjoy hearing people’s thoughts!!
I do think it’s problematic to label any criticism towards the trans community or related groups as “alt right” when most are not.
@@azukib2230 reading comprehension my friend, i did not say that any criticism towards the trans community is alt right, i said that many of the alt right's criticism sounds like that. If you're still confused on what i mean, just listen to tucker carlson or any other alt right figure talk about trans people and these things are bound to come up. (and again, like I was talking about in the original comment, that doesn't mean that these things aren't issues, its just that these people tend to use them with no nuance to fear monger about trans people instead of actually being interested in making any of our lives better.)
I liked how she mentioned about how she was 100% sure she wanted to medically transition at the time she did and then later with the experiences she had and a lot of other stuff she reached a point when she decided she no longer wanted to be on hormones. She changed her mind. This is something people need to talk about more. About how we might just change our minds. It's something we can't control , predict nor it even means we were all wrong about what we changed our minds of.
I know it's something transphobes likes to twist to say that we can be changed to be cis or like we are all going to regret transitioning but the thing is that denying this reality also affects trans people. I say this as a nonbinary person who does not see himself as someone who were nonbinary all their life. I wasn't trans without knowing it/having the words. I was my agab but later in life I went through what I went through and my gender identity changed (I am not genderfluid). I didn't just choose to "change my mind". I wish I never did honestly , but it happened . To have seen this reality be more recognized would have saved me at least some months of feeling like an imposter , refusing to get a binder and therapy even though I knew that if I didn't I might be setting myself in a path to depression.
If someone is trans, "changing their mind" isn't something that they think about..
This is a big deal Sam. Very impressive you gave her a voice. This is an important conversation.
its not all men stop projecting
I can relate to so much of this. When I started exploring my identity (I realized I wasn't a girl when I was 9) I thought I was 100% a trans man and went with it till I was about 17. I think I would have transitioned then detransitioned if I didn't find out what non-binary is.
These are the kinds of informative resources trans and detrans folks need, thank you Alia and Sam!!
i won't lie it definitely scared me when she started talking about doctors and surgeons doing this stuff for money, that's a common transphobic talking point, but i agree in the sense that trans or questioning people can totally be exploited by the way the system currently works. it's not because being trans is a fad or whatever but because healthcare in america is a for profit endeavor!!!
Honestly it goes both ways... I think the reception of detransitioners in general would be better if so many of them weren't actively doing harm to the trans community and actively giving support to oppressive ideologies. When there is little to no social support for those who transition in the first place, why would there be an expectation that it would be there for detransitioners while so many are going out of their way to help erode what little support trans people have?
Thank you for having this conversation; I've said that probably the biggest reason detransitioners so often end up in gender critical circles is that the GC crowd engages with them. You are manifesting the respect that trans or pro-trans people often voice, but often in a way that makes professions of "love and support" as hollow as the conservative "thoughts and prayers" that used to follow hate crimes.
I almost got hormones, it was way too easy. I had one appointment with an endocrinologist and I only had to get blood work done and I would’ve been able to be on hormones. I’m glad that I ended up not doing it because I needed to be on mood stabilizers because I had severe identity issues from bpd, I’m also on the enby spectrum, but no one knew at that point. I was so far into my social transition that once I really became uncomfortable with who I was becoming, I just kept living like that except at home. Thankfully I found Alia and she really helped me come to terms with everything I was feeling! She was a huge step in accepting that I could be who I needed to be. Sam is still one of my favorite TH-camrs so having him talk about this stuff is super validating
I LOVE that you put this out.
I am a leftist and in my core I've always been a leftist but I'm not going to agree to something just cause the left said so. I've always had a mind that questions and it just irritated me how the right was completely weaponizing detransitioners and the left was completely dismissed them.
Like of course a capitalistic system wouldn't care about you as long as they made profit. But again of course trans ppl need all the medical and psychological help that they can get. Those were the only two truths that i knew.
One thing I really don't like about the Republican bill proposals is that they lump bottom surgery together with puberty blockers and then act like anyone opposed to the bill would want children under 14 getting a body part removed for purely mental health benefits. It's a massive lumping together, and the Democrat members of parliament should call them out on it.
I think Alia's story is vital to tell, because most of what we (and counting me as 'we' only in the sense that I've been a lay transition counselor for new trans men) tend to hear is detransitioners who "chose" to detransition because their families were not supportive, their church was not supportive, their community was not supportive. And that's a LOT of pressure to put folks under, let alone people who are dealing with second puberty, chemically. And it becomes far, far too easy for anti-feminists to swoop in and tell them all about the big bad trans community, *forcing* this poor innocent lesbian (because it's generally always MtF they're talking about, with one notable FtM exception) to "mutilate" her body.
What we need to start doing now is work on trans and nonbinary existence to be just another way to live. And that the existence of trans and nonbinary people does not mean grooming, does not mean sexual assault, does not mean any of the things they're saying it does by nature. If we can do that--just that--I think we could start looking at *how* we support those leaving a purely binary structure, and how we can best fix the issues.
Accepting and supporting people who detransition is important if we want a culture where people can safely explore gender.
Thank you so much for sharing her journey with more people. I'm v glad you're helping to shine a light on how detransitioning =/= transitioning isn't worth it or shouldn't be accessible.
I guess what i don’t understand still is their strong movement from one binary to another. Theres no middle ground
Thank you so much, Sam, for being so open to listening to detrans stories. You were so patient and understanding, even though you knew some of the things that she said might’ve made you uncomfortable. It’s so important to hear these stories 🙏
I love how you really listen and let her speak. I’ve been following you both for a while so it’s cool to see this collab!
this is an amazing video. honestly, this has given me a much better perspective on detransitioning and has also alleviated some fears i’ve had about going through with transitioning to begin with. i knew that some people do detransition, and lately i’ve been terrified by those random “what if i’m actually wrong” thoughts, but this has honestly made me feel so much better. even if, down the line, i do decide to detransition, it won’t be because i “wasn’t trans all along” or i was “brainwashed and/or mentally ill”, it doesn’t even mean that i was wrong to begin with. i’ve realised that i always tell people things like “sexuality and gender are fluid” and all that, but whenever it’s come down to having those talks with/about myself, the fluidity of it just doesn’t seem to apply anymore and then fear kicks in. this has made me feel much more comfortable with whatever decision i make, even if i don’t know what those decisions are yet.
i really want to thank both of you for this, i can’t explain just how much this has helped me!
I'm not only glad to see someone who can detransition respectfully, but also acknowledge that transitioning is not for every person. A person should always choose what's most comfortable for them, whether it's permanent or temporary, and gender isn't solely about how you present on the outside. And even if you're trans, you can detransition and still be valid. What's most important is how YOU feel comfortable with yourself, and she did what was right for her at the time. :)
Very glad u made this Sam, great conversation, lots to learn
I love that you did an interview but tbh it felt more like a casual conversation. I wish you would have asked her more questions and moderated the conversation more when it went too far off topic.
Love your content & wish you a nice week! Stay safe.
Amazing interview! I only disagree on one part:
Doctors don't prescribe pills to make money. Surgery scheduling is much more prone to corruption, although mostly regulated if you have insurance.
Thank you for what you do. You help my anxiety in this nutty world.
So glad you're back! Missed your videos man
thank u sm :D
I am so happy to see someone who has a similar outlook to me! I'm currently detransitioning but I do not regret my transition at all! It was a necessity for me at the time, I made a fully informed decision and when I felt like it was no longer right for me I stopped the hormones and I'm still super happy with the changes I did have with what did reverse back and I'm just mostly comfy in my body now :)
I would even go as far to say that the natural state of human beings is to always be defining the self. We find identity and belonging in so many different ways and points in our lives that it would be strange to NOT change. I love her emphasis of looking inward always, self discovery and healing is so important and the notion of accepting you as you are is really beautiful and really hard. You can be someone completely different at even 10, 20, and 30 and still have known yourself the whole time. Frustration, pain, regret, are all natural states. You can't know what you'll need in 10, 20, 30 years but you know what you need now and it's okay to give that to yourself even if later on you end up needing something different. In a smaller way, I think this notion of being stuck in your identity keeps people in relationships they're miserable in because they'd have to give up their identity of being married, or jobs they hate because they've already been there for 20 years. Humans are complicated and I think we'd all benefit from being kinder to ourselves for making the best choice we could with the information we had even if that is the wrong choice for us today. Alia was a wonderful guest! So smart, kind, and articulate!!
I think it's also important to talk about personal accountability. Which I have very rarely heard any detransitioners actually do. I it bothers me when I hear them blaming everyone and everything including the trans community.
It’s amazing hearing her talk about that “feeling outside of your body” thing, that’s exactly how I used to feel before starting hrt
It baffles me how this is everybody else's problem, outrage, mental issue and so on... when it is in fact nobody's but the single individual going through it. Do you feel trans? Be trans. Do you want to detransition? Detransition. How does this concern the entirety of the internet, most politicians, the whole community and half the religions? Who am I to think or feel or say anything about this person's choices?
And this would be fine except that it doesn't just affect the person.
It's not just a personal decision to be a sportsman who transitions into a sportswoman and wants to compete against cis women. It's not just your business if you are married and have promised, legally and spiritually, to be this way and now you're not.
And sadly, the MOST important reason that this is not just a personal issue, is MONEY. If someone was paying for their own transition, and not using public funds, or increasing the cost of medical insurance for others that might be different, but that's not the case, every medical/surgical transition costs other people cold hard cash as well as having other consequences.
Not allowing medical professionals to provide any other treatment besides 'gender affirming care' is not helping everyone, it might not even be the right treatment for the majority, we just don't know because hormones and surgery are now the only available treatments and you know what they say, If you only have a hammer, all your problems start to look like a nail...
Personally, any detransitioners who make it harder for people to transition or spread lies about the effects of hormones are the only ones I object to. If you transitioned and it didn't feel right, it's your right to feel comfortable with your body.
Minors cannot consent
@@310jazzmin Hmm, that's weird considering minors can consent to having sex, since the age of consent is 16. You sound stupid.
I'm a detrans woman. It's not necessarily a secret but I pretty much never talk about it because I don't want to explain myself to anyone and because there is negativity like you said and because I don't want someone to think I'm trying to say something that I'm not. it's a very lonely experience/pov at times.
I've followed her detransition and it made my detransition easier emotionally.
I don't identify as cis or necessarily trans. my experience is far too in-between. But her experience is sooo relatable. I definitely see it as a body mod that i felt i needed at the time. i dont regret it.
Thanks Sam, watching this wasn’t scary because you were there
I was so hurt when I had to wait years longer to get on hormones due to moving to England, and part of me still is because my sense of self really didn’t change much and part of me feels I could’ve been on hormones since I was 16 and it would’ve been very helpful.
But it didn’t work like that, I was able to start at 24 🙃 HOWEVER all that time I had to wait really forced me to spend a lot of time on the inside and go through a lot of healing and understanding of myself. And I’m pretty sure it’s something that enabled me to be completely at peace with my transition and the transition itself was probably more beneficial because there was way less of repressed emotions and pain.
Because of my work for lgbtq inclusion in the Catholic Church, I see how much I needed this strength I’ve acquired to not doubt myself and work hard for my trans siblings.
Thanks Alia for your witness, it’s really important and I’m glad you say that transition was the journey you had to take for your own healing and quality of life. God bless you!
This is allowing me to understand myself so much more. 3-5 years ago I was dead set on top surgery and now my relationship with my chest is that it’s more of an accessory instead of part of me. It doesn’t define my gender identity anymore and watching this allowed me to really understand my newer feelings about my chest. Such a good talk and very insightful on how we perceive ourselves!
On the antidepressant argument. That exact thing happened to me. Barely 16 I went to one appointment with my GP about my mental health and was prescribed 50mg Sertraline. At my first medication review a month later they upped me to 100mg because I didn't feel like it was working enough. The man who prescribed me barely spoke to me or asked me anything about my health he just googled depression in front of me, skim read sections then scrolled to the part where it told him what to prescribe me. The man who upped my dose also barely asked me anything or spoke to me before making his decision.
I was on sertraline for only 6 months but it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I took myself off it abruptly and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms because I couldn't take being on it anymore.
I have medical trauma and anxiety and I avoid my appointments enough as it is because of that despite being disabled and suffering health wise because I won't go. I won't take painkillers unless I really need them and I haven't touched an anti depressant since. I avoided medical transition for years because I was afraid of so many different things.
I was given the Nexplanon implant post abortion and the hormones fucked me up even more.
I felt like I had no choice but TO do the internal work first.
I'm lucky to now be in the position to finally be ready to pursue what I want medical wise, and not have all the same fears I had before. I'm still terrified of actually going and asking for what I need though.
Amazing video! Love to see conversations like this that are respectful, open minded and educational on tough topics like this. Go Sam!!!
Thanks for sharing her story! I'm not trans, but I love to learn about trans peoples experiences. There is SO much fear mongering surrounding people that de-transition, so it's nice to see someone be more positive about it.
if someone "lies" to get hormones, then it's because they want to be on hormones? so what's the problem
I guess there really is no problem, people should have free will for sure.
the thing is no one should have to be dishonest in order to “prove” to someone that they’re worthy of going down the path they want/need to in life.
@@ko-lq7vu I was saying an example of just lying about identity in a sense of lying to get something. I was speaking more on the lack of going through my identity with a therapist, which guidance was what I was seeking, and in stead was told who I was and they would give me a medication. That felt off to me.
This is a really amazing perspective I wish everyone could see. I have started my transition 1-2 years ago, medically 5 months. When I went to see about hrt, my doctor practically gave me a prescription same day on my first visit. I was honestly confused because I thought they would at least give me a more in depth examination. That alone really made me unsure about hrt. I still chose it and I really wish I thought about it longer. I'm not saying I regret going on HRT as I'm still on it but I wish I had more confidence that it was right for me. Even then I sort of jumped straight to it. I still gave it a lot of thought but I never asked me these important questions Alia made. I thought it was an easy way to transition and that's what I see a lot of trans people do. So far I like what hormones have done for me but I don't know how I will be in a few years. I've hopped onto this train and I'm praying that it doesn't derail.
I haven't finished the video yet, but I wanted to mention that another detransitioner who doesn't regret her transition is the TH-camr "graysons projects".
I never liked the term "Detransition". I say it every video but you CANNOT undo a transition. You just transition again. Your memories, experiences and such carry forward with you helping shape who you are. Some people transition and realize it is not for them. Guidelines and things are in place to try and limit the people who have to go through it but it is just the way it goes. They then transition again to something new that works for them.
They need just as much love and support as someone going through their first transition. There is nothing wrong with a second transition like there is nothing wrong with a first transition. I will never understand the hate or vitriol for either end.
I feel like a lot of "detransitioners" are nonbinary and tend to be more genderfluid, where their experience as a transgender man for example is still valid and they were no less of a man, yet their gender shifted again to be either non binary or a woman and they started feeling that gender dysphoria again.
As someone who experiences a mild fluidity in gender I can completely understand how confusing it can be.
And I always hated the word transition. I didn't transition. I just became honest
Retransition? Would this word be better?
@@draalttom844 While I can relate with that, how else are we supposed to describe medically transitioning? Using T or being on HRT can be wordy terms and i think the word "transition" has it's purpose. It describes medically transitioning, getting the surgeries necessary so we can be honest.
@@sleepieste it's not transitioning tho, none of that, it's just medical changes
One of the most interesting things that she brings up in this, I think is how she never even considered going off of hormones as an option, and I really think that’s a major attitude change that would helpful in the world of medicine, making sure patients know all their options and that it is there choice to make. Like I was on an antidepressant for like a year even though it wasn’t doing anything for me, didn’t work for me at all, but it took me so long to realize that it was my responsibility to bring that up and make that change bc I’m not used to those choices being in my control. It’s interesting to hear about other people’s experiences with dysphoria tho, bc mine behaves differently than how I hear other people describe it, most of the time. I rarely if ever feel social dysphoria and when I do it’s pretty minor, no part of my transition is or was motivated by the way other people saw or treated me most of the time. To be fair, part of that is bc I’m non-binary, so most of the time I can’t win in terms of how people treat me bc they think there are only to options, but also bc I’m just kind of oblivious to other people a lot of the time, especially when I was younger. Also outside of my dysphoria I have a pretty good relationship with my body. This is such a lovely video, thank you for sharing this!
The main concern of most people is whether it is physically healthy for young teens. It's a whole different thing than after you are fully grown.
As a non-binary trans person who is very fluid with my presentation, I relate so much to this de trans person and love her for sharing her experiences.
Maybe its the tism and being autigender, but i feel like having that personal connection to yourself is literally the only thing that matters. If you build that relationship with yourself and feel more authentic as You in the world on hormones, off hormones, presenting masc, fem, androgynous, any combination of traits or lacktherof thats really like *it*. I mean gender is a social construct that informs SO much of our social lives and perception of self and others, but theres no way to KNOW that you're "doing it right" the only way to tell is if what you're doing feels good to you. Imo learning to sit with ourselves and learning to FEEL what feels right to us is the only way. There isnt like a checklist for being or not being a man, woman or enby. There are no rules