I told my then narc husband he was too needy. Sucked the life out of me, no empathy, all about him. He had no idea what i was talking about when i said he was needy.. He used to say often if Mike aint happy, no one is happy. He was talking about himself! He has been an ex for 17 years now. I didnt have this information back then. People are so interesting.
I had an ex-girlfriend try to repaint the past that way too as she left me. Obviously saying this to reimagine herself to her next supply as Queen Victim. As a band from Liverpool (not The Beatles) sang about the MSM, this applies to those folks too, and it's called "DON'T BELIEVE A WORD": th-cam.com/video/PqjdHPhJpms/w-d-xo.htmlsi=eRAufmKJYDEPX3Xo
All I told my husband when he brought divorce papers home was "all I wanted was for you to hold my hand"...something I had begged for during 36 years of marriage. His reply? " I can't. " That was it for me.
After a three and a half years of relationship, it went like this.... "I might as well be honest, I've met a better woman who meets my high standards and I will be pursuing her." At which point, it was ME who said, "I hope it works out for you because I will never speak to you again nor will I ever think well of you again." And I meant that. Do you know why I was considered a sub-standard woman? Well, it was because the year prior, I had caught him seeing someone else, and I cussed him up one side and down the other. I used words that I didn't even know that I knew! 😅 He said that a true Christian woman would never speak that way.... Well guess what, Mr. Toxic Pile of Pig Poo? A good Christian man wouldn't be cheating with other women in a committed relationship! I hesitate to use the word relationship. It was a demonic entanglement. Thank you Paula! Spot on as usual!❤️
So sorry u went thru that. They have unrealistic,perfectionistic expectations and standards that no one can live up to,not even themselves. My ex projected on me...showed his low self esteem and said sarcastically..."sorry,I can't live up to your standards and expectations." So twisted. He expected me to lower myself to accept his selfishness, poor behavior and choices. No way!
Just happened tonight! NEVER in 32 years did he ever act so cold, cruel, blaming...no accountability of his angry issues, lies, deceit, no apology! As though I would want to keep in 'flavor' of him to 'possibly ' inherit' his new found wealth (inheritance). Dangling 'money' and an 'asset trust' which he repeatedly said was Revocable (can change on a whim, which he did)! Vicious, cruel and evil. Unfortunately, his wealth inheritance totally changed him or drew out extreme narcissistism within 6 months! Don't even recognize the person he now shows! So glad I didn't move out of state to the new home he bought (which I was supposed to inherit). He replaced me on his estate trust when I didn't immediately move in. Didn't like that I wanted to visit for a while first. Thank God I am sane enough to not jump in for the sake of money. The discard was so cruel, . His text messages were full of contradictions. His recall of events all twisted while he raged, yelled and did not allow me to say but a few words. He went from 'nothing has changed', full of love to everything has changed and barely fond of me...within 5 days! Good riddance.
People break up, but with the narc, it's a weird powerplay where they dump on you, project their darkness on you, feel entitled, and get this, they come back for more! Don't let them back in.
The coldest and worst thing she ever told me was, " i dont know why you are so upset, its just a break up". Uh, 7 years together isnt " just a break up". Cold black heart.
Oh yes, they happen to be friends with most of their exes too. Their harem. It makes them look like the good guy. And as far as being friends, if you agree, then it won’t be them reaching out. They want you to reach out, so they can tell everyone about it. Or if they reach out it’s to use you for something, ego boost, sex, money, fame, continue hurting you.
Exactly! My cheating ex wanted to stay friends but all it ended up being was drunken verbal abuse from him. F that. I never did anything wrong. I put my whole heart into him. I deserved better & no longer talk to him.
Lets be friends, for 3 years, meets the new supply, then discards me again. Criticized me as being to insecure to be with anyone, and not fit to be with anyone (at the discard initially) yet meets someone who's insecure & hurt through their previous relationship with someone else, ... and does not want me speaking to or being friends with him. Talk about 🤪. I in the relationship also had to experience him criticizing women who were weighty, with terms such as bingo wings, yet he got together with new supply who was weighty. Unbelievable curve ball nuts😜😜😜
I had our baby girl..... she was a few months old when he told me I was unattractive, boring and unsexy . I was recovering from a c section ..... he left me for other supply. I felt like I had been ran over by a freight train. But by god I got back up and learned about this disorder. I never let him back in.
@@jendine1663 it's funny because I only said this today ..... I thought at the time I was losing the love of my life . But in retrospect I got to keep the best of him because I got to keep our daughter . She is the best part of him and the rest of him is just a ghost who never really existed. Hope you're doing well now. Hugs ❤️
During the relationship I started to notice how I disliked the way I looked in pictures regardless of the occasion. I always saw deep emotional pain in my smile. When I ended the relationship I saw a major difference. I had no idea that a narc could destroy without you even knowing.
Sooo true, my family and friends have noticed a huge difference in me too. When we were with them we were being drained or just given enough to function now my tank is full and it's all for me. Keep going it's a great journey.....
ME TOO I LOOK BACK ON PHOTOS AT THE FINAL DISCARD & I LOOK HELLISH ONCE I GOT HIM GONE I GOT THE GIRL I USED TO BE BACK INDEED I WAS OUT THE OTHER DAY A WORKMATE SAID WOW I WASNT SURE THAT WAS YOU ...THING ITS LEARNED ME MOST IS HOW EVIL TRULY EXISTS A THING I NEVER WENT INTO DEPTH WITH MUCH BEFORE WHEN I NOW WITNESD IT IT SICKENS ME ..BAD BAD PEOPLE ARE NARCISSISTS....
Out of the blue (literally went to work said he loved me with all his heart and soul came home a different person) My ex said he just wanted to be alone, he felt tied down and though we had an amazing connection, something was just missing. By the next day I had figured out he had been having an affair for the last 3 years (and looking back it was the whole 8 years he always had several other women). It’s weird how you see everything clear once your out of the narcissists games
Something was missing all right: His integrity, honesty, fidelity, and sanity. One of his harem must have demanded that he leave you. Narcs are weak minded "people" who will do bizarre things to hold onto the validation (from other crazy people,) which will support their delusions and feed their egos. They are desperate for other people's energy...And for debauchery, because their demons demand smut.And when I say demons, I literally mean demons. They are loaded with them
@@eagleeye2300 you’re so right! I am certain that his new targeted “main supply” gave him the push to leave me. Funny thing is he chose to go after his friend’s wife.
I think one of their favorites is to tell you that you're crazy when you start catching on. You're no use to them if you figured them out and so they have to discard you and make you feel like it's your fault.
I think they just wanted to put us on their shelf. I know she is still in contact to her exes. But not me. Her other exes went to drinking. They are cowards. Evil and haters. They hate themselves
With a look of utter disgust on his face he said to me “I used to think you were so sweet”! I think it translate into...I thought you were a total doormat but I was wrong.
The discard phase was the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. The man I adored would swing from lovebombing one second to that dead-eyed stare/absolute hatred in his eyes the next with absolutely no trigger. From being the most loving person ever to stone-cold in an instant. From 'don't ever change, you are perfect' to 'whats wrong with you, you are crazy' in the same breath. It was absolutely insane and a total headf*ck...there is no way to deal with that behaviour.
Same Dream girl, love of his life.... To 8 hours later never ever contact me again I don't love you anymore..... Just for pointing out things said and promised never happened...
I got all this too. 34 years of marriage told me all the things I would want to hear but behind the scenes so different. Bummed me up to everyone but a right devil to my face. 😔 discarded once I was on to him. No more games. No pulling the wool over my eyes anymore.
My parent has said a lot of these things to me over the years. They even carried a grudge for a few years when I dared to stand up for myself once. I was eventually told that I was forgiven and what a good parent I had for doing that! Even now and knowing all of this, there is still the hope that they'll be a normal loving parent without all of the attached conditions that go with a relationship with them. That hope is very hard to let go of, and I'm afraid that I will still go on "pining for this creature" until the day they die. With knowing about them and realising that they now want little to do with me, comes the painful duality of thinking that it's great on some levels because they rarely bother me now (I'm only wanted when they want something, or for special occasions - I'm very quickly reeled back in then, like a fish on a line!). But it hurts so much in lots of other ways. I've watched enough videos and read a lot of articles to know that this is just a cruel game for them, yet I still hang on, hoping. Thank you for your videos, they help me a lot. Best wishes to everyone out there xx
My Narc said NOTHING. NOTHING. It's been over 4 months. He has not reached out or tried to at all. It's been difficult but as time goes on it's really a blessing of the highest order. 😊
@@robertswift6101 that’s what I thought, and I did move on but five months later there he was trying through mutual people to get back with me He’s pathetic and not welcome in my world anymore!!
After 35 years married, he told me he regretted the day he married me. He told me if he had known how lonely he would be, he would never have married me. He said he was attracted to younger more healthier people. I was told I am a hoarder, slovenly, intellectually lacking, make things up, exaggerate and a drunk, etc. He told me we never shared good times together. When I asked if there was someone else, he told me that I was looking for a scapegoat. After discovery of the other woman, he stonewalled me and avoided me in the house for over three months. He left and I filed for divorce and he moved in immediately with a completely different woman he had just met. Listening to your post reiterated to me that this is not normal behavior and it is the disorder talking. Divorced two years and still healing.
My narc discarded me yesterday, It was the strangest reason ever. He was backing up and I saw a pickup coming. I said, truck is coming honey. He yelled DO YOU WANT TO DRIVE? I said I didnt know if you saw it or not is all. A few mins later he said was done and asked me to move my stuff out of his house. Thank goodness I still had my own home. I asked what did I do? He couldnt tell me because I didnt do anything.
They will start an argument for no reason to validate the discard. Mine said “ I think I got Covid” I said “ They say it’s making its way around again. time to mask up again.. I started to lately”. … This is what I got in return… “Your trying to tell me what to do?! … Your clueless!”. Went from calling twice a day to not a word since… AND I’m enjoying every minute of it. Thank you loser… bye. 😆
how I got away from the first narcissist I knew - I said "you're right. I'm not emotionally capable of being in a relationship with you and I need to go home to my parents like you said I do. " He had been horribly abusive-physically, emotionally, sexually- to the degree that I was afraid I might not survive any attempt to leave. But when I made him believe that I believed he was right, he actually helped me pack and let me go.
This is something I've wondered about a great deal; everyone I've ever spoken to or texted with whos been through a relationship with a narcissist says exactly the same thing. It literally is as though their torturers all read the same textbook on how to be a narcissist. We all have remarkably similar experiences.
That right there is why I wholeheartedly believe that narcissism is a spiritual sickness. This entity transcends cultures, languages, borders, traditions. It really is stunning how the patterns repeat with different people in different places with different lives. Pure, total evil.
Very well encapsulated. Not to make excuses for narcissists, but your video made me reflect on something. The reason narcissists perhaps see a competition, have difficulty giving, is they had so much taken from them. It’s like an attempt to compensate for what they were robbed of as children, but it actually becomes Machiavellian overcompensation, manipulative exploitation. They cannot feel safe unless they are certain they have absolute power before and during the discard. They cannot tolerate ever again feeling the shame and humiliation they felt in childhood abuse so 1. that their sense of survival requires ruthless hardening, withholding, not openness, giving 2. They project the childhood humiliation onto the discard. Just my thoughts…
I agree. And I think subconsciously their whole aim in intimate relationships is to inflict the discard, to somehow repair that damage they sustained in their childhood. It doesn't work of course, and they self sabotage over and over again.
I never knew what a narcissist was until I started googling things he was doing making me feel crazy. When I found out what he was and none of his tricks worked on me I quickly left him one day I packed everything up and left him a note, it literally hurt him so bad he was like a wounded bird he is usually the one that discards he probably never been broken up with before. I’m so lucky and thankful I found him out before he completely ruined me! Learned an extremely valuable lesson out of all of this! Set boundaries and love yourself and never put anyone on a pedestal put yourself up there, also never ignore the red flags 🚩 there were so many and I was just like heyyyyyy it’s a carnival 😮
@@CC-br9qgmy ex said that, while trying to make me believe an obvious lie about where he got condoms that were a brand we had never used…and 2 years old hidden in the back seat pocket where I would never see them….but I’m the one who is the problem for not trusting a liar. “I don’t want to stop intentionally lying to you” “if you can’t handle a liar then you don’t need to be in a relationship” these people are scary. The scariest person is someone who believes their own lies
In my case she would make excuses like, she has to sleep early now and shes too busy during the day with real life so basically she told me with a smirk she wont make time for me anymore to chat, not even once a week. All the conversations were one-sided and dry, with her wasting 4 hours of my time only to respond with at average, 6 sentences... We used to talk so much for 12 years... She was even showing how low she thinks of me when talking to other people and my friends, even flexing how she got a better life than me, claiming I am jealous of her... I was nothing but supportive of her hobbies and interests, even put effort in helping her to get visible in social media... I forced a time off as each time i talked to her I only felt more miserable, devalued, neglected and she just bluntly laughed off and disregarded my concerns. I gave up on many fun activities that I enjoyed with her without complaining and went through depression. All she was concerned about was not to feel guilty over me being a mental wreck from how she treated me and was expecting me to still provide her with the usual supply. Lets say I didn't bother explaining anything to her, she knows damn well what she was doing and this wasn't working out, so I quietly cut all contact and went on months of recovery. Interestingly she knew what was the issue but its like she was compelled to double down on what bothers me, acting as if shes pressured while at the same time telling me what a caring friend she is, how her arms are open for me and how shes always here for me... In reality she had no other interest than keeping me on the shelf and expecting me to occasionally provide her with supply while shes spending her time non stop with her new friend who turns out to be similar to me, doing activities that I used to do with her. Heh, she was even bragging in social media how much she has fun with her new friend. I had to take a step back and look at myself how horrible I'm feeling around this person to the point that I had no better choice but to leave this mess behind. I don't feel like having friends anymore but at least I'm more at peace away from her
After i had found out she had set up her new supply before discarding me i confronted her. I was asked ‘where’s my proof’ before being told i didn’t recognise her value and that’s why she had chosen to end things. She also wanted ‘to remember all the good things’ which is nice, considering i have to remember instances of physical and verbal and emotional abuse. Lovely.
1:38 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER SAID ABOUT THIS TOPIC Narcissism is a personality disorder. That means there is a checklist of patterns, behaviors, and ways of thinking. I have firm boundaries about how I will be treated so I have never let narcissists into my life. However becoming aware of these patterns was eye opening. In the past I didn't have words for these kinds of people. They were just "not good people" that I refused to associate with. Dr. Ramani systematically taught me all the patterns. Now when I interact with "not good people" it goes like: 1) Oooh that was a gaslighting statement 2) There's the devaluing remarks 3) I wonder if there is unregulated rage? Oh wait, it's happening, there it is 4) Hmmm I haven't heard a grandiose statement yet (3 minutes later)... Oh there is it & it has a put down on someone else too Videos like this are so important. Knowing these patterns is eerie & also comforting. They occur almost WORD FOR WORD regardless of the individual doing them. The interaction turns starts out confusing, disorientating, scary but if you know the patterns, 2-3 minutes in you instantly realize what is happening. Once you realize what's happening the situation becomes... amusing. I instantly realize: 1) This isn't about me and I can tune it out 2) This person's actions are going to be x, y, and z 3) There is no possibility of an interpersonal relationship here. Any involvement will negatively impact my life, I need to leave
It’s INSANE and completely eerie how they literally all speak the same while never meeting or interacting in their lives - you’d think they all went to effing Narcissist School! Or at least got a handbook. It nearly hurts my head how verbatim reading the comments on these videos are?!
Be careful out there ladies, where I live if you go out with someone for two years the courts deem it a defacto relationship and they can take you to court for all they can get. (australia) The guy I was dating basically moved him self in over time more and more of his stuff was ending up at mine, he didnt leave for two months, then I got the guts to put all his stuff together and told him to take it. But he had packages sent to mine, mail sent to mine, joined a club giving my address. Gawd Im glad hes out of my life.
It's crazy how once you realize a person has this disorder, all the confusion and constant emotional turmoil just makes complete sense. Thank you internet and youtube!
@@NarcCon Maybe so. Narcs lack empathy or moral clarity with an extreme sense of entitlement. I think that in her own fractured way that was a ham fisted way attempt of softening the blow after wasting 4 1/2 years of my life along with buckets of money. No doubt she had a new supply already lined up and probably had been carrying on with him for some time. 7 months later and my life is drastically better, though some of the more absurd aspects still linger. Her silence tells me everything I need to know, and that is the loudest statement she could make.
"You are dysfunctional, you better look for someone who is as dysfunctional as you are", and also "You take take take and I always give give give, but I am scraping the bottom of my pit, and I cannot give any more, you drain my energy"
Omg yes. All the things I was accused of was actually what they did or felt! The things I was accused of...made me mad with insanity. I went deep within myself with introspect. I can recognize my faults. I couldnt match within me what they were accusing me of!
The last one dealt with was a malignant narcissistic landlord who while moving in on the first day was running hideous smear campaigns about his neighbors and the former tenant and while outside setting up my belongings in the yard, he was inside putting back screens on the windows and stole my phone from out of my purse. The following day it was found on the top corner of a stereo placed on the stove and right near where I'd put my purse the day before. He was called from my home phone after returning back to the old house only he didn't answer, so a voice message was left (not accusation) that my cell phone was never removed from my purse while there, yet it was gone, while reaching to use it inside my truck prior to leaving the property. Not only did he not call me back, but he never even asked if it had been found either and later he'd lie and say that I'd dropped it inside the bed of my truck and had run over it. I still have the phone which was reactivated after finding it the following day. Not only that, but my final electric bill from the old house and the replacement phone which was sent (never activated) were opened by this POS, who tried to say they'd been opened accidentally by the wife. I called the leasing agent to tell her he'd not only stole the phone, but didn't appreciate gossips or those who ran smear campaigns about people and asked to go on a month to month lease, because didn't think I could stay there for an entire year. She said to stick it out and she would speak to him about breaking the lease early for which I immediately avoided and wouldn't talk to him or that wife either, even despite their constant love bombing with gifts, trying to infiltrate my life with their offers of help. He was also sent a letter to enforce my boundaries about leaving my mail/packages in the box and only to contact me writing if their were needed repairs, all which further angered them and he proceeded taking revenge by still stealing my mail and packages, making wild accusations and forcing me to live without any heat during a very cold winter and hot water to bathe for almost six months. Enough was enough and when forced to make repairs (which he still didn't) and confronted for also gaslighting, lying, stonewalling and doing all these things on purpose, he had the audacity to ask why I was being so hostile and to repeatedly call me insane, crazy and a lunatic. The entire time and without me being aware, he was projecting, blame shifting, playing the victim, triangulating and turning those in position to help against me. He did a lot of lying, accusing without proof and other sadistic things for which are too long to get into, but I do plan on making videos to share (with evidence) of everything I was forced to endure, how he was further enabled to exploit me and that he's still doing even after almost a year of leaving.
I ticked quite a few boxes here! The list for me seemed endless - you're too needy, too sensitive, argumentative, you turn everything into an issue, it's your baggage that's the problem, you need help, you're not well, you don't respect me anymore, how dare you say I'm to blame for any of this, you said it was all your fault. He was a master manipulator, jokingly referred to himself as having a silver tongue. Well I think that silver tongue is well and truly tarnished. A cruel controlling man who then alienated me from my teenage children because they too believed that I had mental health issues (which to be fair I ended up with due to the psychological abuse). It's taken many years to try to heal but have moments of clarity and hope thanks to people like you Paula. Thank you and best wishes.
He told me: "I tell you this because I love you, no man will want to stay with you. You make men feel trapped. You're so toxic and I can't focus. I want to make something of myself. I want to focus on myself and I'll find someone who lets me live my 20's. I only stayed because you can't live without me. I moved on a long time ago." Then he goes "Don't go hoe mode. (??) I don't want you back, I just don't want you to hate me." He said "You're way too attached, I want a relationship that takes up less of my time. You're too clingy and needy."
Oh yes I was told that I was crazy and that my family should get help for me 😂 I was bossy controlling when it was him. Thought I was going to get taking away in straight jacket the way he was torturing me. 😢 discarded once I started to have a voice and questioning him on things. Game over.
Me too! I like the way you address all of the scenarios and entanglement s they catch us up in. They're all the same. Fool themselves into thinking they're superior to whomever they're involved with.
Here's one for you. I had a high school boyfriend who I always kept up with to a certain extent after my family moved away. I tried to end it several times, but I didn't realize he was keeping me a string. Later, in our mid-20's we got back together. I was not in great shape because I had been part of a lay-off that pretty much ended the career I had prepared for. He was moving in a couple of months to go to graduate school. We spent a couple of months together. It was kind of weird but I thought it might be OK. He moved. I went overseas for a few months. When I came back, I went to see him. Love bomb. I thought it was wonderful...for a few days. Then, the girlfriend wanted to know where he was... I said let's just have a beer and talk about old times, then let it go. But he had to go "off" to "decide" what was going to happen. When he came back, said "I'm sorry, but you are just not good enough for me. I am going to have a Ph.D. and she is going to have a Ph.D. You only have a bachelors and you are unemployed (like this was a permanent situation)." He looked so sincere and so condescending. He was clearly enjoying hurting me. I was shocked and I left. A few months later, I got a letter. He had been kicked out of his Clinical Psychology program because of his personality. (Of course, it was the "fault" of one professor.). By then, I was on my way to graduate school myself and a new career. Payback!
My husband discarded me a month after we got married. He took off with another married woman for several months. In the discard phase my husband took the deepest trauma I went through and threw it in my face. For example: I went through abuse from my dad growing up, in the discard phase, he said “you’re just like your dad” when I’m nothing like him. I was also at my happiest still in the honeymoon phase after the wedding, he told me my happiness was all fake and he couldn’t stand it. He compared me to the affair partner in the end saying I wasn’t as beautiful as her and he wasn’t attracted to me. We just got married, how sad… I actually believed him. I no longer believe him. He was abusive physically, emotionally and financially in the discard phase as well. He would yell and scream in my face, he drained our bank account and tried to break my wrist. I filed a restraining order against him while our divorce finalizes… Im so happy to be free and safe. I can’t wait to heal and move on to a way better man.
Please do NOT "move on to a way better man." You need to be able to be financially independent from ALL MEN AND WOMEN. Go back to church, school, college, community college, etc. Learn a skill, learn how to do something that no one can take away from you. You need for your life to be you and GOD against the world together, hand in hand. You can do this -- for your own survival.
Thank so much. I was being destroyed by this. This helped me so much. Never have experienced human cruelty and betrayal like this...and then blamed for it, after years of abuse and blind loyalty. It was so painful, and I loved them so much. So hard to even understand this level of human indecency. Especially from someone who you trusted against all your own better judgement. Ughhh. It is so awful to experience. Just guts you to your very core. Makes you question every last phoney thing they ever said, and you questioned. Shameless people are so hard on your body, mind, and soul. 💔😔
Yes, "all of your family and friends hate me", "you think you're perfect!", "you're always right and I'm always wrong, so what's the point?" and my favorites, "you care too much about what others think of you" and "you're so judgmental!"
Some people, really the narcissists out there, are truly overly judgmental. We cannot try and cherry pick every little interaction that we’ve had with the toxic person with our preconceived perception that they do have NPD. I was discarded by my now ex-wife in very horrible way. Many of those things reek of NPD and the abuse continues today. But, she does not have a diagnosis. And, I did call her overly judgmental a number of times because she is. Why? She was so for the purpose of breaking me down and making me feel like there was something wrong with me. She judged every little thing that I ever did. 🤷🏻♂️ she can turn around and say that I have a personality disorder because I told her she’s overly judgmental. You can clearly see how this tool of measurement is not precise.
Similar to “Are you always right?” is, “Can you ever be wrong?” This always stumped me, because no, I don’t like to be wrong, but they’re projecting, and YES, I can be wrong, even if I don’t like to be. In fact, I usually half feel like I’m wrong even when I know I’m right, and they’re definitely projecting. Incidentally, they say this when YOU ARE RIGHT. Now, I’ve emotionally detached from this narc because I know every convo is just a competition to win or derail the intent and it has little to do with truth or coming to a consensus, so I just say sure, I can be wrong, but I’m right about this one.
I left my narc, but it was him who shafted me with cruelty before I left. For instance, he claimed that we "never did things together". That was because he was never there but always out of the house on his own pursuits while I was indoors caring for the children. He could have washed the dishes up - just once - and worked alongside me, but of course, that never occurred. After years of serving him, cleaning his house and caring for his child while he was away on jaunts, he challenged me with: "What have you ever done for me? Name one thing."
My ex sent me an email after the discard stating that I was the love of his life, that he’d always love me, that the 2 years we spent in CA were the happiest years of his life,...blah...blah...blah. This was after he had cleaned out our joint bank account and had stolen thousands of dollars from me. These Narcs are parasites...
Bravo , Paula ❤️🙏🙏 Their biggest single weakness is their predictability, and the more we unite and share the knowledge , the more dis-empowered they will become ! 💗💗💗
How accurate! I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist recently and he dumped me out of the blue saying "you're not ready for a relationship " ! After reading as much as I can on this disorder he fits the criteria to perfection. It's helped me heal tremendously. 🙏
It’s the conviction, seemingly honest and from the heart, with which they deliver the blow that sets the stage for a target to self-assess negatively. It’s often the duplicity that hurts more than the actual (fill in the blank: sexual betrayal, character assassination, etc.) that they’ve engaged in. The attendant lying and, often, systematic insults to one’s sheer intelligence are what hurt, because they reflect upon your misplaced love. Behaving as a narcissist does is also a pretty good indication of an intelligence deficit; they believe they can make up for stupidity with cunning.
My ex-narc-hubby didn't say any of those. He was an A-grade actor, who basically ignored any issues, ignored me (but did look towards me if I spoke), gave me a peck in the morning, "luv ya", & off he happily ran to work (didnt eat, that way didnt hv to converse). Came home late after a few drinks quick peck "hi", raced upstairs to get changed. Ate dinner (if he hadnt already dined, too late to help with kids, sat on ph in front of TV, no conversation. We never argued, in the beginning I thought this is great, I can actually live without being told off for anything. If I ever asked a question, his stock answer was always "work". It's amazing how I didn't pick up for years, just how many times he used "it's for work", "working", "at work", "I know her/him through work", "gotta get to work", "working late tonight". When I caught him in an affair, "it's just work". He prob sent me the "outing" text on purpose to start the triangulation/discard. 9yr affair, along with grooming so many others. Work was fantastic, he had a huge expense account, perfect for luring unsuspecting folk in with drinks & restaurant meals, anything to impress, then hook... when I kicked him out 3 mths later, he gave me the silent treatment & just never came back, no trying to talk anythg thru, a pretend effort at counsellor twice, but refused to discuss the woman at work, I had to "draw a line in the sand" & start again, with zero discussion. Can you imagine how infuriating that was, after 13yrs & 2 kids... 4yrs later, I'm still quick to anger. Never had any anger issues before... Silent treatment for 4yrs & counting... Not easy co-ordinating kids visits, so I just don't bother, if he doesnt make arrangemts in advance I just ignore him too.
My soon-to-be ex narcissist would tell me all of the time your family doesn't like you and then he would proceed to tell me how effed-up they are, his words. It just created blurred vision for me as far as not looking at his family as closely. My family does have some freak flags, but who's doesn't, flying pretty high but on further inspection his family had bigger freak flags they were just hiding them very well.
All of this fits my ex-wife. Her exit from my life was brutal. The experience sucks, and the recovery from being exposed to her and her mother sucks even more. I’m getting there, but its been a difficult emotional nightmare. How did I not recognize here true self all these years? Wow!
I've ruminated all day today, then you follow the advice and it helps, a lot. Its uncanny how bang on you are. The lines they feed you, the behaviour they show you, its unreal how many people have met these things and suffered because of them.
Try not to ruminate. That’s your brain trying to understand. The only thing you need to understand is get out of it, shut the door and stay out. Don’t look back ❤
Thank you so much for this video. It completely explains exactly what was happening for me. I was called crazy, bipolar, a liar and a cheat, that I was projecting my problems. I see now that our entire relationship was based on transactional. When I started setting my own boundaries he became so upset he couldn't continue to control or manipulate me. I dared speak truth and he couldn't handle it at all.
Narcissism is not just a permanent label that some people deserve, but a state of mind that we all eventually share. Diving deeply into the subject, I would sometimes wonder "wait, I did this to her", and often understood her struggle with her limitations, meaning she was narcissistic but not evil by nature. We both wanted it to work. Taking on the victim role can help to deal with trauma, but dwelling on that mentality keeps us from dealing with our own mistakes -that little tyrant inside all of us- before we commit to a new relationship, which can lead us into painful cycles.
Being loyal to a narco-path/s, there will be no growth, just damage in what you thought was,is and will never,ever be. Wisdom and knowledge is key to unlock freedom from these disgusting individuals
My ex cheated on me 3 times (might be more) in 39 years of marriage. she said that it was all my imagination and nothing happened. I caught her in our bedroom cheating twice and she said that it never happened! It hurt me so bad that I started laughing at her and she got really mad and walked away. What a fool I was to stay with her so long
They must realize that their targets have certain qualities that are attractive and unique, but they have to demolish that person, and yet, I still don't understand why they seem to destroy what they claim to want? They keep looking for this supposed person they want to be with, but they cannot find it and yet they keep searching. I have to assume after months and months of no contact, that the person that discarded me, see's me as bad. If I had only known the person I got into a relationship with dealt with this horrible disorder, I would have just been super happy to remain a distant aquaintanance. I thought they would at least end up being a good friend, at the very worst if it didn't workout, but now I shared everything with this person, my most deepest secrets, I don't even have them as a semi-regular possible friend, I didn't even get that out of it. I feel like they see me as some horrible enemy, but it's so awful because I got to know this person so deeply, and they just moved on like nothing and I still feel this awfully close bond based on a persona that never existed.
They live in denial,can't stand to admit flaws,mistakes so need to blame you. They hide their fears,insecurities of not feeling worthy,loveable,good enough and get easily offended and project and take it out on others
- The Awful Close Bond to a Painful Relationship that Failed … Is called: “A Trauma-Bond.” Most partners of Narcs are Co-Dependent… Maybe check that out for yourself! Work to heal yourself before any further Close Partner Relationships. Also - Study “Coercive Control” & the BASICS of “Narcissism” from Dr Ramini, Dr Les Carter, & Lisa A Romano, Life Coach! These people had Childhood Trauma w/Abandonment Issues as the Core of their False Mask Persona. “Controlling Others” like a Vampire Sucking the Life-Force Emotional Energy from others is their Main Goal. They Have No Empathy - Seriously - That is part of the DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual), Personality Traits. Several Of the Best World Renowned Therapists have Literally Said: Some are “Beyond Redemption” … Several have used the word “EVIL.” I personally Believe 100% that they are “DEMONIC POSSESSED!” Otherwise -How do Millions upon the earth, having Never Taken Classes to Be Narcissists… All… Follow the same Protocol-Exactly? Some tactics are known as sophisticated Brainwashing Techniques… FBI Stuff! You are worth “WAY MORE,” than to keep a Mean, Evil Person as a FRIEND that Discards you! Clear up your thoughts of not being worth Better. Then, hang out in good singles Groups: Charity Projects, a Cooking Class, or any class , a hiking Club, a good church family, maybe singles Dances. Get out & Meet GOOD HEALTHY PEOPLE! Don’t settle for any more Mentally-ILL, Destructive Love-less people, that are Scamming to Control & Use-Up Someone, then, Kick them to the Curb! Lots of Blessings! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
You should never throw your pearls before swine. Don't waste another moment even thinking about him. Think only of what you can do for yourself to be your vest happiest
This precise information is so get tto the.point......all true....what I think is very useful if you got into the place with an narcsisist. When at the begging they are talking about getting married. And you know you don't want to marry them cause you have not had along enough time learnings bout them. ..you should run away immediately....Ani I don't care if you have had physical relationship ND I bet it wasn't that good but all you wanted was emotional affection
My adult sons were civil to him, but after having a front row seat (for 23yrs) of his poor behavior towards me and others, they had a strong lack of respect and genuine care for him.
In the discard phase I was able to reverse the discard just before he had secured his back burner supply to leech off of. He contacted my daughter and our friends asking about how I was and portraying himself as a wounded soldier when the week before he had told me I was unimportant and wrong to have needs and wants because this was unspiritual and conventional. Yes, I had finally tried to assert some boundaries in our extractionship at this point. I sent him a text outlining the issues and telling him to stop contacting everybody guilt tripping them, only to be responded back to totally dismissing what I'd said with "I told you all along I was always prepared for you to become spiritual, after I helped you be spiritual, and single" It was almost as shocking as the line he used on me during devalue "I knew I'd have to take steps back into the 3 dimensional reality to be with you" this was him telling me yet again that he was superior to me using spirituality Beware of these religious and spiritual narc's they are so much harder to detect because they have all the spiritual lingo and we associate these labels with goodness and drop our guards down... Big mistake!
@@cc1k435 I so relate to that statement now. Holier than though, self righteous, obsessed with healing but can't take no accountability or discuss their life with intimacy, red flag!
Fake young hippie girl just wrecked me for an entire year . I finally figured out and stopped letting her get her way and then she discarded me after a week long road trip she was done with me not putting up with her games . It was a one way street . Everything I did was wrong . She was “ divine “
A former friend who is a narcissist used to say to me all the time "you're nothing but a piece of shit... you wish you were me." He was a Eucharistic minister. They're very shrewd in who they reveal their true selves to.
The Almighty intervened and allowed me to throw him out, change the locks and prevent him entry to the neighborhood before he could discard me. In retrospect he really wanted the ability to do the discard and had friends beg me to allow a reconciliation. I didn’t know what a narcissist was at the time, but I realized this was demonic. Keep strong fellow survivors! I am a MUCH stronger person now.
@@KarinStrong-k4j - The Almighty was right there. He used the experience to mould me and helped me to extract the things about me that needed to be removed. There is no way i will ever be attracted to anything like that again because there were negative things about me that needed to be utterly removed. The narcissist helped me fully confront that.
How about this one Paula, my narc said "you lack empathy, have no capacity for love nd are an emotional drain. Somewhat a bit of self reflection I suppose. It kick started my recovery when I discovered projection and the narcissist. The support and knowledge from people like you is immeasurable. I'm being cyber bullied at the moment so this is probably been read by my narc, good stuff 👍
It’s so hard to come to the realization that the person who brought you into the world has this (amongst many other issues) and how that relationship matches the 2 main relationships that spanned most of adulthood so far. Lesson learned, finally.
After 5 years together, " I just want you to apologise and get rid of the threat to us. But you don’t you defend the threat and invalidate and disrespect me!" (The 'threat' was my new volunteer role on the council of a charity organisation)
I know many many many people affected by narcissists are romantic partners, but I would truly love to hear more about family dynamics as well. I have a 3/5’s of my family who are toxic.
I highly agree, it happened to us, I think it takes it to another level, being that it's our own son, our only child. And he was married to another narc, ( double trouble there), now they are divorcing, after 7 years, with two kids. We got to know their first for 5 months, a boy, and then they had a girl whom we have never seen. He said he didn't want us around his kids, and to never contact him again, and his last words were f-off. Ya, it's a whole other kind of hurt. Got to be strong, and carry on, for our own sanity. What a world.
Here's a verbatim first discard right before holidays when I was an expat in China with no friends or family. This man was born and raised in China and the speech is exactly the same. "I never meant to hurt you.now I feel sad and guilty! I apologize for fucking up all, and appreciate you for the lovely moments we have. Although you said you have nothing to talk with meI still wanna meet you.But maybe not recently, after a while when you feel it's ok. Say sorry again here.I'm a bastard. If you need me to do any favors for you just ask anytime you want. I owe you that." I said I wasn't interested in friendship now or later and took a flight to korea where I had friends. He wanted me at the airport to hoover with crocodilo tears (he had a degree in acting). Just buying time because he hadn't assure another source of supply so had to get back to me. The 2nd discard was merciless and no pity speech like the firt one. Narcissist or not never go back to a man who has dumped you. A man wouldn't dare to lose the woman he loves.
@@tathe3786 I've been down the narcissism rabbit hole for more than one year. I've recognized traits in my in my parents (child abusers) and I've never felt so bad and over the edge as the period I've been with this man. I've been in a 5 year relationship before and never felt like going crazy or dysregulated because that man never gave me reasons for such and probably i wasn't so into him but he wanted marriage and family. As for this guy I was just a placeholder. He was bored and was not so into me, also i was an isolated expat with nobody to turn to. I could be his dirty little secret while he kept living his life looking for Mrs. Right. This guy had definitely higher narcissistic traits, his culture feeds narcissism. A male only child (small emperor) with a degree in acting and looking for opportunities in tv series (when he got his first role he discarded). This is typical male behavior of a man who considers a woman below his league. They are still looking for their unicorn and won't be alone and sexless while they can't find her. Some want the girlfriend experience because they thrive on it. I've talkee with women from all around the planet, different cultures, languages, religions and it's all the same. Translate what they say and the textbook is the same. But not because they have a personality disorder, it's because they are men and men are always looking for an upgrade. Read the book "Men don't love women like you" and you'll have a sense of clarity.
@@Sarablueunicorn I think this is true too. This is why you as a women getting a dragon with striked rules and clear consequences… or make you a slave and live like them(cheating, lying etc.) ore you keep your eyes and Mouth shut… and ignore it! Men are what they are they can’t do anything against it… Ever my girls told me …..for me as an human Beeing Not bound on gender behave not interested in dominat, degrad or ignorant behave… quiet difficult to Handel… means I stay alone… not easy!!
My wife of 2 yrs and constantly accuses me of cheating as I work 12-14hr days …. I finally said … I’m out and now see these videos are spot on! Thank you for bringing light to this craziness!
The narcissist I was married to for twenty years, up and left one night out of the blue, said he was going to stay with his parents for a while, I found out he was staying with his new supply, he said almost everything to me that you mentioned
Oh my gosh I’ve been trying to figure this out. Mine said he is living with his parents as well, but will not speak to me as I’m going through a divorce and not getting closer and no alimony and child support. Nothing I bet you he’s with his new supply.
I was “far too broken” is what he said when I was finally leaving for good after eleven years. He was referring to something I had confided in him from childhood. Also he had given me money to “help me” as I left-and said what kind of guy would ever be as nice as I am to help you when you’re leaving-always transactional-always a show with his money-that wasn’t earned by him but left to him. And “if I could have only been different”…referring to my finally seeing through his bs and questioning him and catching him in lie after lie. I told him once that I just wanted him to be honest with me-he replied “that’s the one thing I can’t give you.” Why I didn’t leave then? And so many other times? As we all know they study you, gather your vulnerabilities and let the games begin. I’m out now, getting amazing counseling. It’s not you. You trusted. You had hope. They are sick and will not change. Ever.
Wow 🥺 I have a similar experience he discarded me n the kids, hands me money saying his doing it out of the kindness of his heart....after he went on a weird rant... It's a weird cycle. He's always taken me and the kids to the airport or wherever we needed to go just to pop up out of nowhere and say he wants the family back 🤔 smh. 😳
One guy used to cook me breakfast from a beach burger bar on the beach... During the discard... " All the free breakfasts I cooked for you". This guy leached all summer at my house
Every time I articulated to my ex what he was doing to me it gave him the language to use against me. The irony 😂 His words were only an echo. And yes he projected a lot. Our problems really started when I started calling him out. He saw me as a servant, someone to do the menial jobs and as someone beneath him. He couldn’t even talk to me with respect, but the hardest part was him never taking any accountability for any of his poor actions/choices. So much of what you said is accurate to my experience.
@@EnzoIsabella I hope you are in a better situation now 🙏🏼 I’ve found the love of my life and so will never have to go through this again. Unapologetically happy now 🫶🏼
@@EnzoIsabella aww man that’s tough. I can say this though, if you’ve been strong enough to live with the torment they put you through you’re strong enough to get through this. Sometimes one door has to close before another can open 💕
He said literally, "I'm investing in you". He also said, "If I cheat, it would be your fault because you push me to do it". He said, "All my exes are crazy. They have issues". He said, "Stop being jealous. Stop brought her up like shes going to shadow our lives (his fwb)" while he keeps her in his life and wants to hangout at her house and spend a night at her place and told me he wont have s3x with her anymore. He said, "You're not who you said you were" while I keep being me exactly as I am. He said, "You're my subordinate". He said, "Why don't you submit to me". He said, "I dont have ego". He has a wandering eye, checking other women in front of me, he disappeared and talk to women at club, he expected me to do wife duties in front of his friends. He said, "No, I never said that" quite a lot. He's gaslighting me. He blamed me for everything. I'm grateful he broke it off because it was just about time. I keep fighting him tooth and nail refusing to be controlled and accepting bullshit. He said in the end, "You won't ever change. This is pointless". Exactly. Bye forever.
I had two encounters with a narcissist. One was a long term relationship. He told me that I was crazy and would never find anybody else. Happy ending where I finally left and eventually found a wonderful person. Second encounter was my husbands sister. At one point she said “I have done everything to get you to this point with my brother”. After four years of problems with her, I finally made a declaration to my husband that I would never have contact with her again. She was a very toxic controlling person. Life has never been happier. Wish I had found your channel years ago!
Love it. My plumber guy said " I'd come and see you more but you make me feel guilty" 😳 He would ask "Have you met anyone yet? This guy turned out to be married to a police officer. I met him on Plenty of fish. I feel sorry for her. Bound to be another.. I've come through the narcissist fog and living my better life
Book Link Below:
Weaponised Love -a.co/d/g4bB4MI
“You don’t know relationship dynamics.” Well, I know enough I don’t want one with a sociopath.🙄
👁👁 "You're too needy." This wasn't exactly how you phrased it, but it's the same thing.
I told my then narc husband he was too needy. Sucked the life out of me, no empathy, all about him. He had no idea what i was talking about when i said he was needy.. He used to say often if Mike aint happy, no one is happy. He was talking about himself!
He has been an ex for 17 years now. I didnt have this information back then. People are so interesting.
I had an ex-girlfriend try to repaint the past that way too as she left me. Obviously saying this to reimagine herself to her next supply as Queen Victim. As a band from Liverpool (not The Beatles) sang about the MSM, this applies to those folks too, and it's called "DON'T BELIEVE A WORD": th-cam.com/video/PqjdHPhJpms/w-d-xo.htmlsi=eRAufmKJYDEPX3Xo
@@RH-ul2bcFound the NARC, and it's you!
All I told my husband when he brought divorce papers home was "all I wanted was for you to hold my hand"...something I had begged for during 36 years of marriage. His reply? " I can't. " That was it for me.
The day I told him that he’s emotionally and psychologically abusive is the day he started to pull back.
The Devil masquerades as a Angel of light! Don't take back that Devil!
After a three and a half years of relationship, it went like this....
"I might as well be honest, I've met a better woman who meets my high standards and I will be pursuing her."
At which point, it was ME who said, "I hope it works out for you because I will never speak to you again nor will I ever think well of you again." And I meant that.
Do you know why I was considered a sub-standard woman? Well, it was because the year prior, I had caught him seeing someone else, and I cussed him up one side and down the other. I used words that I didn't even know that I knew! 😅
He said that a true Christian woman would never speak that way....
Well guess what, Mr. Toxic Pile of Pig Poo? A good Christian man wouldn't be cheating with other women in a committed relationship! I hesitate to use the word relationship. It was a demonic entanglement.
Thank you Paula! Spot on as usual!❤️
Mr. Toxic Pile of Pig Poo is CORRECT! (Our apologies to actual pigs. Lol.)
@@eagleeye2300 oh my goodness, yes! Apologies to all of the piggies. 🤣😂😅
So sorry u went thru that. They have unrealistic,perfectionistic expectations and standards that no one can live up to,not even themselves. My ex projected on me...showed his low self esteem and said sarcastically..."sorry,I can't live up to your standards and expectations." So twisted. He expected me to lower myself to accept his selfishness, poor behavior and choices. No way!
@@lynettecaballero1660 I couldn't have said it better! 🎯❤️
Just unbelivebel. You, as Cristhan women you should forgive, and not just this time- everytime.. I cant belive.. Im hoping you are fine now 🍀
Just happened tonight! NEVER in 32 years did he ever act so cold, cruel, blaming...no accountability of his angry issues, lies, deceit, no apology! As though I would want to keep in 'flavor' of him to 'possibly ' inherit' his new found wealth (inheritance). Dangling 'money' and an 'asset trust' which he repeatedly said was Revocable (can change on a whim, which he did)!
Vicious, cruel and evil. Unfortunately, his wealth inheritance totally changed him or drew out extreme narcissistism within 6 months! Don't even recognize the person he now shows! So glad I didn't move out of state to the new home he bought (which I was supposed to inherit). He replaced me on his estate trust when I didn't immediately move in. Didn't like that I wanted to visit for a while first. Thank God I am sane enough to not jump in for the sake of money. The discard was so cruel, . His text messages were full of contradictions. His recall of events all twisted while he raged, yelled and did not allow me to say but a few words.
He went from 'nothing has changed', full of love to everything has changed and barely fond of me...within 5 days!
Good riddance.
People break up, but with the narc, it's a weird powerplay where they dump on you, project their darkness on you, feel entitled, and get this, they come back for more! Don't let them back in.
The coldest and worst thing she ever told me was, " i dont know why you are so upset, its just a break up". Uh, 7 years together isnt " just a break up". Cold black heart.
Mine said something similar: “I think 8 years was good enough.”
Sick bastards they are.
The narc do not have hearts ... just poison sacks. Venom circulatory system. There is yer trouble. 😅
They always say let’s be friends we can always be friends that’s the way to keep the door open so they can use you as a doormat
Oh yes, they happen to be friends with most of their exes too. Their harem. It makes them look like the good guy. And as far as being friends, if you agree, then it won’t be them reaching out. They want you to reach out, so they can tell everyone about it. Or if they reach out it’s to use you for something, ego boost, sex, money, fame, continue hurting you.
Dame specially foro sex
Agreed
Exactly! My cheating ex wanted to stay friends but all it ended up being was drunken verbal abuse from him. F that. I never did anything wrong. I put my whole heart into him. I deserved better & no longer talk to him.
Lets be friends, for 3 years, meets the new supply, then discards me again. Criticized me as being to insecure to be with anyone, and not fit to be with anyone (at the discard initially) yet meets someone who's insecure & hurt through their previous relationship with someone else, ... and does not want me speaking to or being friends with him. Talk about 🤪. I in the relationship also had to experience him criticizing women who were weighty, with terms such as bingo wings, yet he got together with new supply who was weighty. Unbelievable curve ball nuts😜😜😜
I had our baby girl..... she was a few months old when he told me I was unattractive, boring and unsexy . I was recovering from a c section ..... he left me for other supply. I felt like I had been ran over by a freight train. But by god I got back up and learned about this disorder. I never let him back in.
This happened to me except the words were fat, old and boring. He found a younger supply with my neighbor’s sister. Good riddance!
@@jendine1663 it's funny because I only said this today ..... I thought at the time I was losing the love of my life . But in retrospect I got to keep the best of him because I got to keep our daughter . She is the best part of him and the rest of him is just a ghost who never really existed. Hope you're doing well now. Hugs ❤️
Best wishes Gigi and daughter.
@@ggphe I’m doing better. I have to share custody of my daughter and I still need to get through the divorce.
🌹🌹❤️
During the relationship I started to notice how I disliked the way I looked in pictures regardless of the occasion. I always saw deep emotional pain in my smile. When I ended the relationship I saw a major difference. I had no idea that a narc could destroy without you even knowing.
Sooo true, my family and friends have noticed a huge difference in me too. When we were with them we were being drained or just given enough to function now my tank is full and it's all for me. Keep going it's a great journey.....
@@tinajones5548
Yes it is a great feeling.
ME TOO I LOOK BACK ON PHOTOS AT THE FINAL DISCARD & I LOOK HELLISH ONCE I GOT HIM GONE I GOT THE GIRL I USED TO BE BACK INDEED I WAS OUT THE OTHER DAY A WORKMATE SAID WOW I WASNT SURE THAT WAS YOU ...THING ITS LEARNED ME MOST IS HOW EVIL TRULY EXISTS A THING I NEVER WENT INTO DEPTH WITH MUCH BEFORE WHEN I NOW WITNESD IT IT SICKENS ME ..BAD BAD PEOPLE ARE NARCISSISTS....
Feels good 2b free
@@tinajones5548
Feels good 2b freee
Out of the blue (literally went to work said he loved me with all his heart and soul came home a different person) My ex said he just wanted to be alone, he felt tied down and though we had an amazing connection, something was just missing. By the next day I had figured out he had been having an affair for the last 3 years (and looking back it was the whole 8 years he always had several other women). It’s weird how you see everything clear once your out of the narcissists games
so sorry you had to go through this..very painful!
Stay strong & keep your chin up .
Easier said than done ,I know.
Hugs 🌹
Sorry to read this. If only we could have known...
@@jacquelinedarby8090 so weird how I was in a fog and be controlled when i thought i was a strong confident woman
Something was missing all right: His integrity, honesty, fidelity, and sanity. One of his harem must have demanded that he leave you. Narcs are weak minded "people" who will do bizarre things to hold onto the validation (from other crazy people,) which will support their delusions and feed their egos. They are desperate for other people's energy...And for debauchery, because their demons demand smut.And when I say demons, I literally mean demons. They are loaded with them
@@eagleeye2300 you’re so right! I am certain that his new targeted “main supply” gave him the push to leave me. Funny thing is he chose to go after his friend’s wife.
They treat you like trash so it's easier to throw you away.
Alternatively, I believe they do this to goad victim into doing the breaking to give them victim status.
exactly...
I think one of their favorites is to tell you that you're crazy when you start catching on. You're no use to them if you figured them out and so they have to discard you and make you feel like it's your fault.
So true, she told me id been abusing her!
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns same ... it’s insane
I think they just wanted to put us on their shelf. I know she is still in contact to her exes. But not me. Her other exes went to drinking. They are cowards. Evil and haters. They hate themselves
@@michaeljackson7361 my ex too was in contact with her ex's. She is no friend of mine.
@@darcybarwick6404 scary thing is is think she believes it. Crazy monsters.
"You made me do/say what i did" is a classic! 😂 They are literally insane.
I got one for ya
“I can’t stand when you’re around your kids…because than there’s 3 of you”
Mine told my daughter, “Oh, dear god! There’s two of you”
With a look of utter disgust on his face he said to me “I used to think you were so sweet”! I think it translate into...I thought you were a total doormat but I was wrong.
They are playing a character. There is no true self. You fell for a character that mirrored you
Yep - that's how mine became my "soulmate". It's unbelievable what they will do.
Can you share a little more about that? Thank you.
The discard phase was the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. The man I adored would swing from lovebombing one second to that dead-eyed stare/absolute hatred in his eyes the next with absolutely no trigger. From being the most loving person ever to stone-cold in an instant. From 'don't ever change, you are perfect' to 'whats wrong with you, you are crazy' in the same breath. It was absolutely insane and a total headf*ck...there is no way to deal with that behaviour.
Same
Dream girl, love of his life....
To 8 hours later never ever contact me again I don't love you anymore.....
Just for pointing out things said and promised never happened...
I got all this too. 34 years of marriage told me all the things I would want to hear but behind the scenes so different. Bummed me up to everyone but a right devil to my face. 😔 discarded once I was on to him. No more games. No pulling the wool over my eyes anymore.
My parent has said a lot of these things to me over the years. They even carried a grudge for a few years when I dared to stand up for myself once. I was eventually told that I was forgiven and what a good parent I had for doing that!
Even now and knowing all of this, there is still the hope that they'll be a normal loving parent without all of the attached conditions that go with a relationship with them. That hope is very hard to let go of, and I'm afraid that I will still go on "pining for this creature" until the day they die.
With knowing about them and realising that they now want little to do with me, comes the painful duality of thinking that it's great on some levels because they rarely bother me now (I'm only wanted when they want something, or for special occasions - I'm very quickly reeled back in then, like a fish on a line!). But it hurts so much in lots of other ways.
I've watched enough videos and read a lot of articles to know that this is just a cruel game for them, yet I still hang on, hoping.
Thank you for your videos, they help me a lot. Best wishes to everyone out there xx
My Narc said NOTHING. NOTHING. It's been over 4 months. He has not reached out or tried to at all. It's been difficult but as time goes on it's really a blessing of the highest order. 😊
He will be back. He said nothing, because he thinks that way he left the door open.
Consider yourself lucky. It's been over a year for me and haven't til this day heard anything. Let's consider this a blessing. 🙏🏾
@@kirsikka3752yes lt happened to me
already moved on,,,he wont be back,,,you should also
@@robertswift6101 that’s what I thought, and I did move on but five months later there he was trying through mutual people to get back with me
He’s pathetic and not welcome in my world anymore!!
After 35 years married, he told me he regretted the day he married me. He told me if he had known how lonely he would be, he would never have married me. He said he was attracted to younger more healthier people. I was told I am a hoarder, slovenly, intellectually lacking, make things up, exaggerate and a drunk, etc. He told me we never shared good times together. When I asked if there was someone else, he told me that I was looking for a scapegoat. After discovery of the other woman, he stonewalled me and avoided me in the house for over three months. He left and I filed for divorce and he moved in immediately with a completely different woman he had just met. Listening to your post reiterated to me that this is not normal behavior and it is the disorder talking. Divorced two years and still healing.
My narc discarded me yesterday, It was the strangest reason ever. He was backing up and I saw a pickup coming. I said, truck is coming honey. He yelled DO YOU WANT TO DRIVE? I said I didnt know if you saw it or not is all. A few mins later he said was done and asked me to move my stuff out of his house. Thank goodness I still had my own home. I asked what did I do? He couldnt tell me because I didnt do anything.
They will start an argument for no reason to validate the discard. Mine said “ I think I got Covid” I said “ They say it’s making its way around again. time to mask up again.. I started to lately”. … This is what I got in return… “Your trying to tell me what to do?! … Your clueless!”. Went from calling twice a day to not a word since… AND I’m enjoying every minute of it. Thank you loser… bye. 😆
Also my experience, the older they get, the more brutal and sadistic they get and they hide it less..
They are insane!!..I really believe this.
how I got away from the first narcissist I knew - I said "you're right. I'm not emotionally capable of being in a relationship with you and I need to go home to my parents like you said I do. " He had been horribly abusive-physically, emotionally, sexually- to the degree that I was afraid I might not survive any attempt to leave. But when I made him believe that I believed he was right, he actually helped me pack and let me go.
This is something I've wondered about a great deal; everyone I've ever spoken to or texted with whos been through a relationship with a narcissist says exactly the same thing. It literally is as though their torturers all read the same textbook on how to be a narcissist. We all have remarkably similar experiences.
That right there is why I wholeheartedly believe that narcissism is a spiritual sickness. This entity transcends cultures, languages, borders, traditions. It really is stunning how the patterns repeat with different people in different places with different lives.
Pure, total evil.
Very well encapsulated. Not to make excuses for narcissists, but your video made me reflect on something. The reason narcissists perhaps see a competition, have difficulty giving, is they had so much taken from them. It’s like an attempt to compensate for what they were robbed of as children, but it actually becomes Machiavellian overcompensation, manipulative exploitation. They cannot feel safe unless they are certain they have absolute power before and during the discard. They cannot tolerate ever again feeling the shame and humiliation they felt in childhood abuse so 1. that their sense of survival requires ruthless hardening, withholding, not openness, giving 2. They project the childhood humiliation onto the discard. Just my thoughts…
Good insights
I agree. And I think subconsciously their whole aim in intimate relationships is to inflict the discard, to somehow repair that damage they sustained in their childhood. It doesn't work of course, and they self sabotage over and over again.
I never knew what a narcissist was until I started googling things he was doing making me feel crazy. When I found out what he was and none of his tricks worked on me I quickly left him one day I packed everything up and left him a note, it literally hurt him so bad he was like a wounded bird he is usually the one that discards he probably never been broken up with before. I’m so lucky and thankful I found him out before he completely ruined me! Learned an extremely valuable lesson out of all of this! Set boundaries and love yourself and never put anyone on a pedestal put yourself up there, also never ignore the red flags 🚩 there were so many and I was just like heyyyyyy it’s a carnival 😮
Projection is so big with narcissists - it's almost creepy!
This made me cry. So true. I am free. Trying to stick up what was left of me.
40 years of this
You have the foundation. Keep building on that beautiful soul of yours! ❤
After getting caught with his deceptions, he said "are you calling me a liar?" Wow unbelievable...🤮
My ex always said this. "You don't trust me, it's so damaging"
@@CC-br9qgmy ex said that, while trying to make me believe an obvious lie about where he got condoms that were a brand we had never used…and 2 years old hidden in the back seat pocket where I would never see them….but I’m the one who is the problem for not trusting a liar. “I don’t want to stop intentionally lying to you” “if you can’t handle a liar then you don’t need to be in a relationship” these people are scary. The scariest person is someone who believes their own lies
In my case she would make excuses like, she has to sleep early now and shes too busy during the day with real life so basically she told me with a smirk she wont make time for me anymore to chat, not even once a week.
All the conversations were one-sided and dry, with her wasting 4 hours of my time only to respond with at average, 6 sentences... We used to talk so much for 12 years...
She was even showing how low she thinks of me when talking to other people and my friends, even flexing how she got a better life than me, claiming I am jealous of her... I was nothing but supportive of her hobbies and interests, even put effort in helping her to get visible in social media...
I forced a time off as each time i talked to her I only felt more miserable, devalued, neglected and she just bluntly laughed off and disregarded my concerns. I gave up on many fun activities that I enjoyed with her without complaining and went through depression. All she was concerned about was not to feel guilty over me being a mental wreck from how she treated me and was expecting me to still provide her with the usual supply. Lets say I didn't bother explaining anything to her, she knows damn well what she was doing and this wasn't working out, so I quietly cut all contact and went on months of recovery.
Interestingly she knew what was the issue but its like she was compelled to double down on what bothers me, acting as if shes pressured while at the same time telling me what a caring friend she is, how her arms are open for me and how shes always here for me... In reality she had no other interest than keeping me on the shelf and expecting me to occasionally provide her with supply while shes spending her time non stop with her new friend who turns out to be similar to me, doing activities that I used to do with her. Heh, she was even bragging in social media how much she has fun with her new friend. I had to take a step back and look at myself how horrible I'm feeling around this person to the point that I had no better choice but to leave this mess behind. I don't feel like having friends anymore but at least I'm more at peace away from her
"Since you don't see my value, I'm going to find someone who does" (second narc)
After i had found out she had set up her new supply before discarding me i confronted her. I was asked ‘where’s my proof’ before being told i didn’t recognise her value and that’s why she had chosen to end things. She also wanted ‘to remember all the good things’ which is nice, considering i have to remember instances of physical and verbal and emotional abuse. Lovely.
1:38 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER SAID ABOUT THIS TOPIC
Narcissism is a personality disorder. That means there is a checklist of patterns, behaviors, and ways of thinking. I have firm boundaries about how I will be treated so I have never let narcissists into my life. However becoming aware of these patterns was eye opening.
In the past I didn't have words for these kinds of people. They were just "not good people" that I refused to associate with. Dr. Ramani systematically taught me all the patterns. Now when I interact with "not good people" it goes like:
1) Oooh that was a gaslighting statement
2) There's the devaluing remarks
3) I wonder if there is unregulated rage? Oh wait, it's happening, there it is
4) Hmmm I haven't heard a grandiose statement yet (3 minutes later)... Oh there is it & it has a put down on someone else too
Videos like this are so important. Knowing these patterns is eerie & also comforting. They occur almost WORD FOR WORD regardless of the individual doing them. The interaction turns starts out confusing, disorientating, scary but if you know the patterns, 2-3 minutes in you instantly realize what is happening. Once you realize what's happening the situation becomes... amusing. I instantly realize:
1) This isn't about me and I can tune it out
2) This person's actions are going to be x, y, and z
3) There is no possibility of an interpersonal relationship here. Any involvement will negatively impact my life, I need to leave
Amen ❤
Amen ❤
Yup. Same experience here. And these videos are immensely helpful.
It’s INSANE and completely eerie how they literally all speak the same while never meeting or interacting in their lives - you’d think they all went to effing Narcissist School! Or at least got a handbook. It nearly hurts my head how verbatim reading the comments on these videos are?!
Be careful out there ladies, where I live if you go out with someone for two years the courts deem it a defacto relationship and they can take you to court for all they can get. (australia) The guy I was dating basically moved him self in over time more and more of his stuff was ending up at mine, he didnt leave for two months, then I got the guts to put all his stuff together and told him to take it. But he had packages sent to mine, mail sent to mine, joined a club giving my address.
Gawd Im glad hes out of my life.
It's crazy how once you realize a person has this disorder, all the confusion and constant emotional turmoil just makes complete sense. Thank you internet and youtube!
He told me - “ I should have never been a mother “ I’m not hard and stern enough I don’t hold my children accountable to cause and effect “
“You’re very handsome, you’ll find someone else”, still can’t wrap my head around that parting shot.
Back handed compliment devaluation Eric?
@@NarcCon Maybe so. Narcs lack empathy or moral clarity with an extreme sense of entitlement. I think that in her own fractured way that was a ham fisted way attempt of softening the blow after wasting 4 1/2 years of my life along with buckets of money. No doubt she had a new supply already lined up and probably had been carrying on with him for some time. 7 months later and my life is drastically better, though some of the more absurd aspects still linger. Her silence tells me everything I need to know, and that is the loudest statement she could make.
Lol.... Exactly same thing said to me. Congratulations on coming out of the insanity 🎈
@@SilverDoveTx haha well she was from Texas 🤔
"You are dysfunctional, you better look for someone who is as dysfunctional as you are", and also "You take take take and I always give give give, but I am scraping the bottom of my pit, and I cannot give any more, you drain my energy"
“I deserve better!” One of the last things he said to me.
I feel sorry for the people that gets a gut punch discard that have no idea what’s going on. Half the battle is being aware of the play book
They project exactly what they are doing, it's like we are their mirror they talk to
🎯
Projection
Omg yes. All the things I was accused of was actually what they did or felt! The things I was accused of...made me mad with insanity. I went deep within myself with introspect. I can recognize my faults. I couldnt match within me what they were accusing me of!
The last one dealt with was a malignant narcissistic landlord who while moving in on the first day was running hideous smear campaigns about his neighbors and the former tenant and while outside setting up my belongings in the yard, he was inside putting back screens on the windows and stole my phone from out of my purse. The following day it was found on the top corner of a stereo placed on the stove and right near where I'd put my purse the day before. He was called from my home phone after returning back to the old house only he didn't answer, so a voice message was left (not accusation) that my cell phone was never removed from my purse while there, yet it was gone, while reaching to use it inside my truck prior to leaving the property. Not only did he not call me back, but he never even asked if it had been found either and later he'd lie and say that I'd dropped it inside the bed of my truck and had run over it. I still have the phone which was reactivated after finding it the following day. Not only that, but my final electric bill from the old house and the replacement phone which was sent (never activated) were opened by this POS, who tried to say they'd been opened accidentally by the wife.
I called the leasing agent to tell her he'd not only stole the phone, but didn't appreciate gossips or those who ran smear campaigns about people and asked to go on a month to month lease, because didn't think I could stay there for an entire year. She said to stick it out and she would speak to him about breaking the lease early for which I immediately avoided and wouldn't talk to him or that wife either, even despite their constant love bombing with gifts, trying to infiltrate my life with their offers of help. He was also sent a letter to enforce my boundaries about leaving my mail/packages in the box and only to contact me writing if their were needed repairs, all which further angered them and he proceeded taking revenge by still stealing my mail and packages, making wild accusations and forcing me to live without any heat during a very cold winter and hot water to bathe for almost six months.
Enough was enough and when forced to make repairs (which he still didn't) and confronted for also gaslighting, lying, stonewalling and doing all these things on purpose, he had the audacity to ask why I was being so hostile and to repeatedly call me insane, crazy and a lunatic. The entire time and without me being aware, he was projecting, blame shifting, playing the victim, triangulating and turning those in position to help against me. He did a lot of lying, accusing without proof and other sadistic things for which are too long to get into, but I do plan on making videos to share (with evidence) of everything I was forced to endure, how he was further enabled to exploit me and that he's still doing even after almost a year of leaving.
Spot on! That's how I see it completely!..... We are just their mirror.... Pure projection ❤❤❤
I ticked quite a few boxes here! The list for me seemed endless - you're too needy, too sensitive, argumentative, you turn everything into an issue, it's your baggage that's the problem, you need help, you're not well, you don't respect me anymore, how dare you say I'm to blame for any of this, you said it was all your fault. He was a master manipulator, jokingly referred to himself as having a silver tongue. Well I think that silver tongue is well and truly tarnished. A cruel controlling man who then alienated me from my teenage children because they too believed that I had mental health issues (which to be fair I ended up with due to the psychological abuse). It's taken many years to try to heal but have moments of clarity and hope thanks to people like you Paula. Thank you and best wishes.
🙏🌹
He told me: "I tell you this because I love you, no man will want to stay with you. You make men feel trapped. You're so toxic and I can't focus. I want to make something of myself. I want to focus on myself and I'll find someone who lets me live my 20's. I only stayed because you can't live without me. I moved on a long time ago." Then he goes "Don't go hoe mode. (??) I don't want you back, I just don't want you to hate me." He said "You're way too attached, I want a relationship that takes up less of my time. You're too clingy and needy."
Oh yes I was told that I was crazy and that my family should get help for me 😂 I was bossy controlling when it was him. Thought I was going to get taking away in straight jacket the way he was torturing me. 😢 discarded once I started to have a voice and questioning him on things. Game over.
The way you explain things is what makes you my favorite.. You connect with all of us and I appreciate you and the work you do.
Thank you for your encouragement 🌹❤️
Another great video that is easily understood.
Me too! I like the way you address all of the scenarios and entanglement s they catch us up in. They're all the same. Fool themselves into thinking they're superior to whomever they're involved with.
the female narc creature I had the misfortune of running into used "no woman will ever want you"... I really hope I get the chance to use that on her.
Here's one for you. I had a high school boyfriend who I always kept up with to a certain extent after my family moved away. I tried to end it several times, but I didn't realize he was keeping me a string. Later, in our mid-20's we got back together. I was not in great shape because I had been part of a lay-off that pretty much ended the career I had prepared for. He was moving in a couple of months to go to graduate school. We spent a couple of months together. It was kind of weird but I thought it might be OK. He moved. I went overseas for a few months. When I came back, I went to see him. Love bomb. I thought it was wonderful...for a few days. Then, the girlfriend wanted to know where he was... I said let's just have a beer and talk about old times, then let it go. But he had to go "off" to "decide" what was going to happen. When he came back, said "I'm sorry, but you are just not good enough for me. I am going to have a Ph.D. and she is going to have a Ph.D. You only have a bachelors and you are unemployed (like this was a permanent situation)." He looked so sincere and so condescending. He was clearly enjoying hurting me. I was shocked and I left. A few months later, I got a letter. He had been kicked out of his Clinical Psychology program because of his personality. (Of course, it was the "fault" of one professor.). By then, I was on my way to graduate school myself and a new career. Payback!
My husband discarded me a month after we got married. He took off with another married woman for several months. In the discard phase my husband took the deepest trauma I went through and threw it in my face. For example: I went through abuse from my dad growing up, in the discard phase, he said “you’re just like your dad” when I’m nothing like him. I was also at my happiest still in the honeymoon phase after the wedding, he told me my happiness was all fake and he couldn’t stand it. He compared me to the affair partner in the end saying I wasn’t as beautiful as her and he wasn’t attracted to me. We just got married, how sad… I actually believed him. I no longer believe him. He was abusive physically, emotionally and financially in the discard phase as well. He would yell and scream in my face, he drained our bank account and tried to break my wrist. I filed a restraining order against him while our divorce finalizes…
Im so happy to be free and safe.
I can’t wait to heal and move on to a way better man.
Please do NOT "move on to a way better man."
You need to be able to be financially independent from ALL MEN AND WOMEN. Go back to church, school, college, community college, etc. Learn a skill, learn how to do something that no one can take away from you. You need for your life to be you and GOD against the world together, hand in hand. You can do this -- for your own survival.
That is horrific........the stories that women have about men is absolutely horrific.......
Thank so much. I was being destroyed by this. This helped me so much. Never have experienced human cruelty and betrayal like this...and then blamed for it, after years of abuse and blind loyalty. It was so painful, and I loved them so much. So hard to even understand this level of human indecency. Especially from someone who you trusted against all your own better judgement. Ughhh. It is so awful to experience. Just guts you to your very core. Makes you question every last phoney thing they ever said, and you questioned. Shameless people are so hard on your body, mind, and soul. 💔😔
Yes, "all of your family and friends hate me", "you think you're perfect!", "you're always right and I'm always wrong, so what's the point?" and my favorites, "you care too much about what others think of you" and "you're so judgmental!"
🥸👀
Some people, really the narcissists out there, are truly overly judgmental. We cannot try and cherry pick every little interaction that we’ve had with the toxic person with our preconceived perception that they do have NPD. I was discarded by my now ex-wife in very horrible way. Many of those things reek of NPD and the abuse continues today. But, she does not have a diagnosis. And, I did call her overly judgmental a number of times because she is. Why? She was so for the purpose of breaking me down and making me feel like there was something wrong with me. She judged every little thing that I ever did. 🤷🏻♂️ she can turn around and say that I have a personality disorder because I told her she’s overly judgmental. You can clearly see how this tool of measurement is not precise.
Similar to “Are you always right?” is, “Can you ever be wrong?” This always stumped me, because no, I don’t like to be wrong, but they’re projecting, and YES, I can be wrong, even if I don’t like to be. In fact, I usually half feel like I’m wrong even when I know I’m right, and they’re definitely projecting. Incidentally, they say this when YOU ARE RIGHT. Now, I’ve emotionally detached from this narc because I know every convo is just a competition to win or derail the intent and it has little to do with truth or coming to a consensus, so I just say sure, I can be wrong, but I’m right about this one.
It's absolutely shocking enough to make someone suicide
This is so accurate I went through this word for word
I left my narc, but it was him who shafted me with cruelty before I left. For instance, he claimed that we "never did things together". That was because he was never there but always out of the house on his own pursuits while I was indoors caring for the children. He could have washed the dishes up - just once - and worked alongside me, but of course, that never occurred. After years of serving him, cleaning his house and caring for his child while he was away on jaunts, he challenged me with: "What have you ever done for me? Name one thing."
My ex sent me an email after the discard stating that I was the love of his life, that he’d always love me, that the 2 years we spent in CA were the happiest years of his life,...blah...blah...blah. This was after he had cleaned out our joint bank account and had stolen thousands of dollars from me.
These Narcs are parasites...
🌹🌹
This is so accurate -its a lesson we need to be taught at senior school…awareness
Bravo , Paula ❤️🙏🙏 Their biggest single weakness is their predictability, and the more we unite and share the knowledge , the more dis-empowered they will become ! 💗💗💗
Soooo predictable!!!! Pulled the plug and disconnected the fake power. Like deflating a balloon 😂😂😂😂
How accurate! I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist recently and he dumped me out of the blue saying "you're not ready for a relationship " !
After reading as much as I can on this disorder he fits the criteria to perfection. It's helped me heal tremendously. 🙏
It’s about power and control they hate boundaries so glad I discarded him.
You're the rock of this family and I'm so glad I get to grow old with you
We're just not compatible...
It’s the conviction, seemingly honest and from the heart, with which they deliver the blow that sets the stage for a target to self-assess negatively. It’s often the duplicity that hurts more than the actual (fill in the blank: sexual betrayal, character assassination, etc.) that they’ve engaged in. The attendant lying and, often, systematic insults to one’s sheer intelligence are what hurt, because they reflect upon your misplaced love. Behaving as a narcissist does is also a pretty good indication of an intelligence deficit; they believe they can make up for stupidity with cunning.
My narcissists favorite comment is " you're emotionally unstable" .after provoking a response by crazy making. And the gaslighting! It's insane
My ex-narc-hubby didn't say any of those. He was an A-grade actor, who basically ignored any issues, ignored me (but did look towards me if I spoke), gave me a peck in the morning, "luv ya", & off he happily ran to work (didnt eat, that way didnt hv to converse). Came home late after a few drinks quick peck "hi", raced upstairs to get changed. Ate dinner (if he hadnt already dined, too late to help with kids, sat on ph in front of TV, no conversation. We never argued, in the beginning I thought this is great, I can actually live without being told off for anything. If I ever asked a question, his stock answer was always "work". It's amazing how I didn't pick up for years, just how many times he used "it's for work", "working", "at work", "I know her/him through work", "gotta get to work", "working late tonight". When I caught him in an affair, "it's just work". He prob sent me the "outing" text on purpose to start the triangulation/discard. 9yr affair, along with grooming so many others. Work was fantastic, he had a huge expense account, perfect for luring unsuspecting folk in with drinks & restaurant meals, anything to impress, then hook... when I kicked him out 3 mths later, he gave me the silent treatment & just never came back, no trying to talk anythg thru, a pretend effort at counsellor twice, but refused to discuss the woman at work, I had to "draw a line in the sand" & start again, with zero discussion.
Can you imagine how infuriating that was, after 13yrs & 2 kids...
4yrs later, I'm still quick to anger. Never had any anger issues before...
Silent treatment for 4yrs & counting...
Not easy co-ordinating kids visits, so I just don't bother, if he doesnt make arrangemts in advance I just ignore him too.
My soon-to-be ex narcissist would tell me all of the time your family doesn't like you and then he would proceed to tell me how effed-up they are, his words. It just created blurred vision for me as far as not looking at his family as closely. My family does have some freak flags, but who's doesn't, flying pretty high but on further inspection his family had bigger freak flags they were just hiding them very well.
All of this fits my ex-wife. Her exit from my life was brutal. The experience sucks, and the recovery from being exposed to her and her mother sucks even more.
I’m getting there, but its been a difficult emotional nightmare. How did I not recognize here true self all these years?
Wow!
Because you did not know. The Narc does not come with a warning label. Now they do being a vet to Narc abuse. Easy to spot for you now.
I've ruminated all day today, then you follow the advice and it helps, a lot. Its uncanny how bang on you are. The lines they feed you, the behaviour they show you, its unreal how many people have met these things and suffered because of them.
Try not to ruminate. That’s your brain trying to understand. The only thing you need to understand is get out of it, shut the door and stay out. Don’t look back ❤
Thank you so much for this video. It completely explains exactly what was happening for me. I was called crazy, bipolar, a liar and a cheat, that I was projecting my problems. I see now that our entire relationship was based on transactional. When I started setting my own boundaries he became so upset he couldn't continue to control or manipulate me. I dared speak truth and he couldn't handle it at all.
Narcissism is not just a permanent label that some people deserve, but a state of mind that we all eventually share. Diving deeply into the subject, I would sometimes wonder "wait, I did this to her", and often understood her struggle with her limitations, meaning she was narcissistic but not evil by nature. We both wanted it to work.
Taking on the victim role can help to deal with trauma, but dwelling on that mentality keeps us from dealing with our own mistakes -that little tyrant inside all of us- before we commit to a new relationship, which can lead us into painful cycles.
Then they would say we could’ve always gone to therapy knowing that they would never go to therapy
Being loyal to a narco-path/s, there will be no growth, just damage in what you thought was,is and will never,ever be.
Wisdom and knowledge is key to unlock freedom from these disgusting individuals
I was told I was too needy and required to much attention .
My ex cheated on me 3 times (might be more) in 39 years of marriage. she said that it was all my imagination and nothing happened. I caught her in our bedroom cheating twice and she said that it never happened! It hurt me so bad that I started laughing at her and she got really mad and walked away. What a fool I was to stay with her so long
Same here I stayed 41 years. Ugh. Our best is yet to come.
They must realize that their targets have certain qualities that are attractive and unique, but they have to demolish that person, and yet, I still don't understand why they seem to destroy what they claim to want? They keep looking for this supposed person they want to be with, but they cannot find it and yet they keep searching. I have to assume after months and months of no contact, that the person that discarded me, see's me as bad. If I had only known the person I got into a relationship with dealt with this horrible disorder, I would have just been super happy to remain a distant aquaintanance. I thought they would at least end up being a good friend, at the very worst if it didn't workout, but now I shared everything with this person, my most deepest secrets, I don't even have them as a semi-regular possible friend, I didn't even get that out of it. I feel like they see me as some horrible enemy, but it's so awful because I got to know this person so deeply, and they just moved on like nothing and I still feel this awfully close bond based on a persona that never existed.
😢understand
They live in denial,can't stand to admit flaws,mistakes so need to blame you. They hide their fears,insecurities of not feeling worthy,loveable,good enough and get easily offended and project and take it out on others
- The Awful Close Bond to a Painful Relationship that Failed … Is called: “A Trauma-Bond.” Most partners of Narcs are Co-Dependent… Maybe check that out for yourself! Work to heal yourself before any further Close Partner Relationships. Also - Study “Coercive Control” & the BASICS of “Narcissism” from Dr Ramini, Dr Les Carter, & Lisa A Romano, Life Coach!
These people had Childhood Trauma w/Abandonment Issues as the Core of their False Mask Persona. “Controlling Others” like a Vampire Sucking the Life-Force Emotional Energy from others is their Main Goal. They Have No Empathy - Seriously - That is part of the DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual), Personality Traits. Several Of the Best World Renowned Therapists have Literally Said: Some are “Beyond Redemption” … Several have used the word “EVIL.” I personally Believe 100% that they are “DEMONIC POSSESSED!” Otherwise -How do Millions upon the earth, having Never Taken Classes to Be Narcissists… All… Follow the same Protocol-Exactly? Some tactics are known as sophisticated Brainwashing Techniques… FBI Stuff!
You are worth “WAY MORE,” than to keep a Mean, Evil Person as a FRIEND that Discards you! Clear up your thoughts of not being worth Better. Then, hang out in good singles Groups: Charity Projects, a Cooking Class, or any class , a hiking Club, a good church family, maybe singles Dances. Get out & Meet GOOD HEALTHY PEOPLE! Don’t settle for any more Mentally-ILL, Destructive Love-less people, that are Scamming to Control & Use-Up Someone, then, Kick them to the Curb! Lots of Blessings!
🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
You should never throw your pearls before swine. Don't waste another moment even thinking about him. Think only of what you can do for yourself to be your vest happiest
This precise information is so get tto the.point......all true....what I think is very useful if you got into the place with an narcsisist. When at the begging they are talking about getting married. And you know you don't want to marry them cause you have not had along enough time learnings bout them. ..you should run away immediately....Ani I don't care if you have had physical relationship ND I bet it wasn't that good but all you wanted was emotional affection
My adult sons were civil to him, but after having a front row seat (for 23yrs) of his poor behavior towards me and others, they had a strong lack of respect and genuine care for him.
In the discard phase I was able to reverse the discard just before he had secured his back burner supply to leech off of. He contacted my daughter and our friends asking about how I was and portraying himself as a wounded soldier when the week before he had told me I was unimportant and wrong to have needs and wants because this was unspiritual and conventional. Yes, I had finally tried to assert some boundaries in our extractionship at this point. I sent him a text outlining the issues and telling him to stop contacting everybody guilt tripping them, only to be responded back to totally dismissing what I'd said with "I told you all along I was always prepared for you to become spiritual, after I helped you be spiritual, and single" It was almost as shocking as the line he used on me during devalue "I knew I'd have to take steps back into the 3 dimensional reality to be with you" this was him telling me yet again that he was superior to me using spirituality
Beware of these religious and spiritual narc's they are so much harder to detect because they have all the spiritual lingo and we associate these labels with goodness and drop our guards down... Big mistake!
Anyone too "religious" always has my guard up, for exactly this reason! ❤
@@cc1k435 I so relate to that statement now. Holier than though, self righteous, obsessed with healing but can't take no accountability or discuss their life with intimacy, red flag!
Fake young hippie girl just wrecked me for an entire year . I finally figured out and stopped letting her get her way and then she discarded me after a week long road trip she was done with me not putting up with her games . It was a one way street . Everything I did was wrong . She was “ divine “
A former friend who is a narcissist used to say to me all the time "you're nothing but a piece of shit... you wish you were me." He was a Eucharistic minister. They're very shrewd in who they reveal their true selves to.
The Almighty intervened and allowed me to throw him out, change the locks and prevent him entry to the neighborhood before he could discard me. In retrospect he really wanted the ability to do the discard and had friends beg me to allow a reconciliation. I didn’t know what a narcissist was at the time, but I realized this was demonic. Keep strong fellow survivors! I am a MUCH stronger person now.
Where was the Almighty when he entered your life?
@@KarinStrong-k4j - The Almighty was right there. He used the experience to mould me and helped me to extract the things about me that needed to be removed. There is no way i will ever be attracted to anything like that again because there were negative things about me that needed to be utterly removed. The narcissist helped me fully confront that.
@@KarinStrong-k4jGod was & is the same: allowing free choice while we are here on earth. We are not captives with God, only Satan.
Danke!
Vielen Danke
How about this one Paula, my narc said "you lack empathy, have no capacity for love nd are an emotional drain. Somewhat a bit of self reflection I suppose. It kick started my recovery when I discovered projection and the narcissist. The support and knowledge from people like you is immeasurable. I'm being cyber bullied at the moment so this is probably been read by my narc, good stuff 👍
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I’ve been told “ I lack empathy too” lol. Straight projection.
She said ‘your kids don’t like me’.. which wasn’t true
You have literally just got me through my day. Much love. ❤
I'm so glad!
He saidnthose exact words "ur family all hates me"
It’s so hard to come to the realization that the person who brought you into the world has this (amongst many other issues) and how that relationship matches the 2 main relationships that spanned most of adulthood so far. Lesson learned, finally.
I don’t know what what would have become of me of a did not have this online support and education. Thank you! ❤
After 5 years together, " I just want you to apologise and get rid of the threat to us. But you don’t you defend the threat and invalidate and disrespect me!" (The 'threat' was my new volunteer role on the council of a charity organisation)
I know many many many people affected by narcissists are romantic partners, but I would truly love to hear more about family dynamics as well. I have a 3/5’s of my family who are toxic.
I highly agree, it happened to us, I think it takes it to another level, being that it's our own son, our only child. And he was married to another narc, ( double trouble there), now they are divorcing, after 7 years, with two kids. We got to know their first for 5 months, a boy, and then they had a girl whom we have never seen. He said he didn't want us around his kids, and to never contact him again, and his last words were f-off. Ya, it's a whole other kind of hurt. Got to be strong, and carry on, for our own sanity. What a world.
The best thing to do,is cut them off completely out of your life,for your own good❤
Absolutely worse with age. So much of what you said and variations, yes. Learning, while painful, looks toward hope.
Here's a verbatim first discard right before holidays when I was an expat in China with no friends or family. This man was born and raised in China and the speech is exactly the same.
"I never meant to hurt you.now I feel sad and guilty! I apologize for fucking up all, and appreciate you for the lovely moments we have. Although you said you have nothing to talk with meI still wanna meet you.But maybe not recently, after a while when you feel it's ok. Say sorry again here.I'm a bastard. If you need me to do any favors for you just ask anytime you want. I owe you that."
I said I wasn't interested in friendship now or later and took a flight to korea where I had friends. He wanted me at the airport to hoover with crocodilo tears (he had a degree in acting).
Just buying time because he hadn't assure another source of supply so had to get back to me. The 2nd discard was merciless and no pity speech like the firt one.
Narcissist or not never go back to a man who has dumped you. A man wouldn't dare to lose the woman he loves.
Well said and I agree
@@tathe3786 I've been down the narcissism rabbit hole for more than one year. I've recognized traits in my in my parents (child abusers) and I've never felt so bad and over the edge as the period I've been with this man. I've been in a 5 year relationship before and never felt like going crazy or dysregulated because that man never gave me reasons for such and probably i wasn't so into him but he wanted marriage and family.
As for this guy I was just a placeholder. He was bored and was not so into me, also i was an isolated expat with nobody to turn to. I could be his dirty little secret while he kept living his life looking for Mrs. Right. This guy had definitely higher narcissistic traits, his culture feeds narcissism. A male only child (small emperor) with a degree in acting and looking for opportunities in tv series (when he got his first role he discarded).
This is typical male behavior of a man who considers a woman below his league. They are still looking for their unicorn and won't be alone and sexless while they can't find her. Some want the girlfriend experience because they thrive on it.
I've talkee with women from all around the planet, different cultures, languages, religions and it's all the same. Translate what they say and the textbook is the same. But not because they have a personality disorder, it's because they are men and men are always looking for an upgrade.
Read the book "Men don't love women like you" and you'll have a sense of clarity.
@@Sarablueunicorn I think this is true too.
This is why you as a women getting a dragon with striked rules and clear consequences… or make you a slave and live like them(cheating, lying etc.) ore you keep your eyes and Mouth shut… and ignore it!
Men are what they are they can’t do anything against it… Ever my girls told me …..for me as an human Beeing Not bound on gender behave not interested in dominat, degrad or ignorant behave… quiet difficult to Handel… means I stay alone… not easy!!
My wife of 2 yrs and constantly accuses me of cheating as I work 12-14hr days …. I finally said … I’m out and now see these videos are spot on! Thank you for bringing light to this craziness!
The narcissist I was married to for twenty years, up and left one night out of the blue, said he was going to stay with his parents for a while, I found out he was staying with his new supply, he said almost everything to me that you mentioned
Oh my gosh I’ve been trying to figure this out. Mine said he is living with his parents as well, but will not speak to me as I’m going through a divorce and not getting closer and no alimony and child support. Nothing I bet you he’s with his new supply.
Thank you Paula. It's a confusing and rocky road. Needed to hear this today as feeling emotionally wobbly 💚
Youre doing great lulu, down days are normal..
Yes I had very wobbly day as well… 🥺
@@marileelockwood5408 they're hard to get thru but good days crop up and then become more common.
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@@JohnSmith-wo7ns John thankyou ❤️✨
I was “far too broken” is what he said when I was finally leaving for good after eleven years. He was referring to something I had confided in him from childhood. Also he had given me money to “help me” as I left-and said what kind of guy would ever be as nice as I am to help you when you’re leaving-always transactional-always a show with his money-that wasn’t earned by him but left to him. And “if I could have only been different”…referring to my finally seeing through his bs and questioning him and catching him in lie after lie. I told him once that I just wanted him to be honest with me-he replied “that’s the one thing I can’t give you.” Why I didn’t leave then? And so many other times? As we all know they study you, gather your vulnerabilities and let the games begin. I’m out now, getting amazing counseling. It’s not you. You trusted. You had hope. They are sick and will not change. Ever.
Wow 🥺 I have a similar experience he discarded me n the kids, hands me money saying his doing it out of the kindness of his heart....after he went on a weird rant... It's a weird cycle. He's always taken me and the kids to the airport or wherever we needed to go just to pop up out of nowhere and say he wants the family back 🤔 smh. 😳
One guy used to cook me breakfast from a beach burger bar on the beach... During the discard... " All the free breakfasts I cooked for you". This guy leached all summer at my house
"I only want to be with someone who loves me" - this is actually a stolen line from their victims (mirroring)
Every time I articulated to my ex what he was doing to me it gave him the language to use against me. The irony 😂
His words were only an echo. And yes he projected a lot. Our problems really started when I started calling him out. He saw me as a servant, someone to do the menial jobs and as someone beneath him. He couldn’t even talk to me with respect, but the hardest part was him never taking any accountability for any of his poor actions/choices.
So much of what you said is accurate to my experience.
Me 2
@@EnzoIsabella I hope you are in a better situation now 🙏🏼 I’ve found the love of my life and so will never have to go through this again. Unapologetically happy now 🫶🏼
@@Construction_Girl that's beautiful....it was 12 days ago. Still no words. No sorry. Just dead silence.
@@EnzoIsabella aww man that’s tough. I can say this though, if you’ve been strong enough to live with the torment they put you through you’re strong enough to get through this.
Sometimes one door has to close before another can open 💕
He said literally, "I'm investing in you". He also said, "If I cheat, it would be your fault because you push me to do it". He said, "All my exes are crazy. They have issues". He said, "Stop being jealous. Stop brought her up like shes going to shadow our lives (his fwb)" while he keeps her in his life and wants to hangout at her house and spend a night at her place and told me he wont have s3x with her anymore. He said, "You're not who you said you were" while I keep being me exactly as I am. He said, "You're my subordinate". He said, "Why don't you submit to me". He said, "I dont have ego". He has a wandering eye, checking other women in front of me, he disappeared and talk to women at club, he expected me to do wife duties in front of his friends. He said, "No, I never said that" quite a lot. He's gaslighting me. He blamed me for everything. I'm grateful he broke it off because it was just about time. I keep fighting him tooth and nail refusing to be controlled and accepting bullshit. He said in the end, "You won't ever change. This is pointless". Exactly. Bye forever.
I had two encounters with a narcissist. One was a long term relationship. He told me that I was crazy and would never find anybody else. Happy ending where I finally left and eventually found a wonderful person. Second encounter was my husbands sister. At one point she said “I have done everything to get you to this point with my brother”. After four years of problems with her, I finally made a declaration to my husband that I would never have contact with her again. She was a very toxic controlling person. Life has never been happier. Wish I had found your channel years ago!
Love it. My plumber guy said " I'd come and see you more but you make me feel guilty" 😳
He would ask "Have you met anyone yet?
This guy turned out to be married to a police officer.
I met him on Plenty of fish. I feel sorry for her. Bound to be another.. I've come through the narcissist fog and living my better life
Once a person realizes all this, it's the point of no return. 😘
This person is no longer anyone's victim! ❤️🤔💯
You're honestly the best communicator with excellent explanation!
Wow, thanks!