Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! th-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
I started watching Geoff’s videos last week. I’ve studied this guy like a book. The BPV, the relationship mountain, the emotional safety/trust. My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years and I split up almost a month ago. She didn’t know what she wanted, she was emotionally detached, and I was quick to blame her character at first. She didn’t want to be with me, she didn’t love me anymore, etc. but after watching Geoff, I’ve realized that none of those reasons were true. I was quick to make false interpretations, which turned to false assumptions that sounded good, but it just made the problem worse. Today I got ahold of my girlfriend, she answered, and I took initiative by trying to set up a time to speak with her. She accepted. The entire time we spoke, I kept my BPV on, I never once let my temper flare, and I looked her in her eyes as she was telling me how she felt. I did my best to make her feel like she had 100% of my attention. Ask questions. Paraphrase what you think she’s saying until you have a clear picture in your mind of what the problem is. We end up speaking face to face for 7 hours straight. I want her to see my changes before I fully commit again. Good luck fellas. If you truly want to change for your lady, it won’t be hard for you. If it’s too tough, then you aren’t in a good enough space to handle yourself, so how can you handle rebuilding a relationship? Keep your head up guys. Better days are on the way.
I'm currently going through a break up of a month now. And I've just stumbled upon your videos like yesterday. They have been very helpful. I want to change to be a better person and I prayed for God to help me on how to do so. And he showed me you. I'm having a hard time processing a lot of information. I miss my girlfriend so much. My love for her hasn't gone away. I was the main source of the pain as I was manipulative and controlling. My temper was bad and I was judgemental. I hurt her and her friends and I repent for it. I understand why she broke up with me. She said she still loved me and wanted me. It's been a month now and I watched your video on the anxieties. And I'm afraid of losing her. She's the only one who really knows me. And I truely love her. I didn't listen well and I was trying to be righteous instead of listening to her. I said mean things. And when the break up came I didn't handle it well and I was being pushy to get her to come back. I want to be a better man for myself. But I also want to be a better boyfriend and husband. I promised to love her no matter what. These videos give me hope I'm just not sure how to implement them well.
Projection of insecurities or own lacks is what I deal with a lot. I start questioning reality and my worth or purpose all because someone else's own insecurities are being projected on me as though I'm the one doing them, doing it to them or against them. Things I've literally brought up as unacceptable of how my ex speaks about me to the kids or in front of the kids and then she tries to make it seem as if I'm the person doing it or as if I'm the one that makes them do it. Everything in its current state is just toxic and I've got to continue working on detaching. I see and know the potential of how things could or would be as a healthy relationship and I've just got to personify that for myself and my kids and anyone else. I got to want to do and be the changes for myself and that's also been a hang up for me because of needing to becoming untethered.
It is expected that life changes, kids, jobs, illnesses, etc. create new relationship dynamics. One may expect or told that our marriage vows are the solution, in practice, they are not. It may be that wives with their close relationship to the kids, are in a better place to offset this phenomenon by fulfilling themselves with these relationships. Additionally, they may find relief with typically closer relationships with their friends. Maybe this is hey men are clinging to things like golf, for the relationships. If you find a way to lose the ‘toxicity”, most likely your wife will be content then as is. This is difficult as it probably doesn’t meet your definition of what your lifelong relationship would/should be. It is a rare marriage that solely survives primarily on the wife/husband relationship. In a lot of cases, the man was the main breadwinner spending most of his time at his career if children are in the marriage. Thus the majority of the husbands married life was spent at work and the resulting weaker relationships thereof. While the wife’s around closer relationships with children and friends. It is obvious then that over time the man is in a weaker position, especially at retirement age. So what is the solution for the man? This is very difficult, as we spent the better part of our life working out of the home as described, for this family. Do we loose all of the financial security of our years of labor we the inherent weaker relationships and gamble on an older gal? Or do we learn how to develop our own friends and external things to THIS relationship, which as stated, is in pale comparison to the support structures your wife built over the years which they can fall back on. The answer is obvious, guess it’s time for you to take up golf or other distractions with other people, as your wife is set with hers, and I can guarantee you she won’t give those up for you. Why did I spend so much time typing this to a stranger, well, because I have to continually convince myself, and writing it out is a means to this purpose, instead or saying or doing something wrong to my wife that now is in a arguably stronger position, but sad nevertheless.
Hey geoff, thanx for your advice! One of a kind! I reached out after 3 months of no contact. (Wanted to respect her wishes & change myself) were going on a date again! It were 3 really difficult months, but totally worth it. Best wishes !
My own insecurities ruin my marriage, and I'm hoping we can still work things out , your videos are a huge help and I'm learning great tools to be a better man not just a better husband
Thank you for being in the 1%. Breathe of fresh air. I smile while listening to you communicate because of your positive insight. Thank you for your energy. 🙈🙉🙊
Just learned about stonewalling and this is the first vid i watched in regards to this topic. thank you very much for effort to provide knowledge in a very clear and understandable fashion.
Geoffrey, I have implemented this framework. However, there are people who tear a person down and they admit they are doing it and fine with it. That person is obviously acting out because of something (unless there is a medical problem). However, continuing to create an environment (digging deep, bulletproof vest, etc) after years of this tearing down, allows that person to perpetuate the hurtful behavior. It’s like being a doormat and the behavior gets more hurtful. As far as I seen, there isn’t much information on how to create that environment but also not enable a person to continue with their hurtful behavior. I’d really be appreciative to hear your thoughts or see some content around that. Personally and as I read comments from other videos, there are people trying to create the environment and getting more and more hurt.
My changing of the environment needs to be of being the light. Not being drawn into the negatives, identifying then for what they are but refraining from reacting... The refraining from reacting I'm mostly good at but when I get triggered I notice that we head right back into old circular arguments. Somehow hoping this time the discussion results in them understanding my side and me understanding their side but ultimately for them just reinforces why they don't think it can ever work out. Much of that probably comes from creating and trying to maintain justifications to reasons why it cant work. At this point even if I was doing or saying or being all the right things what I've seen is that I feel her determination to be done and free of me is perhaps as great as my hope or determination to show or convince her how good or better than before things could be of she would allow or encourage it (have an environment) to be so. I know I've got some ways to go still to reach a state of being a new and better person rather than feeling like I'm just trying to go through the motions and not having the resolve to be better for myself and my kids and not be driven by any thoughts to win her back. I really need to truly change. I can't expect different results if I feel I haven't actually become the changes I need. My reasons to want to change may be good but I need to detach from doing or being them for anyone but myself because that will only let me down and hurt me more in the long run and can't be sustainable or "real" change. I just haven't had that ahah moment yet that removes any alterior motivations on what to change or how to change.
Wow, we don't even realize that what we've accused others of, we do! We don't deal with the mote in or own eye" when we are looking at the speck in our neighbor's eye...(Bible) Ty Geoffrey!
Geoffrey you have provided a guide for opening up and healing your partner..... want to know more similar facts in long distance relationship .. how to open up her mind and reduce stonewalling.
Hi all, my soon to be ex has always been combative, loud, disagreeable, and judgemental- of anyone who gets too close to her. Family, friends, etc eventually all end up avoiding her. She has a true talent for finding something you care about and using it against you. She recently got into "energy healing " and is now annoyingly diagnosing everyone else, of course not seeing all her failed relationships with everyone in her life, including her own children. I'm not sure how to even begin to proceed
So my wife asked for space yesterday and it hit me like a ton of bricks as to why she wanted space, I know what I need to work on, I need to be there for her emotionally and show empathy and show how much I care about her. Be her rock like I’m supposed to be and communicate with her. So if she asked for space but agreed to marriage counseling do you think that would be ok? Cause she will have to have contact with me for that
Hi Geoffrey what should I do because I have not seen my girlfriend in 8 months and my girlfriend is not texting me and I have a crush on someone at school and she really likes me
My wife have a lot of insecurities and she is very stubborn how do I work with her I do want my wife back and want the rest of my life with her but idk how to deal with her
whats the point where you can explain certain issues and causes to why you were the way you were or what happened, is it always bad to say something like, "this was my perspective and these are the reasons i felt more moody during that time and acted like a jerk, im still sorry and i want you to know im not blaming you for anything either, this is just to help you understand my mindset back then and why i was like ___ or said ___"
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass
🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! th-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
I started watching Geoff’s videos last week. I’ve studied this guy like a book. The BPV, the relationship mountain, the emotional safety/trust. My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years and I split up almost a month ago. She didn’t know what she wanted, she was emotionally detached, and I was quick to blame her character at first. She didn’t want to be with me, she didn’t love me anymore, etc. but after watching Geoff, I’ve realized that none of those reasons were true. I was quick to make false interpretations, which turned to false assumptions that sounded good, but it just made the problem worse. Today I got ahold of my girlfriend, she answered, and I took initiative by trying to set up a time to speak with her. She accepted. The entire time we spoke, I kept my BPV on, I never once let my temper flare, and I looked her in her eyes as she was telling me how she felt. I did my best to make her feel like she had 100% of my attention. Ask questions. Paraphrase what you think she’s saying until you have a clear picture in your mind of what the problem is. We end up speaking face to face for 7 hours straight. I want her to see my changes before I fully commit again. Good luck fellas. If you truly want to change for your lady, it won’t be hard for you. If it’s too tough, then you aren’t in a good enough space to handle yourself, so how can you handle rebuilding a relationship? Keep your head up guys. Better days are on the way.
I'm currently going through a break up of a month now. And I've just stumbled upon your videos like yesterday. They have been very helpful. I want to change to be a better person and I prayed for God to help me on how to do so. And he showed me you. I'm having a hard time processing a lot of information. I miss my girlfriend so much. My love for her hasn't gone away. I was the main source of the pain as I was manipulative and controlling. My temper was bad and I was judgemental. I hurt her and her friends and I repent for it. I understand why she broke up with me. She said she still loved me and wanted me. It's been a month now and I watched your video on the anxieties. And I'm afraid of losing her. She's the only one who really knows me. And I truely love her. I didn't listen well and I was trying to be righteous instead of listening to her. I said mean things. And when the break up came I didn't handle it well and I was being pushy to get her to come back. I want to be a better man for myself. But I also want to be a better boyfriend and husband. I promised to love her no matter what. These videos give me hope I'm just not sure how to implement them well.
Projection of insecurities or own lacks is what I deal with a lot. I start questioning reality and my worth or purpose all because someone else's own insecurities are being projected on me as though I'm the one doing them, doing it to them or against them. Things I've literally brought up as unacceptable of how my ex speaks about me to the kids or in front of the kids and then she tries to make it seem as if I'm the person doing it or as if I'm the one that makes them do it. Everything in its current state is just toxic and I've got to continue working on detaching. I see and know the potential of how things could or would be as a healthy relationship and I've just got to personify that for myself and my kids and anyone else. I got to want to do and be the changes for myself and that's also been a hang up for me because of needing to becoming untethered.
It is expected that life changes, kids, jobs, illnesses, etc. create new relationship dynamics. One may expect or told that our marriage vows are the solution, in practice, they are not. It may be that wives with their close relationship to the kids, are in a better place to offset this phenomenon by fulfilling themselves with these relationships. Additionally, they may find relief with typically closer relationships with their friends. Maybe this is hey men are clinging to things like golf, for the relationships. If you find a way to lose the ‘toxicity”, most likely your wife will be content then as is. This is difficult as it probably doesn’t meet your definition of what your lifelong relationship would/should be. It is a rare marriage that solely survives primarily on the wife/husband relationship. In a lot of cases, the man was the main breadwinner spending most of his time at his career if children are in the marriage. Thus the majority of the husbands married life was spent at work and the resulting weaker relationships thereof. While the wife’s around closer relationships with children and friends. It is obvious then that over time the man is in a weaker position, especially at retirement age. So what is the solution for the man? This is very difficult, as we spent the better part of our life working out of the home as described, for this family. Do we loose all of the financial security of our years of labor we the inherent weaker relationships and gamble on an older gal? Or do we learn how to develop our own friends and external things to THIS relationship, which as stated, is in pale comparison to the support structures your wife built over the years which they can fall back on. The answer is obvious, guess it’s time for you to take up golf or other distractions with other people, as your wife is set with hers, and I can guarantee you she won’t give those up for you. Why did I spend so much time typing this to a stranger, well, because I have to continually convince myself, and writing it out is a means to this purpose, instead or saying or doing something wrong to my wife that now is in a arguably stronger position, but sad nevertheless.
Hey geoff, thanx for your advice! One of a kind! I reached out after 3 months of no contact. (Wanted to respect her wishes & change myself) were going on a date again! It were 3 really difficult months, but totally worth it. Best wishes !
One of your best videos Geoff.. Excellent basics of a massive issue 👍
My own insecurities ruin my marriage, and I'm hoping we can still work things out , your videos are a huge help and I'm learning great tools to be a better man not just a better husband
Thank you for being in the 1%. Breathe of fresh air. I smile while listening to you communicate because of your positive insight. Thank you for your energy.
🙈🙉🙊
Appreciate it :)
Just learned about stonewalling and this is the first vid i watched in regards to this topic. thank you very much for effort to provide knowledge in a very clear and understandable fashion.
Geoffrey, I have implemented this framework. However, there are people who tear a person down and they admit they are doing it and fine with it. That person is obviously acting out because of something (unless there is a medical problem). However, continuing to create an environment (digging deep, bulletproof vest, etc) after years of this tearing down, allows that person to perpetuate the hurtful behavior. It’s like being a doormat and the behavior gets more hurtful. As far as I seen, there isn’t much information on how to create that environment but also not enable a person to continue with their hurtful behavior. I’d really be appreciative to hear your thoughts or see some content around that. Personally and as I read comments from other videos, there are people trying to create the environment and getting more and more hurt.
My changing of the environment needs to be of being the light. Not being drawn into the negatives, identifying then for what they are but refraining from reacting... The refraining from reacting I'm mostly good at but when I get triggered I notice that we head right back into old circular arguments. Somehow hoping this time the discussion results in them understanding my side and me understanding their side but ultimately for them just reinforces why they don't think it can ever work out. Much of that probably comes from creating and trying to maintain justifications to reasons why it cant work. At this point even if I was doing or saying or being all the right things what I've seen is that I feel her determination to be done and free of me is perhaps as great as my hope or determination to show or convince her how good or better than before things could be of she would allow or encourage it (have an environment) to be so. I know I've got some ways to go still to reach a state of being a new and better person rather than feeling like I'm just trying to go through the motions and not having the resolve to be better for myself and my kids and not be driven by any thoughts to win her back. I really need to truly change. I can't expect different results if I feel I haven't actually become the changes I need. My reasons to want to change may be good but I need to detach from doing or being them for anyone but myself because that will only let me down and hurt me more in the long run and can't be sustainable or "real" change. I just haven't had that ahah moment yet that removes any alterior motivations on what to change or how to change.
Thanks for the video. One thing I don’t think it’s natural to blame character. It’s more Society behaviour.
Wow, we don't even realize that what we've accused others of, we do!
We don't deal with the mote in or own eye" when we are looking at the speck in our neighbor's eye...(Bible)
Ty Geoffrey!
Geoffrey you have provided a guide for opening up and healing your partner..... want to know more similar facts in long distance relationship .. how to open up her mind and reduce stonewalling.
thank you Geoffrey
Thank you g for opening eyes here
Justin - Honored to be of help, brother. What were the most eye-opening things for you in this video?
Would love to see a video about a partner that tells you to let them go. Can this even be fixed?
Hi all, my soon to be ex has always been combative, loud, disagreeable, and judgemental- of anyone who gets too close to her. Family, friends, etc eventually all end up avoiding her. She has a true talent for finding something you care about and using it against you. She recently got into "energy healing " and is now annoyingly diagnosing everyone else, of course not seeing all her failed relationships with everyone in her life, including her own children. I'm not sure how to even begin to proceed
I am in the same boat as you, buddy. Always combative and argumentative and always finding fault.
So my wife asked for space yesterday and it hit me like a ton of bricks as to why she wanted space, I know what I need to work on, I need to be there for her emotionally and show empathy and show how much I care about her. Be her rock like I’m supposed to be and communicate with her. So if she asked for space but agreed to marriage counseling do you think that would be ok? Cause she will have to have contact with me for that
Also can I work on myself without seeking professional help/seeing a therapist?
Hi Geoffrey what should I do because I have not seen my girlfriend in 8 months and my girlfriend is not texting me and I have a crush on someone at school and she really likes me
My wife have a lot of insecurities and she is very stubborn how do I work with her I do want my wife back and want the rest of my life with her but idk how to deal with her
whats the point where you can explain certain issues and causes to why you were the way you were or what happened, is it always bad to say something like, "this was my perspective and these are the reasons i felt more moody during that time and acted like a jerk, im still sorry and i want you to know im not blaming you for anything either, this is just to help you understand my mindset back then and why i was like ___ or said ___"
like i cant imagine with genuine mental illness symptoms affecting me, explaining their very real effect is playing the victim, is it?
top g frey
helped me alot with untethering