Can't Make A Decision? Try this.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ส.ค. 2024
- It's easy to sit and wonder why you can't make a decision and then get frustrated with yourself for getting stuck in indecision. In this talk on@juliakristinamah I talk about the real reason you can't make a decision, and how to make it easier for yourself to do it in any situation.
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#indecision #indecisive #selflove
Life begins where fear ends🙏
You are right, thankyou.
@@lilmouse4750 ,Amen,very true. 🙏🙋
That's a big part of it, but it can depend on the consequences of being wrong as well. If a neurosurgeon makes the wrong decision during an operation, she or he can ruin someone's life. Just as an example.
I supervise at work and whenever I DO decide things, I often have someone else I work with in management adding things I didn't think of, which makes me think...CRAP! I can NEVER get things right!
ANd yes the outcome IS about me! Because bad decisions in my career reflect upon ME!
or we just take the fear with us for the ride ;-)
@@Janeway1269 Hi this doesnt mean your decisions are no good .It means you havnt learned yet what they know.
Its good to get others opinions before you make a big descision not to follow theirs but to help way up what more could be involved..
Get more facts before you choose
Thats why we have agencies like Citizens advice bureaue for us to get free advice on numerous things
I suffer from indecision paralysis. I sold my business to be with a woman. The relationship ended in disaster and now I’m petrified of making big decisions because it screwed up my comfortable life.
Exactly. That's why you can't just diminish the importance of making the right decisions. The impact and consequences can be truly life altering.
Yup! This makes SOOO much sense! And I ask others for their opinion (really looking for them to make the decision for me) so that I don’t have to take the blame for making the wrong decision. “They failed, they made the wrong decision.” 🤯
Aren't our human brains tricky like that? 😉
@@juliakristinamah absolutely! This video is so helpful! Can’t thank you enough! 💛
I do the same thing I always thought that if I have enough thoughts from others then I choose the best one!
Julia I was meant to see this now. I made a decision which was leaving my hometown which included my 2 adult kids early 20s and family for love. We were long distance 2 years and since he can’t leave where he’s at I went to him. I miss my kids and have never been away from them. I have a new job offer and my partner is good to me. Been here 4 months now and I do go back and forth when I need to. But feeling like I don’t know if I want to be away from my kids now. I know my relationship will end of I leave and I’ll be heartbroken but feel my kids still need me since we’ve always been together. I don’t know what to do and cry about it.
This is definitely relatable for us over-thinkers 😅
So true. Arnold Schwarzenegger used to say "Don't think!". Of course he did not mean not to use your brain. Another person said "Thought is your enemy.". He meant that too much of the wrong type of thinking is deleterious.
really glad it connected Nicole
Wow!!These days,it seems,I'm definitely over-thinking thing's.Thanks Nicole on EQ for your comment;it felt just like "An Oprah Winfrey moment "for me.😆 😃
Sometimes when in our family of origin other older siblings have sort of made most of the decisions, it becomes even harder to decide.Tks for such a helpful video.🙏
"The problem is not the situation we are in, but the problem is our thoughts and interpretation!"
I loved that 👏👏👏
"I can choose what I make it mean!!"
This sentence is so empowering, and life changing!
Thank you so much Julia
trusting myself that actions speak louder than words, if I say that for others, got to begin trusting myself too.
you deserve that from you.
Last night I binge-watched decision making videos and didn't get anywhere.....this evening I only watched yours!!
THANK YOU😀😀😀😀😀
Great Video
Make decisions that relate to your finance
A Wealthy man is a Happy Man
Yeah! But we can't get rich overnight right? Getting rich comes with multiple INVESTMENT but we all have to start from somewhere!
@@annmannings1840 What kinda investment are we really talking about please?!
I heard so many millionaires like Mr elon are investors in the crypto space
@Harry Micheals That's correct, I met her at a conference in Singapore... she's incredibly smart.
I have absolutely no problem with small decisions. It's the big decisions that I have a hard time with. What to do with my life? I also have many interests in life and get boggled down with too many choices. Thank you for this video. If you have any clues with big life decisions that would be great.
I can so relate
I like your statement about not letting a decision mean so much. It can be a learning experience even if it goes wrong.
exactly. I'm really glad that part stuck with you - it's important.
Exactly: the problem is not the situation.
It is how you deal with it.
I have never thought to look at a decision like this. I get to choose what it means to me. What the outcome represents. I'm going through if possible separation in my marriage. In this helps to put things into perspective. Why it's happening and what I'm to learn from it. Instead of just thinking about the fear, and if I'm making the right decision or not...
Your videos have helped me through some really difficult times. Now, whenever I experience a set back and come back to them your voice is like a trigger that snaps me back into feeling good about myself. It’s actually kind of wild.
I have been struggling with the small decisions, as well as the big ones. I weigh too much on the outcome too and just don't want to make the wrong choice and feeling the guilt afterward or beating myself up if it's not what I thought. This was helpful. I'm going to start small and work on trusting myself again, no matter the outcome. Thanks for your videos! They've really helped. 🙏🙌❤
Exactly,
It is because I don't want to feel terrible or make an extra problem for myself or lose time which triggers my frustration.
It's so true also because I have turned on my self at times. I have had to practice facing fears of missing out and reduce time I spend ruminating.
That bit has been hard
You're timing is so good it's kinda scary
Same 😀
My god..... its...too coincidental.... how i came here....with all the other videos...EVERYTHING leading here. Perfect timing. Just what i needed.
Couldn't 👏agree 👏more 👏
Indeed it is.
Same!
Hi Julia, can you make a video on how to trust your own decision making? I think I have an insecurity of not trusting my own decisions and then overthinking. I appreciate your wisdom. Thanks so much xo
OMG.... I was watching this from my other channel "lindafindmeajob" but I had just listened to your videos on boundaries and codependency and realized how codependent that title was and how I have been operating. I am a counselor, speaker and life coach and I can teach this to my clients but it is SOOO much harder to live it!. I have been trying to be an online coach for 7 years and have been told I am not very "coachable" because I can't decide what my niche is or be willing to actually charge people and be clear and ok about my decision. I want to serve the world and ended up listening to everyone who gave me ideas about what my niche "should" be in part based on facebook ads or social media algorithms and consequently kept changing my direction. I've hired tons of coaches and recently thousands of dollars of marketing that has totally given no results because I just am not clear and don't follow through with one thing before starting another. (ADHD/bipolar stuff) This is really helping me deal with the real root problem and take care of a bunch of resentments I have developed because I made choices that I can't forgive myself for or have been able to accept the consequences of my decisions (sacrificing my retirement goals because I paid for other peoples stuff when they could have done if for themselves. ) I want to take it all back and start over. God bless you for the free therapy session! LOL
Your work is unbelievable....ive watched several of you videos over and over... helping me in my life so much. Getting over this current hill im stuck on. THANK YOU. From all of my heart.
Deep drive into self trust brought me here. Didn’t realize how much my lack of self trust affects so many things in my life.
Super Stuck. Big to small. Car purchase, move, or choosing nail polish colors at the salon usually pretty painful. Everything you say is on point video gem.
Omg, are you inside my head? I never looked at it this way, but this is really what its about isnt it? I'm struggling with a bigger decision and now I realize why im putting it off...Im looking for the reason to talk myself into making the wrong decision...I think ;)
Maybe your intuition says something , but logically you say another.
It's tough when we're torn like that. If you're honest with yourself, you know what's best for you - listen to that.
@@juliakristinamah you mean to go with the intuition every single time of indecision?!
I'm also struggling with a big decision. It's not easy
Our relationship with ourselves,so important!! Thank you so much Julia! 💖💖
Amen amen amen!
@@juliakristinamah ,Thank you Julia for the comment Amen.I feel that being there for ourselves is harder,with the corona virus pandemic concerns and times of loss and worry.We must Pray and Hope and Love...To Persevere .We need to be there for ourselves ,so that we can be there for family, loved ones and friends,too.😊😇Much Love and Blessings to You,Julia.Thanks again for your guidance and videos.💖🙏To be in charge of our thoughts,and trust ourselves.
It's like negative emotions. It's not the emotion itself that's the real problem, it's your relationship with it.
I find that my decision making may be held up as someone mentioned by over-thinking, but also by the perfectionism. If I can't do it perfect, should I even do it. You get into the mode of analysis-paralysis and can't move in any direction. Personally, I am coming to grips how deep has been ingrained in me from early on. Undoing years of over analyzing is difficult, because that is the person we have always known. We now have to make the decision to change, and take those steps towards healing.
Your little corner of the internet is awesome and has helped me make that decision, and keeps me on my journey. I love watching everyone of your videos, as they are so helpful. Thank you for sharing with us, you are so appreciated.
As someone who looks long term, my indecisions tend to be over the consequences of acting on a decision, that it is irreversible or leads somewhere unintended; I wasted a lot of time on wrong paths due to healing from trauma, so am scared of misdirecting myself again. The logic of wasting time on decisions fails as much as it succeeds in encouraging clear decisions, but it does stop some stagnation. I've found knowing who you are helps, wrong paths can then be justified and can become worthy explorations on your lifepath... there are no wrong decisions when it comes from being genuine with yourself (even if it is the wrong decision according to everyone else it may be the right one for you right now).
I know this comment was written a while ago, but I just wanted to say reading it helped me make a bigger decision in my life. Thank you ❤️
You're a lifesaver! The distinction between small and big decisions and how to quickly make small ones will really help a ton!
Being indecisive and second guessing myself are some of my biggest weaknesses.
I made the choices.
I own the results.
I choose how to manage the outcomes.
Me and Myself, will stick through thick & thin, will not bash each other up, pointing fingers and pushing blames.
They will support each other, regardless of the outcomes.
Thank you Julia for this video.
I'm so indecisive and hate making decisions! My husband and I want to move ASAP because we have very loud upstairs/downstairs neighbours and antisocial neighbours nextdoor, but I fear that we might end up being in the same situation because I can't find semi d or detached houses to reduce the risks, most are mid terraced.
I also can't decide what I want to order from a restaurant. I often regret it when I tried some new food or restaurant and didn't like the food...
I always search for your name whenever i need clarity with my thoughts and feelings. Thank you so much for helping me and other people🤍Godbless you.
Always Loren - so glad you're here and on this journey with us.
I need to be there for my mom. Durable power of attorney for my mom's wellbeing. Thank you Julia kristi! Have a great week.
You too!
I struggle with every day decisions ... Everything that you said it was I think..and feel ... 😏😔 I feel trap , stuck , obligated , fear , anxiety 😟 and not worth it... but I do have my few minutes that I feel good.. thank you .
I feel indecision with the big things, but the little things are more or less automatic. I‘m a master procrastinator
YES to all of it. Can’t decide if I should leave all behind and start fresh with a move after a lot of trauma. Leaving behind adult kids and grands for change of scenery and lifestyle of the west that I long for …. Which choice to make to determine where… career , etc
"I help heart centre go-getter people break through the crap that is holding them back" 😍😍😍
Your videos are life changing! I am finally getting back to work after not being able to work for 2 years! I struggled was indecision! Fear!...
Hi, would you consider doing a video exploring the roots of over controlling everything in life. I'm assuming it's based in fear and a lack of self trust? Love the way you explain in such an honest and relatable way.
Love this suggestion. I battle with this on a daily basis.
Good morning Julia I listen to you every morning thank you so much because you seem to be spot on with what’s going on in my life and give perfect suggestions and advice! thank you thank you!
Indecisiveness has been so detrimental in my! Thank you for this channel and video 🙏🏿💫
Glad it connected, and glad you're here.
This made a couple of decisions obvious to me. I have been afraid of what the outcome will mean about me, and afraid of how hard the work will be.
Thank you julia kristina.
It is very hard to take decisions when you are at stalemate with reality, holding back multiple future memories from coming true. I cant future extrapolate me. It doesnt work on me.
I cant second sight me. It doesnt work on me. I cant mirror myself. I can help the whole world, but i cant help myself.
The shoes maker is walking bare footed.
This is going to be really useful for me, I can be quite indecisive at times!! I hope you’re having a truly fantastic week so far 💛
You too Admir - I always enjoy your upbeat contributions.
@@juliakristinamah Thank you so much, I appreciate it!
Life changing decisions are the ones I really struggle with and yes I agree with what was said in this video. This really helped me think.
Hi Julia. I can totally relate to problems with making decisions, even something as simple as ordering food. It has lead to me walking away and not ordering because I couldn't do so. I will try and use your suggestions. Thank you.
Im struggling to make a decision to break up with my partner and leave my beautiful Son behind limiting the time I have with him. Basically I’m only with my partner because of my Son. I don’t love my partner ......... I’m so hard on myself as I fear the worse but I know I can be free and live a great life just me and my Son. Haha confusing right !
Hard times mate , dont worry u will figure a way , and life will be better
My decision will upset a lot of people and it’s scary 😦
I’m still listening but I am stuck in a big decision of what to do next. Because of the pandemic I am not working in hospitality, I’m working in a job I kind of strongly dislike. So I don’t have a clear decision on what to do next. More school? No I’m too old and it cost too much? So I’m trying to sort out what my true self would enjoy as a career since I still have 30 years before retirement hahaha
Hello julia and yes I have a hard time making decisions very indecisive and yes I do feel stuck I really do not know what to do I watch your podcasts and they have been very helpful very informative educational. I am finally getting understanding on what the hell has been going on in my life with my wife for 38 years what a rollercoaster ride it has been
I can't make any decision one way or the other. I just feel stuck with bigger and even tiniest of decision. No matter what I decide to do, I end up regretting it if it's not 100% positive.
i really thank you and myself for letting me have access this video. every single video you uploaded made me calm and feel comfortable. I guess I'm the only Korean watching this since there's no subtitle in Korean since Koreans don't speak English. to be honest i wanna keep your video for myself
Please make a video on... How do we deal with demeaning people? They will ask did you get that done? And when you complete the task and say yes, they make you feel bad saying- I didn’t think you could get that done, or do it. Instead of saying; great job, period!
You can not imagine how much clarity i got from this about my life right now. God bless you and your family! Your helps reached me when i needed the most, thank you.
I'm an HSP! I really really needed this.
What connected with you Sid?
@@juliakristinamah The relationship I have with myself is rocky at best. Trusting myself. I'm slowly learning to love and trust myself. I stumbled across your videos 9 months ago. They have helped me sooo much. I love how to cut to the chase, no fluffy frilly stuff. You tell it like it is. That's what I need.
Shout out to Julia Kristina your content is making a huge impact to a lot of people including me :)
Keep going!!! Loving every bit of learning and applying it to my daily life!!!
Julia
You are an inspiration..
Indecision is a manifestation of fear of the outcome.. as you put.. outcome about " you".. it's imperative therfore.. to change your perspective..
😉❤️
I struggle so much with this...Thank u for the video
Indecisive about big things, little things, inconsequential things.....YES!! Relationships, job choices, new furniture. Uugghhhh!!!
I can relate to this video for sure. For years now i've been having problems making decisions. O cannot decide, so i postpone the decision. And i end up not making one at all. I think about things a lot, but when the time comes to take action. I freeze, and i cannot. Even in my current situation. I have lost my place to live, haven't found anything else yet. Been feeling burned out, and was thinking i need to leave the country for a few months to reset myself. But i always end up second guessing my ideas and again, no decisions are made.
I’m in this 3 years relationship with someone that i met and we just get along so well, it’s so easy to be around her.
Of course then problems came but the root of them is than I have this feeling that’s I want to be with her forever but… I’m also very sexual person and with not much experience with other women and everyday comes to my mind being with someone else in just physical ways maybe even more I don’t know since I haven’t met much girls.
Anyway I’m afraid that I’ll regret not enjoying my youth( I’m 24) is like the universe tells me find someone and be happy with a easy relaxed life. Or go out and meet a lot of people we’re dying someday so do all you want to do(good stuff) my mom and more elder people always tell me they regret not enjoying more sexually.
So idk what to do I’m clueless and I change my mind every 5mins.
Thank you for helping me get out of my own way to make needed major life decision. And not beat myself up if that decision seems like it was not the best later on!
Thank you so much.. this is a video for keeps.. a video I was actively looking for.. Because I knew I could fix my indecisive nature. I'm so grateful for this. Very insightful and just what I needed to make a decision I have in front of me. Thank you once again 🙏🏽 God bless 😇
you asked so here is my answer. I only struggle with life changing decisions. coffee or not is not hard for me but divorce or not is.
Great presentation. Lack of motivation can be a reason people find it difficult to make decisions
This is especially hard when I buy non refundable airline tickets😬
Let's go get an ice cream... So the decision nightmare begins:
They have so many tastes, what should I get?
My favorite? No wait, I always get that, I don't want to be that person.
Maybe I go for something new. But what if I don't like it.
Oh wait, I got it: a 2 scoops ice cream. This way, I could get my favorite and a new taste.
But What if the new taste is good but not when it's mixed with my favorite and then, I'll be missing out on a great new taste.
But what's the price? Is it more interesting to get 1, 2 or 3 scoops? Let me count that first.
You know what, I'll get 3 scoops: 2 new tastes that seems to match well and I'll end up with my favorite.
But what if the other 2 have such a strong taste that it ruins my favorite... Aaaa
All right, I made up my mind about the tastes.
Oh shoot, wait, I forgot what are the other people getting. Maybe I can ask them what they think of my pick.
But wait a minute, what if they are only getting one scoop. I will look like a glutton.
And now, I'm just back to zero and it's my turn to order.
WHAT SHOULD I GET?
Lol
lol. Touché
Same
Thank you just what i was trying to solve .I have been trying to think differently to change my life and this was holding me back but i did not know how to solve it.Now I do it will make such a difference to me.
I’m indecisive with everything!
Thank you very much for this video!
I have a question that I wanted to ask you: what should you do when you decide but then can’t enjoy what you have decided and keep thinking about other possibilities? When I make a decision i suffer because I imagine other possibilities.
Cuisine? I found an easy way to deal. "Hi, How r u?" to start. Really important. Then, "I don't like [ingredient], however, I do like [type of entree] within [price point], thanks". Then, I give the server back the menu, immediately returning to talk w whoever's beside me. The server is dumbfounded then, takes off to order me a FABulous meal. This has Never steered me wrong. Then, I don't have to make the decision! Works well w men too. Trust.
Love the suggestion to table a decision if ur not ready.
Thank you for this video! Starting from now on
Funny that you mention taking waiters' recommendation. It's true. I do the same thing. Instead of making a choice I look to them to make the choice for me. This is great because we can do the work to make a choice for small things to get used to the bigger decisions
Thank you so much Julia for this insightful video... I resonated so much with the mentioned examples and somehow started to cry/tear up because this indecision has been manifesting within for years now...
It’s crazy how the little things make huge amounts of negative thoughts.
I remember a time in my life when every decision I made I was slapped down or hit a wall barrier. I was alone and lost my practice , my home, and my will to live. Fear had set in and I was paralyzed by uncertainty. So I avoided, procrastinated. Time was not my friend. My indecision and time decided for me. I let the cruel world do what it had to do. I took the punishment like a masochist. After I got out of the looney bin on an extended 5150 with no family or character witnesses. I felt even worse. But I am still breathing. And I don't like coffee so I don't have to decide on that one.
Everyday things and bigger decisions, yes both
So good!! Thank you so much Julia.❤️🙏🧘♀️❤️
Julia I am laughing so hard on your restaurant skills... I did this and I ruined a date having to perfect a drink. This video. Is a wonderful reminder to reframe our thoughts.
YOU NAILED IT!🙌🏻
I struggle with every decision 😃
Dropping in to say HI again this is a huge topic for me it has kind of been a battle for me all my life However there is a decision that I will make that I can't right now because I am working on my heart and mind connection and feeling good about myself. Thanks for a great video Julia . Now it feels as though I am making it about me.
All the above Julia all the above
I spend so much time over thinking everything! I have trouble making large and small decisions and waste so much time trying to think of all the possible pros/cons to my decisions and also catastrophize every option. Hours, days, weeks ,even longer I can struggle to make decisions because I am so afraid I'll make the wrong one 😥
Always thought, it was just me to be indecisive! Thank you!😊
It’s hard for me too Julia to decide what I want on the menu in a restaurant because everything looks so good.
I’m primary struggle with making decisions regarding people instead or objects. I know what I want (I can visualize something I’d like to have or where I might like to be later in life), but it’s almost like I’m embarrassed to have anyone know. I feel like I shouldn’t have wants, even though I like doing certain things. I don’t know if it’s some kind of crusty childhood traumatic baggage, or what. I was abused as a kid for some things I liked, maybe that’s why? I really don’t know. I’m also petrified to discuss things logically and reason with people. I have a remembrance hierarchy of moments where me trying to explain things didn’t work out well… Sometimes, I feel deeply personally violated that what I valued was argued against. It causes me to avoid people 😭 Ugh
What am I making the outcome mean? Last year I struggled so hard with making the decision that I wouldn't babysit my toddler granddaughter over night. She didn't sleep thru the night and I didn't want to give up my night sleep. My husband and adult children did not like this decision. What did "I" make it mean? That I was a terrbile grandmother and person. I wasn't cable of loving, so many bad things I told myself. But after a messy communication with every one, I said NO. Until she sleeps thru the night, I won't. Next time I hope to NOT beat myself up and judge myself for wanting to take care of me. Thanks
Thank you so much. This could help. I'm James Hendrick a new entrepreneur and I face some difficult decisions
I heard that depression can lead to indecision. I need to move in a month and still can't get myself to fill out an apartment application. I know it's because I'm afraid that it will be rejected or that I'll be forced to go live somewhere I don't want. But still can't get myself to do it. It's terrible. Same thing with getting myself a gym membership. It took me a week to finally do it and go to the gym.
I think things over so long when making a decision that by the time I made the decision it shows its self and how it's going to go. So close to not making any decisions at all. Does that make any sense at all?
Tht last part stung a little bit because that decisions was to leave a relationship and I wish that I fought for her and fought for myself as well
Julia's restaurant example at 8:20 got me thinking that the waitress, and the kitchen cook were probably in her office later that week asking her for advice on how to cope with, and reduce all their on the job stress, they could no longer f^ck*n deal with anymore. (LOL)
OMG I do have decisions. Drives my family and friends crazy. I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I have in the past made a couple bad decisions.
How do I know if the problems in my relationship came from him being emotionally abusive or in my internal thought patterns and reactions to the things he said? Hence how to decide whether to go back to him?? Biggest decision EVER
I feel you. But even if the patterns are in your head, you need to fix them before coming back into the relationship. Otherwise nothing will change when you come back.
@@Diane_666 I'm now in a very different place, but struggling to decipher past narrative as if it was really abusive then I dont want to put me and kids back into harms way, but if it was " all in my head" as he tells me , then maybe it will now be ok?
@@helengreer9309 I don't think it will... If all he did was blame everything on you without trying to communicate and compromise, then I doubt he has changed. "It's all in your head" is a very common manipulation phrase, it can even be used for gaslighting... In any case it sounds like he didn't really care about your issues and your well-being, so maybe it would be helpful for you to ask yourself *why* you want to go back to him?
@@Diane_666 THANK YOU! That is enormously helpful. Just realised that my reason for going back is because he is telling me it will be good, but it never was, and why am I not thinking of what I believe? I am still inclined towards what he thinks all the time. Why would I want to go back? I dont, but hard to get him out of my head after 19 years of marriage.
@@helengreer9309 I'm happy I could help you! I can't even imagine how hard it can be after 19 years, but I believe you'll find your happiness! Stay strong!😊
Damn this is me af 😂 and when you mentioned a decision about moving, it resonated. Spirits telling me it’s time to move and I just do NOT want to fuck up 😂😂 like you said I will never forgive myself for making a mistake. This video is comforting ❤️
Thank you Julia, very well put on the topic!
Hi Julia, I like your content. I love watching your videos.
Wow you've worked it all out for us! Thanks alot very clear!
Hello,thank you