Gee, if only there was some process that would make people feel better about themselves… too bad no such thing exists. Guess I’ll just say another prayer to sky jesus
I recommend you try paced breathing, Sir for it has helped me personally. I do the 4 second inhale then hold for 4 seconds and then exhale for 4 seconds. I found that this helped me fall asleep and mitigate stress. Hope it helps!
At 46, without ever having had an active father, I come here for guidance. It gets difficult to be a father without having had one. I know I have to man up. Had I seen this specific video sooner, I just might have avoided divorce.
Coming from a wore out 53 year old, the best thing for a man to deal with problems is time, peace, and quiet. Go for long walks in the country, spend time out in nature, stay the hell away from people who stir up drama and look for things to have a fit about. The problem is we live in an over regulated society where where everybody is expected to be a robot with little down time to be able to process things that trouble them. Society also has bullsh*tted people into thinking you are supposed to be super happy all the time and if you aren't then you need therapy and drugs. Having a wide range of emotions is part of being human, we are supposed to be happy, sad, exited, mad, depressed, let down, angered, etc. A big part of life is a pain in the ass with a few fleeting happy moments every now and then.
As a man who just started to go to therapy, and used to say the same things as you, sometimes people really do need it. Of course you can be sad or angry sometimes but theres a certain level where you should get professional help. Its not a wonder that the suicide rate is so much higher for men. Sometimes there are things you dont even know is a problem/causation in your life without help (or even a very close friend from a third view)
@@zackery5678 good on you for starting. What most people don't get is that therapy doesn't replace good habits. it allows you to structure them into your life more easily, and structure your thinking so that you can do those good things.
One of the best things i came to terms with is: it's not your fault that you turned out this way, but it is your responsibility to get better. No one can walk the road for you, no one can uplift you but you.
Exactly, and all one's suffering becomes a point of pride and strength if we learn to overcome it _on our own_ ...then we switch from being a victim of life to someone looking for the next test.
thanks helps alot i hate myself still this to this day but i have realize i still have the power to change. i feel like im too late sometimes even though i just turned 19 last month.
@@miguelplays2921 I'm 46. You're hardly an adult yet, I don't mean that in a derogatory way but when I look back at myself and my friend at 19, I see kids. What that means is you're just beginning to learn about life, you're right at the start of the journey and you have no idea what the next ....lets say 50 years at minimum will hold, where you might end up, how you'll arrive there nor who you'll meet along the journey. One piece of advice, at your age, try not to think too much - do stuff. Look for experiences to expand your horizons, keep your cup empty, learn and don't expect to really be able to draw any conclusions for at least another decade or so, now's the time to grow, go towards what interests you, you're young enough to be able to take risks going for things, nothing to lose, everything to gain. Enjoy it.
@@JesseP.Watson All people are different though. I grew very tired of hearing that I was a kid from people who chose to coast through their lives and end up at 50 or 60 years of age hardly knowing a damn thing when i was actively growing myself as if my life depended on it (because it really does). I'm wiser and more mature than those people now and I'm not yet half their age.
I'm 39 Randolph I've lost families and got them back lost homes and got them back and been through all kinds of hell on his dad about 20 times and I met Jesus and I've been through a lot and I'm telling you like this man said you never stop learning you never going to understand at all trial and error
@@childofthekingjesusmylord8715 I'm not religious but AMEN. My Aunt was a Nun in Brazil in the 1950's. She had two US universities giving her scholarships for golf and archery. She chose the church. She is 98 years old.
“Pain is a part of life. Misery is an option.” Don’t know where that originated my husband would always remind me of that when I needed to hear it. He lived it! He may have had pain but he refused to be miserable. God knows how much I miss that man and his reminders.
Man I just stumbled onto your channel. My father died when I was 10. I've never really had that type of guidance. I'm 59 now been through a lot my life and have figured out a lot of this on my own but forgot as I've been drinking a lot lately. Your words are hitting me hard like a mirror in my face. I wish I would have heard this 20 years ago. I have been strong and I have been weak. It has been a daily battle I was falling into despair. You are so right I need to man up! I'm sending this to my Son's thank you
Hang in there, man. I lost my Mom when I was 8 and it was catastrophic. I'm now 64 and through the grace of God and an amazing wife I have become a father and grandfather. You didn't hear this 20 years ago, but you have heard it NOW and you still have years to get things straight and push on. I hear a determination in your words and I applaud that. Myself, I am a disciple of Jesus and He helps me keep things going - I don't know where you stand spiritually, but I DO hear determination to climb out of despair and I know that you can climb out.
For the men out there, I disagree with the sucking it up for your wife part to an extent. Sucking up your tears? Your foundation will rot, and you’ll end up bringing down both of you. So much for shielding her. It only works if you get out there and FIX THE PROBLEM. Don’t think she won’t notice how it affects you, she will and that’ll affect her.
Wow, I needed to hear this today. I was diagnosed with Leukemia last year and it has taken a serious toll on me physically and mentally. I am back to riding bike 12 miles a day, and 100 plus push-ups a day, several times a week. My mental health has been a serious challenge, but it’s time to break through for victory!
Thank you, I’m 56 and it’s been a rough road. I hate to admit it, but it’s made me emotionally weak. Darn, that bites to admit that. But, I’m working on it. I can blame the cancer, but it’s just me at the moment. I’m going to beat it!
"I feel lost, welcome to manhood"! I can so relate. Dewayne, you are so honest that it reaches the core of who we are as men. There are few men who are willing to talk openly about the way life really is. Thank you for all you contribute to a hungry audience.
“Shut up and deal with it, you’re a man” is something I’ve heard my whole life. To the point I try to never depend on anyone else for anything. And maybe there’s people out there that need to hear this and take accountability. But I’ve worked very hard in as many areas in my life as I possibly can. And I still struggle, a lot. But I can’t open up to anyone, at all. It has been ingrained in me that if I need help, there is something intrinsically wrong with me, as a man, that only I can fix. And that is going to end me one day. And I know I’m not the only man I know that thinks this way.
First of all why can’t you open up at all? Why aren’t you able to express yourself? You’ve probably worked on everything outside of yourself neglecting what is INSIDE. what you said about helping yourself is actually somewhat true. Other people can help us and I recommend getting help from others sometimes but also you should try to problem solve, meditate, journal, slowly work through the layers of the problems you are experiencing. There’s many ways to do it. But my point is that you have the solution within yourself if just takes time to find it sometimes.
Humans are social creatures. We need people close to us to be with us and help us. You can't just take it away and be fine. I mean, there is a reason we equate loneliness to sadness. I have a similar problem, but along the years I have learned to open up a little more to my friends and family. It's tough, but as long as you have it as a goal, you can slowly learn to do it. Don't stay alone, man.
So you believe it too. I think a man can choose to not believe something other people tell him just because he doesn’t see it the same way. You’re already doing a good job at that. The next man part is actually going somewhere from here. All you have to do is ask for help and offer help and I bet you’ll feel better. It’s always worse in your head
There are chemical imbalances that happen to people. In that case seek a solution. The crap in our food and water is messing up our natural chemical processes.
Usually I think you provide really sound advice. Therapy does not make you weaker. It allows you to explore yourself and understand your emotions. If you understand your emotions then you can function better as a person and can live a better life. I have been in therapy for years, if I had not started therapy I wouldn’t be going anywhere in life right now. I would be lost and afraid. Therapy is not just about complaining, it’s about understanding complex aspects of yourself. Therapy is healthy if you have a good therapist. But healthy masculinity to me is giving yourself the space to feel those emotions and press on. A man does not have to be strong all the time. It’s completely normal to want to be heard. Therapy has made me a more stable, regulated and strong man. It gave me a glimmer of hope in my darkest moment. Also to clarify something, therapists are not authorized to prescribe medication. People that work in roles such as a Psychiatrist or Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners are authorized to prescribe medications. Making blanket statements about therapy can be harmful, it works for a lot of men and women. It’s not a therapists job to help you blame other people. It depends on the person and where they are at in life. Telling men to suck it up only perpetuates a negative stigma and isn’t useful.
@@DryCreekWranglerSchool I get that. I agree with you and the guy above. SOME people have avictim mentality and use society's push towards mental health awareness as an excuse to blame everyone but themselves. But countless others are told to "suck it up" when they genuinely voice their concerns. Everyone has something that works for them and it's great to live according to your own principles. You found something that works for you. But if you're speaking from a position where you have people looking up to you for advice, I think it would be more wise not to tell others to "suck it up" and dismiss others for being unable to follow YOUR beliefs and way of life.
@@DryCreekWranglerSchool By the way, I think it would be fantastic if you clarified some more actionable steps people can take during tough times that will help men "suck it up." You mentioned exercising, cutting out the shit like social media and junk food. But provided you're already doing that what else can you do. For me personally, I like to walk in nature ( city parks are fine too), journal, read, talk to friends and family, exercise (of course), take a shower. Just doing 1 of these things helps me gain clarity and find some peace during tough times. Then I'm ready to "suck it up."
To be fair, therapy isn't about whining and complaining, it's about learning skills to help yourself. Another way to think about it is efficiency...if I want to get good at shooting, I can get a gun and go to a range and shoot and maybe, over a long period of time, get better. OR I can hire an experienced marksman to show me some things and give me feedback, which will let me improve much more quickly. The big issues with saying "Man up" (which, tbh, is what a lot of guys need to do) is that it doesn't tell you how...it's like if you suck at chess so someone says "win more."
The problem is that men don't work out their s*** like vvomen do. For most men, talking directly about a problem just makes it worse. Men typically have to be moving their bodies and minds at some task to work through the turmoil of the mind. Much of our anxieties exist because the energy we once expended in deadly hunts and war still remain in our biological brains. When it isn't expended, it will find a less productive way to release. I have to exercise regularly or I don't do as well. It's not optional with me. Even so, I have an extra burden the DNA gave me -- along with a rich array of intellectual gifts comes intellectual kryptonite. I tried therapy in the past but it never worked. I'm not the type it really helps. Many are becoming newly aware of this male-only phenomena.
While i like a lot of what he says (in other videos) and how's he's living his life, he's so antiquated in his thinking. "You're fat put the cookie down" Right, and you just told everyone that the way you deal with sickness is hitting the bottle and giving it a fancy name. You're a drunk, but the bottle down, can be said to him as well. You can only keep that old school mentality for so long until things around you start to collapse and you "have no idea why".
I’ll make a toddy, maybe once every two years, because that’s about as often as I have a bad cold. When I make a toddy, it consists of a grand total of 2 ounces of alcohol. So everything about this comment is idiotic to the extreme. You are an arrogant jackass to even suggest that that constitutes a drunk. As for the shape society is in today, it is so unbelievably stupid to blame the old ways, when the truth is, we got this way when we left the old ways.
@@DanteHolly I think a lot of it comes down to how we define things. A lot of the time people can legitimately deal with something on their own, or just keep a stuff upper lip and tolerate it, but there are also times when a person isn't able to on their own. It's like how most people can handle a cut with a band-aid, but a hemophiliac would need to go to a doctor...and anyone would need a doctor if their whole arm is cut off. So, when we say "sad" or "depressed" we have to be clear which of those situations we are referring to.
I’ve seen other men try to deliver this sort of message. But they have no balance and go past the truth. I found yours tough but also loving and benefitted from it. Thank you
@ Proverbs 3:3-4 "Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man."
Much appreciated sermon. I was homeless and suicidal last year with no one who cared and boy I wish I heard this back then. This is all I needed. God be praised.
I needed this. You are spot on with the culture in America right now. I have seen so many men that have become feminized, and the ones that resist (myself included) are deemed toxic in some way and need therapy to fix themselves. Thank you for posting this Dewayne. Love your talks.
Every man is the Captain of his own ship, battling storms in search of fair winds, calm waters, and safe harbour Thank you for posting, I needed to be told that what I’m suffering from is just life. It’s not an illness, or mental sickness, it’s just plain old life, which is hard, and difficult. You’ve just changed my entire outlook. I’m now off to make a hot toddy, thank you Sir
I go to therapy every two weeks, and we basically do the things Dewayne advocates for in this video. I don't rely on it to get through life in any way, and most of the things I talk about aren't even negative things in my life. I like using therapy as a tool to improve myself, like going to the gym. Seeking help when you need it from loved ones and spiritual guides are great tools too, but you don't even have to be in any deep trouble to get benefits from therapy. Therapists are just personal trainers who specialize in helping you become the person you want to be after therapy. It's not any more complicated than that. A lot of therapists will offer their first session for free where you can ask questions, or offer cheaper services if you can't afford their full rate or if you don't have insurance, so you can try it before making your mind up either way.
Thanks for saying this. Dewayne talks about metaphorically cleaning up ones diet and getting exercise (which is very important). A lot of times folks have a difficult time identifying the “junk food” of their life because it’s all they’ve known. Therapists can help you identify those things in your life and make a plan for improving your environment and behavior. I’m not going to say there arent “hand holding” and “find someone to blame” therapist. They aren’t as prevalent as some think, but like social media influencers it’s a mix.
I’m a therapist and you couldn’t have said it better. It’s more like mental fitness/wellness just like the gym, working out, and a clean diet develops physical fitness/wellness
@DGLowe This! This is my take on the subject as well. I went to therapy as well and helped me identify the "junk food" I was consuming, so I could work on it and then become a stronger man
I don't mean this to sound snarky, but you said you go to therapy every couple of weeks, and yet you also say you don't rely on it? I obviously don't know how long you've been going to therapy for, nor do I know your reasons, but it sounds to me like if you go every couple of weeks then you do seem to have some reliance on it to get through life. I'm not judging, as I said I have no idea of your circumstances, but its like saying you are taking strong pain killers after a major operation and then shrugging it off with "oh, but I don't really need them." Why take the medication if you don't need it? Are you being conned into paying for therapy you don't need, or are you not being honest with yourself about how much you need the therapy? I might have got the wrong end of the stick here, and if so I'm sorry. Just some random guy's thoughts online from yours truly.
I do what i call self-therapy (ask myself questions, answer them, try to spot biases), but i cannot agree with "going to the therapist is like going to the gym". If you go the gym, you workout because you need physical tools. If you go to a therapist, you need another person. Therapy would be like going to the gym BECAUSE you need a personal trainer. And in that case, the personal trainer doesnt help you in knowing how to workout alone, or else he would be out of a job. Thats the main issue with therapy, most people cannot live without it BECAUSE the therapist doesnt actually teach the person to self-therapy (excluding extreme diagnosis of course). For example, if you stopped going to therapy, would you be mentally okay ? Its like, can you go to the gym without a physical trainer ? Can you squat without breaking your back ? Can you analyze your life alone with a diary ?
I agree with you but therapy isn’t always complaining. It can be a very philosophical way of exploring one’s experience and making meaning. Therapy is for sure not always approached or carried out this way but that’s what it’s supposed to be in its traditional form.
Well its a bit of both, true good therapy is making you figure out stuff (which is why you can do it alone, its harder, but you can). Most therapy nowadays is coddling to keep the client coming back, thats why manh people say that life is amazing in therapy, once they stop, life turns out horrible. People should be trained to self-therapy so they can actually live without the therapist, but they are not
And one more thing, yes you go to a physical doctor regularly too, but for the most part you can avoid it by staying healthy. Sure, checkups and all of that, but if you regularly go to a physical doctor for a cold, that doctor is not doing his job right. Same thing with a therapist, if your wife passed away, all children perished, house burned down, fair enough. But "everytime someone makes a joke about me i cry" and you've been going to a therapist for years and still cannot function without him (i dont mean without the psychological healing process, i mean without an external person), you're being scammed
One thing I will add to support this is that Anger, many times, leads to depression. You yell and scream at your girl friend or wife, punch holes in things, and think of yourself as a child/bad person. Depression leads to more anger and it’ turns into a cycle. I’m no expert…just know when I fixed my anger and “manned” up…my depression followed with the anger. Anger does not make you a strong man…just a louder and more emotional one.
Thank you for your commentary on these men's issues. I'm 74 and single and I do appreciate hearing what you have to say. For sure, it is good that you posted this video.
Dwayne, I’m 17 and I just want to say that you are being a father for me, each video that I watch from you I grow up a little bit, in all the ways! Today I know more about myself and more about my horse, today I can feel that I’m turning into a man, and you are one part of that. Just need to say thank you for everything, first for the horsemanship and gear videos, and second for these type of videos, both taught me things that changed my way of doing things and live. God bless you sr!
As a man going through exactly what you are saying, I condone this message. It's good to hear from another man that being a man isn't yelling and screaming. It's putting your head down and letting life take it's course until life takes you out. Thank you for the slap of reality.
I.. dont think thats what being a man is. You aren't supposed to be silent and depressed and just let life beat the shit out of you like mike tyson let jake paul do (for some reason). Life WANTS to take you out. Being a martyr to the world isn't a virtue. The saints died to the world so that they could live in God. They DIDN'T let the world take out their drive, their flame. The world threw everything it had at these men, yet they didn't waver in their resolve and who they were. They weren't apathetic because life is hard. It made them more passionate. ANYONE can lie down and take a beating. That doesn't make you strong. What makes you strong is keeping your head up and keeping your heart alive. Then you will be like the saints.
Hey Dwayne, I'm a Counseling Intern starting my second year in my Master's Program. I'm still fairly new and obviously inexperienced, but I wanted to comment on some of your claims about what Mental Health Therapy looks like. What you were describing sounds a lot like traditional Freudian Psychoanalysis, which was very popular in its heyday of the early and mid 1900's, but not so popular now, for the reasons you describe: It's expensive, takes too long (a Psychoanalytic treatment plan can last years) and it often focuses too tightly on childhood experiences. Most Counselors and Mental Health Professionals in the United States no longer take a solely Psychoanalytic approach to therapy (at least Clinical Counselors do not). What many do focus on nowadays are short, solution-focused treatment models that seem very in line with what you describe to be the correct approach for Men to take in dealing with Mental Health i.e. tackle these problems in a logical manner by changing behavior, and then noticing how it changes mood. This is especially helpful for Men, who I've often noticed to be more fans of "doing" rather than "talking". The ultimate aim is to teach them skills so they don't have to come back to therapy and instead learn how to deal with new problems themselves. We are NOT a shoulder to cry on. If this seems especially simple, that's because it is. The caveat lies in trying to teach in an effective way to a person who is depressed enough to where they cannot function properly. I think in your own authentic way, Dwayne, you are a good teacher of mental health, and much of the Counseling field agrees with you (though wouldn't be as blunt as you are). I'd just appreciate a little bit more research into what modern mental health therapy looks like. On the subject of research. If you'd like to look up some modes that I think are akin to what you espouse, check out "Behavioral Activation" and "Solution-Focused Brief Therapy".
I'd appreciate if you would speak your mind to your own kind. Nearly used up all my screen taps, scrolling down to find what? Do what's good for you brother and good luck at it. Make your own channel and be firm in your convictions, you not going to sway this man one way or another.
the are many psychological theories that focus on self responsobility (locus of control etc) but thereapy scene itself is still freudian focused even if its not officially Freudian. That man did a lot of damage to psychology. Evaluative resarch of psychoterapies often points out that they arent any more successfull that simple passing of time. Cognitive behaviour therapy for anxiety PTSD etc does stand out in its efficiency but big part of psychoterapy is pseudoscience.
As a med student I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment. But I think Dwayne is trying to reach out to men who are just regular "working people" who have not developed proper coping mechanisms for things like breakups, being alone and isolated in a professional or general setting etc. They are usually refusing to solve the problem at hand and countinue towards a downward spiral being a detriment to themselves. I did my psych rotation in an extremely urban setting and apart from the patients who obviously and immediately required medical attention, (Schizophrenia, conversion disorder, ptsd, or chronic and severe depression etc.) most patients were white collar people feeling overwhelmed and simply refusing to deal with the simple facts of life. My attending almost never prescribed these patients psychiatric agents and after two or three sessions most patients come to realize a medical professional can only point out whats wrong with your way of thinking and feeling, and the burden of correcting that behaviour is on them. The recent public opinion on guiding everyone to theraphy without a second thought for the smallest inconvinience or the bullshit stuff like online theraphy certainly don't help our cause as medical professionals either. As you said, I just wish Dwayne had put it slightly lighter on the audience because most viewers will miss the point completely. But if thats how Dwayne wants to send his message no one can judge or chastize him for that. Anyways, its great to see a counselor so aware of the mistakes of the past and familiar with the current paradigm shift. I wish you all the best in your future practice.
And if you have sinus infection. Treat it asap. Can lead to the brain and cause a whole mess of health problems (seen it happen with students). But for a simple cold, let it run its course.
He needs a different dr if they give him antibiotics for flu. Bet this dude changes his tune with something serious like a bacterial pneumonia. Can’t hot toddie your way out of that one. And if he wants to die over pneumonia rather than be “weak” relying on medication, then that’s on him. And I’m not saying go to the doctor for every little cold. It’s just not as black and white as he makes it seem
Oh this is such a good upload. I like it so much because there is a great deal of things I agree with and disagree with. It gets me to think and think. I could have an entire discussion over many of the observations you make here. Great video. Men, help yourselves and help others when people come to you- to the best of your ability.
Rarely MH problems are identified by oneself. Being afraid to do something because someone else points out the problem and you want to “ man up” is only going to keep the problem not get rid of it. I’m a man in recovery for over 40 years. I learned the most important lesson is “if I’m not the problem there is no solution. “ How can I get to the solution if I can’t see the entire problem. Getting help allows me to see what I need to see that is outside of my awareness. If my car is broken and I don’t know what is wrong then I take it to a mechanic I don’t just park it and hope it heals on its own. Therapy isn’t about finding blame. I’m a counselor. Blame doesn’t help. Like I said if I’m not the problem there is no solution. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help. Even everyday normal guys can use help. If you need to get on the roof get a ladder. There’s no need to stack up some boxes only to start climbing them to have them collapse and break your back.
Although your words are a generalisation, I think you were absolutely spot on about how we need to learn how to live with our suffering rather than trying to purge it out of our lives the moment it comes knocking at the door. I go to therapy myself, and sometimes it feels like it's going nowhere keeping me in the same loop of sorrow for the past. Life sucks and people let you down eventually. But I do have that underlying feeling that modern therapy sometimes keeps people in a rut. And we have to consider how humanity managed to survive centuries without the blessing of medical and psychological knowledge. I'm not saying they had it better than us, but it's something to consider when we ponder about the hidden resilience of humanity.
I also go to therapy and I feel the same way at times. Nowadays, the goal I’ve narrowed down for myself is figuring out better ways to cope with life’s ups and downs. There’s plenty of content online that talks about acceptance of the past and being present in the moment, so I’ve implemented this as well. I’ve also started to read up on philosophy, such as stoicism and absurdism. It honestly has helped to put things into perspective and realize what I need to improve within myself (i.e. my own insecurities and anxieties), because the only person/thing/situation I have control overall is myself.
Spot on regarding modern therapy sitting in the problem and not the solution. I gave up on therapy after 30 years and decided to give nature a chance. Clean food, exercise, sleep, sunshine, purpose, and helping others.
“We need to learn how to live with our suffering rather than trying to purge it out of our lives the moment it comes knocking at the door” is a great way to describe it. Over time as we overcome challenges real or imagined we get stronger so when hard painful times come we get our ass up and get back to work or whatever our responsibilities are. The world doesn’t stop turning just because we’re in a bad mood or in pain.
As a man that “fell for it” for my young adult life, this man is correct. So many of my problems went away when I stopped looking for a therapist and started manning up to what I needed to do.
Dewayne I don't have enough words to describe the hope these videos give me, the hope that society will grow strong and pure again someday soon. Thanks for sharing the best of you in every bit you put out to the world and spreading the message. Best regards from Spain.
I wish I had this sort of guidance ten years ago. Here I am at rock bottom at almost 28 years old. I've never been equipped with the internal tools to climb myself out of negativity. Instead, I resorted to escapism. Entertainment, porn, weed, video games, partying, drinking. You name it. I learned to hide my emotions for a long time. There's been ups and downs along the way, but at my low points, I've always turned to at least one of those things these past ten years. I looked myself in the mirror last night and had a hard talk with myself about what I've been doing, what I need to cut out of my life, and who I want to be. Therapy hasn't gotten me far because I haven't been willing to suck it the hell up and live with these emotions and learn to conquer them the right way. I'm still learning every day but I have hope in my heart it gets easier. To anyone else experiencing this mental hell of distraction and coping to escape your stress or negative emotions, you're not alone brother. Pick your head up and start chipping away at things you can control. Stop worrying so damn much about the things you cannot control. Cut out the distractions. Conquer yourself. Be the man you want to be. You've got what it takes. Thanks for this video. The timing couldn't be any better. May God grant us all strength and resolve.
Don't be afraid to daydream and escape in a way that is envisioning a better life. Cut out the porn, video games, and drinking, but lots of successful people got that way by trying to get to a better place. Reality is not so great for many, so find a way to keep the dream alive. It is a bit of escapism, but you can still dream while dealing with reality.
Dwayne, I'm a woman 68 years Young and I follow your channel. You always provide good sound full of wisdom. "Scratchy, Scratchy" is good sometimes it's necessary. Keep up the good work we need you.
As a FF, Paramedic, and Flight Paramedic……the job has murdered me mentally. I stay in very good shape and have multiple outlets to cope with the stuff we see and deal with at work. It’s the complete lack of support from the corporate suits, politicians and deputy chiefs we work for. Complete and utter lack of support in pay and benefits and being able to go home to our families and those outlets that help us deal with the daily crap we see. We have to work double the hours just to afford to live as we put our lives on the line! If they would pay us appropriately, listen to our needs, support us, let us go home to our families and also have the opportunity to decompress…….we wouldn’t have the suicide rate and depression that has plagued our career field. No wonder no one wants to be a paramedic, firefighter, cop or even teacher anymore! Complete utter lack of support from the people at the top. It makes me sad to the core everyday.
For many years, I sought therapy for my issues and problems that truly came from other people. I just wanted someone to listen, someone who wasn’t biased or judgmental, so I could vent and get things off my chest. Therapy can be useful, it gives you the right tools and sometimes a perspective you hadn’t thought of, but I realised something. The more you talk about your problems, the more they stick around. Dwayne is right.. therapists won’t usually tell you if you’re the problem. I’ve cancelled a few of my recent sessions, and honestly, I’ve never been happier. I can actually move on and enjoy my life. Thanks, Dwayne, for bringing this up. Great video.
90% of it is just showing up. Get there and start working, like you’re not gonna feel perfect every day. There have to be those days you push through. This is what I want you to do: write down what you would like to fix about your life. The brain is the general, the troops are the body, and you get up, and you do it. And then you get to write it down. You know you’re doing what you have to do to get by, but you're not respecting yourself. And when you look at your own life and you don’t stack up, you devalue yourself-you slowly start devaluing yourself. You look at yourself, and you realize that if you were judging yourself, you would judge yourself on faith. And people have to realize that you are not your past! You are not all the times you fucked up; you’re not all the times you were drunk. That’s not you. You are the person who’s learned from a great deal of experience. This is a battle that you will fight for the rest of your life, but the key is to fight it, not to give in. Don’t give in to that resistance. Fight that resistance. And in doing so, every day you do so, you have won the battle for that day. And you will continue to fight that battle.
I like what you said about how we need to filter out the garbage that comes our way. I depend on the scriptures to Straighten me up and out. They challenge me to look outside of myself and become more selfless. My selfishness is toxic. When I think about others, my pain goes away.
I agree 100%. I’m 23 and have relied on others (females especially) for validation and positive emotions. I just lost a girlfriend because of my weakness and I finally woke up to it just a few months ago. Now I’m on a journey to make myself the man I should’ve always been so I can one day be the husband and father I need to be. You’re the best Dwayne thank you for all you do
I’m a young man who’s about to turn 21 in December and I lost the best man I ever knew when I was 9, my father. The best lesson I got from that loss is that the pain won’t go away, but that doesn’t mean you can’t live a good life. I did go to therapy and it genuinely helped me, but there are days when I think about my old man and my eyes start to get wet. And then I remind myself that he wouldn’t want me to be crying just cause I think of him, so I remember the good times, suck it up, and move one. That is life and loss, hardship, struggle is a part of it and it’s something that all men need to learn how to deal with so we can become stronger because of it. It was great to hear this old school wisdom sir, I wish you the best as well.
Ok, at the very start - I am sorry for Your loss and I wish You great growth in the future. But I also have to inform you of the reality: this moments of crying are coming back to You exactly because You are holding them in and judging Yourself, if You would let Yourself they would've been visiting less and less often and at some point just stop, without any mental toll. Learning to allow myself to cry was one of the hardest decisions I took in past months, at 26yo, as I was thinking I was damaging my masculinity, this is not stoic, women and manly guys would think that it's pathetic, but I've become only stronger and more reliable as a whole, I don't pick the bottle do often, I possess way bigger mental clarity in stressfull situations - people don't necessarily have to see that very occassionall cry, that's the beautifull thing, so I'm seen as more manly. You are young, You will collect events that will make You feel that why through life, keeping them in will make You become bitter, cope in unhealthy ways, or paradoxically way more emotional than You would like to believe You are, just manifesting it all as anger. Please, remind Yourself about all the men that You have seen getting unreasonably angry at situation that didn't needed such reaction, them making it problem of people around them, doing drama out of that, yelling at their partner/kid in public and such - would You like to become this type of man in the future? Have a great day.
52 yo Dutch guy here. My 17 yo daughter suffers from mental health problems. Been going on for years. As a father, this is VERY difficult to handle at times. Last week I asked my physician for antidepressants, otherwise I am not able to hold on. I use a very low dosage btw. It's enough to keep me going. My daughter will FINALLY see a shrink next week. She's having suicidal thoughts because she can't take the pain anymore. She may suffer from borderline, idk. Mental health is serious AF. If you are having these, DON'T wait and ask for help.
It’s even harder these days because of the degradation of empathy in our society, and social media that allows for persecution on a scale that’s truly unimaginable at times. Bullying today is far worse, and sometimes even more brutal and cruel, than it used to be. It’s becoming more and more divided between truly empathetic people, and black hearted people.
Pharmaceuticals may help. The internal mind work is so very important. Wish her the best. It is not easy for men or women. Drugs aren’t the long term answer. Speaking from a woman’s perspective here. I lived it too for years. God bless ya and your family.
@@hhlagen If pharmaceuticals are so good, why do so many people get addicted and have all the additional problems attendant with that? Drugs are the LAST option, in my estimation. They have the issue of complication. The big question that NO ONE addresses is "what did we do BEFORE drugs came along?" No one is running to MY rescue with my issues. Yes, everyone is different.
When my daughter was dying of cancer at 35. I was sitting in her room on a Saturday watching her sleep. I spent many Saturday’s with her during that two year period. I had let her daughter go with friends, and I felt sad knowing that Sonia would not be with us in another year. So I cried a little not an ugly loud cry, just tears. She opened her eyes and looked at me and told me “I draw my strength from you, don’t do that. I don’t think I can handle this without your strength .” So I wiped my eyes, made her guacamole that she didn’t eat, and we watched movies. You’re right, sometimes we just need to suck it up. And be the Man. Semper Fi, Duane.
We're the problem solvers of the human race. All the questions are answered by us or nobody else. To cry in front of others is what children and women do to signal to the problem solvers (men) to solve the problem. When they see us cry, it hits them in their evolutionary fear -- when the problem solver has run out of answers and chaos is about to reign. This isn't to say that you can't cry, but you can only do it in front of your bros or alone. If you don't have the self control to secure that s*** temporarily, it needs to be a skill you develop. I wasn't taught to do that. I wasn't taught self control with emotions -- taught that it's OK to have them but not OK to let them control you. Just recently, I explained to my friend why people care more for pets getting harmed than men: I told him that when a man dies prematurely, he has failed to do his prime role for humanity -- solve the problem... whatever that problem is. The buck stops with men. There's no other authority or power on Earth that solves problems. A man who survives is a man who solved all the problems presented to him. A man who dies prematurely has failed to solve his last problem -- maybe it was genuinely unsolvable -- but nobody mourns men as much because a man who fails to survive is a man that has failed his basic duty of self-survival. How is such a man capable of saving anyone else if he can't save himself? We're supposed to be the first and last responders. When we die, it's because we weren't fit as problem solvers -- and the gene pool is better when bad problem solvers are gone early and often. And why do we mourn pets so much? Becasue we're their stewards and they're our eternal dependents. The dog evolved to trust us absolutely -- counter to the nature of any wolf. We made them this way. It's our responsibility to support them because we bred them to be dependent upon us. To abandon them to be harmed is an unforgivable sin against nature -- and many of us instinctively feel this. When we took in the first wolf, they made a deal with us that we're eternally bound to uphold -- we shall share our homes and success with them and they'll be our servants and companions. The human tribes that loved their wolf pups thrived. Those that didn't would naturally be severely disadvantaged -- in war and hunting. Thus mankind evolved to especially love the dog and the dog grew to especially love us. Our species made a contract with the wolf and we're bound to it forever. Many of us feel the weight of that evolutionary deal when we see cruelty done by man against dog. It's our failure as individuals and as a species when they are harmed or when they harm others. We're responsible for what they do... and what is done to them. But a man is responsible for what he does and how he reacts to what is done to him. We have ulimtate agency, the dog doesn't. We're the problem solvers of humanity, the dog is the answer to many of those problems. This is why vvomen and children are disturbed when men cry. When a man cries it doesn't have the same meaning as when they do. When they cry, it means, "someone please see that I can't solve my problem. Help me.". When a man cries, it's a signal of, "Your problem is major, unsolvable, and very grave." Our tears don't have the same meaning or function. Their tears contain chemicals designed to cause us to soften -- their tears literally drug is when they're in proximity. Our tears don't have such effects over them. Our tear ducts are also much smaller. Thus when we cry, it's almost always way more serious. If it's not over someone else's death, then it's because we're very near our own... by our hand or someone else's. Men's tears are mostly seen at funerals -- of friends, family, and beloved pets. This is why it disturbs others so much -- our tears herald deth and chaos. Their tears mostly signal inconveniences. We're not the same. This is why we have to control ourselves in front of vvomen and children. Our good friends won't judge us when we're at the end of our rope and trying to claw our way back from the edge... they'll know what we're going through. But vvomen and children can't understand. It's not in their mental capabilities to understand a man's problems. They never evolved to see them or solve them. We see the world closer to its true nature. They were protected from nature for all of evolution -- which is why they have a hard time discerning truth from fiction. Lack of understanding for vvomen was no cost to them. Lack of understanding for men was deadly dangerous. I wish someone would've ben able to articulate this when I was younger. But society taught my parents to bring me and my sister up as if we would grow up to be the same in mind and body. What an absurdity.
I’m glad you had the nerve to post this in the end. Men need to hear this. I’m a pastor in New Zealand and this is an issue worldwide. I’m glad I found your channel thanks and God bless.
Thank you sir, I appreciate very much your thoughts, I’m 37 and father of a 3 year old girl. You contribute to make this world a better place. Watching from Colombia
The hard things that needed to be said being said by a man that fully embodies the values of a true man. Your videos help so many men young and older and I just wanted to personally thankyou Dewayne. I showed your channel to a buddy of mine going through it and he said a lot has resounded with him as well. I'm days away from being 28 and my main focus is my lady, my family, my job and myself in that order. Trying my best everyday to be a better man.
Dewayne, thank you for this message. I am an woman in her late 50’s and I appreciate your wisdom and your honesty. Rarely are people willing to speak truth when it runs contrary to the culture. I applaud your courage and I sense it comes from a love of truth, a love of people and an accountability to God rather than man. Blessings brother!
I started listening to his channel not that long ago and I'm completely blessed by his insights. I appreciate his honesty and how he shares his faith in a way that isn't judgemental or condemning. We're all human and we all have our challenges in this world but it's nice to go on the journey in such good company.
I'm 18 years old from England and we don't have this mentality, or at least there isn't many sharing it. I share the same views however unfortunately cannot share it as people simply don't want to know when I have. Unfortunately society bends for the easy option, the option which gives them something or someone to blame. I Lost my dad last year and these videos bring back a piece of the wisdom he gave us. Thank you Dewayne.
Thank you Dewayne. This is truly MUCH needed and much appreciated don’t worry about those who will misinterpret this hopefully they come around one day to the truth.
I have to say your video came at such perfect timing that it made me question reality for a second but, im 21 and ive been recently going through some things I needed wise advice on and this did it perfectly for me. Thank you for taking the time to make this
I’ve watched a lot of mental health podcast, and I’ve never heard it explained like this. This video helped me so much. Thank you. I sincerely mean that.
On the 5th of November I hit 6 years in the army. As a local kid from Dayton, Wy, your wisdom has always been what I needed to hear. The knowledge you spread has helped me through the toughest of times and through the best of times. Thank you for everything you’ve taught. God Bless
I appreciate this message, sir. The bar is so so low today that even a diluted version of this message is vital for young men to hear. To say to a youth “yes you feel bad feelings that’s life” is a farcry from the nanny society people have fostered for years.
I agree with everything except the relationship part. The home is supposed to be where you're able to take the armor off. If you can't, then you're always on guard. There's no place to rest. And if you can't bear your wounds to the woman you've decided to make life with and have her patch you up the way you patch her up, then what fucking good is that relationship? But yes, a lot of it is realizing that you will die one day, and all the worry and doubt you let run you isn't going to matter. What some body did to you when you were little that you don't remember but also oddly can't forget isn't going to matter. It's what you do with this moment. I lost a couple of good jobs because I was either running or wanting fight over what someone else did or said or treated me. All that happens is here you go having to start over again, and maybe that other person lost their job or the company went out, but you're still having to start over while all these other people your age are having careers and families. And yes you have to protect yourself, but you don't have to set yourself on fire just to protect yourself. Everything passes, good and bad. When you ride a motorcycle sometimes it smells like shit, sometimes it smells like wildflowers on a late spring breeze as the setting sun shines an orange pink glow over the tree line.
I don’t think it’s with the women that you take the armor off. That will scare her and make her feel insecure. The time to take the armor off is with your close male friends.
@@amitkakade4647 No. Just my humble opinion based on my life experience with girlfriends. I’m now close to marriage because I’ve been that rock that never wavers. When I was more emotionally open with girls the relationship eventually broke down. I’ve internalised this now and don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable around females. I save that for time with my trusted coaches or a cigar with key close friends.
@@amitkakade4647I had girlfriends, they all left with that being a big building block for that ending. The more emotional I was with them the more emotional I got in general, there was no processing of this emotions woth venting. I wish I would keep only the most problematic things to them and solely with the idea that I lost my ability to do it myself and want minimal required help to put together the solution that I will use and I respect their words. Otherwise, well, so far I learned that women as community talk about being emotionaly available more as a test of what kind of man they get and they don't like our negative emotions, it hurts them and makes them loose respect. Maybe in the future this state of the matter will change, for now, old guys were sadly right.
Your videos, your words and your wisdom have helped me become a better man. Thank you Dwayne, you're a much needed voice in todays world. When I'm feeling down or sluggish I hear you say "Man up, you are a Man" I smile and get after it.
You are 100% correct. I'm in my mid 30s and when I was younger I was weak and whiny, blaming everything on someone else, this or that. Thankfully I started to take responsibility and own up to my mistakes. Now I have great discipline, I work out, I eat healthy, I take care of my mind, body and soul. Sure, I can raise the bar even higher. What you say is accurate, and it works! As men, we need to be strong. For our selves, for our family, our partner, our country. Women like masculine men, just as men like feminine women. To anyone reading, I wish you all the best.
You wouldn't take antibiotics for a virus. But technicality aside, something to consider is that you, Mr. Wrangler, are serving as a counselor of sorts for the thousands that watch your videos. Typically, 'manning up' means to rely on yourself, as you stated. But what is happening on this channel isn't necessarily that, as you are providing life advice. If someone went to you for help, something tells me you would listen. You wouldn't tell them to get lost and figure it out. Especially understanding that people sometimes don't or never had a stable base to work with. Now I do agree that it's a good idea to remove yourself from things that are damaging to you. It's not always possible to do this but it's sound, generally speaking. And men going to a therapist or not really depends on what the issue is. Not all therapists are the same but I would say that some are better avoided these days. And there are alternatives to therapists, if it's not your cup of tea. So do what you can to the extent that you are able is what I would say. If a man needs more help, he can seek it out.
@@theinfinitywarden7759 He said several things. Including that therapists are paid to find someone in your past to blame. That infers that it's only going to reinforce the 'woe is me' attitude for men. But there could very well be someone from the past that is in fact a problem and contributed greatly to someone's suffering. Bringing awareness to that can be a first step to healing and eventually moving on. But yes, we all have to handle our business. One way or another. What the issue is will determine what the appropriate action will be.
@@theinfinitywarden7759that’s certainly not how it’s being fully represented in the video. The primary advice is “man up”, I never thought I’d use the word “toxic masculinity” without making fun of people complaining but this is pretty damn close. And I love this channel.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity. It is a made up term used to address a made up concept. No one ever uses the term toxic femininity. I wonder why that is? How can you have toxic masculinity, and not have toxic femininity? And in the rules of the universe, how can those two things not be equally prevalent and equally bad? Black and white? Yin and yang? No, it is a false flag.
@theinfinitywarden - Facing problems means first understanding them. Men are prone to drinking their problems away. Engaging in risky behavior, like gambling. Or pretending it's not there. A therapist can be useful in helping a man find insight into what is going on. That's not avoiding the problem. That's heading directly into the eye of the storm. Therapy can be a crutch if the person has no intention of making changes to their life and only seeks to pity party. But a good therapist (or any alternatives) will allow someone to process a bit and then move things forward. To quote a song: "It's your last cup of sorrow What can you say? Finish it today It's your last cup of sorrow So think of me And get on your way!"
@@DryCreekWranglerSchool I think there's just toxic behavior. Men and women can be toxic. Women tend to be more about reputation destruction and men more about intimidation tactics, but there is crossover.
Depression could be caused by something as simple as a vitamin or mineral deficiency. Or a neurotransmitter imbalance. For anyone dealing with ongoing depression, even if nothing else is really "wrong" in their lives that should be making them feel that way, then it's worth getting these levels tested and then fixing any that are out of balance. There's also situational depression which basically means you're depressed because your life really is bad. But that's good news because it also means there's things you can fix to make it better. One thing I've learned in life is that I often get a lot of impactful stuff done while depressed. It can be a powerful motivator and really strips away all the muck in our eyes to let us look at things how they really are. And when you can identify what it is that's making your life miserable, then you can take action to fix it. It's either dig deep and work like heck to change things, or continue to wallow in the misery, or give up. Sometimes those truly are the only options.
I agree with him on most things, but some dudes need therapy i was depressed myself and got through it without, but my buddy shot himself. Depression is different than being sad, and just manning up is the reason there even is mens health. If you feel you need to talk to someone you shouldnt feel weak. Whats worse looking weak or being dead.
You’re a top man, Dewayne. You ooze sense that really works. We can be suckered into therapy, pills, etc. to line the pockets of charlatans. We’re on a trajectory that will depend on strong men and women in the future. I try too hard often and crash emotionally. But we have to man-up, as you say. You’re the best, Dewayne. Thank you.
I have been preached to by everyone that a man must be a pillar of strength and when weakness comes in i should suck it up and accept it. Honestly as a 44 yr old now, i know we have to grow emotionally but also know how to work through all the problems we face and not use force all the time. Another thing that I have learnt is that I should work in the shadow because the pat on the head for everything I do becomes my greatest enemy. Thank you for this, I know I am not alone in believing that life may not be fair all the times but its my road and I have to walk it for myself and the ones who rely on me.
When I was a kid, my mom, God love her, was distressed when I would be sad or upset. What loving parent wouldn't be? After all, it was evident to her that I was suffering. She wanted me to be happy. When I got to adolescence, I finally had sufficient wisdom to say to her, "Mom, don't try to take this away from me. Feeling deeply is part of how I know that I'm alive!" And I still say that: "Feeling deeply -- from delight to sorrow -- is part of how I know I'm alive!" It was many dark nights of the soul before I made a conscious choice in my late twenties to find a way out of the intense loneliness I was experiencing. I wasn't willing to devastate both my parents -- and my employees at that time -- by cutting my journey short in this life. That was forty years ago. And it wasn't but a few years later that I met my spouse. (And we're still married!) It's taken a whole lotta self-evaluation, curiosity, self-compassion, and self-development to get to the place today where I not only love myself, but more importantly for me, to where I actually *like* the person I've become -- and am continuing to become. "Tomorrow's relational mastery (and mystery) begins with mental calm and equanimity today." Cheers, fellow men! And thank you, Dewayne! Be reasonable. Be safe. Be hopeful.
From personal experience, I know this to be true. Not seeking solutions on your own robs you of the opportunity to find a solution for yourself and the gained confidence and tools in doing so. At the same time, it's always good to have a male mentor, or someone that you look up to that you can go to if you're struggling with things. Sometimes, it's good to have an outside perspective from someone with a little more experience. My therapist helped me see what I was doing wrong and showed me how to take my power back and overcome. Just like your videos. Thank you for all the wisdom that you share and the time that you put into your videos. You have definitely helped improve my life. I truly appreciate it. God bless you and your family.
Thank you, Dewayne. The best messages aren’t the most popular. The best messages are when we hear the truth. At 55, I needed to hear this. It crystallizes everything that’s been in my head and heart about this issue for a long time Time for us all to Man Up.
i’m 16 and i’m going through the worst time in my life it feels like everything is crashing down on me your videos have kept me going through hard times
Old man here...57...you have your whole life ahead of you. I wish I had seen this video when I was your age. Consider it a blessing that you have. Be strong, man up, take ownership and enjoy your life...even the crappy parts
16 is hard for all of us... keep the faith & focus on using this time to develop a tool box for your older-self. Put great tools in, investing in them every day-- healthy cooking, running, weights, reading / philosophy, travel & photography, spirituality & a path to God... build up your strength now so you'll have it to turn to in the dark times. I wish I would have learned this sooner. It took me until my 30s to realize how right my dad was-- "Depressed? Go for a walk. Drink some orange juice."
It gets better dude. You're going through adolescence and it is characterized by everything you are experiencing. It is NORMAL to feel that way at that age, NOTHING is wrong with you. Everyone experienced the feeling of being lost at sea as a teenager. It gets better when the hormones wind down a little bit and as you start getting more life experience. Remember, its a journey, have self compassion. Push yourself but don't beat yourself up. Just stay alive and keep going, have a vision for the kind of man you want to be and then work to become him.
@@rymanjones3Remember to go without headphones, uncomfortable thought will come but there is actually an end to this stream after some time, as You will feel that You toyed with the concept from all angles and acceptance will come.
I lost my father when I was just 17, he died of cancer. At that age I needed him the most, I knew nothing about life and was forced to become a man without a role model. I am 24 now and can say they were pretty hard and tough years, hard and wise lessons came from them. At times I played sports 5 to 7 days a week, drank little to no alcohol, and sometimes seemed to be back to square one. I walked around with life questions I couldn't answer. logical too, walking around as a teenager with no role model, with a void that can't be filled outside of yourself, and having no one to talk to. The search for yourself is not easy, especially with today's junk we take in on social media. i tried to find answers but nothing seemed to help, reading books... listening to podcasts... changing jobs... i didn't know where to look for it anymore, i was lost.... The message in your video was clear and sincere, it came in and I understand what you are saying. After all, it's part of life, stand up and be a man. For those of you in the same boat, it will all work out, you are not alone! Be careful what you ingest and take good care of yourself! As a man to man, thank you Dewayne, your videos are appreciated!
Everything from what I've learned is a mater of perspective. You can choose to let bad situations, pain, hardships, as a justified excuse to feel sorry for yourself and destroy yourself. Or you can use these experiences as harsh learning lessons and experiences to propel yourself forwards in life. The situation itself is neither good or bad. It's the perspective you apply to it that determines that.
I genuinely didn't even know it was Men's Mental Health month. This video hit a lot closer to home than I realized, and I 100% agree with what you said.
If you're depressed, there is likely a reason for it. Truly look at yourself, assess, take accountability, then take action to fix it step by step. Thank you for this message, I wish more young men today would have this mindset. I salute you.
Thank you for choosing to post this, Dewayne :) For myself, growing up without a father figure has been rather challenging in regards to discerning what it really means to “be a man.” As I approach the age of 25, I begin to remind myself that although this journey is a solitary one, there’s some immense empowerment that can come from finding myself and choosing to build someone (a man) of value… both physically, emotionally, and mentally. I appreciate you sharing your experience and allowing young men like myself to utilize your wisdom as a roadmap to point us in the right direction. God bless, and God speed.
Duane you salty old fart you have said what I have been thinking for a long, long time. I am 61 and moved to a big city about 14 years ago. I had been thinking old age was making me weak and s few weeks ago I figured out it was the lifestyle I have adopted. I work in an office building and have decided thats it killing me. There are days I go to work in the dark, leave after sundown and don't see the sun hardly at all. The people around me are all weak physically and emotionally and I have started to slip down that path. I use to spend most of the day outside and spent most of my time around cops, cowboys and other outdoorsmen. I don't spend enough time alone or around a campfire anymore. I am fixing that situation. Thank you for this video. Makes me think of the cowboy way my dad loved to talk about. The world needs more men and we are them. 31:28
Don’t ever feel shame for being able to talk about things, being a man also means you can express yourself without beating yourself to your own grave talk about it, learn from it, and go on with life just like Dwayne said it’s life I hope you’re doing okay Marcus life’s beautiful just find some sort of peace in the fact we live once and it’ll all be over before we even know it enjoy your self and take care
@@NeinFelineAnd homies will leave You, if You are not coming to them strictly with approach that You want to deal with the issue and emotions are on top of that part of the conversation, which venting fundamentalny is not.
Shame is probably the worst emotion someone faces alone. What you did doesn't define who you are, but try to find out why you feel that shame and what it's telling you to do or avoid.
I’m 52 years old. Divorced, Army Airborne Veteran (Ft.Bragg, NC) I live alone and I’ve learned to “suck it up.” I work out at least 4 days a week. I walk my dog 2 miles a day. I drink water , don’t drink alcohol or do any drugs. I get plenty of ☀️ sunshine out here in Arizona. I have good days and bad days like anyone else, but I don’t stop moving, mentally and physically. I appreciate your words Sir and I agree 💯
My mom has told me my whole life. Junk in junk out. If you listen to negativity, eat negativity, watch negativity, etc, you will eventually feel and do negative things. Mindset is important but your environment dictates the ease of controlling yourself. Dewayne, you’re spot on.
I’d do anything to just sit and talk to you for hours. You’re the only person I’d like to be my “therapist” Dewayne, always a pleasure driving home or eating my meal with you speaking to me, God bless you brother keep your mind strong while Momma’s out.
I really appreciate your honesty. Speaking truth to power is so important. You have nothing to gain from posting this video, so it's easy to see your genuine reasons. Thank you for this
Yep. It happened to me. All I was told as a young kid to this day was to suck it up and be a man. It overflowed a few years back and I became depressed and the emotions came out via panic attacks since I didn't let the show naturally. It was a wake up call for me to not see emotions as an enemy and to let them come and go without exaggerating them. This, along with exposure therapy to temper my nerves again to the shit that annoyed me. It works well. The suck it up mentality is okay but it's antiquated.
@@thedude8526 I agree, I feel like that a lot regarding emotions. The suck it up methodology does work for personally around 95% of my life's problems. Though the only way to truly be able to navigate the other 5% or more is through just talking it out. Despite the feelings of weakness while confiding in a trusted friend, which I thought after years of bottling up such feelings would arise. I rather found that having someone, just one person you can truly trust through thick or thin to hear you out once in awhile is a great gift everyone should have. It doesn't make you any of a less man or anything to just have someone you genuinely know is good give you the reassurance to carry on and help steer you on right.
Therapy is about unraveling the mind. A good therapist will no look for someone to blame in your past, nor tell you it's not your fault. Freud's approach to therapy was to not even be visible to the patient, only being a conversational mirror, so to speak. I fear people don't look into therapy as a proper mental health ressource because misinformation is spread about it based on clichees we see on television.
Do you think I have never dealt with anybody who’s been to therapy? Do you think I would make a video like this with no experience and no understanding of what a lot of therapy for a lot of people consist of? You’re throwing too big of a loop when you say that all therapist and all therapy consist of what you personally recognize as therapy.
Without therapy I’d probably still hate my absent father. I’m telling you, you might be wrong on this. It taught me my father is just as much a person as I am and made mistakes just like I do. I love my dad, I get to enjoy what little time I have left with him because therapy was a pivotal and helpful tool to help me understand why he chose to be absent during my life. Without therapy I’d probably still be grieving my past relationships. But I’ve grown and also learned they treated me poorly and I treated them poorly because we’re all people. This is a simple response to a very complicated disagreement.
I cant thank you enough Dwayne for your wise words. You have turned my life around and saved my marriage. I was totally lost and all it took was a kick in ass. We need more of you in the world.
Half way through the month and had no idea it was Mens mental health awareness month.
neither did I till I started listening to the video.
Indicative of the problem with society and the lack of actual care for men's issues.
Same here
@@Zzza-v5o I've been on no shave month for 14 years. Haven't had a clean shave since I was fresh out of the Army.
@@Zzza-v5o need a nap little guy?
“Most of the time people feel alone because they don’t like their self”Preach
Gee, if only there was some process that would make people feel better about themselves… too bad no such thing exists. Guess I’ll just say another prayer to sky jesus
@ The one thing that always help me is to do things that serve me, and cut loose the things that don’t as much as possible
lol dang I guess I like me more than anyone else
Strong one, man
@@treehouse8501there's definitely other factors, but i support the message.
When I'm depressed, I generally do one of three things: Walk, Pray, or get something done. Even getting simple things will help you many days.
I recommend you try paced breathing, Sir for it has helped me personally. I do the 4 second inhale then hold for 4 seconds and then exhale for 4 seconds. I found that this helped me fall asleep and mitigate stress. Hope it helps!
Yeah, these are good methods stay up buddy peace & cheer's i wish you positivity & happiness...
Getting into nature really helps me. Talking usually does not. Understanding myself is what’s important.
The third option often just pushes it out of your mind for a while, so it's recommended to actively deal with the problem afterwards.
This man really let himself go. That beard is a fire hazard
My heart breaks for men without a father or mentor. Your videos provide a place for them to go, keep ‘em coming.
It’s also a place to come for mothers whose sons have horrible fathers. 🙂
spot on 😉
I'm a septuagenarian, had benefit of parents that lived past their 80s, and I find your talks (or devotionals) stimulating. Keep up the Good Work!
It's a compounding problem
At 46, without ever having had an active father, I come here for guidance. It gets difficult to be a father without having had one. I know I have to man up. Had I seen this specific video sooner, I just might have avoided divorce.
32 female i lost my dad five years ago and watching your videos makes me feel like he's still here. Thank you for all of your wisdom you share.
Coming from a wore out 53 year old, the best thing for a man to deal with problems is time, peace, and quiet. Go for long walks in the country, spend time out in nature, stay the hell away from people who stir up drama and look for things to have a fit about. The problem is we live in an over regulated society where where everybody is expected to be a robot with little down time to be able to process things that trouble them. Society also has bullsh*tted people into thinking you are supposed to be super happy all the time and if you aren't then you need therapy and drugs. Having a wide range of emotions is part of being human, we are supposed to be happy, sad, exited, mad, depressed, let down, angered, etc. A big part of life is a pain in the ass with a few fleeting happy moments every now and then.
My old man taught me to never underestimate a good walk. It truly does wonders and it helps you re-center yourself.
As a man who just started to go to therapy, and used to say the same things as you, sometimes people really do need it. Of course you can be sad or angry sometimes but theres a certain level where you should get professional help. Its not a wonder that the suicide rate is so much higher for men. Sometimes there are things you dont even know is a problem/causation in your life without help (or even a very close friend from a third view)
@@zackery5678 good on you for starting. What most people don't get is that therapy doesn't replace good habits. it allows you to structure them into your life more easily, and structure your thinking so that you can do those good things.
Amen!
57...found out over the years that when I feel down, I'm really mad as all get out and lifting in the gym is the best outlet
One of the best things i came to terms with is: it's not your fault that you turned out this way, but it is your responsibility to get better. No one can walk the road for you, no one can uplift you but you.
Exactly, and all one's suffering becomes a point of pride and strength if we learn to overcome it _on our own_ ...then we switch from being a victim of life to someone looking for the next test.
thanks helps alot i hate myself still this to this day but i have realize i still have the power to change. i feel like im too late sometimes even though i just turned 19 last month.
@@miguelplays2921 I'm 46. You're hardly an adult yet, I don't mean that in a derogatory way but when I look back at myself and my friend at 19, I see kids. What that means is you're just beginning to learn about life, you're right at the start of the journey and you have no idea what the next ....lets say 50 years at minimum will hold, where you might end up, how you'll arrive there nor who you'll meet along the journey. One piece of advice, at your age, try not to think too much - do stuff. Look for experiences to expand your horizons, keep your cup empty, learn and don't expect to really be able to draw any conclusions for at least another decade or so, now's the time to grow, go towards what interests you, you're young enough to be able to take risks going for things, nothing to lose, everything to gain. Enjoy it.
❤thanks for this.
I'm greatful for such men to make videos as such to bring us together.
Love ya man.
@@JesseP.Watson All people are different though. I grew very tired of hearing that I was a kid from people who chose to coast through their lives and end up at 50 or 60 years of age hardly knowing a damn thing when i was actively growing myself as if my life depended on it (because it really does). I'm wiser and more mature than those people now and I'm not yet half their age.
I'm a young man at 18 years old, in this day and age these videos mean the world to me and I'm sure for others my age. Thank you sir.
I'm 59 and still learning.
@@bradyelich2745 That's what I like to hear sir, life is a constant pursuit of knowledge.
I'm 39 Randolph I've lost families and got them back lost homes and got them back and been through all kinds of hell on his dad about 20 times and I met Jesus and I've been through a lot and I'm telling you like this man said you never stop learning you never going to understand at all trial and error
@@jacuzzi3271 Thank you.
@@childofthekingjesusmylord8715 I'm not religious but AMEN. My Aunt was a Nun in Brazil in the 1950's. She had two US universities giving her scholarships for golf and archery. She chose the church. She is 98 years old.
“Pain is a part of life. Misery is an option.” Don’t know where that originated my husband would always remind me of that when I needed to hear it.
He lived it! He may have had pain but he refused to be miserable.
God knows how much I miss that man and his reminders.
Agreed with that quote, heard it another way, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
Man I just stumbled onto your channel. My father died when I was 10. I've never really had that type of guidance. I'm 59 now been through a lot my life and have figured out a lot of this on my own but forgot as I've been drinking a lot lately. Your words are hitting me hard like a mirror in my face. I wish I would have heard this 20 years ago. I have been strong and I have been weak. It has been a daily battle I was falling into despair. You are so right I need to man up! I'm sending this to my Son's thank you
Hang in there, man.
I lost my Mom when I was 8 and it was catastrophic. I'm now 64 and through the grace of God and an amazing wife I have become a father and grandfather.
You didn't hear this 20 years ago, but you have heard it NOW and you still have years to get things straight and push on.
I hear a determination in your words and I applaud that. Myself, I am a disciple of Jesus and He helps me keep things going - I don't know where you stand spiritually, but I DO hear determination to climb out of despair and I know that you can climb out.
“You’re fat” 😂😂 man this was a real conversation 💯
“U NEED TO PUT THAT DAMN COOKIE DOWN” 😭
Insert Arnold Schwarzenegger voice…..”PUT DAT COOKIE DOWN!! NOW!!!!!!!!”
For the men out there, I disagree with the sucking it up for your wife part to an extent.
Sucking up your tears? Your foundation will rot, and you’ll end up bringing down both of you. So much for shielding her. It only works if you get out there and FIX THE PROBLEM. Don’t think she won’t notice how it affects you, she will and that’ll affect her.
I agree.
A man shouldn’t have too be made too feel like a wife’s therapist lol
@@kevindavis4709 shouldn't feel like a Wife's a burden either... Especially if she might be the origin of issues.
A lot of widows out there are living thru the result of this
You're supposed to be a piller for each other to lean on. You on her and she on you. You're a team after all.
Wow, I needed to hear this today. I was diagnosed with Leukemia last year and it has taken a serious toll on me physically and mentally.
I am back to riding bike 12 miles a day, and 100 plus push-ups a day, several times a week.
My mental health has been a serious challenge, but it’s time to break through for victory!
Glad to hear you’re taking care of yourself man
Thank you, I’m 56 and it’s been a rough road. I hate to admit it, but it’s made me emotionally weak. Darn, that bites to admit that. But, I’m working on it. I can blame the cancer, but it’s just me at the moment.
I’m going to beat it!
God bless you
Prayers you can get through your medical challenges.
I will pray for you
Why pay for therapy when you can get all the advice you need from Dewayne, Thankful for this man and this channel
The main lesson from this video: It's okay to feel down. But it's not okay to STAY like this.
Just suck it up and be a man 💯
I heard this line in a show- “ being a man is realizing the world is rotten and being a free man is learning to find pleasure in it.
That's good what show is that frome?
@ the night manager
odd phrasing in that quote.
Ok but let's not confuse 'learning to find' with searching for (pleasure), because searching for pleasure in rotten things is how you cause more rot.
Wonderful. Thanks for sharing
"I feel lost, welcome to manhood"! I can so relate. Dewayne, you are so honest that it reaches the core of who we are as men. There are few men who are willing to talk openly about the way life really is. Thank you for all you contribute to a hungry audience.
“Shut up and deal with it, you’re a man” is something I’ve heard my whole life. To the point I try to never depend on anyone else for anything. And maybe there’s people out there that need to hear this and take accountability. But I’ve worked very hard in as many areas in my life as I possibly can. And I still struggle, a lot. But I can’t open up to anyone, at all. It has been ingrained in me that if I need help, there is something intrinsically wrong with me, as a man, that only I can fix. And that is going to end me one day. And I know I’m not the only man I know that thinks this way.
First of all why can’t you open up at all? Why aren’t you able to express yourself? You’ve probably worked on everything outside of yourself neglecting what is INSIDE. what you said about helping yourself is actually somewhat true. Other people can help us and I recommend getting help from others sometimes but also you should try to problem solve, meditate, journal, slowly work through the layers of the problems you are experiencing. There’s many ways to do it. But my point is that you have the solution within yourself if just takes time to find it sometimes.
Humans are social creatures. We need people close to us to be with us and help us. You can't just take it away and be fine. I mean, there is a reason we equate loneliness to sadness. I have a similar problem, but along the years I have learned to open up a little more to my friends and family. It's tough, but as long as you have it as a goal, you can slowly learn to do it. Don't stay alone, man.
So you believe it too. I think a man can choose to not believe something other people tell him just because he doesn’t see it the same way. You’re already doing a good job at that. The next man part is actually going somewhere from here. All you have to do is ask for help and offer help and I bet you’ll feel better. It’s always worse in your head
"Suck it up" means sucking up most of the time, not always, its quite important to open up when you trust someone.
There are chemical imbalances that happen to people.
In that case seek a solution.
The crap in our food and water is messing up our natural chemical processes.
Usually I think you provide really sound advice. Therapy does not make you weaker. It allows you to explore yourself and understand your emotions. If you understand your emotions then you can function better as a person and can live a better life. I have been in therapy for years, if I had not started therapy I wouldn’t be going anywhere in life right now. I would be lost and afraid. Therapy is not just about complaining, it’s about understanding complex aspects of yourself. Therapy is healthy if you have a good therapist.
But healthy masculinity to me is giving yourself the space to feel those emotions and press on. A man does not have to be strong all the time. It’s completely normal to want to be heard. Therapy has made me a more stable, regulated and strong man. It gave me a glimmer of hope in my darkest moment.
Also to clarify something, therapists are not authorized to prescribe medication. People that work in roles such as a Psychiatrist or Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners are authorized to prescribe medications. Making blanket statements about therapy can be harmful, it works for a lot of men and women. It’s not a therapists job to help you blame other people. It depends on the person and where they are at in life. Telling men to suck it up only perpetuates a negative stigma and isn’t useful.
I disagree, so we both go our way and do what we think is right. And in the end we live with the consequences whatever that may be.
Yes that is true, at 19:22 where do you get the idea that a therapist is paid to help you find someone to blame?
1. have a drink🥃🥃
2. take a bath🛀
3. walk it off🤠
walk it off🤠
@@DryCreekWranglerSchool I get that. I agree with you and the guy above. SOME people have avictim mentality and use society's push towards mental health awareness as an excuse to blame everyone but themselves. But countless others are told to "suck it up" when they genuinely voice their concerns. Everyone has something that works for them and it's great to live according to your own principles. You found something that works for you. But if you're speaking from a position where you have people looking up to you for advice, I think it would be more wise not to tell others to "suck it up" and dismiss others for being unable to follow YOUR beliefs and way of life.
@@DryCreekWranglerSchool By the way, I think it would be fantastic if you clarified some more actionable steps people can take during tough times that will help men "suck it up." You mentioned exercising, cutting out the shit like social media and junk food. But provided you're already doing that what else can you do. For me personally, I like to walk in nature ( city parks are fine too), journal, read, talk to friends and family, exercise (of course), take a shower. Just doing 1 of these things helps me gain clarity and find some peace during tough times. Then I'm ready to "suck it up."
To be fair, therapy isn't about whining and complaining, it's about learning skills to help yourself. Another way to think about it is efficiency...if I want to get good at shooting, I can get a gun and go to a range and shoot and maybe, over a long period of time, get better. OR I can hire an experienced marksman to show me some things and give me feedback, which will let me improve much more quickly. The big issues with saying "Man up" (which, tbh, is what a lot of guys need to do) is that it doesn't tell you how...it's like if you suck at chess so someone says "win more."
The problem is that men don't work out their s*** like vvomen do. For most men, talking directly about a problem just makes it worse. Men typically have to be moving their bodies and minds at some task to work through the turmoil of the mind.
Much of our anxieties exist because the energy we once expended in deadly hunts and war still remain in our biological brains. When it isn't expended, it will find a less productive way to release. I have to exercise regularly or I don't do as well. It's not optional with me.
Even so, I have an extra burden the DNA gave me -- along with a rich array of intellectual gifts comes intellectual kryptonite.
I tried therapy in the past but it never worked. I'm not the type it really helps. Many are becoming newly aware of this male-only phenomena.
This contradicts itself
While i like a lot of what he says (in other videos) and how's he's living his life, he's so antiquated in his thinking. "You're fat put the cookie down" Right, and you just told everyone that the way you deal with sickness is hitting the bottle and giving it a fancy name. You're a drunk, but the bottle down, can be said to him as well. You can only keep that old school mentality for so long until things around you start to collapse and you "have no idea why".
I’ll make a toddy, maybe once every two years, because that’s about as often as I have a bad cold. When I make a toddy, it consists of a grand total of 2 ounces of alcohol. So everything about this comment is idiotic to the extreme. You are an arrogant jackass to even suggest that that constitutes a drunk. As for the shape society is in today, it is so unbelievably stupid to blame the old ways, when the truth is, we got this way when we left the old ways.
@@DanteHolly I think a lot of it comes down to how we define things. A lot of the time people can legitimately deal with something on their own, or just keep a stuff upper lip and tolerate it, but there are also times when a person isn't able to on their own. It's like how most people can handle a cut with a band-aid, but a hemophiliac would need to go to a doctor...and anyone would need a doctor if their whole arm is cut off. So, when we say "sad" or "depressed" we have to be clear which of those situations we are referring to.
I’ve seen other men try to deliver this sort of message. But they have no balance and go past the truth. I found yours tough but also loving and benefitted from it. Thank you
don’t mind him while he fires up his cigar
Good reply but let go of the loving nonsense. We gotta stop getting all emo for everything and man up.
@ Proverbs 3:3-4 "Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man."
He is humble and he lives the way he preach, that's why. He is simply genuine which is a rare thing these days.
Much appreciated sermon. I was homeless and suicidal last year with no one who cared and boy I wish I heard this back then. This is all I needed. God be praised.
You got this God loves you ❤
27:17 - "Do not deliberately misrepresent what I'm saying so that you have an excuse to keep being weak."
bar!
Based
I needed this. You are spot on with the culture in America right now. I have seen so many men that have become feminized, and the ones that resist (myself included) are deemed toxic in some way and need therapy to fix themselves. Thank you for posting this Dewayne. Love your talks.
Every man is the Captain of his own ship, battling storms in search of fair winds, calm waters, and safe harbour
Thank you for posting, I needed to be told that what I’m suffering from is just life. It’s not an illness, or mental sickness, it’s just plain old life, which is hard, and difficult. You’ve just changed my entire outlook. I’m now off to make a hot toddy, thank you Sir
I go to therapy every two weeks, and we basically do the things Dewayne advocates for in this video. I don't rely on it to get through life in any way, and most of the things I talk about aren't even negative things in my life. I like using therapy as a tool to improve myself, like going to the gym. Seeking help when you need it from loved ones and spiritual guides are great tools too, but you don't even have to be in any deep trouble to get benefits from therapy. Therapists are just personal trainers who specialize in helping you become the person you want to be after therapy. It's not any more complicated than that.
A lot of therapists will offer their first session for free where you can ask questions, or offer cheaper services if you can't afford their full rate or if you don't have insurance, so you can try it before making your mind up either way.
Thanks for saying this.
Dewayne talks about metaphorically cleaning up ones diet and getting exercise (which is very important). A lot of times folks have a difficult time identifying the “junk food” of their life because it’s all they’ve known. Therapists can help you identify those things in your life and make a plan for improving your environment and behavior.
I’m not going to say there arent “hand holding” and “find someone to blame” therapist. They aren’t as prevalent as some think, but like social media influencers it’s a mix.
I’m a therapist and you couldn’t have said it better. It’s more like mental fitness/wellness just like the gym, working out, and a clean diet develops physical fitness/wellness
@DGLowe This! This is my take on the subject as well. I went to therapy as well and helped me identify the "junk food" I was consuming, so I could work on it and then become a stronger man
I don't mean this to sound snarky, but you said you go to therapy every couple of weeks, and yet you also say you don't rely on it?
I obviously don't know how long you've been going to therapy for, nor do I know your reasons, but it sounds to me like if you go every couple of weeks then you do seem to have some reliance on it to get through life.
I'm not judging, as I said I have no idea of your circumstances, but its like saying you are taking strong pain killers after a major operation and then shrugging it off with "oh, but I don't really need them." Why take the medication if you don't need it? Are you being conned into paying for therapy you don't need, or are you not being honest with yourself about how much you need the therapy?
I might have got the wrong end of the stick here, and if so I'm sorry. Just some random guy's thoughts online from yours truly.
I do what i call self-therapy (ask myself questions, answer them, try to spot biases), but i cannot agree with "going to the therapist is like going to the gym".
If you go the gym, you workout because you need physical tools.
If you go to a therapist, you need another person.
Therapy would be like going to the gym BECAUSE you need a personal trainer.
And in that case, the personal trainer doesnt help you in knowing how to workout alone, or else he would be out of a job.
Thats the main issue with therapy, most people cannot live without it BECAUSE the therapist doesnt actually teach the person to self-therapy (excluding extreme diagnosis of course).
For example, if you stopped going to therapy, would you be mentally okay ? Its like, can you go to the gym without a physical trainer ? Can you squat without breaking your back ? Can you analyze your life alone with a diary ?
I agree with you but therapy isn’t always complaining. It can be a very philosophical way of exploring one’s experience and making meaning. Therapy is for sure not always approached or carried out this way but that’s what it’s supposed to be in its traditional form.
I bet that's why he made the disclaimer for scenarios like legitimate PTSD.
Psychotherapy is not about finding someone else to blame. It is about finding your own responsibilty in taking care of yourself.
Well its a bit of both, true good therapy is making you figure out stuff (which is why you can do it alone, its harder, but you can).
Most therapy nowadays is coddling to keep the client coming back, thats why manh people say that life is amazing in therapy, once they stop, life turns out horrible.
People should be trained to self-therapy so they can actually live without the therapist, but they are not
And one more thing, yes you go to a physical doctor regularly too, but for the most part you can avoid it by staying healthy.
Sure, checkups and all of that, but if you regularly go to a physical doctor for a cold, that doctor is not doing his job right.
Same thing with a therapist, if your wife passed away, all children perished, house burned down, fair enough.
But "everytime someone makes a joke about me i cry" and you've been going to a therapist for years and still cannot function without him (i dont mean without the psychological healing process, i mean without an external person), you're being scammed
Read some books and find the roots of the problems start with sometinh easy as peterson and then go deeper like Jung or Adler
One thing I will add to support this is that Anger, many times, leads to depression. You yell and scream at your girl friend or wife, punch holes in things, and think of yourself as a child/bad person. Depression leads to more anger and it’ turns into a cycle. I’m no expert…just know when I fixed my anger and “manned” up…my depression followed with the anger. Anger does not make you a strong man…just a louder and more emotional one.
Understand that anger is a valid emotion but get to the why. It's hard work to get to feel other emotions as strongly, but we have to keep trying.
Thank you for your commentary on these men's issues. I'm 74 and single and I do appreciate hearing what you have to say. For sure, it is good that you posted this video.
Dwayne, I’m 17 and I just want to say that you are being a father for me, each video that I watch from you I grow up a little bit, in all the ways!
Today I know more about myself and more about my horse, today I can feel that I’m turning into a man, and you are one part of that.
Just need to say thank you for everything, first for the horsemanship and gear videos, and second for these type of videos, both taught me things that changed my way of doing things and live. God bless you sr!
As a man going through exactly what you are saying, I condone this message. It's good to hear from another man that being a man isn't yelling and screaming. It's putting your head down and letting life take it's course until life takes you out.
Thank you for the slap of reality.
I'm forced homeless, a foreigner wrecked my car, and winter's just around the corner.
@@_Arugula_Salad_When your at rock bottom, there’s only one way to go: up 🦅
I.. dont think thats what being a man is. You aren't supposed to be silent and depressed and just let life beat the shit out of you like mike tyson let jake paul do (for some reason). Life WANTS to take you out. Being a martyr to the world isn't a virtue. The saints died to the world so that they could live in God. They DIDN'T let the world take out their drive, their flame. The world threw everything it had at these men, yet they didn't waver in their resolve and who they were. They weren't apathetic because life is hard. It made them more passionate. ANYONE can lie down and take a beating. That doesn't make you strong. What makes you strong is keeping your head up and keeping your heart alive. Then you will be like the saints.
Hey Dwayne, I'm a Counseling Intern starting my second year in my Master's Program. I'm still fairly new and obviously inexperienced, but I wanted to comment on some of your claims about what Mental Health Therapy looks like.
What you were describing sounds a lot like traditional Freudian Psychoanalysis, which was very popular in its heyday of the early and mid 1900's, but not so popular now, for the reasons you describe: It's expensive, takes too long (a Psychoanalytic treatment plan can last years) and it often focuses too tightly on childhood experiences. Most Counselors and Mental Health Professionals in the United States no longer take a solely Psychoanalytic approach to therapy (at least Clinical Counselors do not).
What many do focus on nowadays are short, solution-focused treatment models that seem very in line with what you describe to be the correct approach for Men to take in dealing with Mental Health i.e. tackle these problems in a logical manner by changing behavior, and then noticing how it changes mood. This is especially helpful for Men, who I've often noticed to be more fans of "doing" rather than "talking". The ultimate aim is to teach them skills so they don't have to come back to therapy and instead learn how to deal with new problems themselves. We are NOT a shoulder to cry on.
If this seems especially simple, that's because it is. The caveat lies in trying to teach in an effective way to a person who is depressed enough to where they cannot function properly. I think in your own authentic way, Dwayne, you are a good teacher of mental health, and much of the Counseling field agrees with you (though wouldn't be as blunt as you are). I'd just appreciate a little bit more research into what modern mental health therapy looks like.
On the subject of research. If you'd like to look up some modes that I think are akin to what you espouse, check out "Behavioral Activation" and "Solution-Focused Brief Therapy".
I'd appreciate if you would speak your mind to your own kind. Nearly used up all my screen taps, scrolling down to find what?
Do what's good for you brother and good luck at it. Make your own channel and be firm in your convictions, you not going to sway this man one way or another.
@@aaronlyons1920i appreciated the guys text. Do not speak for others.
Thank you for adding a voice of sense and rationality amid a tidal wave of absolute nonsense.
the are many psychological theories that focus on self responsobility (locus of control etc) but thereapy scene itself is still freudian focused even if its not officially Freudian. That man did a lot of damage to psychology. Evaluative resarch of psychoterapies often points out that they arent any more successfull that simple passing of time. Cognitive behaviour therapy for anxiety PTSD etc does stand out in its efficiency but big part of psychoterapy is pseudoscience.
As a med student I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment. But I think Dwayne is trying to reach out to men who are just regular "working people" who have not developed proper coping mechanisms for things like breakups, being alone and isolated in a professional or general setting etc. They are usually refusing to solve the problem at hand and countinue towards a downward spiral being a detriment to themselves. I did my psych rotation in an extremely urban setting and apart from the patients who obviously and immediately required medical attention, (Schizophrenia, conversion disorder, ptsd, or chronic and severe depression etc.) most patients were white collar people feeling overwhelmed and simply refusing to deal with the simple facts of life. My attending almost never prescribed these patients psychiatric agents and after two or three sessions most patients come to realize a medical professional can only point out whats wrong with your way of thinking and feeling, and the burden of correcting that behaviour is on them. The recent public opinion on guiding everyone to theraphy without a second thought for the smallest inconvinience or the bullshit stuff like online theraphy certainly don't help our cause as medical professionals either. As you said, I just wish Dwayne had put it slightly lighter on the audience because most viewers will miss the point completely. But if thats how Dwayne wants to send his message no one can judge or chastize him for that. Anyways, its great to see a counselor so aware of the mistakes of the past and familiar with the current paradigm shift. I wish you all the best in your future practice.
"you need a hot toddy, not an antibiotic" Amen to that.
Antibiotics don’t work on colds and flu anyway.
And if you have sinus infection. Treat it asap. Can lead to the brain and cause a whole mess of health problems (seen it happen with students). But for a simple cold, let it run its course.
That needs to be a bumper sticker
Use a netty pot for clogged sinuses
He needs a different dr if they give him antibiotics for flu. Bet this dude changes his tune with something serious like a bacterial pneumonia. Can’t hot toddie your way out of that one. And if he wants to die over pneumonia rather than be “weak” relying on medication, then that’s on him. And I’m not saying go to the doctor for every little cold. It’s just not as black and white as he makes it seem
Oh this is such a good upload. I like it so much because there is a great deal of things I agree with and disagree with. It gets me to think and think. I could have an entire discussion over many of the observations you make here. Great video.
Men, help yourselves and help others when people come to you- to the best of your ability.
Rarely MH problems are identified by oneself. Being afraid to do something because someone else points out the problem and you want to “ man up” is only going to keep the problem not get rid of it. I’m a man in recovery for over 40 years. I learned the most important lesson is “if I’m not the problem there is no solution. “ How can I get to the solution if I can’t see the entire problem. Getting help allows me to see what I need to see that is outside of my awareness. If my car is broken and I don’t know what is wrong then I take it to a mechanic I don’t just park it and hope it heals on its own. Therapy isn’t about finding blame. I’m a counselor. Blame doesn’t help. Like I said if I’m not the problem there is no solution. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help. Even everyday normal guys can use help. If you need to get on the roof get a ladder. There’s no need to stack up some boxes only to start climbing them to have them collapse and break your back.
Although your words are a generalisation, I think you were absolutely spot on about how we need to learn how to live with our suffering rather than trying to purge it out of our lives the moment it comes knocking at the door. I go to therapy myself, and sometimes it feels like it's going nowhere keeping me in the same loop of sorrow for the past. Life sucks and people let you down eventually. But I do have that underlying feeling that modern therapy sometimes keeps people in a rut. And we have to consider how humanity managed to survive centuries without the blessing of medical and psychological knowledge. I'm not saying they had it better than us, but it's something to consider when we ponder about the hidden resilience of humanity.
I also go to therapy and I feel the same way at times. Nowadays, the goal I’ve narrowed down for myself is figuring out better ways to cope with life’s ups and downs. There’s plenty of content online that talks about acceptance of the past and being present in the moment, so I’ve implemented this as well. I’ve also started to read up on philosophy, such as stoicism and absurdism. It honestly has helped to put things into perspective and realize what I need to improve within myself (i.e. my own insecurities and anxieties), because the only person/thing/situation I have control overall is myself.
Spot on regarding modern therapy sitting in the problem and not the solution. I gave up on therapy after 30 years and decided to give nature a chance. Clean food, exercise, sleep, sunshine, purpose, and helping others.
A patient cured is a customer lost.
Therapy sucks .
All Therapists do is brainwash you into thinking that you’re a victim
“We need to learn how to live with our suffering rather than trying to purge it out of our lives the moment it comes knocking at the door” is a great way to describe it. Over time as we overcome challenges real or imagined we get stronger so when hard painful times come we get our ass up and get back to work or whatever our responsibilities are. The world doesn’t stop turning just because we’re in a bad mood or in pain.
As a man that “fell for it” for my young adult life, this man is correct. So many of my problems went away when I stopped looking for a therapist and started manning up to what I needed to do.
And what did you need to do?
Dewayne I don't have enough words to describe the hope these videos give me, the hope that society will grow strong and pure again someday soon. Thanks for sharing the best of you in every bit you put out to the world and spreading the message. Best regards from Spain.
I wish I had this sort of guidance ten years ago. Here I am at rock bottom at almost 28 years old.
I've never been equipped with the internal tools to climb myself out of negativity. Instead, I resorted to escapism. Entertainment, porn, weed, video games, partying, drinking. You name it. I learned to hide my emotions for a long time. There's been ups and downs along the way, but at my low points, I've always turned to at least one of those things these past ten years. I looked myself in the mirror last night and had a hard talk with myself about what I've been doing, what I need to cut out of my life, and who I want to be. Therapy hasn't gotten me far because I haven't been willing to suck it the hell up and live with these emotions and learn to conquer them the right way.
I'm still learning every day but I have hope in my heart it gets easier. To anyone else experiencing this mental hell of distraction and coping to escape your stress or negative emotions, you're not alone brother. Pick your head up and start chipping away at things you can control. Stop worrying so damn much about the things you cannot control. Cut out the distractions. Conquer yourself. Be the man you want to be. You've got what it takes.
Thanks for this video. The timing couldn't be any better. May God grant us all strength and resolve.
Don't be afraid to daydream and escape in a way that is envisioning a better life. Cut out the porn, video games, and drinking, but lots of successful people got that way by trying to get to a better place. Reality is not so great for many, so find a way to keep the dream alive. It is a bit of escapism, but you can still dream while dealing with reality.
You got this God is with you ❤
Dwayne, I'm a woman 68 years Young and I follow your channel. You always provide good sound full of wisdom.
"Scratchy, Scratchy" is good sometimes it's necessary.
Keep up the good work we need you.
As a FF, Paramedic, and Flight
Paramedic……the job has murdered me mentally. I stay in very good shape and have multiple outlets to cope with the stuff we see and deal with at work. It’s the complete lack of support from the corporate suits, politicians and deputy chiefs we work for. Complete and utter lack of support in pay and benefits and being able to go home to our families and those outlets that help us deal with the daily crap we see. We have to work double the hours just to afford to live as we put our lives on the line!
If they would pay us appropriately, listen to our needs, support us, let us go home to our families and also have the opportunity to decompress…….we wouldn’t have the suicide rate and depression that has plagued our career field.
No wonder no one wants to be a paramedic, firefighter, cop or even teacher anymore!
Complete utter lack of support from the people at the top. It makes me sad to the core everyday.
Do you have a healthy coping mechanism to deal with the sadness from it all? Genuinely curious.
I know words are cheap and the real issue is more resources and time with your loved ones, but thank you. You are appreciated.
For many years, I sought therapy for my issues and problems that truly came from other people. I just wanted someone to listen, someone who wasn’t biased or judgmental, so I could vent and get things off my chest. Therapy can be useful, it gives you the right tools and sometimes a perspective you hadn’t thought of, but I realised something. The more you talk about your problems, the more they stick around.
Dwayne is right.. therapists won’t usually tell you if you’re the problem. I’ve cancelled a few of my recent sessions, and honestly, I’ve never been happier. I can actually move on and enjoy my life. Thanks, Dwayne, for bringing this up. Great video.
90% of it is just showing up. Get there and start working, like you’re not gonna feel perfect every day. There have to be those days you push through. This is what I want you to do: write down what you would like to fix about your life. The brain is the general, the troops are the body, and you get up, and you do it. And then you get to write it down. You know you’re doing what you have to do to get by, but you're not respecting yourself. And when you look at your own life and you don’t stack up, you devalue yourself-you slowly start devaluing yourself. You look at yourself, and you realize that if you were judging yourself, you would judge yourself on faith. And people have to realize that you are not your past! You are not all the times you fucked up; you’re not all the times you were drunk. That’s not you. You are the person who’s learned from a great deal of experience.
This is a battle that you will fight for the rest of your life, but the key is to fight it, not to give in. Don’t give in to that resistance. Fight that resistance. And in doing so, every day you do so, you have won the battle for that day. And you will continue to fight that battle.
Clearly a Rogan fan 😊
Well said.
You have the perfect mix of wisdom, common sense, and no bullshit while still being empathetic and understanding. You the man Dewayne
I like what you said about how we need to filter out the garbage that comes our way. I depend on the scriptures to Straighten me up and out. They challenge me to look outside of myself and become more selfless. My selfishness is toxic. When I think about others, my pain goes away.
I agree 100%. I’m 23 and have relied on others (females especially) for validation and positive emotions. I just lost a girlfriend because of my weakness and I finally woke up to it just a few months ago. Now I’m on a journey to make myself the man I should’ve always been so I can one day be the husband and father I need to be. You’re the best Dwayne thank you for all you do
I’m a young man who’s about to turn 21 in December and I lost the best man I ever knew when I was 9, my father. The best lesson I got from that loss is that the pain won’t go away, but that doesn’t mean you can’t live a good life. I did go to therapy and it genuinely helped me, but there are days when I think about my old man and my eyes start to get wet. And then I remind myself that he wouldn’t want me to be crying just cause I think of him, so I remember the good times, suck it up, and move one. That is life and loss, hardship, struggle is a part of it and it’s something that all men need to learn how to deal with so we can become stronger because of it. It was great to hear this old school wisdom sir, I wish you the best as well.
Ok, at the very start - I am sorry for Your loss and I wish You great growth in the future.
But I also have to inform you of the reality: this moments of crying are coming back to You exactly because You are holding them in and judging Yourself, if You would let Yourself they would've been visiting less and less often and at some point just stop, without any mental toll.
Learning to allow myself to cry was one of the hardest decisions I took in past months, at 26yo, as I was thinking I was damaging my masculinity, this is not stoic, women and manly guys would think that it's pathetic, but I've become only stronger and more reliable as a whole, I don't pick the bottle do often, I possess way bigger mental clarity in stressfull situations - people don't necessarily have to see that very occassionall cry, that's the beautifull thing, so I'm seen as more manly.
You are young, You will collect events that will make You feel that why through life, keeping them in will make You become bitter, cope in unhealthy ways, or paradoxically way more emotional than You would like to believe You are, just manifesting it all as anger.
Please, remind Yourself about all the men that You have seen getting unreasonably angry at situation that didn't needed such reaction, them making it problem of people around them, doing drama out of that, yelling at their partner/kid in public and such - would You like to become this type of man in the future?
Have a great day.
52 yo Dutch guy here.
My 17 yo daughter suffers from mental health problems. Been going on for years.
As a father, this is VERY difficult to handle at times.
Last week I asked my physician for antidepressants, otherwise I am not able to hold on.
I use a very low dosage btw. It's enough to keep me going.
My daughter will FINALLY see a shrink next week. She's having suicidal thoughts because she can't take the pain anymore. She may suffer from borderline, idk.
Mental health is serious AF.
If you are having these, DON'T wait and ask for help.
It’s even harder these days because of the degradation of empathy in our society, and social media that allows for persecution on a scale that’s truly unimaginable at times. Bullying today is far worse, and sometimes even more brutal and cruel, than it used to be. It’s becoming more and more divided between truly empathetic people, and black hearted people.
Godspeed.
Pharmaceuticals may help. The internal mind work is so very important.
Wish her the best. It is not easy for men or women.
Drugs aren’t the long term answer. Speaking from a woman’s perspective here. I lived it too for years.
God bless ya and your family.
@@hhlagen If pharmaceuticals are so good, why do so many people get addicted and have all the additional problems attendant with that? Drugs are the LAST option, in my estimation. They have the issue of complication.
The big question that NO ONE addresses is "what did we do BEFORE drugs came along?"
No one is running to MY rescue with my issues. Yes, everyone is different.
@@SteveSmekar-ll6lnThe answer is drank. We drank before meds and that usually just made things worse. Been there, done that.
When my daughter was dying of cancer at 35. I was sitting in her room on a Saturday watching her sleep. I spent many Saturday’s with her during that two year period. I had let her daughter go with friends, and I felt sad knowing that Sonia would not be with us in another year. So I cried a little not an ugly loud cry, just tears. She opened her eyes and looked at me and told me “I draw my strength from you, don’t do that. I don’t think I can handle this without your strength .” So I wiped my eyes, made her guacamole that she didn’t eat, and we watched movies.
You’re right, sometimes we just need to suck it up. And be the Man.
Semper Fi, Duane.
We're the problem solvers of the human race. All the questions are answered by us or nobody else. To cry in front of others is what children and women do to signal to the problem solvers (men) to solve the problem. When they see us cry, it hits them in their evolutionary fear -- when the problem solver has run out of answers and chaos is about to reign.
This isn't to say that you can't cry, but you can only do it in front of your bros or alone. If you don't have the self control to secure that s*** temporarily, it needs to be a skill you develop.
I wasn't taught to do that. I wasn't taught self control with emotions -- taught that it's OK to have them but not OK to let them control you.
Just recently, I explained to my friend why people care more for pets getting harmed than men: I told him that when a man dies prematurely, he has failed to do his prime role for humanity -- solve the problem... whatever that problem is. The buck stops with men. There's no other authority or power on Earth that solves problems. A man who survives is a man who solved all the problems presented to him. A man who dies prematurely has failed to solve his last problem -- maybe it was genuinely unsolvable -- but nobody mourns men as much because a man who fails to survive is a man that has failed his basic duty of self-survival. How is such a man capable of saving anyone else if he can't save himself? We're supposed to be the first and last responders. When we die, it's because we weren't fit as problem solvers -- and the gene pool is better when bad problem solvers are gone early and often.
And why do we mourn pets so much? Becasue we're their stewards and they're our eternal dependents. The dog evolved to trust us absolutely -- counter to the nature of any wolf. We made them this way. It's our responsibility to support them because we bred them to be dependent upon us. To abandon them to be harmed is an unforgivable sin against nature -- and many of us instinctively feel this. When we took in the first wolf, they made a deal with us that we're eternally bound to uphold -- we shall share our homes and success with them and they'll be our servants and companions.
The human tribes that loved their wolf pups thrived. Those that didn't would naturally be severely disadvantaged -- in war and hunting. Thus mankind evolved to especially love the dog and the dog grew to especially love us. Our species made a contract with the wolf and we're bound to it forever. Many of us feel the weight of that evolutionary deal when we see cruelty done by man against dog. It's our failure as individuals and as a species when they are harmed or when they harm others. We're responsible for what they do... and what is done to them.
But a man is responsible for what he does and how he reacts to what is done to him. We have ulimtate agency, the dog doesn't. We're the problem solvers of humanity, the dog is the answer to many of those problems.
This is why vvomen and children are disturbed when men cry. When a man cries it doesn't have the same meaning as when they do. When they cry, it means, "someone please see that I can't solve my problem. Help me.". When a man cries, it's a signal of, "Your problem is major, unsolvable, and very grave."
Our tears don't have the same meaning or function. Their tears contain chemicals designed to cause us to soften -- their tears literally drug is when they're in proximity. Our tears don't have such effects over them. Our tear ducts are also much smaller. Thus when we cry, it's almost always way more serious. If it's not over someone else's death, then it's because we're very near our own... by our hand or someone else's.
Men's tears are mostly seen at funerals -- of friends, family, and beloved pets. This is why it disturbs others so much -- our tears herald deth and chaos. Their tears mostly signal inconveniences.
We're not the same. This is why we have to control ourselves in front of vvomen and children. Our good friends won't judge us when we're at the end of our rope and trying to claw our way back from the edge... they'll know what we're going through. But vvomen and children can't understand. It's not in their mental capabilities to understand a man's problems. They never evolved to see them or solve them. We see the world closer to its true nature. They were protected from nature for all of evolution -- which is why they have a hard time discerning truth from fiction. Lack of understanding for vvomen was no cost to them. Lack of understanding for men was deadly dangerous.
I wish someone would've ben able to articulate this when I was younger. But society taught my parents to bring me and my sister up as if we would grow up to be the same in mind and body. What an absurdity.
I’m glad you had the nerve to post this in the end. Men need to hear this. I’m a pastor in New Zealand and this is an issue worldwide. I’m glad I found your channel thanks and God bless.
Thank you sir, I appreciate very much your thoughts, I’m 37 and father of a 3 year old girl. You contribute to make this world a better place. Watching from Colombia
The hard things that needed to be said being said by a man that fully embodies the values of a true man.
Your videos help so many men young and older and I just wanted to personally thankyou Dewayne.
I showed your channel to a buddy of mine going through it and he said a lot has resounded with him as well.
I'm days away from being 28 and my main focus is my lady, my family, my job and myself in that order.
Trying my best everyday to be a better man.
Cheers to that.
@@ideasandtrucking Thankyou brother
May your travels be safe and efficient
im in the mood for a burger and dr pepper as fuck now
me but with fried rice and orange chicken
Lol I said the same thing. I’m just getting off work and might just get a mushroom swiss burger with fries.
Dr pepper is the goat of drinks
Lmao
Eat chicken and rice and raw milk instead
Dewayne, thank you for this message. I am an woman in her late 50’s and I appreciate your wisdom and your honesty. Rarely are people willing to speak truth when it runs contrary to the culture. I applaud your courage and I sense it comes from a love of truth, a love of people and an accountability to God rather than man. Blessings brother!
I started listening to his channel not that long ago and I'm completely blessed by his insights. I appreciate his honesty and how he shares his faith in a way that isn't judgemental or condemning. We're all human and we all have our challenges in this world but it's nice to go on the journey in such good company.
@@sharonpatriot6813 same here. 🙏💕
“The more that you seek help dealing with your problems that you can deal with yourself the weaker you become” that spoke directly to my soul
I'm 18 years old from England and we don't have this mentality, or at least there isn't many sharing it. I share the same views however unfortunately cannot share it as people simply don't want to know when I have. Unfortunately society bends for the easy option, the option which gives them something or someone to blame. I Lost my dad last year and these videos bring back a piece of the wisdom he gave us. Thank you Dewayne.
I feel you bro
wise brother.
Thank you Dewayne. This is truly MUCH needed and much appreciated don’t worry about those who will misinterpret this hopefully they come around one day to the truth.
I have to say your video came at such perfect timing that it made me question reality for a second but, im 21 and ive been recently going through some things I needed wise advice on and this did it perfectly for me. Thank you for taking the time to make this
I’ve watched a lot of mental health podcast, and I’ve never heard it explained like this. This video helped me so much. Thank you. I sincerely mean that.
On the 5th of November I hit 6 years in the army. As a local kid from Dayton, Wy, your wisdom has always been what I needed to hear. The knowledge you spread has helped me through the toughest of times and through the best of times. Thank you for everything you’ve taught. God Bless
I appreciate this message, sir. The bar is so so low today that even a diluted version of this message is vital for young men to hear. To say to a youth “yes you feel bad feelings that’s life” is a farcry from the nanny society people have fostered for years.
I agree with everything except the relationship part. The home is supposed to be where you're able to take the armor off. If you can't, then you're always on guard. There's no place to rest.
And if you can't bear your wounds to the woman you've decided to make life with and have her patch you up the way you patch her up, then what fucking good is that relationship?
But yes, a lot of it is realizing that you will die one day, and all the worry and doubt you let run you isn't going to matter. What some body did to you when you were little that you don't remember but also oddly can't forget isn't going to matter. It's what you do with this moment.
I lost a couple of good jobs because I was either running or wanting fight over what someone else did or said or treated me. All that happens is here you go having to start over again, and maybe that other person lost their job or the company went out, but you're still having to start over while all these other people your age are having careers and families. And yes you have to protect yourself, but you don't have to set yourself on fire just to protect yourself.
Everything passes, good and bad. When you ride a motorcycle sometimes it smells like shit, sometimes it smells like wildflowers on a late spring breeze as the setting sun shines an orange pink glow over the tree line.
I don’t think it’s with the women that you take the armor off. That will scare her and make her feel insecure. The time to take the armor off is with your close male friends.
@@SwissTeaBoy You got a wife?
@@amitkakade4647 No. Just my humble opinion based on my life experience with girlfriends. I’m now close to marriage because I’ve been that rock that never wavers. When I was more emotionally open with girls the relationship eventually broke down. I’ve internalised this now and don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable around females. I save that for time with my trusted coaches or a cigar with key close friends.
@@amitkakade4647I had girlfriends, they all left with that being a big building block for that ending. The more emotional I was with them the more emotional I got in general, there was no processing of this emotions woth venting. I wish I would keep only the most problematic things to them and solely with the idea that I lost my ability to do it myself and want minimal required help to put together the solution that I will use and I respect their words. Otherwise, well, so far I learned that women as community talk about being emotionaly available more as a test of what kind of man they get and they don't like our negative emotions, it hurts them and makes them loose respect. Maybe in the future this state of the matter will change, for now, old guys were sadly right.
Whoever you are. Whatever your going through. Raise your banner and plow forward.
love from germany brother
And the same to you.
Your videos, your words and your wisdom have helped me become a better man. Thank you Dwayne, you're a much needed voice in todays world. When I'm feeling down or sluggish I hear you say "Man up, you are a Man" I smile and get after it.
You are 100% correct. I'm in my mid 30s and when I was younger I was weak and whiny, blaming everything on someone else, this or that. Thankfully I started to take responsibility and own up to my mistakes. Now I have great discipline, I work out, I eat healthy, I take care of my mind, body and soul. Sure, I can raise the bar even higher. What you say is accurate, and it works! As men, we need to be strong. For our selves, for our family, our partner, our country. Women like masculine men, just as men like feminine women. To anyone reading, I wish you all the best.
You wouldn't take antibiotics for a virus. But technicality aside, something to consider is that you, Mr. Wrangler, are serving as a counselor of sorts for the thousands that watch your videos. Typically, 'manning up' means to rely on yourself, as you stated. But what is happening on this channel isn't necessarily that, as you are providing life advice. If someone went to you for help, something tells me you would listen. You wouldn't tell them to get lost and figure it out. Especially understanding that people sometimes don't or never had a stable base to work with.
Now I do agree that it's a good idea to remove yourself from things that are damaging to you. It's not always possible to do this but it's sound, generally speaking. And men going to a therapist or not really depends on what the issue is. Not all therapists are the same but I would say that some are better avoided these days. And there are alternatives to therapists, if it's not your cup of tea. So do what you can to the extent that you are able is what I would say. If a man needs more help, he can seek it out.
@@theinfinitywarden7759 He said several things. Including that therapists are paid to find someone in your past to blame. That infers that it's only going to reinforce the 'woe is me' attitude for men. But there could very well be someone from the past that is in fact a problem and contributed greatly to someone's suffering. Bringing awareness to that can be a first step to healing and eventually moving on.
But yes, we all have to handle our business. One way or another. What the issue is will determine what the appropriate action will be.
@@theinfinitywarden7759that’s certainly not how it’s being fully represented in the video.
The primary advice is “man up”, I never thought I’d use the word “toxic masculinity” without making fun of people complaining but this is pretty damn close.
And I love this channel.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity. It is a made up term used to address a made up concept. No one ever uses the term toxic femininity. I wonder why that is? How can you have toxic masculinity, and not have toxic femininity? And in the rules of the universe, how can those two things not be equally prevalent and equally bad? Black and white? Yin and yang? No, it is a false flag.
@theinfinitywarden - Facing problems means first understanding them. Men are prone to drinking their problems away. Engaging in risky behavior, like gambling. Or pretending it's not there. A therapist can be useful in helping a man find insight into what is going on. That's not avoiding the problem. That's heading directly into the eye of the storm.
Therapy can be a crutch if the person has no intention of making changes to their life and only seeks to pity party. But a good therapist (or any alternatives) will allow someone to process a bit and then move things forward.
To quote a song:
"It's your last cup of sorrow
What can you say?
Finish it today
It's your last cup of sorrow
So think of me
And get on your way!"
@@DryCreekWranglerSchool I think there's just toxic behavior. Men and women can be toxic. Women tend to be more about reputation destruction and men more about intimidation tactics, but there is crossover.
Thank you for this video Sir. Truly a strong man with integrity and respect. My generation needs this!
Depression could be caused by something as simple as a vitamin or mineral deficiency. Or a neurotransmitter imbalance. For anyone dealing with ongoing depression, even if nothing else is really "wrong" in their lives that should be making them feel that way, then it's worth getting these levels tested and then fixing any that are out of balance.
There's also situational depression which basically means you're depressed because your life really is bad. But that's good news because it also means there's things you can fix to make it better.
One thing I've learned in life is that I often get a lot of impactful stuff done while depressed. It can be a powerful motivator and really strips away all the muck in our eyes to let us look at things how they really are. And when you can identify what it is that's making your life miserable, then you can take action to fix it.
It's either dig deep and work like heck to change things, or continue to wallow in the misery, or give up. Sometimes those truly are the only options.
I agree with him on most things, but some dudes need therapy i was depressed myself and got through it without, but my buddy shot himself. Depression is different than being sad, and just manning up is the reason there even is mens health. If you feel you need to talk to someone you shouldnt feel weak. Whats worse looking weak or being dead.
You’re a top man, Dewayne. You ooze sense that really works. We can be suckered into therapy, pills, etc. to line the pockets of charlatans. We’re on a trajectory that will depend on strong men and women in the future. I try too hard often and crash emotionally. But we have to man-up, as you say. You’re the best, Dewayne. Thank you.
I have been preached to by everyone that a man must be a pillar of strength and when weakness comes in i should suck it up and accept it. Honestly as a 44 yr old now, i know we have to grow emotionally but also know how to work through all the problems we face and not use force all the time. Another thing that I have learnt is that I should work in the shadow because the pat on the head for everything I do becomes my greatest enemy. Thank you for this, I know I am not alone in believing that life may not be fair all the times but its my road and I have to walk it for myself and the ones who rely on me.
When I was a kid, my mom, God love her, was distressed when I would be sad or upset. What loving parent wouldn't be? After all, it was evident to her that I was suffering. She wanted me to be happy. When I got to adolescence, I finally had sufficient wisdom to say to her, "Mom, don't try to take this away from me. Feeling deeply is part of how I know that I'm alive!" And I still say that: "Feeling deeply -- from delight to sorrow -- is part of how I know I'm alive!" It was many dark nights of the soul before I made a conscious choice in my late twenties to find a way out of the intense loneliness I was experiencing. I wasn't willing to devastate both my parents -- and my employees at that time -- by cutting my journey short in this life. That was forty years ago. And it wasn't but a few years later that I met my spouse. (And we're still married!) It's taken a whole lotta self-evaluation, curiosity, self-compassion, and self-development to get to the place today where I not only love myself, but more importantly for me, to where I actually *like* the person I've become -- and am continuing to become.
"Tomorrow's relational mastery (and mystery) begins with mental calm and equanimity today." Cheers, fellow men! And thank you, Dewayne! Be reasonable. Be safe. Be hopeful.
From personal experience, I know this to be true. Not seeking solutions on your own robs you of the opportunity to find a solution for yourself and the gained confidence and tools in doing so. At the same time, it's always good to have a male mentor, or someone that you look up to that you can go to if you're struggling with things. Sometimes, it's good to have an outside perspective from someone with a little more experience. My therapist helped me see what I was doing wrong and showed me how to take my power back and overcome. Just like your videos. Thank you for all the wisdom that you share and the time that you put into your videos. You have definitely helped improve my life. I truly appreciate it. God bless you and your family.
Incredible insights & sage wisdom brother. From a young, red blooded American man who has been alone most of his life, TY & Amen!
Your channel is the only therapy I listen to. Thank you Dwayne I love your channel.
Same here friend. I've missed a lot of his vids over the past few months but I'm glad I caught this one.
Thank you, Dewayne. The best messages aren’t the most popular. The best messages are when we hear the truth. At 55, I needed to hear this. It crystallizes everything that’s been in my head and heart about this issue for a long time Time for us all to Man Up.
i’m 16 and i’m going through the worst time in my life it feels like everything is crashing down on me your videos have kept me going through hard times
Old man here...57...you have your whole life ahead of you. I wish I had seen this video when I was your age. Consider it a blessing that you have. Be strong, man up, take ownership and enjoy your life...even the crappy parts
16 is hard for all of us... keep the faith & focus on using this time to develop a tool box for your older-self. Put great tools in, investing in them every day-- healthy cooking, running, weights, reading / philosophy, travel & photography, spirituality & a path to God... build up your strength now so you'll have it to turn to in the dark times. I wish I would have learned this sooner. It took me until my 30s to realize how right my dad was-- "Depressed? Go for a walk. Drink some orange juice."
@@louisav11 I'll have to take your dad's advice lol
It gets better dude. You're going through adolescence and it is characterized by everything you are experiencing. It is NORMAL to feel that way at that age, NOTHING is wrong with you. Everyone experienced the feeling of being lost at sea as a teenager. It gets better when the hormones wind down a little bit and as you start getting more life experience. Remember, its a journey, have self compassion. Push yourself but don't beat yourself up. Just stay alive and keep going, have a vision for the kind of man you want to be and then work to become him.
@@rymanjones3Remember to go without headphones, uncomfortable thought will come but there is actually an end to this stream after some time, as You will feel that You toyed with the concept from all angles and acceptance will come.
This man is becoming a national treasure. Listen to him, and that beard is on point!
I wish I had this secure man figure in my life. Listening to him already makes me feel so safe. Thank you ❤
I lost my father when I was just 17, he died of cancer. At that age I needed him the most, I knew nothing about life and was forced to become a man without a role model. I am 24 now and can say they were pretty hard and tough years, hard and wise lessons came from them. At times I played sports 5 to 7 days a week, drank little to no alcohol, and sometimes seemed to be back to square one. I walked around with life questions I couldn't answer. logical too, walking around as a teenager with no role model, with a void that can't be filled outside of yourself, and having no one to talk to.
The search for yourself is not easy, especially with today's junk we take in on social media. i tried to find answers but nothing seemed to help, reading books... listening to podcasts... changing jobs... i didn't know where to look for it anymore, i was lost....
The message in your video was clear and sincere, it came in and I understand what you are saying. After all, it's part of life, stand up and be a man.
For those of you in the same boat, it will all work out, you are not alone! Be careful what you ingest and take good care of yourself!
As a man to man, thank you Dewayne, your videos are appreciated!
Everything from what I've learned is a mater of perspective. You can choose to let bad situations, pain, hardships, as a justified excuse to feel sorry for yourself and destroy yourself.
Or you can use these experiences as harsh learning lessons and experiences to propel yourself forwards in life.
The situation itself is neither good or bad. It's the perspective you apply to it that determines that.
I genuinely didn't even know it was Men's Mental Health month. This video hit a lot closer to home than I realized, and I 100% agree with what you said.
June in US, November in UK., I think. But it's good to just spread awareness and be able to have conversations about it.
@@Photik Thanks for the clarification.
Закуриваю трубку и слушаю мудрость и сильные слова отличного человека. Мощное обращение! Огромная благодарность, Дуэйн!
If you're depressed, there is likely a reason for it. Truly look at yourself, assess, take accountability, then take action to fix it step by step. Thank you for this message, I wish more young men today would have this mindset. I salute you.
Thank you for choosing to post this, Dewayne :)
For myself, growing up without a father figure has been rather challenging in regards to discerning what it really means to “be a man.”
As I approach the age of 25, I begin to remind myself that although this journey is a solitary one, there’s some immense empowerment that can come from finding myself and choosing to build someone (a man) of value… both physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I appreciate you sharing your experience and allowing young men like myself to utilize your wisdom as a roadmap to point us in the right direction.
God bless, and God speed.
Thank you, sir. You are one of the few real men left!
Duane you salty old fart you have said what I have been thinking for a long, long time. I am 61 and moved to a big city about 14 years ago. I had been thinking old age was making me weak and s few weeks ago I figured out it was the lifestyle I have adopted. I work in an office building and have decided thats it killing me. There are days I go to work in the dark, leave after sundown and don't see the sun hardly at all. The people around me are all weak physically and emotionally and I have started to slip down that path. I use to spend most of the day outside and spent most of my time around cops, cowboys and other outdoorsmen. I don't spend enough time alone or around a campfire anymore. I am fixing that situation. Thank you for this video. Makes me think of the cowboy way my dad loved to talk about. The world needs more men and we are them. 31:28
Was just venting to my Mother today and I feel ashamed. It's not her burden. You're absolutely right.
Don’t ever feel shame for being able to talk about things, being a man also means you can express yourself without beating yourself to your own grave talk about it, learn from it, and go on with life just like Dwayne said it’s life I hope you’re doing okay Marcus life’s beautiful just find some sort of peace in the fact we live once and it’ll all be over before we even know it enjoy your self and take care
Vent to the homies... Mom is just going to feel like she failed ... Which is probably true (my Mom is an enabler).
Don't feel ashamed. This stuff happens. We all do childish things sometimes, and our parents are always going to be our parents.
@@NeinFelineAnd homies will leave You, if You are not coming to them strictly with approach that You want to deal with the issue and emotions are on top of that part of the conversation, which venting fundamentalny is not.
Shame is probably the worst emotion someone faces alone. What you did doesn't define who you are, but try to find out why you feel that shame and what it's telling you to do or avoid.
I’m 52 years old. Divorced, Army Airborne Veteran (Ft.Bragg, NC) I live alone and I’ve learned to “suck it up.” I work out at least 4 days a week. I walk my dog 2 miles a day. I drink water , don’t drink alcohol or do any drugs. I get plenty of ☀️ sunshine out here in Arizona. I have good days and bad days like anyone else, but I don’t stop moving, mentally and physically.
I appreciate your words Sir and I agree 💯
My mom has told me my whole life. Junk in junk out. If you listen to negativity, eat negativity, watch negativity, etc, you will eventually feel and do negative things. Mindset is important but your environment dictates the ease of controlling yourself. Dewayne, you’re spot on.
I love this. Please put these in a book so nobody can try to censor this great truth. Thank you Dwayne ❤
Been following you for some time. And this one resonated with me.
.... You're a good man.
I’d do anything to just sit and talk to you for hours. You’re the only person I’d like to be my “therapist” Dewayne, always a pleasure driving home or eating my meal with you speaking to me, God bless you brother keep your mind strong while Momma’s out.
I really appreciate your honesty. Speaking truth to power is so important. You have nothing to gain from posting this video, so it's easy to see your genuine reasons. Thank you for this
This was a great message for women too. I am one, and took points to heart. Thank you, Dwayne.
You can only suck up so much before you reach the top of the straw and everything has to flow out.
Yep. It happened to me. All I was told as a young kid to this day was to suck it up and be a man. It overflowed a few years back and I became depressed and the emotions came out via panic attacks since I didn't let the show naturally. It was a wake up call for me to not see emotions as an enemy and to let them come and go without exaggerating them. This, along with exposure therapy to temper my nerves again to the shit that annoyed me. It works well. The suck it up mentality is okay but it's antiquated.
@@thedude8526 I agree, I feel like that a lot regarding emotions. The suck it up methodology does work for personally around 95% of my life's problems. Though the only way to truly be able to navigate the other 5% or more is through just talking it out. Despite the feelings of weakness while confiding in a trusted friend, which I thought after years of bottling up such feelings would arise. I rather found that having someone, just one person you can truly trust through thick or thin to hear you out once in awhile is a great gift everyone should have. It doesn't make you any of a less man or anything to just have someone you genuinely know is good give you the reassurance to carry on and help steer you on right.
Therapy is about unraveling the mind. A good therapist will no look for someone to blame in your past, nor tell you it's not your fault. Freud's approach to therapy was to not even be visible to the patient, only being a conversational mirror, so to speak. I fear people don't look into therapy as a proper mental health ressource because misinformation is spread about it based on clichees we see on television.
Do you think I have never dealt with anybody who’s been to therapy? Do you think I would make a video like this with no experience and no understanding of what a lot of therapy for a lot of people consist of? You’re throwing too big of a loop when you say that all therapist and all therapy consist of what you personally recognize as therapy.
@ Fair enough. People should watch out for shitty therapists.
Glad this channel popped in my feed.
Without therapy I’d probably still hate my absent father. I’m telling you, you might be wrong on this. It taught me my father is just as much a person as I am and made mistakes just like I do. I love my dad, I get to enjoy what little time I have left with him because therapy was a pivotal and helpful tool to help me understand why he chose to be absent during my life.
Without therapy I’d probably still be grieving my past relationships. But I’ve grown and also learned they treated me poorly and I treated them poorly because we’re all people.
This is a simple response to a very complicated disagreement.
This is the best video on men's mental health on the internet. We respect you man.
I cant thank you enough Dwayne for your wise words. You have turned my life around and saved my marriage. I was totally lost and all it took was a kick in ass. We need more of you in the world.