bipolar two is like being so depressed and have no hope and suddenly there is a light showing and you start to think about doing things and putting all sort of plans and start to go with it, but suddenly the depression hits back again in the middle! and you drop everything and go back to your cave.and so on. that is my bipolar been like.
You're right, Maro. It's tough. And while medications may even your moods out some, you still have to deal with the symptoms. I appreciate the comment and hope you'll subscribe to our channel. Hannah
Maro. Gh yes exactly that's is what it has been like for me ASWELL Omygosh u r so on point right on correct thank u I couldn't explain it forever really wow!!!!! Thanks
Maro. Gh I've recently been diagnosed, this is what it's like for me. I thought it was "normal" and I was just pessimistic at times... but I see it's different and I'm trying to process it all now. Thanks for this post
It feels like one moment you could be so motivated and so full of hope, everything seems possible and life just feels so good. You ARE against the world and not the WORLD against you. Then you hop around, talk randomly about everything with everyone around you. Then comes a point where SNAP! Those brilliant stuff are snatched very suddenly from underneath your feet and you are blanketed in a shroud of hopelessness and darkness. What makes it horrible is the confusion and feeling of betrayal that it give you during this period. Up and down, up and down. What exactly life wants you to do?
Hello Genevia Granger-Weasley. It's definitely difficult, confusing and frustrating to deal with. Someone recently put up that they wouldn't trade in having bipolar disorder for anything because of everything they've learned from it. My point of view is, and I'm being honest here, I would rather not have bipolar 2. There are a lot better ways to learn. But this is the hand we were dealt and so we have to make the best of it. One suggestion: I have found that therapy has helped a lot. Not only has it educated me about the illness and how to deal with it's effects but I've also learned a lot about myself and how to better deal with various issues that have sprung up because of bipolar disorder (and just living life, of course :) Hannah
Best question of the video was "what is it like living without bipolar?" I always thought I was like everybody else until I realized that I wasn't in a not-so-good way
Some days I'm a tornado and my body can't keep up with my mind. Other days, food doesn't register as food and I can't eat, I become hopeless, and I want to die. I have learned to capitalize on my hypomania, meaning I need to act fast before the depression comes. I know that if I sit on my ideas, they will go away and never come back.
I would say that living with bipolar is like being split into several people who represent every wild idea or emotion you can't control constantly in your ear at the same time. not literally of course, it's swimming in a see of what if scenarios that will never happen. I work in construction and I appreciate that analogy haha
I describe it as feeling like you're in a crowded room or hallway, and it's filled with disembodied voices that are my thoughts, and it's impossible to focus on on any singular voice. Like a constant sensory overload going on in the forefront of your mind
I feel this. For me, it was strange because once I got diagnosed with BP2, everyone expected me to suddenly act normal but things actually got harder because now I was mindful of it. They wanted me to do a bunch of great stuff and I'd be happy just to keep a job, you know? It is really difficult because you have to check yourself CONSTANTLY and even then you doubt if you are doing it well. To describe BP2, I usually use the screen brightness tool on a phone. It's either too low to see or is so high that it burns battery. Only imagine if the low tool burnt the same amount. You can't choose between the two. Your brain does.
A few days back I thought that having bipolar two reminded me of the time I was in an abusive relationship. When it's bad, it feels like it's never going to end. Then the good times come, and I always believe that this is it, it's going to change, and everything will be okay from now on and depression is never coming back. Except it is, and I'm almost always surprised and unprepared. It sounds so stupid when I read it written down now. But that's my life with bipolar two.
I'm 43 and only recently diagnosed with bipolar two. When I started learning about it my entire life began to make sense. I went so long not knowing what was wrong with me. I just knew I was different. I didn't seem to act or react like other people. So much so it has recently nearly cost me my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I'm on medication now and I feel like I'm finally able to think straight and see things clearly. Reading these comments has helped me feel less alone. Thanks.
I'm 43 as well. In my 30s I hit the bottle hard drank everyday n I felt like a natural pussy repellent my whole life. I've been diagnosed maybe 4 months ago. A lot of times I'm still like Fuck people. So yeah I get it bro. I'm just up n down like all the time
I was diagnosed when I was 54. I am 63. As Red Lodge noted, I know now that I'd been fighting this "invisible illness" for years. In fact, I often heard an audible voice in my head that said, "You're crazy"! I attempted to shut it down, but there came a time when I ran out of the energy to do so and fell so far into depression that I was suicidal. This scared me, and I sought help--and fortunately got it. Interestingly, since my diagnosis, I've never heard the crazy voice again. When I'm in a depression, I feel invisible. i feel as if I don't exist and that I won't be missed when I isolate myself. I'm behind a dark curtain and the blackness envelopes me. I will spend days doing nothing but lying in bed and feeling guilty for my irresponsibility and my grandiose ideas during my last hypo manic state. I'm in a fog of denial and embarrassed guilt. Sometimes I can't think; I can't connect 2 thoughts; I lose track of myself. More to feel embarrassed about. More isolation. Then suddenly, without warning, the curtain lifts! Light shines in and optimism grows and I make plans. I actually don't remember the dark time I just came out of. I resume life from my last hypo mania. To me, the dark days simply haven't happen. You see, I know that I'm all better now. WIth a bit of self-discipline I can keep the damn curtain from falling again. Then my optimism outgrows itself and moves to impulsivity--in my case, with money. I have plans, you see, and they require money! My thoughts race even faster than my body; I can't sleep; I become exhausted and probably ill. Then the curtain drops again. Instantaneously I'm in blackness, stumbling through guilt for whatever mess I've gotten into and confusion about how I got there. At some point though, reality returns and the darkness morphs in guilt, isolation, and suicidal thoughts. I cope by becoming invisible again, not living, just existing, waiting, longing for something--I have a vague feeling of what it is, but it's always blurry enough that I can't identify it. Abruptly the curtain lifts, and the cycle continues. All of this happens while I attempt to maintain a facade of capability. But I, of course, can't. I live at the whim of waves of bewildering emotion, alternately feeling and not feeling anything at all. Thanks for encouraging me to articulate this.
Hi Becky. I'm glad you found us and thank you for sharing that. I hope you'll subscribe to our channel and join us. I'm wondering, have you found the bipolar symptoms have lessened or changed as you got older? Hannah
In my case, they've worsened. I was forced to retire early due to the "curtain down" times and the apathy that accompanies them. I attempted to rejoin the employed world again 2 years ago, but had to resign after 2 months due to anxiety. I'm not sure about the cause. It could be that the symptoms are indeed worse. On the other hand, it could simply be that as I've gotten older the accumulation of time has increasingly stripped me of the energy to mask the symptoms. Masking takes a great toll on a person, and I've masked since I was 13 (when I, as I understand it now, had my first "attack"). Meds and the willingness to be straightforward with those around me and to accept their support are helping a great deal. "Hope springs eternal," as you know. I don't look at the future as being a grim wasteland of bewilderment. My God gives me strength, as well as a sense of humor! :)
Becky Schmidt hi Becky, I'm 54 diagnosed at 40. I'm thinking perimenopause, for me, is making things worse. finding out late, while getting the growing old crap really sucks. keep putting on your happy face.
I'm 34 and just got diagnosed with bipolar, having been misdiagnosed for many years. All my life has been filled with having these dreams and aspirations to use my gifts in ways that will benefit myself, my children and others. And I feel so motivated and start giving these dreams my full force... And then it all comes crashing down one day and my dreams that I had been working on fall away. And the cycle repeats over and over. I could never understand why. Why could I never just keep building my dreams? What is wrong with me? Am I just a person who gives up? Am I lazy? Am I unmotivated? I didnt feel like I was any of those things... So Why can't I complete anything? And then when I got my diagnosis, it made sense. I have an illness that was not being properly treated. I was expecting my brain to work in the "traditional" way. And that is just unrealistic. So now I can focus on how to build my dreams in a way that works with MY brain. It may be a more difficult path than other's, but its the cards I have been dealt.
Hi Nadine and welcome to our community. I hope you'll subscribe and join us. Like yourself, I've met many people here who were actually relieved to be diagnosed and to finally understand what was behind a lot of things they experienced over the years. In fact, I would say their entire self-image was changed. I want to encourage you to not give up your dreams. You can be successful (however you define that for yourself). Thanks for sharing part of your story. Hannah
I’m a 26 year old woman with bipolar 2 and I’m married to a 26 year old man without it. I would NEVER wish it upon him. But sometimes I wish he could feel what I feel for even a second so he could understand. He is so good to me and patient and loving, but it’s hard for anyone to understand who doesn’t have bipolar. I told him that it’s as if he’s walking through water while I’m walking through mud. It’s not that I’m not “trying;” it just takes me so much more effort and time to “get there” with anything.
bipolar 2 is always feeling tired, feeling exhausted. Feels like having the flu without a fever, or head ache. Is there any medication out there that will work, without stupid side effects. something that will continue working longer than 2-3 months.
Jim, that's a good description of bipolar 2. I've found a lot of people (the general public and those just beginning their mental health journey) believe that psychiatric medication is like taking antibiotics. You take it and you feel better. That's far from the truth. I've found medication to be a stabilizing force, but NOT a cure. Every medication has side effects and even with medication, you're left with symptoms. Regarding medication "poop-out" after 2-3 months, there are people who have their medication work for years and there are others, maybe like you, who have to keep switching. (Tolerance - When Psychiatric Medications Stop Working - ow.ly/Bd3p309DlBO ). I hope things get better in that department. Hannah
Have you wondered, like I have, whether we are being misdiagnosed? Or rather, they are missing something? I wonder could this debilitating fatigue that comes and goes be hidden lyme disease or some type of auto immune disease. My dr. Checked for lyme, but told me it tends to hide and i need a more expensive test that insurance doesnt cover to find it and even that's not 100 accurate and then treating it is another nightmare. So she has me on several vitamins to boost my immune system.
I loved this! I am always questioning "Do other people think like I do with Bipolar 2??" Also loved when you said, "What is it like NOT living with it?!" I don't know! Thanks for all you do!
Hi Anne. It's strange for me because people without bipolar disorder are always asking me, "What's it like living with bipolar?" It's sort of a comparison question - What's it like, compared to what? Maybe we should ask other people what living with bipolar disorder is like for them and then we can compare our own lives to that. Thanks for the comment. Hannah
totally feel it, girl. I have bipolar 2 as well. it's hard figuring out who you are some days in the sense that each emotion gives you a totally different view of life. some days we can conquer the world and other days the world takes a fat shit on everything you thought you loved and understood. the highs can be anything from hyperactivity to anger/irritability and the lows can be anything from just simply bummed out and tired to so depressed you can't function. some people, like myself, even experience both at the same time. it's like your brain is playing multiple radio stations at once. you can't grab a thought fast enough to even know how to feel. some bipolar people suffer from psychosis as well. they become paranoid and can suffer from visual and auditory hallucinations. similar to schizophrenia. that's why some of us benefit from antipsychotics. most people with bipolar disorder, whatever the type, will agree that the depression can be the hardest part next to the irritability and anxiety. we are either out in the world basking in all of its finery or shutting ourselves away from everyone and everything...just stuck with your thoughts of helpless defeat. to the loved ones of our special kind, you're the REAL MVP! we can certainly be a handful.
Robbie Ward thank you! I also hate when people say, "bipolar is just an excuse to be a bitch" because it's so much more than that. it's a beautiful mess. lol. it's creativity, deep empathy, overanalyzing, extreme joy, crippling anxiety and sadness, hyperactivity, paranoia...the list of pros and cons go on. lol. it's a daily battle and we are our own worst enemies and greatest heroes. it's comforting knowing I'm not alone.
Cadence Piper Hi, first, love the way you stated, how it feels to have bp2. not an easy task. I can't seem to come up with the same answer twice. second, yes it sucks having all your feelings come at you all at once. like playing Russian roulette with yourself. there are some days I've helled at myself "just pick one!!!! anyone!!" And the next day I'll be out gardening like nothing ever happened. I sometimes feel like I keep being pulled in and out of line. I'm headed in the direction I want to go, I'm prepared...but then suddenly I'm pulled off into a different direction, I'm not prepared for, I either freak out, get mad, irritated, scared or panic. and before I can get a grip on what's going on, I'm suddenly shoved back to where I started. my brain has a hard time dealing with sudden changes. I get the down and out"stuck" times. i call it my "it just doesn't happen" days. I get so..so beyond erksom, depressed, I'm not good enough, eating ice cream right from the carton. and the harder I try to get out of this state, buy getting up to go do something productive, the more it almost "hurts", and lasts for a much longer time. love my wonder woman days. sucks when the joker comes back. oh, I forgot, I have add also. just for good messure. I got a bit off track, but wanted to say, I'm glad there are people out there that are putting the word out for what it's like to have bp2. it's not easy, and it's not something that can cured, or wished away. someone once said, "well, if you know that's going to happen, can't you just practice not to do that?" I felt like saying well, gee, duh! why didn't I think of that. wouldn't it be nice to be able to practice not having bp2.
+Vicki Goguen thank you, Vicki! those who don't suffer in a similar way just have no idea. lol. I also hate when people say "bipolar is just an excuse!" like... uhm... excuse me!? you think I LIKE being this way!? like being stuck between loving myself and hating myself!? it's tough because you never know how long your cycles will last or what will set you off. a lot of times for me, it's not that situations set me off, but I just feel however I feel and it's hard to change that. when I'm down, I feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can't get out of and I just shut down. and when in up, I drive others away because they think I'm annoying or mean.
You honestly make me smile. I love your personality. Living with Bipolar II is very hard and it has been for me my entire life. Thank you for your kind words and for advocating for something that is so near and dear to me! Much love to you 💕
I want to steal your hat. And my analogy is like being a diamond. You are created under unbelievable pressure, nobody sees that. You have many sides to the same whole, nobody sees that. but when you steep back and see how life reflects through you it becomes mesmerizing and captivating. Sad part is that I am never seen as a whole but a part and it is so freaking frustrating
Daniel Moore this is so TRUE!! no one wants to recognize our manic creativity...only the manic panic, as I call it. haha. or when you try and explain to a person who doesn't understand how deep your emotions Run and they're just like..."well we all feel like that sometimes..." hell nah! stay strong, man!
It feels like being in an ocean filled with waves. The depression feels like having several waves crashing down on you and you’re gasping for air. You don’t know if you should just let yourself drown. Then suddenly you feel a burst of energy and you feel stronger. You can swim now. The waves don’t feel so strong. Now you’re effortlessly floating on top of them. Maybe you’ve even grabbed a surfboard board and are riding through them. But before you know it, you wipe out and the cycle begins again.
People who don't live with a mood disorder baffle me. They live under the delusion that they are in control of their thoughts and emotions, when in reality they just happen to have the right balance of brain chemistry. They aren't DOING anything to maintain it, and if it got thrown off they would be exactly where I am right now.
It's like your two different people. Constantly fighting in one mind. Sometimes when im snappy it's not intended towards anyone. It's like interrupting an intents argument. I end up using the same tone that I was using talking to myself.
Im bipolar 1 and have finally gotten control of my symptoms with a good mix of the right meds and an awesome therapist. don't give up! even if life isnt perfect, its still livable
I just found you so I don't know if you will read this but when you said you felt like "an abandoned lot where something epic could have been built", that really hit me in the gut and heart. I'm 53 and just coming to grips with bipolar and what I didn't know my whole life about it. I feel like so much of my life and potential was wasted and feel sad and regretful over that. But the future is yet ahead so hopefully I'll be able to understand and copy better.
Trying right now to get a diagnosis . . . thank you so much, all of you, for sharing. I relate so heavily to your words. Whether or not I have bipolar, I do feel understood, and less alone. So thank you. I appreciate you all. 🙏
mine is just feeling absolutely horrible and worthless but suddenly you just feel the urge to do something with your life and you start going faster and being more productive and when everything is going great after a week suddenly you’re RIGHT back to feeling awful, on and off on and off
Mine is exactly like you described and people around you can't understand no matter how much you try to explain it and most of the time people tell me you got to pray your way out of it but it's not that easy so now I don't even discuss it with anyone it I feel down I tell them I'm not feeling well and another thing I had to dismiss several people out my life because they were stressors in my life and a few of those people were my Dad and Brother but sometimes you ha to love people from a distance
As for your example, I would do nothing except build that building day and night, get it maybe 3/4 finished, and then lose all interest in it and it would just be a waste of effort and money and a weight of despair on me. Also, every time I talk I feel like a fool. I’ll be excited and happy to say something, I want to make people laugh but then I immediately feel like a fool. My BP2 is a constant daily roller coaster of euphoric peaks followed with crushing lows. Sometimes my baseline is hypomania and it can last days, weeks, months…but mostly my baseline mood is fear and depression.
Thank you to all who have comment on the video. I have read every single comment and tried to process each and every one of your statements and experiences of living with bipolar II. My son-in-law has very recently been diagnosed and is starting his journey with a medical and traditional holistic approach. All of your comments will help me and my family immensely to try to understand what daily life is going to be like for him. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
When i was in a psyche ward recently because of my bipolar, it dawned on me that you're literally a passenger in your body with it. It's very descructive, I think is another way to put it, too.
Hi Todd. That's an interesting thought. But you're not just a back seat passenger. You do have the ability to do things to control your symptoms and manage bipolar. Thanks, Hannah
I relate so much to her. I wish I could Meet you Hannah!! I was just diagnosed yesterday! I found your TH-cam's and have stopped watching nonstop. I've literally sent this to all who is close to me. Perfect analogy. I could of been epic 😭😭😭
I was diagnosed 3 years ago after suffering in silence my entire life. I have had many triumphs undermined many times from it but I can assure you that if you can accept it, listen to it, respect it then you will build something only someone with a gift like yours can do. You are special.
I just went back for my first follow up with my psychiatrist and my official diagnosis is Bipolar 1. It turns out that I met more of the mania criteria than I originally thought. But, this video still explains me totally. Thank you again for making your videos. They do help people!
Hi Timmy. Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. It's good you now have an official diagnosis. At least you know what you're dealing with. How did you feel after receiving the diagnosis? Hannah
I feel much better knowing what has been causing so many problems for years now. I’m relieved that I can finally start working towards the best treatment for me and be the best I can be for my family since I’m getting married next October and I will be a stepfather too. I’m grateful to have a supportive family. I’m also grateful to live in a time where I have access to great resources such as your videos and others that explain so much about bipolar disorder. Thanks again!
I wish I could find a good group for people with bipolar 2. Ik I'm not alone, but I feel so extremely alone. A lot of the comments I've read are EXACTLY what it's like for me to live. Yet, no one around me really understands. My relationships are so taxing and most of the time I either want to leave and start over or die. Nothing I've tried so far has worked either; not meds, talk therapy, diet, exercise, research, staying busy, or trying to get proper rest/sleep. To me it all boils down to what I lack in my personal relationships and this unending feeling of loneliness. I really believe that if I could just find that one person who really understands and cares my life would be/get better.
Hello and I hope this help you I been dealing with Bipolar 2 since I was a teenager I'm 48 now but what works for me is I don't have committed relationships anymore because it stresses me out you may be better just casual dating and when you are feeling down you can go into your downward spiral without destroying relationships this is what works for me I never been married and have no children because living with Bipolar is a job and I just go with the flow if I feel energized I do more but if I'm depressed I do the minimal and when I'm feeling better I come out my shell and mingle you don't have to tell every body about your condition because some people aren't mature enough to handle what you go through and may use your illness against you to sum it up Just go with the flow from day to day and don't worry so much about what people think and this should help some sorry to go on so long but Polar Warriors taught me this strategy he said wake up and feel horrible he flip a coin do what ever the coin day example just say it's your day off work and you are feeling depressed take a coin and say if it fall on heads I'm going to stay in bed all day and relax but if it fall on tails I will do one or two things on my list of things that I wanted to do that day and usually you will feel better because if you wanted to do 3 things that day and you did only on or two it's better than doing either I hope this help you some
@@landonjohnson3829, hello I wanted to say I really appreciate your reply, but I don't know how to quite respond. Except to say, what you described would be worse than what I'm already dealing with and lead me completely over the edge faster. I'm simply not built that way. I am glad that you have found a way in life that works for you, but I'll have to continue searching for mine. Peace and Blessings
I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 awhile ago as being extremely manic and depressive but I take it as a gift pf being human. It all came about when I had my spiritual awakening and truly I believe it's affected by where we are in our body in mind. I am an artist and a yoga teacher and I have many good plans for my life- and have had thousands of divine experiences in all kinds of ways. Embrace it- it is life. Embrace energy and the goddess of self. You are worthy and an infinite being of infinite potential 💗 namasté
From being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd and now being diagnosed with bipolar 2 at 24 I had a huge identity crisis…. I felt like I been lied too and I’m so confused because I could have prevented so much. I’m happy I found out now but I been on low since I found out that empty feeling you explained and I am happy I came across your video. I’m following you. ❤️
My bipolarness, for me, is like one moment I’m as giddy as I can be - happy and content, but a minute later I’m beating myself down to a bottomless pit. It’s like a light switch, but it’s not me flickering it. It’s a slide of emotions that are seemingly inescapable and polarizing.
Living with bipolar 2 makes me feel like a failure in everything I do. I have failed my children. I have extremely low confidence I have so much to be happy for but it is almost impossible to be happy. I hate how i act!!! I am so irritable. It is unfair to have to live like this.
Hi Brandi. I can tell you're going through a difficult time and I agree that bipolar disorder can definitely be unkind. When you say that you've failed your children, of course, I don't know what you're referring to. However, I think it's important to consider that parenting is complicated by bipolar disorder. It's challenging to take care of others when you are just trying to stabilize yourself. When things aren't going well in my life and the I hear the negative self-talk, I always remind myself that living with bipolar disorder isn't easy and I need to be kind to myself. I hope you've talked to your doctor and therapist openly about your feelings and what's going on with your symptoms. It could be a medication issue that's causing the irritability. Hannah
What a great example and the feelings that go along with it! Each and every one of us are completely different how we experience our diagnosis and learn to love and know ourselves. Kudos to you Hannah!
Yeah! Love the metaphor. You really fleshed it out as a "work in progress". (Just found this one after the last comment on your hypomania or happy video.) Thank you for encouraging, hopeful, and honest messages.
The construction analogy caught me off guard at first. I was feeling the fast talking and the anything that moves I want to look at and oh screw it, I'll check it out bits (must be uncomfortable for people when I'm in that state; they really have no chance at guessing how many things I can look at and think about while still maintaining the conversation). Then you went into the construction thing, I knew where you were going cause I've been trying constantly to find a simple enough analogy to (sadly) justify or explain my behavior to all the people wondering why I seem to have my shit together...but can't get my shit together? These simple analogies are the key unlocking mental health stigmas so thanks so much for the video. Final word..maybe: In academic circles and literature it's considered a Serious mood disorder. That's because it is. It's not fun, I don't enjoy talking so fast, not being present with people I feel deserve my undivided presence. I'm not a fan of making plans and canceling plans, again and again, building hope in people and letting them down. I particularly don't enjoy the fresh inviting scent of a room that's been slept and sweat in for 80 out of a possible 96 hours over four days, only to emerge now, unable to sleep a minute longer and now face the horrid deapths of this gut wrenching dull empty pain surrounded by a conscious abyss. My rage, which I "control" with a great deal of effort and energy (and it is never satisfying ever), comes from being perfectly aware of all those kisses n hugs i mentioned above, yet continuing to fumble over the same shit on repeat haha! One brick is better than no brick, and no brick is still ok. Maybe I'll lay another brick tomorrow! Thanks for the vid, lots of courage there.
Hypomania is like driving down a busy highway with a stuck throttle. Mania is the same but also without a steering wheel. Depression is when the car runs off, crumples and careens into a ravine and you are dazed, bruised, and trapped inside the wreck with only your eyes and nose above water for weeks.
For me it’s having all these ideas and drive and direction for my life and bettering myself and then the depression hits so hard and feels like the big high tower of myself I was trying so hard to build just gets blown up and everything I was trying to do is laying in rubble on the ground. It gets so hopeless that I can’t even get out of bed. But then it passes and I start feeling like I can do what I originally set out to do. Just this endless cycle. It’s hard. For me anyway. Just really hard.
for bipolar two it kinda reminds me of having a split personality. i have one perfect and motivated self, next a depressing self. this was what made me think i had bpd. i had trust issues, unsure of how i had acted and been to others while moody.
Hi! I understand where you are coming from, the mood swings can be so severe it's almost as if we are living as two different people. However, there is a difference between bipolar and borderline personality disorder. If you feel you are experiencing more symptoms of bpd I would definitely communicate with your doctor. Thank you for sharing! -Hannah
I love what you had to say at 2:30, couldn't have said it better. There are just some things words cannot describe; and I agree with you that there is no true way to describe what it's like to have bipolar. When explaining what it's like to have bipolar, all one can do is state generalizations of the symptoms of bipolar in which they are aware of. It would take a book for someone to properly illustrate their experience.
For sure, Rip City Logic. And for the general public, generalities about what bipolar disorder is like will probably do. Each of us is different and affected differently by bipolar and so for family members and close friends, a more detailed and on-going explanation is needed if we hope for them to help us and "get it". Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hope you'll subscribe. Hannah
I have bipolar type 2 and its like the story of the x men. All of those “mutants” were special and had their own gifts but they only learn to accept those gifts and to harness it once they meet professor X. I see my gift as vision so cyclops story resonates with me.
I haven’t found enough realistic videos of what it feels like from a real person or how it is for them. I watch Maarten first and now this. I am exhausted and i get frustrated and go extreme all the time.
YASLAYN I can tell you what bipolar is truly like I've had it 22 years and its horrendous to be honest I'm 50 and am now for the last 11 months on the diabolical down side depression of this totally crappy illness the meds just doing nothing I've lost everything, well almost because of the absolute insane behaviour when I'm psychotic. I don't know, I must of been in about 30 hospitals over the years and to be honest I've reached the point where i pray to either go manic again because it's such a liberating feeling to have no fear and feel like you are so special it's like so euphoric at first but in my case the shit starts to get dangerous where I fall into the totally delusional category and I feel invincible. Sounds great to feel like that and to a degree it is but as time goes on and one gets older the outcomes of mania become dangerously destructive.
it's a fun hat and a great way to start a conversation with someone. And it will make people smile and forget their problems. you should wear something funny every Monday.
For me it is hard. I do not like having it. I wish I did not. I have been in denial. But without it, my biggest dream in life would not have come true. I wrote a book about it. When people meet me they say you can't tell you have it. You have to take your medication, or you will be in trouble. After like 55 mental hospitals, I am done. I have it, and I am NOT going back in one of those places again.
I would have to say people. People telling me that I don't have enough faith to get off my medication. Or people saying it dulls my brain, or a man I liked saying I don't have it. As a Woman of God and an Evangelist, I kept trying to get healed. It is just not going to happen. Paul had a thorn in his side and Jesus did not heal him. He said, "My Grace is sufficient for you." Like I said in my book, Surviving Bipolar Through God's Grace", my medication provides me with my healing. I am working on my 3rd book. What I went through will all be in there. I NEVER want to go into a mental hospital again. I have two scars from them, and they just gave me a black and blue toe. We are being abused in there, and no one cares. I will talk about it on my next tv interview. I will be on the radio too. A girl contacted me and said she was raped in one. It needs to stop!!!
@@cherylrichards8600 I can relate. I was told it's a *Spiritual Problem* so I spent many years trying to end my suffering by being a better person and confessing any and every sin I could think of to God.
I was watching this for my boyfriend, who has BPII. I have ADHD and for me, ADHD is like my brain is Times Square and each person is a single thought. It`s always busy and there`s so much going on. One of those people is an important person I need to follow, but I don`t know what they look like right away and when I find out what they look like, it`s still very easy to lose them in a crowd. If I lose them, I have to wait in the intersection and hope that they come back again.
My personality changes almost daily, sometimes hourly. In order to get anything done that is even a tiny bity challenging, I have to create this personality to motivate myself to do the task. Example: If I want to have a productive work day, I have to form a personality of a person who is strict about everything and perfect with everything. And then another day where I want to be productive, the personality will be me acting like my job is the easiest job in the world, and I embrace that role to get my work done. Insane.
I love your description. I know it's different for everyone . For me, I was beaten by a father who belonged to a cult religion that was very strict and preached death to sinners and homosexuals who do not repent. Of course I turned out to be gay. Long story short, I had to be silent and unseen at school and home. I'd been assaulted at school as well and on the bus. For me BP2 is me trying to be aware of every mood in the room in order to survive. To constantly be on guard and to argue with authority figures and bosses . Misunderstanding everyone in the process as I try to guess what people are about to do to me.I ruminate over th smallest slight or tone of voice . Treatments have included partial hospital outpatient (6 week), CBT, DBT, Meds, EMDR, ongoing psychology and meditation. Doing stable for a few weeks now.. Blessings
It's like fixing a truck that never broken down fully except never fixed. For, example when you buy a used car and you add new parts to it. You never solve the problem you just bandage it. Until you decided to fix the car, it’s just working on borrowed energy so when you realize that you began to save up for a new car. Just like Hannah said laying new foundation on an empty lot that was fixed just empty. Also , Hannah thank you for making these types of videos I can really relate them.
This was short, but very helpful. my husband & father to my almost 1 year old son and his 11 year old daughter. he has a hard time talking about his bipolar which makes it difficult for me to help him or simply make things easier. anyway, I appreciate your metaphors and I feel kinda upset with myself for not looking into info because I have dated someone with bipolar and have friends who are, however, my husband is the first one with bipolar type II.
I totally agree about what you said what it's like living with bipolar 2 disorder. I do feeling like my kind never turns off, I need a pill to go to sleep. I've been told I'm weird or different too. My depression has been pretty bad lately, might be from waiting for pain meds need new authorization from workman's comp. I'm highly stressed from the pain, and it exhausts me,. That from cervical degenerative disc disease,. Thanks for explaining and your hat is cute, lol
The best analogy to me is climbing a tree and going all the way to the top the very top way past where most normal people climb, and you stay there and you can see the world and you can see everything and you never want to leave because you have this euphoric high feeling that is better than anything. But that doesn't last because pretty soon you start to climb back down the tree even though you don't want to. the difference is with normal people when you hit the ground you're done, but with bipolar 2 the depression is really deep and you'd sink into a hole and you keep going and you look back at the top and you remember what it was like to be up there but you feel like you'll never be there ever again, and you keep sinking lower and lower and lower and pretty soon there's no way out even if you want to get out. And you spend a long time there until one day you're back up to climbing and you get all the way to the top of the tree and it feels fantastic again but it doesn't last very long and pretty soon you're on your way back down and you hope you never go back in that hole again but sometimes you do.
I can do good and suddenly i feel parinoid, or deeply sad. But i know its going to pass. I am on lexapro\wellbutrin and have felt good. I daze out sometimes but age and acceptance of my condition has helped thank you and your hat is kick ass
ive never been diagnosed but I've been experiencing manic depressive episodes and am going to go into a mood stabilizer soon i think the best way to discribe my experience is like being in a video game and walking down a road feeling really bland and bord and just not enjoying the game then finding a npc that wants you to do a side quests then getting super excited and into it then before your done with the side quest its just like "i dont care anymore i found another side quest and now this is the only thing i care about" then the same thing happening again and again and again and it never stops i know i should focus on the main story but i cant.
Hannah (sp?) I wish you'd come back and do more videos, I haven't seen you on lately. I have bipolar 2, and I go from being sad and hating everything and everyone for not doing more for me.... to being so scattered I'm in the mood for conflicting things at the same time all day long. Either way is tiring. I'm on a med now that helps tremendously, but type 2 is just going from one bad place to another. And yes, my perception of things can be bizarre to other people.
I was diagnosed with major depression for 13 yrs and then I went into a deeper depression, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few months ago, I knew something wasn’t right about me, I changed medication 6 times and now I’m on a bipolar medication plus a depression medication, I’ve been good and life was okay, dealing with things was okay and then I had a bad day and it continues to spiral down, I thought about just ending my pain and all the racing thoughts, I continue to go down this dark path because of one thing, I’m just spinning and waiting for my medication to help me, help me understand that I can do this life and I’ll be okay, I’m either really high or really low, being bipolar sucks
I know I’m like, yeaaars too late but… I’m new and I’m awaiting a psychiatrist to hopefully understand what I’m going through. I got a loooot of mental health history with my family. (Including this and beyond) but for me, aside from everything I’ve read here, from the original poster, right to the comments I’m relating to.. it’s like some days I swear I could be of the lawyer type, but there’s days where I literally cannot get out of bed. But the best way I can describe it, is like being a person who cheers everybody on, I can believe in myself some days, and then the majority is spent feeling like a kid watching the world go by. Watching everybody else succeed and never having that’s successes for myself because the world around me is just frozen. I don’t know what I’m even saying anymore as I’ve been up more than 36 hrs now, but I hope that this makes sense and that my psychiatrist can finally come to a conclusion as to whats gone wrong with me .. but this is the closest I’ve came to relating to something in a long time. 😔
As a long term, senior bipolar I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss the fantastic, euphoric, manic episodes. But eventually the downside got too extreme and my life too hectic. So, medication has solved that by smoothing out the extremes. But I do recall the manic moments with great pleasure.
Normal people seem to do everything society expects them to do in that order. I want to experience life without restrictions. It's my life and if I am wierd then that's good because normal people get jealous and only wish they were free.
Funny how people refer to Bipolar 2 as a "softer" form of manic-depression. To me, both Bipolar I and Bipolar 2 engender their own forms of hell. Bipolar 2 can be as impactful as I in the sense that oftentimes a person afflicted with it cannot work and has problems of impulsivity, substance abuse, social anxiety, etc. My diagnosis was changed from I to 2 in 2015, and even with meds and therapy things are still difficult.
Welcome Denise. I have not heard people refer to Bipolar 2 that way. And I certainly don't think of it that way. Whether you live with bipolar 1 or 2, it is a challenge. I've never heard someone say: "Thank goodness I have bipolar 2." What symptoms are the most difficult for you to deal with and how do they affect your life? Thanks, and I hope you subscribe to our channel and join our community. Hannah
Well my analogy for bipolar would be living with a dog and a cat inside of me. The dog is the manic side.. Going around chasing goals bouncing around barking loud. The cat would be the depression side.. Withdrawn, not that social and sleeping a lot. There is no balance. So for one phase the dog will take over and for one the cat. Sometimes you are in between and you can be both.
I don't know how 2 deal with bipolar type 2 i get the depressive side extremely bad its serious i haven't stopped crying off & on the last few days straight i feel like I'm flying talking at rapid speed can't sit still for more than a minute ect during the manic phase it feels good last week I packed 20 bags full of shopping properly within I'd say 3 minutes when it takes up to 10 minutes I never thought I end up with bipolar affective disorder type 2 but it hurts like hell I know how everyone feels its not fair :((((((((((
Hi. I understand how you feel. And you're right, it's not fair. It isn't like we asked for it and now we're stuck with all these symptoms for life. However, I want to tell you that despite all that, there's still the possibility that you could live a good life or at least a better life. I want to share with you 3 things that have helped me. 1) I learn as much as I can about bipolar disorder through reading, watching videos, and talking to others who have it. 2) I found a good psychiatrist who keeps current with the research and has a lot of experience in helping people manage bipolar disorder. In addition, and this is just as important for me, the doctor is a collaborator; meaning he works with me to help me manage my symptoms and is available when I'm having problems. 3) I found a good therapist who helps me deal with not only my personal issues but helps me and gives me tools to monitor my symptoms. -- If you aren't happy with the doctors or therapists on your treatment team, find ones who are better. -- Sounds like a lot, right? It's takes a lot and is really hard sometimes because bipolar 2 makes it that way. But I will say that in the nearly 10 years since I was hospitalized, my life has gotten way better. I hope it does for you too. Hannah
+HealthyPlace Mental Health i was talking 2 my sister about it & she suggested seeing a psychiatrist or social worker since she's been seeing one for her ocd for months & its gone well for her apparently I've had trouble trusting these guys over the yrs since I was 14 now aged 39 & in & out of the outpatients for serious psychotic episodes & admitted 2 hospital on a number of times & placed in full restraints 2 protect others it's not often I comment on videos such as this when I mention I'm bipolar type 2 but when I read other peoples comments they share their story's on how difficult it is 2 handle it they explain their symptoms & give good suggestions 2 help others it's a good feeling for myself & for others knowing that no one is alone like many others I hate being alone its a scary feeling although I've got my sister & nephew I just don't trust myself much & with a long history of serious self harm I only do that 2 take the pain away I like videos documentary's such as this one it give others hope & hopefully it will do the same for me as well - cheers from Australia guys
Yea during my manic phases I've kinda blacked out almost exactly like someone who's gotten drunk at a party and done / said a ton of random shit that in the morning they bitter regret. Its kinda like that. Infact I've been accused of being drunk or on coke when in reality it was a manic phase of bi polar that had struck its honestly ruined my life as its got worse
Hi Hannah, I was diagnosed with bipolar to four years ago and I have been single since so that I could focus on myself. I am now entering into a relationship and we have a great time together however, I've not shared with her my diagnosis. I feel like I owe it to her to share with her but I'm concerned it will frighten her away or perhaps leave some stigma in her mind about me. Have you and dealt with this before or know someone who has? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much for the work you do! Steve
Hi Steve. When, or even if, to tell someone you have bipolar disorder is a very common problem. Literally, we have dozens of articles on the HealthyPlace website about this. Our bipolar blogger, Natasha Tracy, shares her thoughts in these two articles.Talking to Others About Your Mental Illness | ow.ly/1FwO307SFg3 When Do I Tell My Boyfriend/Girlfriend I Have Bipolar Disorder? | ow.ly/q6c8307SFjo I don't have a pat answer. What I would say is that if you're getting serious about the relationship, then you should tell the person. At the same time, you have to be mentally prepared to accept the stigma or rejection and understand that you can't control the other person. The other person has to make a decision on whether to continue the relationship. Putting it simply, why would you want to stay in a relationship anyway with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. Hang in there and good luck. Hannah
My friends always say that tell us how you feel or what is it like and I was exactly like you how am I going to explain whats it like to live with bipolar it is so hard to explain. One example is never enough, they say okay i got it and then they give an example from their lives and they say that oh I do that sometimes too, everybody does that... That moment I know that no example can help explaining bipolar to people who havent bipolar :)
January 20th 2017 was the day I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder 2 after yrs of being told it was severe clinical depression & anxiety since aged 14 with serious panic attacks in & out of the outpatients psychotic ward due 2 a very long history of self harm & violence at home, school or in public ect I was put on several types of antidepressants - none worked neither did various social workers or psychiatrists although i didn't cooperate that much over the yrs last yr in December it was suggested by another doctor that I go back 2 my regular gp went through my medical file which showed all the symptoms then they'll able 2 piece together what was going on through various notes made from past psychiatrists I saw 1 leading up 2 this who made additional notes apparently it went undetected for almost 3 yrs & have been placed on tegretol 200mg ever since I get more depressive side than manic but when I do it feels like I'm flying doing things faster talk at rapid speed ect but I still loose occasionally by scratching my skull until it bleeds a lot it goes numb & find it funny but I've got my sister & 5 yr old nephew 2 take into consideration & put myself last both out parents are dead these days I feel lost alone empty scared shitless as 2 what I'll might do from 1 day 2 the next
What you've been going through sounds extremely scary. I've mentioned this before, on average it takes 7 years to correctly diagnose someone with bipolar disorder. Getting a correct diagnosis of bipolar 2 is problematic because patients usually emphasize the depression symptoms and doctors then misdiagnose the patient with major depression and prescribe an antidepressant. Antidepressant medication can flip a person with bipolar disorder into mania and that's when the misdiagnosis is uncovered. I hope that you have a good treatment team, psychiatrist and therapist, and that things improve as time goes on. Hannah
+HealthyPlace Mental Health it starting 2 make sense yeah my doctors did explain it takes a number of yrs to diagnosed someone with bipolar the funny thing is the mental health system here in Australia works different from u guys in the USA plus it's takes longer 2 process these things the fact I was apparently showing the symptoms made their job easier I found out recently I've got another cousin on my mums side who's bipolar 3 there's history I wasn't aware of until now I wasn't aware antidepressants can flip a person who's bipolar scary thought cause in 2015 I was out of control doing stuff but despite being some of the worlds best antidepressants - none worked - lovan was one of them thanks for your reply I appreciate it
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 3 years ago I went to a psychiatrist and I refused to believe him when he was telling me the symptoms Lack of sleep and racing thoughts and my psychiatrist said that the reason I am thin is because of my racing thoughts. I had a very rough childhood my parents would always argue about something and I remember all of them since I was 4 and till this day, and I am always not contented at something that I did, even though they would tell me especially my friends that I did great but I just didn’t felt it was great such as school exams and creating art like music I don’t feel any content or whatsoever. Do you have any alternative medication for this?
Hi Maple Lino. Welcome to our community. I hope you subscribe to our channel. bit.ly/2LhFmsa I'm curious, why did you refuse to believe your psychiatrist's diagnosis? And do you believe it now? As for not feeling content, there's no magic pill for that. Therapy may be helpful though. Thank you for sharing part of your story. Hannah
HealthyPlace Mental Health I’m with my mother when we went to a psychiatrist and the doctor was telling all the symptoms and my mother said that she noticed all of the symptoms such as wasting my money when falling in love, and I always believe that I’m better than anyone, I can be quiet for like 2 or 3 weeks, self harm and I always remember the arguments of my parents since I was 4 and to this day(which is weird because I still have this and feels like my brain is torturing me) and it feels like there’s this other person inside me that I don’t even notice.I don’t want this illness I want this out of my life for good. Thank for making this channel because I realized that I don’t have to be embarrassed about my illness.
With Bipolar 2 is it possible to have cycles that are spring and summer being very energetic and creative but then all winter totally lathargic and depressed? I was initially diagnosed but i then got told it was PTSD. i'm so dpressed and feel like there's no plan now apart from a group pscyhotherapy meeting i've been sent to. i feel like life is a constant struggle and i want to go to sleep and not wake up. i've lost hope.
Hello cadmantheaviator. First, I want to make it clear I'm not a doctor or therapist of any type. The first thing I tell people is get a diagnosis. Sometimes, unfortunately, the first, even the second and third diagnosis aren't correct. If you are concerned about whether you are properly diagnosed, please see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Regarding the seasonal cycles, it sounds like you are affected by seasonal affective disorder, sometimes called winter depression. ow.ly/RC4y3080gjt One of the most common and easiest treatments for that is bright light therapy. ow.ly/WFrC3080gmC Please discuss your symptoms with your doctor and see if light therapy is a possible treatment for you. Thanks, Hannah
I am type 2 bipolar My Father had Schizophrenia & His Father ..... My grandfather had shock treatment for years back in the 50s-60's And My Dad had it too! With me having bipolar its about management / not always able to do that though... Luckily I am on meds that the "Mix" Is working but not constantly! I have rages of anger very very easily for no reason could be a trigger don't know! My mind is always going fast and I am up and down and talking and talking to anyone that will listen! Very hyper .... I don't get the depressive end on it much / just feeling down but not HUGE depression I am 54 May 31 ... I was diagnosed when I was in my early 30's nothing worked at all medication wise .... changing it all the time with my Psychiatrist .... past year has been a huge break for me with what I am taking BUT I am always scared it will not work any longer which has happened so many times .... I am on Lithium HIGH MG Lamotrigine Seroquel Duloxetine / Cymbalta ... I feel like what has helped me the most for the depressive is LAMOTRINE ........ Bipolar flair ups are never known why usually IMO
Hi Carl! Yes, depression is difficult to accept and deal with, especially when it comes out of nowhere. I understand where you are coming from. Thank you for commenting! -Hannah
@@healthyplace no i had the depression for years first for years then 3 weeks of manic feeling coudnt sleep eat sweating all the time my jaw was rattling like i had been sniffing coke but i hadnt bean
bipolar two is like being so depressed and have no hope and suddenly there is a light showing and you start to think about doing things and putting all sort of plans and start to go with it, but suddenly the depression hits back again in the middle! and you drop everything and go back to your cave.and so on.
that is my bipolar been like.
You're right, Maro. It's tough. And while medications may even your moods out some, you still have to deal with the symptoms. I appreciate the comment and hope you'll subscribe to our channel. Hannah
This is a very accurate description of what I go through.
Maro. Gh yes exactly that's is what it has been like for me ASWELL Omygosh u r so on point right on correct thank u I couldn't explain it forever really wow!!!!! Thanks
Maro. Gh yes that is exactly what it is.
Maro. Gh I've recently been diagnosed, this is what it's like for me. I thought it was "normal" and I was just pessimistic at times... but I see it's different and I'm trying to process it all now. Thanks for this post
It feels like one moment you could be so motivated and so full of hope, everything seems possible and life just feels so good. You ARE against the world and not the WORLD against you. Then you hop around, talk randomly about everything with everyone around you. Then comes a point where SNAP! Those brilliant stuff are snatched very suddenly from underneath your feet and you are blanketed in a shroud of hopelessness and darkness. What makes it horrible is the confusion and feeling of betrayal that it give you during this period. Up and down, up and down. What exactly life wants you to do?
Hello Genevia Granger-Weasley. It's definitely difficult, confusing and frustrating to deal with. Someone recently put up that they wouldn't trade in having bipolar disorder for anything because of everything they've learned from it. My point of view is, and I'm being honest here, I would rather not have bipolar 2. There are a lot better ways to learn. But this is the hand we were dealt and so we have to make the best of it. One suggestion: I have found that therapy has helped a lot. Not only has it educated me about the illness and how to deal with it's effects but I've also learned a lot about myself and how to better deal with various issues that have sprung up because of bipolar disorder (and just living life, of course :) Hannah
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This is EXACTLY how I’ve felt for YEARS.
This is an actual example of how it feels. The video was useless.
The best explanation. I resonate with this so much, it’s nearly impossible to describe but you summed it up perfectly.
Best question of the video was "what is it like living without bipolar?" I always thought I was like everybody else until I realized that I wasn't in a not-so-good way
Some days I'm a tornado and my body can't keep up with my mind. Other days, food doesn't register as food and I can't eat, I become hopeless, and I want to die. I have learned to capitalize on my hypomania, meaning I need to act fast before the depression comes. I know that if I sit on my ideas, they will go away and never come back.
I would say that living with bipolar is like being split into several people who represent every wild idea or emotion you can't control constantly in your ear at the same time. not literally of course, it's swimming in a see of what if scenarios that will never happen. I work in construction and I appreciate that analogy haha
Avram SantaMaria right
I describe it as feeling like you're in a crowded room or hallway, and it's filled with disembodied voices that are my thoughts, and it's impossible to focus on on any singular voice. Like a constant sensory overload going on in the forefront of your mind
Like you, I have no middle ground. It's only real high or real low. It's very taxing. Luv the hat. Keep it up
I feel this. For me, it was strange because once I got diagnosed with BP2, everyone expected me to suddenly act normal but things actually got harder because now I was mindful of it. They wanted me to do a bunch of great stuff and I'd be happy just to keep a job, you know? It is really difficult because you have to check yourself CONSTANTLY and even then you doubt if you are doing it well. To describe BP2, I usually use the screen brightness tool on a phone. It's either too low to see or is so high that it burns battery. Only imagine if the low tool burnt the same amount. You can't choose between the two. Your brain does.
Could see where making decisions would be difficult. Because you have to keep both personalities in mind and consider what is sustainable.
It's like a huge storm lasting for days then it suddenly becomes sunny the next morning. And then it's back to long stormy weather the next day.
Everyone's stories are like mine and for some reason it makes my chest hurt. Anyone else get triggered reading these??
Me
A few days back I thought that having bipolar two reminded me of the time I was in an abusive relationship. When it's bad, it feels like it's never going to end. Then the good times come, and I always believe that this is it, it's going to change, and everything will be okay from now on and depression is never coming back. Except it is, and I'm almost always surprised and unprepared. It sounds so stupid when I read it written down now. But that's my life with bipolar two.
I'm 43 and only recently diagnosed with bipolar two. When I started learning about it my entire life began to make sense. I went so long not knowing what was wrong with me. I just knew I was different. I didn't seem to act or react like other people. So much so it has recently nearly cost me my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I'm on medication now and I feel like I'm finally able to think straight and see things clearly. Reading these comments has helped me feel less alone. Thanks.
I'm 43 as well. In my 30s I hit the bottle hard drank everyday n I felt like a natural pussy repellent my whole life. I've been diagnosed maybe 4 months ago. A lot of times I'm still like Fuck people. So yeah I get it bro. I'm just up n down like all the time
I was diagnosed when I was 54. I am 63. As Red Lodge noted, I know now that I'd been fighting this "invisible illness" for years. In fact, I often heard an audible voice in my head that said, "You're crazy"! I attempted to shut it down, but there came a time when I ran out of the energy to do so and fell so far into depression that I was suicidal. This scared me, and I sought help--and fortunately got it. Interestingly, since my diagnosis, I've never heard the crazy voice again.
When I'm in a depression, I feel invisible. i feel as if I don't exist and that I won't be missed when I isolate myself. I'm behind a dark curtain and the blackness envelopes me. I will spend days doing nothing but lying in bed and feeling guilty for my irresponsibility and my grandiose ideas during my last hypo manic state. I'm in a fog of denial and embarrassed guilt. Sometimes I can't think; I can't connect 2 thoughts; I lose track of myself. More to feel embarrassed about. More isolation.
Then suddenly, without warning, the curtain lifts! Light shines in and optimism grows and I make plans. I actually don't remember the dark time I just came out of. I resume life from my last hypo mania. To me, the dark days simply haven't happen. You see, I know that I'm all better now. WIth a bit of self-discipline I can keep the damn curtain from falling again. Then my optimism outgrows itself and moves to impulsivity--in my case, with money. I have plans, you see, and they require money! My thoughts race even faster than my body; I can't sleep; I become exhausted and probably ill.
Then the curtain drops again. Instantaneously I'm in blackness, stumbling through guilt for whatever mess I've gotten into and confusion about how I got there. At some point though, reality returns and the darkness morphs in guilt, isolation, and suicidal thoughts. I cope by becoming invisible again, not living, just existing, waiting, longing for something--I have a vague feeling of what it is, but it's always blurry enough that I can't identify it.
Abruptly the curtain lifts, and the cycle continues.
All of this happens while I attempt to maintain a facade of capability. But I, of course, can't. I live at the whim of waves of bewildering emotion, alternately feeling and not feeling anything at all.
Thanks for encouraging me to articulate this.
Hi Becky. I'm glad you found us and thank you for sharing that. I hope you'll subscribe to our channel and join us. I'm wondering, have you found the bipolar symptoms have lessened or changed as you got older? Hannah
In my case, they've worsened. I was forced to retire early due to the "curtain down" times and the apathy that accompanies them. I attempted to rejoin the employed world again 2 years ago, but had to resign after 2 months due to anxiety. I'm not sure about the cause. It could be that the symptoms are indeed worse. On the other hand, it could simply be that as I've gotten older the accumulation of time has increasingly stripped me of the energy to mask the symptoms. Masking takes a great toll on a person, and I've masked since I was 13 (when I, as I understand it now, had my first "attack").
Meds and the willingness to be straightforward with those around me and to accept their support are helping a great deal. "Hope springs eternal," as you know. I don't look at the future as being a grim wasteland of bewilderment. My God gives me strength, as well as a sense of humor! :)
Becky Schmidt hi Becky, I'm 54 diagnosed at 40. I'm thinking perimenopause, for me, is making things worse. finding out late, while getting the growing old crap really sucks. keep putting on your happy face.
Same. 😒
Well written sums things up perfectly for me .
I'm 34 and just got diagnosed with bipolar, having been misdiagnosed for many years. All my life has been filled with having these dreams and aspirations to use my gifts in ways that will benefit myself, my children and others. And I feel so motivated and start giving these dreams my full force... And then it all comes crashing down one day and my dreams that I had been working on fall away. And the cycle repeats over and over. I could never understand why. Why could I never just keep building my dreams? What is wrong with me? Am I just a person who gives up? Am I lazy? Am I unmotivated? I didnt feel like I was any of those things... So Why can't I complete anything? And then when I got my diagnosis, it made sense. I have an illness that was not being properly treated. I was expecting my brain to work in the "traditional" way. And that is just unrealistic. So now I can focus on how to build my dreams in a way that works with MY brain. It may be a more difficult path than other's, but its the cards I have been dealt.
Hi Nadine and welcome to our community. I hope you'll subscribe and join us. Like yourself, I've met many people here who were actually relieved to be diagnosed and to finally understand what was behind a lot of things they experienced over the years. In fact, I would say their entire self-image was changed. I want to encourage you to not give up your dreams. You can be successful (however you define that for yourself). Thanks for sharing part of your story. Hannah
I’m a 26 year old woman with bipolar 2 and I’m married to a 26 year old man without it. I would NEVER wish it upon him. But sometimes I wish he could feel what I feel for even a second so he could understand. He is so good to me and patient and loving, but it’s hard for anyone to understand who doesn’t have bipolar.
I told him that it’s as if he’s walking through water while I’m walking through mud. It’s not that I’m not “trying;” it just takes me so much more effort and time to “get there” with anything.
bipolar 2 is always feeling tired, feeling exhausted. Feels like having the flu without a fever, or head ache. Is there any medication out there that will work, without stupid side effects. something that will continue working longer than 2-3 months.
Jim, that's a good description of bipolar 2. I've found a lot of people (the general public and those just beginning their mental health journey) believe that psychiatric medication is like taking antibiotics. You take it and you feel better. That's far from the truth. I've found medication to be a stabilizing force, but NOT a cure. Every medication has side effects and even with medication, you're left with symptoms. Regarding medication "poop-out" after 2-3 months, there are people who have their medication work for years and there are others, maybe like you, who have to keep switching. (Tolerance - When Psychiatric Medications Stop Working - ow.ly/Bd3p309DlBO ). I hope things get better in that department. Hannah
Try things like microdosing magic mushrooms, lithium orotate, tdcs etc
Lamotrigine works really good for me
Have you wondered, like I have, whether we are being misdiagnosed? Or rather, they are missing something? I wonder could this debilitating fatigue that comes and goes be hidden lyme disease or some type of auto immune disease. My dr. Checked for lyme, but told me it tends to hide and i need a more expensive test that insurance doesnt cover to find it and even that's not 100 accurate and then treating it is another nightmare. So she has me on several vitamins to boost my immune system.
I loved this! I am always questioning "Do other people think like I do with Bipolar 2??" Also loved when you said, "What is it like NOT living with it?!" I don't know! Thanks for all you do!
Hi Anne. It's strange for me because people without bipolar disorder are always asking me, "What's it like living with bipolar?" It's sort of a comparison question - What's it like, compared to what? Maybe we should ask other people what living with bipolar disorder is like for them and then we can compare our own lives to that. Thanks for the comment. Hannah
totally feel it, girl. I have bipolar 2 as well. it's hard figuring out who you are some days in the sense that each emotion gives you a totally different view of life. some days we can conquer the world and other days the world takes a fat shit on everything you thought you loved and understood. the highs can be anything from hyperactivity to anger/irritability and the lows can be anything from just simply bummed out and tired to so depressed you can't function. some people, like myself, even experience both at the same time. it's like your brain is playing multiple radio stations at once. you can't grab a thought fast enough to even know how to feel. some bipolar people suffer from psychosis as well. they become paranoid and can suffer from visual and auditory hallucinations. similar to schizophrenia. that's why some of us benefit from antipsychotics. most people with bipolar disorder, whatever the type, will agree that the depression can be the hardest part next to the irritability and anxiety. we are either out in the world basking in all of its finery or shutting ourselves away from everyone and everything...just stuck with your thoughts of helpless defeat. to the loved ones of our special kind, you're the REAL MVP! we can certainly be a handful.
Cadence Piper
That is exactly how I feel. Thank you for wording it sonperdextly
I meant perfectly
Robbie Ward thank you! I also hate when people say, "bipolar is just an excuse to be a bitch" because it's so much more than that. it's a beautiful mess. lol. it's creativity, deep empathy, overanalyzing, extreme joy, crippling anxiety and sadness, hyperactivity, paranoia...the list of pros and cons go on. lol. it's a daily battle and we are our own worst enemies and greatest heroes. it's comforting knowing I'm not alone.
Cadence Piper Hi, first, love the way you stated, how it feels to have bp2. not an easy task. I can't seem to come up with the same answer twice. second, yes it sucks having all your feelings come at you all at once. like playing Russian roulette with yourself. there are some days I've helled at myself "just pick one!!!! anyone!!" And the next day I'll be out gardening like nothing ever happened. I sometimes feel like I keep being pulled in and out of line. I'm headed in the direction I want to go, I'm prepared...but then suddenly I'm pulled off into a different direction, I'm not prepared for, I either freak out, get mad, irritated, scared or panic. and before I can get a grip on what's going on, I'm suddenly shoved back to where I started. my brain has a hard time dealing with sudden changes. I get the down and out"stuck" times. i call it my "it just doesn't happen" days. I get so..so beyond erksom, depressed, I'm not good enough, eating ice cream right from the carton. and the harder I try to get out of this state, buy getting up to go do something productive, the more it almost "hurts", and lasts for a much longer time. love my wonder woman days. sucks when the joker comes back. oh, I forgot, I have add also. just for good messure. I got a bit off track, but wanted to say, I'm glad there are people out there that are putting the word out for what it's like to have bp2. it's not easy, and it's not something that can cured, or wished away. someone once said, "well, if you know that's going to happen, can't you just practice not to do that?" I felt like saying well, gee, duh! why didn't I think of that. wouldn't it be nice to be able to practice not having bp2.
+Vicki Goguen thank you, Vicki! those who don't suffer in a similar way just have no idea. lol. I also hate when people say "bipolar is just an excuse!" like... uhm... excuse me!? you think I LIKE being this way!? like being stuck between loving myself and hating myself!? it's tough because you never know how long your cycles will last or what will set you off. a lot of times for me, it's not that situations set me off, but I just feel however I feel and it's hard to change that. when I'm down, I feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can't get out of and I just shut down. and when in up, I drive others away because they think I'm annoying or mean.
You honestly make me smile. I love your personality. Living with Bipolar II is very hard and it has been for me my entire life. Thank you for your kind words and for advocating for something that is so near and dear to me! Much love to you 💕
I want to steal your hat. And my analogy is like being a diamond. You are created under unbelievable pressure, nobody sees that. You have many sides to the same whole, nobody sees that. but when you steep back and see how life reflects through you it becomes mesmerizing and captivating. Sad part is that I am never seen as a whole but a part and it is so freaking frustrating
love this! i see you, Diamond! :)
Daniel Moore this is so TRUE!! no one wants to recognize our manic creativity...only the manic panic, as I call it. haha. or when you try and explain to a person who doesn't understand how deep your emotions Run and they're just like..."well we all feel like that sometimes..." hell nah! stay strong, man!
bipolar weirdo I hate when ppl say that they have no idea !!!!
I love this analogy so much. ❤
Oh man yup this makes a lot of sense for me as well. Hang in there everyone we're gonna be okay
It feels like being in an ocean filled with waves. The depression feels like having several waves crashing down on you and you’re gasping for air. You don’t know if you should just let yourself drown. Then suddenly you feel a burst of energy and you feel stronger. You can swim now. The waves don’t feel so strong. Now you’re effortlessly floating on top of them. Maybe you’ve even grabbed a surfboard board and are riding through them. But before you know it, you wipe out and the cycle begins again.
People who don't live with a mood disorder baffle me. They live under the delusion that they are in control of their thoughts and emotions, when in reality they just happen to have the right balance of brain chemistry. They aren't DOING anything to maintain it, and if it got thrown off they would be exactly where I am right now.
So true
It's like your two different people. Constantly fighting in one mind. Sometimes when im snappy it's not intended towards anyone. It's like interrupting an intents argument. I end up using the same tone that I was using talking to myself.
what it's like living with bipolar II?
For me, Exhausting
Im bipolar 1 and have finally gotten control of my symptoms with a good mix of the right meds and an awesome therapist. don't give up! even if life isnt perfect, its still livable
Thank you that really motivated me! 😭🖤
@@Justtarandomdelulu Thank YOU!
Cool videos, you are very relatable. It's like walking on an old unstable bridge, where you can fall of any moment.
right
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I just found you so I don't know if you will read this but when you said you felt like "an abandoned lot where something epic could have been built", that really hit me in the gut and heart. I'm 53 and just coming to grips with bipolar and what I didn't know my whole life about it. I feel like so much of my life and potential was wasted and feel sad and regretful over that. But the future is yet ahead so hopefully I'll be able to understand and copy better.
Trying right now to get a diagnosis . . . thank you so much, all of you, for sharing. I relate so heavily to your words. Whether or not I have bipolar, I do feel understood, and less alone. So thank you. I appreciate you all. 🙏
mine is just feeling absolutely horrible and worthless but suddenly you just feel the urge to do something with your life and you start going faster and being more productive and when everything is going great after a week suddenly you’re RIGHT back to feeling awful, on and off on and off
Mine is exactly like you described and people around you can't understand no matter how much you try to explain it and most of the time people tell me you got to pray your way out of it but it's not that easy so now I don't even discuss it with anyone it I feel down I tell them I'm not feeling well and another thing I had to dismiss several people out my life because they were stressors in my life and a few of those people were my Dad and Brother but sometimes you ha to love people from a distance
@@landonjohnson3829 when people try to advise you like it helps... pain
As for your example, I would do nothing except build that building day and night, get it maybe 3/4 finished, and then lose all interest in it and it would just be a waste of effort and money and a weight of despair on me.
Also, every time I talk I feel like a fool. I’ll be excited and happy to say something, I want to make people laugh but then I immediately feel like a fool. My BP2 is a constant daily roller coaster of euphoric peaks followed with crushing lows. Sometimes my baseline is hypomania and it can last days, weeks, months…but mostly my baseline mood is fear and depression.
Self perception is the biggest challenge with bipolar.
Thank you to all who have comment on the video. I have read every single comment and tried to process each and every one of your statements and experiences of living with bipolar II. My son-in-law has very recently been diagnosed and is starting his journey with a medical and traditional holistic approach. All of your comments will help me and my family immensely to try to understand what daily life is going to be like for him. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
When i was in a psyche ward recently because of my bipolar, it dawned on me that you're literally a passenger in your body with it. It's very descructive, I think is another way to put it, too.
Hi Todd. That's an interesting thought. But you're not just a back seat passenger. You do have the ability to do things to control your symptoms and manage bipolar. Thanks, Hannah
I relate so much to her. I wish I could Meet you Hannah!! I was just diagnosed yesterday! I found your TH-cam's and have stopped watching nonstop. I've literally sent this to all who is close to me. Perfect analogy.
I could of been epic 😭😭😭
I was diagnosed 3 years ago after suffering in silence my entire life. I have had many triumphs undermined many times from it but I can assure you that if you can accept it, listen to it, respect it then you will build something only someone with a gift like yours can do. You are special.
I just went back for my first follow up with my psychiatrist and my official diagnosis is Bipolar 1. It turns out that I met more of the mania criteria than I originally thought. But, this video still explains me totally. Thank you again for making your videos. They do help people!
Hi Timmy. Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. It's good you now have an official diagnosis. At least you know what you're dealing with. How did you feel after receiving the diagnosis? Hannah
I feel much better knowing what has been causing so many problems for years now. I’m relieved that I can finally start working towards the best treatment for me and be the best I can be for my family since I’m getting married next October and I will be a stepfather too. I’m grateful to have a supportive family. I’m also grateful to live in a time where I have access to great resources such as your videos and others that explain so much about bipolar disorder. Thanks again!
I wish I could find a good group for people with bipolar 2. Ik I'm not alone, but I feel so extremely alone. A lot of the comments I've read are EXACTLY what it's like for me to live. Yet, no one around me really understands. My relationships are so taxing and most of the time I either want to leave and start over or die. Nothing I've tried so far has worked either; not meds, talk therapy, diet, exercise, research, staying busy, or trying to get proper rest/sleep. To me it all boils down to what I lack in my personal relationships and this unending feeling of loneliness. I really believe that if I could just find that one person who really understands and cares my life would be/get better.
Hello and I hope this help you I been dealing with Bipolar 2 since I was a teenager I'm 48 now but what works for me is I don't have committed relationships anymore because it stresses me out you may be better just casual dating and when you are feeling down you can go into your downward spiral without destroying relationships this is what works for me I never been married and have no children because living with Bipolar is a job and I just go with the flow if I feel energized I do more but if I'm depressed I do the minimal and when I'm feeling better I come out my shell and mingle you don't have to tell every body about your condition because some people aren't mature enough to handle what you go through and may use your illness against you to sum it up Just go with the flow from day to day and don't worry so much about what people think and this should help some sorry to go on so long but Polar Warriors taught me this strategy he said wake up and feel horrible he flip a coin do what ever the coin day example just say it's your day off work and you are feeling depressed take a coin and say if it fall on heads I'm going to stay in bed all day and relax but if it fall on tails I will do one or two things on my list of things that I wanted to do that day and usually you will feel better because if you wanted to do 3 things that day and you did only on or two it's better than doing either I hope this help you some
@@landonjohnson3829, hello I wanted to say I really appreciate your reply, but I don't know how to quite respond. Except to say, what you described would be worse than what I'm already dealing with and lead me completely over the edge faster. I'm simply not built that way. I am glad that you have found a way in life that works for you, but I'll have to continue searching for mine. Peace and Blessings
I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 awhile ago as being extremely manic and depressive but I take it as a gift pf being human. It all came about when I had my spiritual awakening and truly I believe it's affected by where we are in our body in mind. I am an artist and a yoga teacher and I have many good plans for my life- and have had thousands of divine experiences in all kinds of ways. Embrace it- it is life. Embrace energy and the goddess of self. You are worthy and an infinite being of infinite potential 💗 namasté
From being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd and now being diagnosed with bipolar 2 at 24 I had a huge identity crisis…. I felt like I been lied too and I’m so confused because I could have prevented so much.
I’m happy I found out now but I been on low since I found out that empty feeling you explained and I am happy I came across your video. I’m following you.
❤️
My bipolarness, for me, is like one moment I’m as giddy as I can be - happy and content, but a minute later I’m beating myself down to a bottomless pit. It’s like a light switch, but it’s not me flickering it. It’s a slide of emotions that are seemingly inescapable and polarizing.
I don't think you have bipolar that sounds like borderline. Bipolar doesn't change like that in a minute.
Living with bipolar 2 makes me feel like a failure in everything I do. I have failed my children. I have extremely low confidence I have so much to be happy for but it is almost impossible to be happy. I hate how i act!!!
I am so irritable. It is unfair to have to live like this.
Hi Brandi. I can tell you're going through a difficult time and I agree that bipolar disorder can definitely be unkind. When you say that you've failed your children, of course, I don't know what you're referring to. However, I think it's important to consider that parenting is complicated by bipolar disorder. It's challenging to take care of others when you are just trying to stabilize yourself. When things aren't going well in my life and the I hear the negative self-talk, I always remind myself that living with bipolar disorder isn't easy and I need to be kind to myself. I hope you've talked to your doctor and therapist openly about your feelings and what's going on with your symptoms. It could be a medication issue that's causing the irritability. Hannah
What a great example and the feelings that go along with it! Each and every one of us are completely different how we experience our diagnosis and learn to love and know ourselves. Kudos to you Hannah!
Yeah! Love the metaphor. You really fleshed it out as a "work in progress". (Just found this one after the last comment on your hypomania or happy video.) Thank you for encouraging, hopeful, and honest messages.
I’ve always said that I’m stuck on a rollercoaster I can’t get off of. Just highs and lows. Hope and disappointment. Fighting your own brain.
The construction analogy caught me off guard at first. I was feeling the fast talking and the anything that moves I want to look at and oh screw it, I'll check it out bits (must be uncomfortable for people when I'm in that state; they really have no chance at guessing how many things I can look at and think about while still maintaining the conversation). Then you went into the construction thing, I knew where you were going cause I've been trying constantly to find a simple enough analogy to (sadly) justify or explain my behavior to all the people wondering why I seem to have my shit together...but can't get my shit together?
These simple analogies are the key unlocking mental health stigmas so thanks so much for the video.
Final word..maybe: In academic circles and literature it's considered a Serious mood disorder. That's because it is. It's not fun, I don't enjoy talking so fast, not being present with people I feel deserve my undivided presence. I'm not a fan of making plans and canceling plans, again and again, building hope in people and letting them down. I particularly don't enjoy the fresh inviting scent of a room that's been slept and sweat in for 80 out of a possible 96 hours over four days, only to emerge now, unable to sleep a minute longer and now face the horrid deapths of this gut wrenching dull empty pain surrounded by a conscious abyss. My rage, which I "control" with a great deal of effort and energy (and it is never satisfying ever), comes from being perfectly aware of all those kisses n hugs i mentioned above, yet continuing to fumble over the same shit on repeat haha! One brick is better than no brick, and no brick is still ok. Maybe I'll lay another brick tomorrow! Thanks for the vid, lots of courage there.
Hypomania is like driving down a busy highway with a stuck throttle. Mania is the same but also without a steering wheel. Depression is when the car runs off, crumples and careens into a ravine and you are dazed, bruised, and trapped inside the wreck with only your eyes and nose above water for weeks.
For me it’s having all these ideas and drive and direction for my life and bettering myself and then the depression hits so hard and feels like the big high tower of myself I was trying so hard to build just gets blown up and everything I was trying to do is laying in rubble on the ground. It gets so hopeless that I can’t even get out of bed. But then it passes and I start feeling like I can do what I originally set out to do. Just this endless cycle. It’s hard. For me anyway. Just really hard.
I was diagnosed with just major depression but I feel like you described for at least 2 years.Right now I’m so low I have no energy 😢
You’re so beautiful Hannah! Thank you for bringing so much awareness to the mental health community.
for bipolar two it kinda reminds me of having a split personality. i have one perfect and motivated self, next a depressing self.
this was what made me think i had bpd. i had trust issues, unsure of how i had acted and been to others while moody.
Hi! I understand where you are coming from, the mood swings can be so severe it's almost as if we are living as two different people. However, there is a difference between bipolar and borderline personality disorder. If you feel you are experiencing more symptoms of bpd I would definitely communicate with your doctor. Thank you for sharing! -Hannah
Rose ...I completely understand I feel like I'm more bpd ...not bipolar 2 ..even tho the symptoms are very similar ...
I love what you had to say at 2:30, couldn't have said it better. There are just some things words cannot describe; and I agree with you that there is no true way to describe what it's like to have bipolar. When explaining what it's like to have bipolar, all one can do is state generalizations of the symptoms of bipolar in which they are aware of. It would take a book for someone to properly illustrate their experience.
For sure, Rip City Logic. And for the general public, generalities about what bipolar disorder is like will probably do. Each of us is different and affected differently by bipolar and so for family members and close friends, a more detailed and on-going explanation is needed if we hope for them to help us and "get it". Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hope you'll subscribe. Hannah
I have bipolar type 2 and its like the story of the x men. All of those “mutants” were special and had their own gifts but they only learn to accept those gifts and to harness it once they meet professor X. I see my gift as vision so cyclops story resonates with me.
I haven’t found enough realistic videos of what it feels like from a real person or how it is for them. I watch Maarten first and now this. I am exhausted and i get frustrated and go extreme all the time.
YASLAYN I can tell you what bipolar is truly like I've had it 22 years and its horrendous to be honest I'm 50 and am now for the last 11 months on the diabolical down side depression of this totally crappy illness the meds just doing nothing I've lost everything, well almost because of the absolute insane behaviour when I'm psychotic. I don't know, I must of been in about 30 hospitals over the years and to be honest I've reached the point where i pray to either go manic again because it's such a liberating feeling to have no fear and feel like you are so special it's like so euphoric at first but in my case the shit starts to get dangerous where I fall into the totally delusional category and I feel invincible. Sounds great to feel like that and to a degree it is but as time goes on and one gets older the outcomes of mania become dangerously destructive.
it's a fun hat and a great way to start a conversation with someone. And it will make people smile and forget their problems. you should wear something funny every Monday.
Thanks Pamela. I like having a little fun and bringing a smile to someone's face. I'm glad you came by. Hannah
For me it is hard. I do not like having it. I wish I did not. I have been in denial. But without it, my biggest dream in life would not have come true. I wrote a book about it. When people meet me they say you can't tell you have it. You have to take your medication, or you will be in trouble. After like 55 mental hospitals, I am done. I have it, and I am NOT going back in one of those places again.
Hi Cheryl. Just wondering, since you had been in the psychiatric hospital so many times, what kept you in denial for so long? Thank you. Hannah
I would have to say people. People telling me that I don't have enough faith to get off my medication. Or people saying it dulls my brain, or a man I liked saying I don't have it. As a Woman of God and an Evangelist, I kept trying to get healed. It is just not going to happen. Paul had a thorn in his side and Jesus did not heal him. He said, "My Grace is sufficient for you." Like I said in my book, Surviving Bipolar Through God's Grace", my medication provides me with my healing. I am working on my 3rd book. What I went through will all be in there. I NEVER want to go into a mental hospital again. I have two scars from them, and they just gave me a black and blue toe. We are being abused in there, and no one cares. I will talk about it on my next tv interview. I will be on the radio too. A girl contacted me and said she was raped in one. It needs to stop!!!
Cheryl Richards have your books been written yet ? And are they completed I'd like to read them . Thanks. I hope your well .
@@cherylrichards8600 I can relate. I was told it's a *Spiritual Problem* so I spent many years trying to end my suffering by being a better person and confessing any and every sin I could think of to God.
I like the analogy to the construction site. My bipolar 2 so getting so bad (even on meds).
I was watching this for my boyfriend, who has BPII. I have ADHD and for me, ADHD is like my brain is Times Square and each person is a single thought. It`s always busy and there`s so much going on. One of those people is an important person I need to follow, but I don`t know what they look like right away and when I find out what they look like, it`s still very easy to lose them in a crowd. If I lose them, I have to wait in the intersection and hope that they come back again.
Iseebichan, what a great analogy! It really helped me visualize what you are dealing with. Thank you, Hannah
I'm getting manic just watching people that are similar to me :)
My personality changes almost daily, sometimes hourly. In order to get anything done that is even a tiny bity challenging, I have to create this personality to motivate myself to do the task. Example: If I want to have a productive work day, I have to form a personality of a person who is strict about everything and perfect with everything. And then another day where I want to be productive, the personality will be me acting like my job is the easiest job in the world, and I embrace that role to get my work done. Insane.
I love your description. I know it's different for everyone . For me, I was beaten by a father who belonged to a cult religion that was very strict and preached death to sinners and homosexuals who do not repent. Of course I turned out to be gay. Long story short, I had to be silent and unseen at school and home. I'd been assaulted at school as well and on the bus. For me BP2 is me trying to be aware of every mood in the room in order to survive. To constantly be on guard and to argue with authority figures and bosses . Misunderstanding everyone in the process as I try to guess what people are about to do to me.I ruminate over th smallest slight or tone of voice . Treatments have included partial hospital outpatient (6 week), CBT, DBT, Meds, EMDR, ongoing psychology and meditation. Doing stable for a few weeks now.. Blessings
I hope you are doing well
It's like fixing a truck that never broken down fully except never fixed. For, example when you buy a used car and you add new parts to it. You never solve the problem you just bandage it. Until you decided to fix the car, it’s just working on borrowed energy so when you realize that you began to save up for a new car. Just like Hannah said laying new foundation on an empty lot that was fixed just empty. Also , Hannah thank you for making these types of videos I can really relate them.
T Kidd yes
This was short, but very helpful. my husband & father to my almost 1 year old son and his 11 year old daughter. he has a hard time talking about his bipolar which makes it difficult for me to help him or simply make things easier. anyway, I appreciate your metaphors and I feel kinda upset with myself for not looking into info because I have dated someone with bipolar and have friends who are, however, my husband is the first one with bipolar type II.
I love the example and your hat. Great video!
Ya I wanna know where you got it!
That is such an insightful comparison ❤️
Thank you, jessx306. I'm glad you found it helpful. Hannah
I totally agree about what you said what it's like living with bipolar 2 disorder. I do feeling like my kind never turns off, I need a pill to go to sleep. I've been told I'm weird or different too. My depression has been pretty bad lately, might be from waiting for pain meds need new authorization from workman's comp. I'm highly stressed from the pain, and it exhausts me,. That from cervical degenerative disc disease,. Thanks for explaining and your hat is cute, lol
Hi Allison. Do you have to take a sleeping pill every night to sleep? Thanks, Hannah
The best analogy to me is climbing a tree and going all the way to the top the very top way past where most normal people climb, and you stay there and you can see the world and you can see everything and you never want to leave because you have this euphoric high feeling that is better than anything. But that doesn't last because pretty soon you start to climb back down the tree even though you don't want to. the difference is with normal people when you hit the ground you're done, but with bipolar 2 the depression is really deep and you'd sink into a hole and you keep going and you look back at the top and you remember what it was like to be up there but you feel like you'll never be there ever again, and you keep sinking lower and lower and lower and pretty soon there's no way out even if you want to get out. And you spend a long time there until one day you're back up to climbing and you get all the way to the top of the tree and it feels fantastic again but it doesn't last very long and pretty soon you're on your way back down and you hope you never go back in that hole again but sometimes you do.
I can do good and suddenly i feel parinoid, or deeply sad. But i know its going to pass. I am on lexapro\wellbutrin and have felt good. I daze out sometimes but age and acceptance of my condition has helped thank you and your hat is kick ass
I get asked the same question.
My honest reply is “I don’t know, I have nothing to compare it too, I’ve always been me”.
ive never been diagnosed but I've been experiencing manic depressive episodes and am going to go into a mood stabilizer soon i think the best way to discribe my experience is like being in a video game and walking down a road feeling really bland and bord and just not enjoying the game then finding a npc that wants you to do a side quests then getting super excited and into it then before your done with the side quest its just like "i dont care anymore i found another side quest and now this is the only thing i care about" then the same thing happening again and again and again and it never stops i know i should focus on the main story but i cant.
Thanks for this video. I have bipolar and appreciate this. You’re also very pretty!
Very! I'm also bipolar :)
Good explanation and i like what is it like to live without a mental illness.
Hannah (sp?) I wish you'd come back and do more videos, I haven't seen you on lately. I have bipolar 2, and I go from being sad and hating everything and everyone for not doing more for me.... to being so scattered I'm in the mood for conflicting things at the same time all day long. Either way is tiring. I'm on a med now that helps tremendously, but type 2 is just going from one bad place to another. And yes, my perception of things can be bizarre to other people.
Thank you for this.
I was diagnosed with major depression for 13 yrs and then I went into a deeper depression, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few months ago, I knew something wasn’t right about me, I changed medication 6 times and now I’m on a bipolar medication plus a depression medication, I’ve been good and life was okay, dealing with things was okay and then I had a bad day and it continues to spiral down, I thought about just ending my pain and all the racing thoughts, I continue to go down this dark path because of one thing, I’m just spinning and waiting for my medication to help me, help me understand that I can do this life and I’ll be okay, I’m either really high or really low, being bipolar sucks
I know I’m like, yeaaars too late but… I’m new and I’m awaiting a psychiatrist to hopefully understand what I’m going through. I got a loooot of mental health history with my family. (Including this and beyond)
but for me, aside from everything I’ve read here, from the original poster, right to the comments I’m relating to.. it’s like some days I swear I could be of the lawyer type, but there’s days where I literally cannot get out of bed.
But the best way I can describe it, is like being a person who cheers everybody on, I can believe in myself some days, and then the majority is spent feeling like a kid watching the world go by. Watching everybody else succeed and never having that’s successes for myself because the world around me is just frozen.
I don’t know what I’m even saying anymore as I’ve been up more than 36 hrs now, but I hope that this makes sense and that my psychiatrist can finally come to a conclusion as to whats gone wrong with me .. but this is the closest I’ve came to relating to something in a long time. 😔
As a long term, senior bipolar I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss the fantastic, euphoric, manic episodes. But eventually the downside got too extreme and my life too hectic. So, medication has solved that by smoothing out the extremes. But I do recall the manic moments with great pleasure.
Normal people seem to do everything society expects them to do in that order. I want to experience life without restrictions. It's my life and if I am wierd then that's good because normal people get jealous and only wish they were free.
Way cool hat man! I have Bipolar 1 disorder.
Boy, do I feel you. In another life we'd be great together. : (
Funny how people refer to Bipolar 2 as a "softer" form of manic-depression. To me, both Bipolar I and Bipolar 2 engender their own forms of hell. Bipolar 2 can be as impactful as I in the sense that oftentimes a person afflicted with it cannot work and has problems of impulsivity, substance abuse, social anxiety, etc. My diagnosis was changed from I to 2 in 2015, and even with meds and therapy things are still difficult.
Welcome Denise. I have not heard people refer to Bipolar 2 that way. And I certainly don't think of it that way. Whether you live with bipolar 1 or 2, it is a challenge. I've never heard someone say: "Thank goodness I have bipolar 2."
What symptoms are the most difficult for you to deal with and how do they affect your life?
Thanks, and I hope you subscribe to our channel and join our community. Hannah
Wow I'm really loving all these videos!
Love your video ♥️
Your beanie looks so cute, and really matches your lip color.
Well my analogy for bipolar would be living with a dog and a cat inside of me. The dog is the manic side.. Going around chasing goals bouncing around barking loud. The cat would be the depression side.. Withdrawn, not that social and sleeping a lot. There is no balance. So for one phase the dog will take over and for one the cat. Sometimes you are in between and you can be both.
I don't know how 2 deal with bipolar type 2 i get the depressive side extremely bad its serious i haven't stopped crying off & on the last few days straight i feel like I'm flying talking at rapid speed can't sit still for more than a minute ect during the manic phase it feels good last week I packed 20 bags full of shopping properly within I'd say 3 minutes when it takes up to 10 minutes
I never thought I end up with bipolar affective disorder type 2 but it hurts like hell I know how everyone feels its not fair
:((((((((((
Hi. I understand how you feel. And you're right, it's not fair. It isn't like we asked for it and now we're stuck with all these symptoms for life. However, I want to tell you that despite all that, there's still the possibility that you could live a good life or at least a better life. I want to share with you 3 things that have helped me. 1) I learn as much as I can about bipolar disorder through reading, watching videos, and talking to others who have it. 2) I found a good psychiatrist who keeps current with the research and has a lot of experience in helping people manage bipolar disorder. In addition, and this is just as important for me, the doctor is a collaborator; meaning he works with me to help me manage my symptoms and is available when I'm having problems. 3) I found a good therapist who helps me deal with not only my personal issues but helps me and gives me tools to monitor my symptoms. -- If you aren't happy with the doctors or therapists on your treatment team, find ones who are better. -- Sounds like a lot, right? It's takes a lot and is really hard sometimes because bipolar 2 makes it that way. But I will say that in the nearly 10 years since I was hospitalized, my life has gotten way better. I hope it does for you too. Hannah
+HealthyPlace Mental Health
i was talking 2 my sister about it & she suggested seeing a psychiatrist or social worker since she's been seeing one for her ocd for months & its gone well for her apparently
I've had trouble trusting these guys over the yrs since I was 14 now aged 39 & in & out of the outpatients for serious psychotic episodes & admitted 2 hospital on a number of times & placed in full restraints 2 protect others it's not often I comment on videos such as this when I mention I'm bipolar type 2 but when I read other peoples comments they share their story's on how difficult it is 2 handle it they explain their symptoms & give good suggestions 2 help others it's a good feeling for myself & for others knowing that no one is alone like many others I hate being alone its a scary feeling although I've got my sister & nephew I just don't trust myself much & with a long history of serious self harm I only do that 2 take the pain away I like videos documentary's such as this one it give others hope & hopefully it will do the same for me as well - cheers from Australia guys
Yea during my manic phases I've kinda blacked out almost exactly like someone who's gotten drunk at a party and done / said a ton of random shit that in the morning they bitter regret. Its kinda like that. Infact I've been accused of being drunk or on coke when in reality it was a manic phase of bi polar that had struck its honestly ruined my life as its got worse
Hi Hannah, I was diagnosed with bipolar to four years ago and I have been single since so that I could focus on myself. I am now entering into a relationship and we have a great time together however, I've not shared with her my diagnosis. I feel like I owe it to her to share with her but I'm concerned it will frighten her away or perhaps leave some stigma in her mind about me. Have you and dealt with this before or know someone who has? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much for the work you do! Steve
Hi Steve. When, or even if, to tell someone you have bipolar disorder is a very common problem. Literally, we have dozens of articles on the HealthyPlace website about this. Our bipolar blogger, Natasha Tracy, shares her thoughts in these two articles.Talking to Others About Your Mental Illness | ow.ly/1FwO307SFg3
When Do I Tell My Boyfriend/Girlfriend I Have Bipolar Disorder? | ow.ly/q6c8307SFjo I don't have a pat answer. What I would say is that if you're getting serious about the relationship, then you should tell the person. At the same time, you have to be mentally prepared to accept the stigma or rejection and understand that you can't control the other person. The other person has to make a decision on whether to continue the relationship. Putting it simply, why would you want to stay in a relationship anyway with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. Hang in there and good luck. Hannah
Thank you so much Hannah! I will watch. Steve
God I love this video!😭
Gosh i can hear her talk for hours 😍
My friends always say that tell us how you feel or what is it like and I was exactly like you how am I going to explain whats it like to live with bipolar it is so hard to explain. One example is never enough, they say okay i got it and then they give an example from their lives and they say that oh I do that sometimes too, everybody does that... That moment I know that no example can help explaining bipolar to people who havent bipolar :)
For me its like ripping my skin off then wrapping it around me like a shawl
I love your hat so so much!
January 20th 2017 was the day I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder 2 after yrs of being told it was severe clinical depression & anxiety since aged 14 with serious panic attacks in & out of the outpatients psychotic ward due 2 a very long history of self harm & violence at home, school or in public ect I was put on several types of antidepressants - none worked neither did various social workers or psychiatrists although i didn't cooperate that much over the yrs
last yr in December it was suggested by another doctor that I go back 2 my regular gp went through my medical file which showed all the symptoms then they'll able 2 piece together what was going on through various notes made from past psychiatrists I saw 1 leading up 2 this who made additional notes apparently it went undetected for almost 3 yrs & have been placed on tegretol 200mg ever since I get more depressive side than manic but when I do it feels like I'm flying doing things faster talk at rapid speed ect but I still loose occasionally by scratching my skull until it bleeds a lot it goes numb & find it funny but I've got my sister & 5 yr old nephew 2 take into consideration & put myself last both out parents are dead these days I feel lost alone empty scared shitless as 2 what I'll might do from 1 day 2 the next
What you've been going through sounds extremely scary. I've mentioned this before, on average it takes 7 years to correctly diagnose someone with bipolar disorder. Getting a correct diagnosis of bipolar 2 is problematic because patients usually emphasize the depression symptoms and doctors then misdiagnose the patient with major depression and prescribe an antidepressant. Antidepressant medication can flip a person with bipolar disorder into mania and that's when the misdiagnosis is uncovered.
I hope that you have a good treatment team, psychiatrist and therapist, and that things improve as time goes on. Hannah
+HealthyPlace Mental Health
it starting 2 make sense yeah my doctors did explain it takes a number of yrs to diagnosed someone with bipolar the funny thing is the mental health system here in Australia works different from u guys in the USA plus it's takes longer 2 process these things the fact I was apparently showing the symptoms made their job easier I found out recently I've got another cousin on my mums side who's bipolar 3 there's history I wasn't aware of until now
I wasn't aware antidepressants can flip a person who's bipolar scary thought cause in 2015 I was out of control doing stuff but despite being some of the worlds best antidepressants - none worked - lovan was one of them
thanks for your reply I appreciate it
Sincere and excelent💝
your amazing
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 3 years ago I went to a psychiatrist and I refused to believe him when he was telling me the symptoms
Lack of sleep and racing thoughts and my psychiatrist said that the reason I am thin is because of my racing thoughts. I had a very rough childhood my parents would always argue about something and I remember all of them since I was 4 and till this day, and I am always not contented at something that I did, even though they would tell me especially my friends that I did great but I just didn’t felt it was great such as school exams and creating art like music I don’t feel any content or whatsoever. Do you have any alternative medication for this?
Hi Maple Lino. Welcome to our community. I hope you subscribe to our channel. bit.ly/2LhFmsa I'm curious, why did you refuse to believe your psychiatrist's diagnosis? And do you believe it now? As for not feeling content, there's no magic pill for that. Therapy may be helpful though. Thank you for sharing part of your story. Hannah
HealthyPlace Mental Health I’m with my mother when we went to a psychiatrist and the doctor was telling all the symptoms and my mother said that she noticed all of the symptoms such as wasting my money when falling in love, and I always believe that I’m better than anyone, I can be quiet for like 2 or 3 weeks, self harm and I always remember the arguments of my parents since I was 4 and to this day(which is weird because I still have this and feels like my brain is torturing me) and it feels like there’s this other person inside me that I don’t even notice.I don’t want this illness I want this out of my life for good. Thank for making this channel because I realized that I don’t have to be embarrassed about my illness.
I am not bipolar.... but there's day's that I sit down and talk to the Lord to give me strength in order to keep going and to always seek equanimity.
Love this. 💓
Thanks Mirrandom. I hope you'll subscribe and become part of our community. :) Hannah
With Bipolar 2 is it possible to have cycles that are spring and summer being very energetic and creative but then all winter totally lathargic and depressed? I was initially diagnosed but i then got told it was PTSD. i'm so dpressed and feel like there's no plan now apart from a group pscyhotherapy meeting i've been sent to. i feel like life is a constant struggle and i want to go to sleep and not wake up. i've lost hope.
Hello cadmantheaviator. First, I want to make it clear I'm not a doctor or therapist of any type. The first thing I tell people is get a diagnosis. Sometimes, unfortunately, the first, even the second and third diagnosis aren't correct. If you are concerned about whether you are properly diagnosed, please see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Regarding the seasonal cycles, it sounds like you are affected by seasonal affective disorder, sometimes called winter depression. ow.ly/RC4y3080gjt One of the most common and easiest treatments for that is bright light therapy. ow.ly/WFrC3080gmC Please discuss your symptoms with your doctor and see if light therapy is a possible treatment for you. Thanks, Hannah
I am type 2 bipolar My Father had Schizophrenia & His Father ..... My grandfather had shock treatment for years back in the 50s-60's And My Dad had it too! With me having bipolar its about management / not always able to do that though... Luckily I am on meds that the "Mix" Is working but not constantly! I have rages of anger very very easily for no reason could be a trigger don't know! My mind is always going fast and I am up and down and talking and talking to anyone that will listen! Very hyper .... I don't get the depressive end on it much / just feeling down but not HUGE depression I am 54 May 31 ... I was diagnosed when I was in my early 30's nothing worked at all medication wise .... changing it all the time with my Psychiatrist .... past year has been a huge break for me with what I am taking BUT I am always scared it will not work any longer which has happened so many times .... I am on Lithium HIGH MG Lamotrigine Seroquel Duloxetine / Cymbalta ... I feel like what has helped me the most for the depressive is LAMOTRINE ........ Bipolar flair ups are never known why usually IMO
THANK YOU!!!!! Truly.
Hi Colee. I'm glad it touched you. I hope you'll subscribe and join us. Hannah
Thank you so much ❤️❤️😍
Hi Track Star. I appreciate that. I hope you've subscribed to our channel and look forward to your comments - if you wish. Hannah
the worst is if u have had a manic episode and u think that u have beaten the depression
Hi Carl! Yes, depression is difficult to accept and deal with, especially when it comes out of nowhere. I understand where you are coming from. Thank you for commenting! -Hannah
@@healthyplace no i had the depression for years first for years then 3 weeks of manic feeling coudnt sleep eat sweating all the time my jaw was rattling like i had been sniffing coke but i hadnt bean