The guilt of not buying an expensive gift is real. I’m a fairly crafty person and will often learn new skills to make something personal for my friends and family since I can’t afford many gifts, the materials to make it tend to be a lot cheaper, and that way I get to put way more care into it, but a lot of times they’ll ask me to simply buy them the same product next time even if the store version isn’t made with the same quality but is much more expensive
Wow, that sucks. I‘m sorry. I also like to make people gifts and some of my in laws are crafty as well so I get handmade gifts also. Like last year my brother in law’s girlfriend gave me this really cool basket she made. Something about how much effort someone put into making something makes it more special to me.
I would suggest you do what my family ended up doing years ago, which is ditching gift giving altogether. Christmas gift giving is fun for the kids, but it's lame and stressful for adults. Christmas for adults should be about food, gathering with friends and family, and enjoying traditions. Suggest the no gift policy idea to your family and see how they react. I bet many of them would be open to the idea.
I envy you, I wish I knew someone who would craft their own presents, a literal gift from the heart, rather than giving a hollow, mass produced merchandise, probably manufactured by human suffering, keep up the good work, you are the gift that keeps on giving.
Mariah writing a song about only wanting love and happiness and that being commercialized and utilized by retailers to try and remind people of the holidays and of the things they need to buy during the holidays is oddly perfect. It's truly an example of the way capitalism warps the holiday and everything associated with it.
As someone who've always hated family gatherings, thank you. Every time I've heard someone talk about how they couldn't wait for the holidays to spend some time with they're relatives, I would think I was the only one who would have done literally anything in order to avoid a Christmas dinner at my grandma's.
I feel the exact way when someone mentions family especially when it’s a work meeting and you and everyone is already trying to hard to be civil around one another, it’s agonizing pretending to be exited to see people you have nothing in common with other than genetics.
I don't mind my family, but I need them in small doses and not all together at once. Last Christmas I had a migraine and kinda won out there, might have to fake one out this year. I always feel like I'm treated as the lesser person in the family. I need to move overseas again when the pandemic is more or less over. Me time is best time.
Worst part about holidays for me is being expected to enjoy them. People get angry if I show the slightest annoyance or even if I’m not cheerful enough.
The toiletries thing is spot on and I had that feeling from an early age. When I was young I was pretty poor. Clothes from clothes closets, Christmas gifts from local churches doing donation drives for impoverished kids, etc. One time, when I was about 10 or so I sat and watched all these not-poor kids open their gifts of toys and cool shit before it was time to haul out the gifts for the poor kids and make them open them in front of the whole church. My little sisters got a few bits of new clothes, some dolls, and one of them even got a little bicycle! How exciting! My turn came around and package after package was filled with toiletries. I got 0 toys, 0 cool shit shit, almost no clothes, 12 bars of soap, 6 sticks of deodorant, some shaving creams and a razor (early puberty meant facial hair by the time I reached double digits), and several of those boxed sets of body-wash+deodorant+aftershave. I was mortified. I was a poor kid, not a disgusting one. I sometimes skipped days but what kid doesn't get caught up in their own world sometimes? I still bathed regularly and had even bathed that day. It really drilled home that these people not only didn't know me, they didn't care to know me. I was just a charity checkbox on their church bingo card. That day was burned into my memory. I felt humiliated. All these kids standing around watching me open "gift" after "gift" that seemed to indicate I was a nasty, unwashed child undeserving of receiving a gift meant to instill some small amount of joy in my life. I couldn't tell my parents either. How could I do that to them? They jumped through hoops to get us on these donation drives so we'd get something at least, I couldn't stand to potentially upset them that I wasn't happy. These days I take it in stride. If the best someone can come up with is some body wash I just use it. That's body wash I don't need to purchase myself.
Oh dear, I was not expecting to cry when I started reading your comment. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You were never undeserving of a gift that would have made you happy. What did you really want for Christmas that year?
I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Your comment makes me re-think of my mindset when it comes to charity. I come from a more privileged household in terms of wealth and have always been told to be “generous” by my family so we just give anything the poor “needed” based on our understanding of their “needs”. It makes me feel somewhat sad that you experienced such thing and I just realized how my family loves to splurge during festive seasons. It becomes a source of stress because of this spending culture in my family hence I think I avoided most celebrations due to finance. I hope that things are okay now for you :) Thanks for commenting really, I never really give much thought about this aspect before.
Yeah, it's the laziest gift to check off a checkbox. Our local giving tree thing says "just give us gift cards, if you insist on buying something - here's a specific list" probably to avoid this specific sort of alienation.
I'm so sorry you have this Christmas related trauma. It must've been absolutely devastating, it's the kind of psychological slap to the face children should never have to deal with. I wish I could somehow go back in time and give you an actual toy, something that could make you feel like you weren't a nasty child - because you weren't. I wish you had been treated with more kindness.
It’s so irritating when someone’s posts “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, perhaps it means a little bit more” and then proceed to post their pictures of the fortune they must have spent during the holidays. Thank you for validating my feelings I’ve had for years that Christmas feels like being the kid in the story The Emperors New Clothes: everyone else says it’s such a magical time of year but I see nothing good about it.
>someone posts “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, perhaps it means a little bit more” and then proceed to post their pictures of the fortune they must have spent during the holidays I'd call that "not getting the memo".
Ive posted this earlier (and not trying to convince you to love Christmas), but here's what *can* be good about it: I love Christmas (it's my favourite holiday), but not the consumerism aspect of it. I love the traditional Christmas songs that my family and friends sing together every year (not the traditional US Christmas music, I'm talking Austrian folk songs, although I love some of the classic US hits as well), I love the snow, I love buying an undecorated wreath and decorating it with decorations that have a long tradition in my family, I love drinking punch and Glühwein with my loved ones, I love baking Christmas biscuits, I love the advent calender book that I've had since childhood, and I love spending Christmas Eve with my family and just the magic of hearing the bell ring (my Dad still does that after all those years even though nobody in my family still believe in the Christkind) and running to the living room and seeing all the candles on the Christmas tree lit and the smell of cinnamon and biscuits and beeswax and my Mum taking out her guitar to accompany all of us in singing a couple of Christmas songs. I hate that it has turned into a capitalist nightmare, but this is what Christmas means to me.
@@Casutama Cool. I'd love to recommend you more, even beyond the most-closest-in-spirit like Creaky Blinder, who is realy very similar to Hbomberguy and Some More News. I love to share Fun and Facts and all such, so i love when someone asks me for more Watch-Suggests.
This year I'll be spending the holidays just with my partner - no fuss with decorations, no plastic tree that the cats will destroy - I just want to cook a nice meal with him and bake cinnamon rolls. Making food is literally one of the few things that lifts my anxiety and live in the moment. Got tired of the presents a while ago, and I'm glad family doesn't force me to give gifts. Thanks for the vid, Salari, and I hope you'll find some sort of peace during this period :)
Ok, so you sound just like me! The hubby and I don't do gifts as we already have everything we need/want, so I just make us a big meal and we play board games and get drunk
@@sarahwarnock2707 Sounds amazing, it's fun to hear people say they do similar simple stuff! Have fun getting drunk, and may the best player win at your boardgames!😁
Kind of sounds like my holiday last year - it was just me and my parents, (meaning mum and stepdad), who I love hanging out with, having a good dinner, drinking lots of our favourite wines, watching Queen at Live Aid because Freddie Mercury makes everybody happy, and playing "Game of Thrones" themed Clue. Everyone had a good time!
I feel like, the thing about Christmas that makes you so depressed is that you remember how happy and wonderful it made you feel as a child. And everything around you, suggest that you should still feel this way. But you just don’t. And its not even that you aren’t happy, its that you fell like you should be more happy, more joyful, more thankful, and that there is something wrong with you because you aren’t. But the thing is, its okay if you just feel okay on Christmas. Anyway great video as always!
Yeah I've struggled with that too. Once I hit my teens the magic went away and it freaked me out but as I've taken the time to process those emotions through the years and told myself it's ok, I've been able to find joy in other things in the season that I wouldn't have as a kid.
It can also definitely be that it reminds you how miserable it made you feel as a child and highlights how you're still stuck in those same horrible dynamics and you'll never escape due to the material reality of how your life has been shaped for you.
For my family. Christmas has always has the emphasis of family time, fun and good food especially being a British Jamaican 🇯🇲. It has never been about gifts. When growing up we were poor so we didn't have much gifts at all. So my mum and family made the day about fun and games, lots of laughs and quality time. Even as my sister , cousins and I have grown in adults and all have own money with good jobs, we still don't make Christmas about gifts. Several times we haven't exchanged any gifts at all and now we exchange gifts from nice things we have in our house that we don't want anymore and made a game where we have to play for the 2nd hand gift. It's so much fun 🤣 Because of this the magic of Christmas is still alive and well ❤️ and I want to do the same for my children some day.
Christmas makes me wince. Living in poverty-stricken states, I saw a lot of kids called 'brats' or 'spoiled' for asking for presents, even though their parents had told them 'Santa' was paying for the gifts and therefore the kids didn't know better. A lot of my friends growing up dreaded Christmas because their parents were so tense, were fighting, were pinching every penny... I knew more than one kid who got screamed at for not liking their presents enough, which made the kids more stressed and anxious around the holidays. Kids who tried not to ask for anything just made their parents more stressed. The common consensus was that the best day is the day after Christmas when your parents have mellowed out, the awful stress of being given things you're terrified to touch lest you ruin them and terrified not to touch lest you be called ungrateful had passed, and everyone could breathe again. None of this is my lived experience because I'm from a mixed Jewish and Muslim family but, uh, on the outside looking in... this holiday is traumatic for poor people under capitalism, full stop.
@@bnice6442 My mom is Jewish and French + Serbian American, my dad is Muslim and Uzbek. We kind of celebrated Hanukkah, but it was just one gift apiece since my brother and I have winter birthdays and so we'd already gotten (or would about to be getting) gifts for the year. It was very peaceful. Just nice dinners, some music, maybe watch some movies together... it was much, much lower pressure than anything described in this video. I feel very blessed, in retrospect.
Don't worry about the toiletries - they just mean "I've no idea what to give this person I don't know them too well". Anyway, this really spoke to me, as someone who is generally not into celebrations and getting togetherness, but their family is... Good luck to everyone in the same shoes!
One Christmas, my brother got like 5 shampoo bottles from our relatives. ^^ I am not for big Christmases, big anniversaries or huge weddings for that matter. Like if you have the time and money to spend, guess go ahead, but don´t make the rest of us feel pressured to. Luckily, my family does it small and we skipped gifts last year and this.
@@woodanemone9758 My sister tells her children that they get what they get for Christmas and their respective birthdays when it comes to people like me, who are "only" their aunt, for example. And she tells me she's fine with them not getting this many things because it gets too much so quickly. Last year, I think, I got them both a stack of "novelty post-its". I was surprised to be able something as inexpensive that wasn't candy. I don't remember exactly, but I may have spent the rough equivalent of two dollars for both children and did so in a famously expensive country and in a store that doesn't sell cheap crap. They had fun with them, plastering one or two of those post-its each onto the other's face.
Last year with the pandemic looming over everything, I actually enjoyed the hoildays more than I have in a long time. I didn't have to go to any gatherings. My partner came over, we did two quick video chats with our families and then we just sat cozy and watched Netflix. I loved it. I kind of wish that it would stay that way. But now with vaccines and such, I have to go to a bunch of dinners and plaster a smile on my face and pretend I'm not wishing I was back home in the peace and quiet of my apartment. Sigh.
What about telling them you caught covid? In my family we’re all vaccinated but several relatives caught COVID and quarantined instead of attending gatherings.
Just stay home. My partner and I only go back home every now and again now when WE feel like it. Our families and friends know we love them but also get (after years of explaining) that we would rather just stay in and be with each other and will visit them or invite them throughout the year.
My roommate and I tripped balls and watched Christmas movies for 12 hours last Christmas, and have plans to do so again this year. It's my new favorite way to spend Christmas. I strongly relate to your feelings about attending dinners and pretending you're happy to be there, when you'd really rather be anywhere else. Social interaction is very draining for me very quickly, and I do not appreciate feeling obligated to visit family just because it happens to be a specific date on the calendar. I don't believe I will be attending any family gatherings from now on, actually. I'll visit immediate family on my own terms, but holidays and extended family can kick rocks.
Honestly I feel lucky to be at a stage where I can enjoy the holidays. I am not rich nor am I an adult yet, so I guess I’ll have to brace for impact, said impact being all he talked about. At least my family does not argue much. All I can do is to do what I can without straining myself.
I'm autistic and I feel the social interaction with family part keenly. Not knowing how you fit in and how to interact in a tolerable way. I really appreciate you giving voice to this stuff. It really helps to know you aren't alone in feeling stuff like this.
I've been giving just food (usually cookies I bake myself) as gifts ever since I was 12. It's not expensive, I can make it myself pretty quickly, and I don't have to worry about personalizing it since food is food. This makes Christmas wayy less stressful than than buying separate individual gifts for multiple people and wrapping them. Maybe this'll be helpful for any of you.
i WISH people would give me food as gifts. every year i get so much things i either don't want, can't use, or already have too much of like stationary materials or clothes that don't fit my style. i end up not using them ever and they take up space in my house. food on the other hand would be practical since food will always have a utility and it won't take up limited space anymore once you eat.
Same! I'm known for giving baked goods. (One time I made 200 cookies, 6 dif types, it was insane) And none of the adults in my life need anything do when i do find a great gift (based on what we talked about over the year) it's super fun to wrap and give it. Christmas doesn't just have to be lots of gifts. :)
I never give presents for Christmas (my only Christmas present is fun), and very rarely for birthdays, mostly on random days whenever I feel like it. I think it's more healthy, there are no expectations to be shattered or pressures to feel, and the gifts are always a surprise, more heartfelt, and personalised (no random perfumes or stationery, if I get you a present it's something I'm almost certain you'd like).
As a child I of course enjoyed holiday as much as most children, but as I grew older, similar to you, I started enjoying it less and less in my early teenage years. But luckily when i was 15, my "spark for christmas" got reignited. I now enjoy the holidays not for the presents and the consumerism, about that I feel pretty similar to you, but for the gettogethers of the village I live in. We would gather in the villagecenter, where you could get yourself some warm food, sweets or drinks (especially cider). The thing I enjoy about that is, that I'm able to choose who I spend time with and unlike family gathernings, can get drunk with my friends, without all the pressure that christmas otherwise causes. Sadly last year and also this year it wont take place due to Covid and I'm starting to hate the holidays more and more again
I'm 31 and I love Christmas! Looking at my Christmas tree with its pretty lights, listening to my carefully curated playlist of heavy metal Christmas music while driving through the snow and admiring the lights people have put on their houses, it's my favourite time of the year.
Thank you so much for this perspective. I dread the holidays, and people don't seem to understand it. My family is broken up, my father a drug addict, most of them conservative and don't respect boundaries. I tried explaining this to my ex last Christmas, and he told me, "look, I get the holidays suck for you, but don't put a damper on my holidays, the spirit is very important to me" This stuck with me, I was angry and sad. Especially with him having a full family with little to no drama. I proceded to drive 200 miles to only visit my grandmother, but when I got there, my whole family was there, including an individual who put me in ptsd treatment. And I'm the grinch apparently. Great times 🙃
That's horrible! If I had a significant other and he would tell me such things, I would only ask how I can make Christmas enjoyable for him. Maybe positive experiences could overlay the negative ones a little.
@@johannageisel5390 I did, I helped him decorate, and was happy that he was going to see his family, but my side of the coin wasn't to be brought up at all. Glad I'm no longer with him, I felt very invalidated on more things than just this. I don't plan on celebrating Christmas anymore.
when i realized xmas was bs was when i was on my own living at age 19. i had an apartment of roommate,s including my own sister and her husband, but never felt more alone. working in retail didn't help. I wanted to gouge my brain out. i remember spending 20 i shouldn't have on an anime song cd becuase it had a rendition of voice actors singing a christmas song i could stand and wans't usually in a line up at the work choices. listening to it made me feel so alone.
Retail really ruins Christmas for life. After months of working in the seasonal environment it's finally actually Christmas but by that time you're too tired of the whole ordeal and just hope to return to normal life asap. I've no christmas spirit left even though it's been years after I quit retail.
I feel that consumism is killing xmas. When I was a child, of course the presents under the tree were a thing, but I remember it was that time of the year my parents didn:'t work and we didntons of things together. Decorating the house was a family endevour and back then trees were real and the house smelled like pine. As we grew, the pressure to buy presents increased. Everybody worked until december 23 or even 24. The decoration became a burdenbas we didn't really have the time to do it, let alone do it together. The more capitalism wants us to enjoy xmas, the more it makes us work our ass off and not have time to enjoy the very same xmas.
I was really not into Christmas from about high school till my 30's. The reason I am now into it again is because I had kids, and I want to make it as magical for them as I can. I almost feel like I did about Christmas as a kid again.
Thank you for bringing this up. I always hated the holiday season; On top of my seasonal affective disorder, my parents are very, VERY Christian. So every year there was this massive pressure to be this perfect little jolly Christian family celebrating the perfect little jolly Christian Christmas. We had to dress nice, but not too over the top because you shouldn’t take attention away from Jesus, there were things we should do and shouldn’t do: no TV, no video games, no phones (because that’s not what perfect jolly Christians do on Christmas) no playing outside because you’d get your pretty Christmas clothes dirty, no music besides Christmas songs (also preferably Christian music), we’d have to put away all our stuff and toys and couldn’t have them until after Christmas because it was “messy” and you couldn’t have that during the holidays, we had to get up at 7 a.m. to go to church where I’d be damned if I didn’t keep up the good Christian family facade, after which it was basically a long day of sitting still and being quiet and if I really wanted I could read a book, then a big Christmas brunch and a big dinner that lasts from 4 p.m. until 9 p.m. and I better finish every massive plate of food or I’m an ungrateful brat even though I was always a light eater and was usually nauseous from all this pressure to have the perfect Christmas because if anyone stepped even a toe out of line it would lead to parental angry outbursts, screaming and sometimes spanking and then they’d get angry again for “having to get angry on Christmas”. As I got older it got slightly better because my sibling and I would start to rebel and the more my parents tried to force this type of Christmas on us the more we rejected it, so they mellowed our a little eventually, and now that I’ve moved out I usually celebrate Christmas with the in laws who are not religious and much more chill about the holidays, and I’ve been able to start healing from my previous experiences and start appreciating the holiday season a little more, but I still find it the most stressful time of year
This explains my feelings in words so clearly. "The holiday blue" is worse for me as I have ADHD and Autism. Christmas just feels lacking as an adult especially when your in an environment where you feel like a burden.
Christmas in my house has always given me anxiety- I have not been diagnosed with anything but every year since middle school I get hit with this sort of seasonal depression starting November 1st. My parents fight over presents and finances each year, before,while opening present, and after. It’s hell. I’d like to just spend it with my friends instead of peopel who fight 24/7
I'm so happy to see this video! It's frustrating as fuck to try to pretend to be happy about this holiday. Isn't this supposed to be about that Jesus guy? How does endless greed have anything to do with anything he supposedly said lol? Also, If you are coercing me to get a gift, it's not a gift imo How do you know someone hasn't had to work retail? They enjoy Christmas songs
So true. :( I still have my parents to spend Christmas with, but being 37 and never having spent any Christmas (or any day at all) with a partner sucks a lot. I was hoping I would have my own family at some point, but now I can only watch while my family of origin slowly dies off.
@@johannageisel5390 I'm sorry, did you just strongly insinuate that you have never had a partner at age 37? If yes: Neither have I. At the same age. As a fellow woman. Who's also a German speaker. And who has conversed with you in comment sections under youtube videos before. (We both attended the same online wedding in about April this or last year, I think.)
@@johannageisel5390 The club is bigger than you think. It just has to be based on logic and available data. (This sounded very robotic.) Plus, there are so many relationships people don't want to have. At best, a couple felt they needed to have a relationship in order to be morally allowed to have sex. At worst, someone is in a relationship they urgently want and need to leave yesterday. This isn't meant as a "haha, those suckers". No, I know it is terrible for those people, and I feel for them. I mention them because they skew(?) the numbers.
When my sister and I got older, the amount of effort put into the holidays deeply declined but I WANT a more festive Christmas with decorations and cookies and nog. I always feel sad bc I know that’s not really the enthusiasm I’ll get when I go back home even tho I love my family. I’m excited when I get my own space so hopefully I can do Christmas my way…
BRO ME TOO. What would genuinely make me 100% happy with chrismas is a Cinnamon & Pine scented house decorated up with the decorations weve had for years, and making and eating holiday sweets. THAT is a return of christmas happiness. I no longer give a shit about presents anymore. No one but my mom cares about getting me anything anyway.
My parents did their best when it came to Christmas. We had a tree and presents. But it was very…. Simple. Once I got a little older I took it upon myself to “deck the halls” and let me tell you i loved every moment of it. I would try and make our Christmas as festive as possible. I moved out on my own as most people do and I live with a good friend of mine who shares the same idea of decor and style. We go big for all the holidays. Our living room literally looks like Christmas at DisneyWorld lol! But my parents don’t decorate during the holidays as sad as that sounds. But I understand…. It’s a pain putting all that stuff away haha
Yes, that's awesome, make it as much or as little as you want. When I'm able to I want to make my own style of a festive Christmas. Enjoy what you want and let others do what they want and everyone is happy
I would love the kind of holiday celebration you describe if it was centered on decorating and food rather than all this pressure to spend money on presents - money I don't have.
Gift giving aside, if you're not in a loving family, or you're not madly in love with your partner, the holidays are the most horribly lonely and miserable time of year. And while I'd rather avoid them, I'm forced to sit at home and think about just how lonely and miserable they are, because I can't go to work on those days.
A bit conflicted about the holidays. On one hand, its really nice to be able to buy things during a sale like Black Friday. On the other hand, its screwed up how everything is so expensive before and after the holidays. The inflation rate is out of control. In addition to how fake people can get; like the one time out of the year youre treated with compassion and respect.
My dad is a major bellend during the holidays, he DEMANDS presents, even if he already has everything, making it impossible to buy him anything for Christmas. He is a shopaholic, and buys himself merchandise throughout the year, yet he will get cross if you don't give him a present, he does not care if you have no money, if you have no time, nor if you live far away, he thinks giving him presents is good manners, dad's sense of entitlement will make our holidays a living hell.
Omg my dads the same way! I better give him a present or that means I’m bad with money and couldn’t save thru out the year for his expensive present he requests. Smh I thought it was only my dad
It's been very painful for a while for me. My family and friends gave up on me when I came out after years in the closet. My depression and PTSD make the holidays feel suffocating and traumatic. I'm a dad so I try to put on a happy face for my kids on the holidays but it's very hard to pretend I'm not very depressed. Thank you for making this video.
My husband grew up in a household that didn't celebrate anything. They would eat good food, but that was about it. My mother does not understand why he has such a hard time with this whole gifting thing (especially as he grew up quite poor - why on earth would you spend thousands on stuff people likely aren't going to use or need? Such waste!). I think I will try to get her to watch this, so that she might understand. Thank you for making this video.
Well this hit too close to home! I wasn't expecting you to look directly into my soul but here we are! The holidays are downright terrible for people who are alone in a crowded room, so ty for encouraging the normies to try to be understanding💖
Maybe it would be worth coming up with tactics on how to deal with being alone in a crowded room. Will there be a dog present whom you can take on a walk? Will there be a child who'll be happy to have you as a play partner? Maybe building a Lego skyscraper with some 5-year-old nephew could be a good way to get away from the people you need to avoid the most. I also saw a funny tweet once that read "I like talking to children. Adults never ask me what my third most favourite dinosaur is." Maybe there's the boyfriend of a sister of yours who is really into Dungeons and Dragons and would love to have someone he can tell everything he knows about being a dungeon master.
I don't understand how you accurately portray my existence and thoughts in every single episode. Thank you for another video that understands my heart and helps me feel a little less alone. I think this Christmas I want to volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. I love my family but I don't belong. I want to feel like I'm doing something that helps the world, even if just a little. And this year I don't want to get gifts, but rather spend time with people.
What makes the end of the year especially financially crippling is not the gift buying, but the fact that all of the end of year bills (taxes, insurances, annual assessments) are all due as well. So you are stuck paying the largest bills of the year, while also working the most hours, while also trying to scrimp together money and time to buy gifts. It's awful.
I haven't liked the holidays for a long time. Either spending money on gifts for people I don't know too well, and receiving gifts that I don't like (because the people don't know me or don't like the things I like and would rather buy *cute* things) that pile in my closet. Spending time with a SO's family whom I don't know well and is awkward or spending time with my family whom I don't like. It's like, can I just eat Chinese take out and enjoy my peace and quiet?
I just lost my grandmother-in-law last week (I only add in-law for clarity, she was very much my granny too), she and my partner were the only people I spent time with last Christmas, as my family moved to England while I’ve stayed in Ireland. I already disliked Christmas, so again this year my only plans were to cook a Turkey dinner for Granny. But now I don’t have that… My partner still wants to do something as he’s always liked Christmas, plus I think he’d rather have something to do instead of just sitting there in the absence of Granny. I’ve been feeling guilty about not wanting to do anything, for hating Christmas, for my mental health always being worse at this time of year, but hearing your similar experiences and feelings has made me feel like less of a Grinch, so I just wanted to share my own feelings and to say thank you 💚
"Sometimes the ones you love are also the ones who disappoint you the most. You think that if they love you, they should understand. They shouldn't want to hurt you." this new year will be the 10th one that i'm not going to spend with my family. it's better for me this way. i'll have nice and quiet time with my partner and that's all i want. wherever you are in the world, i wish you peace this holiday season.
I think the hardest thing for me has been the extension of the Christmas season to three months or more. Not only does it drag out all the issues but it removes anything "special" about the holiday and supersedes all the other events it overtakes. I'm "done" before Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas itself. We really don't celebrate at all anymore.. older kids, broken family multiple times over, lost relatives, more than one trauma or disaster (literally we lost everything we had to a Hurricane last year), financial struggle, health issues both physical and mental... it's just too much. We are doing one gift each and probably won't even do a special dinner.. no tree. I'm scheduled 60 hrs with only one day off per week the entire month of December anyway... thanks to the consumer and commercial machine I basically won't even see my family all month if I want to keep my job.
My love language is gift giving so you’d think this would be the perfect holiday for me. But because everyone asp has birthdays in December and the stress of regular holiday shopping, I end up burnt out before the 25th.
i work for the german postal service/dhl and we already had to hire 2 new people to be able to go home 2h later than we're supposed to. the total amount of households we deal with is roughly 32k and even with the machine pre sorting everything we can't keep up anymore. the biggest wave hasn't even hit yet either
@@neuralmute I feel like we should have a "minimally despondent" one, courtesy of Qwerpline. Even just "Minimally Despondent Morning". Though if you wanted to get really snarky and tragic, you could do it to "anniversary".
I do wish that there was more understanding around this topic. I still have a soft spot for Christmas, but I completely understand my mom's stress with the holiday, especially as she finds it difficult to figure out what to get people and the gatherings we have to go to (some of our family members are truly exhausting). But god forbid if you say anything, you're immediately seen as a "Scrooge." There are definitely valid concerns to be made and I wish we could have more open conversations around it.
Christmas was a hated obligation for me since I was 15 yrs old. My mother was a cruel & mean narcissist. That year, she was mad at me leading up the holidays. So…. Christmas Day my brother got a stereo system, and what was under the tree for me?…. only a hairbrush & a pair of panty hose. Xmas was ruined for me ever since & I have dreaded it for the past 33 years; because my mother demanded everyone in the family be there at Xmas time. Which meant since I (escaped!) & lived in NC with home being Ohio, all I did was drive or fly almost the entire friggin holiday. She has passed now & thank god the excruciating obligation is over.
Watching this makes me so glad that my parents pulled away from extended family and started our own Christmas tradition. We still give gifts, but not many. Even santa, during his final years, just gave us some plums from the trees outside. The whole day is spent preparing food together, reading, swimming and barbecuing the lamb for dinner. I do, however, remember the stress on my parents, particularly my mother, in the weeks leading up to Christmas trying to organise all the food and gifts. Once we put a cap on gifts, and I started writing food purchase/prep lists for everyone, all the stress melted away and we could all just enjoy and be grateful for each other's company.
As someone who always struggled with their mental health and had a very difficult depressive year…your poem hit so hard. Tysm for helping me feel less of an emotional black sheep 💓💓💓 See ya next yr my dude ^.^
This was a great video! Thank you so much for the shout out! Every little bit helps out tremendously! Keep up the great work! I hope you keep doing the boost bus for awhile so other smaller creators like me can have a chance to be seen! Thanks again!
I feel the same about Diwali season. Consumerism and nationalism is just rampant and on personal level, it's so Hard to achieve that festival aesthetic that your rich friends and influencers promote.
I've actually been trying to "reclaim" the holidays. I had this realization in 2018 that I had all this hope and good feelings about the holidays, but I was resenting what the actual holidays were coming to represent. So I started to make a concentrated effort to reframe how I think about the holidays in my own mind. To remove the good feelings from the materialistic mess that Christmas is and to put them into new traditions. So I can still get the actual "holiday cheer" on my own made up holiday. We can get together and spend time and create traditions. But my own made up holiday doesn't require the rampant consumerism. With my family, it's been really nice being able to kinda "take back" the holidays
my family doesn’t know how to express love in a way that doesn’t involve money or materialism. if my mom abused me, she wouldn’t apologize, but she might buy me something nice to ease her own guilt. my last holiday with my family was before the pandemic. i have since cut them off and my holidays have been so easygoing because i don’t have to deal with their shit anymore. it’s just me, my partner and our cats. it’s the best gift i have ever given myself.
The amount of times I've received a bath set, looked at the person who gave it to me, looked back at the bath set, looked back at them, then said "You know I'm allergic to this, right?"... The first year? Okay, I don't really talk about my allergies all the time, so they made a simple mistake. Forgivable. The fifth year in a row? Obviously they don't actually care and are just getting me something that *they* would want regardless of who they're getting it for. Just shows that they're a narcissist! ... And that's not even mentioning what happened to me at Christmas 2019! Trust me, it was BAD!!
Screw annoying and stressful traditions. I now celebrate Crumbdingus. Its like Christmas, but without the religious or capitalist baggage. The point is to have fun, relax, do want you want without worrying about other people. For example: You want to get people Crumbdingus presents? Great! You don't want to buy people presents? Great! You want to visit family? Great! You want to get as far away from family as possible? Great! You want to get a traditional Crumbdingus tree (its a torch cactus)? Great! You don't live in an arid environment so getting a torch cactus is stupid? Great! Happy Crumbdingus everyone!
Happy Crumbdingus! A couple of years ago, I tried to find a date in the second half of December or later (but rather sooner) to meet up with a friend. We ended up meeting either on Christmas Eve or I think even Christmas Day itself. We both had kind of avoided mentioning these two holidays when trying to find a date, until he eventually said something like "What about next Thursday, the 25th?". I am far from sure he'd have suggested that date when talking to another person.
I’m not really a fan of gift giving or cards. It’s hard to explain without seeming ungrateful, but I started to feel like gifts weren’t being given for the right reasons. They sometimes come with expectations attached, and in unhealthy relationships they can be another way to manipulate or treat you differently. You feel like you should be grateful for receiving a gift while also feeling more alone and misunderstood; In my case I’ve never had many typical interests for my gender, something that I hope anyone that’s known me for a short while would know. There are times when it feels like people are unable to accept you for who you are and this can show through the gifts they give you. The pressure to spend a lot on a gift can also cause stress; I’ve fallen out with friends before because they didn’t think I’d spent enough on them. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize how much more important it is to be there for each other emotionally; It’s worth more than any gift.
Raise your hand if you've already started your holiday emotional spiral 🙋 This time of year is just financial struggles, bereavement, loneliness, medical anxiety, and depression about aging all rolled into one for me.
I lost my mom and my cat half a year ago (the former died in May, and the latter, in June). The part at 20:05 hit so close to home I actually teared up a bit. Right now I'm feeling kind of numb, but I'm sure these coming holidays will be brutal for me, I just hope to get through it in one piece. I really appreciated this video, thank you so much for your insight.
that feeling of wanting to be around my family made the loss of my father on christmas eve so much more difficult and that melancholic feeling during this season is so strange that i feel exited about christmas but cant shake the 'blues'
As someone who regularly gives people what I hope are nice toiletries for Christmas, what that usually means is "I have no good gift ideas for them and/or all my ideas for this person are crap, but I can at least be confident that they wash regularly, so I'll get them something related to that." Basically, it feels like a safe option for those of us with no confidence in our gift-giving skills. It does not mean you smell bad. On a related note, I'm now very worried that some of my relatives think that I think they smell bad.
My mom can't understand how Halloween is my favourite holiday. She loves Christmas so much that she literally named me "pure Christmas" Kayla means "pure" and of course Noelle means Christmas. But Christmas is the time of year when you have the LEAST freedom because there are so many expectations and your family feels super entitled to your time and as a child of divorce that was really hard for me. Halloween has just as cozy an aesthetic, I can spend it with whoever I want, it's less expensive, and I don't have to conform to anyone's expectations! I can become whoever or whatever I want and honestly when else do random neighbors come up to your door?? Our society is so isolated into nuclear family units which isn't natural and Halloween kind of breaks that spell for a night, I think it's lovely and it gets a bad rap for no reason. Christmas can be nice but I've been anxious about finding and making the perfect gifts since November 1st and I feel suffocated.
I never understood Christmas. As a kid I couldn’t wrap my head around Santa and Jesus, both stories were already bizarre to me individually but when I asked about the juxtaposition I got nonsensical answers, especially from my super catholic grandparents who hated when I didn’t drop it and kept asking questions. I also always felt alienated, to this day I don’t feel any connections to my family, they’re nice people but I have nothing in common with them and being dragged to family gatherings on Christmas and NYE was a chore. I’d rather spend time at home with my cats. There’s such a patronising tendency in our society to assume people must follow cultural rules because that’s just “the way is it”. Whenever I tell people I don’t celebrate Christmas or party at NYE they preach so much it ends up in a mini-argument. Nowadays I just lie to them and tell them the expected boring answer.
The topic of the video is very relatable (as usual) but I am still laughing at the intro: the title "Depressing, Commercialized Nightmare" in bright colors with a catchy music in the background. For me, the daytime Christmas movies are the most depressing. They are all the same, all totally uninspired and just full of fake joy/romanticism/family feelings. And these movies are on TV from November to the end of January 😭😭. Edit: If it is the last video of 2021, have a relatively happy and tolerable holiday, Salari!
Me and my family watch a german christmas movie nearly every year, called "Single Bells". It's about a family being stressed and annoyed about christmas and with each other. It ends with everything going wrong and the pov character just leaving. I love it. It's a lot of fun
I had pretty bad depression when I was a teenager (it's gotten a lot better now) and I absolutely hated christmas. the 24th was okay since there it was only my parents, my brother and I. But I'm from Germany and here it is tradition to visit your relatives on the 25th and the 26th and these were the days my anxiety was high like on no other day of the year. We had to meet my uncle who has three daughters around my age and I was constantly afraid of being compared to them and the nagging comments by my aunt. My anxiety actually got so bad for two years that I just stayed home (my parents didn't understand me though so I felt like I was ruining their Christmas for them). Now because of the pandemic we just celebrate at home and I've never had a better Christmas than last year lol
To me, Christmas is about the following things: - presents/consumerism (I like the former, I hate the latter. If you genuinely want to give me a gift and can do so, do so. If you don't, please don't. When in doubt, don't. Don't consider any gift to be too small or inexpensive. Same goes for me. I apply these rules to my own gift-giving.) - family (I really do not want to see most of them and actively avoid them whenever possible. One sibling I have a difficult relationship with but until a few weeks ago, it seemed good enough. I am still able to see her for the sake of her children, who may or may not get anything, including a visit or phone call, from me this year. The people I want to be in contact with or am able to be in contact with can see me all throughout the day. No holiday necessary.) - religion (I'm an atheist. And an anti-theist. Sooo ...) Christmas doesn't offer me anything I don't either reject or can have throughout the year (and often better so than during the Christmas days.)
Well.... I remember the early 2000s being inbetween of meaningful Christmas spirit and capitalism. For a kid like myself 2002 uk to go into Game and get Kingdom Hearts and guidebook was nice, but it was also what stuck with me was in the cafe afterwards, the decorations were up, family together chilling and it was November winter, the moon was out in the shopping centre and Dancing in the moonlight was playing in the background, it's something I love and never forget. it was magical in it's own way, the subtle balance. Sure, people were stressed out on the holidays to get presents but not like this I dont think, could be wrong. I think our society has drifted into a consumer like mentality rather then Christmas or the meaning of it and took it for granted. Never have went into black fridays, totally insane. People shop online now, and.... one of the reasons why shops are closing.
23:12 this really resonates with me. The passing of time is simultaneously ordinary and extremely terrifying. The thought of ceasing to exist can be mortifying for me if I don't distract me from it.
Thank you for this video, its a topic that really needs to be explored more! You really put into words how over stimulating and ultimately unfulfilling this time of year is. I sometimes wish we did the holidays every other year so I wouldn't have to be assaulted by them every year .
We didn't celebrate xmas growing up, and as an adult I never saw a reason to start. I was mom shamed into doing a big xmas thing when my son was 4, and he was just overwhelmed and confused. He's 24 now, and he has thanked me for not 'programming' holidays into his brain. I try to spend the holiday season aware of the people that aren't having a good time. I've had 'not holidays' get togethers for people around me that have a hard time at the holidays, where we can be together without the seasonal triggers and gift-guilt.
I was so excited to see a new video! This topic has been a big one for me over the years. I've worked in retail and yes it is torture. Until very recently, I resented Christmas. I hate how it overshadows Thanksgiving (which is far less materialistic), how it lasts two months, reminds people with strained family relationships that they are without them, how it puts financial, religious, and emotional pressure on people. My favorite things about Christmas aren't gifts. I enjoy it more now and in not small part due to the LIMITS I put on it. I don't participate in black Friday, or decorate before December, or spend a lot on gifts or decor. There's nothing wrong with each person setting their own limits, even if it means not celebrating at all. Happy whatever you want or, don't want, to celebrate.
The poem really hit home for me. My dad's name is Gary and he's recently got more and more into conspiracy theories. Needless to say I keep my distance from family gatherings.
I am so glad I found your channel! Nearly all of your videos I find myself relating so strongly to your personal stories. I have become so jaded about the holidays, and you hit the nail on the head as to why.
I haven’t been able to afford to give my family gifts in years. However this year my nephew finally got to the age where he likes small, concealable items and I showered him in gifts, so at least he can be spoiled by his homeless uncle.
I've completely embraced my disdain for Christmas over the past few years - I don't buy anyone gifts, I don't attend family gatherings, I don't decorate, and everyone knows not to get me anything. Life's too short to pretend to enjoy things out of obligation.
Similar situation here. I have two nephews, though, who have been told that "they get what they get" for Christmases and birthdays and who've always been able to deal with that wonderfully. Their mother has told me not to feel any obligation to get them anything for their birthday after the fact because I forgot to get them something in time because they already get more than enough as it is. I have actually had trouble finding them anything whenever I did get them something because they already have so much. (Which is also due to people just not needing all that much, not just because they actually own too many object.) Until I stopped having anything even remotely comparable to friends altogether, I experienced a couple of years of "please no gift you felt obliged to get me, but feel free to give me something" years. Was definitely an okay thing to be part of.
It's weird because I generally agree all of Salari's takes but I get really into the Christmas spirit. I love the lights, love holiday-themed foods and beverages, love christmas music and movies. Love walking down Christmas Tree Lane. To me it's Thanksgiving with better food, more sweets, hot chocolate, and gifts. The other holidays are just a reminder that my social life is piss. My family comes by and we drink and talk about current events, sports, music, movies, anime, etc. Also I live in LA county and it's much easier to get warm in the winter than cold in the summer. An electric heater, a hoodie and socks is all I need. My depression is much worse in summer because i'm sweaty, horny, agitated and feeling intense FOMO because I should be going to pool parties or travelling instead of rotting in my hot room.
Every year christmas loses some of its' magic for me... But I still enjoy the atmospheric/aesthetic part, like all the golden lights and decorations on the streets and homes. Especially if it's snowy. But in practise the holidays just always end up in someone yelling, so...
i have so many memories of being angry with my self because i wasnt happy during the holidays, and now that im at least ok, its just a reminder of at least one reason to stay alive, be happy to be around the people you love, and just enjoy life. yes it can suck. but idk i love it.
My partner said this video's intro hit real close to home for him. It was a nice look inside his head, in a way. I genuinely enjoy giving people gifts that I spent time thinking about and putting together, but I also know that gift giving is something that causes a lot of stress and dread for him. Holidays are such a precarious balancing act, filled with unrealistic and unfair expectations and rampant capitalism. Thanks for the great video!
thank you so much for adressing this topic!! more and more, i have come to view the whole 'christmas cheer and holiday spirit' thing as something like a play that everyone puts on, driving themselves mad thanks to the constant pressure of having to outdo themselves in giving gifts and being merry - working retail for the second year in a row during the holidays certainly has worsened the image for me. the outright commercial slaughtering of christmas is vile and i'm quite happy that my immediate family has stopped exchanging grand gifts over the past years, and now moves towards not giving gifts altogether. it was a nice thing of them to do for my brother and i when we were younger, but the older we got the less neccessary it became to partake in the holidays in that way. so now whenever friends and collegues stress out mid-november about putting together advent calendars for partners and others (sometimes spending absurd amounts of money on it, when in their mind it doesn't even count as a 'proper christmas present' but rather something more like a 'pre-present'), i have a great moment of relief knowing that nothing of the sort is expected of me. preparing a good meal on christmas day and baking cookies is the most that's done in our family nowadays. it's all very low-pressure and i couldn't be happier for it! i'm sending everyone who is going through an especially tough time during the holidays strength and ~*good vibes~*
My main takeaways from Christmas growing up was "Under no circumstances are you to act like you want or EXPECT presents, because that's just greed and selfishness and absolutely will not be tolerated." It's been pretty much impossible to shake that. I have panic attacks whenever anyone asks me what I want for my birthday or Christmas or whatever, and have to insist that I don't want anything, it's fine, don't get me anything, and definitely don't make me ask.
I really, really felt that bit about time. Thank you for helping to put it into such clear words like that. I always struggle to articulate how I feel about time. How even looking at the clock and calendar on my computer can sometimes give me anxiety. How terrifying each new year is. It doesn't help that my birthday is in late January, so even after the New Years has come, I still have to be reminded of the passage of time and the mortality of myself and everyone I love, for a whole month. Given how Christmas continues to creep into the months preceding it, it sometimes feels like society goes out of its way to make sure we're thinking about it all the time.
I feel lucky because even though my family made the holidays about consuming we also made it about giving. We silently and anonymously dropped off boxes of toys and gifts/food to families in our small town we understood were financially struggling, we volunteered at food banks and elderly folk homes, and we tried to give homemade gifts as well as store bought to each other. As an adult I’ve worked retail on the holidays (it totally is a nightmare) and I’ve been completely broke myself and felt horrible but I’ve always tried to keep the spirit of what I think the true meaning of the holidays are. Warmth, caring for others, and love. Happy Holidays everyone ❤️.
Thank you for that lovely poem. I live very far from my family, so I don't have to do the whole Christmas thing, but I used to feel that very much. Now that I live alone, far from everyone, I get to make Eggs Florentine and watch Fraggles all day, which is so satisfying.
I don't often comment, but here, I felt the need. For you talk for many , and myself included. Talking to relatives I never really know How to say "I am sad, and I just wanna go". Every time they're merrier, every smile they give me, I feel even sadder, way more weird ,and sorry Sorry for being there, crippling their holidays, Sorry for existing, I wanna go away. But thanks to you next time I won't feel so lonely, I will think about all who share this misery. Those days are really dark, and you made them lighter, That is your gift to us, for that I thank you, sir. Hope you'll excuse my English, I'm no native speaker
I would not joke about your life, which seems to have been difficult and had it's challenges but that is deadass the plot of Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown
In my country we don't spend holidays with gifts. A day off being inside the house with all family watching TV together and eat big dinner is what avergae holidays look like here, The fanciest you can do probably going on a vacations, but never exchanging gifts. Once I moved to US I got overwhelmed by the expectation for me to prepare gifts on each holiday. Honestly it made holidays not at all enjoyable for me.
i’m glad more people are talking about how awful this time of year can be. i forget who it was but another video i saw described christmas as more like a list of chores than an enjoyable time. that’s one level of fucked up discomfort i feel around it. i hate the endless obligations. it’s not like my life gets any slower during that time (especially not now when i work in food service, not only broke as shit but busier than ever). on top of that i’ve had multiple traumatic events happen during the holiday season. i always end up getting a flare-up of ptsd symptoms during this time. even though it’s gradually gotten better and i can handle hearing music or seeing a christmas section go up in a store without wanting to throw up, it’s still incredibly hard to put on a happy face for everyone. most of my family has finally come around to the fact that i just can’t bear the festivities, but i don’t exactly want to explain to my coworkers or acquaintances that sorry, i don’t really want to go to the christmas party or christmas eve service because it’s inevitably going to remind me of my *fucking rape*. without context they just think i’m an asshole, and with context they’d probably think i was a worse asshole bringing everyone down with my issues, so i just shut up and do my best to live and cringe through it.
Being introvert with anxiety (and before this year undiagnosed adhd) has always made the holidays difficult. I love time with everyone but it's so much. I get drained over the holidays having to be at parties and with family and buying gifts, etc. Being an adult and allowed to leave the parties when I want has significantly helped. Having at least one cousin my age also helped. But overall it has always been the most annoying when small talk is expected of me. Having to be judged by your family about the state of your own life. It's all a lot, and I appreciate your video because it can be isolating. Everybody has to take a little extra care of themselves this holiday.
I have seasonal depression during winter, but as I live in the southern hemisphere, and the holidays happen during the summer, i'm always really looking forward to celebrating with family and friends to find joy in life after such blue months. I guess I am a little bit lucky🤔
I can relate. For my mother Christmas needs to be a certin way and every deviations from that will be met with emotional manipulation until you give in to her very fake Christmas spirit. I hate it. My father passed three years ago and I hated the Holidays before that but now I'm just really not into all of it anymore. I'm tired of the fighting, the pretend "everybody get's along" especially my mother with her new boyfriends family (they are nice. They just feel dragged into traditions with no regard to their own). I'd just rather be home with my partner and my cats. And I know that I will stand in my mother's house on Christmas eve, fake smile and all, pretending not to have hurt my not mother in law, because her son is with me on Christmas eve, just so I can avoid getting angry side glances, rude "do not ever disappoint me like that again's" and other snide comments for the next 3 months. Happy Holidays everybody. I hope you get through it well enough.
favorite thing about covid-era so far has been avoiding to get-togethers. I don't even hate my family, I just really dislike that sort of gathering in more recent years.
As a former retail worker, you're spot on with the annoying holiday music reference. I adore your poem and feel it perfectly suits your message. The tableside portion made up my favorite stanzas in the work: cute and insightful.
The guilt of not buying an expensive gift is real. I’m a fairly crafty person and will often learn new skills to make something personal for my friends and family since I can’t afford many gifts, the materials to make it tend to be a lot cheaper, and that way I get to put way more care into it, but a lot of times they’ll ask me to simply buy them the same product next time even if the store version isn’t made with the same quality but is much more expensive
that’s so rude i’m so sorry they don’t appreciate your hard work and thoughtfulness :(
Wow, that sucks. I‘m sorry. I also like to make people gifts and some of my in laws are crafty as well so I get handmade gifts also. Like last year my brother in law’s girlfriend gave me this really cool basket she made. Something about how much effort someone put into making something makes it more special to me.
That's horrible! I love making things but don't always have the time... so then i feel like i have to buy more to compensate for the lack of meaning 😕
I would suggest you do what my family ended up doing years ago, which is ditching gift giving altogether. Christmas gift giving is fun for the kids, but it's lame and stressful for adults. Christmas for adults should be about food, gathering with friends and family, and enjoying traditions. Suggest the no gift policy idea to your family and see how they react. I bet many of them would be open to the idea.
I envy you, I wish I knew someone who would craft their own presents, a literal gift from the heart, rather than giving a hollow, mass produced merchandise, probably manufactured by human suffering, keep up the good work, you are the gift that keeps on giving.
4:40 the sad part is that Mariah wrote that song because she didn't have happy xmas when she was a child
Yeah Mariah had it ROUGH before she got it famous. At least she used that gift of that voice of hers.
Mariah writing a song about only wanting love and happiness and that being commercialized and utilized by retailers to try and remind people of the holidays and of the things they need to buy during the holidays is oddly perfect. It's truly an example of the way capitalism warps the holiday and everything associated with it.
Expecting people to feel certain ways about things is sooo demanding, cripling almost, thank you for sharing your experiences!
Just don't, what's the worst that can happen if you don't behave as people expect?
The "customer-facing jobs" experience in a nutshell.
@@allenmontrasio8962 The social stigma.
As someone who've always hated family gatherings, thank you. Every time I've heard someone talk about how they couldn't wait for the holidays to spend some time with they're relatives, I would think I was the only one who would have done literally anything in order to avoid a Christmas dinner at my grandma's.
Omg same! My family is alien to me. I just want a quiet night without any pressure
I don't like family gatherings either, but I would never avoid seeing my Grandma.
Same here
I feel the exact way when someone mentions family especially when it’s a work meeting and you and everyone is already trying to hard to be civil around one another, it’s agonizing pretending to be exited to see people you have nothing in common with other than genetics.
I don't mind my family, but I need them in small doses and not all together at once. Last Christmas I had a migraine and kinda won out there, might have to fake one out this year. I always feel like I'm treated as the lesser person in the family. I need to move overseas again when the pandemic is more or less over. Me time is best time.
Worst part about holidays for me is being expected to enjoy them. People get angry if I show the slightest annoyance or even if I’m not cheerful enough.
The toiletries thing is spot on and I had that feeling from an early age. When I was young I was pretty poor. Clothes from clothes closets, Christmas gifts from local churches doing donation drives for impoverished kids, etc. One time, when I was about 10 or so I sat and watched all these not-poor kids open their gifts of toys and cool shit before it was time to haul out the gifts for the poor kids and make them open them in front of the whole church. My little sisters got a few bits of new clothes, some dolls, and one of them even got a little bicycle! How exciting!
My turn came around and package after package was filled with toiletries. I got 0 toys, 0 cool shit shit, almost no clothes, 12 bars of soap, 6 sticks of deodorant, some shaving creams and a razor (early puberty meant facial hair by the time I reached double digits), and several of those boxed sets of body-wash+deodorant+aftershave. I was mortified. I was a poor kid, not a disgusting one. I sometimes skipped days but what kid doesn't get caught up in their own world sometimes? I still bathed regularly and had even bathed that day. It really drilled home that these people not only didn't know me, they didn't care to know me. I was just a charity checkbox on their church bingo card.
That day was burned into my memory. I felt humiliated. All these kids standing around watching me open "gift" after "gift" that seemed to indicate I was a nasty, unwashed child undeserving of receiving a gift meant to instill some small amount of joy in my life. I couldn't tell my parents either. How could I do that to them? They jumped through hoops to get us on these donation drives so we'd get something at least, I couldn't stand to potentially upset them that I wasn't happy.
These days I take it in stride. If the best someone can come up with is some body wash I just use it. That's body wash I don't need to purchase myself.
Oh dear, I was not expecting to cry when I started reading your comment. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You were never undeserving of a gift that would have made you happy. What did you really want for Christmas that year?
I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Your comment makes me re-think of my mindset when it comes to charity. I come from a more privileged household in terms of wealth and have always been told to be “generous” by my family so we just give anything the poor “needed” based on our understanding of their “needs”. It makes me feel somewhat sad that you experienced such thing and I just realized how my family loves to splurge during festive seasons. It becomes a source of stress because of this spending culture in my family hence I think I avoided most celebrations due to finance. I hope that things are okay now for you :) Thanks for commenting really, I never really give much thought about this aspect before.
What the fuck...
Yeah, it's the laziest gift to check off a checkbox. Our local giving tree thing says "just give us gift cards, if you insist on buying something - here's a specific list" probably to avoid this specific sort of alienation.
I'm so sorry you have this Christmas related trauma. It must've been absolutely devastating, it's the kind of psychological slap to the face children should never have to deal with. I wish I could somehow go back in time and give you an actual toy, something that could make you feel like you weren't a nasty child - because you weren't. I wish you had been treated with more kindness.
It’s so irritating when someone’s posts “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, perhaps it means a little bit more” and then proceed to post their pictures of the fortune they must have spent during the holidays. Thank you for validating my feelings I’ve had for years that Christmas feels like being the kid in the story The Emperors New Clothes: everyone else says it’s such a magical time of year but I see nothing good about it.
>someone posts “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, perhaps it means a little bit more” and then proceed to post their pictures of the fortune they must have spent during the holidays
I'd call that "not getting the memo".
Ive posted this earlier (and not trying to convince you to love Christmas), but here's what *can* be good about it: I love Christmas (it's my favourite holiday), but not the consumerism aspect of it. I love the traditional Christmas songs that my family and friends sing together every year (not the traditional US Christmas music, I'm talking Austrian folk songs, although I love some of the classic US hits as well), I love the snow, I love buying an undecorated wreath and decorating it with decorations that have a long tradition in my family, I love drinking punch and Glühwein with my loved ones, I love baking Christmas biscuits, I love the advent calender book that I've had since childhood, and I love spending Christmas Eve with my family and just the magic of hearing the bell ring (my Dad still does that after all those years even though nobody in my family still believe in the Christkind) and running to the living room and seeing all the candles on the Christmas tree lit and the smell of cinnamon and biscuits and beeswax and my Mum taking out her guitar to accompany all of us in singing a couple of Christmas songs. I hate that it has turned into a capitalist nightmare, but this is what Christmas means to me.
@@Casutama TH-camr Some More News has many videos that are good Supplement
to this one here. He covers Capitalism, Holidays, ect.
@@loturzelrestaurant Thanks for the recommendation - I'm already subscribed to Some More News, though, his videos are amazing! :)
@@Casutama Cool.
I'd love to recommend you more, even beyond the most-closest-in-spirit like Creaky Blinder, who is realy very similar to Hbomberguy and Some More News.
I love to share Fun and Facts and all such, so i love when someone asks me for more Watch-Suggests.
This year I'll be spending the holidays just with my partner - no fuss with decorations, no plastic tree that the cats will destroy - I just want to cook a nice meal with him and bake cinnamon rolls. Making food is literally one of the few things that lifts my anxiety and live in the moment. Got tired of the presents a while ago, and I'm glad family doesn't force me to give gifts. Thanks for the vid, Salari, and I hope you'll find some sort of peace during this period :)
Ok, so you sound just like me! The hubby and I don't do gifts as we already have everything we need/want, so I just make us a big meal and we play board games and get drunk
@@sarahwarnock2707 Sounds amazing, it's fun to hear people say they do similar simple stuff! Have fun getting drunk, and may the best player win at your boardgames!😁
Last year I did something similar. It was the best xmas ever.
That sounds like a great time, I think if we all just toned down expectations and did what truly made us happy this time of year would be much better
Kind of sounds like my holiday last year - it was just me and my parents, (meaning mum and stepdad), who I love hanging out with, having a good dinner, drinking lots of our favourite wines, watching Queen at Live Aid because Freddie Mercury makes everybody happy, and playing "Game of Thrones" themed Clue. Everyone had a good time!
I feel like, the thing about Christmas that makes you so depressed is that you remember how happy and wonderful it made you feel as a child.
And everything around you, suggest that you should still feel this way. But you just don’t. And its not even that you aren’t happy, its that you fell like you should be more happy, more joyful, more thankful, and that there is something wrong with you because you aren’t.
But the thing is, its okay if you just feel okay on Christmas.
Anyway great video as always!
it reminds you that you're slowly dying
Yeah I've struggled with that too. Once I hit my teens the magic went away and it freaked me out but as I've taken the time to process those emotions through the years and told myself it's ok, I've been able to find joy in other things in the season that I wouldn't have as a kid.
It can also definitely be that it reminds you how miserable it made you feel as a child and highlights how you're still stuck in those same horrible dynamics and you'll never escape due to the material reality of how your life has been shaped for you.
For my family. Christmas has always has the emphasis of family time, fun and good food especially being a British Jamaican 🇯🇲. It has never been about gifts. When growing up we were poor so we didn't have much gifts at all. So my mum and family made the day about fun and games, lots of laughs and quality time. Even as my sister , cousins and I have grown in adults and all have own money with good jobs, we still don't make Christmas about gifts. Several times we haven't exchanged any gifts at all and now we exchange gifts from nice things we have in our house that we don't want anymore and made a game where we have to play for the 2nd hand gift. It's so much fun 🤣
Because of this the magic of Christmas is still alive and well ❤️ and I want to do the same for my children some day.
Christmas makes me wince. Living in poverty-stricken states, I saw a lot of kids called 'brats' or 'spoiled' for asking for presents, even though their parents had told them 'Santa' was paying for the gifts and therefore the kids didn't know better. A lot of my friends growing up dreaded Christmas because their parents were so tense, were fighting, were pinching every penny... I knew more than one kid who got screamed at for not liking their presents enough, which made the kids more stressed and anxious around the holidays. Kids who tried not to ask for anything just made their parents more stressed. The common consensus was that the best day is the day after Christmas when your parents have mellowed out, the awful stress of being given things you're terrified to touch lest you ruin them and terrified not to touch lest you be called ungrateful had passed, and everyone could breathe again.
None of this is my lived experience because I'm from a mixed Jewish and Muslim family but, uh, on the outside looking in... this holiday is traumatic for poor people under capitalism, full stop.
Ah man! Poor kids....
Mixed Jewish and Muslim? That's quite interesting
A lot of my family members work on Christmas because the pay is so good. We're also Jewish. I plan on doing it when I start working straight up
@@bnice6442 My mom is Jewish and French + Serbian American, my dad is Muslim and Uzbek. We kind of celebrated Hanukkah, but it was just one gift apiece since my brother and I have winter birthdays and so we'd already gotten (or would about to be getting) gifts for the year. It was very peaceful. Just nice dinners, some music, maybe watch some movies together... it was much, much lower pressure than anything described in this video. I feel very blessed, in retrospect.
@@morganqorishchi8181 what religion do you choose to follow, if any?
Don't worry about the toiletries - they just mean "I've no idea what to give this person I don't know them too well". Anyway, this really spoke to me, as someone who is generally not into celebrations and getting togetherness, but their family is... Good luck to everyone in the same shoes!
One Christmas, my brother got like 5 shampoo bottles from our relatives. ^^ I am not for big Christmases, big anniversaries or huge weddings for that matter. Like if you have the time and money to spend, guess go ahead, but don´t make the rest of us feel pressured to. Luckily, my family does it small and we skipped gifts last year and this.
I've received toiletries before on some occasions and once and twice what I got came alongside a "It's not a message, don't worry".
@@woodanemone9758 My sister tells her children that they get what they get for Christmas and their respective birthdays when it comes to people like me, who are "only" their aunt, for example. And she tells me she's fine with them not getting this many things because it gets too much so quickly.
Last year, I think, I got them both a stack of "novelty post-its". I was surprised to be able something as inexpensive that wasn't candy. I don't remember exactly, but I may have spent the rough equivalent of two dollars for both children and did so in a famously expensive country and in a store that doesn't sell cheap crap. They had fun with them, plastering one or two of those post-its each onto the other's face.
Last year with the pandemic looming over everything, I actually enjoyed the hoildays more than I have in a long time. I didn't have to go to any gatherings. My partner came over, we did two quick video chats with our families and then we just sat cozy and watched Netflix. I loved it. I kind of wish that it would stay that way. But now with vaccines and such, I have to go to a bunch of dinners and plaster a smile on my face and pretend I'm not wishing I was back home in the peace and quiet of my apartment. Sigh.
What about telling them you caught covid? In my family we’re all vaccinated but several relatives caught COVID and quarantined instead of attending gatherings.
Just stay home. My partner and I only go back home every now and again now when WE feel like it. Our families and friends know we love them but also get (after years of explaining) that we would rather just stay in and be with each other and will visit them or invite them throughout the year.
We had such a peaceful time last year, too! I feel this.
My roommate and I tripped balls and watched Christmas movies for 12 hours last Christmas, and have plans to do so again this year. It's my new favorite way to spend Christmas. I strongly relate to your feelings about attending dinners and pretending you're happy to be there, when you'd really rather be anywhere else. Social interaction is very draining for me very quickly, and I do not appreciate feeling obligated to visit family just because it happens to be a specific date on the calendar. I don't believe I will be attending any family gatherings from now on, actually. I'll visit immediate family on my own terms, but holidays and extended family can kick rocks.
Say no and don't go.
Honestly I feel lucky to be at a stage where I can enjoy the holidays. I am not rich nor am I an adult yet, so I guess I’ll have to brace for impact, said impact being all he talked about. At least my family does not argue much. All I can do is to do what I can without straining myself.
That's a pretty wise perspective. May it follow you into old age.
I'm autistic and I feel the social interaction with family part keenly. Not knowing how you fit in and how to interact in a tolerable way. I really appreciate you giving voice to this stuff. It really helps to know you aren't alone in feeling stuff like this.
Being autistic during the holidays is already a special kind of hell with the extra sound, lights, and crowds.
I've been giving just food (usually cookies I bake myself) as gifts ever since I was 12. It's not expensive, I can make it myself pretty quickly, and I don't have to worry about personalizing it since food is food. This makes Christmas wayy less stressful than than buying separate individual gifts for multiple people and wrapping them. Maybe this'll be helpful for any of you.
i WISH people would give me food as gifts. every year i get so much things i either don't want, can't use, or already have too much of like stationary materials or clothes that don't fit my style. i end up not using them ever and they take up space in my house. food on the other hand would be practical since food will always have a utility and it won't take up limited space anymore once you eat.
Same! I'm known for giving baked goods.
(One time I made 200 cookies, 6 dif types, it was insane)
And none of the adults in my life need anything do when i do find a great gift (based on what we talked about over the year) it's super fun to wrap and give it. Christmas doesn't just have to be lots of gifts. :)
I do this too. My grandparents even told me, that they don't want any other presents than cookies from me, because they don't need anything
I never give presents for Christmas (my only Christmas present is fun), and very rarely for birthdays, mostly on random days whenever I feel like it. I think it's more healthy, there are no expectations to be shattered or pressures to feel, and the gifts are always a surprise, more heartfelt, and personalised (no random perfumes or stationery, if I get you a present it's something I'm almost certain you'd like).
As a child I of course enjoyed holiday as much as most children, but as I grew older, similar to you, I started enjoying it less and less in my early teenage years. But luckily when i was 15, my "spark for christmas" got reignited. I now enjoy the holidays not for the presents and the consumerism, about that I feel pretty similar to you, but for the gettogethers of the village I live in. We would gather in the villagecenter, where you could get yourself some warm food, sweets or drinks (especially cider). The thing I enjoy about that is, that I'm able to choose who I spend time with and unlike family gathernings, can get drunk with my friends, without all the pressure that christmas otherwise causes. Sadly last year and also this year it wont take place due to Covid and I'm starting to hate the holidays more and more again
I'm 31 and I love Christmas! Looking at my Christmas tree with its pretty lights, listening to my carefully curated playlist of heavy metal Christmas music while driving through the snow and admiring the lights people have put on their houses, it's my favourite time of the year.
Thank you so much for this perspective. I dread the holidays, and people don't seem to understand it. My family is broken up, my father a drug addict, most of them conservative and don't respect boundaries. I tried explaining this to my ex last Christmas, and he told me, "look, I get the holidays suck for you, but don't put a damper on my holidays, the spirit is very important to me"
This stuck with me, I was angry and sad. Especially with him having a full family with little to no drama. I proceded to drive 200 miles to only visit my grandmother, but when I got there, my whole family was there, including an individual who put me in ptsd treatment. And I'm the grinch apparently. Great times 🙃
That's horrible!
If I had a significant other and he would tell me such things, I would only ask how I can make Christmas enjoyable for him. Maybe positive experiences could overlay the negative ones a little.
@@johannageisel5390 I did, I helped him decorate, and was happy that he was going to see his family, but my side of the coin wasn't to be brought up at all. Glad I'm no longer with him, I felt very invalidated on more things than just this. I don't plan on celebrating Christmas anymore.
when i realized xmas was bs was when i was on my own living at age 19. i had an apartment of roommate,s including my own sister and her husband, but never felt more alone. working in retail didn't help. I wanted to gouge my brain out. i remember spending 20 i shouldn't have on an anime song cd becuase it had a rendition of voice actors singing a christmas song i could stand and wans't usually in a line up at the work choices. listening to it made me feel so alone.
I feel you!
Retail really ruins Christmas for life. After months of working in the seasonal environment it's finally actually Christmas but by that time you're too tired of the whole ordeal and just hope to return to normal life asap. I've no christmas spirit left even though it's been years after I quit retail.
I feel that consumism is killing xmas. When I was a child, of course the presents under the tree were a thing, but I remember it was that time of the year my parents didn:'t work and we didntons of things together.
Decorating the house was a family endevour and back then trees were real and the house smelled like pine.
As we grew, the pressure to buy presents increased. Everybody worked until december 23 or even 24.
The decoration became a burdenbas we didn't really have the time to do it, let alone do it together.
The more capitalism wants us to enjoy xmas, the more it makes us work our ass off and not have time to enjoy the very same xmas.
I was really not into Christmas from about high school till my 30's. The reason I am now into it again is because I had kids, and I want to make it as magical for them as I can. I almost feel like I did about Christmas as a kid again.
Thank you for bringing this up. I always hated the holiday season; On top of my seasonal affective disorder, my parents are very, VERY Christian. So every year there was this massive pressure to be this perfect little jolly Christian family celebrating the perfect little jolly Christian Christmas. We had to dress nice, but not too over the top because you shouldn’t take attention away from Jesus, there were things we should do and shouldn’t do: no TV, no video games, no phones (because that’s not what perfect jolly Christians do on Christmas) no playing outside because you’d get your pretty Christmas clothes dirty, no music besides Christmas songs (also preferably Christian music), we’d have to put away all our stuff and toys and couldn’t have them until after Christmas because it was “messy” and you couldn’t have that during the holidays, we had to get up at 7 a.m. to go to church where I’d be damned if I didn’t keep up the good Christian family facade, after which it was basically a long day of sitting still and being quiet and if I really wanted I could read a book, then a big Christmas brunch and a big dinner that lasts from 4 p.m. until 9 p.m. and I better finish every massive plate of food or I’m an ungrateful brat even though I was always a light eater and was usually nauseous from all this pressure to have the perfect Christmas because if anyone stepped even a toe out of line it would lead to parental angry outbursts, screaming and sometimes spanking and then they’d get angry again for “having to get angry on Christmas”. As I got older it got slightly better because my sibling and I would start to rebel and the more my parents tried to force this type of Christmas on us the more we rejected it, so they mellowed our a little eventually, and now that I’ve moved out I usually celebrate Christmas with the in laws who are not religious and much more chill about the holidays, and I’ve been able to start healing from my previous experiences and start appreciating the holiday season a little more, but I still find it the most stressful time of year
Good 👍 fuck em, enjoy Christmas
This explains my feelings in words so clearly. "The holiday blue" is worse for me as I have ADHD and Autism. Christmas just feels lacking as an adult especially when your in an environment where you feel like a burden.
Christmas in my house has always given me anxiety- I have not been diagnosed with anything but every year since middle school I get hit with this sort of seasonal depression starting November 1st. My parents fight over presents and finances each year, before,while opening present, and after. It’s hell. I’d like to just spend it with my friends instead of peopel who fight 24/7
I'm so happy to see this video! It's frustrating as fuck to try to pretend to be happy about this holiday. Isn't this supposed to be about that Jesus guy? How does endless greed have anything to do with anything he supposedly said lol? Also, If you are coercing me to get a gift, it's not a gift imo
How do you know someone hasn't had to work retail? They enjoy Christmas songs
probably makes lonely people feel even more lonely too
Yep
So true. :(
I still have my parents to spend Christmas with, but being 37 and never having spent any Christmas (or any day at all) with a partner sucks a lot.
I was hoping I would have my own family at some point, but now I can only watch while my family of origin slowly dies off.
@@johannageisel5390 I'm sorry, did you just strongly insinuate that you have never had a partner at age 37? If yes: Neither have I. At the same age. As a fellow woman. Who's also a German speaker. And who has conversed with you in comment sections under youtube videos before. (We both attended the same online wedding in about April this or last year, I think.)
@@camelopardalis84 Yes, sadly I never had a partner. :(
Welcome to the club, friend.
Guess we have a couple of things in common. ^ ^
@@johannageisel5390 The club is bigger than you think. It just has to be based on logic and available data. (This sounded very robotic.) Plus, there are so many relationships people don't want to have. At best, a couple felt they needed to have a relationship in order to be morally allowed to have sex. At worst, someone is in a relationship they urgently want and need to leave yesterday. This isn't meant as a "haha, those suckers". No, I know it is terrible for those people, and I feel for them. I mention them because they skew(?) the numbers.
When my sister and I got older, the amount of effort put into the holidays deeply declined but I WANT a more festive Christmas with decorations and cookies and nog. I always feel sad bc I know that’s not really the enthusiasm I’ll get when I go back home even tho I love my family. I’m excited when I get my own space so hopefully I can do Christmas my way…
BRO ME TOO.
What would genuinely make me 100% happy with chrismas is a Cinnamon & Pine scented house decorated up with the decorations weve had for years, and making and eating holiday sweets.
THAT is a return of christmas happiness.
I no longer give a shit about presents anymore. No one but my mom cares about getting me anything anyway.
@@Tentegen YES. My ideal would be a warm house, loved ones around me, a decked out house, and some hot cocoa and treats ❤️🎄
My parents did their best when it came to Christmas. We had a tree and presents. But it was very…. Simple. Once I got a little older I took it upon myself to “deck the halls” and let me tell you i loved every moment of it. I would try and make our Christmas as festive as possible. I moved out on my own as most people do and I live with a good friend of mine who shares the same idea of decor and style. We go big for all the holidays. Our living room literally looks like Christmas at DisneyWorld lol! But my parents don’t decorate during the holidays as sad as that sounds. But I understand…. It’s a pain putting all that stuff away haha
Yes, that's awesome, make it as much or as little as you want. When I'm able to I want to make my own style of a festive Christmas. Enjoy what you want and let others do what they want and everyone is happy
I would love the kind of holiday celebration you describe if it was centered on decorating and food rather than all this pressure to spend money on presents - money I don't have.
Gift giving aside, if you're not in a loving family, or you're not madly in love with your partner, the holidays are the most horribly lonely and miserable time of year. And while I'd rather avoid them, I'm forced to sit at home and think about just how lonely and miserable they are, because I can't go to work on those days.
A bit conflicted about the holidays. On one hand, its really nice to be able to buy things during a sale like Black Friday. On the other hand, its screwed up how everything is so expensive before and after the holidays. The inflation rate is out of control. In addition to how fake people can get; like the one time out of the year youre treated with compassion and respect.
I like the Christmas feeling. Mostly becouse it's the 2002 childhood feeling had stuck with me.
My dad is a major bellend during the holidays, he DEMANDS presents, even if he already has everything, making it impossible to buy him anything for Christmas. He is a shopaholic, and buys himself merchandise throughout the year, yet he will get cross if you don't give him a present, he does not care if you have no money, if you have no time, nor if you live far away, he thinks giving him presents is good manners, dad's sense of entitlement will make our holidays a living hell.
Give him coal. Seriously, get everybody to give him coal.
Yess
Omg my dads the same way! I better give him a present or that means I’m bad with money and couldn’t save thru out the year for his expensive present he requests. Smh I thought it was only my dad
I used to have a theory that winter holidays were intended to cope with seasonal depression but seems like its backfiring.
Therapist diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. Man, SADs is so damn real this time of year for me.
It's been very painful for a while for me. My family and friends gave up on me when I came out after years in the closet. My depression and PTSD make the holidays feel suffocating and traumatic. I'm a dad so I try to put on a happy face for my kids on the holidays but it's very hard to pretend I'm not very depressed. Thank you for making this video.
My husband grew up in a household that didn't celebrate anything. They would eat good food, but that was about it. My mother does not understand why he has such a hard time with this whole gifting thing (especially as he grew up quite poor - why on earth would you spend thousands on stuff people likely aren't going to use or need? Such waste!). I think I will try to get her to watch this, so that she might understand. Thank you for making this video.
Well this hit too close to home! I wasn't expecting you to look directly into my soul but here we are!
The holidays are downright terrible for people who are alone in a crowded room, so ty for encouraging the normies to try to be understanding💖
Maybe it would be worth coming up with tactics on how to deal with being alone in a crowded room. Will there be a dog present whom you can take on a walk? Will there be a child who'll be happy to have you as a play partner? Maybe building a Lego skyscraper with some 5-year-old nephew could be a good way to get away from the people you need to avoid the most. I also saw a funny tweet once that read "I like talking to children. Adults never ask me what my third most favourite dinosaur is." Maybe there's the boyfriend of a sister of yours who is really into Dungeons and Dragons and would love to have someone he can tell everything he knows about being a dungeon master.
I don't understand how you accurately portray my existence and thoughts in every single episode. Thank you for another video that understands my heart and helps me feel a little less alone.
I think this Christmas I want to volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. I love my family but I don't belong. I want to feel like I'm doing something that helps the world, even if just a little. And this year I don't want to get gifts, but rather spend time with people.
What makes the end of the year especially financially crippling is not the gift buying, but the fact that all of the end of year bills (taxes, insurances, annual assessments) are all due as well. So you are stuck paying the largest bills of the year, while also working the most hours, while also trying to scrimp together money and time to buy gifts. It's awful.
I haven't liked the holidays for a long time. Either spending money on gifts for people I don't know too well, and receiving gifts that I don't like (because the people don't know me or don't like the things I like and would rather buy *cute* things) that pile in my closet. Spending time with a SO's family whom I don't know well and is awkward or spending time with my family whom I don't like. It's like, can I just eat Chinese take out and enjoy my peace and quiet?
I just lost my grandmother-in-law last week (I only add in-law for clarity, she was very much my granny too), she and my partner were the only people I spent time with last Christmas, as my family moved to England while I’ve stayed in Ireland. I already disliked Christmas, so again this year my only plans were to cook a Turkey dinner for Granny. But now I don’t have that…
My partner still wants to do something as he’s always liked Christmas, plus I think he’d rather have something to do instead of just sitting there in the absence of Granny. I’ve been feeling guilty about not wanting to do anything, for hating Christmas, for my mental health always being worse at this time of year, but hearing your similar experiences and feelings has made me feel like less of a Grinch, so I just wanted to share my own feelings and to say thank you 💚
"Sometimes the ones you love are also the ones who disappoint you the most. You think that if they love you, they should understand. They shouldn't want to hurt you."
this new year will be the 10th one that i'm not going to spend with my family. it's better for me this way. i'll have nice and quiet time with my partner and that's all i want.
wherever you are in the world, i wish you peace this holiday season.
I think the hardest thing for me has been the extension of the Christmas season to three months or more. Not only does it drag out all the issues but it removes anything "special" about the holiday and supersedes all the other events it overtakes. I'm "done" before Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas itself. We really don't celebrate at all anymore.. older kids, broken family multiple times over, lost relatives, more than one trauma or disaster (literally we lost everything we had to a Hurricane last year), financial struggle, health issues both physical and mental... it's just too much. We are doing one gift each and probably won't even do a special dinner.. no tree. I'm scheduled 60 hrs with only one day off per week the entire month of December anyway... thanks to the consumer and commercial machine I basically won't even see my family all month if I want to keep my job.
Thank you for verbalizing how I feel about the holidays but have never been able to put into concise words. Appreciate it.
My love language is gift giving so you’d think this would be the perfect holiday for me. But because everyone asp has birthdays in December and the stress of regular holiday shopping, I end up burnt out before the 25th.
i work for the german postal service/dhl and we already had to hire 2 new people to be able to go home 2h later than we're supposed to. the total amount of households we deal with is roughly 32k and even with the machine pre sorting everything we can't keep up anymore. the biggest wave hasn't even hit yet either
Let's escalate the war on Christmas by printing "Tolerable Holidays" wishing cards :)
"Adequately Festive New Year", "Existentially Harrowing Birthday", "Manageable Thanksgiving"... I want to get in on this.
Business idea right here... Don't give that away for free
@@hughcaldwell1034 I'm writing these down as ideas for snarky cross-stitch samplers! XD
@@neuralmute I feel like we should have a "minimally despondent" one, courtesy of Qwerpline. Even just "Minimally Despondent Morning". Though if you wanted to get really snarky and tragic, you could do it to "anniversary".
All the fabulous dismal sentiments here make me much happier than any of the holidays!
I do wish that there was more understanding around this topic. I still have a soft spot for Christmas, but I completely understand my mom's stress with the holiday, especially as she finds it difficult to figure out what to get people and the gatherings we have to go to (some of our family members are truly exhausting). But god forbid if you say anything, you're immediately seen as a "Scrooge." There are definitely valid concerns to be made and I wish we could have more open conversations around it.
Thank you Salari.. thank you for this.
Christmas was a hated obligation for me since I was 15 yrs old. My mother was a cruel & mean narcissist. That year, she was mad at me leading up the holidays. So…. Christmas Day my brother got a stereo system, and what was under the tree for me?…. only a hairbrush & a pair of panty hose. Xmas was ruined for me ever since & I have dreaded it for the past 33 years; because my mother demanded everyone in the family be there at Xmas time. Which meant since I (escaped!) & lived in NC with home being Ohio, all I did was drive or fly almost the entire friggin holiday. She has passed now & thank god the excruciating obligation is over.
Do you still have any comparable obligation when it comes to other people?
Watching this makes me so glad that my parents pulled away from extended family and started our own Christmas tradition.
We still give gifts, but not many. Even santa, during his final years, just gave us some plums from the trees outside. The whole day is spent preparing food together, reading, swimming and barbecuing the lamb for dinner.
I do, however, remember the stress on my parents, particularly my mother, in the weeks leading up to Christmas trying to organise all the food and gifts. Once we put a cap on gifts, and I started writing food purchase/prep lists for everyone, all the stress melted away and we could all just enjoy and be grateful for each other's company.
As someone who always struggled with their mental health and had a very difficult depressive year…your poem hit so hard. Tysm for helping me feel less of an emotional black sheep 💓💓💓 See ya next yr my dude ^.^
This was a great video! Thank you so much for the shout out! Every little bit helps out tremendously! Keep up the great work! I hope you keep doing the boost bus for awhile so other smaller creators like me can have a chance to be seen! Thanks again!
It's sad that the same feeling can be applied for other religious holiday like Eid.
I feel the same about Diwali season. Consumerism and nationalism is just rampant and on personal level, it's so Hard to achieve that festival aesthetic that your rich friends and influencers promote.
agree about Eid, it became about consumirism and spending to impress😭
I've actually been trying to "reclaim" the holidays. I had this realization in 2018 that I had all this hope and good feelings about the holidays, but I was resenting what the actual holidays were coming to represent. So I started to make a concentrated effort to reframe how I think about the holidays in my own mind. To remove the good feelings from the materialistic mess that Christmas is and to put them into new traditions. So I can still get the actual "holiday cheer" on my own made up holiday. We can get together and spend time and create traditions. But my own made up holiday doesn't require the rampant consumerism. With my family, it's been really nice being able to kinda "take back" the holidays
my family doesn’t know how to express love in a way that doesn’t involve money or materialism. if my mom abused me, she wouldn’t apologize, but she might buy me something nice to ease her own guilt. my last holiday with my family was before the pandemic. i have since cut them off and my holidays have been so easygoing because i don’t have to deal with their shit anymore. it’s just me, my partner and our cats. it’s the best gift i have ever given myself.
The amount of times I've received a bath set, looked at the person who gave it to me, looked back at the bath set, looked back at them, then said
"You know I'm allergic to this, right?"...
The first year? Okay, I don't really talk about my allergies all the time, so they made a simple mistake. Forgivable.
The fifth year in a row? Obviously they don't actually care and are just getting me something that *they* would want regardless of who they're getting it for. Just shows that they're a narcissist!
... And that's not even mentioning what happened to me at Christmas 2019! Trust me, it was BAD!!
Leaving the Mormon church and realizing the extent of my indoctrination my entire childhood has certainly made the holidays a bit less sweet.
Screw annoying and stressful traditions. I now celebrate Crumbdingus. Its like Christmas, but without the religious or capitalist baggage. The point is to have fun, relax, do want you want without worrying about other people.
For example:
You want to get people Crumbdingus presents? Great!
You don't want to buy people presents? Great!
You want to visit family? Great!
You want to get as far away from family as possible? Great!
You want to get a traditional Crumbdingus tree (its a torch cactus)? Great!
You don't live in an arid environment so getting a torch cactus is stupid? Great!
Happy Crumbdingus everyone!
Happy Crumbdingus!
A couple of years ago, I tried to find a date in the second half of December or later (but rather sooner) to meet up with a friend. We ended up meeting either on Christmas Eve or I think even Christmas Day itself. We both had kind of avoided mentioning these two holidays when trying to find a date, until he eventually said something like "What about next Thursday, the 25th?". I am far from sure he'd have suggested that date when talking to another person.
I’m not really a fan of gift giving or cards. It’s hard to explain without seeming ungrateful, but I started to feel like gifts weren’t being given for the right reasons. They sometimes come with expectations attached, and in unhealthy relationships they can be another way to manipulate or treat you differently. You feel like you should be grateful for receiving a gift while also feeling more alone and misunderstood; In my case I’ve never had many typical interests for my gender, something that I hope anyone that’s known me for a short while would know. There are times when it feels like people are unable to accept you for who you are and this can show through the gifts they give you. The pressure to spend a lot on a gift can also cause stress; I’ve fallen out with friends before because they didn’t think I’d spent enough on them.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize how much more important it is to be there for each other emotionally; It’s worth more than any gift.
Raise your hand if you've already started your holiday emotional spiral 🙋
This time of year is just financial struggles, bereavement, loneliness, medical anxiety, and depression about aging all rolled into one for me.
🙌
I lost my mom and my cat half a year ago (the former died in May, and the latter, in June). The part at 20:05 hit so close to home I actually teared up a bit. Right now I'm feeling kind of numb, but I'm sure these coming holidays will be brutal for me, I just hope to get through it in one piece. I really appreciated this video, thank you so much for your insight.
I'm sorry for your loss.
that feeling of wanting to be around my family made the loss of my father on christmas eve so much more difficult and that melancholic feeling during this season is so strange that i feel exited about christmas but cant shake the 'blues'
As someone who regularly gives people what I hope are nice toiletries for Christmas, what that usually means is "I have no good gift ideas for them and/or all my ideas for this person are crap, but I can at least be confident that they wash regularly, so I'll get them something related to that."
Basically, it feels like a safe option for those of us with no confidence in our gift-giving skills. It does not mean you smell bad.
On a related note, I'm now very worried that some of my relatives think that I think they smell bad.
This video is a perfect description of my feelings in holidays since my parents passed.
My mom can't understand how Halloween is my favourite holiday. She loves Christmas so much that she literally named me "pure Christmas" Kayla means "pure" and of course Noelle means Christmas. But Christmas is the time of year when you have the LEAST freedom because there are so many expectations and your family feels super entitled to your time and as a child of divorce that was really hard for me. Halloween has just as cozy an aesthetic, I can spend it with whoever I want, it's less expensive, and I don't have to conform to anyone's expectations! I can become whoever or whatever I want and honestly when else do random neighbors come up to your door?? Our society is so isolated into nuclear family units which isn't natural and Halloween kind of breaks that spell for a night, I think it's lovely and it gets a bad rap for no reason. Christmas can be nice but I've been anxious about finding and making the perfect gifts since November 1st and I feel suffocated.
I never understood Christmas. As a kid I couldn’t wrap my head around Santa and Jesus, both stories were already bizarre to me individually but when I asked about the juxtaposition I got nonsensical answers, especially from my super catholic grandparents who hated when I didn’t drop it and kept asking questions. I also always felt alienated, to this day I don’t feel any connections to my family, they’re nice people but I have nothing in common with them and being dragged to family gatherings on Christmas and NYE was a chore. I’d rather spend time at home with my cats.
There’s such a patronising tendency in our society to assume people must follow cultural rules because that’s just “the way is it”. Whenever I tell people I don’t celebrate Christmas or party at NYE they preach so much it ends up in a mini-argument. Nowadays I just lie to them and tell them the expected boring answer.
The topic of the video is very relatable (as usual) but I am still laughing at the intro: the title "Depressing, Commercialized Nightmare" in bright colors with a catchy music in the background.
For me, the daytime Christmas movies are the most depressing. They are all the same, all totally uninspired and just full of fake joy/romanticism/family feelings.
And these movies are on TV from November to the end of January 😭😭.
Edit: If it is the last video of 2021, have a relatively happy and tolerable holiday, Salari!
And all the fucking advertising and commercials on top!
Me and my family watch a german christmas movie nearly every year, called "Single Bells". It's about a family being stressed and annoyed about christmas and with each other. It ends with everything going wrong and the pov character just leaving. I love it. It's a lot of fun
@@Companion92 🤣🤣🤣 That sounds like a great movie!
Edit: And I say that with no sarcasm. I would enjoy watching that movie.
I had pretty bad depression when I was a teenager (it's gotten a lot better now) and I absolutely hated christmas. the 24th was okay since there it was only my parents, my brother and I. But I'm from Germany and here it is tradition to visit your relatives on the 25th and the 26th and these were the days my anxiety was high like on no other day of the year. We had to meet my uncle who has three daughters around my age and I was constantly afraid of being compared to them and the nagging comments by my aunt. My anxiety actually got so bad for two years that I just stayed home (my parents didn't understand me though so I felt like I was ruining their Christmas for them). Now because of the pandemic we just celebrate at home and I've never had a better Christmas than last year lol
To me, Christmas is about the following things:
- presents/consumerism
(I like the former, I hate the latter. If you genuinely want to give me a gift and can do so, do so. If you don't, please don't. When in doubt, don't. Don't consider any gift to be too small or inexpensive. Same goes for me. I apply these rules to my own gift-giving.)
- family
(I really do not want to see most of them and actively avoid them whenever possible. One sibling I have a difficult relationship with but until a few weeks ago, it seemed good enough. I am still able to see her for the sake of her children, who may or may not get anything, including a visit or phone call, from me this year. The people I want to be in contact with or am able to be in contact with can see me all throughout the day. No holiday necessary.)
- religion
(I'm an atheist. And an anti-theist. Sooo ...)
Christmas doesn't offer me anything I don't either reject or can have throughout the year (and often better so than during the Christmas days.)
Well.... I remember the early 2000s being inbetween of meaningful Christmas spirit and capitalism. For a kid like myself 2002 uk to go into Game and get Kingdom Hearts and guidebook was nice, but it was also what stuck with me was in the cafe afterwards, the decorations were up, family together chilling and it was November winter, the moon was out in the shopping centre and Dancing in the moonlight was playing in the background, it's something I love and never forget. it was magical in it's own way, the subtle balance. Sure, people were stressed out on the holidays to get presents but not like this I dont think, could be wrong. I think our society has drifted into a consumer like mentality rather then Christmas or the meaning of it and took it for granted. Never have went into black fridays, totally insane. People shop online now, and.... one of the reasons why shops are closing.
23:12 this really resonates with me. The passing of time is simultaneously ordinary and extremely terrifying. The thought of ceasing to exist can be mortifying for me if I don't distract me from it.
Thank you for this video, its a topic that really needs to be explored more! You really put into words how over stimulating and ultimately unfulfilling this time of year is. I sometimes wish we did the holidays every other year so I wouldn't have to be assaulted by them every year .
We didn't celebrate xmas growing up, and as an adult I never saw a reason to start. I was mom shamed into doing a big xmas thing when my son was 4, and he was just overwhelmed and confused. He's 24 now, and he has thanked me for not 'programming' holidays into his brain. I try to spend the holiday season aware of the people that aren't having a good time. I've had 'not holidays' get togethers for people around me that have a hard time at the holidays, where we can be together without the seasonal triggers and gift-guilt.
im only 4 minutes into this video and its already hitting so close to home. thanks for sharing this
I was so excited to see a new video! This topic has been a big one for me over the years. I've worked in retail and yes it is torture. Until very recently, I resented Christmas. I hate how it overshadows Thanksgiving (which is far less materialistic), how it lasts two months, reminds people with strained family relationships that they are without them, how it puts financial, religious, and emotional pressure on people. My favorite things about Christmas aren't gifts. I enjoy it more now and in not small part due to the LIMITS I put on it. I don't participate in black Friday, or decorate before December, or spend a lot on gifts or decor. There's nothing wrong with each person setting their own limits, even if it means not celebrating at all. Happy whatever you want or, don't want, to celebrate.
The poem really hit home for me. My dad's name is Gary and he's recently got more and more into conspiracy theories. Needless to say I keep my distance from family gatherings.
I am so glad I found your channel! Nearly all of your videos I find myself relating so strongly to your personal stories. I have become so jaded about the holidays, and you hit the nail on the head as to why.
I haven’t been able to afford to give my family gifts in years.
However this year my nephew finally got to the age where he likes small, concealable items and I showered him in gifts, so at least he can be spoiled by his homeless uncle.
I've completely embraced my disdain for Christmas over the past few years - I don't buy anyone gifts, I don't attend family gatherings, I don't decorate, and everyone knows not to get me anything. Life's too short to pretend to enjoy things out of obligation.
Similar situation here. I have two nephews, though, who have been told that "they get what they get" for Christmases and birthdays and who've always been able to deal with that wonderfully. Their mother has told me not to feel any obligation to get them anything for their birthday after the fact because I forgot to get them something in time because they already get more than enough as it is. I have actually had trouble finding them anything whenever I did get them something because they already have so much. (Which is also due to people just not needing all that much, not just because they actually own too many object.) Until I stopped having anything even remotely comparable to friends altogether, I experienced a couple of years of "please no gift you felt obliged to get me, but feel free to give me something" years. Was definitely an okay thing to be part of.
It's weird because I generally agree all of Salari's takes but I get really into the Christmas spirit. I love the lights, love holiday-themed foods and beverages, love christmas music and movies. Love walking down Christmas Tree Lane. To me it's Thanksgiving with better food, more sweets, hot chocolate, and gifts. The other holidays are just a reminder that my social life is piss. My family comes by and we drink and talk about current events, sports, music, movies, anime, etc.
Also I live in LA county and it's much easier to get warm in the winter than cold in the summer. An electric heater, a hoodie and socks is all I need. My depression is much worse in summer because i'm sweaty, horny, agitated and feeling intense FOMO because I should be going to pool parties or travelling instead of rotting in my hot room.
Every year christmas loses some of its' magic for me... But I still enjoy the atmospheric/aesthetic part, like all the golden lights and decorations on the streets and homes. Especially if it's snowy. But in practise the holidays just always end up in someone yelling, so...
i have so many memories of being angry with my self because i wasnt happy during the holidays, and now that im at least ok, its just a reminder of at least one reason to stay alive, be happy to be around the people you love, and just enjoy life. yes it can suck. but idk i love it.
You know what I call expecting people to react a certain way regardless of how they feel about it?
Denying them consent.
My partner said this video's intro hit real close to home for him. It was a nice look inside his head, in a way. I genuinely enjoy giving people gifts that I spent time thinking about and putting together, but I also know that gift giving is something that causes a lot of stress and dread for him. Holidays are such a precarious balancing act, filled with unrealistic and unfair expectations and rampant capitalism. Thanks for the great video!
thank you so much for adressing this topic!!
more and more, i have come to view the whole 'christmas cheer and holiday spirit' thing as something like a play that everyone puts on, driving themselves mad thanks to the constant pressure of having to outdo themselves in giving gifts and being merry - working retail for the second year in a row during the holidays certainly has worsened the image for me.
the outright commercial slaughtering of christmas is vile and i'm quite happy that my immediate family has stopped exchanging grand gifts over the past years, and now moves towards not giving gifts altogether. it was a nice thing of them to do for my brother and i when we were younger, but the older we got the less neccessary it became to partake in the holidays in that way.
so now whenever friends and collegues stress out mid-november about putting together advent calendars for partners and others (sometimes spending absurd amounts of money on it, when in their mind it doesn't even count as a 'proper christmas present' but rather something more like a 'pre-present'), i have a great moment of relief knowing that nothing of the sort is expected of me.
preparing a good meal on christmas day and baking cookies is the most that's done in our family nowadays. it's all very low-pressure and i couldn't be happier for it!
i'm sending everyone who is going through an especially tough time during the holidays strength and ~*good vibes~*
My main takeaways from Christmas growing up was "Under no circumstances are you to act like you want or EXPECT presents, because that's just greed and selfishness and absolutely will not be tolerated." It's been pretty much impossible to shake that. I have panic attacks whenever anyone asks me what I want for my birthday or Christmas or whatever, and have to insist that I don't want anything, it's fine, don't get me anything, and definitely don't make me ask.
I really, really felt that bit about time. Thank you for helping to put it into such clear words like that. I always struggle to articulate how I feel about time. How even looking at the clock and calendar on my computer can sometimes give me anxiety. How terrifying each new year is. It doesn't help that my birthday is in late January, so even after the New Years has come, I still have to be reminded of the passage of time and the mortality of myself and everyone I love, for a whole month. Given how Christmas continues to creep into the months preceding it, it sometimes feels like society goes out of its way to make sure we're thinking about it all the time.
I feel lucky because even though my family made the holidays about consuming we also made it about giving. We silently and anonymously dropped off boxes of toys and gifts/food to families in our small town we understood were financially struggling, we volunteered at food banks and elderly folk homes, and we tried to give homemade gifts as well as store bought to each other. As an adult I’ve worked retail on the holidays (it totally is a nightmare) and I’ve been completely broke myself and felt horrible but I’ve always tried to keep the spirit of what I think the true meaning of the holidays are. Warmth, caring for others, and love. Happy Holidays everyone ❤️.
Thank you for that lovely poem. I live very far from my family, so I don't have to do the whole Christmas thing, but I used to feel that very much. Now that I live alone, far from everyone, I get to make Eggs Florentine and watch Fraggles all day, which is so satisfying.
I don't often comment, but here, I felt the need.
For you talk for many , and myself included.
Talking to relatives I never really know
How to say "I am sad, and I just wanna go".
Every time they're merrier, every smile they give me,
I feel even sadder, way more weird ,and sorry
Sorry for being there, crippling their holidays,
Sorry for existing, I wanna go away.
But thanks to you next time I won't feel so lonely,
I will think about all who share this misery.
Those days are really dark, and you made them lighter,
That is your gift to us, for that I thank you, sir.
Hope you'll excuse my English, I'm no native speaker
I would not joke about your life, which seems to have been difficult and had it's challenges but that is deadass the plot of Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown
In a weird way this video filled me with a holiday joy I haven't felt in a long time
In my country we don't spend holidays with gifts. A day off being inside the house with all family watching TV together and eat big dinner is what avergae holidays look like here, The fanciest you can do probably going on a vacations, but never exchanging gifts. Once I moved to US I got overwhelmed by the expectation for me to prepare gifts on each holiday. Honestly it made holidays not at all enjoyable for me.
i’m glad more people are talking about how awful this time of year can be. i forget who it was but another video i saw described christmas as more like a list of chores than an enjoyable time. that’s one level of fucked up discomfort i feel around it. i hate the endless obligations. it’s not like my life gets any slower during that time (especially not now when i work in food service, not only broke as shit but busier than ever). on top of that i’ve had multiple traumatic events happen during the holiday season. i always end up getting a flare-up of ptsd symptoms during this time. even though it’s gradually gotten better and i can handle hearing music or seeing a christmas section go up in a store without wanting to throw up, it’s still incredibly hard to put on a happy face for everyone. most of my family has finally come around to the fact that i just can’t bear the festivities, but i don’t exactly want to explain to my coworkers or acquaintances that sorry, i don’t really want to go to the christmas party or christmas eve service because it’s inevitably going to remind me of my *fucking rape*. without context they just think i’m an asshole, and with context they’d probably think i was a worse asshole bringing everyone down with my issues, so i just shut up and do my best to live and cringe through it.
Came for the commentary, stayed for the poem. Thanks for helping us feel seen.
Being introvert with anxiety (and before this year undiagnosed adhd) has always made the holidays difficult. I love time with everyone but it's so much. I get drained over the holidays having to be at parties and with family and buying gifts, etc. Being an adult and allowed to leave the parties when I want has significantly helped. Having at least one cousin my age also helped. But overall it has always been the most annoying when small talk is expected of me. Having to be judged by your family about the state of your own life. It's all a lot, and I appreciate your video because it can be isolating. Everybody has to take a little extra care of themselves this holiday.
I have seasonal depression during winter, but as I live in the southern hemisphere, and the holidays happen during the summer, i'm always really looking forward to celebrating with family and friends to find joy in life after such blue months. I guess I am a little bit lucky🤔
Very interesting topic. Loved your video.
Greetings from Uruguay!
I can relate. For my mother Christmas needs to be a certin way and every deviations from that will be met with emotional manipulation until you give in to her very fake Christmas spirit. I hate it. My father passed three years ago and I hated the Holidays before that but now I'm just really not into all of it anymore. I'm tired of the fighting, the pretend "everybody get's along" especially my mother with her new boyfriends family (they are nice. They just feel dragged into traditions with no regard to their own). I'd just rather be home with my partner and my cats. And I know that I will stand in my mother's house on Christmas eve, fake smile and all, pretending not to have hurt my not mother in law, because her son is with me on Christmas eve, just so I can avoid getting angry side glances, rude "do not ever disappoint me like that again's" and other snide comments for the next 3 months. Happy Holidays everybody. I hope you get through it well enough.
favorite thing about covid-era so far has been avoiding to get-togethers. I don't even hate my family, I just really dislike that sort of gathering in more recent years.
"Though you share DNA you know not where you fit." Powerful.
As a former retail worker, you're spot on with the annoying holiday music reference. I adore your poem and feel it perfectly suits your message. The tableside portion made up my favorite stanzas in the work: cute and insightful.