Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! Sessions start at just $30. You can learn more here: bit.ly/3WhLtAy
Why Gifted People are Considered Special Needs, because a Very Evil Element Controls the Education and Medical Feilds. The Feminist Teachers Stomped Down on Me, and Refused to Allow me an Education and put me in a Windowless room by myself till they kicked me out of school.
This video totally misses the mark. Gifted kids _become_ special needs because the raised nail gets hammered down. We get diagnosed with mental illnesses because adults put unreasonable expectations and then wonder why the kid has psychological issues. I don't mean "why don't you do your work" - we don't do our work because we subconsciously recognize our extra efforts will go unrewarded. I mean like inattention, procrastination, perfectionism, depression; all caused by their lack of support and tendency to treat us unfairly. Illnesses they then try to medicate away instead of changing their unreasonable expectations. Then we grow up thinking we're "special needs" because we were *broken* by them. I have a genius level I.Q. I was treated unfairly from kindergarten, which because of my mentality, I tended to disregard. I wanted to learn, dammit; never mind all this other stuff. That disregard was diagnosed as FIVE mental illnesses. All medication failed to have the desired effect. Apparently, I'm so stubborn that I actually mentally overcame the medications. After overdoses of meds didn't work, my mother began torturing me. Knives, waterboarding, hypothermia. What did she think I was going to learn from that? Hmm? What? And the school system did me no favors! Many teachers either roundly despised me, or in four cases, framed me for actual crimes because I was the raised nail they could hammer down. I have extensively studied psychology, sociology, and neurology. I understand the issue and can deal with it firmly in my own life. Yes, I have autism, that's the only diagnosis that was correct. But so what? Does that mean I need medication because I'm more interested in quantum physics than running the mile in P.E.? Is that really what qualifies as "special needs?" We need to stop victimizing ourselves. We need to stop putting our atypicality in a category where we're coddled instead of being (metaphorically?) beaten senseless. We are different; we need different things, but we are not any more or less "special" than the next person. We need schools who can accommodate our needs but *not* because we are lesser, not because we are ill, not because we are substandard. It's because we are different and thus have different priorities in life. Other kids get a trade school, a parochial school, a Montessori school. Why are "special needs" students treated any differently? Why aren't we treated like just another kind of normal human being? You may think reading this, "wow, you had it hard. I'm so sorry." NO! THAT'S NOT THE POINT! I am each and every one of you. Little bits of my life? I saw it repeated in the lives of other so-called "special needs" students. Over, and over, and over. Not everyone had it as bad as I did, but that's because unlike other kids, I REFUSED TO BREAK. I refused to accept that I was somehow in need of extra attention, that I needed less difficult work, that I was more susceptible to mental illness, that I was "special." I. refused. to. break. And goddammit, they would eventually break me, but I fought quite literally to death's door. And guess what? Even after being broken over, and over, and over, I still refuse to accept it. The status quo of this society is SICK and it needs to change. I will continue to believe that until either society changes for the better or I pass away. That's just who I am- deal with it.
Being "gifted" is like driving an automatic while everyone else is driving a manual. You never truly learn how to drive a manual because you simply never had to. Meanwhile, everyone praises you for your driving ability and tells you that you could be a professional driver or - who knows - maybe even a race car driver! You start to believe them and think, yeah... I could totally be a pro racer! Suddenly, you're stuck at the starting line wondering why the hell you can't even get your car to start while everyone else does laps around you
Gifted kid here. The biggest negative thing being treated like I was better than everyone else was that I still find it really really hard to ask people for help. It kind of feels like I’ve let someone down by not being self-sufficient
Yeah, I was born with high-functioning autism and I hate how I can't just talk with normal people like everbody else. I have problems with being a major jerk to people, because I see any kind of mistake as failure, and make everybody around me feel inferior/nervous just by them being my presence.
it sucks in sports especially. hockey was my fucking life and then one year i quit because one coach sucked the fun out(it was ba). i thought i could go really far, my dream was to play on the women's usa team. then i quit and i felt like my identity was shattered. i ended up dropping out of high school bc of an anxiety disorder. honestly i don't know what i could've told my younger self, maybe something like "God has a plan for you," that's how i feel now, but i'm coaching a 12u girls team and it feels like this was my path. i want to make sure these girls go forward with confidence and kindness
i constantly had/have problems like this and this exact problem and ive just kinda never learned to be cooperative or admot failure due to expectations being so high.
Exactly My parents are and were awesome. They always told/tell me that it’s okay to screw up as long as I do my best. That they had no expectations for me not because I was bad, but because whatever I do they’re proud of. They let me sob in the floor without pushing me to talk, because we had an amazing relationship and I would. The thing is, I still always feel so pressured. It’s all myself doing this, and my own thoughts pressuring and belittling me but still. I can’t *stop*. I mean I have good days but I get so upset over the smallest things it’s hard to have good days. The only thing I’m ever sure of is the fact that I just don’t know. Sorry for this all over the place vent, it’s just nice relating to others you know? -A literally right now having recovering from a month of exhaustion and breakdowns, currently working, a blink a way from sobbing, burnt out gifted kid who’s definitely a perfectionist and probably had some undiagnosed anxiety and adhd
One huge issue as a gifted student was that everyone was so busy pushing me to be an academic that nobody ever bothered to teach me how to be a person. Now I struggle in social situations to the point it hurts to try talking.
I have the same problem. I'm fourty now married with three kids, no friends but the ones of my spouse that I welcome home but don't interact much with. It's okay , I accepted it, and since I accepted the lack of connection with people , I'm better at small talks and mundain interactions, learnt to just put a smile on my face, ask simple questions about people's life and listen a lot.
SAMEEE I have a friend circle but it get SUPER akward to talk to anybody else that doesnt know me.... Im easy going but not great when comes to speech My responses either too short or too long
I will never forget how many times I felt humiliated by that old "I expected higher grades from you" speech. I didn't sign a contract with anyone, who told them to expect me to be something? Throughout my childhood, any sign of failure was synonymous with a giant drop in my self-esteem.
As a gifted kid, I've been given the speech multiple times too. And even though there was a point where I realized getting perfect grades was basically pointless, I was stuck as a "gifted kid" even though I didn't want to be. It sucks.
I sympathize. During 7th grade I struggled a lot throughout Math and Science despite being very gifted in the subjects during past years. Any time my grade dropped my self esteem and confidence would go with it and my mother would give me the “I know you’re smart enough, only if you put in the work” talk. I’m afraid it’s the same with my brother, he’s in 3rd grade and although he’s smart he still struggles with math and my mother gives him the same treatment.
I heard the same line time and time again. The difference (problem) with me, is I have pseudo-authority issues. To me, hearing "I expected more from you" made/makes my brain decide to double-down on not trying. You expected more, and you were wrong. Never bet against me being stupid!
You mean "parents". Most adults are outside looking in not knowing the full scope. Even if they contribute to the damage sustained by the child's parental control. Most parents are trash. Especially when they expect the top-tier best from their child when the enforcers aren't even as top-tier in more than one if any other basic life skills.
@@alicewondering4295 see what? That the were gifted themselves? Being 'gifted', but not having fully developed that potential sucks. I work in the trades now because my life as an IT guy didn't pan out, I got sick of it. It sucks knowing I could do some if not most of the tasks of the lower tier 'engineers' I've had to work with better than they, but the call is theirs on what goes, and I can't be an engineer because I can't trig yet, and I have to pass physics and calculus to be an engineer. After I finally accepted it, I realized its a gatekeeping method like when a ride says, "you have to be this tall." I'm actually able to appreciate those guys more knowing that they had the tenacity and wherewithal to stick with it until they got to where they are.
One of my biggest fears in high school was that I'd make a single mistake and everyone would know the "smart kid" was dumb and it was just a facade. It has taken me years to feel okay being bad at things
This. I was a gifted child who hit the wall in my last year of high school. Everything I've ever been remotely good at I've had performance anxiety, martials arts, piano, video games or even answering questions in front of my peers in class because I have this deep underlying fear of being revealed as a fake.
THIS. I used to cry from the smallest mistakes. I remember crying over getting the name of a shape wrong during class as a 2nd grader... if only my parents had seen the starts of my anxiety there.
My issue was that as soon as I struggled in adulthood, people were disappointed in me or became confused to the point of annoyance by me. "I always thought you'd be doing something cool internationally." The microexpressions of mild disgust when I tell people where I've been. The gradual withdrawal of support and the increasing dismissal by family and childhood friends is what's been so damaging.
As someone who was told I was gifted, but managed to lose all childhood friends before adulthood, I will say that online acquaintances can sustain you through dark times.
you are not alone friend. at 30 years old i stopped drinking cold turkey. this sobered me up enough to realize my "friends" kept me around for solutions to their problems, while offering nothing in return except "friendship". i lost my job due to obamacare (boss couldnt afford the insurance so he let people go until he was small enough to be exempt. i didnt make the cut) found myself homeless because none of my "friends" would help. its been years now and none of them ever checked on me. ill admit to facebook stalking etc just to see if they have families. theyre all happy. the man who solved their problems disappears without a trace, and blissfully they celebrate. while i suffer in depression and disappointment.
Thank you for this honest comment. This is my life but to the more extreme I think. I got both mentally and physically ill from trying to excel because I was gifted up to high school. I dropped out of college 7 years ago and I got so ill I live on disability income. People just slowly faded away from my life because I wasn’t cool and smart anymore, just depressing and a failure. I think pushing oneself to the limit can really damage the body completely. It feels so freeing to admit that my life failed. Maybe the tide will turn, or maybe it won’t. Sometimes we forget that our physical body can suddenly just say no and stop working.. I hope you just got a regular job and a regular life. That is what I dream of, but I know my pain will never get better
It 100% is fine to be average when youre gifted. You don't have to live up to your full potential there is nothing wrong with seeing what average is like and saying I want to stay here it is nice and comfy.
Being gifted kid suckss dude I feel like im Wasting something just feels shames And IQ test just makes it worst My parents just expect so much just because i got 130 Iq i Feel like im wasting something, sometimes it motivates you but other times it just saddens me when i got 80/100 average and my rank was 31/36 People And now i have no idea how to Improve its like agh
and also just because i learned 6th grade materials in 3rd grade doesnt mean i can keep up the pace to 7-9th grade in this 8th-9th grade i crashed dont know what to do
@@onvyll8817 Here’s what you need to do: forget the past and the future. Focus on each class, each day. When you get home from school every day, if you can, go for a walk. Don’t listen to any music, just look at your surroundings. Walk for about 30 minutes. When you get back home, do your homework IMMEDIATELY. Don’t procrastinate. I know you’re probably wanting nothing more than to “reward” yourself and have some fun but trust me. Do your homework and rip that bandaid off. Don’t let tv or your phone or the Internet distract you. Trust me. After you’re done, THEN you can have some fun. Eat dinner, and then study for upcoming tests. Look up mnemonic devices to help you remember things you need to remember (word play with facts basically). Use flash cards/note cards to study! They help a LOT. Don’t stay up too late. Be firm with yourself about bedtime. And be consistent. I know teenagers have different sleep needs than adults and you have my full sympathy there, but try to get as much sleep as you can. You will feel better throughout the day. The key is to not procrastinate (I know easier said than done) and don’t worry about the past or the future. Just focus on whatever is in front of you. Moving your body helps a lot too. In times of stress, work up a sweat. You will feel better almost instantly. Good luck!!! - a 31 year old former “gifted kid”
@@LizVonVillas Thanks I have, 1 Question toughz should i quit my part time job for now? i feel like its getting stressfull and i probably dont need a job at this age Well even tough deep down i dont want to get called "average"
I hate how... i'm only recently grasping with my intelligence again. I'm 19, basically smoked weed for 2 years.. and now i want out of it. I want to use my brain. I want to gain more intelligence. And the depression.. the depression man.
It's doesn't have to be. School destroys gifted people, to a point where they might kill themselves. If you can homeschool in your country that vital to a gifted person. They might not develop depression at all..
@@DrTheRich It's funny, the capitalism that stifled my desire to make space stations and ships, is also the capitalism that let me flourish in the home construction and rental industry. I think that, when you're very different from the average person, you have to take a different path. There was a point when I was homeless, and I'd see all these beautiful Victorian style houses everywhere. I put a lot of focus and years toward getting houses. I enjoy it. My spatial reasoning works so well with construction. It also works well with trading equities online. Being "too smart" has been a gold mine for me, but I had to adapt to the world and use things they didn't "approve of", like anger and "gaming the system" to get what I wanted. Being nice just turns people into perma-slaves. I knew I'd have offed myself if I couldn't break out of mediocrity and mere sustenance. It's not greed; I'm just naturally ambitious. Some one says to repair the deck, and I'll start thinking about building an entire awning over it.
@@DrTheRich I mean, it put me at a really bad starting position, and stifled a lot of my idealism, but it also gave me a system I could game and tilt to my advantage. Idk, socializing was never my strong suit. Numbers and spatial reasoning are.
It really hits you like a train. Sitting at your pc with anxiety knowing if you dont start learning you will get kicked out of school wich causes slight panic but you still cant get yourself to do anything because the easiest tasks are overwhelming. I wasnt gifted but never had to learn up until 6 grade or so. Then grades started declining to average, under average, and then trash.
Well said. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism when I was around 6 or 7. My grades started slipping around 6th grade as well. I remember I used to like homework. As a junior in highschool right now, my grades aren't where they should be. I know that if I don't do the work that things likely won't end well, and even though I want to do the work and get it done so I don't have to worry about it, it's practically impossible because I would rather be doing *anything* else. I once did my laundry because I was avoiding homework. And I hate doing laundry. Even the medication doesn't really work anymore.
I have hit my head against my table so many fucking times because I can't do 60 questions per day while EVERY FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER IN MY CLASS CAN DO DOUBLE THAT ON A MOTHERFUCKING OFF DAY
yep. this is exactly it for me lol. im in 8th grade now but im.. so insanely shit. i used to be gifted and people keep telling me i have SOO much potential and im SO smart and all of this should be so easy for me- but its not. turns out i have autism. im failing all my classes now and have no idea what i'll even do haha. it sucks.
As someone mildly 'gifted', and who has ADHD, this really resonated with me. The primary (elementary) school I went to was so easy, that not only did I never have to study to be ahead of the class, but I rarely ever had to actually pay attention either. I just never saw anything that we did in class to be stimulating enough, that I would need to care about it for more than a minute or two. For example, by grade 6 the homework we were given was on basic division, and we only ever received the homework on Monday. Making friends was incessantly difficult, so I never really understood people, either. My parents pushed for me to get into a secondary school with a more advanced curriculum, and once again I was able to pass without ever studying. But the first science lesson I ever had at the new school completely changed everything. Not only was I disadvantaged due to the content being far more complex than what I had been doing the year before, but now I had to both pay attention and study at home. Naturally, I didn't, and that year was probably the worst (in terms of study) I've ever had. It took about a year and a half, but eventually I acclimatised to the new environment, and best of all, found people in the same boat as I. In conclusion, I just feel as if schools should stop treating students like they are all the same, and perhaps put more effort into scaling the difficulty of content, in a way that works for each student.
Man, i can feel you on the primary school part. It was so easy that i could do little work and get high grades. In the first year of middle school, it was very easy too, i didn't struggle, fail, or get low grades. I got very high grades for it. I dont know how to write notes, very bad handwriting to this day, and i procrastinate a ton for no reason all i did was memorising easily to a lesson in a book and it worked for elementary and first year of middle school, i didnt learn any discipline and self practice. and yet i got highest grades somehow. Why? Because that school is very forgiving and its standards are very low. fast forward to the second year of middle school, where i transferred to a new middle school, which is much more advanced and hella more strict. Whenever theres homework appears, everyone in my class has really fast writing, neat writing and notes, i dont even know how to write properly and taking notes. The subject teachers are strict too, because i didnt learn that theres a time for everything, my homeworks kept go late and missing because i was very slow, i forgot to mention i struggle listening in class? Because i learned in elementary and first year of middle school that most of the imformation are just in the book, but i did not learn that teacher teachings are more on topic in the school now.
Honestly i was never considered a gifted kid by my peers in elementary but my mother who is a teacher and other teachers always called me smart, its really just how i absorb information and use previous context i just have a good long term memory. But what i hate is studying i do amazing on tests except i don't get daily work done its simply because I've never had to study and me procrastinating. i think its a problem that we still rely on a linear teaching model and not a personal teaching model, because some people like me simply only need to watch one video or read a book once to retain the information and i simply think of it as a waste of time.
Another part of that "Shame gap" is the inability to ask others for help, whether it's from your classmates or your professors. There's constantly a feeling of "I'm smart, I shouldn't have to ask for help" weighing you down. I got into my university on a specialized scholarship which required us to all take a class and spend 10 hours a week in a lab to keep it, so we all kind of knew each other. 90% of them lost their scholarship after the first year.
Heck, I DID ask for help growing up, as soon as I started hitting that wall and falling behind I was like "Hey, parents, teachers, I don't understand this, I don't know what to do with this, please help me learn how to do this." but most of them were already so convinced of my "giftedness", of how "smart" I was, that when I wasn't at the baseline understanding of a subject that they thought I should be at, they assumed I was just being lazy. Math was always my biggest struggle, and I remember on multiple occasions with different people, not understanding how to work through a type of equation. It just didn't stick in my head after the initial in-class lesson. I looked at the problem and went "How the hell do I do this?" So of course, I went to my parent or teacher for help. And they would go "Ok, start doing the equation and we'll see where you get stuck." and I would just sit there like "I don't know how." and they would get frustrated. "Well just start." I don't know how!" and eventually they would get mad and claim I just wanted them to do all the work for me. That I was being lazy and just didn't want to do it. And then when I inevitably had a D or F in the class, they would lament at all my wasted potential, that I was so smart, if I would just try. Now I'm in therapy learning how to stop degrading myself all the time because I feel like an idiot and a failure.
@@raicantgame6634 :( I excelled at maths courses 1 - 5 here in Sweden. But going into specialized classes 6 and 7, going twice the speed and including university-level stuff. I can follow what's going on during a given lesson, but I never manage to retain it. And before I have the time to try the new stuff out at home during my own time, there's new theory to be learnt. Latest example was partial integrations and differential equations. We had a test of 7 questions, I only answered 4 and a half, and probably got them all wrong. I just don't have a clue about what to do when I see some types of equations. All the different methods blend together. I had exactly the same problem in chemistry when trying to remember different bondings between molecules and atoms. Which occured when x, y and z requirements were met etc. The subjects in question are interesting, but going at too fast a pace messes everything up and blends it together. And I notice myself becoming angrier day by day because I'm not as good as I was before. For reference, I aced the last maths exam we had, 8 difficult questions and I got an A. Felt like bliss. But now? I just stare at the exam paper and wonder if I can leave the classroom, it's proper shameful I'm not capable of it. Damn it.
for me i was somehow raised that help was an excuse. Like I shouldn't ask for help because it's an excuse for laziness. same way I was told forgetting something is somehow an excuse for something else
I remember in 9th grade when I didn’t understand a concept in math for the first time I actually went to ask for help, I started crying from the shame.
“If you fail, then no big deal” is literally mind boggling to someone who just spent the past decade or more hearing that failure isn’t an option because either of schools themselves forcing the issue or the expectation of everyone who told you that you’re gifted, special, and have potential to build a mansion.
Lol I was panicking that I got 65% on my AP World History test 3 days ago but then the whole class got like 50-60%, but I still have like a b+ in the class though
Oh gosh, you will be fine. I took 8 AP tests. 5s on all but one, that score was a 4. Nearly failed US History in-class because the teacher required us to enter a sentence to describe historical events in a spreadsheet. Absolute nonsense. Now I've got a law license and my job is helping people I care about/public interest lobbying. Environment matters and things can get better. @@leomathguy
@@ukhtiiiojo9186 Pride identifies with performing well and boosts the ego because of it. Shame identifies with a lesser performance and condemns the self because of it. Someone who is prideful about their performance one day can be ashamed of it the next day because it will fluctuate. But someone who is humble can accept a brilliant performance without feeling superior, and they can also accept a poor performance without feeling inferior. This is because a humble person ignores the false dichotomy of pride and shame; humility doesn’t equate a given moment’s performance to overall worth.
I was a gifted child…and I am now the very close to burnt out perfectionist. I can never relax, I’m constantly anxious about accomplishing more, and I’m so hard on myself. I fell into a deep depression the first time that I met a class that I couldn’t pass without studying (Calculus) and it messed with my self esteem. I had NO idea how to study and couldn’t figure it out. I remember being so excited for the first 30 minutes of my college graduation, and then being covered by this feeling of anxiety realizing I would now have to compete against these other 721 people that also hold a bachelors degree. This video is spot on.
I remember my mom once telling me of a kid who flunked out of her "advanced math". As in, he was completely incapable of it. When she confronted him about why he didn't go to "regular math" his answer was this: "I'd fail regular math too, but failing an advanced class looks better on paper." It's important to know your own limitations.
It’s sad that we can know our own limitations but still can flunk everything a school system has to offer to us. It’s also sad that some kids revert to flunking a AP class just to make it look better.
@@kelpjelli i think the comment isn't about a kid who thinks they belong in AP classes, rather a kid that's just weird and subverts expectations with the reply. More as a "guess what happened at work today" sort of thing, rather than a statement about the affairs of gifted children in schools in general.
Why does it seem like so many gifted kids who experience these same problems have ADHD? I know I still feel strong emotions when someone might be saying I could be doing more. *Might be saying* is enough to feel very defensive. I think it's a legit form of trauma at this point.
@@Pensnmusic Because untreated ADHD causes a decline in motivation and eventually depression because we don't know why we always fall short of the expectations In reality, if someone had just paid attention to us as a child like we needed, we would have met or even exceeded the expectations
@@Pensnmusic beeing "gifted" hides the adhd and enforces it... Basically, since you don't need to study, no one never notices that you can't study. Beeing gifted also makes so you mind doesn't need to focus as much to achieve what others need to, so you also won't train focus... I'd say is more like "some adhd kids are gifted" rather than "gifted kids have adhd".
I can't remember how many times I've been told this. "You could be the brightest" or "you could have great grades IF ONLY YOU WANTED TO". But that is people projecting themselves in the intelligent kid, if THEY were smart, they WOULD apply themselves and achieve a lot, but they are NOT, so they tell us to study and apply ourselves but they don't know what it's like lmao. All this is supposing that I am indeed that and I'm not just imagining things, but w/e.
@@JLchevz Just my experience but I always felt like applying myself at school didn't mean anything because I already knew the concepts By the time I got to the actually hard stuff, I realized the importance of knowing how to study and training your working memory I'd love to study further in chemistry and physics but it's daunting to retake classes that I should have completed 10 years ago
Something just as bad as being a gifted kid and not developing proper study habits is being a normal kid of a parent who desperately WANTS their kid to be gifted. I knew one such person growing up. His parents (especially his mother) were extremely strict and didn't allow him to come hang out unless he did all of his homework for the week along with other extra assignments that they gave him to complete. It got worse in high school when his course load was so immense that it got to the point that we never even saw him outside of school. When we did speak to him, he was always really short with his responses and could barely manage to converse without stumbling over his words and just being awkward in general. The studying eventually paid off when he got accepted into some prestigious program at Stanford, and I'm sure his parents were absolutely thrilled about it. He committed suicide two years later.
A former teacher of mine developed severe mental illness in his late 20s to early 30s thanks to being brought up like that as well (son to a doctor and a teacher). Was our homeroom teacher in 10th grade and at some point we got the news that he had jumped in front of a train and died. For a story that ended up better than that, my uncle was born to a nurse and teacher and they wanted him to be highly successful businessman or scholar and kept pushing him. After realizing he'd not live up to their expectation and being ashamed (tried being a driving instructor, insurance salesman and delivery man instead), they bought him a fancy car and suits and made him pretend to be the wealthy CEO of his own company in front of most of their friends and extended family. He's alive and well after retiring last year to buy a house and boat in Southern Italy with his wife of 45 years.
One of the things Dr K didn’t mention and I’m coming to realize in my mid-40’s is that being smart is a life long condition. I find myself struggling at work these days because I make connections faster than some of my colleagues. But as a team, we have to align on doing certain things in a consistent way. When you process too fast, others can’t keep up and it’s very alienating/leads to feeling misunderstood and unheard. It’s very frustrating especially if you are someone who is fairly humble and try to see yourself as “just like everyone else”.
This is why I, as an adult, will immediately give up on absolutely anything - a job, a hobby, a relationship - that I’m not instantly great at. Having to start at the bottom and progressively work your way up to being skilled at something is a concept I never had to grapple with as a “gifted” child and teenager, and it’s only now that I realise that is in fact a reality of life that most people live with… I don’t have the resilience to be able to live happily like that though, because I never had to develop that sense of grit whilst growing up. To this day, it causes me a lot of distress, mental health issues, difficulty holding down jobs, difficulty maintaining relationships, and struggles to feel content in myself and my identity.
I really feel this. Sorry for the long comment. Maybe I'm saying this more for myself but here goes... I'm trying to turn this around by doing something I'm really bad at, which removes a lot of expectations. Two years ago, I tried and failed to do a free couch to 5k running program SEVERAL times. But all those failures conditioned me enough to eventually be able to run 5k. It just took a year instead of 12 weeks or whatever. Then last summer I thought I'd try to run 10k. I'm not fast. I'm still a really bad runner. It took me months but the commitment was relatively low (free running program, basic Garmin watch, and a pair of OK running shoes.) So I ran 10k. Then last fall I decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Well... for various reasons I'm taking a break. But my longest run to date so far is 15km. This was unimaginable two years ago! I feel sad and guilty about that break but I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I plan to start my half-marathon plan again soon. I've fallen behind but I'm way ahead of where I used to be. I needed a really low stakes, inexpensive thing to try and learn how to persevere, fail, and then persevere again. If I started with what I was most passionate about, I'd never be able to recover from the setbacks. So instead I run these silly little runs and I huff along awkwardly and I remind myself to just do it. Do it badly. Whatever. I hope you can find a thing where you can try that out! Maybe not running but something. Something cheap. Something you can access easily enough. Something you can track so you can see a little progress. I gave up lots of other things. I can barely say that I've stuck to running but I kinda did. Start small! If I compare myself to athletes, my pokey little runs are a joke but for the average person, running 15km with your own two feet is impressive! At least I think it is. I know for sure 2020 me would have been shocked to know I'd get there.
@@Merrsharr good luck! It worked for me but it was a real slow build. It might help to look back on some low stakes thing you've been doing for the past few years and to reflect on any progress you've made.
@@madmoonrabbit that's awesome! I used to do Tae Kwon Do and Karate. I was never very good but I really miss it. Good luck! That sounds like a great thing to come back to. You'd be surprised by how much the body remembers.
I remember being in an honors class and the teacher said "If you're struggling to understand then you shouldn't be in an honors class". Like what. Just because we are in an "advanced" class doesn't mean we're superhuman. Isn't that the point of being in an advanced class, too? To challenge you when grade-level classes might not be your speed? So why shouldn't students face struggles in a class meant to teach and challenge? This was years ago but I still think about it to this day.
Seriously, when I jumped up to 5th grade math in 4th grade because I was acing 4th grade math, but then struggled with negative integers, they just finally said after explaining 3 times "do you want to just go back to 4th grade math?" I thought about it, I hesitated, I wanted the challenge and to learn, but I was so upset I couldn't grasp this, so they said after a minute of me sitting there debating, "let's just have you go back to 4th grade math. I'm not sure you're ready for 5th grade math yet." But.... I'm clearly too advanced for 4th grade math already, but *not* ready for 5th grade math? What? C'est qua? Anyway found out at 28 years old that I have had ADHD since I was a kid and never knew.
Something that a counsellor said stuck with me super hard. "Yeah, you're gifted. Good for you. You're a child with the mind of an adult. When you grow up, you'll be an adult with the mind of an adult and no one will care. At all. Not even a little bit." It really helped me check my ego at the door.
I dont think this is the kind of advice gifted children need to hear. Cause this is just more guilt and shame and saying their gifts mean nothing. In reality, you remain gifted as an adult, above other adults I would say, whether it's all "gift" or also very much your being thoughtful and analytical when you dont have to be.
As a gifted kid, this is all too relatable. Something in me kinda snapped when I went into middle school, and one day, I realized that I’ve been mentally burned out for YEARS. Not to mention that I’m a huge perfectionist who has depression, anxiety, etc etc.
@@urfavfrenderbender ... Too relatable. I still have that struggle of trying not to be a perfectionist, and I'm only alive thanks to the Word of God (aka the Bible)
As a gifted kid, I always aced everything that is academic without breaking any sweat. Until recently, I faced my first ever MAJOR failure and I realized I never really know how to handle failures because I know everyone has high expectations of me and it really did take a huge toll on me.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Through my grade school years, I was considered one of the smartest kids of my class, and graduated in the top 25 students of my class. However, once I hit college, I realized how I lacked proper study skills and even basic skills in maintaining stress towards assignments and tests. As a result of that, I failed nearly every one of my classes the spring semester and lost my scholarship, and am now close enough to be on a academic probation. Even today, it’s left me lost and I don’t know what to do. I hope (and I hope this for you as well) that I’m able to overcome my struggles and make something out of myself. Keep your heads up :)
i got tired of it so i lowered my grades and told my everyone the work got harder when from A+ in everything to about a B on purpose , it kina made me lazy tho
The buzzword every gifted child hears is ‘potential’, but those who often echo it fail to realize potential must be farmed and cultivated to reach its maximum output. I’m gracious my mom did with me, and I wanna figure out how I can help cultivate those with exceeding merit
I was a gifted child under a crackhead mother and eventually in foster care. Due to insurmountable stress, I never applied myself. I had no nurturing and anything I did apply myself to, I could do it easily. I did a Shakespeare play at 13 when my grandfather brought me to an audition to teach me about failure, thinking I wouldn't get the part. Well, I got it and I outperformed a lot of people on the set. Having intelligence just isn't enough anymore, though.
I'm going to try to work for the foster care system as a counselor, because I understand a lot of different struggles because I've been through it all. I think you'd be wise to do something similar, you sound like a good fit for it
@@hellreaper2845 I’m trying to get into policy so that I can attempt to make a wide-array change in my area, starting locally. You have a very poignant story, and it helps drive me to continue my journey of impacting much needed changes to this dour system we call home. My golden rule is that true power is manifested internally and expunged externally to generate change, but nonetheless please stay safe friend
@@TadBaterbomb shit happens, I treat the past I've had as fuel to do better. It's what people like us do lol. You stay safe too, homie, and good luck with the job. I'm sure you can make a change if you start small, but something small can become even bigger and better
The greatest thing my parents ever did for me as a gifted kid was to praise effort over results. It used to piss me off as a kid, but it helped me to not fear failure and learn to apply myself more.
I had the opposite, didn't put in any effort, didn't need any effort. Still got praised even for a shitty attempt. Nothing felt very rewarding because everything was like "eh, it's whatever."
This is the BEST video I have ever seen on "gifted child" syndrome. Sums up everything perfectly. After graduating high school, my parents put me in an extremely difficult course, telling me that "You are gifted, hence capable of cracking the exam" even though the overall pass percentage of this course is just 7% a year. Now, I am struggling..the worst part is halfway through the course, I realised that I dont have the aptitude for the Core Subject which is accountancy. I tried to explain it to them, but they wouldn't listen. So, now I am just hanging in there, trying my best to just pass my exams and complete the course. Edit: This video has been a turning point in my life. The past 2 months I built a study habit and I stuck to it...I have my exams in a month, and this is my 3rd attempt...fingers crossed.
@@kumarankit5620 Heyy, yeah I am from India, so there is this course called CMA...idk if you're aware of that, but it is similar to CA. CMA stands for - Cost and Management Accountancy.
Speaking as a former "gifted child", gifted children are absolutely special-needs. Instead of needing special help to understand basic concepts, gifted children need special help to keep from becoming bored and disillusioned with education, and later on, life as a whole. Paradoxically, that can leave "gifted children" in a position of being unable to cope when something difficult _does_ present itself. Being smarter than the vast majority of people is like redlining in first gear and not being allowed to upshift. Don't tell gifted children they are really smart. Tell gifted children they are _really good at learning._ Narrow-down the scope of their "gift" so they aren't burdened with the (false) expectation of being able to do _everything_ without trying hard. Being really good at learning makes it easy to acquire new knowledge and skills, but applying that knowledge and honing those skills isn't going to be any easier for them than it is for anyone else -- in fact, it may end up being _harder_ because they will probably have to tackle more difficult problems to feel satisfaction from accomplishment. EDIT: Wow, 6200 likes? I don't think I've ever gotten that many likes on anything I've ever said before in my life.
@@ninapugliese8182 im glad we have these anonymous boards, however terribly censored they may be, to express things like that, without sounding like an egomaniac. because its absolutely valid
I literally never learned how to study which backfired in uni out of which i dropped out after 2 years. I also never learned how to make friends and didn't have anyone close since i was 16
An Interesting observation I made from schools 30 plus years ago that seems to be right before more main stream understanding of the various learning considerations and emerging disabilities like ADHD and Autism etc., was the difference between wealthy schools and poor schools, in poor schools you were referred to as "SLD" (slow learning disability) with no other alternative classes and at the wealthier schools, they had "gifted classes" available, and SLD, as well as mental handicapped classes. The difference between them was in SLD, I was lumped in with truely learning challenged kids and basically just wrote off putting absolutely no effort into teaching or reaching anyone, and with the gifted classes they actually tried to innovate and engage with students and figure out what they needed to help you leverage your gifts, and the tools to work on your weaknesses and created unique personalized curriculums.
As a gifted kid, I would feel a kind of "rush" when I knew the answer to some random question the teachers would ask. It felt like I needed to get the answer right no matter what and to do it before anyone else did. Over time, this has developed into crippling self doubt over the things that I am not good at. Curious to see if anyone else had the same experience.
Yup. Had it all through school, reinforced by teachers who offered bonus points on assignments, being on the quick-recal/academic team, and a nearly physical need to escape the awkward "teacher waiting for an answer" moment.
Literally this. I thought I was the only one who perceived my own decision making like this; until I read your comment. There are many times when left to decide for myself, by myself, that I begin to regress into “crippling self doubt,” as you’ve explained it. Not exactly imposter syndrome per se, but in moments in life that feel/felt so rushed, I’m not always sure if I’m making the right decision for myself; especially when it’s something I’m not familiar with or new at. Even if it is the “right” answer/decision, I start contemplating if the decision I made was right/wrong until I stress myself out and self induce anxiety until I become overwhelmed. Maybe I’m a bit redundant with this comment, but it makes me feel better when I know I’m not the only person in the world who feels this way. Societal standards and practices, I believe, inevitably inhibit the “gifted” of our world; just my opinion (-: I hope everyone who finds themselves here is doing well and prospering with any decisions they may have felt overwhelmed them in any type of way!
"If he only applied himself" was something I heard throughout my time at school. And every single one of those teachers missed the ADHD that was lurking beneath the surface that wasn't diagnosed until I was 33.
This video brought me to tears man, holy shit some Dr. on TH-cam just flipping described my childhood experience without giving him any of my information.
Some people are confused so….Y’all’s, not everyone’s gonna experience the same things, these are just somethings that have been in my circle not nessesarily in yours. This is really helpful because most people saw “gifted kids” as these extremely smart people that should always know things when we are really just people that are able to have a faster and higher understanding and can learn ahead. “Gifted kids” also develop mental illnesses very easily so…
Probably because their endocannabinoid system is more sensitive and in some cases, considered to be more evolved, but not evolved for this type of high stress lifestyle we live in. Deficiencies in the endocannabinoid system caused by stress is often semi-permanent due to the inability for the brain to make it's own cannabinoids without things like cannabis or hemp.
If theres one thing us 'gifteds' want normal people to know, is that we want our mental issues acknowledged. You're right, its surprisingly common for us to develop mental disorders, half my class, along with me, have ADHD, and still a good chunk of us has autism as well, its really hard to deal with the world when people ignore our mental problems just because were academically good. The IQ test wont get any one of us out of burnout.
@@-Pexy Turns out I had ADHD and I was in gifted. I came out fine, but I didn't really learn how to study. I was able to coast without ever being diagnosed.
what does it matter that I also developed a mental illness? I'm still way smarter than average, and I know a lot of things. Things a 25 year usually won't know until their 55 years old. Average people tend to perform better with actions, but I must disagree with your comment. If you re-watch the video, he suggests that gifted children are indeed much smarter than their peers, cognitively, consciously, and emotionally with heightened sensitivity. However, they do not develop the ability to self regulate their behavior with studying, and develop low self-esteem and anxiety at young ages by failing to meet their own expectations (witting a wall, as he said). I now understand that you are essentially saying that people equate gifted children with high achieving children, when they are actually not the same thing.
The problem with telling kids that they are full of potential, gifted, or have leadership skills is that most will grow up feeling like a failure for having an average life. You don't need a high iq to make millions and you don't need to be mentally ill to live on the streets. Maybe we should tell our kids that it's OK to be normal. 🤔
Yeah but things is, if you are gifted, you are definitely not normal. You end up excluded from "normal" social circle because you have diverging opinion, diverging interest and such and its hard to truly connect to someone sometimes because of it. It's ok to be gifted and being anything you want, but society is not always ok with gifted person. Just like people with disabilities.
@@jeromemartel3916 Bruh I’m “gifted” and disabled and trust me I’m average as hell. I’m sick to death of excessive expectations due to things I cannot control.
I remember for years in middle school I prayed each day. I wish I was normal, I wish it was okay for me to cry. In the end, I’m still trying to live up to that standard but I’m confident I’m not going to off myself. I think about it but I shut those thoughts down the best I can.
@@jeromemartel3916 yeah, my ‘giftedness’ comes from being neurodivergent, people like me and quite a few of my friends have differently structured brains which means we may be gifted, a lot of us are very intelligent, but because of the world we’re living in we are classed as disabled. Honestly we need to have systems in place to help people who have things like ASD and ADHD who can get through up to the last year of high school with no effort but will massively struggle after that. Letting these sorts of children learn at a level that actually challenges them so they can develop the skills to study. Also letting them learn what they’re interested in, because most of us have interest based psychology rather than importance based psychology like most people do which means it’s incredibly difficult for us to be motivated about anything that doesn’t interest us no matter how important it is. The school system in most places just doesn’t really work for anyone who is neurodivergent.
This also evolved for me to have the experience of "any time I try something new and it doesn't immediately come naturally for me, I give up because I think I'm a failure and not good enough"
Eyyyy Welcome to the club. You complimentary water is on the side. You are going to need it if you develop depression, because eventually even the stuff you are good at will be hard and you'll feel like a bigger failure for failing at topic you are good at. Honestly, I would say, find a way to keep on trying. For me it was stubbornness. Not sure if it was healthy, but as long as you keep hitting the wall it will eventually crumble away. Not recommended though because it does take a long time. Someone must have a better way. I was just to stubborn and probably dumb to find it.
why even try.. I feel that. bored of everything. to lazy to do anything about it.. etc forever. school is more of a social conditioning than anything. the politics, from jr high on ,are identical to adults
This is resonating so much with me. I feel like im watching this video 30 years too late. I totally felt like i was being compared to the non-gifted kids, and i always felt like i had enormous whoes to fill after my older sister got straight A's in advanced classes. I was a C+ student mostly and was always being told i wasnt using my time wisely, procrastinating on everything, yet somehow always doing the bare minimum to pass the class. I then took me 8 years to get a 4-year degree because i also worked so sustain myself and pay for college, taking semesters off occasionally to manage the stress and earn some extra cash.
Holy shit. I was never called a “gifted” kid but I relate so much with this video. I was treated as a very smart bright child with an abnormally large reading level and comprehension as well as writing and communication skills. I rode that wave until college and then just dropped off hard. I never knew why. I was so confused and burned out. I never realized that I just didn’t have the skills to properly study.
A lot of parents coach their kids really well until they get to school and then hey it's "hands off"- big jump in responsibility and not having coached kids on being independent and responsible the kids falter and go from high achievers to dropouts...
A similar sort of thing happens to me with writing exams in college. Back in school I almost never took any notes for any subject other than maths. Now I cannot believe how many pages people can write within 90 minutes that takes me atleast 2 hours to do
@@MadsterV So true :S They have us running around in circles, wasting money and time with the hopes of improved career or life prospects by preaching memorisation more than anything else. What the *****?
I had a senior which is very close to me. She's very gifted in math and science. She also taught me lots of stuffs in junior high school. Unfortunately, she passed away from suicide at the age of 14. It broke my heart so much I went into depression. To this day, I still miss her.
Sending comforting energy. That's so rough to go through. Do you have any Suicide walks by AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) that you could fundraise for? They have lots of 5k walks available in many large cities. I've found a lot of healing by being a part of events like that.
Oh this is so beautiful thank you! My child has been in their school’s gifted program for 6 years now. They are only now struggling to manage the stress of finals week. I was not “gifted” as a child so I learned hard work to excel. But I don’t know how to teach “hard work” to my gifted child. I am so grateful TH-cam recommended this to me-it’s a life savor!
I totally get this... I was gifted and by the time i got to high school, i was struggling. I literally asked my dad, "how do i study?" And all he kept saying "just try harder." Parents still see me as a lazy bum.
I had the same problems. I remember in middle school I started to struggle with math as I was put in accelerated classes during elementary school, primarily because I was really good at reading and had picked up simple mathematics quickly. Algebra came around though and I had trouble, I would ask my teachers and parent for help but would just get told that I'm smart so I should be able to figure it out on my own. That became a reoccurring trend of me needing help only to never be given it because I was expected to have been independent based on my prior abilities.
Oh my gosh, I feel you. I never felt the need to study during my elementary and high school years. It was only when I went to college that I realized that I did not know how to study. I'm pretty sure that my parents also see me the same way as yours.
I have never been able to put into words why I struggled academically despite being "intelligent" until this video. It didn't help that I grew up in a "your homework better be done by the time I get home" household instead of a "what are you working on in class? do you need help?" type of parenting style. I was an independent reader by 3 so I was never helped in school or by my parents because they thought learning came easy to me. Advanced classes in middle school became a struggle because homework scores started to outweigh test scores. By high school, I was labeled "lazy" because I never did homework but passed every test. I dropped out senior year and got my GED to the disappointment of my family. Guilt tripped by them over "not having the opportunity to throw me an open house" because I "failed". Lost out on thousands in celebratory gifts that I saw my siblings receive upon graduation. By age 30 I am finally diagnosed as autistic. I am just now starting to receive the support I desperately needed as a child and am returning to community college for a fresh start.
I’m studying to be a teacher and this is such an interesting topic in psychology! Gifted kids need specific instruction that challenges them A LOT so they develop study habits because they often don’t ever use studying as a way to learn because they’re ‘too smart’. I was a ‘gifted’ kid and I never had to study until I got to college and I really screwed up my first and second years because I didn’t how to study bc I was never taught how or needed to. I had to get a tutor for the first time in my life in order to pass my classes and I really had to break down that thought process that I didn’t need to be tutored because I was always told that I was ‘too smart’ to be tutored. Facing failure and learning how to accept help was so hard for me because I never had to do it until I was 19/20, and I hate that. I can’t imagine how much grief I would have been able to take off my shoulders if someone just sat me down and told me that studying, failing, and going to tutoring are all a part of the learning process and never a bad thing!!
Ah. Guess I’m lucky. I never learned how to study but I’m curious about practically everything, so I spend all day googling things I want to know more about anyway. Not really proper studying but it is learning in my own way.
I do the same thing. I had the thought the other day that I have the knowledge to do my dream job, I possess those skills. Self taught. But I still can't do it despite that. I need a paper that says I know what I do already know. If I have the knowledge what does it matter where I acquired it from? It makes me sad I can't prove myself based on my merit. I can't use the skills I've cultivated and the knowledge I've gained purely from my passion for the subject because I didn't get those things in a classroom. I have as much work experience and knowledge as any fresh graduate, what really is the difference? The only thing I can see different is I didn't pay to get past the gatekeepers. People don't rise because of their merit, they rise because of money spent. Our priorities are wrong.
As a “gifted” kid, tennis taught me more than everything in elementary and middle school. I learned the value of hard work through going the extra mile in tennis because it came much less naturally than school. I could easily get straight As in school without working very hard while I needed to work very hard in tennis to move up levels and improve my game. Therefore when I needed to start working hard in high school, putting in the hard work came much more naturally than some of my gifted friends who fell off at the start of high school. Overall, having a gifted kid learning the value of hard work through something non academic can help them when they finally need to work hard in school. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
I want to know where he got the transcripts from all of my parent/teacher conferences. That being said, my daughter is in grade 3 and I'm so glad that I have first hand experience and can recognize these things with her. Luckily she's had amazing teachers who listen to me when I tell them what's up
I have a friend who was deemed gifted, and skipped 2nd grade. Literally one day he got called into the principals office, and the next he was in 3rd. Fastforward 8 years and he struggled to barely pass highschool and extreme mental health issues. Thankfully from what ive heard hes attending a community college and is much happier.
i skipped a grade too, was still in advanced classes, etc. never properly learned how to study and then once college came i crashed and burned. so i feel that. still trying to pick up the pieces but i’m getting there. the worst part is people telling me i’m gonna grow up to do great things and yet i feel like i’ve disappointed everyone i know
@@tobymacdonald5893 bro this happened to me I got past my first 2 years of my undergrad Electrical engineering / comp sci degree with minimal studying. Now bro I feel so ruined like wasted potential. The worst feeling is when the people you knew were betting for you to reach your potential have now written you off as wasted potential as well.
There are a couple things I wish you had mentioned: 1. Most people grow up not realizing that they're gifted. The societal expectation of a "gifted" kid is skipping grades and being academically ahead of everyone else. So, a lot of people who are smart think they're just "above average" without realizing they're actually gifted. 2. Imposter syndrome. 3. Multipotentialism. This "gift" is more like a curse when you don't have the freedom in life to do whatever you want. 4. High sensitivity. 5. Gifted adults in the workplace. Society assumes gifted kids grow up to be CEOs and NASA members. Yet, it is expected 1-2% of the population is gifted, so obviously, that isn't the case. What society ignores is the gifted adult forced to flip burgers or do repetitive desk work for a living because of financial or mental disadvantages. In work environments where employees aren't able to have freedom in their work nor a way to express themselves creatively, gifted adults become targets. Bosses like them for their quick learning and work ethic but hate them for questioning the way things are done or for trying to find a more efficient or creative way to do something or for wanting to learn something beyond their assigned position that they've already mastered. Bosses want them to just shut up and comply, which further eats away at the gifted adult's motivation and potential. Edit: Wow, I never expected this comment to get so much attention in just 2 days. I really want to respond to everyone, especially those who asked questions. I also want to link where I got some of my research/things that led to me drawing certain conclusions/helpful resources I've come across. I want to have more in-depth discussions about all the things I've mentioned and all the things YOU'VE mentioned. But I just don't feel a text format would be best for that. So, I'm considering making a series of videos where I delve into all of this. It would likely be on a different account, so I'll link the video when (if) I make it. If there's anything you want me to address that isn't already in this thread, please feel free to mention it...
Frick. About 1st paragraph.... i just wrote comments describing how i feel about myself very simmlar to what you described (not gifted, just bit over average, because "gifted" people are ones to pass harvard at 15" what's yiur definition of gifted then?
@@tornad8063 It took me a while to realize I was gifted. In college, I took a Special Education class and had a project on gifted and talented students. Doing research on that made me realize so many things about myself. I would describe "gifted" as quick learners (in some areas, not necessarily all) who have a hunger for learning. They are natural learners, meaning learning is something that can happen passively for them (again, not for all subjects). Gifted individuals are more likely to have an odd sense of humor, an intensity to their personality, a streak of perfectionism, multipotentialism, peculiar sensitivity, creativity, and other traits that help identify even underachieving or low motivation gifted individuals from the general populace. I don't consider IQ to be a good measure of giftedness because those test what you "should" already know, not your ability to absorb and utilize new information...
@@sophiefilo16 shit... it kinda describes me. . . Thank you for describing that. Now I'm in 2nd grade of technical high school, so i have quite a some possibikities to increase my practical knowlege/get experience, but first i need to increase my productivity/work efficency, as i think, I spend too much time doing nothing and when i do stuff, i'm often very distracted
Point five is a big issue in a lot of jobs. Related to that I e noticed that some managers will take advantage of a person's perfectionist streak and ability to learn to dump you with tasks you aren't equipped to handle either because you haven't been trained or don't have the resources to do it properly- and then blame you if you fail. If you succeed it's almost worse because it makes them feel validated and want to keep doing the same things.
Going to a private Middle School has really changed this for me. In public school I never really needed to study, but in a private middle school, I've started to study before everything to kinda ensure success. Sure, I get a little bit of a bad grade once in a while, but it's really important to go to a school that gives you a large workload to prepare you for real life- real life doesn't have time for my procrastination that way I do now.
I had a friend who was considered a “gifted” child though elementary school, he then got went face first into a brick wall in middle school, his parents blamed everything like video games, his friends, the school, everything except even considering that their son wasn’t as intelligent as they thought he was He eventually got through school, skipped college and opened a restaurant, turns out hours of tycoon games gives you some level of managerial skill
The ‘if they just applied themself, they’d be an amazing student/has a lot of potential’ from teachers should be part of diagnosing developmental disorders
I really don't get it, like sorry but if I can get along just fine with chilling then why would I start "applying myself" just to become "the best"? I got better shit to do.
Even if they did, you could still end up with parents who just refused to believe in the possibility that you could be experiencing any problems, because then it somehow becomes their fault
Oh my gosh, this is mind blowing. I was a “gifted kid” who started to crash and burn in 7th grade. I went from being treated like a golden child to a slacker bum. I even had a teacher write in my yearbook a snarky comment about how I had the ability to do better work if only I’d bothered to apply myself. By the time high school was over (low average GPA) I didn’t even want to bother with college and ended up marrying very young. I’m now 48 years old, wondering what to do with the rest of my life. Thank you so much for this video, it has caused me to look at so many things in an entirely new light.
Thank you for making this video. I needed to hear this. I’ve just started high school and I haven’t started struggling yet, but I am a ‘gifted kid’. I needed this video, if I hadn’t watched it, I’m afraid of what my future would be. This has given me the motivation to try harder and to figure out what study habits work for me so when I get to college, I won’t fall below the bar that was set for me. Thank you!
Oh yeah I love being a gifted child! I love when they keep pushing me in higher level math classes with zero foundation and now that I'm so ahead, going to the basics will actually completely derail me and cost me so much time. Love resorting to learn what to do on the test rather than learn how it actually works. I just passed Calc 2 and now I struggle with Physics because I don't have any real math skills
Life actually gets easier after school. I have three degrees, but I have not used as much as energy, time and effort since those degrees. I am an executive with a Fortune 500 company and make in an day what a lot of people make in a month. But my point is, life has not been difficult, jobs, relationships etc ever since college and those three degrees. Just get over them, take your time don’t overly fret about the future, just plan one step at a time with a big goal in mind. Mine was to be a ceo of a Fortune 500 company. For many it’s an unattainable goal, but I kept working at it and about three rings below that level today.
I was entered into a program that had me doing advanced classes like college calculus in my junior year of high school… couldn’t handle it, genuinely learned stuff to just pass tests and would go onto other kinds of branches or formulas and it completely overloaded me and now I can barely do some algebra 2 or even geometry questions
I don't know if this helps but it hit me hard when i got a job as a web development and realized that I don't have to care about anything I have ever learned in school/uni
One of my biggest frustrations was having teachers who marked me harder than the other kids. They thought they were challenging me while I saw it as being treated unfairly
Same happened to me in high school and still happens in college. I find myself still having to approach TAs and even professors and ask them to not grade me harsher than other students even though they say they think it is "beneficial" for me somehow because somehow they identified I was somehow "different".
@@TheDjcorey19 I had that experience, hence I dropped out of Uni, because I had no chance of being near the best despite being pretty well off. Always thought it was terrible. I’m sorry you had the same experience with subjective markers
As a “former gifted kid”, I personally was never given real incentive to succeed other than it was just expected from me. Success and a high paying job we’re sorta expected of me, but I never felt like I ever had the self motivation to find meaning in any of that success. Which is why I threw away the idea of success early on.
Same! I don't know about the gifted part, but I sure was hella curious and did a lot of stuff on my own. No one cared a bit or guided me to take my game ot the next level. I was pretty much clueless about what I was supposed to do next. Atleast now, I'm more conscious of myself and others and can take care of myself.
This is me but now I’m just trying to find motivation but it’s not working out because my source of “inspiration” has also caused my downfall so now I have to let go and live for myself but it’s so her when you don’t really have any ambitions and you don’t really care about having alot of money
This is happening to me right now because what’s is the point of any of this, like getting straight a’s is an achievement sure but a’s and b’s has the same outcome.
As a gifted kid, who scored well, and caught up with the skill until 10 th grade, possibly till 11th grade my downward spiral began since getting bullied, being neurospicy, causing me being an easy target by the envious peers. Remember not studying a thing until last day and scoring 53/60 in chem in my 11th grade, and the peers shitting on my grades while most of the class scored less than 50.
"The pace of the child" was huge for me as a kid. My school had an alternative learning path where you could do classes online at your own pace (they were bunk, and very easy to cheat, which is what everyone else was encouraged to do ...). I loved it, finished three classes in 3 days, was really motivated to knock out all of my classes and maybe start college classes earlier, then they told me that no I would still have to show up to this schoolroom even if I had no credits left to do. I slowed way down and just played games on the school laptop, because there was no point.
It's sad to say, but lots of school systems arent set up to to reward success. As far as the school is concerned, ass-in-seat is what determines their funding.
Your "school" did you *so* dirty. They clearly didn't give af about their students succeeding. Luckily, we don't need a formal education to become successful, we just need the internet 😏
@Introspective Housewife we are moving to ... if the job can get done remotely, you'll work remote. I had the opposite issue with school, I could focus in school and I pay attention. I'm quick at audio learning. At home I couldn't concentrate, I would have never have been able to pass online schooling. In college on my online courses were the hardest for me... might have been a bit different if they were more interactive with a professor. It seems people are just very different from each other, we all have the variety of 16 brain types. Neuroscience will help us figure this out.
I had a cousin who had something similar happen, so they just transferred to a magnet school that offered dual enrollment and ended up graduating high school with an associates degree and like three job certifications. Instead of going to college after high school they just got a job since they already had the qualifications to do so and are doing well. It’s a shame their original school didn’t give them the option and not everyone can go to magnet schools though, so a few kids probably ended up stumped doing nothing. (especially since most magnet schools ‘in the area’ are an hour or two away)
This sounds similar to my situation. I had skipped elementary school altogether, but the next year when my family moved, the school said I had to take classes with 'kids my own age'. They forced me to be a tutor for 7 years. During that time, I mostly said 'no' and just spent those years playing video games in classes. When I entered high school, I dropped out and started college. After the first 2 years, college has been completely and utterly unaffordable, and I won't be able to attend for another decade or two of working 3 jobs trying to save that money. My dream was to become a Doctor of Phsyics and Mathematics, but it all seems to be a pipe-dream. All my learning was done by myself; I spent all my time reading books and searching the internet. One thing that really pissed me off in school, is that they teach the same exact material every single year. They teach to the 'lowest common denominator', meaning: we'll never learn anything new.
Two things that I wanted to point out: 1) there’s also a sense of guilt surrounding the idea of being told that you’re“gifted” or more intelligent than others. Perhaps from other kids telling you that you have it easier, or maybe from seeing other kids struggle more for things you find easy. You start feeling like you don’t deserve to be more intelligent and it makes you feel ashamed. At the same time, it’s also feeling competitive and like you constantly need to prove yourself and your “superiority”. And when you get an average grade or someone else in the class shows off that they have higher grades than you, you feel insecure and you’re reminded that you’re just normal. 2) from growing up and having it easy, you start setting the bar low because minor signs of things starting to feel mentally challenging become exhausting. It’s a dichotomy though, because you still feel like you need to maintain good grades, and I think this causes burnout and lack of ambition and goals.
I outright stopped attending school and trying in classes partially cause even the slightest sign of failure felt so but and severe to me. I had once or twice gotten what would have been a passing grade but because it was less than last year I'd feel like the worst scum of the planet, trash that could be thrown away and be made again but better.
OKAY YES! I want myself to appear smart but at the same time I don't want to say I ma smarter than others because I am not. But I want to be smart and keep up this facade of being smart when I know Im stupid
“Gifted kid” here. My parents and everyone told me I was a smart, gifted child before I could understand some concepts very quickly as a kid. And instead of not putting in effort, I put in more, and more effort, tuition every day, extra curricular, etc, so that I can continue to hold those expectations. But as I grew older, and I started to struggle with how much was on my plate, I was questioned of my intelligence to why I suddenly couldn’t do the things I could before. And when I do hit my expectations of intelligence, it was told I was expected to get these results, or I could be doing better (example: could get full marks instead of just 95 marks). It just became a constant reminder of I was never good enough. (Friends called this them moving the goalpost) Then I get terrified the moment I lose that one defining trait of being smart and gifted, the people who were supposed to love me, will no longer do so. Because so many times have I worked my ass off to study till I thrown up, till I don’t sleep, ragged and having migraines, but when I said “I tried my best”, it’s always dismissed as “it’s never enough”. Because now I’m looking at what is a mansion (video reference), especially after forgoing self to build it, getting hurt in the process only to be told “why isn’t it two mansions?” So I guess it’s another burden of expectations. And I don’t know if I’m now being lazy for not working harder, or just so truly burnt out from everything. Or maybe I wasn’t actually a gifted kid in the first place.
I'm a 46 year old woman, gifted my whole childhood, got a degree in mathematics and a second one in physics...ended up homeless and addicted for 10 years before pulling myself together, and now I'm happy to be making $15 at an (oddly challenging but grossly underappreciated) job. I connected so much with this video and I'm not even halfway through - I just had to stop to say thank you for making this. (It's getting me right in the feels! Oh, my heart! *sniffle*)
I'm in a very similar situation. Starting over from scratch in my late forties. All my degrees, including a PhD, have been completely worthless - a complete waste of time. I'm now doing a job I could have done right out of college. And I'm really lucky to have that job. They took a chance on me.
@@ast453000 hey just curious, how come those degrees ended up being useless? any advice on how they could be used, or what you would do instead? thanks
@@mr.mediocre3567 They're degrees in the Humanities, and I couldn't get a tenure track job at a university. Which is the only job those degrees qualify you for. I taught myself some computer programming, which is what I'm doing now.
As a "gifted" child who later turned out to have ADHD, autism, and probably maladaptive daydreaming, god this hits so hard. I've been told I'm "so creative!" and that i should be a detective, an animator, a hairstylist... I'm not even 16 yet and my mom is already pushing me to be an architect :-[
You needn't forget to give yourself space, You're still early to find out, you'll be up there but you need to find your own pace. A thing people often overlook is that as long as you're walking you're going forward, even if you only take a single step a day. People expect 'gifted' people to move faster, to develop at a rapid pace. Our autism makes this almost impossible, we have productive days and days we are absolutely useless. It's important you see that you deserve as much time as others. I found out I was autistic at age 17 when I was wondering why I just couldn't push myself. I'm in university for Electrical engineering right now, and about 4 months ago I burned out due to emotional strain. I crashed, and it forced me to give myself time, and only by slowly building myself up i began to realize how important it really was to move at my own pace. Find your pace, don't push yourself too much, vocalise it if you cant keep up.
I don't generally leave comments, but I had a similar experience in my own life (I think I literally received all four of those same recommendations, even... weird) so I just... kinda felt compelled to say something, I guess. Feel free to take it or leave it, this is just some stuff I wish someone had told me when I was 15. Basically, do what it is that YOU want to do with your life. You may know what that is already, or you may have no idea. Either way, it's important to follow a path that feels right to you. I know it can be hard to have the confidence to do that when the adults in your life are trying to maneuver you into a career they can approve of. It's stressful and it hurts (especially for those of us who are additionally dependent on our patents due to special needs, which is a situation I'm in as an adult). Regardless, we need to have the freedom to live our own lives and pursue our own interests to the extent we are able. People will pretty much always have opinions about what they think you should do, and generally (at least as far as parents and family are concerned) they're just trying to help you pick a future that ensures some measure of security. Financial stability is obviously important (and I hope I'm not giving irresponsible advice here), but having a successful career that feels empty and utterly devoid of joy is arguably not worth what you sacrifice to achieve it. And honestly who knows what the successful careers of the next few decades even look like? People have careers that either seemed financially unfeasible or didn't even exist yet when I was your age (I'm currently 33), so even if something you decide you're interested in seems weird or unconventional, it might not be in the near future. Lastly, It's okay to screw up. It's okay to feel lost. That's a normal (even necessary!) part of life, and sometimes those big stumbles are what [inadvertently] help us the most in figuring out who we are and what we actually want out of life. It really comes down to how we look at it. Someone I greatly respect said that there's no such thing as a mistake; that there's no way to actually get life "wrong." So by extension, there's no need to feel so much pressure to "get it right." Just do what you can to find some ease and happiness, whatever that might mean for you individually. Anyway, fingers crossed that I managed to say something useful and not overly preachy or repetitive in regard to things already mentioned in the video. Also... sorry I couldn't condense it more. If you read the whole thing, thank you. It was a bit scary writing it. Good luck, kiddo, and take care.
@@etheric_dissonance oh my god, thank you so much /gen 😭 this was exactly what i needed to hear right now,,,,, i hope youre doing well with whatever it is that youre doing, and i'm happy you decided to take the time to comment :-] it means a lot to me!
@@cryfe Very true. I wanted to take a gap year before starting my undergraduate degree, but my parents told me if I didn't have a plan of what to do I shouldn't bother. Also that I should stay in the loop with my academic work and start my degree straight away, despite the fact I wanted a break to catchup properly with the previous work (partly due to bad study habits as mentioned in this video), having done Maths, Further Maths and Physics at A level. I also wanted to do my driving lessons properly and pass my driving test, I hadn't started them earlier due to general pressure. I don't know if I would have done better since I may not have addressed my study shortfalls anyway, but burning out midway through my undergraduate has meant it has taken me 9 years to finally get a Masters (well I will be completing it this year but I am confident I will get it). Four years to get a bare pass BEng in Mechanical Engineering (I had to resit my final year), two years hiatus and now finally at the end of a three year part time MSc in advanced materials and additive manufacturing (which I don't think I even need now with my current career goals) and I still haven't passed my driving test. I wonder if I had taken a gap year that I would have adressed my anxiety and stress, got some real life perspective and got through my undergraduate masters. Then I would have completed it four years ago, despite taking an extra gap year.
The part about not learning to study is 100% spot on. I kept straight A's throughout school, but hadn't studied a day in my life until my sophomore year of high school, and that's the year I became a C average student. The worst part was that I was treated like the villain because people blamed me for not living up to my potential, my parents, teachers, peers, and basically anyone around me. That burnout I felt in my sophomore and junior years was so terrible, I was never depressed or anything but I felt like I was walking wasted potential. I'm now a senior in high school and I'm back to being a A/B average student after learning how to properly go through school.
Can’t wait for me to learn this, currently in my junior year and have midterms tomorrow, haven’t studied a lick. Edit: I got 100% on my pre-calc exam somehow.
I’m a parent of à gifted 4 years old. May i ask what you wish you did differently or your parent did differently in order for you to learn good study habit earlier ..?
Same thing happened to me but when I got to college. I didn't know how to study and my grades dropped from the A's I was getting in highschool to D's and F's. I recovered first half of second semester and was back to A's until Covid happened and classes moved online and then I was back to F's. I ended that semester with straight C's which was not enough to have the 3.2 gpa required for my scholarship. If I had been challenged in highschool then I would have learned how to study in a more controlled environment so I would have been better prepared for college.
@@maximecaron3133 I know I'm not the person you asked, but I would have been much better off with more discipline from my parents. Growing up I just breezed through classes and left all my homework to the last minute because my parents didn't care what I was doing so long as I got good grades, even skipping parent-teacher meetings. I would suggest regularly sitting down with your child to study for a couple hours a week, and engaging with what they're learning as much as you can, so you can help them build those successful stufy habits. Also get involved with their teachers, read their homework, and find how engaged they are in class, and if they are struggling with something support them instead of punishing them. My wakeup call was when I started failing my foreign language class because I had no idea how to study and, obviously, you can't improvise speaking in a language you don't know. For failing I was simply punished by my parents and teachers so I doubled down and just stopped doing the work, but it would have been so easy to see that I didn't have the right study habits or discipline if someone had actually paid attention to what I was doing.
Ever since i was a kid, my family, friends and teachers said i had a gift when it came to music. Perfect Pitch, Soprano (as a kid) and learning the piano with ease. Turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing. For that mentality, i couldn't bear the idea of being less than perfect for others. Singing and playing in front of people became an anxiety inducing thing, feeling more like a dancing monkey than anything else. That if i missed one note i was dissapointing them. And maybe they wouldn't notice, but, with perfect pitch, I CERTAINLY NOTICED EVERY MISTAKE. Now? I Let myself go. Something that i loved so much became tainted. I still have Piano lessons, but i stagnated a long time ago. Worst part of all is the occasional "you have such a great gift and you're WASTING IT by not practicing"... Can't help but feel like nothing but a failure
As a former “gifted” kid myself, I can tell you a lot of my problems stemmed from undiagnosed ADHD and autism. As a young child, those things presented themselves as “gifted” behavior, but when I got to high school suddenly I was a “slacker”. Now as an adult I have everything diagnosed and treated by doctors, suddenly all of my past behavior makes perfect sense. I just wish more parents would pull their heads out of their asses and recognize the problems kids have aren’t just with motivation or discipline.
I have diagnosed ADHD and my parents still think im just lazy and I'm ignoring stuff. Hell, I AM really smart, but I suck at actually using the smarts for stuff. I also have bad short term memory loss. Mom it's not video games I swear to god :(
@@realhumanbeing1714 in assuming you're still young so focus on things that interest you and start putting time in to get good at them now. If you like guitar start putting in time now if you like art start practicing now if you have a career in mind start focusing on it now and block out all the bs. You can be a master of anything in five years if you try so the sooner you start the better you'll be in your late 20s. Don't worry about school so much the curriculum is bullshit become a master of things that interest you and then learn how to market those skills to make money and you'll love a fulfilling life. Sincerely, a big kid with adhd that's struggling to find themselves in their late 20s
I was "diagnosed" with autism in 2009 (what turned out to be like a working hypothesis they never tested afterwards). I had that revised last year and it turned out I had been cured. Jokes aside, I hear and see a lot of the same stories of people in my country that were tested as a kid, had things that, at that time, would fit in giftedness, autism, AD(H)D etc. cause they are so damn close to each other on paper. I don't know if I'm gifted or not. The only thing I know is that, on paper, the research done in my childhood would be a perfect fit. Like you said it's good to know what's the reason behind something. That's also why they have to be (more) careful in what they diagnose and where they don't take a better look at. They act on a diagnose, so it's also harmful when you treat someone for something he's not.
@@603POV Tbh you're so right. Since I chose to only do things I like and learn things I really wanna know I'm so much happier. I know, in high school there are a lot of things "you really need to do cause you have to", but search for something you want to do. It's necessary and prevents you from throwing away your life until you're 20, cause you did nothing for school, passed it and slept all day. I'm only 21 now, but my life changed so much when I made that decision last year! It's now the time to do things, the way I want :P
@@603POV me and my family always say this but. Our worth nowadays tends to be based on one or two peices of paper and not on genuine skill. Ignore that 'necessary' papers and get enough skill and experience and you'll do 10× better. A good story my mum tells me was a kid who went through school to become a nurse (not a general one) and couldn't do the basics, didn't know maths, would let a patient lay hurt and so much more bad stuff. She had all the paper that said she was apparently smart enough for this and knew less than I did when I was 8.
I loved "they never have to grind that XP." There really is tremendous carryover between life and an RPG. You have to learn as you go, and if you skipped the intro stage, you’re going to get housed later in the game.
Yeah, the only comparison that didn't work for me was the shack vs mansion thing. To me, it makes more sense to say both people are building a mansion, but one person starts off with the first half already built, but has no tools to work with. The second person starts off with none of it built but has the tools and supplies to build it.
I tested at 130 IQ in middle school and was expected to get straight As the rest of my life. The pressure folded me, I dropped out of college at 19 and got addicted to opiates and did nothing with my life for 10 years. Finally accepted that I need to want success and to work hard and I'm just finishing my first semester of software engineer degree now at 29
As a gifted kid, I hit "the wall" in college. Went from a A-/B+ student to failing nearly every classes as soon as I stepped in college, because I literally never learned to do my homework
I just hit the same thing here. The semester just ended and I failed almost every class. I never learned to study in school because I ‘never needed to’.
same here, some subjects still A+, but many F due to lacking homeworks and low interest... now as someone who had all As on my high school report, i am one of the very few from my class with no college diploma
Same. All AP classes, A/A- student, failed most of my first year of engineering. Struggled through with a horrendous GPA, had to take terrible jobs, developed alcoholism, eventually got into a PhD program, cured alcoholism, excelled, lost funding, new lab, lost funding, another lab, PhD defended successfully, then COVID hit and lost postdoc funding. Currently working a white collar office job that would have been my worst nightmare as a PhD student and I couldn’t be happier. Life’s a journey, looking forward to my next stop.
My biggest problem was when I realized I was nothing more than intelligent, the idea of your personality solely being “smart”. So any failure in school would make me feel like shit, if I’m not the smartest person in here, what am I? The results include an eating disorder because I was trying to be pretty as something else than being smart and a huge fear of failure, making me have a panic crisis because I got a B+ and no an A
Intelligence as an identity is such a curse. At every stage of life you will end up in a pool of people that is smarter and smarter until you are one of the "dumber" people in the room. In High school I was one of the smartest kids. In college I was one of the smart students. When I was in grad school, I was just one of the students. On the job, there people that outclass me by a mile. I really had to get over that hump as I got older, and just except there are so many more people smarter than me.
I make myself feel bad when I get anything lower than a hundred because I feel as if I could of prevented it and I make myself feel as if I’ll never live it down
heres a strat for parents, dont say your kid is special or better than everyone else, just let them make their own identity EDIT: not saying parents should be detached from your life, they should support you in your ventures and all, be your ally and that kind of stuff. Don't force them to be something!
@@WolfJ Yep. You're a product of your enviornment, which is probably why kids are told shit like that. Maybe it's cause the parents want to help them get started in life.
Or just stop using the terms gifted and special. I was told I was "borderline gifted," by one of my teachers, and it messed with me for a while. I would have been better off if they said I might have a learning disability or I had some signs of neurodivergence/ADHD/autism. I now realize it was ADHD and dyscalculia. My strengths of ADHD can be very helpful in some situations, so I'm hoping I can get a job that uses those, but it's hard when some see only positive (like parents), and others see only negative (like in job interviews).
That's bad advice, you got to look out a test your child young so you can build healthy strategies to back off the educational system which is the actual enemy here, bad pedagogical practices spoil gifted children, makes them neurotic.
@@WolfJ Well, personally I think we (or at least some people) can have separate external and internal identities. To others, I'm seen as quiet, serious, disciplined, intelligent (I studied engineering), but I never considered myself to be that much smarter than others and probably the only person that knows who I really am (spontaneous, philosophical, emotional, accommodating) is my partner. I honestly got sick of my external identity that adults only saw in me and decided to withdraw from the people of that world and that made me think about what I really wanted to do and now I think I'm a lot happier being able to pursue a different career that caters more to my internal identity (I find myself being able to genuinely smile more because the skill sets required are more compatible to my personality traits).
This video even made me cry. I was kinda depressed lately, even considering death without telling anyone; but this video made me think about the acceptance and expectation thingy, I'm supposed to start college/university soon and I think I needed this, I already feel better now... Thanks. Greets from South America!
As a "gifted kid" I really felt the whole studying thing. All throughout elementary I was getting nothing but As. then middle school rolls around, I'm fine, but slightly struggling. Last year of middle school I hit a brick wall. I physically couldn't study, my grades plummeted, and I was already struggling mentally so I really was hopeless. As went went straight down to Ds and Fs because I physically couldn't keep up. I passed 8th grade with one point higher than the minimum requirement, my only motivation being pure spite of my "giftedness".
I have a suspicion that I'm "gifted" but I've never been tested. So as a maybe-possibly-gifted-but-also-possibly-not-gifted person I too have little to no study skills other than this: talking outloud in a weird voice to keep myself entertained. Like reading the words or narrating what I'm doing outloud to myself in an entertaining voice. If you are still in school this might help you. The only problem is it doesn't work when you have to deal with classmates.
I fell under that category at some point, I skated through school and would only do well on tests. I never studied, but when I did, I could ace anything. I was purely lazy and that's why I never reached my true potential.
same I hit the wall in 8th too and to make it worse that was when covid hit I tried in 9th but the only classes I as doing well in was art and even that was difficult because I'd make a very ambitious project and not finish it I did a little better in 10th but my math grades were shit and I never turned in my reading reflections(basically the only hw for that class) in AICE English so I'd have all assignments turned in except the reflections abd end up w a C in that class bc of it
I was called "gifted" as a child, BUT one thing neither my parents or teachers took into consideration was my ADHD diagnosis. I was kicking butts in everything I liked (languages, litterature) but for the subjects I had no interest into i was failing hard because no matter how many hours I spent studying, I couldn't seem to remember more than half of it because it was boring. I remember crying and feeling dizzy over math homework... I still don't know how I managed to get my high school diploma, but I totally nailed my degree in university. All thanks to my mom who kind of knew and who always told me "pass the test, get out of the scolar system and THEN it's gonna be interesting". But the rest of my family was putting an insane amount of pressure on me. "You can do so much better" "that is disappointing of you" "your cousin does it better" etc so I was pushing myself hard because I HAD to be the best. I kept that bad habit at work, and... ended up in a psych ward for a burn out.
Oh, me too. Writing essays? Panic attack because I couldn't focus enough to even start. I was so ashamed. The one thing I would say to myself over and over: "They say 'Just try your best' but I try as hard as I can and I still fail!"
Hey, you’re heard, you’re seen. I’m the same case - gifted but adhd. No one noticed I never payed actually attention because I learned quick enough to keep up. My grades went up and down and up again all the time. Whenever something overwhelmed me I was left to figure it out on my own because I was a „smart kid“ but whenever I did actually apply myself and tried to do something that would be challenging to me it was „ oh no don‘t overestimate yourself you don’t even know how not to loose your things all the time“ well maybe because it’s a disability any you‘re not helping me ? Ugh. Hope you’re in a place where you can get quality treatment. Stimulants and special counseling have made things a lot better.
I am gifted and also autistic. I ended up in special needs classes instead of gifted classes until I was in eighth grade when I somehow passed into honors algebra.
This hit a little close too home. I was absolutely breezing through everything in school except maths, physics and, to a lesser extent, chemistry - essentially, I suck at numbers. Because I was so good at everything else, from languages to history to natural sciences to arts, I could absolutely breeze through most school years without ever needing to learn how to actually study effectively. I did try to do math, but eventually, I just kind of let that fall to the wayside because I could easily get by without. What really fucked me up eventually was when the things I was good at grew more difficult, and suddenly the people who actually had to study for their success started to overtake me. Suddenly, I had to actually study for the things that formerly came so easily to me, but I had never built the perseverance to actually study! It's hard to describe this level of shame to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves. I had been told how much potential I had and how "talented" I was (god, I grew to despise that word...) even in my hobbies, like arts, I became more and more paralyzed because everywhere I looked, I could only see people who were better than me (the internet most DEFINITELY didn't help). The shack analogy really hit hard. I ended up in a complete mental breakdown, rocking back and forth in a corn field one rainy night, deliriously deliberating how I'd off myself, until one of my friends called the police and they actually managed to shake me out of my stupor. I'm much better and healthier now, but I'm constantly wary to not fall back into my old habits.
Do YOU have a video about this stuff? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. But as a couple comments have mentioned, it's hard to talk about such a thing without sounding self-centered and pretentious. Love your content. Keep up the great work!
@@mackadam5894 I don't think that's necessary. He pretty much described it. And yes it does sound self-centered but what I would probably do to balance that out is say I was lazy so I don't sound arrogant. I grew up way smarter the most people. I grew up smarter than most of the gifted kids but I had zero work ethic because everything was incredibly easy. So when I got to things that were actually difficult and complex, all of the people who were less intelligent would run circles around me. I had that period in my life where I watched friends who went down easier paths get good jobs. It got super embarrassing because after I got fired as a yoga teacher because some Karen complained, I briefly had to work at a local retail store. At that local store I saw many people I knew from high school who were well into their jobs and I was just some loser making minimum wage. But now it seems to have all worked out. I'm glad I didn't give up because I watched a ton of similar people do that and I was very afraid I would turn out like them.
@@ThinkBeforeYouSleepYT ok well now I feel dumb, the other guy asked an insightful comment that lead to an interesting discussion while I said "LOL checkmark". I agree with your response with everything already being said. Similar to you seeing people you were afraid to be like, your videos about toxic body positivity gave me the same motivation. I'm working out to not be like those obese people you made videos about, thanks for that motivation and keep up your videos.
The worst part about this is that you can't talk about it openly, because it seems really pretentious and self-centered. "Oh I don't really feel like doing anything with my life, even though I could do thrice what my peers do, because I'm burnt out from the expectations I gathered from my parents and teachers because I am above average at everything I do". Like how obnoxious does that sound to others? I grew up constantly hearing I was destined to do great things, but at middle school I felt like I did nothing with my life other than just exist and float like the rest. Long story short, I dropped out of high-school and went through 3 long years of a heavy depression. Not until I found Dr.K I realized it is an ACTUAL burden and others experience it to. Although I'm still passive, I picked up school and finished, and also completed mandatory military service. But the thoughts of me underperforming at everything still lingers.
You made me cry, I just realized I was just pretending to be fine. All my life, studying was easy, I'm a quick learner, but now I just can't do anything, I have so many projects, but none of them appeals me anymore. I feel empty, not good enough, I feel like I just ruined my life. I have no dream. Why am I even living ? I'm so lost I couldn't even watch the video because it made me suddenly feel like sh*t
I found that when Dr K talked about humility and expectations, it really resonated with me. I think it helps a lot to reduce your perception of self importance, to allow yourself to be satisfactory or good enough. To set a normal level of expectation for yourself and learn to feel that it's good enough! What's best is not always necessarily best. Carole Dwecks growth mindset also talks about a lot of these themes.
As a "gifted" kid I literally coasted through all of high school on A's with no studying. I unfortunately hit my wall in the second years of college. Years later people ask what I'd like to do instead of what I do now or what degree I'd get if I went back to school but I can never really answer well because there is nothing I "want" to do
I settled on stuff I could do while having hobbies for my own interests. Cliche as it may be, I was a math/physics major before they reduced the amount of tenure positions, so I became an engineer. Do I want to do it? No, but I can just kind of blah my way to better work that the rest of the department. Then I can live my life. The idea that one must love what they do for a living may be more harmful to the gifted than anybody else because we can be just about anything. It's also very American to confuse work with life/identity. Your degree gets a paycheck. Your life is separate.
Sammmme and I’m in my second year of college rn and I used to never want to take a break from school. Then I was thinking well I’ll take a break after senior year and now I’m like I NEED A BREAK NOW THIS SHIT SUCKS. Like I went from a 3.66 in high school to currently sitting at a 2.89 with a risk of it going down again and loosing most of my scholarships at the end of the semester (which has just started).
@@ggfdd5925 Yes, totally agree. But it does your life no good to be in a holding pattern. Otherwise you will be in a job where you are underemployed just to pay bills.
“We assume that when someone is gifted, things are actually gonna be easier for them, that they need to work less to accomplish the same amount. But in my experience, living up to a gifted child’s potential involves MORE work. It’s just like building a shack versus building a mansion. Like, sure the mansion is capable of so much more than the shack is capable of, but let’s not forget for a moment that the amount of effort that goes into building a mansion is actually way more than what’s required to build a shack.” Such a bullseye, I took the time to transcribe.
Its left such a permanent mark on me that I cant even get less than a B in my college classes, or less than 2nd place in a racing game. Being "gifted" can slight you later
They do need to work less to accomplish the same amount. But they are not expected to accomplish the same amount. They are expected to accomplish so much more.
Which is why we are pretty much the Archery build from Skyrim by it's self. We have crap damage yet we have range. But as soon as we put points into sneak, enchanting and smithing, we suddenly start to become OP.
4:42 college is when I needed to learn how to study, and didn’t, frankly- crammed the day before. Got through my undergraduate and graduate degree by sheer force of will, and a lot of unhealthy coping habits for the anxiety that process brought.
As someone with ADHD I could confidentally say that we are just the normal guys but just really inconsistent. We have the stats of a greek god in our favorite subject, but we time travel in pretty much everything else at school. Just because I'm really good at one subject, that doesn't mean that it could be applied to everything else. We have a lot to give in our favorite subject, so please be forgiving if I take a bit long to load.
I completely agree! I have ADHD and I’m very passionate in my favorite classes, but in my other classes, I just don’t care and I don’t get very high scores because of that. If I don’t like a subject or assignment, I’m just not going to do the work, because I don’t care.
yup, all our stats are ALWAYS in one single thing n nothing n every other subject. i recommend getting other people with ADHD together who were good at other subjects so yall could trade and look over eachothers work like a game party of different character classes
Agree, my adhd in school was awful, like it didnt matter if i liked the subject, i always did the homework at the last moment, i always get percive by others like "The nerd" or "The smart girl" But I couldn't care less for school, the only reason I did the homework is because I didn't want to have the stress of fail.
That's so interesting to hear, because I am completely different. In school everything was easy for me, every subject. I realised, that I have interest in a lot of different topics and subjects to a medium degree. When I started university in a subject that interested me, I got completely lost, because the depth in which the subject was presented was too much for me. I lose interest in topics really fast and have to switch it up fairly often. That is why school was perfect for me, but uni is like hell. Thank you for sharing your story :)
I was a gifted kid, I was also always the “smart kid” and then I went to a school where there was a kid smarter than me, or at least could do math quicker, which was my “thing” and I felt threatened and scared because the walls I had built had started to tumble down
That's such a common thing for me it's scary. If I can't find something I'm 'the best' at I crumble like crumbs, I need to think im REALLY good at the skills I want or I give up. Results of always being told 'ur so good at this and that' that it's probably has become a internal obligation in my head. I've been able to 'power think' the toll to be less but still. Let's hope we both figure/figured it out
@@aveyp3726 real struggle, I was definitely one of smartest kids for my school, small town, moved to a much bigger city and yikes, most people were better than me.
I experienced this same exact thing. A girl came joined my class one day and was more intelligent than me. I remember I would always speed through DMS and check to see if she was still doing her math equations or not. It was terrifying, and made me overly competitive
The moment I said I was a gifted kid, my friend literally went, “Everything about you makes so much more sense now.” Depression, lack of motivation, perfectionist, self-pressuring, self-worth issues, bottling emotions, practically everything you’ve mentioned.
I never directly lowered my expectations. I increased my self worth, because I expected to be better then the average, just to be enough. I knew that I was gifted and could reach higher limits than everyone else, so i always had to do better than them, to be as good as them. After increasing my self worth I learned that I am enough and was even enough when I sometimes did worse than average. I didnt lower my expectations. I learned, that there was no reason to keep them this high.
I was a gifted kid, undiagnosed ADHD that my mom refused to even accept the possibility of because I was "so smart" and always did good in school (which I only did well in because of the tests, I was constantly in trouble for not paying attention in class, missing homework assignments, forgetting chores at home, etc etc). I attempted my first year of college 3 times, once at 18, once at 20, and then 26. Finally I'm about to go into my third year of college at age 28. I constantly struggled with the shame of being a college dropout, since I was always the brilliant daughter who would go to college and get a great job, but then ended up working at Mcdonalds for nine years instead. So if you're a gifted kid burnout feeling the same, there's ALWAYS time. Many of my classmates are in their 30s or 40s. I believe in you guys.
I was a gifted kid as well and actually very likely have undiagnosed ADHD (Several blood relatives - my mom and an aunt - both got diagnosed the past less than a year) and I heavily suspect that i’m autistic as well. This video actually hit me REALLY hard, I almost dropped out of highschool because I just stopped caring and couldn’t commit things to memory or get myself to do the work. For me at least, I couldnt stand the idea of long term education and ended up working really well in a fast paced education program because i was so sick of learning things I didnt care about anymore and the program ONLY focused on the subject it was about. Unfortunately that kind of education only really applies to certain lines of work.. but for those of us who are more tech inclined and work well in those environments its great
Was a “gifted kid”, was tested for ADHD a bunch of times but all negative. Did well at school, ended up getting a PhD from cambridge. Recently at around 30 something, I got diagnosed with autism 😅
@@dontgotocollege5232 correct - materials science PhD. I also have two ASD friends; one is a doctor and the other, an engineer. All three of us are what conventional schooling would class as “academic high achievers” We’re all good at our current jobs, but the hardest part is the people side of things. I’m even in a leadership position. Having ASD doesn’t mean this is impossible - but it does mean that I spend quite a bit of emotional bandwidth trying to navigate social situations, whereas I get the sense neurotypical people do not have to put as much conscious effort in saying the right thing (or in my case, avoiding saying the wrong thing). The nature of my doctor friend’s job does present more interpersonal challenges than my job as a scientist…the stakes are much lower in my job (usually). So, I would agree that some jobs are less conflict/anxiety prone than others for ASD individuals.
Tysm for this video. The “just needs to apply themselves” mentality is so shit, bc teachers will just say that and then just - never teach kids *how* to do that. And then, if they start slipping bc they’re not getting the attention they actually need? Well obviously, they’re just not “applying themselves” enough. Both school and my dad made me feel like I was wrong to struggle, and never thought to throw me a line; it felt like I was drowning, and instead of being saved, I was yelled at for not knowing how to swim. This shit was so damaging to grow up with, and I’m so happy to see a video on it.
They do, it's just that our generation is so addicted to tiktok, social media and video games. Behavioral addiction is no different from Crack cocaine. I've quit video games and I am not looking back. Life is hard to get back on track but it is rewarding. Best of luck, brother.
@@Brian-tb1op DR. K here has another video on how limiting a kid's video games can actually be harmful. Not a perfect counterpoint, but I think you should think a little harder on your perception of video games.
I get that kids can understand the material, but maybe the important thing to "show what you know" I don't think I would call this "applying oneself" but just helping the teacher to see what you have retained or learned, when they can't just psychically scan your brain to figure that out.
From personal experience, all I can say is "once you've hit the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up." Failure is probably your best teacher, you just have to be willing to make mistakes and learn from them.
its so awful places that have specific, separated "gifted programs" too. i was put in a program that was faster paced, and claimed to be "more student centered". we were supposed to get more individual attention, but we really just got unrealistic expectations and were alienated from everyone else in the school. most of us had no idea how to socialize because we had the same classmates every year, sometimes since kindergarten. as i got to know those kids over the years i realized that the vast majority of us were, metaphorically speaking, misdiagnosed with being "gifted". we were really all just neurodivergent, autistic, special needs kids who struck really bad luck. now we're stuck in the program, and because of how fast paced and isolating it is, moving into the normal curriculum would be even worse academically and emotionally. nobody will help us, nobody will teach us, because we were "gifted" enough to get into the program but not gifted enough to fly blind.
THIS, I felt so isolated being in the gifted classes in middle school because I felt like I didn't fit in with either side. I was isolated by most of the "normal" kids except for the small group of them that I hung out with, and then I was isolated by the other gifted kids that I spent most of my time with by hanging out with some of the "normal" kids. I then proceeded to be a loner in high school with poor self esteem, diagnosed ADHD, and an anxiety disorder, and graduated high school with a 2.5 GPA. I'm in community college now, and I finally managed to get straight As last semester so i'm doing much better and actually pushing myself more. I still got way high above the average score on my ACT and SAT, but being a gifted kid didn't really help me with anything in life. But i'm glad you pointed out the isolation and alienation from everyone else, because that was huge for me growing up
I'm not diagnosed with anything but I was and still am put in GATE caused me a lot of trouble in elementary. Kids here are weird and so am I. And yes even as a "normal" (for lack of better word) child it still had immense effects on my social life
I am an autistic 'gifted' girl and I would hae loved to be put in a special, fast paced class to calm my nerves and anxiety to actually learn something. I live in a country (Argentina) where it is morally unacceptable to segregate people.. Guess what? Grew without friends, bullied, overstimulated in high school whit that causing stomach ulcers. At least in a gifted class everyone would be like me :(
yeah im getting into seventh this year, in a "gifted and talented" program and its exactly like what you described, and im now started to struggle with math a ton because now, with me learning things like combinations an permutations, i actually have to pay attention on everything my teacher says, because ive basically mastered permutations, but then i started focusing less on the combinations part thinking it would be like permutations, then i somehow didnt get below a c+ throughout the whole next semester while not knowing half of the main course
As a former "gifted kid" I was absolutely baffled by the amount of things this video has cleared up for me. I knew being a gifted kid could set you up for misery/failure and all that jazz, but never really thought in depth about how that comes to be. Hopefully with this knowledge and some more research I'll be able to get myself back on track in terms of self-improvement, because university really gave me a reality check. Thank you so much for this video, I'm sure it helped a tonne of people.
As I was listening to this I almost started crying because I felt so bad for my small child self. I had no idea the kind of bullshit that i had to deal with and how it is now fucking me over now
@@graceanderson8553 Wish there was more information on the topic back when we were children, so that such a thing could've been avoided. From what is seems people have become significantly more aware of psychological issues such as this one, so at least we know that in the future we as a society will know how to deal with it. Too bad we had to be the sort of "lab rats", who experienced this without even knowing :/ All the best luck to you! Hope we can all overcome this hardship
Yeah I'm that gifted kid. I went smooth scaling still high school. After that I really struggled. I also almost commited suicide a few times. I came to the conclusion that it is not worth it. Family situation has been broken since high school as well. I'm 22 almost 23. I'm still struggling how to figuring out how to fit with the societal norms. I have genuine and serious interest in the area that I am studying in college. I am genuinely interested in what I enrolled for. The way it's being done + my expectations are very different. University did give me the reality check. After this video I am more clear on what I need. I'm not sure how to approach it. I switched college and courses in pursuit of what I want to do. The way the system works and the way I work are very different. I don't want to just give up and become some basic money for living earning person. If I find a way to work towards what I can do, I'm all for it. Let's see if I'm able to put it into action before start of next year. P.S. I'm Indian. I don't know how mentioning that helps.
@@susear5939 Indians are very competitive and parents put pressure on their children to excel, I've seen this in the software engineering field for example.
It's not even necessarily about ego, it can just be about identity. "If I'm not 'the smart kid', who even am I?" It's a sort of death, like your whole life has been a lie.
In college, I would go to the same Chinese restaurant weekly. I would order random things. The waiter one day, who recognized me as a regular, said he knew exactly what I wanted. I had no idea what I wanted, so I really had no idea how he would know. He walks out of the back with a dish ten minutes later that was so delicious, I try to recreate it at home now that I've moved away. Best experience ever, had no expectations and was blown away.
People can't understand when I say, "I've never persisted doing anything hard." They look at things I've done that are hard to them, but are easy to me. While things that are easy to them, such as grinding away at boring tasks, are extremely difficult to me and I consistently fail at. Graduating college in 3 years was the easy way out. The thing I couldn't do was last another year. I failed a class where I got high A's on the midterm and final because 60% of the grade was from daily work.
This comment spoke to me. I didn’t have the messed up childhood of some people here. We were too poor for anything like that. Special classes, gifted schooling, access to anything above the village library, these were all way beyond my family. My parents were loving and supportive, but they couldn’t keep up with me academically at the age of eleven. At sixteen, I left school to enter the workforce, to the objections of everyone who wanted me to “fulfill my potential”. In the workforce, I rocketed up the ranks. It was easy for me. All I had to do was figure out the solutions to problems and predict the outcomes of the future. The hardest thing was dealing with the people who couldn’t just see the answer. After a couple of decades, I was sitting with the leaders of world corporations. Set to be a mover and shaker. But I wasn’t having fun anymore. So I downsized, quit my high paid job, sold my big house, took a smaller job at a start-up, bought a small home outright. Now my job provides me with interesting problems to solve and pays me more than I need to live and have fun, and I have time to have that fun. The lesson I learnt was that it’s not about fulfilling my potential, it’s about enjoying my life.
@@markbrown2206 Wow, thanks for making me cry. That last phrase is something I need to learn, but don't know how. Happy for you, though. Happy that you're enjoying life.
This is why I went through a trade school and not a normal college, I thought I wanted to be a architectural engineer. After having a work accident that cost me part of my body I went and did some shadowing programs and found it to be boring. I love designing and building the things I have designed, most AE's spend their working lives in a dark room. Luckily my automotive teacher saw that I was not a normal child and helped. I ended up being what is easiest to call a automotive racing engineer, I went to a trade school to learn chassis fabrication, chassis design and high performance engines. Before having to retire very young because of said young work injury, I LOVED building off road racing and what we now call overlanding rigs. I tried going back to a College after having to walk away from it all, but between the pain and the boredom I was only ever there for about 15% of the total classes. Still hit a 4.0 gpa, but a normal class room is not for me. In trade school we only spent about 20% of the time in a class room, the rest was out actually building things and learning as we worked.
Another oddity as a gifted kid was when my grades started to drop I immediately lowered my expectations because I decided I'd rather be happy than smart... and then everyone with power over me began to deny me the things I needed to be happy because I "wasn't living up to my potential" so I got neither for a long while
This is sort of what's going on with me right now. My school has a science program where kids will do professional studies and projects and publish a research paper in their senior year. I joined it because I felt like I had to, especially because my older brother was also in it when he was in high school. After a few months of that, I realized that I wasn't able to keep up with the work I lowered my expectations for myself and realized that I wasn't gonna be happy in it. I just told my parents and teachers I decided to drop out and everyone is disappointed in me because "I have so much potential" and "It is such a great opportunity for me." And yes, I understand that it could be good for me, but I am finally starting to value my own happiness over my work and I realize that I don't owe anyone anything. It is really scary and I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down, but I'm just happy that I no longer have to constantly have stressful work on my mind 24/7. Another thing I now realize is that I'm not really as passionate about science and STEM as I thought I was or at least used to be, so I'm glad I left the program. I still have a long way to go in order to let go of the shame and to actually start fixing the bad habits I have, but I think I finally took that first step
Yeah, seriously, but more like 10 years ago for me. When I was a young and confused gifted kid, TH-cam was around but it was filled with the stupidest content imaginable (which I of course wasted tons of hours on, given that I had no homework to do lol). No way you’d stumble upon the awesome stuff you find here nowadays. But then again - if I was in high school now I’d probably waste the same amount of time on equally stupid TikToks.
30-35 years ago for me. If me, or rather my parents and teachers, had this knowledge, my life would have turned out completely different. Something other than the absolute trash heap it has become.
As a 'gifted kid' who's only 14.. I'm watching this whole vid lol It's bad because I'm doing GCSES and well...I've literally never studied, or rarely ever did, what's worse is that I procrastinate too much
I would encourage you to look at it from th perspective that "right now" is exactly when you needed to hear about this, however long you have to left to live there was no better outcome than learning it right now and use it moving forward.
I think the solution for expectations is Learning that theres a balance between expectations and faith both polar opposite’s too much of one thing leads to an unhealthy outlook on things anxiety (expectations) or self righteousness (faith). Having more faith in myself and things has helped lower my expectations alot. Thank you Dr. K for helping my brain go on a tangent of figuring out the polar opposites of faith and expectations may i lean towards more faith than unrealistic expectations and grow in good grounded faith and know and expect whats too come not what it isn’t. 🙏
I was tested as gifted as a kid, and I'm proud to say I was a relentlessly solid B student throughout school. Despite the gaslighting from parents and teachers ("you have so much potential", etc.), it was necessary to block out that pressure and dissapoint them in order to avoid burning out in school. The truth is you don't need to get all A's, honors, AP, ivy league, etc. to do well in life. I did fairly well at my local university and got a good job in IT, mostly through intense self study. The school system felt like a trap.
That’s not what “gaslighting” means. Gaslighting is a form of lying. Seeing someone not live up to their full potential and telling them as much has nothing to do with lying to someone.
we gave our oldest extreme anxiety and other trauma with the "if you only applied yourself...you need to take initiative..." started with teachers saying this to us and us putting it on him. It's absolutely horrifying how much pressure we put on children and developing minds. ! not to be over corrected with too little challenge though.
It’s really refreshing to hear a parent admit that they made a wrong parenting choice. Moms and dads try their best but we all make mistakes. It can be so painful for a kid when their parents are too proud to admit a mistake. So thanks for being a good parent :)
Same thing happened to me throughout the entirety of middle and elementary school. I became a perfectionist and would give up anything I wasn’t immediately good at, and I’d just get really pissed off at it. And I dropped so many things I could have been good at, but I didn’t because of my perfectionist mindset.
Well, challenge is what triggers me, so do take this with a grain of salt, but - if challenge means something that takes effort but comes with rewards that are inherent to the task at hand and worth the work put into it to the person who did the deed, well, yeah. But honestly, as a kid who was neurodivers and gifted on top of that, having to learn how to deal with the other kids was struggle enough. I would have liked opportunities - like getting a special language class with immersive techniques, getting to learn a music instrument or something like that, or a class where I'd get to experiment with technology or math or biology projects or something, some sort of challenge that doesn't feel like one but would have allowed me to learn that effort does come with effect and can be fun as well as rewarding. Because the rest of my life as a kid wasn't, whenever I wasn't left alone to vanish into books. I don't mean to say that that's what your son or anyone else live was like, I'm trying to say that challenges that are ascribed, not wanted by the person who has to put in the work, only ever feel like work - a job you have to do to be allowed back into something you like to do, not like something worthwhile. I have seen parents who would put their kids on stage, into math competitions or into a sport the kid didn't really like too much, because they wanted to give the kid an opportunity to learn to put up with hardship. But the outcome - third place in a competition the kid wasn't interested in to begin with or being second batter in a team the kid doesn't feel like being part of - wasn't rewarding for the kid in question, so sadly those attempts failed their target by miles. The kids didn't do too well, because they didn't really care, and they only felt worse for not being good at something they were supposed to do and be good at on top of that. I don't mean to say that that's at all what you meant, but I've known people who'd interpret the word challenge like that, and it really raises my hackles. From personal experience, giving a kid the opportunities to do what they are interested in and guiding them through though times does feel quite different from putting the kid into a situation where they WILL have to deal with hardships, whether they choose to do so or not. It doesn't feel all too loving, no matter how absolutely well the intentions of the parents were. :-/
As an incredibly incompetent guy highly susceptible to procrastination and avoiding things that require mental exertion, I can feel myself lagging behind in every morsel of my ballsack. 😊
Bro, you are gifted. Look that shit up and learn it way faster. Your issue is the same as mine. Discipline. Not "studying," or lack of knowhow. You are just lying to yourself. I know who I am. A lazy mfer who is gifted. If I want, I can nose to the grindstone my way through 3 levels of competence faster than most can get through 1. But that takes effort. 😂 At least be honest with yourself, sheesh. 😂
@@firghteningtruth7173 I’m not lying to myself, random stranger on the internet who just had to be rude. Not everyone is the same as you. People are different. You’re different and I’m different. And no, I genuinely do not know how to study.
@@TrollLolololol you are DEFINITELY lying to yourself. You are on the internet discussing this with me, so you clearly have access to the internet. So look it up and learn. 🤣 You literally have all the information available to mankind at your fingertips. You are just making an excuse (lying to yourself) about why you haven't yet. Being lazy is fine. Or, you know, it's whatever. Lying to yourself and others about how you are gifted, but can't google some shit and learn it, is the issue. Just say, "I am lazy." That's fine. Creating a web of lies in your own head to lie to yourself that "it isn't that I am lazy, I just don't know HOW," is ridiculous. You can call me "rude," but I am only telling you the truth. What you need to hear. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to others. If you don't put a concerted effort to stop saying stuff like this, eventually, you will believe your own lies and when someone points it out... Your ENTIRE WORLD will crumble. Because it is held up by lies.
@@TrollLolololol even the, "person who just had to be rude," part is a lie you made up so that you don't have to face the fact that you are lazy and just HAVEN'T learned. It's a self-defense mechanism for your ego. "What a rude person." What did I say that was actually RUDE? Did I call you names? Did I make snyde remarks? Or did I call you silly for saying something you "never learned" could easily be remedied with effort?
This summary is spot on and it resonates with me deeply. I was labelled gifted by Grade 1 and was in enriched classes all through elementary school. By the end of elementary, when, like you said, "raw intellect wasn't enough", I began to struggle and not understand why I was struggling. Realizing now; I never learned to study or persevere, if it didn't come to me immediately and easily, I would simply quit (into early adulthood as well). Then the "lazy" label is slapped on because "you have so much potential". My parents and teachers, instead of supporting me through it and offering strategies, became frustrated. The shame of not living up to that potential becomes an identity and instead of rising, it was easier to just be average. I took the scenic route to university and struggled, once again, because the lack of study habits, consequently dropping out. Scenic route again to community college...I managed to excel in my chosen field and I love my career now but there is always this nagging in the back of my mind, "I could have done more, I could have done better for myself".
Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! Sessions start at just $30.
You can learn more here: bit.ly/3WhLtAy
I sent
My son your video ❤❤❤❤
Why Gifted People are Considered Special Needs, because a Very Evil Element Controls the Education and Medical Feilds. The Feminist Teachers Stomped Down on Me, and Refused to Allow me an Education and put me in a Windowless room by myself till they kicked me out of school.
This was way too relatable to me man, thanks for posting this.
This video totally misses the mark. Gifted kids _become_ special needs because the raised nail gets hammered down. We get diagnosed with mental illnesses because adults put unreasonable expectations and then wonder why the kid has psychological issues. I don't mean "why don't you do your work" - we don't do our work because we subconsciously recognize our extra efforts will go unrewarded. I mean like inattention, procrastination, perfectionism, depression; all caused by their lack of support and tendency to treat us unfairly. Illnesses they then try to medicate away instead of changing their unreasonable expectations. Then we grow up thinking we're "special needs" because we were *broken* by them.
I have a genius level I.Q. I was treated unfairly from kindergarten, which because of my mentality, I tended to disregard. I wanted to learn, dammit; never mind all this other stuff.
That disregard was diagnosed as FIVE mental illnesses. All medication failed to have the desired effect. Apparently, I'm so stubborn that I actually mentally overcame the medications. After overdoses of meds didn't work, my mother began torturing me. Knives, waterboarding, hypothermia. What did she think I was going to learn from that? Hmm? What? And the school system did me no favors! Many teachers either roundly despised me, or in four cases, framed me for actual crimes because I was the raised nail they could hammer down.
I have extensively studied psychology, sociology, and neurology. I understand the issue and can deal with it firmly in my own life. Yes, I have autism, that's the only diagnosis that was correct. But so what? Does that mean I need medication because I'm more interested in quantum physics than running the mile in P.E.? Is that really what qualifies as "special needs?"
We need to stop victimizing ourselves. We need to stop putting our atypicality in a category where we're coddled instead of being (metaphorically?) beaten senseless. We are different; we need different things, but we are not any more or less "special" than the next person. We need schools who can accommodate our needs but *not* because we are lesser, not because we are ill, not because we are substandard. It's because we are different and thus have different priorities in life. Other kids get a trade school, a parochial school, a Montessori school. Why are "special needs" students treated any differently? Why aren't we treated like just another kind of normal human being?
You may think reading this, "wow, you had it hard. I'm so sorry." NO! THAT'S NOT THE POINT! I am each and every one of you. Little bits of my life? I saw it repeated in the lives of other so-called "special needs" students. Over, and over, and over. Not everyone had it as bad as I did, but that's because unlike other kids, I REFUSED TO BREAK. I refused to accept that I was somehow in need of extra attention, that I needed less difficult work, that I was more susceptible to mental illness, that I was "special." I. refused. to. break.
And goddammit, they would eventually break me, but I fought quite literally to death's door. And guess what? Even after being broken over, and over, and over, I still refuse to accept it. The status quo of this society is SICK and it needs to change. I will continue to believe that until either society changes for the better or I pass away. That's just who I am- deal with it.
Truths!! I didn’t even need to watch this to know that one!!!
Being "gifted" is like driving an automatic while everyone else is driving a manual. You never truly learn how to drive a manual because you simply never had to. Meanwhile, everyone praises you for your driving ability and tells you that you could be a professional driver or - who knows - maybe even a race car driver! You start to believe them and think, yeah... I could totally be a pro racer! Suddenly, you're stuck at the starting line wondering why the hell you can't even get your car to start while everyone else does laps around you
that's an awesome comparison
Very well said
This is actually such a good analogy.
🙀
This is an amazing analogy
Heimerdinger kinda nailed it with, "it's often the sad truth that those who shine brightest, burn the fastest."
Quote
-Heimerdinger
Dinger
Oh this is so real
Thats a popular proverb
No heimerdinger said it first shut up
Gifted kid here. The biggest negative thing being treated like I was better than everyone else was that I still find it really really hard to ask people for help. It kind of feels like I’ve let someone down by not being self-sufficient
Yeah, I was born with high-functioning autism and I hate how I can't just talk with normal people like everbody else. I have problems with being a major jerk to people, because I see any kind of mistake as failure, and make everybody around me feel inferior/nervous just by them being my presence.
it sucks in sports especially. hockey was my fucking life and then one year i quit because one coach sucked the fun out(it was ba). i thought i could go really far, my dream was to play on the women's usa team. then i quit and i felt like my identity was shattered. i ended up dropping out of high school bc of an anxiety disorder. honestly i don't know what i could've told my younger self, maybe something like "God has a plan for you," that's how i feel now, but i'm coaching a 12u girls team and it feels like this was my path. i want to make sure these girls go forward with confidence and kindness
i constantly had/have problems like this and this exact problem and ive just kinda never learned to be cooperative or admot failure due to expectations being so high.
This Is Me In A Nutshell... Even Knowing I Should Ask for Help Occasionally It Bothers Me To The Point I Never End Up Asking Anyways
Exactly
My parents are and were awesome. They always told/tell me that it’s okay to screw up as long as I do my best. That they had no expectations for me not because I was bad, but because whatever I do they’re proud of. They let me sob in the floor without pushing me to talk, because we had an amazing relationship and I would. The thing is, I still always feel so pressured. It’s all myself doing this, and my own thoughts pressuring and belittling me but still. I can’t *stop*. I mean I have good days but I get so upset over the smallest things it’s hard to have good days. The only thing I’m ever sure of is the fact that I just don’t know. Sorry for this all over the place vent, it’s just nice relating to others you know?
-A literally right now having recovering from a month of exhaustion and breakdowns, currently working, a blink a way from sobbing, burnt out gifted kid who’s definitely a perfectionist and probably had some undiagnosed anxiety and adhd
One huge issue as a gifted student was that everyone was so busy pushing me to be an academic that nobody ever bothered to teach me how to be a person. Now I struggle in social situations to the point it hurts to try talking.
SAMEEE
Everyone told me that I was so smart that I will never fail in my life, so I haven't even tried new things like socialization
And I overthink every phrase before saying anything
Exactly
I have the same problem. I'm fourty now married with three kids, no friends but the ones of my spouse that I welcome home but don't interact much with. It's okay , I accepted it, and since I accepted the lack of connection with people , I'm better at small talks and mundain interactions, learnt to just put a smile on my face, ask simple questions about people's life and listen a lot.
SAMEEE
I have a friend circle but it get SUPER akward to talk to anybody else that doesnt know me.... Im easy going but not great when comes to speech
My responses either too short or too long
I will never forget how many times I felt humiliated by that old "I expected higher grades from you" speech. I didn't sign a contract with anyone, who told them to expect me to be something? Throughout my childhood, any sign of failure was synonymous with a giant drop in my self-esteem.
As a gifted kid, I've been given the speech multiple times too. And even though there was a point where I realized getting perfect grades was basically pointless, I was stuck as a "gifted kid" even though I didn't want to be. It sucks.
I sympathize. During 7th grade I struggled a lot throughout Math and Science despite being very gifted in the subjects during past years. Any time my grade dropped my self esteem and confidence would go with it and my mother would give me the “I know you’re smart enough, only if you put in the work” talk.
I’m afraid it’s the same with my brother, he’s in 3rd grade and although he’s smart he still struggles with math and my mother gives him the same treatment.
If you get a chance, read what I wrote in the responses above. I think you will identify with what I said.
horrible memories of this especially with my 3rd grade teacher
I heard the same line time and time again. The difference (problem) with me, is I have pseudo-authority issues. To me, hearing "I expected more from you" made/makes my brain decide to double-down on not trying. You expected more, and you were wrong. Never bet against me being stupid!
Being ''gifted'' really leaves an emotional scar and no one talks about it enough. It's like adults gave us a responsability that we never asked for
You mean "parents". Most adults are outside looking in not knowing the full scope. Even if they contribute to the damage sustained by the child's parental control. Most parents are trash. Especially when they expect the top-tier best from their child when the enforcers aren't even as top-tier in more than one if any other basic life skills.
Yup, the parents
heard this one LOUD and CLEAR honey lawd
Those parents are gifted as well usually. To be gifted is awsome. You will see it later
@@alicewondering4295 see what? That the were gifted themselves? Being 'gifted', but not having fully developed that potential sucks. I work in the trades now because my life as an IT guy didn't pan out, I got sick of it. It sucks knowing I could do some if not most of the tasks of the lower tier 'engineers' I've had to work with better than they, but the call is theirs on what goes, and I can't be an engineer because I can't trig yet, and I have to pass physics and calculus to be an engineer. After I finally accepted it, I realized its a gatekeeping method like when a ride says, "you have to be this tall." I'm actually able to appreciate those guys more knowing that they had the tenacity and wherewithal to stick with it until they got to where they are.
One of my biggest fears in high school was that I'd make a single mistake and everyone would know the "smart kid" was dumb and it was just a facade.
It has taken me years to feel okay being bad at things
This. I was a gifted child who hit the wall in my last year of high school. Everything I've ever been remotely good at I've had performance anxiety, martials arts, piano, video games or even answering questions in front of my peers in class because I have this deep underlying fear of being revealed as a fake.
THIS. I used to cry from the smallest mistakes. I remember crying over getting the name of a shape wrong during class as a 2nd grader... if only my parents had seen the starts of my anxiety there.
This. My "don't fail" attitude makes it really hard to do essays...
I pray that I can look dumb, that would be better than being held "above" others
This is still me, sadly. I'm TERRIFIED of that.
My issue was that as soon as I struggled in adulthood, people were disappointed in me or became confused to the point of annoyance by me. "I always thought you'd be doing something cool internationally." The microexpressions of mild disgust when I tell people where I've been. The gradual withdrawal of support and the increasing dismissal by family and childhood friends is what's been so damaging.
As someone who was told I was gifted, but managed to lose all childhood friends before adulthood, I will say that online acquaintances can sustain you through dark times.
you are not alone friend. at 30 years old i stopped drinking cold turkey. this sobered me up enough to realize my "friends" kept me around for solutions to their problems, while offering nothing in return except "friendship". i lost my job due to obamacare (boss couldnt afford the insurance so he let people go until he was small enough to be exempt. i didnt make the cut) found myself homeless because none of my "friends" would help. its been years now and none of them ever checked on me. ill admit to facebook stalking etc just to see if they have families.
theyre all happy. the man who solved their problems disappears without a trace, and blissfully they celebrate. while i suffer in depression and disappointment.
@@Kr0n1kTh3Kl0wn If you need someone to open up to, I'm willing to listen.
Thank you for this honest comment. This is my life but to the more extreme I think. I got both mentally and physically ill from trying to excel because I was gifted up to high school. I dropped out of college 7 years ago and I got so ill I live on disability income. People just slowly faded away from my life because I wasn’t cool and smart anymore, just depressing and a failure. I think pushing oneself to the limit can really damage the body completely. It feels so freeing to admit that my life failed. Maybe the tide will turn, or maybe it won’t. Sometimes we forget that our physical body can suddenly just say no and stop working.. I hope you just got a regular job and a regular life. That is what I dream of, but I know my pain will never get better
@@Kr0n1kTh3Kl0wnI can totally relate to this. My life just went downhill. Hope yours got better
"It's not enough to be average, if you're gifted."
I've never heard it summed up so well. That's exactly how I feel. Have always felt.
It 100% is fine to be average when youre gifted. You don't have to live up to your full potential there is nothing wrong with seeing what average is like and saying I want to stay here it is nice and comfy.
Being gifted kid suckss dude
I feel like im Wasting something just feels shames
And IQ test just makes it worst
My parents just expect so much just because i got 130 Iq
i Feel like im wasting something, sometimes it motivates you but other times it just saddens me when i got 80/100 average
and my rank was 31/36 People
And now i have no idea how to Improve its like agh
and also just because i learned 6th grade materials in 3rd grade doesnt mean i can keep up the pace to 7-9th grade
in this 8th-9th grade i crashed
dont know what to do
@@onvyll8817 Here’s what you need to do: forget the past and the future. Focus on each class, each day. When you get home from school every day, if you can, go for a walk. Don’t listen to any music, just look at your surroundings. Walk for about 30 minutes. When you get back home, do your homework IMMEDIATELY. Don’t procrastinate. I know you’re probably wanting nothing more than to “reward” yourself and have some fun but trust me. Do your homework and rip that bandaid off. Don’t let tv or your phone or the Internet distract you. Trust me. After you’re done, THEN you can have some fun. Eat dinner, and then study for upcoming tests. Look up mnemonic devices to help you remember things you need to remember (word play with facts basically). Use flash cards/note cards to study! They help a LOT. Don’t stay up too late. Be firm with yourself about bedtime. And be consistent. I know teenagers have different sleep needs than adults and you have my full sympathy there, but try to get as much sleep as you can. You will feel better throughout the day. The key is to not procrastinate (I know easier said than done) and don’t worry about the past or the future. Just focus on whatever is in front of you. Moving your body helps a lot too. In times of stress, work up a sweat. You will feel better almost instantly. Good luck!!! - a 31 year old former “gifted kid”
@@LizVonVillas Thanks I have, 1 Question toughz should i quit my part time job for now?
i feel like its getting stressfull and i probably dont need a job at this age
Well even tough deep down i dont want to get called "average"
As a “gifted” kid, I agree. The main part I hate about being gifted is depression. Being gifted runs in my family and so does depression.
I hate how... i'm only recently grasping with my intelligence again. I'm 19, basically smoked weed for 2 years.. and now i want out of it. I want to use my brain. I want to gain more intelligence. And the depression.. the depression man.
It's doesn't have to be. School destroys gifted people, to a point where they might kill themselves. If you can homeschool in your country that vital to a gifted person. They might not develop depression at all..
@@DrTheRich
It's funny, the capitalism that stifled my desire to make space stations and ships, is also the capitalism that let me flourish in the home construction and rental industry.
I think that, when you're very different from the average person, you have to take a different path. There was a point when I was homeless, and I'd see all these beautiful Victorian style houses everywhere. I put a lot of focus and years toward getting houses. I enjoy it. My spatial reasoning works so well with construction. It also works well with trading equities online.
Being "too smart" has been a gold mine for me, but I had to adapt to the world and use things they didn't "approve of", like anger and "gaming the system" to get what I wanted. Being nice just turns people into perma-slaves. I knew I'd have offed myself if I couldn't break out of mediocrity and mere sustenance. It's not greed; I'm just naturally ambitious. Some one says to repair the deck, and I'll start thinking about building an entire awning over it.
@@manictiger I don't think capitalism has anything to do with you not being able to build (space) ships. But I agree with the rest.
@@DrTheRich
I mean, it put me at a really bad starting position, and stifled a lot of my idealism, but it also gave me a system I could game and tilt to my advantage. Idk, socializing was never my strong suit. Numbers and spatial reasoning are.
It really hits you like a train. Sitting at your pc with anxiety knowing if you dont start learning you will get kicked out of school wich causes slight panic but you still cant get yourself to do anything because the easiest tasks are overwhelming. I wasnt gifted but never had to learn up until 6 grade or so. Then grades started declining to average, under average, and then trash.
Well said. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism when I was around 6 or 7. My grades started slipping around 6th grade as well. I remember I used to like homework. As a junior in highschool right now, my grades aren't where they should be. I know that if I don't do the work that things likely won't end well, and even though I want to do the work and get it done so I don't have to worry about it, it's practically impossible because I would rather be doing *anything* else. I once did my laundry because I was avoiding homework. And I hate doing laundry. Even the medication doesn't really work anymore.
I have hit my head against my table so many fucking times because I can't do 60 questions per day while EVERY FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER IN MY CLASS CAN DO DOUBLE THAT ON A MOTHERFUCKING OFF DAY
relatable
So you was just slow the whole time ....
yep. this is exactly it for me lol. im in 8th grade now but im.. so insanely shit. i used to be gifted and people keep telling me i have SOO much potential and im SO smart and all of this should be so easy for me- but its not. turns out i have autism. im failing all my classes now and have no idea what i'll even do haha. it sucks.
As someone mildly 'gifted', and who has ADHD, this really resonated with me. The primary (elementary) school I went to was so easy, that not only did I never have to study to be ahead of the class, but I rarely ever had to actually pay attention either. I just never saw anything that we did in class to be stimulating enough, that I would need to care about it for more than a minute or two. For example, by grade 6 the homework we were given was on basic division, and we only ever received the homework on Monday. Making friends was incessantly difficult, so I never really understood people, either.
My parents pushed for me to get into a secondary school with a more advanced curriculum, and once again I was able to pass without ever studying. But the first science lesson I ever had at the new school completely changed everything. Not only was I disadvantaged due to the content being far more complex than what I had been doing the year before, but now I had to both pay attention and study at home. Naturally, I didn't, and that year was probably the worst (in terms of study) I've ever had. It took about a year and a half, but eventually I acclimatised to the new environment, and best of all, found people in the same boat as I.
In conclusion, I just feel as if schools should stop treating students like they are all the same, and perhaps put more effort into scaling the difficulty of content, in a way that works for each student.
The whole point of modern schooling is to make everyone the same. Learned conformity is its real objective.
Man, i can feel you on the primary school part. It was so easy that i could do little work and get high grades. In the first year of middle school, it was very easy too, i didn't struggle, fail, or get low grades. I got very high grades for it.
I dont know how to write notes, very bad handwriting to this day, and i procrastinate a ton for no reason all i did was memorising easily to a lesson in a book and it worked for elementary and first year of middle school,
i didnt learn any discipline and self practice. and yet i got highest grades somehow.
Why? Because that school is very forgiving and its standards are very low.
fast forward to the second year of middle school, where i transferred to a new middle school, which is much more advanced and hella more strict. Whenever theres homework appears, everyone in my class has really fast writing, neat writing and notes, i dont even know how to write properly and taking notes. The subject teachers are strict too, because i didnt learn that theres a time for everything, my homeworks kept go late and missing because i was very slow, i forgot to mention i struggle listening in class? Because i learned in elementary and first year of middle school that most of the imformation are just in the book, but i did not learn that teacher teachings are more on topic in the school now.
Honestly i was never considered a gifted kid by my peers in elementary but my mother who is a teacher and other teachers always called me smart, its really just how i absorb information and use previous context i just have a good long term memory. But what i hate is studying i do amazing on tests except i don't get daily work done its simply because I've never had to study and me procrastinating. i think its a problem that we still rely on a linear teaching model and not a personal teaching model, because some people like me simply only need to watch one video or read a book once to retain the information and i simply think of it as a waste of time.
Another part of that "Shame gap" is the inability to ask others for help, whether it's from your classmates or your professors. There's constantly a feeling of "I'm smart, I shouldn't have to ask for help" weighing you down. I got into my university on a specialized scholarship which required us to all take a class and spend 10 hours a week in a lab to keep it, so we all kind of knew each other. 90% of them lost their scholarship after the first year.
I can’t ask for help with anything smh
Heck, I DID ask for help growing up, as soon as I started hitting that wall and falling behind I was like "Hey, parents, teachers, I don't understand this, I don't know what to do with this, please help me learn how to do this." but most of them were already so convinced of my "giftedness", of how "smart" I was, that when I wasn't at the baseline understanding of a subject that they thought I should be at, they assumed I was just being lazy.
Math was always my biggest struggle, and I remember on multiple occasions with different people, not understanding how to work through a type of equation. It just didn't stick in my head after the initial in-class lesson. I looked at the problem and went "How the hell do I do this?" So of course, I went to my parent or teacher for help. And they would go "Ok, start doing the equation and we'll see where you get stuck." and I would just sit there like "I don't know how." and they would get frustrated. "Well just start." I don't know how!" and eventually they would get mad and claim I just wanted them to do all the work for me. That I was being lazy and just didn't want to do it. And then when I inevitably had a D or F in the class, they would lament at all my wasted potential, that I was so smart, if I would just try.
Now I'm in therapy learning how to stop degrading myself all the time because I feel like an idiot and a failure.
@@raicantgame6634 :(
I excelled at maths courses 1 - 5 here in Sweden. But going into specialized classes 6 and 7, going twice the speed and including university-level stuff. I can follow what's going on during a given lesson, but I never manage to retain it. And before I have the time to try the new stuff out at home during my own time, there's new theory to be learnt.
Latest example was partial integrations and differential equations. We had a test of 7 questions, I only answered 4 and a half, and probably got them all wrong. I just don't have a clue about what to do when I see some types of equations. All the different methods blend together. I had exactly the same problem in chemistry when trying to remember different bondings between molecules and atoms. Which occured when x, y and z requirements were met etc.
The subjects in question are interesting, but going at too fast a pace messes everything up and blends it together. And I notice myself becoming angrier day by day because I'm not as good as I was before. For reference, I aced the last maths exam we had, 8 difficult questions and I got an A. Felt like bliss. But now? I just stare at the exam paper and wonder if I can leave the classroom, it's proper shameful I'm not capable of it.
Damn it.
for me i was somehow raised that help was an excuse. Like I shouldn't ask for help because it's an excuse for laziness. same way I was told forgetting something is somehow an excuse for something else
I remember in 9th grade when I didn’t understand a concept in math for the first time I actually went to ask for help, I started crying from the shame.
“If you fail, then no big deal” is literally mind boggling to someone who just spent the past decade or more hearing that failure isn’t an option because either of schools themselves forcing the issue or the expectation of everyone who told you that you’re gifted, special, and have potential to build a mansion.
Lol I was panicking that I got 65% on my AP World History test 3 days ago but then the whole class got like 50-60%, but I still have like a b+ in the class though
Thankfully I was taught this in middle school by my dad, which got me all through all off middle school and into high school (I'm still in highschool)
Smarts is nothing without ambition.
Oh gosh, you will be fine. I took 8 AP tests. 5s on all but one, that score was a 4. Nearly failed US History in-class because the teacher required us to enter a sentence to describe historical events in a spreadsheet. Absolute nonsense. Now I've got a law license and my job is helping people I care about/public interest lobbying. Environment matters and things can get better. @@leomathguy
for me, most of the pressure comes from my parents
"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote for shame."
-Uncle Iroh
As a gifted kid, I spent one long year of self-hatred learning just this. Who knew I could’ve just watched ATLA and learned lol
If only more in the real world could be as wise as Iroh
someone pls explain this to me in more a simplified way, cause it sounds impeccable but I cant understand 100 percent :(
@@ukhtiiiojo9186 Pride identifies with performing well and boosts the ego because of it. Shame identifies with a lesser performance and condemns the self because of it. Someone who is prideful about their performance one day can be ashamed of it the next day because it will fluctuate. But someone who is humble can accept a brilliant performance without feeling superior, and they can also accept a poor performance without feeling inferior. This is because a humble person ignores the false dichotomy of pride and shame; humility doesn’t equate a given moment’s performance to overall worth.
God, i wanna watch atla again.
I was a gifted child…and I am now the very close to burnt out perfectionist. I can never relax, I’m constantly anxious about accomplishing more, and I’m so hard on myself. I fell into a deep depression the first time that I met a class that I couldn’t pass without studying (Calculus) and it messed with my self esteem. I had NO idea how to study and couldn’t figure it out. I remember being so excited for the first 30 minutes of my college graduation, and then being covered by this feeling of anxiety realizing I would now have to compete against these other 721 people that also hold a bachelors degree. This video is spot on.
I remember my mom once telling me of a kid who flunked out of her "advanced math". As in, he was completely incapable of it. When she confronted him about why he didn't go to "regular math" his answer was this: "I'd fail regular math too, but failing an advanced class looks better on paper."
It's important to know your own limitations.
damn that kid is smart!
It’s sad that we can know our own limitations but still can flunk everything a school system has to offer to us. It’s also sad that some kids revert to flunking a AP class just to make it look better.
hey, what's the point of the story? bc regular math is so stupidly easy in high school.
@@kelpjelli i think the comment isn't about a kid who thinks they belong in AP classes, rather a kid that's just weird and subverts expectations with the reply. More as a "guess what happened at work today" sort of thing, rather than a statement about the affairs of gifted children in schools in general.
@@gcg8187 - Hey, what’s the point of your question and statement?
"If only he applied himself" my entire school life, i forgot how much that still stings. we stand in solidarity my adhd gifted bros
Why does it seem like so many gifted kids who experience these same problems have ADHD?
I know I still feel strong emotions when someone might be saying I could be doing more. *Might be saying* is enough to feel very defensive. I think it's a legit form of trauma at this point.
@@Pensnmusic
Because untreated ADHD causes a decline in motivation and eventually depression because we don't know why we always fall short of the expectations
In reality, if someone had just paid attention to us as a child like we needed, we would have met or even exceeded the expectations
@@Pensnmusic beeing "gifted" hides the adhd and enforces it... Basically, since you don't need to study, no one never notices that you can't study.
Beeing gifted also makes so you mind doesn't need to focus as much to achieve what others need to, so you also won't train focus...
I'd say is more like "some adhd kids are gifted" rather than "gifted kids have adhd".
I can't remember how many times I've been told this. "You could be the brightest" or "you could have great grades IF ONLY YOU WANTED TO". But that is people projecting themselves in the intelligent kid, if THEY were smart, they WOULD apply themselves and achieve a lot, but they are NOT, so they tell us to study and apply ourselves but they don't know what it's like lmao. All this is supposing that I am indeed that and I'm not just imagining things, but w/e.
@@JLchevz
Just my experience but I always felt like applying myself at school didn't mean anything because I already knew the concepts
By the time I got to the actually hard stuff, I realized the importance of knowing how to study and training your working memory
I'd love to study further in chemistry and physics but it's daunting to retake classes that I should have completed 10 years ago
Something just as bad as being a gifted kid and not developing proper study habits is being a normal kid of a parent who desperately WANTS their kid to be gifted. I knew one such person growing up. His parents (especially his mother) were extremely strict and didn't allow him to come hang out unless he did all of his homework for the week along with other extra assignments that they gave him to complete. It got worse in high school when his course load was so immense that it got to the point that we never even saw him outside of school. When we did speak to him, he was always really short with his responses and could barely manage to converse without stumbling over his words and just being awkward in general. The studying eventually paid off when he got accepted into some prestigious program at Stanford, and I'm sure his parents were absolutely thrilled about it.
He committed suicide two years later.
Damn
holy fuck..
🥺
That hit like a truck
A former teacher of mine developed severe mental illness in his late 20s to early 30s thanks to being brought up like that as well (son to a doctor and a teacher). Was our homeroom teacher in 10th grade and at some point we got the news that he had jumped in front of a train and died.
For a story that ended up better than that, my uncle was born to a nurse and teacher and they wanted him to be highly successful businessman or scholar and kept pushing him. After realizing he'd not live up to their expectation and being ashamed (tried being a driving instructor, insurance salesman and delivery man instead), they bought him a fancy car and suits and made him pretend to be the wealthy CEO of his own company in front of most of their friends and extended family. He's alive and well after retiring last year to buy a house and boat in Southern Italy with his wife of 45 years.
One of the things Dr K didn’t mention and I’m coming to realize in my mid-40’s is that being smart is a life long condition.
I find myself struggling at work these days because I make connections faster than some of my colleagues. But as a team, we have to align on doing certain things in a consistent way. When you process too fast, others can’t keep up and it’s very alienating/leads to feeling misunderstood and unheard. It’s very frustrating especially if you are someone who is fairly humble and try to see yourself as “just like everyone else”.
This is why I, as an adult, will immediately give up on absolutely anything - a job, a hobby, a relationship - that I’m not instantly great at. Having to start at the bottom and progressively work your way up to being skilled at something is a concept I never had to grapple with as a “gifted” child and teenager, and it’s only now that I realise that is in fact a reality of life that most people live with… I don’t have the resilience to be able to live happily like that though, because I never had to develop that sense of grit whilst growing up. To this day, it causes me a lot of distress, mental health issues, difficulty holding down jobs, difficulty maintaining relationships, and struggles to feel content in myself and my identity.
I really feel this. Sorry for the long comment. Maybe I'm saying this more for myself but here goes...
I'm trying to turn this around by doing something I'm really bad at, which removes a lot of expectations. Two years ago, I tried and failed to do a free couch to 5k running program SEVERAL times. But all those failures conditioned me enough to eventually be able to run 5k. It just took a year instead of 12 weeks or whatever. Then last summer I thought I'd try to run 10k. I'm not fast. I'm still a really bad runner. It took me months but the commitment was relatively low (free running program, basic Garmin watch, and a pair of OK running shoes.) So I ran 10k. Then last fall I decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Well... for various reasons I'm taking a break. But my longest run to date so far is 15km. This was unimaginable two years ago! I feel sad and guilty about that break but I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I plan to start my half-marathon plan again soon. I've fallen behind but I'm way ahead of where I used to be.
I needed a really low stakes, inexpensive thing to try and learn how to persevere, fail, and then persevere again. If I started with what I was most passionate about, I'd never be able to recover from the setbacks. So instead I run these silly little runs and I huff along awkwardly and I remind myself to just do it. Do it badly. Whatever. I hope you can find a thing where you can try that out! Maybe not running but something. Something cheap. Something you can access easily enough. Something you can track so you can see a little progress.
I gave up lots of other things. I can barely say that I've stuck to running but I kinda did. Start small! If I compare myself to athletes, my pokey little runs are a joke but for the average person, running 15km with your own two feet is impressive! At least I think it is. I know for sure 2020 me would have been shocked to know I'd get there.
@@lizzyd Thank you, guess I'll try something like that.
@@Merrsharr good luck! It worked for me but it was a real slow build. It might help to look back on some low stakes thing you've been doing for the past few years and to reflect on any progress you've made.
I can relate to this
@@madmoonrabbit that's awesome! I used to do Tae Kwon Do and Karate. I was never very good but I really miss it. Good luck! That sounds like a great thing to come back to. You'd be surprised by how much the body remembers.
I remember being in an honors class and the teacher said "If you're struggling to understand then you shouldn't be in an honors class". Like what. Just because we are in an "advanced" class doesn't mean we're superhuman. Isn't that the point of being in an advanced class, too? To challenge you when grade-level classes might not be your speed? So why shouldn't students face struggles in a class meant to teach and challenge? This was years ago but I still think about it to this day.
My honors english teacher said that all the time as well. Such bullshit.
i hate when teachers say that
if you're struggling to understand then your teacher shouldn't be teaching the honors class.
I’ve heard this alot
Seriously, when I jumped up to 5th grade math in 4th grade because I was acing 4th grade math, but then struggled with negative integers, they just finally said after explaining 3 times "do you want to just go back to 4th grade math?" I thought about it, I hesitated, I wanted the challenge and to learn, but I was so upset I couldn't grasp this, so they said after a minute of me sitting there debating, "let's just have you go back to 4th grade math. I'm not sure you're ready for 5th grade math yet." But.... I'm clearly too advanced for 4th grade math already, but *not* ready for 5th grade math? What? C'est qua?
Anyway found out at 28 years old that I have had ADHD since I was a kid and never knew.
Something that a counsellor said stuck with me super hard.
"Yeah, you're gifted. Good for you. You're a child with the mind of an adult. When you grow up, you'll be an adult with the mind of an adult and no one will care. At all. Not even a little bit."
It really helped me check my ego at the door.
Oof that would’ve saved me sooo much wasted potential
Step one: don’t have an ego
@@Duckbusinessman nah gotta have a little ego in life tbh
I dont think this is the kind of advice gifted children need to hear. Cause this is just more guilt and shame and saying their gifts mean nothing. In reality, you remain gifted as an adult, above other adults I would say, whether it's all "gift" or also very much your being thoughtful and analytical when you dont have to be.
@@Foxtrox7616 don’t have a big ego to say you’re more intelligent than everyone else.
As a gifted kid, this is all too relatable. Something in me kinda snapped when I went into middle school, and one day, I realized that I’ve been mentally burned out for YEARS. Not to mention that I’m a huge perfectionist who has depression, anxiety, etc etc.
@@urfavfrenderbender ... Too relatable. I still have that struggle of trying not to be a perfectionist, and I'm only alive thanks to the Word of God (aka the Bible)
As a gifted kid, I always aced everything that is academic without breaking any sweat. Until recently, I faced my first ever MAJOR failure and I realized I never really know how to handle failures because I know everyone has high expectations of me and it really did take a huge toll on me.
Learning to get better from failure is the best part out of failure, not all people see it that way though
aye same
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Through my grade school years, I was considered one of the smartest kids of my class, and graduated in the top 25 students of my class. However, once I hit college, I realized how I lacked proper study skills and even basic skills in maintaining stress towards assignments and tests. As a result of that, I failed nearly every one of my classes the spring semester and lost my scholarship, and am now close enough to be on a academic probation. Even today, it’s left me lost and I don’t know what to do. I hope (and I hope this for you as well) that I’m able to overcome my struggles and make something out of myself. Keep your heads up :)
Relatable
i got tired of it so i lowered my grades and told my everyone the work got harder when from A+ in everything to about a B on purpose , it kina made me lazy tho
The buzzword every gifted child hears is ‘potential’, but those who often echo it fail to realize potential must be farmed and cultivated to reach its maximum output. I’m gracious my mom did with me, and I wanna figure out how I can help cultivate those with exceeding merit
I was a gifted child under a crackhead mother and eventually in foster care. Due to insurmountable stress, I never applied myself. I had no nurturing and anything I did apply myself to, I could do it easily. I did a Shakespeare play at 13 when my grandfather brought me to an audition to teach me about failure, thinking I wouldn't get the part. Well, I got it and I outperformed a lot of people on the set. Having intelligence just isn't enough anymore, though.
I'm going to try to work for the foster care system as a counselor, because I understand a lot of different struggles because I've been through it all. I think you'd be wise to do something similar, you sound like a good fit for it
@@hellreaper2845 I’m trying to get into policy so that I can attempt to make a wide-array change in my area, starting locally. You have a very poignant story, and it helps drive me to continue my journey of impacting much needed changes to this dour system we call home. My golden rule is that true power is manifested internally and expunged externally to generate change, but nonetheless please stay safe friend
@@TadBaterbomb shit happens, I treat the past I've had as fuel to do better. It's what people like us do lol. You stay safe too, homie, and good luck with the job. I'm sure you can make a change if you start small, but something small can become even bigger and better
I’m in high school and I hate when people call me smart, and now I’m thinking it has to do with this
The greatest thing my parents ever did for me as a gifted kid was to praise effort over results. It used to piss me off as a kid, but it helped me to not fear failure and learn to apply myself more.
welp ,im pissed off now hahaha
My parents only praise my grades when I get a good grade in subject that I struggle with
I had the opposite, didn't put in any effort, didn't need any effort. Still got praised even for a shitty attempt. Nothing felt very rewarding because everything was like "eh, it's whatever."
Well there's that internal locus of control! I'm glad you were able to get that
@findingpetey what did your parents tell you while growing up that made it clear that they were praising effort instead of results
This is the BEST video I have ever seen on "gifted child" syndrome. Sums up everything perfectly. After graduating high school, my parents put me in an extremely difficult course, telling me that "You are gifted, hence capable of cracking the exam" even though the overall pass percentage of this course is just 7% a year. Now, I am struggling..the worst part is halfway through the course, I realised that I dont have the aptitude for the Core Subject which is accountancy. I tried to explain it to them, but they wouldn't listen. So, now I am just hanging in there, trying my best to just pass my exams and complete the course.
Edit: This video has been a turning point in my life. The past 2 months I built a study habit and I stuck to it...I have my exams in a month, and this is my 3rd attempt...fingers crossed.
Hey buddy, just wondering which course are you talking about?
@@kumarankit5620 Heyy, yeah I am from India, so there is this course called CMA...idk if you're aware of that, but it is similar to CA. CMA stands for - Cost and Management Accountancy.
@@koteswarris8949 oo I am currently preparing for CA foundation January
Speaking as a former "gifted child", gifted children are absolutely special-needs. Instead of needing special help to understand basic concepts, gifted children need special help to keep from becoming bored and disillusioned with education, and later on, life as a whole. Paradoxically, that can leave "gifted children" in a position of being unable to cope when something difficult _does_ present itself. Being smarter than the vast majority of people is like redlining in first gear and not being allowed to upshift.
Don't tell gifted children they are really smart. Tell gifted children they are _really good at learning._ Narrow-down the scope of their "gift" so they aren't burdened with the (false) expectation of being able to do _everything_ without trying hard. Being really good at learning makes it easy to acquire new knowledge and skills, but applying that knowledge and honing those skills isn't going to be any easier for them than it is for anyone else -- in fact, it may end up being _harder_ because they will probably have to tackle more difficult problems to feel satisfaction from accomplishment.
EDIT: Wow, 6200 likes? I don't think I've ever gotten that many likes on anything I've ever said before in my life.
That last sentence hit
@@ninapugliese8182 im glad we have these anonymous boards, however terribly censored they may be, to express things like that, without sounding like an egomaniac. because its absolutely valid
I literally never learned how to study which backfired in uni out of which i dropped out after 2 years. I also never learned how to make friends and didn't have anyone close since i was 16
An Interesting observation I made from schools 30 plus years ago that seems to be right before more main stream understanding of the various learning considerations and emerging disabilities like ADHD and Autism etc., was the difference between wealthy schools and poor schools, in poor schools you were referred to as "SLD" (slow learning disability) with no other alternative classes and at the wealthier schools, they had "gifted classes" available, and SLD, as well as mental handicapped classes. The difference between them was in SLD, I was lumped in with truely learning challenged kids and basically just wrote off putting absolutely no effort into teaching or reaching anyone, and with the gifted classes they actually tried to innovate and engage with students and figure out what they needed to help you leverage your gifts, and the tools to work on your weaknesses and created unique personalized curriculums.
Ooooooooooo
As a gifted kid, I would feel a kind of "rush" when I knew the answer to some random question the teachers would ask. It felt like I needed to get the answer right no matter what and to do it before anyone else did. Over time, this has developed into crippling self doubt over the things that I am not good at.
Curious to see if anyone else had the same experience.
Yup, I worked at a camp kitchen over the summer and suddenly all that stuff I was great at couldn’t help me at all.
Yup. Had it all through school, reinforced by teachers who offered bonus points on assignments, being on the quick-recal/academic team, and a nearly physical need to escape the awkward "teacher waiting for an answer" moment.
Bro why is this me too
100%
Literally this.
I thought I was the only one who perceived my own decision making like this; until I read your comment. There are many times when left to decide for myself, by myself, that I begin to regress into “crippling self doubt,” as you’ve explained it. Not exactly imposter syndrome per se, but in moments in life that feel/felt so rushed, I’m not always sure if I’m making the right decision for myself; especially when it’s something I’m not familiar with or new at. Even if it is the “right” answer/decision, I start contemplating if the decision I made was right/wrong until I stress myself out and self induce anxiety until I become overwhelmed. Maybe I’m a bit redundant with this comment, but it makes me feel better when I know I’m not the only person in the world who feels this way. Societal standards and practices, I believe, inevitably inhibit the “gifted” of our world; just my opinion (-:
I hope everyone who finds themselves here is doing well and prospering with any decisions they may have felt overwhelmed them in any type of way!
"If he only applied himself" was something I heard throughout my time at school. And every single one of those teachers missed the ADHD that was lurking beneath the surface that wasn't diagnosed until I was 33.
We could start a club.
i have adhd and im gifted lol
@@LeCharles07 where can i join?
Same
wonder why being gifted and adhd is so linked
This video brought me to tears man, holy shit some Dr. on TH-cam just flipping described my childhood experience without giving him any of my information.
Some people are confused so….Y’all’s, not everyone’s gonna experience the same things, these are just somethings that have been in my circle not nessesarily in yours.
This is really helpful because most people saw “gifted kids” as these extremely smart people that should always know things when we are really just people that are able to have a faster and higher understanding and can learn ahead. “Gifted kids” also develop mental illnesses very easily so…
Probably because their endocannabinoid system is more sensitive and in some cases, considered to be more evolved, but not evolved for this type of high stress lifestyle we live in. Deficiencies in the endocannabinoid system caused by stress is often semi-permanent due to the inability for the brain to make it's own cannabinoids without things like cannabis or hemp.
If theres one thing us 'gifteds' want normal people to know, is that we want our mental issues acknowledged. You're right, its surprisingly common for us to develop mental disorders, half my class, along with me, have ADHD, and still a good chunk of us has autism as well, its really hard to deal with the world when people ignore our mental problems just because were academically good. The IQ test wont get any one of us out of burnout.
@@-Pexy Turns out I had ADHD and I was in gifted. I came out fine, but I didn't really learn how to study. I was able to coast without ever being diagnosed.
👉👉For those who understand this short documentary, daily life will turn upside down: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
what does it matter that I also developed a mental illness? I'm still way smarter than average, and I know a lot of things. Things a 25 year usually won't know until their 55 years old. Average people tend to perform better with actions, but I must disagree with your comment.
If you re-watch the video, he suggests that gifted children are indeed much smarter than their peers, cognitively, consciously, and emotionally with heightened sensitivity. However, they do not develop the ability to self regulate their behavior with studying, and develop low self-esteem and anxiety at young ages by failing to meet their own expectations (witting a wall, as he said).
I now understand that you are essentially saying that people equate gifted children with high achieving children, when they are actually not the same thing.
The problem with telling kids that they are full of potential, gifted, or have leadership skills is that most will grow up feeling like a failure for having an average life. You don't need a high iq to make millions and you don't need to be mentally ill to live on the streets.
Maybe we should tell our kids that it's OK to be normal. 🤔
Yeah but things is, if you are gifted, you are definitely not normal. You end up excluded from "normal" social circle because you have diverging opinion, diverging interest and such and its hard to truly connect to someone sometimes because of it. It's ok to be gifted and being anything you want, but society is not always ok with gifted person. Just like people with disabilities.
@@jeromemartel3916 Bruh I’m “gifted” and disabled and trust me I’m average as hell. I’m sick to death of excessive expectations due to things I cannot control.
@@DeathnoteBB Yes you can be. I was just referring to some other cases.
I remember for years in middle school I prayed each day. I wish I was normal, I wish it was okay for me to cry. In the end, I’m still trying to live up to that standard but I’m confident I’m not going to off myself. I think about it but I shut those thoughts down the best I can.
@@jeromemartel3916 yeah, my ‘giftedness’ comes from being neurodivergent, people like me and quite a few of my friends have differently structured brains which means we may be gifted, a lot of us are very intelligent, but because of the world we’re living in we are classed as disabled. Honestly we need to have systems in place to help people who have things like ASD and ADHD who can get through up to the last year of high school with no effort but will massively struggle after that. Letting these sorts of children learn at a level that actually challenges them so they can develop the skills to study. Also letting them learn what they’re interested in, because most of us have interest based psychology rather than importance based psychology like most people do which means it’s incredibly difficult for us to be motivated about anything that doesn’t interest us no matter how important it is. The school system in most places just doesn’t really work for anyone who is neurodivergent.
This also evolved for me to have the experience of "any time I try something new and it doesn't immediately come naturally for me, I give up because I think I'm a failure and not good enough"
Eyyyyyyy, same.
maybe you are
@@skotomogilnik6305 really good defeatist attitude you've got there
Eyyyy
Welcome to the club.
You complimentary water is on the side. You are going to need it if you develop depression, because eventually even the stuff you are good at will be hard and you'll feel like a bigger failure for failing at topic you are good at.
Honestly, I would say, find a way to keep on trying. For me it was stubbornness. Not sure if it was healthy, but as long as you keep hitting the wall it will eventually crumble away. Not recommended though because it does take a long time. Someone must have a better way. I was just to stubborn and probably dumb to find it.
why even try..
I feel that.
bored of everything. to lazy to do anything about it.. etc forever.
school is more of a social conditioning than anything. the politics, from jr high on ,are identical to adults
This is resonating so much with me. I feel like im watching this video 30 years too late. I totally felt like i was being compared to the non-gifted kids, and i always felt like i had enormous whoes to fill after my older sister got straight A's in advanced classes. I was a C+ student mostly and was always being told i wasnt using my time wisely, procrastinating on everything, yet somehow always doing the bare minimum to pass the class. I then took me 8 years to get a 4-year degree because i also worked so sustain myself and pay for college, taking semesters off occasionally to manage the stress and earn some extra cash.
"When you're gifted, it's not enough to be average" God I felt that one
Holy shit. I was never called a “gifted” kid but I relate so much with this video. I was treated as a very smart bright child with an abnormally large reading level and comprehension as well as writing and communication skills.
I rode that wave until college and then just dropped off hard. I never knew why. I was so confused and burned out. I never realized that I just didn’t have the skills to properly study.
A lot of parents coach their kids really well until they get to school and then hey it's "hands off"- big jump in responsibility and not having coached kids on being independent and responsible the kids falter and go from high achievers to dropouts...
A similar sort of thing happens to me with writing exams in college. Back in school I almost never took any notes for any subject other than maths. Now I cannot believe how many pages people can write within 90 minutes that takes me atleast 2 hours to do
sadly college is where you learn to study, just by stumbling over and over until you figure it out yourself.
Education needs an update.
I'm just starting to feel this now...
@@MadsterV So true :S They have us running around in circles, wasting money and time with the hopes of improved career or life prospects by preaching memorisation more than anything else. What the *****?
I had a senior which is very close to me. She's very gifted in math and science. She also taught me lots of stuffs in junior high school. Unfortunately, she passed away from suicide at the age of 14. It broke my heart so much I went into depression. To this day, I still miss her.
I'm sorry to hear that. From what I've heard, Asian schools are brutal
Sorry for your loss
Wow my condolences I hope she finds peace.
That's the thing, when you're too smart, you ask yourself too many questions.. 😔
Sending comforting energy. That's so rough to go through. Do you have any Suicide walks by AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) that you could fundraise for? They have lots of 5k walks available in many large cities. I've found a lot of healing by being a part of events like that.
Oh this is so beautiful thank you! My child has been in their school’s gifted program for 6 years now. They are only now struggling to manage the stress of finals week. I was not “gifted” as a child so I learned hard work to excel. But I don’t know how to teach “hard work” to my gifted child. I am so grateful TH-cam recommended this to me-it’s a life savor!
I totally get this... I was gifted and by the time i got to high school, i was struggling. I literally asked my dad, "how do i study?" And all he kept saying "just try harder." Parents still see me as a lazy bum.
I had the same problems. I remember in middle school I started to struggle with math as I was put in accelerated classes during elementary school, primarily because I was really good at reading and had picked up simple mathematics quickly. Algebra came around though and I had trouble, I would ask my teachers and parent for help but would just get told that I'm smart so I should be able to figure it out on my own. That became a reoccurring trend of me needing help only to never be given it because I was expected to have been independent based on my prior abilities.
Oh my gosh, I feel you. I never felt the need to study during my elementary and high school years. It was only when I went to college that I realized that I did not know how to study. I'm pretty sure that my parents also see me the same way as yours.
I’m going through the same thing right now. What do I do?
@@kennyobi9871 I don't know man
I rlly wanna know how ppl study cuz all I can do it stare at the my notes for a while and hope I remember it
I have never been able to put into words why I struggled academically despite being "intelligent" until this video. It didn't help that I grew up in a "your homework better be done by the time I get home" household instead of a "what are you working on in class? do you need help?" type of parenting style.
I was an independent reader by 3 so I was never helped in school or by my parents because they thought learning came easy to me.
Advanced classes in middle school became a struggle because homework scores started to outweigh test scores.
By high school, I was labeled "lazy" because I never did homework but passed every test. I dropped out senior year and got my GED to the disappointment of my family. Guilt tripped by them over "not having the opportunity to throw me an open house" because I "failed". Lost out on thousands in celebratory gifts that I saw my siblings receive upon graduation.
By age 30 I am finally diagnosed as autistic. I am just now starting to receive the support I desperately needed as a child and am returning to community college for a fresh start.
I wish you the best, man.
We have deadass almost identical backstories. Stay strong friend, we got this. 🙏
Rooting for you!
@@Prodby.Mvl7R same with me
@@simonsidorov I'm at the part with the numbness, struggles to focus, nd crippled self confidence. Which part are you at? lol
I’m studying to be a teacher and this is such an interesting topic in psychology! Gifted kids need specific instruction that challenges them A LOT so they develop study habits because they often don’t ever use studying as a way to learn because they’re ‘too smart’. I was a ‘gifted’ kid and I never had to study until I got to college and I really screwed up my first and second years because I didn’t how to study bc I was never taught how or needed to. I had to get a tutor for the first time in my life in order to pass my classes and I really had to break down that thought process that I didn’t need to be tutored because I was always told that I was ‘too smart’ to be tutored. Facing failure and learning how to accept help was so hard for me because I never had to do it until I was 19/20, and I hate that. I can’t imagine how much grief I would have been able to take off my shoulders if someone just sat me down and told me that studying, failing, and going to tutoring are all a part of the learning process and never a bad thing!!
Ah. Guess I’m lucky. I never learned how to study but I’m curious about practically everything, so I spend all day googling things I want to know more about anyway. Not really proper studying but it is learning in my own way.
I do the same thing. I had the thought the other day that I have the knowledge to do my dream job, I possess those skills. Self taught. But I still can't do it despite that. I need a paper that says I know what I do already know. If I have the knowledge what does it matter where I acquired it from?
It makes me sad I can't prove myself based on my merit. I can't use the skills I've cultivated and the knowledge I've gained purely from my passion for the subject because I didn't get those things in a classroom. I have as much work experience and knowledge as any fresh graduate, what really is the difference?
The only thing I can see different is I didn't pay to get past the gatekeepers. People don't rise because of their merit, they rise because of money spent. Our priorities are wrong.
100% agree with you here, I graduated from gifted primary school and I’m currently dying only my second year in secondary
if u had to study for first years of college u arent gifted lol
@@manee2412 f u
As a “gifted” kid, tennis taught me more than everything in elementary and middle school. I learned the value of hard work through going the extra mile in tennis because it came much less naturally than school. I could easily get straight As in school without working very hard while I needed to work very hard in tennis to move up levels and improve my game. Therefore when I needed to start working hard in high school, putting in the hard work came much more naturally than some of my gifted friends who fell off at the start of high school. Overall, having a gifted kid learning the value of hard work through something non academic can help them when they finally need to work hard in school. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
This man just described my entire K-12 education in barely ten minutes. It's beyond unsettling, knowing how common this could actually be.
Bro, I didn't think it was common either. I am shocked this video exists to be honest, because someone finally understands who I am.
I want to know where he got the transcripts from all of my parent/teacher conferences.
That being said, my daughter is in grade 3 and I'm so glad that I have first hand experience and can recognize these things with her. Luckily she's had amazing teachers who listen to me when I tell them what's up
This is the exact reason I actually envy normal kids
...
You literally couldn’t have worded that better
I have a friend who was deemed gifted, and skipped 2nd grade. Literally one day he got called into the principals office, and the next he was in 3rd. Fastforward 8 years and he struggled to barely pass highschool and extreme mental health issues. Thankfully from what ive heard hes attending a community college and is much happier.
i skipped a grade too, was still in advanced classes, etc. never properly learned how to study and then once college came i crashed and burned. so i feel that. still trying to pick up the pieces but i’m getting there.
the worst part is people telling me i’m gonna grow up to do great things and yet i feel like i’ve disappointed everyone i know
I have a similar story to that, I skipped the fifth grade and now I’m in high school with terrible terrible grades (mostly in English)
This makes me so happy that I refused to skip a grade in elementary school to stay with my friends
@@tobymacdonald5893 bro this happened to me I got past my first 2 years of my undergrad Electrical engineering / comp sci degree with minimal studying. Now bro I feel so ruined like wasted potential. The worst feeling is when the people you knew were betting for you to reach your potential have now written you off as wasted potential as well.
@@XerxesTexasToast i did that too!
There are a couple things I wish you had mentioned:
1. Most people grow up not realizing that they're gifted. The societal expectation of a "gifted" kid is skipping grades and being academically ahead of everyone else. So, a lot of people who are smart think they're just "above average" without realizing they're actually gifted.
2. Imposter syndrome.
3. Multipotentialism. This "gift" is more like a curse when you don't have the freedom in life to do whatever you want.
4. High sensitivity.
5. Gifted adults in the workplace. Society assumes gifted kids grow up to be CEOs and NASA members. Yet, it is expected 1-2% of the population is gifted, so obviously, that isn't the case. What society ignores is the gifted adult forced to flip burgers or do repetitive desk work for a living because of financial or mental disadvantages. In work environments where employees aren't able to have freedom in their work nor a way to express themselves creatively, gifted adults become targets. Bosses like them for their quick learning and work ethic but hate them for questioning the way things are done or for trying to find a more efficient or creative way to do something or for wanting to learn something beyond their assigned position that they've already mastered. Bosses want them to just shut up and comply, which further eats away at the gifted adult's motivation and potential.
Edit: Wow, I never expected this comment to get so much attention in just 2 days. I really want to respond to everyone, especially those who asked questions. I also want to link where I got some of my research/things that led to me drawing certain conclusions/helpful resources I've come across. I want to have more in-depth discussions about all the things I've mentioned and all the things YOU'VE mentioned. But I just don't feel a text format would be best for that. So, I'm considering making a series of videos where I delve into all of this. It would likely be on a different account, so I'll link the video when (if) I make it. If there's anything you want me to address that isn't already in this thread, please feel free to mention it...
Frick. About 1st paragraph.... i just wrote comments describing how i feel about myself very simmlar to what you described (not gifted, just bit over average, because "gifted" people are ones to pass harvard at 15" what's yiur definition of gifted then?
@@tornad8063
It took me a while to realize I was gifted. In college, I took a Special Education class and had a project on gifted and talented students. Doing research on that made me realize so many things about myself. I would describe "gifted" as quick learners (in some areas, not necessarily all) who have a hunger for learning. They are natural learners, meaning learning is something that can happen passively for them (again, not for all subjects). Gifted individuals are more likely to have an odd sense of humor, an intensity to their personality, a streak of perfectionism, multipotentialism, peculiar sensitivity, creativity, and other traits that help identify even underachieving or low motivation gifted individuals from the general populace. I don't consider IQ to be a good measure of giftedness because those test what you "should" already know, not your ability to absorb and utilize new information...
@@sophiefilo16 shit... it kinda describes me. . . Thank you for describing that. Now I'm in 2nd grade of technical high school, so i have quite a some possibikities to increase my practical knowlege/get experience, but first i need to increase my productivity/work efficency, as i think, I spend too much time doing nothing and when i do stuff, i'm often very distracted
I have been labeled as “difficult” so many times in my professional life for the things you describe in point 5.
Point five is a big issue in a lot of jobs. Related to that I e noticed that some managers will take advantage of a person's perfectionist streak and ability to learn to dump you with tasks you aren't equipped to handle either because you haven't been trained or don't have the resources to do it properly- and then blame you if you fail. If you succeed it's almost worse because it makes them feel validated and want to keep doing the same things.
Going to a private Middle School has really changed this for me. In public school I never really needed to study, but in a private middle school, I've started to study before everything to kinda ensure success. Sure, I get a little bit of a bad grade once in a while, but it's really important to go to a school that gives you a large workload to prepare you for real life- real life doesn't have time for my procrastination that way I do now.
I had a friend who was considered a “gifted” child though elementary school, he then got went face first into a brick wall in middle school, his parents blamed everything like video games, his friends, the school, everything except even considering that their son wasn’t as intelligent as they thought he was
He eventually got through school, skipped college and opened a restaurant, turns out hours of tycoon games gives you some level of managerial skill
What an epic ending lol
lmao i need to know what games he played
what a wholesome ending
Definitely played some Roblox game called “Super hero Restaurant Tycoon! [NEW UPDATE👽]
@@MicbossGaming uncannily accurate
The ‘if they just applied themself, they’d be an amazing student/has a lot of potential’ from teachers should be part of diagnosing developmental disorders
it will never happen because people think theyre "just lazy"
I've just been diagnosed with ADHD at 29 , hearing "try harder" or "potential" just triggers me now lol
@@Hanloss hear u bro
I really don't get it, like sorry but if I can get along just fine with chilling then why would I start "applying myself" just to become "the best"? I got better shit to do.
Even if they did, you could still end up with parents who just refused to believe in the possibility that you could be experiencing any problems, because then it somehow becomes their fault
Oh my gosh, this is mind blowing. I was a “gifted kid” who started to crash and burn in 7th grade. I went from being treated like a golden child to a slacker bum. I even had a teacher write in my yearbook a snarky comment about how I had the ability to do better work if only I’d bothered to apply myself. By the time high school was over (low average GPA) I didn’t even want to bother with college and ended up marrying very young. I’m now 48 years old, wondering what to do with the rest of my life. Thank you so much for this video, it has caused me to look at so many things in an entirely new light.
I feel that.
I’m a High School Senior and I’m going through the exact same thing
@@ExceedRed same
@@ExceedRed well I'll make sure not to marry anytime soon
I’m 34, and your story reflects mine all too well.
A lot of pressure from my teachers made me want to not do anything.
Thank you for making this video.
I needed to hear this. I’ve just started high school and I haven’t started struggling yet, but I am a ‘gifted kid’.
I needed this video, if I hadn’t watched it, I’m afraid of what my future would be.
This has given me the motivation to try harder and to figure out what study habits work for me so when I get to college, I won’t fall below the bar that was set for me. Thank you!
Oh yeah I love being a gifted child! I love when they keep pushing me in higher level math classes with zero foundation and now that I'm so ahead, going to the basics will actually completely derail me and cost me so much time. Love resorting to learn what to do on the test rather than learn how it actually works. I just passed Calc 2 and now I struggle with Physics because I don't have any real math skills
@@N0TMICAH It's fucking awful
Life actually gets easier after school. I have three degrees, but I have not used as much as energy, time and effort since those degrees. I am an executive with a Fortune 500 company and make in an day what a lot of people make in a month. But my point is, life has not been difficult, jobs, relationships etc ever since college and those three degrees. Just get over them, take your time don’t overly fret about the future, just plan one step at a time with a big goal in mind. Mine was to be a ceo of a Fortune 500 company. For many it’s an unattainable goal, but I kept working at it and about three rings below that level today.
Ooh buddy you're in for it, Calc 3 is the hardest one and physics only increases in difficulty. Good luck and hang in there
I was entered into a program that had me doing advanced classes like college calculus in my junior year of high school… couldn’t handle it, genuinely learned stuff to just pass tests and would go onto other kinds of branches or formulas and it completely overloaded me and now I can barely do some algebra 2 or even geometry questions
I don't know if this helps but it hit me hard when i got a job as a web development and realized that I don't have to care about anything I have ever learned in school/uni
One of my biggest frustrations was having teachers who marked me harder than the other kids. They thought they were challenging me while I saw it as being treated unfairly
Haven't seen you since college Dan. Hope you're well.
Yo Dan. Don't know you, but you seem chill.
hi Dan!
Same happened to me in high school and still happens in college. I find myself still having to approach TAs and even professors and ask them to not grade me harsher than other students even though they say they think it is "beneficial" for me somehow because somehow they identified I was somehow "different".
@@TheDjcorey19 I had that experience, hence I dropped out of Uni, because I had no chance of being near the best despite being pretty well off. Always thought it was terrible. I’m sorry you had the same experience with subjective markers
As a “former gifted kid”, I personally was never given real incentive to succeed other than it was just expected from me. Success and a high paying job we’re sorta expected of me, but I never felt like I ever had the self motivation to find meaning in any of that success. Which is why I threw away the idea of success early on.
Same!
I don't know about the gifted part, but I sure was hella curious and did a lot of stuff on my own. No one cared a bit or guided me to take my game ot the next level. I was pretty much clueless about what I was supposed to do next.
Atleast now, I'm more conscious of myself and others and can take care of myself.
@@_PranavDesai I can definitely relate with the "feeling clueless" part...
This is me but now I’m just trying to find motivation but it’s not working out because my source of “inspiration” has also caused my downfall so now I have to let go and live for myself but it’s so her when you don’t really have any ambitions and you don’t really care about having alot of money
This is happening to me right now because what’s is the point of any of this, like getting straight a’s is an achievement sure but a’s and b’s has the same outcome.
Success is having a bespoke life, not that other stuff.
As a gifted kid, who scored well, and caught up with the skill until 10 th grade, possibly till 11th grade my downward spiral began since getting bullied, being neurospicy, causing me being an easy target by the envious peers. Remember not studying a thing until last day and scoring 53/60 in chem in my 11th grade, and the peers shitting on my grades while most of the class scored less than 50.
"The pace of the child" was huge for me as a kid. My school had an alternative learning path where you could do classes online at your own pace (they were bunk, and very easy to cheat, which is what everyone else was encouraged to do ...). I loved it, finished three classes in 3 days, was really motivated to knock out all of my classes and maybe start college classes earlier, then they told me that no I would still have to show up to this schoolroom even if I had no credits left to do. I slowed way down and just played games on the school laptop, because there was no point.
It's sad to say, but lots of school systems arent set up to to reward success. As far as the school is concerned, ass-in-seat is what determines their funding.
Your "school" did you *so* dirty. They clearly didn't give af about their students succeeding. Luckily, we don't need a formal education to become successful, we just need the internet 😏
@Introspective Housewife we are moving to ... if the job can get done remotely, you'll work remote.
I had the opposite issue with school, I could focus in school and I pay attention. I'm quick at audio learning.
At home I couldn't concentrate, I would have never have been able to pass online schooling. In college on my online courses were the hardest for me... might have been a bit different if they were more interactive with a professor.
It seems people are just very different from each other, we all have the variety of 16 brain types. Neuroscience will help us figure this out.
I had a cousin who had something similar happen, so they just transferred to a magnet school that offered dual enrollment and ended up graduating high school with an associates degree and like three job certifications. Instead of going to college after high school they just got a job since they already had the qualifications to do so and are doing well. It’s a shame their original school didn’t give them the option and not everyone can go to magnet schools though, so a few kids probably ended up stumped doing nothing. (especially since most magnet schools ‘in the area’ are an hour or two away)
This sounds similar to my situation. I had skipped elementary school altogether, but the next year when my family moved, the school said I had to take classes with 'kids my own age'. They forced me to be a tutor for 7 years. During that time, I mostly said 'no' and just spent those years playing video games in classes. When I entered high school, I dropped out and started college. After the first 2 years, college has been completely and utterly unaffordable, and I won't be able to attend for another decade or two of working 3 jobs trying to save that money. My dream was to become a Doctor of Phsyics and Mathematics, but it all seems to be a pipe-dream. All my learning was done by myself; I spent all my time reading books and searching the internet.
One thing that really pissed me off in school, is that they teach the same exact material every single year. They teach to the 'lowest common denominator', meaning: we'll never learn anything new.
bro just changed my whole self image like it was nothing?? this information made me understand so many things about myself and this is incredible
same..
Same, and I've been aware of some of my parents' mistakes for years.
He is saving lives
Two things that I wanted to point out:
1) there’s also a sense of guilt surrounding the idea of being told that you’re“gifted” or more intelligent than others. Perhaps from other kids telling you that you have it easier, or maybe from seeing other kids struggle more for things you find easy. You start feeling like you don’t deserve to be more intelligent and it makes you feel ashamed. At the same time, it’s also feeling competitive and like you constantly need to prove yourself and your “superiority”. And when you get an average grade or someone else in the class shows off that they have higher grades than you, you feel insecure and you’re reminded that you’re just normal.
2) from growing up and having it easy, you start setting the bar low because minor signs of things starting to feel mentally challenging become exhausting. It’s a dichotomy though, because you still feel like you need to maintain good grades, and I think this causes burnout and lack of ambition and goals.
I think I suffer from the second point you mention. it sucks.
My life in a nutshell
I outright stopped attending school and trying in classes partially cause even the slightest sign of failure felt so but and severe to me. I had once or twice gotten what would have been a passing grade but because it was less than last year I'd feel like the worst scum of the planet, trash that could be thrown away and be made again but better.
OKAY YES! I want myself to appear smart but at the same time I don't want to say I ma smarter than others because I am not. But I want to be smart and keep up this facade of being smart when I know Im stupid
I feel exposed O.O
“Gifted kid” here. My parents and everyone told me I was a smart, gifted child before I could understand some concepts very quickly as a kid. And instead of not putting in effort, I put in more, and more effort, tuition every day, extra curricular, etc, so that I can continue to hold those expectations.
But as I grew older, and I started to struggle with how much was on my plate, I was questioned of my intelligence to why I suddenly couldn’t do the things I could before. And when I do hit my expectations of intelligence, it was told I was expected to get these results, or I could be doing better (example: could get full marks instead of just 95 marks). It just became a constant reminder of I was never good enough. (Friends called this them moving the goalpost)
Then I get terrified the moment I lose that one defining trait of being smart and gifted, the people who were supposed to love me, will no longer do so. Because so many times have I worked my ass off to study till I thrown up, till I don’t sleep, ragged and having migraines, but when I said “I tried my best”, it’s always dismissed as “it’s never enough”. Because now I’m looking at what is a mansion (video reference), especially after forgoing self to build it, getting hurt in the process only to be told “why isn’t it two mansions?” So I guess it’s another burden of expectations.
And I don’t know if I’m now being lazy for not working harder, or just so truly burnt out from everything. Or maybe I wasn’t actually a gifted kid in the first place.
I'm a 46 year old woman, gifted my whole childhood, got a degree in mathematics and a second one in physics...ended up homeless and addicted for 10 years before pulling myself together, and now I'm happy to be making $15 at an (oddly challenging but grossly underappreciated) job. I connected so much with this video and I'm not even halfway through - I just had to stop to say thank you for making this. (It's getting me right in the feels! Oh, my heart! *sniffle*)
I'm in a very similar situation. Starting over from scratch in my late forties. All my degrees, including a PhD, have been completely worthless - a complete waste of time. I'm now doing a job I could have done right out of college. And I'm really lucky to have that job. They took a chance on me.
@@ast453000 hey just curious, how come those degrees ended up being useless? any advice on how they could be used, or what you would do instead? thanks
@@mr.mediocre3567 They're degrees in the Humanities, and I couldn't get a tenure track job at a university. Which is the only job those degrees qualify you for. I taught myself some computer programming, which is what I'm doing now.
@@ast453000 I mean, I know
investment bankers with political science degrees. A PhD would certainly qualify you for a lot of high paying jobs.
@@BlingIsSpring I have an art degree and work in finance, can confirm, the type of degree doesn't really matter
As a "gifted" child who later turned out to have ADHD, autism, and probably maladaptive daydreaming, god this hits so hard. I've been told I'm "so creative!" and that i should be a detective, an animator, a hairstylist... I'm not even 16 yet and my mom is already pushing me to be an architect :-[
You needn't forget to give yourself space, You're still early to find out, you'll be up there but you need to find your own pace. A thing people often overlook is that as long as you're walking you're going forward, even if you only take a single step a day. People expect 'gifted' people to move faster, to develop at a rapid pace. Our autism makes this almost impossible, we have productive days and days we are absolutely useless. It's important you see that you deserve as much time as others.
I found out I was autistic at age 17 when I was wondering why I just couldn't push myself.
I'm in university for Electrical engineering right now, and about 4 months ago I burned out due to emotional strain. I crashed, and it forced me to give myself time, and only by slowly building myself up i began to realize how important it really was to move at my own pace.
Find your pace, don't push yourself too much, vocalise it if you cant keep up.
I don't generally leave comments, but I had a similar experience in my own life (I think I literally received all four of those same recommendations, even... weird) so I just... kinda felt compelled to say something, I guess. Feel free to take it or leave it, this is just some stuff I wish someone had told me when I was 15.
Basically, do what it is that YOU want to do with your life. You may know what that is already, or you may have no idea. Either way, it's important to follow a path that feels right to you. I know it can be hard to have the confidence to do that when the adults in your life are trying to maneuver you into a career they can approve of. It's stressful and it hurts (especially for those of us who are additionally dependent on our patents due to special needs, which is a situation I'm in as an adult). Regardless, we need to have the freedom to live our own lives and pursue our own interests to the extent we are able.
People will pretty much always have opinions about what they think you should do, and generally (at least as far as parents and family are concerned) they're just trying to help you pick a future that ensures some measure of security. Financial stability is obviously important (and I hope I'm not giving irresponsible advice here), but having a successful career that feels empty and utterly devoid of joy is arguably not worth what you sacrifice to achieve it. And honestly who knows what the successful careers of the next few decades even look like? People have careers that either seemed financially unfeasible or didn't even exist yet when I was your age (I'm currently 33), so even if something you decide you're interested in seems weird or unconventional, it might not be in the near future.
Lastly, It's okay to screw up. It's okay to feel lost. That's a normal (even necessary!) part of life, and sometimes those big stumbles are what [inadvertently] help us the most in figuring out who we are and what we actually want out of life. It really comes down to how we look at it. Someone I greatly respect said that there's no such thing as a mistake; that there's no way to actually get life "wrong." So by extension, there's no need to feel so much pressure to "get it right." Just do what you can to find some ease and happiness, whatever that might mean for you individually.
Anyway, fingers crossed that I managed to say something useful and not overly preachy or repetitive in regard to things already mentioned in the video. Also... sorry I couldn't condense it more. If you read the whole thing, thank you. It was a bit scary writing it.
Good luck, kiddo, and take care.
@@etheric_dissonance oh my god, thank you so much /gen 😭 this was exactly what i needed to hear right now,,,,, i hope youre doing well with whatever it is that youre doing, and i'm happy you decided to take the time to comment :-] it means a lot to me!
@@arsonistnpc It made my day to hear you say that! So glad I was helpful to you.
@@cryfe Very true. I wanted to take a gap year before starting my undergraduate degree, but my parents told me if I didn't have a plan of what to do I shouldn't bother. Also that I should stay in the loop with my academic work and start my degree straight away, despite the fact I wanted a break to catchup properly with the previous work (partly due to bad study habits as mentioned in this video), having done Maths, Further Maths and Physics at A level. I also wanted to do my driving lessons properly and pass my driving test, I hadn't started them earlier due to general pressure.
I don't know if I would have done better since I may not have addressed my study shortfalls anyway, but burning out midway through my undergraduate has meant it has taken me 9 years to finally get a Masters (well I will be completing it this year but I am confident I will get it). Four years to get a bare pass BEng in Mechanical Engineering (I had to resit my final year), two years hiatus and now finally at the end of a three year part time MSc in advanced materials and additive manufacturing (which I don't think I even need now with my current career goals) and I still haven't passed my driving test.
I wonder if I had taken a gap year that I would have adressed my anxiety and stress, got some real life perspective and got through my undergraduate masters. Then I would have completed it four years ago, despite taking an extra gap year.
The part about not learning to study is 100% spot on. I kept straight A's throughout school, but hadn't studied a day in my life until my sophomore year of high school, and that's the year I became a C average student. The worst part was that I was treated like the villain because people blamed me for not living up to my potential, my parents, teachers, peers, and basically anyone around me. That burnout I felt in my sophomore and junior years was so terrible, I was never depressed or anything but I felt like I was walking wasted potential. I'm now a senior in high school and I'm back to being a A/B average student after learning how to properly go through school.
Can’t wait for me to learn this, currently in my junior year and have midterms tomorrow, haven’t studied a lick.
Edit: I got 100% on my pre-calc exam somehow.
I’m a parent of à gifted 4 years old. May i ask what you wish you did differently or your parent did differently in order for you to learn good study habit earlier ..?
@Michael Lochlann love it. Also wish my parent told me exactly that !
Same thing happened to me but when I got to college. I didn't know how to study and my grades dropped from the A's I was getting in highschool to D's and F's. I recovered first half of second semester and was back to A's until Covid happened and classes moved online and then I was back to F's. I ended that semester with straight C's which was not enough to have the 3.2 gpa required for my scholarship.
If I had been challenged in highschool then I would have learned how to study in a more controlled environment so I would have been better prepared for college.
@@maximecaron3133 I know I'm not the person you asked, but I would have been much better off with more discipline from my parents. Growing up I just breezed through classes and left all my homework to the last minute because my parents didn't care what I was doing so long as I got good grades, even skipping parent-teacher meetings. I would suggest regularly sitting down with your child to study for a couple hours a week, and engaging with what they're learning as much as you can, so you can help them build those successful stufy habits. Also get involved with their teachers, read their homework, and find how engaged they are in class, and if they are struggling with something support them instead of punishing them. My wakeup call was when I started failing my foreign language class because I had no idea how to study and, obviously, you can't improvise speaking in a language you don't know. For failing I was simply punished by my parents and teachers so I doubled down and just stopped doing the work, but it would have been so easy to see that I didn't have the right study habits or discipline if someone had actually paid attention to what I was doing.
Ever since i was a kid, my family, friends and teachers said i had a gift when it came to music.
Perfect Pitch, Soprano (as a kid) and learning the piano with ease.
Turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing.
For that mentality, i couldn't bear the idea of being less than perfect for others. Singing and playing in front of people became an anxiety inducing thing, feeling more like a dancing monkey than anything else. That if i missed one note i was dissapointing them. And maybe they wouldn't notice, but, with perfect pitch, I CERTAINLY NOTICED EVERY MISTAKE.
Now? I Let myself go. Something that i loved so much became tainted. I still have Piano lessons, but i stagnated a long time ago.
Worst part of all is the occasional "you have such a great gift and you're WASTING IT by not practicing"...
Can't help but feel like nothing but a failure
As a former “gifted” kid myself, I can tell you a lot of my problems stemmed from undiagnosed ADHD and autism. As a young child, those things presented themselves as “gifted” behavior, but when I got to high school suddenly I was a “slacker”. Now as an adult I have everything diagnosed and treated by doctors, suddenly all of my past behavior makes perfect sense. I just wish more parents would pull their heads out of their asses and recognize the problems kids have aren’t just with motivation or discipline.
I have diagnosed ADHD and my parents still think im just lazy and I'm ignoring stuff. Hell, I AM really smart, but I suck at actually using the smarts for stuff. I also have bad short term memory loss. Mom it's not video games I swear to god :(
@@realhumanbeing1714 in assuming you're still young so focus on things that interest you and start putting time in to get good at them now. If you like guitar start putting in time now if you like art start practicing now if you have a career in mind start focusing on it now and block out all the bs. You can be a master of anything in five years if you try so the sooner you start the better you'll be in your late 20s. Don't worry about school so much the curriculum is bullshit become a master of things that interest you and then learn how to market those skills to make money and you'll love a fulfilling life. Sincerely, a big kid with adhd that's struggling to find themselves in their late 20s
I was "diagnosed" with autism in 2009 (what turned out to be like a working hypothesis they never tested afterwards). I had that revised last year and it turned out I had been cured. Jokes aside, I hear and see a lot of the same stories of people in my country that were tested as a kid, had things that, at that time, would fit in giftedness, autism, AD(H)D etc. cause they are so damn close to each other on paper. I don't know if I'm gifted or not. The only thing I know is that, on paper, the research done in my childhood would be a perfect fit.
Like you said it's good to know what's the reason behind something. That's also why they have to be (more) careful in what they diagnose and where they don't take a better look at. They act on a diagnose, so it's also harmful when you treat someone for something he's not.
@@603POV Tbh you're so right. Since I chose to only do things I like and learn things I really wanna know I'm so much happier. I know, in high school there are a lot of things "you really need to do cause you have to", but search for something you want to do. It's necessary and prevents you from throwing away your life until you're 20, cause you did nothing for school, passed it and slept all day. I'm only 21 now, but my life changed so much when I made that decision last year! It's now the time to do things, the way I want :P
@@603POV me and my family always say this but. Our worth nowadays tends to be based on one or two peices of paper and not on genuine skill. Ignore that 'necessary' papers and get enough skill and experience and you'll do 10× better.
A good story my mum tells me was a kid who went through school to become a nurse (not a general one) and couldn't do the basics, didn't know maths, would let a patient lay hurt and so much more bad stuff. She had all the paper that said she was apparently smart enough for this and knew less than I did when I was 8.
I loved "they never have to grind that XP." There really is tremendous carryover between life and an RPG. You have to learn as you go, and if you skipped the intro stage, you’re going to get housed later in the game.
Well, RPGs *are* just growth simulators
@@user-wq8iy4lu7e or Pay Up or Grind Up
No sometimes we going for xp but once we realized enough is never enough for folk.
Then then the anger begins.
The first fallout had a gifted perk where you’d get better initial stats but your skill gains were severely hampered
Yeah, the only comparison that didn't work for me was the shack vs mansion thing.
To me, it makes more sense to say both people are building a mansion, but one person starts off with the first half already built, but has no tools to work with.
The second person starts off with none of it built but has the tools and supplies to build it.
I tested at 130 IQ in middle school and was expected to get straight As the rest of my life. The pressure folded me, I dropped out of college at 19 and got addicted to opiates and did nothing with my life for 10 years. Finally accepted that I need to want success and to work hard and I'm just finishing my first semester of software engineer degree now at 29
Glad you got over your addiction!! Also what’s an IQ test like
good shit, cool name too
@@Fionacle Logic puzzles
Great job!
Hell yea man, congrats! Keep it up!
you’re everything that you’re capable of right now
The comfort in this idea
As a gifted kid, I hit "the wall" in college.
Went from a A-/B+ student to failing nearly every classes as soon as I stepped in college, because I literally never learned to do my homework
Yeah me too, in that situation right now actually
Skated through my computer science undergrad. Banging my head against the wall as a master's student who has 0 accountability or structure.
I just hit the same thing here. The semester just ended and I failed almost every class. I never learned to study in school because I ‘never needed to’.
same here, some subjects still A+, but many F due to lacking homeworks and low interest... now as someone who had all As on my high school report, i am one of the very few from my class with no college diploma
Same. All AP classes, A/A- student, failed most of my first year of engineering. Struggled through with a horrendous GPA, had to take terrible jobs, developed alcoholism, eventually got into a PhD program, cured alcoholism, excelled, lost funding, new lab, lost funding, another lab, PhD defended successfully, then COVID hit and lost postdoc funding.
Currently working a white collar office job that would have been my worst nightmare as a PhD student and I couldn’t be happier. Life’s a journey, looking forward to my next stop.
My biggest problem was when I realized I was nothing more than intelligent, the idea of your personality solely being “smart”. So any failure in school would make me feel like shit, if I’m not the smartest person in here, what am I? The results include an eating disorder because I was trying to be pretty as something else than being smart and a huge fear of failure, making me have a panic crisis because I got a B+ and no an A
I panic when I get a 96% in a class, because I feel like it could be better.
Intelligence as an identity is such a curse. At every stage of life you will end up in a pool of people that is smarter and smarter until you are one of the "dumber" people in the room. In High school I was one of the smartest kids. In college I was one of the smart students. When I was in grad school, I was just one of the students. On the job, there people that outclass me by a mile. I really had to get over that hump as I got older, and just except there are so many more people smarter than me.
@@Ag3nt-MCdont try to do better by your teacher and the class but try to do better based on understanding the material
This is literally me
I make myself feel bad when I get anything lower than a hundred because I feel as if I could of prevented it and I make myself feel as if I’ll never live it down
heres a strat for parents, dont say your kid is special or better than everyone else, just let them make their own identity
EDIT: not saying parents should be detached from your life, they should support you in your ventures and all, be your ally and that kind of stuff. Don't force them to be something!
@@WolfJ Yep. You're a product of your enviornment, which is probably why kids are told shit like that. Maybe it's cause the parents want to help them get started in life.
Or just stop using the terms gifted and special. I was told I was "borderline gifted," by one of my teachers, and it messed with me for a while. I would have been better off if they said I might have a learning disability or I had some signs of neurodivergence/ADHD/autism. I now realize it was ADHD and dyscalculia. My strengths of ADHD can be very helpful in some situations, so I'm hoping I can get a job that uses those, but it's hard when some see only positive (like parents), and others see only negative (like in job interviews).
That's bad advice, you got to look out a test your child young so you can build healthy strategies to back off the educational system which is the actual enemy here, bad pedagogical practices spoil gifted children, makes them neurotic.
@@WolfJ Well, personally I think we (or at least some people) can have separate external and internal identities. To others, I'm seen as quiet, serious, disciplined, intelligent (I studied engineering), but I never considered myself to be that much smarter than others and probably the only person that knows who I really am (spontaneous, philosophical, emotional, accommodating) is my partner. I honestly got sick of my external identity that adults only saw in me and decided to withdraw from the people of that world and that made me think about what I really wanted to do and now I think I'm a lot happier being able to pursue a different career that caters more to my internal identity (I find myself being able to genuinely smile more because the skill sets required are more compatible to my personality traits).
@@WolfJ So we agree but just label them differently, lol.
This video even made me cry. I was kinda depressed lately, even considering death without telling anyone; but this video made me think about the acceptance and expectation thingy, I'm supposed to start college/university soon and I think I needed this, I already feel better now... Thanks.
Greets from South America!
As a "gifted kid" I really felt the whole studying thing. All throughout elementary I was getting nothing but As. then middle school rolls around, I'm fine, but slightly struggling. Last year of middle school I hit a brick wall. I physically couldn't study, my grades plummeted, and I was already struggling mentally so I really was hopeless. As went went straight down to Ds and Fs because I physically couldn't keep up. I passed 8th grade with one point higher than the minimum requirement, my only motivation being pure spite of my "giftedness".
I have a suspicion that I'm "gifted" but I've never been tested. So as a maybe-possibly-gifted-but-also-possibly-not-gifted person I too have little to no study skills other than this: talking outloud in a weird voice to keep myself entertained. Like reading the words or narrating what I'm doing outloud to myself in an entertaining voice. If you are still in school this might help you. The only problem is it doesn't work when you have to deal with classmates.
I fell under that category at some point, I skated through school and would only do well on tests. I never studied, but when I did, I could ace anything. I was purely lazy and that's why I never reached my true potential.
same I hit the wall in 8th too and to make it worse that was when covid hit
I tried in 9th but the only classes I as doing well in was art and even that was difficult because I'd make a very ambitious project and not finish it
I did a little better in 10th but my math grades were shit and I never turned in my reading reflections(basically the only hw for that class) in AICE English so I'd have all assignments turned in except the reflections abd end up w a C in that class bc of it
I'm in the summer between 10th abd 11th and honestly really scared for my future,I even started to have s-icidal thoughts recently
Same af. I passed 8th grade geometry with a 60. In 7th grade Algebra, I was getting tutoring lessons like 2-5 times a week.
I was called "gifted" as a child, BUT one thing neither my parents or teachers took into consideration was my ADHD diagnosis. I was kicking butts in everything I liked (languages, litterature) but for the subjects I had no interest into i was failing hard because no matter how many hours I spent studying, I couldn't seem to remember more than half of it because it was boring. I remember crying and feeling dizzy over math homework... I still don't know how I managed to get my high school diploma, but I totally nailed my degree in university. All thanks to my mom who kind of knew and who always told me "pass the test, get out of the scolar system and THEN it's gonna be interesting". But the rest of my family was putting an insane amount of pressure on me. "You can do so much better" "that is disappointing of you" "your cousin does it better" etc so I was pushing myself hard because I HAD to be the best. I kept that bad habit at work, and... ended up in a psych ward for a burn out.
this comment hit me a little too hard
Oh, me too. Writing essays? Panic attack because I couldn't focus enough to even start. I was so ashamed. The one thing I would say to myself over and over: "They say 'Just try your best' but I try as hard as I can and I still fail!"
Hey, you’re heard, you’re seen. I’m the same case - gifted but adhd. No one noticed I never payed actually attention because I learned quick enough to keep up. My grades went up and down and up again all the time. Whenever something overwhelmed me I was left to figure it out on my own because I was a „smart kid“ but whenever I did actually apply myself and tried to do something that would be challenging to me it was „ oh no don‘t overestimate yourself you don’t even know how not to loose your things all the time“ well maybe because it’s a disability any you‘re not helping me ? Ugh. Hope you’re in a place where you can get quality treatment. Stimulants and special counseling have made things a lot better.
I am gifted and also autistic. I ended up in special needs classes instead of gifted classes until I was in eighth grade when I somehow passed into honors algebra.
This hit a little close too home. I was absolutely breezing through everything in school except maths, physics and, to a lesser extent, chemistry - essentially, I suck at numbers. Because I was so good at everything else, from languages to history to natural sciences to arts, I could absolutely breeze through most school years without ever needing to learn how to actually study effectively. I did try to do math, but eventually, I just kind of let that fall to the wayside because I could easily get by without. What really fucked me up eventually was when the things I was good at grew more difficult, and suddenly the people who actually had to study for their success started to overtake me. Suddenly, I had to actually study for the things that formerly came so easily to me, but I had never built the perseverance to actually study! It's hard to describe this level of shame to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves. I had been told how much potential I had and how "talented" I was (god, I grew to despise that word...) even in my hobbies, like arts, I became more and more paralyzed because everywhere I looked, I could only see people who were better than me (the internet most DEFINITELY didn't help). The shack analogy really hit hard. I ended up in a complete mental breakdown, rocking back and forth in a corn field one rainy night, deliriously deliberating how I'd off myself, until one of my friends called the police and they actually managed to shake me out of my stupor. I'm much better and healthier now, but I'm constantly wary to not fall back into my old habits.
I wonder how often Dr. K sees this personality archetype because this describes my life experience perfectly.
Do YOU have a video about this stuff? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. But as a couple comments have mentioned, it's hard to talk about such a thing without sounding self-centered and pretentious.
Love your content. Keep up the great work!
Finally, relatable checkmark comment. Thank you checkmark
@@Christian_Crab You're welcome non-check mark.
@@mackadam5894 I don't think that's necessary. He pretty much described it. And yes it does sound self-centered but what I would probably do to balance that out is say I was lazy so I don't sound arrogant. I grew up way smarter the most people. I grew up smarter than most of the gifted kids but I had zero work ethic because everything was incredibly easy. So when I got to things that were actually difficult and complex, all of the people who were less intelligent would run circles around me. I had that period in my life where I watched friends who went down easier paths get good jobs. It got super embarrassing because after I got fired as a yoga teacher because some Karen complained, I briefly had to work at a local retail store. At that local store I saw many people I knew from high school who were well into their jobs and I was just some loser making minimum wage. But now it seems to have all worked out. I'm glad I didn't give up because I watched a ton of similar people do that and I was very afraid I would turn out like them.
@@ThinkBeforeYouSleepYT ok well now I feel dumb, the other guy asked an insightful comment that lead to an interesting discussion while I said "LOL checkmark". I agree with your response with everything already being said. Similar to you seeing people you were afraid to be like, your videos about toxic body positivity gave me the same motivation. I'm working out to not be like those obese people you made videos about, thanks for that motivation and keep up your videos.
The worst part about this is that you can't talk about it openly, because it seems really pretentious and self-centered. "Oh I don't really feel like doing anything with my life, even though I could do thrice what my peers do, because I'm burnt out from the expectations I gathered from my parents and teachers because I am above average at everything I do". Like how obnoxious does that sound to others? I grew up constantly hearing I was destined to do great things, but at middle school I felt like I did nothing with my life other than just exist and float like the rest. Long story short, I dropped out of high-school and went through 3 long years of a heavy depression. Not until I found Dr.K I realized it is an ACTUAL burden and others experience it to.
Although I'm still passive, I picked up school and finished, and also completed mandatory military service. But the thoughts of me underperforming at everything still lingers.
You made me cry, I just realized I was just pretending to be fine. All my life, studying was easy, I'm a quick learner, but now I just can't do anything, I have so many projects, but none of them appeals me anymore. I feel empty, not good enough, I feel like I just ruined my life. I have no dream. Why am I even living ? I'm so lost
I couldn't even watch the video because it made me suddenly feel like sh*t
אתה משלנו אח יקר
גאה בך אחי
> even though I could do thrice what my peers do
you're still doing it
I found that when Dr K talked about humility and expectations, it really resonated with me.
I think it helps a lot to reduce your perception of self importance, to allow yourself to be satisfactory or good enough. To set a normal level of expectation for yourself and learn to feel that it's good enough! What's best is not always necessarily best.
Carole Dwecks growth mindset also talks about a lot of these themes.
As a "gifted" kid I literally coasted through all of high school on A's with no studying. I unfortunately hit my wall in the second years of college. Years later people ask what I'd like to do instead of what I do now or what degree I'd get if I went back to school but I can never really answer well because there is nothing I "want" to do
I settled on stuff I could do while having hobbies for my own interests.
Cliche as it may be, I was a math/physics major before they reduced the amount of tenure positions, so I became an engineer. Do I want to do it? No, but I can just kind of blah my way to better work that the rest of the department. Then I can live my life.
The idea that one must love what they do for a living may be more harmful to the gifted than anybody else because we can be just about anything.
It's also very American to confuse work with life/identity.
Your degree gets a paycheck. Your life is separate.
Sammmme and I’m in my second year of college rn and I used to never want to take a break from school. Then I was thinking well I’ll take a break after senior year and now I’m like I NEED A BREAK NOW THIS SHIT SUCKS. Like I went from a 3.66 in high school to currently sitting at a 2.89 with a risk of it going down again and loosing most of my scholarships at the end of the semester (which has just started).
@@recoil53 true, but if you choose a job that challenges you and isn't very monotonous it makes it easier not to become miserable
@@ggfdd5925 Yes, totally agree.
But it does your life no good to be in a holding pattern. Otherwise you will be in a job where you are underemployed just to pay bills.
@@recoil53 Thank you for this. You need to be telling everyone you can this truth.
“We assume that when someone is gifted, things are actually gonna be easier for them, that they need to work less to accomplish the same amount.
But in my experience, living up to a gifted child’s potential involves MORE work.
It’s just like building a shack versus building a mansion. Like, sure the mansion is capable of so much more than the shack is capable of, but let’s not forget for a moment that the amount of effort that goes into building a mansion is actually way more than what’s required to build a shack.”
Such a bullseye, I took the time to transcribe.
Its left such a permanent mark on me that I cant even get less than a B in my college classes, or less than 2nd place in a racing game. Being "gifted" can slight you later
@@nukiradio no cuz same
They do need to work less to accomplish the same amount. But they are not expected to accomplish the same amount. They are expected to accomplish so much more.
@@nukiradio Tbh gifted to me is like an advantage but also something that someone else can just take advantage of as well.
Which is why we are pretty much the Archery build from Skyrim by it's self. We have crap damage yet we have range. But as soon as we put points into sneak, enchanting and smithing, we suddenly start to become OP.
4:42 college is when I needed to learn how to study, and didn’t, frankly- crammed the day before. Got through my undergraduate and graduate degree by sheer force of will, and a lot of unhealthy coping habits for the anxiety that process brought.
As someone with ADHD I could confidentally say that we are just the normal guys but just really inconsistent. We have the stats of a greek god in our favorite subject, but we time travel in pretty much everything else at school. Just because I'm really good at one subject, that doesn't mean that it could be applied to everything else. We have a lot to give in our favorite subject, so please be forgiving if I take a bit long to load.
I completely agree! I have ADHD and I’m very passionate in my favorite classes, but in my other classes, I just don’t care and I don’t get very high scores because of that. If I don’t like a subject or assignment, I’m just not going to do the work, because I don’t care.
So so true
yup, all our stats are ALWAYS in one single thing n nothing n every other subject. i recommend getting other people with ADHD together who were good at other subjects so yall could trade and look over eachothers work like a game party of different character classes
Agree, my adhd in school was awful, like it didnt matter if i liked the subject, i always did the homework at the last moment, i always get percive by others like "The nerd" or "The smart girl" But I couldn't care less for school, the only reason I did the homework is because I didn't want to have the stress of fail.
That's so interesting to hear, because I am completely different. In school everything was easy for me, every subject. I realised, that I have interest in a lot of different topics and subjects to a medium degree. When I started university in a subject that interested me, I got completely lost, because the depth in which the subject was presented was too much for me. I lose interest in topics really fast and have to switch it up fairly often. That is why school was perfect for me, but uni is like hell. Thank you for sharing your story :)
I was a gifted kid, I was also always the “smart kid” and then I went to a school where there was a kid smarter than me, or at least could do math quicker, which was my “thing” and I felt threatened and scared because the walls I had built had started to tumble down
That's such a common thing for me it's scary. If I can't find something I'm 'the best' at I crumble like crumbs, I need to think im REALLY good at the skills I want or I give up. Results of always being told 'ur so good at this and that' that it's probably has become a internal obligation in my head. I've been able to 'power think' the toll to be less but still. Let's hope we both figure/figured it out
Uni did this to me, was scsry
@@aveyp3726 real struggle, I was definitely one of smartest kids for my school, small town, moved to a much bigger city and yikes, most people were better than me.
I experienced this same exact thing. A girl came joined my class one day and was more intelligent than me. I remember I would always speed through DMS and check to see if she was still doing her math equations or not. It was terrifying, and made me overly competitive
So true. Its happening right now. I have always been the smart kid, now that there is a girl smarter than me in University I feel dumb
The moment I said I was a gifted kid, my friend literally went, “Everything about you makes so much more sense now.” Depression, lack of motivation, perfectionist, self-pressuring, self-worth issues, bottling emotions, practically everything you’ve mentioned.
Ayyyy same!
Yeah, that sounds about right
Bro ,I have all of those and I'm not gifted and on top of that I have autism
Whoa! Where do I get a book about these ideas.
I never directly lowered my expectations. I increased my self worth, because I expected to be better then the average, just to be enough. I knew that I was gifted and could reach higher limits than everyone else, so i always had to do better than them, to be as good as them.
After increasing my self worth I learned that I am enough and was even enough when I sometimes did worse than average.
I didnt lower my expectations. I learned, that there was no reason to keep them this high.
I was a gifted kid, undiagnosed ADHD that my mom refused to even accept the possibility of because I was "so smart" and always did good in school (which I only did well in because of the tests, I was constantly in trouble for not paying attention in class, missing homework assignments, forgetting chores at home, etc etc). I attempted my first year of college 3 times, once at 18, once at 20, and then 26. Finally I'm about to go into my third year of college at age 28. I constantly struggled with the shame of being a college dropout, since I was always the brilliant daughter who would go to college and get a great job, but then ended up working at Mcdonalds for nine years instead. So if you're a gifted kid burnout feeling the same, there's ALWAYS time. Many of my classmates are in their 30s or 40s. I believe in you guys.
Yes you just have to follow your dreams and such yes yes yes yes
I was a gifted kid as well and actually very likely have undiagnosed ADHD (Several blood relatives - my mom and an aunt - both got diagnosed the past less than a year) and I heavily suspect that i’m autistic as well. This video actually hit me REALLY hard, I almost dropped out of highschool because I just stopped caring and couldn’t commit things to memory or get myself to do the work. For me at least, I couldnt stand the idea of long term education and ended up working really well in a fast paced education program because i was so sick of learning things I didnt care about anymore and the program ONLY focused on the subject it was about. Unfortunately that kind of education only really applies to certain lines of work.. but for those of us who are more tech inclined and work well in those environments its great
@@microwbird waaaaaahhh that is a lot of information but I will still tell you to follow your dreams
Oh God this is hard to read. Way too reminiscent of my own life except I haven't quite gotten to the try school again stage.
@@donniejefferson9554 it is okay I BELVIN IN you broski
Was a “gifted kid”, was tested for ADHD a bunch of times but all negative. Did well at school, ended up getting a PhD from cambridge. Recently at around 30 something, I got diagnosed with autism 😅
Stem PhD? I hear STEM grad school is one of the only places where some autistic people can thrive should that be their special interest
@@dontgotocollege5232 correct - materials science PhD. I also have two ASD friends; one is a doctor and the other, an engineer. All three of us are what conventional schooling would class as “academic high achievers”
We’re all good at our current jobs, but the hardest part is the people side of things. I’m even in a leadership position. Having ASD doesn’t mean this is impossible - but it does mean that I spend quite a bit of emotional bandwidth trying to navigate social situations, whereas I get the sense neurotypical people do not have to put as much conscious effort in saying the right thing (or in my case, avoiding saying the wrong thing).
The nature of my doctor friend’s job does present more interpersonal challenges than my job as a scientist…the stakes are much lower in my job (usually). So, I would agree that some jobs are less conflict/anxiety prone than others for ASD individuals.
Thanks for sharing your story.
A karen that read this: It WaS tHe VaCcInEs
@@naturalphotographer453 my dad wasn’t vaccinated as a child and he’s autistic as well 😅
Tysm for this video. The “just needs to apply themselves” mentality is so shit, bc teachers will just say that and then just - never teach kids *how* to do that. And then, if they start slipping bc they’re not getting the attention they actually need? Well obviously, they’re just not “applying themselves” enough. Both school and my dad made me feel like I was wrong to struggle, and never thought to throw me a line; it felt like I was drowning, and instead of being saved, I was yelled at for not knowing how to swim.
This shit was so damaging to grow up with, and I’m so happy to see a video on it.
They do, it's just that our generation is so addicted to tiktok, social media and video games. Behavioral addiction is no different from Crack cocaine. I've quit video games and I am not looking back. Life is hard to get back on track but it is rewarding. Best of luck, brother.
@@Brian-tb1op lmfaoo, what does tik tok have to do with the fact that our education system sets us up for failure?
@@Brian-tb1op that's... such a dumb statement. And completely opposite of what Dr. K was saying in the video.
@@Brian-tb1op DR. K here has another video on how limiting a kid's video games can actually be harmful. Not a perfect counterpoint, but I think you should think a little harder on your perception of video games.
I get that kids can understand the material, but maybe the important thing to "show what you know" I don't think I would call this "applying oneself" but just helping the teacher to see what you have retained or learned, when they can't just psychically scan your brain to figure that out.
From personal experience, all I can say is "once you've hit the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up."
Failure is probably your best teacher, you just have to be willing to make mistakes and learn from them.
its so awful places that have specific, separated "gifted programs" too. i was put in a program that was faster paced, and claimed to be "more student centered". we were supposed to get more individual attention, but we really just got unrealistic expectations and were alienated from everyone else in the school. most of us had no idea how to socialize because we had the same classmates every year, sometimes since kindergarten. as i got to know those kids over the years i realized that the vast majority of us were, metaphorically speaking, misdiagnosed with being "gifted". we were really all just neurodivergent, autistic, special needs kids who struck really bad luck. now we're stuck in the program, and because of how fast paced and isolating it is, moving into the normal curriculum would be even worse academically and emotionally. nobody will help us, nobody will teach us, because we were "gifted" enough to get into the program but not gifted enough to fly blind.
THIS, I felt so isolated being in the gifted classes in middle school because I felt like I didn't fit in with either side. I was isolated by most of the "normal" kids except for the small group of them that I hung out with, and then I was isolated by the other gifted kids that I spent most of my time with by hanging out with some of the "normal" kids. I then proceeded to be a loner in high school with poor self esteem, diagnosed ADHD, and an anxiety disorder, and graduated high school with a 2.5 GPA.
I'm in community college now, and I finally managed to get straight As last semester so i'm doing much better and actually pushing myself more. I still got way high above the average score on my ACT and SAT, but being a gifted kid didn't really help me with anything in life. But i'm glad you pointed out the isolation and alienation from everyone else, because that was huge for me growing up
I'm not diagnosed with anything but I was and still am put in GATE caused me a lot of trouble in elementary. Kids here are weird and so am I. And yes even as a "normal" (for lack of better word) child it still had immense effects on my social life
I am an autistic 'gifted' girl and I would hae loved to be put in a special, fast paced class to calm my nerves and anxiety to actually learn something. I live in a country (Argentina) where it is morally unacceptable to segregate people..
Guess what? Grew without friends, bullied, overstimulated in high school whit that causing stomach ulcers.
At least in a gifted class everyone would be like me :(
yeah im getting into seventh this year, in a "gifted and talented" program and its exactly like what you described, and im now started to struggle with math a ton because now, with me learning things like combinations an permutations, i actually have to pay attention on everything my teacher says, because ive basically mastered permutations, but then i started focusing less on the combinations part thinking it would be like permutations, then i somehow didnt get below a c+ throughout the whole next semester while not knowing half of the main course
I was in one of these, it made young child me feel superior or smth and just caused so many problems
As a former "gifted kid" I was absolutely baffled by the amount of things this video has cleared up for me. I knew being a gifted kid could set you up for misery/failure and all that jazz, but never really thought in depth about how that comes to be. Hopefully with this knowledge and some more research I'll be able to get myself back on track in terms of self-improvement, because university really gave me a reality check. Thank you so much for this video, I'm sure it helped a tonne of people.
As I was listening to this I almost started crying because I felt so bad for my small child self. I had no idea the kind of bullshit that i had to deal with and how it is now fucking me over now
@@graceanderson8553 Wish there was more information on the topic back when we were children, so that such a thing could've been avoided. From what is seems people have become significantly more aware of psychological issues such as this one, so at least we know that in the future we as a society will know how to deal with it. Too bad we had to be the sort of "lab rats", who experienced this without even knowing :/ All the best luck to you! Hope we can all overcome this hardship
Yeah I'm that gifted kid. I went smooth scaling still high school. After that I really struggled. I also almost commited suicide a few times. I came to the conclusion that it is not worth it. Family situation has been broken since high school as well. I'm 22 almost 23. I'm still struggling how to figuring out how to fit with the societal norms. I have genuine and serious interest in the area that I am studying in college. I am genuinely interested in what I enrolled for. The way it's being done + my expectations are very different. University did give me the reality check. After this video I am more clear on what I need. I'm not sure how to approach it. I switched college and courses in pursuit of what I want to do. The way the system works and the way I work are very different. I don't want to just give up and become some basic money for living earning person. If I find a way to work towards what I can do, I'm all for it. Let's see if I'm able to put it into action before start of next year.
P.S. I'm Indian. I don't know how mentioning that helps.
How does one become a "former gifted kid"? Did somebody take away your gift? If so, I'm so sad to hear about that.
@@susear5939 Indians are very competitive and parents put pressure on their children to excel, I've seen this in the software engineering field for example.
It's not even necessarily about ego, it can just be about identity. "If I'm not 'the smart kid', who even am I?" It's a sort of death, like your whole life has been a lie.
True!
*Exactly.*
Ego is identity
wtf why is this just aaaaaaaaaaaa
Yup, that jump into college is a real big smack in the face of “wait who tf am I if I’m not the smart kid?”
In college, I would go to the same Chinese restaurant weekly. I would order random things. The waiter one day, who recognized me as a regular, said he knew exactly what I wanted. I had no idea what I wanted, so I really had no idea how he would know. He walks out of the back with a dish ten minutes later that was so delicious, I try to recreate it at home now that I've moved away. Best experience ever, had no expectations and was blown away.
People can't understand when I say, "I've never persisted doing anything hard." They look at things I've done that are hard to them, but are easy to me. While things that are easy to them, such as grinding away at boring tasks, are extremely difficult to me and I consistently fail at.
Graduating college in 3 years was the easy way out. The thing I couldn't do was last another year. I failed a class where I got high A's on the midterm and final because 60% of the grade was from daily work.
This comment spoke to me.
I didn’t have the messed up childhood of some people here. We were too poor for anything like that. Special classes, gifted schooling, access to anything above the village library, these were all way beyond my family. My parents were loving and supportive, but they couldn’t keep up with me academically at the age of eleven.
At sixteen, I left school to enter the workforce, to the objections of everyone who wanted me to “fulfill my potential”.
In the workforce, I rocketed up the ranks. It was easy for me. All I had to do was figure out the solutions to problems and predict the outcomes of the future. The hardest thing was dealing with the people who couldn’t just see the answer.
After a couple of decades, I was sitting with the leaders of world corporations. Set to be a mover and shaker. But I wasn’t having fun anymore.
So I downsized, quit my high paid job, sold my big house, took a smaller job at a start-up, bought a small home outright. Now my job provides me with interesting problems to solve and pays me more than I need to live and have fun, and I have time to have that fun.
The lesson I learnt was that it’s not about fulfilling my potential, it’s about enjoying my life.
I seem to have a knack for easily picking up the basics in most areas. I still haven't learned how to stick with anything past that.
@@markbrown2206 Wow, thanks for making me cry. That last phrase is something I need to learn, but don't know how. Happy for you, though. Happy that you're enjoying life.
This is why I went through a trade school and not a normal college, I thought I wanted to be a architectural engineer. After having a work accident that cost me part of my body I went and did some shadowing programs and found it to be boring. I love designing and building the things I have designed, most AE's spend their working lives in a dark room. Luckily my automotive teacher saw that I was not a normal child and helped. I ended up being what is easiest to call a automotive racing engineer, I went to a trade school to learn chassis fabrication, chassis design and high performance engines. Before having to retire very young because of said young work injury, I LOVED building off road racing and what we now call overlanding rigs.
I tried going back to a College after having to walk away from it all, but between the pain and the boredom I was only ever there for about 15% of the total classes. Still hit a 4.0 gpa, but a normal class room is not for me. In trade school we only spent about 20% of the time in a class room, the rest was out actually building things and learning as we worked.
@@markbrown2206 thanks for sharing mark. I needed to read this.
Another oddity as a gifted kid was when my grades started to drop I immediately lowered my expectations because I decided I'd rather be happy than smart... and then everyone with power over me began to deny me the things I needed to be happy because I "wasn't living up to my potential" so I got neither for a long while
Same same. Then it was a challenge to learn to stop “adapting “ my expectations for things
Same same. Then it was a challenge to learn to stop “adapting “ my expectations for things
For me when that happened, I just stopped caring and trying
@@Sturmischer best decision i ever made 😅 if it wasnt for pot and community art college id be miserable probably in huge debt somewhere
This is sort of what's going on with me right now. My school has a science program where kids will do professional studies and projects and publish a research paper in their senior year. I joined it because I felt like I had to, especially because my older brother was also in it when he was in high school. After a few months of that, I realized that I wasn't able to keep up with the work I lowered my expectations for myself and realized that I wasn't gonna be happy in it. I just told my parents and teachers I decided to drop out and everyone is disappointed in me because "I have so much potential" and "It is such a great opportunity for me." And yes, I understand that it could be good for me, but I am finally starting to value my own happiness over my work and I realize that I don't owe anyone anything. It is really scary and I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down, but I'm just happy that I no longer have to constantly have stressful work on my mind 24/7. Another thing I now realize is that I'm not really as passionate about science and STEM as I thought I was or at least used to be, so I'm glad I left the program. I still have a long way to go in order to let go of the shame and to actually start fixing the bad habits I have, but I think I finally took that first step
I needed this so bad 15 years ago. I’m jealous of the young people who are getting this message, while also being incredibly glad for them. Thank you!
Yeah, seriously, but more like 10 years ago for me. When I was a young and confused gifted kid, TH-cam was around but it was filled with the stupidest content imaginable (which I of course wasted tons of hours on, given that I had no homework to do lol). No way you’d stumble upon the awesome stuff you find here nowadays. But then again - if I was in high school now I’d probably waste the same amount of time on equally stupid TikToks.
30-35 years ago for me. If me, or rather my parents and teachers, had this knowledge, my life would have turned out completely different. Something other than the absolute trash heap it has become.
As a 'gifted kid' who's only 14.. I'm watching this whole vid lol
It's bad because I'm doing GCSES and well...I've literally never studied, or rarely ever did, what's worse is that I procrastinate too much
I would encourage you to look at it from th perspective that "right now" is exactly when you needed to hear about this, however long you have to left to live there was no better outcome than learning it right now and use it moving forward.
You can definitely be sure that even those young people are also wishing they’d heard it years ago… ‘now’ always feels like ‘too late.’
I think the solution for expectations is Learning that theres a balance between expectations and faith both polar opposite’s too much of one thing leads to an unhealthy outlook on things anxiety (expectations) or self righteousness (faith). Having more faith in myself and things has helped lower my expectations alot.
Thank you Dr. K for helping my brain go on a tangent of figuring out the polar opposites of faith and expectations may i lean towards more faith than unrealistic expectations and grow in good grounded faith and know and expect whats too come not what it isn’t. 🙏
I was tested as gifted as a kid, and I'm proud to say I was a relentlessly solid B student throughout school. Despite the gaslighting from parents and teachers ("you have so much potential", etc.), it was necessary to block out that pressure and dissapoint them in order to avoid burning out in school. The truth is you don't need to get all A's, honors, AP, ivy league, etc. to do well in life. I did fairly well at my local university and got a good job in IT, mostly through intense self study. The school system felt like a trap.
Well, you were lucky you didn't have a childhood disability and your parents weren't abusive. Otherwise you just wouldn't have got off with B's
@@pushista9322????
I think it means, for some parents a 'B' would have gotten you punished in some way.
I had similar issues, but in the end, I'm currently studying in Engineering, no prestigious university either.
That’s not what “gaslighting” means. Gaslighting is a form of lying. Seeing someone not live up to their full potential and telling them as much has nothing to do with lying to someone.
we gave our oldest extreme anxiety and other trauma with the "if you only applied yourself...you need to take initiative..." started with teachers saying this to us and us putting it on him. It's absolutely horrifying how much pressure we put on children and developing minds. ! not to be over corrected with too little challenge though.
It’s really refreshing to hear a parent admit that they made a wrong parenting choice. Moms and dads try their best but we all make mistakes. It can be so painful for a kid when their parents are too proud to admit a mistake. So thanks for being a good parent :)
@@FutureMediaNow beat me too it and put it into better words than i could
Same thing happened to me throughout the entirety of middle and elementary school. I became a perfectionist and would give up anything I wasn’t immediately good at, and I’d just get really pissed off at it. And I dropped so many things I could have been good at, but I didn’t because of my perfectionist mindset.
Well, challenge is what triggers me, so do take this with a grain of salt, but - if challenge means something that takes effort but comes with rewards that are inherent to the task at hand and worth the work put into it to the person who did the deed, well, yeah. But honestly, as a kid who was neurodivers and gifted on top of that, having to learn how to deal with the other kids was struggle enough. I would have liked opportunities - like getting a special language class with immersive techniques, getting to learn a music instrument or something like that, or a class where I'd get to experiment with technology or math or biology projects or something, some sort of challenge that doesn't feel like one but would have allowed me to learn that effort does come with effect and can be fun as well as rewarding. Because the rest of my life as a kid wasn't, whenever I wasn't left alone to vanish into books. I don't mean to say that that's what your son or anyone else live was like, I'm trying to say that challenges that are ascribed, not wanted by the person who has to put in the work, only ever feel like work - a job you have to do to be allowed back into something you like to do, not like something worthwhile. I have seen parents who would put their kids on stage, into math competitions or into a sport the kid didn't really like too much, because they wanted to give the kid an opportunity to learn to put up with hardship. But the outcome - third place in a competition the kid wasn't interested in to begin with or being second batter in a team the kid doesn't feel like being part of - wasn't rewarding for the kid in question, so sadly those attempts failed their target by miles. The kids didn't do too well, because they didn't really care, and they only felt worse for not being good at something they were supposed to do and be good at on top of that.
I don't mean to say that that's at all what you meant, but I've known people who'd interpret the word challenge like that, and it really raises my hackles. From personal experience, giving a kid the opportunities to do what they are interested in and guiding them through though times does feel quite different from putting the kid into a situation where they WILL have to deal with hardships, whether they choose to do so or not. It doesn't feel all too loving, no matter how absolutely well the intentions of the parents were. :-/
@@annaboes8359 this. Much of this is one of the reasons we ended up home schooling the rest of our kids.
As a “Gifted” kid
I can feel myself falling behind, because I was never taught how to study and learn.
As an incredibly incompetent guy highly susceptible to procrastination and avoiding things that require mental exertion, I can feel myself lagging behind in every morsel of my ballsack. 😊
Bro, you are gifted. Look that shit up and learn it way faster.
Your issue is the same as mine. Discipline.
Not "studying," or lack of knowhow.
You are just lying to yourself.
I know who I am. A lazy mfer who is gifted. If I want, I can nose to the grindstone my way through 3 levels of competence faster than most can get through 1.
But that takes effort. 😂
At least be honest with yourself, sheesh. 😂
@@firghteningtruth7173 I’m not lying to myself, random stranger on the internet who just had to be rude.
Not everyone is the same as you. People are different. You’re different and I’m different.
And no, I genuinely do not know how to study.
@@TrollLolololol you are DEFINITELY lying to yourself. You are on the internet discussing this with me, so you clearly have access to the internet. So look it up and learn. 🤣 You literally have all the information available to mankind at your fingertips.
You are just making an excuse (lying to yourself) about why you haven't yet.
Being lazy is fine. Or, you know, it's whatever. Lying to yourself and others about how you are gifted, but can't google some shit and learn it, is the issue. Just say, "I am lazy." That's fine. Creating a web of lies in your own head to lie to yourself that "it isn't that I am lazy, I just don't know HOW," is ridiculous.
You can call me "rude," but I am only telling you the truth. What you need to hear.
Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to others. If you don't put a concerted effort to stop saying stuff like this, eventually, you will believe your own lies and when someone points it out...
Your ENTIRE WORLD will crumble. Because it is held up by lies.
@@TrollLolololol even the, "person who just had to be rude," part is a lie you made up so that you don't have to face the fact that you are lazy and just HAVEN'T learned.
It's a self-defense mechanism for your ego. "What a rude person."
What did I say that was actually RUDE? Did I call you names? Did I make snyde remarks? Or did I call you silly for saying something you "never learned" could easily be remedied with effort?
This summary is spot on and it resonates with me deeply.
I was labelled gifted by Grade 1 and was in enriched classes all through elementary school. By the end of elementary, when, like you said, "raw intellect wasn't enough", I began to struggle and not understand why I was struggling. Realizing now; I never learned to study or persevere, if it didn't come to me immediately and easily, I would simply quit (into early adulthood as well). Then the "lazy" label is slapped on because "you have so much potential".
My parents and teachers, instead of supporting me through it and offering strategies, became frustrated. The shame of not living up to that potential becomes an identity and instead of rising, it was easier to just be average.
I took the scenic route to university and struggled, once again, because the lack of study habits, consequently dropping out. Scenic route again to community college...I managed to excel in my chosen field and I love my career now but there is always this nagging in the back of my mind, "I could have done more, I could have done better for myself".