As a more conventionally attractive female I can tell you this - you can be good looking and still have a dating life from hell without awareness. I used to be an "ugly duckling" in school and then somehow turned out more attractive than anyone thought. Much of it had to do with me figuring out how to "work the angles" of my physique, getting fit, learning how to apply make-up and only wearing flattering clothing. Aging actually helped, because it leaned out my pudgy face. So I lived both sides of the coin. And these days, I do get more attention for my looks. But it's still mostly not the right kind of attention. People don't magically respect you and want a long-term relationship with you, just because you're pretty. And the better treatment you receive sometimes by some people is very superficial and short-term. Yes, I do enjoy looking in the mirror more than when I was a teenager and an early twen. But no, looking better has not solved my problems in finding a good relationship. Learning about myself and relationship dynamics has at least helped me to automatically reject bad situations - finally - but there is still a lot of work to do. For instance on how I magically find unavailable people so attractive and find available people somehow clingy and exhausting. But I remember as a teenager thinking to myself: "If only I were pretty, things would go better for me!" Then I became pretty and had to see that, actually, it was my mindset, my perception of reality and my behaviour that was more of a determining factor.
That's very true, it's always the mindset that is important when finding the right partner! Being attractive does give you a lot more options though (also bad ones).
Very true. I get a lot of male attention for my looks but a lot of guys just want to be with me short term and desire me in a sexual way not long term.
Such a great comment and point! Hey btw the relationship styles thing~ sounds like you have an attachment wound and are attracted to “avoidants” and feel yucky with “anxious” look into it and best wishes finding that healthy balance! You’re on the right track. 🙏
Sorry, but as an ugly woman i don't buy it. Yes, you still have some challenges in dating for sure, but cmon...it does not even compare.... For example if you graduate Harvard you still may have a bad job and financial problems,but you have so much more possibilities. The same is with look -many possibilities if you look attractive. You just have to learn how to use it smart. On the other hand - if you are ugly "learning about myself and relationships" does not help.
I definitely think being overweight reduces your prospects immeasurably. Most men do not want anything to do with overweight women...even men that are overweight!
@Maíra Pereira da Silva I get what you are saying but I think there is a difference. Not a lot of men like overweight women period...even if they are overweight. A thin person can block love by not being open to it..but an overweight person can be open to it and not get attention because most men don't prefer overweight women.
But that is something you can actually improve. You don't have only to accept it, you can even change it, or at least a bit! Do it for you self, do it for your health, change the habbit and get a better life style and certainly you will attract more potential partner. Unfortunately life can be unfair, and sometimes if we want something we have to act in some ways.
It depends on what you are looking for. Try doing the things you love that are good for you. In the realm of physical activity, walk in safe places. Be brave and take dance classes, intramural sports or go camping. Go grocery shopping, pick up some favorite things and make conversation. The comparison Matthew made with the 21 year old was spot on. Attention isn’t always good and is eventually very unfulfilling. Jameson was also right about finding your niche. I’m definitely not sexy poolside in Miami, but I’m hot stuff in my country town. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone is out there looking for someone like you right now, just as you are.
I disagree. I’m overweight and have never had a problem finding a partner. I do however have the “desirable fat” kind of shape. I think it’s harder if your an overweight woman with uneven proportions. For example, girls that are apple shaped and carry most of their weight in there stomache but everywhere else is skinny. It’s really shitty but men view plus sized or overweight woman as pear shaped because that’s what society has deemed attractive as a plus sized woman. I’ve also been with really attractive/ fit men who prefer chubbier woman compared to skinny/fit girls. You just have to get out there and find them. I always put on my dating profile that I’m plus sized and the men who like that body type reach out to me.
As someone who suddenly did end up in a wheelchair for a period of time, I agree with Matthew's analogy. There was a fear filled period but then I started seeking out people who were in the same boat and overcame their fear and circumstances. I learned acceptance of my situation and to surrender control. Also gratefulness for what I did have and not what I didn't have. I eventually healed (was always uncertain if this was going to happen since doctors couldn't give me a prognosis) and met my husband a few years later. If I wasn't in the mindset that I developed while I was sick, I would have been caught up in my own insecurities and would never have ended up with him. You gain confidence when you're not focused on the superficial and find joy in the simplest things. This attracts the people who are meant to be in your life. It's also a great point that we are all dealt different hands from other people but we're also dealt different hands throughout out whole lives. The beauty hand we're dealt when we're younger is a different hand we have when we're older or if we become disabled or when our circumstances change. Every human will have to face hurdles eventually
I'm 31 straight male, not very good looking but have good career, stable income, hobbies, passions, friends, family, pets, travelled all over the world. Women have very rarely been ever interested in me my whole life, they put me in the friend zone or never even show interest. Its really tough but I figured it's better to give up and focus on making myself happy, cus I doubt im going to find a loving relationship
I know it's hard and it certainly doesn't get easier as you get older but don't give up. You don't have to actively try as I know that can get disheartening but don't close the door completely on any potential opportunities. You never know what life will bring, so just be open to the possibility when it arrives and in the meantime live your best life.
@@br8979 Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate the encouragement. I don't think I will ever close the door to the possibility, but actively searching is something I struggle with a great deal and im moving away from it because it has never brought me any success or fulfillment
@@joshb7326 I get it, I feel the same but glad to hear you aren't giving up completely. Wishing you all the best and hope we both still find our person at some point.
I’ve thought about how to attract guys as looks seem to be the first qualifier in attraction. I personally feel more safe and comfortable dressing modestly and I just came to peace with the fact that whoever I attract will like how I’m presenting myself. If a guy is all about your weight or how much cleavage or how big your glutes are, we are immediately incompatible because that’s something that I’ll always have to try to keep up with or compete with other women who have bigger body parts. I honestly believe there are guys out there who are on another level of looking for a wife and mother and you can disclose your more sexual nature privately in my opinion. Not that dressing any certain way makes you less valuable but it can bring the wrong guys attention and can be unsafe no matter how much people want to protest their rights for consent although how you dress doesn’t matter either when it comes to crimes committed against women. I also think owning who you are and for example if you have short hair and a guy is repulsed once again not your guy and personally doesn’t match up to my standards. As long as you’re at peace with who you are and are truly taking care of yourself to the best of your ability I believe you’ll recognize and attract a healthy partner. There’s enough people in this world to match with every body type and other qualities and characteristics of someone’s personality.
You’re on the right track, when looking for something serious we really do look for more down to earth signals, whether in dress, demeanour, presentation or behaviour. Whether people like to hear it or not, certain presentations do not communicate a serious intention, and will get you a very different crowd of interest, or at least heavily tilt it in that direction.
I'm ACTUALLY in a wheelchair....what an interesting thing to say....it's so easy to say, "if I landed in a wheelchair tomorrow, I'd seek others that overcame the same situation", but it's so different when you're in a wheelchair since you're three and no one looks at you like an equal.
@Lurch this isn't a matter of whose pain is bigger or worse, this is about not knowing a single thing about a situation you've never been in. You can't speak on a struggle you've never faced. I can't speak on being shot at, but I can definitely speak on being laughed at and ridiculed to the point of wanting to die for being different, and no one even bothered to get to know me first. As broken and disabled as I am, I always try to help and educate as much as I can, but one thing I'll never be ok with is someone telling me how easy they think I have it when they haven't even walked five steps in my shoes much less a mile.
I needed this today! I struggle with anxiety and pure-O about my looks often. Ruminating about a flaw that really is so small that the rumination makes it appear larger than ever. I’ve been doing what you mentions the past few months where I do what I can to look my best, and then put it completely out of my mind. I’m realizing that looks mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. People would always say that but now I finally believe it. Anxiety loves finding something to dwell on…don’t let it! We’re in control.
Confidence and smiling and being approachable and a happy person are very powerful. I know men and women who gets more dates that if you saw a photo of them you wouldn't notice them, but in person they are very appealing by their personality, not their looks alone.
Attention gives you more chances to find love though Matt. If you’re not get noticed you’re not getting asking out. My friend is a size 2 and she gets hundreds of dates therefore get more chances at finding love
As a guy, I believe there are VERY few women who aren’t pretty. Really what matters is personality and agreeableness in the long run. Just focus on the values that you care about most, and try to find guys with the same values. There are guys out there who care what’s inside infinitely more than the outside. Although not a lot.
The problem with "the looks contest" is that if you don't have the looks you often do not get the chance to show what kind of person you are. And I don't blame people for it, there has to be SOME way of narrowing down potential selections and that is just the easiest and most natural one. People who look at least decent or better than that have no idea how life is like for those who are not given a chance by the majority of potential partners.
Well, when you are good looking you will not get that chance either as you are insantly sexualized and people do not really care who you REALLY are, they just want to f*ck you. Trust me, it's a lonely feeling.
After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, my self esteem gradually eroded. After the divorce, I just gave up on myself, gained weight, and haven’t dated in 7 years. Now that I am ready to perhaps be open to meeting someone, I barely leave the house because I’m so ashamed of my weight. I feel invisible and like anyone who looks at me sees my weight and nothing else. I used to be fortunate to get any man I wanted bc I was pretty with a sexy figure. I feel stuck and my life is passing by. Though weight is within my control, the worse I feel about myself, the less I do about it. Shame is crippling.
you were a weak mind narcissist yourself. now you are a fat narcissist. so? embrace yourself, stay single. 20 years? yeah, you were and are weak. you wil not change because you are what you are. just take the life as it is. there is no such thing as vakue in your life. never was. but things should be taken as they are now.
Soooo true that the anxiety moves to a new spot after one thing is dealt with in our looks. After I had my liposuction on my tummy and thighs, I was happy for 2 years, but now that I have been intensively doing dragon boat racing and my back muscle grew bigger, I started to be anxious about having a too big back in photos and some clothes.🤦♀️..although I'm healthier than ever in spite of being a big woman.....I think we just have to focus on our strengths......me being smart and funny.....and just go with what we have. Also....accepting men who show interest in you and are usually in the same level of attractiveness as you, does help. We are all unique and amazing in some ways. Thank you for the video!
Hehe😊 Gourgeous people tell averige people Looks is not that important Rich people tell poor people Money is not that important When a movie star says to person called Quasimodo all his life Looks doesnt matter Its almost an insult Isnt it😶
CONFIDENCE and self-love is by far the MOST attractive thing a person can possess. Work on yourself- exude confidence, flirt with people, dish out compliments SHAMELESSLY. Fake it till you make it, baby. It in not easy- but it works 100%
As someone who has never felt confident in their facial features, height, or hair quality, I honestly didn’t get much out of this video. No offense 🤷♂️ yeah we’re all dealt different hands in this game of life but to say that the world we live in as a whole doesn’t put much stock in EVERYONES physical features is a massive understatement. Beautiful women get asked out more often and handsome tall men get told “yes” to dates more often among many other opportunities that us “weird lookin folk” don’t get. The only “advice” I can give to people that are like me is not to change what you can about your looks but SHARPEN what you ARE good at. I know I’m not a looker so I had to get smart, funny and physically fit. That’s all I could do lol
Wise words Daniel and good advice. After all it's no use just being pretty or handsome if you've got no intelligence or conversation or personality which makes you interesting. *Edit:. Somewhere here on TH-cam I saw a talk given by a woman, she was a former fashion model I think, talking about how being 'beautiful' doesn't make you happy. I think it may have been a TEDx talk. Not sure of the title. It certainly made me think though.
A lot of dating coaches also emphasize emotional connection as the thing that holds people together. Looks fade even if you get a lot of attention in your youth and as Matt says there’s always gonna be someone with more in a given room, something along those lines. I personally believe there’s some one out there for everyone.
Agree! I'm incredibly self-conscious and don't like my face at all. But I do enjoy making clothes so I learned to present myself through that lens. it's not the same as actually being conventionally attractive but presenting an attractive 'brand' can make a difference.
Plain and simple everywhere you look,, social media,, the media,, the internet,, magazines.. they all only advertise fit,, in shape people.. movies and tv shows rarely have overweight people in them.. coming from a woman that's never been above 130 her whole life to jumping up to 248,, it's real hard to be confident especially when your 39 and still never married..
A quote from Jim Carey which I think applies nicely - “I wish everyone could achieve their dreams just so they could learn it won’t make them happy” Basically, being happy is a mindset and It has to be worked on and understood. If you tell yourself you can only be happy if you have something you don’t (yet) have, you’ll never have true happiness because once you have that thing you will want something else and before you know it, you’ve never been happy for longer than a few days/weeks.
I like that Matt...Playing the long game. Finding someone who loves the package you (your true essence) came in. If you don't posess conventional beauty then you could work to accentuate your character and personal style. Finally as the other gentleman suggested...do what you can and don't worry about the things you aren't able to change. I am a firm believer that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder...it actually is.
My body- is one of the reasons I ran away from him. 😢 Now I've lost 20 lbs since I ran away from him, eating better, excercising, and feeling more confident. I tried to fix it, but couldn't. Now I'm just fixing me. ❤
I Believe by " owning one's self " in the wholeness of everything we are; that is we're we are at our best. And when you are your Best you set yourself up to receive the Best in Life 🌷
I would have loved to hear more from Audrey and her point of view here :) since lookism is an issue that predominantly affects women, or at the least much much more Maybe next time a question like this comes up:)
I saved this video to my phone to listen to everyday because, Matthew is right. there will always be something and some people don't have the upper hand. so why not invest that energy into something more meaningful? instead of a short term kinda've thing. i'm very appreciative of this video.
Hey, I just wanted to comment on my recent experience on a dating app. I went on a video call and for no reason the guy decided to shut it down a minute into the conversation… not only that, he blocked me. I can’t understand what about the two words we share could make him do that, but I don’t feel bad, it just human nature I guess… so, it really doesn’t matter how attractive you think you are, someone is going to judge you no matter what.
I felt insecure today and asked my boyfriend if he finds me the most pretty girl, to which he answered there's girls he has come across that are prettier than me. I feel like shit.
I am so sorry that has gotta hurt for sure. Sure there are attractive people all around and you’ve probably noticed other guys who are more attractive conventionally but still know that your bf is the best looking in your eyes because he is yours and you have the connection which just makes someone the most appealing in that regard but his response definitely shows immaturity and if it was me I’d dip. Even if he sees other pretty girls he should never have said that.
@@Ayanae201 Well, it depends on the way it was actually said, doesn’t it? Just breaking up with someone, because this person has truthfully answered a question, is simply unfair. There will always be people who are more attractive than you are and it’s ok to admit it. As long as this person is still committed to the relationship with you and is choosing you every day over anyone else, everything’s fine. I believe it to be immature to ask these kind of questions and than not being able to handle the truth. In this case, just don’t ask them. Or, if you need a compliment this badly, just ask your partner to say something nice to you and return the favor.
Usually I find your insights really incredible, Matthew. That's why I'm a subscriber. In the case of this video, however, it's clear that you're missing some of the picture because of being a man. You still have something to offer, whereas the other men in the video are basically just saying 'get over it -- I got over it.' What men don't understand is that no matter what personal 'advantages' and attributes women have, most women -- I'd guess it's about 90% -- will always care about how they look. It's not only about attracting a mate. There's a deep-seated desire among women to be pretty/beautiful. In the same way that women love flowers because of their beauty, women hope to see beauty when they look in the mirror. (Meanwhile men can be quite easily convinced they look great, or at least good enough and they move on.) Consider a group of married women going for lunch. They're not looking for someone, but they want to look as nice as they can. They'll put on makeup and their best outfits etc etc. Even an elderly group of church choir ladies are going to doll themselves up. A man might have trouble understanding that, because they're not wired that way. For guys, it's just hanging out, and beauty doesn't factor into it. When women meet other women, they talk about appearance. And this is the case no matter how old the women are! "Oh Hilda, I just LOVE your new haircut!" "That blouse looks amazing on you!" Men just do not do that. They do not get that. It's not a part of their mindset. So, in sum, there's a lot of important stuff left on the table here. You can't wish it away just by a pep talk. Where I would start with women is by asking them if they understand their own beauty. You would be astonished how many lovely and striking women don't see their own beauty. The truth is that all women are beautiful, but there are many kinds of beauty. If they realize that their own beauty is unique, then they can enhance that (by how they dress and style their hair, for instance) and be really pleased with how they look. It's not the right advice to say: okay, go find another ugly person who is happy with their life and get their words of wisdom.
As a guy I can tell you ladies that most men are terrified to express interest towards a beautiful woman. Some guys towards any woman! So making the first move can open up a huge dating market for you. One where you will have almost no competition on looks, or anything else for that matter, since women almost never approach guys (at least normal guys). As Matthew has said in one of his older videos: "In the first 10-20 minutes be easy!"
I can tell you now that I've stopped approaching women even though 15 years ago I had no problem with it, because nowadays you'll be labelled a creep or a weirdo for having the audacity to not use some stupid app, social skills have gone downhill so striking up a conversation is no longer organic without the phone involved, and if you do get a ladies number and make progess, the chances are she wants to play games, cheat, breadcrumb or use you then move onto the next guy. I know that there are men that do this, but I always thought women were better than men in that department, but not any more. Our generation is doomed because of the shitty behaviour of both sexes in the modern day.
@@lurch789 I understand everything you said, except for the Darwin part, that makes no sense. You can't expect a society of several hundred years ago to understand the modern day. Nobody back then was sane. Other than that, your statement pretty much adds up. I've just given up personally.
Fascinating to hear things from the male perspective, used to assume I couldn't possibly approach a male , it would come across as forward and I was sure they wouldn't be interested in any case.
Acceptance is key. I was told quite young that I was an ugly duckling in a family of beautiful women. It hurt until I accepted it and decided to find out what I was made of. I got yo really stretch myself. Because of this I am quite confident...except about my looks...😂
I'm 48 and female, I work out every day (for mental health) and am not at all overweight but when I see myself on an Instagram reel I realize I'm the least attractive in the room.
Part of the problem about luxe is that we now know how much stuff can actually be done to correct it, so there’s this kind of shame that if you’re not doing everything you possibly can cosmetically whatever then you’re not trying, but then when you do you do that then you’re fake.
I love my husband to bits, he's work - obsessed, an environmentalist , etc , etc, he's more interested in if he's healthy and if I'm healthy, it's me who's insecure and unhappy about my looks, he bolsters my confidence, he's honest with me if something doesn't suit me or I've got too much eye make-up on he'll tell me. I fixate on my body, it's getting harder as I get older, fixate on this, get it semi-sorted and then fixate on something else. I envy him for his rich life, but I'm so happy he's mine. Look back at old photos when I was a teenager and into my 20;s (and I looked good, just felt awkward) remember feeling awful about myself, how stupid is that, I had lots of male interest, made no difference, I wasn't what I wanted to be - what's it all about ?
Also seek out other great qualities or strengths that you have. Looks fade after s while and it will be your connection rapport an other qualities you have
Would it be fair to say that at least part of our insecurities, or at least our focusing of our insecurities, is down to the messaging we get from others? For example being told your as a person are overweight or short or bald or whatever, and that's why you aren't attracting any attention to be able to explore relationships with others?
I also think that he has forgotten half the problem here. We have to be attracted to the people that are attracted to us. So what is the people we are attracted to? I’m not attracted to the way that we look? Is he suggesting that we should just wait for someone who finds us attractive even if we don’t find him attractive back? I think that’s what he often forgets is that it’s a two-part equation, and that it doesn’t just matter who is attracted us to whom we are also attractive and what those people find attractive. If we’re in a room full of women, knowing where truck, if you aren’t talking to us, it doesn’t really do anything to feel like well. Just wait.
This video made me think of something maybe you guys can talk about and is this.Older generations lived in a time where everyone looked at the Silver Screen for beauty however everyone knew that most likely very few will land someone with those type of looks and they were all okay with it. So what has happened in our current society where so many of us expect to be or to be in a relationship with a perfect human specimen? Discuss, Lol!
Brilliant video. As the video says, my mind has picked on different reasons I might not be attractive - my face, my weight and, failing that, my age - and weight is the only one I could do anything about. If I lost weight and still didn't find someone, I would be blaming something else about my appearance, and that might be why I haven't tried to lose weight. Might as well blame my weight and enjoy the food! But this is still a liberating idea - I could lose some weight for my own sake regardless of attractiveness. It doesn't have to be a factor. I could get to a weight I would be comfortable with and worry less about attention generally. I love the idea of looking for role models. There's no reason they have to be famous, you can find them anywhere. And thanks for mentioning the long game. I have often fretted about not getting attention when what I really want is someone who is right for me. That isn't going to be just anybody!
I think not being seen as attractive is the main reason i never find people who want something long term with me. Not just in dating but also friendship. I used to be very confident as a teenager but seeing I still got no results made me shy away
Guys, in my country looks don't seem to matter. If a man has to choose between a very good looking woman who is not going to bed with him immediately and an average or even ugly woman who sleeps with him immediately, he will choose the second one. It is so frustrating!
This ideas is pretty common every where,however blaming people for something that isn't in their control is irrational.Even though appearance is always the first thing we encounter,there are by far more significant items people have to take into consideration.Wouldn't it be better to fix our inner parts like confidence & mindset rather than our appearance???
My looks are fine. My issue is my wheelchair. People just see or just want to see the face but there is more to it. I don’t need any type of help from anyone, but still feel not worth as much as before my accident, no matter how much I improved and how many degrees I have.
I'm also okay with my looks, as in my face. But I am insecure with my body and also just the fact of being in a wheelchair. I'm used to always being the girl whose friends are the ones that get hit on while I sit there feeling invisible period of course my friends don't make me feel that way, it's the men
Princess Diana had all the attention from the whole world for her beauty, but that beauty didn’t help her find true lasting love. She was lonely, sad and her marriage was a failure. Good looks is not a criteria to find and maintain true lasting love!
The paleness comment is so real. I spent so much time and money on self tanners that just made me look orange. It made it worse for me to try to do something about it, so I gave up and just made peace with it. The big thing I apparently haven’t made peace with is my height. I thought I had, but I’m now going out with someone a little bit shorter than me and it’s always at the forefront of my mind when we’re in the same room together. It won’t leave me alone seeing that I’m clearly taller than him. Makes me feel freakish.
It’s sad how height feels that way. Give it time tho and I believe you’ll learn to stop caring, especially if he’s a good guy. Don’t throw away a good relationship just cuz of height
I have hormonal acne, am short, my hair is damaged because I bleached it over the summer bc I hate myself so much - I look like a Disney villain, with this nose I hate. I used to have enthusiasm for life but I am just sick of it all.
2 Corinthians 10:12 "Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." God sees, hears and understands us just as we are, He know our names and hearts. "Comparison is the thief of joy" ~ Teddy Roosevelt. Where focus goes energy flows and expaaaaands for better or worse! Soften eyes and highlight everyone's better qualities, especially the inner. We can learn more from scarred warriors than 'beautiful people.' Be humble and kind, everyone's doing their best fighting battles we may never know about, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and one man's poison or trash may be another's medicine and treasure. 🐛👁️🦋💞✌️
Hi Mathew your videos have taught me alot about the whole dating scene and things to look out for I had no idea. HELP PLEASE what does it mean when a guy says I really dont know how to respond to this, not being rude!!! He basically said he doesnt have time for a relationship of any sort, after meeting up 5/6times and I told him I have fallen for him and I sent him a couple of messages saying I accept your decision and how for me a man is not a need but a want and I called him out for his excuses. And that is what he replied with! I'm confused and I dont know what to reply back!
For me I have a boyfriend and I was feeling self conscious one day because I was struggling to lose weight so I asked him what he thought of my butt. He kind of panicked and said “it’s ok” with a scrunched up face as if he smelled something bad. I later asked him to clarify and he said that basically I’m not his physical type and that my hips are too wide and he’s not into wide hips. He then later clarified and said that my body frame is too broad including that I have broad shoulders and he usually goes after smaller framed women. I’ve been self conscious ever since. I’m not the smallest framed woman but I’m a dancer and I don’t stand out for having a usual body frame.
Hi Jessica, just saw your comment and have some questions 🙈 Are you feeling better now and do you still have these thoughts? And also, does you boyfriend find you attractive overall? Don’t want to suggest anything here, but I found his response, as you posted it here, kinda strange, tbh. Are you ok and feeling good in your relationship?
Interesting? Try doing what makes you happy! If the pool is not for you? Go swimming anyways if that is what makes you happy, that is the message you want to give. Uugb
Am a mother of 3 beautiful children and am afraid of not getting a man who will love me,that is my biggest fair, i love my children vary much am vary good looking woman as well .
So many men dump their wife of 20 years for a younger woman. Women reach menopause and the skin sags and ages and the libido goes. HRT helps but can’t reverse aging 😮
You should become a unisex dating coach going forward, since many women are doing just the same things as men now, men could use your advice. Breadcrumbing, cheating, flaking, and playing games, we men are on the receiving end too.
🔥I think I’m a 10 in looks, personality and character … and yes dating is extremely hard & scary. I think men in general don’t know how to obtain what they desire because they don’t know what happiness truly is and they end up losing that woman.
Urgent emergency Please join me in prayer for all those affected children families animals tornadoes Arkansas Iowa Tennessee Illinois Kentucky NJ Delaware Texas Oklahoma Indiana Missouri Mississippi devastating Tornadoes They Desperately need Your Prayers Please pray For Them God Bless You All
Pray won't help them, it helps you feel like that you've done something. Do you have a mutual aid group on the ground you can recommend- THAT will help
Jesus Christ said I am the resurrection and the life he that believeth In me though he were dead yet shall he live praise God praying For Everyone Everyday God bless you all 🙏
I believe just like Adam and Eve in the very beginning in Paradise once they saw each other completely naked they covered body because of their new awakening the new discovery of their own senses “they felt shame “that feeling lead the journey to how humanity feels today regarding their own appearances. Iam Beautiful now.But Nothing lasts forever our youthful looks will fade away with time.Let’s create a true powerful paradise within ourselves add real value to it, all that is pure God has created in the Universe for us to see,feel,touch and love pour it inside your Heart and soul make a unified bond with your own destiny and surrender to fate. And Someday when Life and time Shows you the biggest winds and Storms of your own Life you will embrace the courageous spirit of a great warrior and you will fight with all your strength and integrity, the force is within us and in the end you will say it out loud Iam the light,the Sun,the sea,the stars,the endless universe IAM HEAVEN IAM TRUE LOVE…
Jesus Christ died for our Sins According to the scriptures and that he was Buried and that he rose again the third day praying for everyone everyday God bless you all 🙏🙌🙏
On one hand - much truth and insight! On the other hand: Buncha beautiful people discussing how looks don't really matter that much...
As a more conventionally attractive female I can tell you this - you can be good looking and still have a dating life from hell without awareness. I used to be an "ugly duckling" in school and then somehow turned out more attractive than anyone thought. Much of it had to do with me figuring out how to "work the angles" of my physique, getting fit, learning how to apply make-up and only wearing flattering clothing. Aging actually helped, because it leaned out my pudgy face. So I lived both sides of the coin. And these days, I do get more attention for my looks. But it's still mostly not the right kind of attention. People don't magically respect you and want a long-term relationship with you, just because you're pretty. And the better treatment you receive sometimes by some people is very superficial and short-term. Yes, I do enjoy looking in the mirror more than when I was a teenager and an early twen. But no, looking better has not solved my problems in finding a good relationship. Learning about myself and relationship dynamics has at least helped me to automatically reject bad situations - finally - but there is still a lot of work to do. For instance on how I magically find unavailable people so attractive and find available people somehow clingy and exhausting.
But I remember as a teenager thinking to myself: "If only I were pretty, things would go better for me!" Then I became pretty and had to see that, actually, it was my mindset, my perception of reality and my behaviour that was more of a determining factor.
That's very true, it's always the mindset that is important when finding the right partner! Being attractive does give you a lot more options though (also bad ones).
Very true. I get a lot of male attention for my looks but a lot of guys just want to be with me short term and desire me in a sexual way not long term.
Such a great comment and point! Hey btw the relationship styles thing~ sounds like you have an attachment wound and are attracted to “avoidants” and feel yucky with “anxious” look into it and best wishes finding that healthy balance! You’re on the right track. 🙏
That has been my exact trajectory. Ugly duckling that learned how to be pretty but yes, you don't automatically get respect because of how you look.
Sorry, but as an ugly woman i don't buy it. Yes, you still have some challenges in dating for sure, but cmon...it does not even compare.... For example if you graduate Harvard you still may have a bad job and financial problems,but you have so much more possibilities. The same is with look -many possibilities if you look attractive. You just have to learn how to use it smart. On the other hand - if you are ugly "learning about myself and relationships" does not help.
I definitely think being overweight reduces your prospects immeasurably. Most men do not want anything to do with overweight women...even men that are overweight!
@Maíra Pereira da Silva I get what you are saying but I think there is a difference. Not a lot of men like overweight women period...even if they are overweight. A thin person can block love by not being open to it..but an overweight person can be open to it and not get attention because most men don't prefer overweight women.
But that is something you can actually improve. You don't have only to accept it, you can even change it, or at least a bit! Do it for you self, do it for your health, change the habbit and get a better life style and certainly you will attract more potential partner. Unfortunately life can be unfair, and sometimes if we want something we have to act in some ways.
@@psypulse8516 I could definitely do that but some people can't.
It depends on what you are looking for. Try doing the things you love that are good for you. In the realm of physical activity, walk in safe places. Be brave and take dance classes, intramural sports or go camping. Go grocery shopping, pick up some favorite things and make conversation.
The comparison Matthew made with the 21 year old was spot on. Attention isn’t always good and is eventually very unfulfilling. Jameson was also right about finding your niche. I’m definitely not sexy poolside in Miami, but I’m hot stuff in my country town. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone is out there looking for someone like you right now, just as you are.
I disagree. I’m overweight and have never had a problem finding a partner. I do however have the “desirable fat” kind of shape. I think it’s harder if your an overweight woman with uneven proportions. For example, girls that are apple shaped and carry most of their weight in there stomache but everywhere else is skinny. It’s really shitty but men view plus sized or overweight woman as pear shaped because that’s what society has deemed attractive as a plus sized woman.
I’ve also been with really attractive/ fit men who prefer chubbier woman compared to skinny/fit girls. You just have to get out there and find them. I always put on my dating profile that I’m plus sized and the men who like that body type reach out to me.
As someone who suddenly did end up in a wheelchair for a period of time, I agree with Matthew's analogy. There was a fear filled period but then I started seeking out people who were in the same boat and overcame their fear and circumstances. I learned acceptance of my situation and to surrender control. Also gratefulness for what I did have and not what I didn't have. I eventually healed (was always uncertain if this was going to happen since doctors couldn't give me a prognosis) and met my husband a few years later. If I wasn't in the mindset that I developed while I was sick, I would have been caught up in my own insecurities and would never have ended up with him. You gain confidence when you're not focused on the superficial and find joy in the simplest things. This attracts the people who are meant to be in your life. It's also a great point that we are all dealt different hands from other people but we're also dealt different hands throughout out whole lives. The beauty hand we're dealt when we're younger is a different hand we have when we're older or if we become disabled or when our circumstances change. Every human will have to face hurdles eventually
This video couldn't have come at a better time. I am 25, been single my whole life due to dysmorphia and hating the way I look.
I wish the love that deserves you finds you soon ❤
@@soum444 thankyou :), Im gradually getting there with baby steps but it's a journey. hopefully I can go on my first date with confidence.
I'll date yoj
@@jamaicancoder6278 XD thanks.
I'm 31 straight male, not very good looking but have good career, stable income, hobbies, passions, friends, family, pets, travelled all over the world. Women have very rarely been ever interested in me my whole life, they put me in the friend zone or never even show interest. Its really tough but I figured it's better to give up and focus on making myself happy, cus I doubt im going to find a loving relationship
I know it's hard and it certainly doesn't get easier as you get older but don't give up. You don't have to actively try as I know that can get disheartening but don't close the door completely on any potential opportunities. You never know what life will bring, so just be open to the possibility when it arrives and in the meantime live your best life.
@@br8979 Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate the encouragement. I don't think I will ever close the door to the possibility, but actively searching is something I struggle with a great deal and im moving away from it because it has never brought me any success or fulfillment
@@joshb7326 I get it, I feel the same but glad to hear you aren't giving up completely. Wishing you all the best and hope we both still find our person at some point.
I’ve thought about how to attract guys as looks seem to be the first qualifier in attraction. I personally feel more safe and comfortable dressing modestly and I just came to peace with the fact that whoever I attract will like how I’m presenting myself. If a guy is all about your weight or how much cleavage or how big your glutes are, we are immediately incompatible because that’s something that I’ll always have to try to keep up with or compete with other women who have bigger body parts. I honestly believe there are guys out there who are on another level of looking for a wife and mother and you can disclose your more sexual nature privately in my opinion. Not that dressing any certain way makes you less valuable but it can bring the wrong guys attention and can be unsafe no matter how much people want to protest their rights for consent although how you dress doesn’t matter either when it comes to crimes committed against women. I also think owning who you are and for example if you have short hair and a guy is repulsed once again not your guy and personally doesn’t match up to my standards. As long as you’re at peace with who you are and are truly taking care of yourself to the best of your ability I believe you’ll recognize and attract a healthy partner. There’s enough people in this world to match with every body type and other qualities and characteristics of someone’s personality.
Very wise words.
@@tara34952 thanks ☺️ ❤
You’re on the right track, when looking for something serious we really do look for more down to earth signals, whether in dress, demeanour, presentation or behaviour. Whether people like to hear it or not, certain presentations do not communicate a serious intention, and will get you a very different crowd of interest, or at least heavily tilt it in that direction.
👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽👌🏽 perfectly said!
Yes! I hate skimpy looking girls on dating apps. +10000 for modesty 😊😊 (32M here)
I'm ACTUALLY in a wheelchair....what an interesting thing to say....it's so easy to say, "if I landed in a wheelchair tomorrow, I'd seek others that overcame the same situation", but it's so different when you're in a wheelchair since you're three and no one looks at you like an equal.
@Lurch this isn't a matter of whose pain is bigger or worse, this is about not knowing a single thing about a situation you've never been in. You can't speak on a struggle you've never faced. I can't speak on being shot at, but I can definitely speak on being laughed at and ridiculed to the point of wanting to die for being different, and no one even bothered to get to know me first. As broken and disabled as I am, I always try to help and educate as much as I can, but one thing I'll never be ok with is someone telling me how easy they think I have it when they haven't even walked five steps in my shoes much less a mile.
I needed this today! I struggle with anxiety and pure-O about my looks often. Ruminating about a flaw that really is so small that the rumination makes it appear larger than ever. I’ve been doing what you mentions the past few months where I do what I can to look my best, and then put it completely out of my mind. I’m realizing that looks mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. People would always say that but now I finally believe it. Anxiety loves finding something to dwell on…don’t let it! We’re in control.
Confidence and smiling and being approachable and a happy person are very powerful. I know men and women who gets more dates that if you saw a photo of them you wouldn't notice them, but in person they are very appealing by their personality, not their looks alone.
Attention gives you more chances to find love though Matt. If you’re not get noticed you’re not getting asking out. My friend is a size 2 and she gets hundreds of dates therefore get more chances at finding love
I love MH podcasts, but I have to admit - it’s hard being taught about looks by 4 attractive people… 😂
I literally feel if I was pretty, I would not be single. Its very hard when you're ugly to date or even try
As a guy, I believe there are VERY few women who aren’t pretty. Really what matters is personality and agreeableness in the long run. Just focus on the values that you care about most, and try to find guys with the same values. There are guys out there who care what’s inside infinitely more than the outside. Although not a lot.
The problem with "the looks contest" is that if you don't have the looks you often do not get the chance to show what kind of person you are. And I don't blame people for it, there has to be SOME way of narrowing down potential selections and that is just the easiest and most natural one. People who look at least decent or better than that have no idea how life is like for those who are not given a chance by the majority of potential partners.
Well, when you are good looking you will not get that chance either as you are insantly sexualized and people do not really care who you REALLY are, they just want to f*ck you. Trust me, it's a lonely feeling.
I really suffer from body image issues. Thank you Matthew !
Me too!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤ building confidence is so crucial in every aspect of our lives!
After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, my self esteem gradually eroded. After the divorce, I just gave up on myself, gained weight, and haven’t dated in 7 years. Now that I am ready to perhaps be open to meeting someone, I barely leave the house because I’m so ashamed of my weight. I feel invisible and like anyone who looks at me sees my weight and nothing else. I used to be fortunate to get any man I wanted bc I was pretty with a sexy figure. I feel stuck and my life is passing by. Though weight is within my control, the worse I feel about myself, the less I do about it. Shame is crippling.
you were a weak mind narcissist yourself. now you are a fat narcissist. so? embrace yourself, stay single. 20 years? yeah, you were and are weak. you wil not change because you are what you are. just take the life as it is. there is no such thing as vakue in your life. never was. but things should be taken as they are now.
Soooo true that the anxiety moves to a new spot after one thing is dealt with in our looks. After I had my liposuction on my tummy and thighs, I was happy for 2 years, but now that I have been intensively doing dragon boat racing and my back muscle grew bigger, I started to be anxious about having a too big back in photos and some clothes.🤦♀️..although I'm healthier than ever in spite of being a big woman.....I think we just have to focus on our strengths......me being smart and funny.....and just go with what we have. Also....accepting men who show interest in you and are usually in the same level of attractiveness as you, does help. We are all unique and amazing in some ways. Thank you for the video!
Attention is the new currency of dating. Be careful how you spend it.
13 April is my birthday 😊❤ this might be a good gift, thank you ❣️
Hehe😊
Gourgeous people tell averige people
Looks is not that important
Rich people tell poor people
Money is not that important
When a movie star says to person called Quasimodo all his life
Looks doesnt matter
Its almost an insult
Isnt it😶
CONFIDENCE and self-love is by far the MOST attractive thing a person can possess. Work on yourself- exude confidence, flirt with people, dish out compliments SHAMELESSLY. Fake it till you make it, baby. It in not easy- but it works 100%
As someone who has never felt confident in their facial features, height, or hair quality, I honestly didn’t get much out of this video. No offense 🤷♂️ yeah we’re all dealt different hands in this game of life but to say that the world we live in as a whole doesn’t put much stock in EVERYONES physical features is a massive understatement. Beautiful women get asked out more often and handsome tall men get told “yes” to dates more often among many other opportunities that us “weird lookin folk” don’t get.
The only “advice” I can give to people that are like me is not to change what you can about your looks but SHARPEN what you ARE good at. I know I’m not a looker so I had to get smart, funny and physically fit. That’s all I could do lol
Wise words Daniel and good advice. After all it's no use just being pretty or handsome if you've got no intelligence or conversation or personality which makes you interesting.
*Edit:. Somewhere here on TH-cam I saw a talk given by a woman, she was a former fashion model I think, talking about how being 'beautiful' doesn't make you happy. I think it may have been a TEDx talk. Not sure of the title. It certainly made me think though.
A lot of dating coaches also emphasize emotional connection as the thing that holds people together. Looks fade even if you get a lot of attention in your youth and as Matt says there’s always gonna be someone with more in a given room, something along those lines. I personally believe there’s some one out there for everyone.
It is rather waffly
Agree! I'm incredibly self-conscious and don't like my face at all. But I do enjoy making clothes so I learned to present myself through that lens. it's not the same as actually being conventionally attractive but presenting an attractive 'brand' can make a difference.
Plain and simple everywhere you look,, social media,, the media,, the internet,, magazines.. they all only advertise fit,, in shape people.. movies and tv shows rarely have overweight people in them.. coming from a woman that's never been above 130 her whole life to jumping up to 248,, it's real hard to be confident especially when your 39 and still never married..
A quote from Jim Carey which I think applies nicely - “I wish everyone could achieve their dreams just so they could learn it won’t make them happy”
Basically, being happy is a mindset and It has to be worked on and understood.
If you tell yourself you can only be happy if you have something you don’t (yet) have, you’ll never have true happiness because once you have that thing you will want something else and before you know it, you’ve never been happy for longer than a few days/weeks.
I actually love the way I look (80%) but still don't think I can compete lol.
I like that Matt...Playing the long game. Finding someone who loves the package you (your true essence) came in. If you don't posess conventional beauty then you could work to accentuate your character and personal style. Finally as the other gentleman suggested...do what you can and don't worry about the things you aren't able to change. I am a firm believer that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder...it actually is.
My body- is one of the reasons I ran away from him. 😢 Now I've lost 20 lbs since I ran away from him, eating better, excercising, and feeling more confident. I tried to fix it, but couldn't. Now I'm just fixing me. ❤
I Believe by " owning one's self " in the wholeness of everything we are; that is we're we are at our best. And when you are your Best you set yourself up to receive the Best in Life 🌷
I would have loved to hear more from Audrey and her point of view here :) since lookism is an issue that predominantly affects women, or at the least much much more
Maybe next time a question like this comes up:)
I saved this video to my phone to listen to everyday because, Matthew is right. there will always be something and some people don't have the upper hand. so why not invest that energy into something more meaningful? instead of a short term kinda've thing. i'm very appreciative of this video.
Hey, I just wanted to comment on my recent experience on a dating app. I went on a video call and for no reason the guy decided to shut it down a minute into the conversation… not only that, he blocked me. I can’t understand what about the two words we share could make him do that, but I don’t feel bad, it just human nature I guess… so, it really doesn’t matter how attractive you think you are, someone is going to judge you no matter what.
I felt insecure today and asked my boyfriend if he finds me the most pretty girl, to which he answered there's girls he has come across that are prettier than me. I feel like shit.
I am so sorry that has gotta hurt for sure. Sure there are attractive people all around and you’ve probably noticed other guys who are more attractive conventionally but still know that your bf is the best looking in your eyes because he is yours and you have the connection which just makes someone the most appealing in that regard but his response definitely shows immaturity and if it was me I’d dip. Even if he sees other pretty girls he should never have said that.
@@Ayanae201 Well, it depends on the way it was actually said, doesn’t it? Just breaking up with someone, because this person has truthfully answered a question, is simply unfair. There will always be people who are more attractive than you are and it’s ok to admit it. As long as this person is still committed to the relationship with you and is choosing you every day over anyone else, everything’s fine.
I believe it to be immature to ask these kind of questions and than not being able to handle the truth. In this case, just don’t ask them. Or, if you need a compliment this badly, just ask your partner to say something nice to you and return the favor.
Usually I find your insights really incredible, Matthew. That's why I'm a subscriber. In the case of this video, however, it's clear that you're missing some of the picture because of being a man. You still have something to offer, whereas the other men in the video are basically just saying 'get over it -- I got over it.' What men don't understand is that no matter what personal 'advantages' and attributes women have, most women -- I'd guess it's about 90% -- will always care about how they look. It's not only about attracting a mate. There's a deep-seated desire among women to be pretty/beautiful. In the same way that women love flowers because of their beauty, women hope to see beauty when they look in the mirror. (Meanwhile men can be quite easily convinced they look great, or at least good enough and they move on.) Consider a group of married women going for lunch. They're not looking for someone, but they want to look as nice as they can. They'll put on makeup and their best outfits etc etc. Even an elderly group of church choir ladies are going to doll themselves up. A man might have trouble understanding that, because they're not wired that way. For guys, it's just hanging out, and beauty doesn't factor into it. When women meet other women, they talk about appearance. And this is the case no matter how old the women are! "Oh Hilda, I just LOVE your new haircut!" "That blouse looks amazing on you!" Men just do not do that. They do not get that. It's not a part of their mindset. So, in sum, there's a lot of important stuff left on the table here. You can't wish it away just by a pep talk. Where I would start with women is by asking them if they understand their own beauty. You would be astonished how many lovely and striking women don't see their own beauty. The truth is that all women are beautiful, but there are many kinds of beauty. If they realize that their own beauty is unique, then they can enhance that (by how they dress and style their hair, for instance) and be really pleased with how they look. It's not the right advice to say: okay, go find another ugly person who is happy with their life and get their words of wisdom.
This is very insightful thank you ❤ it’s refreshing that for once when people don’t blame you for these kind of experiences.
As a guy I can tell you ladies that most men are terrified to express interest towards a beautiful woman. Some guys towards any woman! So making the first move can open up a huge dating market for you. One where you will have almost no competition on looks, or anything else for that matter, since women almost never approach guys (at least normal guys). As Matthew has said in one of his older videos: "In the first 10-20 minutes be easy!"
Facts!
I can tell you now that I've stopped approaching women even though 15 years ago I had no problem with it, because nowadays you'll be labelled a creep or a weirdo for having the audacity to not use some stupid app, social skills have gone downhill so striking up a conversation is no longer organic without the phone involved, and if you do get a ladies number and make progess, the chances are she wants to play games, cheat, breadcrumb or use you then move onto the next guy. I know that there are men that do this, but I always thought women were better than men in that department, but not any more. Our generation is doomed because of the shitty behaviour of both sexes in the modern day.
@@lurch789 I understand everything you said, except for the Darwin part, that makes no sense. You can't expect a society of several hundred years ago to understand the modern day. Nobody back then was sane. Other than that, your statement pretty much adds up. I've just given up personally.
Fascinating to hear things from the male perspective, used to assume I couldn't possibly approach a male , it would come across as forward and I was sure they wouldn't be interested in any case.
@@barbaramorrow6725 You definitely assumed incorrectly.
I really want to know the titles of all those books there behind Matt’s shelves😉
Me too lol 🧐
Acceptance is key. I was told quite young that I was an ugly duckling in a family of beautiful women. It hurt until I accepted it and decided to find out what I was made of. I got yo really stretch myself. Because of this I am quite confident...except about my looks...😂
I'm 48 and female, I work out every day (for mental health) and am not at all overweight but when I see myself on an Instagram reel I realize I'm the least attractive in the room.
Incredibly insightful advice as always! Thx
Part of the problem about luxe is that we now know how much stuff can actually be done to correct it, so there’s this kind of shame that if you’re not doing everything you possibly can cosmetically whatever then you’re not trying, but then when you do you do that then you’re fake.
I love my husband to bits, he's work - obsessed, an environmentalist , etc , etc, he's more interested in if he's healthy and if I'm healthy, it's me who's insecure and unhappy about my looks, he bolsters my confidence, he's honest with me if something doesn't suit me or I've got too much eye make-up on he'll tell me. I fixate on my body, it's getting harder as I get older, fixate on this, get it semi-sorted and then fixate on something else. I envy him for his rich life, but I'm so happy he's mine. Look back at old photos when I was a teenager and into my 20;s (and I looked good, just felt awkward) remember feeling awful about myself, how stupid is that, I had lots of male interest, made no difference, I wasn't what I wanted to be - what's it all about ?
Also seek out other great qualities or strengths that you have. Looks fade after s while and it will be your connection rapport an other qualities you have
Thank you Mathew, this is so beautifully said.
Would it be fair to say that at least part of our insecurities, or at least our focusing of our insecurities, is down to the messaging we get from others?
For example being told your as a person are overweight or short or bald or whatever, and that's why you aren't attracting any attention to be able to explore relationships with others?
I also think that he has forgotten half the problem here. We have to be attracted to the people that are attracted to us. So what is the people we are attracted to? I’m not attracted to the way that we look? Is he suggesting that we should just wait for someone who finds us attractive even if we don’t find him attractive back? I think that’s what he often forgets is that it’s a two-part equation, and that it doesn’t just matter who is attracted us to whom we are also attractive and what those people find attractive. If we’re in a room full of women, knowing where truck, if you aren’t talking to us, it doesn’t really do anything to feel like well. Just wait.
This video made me think of something maybe you guys can talk about and is this.Older generations lived in a time where everyone looked at the Silver Screen for beauty however everyone knew that most likely very few will land someone with those type of looks and they were all okay with it. So what has happened in our current society where so many of us expect to be or to be in a relationship with a perfect human specimen? Discuss, Lol!
Loads of good advice and ideas in this video, thanks guys. You've given me some things to think about.
I’m tall, decent looking and in good shape, but feel like I need these things to make up for other deficiencies like low confidence, shyness.
Brilliant video. As the video says, my mind has picked on different reasons I might not be attractive - my face, my weight and, failing that, my age - and weight is the only one I could do anything about. If I lost weight and still didn't find someone, I would be blaming something else about my appearance, and that might be why I haven't tried to lose weight. Might as well blame my weight and enjoy the food!
But this is still a liberating idea - I could lose some weight for my own sake regardless of attractiveness. It doesn't have to be a factor. I could get to a weight I would be comfortable with and worry less about attention generally.
I love the idea of looking for role models. There's no reason they have to be famous, you can find them anywhere.
And thanks for mentioning the long game. I have often fretted about not getting attention when what I really want is someone who is right for me. That isn't going to be just anybody!
Very good reflections 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
I really enjoyed this video. 😊
Have you ever heard of body dysmorphic disorder? This video can help people who suffer with that ❣️
I think not being seen as attractive is the main reason i never find people who want something long term with me. Not just in dating but also friendship. I used to be very confident as a teenager but seeing I still got no results made me shy away
If that’s you in your avatar then you are VERY attractive.
As always this was a great video!
I really appreciate this video!
Guys, in my country looks don't seem to matter. If a man has to choose between a very good looking woman who is not going to bed with him immediately and an average or even ugly woman who sleeps with him immediately, he will choose the second one. It is so frustrating!
This ideas is pretty common every where,however blaming people for something that isn't in their control is irrational.Even though appearance is always the first thing we encounter,there are by far more significant items people have to take into consideration.Wouldn't it be better to fix our inner parts like confidence & mindset rather than our appearance???
My looks are fine. My issue is my wheelchair. People just see or just want to see the face but there is more to it. I don’t need any type of help from anyone, but still feel not worth as much as before my accident, no matter how much I improved and how many degrees I have.
I'm also okay with my looks, as in my face. But I am insecure with my body and also just the fact of being in a wheelchair. I'm used to always being the girl whose friends are the ones that get hit on while I sit there feeling invisible period of course my friends don't make me feel that way, it's the men
Princess Diana had all the attention from the whole world for her beauty, but that beauty didn’t help her find true lasting love. She was lonely, sad and her marriage was a failure. Good looks is not a criteria to find and maintain true lasting love!
Yes I applied!
The paleness comment is so real. I spent so much time and money on self tanners that just made me look orange. It made it worse for me to try to do something about it, so I gave up and just made peace with it. The big thing I apparently haven’t made peace with is my height. I thought I had, but I’m now going out with someone a little bit shorter than me and it’s always at the forefront of my mind when we’re in the same room together. It won’t leave me alone seeing that I’m clearly taller than him. Makes me feel freakish.
It’s sad how height feels that way. Give it time tho and I believe you’ll learn to stop caring, especially if he’s a good guy. Don’t throw away a good relationship just cuz of height
Thank you for this
I have hormonal acne, am short, my hair is damaged because I bleached it over the summer bc I hate myself so much - I look like a Disney villain, with this nose I hate. I used to have enthusiasm for life but I am just sick of it all.
❤❤ I love this so much!
I honestly...don't think I should have to compete...pick them.
2 Corinthians 10:12
"Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." God sees, hears and understands us just as we are, He know our names and hearts.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
~ Teddy Roosevelt.
Where focus goes energy flows and expaaaaands for better or worse! Soften eyes and highlight everyone's better qualities, especially the inner.
We can learn more from scarred warriors than 'beautiful people.'
Be humble and kind, everyone's doing their best fighting battles we may never know about, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and one man's poison or trash may be another's medicine and treasure. 🐛👁️🦋💞✌️
Well, the main guy and the girl cohosting can’t relate to feeling this way.
Love the vein story 😅❤
Hi Mathew your videos have taught me alot about the whole dating scene and things to look out for I had no idea.
HELP PLEASE what does it mean when a guy says I really dont know how to respond to this, not being rude!!! He basically said he doesnt have time for a relationship of any sort, after meeting up 5/6times and I told him I have fallen for him and I sent him a couple of messages saying I accept your decision and how for me a man is not a need but a want and I called him out for his excuses. And that is what he replied with! I'm confused and I dont know what to reply back!
Don't reply. Find someone compatible.
I wish I could join it.
I’m sorry but this wasn’t helpful or realistic.
Honestly lol - skinny people telling me, an overweight person, to feel better 🤦♀️
For me I have a boyfriend and I was feeling self conscious one day because I was struggling to lose weight so I asked him what he thought of my butt. He kind of panicked and said “it’s ok” with a scrunched up face as if he smelled something bad.
I later asked him to clarify and he said that basically I’m not his physical type and that my hips are too wide and he’s not into wide hips. He then later clarified and said that my body frame is too broad including that I have broad shoulders and he usually goes after smaller framed women. I’ve been self conscious ever since. I’m not the smallest framed woman but I’m a dancer and I don’t stand out for having a usual body frame.
Hi Jessica, just saw your comment and have some questions 🙈 Are you feeling better now and do you still have these thoughts? And also, does you boyfriend find you attractive overall? Don’t want to suggest anything here, but I found his response, as you posted it here, kinda strange, tbh. Are you ok and feeling good in your relationship?
Hi i would like to know your opinion, how do you deal if your partner has a higher body count?
Oouuh that’s a good subject
Interesting? Try doing what makes you happy! If the pool is not for you? Go swimming anyways if that is what makes you happy, that is the message you want to give. Uugb
Will you be doing another confidence Challenge?
Am a mother of 3 beautiful children and am afraid of not getting a man who will love me,that is my biggest fair, i love my children vary much am vary good looking woman as well .
Whats the piano song at the end
If people really want a attractive person to date but you’re not attractive. Consider getting plastic surgery.
You’re welcome.
I think I'm pretty although this seems to be only my opinion. Men have never been interested in me. :)
So many men dump their wife of 20 years for a younger woman. Women reach menopause and the skin sags and ages and the libido goes. HRT helps but can’t reverse aging 😮
You should become a unisex dating coach going forward, since many women are doing just the same things as men now, men could use your advice. Breadcrumbing, cheating, flaking, and playing games, we men are on the receiving end too.
🔥I think I’m a 10 in looks, personality and character … and yes dating is extremely hard & scary. I think men in general don’t know how to obtain what they desire because they don’t know what happiness truly is and they end up losing that woman.
So you think you are perfect, and all your problems are caused by other people. I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are narcissistic.
I wouldnt go around telling people that you think you’re a 10, personally. Even on a youtube comment
@@SavoryApplesounds likeva narcissist lmao😂
What am I doing on the 13th April? It's my birthday ;)
Pardon but fuck validation
😊
Urgent emergency Please join me in prayer for all those affected children families animals tornadoes Arkansas Iowa Tennessee Illinois Kentucky NJ Delaware Texas Oklahoma Indiana Missouri Mississippi devastating Tornadoes They Desperately need Your Prayers Please pray For Them God Bless You All
Prayer is for pussies.
Praying is useless nonsense.
Pray won't help them, it helps you feel like that you've done something. Do you have a mutual aid group on the ground you can recommend- THAT will help
@@melusine826 you're speaking truth in the replies. Thank you. I am so annoyed by these Christian proselytizing commenters...
first comment ❤
Matthew is so vein 🤭
I wont date because there a lot of scammers
Jesus Christ said I am the resurrection and the life he that believeth In me though he were dead yet shall he live praise God praying For Everyone Everyday God bless you all 🙏
I believe just like Adam and Eve in the very beginning in Paradise once they saw each other completely naked they covered body because of their new awakening the new discovery of their own senses “they felt shame “that feeling lead the journey to how humanity feels today regarding their own appearances. Iam Beautiful now.But Nothing lasts forever our youthful looks will fade away with time.Let’s create a true powerful paradise within ourselves add real value to it, all that is pure God has created in the Universe for us to see,feel,touch and love pour it inside your Heart and soul make a unified bond with your own destiny and surrender to fate. And Someday when Life and time Shows you the biggest winds and Storms of your own Life you will embrace the courageous spirit of a great warrior and you will fight with all your strength and integrity, the force is within us and in the end you will say it out loud Iam the light,the Sun,the sea,the stars,the endless universe IAM HEAVEN IAM TRUE LOVE…
Jesus Christ died for our Sins According to the scriptures and that he was Buried and that he rose again the third day praying for everyone everyday God bless you all 🙏🙌🙏
Thank you ❤